1
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Kids,

2
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on a warm March

3
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evening in 2010,

4
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a New York City Police boat

5
00:00:04,329 --> 00:00:06,289
pulled a 34-year-old

6
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white male

7
00:00:06,331 --> 00:00:08,875
out of the Hudson River,

8
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your Uncle Barney.

9
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All right, kid,

10
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let's hear the story,

11
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from the beginning.

12
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Well, it all started

13
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a week ago.

14
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I was making time at

15
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the local watering hole.

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Enter, a dame.

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Nothing sexier than

18
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a man in a fine cravat.

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Except for a woman

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who appreciates

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a fine cravat.

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How about we

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just call it a tie?

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You see,

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a cravat is

26
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a kind of tie.

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I get it.

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Anyway, next thing you know,

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I get her back to my place.

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Barney, when

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I get in bed with a man,

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my body becomes a machine,

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fueled by desire and lust

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and a singular

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hunger to satisfy

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my lover's every carnal need.

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Good thing the

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cleaning lady's

39
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coming tomorrow.

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Well, good night.

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What? Wait, what?

42
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:17,360
I thought your body was gonna

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become a machine, fueled by

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desire, lust,

45
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and a singular

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hunger to satisfy

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my every carnal need?

48
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No.

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You know, I really think that

50
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Don and I are hitting our

51
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stride as a news team.

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Yeah.

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Well, all credit goes

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to this lady on my left.

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Well, come on.

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That story you

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did on which rodents

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to avoid on the subway...

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The answer

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may surprise you.

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It's all of them.

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I got to run, okay?

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Okay.

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Well, bye.

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I'll see you.

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It's good to meet you.

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Yeah, you too.

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Okay. Bye, Don.

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Okay, Robin,

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that guy is awesome.

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He's funny.

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He's smart. He's handsome.

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You got to scoop him up

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before someone else does.

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I hope you're not

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talking about you?

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It has been four months

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since you broke up

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with Barney.

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Maybe it's time

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to put yourself

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back out there.

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Yeah, exactly.

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Barney's dating again,

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and he couldn't be happier.

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I couldn't

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be more unhappy.

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All night long,

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she's hot and heavy for me.

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I get her back to my place,

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and she just bolts?

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I mean, at least,

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when I run out on a girl,

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I have

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the common courtesy

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to sleep with her first.

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It's called manners.

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Sounds like

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she read that book,

100
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Of Course

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You're Still Single.

102
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Take a Look at Yourself,

103
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You Dumb Slut.

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Well, it...

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It's this book that helps

106
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single girls find a husband.

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It's Robin's copy.

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I've just...

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I've leafed through it

110
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a little bit.

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Is that right? Well...

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Really?

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Men Are From Mars...

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Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine!

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Barney, when you

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were with this girl,

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did she suddenly

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slip the word "sex"

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into the conversation?

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I'm in the inter-sex-tion,

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and I only have a couple

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of sex,

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before the light changes.

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Anyway, everyone's

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honking at me.

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And it totally sex.

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But, I can't turn around,

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because a jogger slipped

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and fell in

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horse sex-crement.

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Go on. Go on.

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Did she make

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excuses to establish

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physical contact with you?

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Is this cashmere?

136
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Cashmere?

137
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This is

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handspun virgin Merino.

139
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The fibers in this suit are

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less than 12 microns thick.

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Twelve microns?

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I love a tiny fiber.

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Well, you're in luck.

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'Cause mine's the tiniest.

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And the more you touch it,

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the softer it gets.

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She did that, too!

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Now, here's the final test.

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Next time you see her,

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ask her out for the

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following night.

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The book says

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that's forbidden.

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So, she'll probably

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give you some lame excuse,

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like this, "Oh, I can't

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do anything tomorrow tonight,

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"I've already made plans

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to clean my garbage disposal

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"and treat myself

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to a bubble bath.

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"But how about

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next week some time?"

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Aha! You're trying that,

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Of Course You're Still Single.

166
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Take a Look at Yourself,

167
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You Dumb Slut crap on me!

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It's not crap!

169
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Of Course

170
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You're Still Single.

171
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Take a Look at Yourself,

172
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You Dumb Slut is

173
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a brilliant book.

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And, it scares away guys

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who are only interested

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in getting laid.

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Why not just say

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you have a kid?

179
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You'd be surprised how

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many jerks there are

181
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out there.

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That's why the book says,

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"Never sleep with a guy

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on the first date."

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Totally.

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"Or the second date."

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Of course.

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"Or the third date."

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Well...

190
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"Or the fourth date."

191
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Would you tell me

192
00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:36,517
how many dates?

193
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Seventeen.

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Excuse me,

195
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is anyone using this?

196
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Yep. Here it is.

197
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"No sex until after 17 dates."

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Barney, if

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you're not gonna

200
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take her out on 17 dates,

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I think

202
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you should

203
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just give it up.

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Hmm.

205
00:04:56,621 --> 00:05:00,792
Oh, no. I'm not the one

206
00:04:56,621 --> 00:05:00,792
who's gonna give it up,

207
00:04:56,621 --> 00:05:00,792
she is.

208
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,585
Because thanks

209
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,585
to Ted's book...

210
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That's Robin's.

211
00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:03,878
It's Robin's book.

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I can stay two steps

213
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,672
ahead of her at all times.

214
00:05:06,714 --> 00:05:09,301
There's a loophole in here

215
00:05:06,714 --> 00:05:09,301
somewhere, and I'm gonna

216
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find it.

217
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Hello?

218
00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:12,887
Hey, Robin.

219
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Oh, hey, Don.

220
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Listen, do you want

221
00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:18,184
to go out Saturday night?

222
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Saturday night?

223
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Is he asking you out?

224
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Say yes! Say yes!

225
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Look, Don, listen,

226
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it's really

227
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sweet of you to ask.

228
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And you're a great guy.

229
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Yes, I'll go out with you.

230
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Robin, are you okay?

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Um, I just

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have a little cold.

233
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That's probably

234
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,828
what you're hearing.

235
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But Saturday

236
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,330
night sounds great.

237
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We can even go

238
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to a steak house.

239
00:05:40,248 --> 00:05:43,460
And you can bring

240
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home some prime rib

241
00:05:40,248 --> 00:05:43,460
for my friend Marshall.

242
00:05:43,502 --> 00:05:45,711
Okay, got to go.

243
00:05:43,502 --> 00:05:45,711
Love you, bye.

244
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What the hell

245
00:05:45,753 --> 00:05:47,506
are you thinking?

246
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Robin, you've

247
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:52,302
got to do this, okay?

248
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:52,302
A great guy like Don is rare.

249
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And speaking

250
00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:55,555
of rare, prime rib.

251
00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:55,555
Don't forget. Thank you.

252
00:05:57,682 --> 00:06:01,394
Oh, my God.

253
00:05:57,682 --> 00:06:01,394
I don't believe it!

254
00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:07,900
Guys, this is her!

255
00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:07,900
She wrote the book!

256
00:06:07,942 --> 00:06:12,447
Huh. Her name must be Anita.

257
00:06:07,942 --> 00:06:12,447
Okay, my plan was to sleep

258
00:06:07,942 --> 00:06:12,447
with her.

259
00:06:12,489 --> 00:06:15,283
But this changes everything.

260
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New plan,

261
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:19,287
I'm going to

262
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:19,287
sleep with her.

263
00:06:21,831 --> 00:06:24,459
Boy, this girl that

264
00:06:21,831 --> 00:06:24,459
Barney's going after,

265
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:27,253
she kind of sounds

266
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:27,253
like the anti-Barney.

267
00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:30,173
I love how

268
00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:30,173
the universe decided

269
00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:30,173
to bring those two together.

270
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:33,301
Actually, Anita's going

271
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:33,301
after Barney because

272
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:33,301
I told her to.

273
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Wait, you sicced

274
00:06:39,807 --> 00:06:42,394
Anita on Barney?

275
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:43,686
How do you

276
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:43,686
even know her?

277
00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:45,688
She was on my show.

278
00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:48,274
But, um, if you had

279
00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:48,274
to summarize your book,

280
00:06:48,316 --> 00:06:50,693
in 30 words or less.

281
00:06:50,735 --> 00:06:52,695
I'll summarize it

282
00:06:50,735 --> 00:06:52,695
in one word, Robin.

283
00:06:52,737 --> 00:06:55,198
And that word is "no."

284
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,243
By saying "no" constantly

285
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,243
and consistently,

286
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:02,622
you empower yourself

287
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:02,622
while simultaneously

288
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:02,622
turning any jerk

289
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:05,458
into a submissive,

290
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:05,458
sniveling, puddle

291
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:05,458
of a man.

292
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,877
Hmm. And isn't that

293
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,877
every girl's dream.

294
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:10,755
After the break,

295
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:10,755
we're gonna talk about

296
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:10,755
your new book,

297
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:13,049
Of Course

298
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:13,049
You Don't Have

299
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:13,049
a Retirement Plan Yet.

300
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:15,176
Take a Look at Yourself,

301
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:15,176
You Dumb Slut.

302
00:07:15,218 --> 00:07:17,512
Due out in June.

303
00:07:15,218 --> 00:07:17,512
We'll be right back.

304
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,722
We're clear.

305
00:07:19,764 --> 00:07:20,806
You guys want any coffee?

306
00:07:19,764 --> 00:07:20,806
Thank you.

307
00:07:20,848 --> 00:07:22,434
Oh, you know what,

308
00:07:20,848 --> 00:07:22,434
Mike, that'd be great.

309
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,643
You?

310
00:07:23,684 --> 00:07:24,685
No.

311
00:07:27,772 --> 00:07:29,566
What about you, Robin?

312
00:07:27,772 --> 00:07:29,566
You dating anyone?

313
00:07:29,608 --> 00:07:33,403
Oh. Dating's not

314
00:07:29,608 --> 00:07:33,403
really my bag right now.

315
00:07:33,445 --> 00:07:36,656
Uh-oh.

316
00:07:33,445 --> 00:07:36,656
Did somebody

317
00:07:33,445 --> 00:07:36,656
break your heart?

318
00:07:36,697 --> 00:07:39,284
And then,

319
00:07:36,697 --> 00:07:39,284
I told her everything.

320
00:07:36,697 --> 00:07:39,284
It just came pouring out.

321
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,743
And by the end

322
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,743
of it, she said...

323
00:07:40,785 --> 00:07:43,746
This Barney needs

324
00:07:40,785 --> 00:07:43,746
to be taught a lesson.

325
00:07:43,788 --> 00:07:46,165
You say the word

326
00:07:43,788 --> 00:07:46,165
and I will destroy him.

327
00:07:46,207 --> 00:07:47,708
What do you mean?

328
00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:50,836
I can use the power of no

329
00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:50,836
to break your friend Barney.

330
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,756
Just say the word.

331
00:07:53,798 --> 00:07:56,008
Come on.

332
00:07:53,798 --> 00:07:56,008
That stuff doesn't

333
00:07:53,798 --> 00:07:56,008
really work, does it?

334
00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:58,052
I didn't know

335
00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:58,052
what you wanted, so

336
00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:58,052
I got you a cappuccino,

337
00:07:58,094 --> 00:08:00,430
an espresso,

338
00:07:58,094 --> 00:08:00,430
a latte, a decaf...

339
00:08:00,472 --> 00:08:01,764
Oh, hi, Robin.

340
00:08:01,806 --> 00:08:03,766
And this is

341
00:08:01,806 --> 00:08:03,766
a Turkish coffee.

342
00:08:03,808 --> 00:08:05,017
Thank you, Mike.

343
00:08:05,851 --> 00:08:07,646
Think about it.

344
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,771
I didn't think

345
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,771
I was gonna think

346
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,771
about it,

347
00:08:08,813 --> 00:08:10,649
but then,

348
00:08:08,813 --> 00:08:10,649
I thought about it.

349
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:15,194
Oh, this pilates instructor

350
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:15,194
was off the charts.

351
00:08:15,236 --> 00:08:18,114
Picture Robin,

352
00:08:15,236 --> 00:08:18,114
but younger.

353
00:08:19,407 --> 00:08:21,409
And bigger boobs.

354
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:25,746
Maybe not bigger,

355
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:25,746
but more shapely,

356
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:25,746
and bigger.

357
00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:29,501
Hello?

358
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,793
I get her up

359
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,793
against the StairMaster,

360
00:08:30,835 --> 00:08:32,420
and we...

361
00:08:30,835 --> 00:08:32,420
Do it.

362
00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:34,797
Spoilers!

363
00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:34,797
Anyway, we do it.

364
00:08:34,839 --> 00:08:35,756
It's done.

365
00:08:41,095 --> 00:08:42,054
Thank you, Michael.

366
00:08:43,848 --> 00:08:45,933
Look, I know, it was stupid.

367
00:08:45,975 --> 00:08:47,644
But you have to understand,

368
00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:49,812
back then

369
00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:49,812
I was still really

370
00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:49,812
upset about the breakup.

371
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:52,482
I was going through my

372
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:52,482
mourning period.

373
00:08:52,524 --> 00:08:55,026
There was a lot of Scotch and

374
00:08:52,524 --> 00:08:55,026
a lot of long nights at the

375
00:08:52,524 --> 00:08:55,026
shooting range.

376
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,029
Hmm. I hope those

377
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,029
weren't the same nights.

378
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:02,283
Geez, Lily, it's not

379
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:02,283
like I remember all

380
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:02,283
of them.

381
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,828
Hey, babe, did you know that

382
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,828
Robin was going through

383
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,828
a mourning period?

384
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,788
I mean, she seemed

385
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,788
fine after the breakup.

386
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,833
Oh, you know how she is.

387
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,833
She tries to keep her

388
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,833
emotions to herself.

389
00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:13,169
But, yeah,

390
00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:13,169
I caught her

391
00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:13,169
crying a couple times.

392
00:09:13,211 --> 00:09:16,422
She cried?

393
00:09:13,211 --> 00:09:16,422
Like real tears?

394
00:09:17,215 --> 00:09:18,383
But that means...

395
00:09:20,301 --> 00:09:22,845
Oh, no.

396
00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:25,557
And then Marshall

397
00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:25,557
realized what a jackass

398
00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:25,557
he'd been to Robin.

399
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:28,976
Exactly.

400
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:28,976
Barney's dating again

401
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:28,976
and he couldn't be happier.

402
00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:35,650
I mean, that guy has

403
00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:35,650
been active sexually.

404
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:39,862
All right, he's just

405
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:39,862
been like, bang,

406
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:39,862
bang, bang!

407
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:45,201
You know, it's like,

408
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:45,201
bang, bang, bang, bang.

409
00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:48,954
bang, bang, bangity bang

410
00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:51,416
bangity bang bang, bang, bang

411
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:54,877
I said a bang, bang,

412
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:57,004
How could you

413
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:57,004
let me do that?

414
00:09:57,046 --> 00:09:58,964
You're my wife.

415
00:09:57,046 --> 00:09:58,964
You're supposed to stop me

416
00:09:59,006 --> 00:10:00,800
from embarrassing myself

417
00:09:59,006 --> 00:10:00,800
in public.

418
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:03,886
I know. But that

419
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:03,886
song's kind of catchy.

420
00:10:08,057 --> 00:10:12,144
bang, bang, bangity bang

421
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:15,815
Damn it! I've read

422
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:15,815
the thing cover to cover

423
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:15,815
and I can't find a loophole.

424
00:10:15,856 --> 00:10:17,858
What am I gonna do?

425
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,319
Well, there is

426
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,319
one other option,

427
00:10:20,361 --> 00:10:21,654
but you're not ready.

428
00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:24,156
Tell me.

429
00:10:24,198 --> 00:10:25,991
Well,

430
00:10:24,198 --> 00:10:25,991
if you have to seal

431
00:10:24,198 --> 00:10:25,991
the deal in just one date,

432
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:28,411
it's got to be one

433
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:28,411
doozy of a date, right?

434
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,914
I'm not talking

435
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,914
dinner and a movie.

436
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:31,914
I'm not talking mini-golf.

437
00:10:31,956 --> 00:10:34,917
I'm talking 17 dates'

438
00:10:31,956 --> 00:10:34,917
worth of romance

439
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:38,212
wrapped up into

440
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:38,212
one incredible night.

441
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:42,425
I'm talking

442
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:42,425
about a superdate.

443
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,218
A superdate?

444
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,218
Mmm-hmm.

445
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:47,847
That sounds kind of lame.

446
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:47,847
What if we call it a megadate?

447
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:49,515
If you want my help,

448
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:49,515
it's a superdate.

449
00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:51,934
All right.

450
00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:51,934
Leave it to me.

451
00:10:51,976 --> 00:10:53,352
I'll plan the whole thing.

452
00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:55,647
You're gonna

453
00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:55,647
plan the whole thing?

454
00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:55,647
Mmm-hmm.

455
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,315
I bet it'll be all

456
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,315
gooey and romantic, huh?

457
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,191
Gooey and romantic?

458
00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,778
Gooey and romantic?

459
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:03,112
Barney.

460
00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:08,242
take her to Paris or Peru

461
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:11,788
Uh, Ted, what are you doing?

462
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:15,834
make her understand

463
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,710
Ted, people

464
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,710
are looking at us.

465
00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:24,383
Oh, God, really?

466
00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:24,383
You're really gonna

467
00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:24,383
do this right now?

468
00:11:29,054 --> 00:11:35,854
will simply have to wait

469
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:42,318
served up on a silver plate

470
00:11:46,155 --> 00:11:49,909
You'll find a land

471
00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:01,003
And then, boom!

472
00:12:01,045 --> 00:12:06,133
Fireworks over

473
00:12:01,045 --> 00:12:06,133
the Manhattan skyline,

474
00:12:01,045 --> 00:12:06,133
you kiss her...

475
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:23,359
That sounds

476
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:23,359
gooey and romantic.

477
00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:24,985
Yeah.

478
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:29,908
Strip club?

479
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:29,908
Strip club.

480
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:34,203
Finally, the night of

481
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:34,203
the big dates arrived.

482
00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:37,749
So, tonight's the big night.

483
00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:37,749
Where's the D-bag taking you?

484
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,000
That's not

485
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,000
a good nickname for Don.

486
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,000
I'll think of a better one.

487
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:42,002
You know, that, I just...

488
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:42,002
I cancelled.

489
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,048
What do you mean you...

490
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,048
Wait... Hey...

491
00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:47,759
Hey, what's wrong?

492
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,969
Robin cancelled her date.

493
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,969
What?

494
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:52,847
She was totally psyched

495
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:52,847
for it, like an hour ago.

496
00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:57,727
Robin Scherbatsky,

497
00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:57,727
you look like the

498
00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:57,727
classiest,

499
00:12:57,769 --> 00:12:59,979
most expensive

500
00:12:57,769 --> 00:12:59,979
prostitute ever.

501
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:02,815
Oh, thank you.

502
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:04,692
I take it

503
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:04,692
you're excited

504
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:04,692
to go out with Don?

505
00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:06,277
You know what, I kind of am.

506
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:08,070
Don't tell Marshall.

507
00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:10,072
I won't.

508
00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:10,072
I bet you'll have

509
00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:10,072
a nice time tonight.

510
00:13:10,114 --> 00:13:12,366
Yeah.

511
00:13:10,114 --> 00:13:12,366
Not, however, a super time.

512
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:16,495
A super time

513
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:16,495
will be had by Barney

514
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:16,495
on his date with Anita.

515
00:13:16,537 --> 00:13:21,751
Yep. Carriage ride, dinner

516
00:13:16,537 --> 00:13:21,751
at Le Tombeur des Culottes.

517
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:25,087
They're calling

518
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:25,087
it a superdate. So...

519
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:31,093
Ted! How could you do that?

520
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:31,093
Robin just got over her

521
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:31,093
mourning period.

522
00:13:31,135 --> 00:13:32,929
She seemed so happy

523
00:13:31,135 --> 00:13:32,929
after the breakup.

524
00:13:32,971 --> 00:13:35,389
Oh, Ted.

525
00:13:32,971 --> 00:13:35,389
So unobservant.

526
00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:38,726
Such a guy.

527
00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:38,726
She was obviously crushed.

528
00:13:38,768 --> 00:13:43,355
Wait, but that would mean...

529
00:13:38,768 --> 00:13:43,355
Oh, no.

530
00:13:43,397 --> 00:13:46,400
And then I realized

531
00:13:43,397 --> 00:13:46,400
what a jackass I'd been

532
00:13:43,397 --> 00:13:46,400
to Robin.

533
00:13:48,152 --> 00:13:50,112
Hey, what you singing?

534
00:13:48,152 --> 00:13:50,112
Just a little ditty I wrote

535
00:13:50,154 --> 00:13:52,031
about how many girls

536
00:13:50,154 --> 00:13:52,031
Barney's been banging lately.

537
00:13:52,072 --> 00:13:54,116
Well, count me in

538
00:13:52,072 --> 00:13:54,116
for a verse.

539
00:13:52,072 --> 00:13:54,116
Great!

540
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:57,411
bang, bangity bang

541
00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:04,752
No! Oh, God.

542
00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:04,752
Where is she?

543
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:06,378
I think

544
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:06,378
she's in the restroom.

545
00:14:07,588 --> 00:14:08,673
Oh.

546
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:11,968
No, guys, guys, I'm fine.

547
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:16,347
Hey.

548
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,520
Dude, why would you do that?

549
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,981
Because I'm angry at you!

550
00:14:25,023 --> 00:14:28,026
I'm angry at me!

551
00:14:25,023 --> 00:14:28,026
I'm angry at Ted!

552
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,528
And frankly, I'm

553
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,528
still angry at

554
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,528
the Empire.

555
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,154
Why are you angry at me?

556
00:14:32,196 --> 00:14:35,115
Dude, you've

557
00:14:32,196 --> 00:14:35,115
been a real jerk

558
00:14:32,196 --> 00:14:35,115
in front of Robin

559
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:36,784
while she's been going

560
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:36,784
through her mourning period.

561
00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:38,452
Mourning period?

562
00:14:38,494 --> 00:14:39,370
She hasn't been going

563
00:14:38,494 --> 00:14:39,370
through any mourning period.

564
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:42,581
So unobservant.

565
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:42,581
Such a guy.

566
00:14:42,623 --> 00:14:46,085
Ugh, Barney, sit down.

567
00:14:42,623 --> 00:14:46,085
You need to hear some stuff.

568
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:48,170
What, what?

569
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:48,170
Is she upset

570
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:48,170
or something?

571
00:14:48,212 --> 00:14:49,588
Of course she's upset.

572
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:52,758
Take a look at yourself,

573
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:52,758
you dumb slut.

574
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,928
And then

575
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,928
Aunt Lily told Barney

576
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,928
every excruciating detail

577
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:58,263
of what he hadn't been

578
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:58,263
seeing since the breakup.

579
00:14:58,305 --> 00:15:02,184
You should've seen this girl.

580
00:14:58,305 --> 00:15:02,184
Bang, ping, pawdau, go-dunk.

581
00:15:02,226 --> 00:15:04,186
Okay, I'm leaving.

582
00:15:04,228 --> 00:15:06,313
So, we get up to my place.

583
00:15:23,372 --> 00:15:25,249
bang, bang, bang

584
00:15:27,376 --> 00:15:29,420
bang, bangity bang,

585
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,102
I can't believe

586
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,102
Robin's been so upset.

587
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,938
I can't believe you threw up

588
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,938
in your Stormtrooper helmet.

589
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:49,815
Eh. I did something worse

590
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:49,815
in it after The Phantom

591
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:49,815
Menace premiere.

592
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,737
So she's been this way

593
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,737
ever since we broke up?

594
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,572
Actually, she was

595
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,572
doing much better

596
00:15:56,614 --> 00:16:00,367
until you decided to go on

597
00:15:56,614 --> 00:16:00,367
this stupid superdate

598
00:15:56,614 --> 00:16:00,367
with Anita.

599
00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:03,621
And now,

600
00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:03,621
she's off sulking

601
00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:03,621
God knows where.

602
00:16:04,705 --> 00:16:05,372
I know where.

603
00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:16,258
Hey.

604
00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:16,258
Hey, Barney. What's up?

605
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:20,262
I thought you

606
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:20,262
were going on some big date.

607
00:16:20,304 --> 00:16:21,764
Robin, I know you're upset.

608
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,975
What? No.

609
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:29,105
I have never been happier.

610
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:29,105
And this Anita sounds lovely.

611
00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:33,317
I am so glad that

612
00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:33,317
you two just randomly

613
00:16:29,147 --> 00:16:33,317
happened to find each other.

614
00:16:33,358 --> 00:16:35,360
It just warms

615
00:16:33,358 --> 00:16:35,360
my freaking heart!

616
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:46,371
So, are you sure

617
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:46,371
you're not upset?

618
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,666
Well, of course

619
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,666
I'm upset, Barney!

620
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:51,669
Don't you see how constantly

621
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:51,669
talking about your conquests

622
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,088
makes me

623
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,088
feel like I'm just

624
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,088
another number to you?

625
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,714
But you're not just

626
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,714
another number to me.

627
00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:58,300
You know,

628
00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:58,300
and now you're taking Anita,

629
00:16:58,342 --> 00:17:00,886
who you barely know,

630
00:16:58,342 --> 00:17:00,886
on this amazing date,

631
00:17:00,928 --> 00:17:03,263
when I never got

632
00:17:00,928 --> 00:17:03,263
treated that way.

633
00:17:04,348 --> 00:17:05,975
It just...

634
00:17:06,017 --> 00:17:08,019
It just sucks, that's all.

635
00:17:06,017 --> 00:17:08,019
It just sucks.

636
00:17:16,485 --> 00:17:19,321
Wow. I knew I was

637
00:17:16,485 --> 00:17:19,321
bad at being a boyfriend,

638
00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:22,324
but I had no idea

639
00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:22,324
I'd be so much worse

640
00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:22,324
at being an ex-boyfriend.

641
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,287
I'm sorry.

642
00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:30,666
What can I do to

643
00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:30,666
make it up to you?

644
00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:33,502
Nothing, Barney.

645
00:17:33,544 --> 00:17:35,337
You've already proven that

646
00:17:33,544 --> 00:17:35,337
I'm not important to you.

647
00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:37,798
Oh, stop that. I'm serious.

648
00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:37,798
Ask me for anything.

649
00:17:39,383 --> 00:17:42,344
Uh, okay,

650
00:17:39,383 --> 00:17:42,344
don't sleep with Anita.

651
00:17:42,386 --> 00:17:44,388
Done.

652
00:17:42,386 --> 00:17:44,388
Barney,

653
00:17:44,429 --> 00:17:46,140
of course you're

654
00:17:44,429 --> 00:17:46,140
gonna sleep with her.

655
00:17:46,182 --> 00:17:49,351
Why else would

656
00:17:46,182 --> 00:17:49,351
you be taking her

657
00:17:46,182 --> 00:17:49,351
on this superdate?

658
00:17:49,393 --> 00:17:51,103
She's not going on

659
00:17:49,393 --> 00:17:51,103
the superdate, Robin.

660
00:17:52,396 --> 00:17:53,313
You are.

661
00:17:55,066 --> 00:17:57,359
Your Uncle Barney

662
00:17:55,066 --> 00:17:57,359
finally gave Aunt Robin

663
00:17:57,401 --> 00:17:59,904
the superdate

664
00:17:57,401 --> 00:17:59,904
she truly deserved.

665
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:02,156
With a guy

666
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:02,156
she truly deserved.

667
00:18:04,658 --> 00:18:06,702
Of course, there was

668
00:18:04,658 --> 00:18:06,702
still one loose end.

669
00:18:06,744 --> 00:18:08,287
Barney.

670
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:11,082
Oh, hey, Anita.

671
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:11,082
I totally meant to call you.

672
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:14,459
Well, I'm breaking all

673
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:14,459
my rules coming down here,

674
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,462
but nobody

675
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,462
stands me up like that,

676
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,462
so, are we going out or what?

677
00:18:19,423 --> 00:18:22,218
I'm sorry, I made

678
00:18:19,423 --> 00:18:22,218
a promise to a friend.

679
00:18:23,094 --> 00:18:24,136
I have to say no.

680
00:18:26,471 --> 00:18:28,682
Oh. Oh, I see.

681
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:31,810
You're trying

682
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:31,810
the "no" thing on me.

683
00:18:31,852 --> 00:18:33,353
You really think

684
00:18:31,852 --> 00:18:33,353
that's gonna work?

685
00:18:34,438 --> 00:18:37,316
'Cause it won't!

686
00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:38,692
Okay, how about this,

687
00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:38,692
I'll cut you a deal.

688
00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:41,361
Maybe you might

689
00:18:42,446 --> 00:18:45,824
get lucky after the 12th date.

690
00:18:45,866 --> 00:18:47,159
No.

691
00:18:45,866 --> 00:18:47,159
The 11th date.

692
00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:48,286
No.

693
00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:48,286
Fifth date.

694
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,369
No.

695
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,369
Tonight.

696
00:18:49,411 --> 00:18:50,454
No.

697
00:18:49,411 --> 00:18:50,454
Tonight before dinner.

698
00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:51,747
No.

699
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:53,040
How about you?

700
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:53,040
You interested?

701
00:18:53,082 --> 00:18:54,416
Yeah.

702
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:56,418
Come on, Barney!

703
00:18:56,460 --> 00:19:00,589
I'm sorry, Anita.

704
00:18:56,460 --> 00:19:00,589
The answer is no.

705
00:19:00,631 --> 00:19:04,260
Well, good! Because

706
00:19:00,631 --> 00:19:04,260
my answer is no, too!

707
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:07,679
Okay, here's my final offer.

708
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:24,863
Barney!

709
00:19:38,543 --> 00:19:40,879
And that's my story.

710
00:19:40,921 --> 00:19:44,466
Well, here's

711
00:19:40,921 --> 00:19:44,466
a $500 ticket for

712
00:19:40,921 --> 00:19:44,466
jumping in the river.

713
00:19:44,508 --> 00:19:45,884
I hope it was worth it.

714
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:02,943
I hope so, too.

715
00:20:21,712 --> 00:20:23,463
It's not true.

716
00:20:21,712 --> 00:20:23,463
It's an old wives' tale.

717
00:20:23,505 --> 00:20:25,507
Oh, hey, Robin.

718
00:20:23,505 --> 00:20:25,507
Hey.

719
00:20:25,549 --> 00:20:26,508
How'd the big date go?

720
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:28,468
Uh, pretty well.

721
00:20:29,511 --> 00:20:31,305
Pretty, pretty well.

722
00:20:31,347 --> 00:20:33,224
Like, how pretty well?

723
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:37,519
Oh, guys, guys, come on.

724
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:37,519
It was fine.

725
00:20:37,561 --> 00:20:41,523
You know, it was nice.

726
00:20:37,561 --> 00:20:41,523
We had a good time.

727
00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:44,484
Let's just... Let's just

728
00:20:41,565 --> 00:20:44,484
leave it at that, okay?

729
00:20:47,571 --> 00:20:50,991
Although,

730
00:20:47,571 --> 00:20:50,991
one interesting

731
00:20:47,571 --> 00:20:50,991
thing did happen.

732
00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:53,411
bang, bangity bang

733
00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:54,703
bang, bangity bang

734
00:20:54,745 --> 00:20:57,122
bang, bangity bang

735
00:20:57,164 --> 00:20:59,250
bang, bangity bang

736
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,502
bang, bang, bang, bang

737
00:21:28,612 --> 00:21:29,529
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21