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Kids,

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I remember one time

3
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we all gathered

4
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at my apartment to

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watch the Super Bowl.

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Well, not all of us.

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Welcome back

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to Super Bowl XLIV in Miami.

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Get a load of that guy.

10
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You think that's

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his real number?

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Well, that explains

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where Barney is.

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Dibs on his wings.

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Hey, guys.

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Hi.

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Does anyone know

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who won the Super Bowl?

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You were there.

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It was the...

21
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I won.

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Because I am now in possession

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of a magic phone that

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always rings.

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And do you know

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who's always, usually,

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on the other end? A chick.

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So how many chicks

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do I have calling

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me now?

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Infinity!

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You guys

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remember Ranjit.

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Hello.

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Hey, Ranjit.

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Good to see you.

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I've enlisted

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Ranjit's services

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as my personal driver

40
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because for the next week,

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I'll be sleeping with

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hundreds of women,

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and I don't

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wanna take the subway,

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'cause, you know, germs.

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What, you're actually gonna

47
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hook up with these girls

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that call you?

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Oh, indubitably. I'm meeting

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the first one here any minute.

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Keep your

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eyes peeled

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for a red sweater.

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Based on her texts,

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she's dirty,

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dyslexic, and

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wants to 96 me.

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Semi-colon, end parentheses.

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This ought to be good.

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I can only imagine the

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quality of girl that...

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Oh, my God,

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you are the guy

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from the Super Bowl!

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Magic phone, guys.

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Magic phone.

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Hey, guys.

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Hey, Ranjit.

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Hello.

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Hey.

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How's it goin'?

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Hey.

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That beer looks a little flat.

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It's scotch.

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Whoa! Something

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troubling you, kiddo?

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Don.

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Don was Aunt Robin's

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co-host on her morning show.

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Now, even though her show

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was on so early that

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no one watched,

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Aunt Robin was

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a consummate professional.

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But Don was not.

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Oh, yeah.

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But that morning,

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Don had gone too far.

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Now that's

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what I call having

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a "woof" over your head.

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Don?

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Don?

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Why is Ulee's Gold

95
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in every crossword?

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Oh, it's me?

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Sorry, sorry, sorry.

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Next Sunday is

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Valentine's Day.

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And one

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lucky patient

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will be receiving

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a very special

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chocolate heart,

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a human heart.

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Hey, that reminds me,

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I have been meaning

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to ask you.

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Robin, do you have

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any Valentine's Day plans?

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He asked you out?

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He asked me out.

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That's crazy.

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And they use "Ulee"

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because of the vowels.

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Ah. What did you say?

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Well, we were on the air.

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I was on the spot,

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so I said okay.

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Robin, you are

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gonna marry this guy

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so freaking hard,

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right in the butt.

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What? No! I hate Don!

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And now

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I can't cancel

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because I said

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I would go out

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with him on the air.

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What would

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your viewer think?

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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

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You said you'd

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go out with him

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on Valentine's?

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I thought we had plans.

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What? Getting

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drunk and cleaning

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the apartment was a plan?

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I did not say

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it was a good plan.

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Guys, guys, guys,

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we're on me now.

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And it is

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getting interesting.

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Look at these texts.

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Read this one.

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Yowza! Now look at this one.

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Does she text her mother

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with those fingers?

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Now look at this one.

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Or this one.

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Or this one.

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Or this one.

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Okay, okay, okay, buddy.

156
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How about you do this?

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Go nail that girl,

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then read your texts.

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I can't do that, Ted.

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I just can't hook up

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with a girl

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if there is

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a hotter girl out there

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with whom up can be hooked.

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Isn't there

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always a hotter girl?

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I know.

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Isn't it wonderful?

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Go for Barney.

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Cut to the chase,

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what's your cup size?

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Oh, hi, Mom.

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There's always a hotter girl.

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Isn't that the problem,

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in a nutshell?

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There's too many options.

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You got Internet dating.

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You got bars.

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Holding up your phone number

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on national TV.

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I never had

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that problem.

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When I was 18,

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I had an arranged marriage.

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And I love my wife

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more and more every day.

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It is true.

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It is very rare

189
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that two people just

190
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meet and fall madly in love.

191
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Like Robin and Don.

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But we're not even, like,

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going out for dinner.

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We're just

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hanging out at his place.

196
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Ooh!

197
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No, it's not like that!

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It's just us and

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a bunch of other people.

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Wait. Robin, what exactly did

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Don say when he asked you out?

202
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I'm having

203
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some friends over to

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my place for a little party.

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You should come by

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if you want.

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I... Okay.

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Robin, Don didn't

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ask you out.

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Of course

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he asked me out.

212
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No, he didn't.

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Yes, he did.

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He did. He did! He did!

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Okay.

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00:04:45,288 --> 00:04:48,458
Well, dog my cats. I think

217
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I know what's going on here.

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Robin, did you want

219
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Don to ask you out?

220
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What? No! I hate Don!

221
00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:58,134
I can't

222
00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:58,134
stop thinking about

223
00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:58,134
how much I hate him!

224
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It's like...

225
00:04:58,176 --> 00:05:01,095
It's like, all the time.

226
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I just wanna attack him,

227
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:03,640
and rip his

228
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:03,640
stupid clothes off,

229
00:05:03,682 --> 00:05:06,767
and just spank him

230
00:05:03,682 --> 00:05:06,767
with his little paddle

231
00:05:03,682 --> 00:05:06,767
until his bum's all red.

232
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Shut up!

233
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See? That right there

234
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is what free will gets you.

235
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Constant,

236
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:17,028
ego-shattering uncertainty.

237
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I'm done with that.

238
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I want what Ranjit has.

239
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I've spent

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my entire adult life

241
00:05:20,031 --> 00:05:23,284
looking for the perfect woman,

242
00:05:23,326 --> 00:05:25,911
and I'm spending

243
00:05:23,326 --> 00:05:25,911
Valentine's Day

244
00:05:23,326 --> 00:05:25,911
scrubbing the toilet.

245
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I need someone else

246
00:05:25,953 --> 00:05:28,665
to find me that woman.

247
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Marshall, Lily,

248
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"arranged marriage" me.

249
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Or this one.

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Or this one.

251
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Or this one.

252
00:05:41,886 --> 00:05:44,055
You want us to

253
00:05:41,886 --> 00:05:44,055
arrange your marriage?

254
00:05:44,096 --> 00:05:46,015
Absolutely.

255
00:05:46,057 --> 00:05:49,060
Look, there's two

256
00:05:46,057 --> 00:05:49,060
sides to dating, right?

257
00:05:46,057 --> 00:05:49,060
Picking and getting picked.

258
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Getting picked, I'm good at.

259
00:05:49,101 --> 00:05:52,355
Ladies love Teddy West Side.

260
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:58,737
You're waiting for

261
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:58,737
me to comment on your

262
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:58,737
self-assigned nickname.

263
00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:01,740
Well, here's my comment.

264
00:06:01,781 --> 00:06:02,865
I love it!

265
00:06:01,781 --> 00:06:02,865
Really?

266
00:06:02,907 --> 00:06:05,201
Teddy West Side, continue.

267
00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:07,912
It's the picking I suck at.

268
00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:07,912
I pick the wrong girls.

269
00:06:07,953 --> 00:06:09,914
But, you guys, you're

270
00:06:07,953 --> 00:06:09,914
the best pickers I know.

271
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You picked each other.

272
00:06:11,916 --> 00:06:14,335
Well, with a slight assist

273
00:06:11,916 --> 00:06:14,335
from the Wesleyan housing

274
00:06:11,916 --> 00:06:14,335
department.

275
00:06:14,377 --> 00:06:17,672
And a healthy splash

276
00:06:14,377 --> 00:06:17,672
of Drakkar Noir.

277
00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:19,507
Get out there.

278
00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:19,507
Find me a girl.

279
00:06:19,549 --> 00:06:21,300
We'll double date

280
00:06:19,549 --> 00:06:21,300
on Valentine's Day.

281
00:06:21,342 --> 00:06:24,887
If I like her,

282
00:06:21,342 --> 00:06:24,887
I will marry her.

283
00:06:21,342 --> 00:06:24,887
If she's cool with it.

284
00:06:24,929 --> 00:06:28,015
And she will be 'cause

285
00:06:24,929 --> 00:06:28,015
I'll wear my nice blazer.

286
00:06:28,057 --> 00:06:32,729
I love that blazer

287
00:06:28,057 --> 00:06:32,729
almost as much as

288
00:06:28,057 --> 00:06:32,729
Robin loves Don.

289
00:06:32,771 --> 00:06:34,647
I do not love Don.

290
00:06:34,689 --> 00:06:36,524
Robin,

291
00:06:34,689 --> 00:06:36,524
neurologically speaking,

292
00:06:36,566 --> 00:06:38,901
the part

293
00:06:36,566 --> 00:06:38,901
of the human brain

294
00:06:36,566 --> 00:06:38,901
that makes you hate people

295
00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:40,986
is located right next

296
00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:40,986
to the part of the brain

297
00:06:41,028 --> 00:06:42,905
that makes you

298
00:06:41,028 --> 00:06:42,905
wanna jump people's bones.

299
00:06:42,947 --> 00:06:45,908
The two

300
00:06:42,947 --> 00:06:45,908
responses are so similar

301
00:06:42,947 --> 00:06:45,908
it's hard to tell them apart.

302
00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:47,326
You know what it's like?

303
00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:49,788
Wait, I have to get a book.

304
00:06:47,368 --> 00:06:49,788
Give me 30 seconds.

305
00:06:50,371 --> 00:06:51,997
Okay, this is fun.

306
00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:54,834
Look at this picture.

307
00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:54,834
It's a rabbit.

308
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:58,921
You can look at it for hours

309
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:58,921
and be absolutely sure

310
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:58,921
it's a rabbit.

311
00:06:58,963 --> 00:06:59,922
But then one day,

312
00:06:59,964 --> 00:07:01,841
you look at it,

313
00:06:59,964 --> 00:07:01,841
and you realize,

314
00:07:01,882 --> 00:07:05,804
"Wait a second, it's a duck."

315
00:07:05,845 --> 00:07:08,931
It's a rabbit. It's a duck.

316
00:07:05,845 --> 00:07:08,931
Rabbit. Duck. Rabbit. Duck.

317
00:07:08,973 --> 00:07:09,932
Isn't this fun?

318
00:07:09,974 --> 00:07:11,225
It sure was.

319
00:07:12,268 --> 00:07:13,894
Relationships are like that.

320
00:07:13,936 --> 00:07:15,938
I mean, look, when

321
00:07:13,936 --> 00:07:15,938
you first met Don,

322
00:07:13,936 --> 00:07:15,938
you hated him.

323
00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:18,232
You thought,

324
00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:18,232
"This guy's a duck."

325
00:07:18,274 --> 00:07:20,443
But one of these days,

326
00:07:18,274 --> 00:07:20,443
you're gonna realize,

327
00:07:20,485 --> 00:07:23,446
"This is actually something

328
00:07:20,485 --> 00:07:23,446
that I love. He's a rabbit."

329
00:07:23,488 --> 00:07:25,948
I think you got it

330
00:07:23,488 --> 00:07:25,948
backwards there, buddy.

331
00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:28,827
The duck is

332
00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:28,827
the thing you love.

333
00:07:28,868 --> 00:07:30,286
The rabbit is

334
00:07:28,868 --> 00:07:30,286
the thing you hate.

335
00:07:30,328 --> 00:07:31,912
What?

336
00:07:31,954 --> 00:07:34,248
Yeah, I gotta agree.

337
00:07:31,954 --> 00:07:34,248
Ducks up, rabbits down.

338
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:36,000
Definitely, ducks

339
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:36,000
are better than rabbits.

340
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,961
Are you guys...

341
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,961
Ducks are... Ducks are...

342
00:07:39,003 --> 00:07:41,631
Rabbits are adorable.

343
00:07:39,003 --> 00:07:41,631
Ducks are, well...

344
00:07:41,673 --> 00:07:45,217
Have you ever been

345
00:07:41,673 --> 00:07:45,217
in a fight with a duck?

346
00:07:41,673 --> 00:07:45,217
I mean, ducks are jerks.

347
00:07:45,259 --> 00:07:46,678
This led

348
00:07:45,259 --> 00:07:46,678
to one of the most

349
00:07:46,719 --> 00:07:49,972
intense arguments

350
00:07:46,719 --> 00:07:49,972
our group has ever had.

351
00:07:50,014 --> 00:07:52,892
Duck is delicious.

352
00:07:50,014 --> 00:07:52,892
Rabbit is all gamey!

353
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,393
We're not talking

354
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,393
about flavor, Ted!

355
00:07:54,435 --> 00:07:57,188
Flavor counts!

356
00:07:57,229 --> 00:07:59,899
Who carries around

357
00:07:57,229 --> 00:07:59,899
a duck's foot for

358
00:07:57,229 --> 00:07:59,899
good luck?

359
00:07:59,982 --> 00:08:01,984
Anyone?

360
00:08:02,026 --> 00:08:04,487
You wrap

361
00:08:02,026 --> 00:08:04,487
yourself in a comforter

362
00:08:02,026 --> 00:08:04,487
stuffed with rabbit hair.

363
00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:08,240
I'll wrap myself in one

364
00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:08,240
stuffed with duck feathers.

365
00:08:08,282 --> 00:08:09,659
Who's cozier?

366
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:10,993
Okay.

367
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:10,993
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

368
00:08:11,035 --> 00:08:13,913
But who's cozier?

369
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,707
Hold on! I have

370
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,707
to get another book!

371
00:08:24,632 --> 00:08:27,009
Then why don't we

372
00:08:24,632 --> 00:08:27,009
take a rabbit, a duck,

373
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:29,261
stick 'em

374
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:29,261
in a cardboard box,

375
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:29,261
and let them fight it out?

376
00:08:29,303 --> 00:08:31,013
Because it's illegal, Ted!

377
00:08:31,055 --> 00:08:32,973
Only if we bet

378
00:08:31,055 --> 00:08:32,973
on it, Marshall!

379
00:08:34,517 --> 00:08:35,727
Fine!

380
00:08:36,686 --> 00:08:39,856
I concede! You win.

381
00:08:40,272 --> 00:08:41,649
Say it.

382
00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:44,109
You have to say it.

383
00:08:45,653 --> 00:08:46,987
Ducks are good.

384
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,076
Rabbits are bad.

385
00:08:53,077 --> 00:08:55,371
Yeah! So good!

386
00:08:53,077 --> 00:08:55,371
Yes!

387
00:08:55,413 --> 00:09:00,042
Thank you. And Don is,

388
00:08:55,413 --> 00:09:00,042
and always will be,

389
00:08:55,413 --> 00:09:00,042
a rabbit.

390
00:09:00,084 --> 00:09:02,086
I wouldn't be so

391
00:09:00,084 --> 00:09:02,086
sure about that, Robin.

392
00:09:02,127 --> 00:09:08,050
Think about it.

393
00:09:02,127 --> 00:09:08,050
Don, Donald, Donald Duck.

394
00:09:09,134 --> 00:09:14,515
And what, I wonder,

395
00:09:09,134 --> 00:09:14,515
does Donald Duck

396
00:09:09,134 --> 00:09:14,515
never wear?

397
00:09:14,557 --> 00:09:16,058
Pants.

398
00:09:14,557 --> 00:09:16,058
Pants.

399
00:09:17,518 --> 00:09:20,020
Don's a duck.

400
00:09:22,273 --> 00:09:23,148
Permission to say "lawyered"?

401
00:09:22,273 --> 00:09:23,148
I'll allow it.

402
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:26,068
Lawyered.

403
00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:29,363
Yes, kids.

404
00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:29,363
Sometimes there's a fine

405
00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:29,363
line between love and hate.

406
00:09:29,405 --> 00:09:31,156
Case in point...

407
00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:33,618
There is no place

408
00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:33,618
I would rather be,

409
00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:35,787
and no one I'd

410
00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:35,787
rather be with.

411
00:09:40,249 --> 00:09:41,667
I should get that.

412
00:09:44,837 --> 00:09:46,714
Go for Barney.

413
00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:50,384
Look, I'm sorta

414
00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:50,384
in the middle of someone,

415
00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:50,384
something, right now, and...

416
00:09:50,426 --> 00:09:52,052
You're a hot

417
00:09:50,426 --> 00:09:52,052
lady bullfighter?

418
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:54,639
You gotta go.

419
00:09:56,432 --> 00:09:57,558
MacLaren's Pub.

420
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,851
MacLaren's Pub.

421
00:10:01,729 --> 00:10:04,857
Well, hello.

422
00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:07,151
There's no place

423
00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:07,151
I would rather be,

424
00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:09,111
and no one I

425
00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:09,111
would rather be...

426
00:10:12,949 --> 00:10:16,118
Would you excuse me

427
00:10:12,949 --> 00:10:16,118
for one moment?

428
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,120
Go for Barney.

429
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,120
Look, I...

430
00:10:18,162 --> 00:10:21,165
You're a gold-medalist

431
00:10:18,162 --> 00:10:21,165
Japanese figure skater?

432
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,084
MacLaren's Pub!

433
00:10:24,126 --> 00:10:25,085
MacLaren's Pub!

434
00:10:26,671 --> 00:10:28,965
Well, hello.

435
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,382
No place I'd rather be,

436
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,382
no one I'd rather...

437
00:10:31,634 --> 00:10:33,177
Oh! For Pete's sake!

438
00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:35,137
You're a hot chick?

439
00:10:37,181 --> 00:10:38,182
MacLaren's Pub!

440
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:39,266
MacLaren's Pub!

441
00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:42,603
Well, hello.

442
00:10:42,645 --> 00:10:44,772
I realize that

443
00:10:42,645 --> 00:10:44,772
you're very busy,

444
00:10:44,814 --> 00:10:46,190
so I'll just get

445
00:10:44,814 --> 00:10:46,190
straight to the point.

446
00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:47,399
Okay.

447
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:02,164
And that's my bad leg.

448
00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,624
Very bad.

449
00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:09,171
Are you okay?

450
00:11:09,213 --> 00:11:11,841
Yeah, of course.

451
00:11:09,213 --> 00:11:11,841
Why... Why wouldn't I be?

452
00:11:15,219 --> 00:11:17,847
Go for Barney.

453
00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,181
Barney had been

454
00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,181
sure that phone was

455
00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,181
something he loved.

456
00:11:19,223 --> 00:11:21,809
But now he realized

457
00:11:19,223 --> 00:11:21,809
it wasn't that at all.

458
00:11:21,851 --> 00:11:24,353
It was

459
00:11:21,851 --> 00:11:24,353
something else entirely.

460
00:11:34,697 --> 00:11:35,865
I'm free!

461
00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:39,201
Ah, now this feels right.

462
00:11:39,243 --> 00:11:42,204
There is no place

463
00:11:39,243 --> 00:11:42,204
I would rather be,

464
00:11:42,246 --> 00:11:44,415
and no one I

465
00:11:42,246 --> 00:11:44,415
would rather be...

466
00:11:44,456 --> 00:11:46,166
(CELL PHONE

467
00:11:44,456 --> 00:11:46,166
RINGING IN THE DISTANCE)

468
00:11:48,002 --> 00:11:49,169
What's wrong?

469
00:11:50,462 --> 00:11:52,006
Did you hear that?

470
00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:54,008
Hear what?

471
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:55,217
(CELL PHONE

472
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:55,217
CONTINUES RINGING)

473
00:12:10,315 --> 00:12:11,233
MacLaren's Pub!

474
00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:12,818
MacLaren's Pub!

475
00:12:26,082 --> 00:12:27,833
Go for Barney.

476
00:12:29,293 --> 00:12:32,046
D-cups? Really?

477
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:34,048
Finally,

478
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:34,048
Valentine's Day arrived,

479
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:36,842
the deadline for

480
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:36,842
Marshall and Lily

481
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:36,842
to find me a wife,

482
00:12:36,884 --> 00:12:39,637
an important job they had,

483
00:12:36,884 --> 00:12:39,637
well, forgotten to do.

484
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:41,388
Aren't we supposed to go

485
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:41,388
on a double date with Ted?

486
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,641
Ted, no.

487
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,641
He's not seeing anyone.

488
00:12:43,682 --> 00:12:45,267
Remember,

489
00:12:43,682 --> 00:12:45,267
he asked us to find...

490
00:12:47,269 --> 00:12:48,353
Oh, no.

491
00:12:50,314 --> 00:12:52,858
Hey, hey.

492
00:12:50,314 --> 00:12:52,858
Wanna get married?

493
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:55,069
I don't know what

494
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:55,069
kind of architect.

495
00:12:55,111 --> 00:12:57,362
Houses, buildings,

496
00:12:55,111 --> 00:12:57,362
that kind of crap.

497
00:12:57,404 --> 00:12:58,990
Want to marry my friend, Ted?

498
00:12:59,031 --> 00:13:01,366
Wanna marry my friend, Ted?

499
00:12:59,031 --> 00:13:01,366
Wanna marry my friend, Ted?

500
00:13:02,618 --> 00:13:04,286
What, you can be choosey?

501
00:13:04,328 --> 00:13:06,371
You're in a bar on

502
00:13:04,328 --> 00:13:06,371
Valentine's Day, huh?

503
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:08,415
Hey, just real quick.

504
00:13:11,251 --> 00:13:13,087
You wanna

505
00:13:11,251 --> 00:13:13,087
marry my friend, Ted?

506
00:13:14,797 --> 00:13:17,424
Man, Ted's right.

507
00:13:14,797 --> 00:13:17,424
It's tough out there.

508
00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:19,010
This is stupid.

509
00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:22,054
You know what?

510
00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:22,054
We forgot about this.

511
00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:22,054
I'm sure Ted did also.

512
00:13:28,853 --> 00:13:31,981
Laser, Taser, gazer...

513
00:13:28,853 --> 00:13:31,981
Blazer...

514
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,358
Hey, Ted.

515
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,358
Yeah.

516
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:36,318
Before you go

517
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:36,318
meet your future wife,

518
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,612
why don't you swing by

519
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,612
Don's party with me?

520
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,448
That's what you're wearing?

521
00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:43,659
Yeah. Why?

522
00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:43,659
He's a duck.

523
00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:45,786
That dude be

524
00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:45,786
straight duckin'.

525
00:13:49,957 --> 00:13:52,168
Nailed it!

526
00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:53,711
So, we went to Don's party.

527
00:13:53,752 --> 00:13:56,338
Look, Robin,

528
00:13:53,752 --> 00:13:56,338
I don't wanna crowd you

529
00:13:53,752 --> 00:13:56,338
on your little date here,

530
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:58,340
so if things start to get

531
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:58,340
hot and heavy with Don...

532
00:13:58,382 --> 00:13:59,717
They're not gonna get hot...

533
00:13:59,758 --> 00:14:02,220
I'm just saying,

534
00:13:59,758 --> 00:14:02,220
if they do, I'll just say,

535
00:14:02,261 --> 00:14:04,722
"Well, I got a dinner rez,"

536
00:14:02,261 --> 00:14:04,722
and then...

537
00:14:04,763 --> 00:14:06,724
Wait, this is the best part.

538
00:14:04,763 --> 00:14:06,724
I've been working on this

539
00:14:04,763 --> 00:14:06,724
for a while.

540
00:14:06,765 --> 00:14:08,559
I'll duck out.

541
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,645
Ha, ha, ha.

542
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,645
Okay, it's not gonna happen.

543
00:14:11,687 --> 00:14:13,438
But, yeah, do that.

544
00:14:11,687 --> 00:14:13,438
Mmm.

545
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,360
Hello, Robin.

546
00:14:20,362 --> 00:14:21,739
Well, I got a dinner rez.

547
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:29,247
Oh, God, Don.

548
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:29,247
What the hell

549
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:29,247
are you doing?

550
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:31,498
I don't know.

551
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:31,498
It's something

552
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:31,498
called "The Naked Man."

553
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:33,709
I read about it

554
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:33,709
on some guy's blog.

555
00:14:33,751 --> 00:14:35,377
My God, I'm so stupid.

556
00:14:35,419 --> 00:14:37,337
Why did I ever

557
00:14:35,419 --> 00:14:37,337
think it would work

558
00:14:35,419 --> 00:14:37,337
on someone like you?

559
00:14:37,379 --> 00:14:41,926
Yeah. 'Cause I would never...

560
00:14:37,379 --> 00:14:41,926
Could, like... Standards,

561
00:14:37,379 --> 00:14:41,926
so...

562
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:44,553
You know.

563
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:44,553
I thought this was a party.

564
00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:46,346
I only said that to

565
00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:46,346
get you to come over here.

566
00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:48,182
I didn't think

567
00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:48,182
you'd bring a date.

568
00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:50,392
Ted's not my date.

569
00:14:48,224 --> 00:14:50,392
He's a friend.

570
00:14:50,434 --> 00:14:53,437
Oh, God. You probably think

571
00:14:50,434 --> 00:14:53,437
I'm some kind of playboy

572
00:14:50,434 --> 00:14:53,437
now, right?

573
00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:59,526
You could say that.

574
00:14:59,568 --> 00:15:02,613
So, he's a rabbit.

575
00:14:59,568 --> 00:15:02,613
At least you know

576
00:14:59,568 --> 00:15:02,613
for sure.

577
00:15:02,654 --> 00:15:04,406
Ted, this may hurt a little.

578
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:08,327
I'm recycling your old

579
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:08,327
Architecture Weekly magazines.

580
00:15:08,368 --> 00:15:10,370
What are you doing?

581
00:15:08,368 --> 00:15:10,370
Cleaning.

582
00:15:10,412 --> 00:15:12,539
You go on your date.

583
00:15:10,412 --> 00:15:12,539
Happy Valentine's Day.

584
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,422
Oh! Thank God you're here.

585
00:15:20,464 --> 00:15:22,633
Yeah. I've been thinking.

586
00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:24,260
Maybe we should call

587
00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:24,260
this whole thing off.

588
00:15:24,302 --> 00:15:25,427
No. Ted. We got her.

589
00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:26,553
What?

590
00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:26,553
We got her.

591
00:15:26,595 --> 00:15:28,180
It's the craziest thing.

592
00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,557
We were searching all week,

593
00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,557
and then, a couple of

594
00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,557
hours ago...

595
00:15:30,599 --> 00:15:32,226
Trudy?

596
00:15:30,599 --> 00:15:32,226
Married.

597
00:15:33,227 --> 00:15:34,478
Blah, blah?

598
00:15:33,227 --> 00:15:34,478
Committed.

599
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:36,396
Relationship?

600
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:36,396
Bellevue.

601
00:15:37,439 --> 00:15:38,732
Natalie?

602
00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:40,692
Ted's her least

603
00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:40,692
favorite person

604
00:15:38,774 --> 00:15:40,692
in the world.

605
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:43,403
Well, she's not

606
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:43,403
getting any younger.

607
00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:46,406
Get rid of it!

608
00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:46,406
What?

609
00:15:46,448 --> 00:15:49,701
This phone is cursed.

610
00:15:46,448 --> 00:15:49,701
Cursed, I tell you!

611
00:15:49,743 --> 00:15:52,454
I try to ignore it, but

612
00:15:49,743 --> 00:15:52,454
it just never stops ringing!

613
00:15:52,496 --> 00:15:54,373
It's ruining my life!

614
00:15:54,414 --> 00:15:56,625
I should get that.

615
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,543
No. Please! Please!

616
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,543
Please, Marshall.

617
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,543
Let me answer it.

618
00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:02,006
It could be an emergency.

619
00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:02,006
She could be trapped in

620
00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:02,006
a giant bra!

621
00:16:02,047 --> 00:16:06,385
Barney, Barney,

622
00:16:02,047 --> 00:16:06,385
let it go to voicemail.

623
00:16:08,053 --> 00:16:09,513
I should let go.

624
00:16:10,181 --> 00:16:11,265
Okay.

625
00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:16,728
We have

626
00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:16,728
to find Ted a wife.

627
00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:16,728
We're being too choosey.

628
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,939
It almost doesn't matter

629
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,939
who it is at this point.

630
00:16:18,981 --> 00:16:19,648
Okay.

631
00:16:23,194 --> 00:16:25,154
It's a phone girl?

632
00:16:23,194 --> 00:16:25,154
I know, I know.

633
00:16:25,196 --> 00:16:26,530
No. But, no,

634
00:16:25,196 --> 00:16:26,530
then we met her.

635
00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,740
And, Ted, she's

636
00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,740
a world-class violinist.

637
00:16:28,782 --> 00:16:31,493
She's a gourmet cook.

638
00:16:31,535 --> 00:16:33,453
And she can quote every line

639
00:16:31,535 --> 00:16:33,453
from Caddyshack!

640
00:16:34,038 --> 00:16:35,414
Wow.

641
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:39,418
Hello, Ted.

642
00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:42,504
"And what brings you

643
00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:42,504
to this nape of the woods?

644
00:16:42,546 --> 00:16:44,715
"Neck of the wape?

645
00:16:42,546 --> 00:16:44,715
Why are you here?"

646
00:16:47,385 --> 00:16:48,802
So, we all had dinner.

647
00:16:48,844 --> 00:16:51,972
And, kids,

648
00:16:48,844 --> 00:16:51,972
Lily and Marshall's

649
00:16:48,844 --> 00:16:51,972
hard work had paid off,

650
00:16:52,014 --> 00:16:54,933
because that girl

651
00:16:52,014 --> 00:16:54,933
was terrific. In fact...

652
00:16:54,975 --> 00:16:57,686
Oh, but, Natalia,

653
00:16:54,975 --> 00:16:57,686
tell Ted the problem.

654
00:16:57,728 --> 00:17:00,522
Yeah. Yeah.

655
00:16:57,728 --> 00:17:00,522
Tell him. Tell him.

656
00:17:00,564 --> 00:17:04,026
Well, unfortunately,

657
00:17:00,564 --> 00:17:04,026
I'm going to have to

658
00:17:00,564 --> 00:17:04,026
leave the country soon

659
00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:06,904
because my visa

660
00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:06,904
is about to expire.

661
00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:08,989
She needs to get married.

662
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:11,533
Federal law

663
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:11,533
expressly dictates

664
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:11,533
that a foreign national

665
00:17:11,575 --> 00:17:15,704
can't maintain residency

666
00:17:11,575 --> 00:17:15,704
for longer than six months

667
00:17:11,575 --> 00:17:15,704
without a work visa. Sorry.

668
00:17:15,746 --> 00:17:17,289
But when

669
00:17:15,746 --> 00:17:17,289
it came down to it...

670
00:17:17,331 --> 00:17:19,417
And you, sir,

671
00:17:17,331 --> 00:17:19,417
the rabbit or the duck?

672
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:20,667
What?

673
00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:22,336
It's a prix fixe menu

674
00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:22,336
for Valentine's Day,

675
00:17:22,378 --> 00:17:24,880
and we're already out of

676
00:17:22,378 --> 00:17:24,880
the steak, fish and chicken.

677
00:17:24,922 --> 00:17:26,715
So, rabbit or duck?

678
00:17:33,389 --> 00:17:35,266
Rabbit. Sorry, guys.

679
00:17:33,389 --> 00:17:35,266
I gotta go.

680
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:39,519
Why would Ted order rabbit

681
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:39,519
if he was just gonna run out?

682
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:41,772
I need it back!

683
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:41,772
Where's the phone?

684
00:17:41,813 --> 00:17:44,775
Well, hello.

685
00:17:41,813 --> 00:17:44,775
Oh, I met you already.

686
00:17:44,816 --> 00:17:46,693
Where's the phone?

687
00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:48,946
It's hidden.

688
00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:48,946
Where?

689
00:17:48,987 --> 00:17:50,530
Where had

690
00:17:48,987 --> 00:17:50,530
Aunt Lily hidden the phone?

691
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:53,575
Well, to answer that question,

692
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:53,575
we have to back up

693
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:53,575
a little bit.

694
00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:56,036
You go on your date.

695
00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:56,036
Happy Valentine's Day.

696
00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:10,050
Barney's phone. I wonder

697
00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:10,050
how it got in there.

698
00:18:11,635 --> 00:18:14,263
Ted? Come on, big date.

699
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,643
Well, what's the harm? Hello?

700
00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:22,604
And just like that,

701
00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:22,604
I was hooked.

702
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:23,897
Terrific.

703
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:23,897
I will see you there.

704
00:18:23,939 --> 00:18:25,774
And I'll be the guy

705
00:18:23,939 --> 00:18:25,774
in the awesome blazer.

706
00:18:27,401 --> 00:18:29,611
I think you'll

707
00:18:27,401 --> 00:18:29,611
know the blazer

708
00:18:27,401 --> 00:18:29,611
when you see it.

709
00:18:29,653 --> 00:18:30,904
I gotta go.

710
00:18:30,946 --> 00:18:32,531
Thank God you're here.

711
00:18:32,572 --> 00:18:34,158
So, rabbit or duck?

712
00:18:41,957 --> 00:18:43,708
Rabbit. Sorry, guys.

713
00:18:41,957 --> 00:18:43,708
I gotta go.

714
00:18:45,336 --> 00:18:46,920
Well, hello.

715
00:18:49,131 --> 00:18:51,675
Sorry, babe.

716
00:18:49,131 --> 00:18:51,675
I gotta take this.

717
00:18:51,716 --> 00:18:53,760
Barney's phone.

718
00:18:51,716 --> 00:18:53,760
Teddy West Side speaking.

719
00:18:53,802 --> 00:18:55,637
This is my phone!

720
00:18:53,802 --> 00:18:55,637
I'm taking it back!

721
00:18:55,679 --> 00:18:58,140
And I'm taking

722
00:18:55,679 --> 00:18:58,140
your cool nickname, too.

723
00:18:55,679 --> 00:18:58,140
Barney West Side speaking.

724
00:18:58,182 --> 00:18:59,724
No, no, no, no, wait.

725
00:18:58,182 --> 00:18:59,724
I love it so much!

726
00:18:59,766 --> 00:19:01,643
It just keeps ringing

727
00:18:59,766 --> 00:19:01,643
and ringing and ringing.

728
00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:03,645
Give it to me!

729
00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:03,645
Give it to me. It's mine.

730
00:19:01,685 --> 00:19:03,645
It's mine. It's mine now.

731
00:19:03,687 --> 00:19:05,481
It's mine!

732
00:19:03,687 --> 00:19:05,481
Give me the phone!

733
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:07,483
Lily. Lily, no! No!

734
00:19:09,151 --> 00:19:10,361
Oops.

735
00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:14,906
Being single sucks.

736
00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:14,906
Mmm.

737
00:19:14,948 --> 00:19:16,700
Turns you into

738
00:19:14,948 --> 00:19:16,700
a crazy person.

739
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:19,077
I know.

740
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:19,077
So much running around

741
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,497
and freaking out,

742
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,497
and for what?

743
00:19:21,539 --> 00:19:23,665
It's all so

744
00:19:21,539 --> 00:19:23,665
you can find someone

745
00:19:21,539 --> 00:19:23,665
you can sit on a couch

746
00:19:23,707 --> 00:19:27,127
and put off cleaning

747
00:19:23,707 --> 00:19:27,127
the bathroom with.

748
00:19:27,169 --> 00:19:28,670
Well, the joke's on

749
00:19:27,169 --> 00:19:28,670
the rest of the world

750
00:19:28,712 --> 00:19:30,381
because we can

751
00:19:28,712 --> 00:19:30,381
do that on our own.

752
00:19:31,298 --> 00:19:32,632
Exactly.

753
00:19:31,298 --> 00:19:32,632
Exactly.

754
00:19:44,728 --> 00:19:45,687
Robin, I have to apologize.

755
00:19:45,729 --> 00:19:47,565
Save it.

756
00:19:45,729 --> 00:19:47,565
Let's just do the news.

757
00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:54,696
No, listen. After you

758
00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:54,696
left the other night,

759
00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:54,696
I was embarrassed.

760
00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:57,449
Not because I was naked.

761
00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:57,449
I'm actually pretty

762
00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:57,449
okay with my body.

763
00:19:57,491 --> 00:19:58,534
Clearly.

764
00:20:00,744 --> 00:20:03,914
I got married in college.

765
00:20:00,744 --> 00:20:03,914
I just got divorced

766
00:20:00,744 --> 00:20:03,914
three months ago.

767
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:05,790
I have no idea

768
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:05,790
how to be single.

769
00:20:07,292 --> 00:20:09,711
But that's not why

770
00:20:07,292 --> 00:20:09,711
I was embarrassed.

771
00:20:09,753 --> 00:20:12,714
I was embarrassed about my

772
00:20:09,753 --> 00:20:12,714
behavior right here,

773
00:20:09,753 --> 00:20:12,714
at Channel...

774
00:20:15,133 --> 00:20:16,718
It starts with a one.

775
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,720
Twelve.

776
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,720
Twelve.

777
00:20:18,762 --> 00:20:20,722
I mean,

778
00:20:18,762 --> 00:20:20,722
just look at your mug.

779
00:20:20,764 --> 00:20:23,975
Right. Well, no,

780
00:20:20,764 --> 00:20:23,975
you look at this mug.

781
00:20:24,017 --> 00:20:26,311
You are

782
00:20:24,017 --> 00:20:26,311
a tremendous news anchor.

783
00:20:26,353 --> 00:20:29,731
And you deserve a co-anchor

784
00:20:26,353 --> 00:20:29,731
who gives a crap.

785
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:32,401
And from here on out,

786
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:32,401
that's gonna be me.

787
00:20:33,693 --> 00:20:35,028
Well, I'll believe that

788
00:20:33,693 --> 00:20:35,028
when I see it.

789
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:37,739
Well, you'll see it

790
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:37,739
right now.

791
00:20:37,781 --> 00:20:39,699
I'll go get you some coffee.

792
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,203
Don.

793
00:20:44,288 --> 00:20:46,540
You're wearing pants.

794
00:20:46,582 --> 00:20:47,874
Well, look at that.

795
00:20:51,795 --> 00:20:52,879
Aw, duck.

796
00:21:21,617 --> 00:21:22,200
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21