1 00:00:03,509 --> 00:00:04,427 Kids, 2 00:00:03,509 --> 00:00:04,427 you may be wondering 3 00:00:03,509 --> 00:00:04,427 how many of these stories 4 00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:05,345 I'm telling you are true. 5 00:00:05,386 --> 00:00:07,222 It's a fair question. 6 00:00:07,264 --> 00:00:12,269 After all, there's a fine line 7 00:00:07,264 --> 00:00:12,269 between a good story and 8 00:00:07,264 --> 00:00:12,269 a bald-faced lie. 9 00:00:12,311 --> 00:00:15,814 I never met anyone 10 00:00:12,311 --> 00:00:15,814 who could work that line 11 00:00:12,311 --> 00:00:15,814 better than your Uncle Barney. 12 00:00:15,855 --> 00:00:17,440 Heck, he could 13 00:00:15,855 --> 00:00:17,440 jump rope with it. 14 00:00:17,482 --> 00:00:18,650 I love to 15 00:00:17,482 --> 00:00:18,650 travel myself. 16 00:00:18,691 --> 00:00:20,235 Really? 17 00:00:18,691 --> 00:00:20,235 Hmm. 18 00:00:20,277 --> 00:00:21,444 Where's the best 19 00:00:20,277 --> 00:00:21,444 place you've visited? 20 00:00:21,486 --> 00:00:23,571 Hawaii's nice. 21 00:00:23,613 --> 00:00:26,658 A buddy of mine 22 00:00:23,613 --> 00:00:26,658 lives in Seattle, 23 00:00:23,613 --> 00:00:26,658 that's a good spot. 24 00:00:26,699 --> 00:00:29,995 But the best place, 25 00:00:26,699 --> 00:00:29,995 I'd have to say 26 00:00:26,699 --> 00:00:29,995 the moon. 27 00:00:30,036 --> 00:00:32,038 Hi, Neil Armstrong. 28 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,293 No! You did not 29 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,293 convince a girl you were the 30 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,293 first man to walk on the moon! 31 00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:38,461 That happened seven years 32 00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:38,461 before you were born. 33 00:00:38,503 --> 00:00:41,464 Ted, baby doll, minor hurdle. 34 00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:45,010 Oh, yeah, our spaceship 35 00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:45,010 passed through a wormhole 36 00:00:45,051 --> 00:00:47,470 or some gamma 37 00:00:45,051 --> 00:00:47,470 rays or something. 38 00:00:47,512 --> 00:00:50,223 I started 39 00:00:47,512 --> 00:00:50,223 aging backwards, 40 00:00:47,512 --> 00:00:50,223 blah, blah, blah. 41 00:00:50,265 --> 00:00:52,475 So, you work 42 00:00:50,265 --> 00:00:52,475 in a yogurt shop, 43 00:00:50,265 --> 00:00:52,475 that must be wild. 44 00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:58,481 Although, I did actually 45 00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:58,481 work in a yogurt store 46 00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:58,481 in high school. 47 00:00:58,523 --> 00:01:02,694 And it was indeed wild. 48 00:01:02,735 --> 00:01:06,823 Anywho, 20 minutes later, 49 00:01:02,735 --> 00:01:06,823 the eagle landed. 50 00:01:06,865 --> 00:01:09,492 We knocked space boots. 51 00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:12,037 Houston, we have a moaner. 52 00:01:12,078 --> 00:01:15,999 Other space 53 00:01:12,078 --> 00:01:15,999 related double entendres. 54 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:17,876 Why do you feel 55 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:17,876 the need to lie 56 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:17,876 all the time? 57 00:01:17,917 --> 00:01:19,127 I'm not lying! 58 00:01:19,169 --> 00:01:20,628 Guys, we made sweet love. 59 00:01:20,670 --> 00:01:21,462 I got pictures. 60 00:01:22,463 --> 00:01:23,464 No. 61 00:01:26,092 --> 00:01:27,427 I hate my job. 62 00:01:27,468 --> 00:01:28,594 What are you 63 00:01:27,468 --> 00:01:28,594 talking about? 64 00:01:28,636 --> 00:01:29,512 I thought you just 65 00:01:28,636 --> 00:01:29,512 interviewed the mayor. 66 00:01:29,554 --> 00:01:31,597 Mayor McWoof. 67 00:01:31,639 --> 00:01:33,683 He wears a dog costume, 68 00:01:31,639 --> 00:01:33,683 and teaches kids 69 00:01:31,639 --> 00:01:33,683 not to litter. 70 00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:35,977 At least 71 00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:35,977 he's supposed to. 72 00:01:36,019 --> 00:01:38,479 I don't want to 73 00:01:36,019 --> 00:01:38,479 talk about Mayor McWoof. 74 00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:42,775 I want to talk about these 75 00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:42,775 amazing insoles from 76 00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:42,775 Bon Appe-Feet! 77 00:01:42,817 --> 00:01:44,569 Just look how 78 00:01:42,817 --> 00:01:44,569 shock absorbent they are! 79 00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:46,487 A prop! 80 00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:46,487 The table's a prop! 81 00:01:48,073 --> 00:01:49,490 We'll be right back. 82 00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:53,536 We'll be right back. 83 00:01:53,578 --> 00:01:56,664 Oh! Sorry, Robin. 84 00:01:53,578 --> 00:01:56,664 Got bored. 85 00:01:57,332 --> 00:02:00,293 Yeah, I don't blame you. 86 00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:04,881 Man, just one 87 00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:04,881 decent interview would 88 00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:04,881 be so nice for a change. 89 00:02:04,923 --> 00:02:07,008 Fine. I'll look at 90 00:02:04,923 --> 00:02:07,008 my schedule, 91 00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:08,301 see when I'm available. 92 00:02:08,343 --> 00:02:10,095 But I want a list of 93 00:02:08,343 --> 00:02:10,095 questions ahead of time, 94 00:02:10,136 --> 00:02:11,888 and my personal 95 00:02:10,136 --> 00:02:11,888 life is off limits. 96 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:14,266 Ted, you caught 97 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:14,266 seven peanuts 98 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:14,266 in a row. 99 00:02:14,307 --> 00:02:16,517 It's impressive but 100 00:02:14,307 --> 00:02:16,517 it's not newsworthy. 101 00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:18,519 You caught seven in a row? 102 00:02:18,561 --> 00:02:20,397 Seven in a row. 103 00:02:18,561 --> 00:02:20,397 Whoa! 104 00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:21,564 But that's not 105 00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:21,564 what I'm talking about. 106 00:02:21,606 --> 00:02:24,567 No, I'm talking about 107 00:02:21,606 --> 00:02:24,567 how I was selected to 108 00:02:24,609 --> 00:02:27,570 build a scale model of 109 00:02:24,609 --> 00:02:27,570 the Empire State Building, 110 00:02:27,612 --> 00:02:30,990 for the largest re-creation 111 00:02:27,612 --> 00:02:30,990 of the New York skyline in 112 00:02:27,612 --> 00:02:30,990 the world. 113 00:02:31,032 --> 00:02:33,576 Is that the thing you were 114 00:02:31,032 --> 00:02:33,576 playing with the other night? 115 00:02:33,618 --> 00:02:36,996 I wasn't playing. 116 00:02:33,618 --> 00:02:36,996 I was working. 117 00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:41,460 "It's you."It's me." 118 00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:41,460 "I saw you in the street." 119 00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:42,877 "Are you Annie?" 120 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:44,504 "Yes." 121 00:02:44,545 --> 00:02:46,798 Ted? 122 00:02:46,839 --> 00:02:51,594 Are you acting out 123 00:02:46,839 --> 00:02:51,594 the last scene of Sleepless 124 00:02:46,839 --> 00:02:51,594 in Seattle with little dolls? 125 00:02:51,636 --> 00:02:53,263 How long have 126 00:02:51,636 --> 00:02:53,263 you been out here? 127 00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,223 Ten seconds. 128 00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:55,223 Yeah. Just the last scene. 129 00:02:56,641 --> 00:02:58,851 Oh, Ted. Again? 130 00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:02,730 Ooh! That's the pizza. 131 00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:02,730 Baby, do you have any cash? 132 00:03:02,772 --> 00:03:04,483 Oh! 133 00:03:04,524 --> 00:03:05,984 You know, I don't... 134 00:03:04,524 --> 00:03:05,984 I actually... 135 00:03:06,025 --> 00:03:07,986 I don't think that 136 00:03:06,025 --> 00:03:07,986 I should have to pay, 137 00:03:09,654 --> 00:03:12,073 'cause I'm not 138 00:03:09,654 --> 00:03:12,073 a fan of pizza. 139 00:03:13,199 --> 00:03:14,617 What? 140 00:03:14,659 --> 00:03:16,953 Marshall, 141 00:03:14,659 --> 00:03:16,953 we've driven halfway 142 00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,455 across the country 143 00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,455 for a piece of pizza, 144 00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,455 literally, hundreds of times. 145 00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:21,374 I once caught you 146 00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:21,374 eating pizza in 147 00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:21,374 the shower. 148 00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:24,294 Marshall, 149 00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:24,294 there's a cartoon 150 00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:24,294 of you on our coupons. 151 00:03:24,336 --> 00:03:26,505 I'm not saying 152 00:03:24,336 --> 00:03:26,505 Marshall's a guy 153 00:03:24,336 --> 00:03:26,505 who likes pizza, 154 00:03:26,546 --> 00:03:28,256 but last time he went in 155 00:03:26,546 --> 00:03:28,256 for a physical, doctor says, 156 00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:30,300 "Marshall, you got 157 00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:30,300 to stop eating pizza." 158 00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:30,300 Marshall says, "Why?" 159 00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:31,676 Doc says, 160 00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:31,676 "So I can examine you." 161 00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:33,970 But seriously, 162 00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:33,970 we kid because we love. 163 00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:37,598 All right, look, the reason 164 00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:37,598 that I don't have any money 165 00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:37,598 on me 166 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,683 is because 167 00:03:40,685 --> 00:03:42,145 I got mugged. 168 00:03:42,187 --> 00:03:43,396 You what? 169 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:48,026 Can somebody please pay 170 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:48,026 Arthur, all right? 171 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:48,026 I'm starving. 172 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:49,444 How's your dad, by the way? 173 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:49,444 Better. 174 00:03:49,486 --> 00:03:50,611 Good. 175 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:06,044 Oh, my God! 176 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:06,044 You got mugged? 177 00:04:06,085 --> 00:04:07,795 Who mugged you? 178 00:04:07,837 --> 00:04:09,672 Was he wearing 179 00:04:07,837 --> 00:04:09,672 a black skull-knit cap 180 00:04:07,837 --> 00:04:09,672 and a five o'clock shadow? 181 00:04:09,714 --> 00:04:11,674 Did he say, 182 00:04:09,714 --> 00:04:11,674 "Stick them up"? 183 00:04:09,714 --> 00:04:11,674 Yes, Barney, 184 00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:15,470 because I got mugged in 1947, 185 00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:15,470 at the corner of Abbott 186 00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:15,470 and Costello. 187 00:04:15,512 --> 00:04:18,390 No. I was cutting 188 00:04:15,512 --> 00:04:18,390 through Central Park 189 00:04:15,512 --> 00:04:18,390 on my way home from work. 190 00:04:20,016 --> 00:04:23,186 Watch it. 191 00:04:20,016 --> 00:04:23,186 Don't get any closer. 192 00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:25,646 It's cool. 193 00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:25,646 It's cool. 194 00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:31,444 It was completely terrifying. 195 00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:34,822 "It was 196 00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:34,822 completely terrifying." 197 00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:36,699 What are you doing? 198 00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:36,699 I'm rehearsing. 199 00:04:36,741 --> 00:04:39,494 I'm gonna pretend 200 00:04:36,741 --> 00:04:39,494 this happened to me later to 201 00:04:36,741 --> 00:04:39,494 try and get some sympathy sex. 202 00:04:39,536 --> 00:04:41,704 Barney, that won't work. 203 00:04:41,746 --> 00:04:42,997 Will it? 204 00:04:41,746 --> 00:04:42,997 Big time. 205 00:04:43,039 --> 00:04:44,541 I'll allow it. 206 00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:48,378 I can't believe someone 207 00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:48,378 pointed a gun at my 208 00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:48,378 Marshmallow! 209 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:51,672 I'm shaking! 210 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:51,672 I don't think I'm gonna 211 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:51,672 be able to sleep tonight. 212 00:04:51,714 --> 00:04:53,674 Aw! Here, sweetie. I have 213 00:04:51,714 --> 00:04:53,674 something that will help 214 00:04:51,714 --> 00:04:53,674 you sleep. 215 00:04:56,052 --> 00:04:57,596 Just stick this 216 00:04:56,052 --> 00:04:57,596 under your pillow. 217 00:04:57,637 --> 00:04:59,013 You'll sleep 218 00:04:57,637 --> 00:04:59,013 like a freaking baby. 219 00:04:59,055 --> 00:05:00,390 Robin, put that away! 220 00:05:00,432 --> 00:05:02,058 It's not gonna hurt anyone. 221 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:05,270 The safety's on. 222 00:05:05,311 --> 00:05:08,356 Okay, you know what, 223 00:05:05,311 --> 00:05:08,356 let's all just relax. 224 00:05:08,398 --> 00:05:10,483 We don't need a gun. 225 00:05:10,525 --> 00:05:14,613 I'd just like to forget this 226 00:05:10,525 --> 00:05:14,613 ever happened and try to 227 00:05:10,525 --> 00:05:14,613 move on with my life. 228 00:05:14,654 --> 00:05:18,741 "I'd just like to forget this 229 00:05:14,654 --> 00:05:18,741 ever happened, and try to 230 00:05:14,654 --> 00:05:18,741 move on with my life." 231 00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:21,661 This is great stuff. 232 00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:21,661 I think I'm going to 233 00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:21,661 add tears, though. 234 00:05:21,702 --> 00:05:24,205 Listen, baby, I know that 235 00:05:21,702 --> 00:05:24,205 it's scary, but look at me. 236 00:05:25,039 --> 00:05:26,999 I'm fine, okay? 237 00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:29,335 Can't we just 238 00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:29,335 put this behind us? 239 00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:33,632 That's gold. 240 00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:33,632 But I'm gonna switch it 241 00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:33,632 to "putting me behind you." 242 00:05:33,673 --> 00:05:35,550 Baby, you don't 243 00:05:33,673 --> 00:05:35,550 have to worry 244 00:05:33,673 --> 00:05:35,550 about me. 245 00:05:35,592 --> 00:05:37,802 I mean, yes, 246 00:05:35,592 --> 00:05:37,802 I'm a little scared. 247 00:05:37,843 --> 00:05:41,598 But I'm a New Yorker, 248 00:05:37,843 --> 00:05:41,598 I'm not gonna let 249 00:05:37,843 --> 00:05:41,598 this change me. 250 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,643 I've changed! 251 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,643 I'm a gun person now. 252 00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:48,229 Clip! 253 00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:48,229 Yeah, maybe we should 254 00:05:48,271 --> 00:05:49,730 just take a break 255 00:05:48,271 --> 00:05:49,730 for a little bit. 256 00:05:49,772 --> 00:05:50,856 I said, "Clip!" 257 00:05:54,026 --> 00:05:56,112 You want to get a gun? 258 00:05:54,026 --> 00:05:56,112 Not a scary one. 259 00:05:56,154 --> 00:05:58,114 Just a cute, 260 00:05:56,154 --> 00:05:58,114 little pink Beretta 261 00:05:58,156 --> 00:06:00,783 that matches these adorable 262 00:05:58,156 --> 00:06:00,783 strappy sandals 263 00:05:58,156 --> 00:06:00,783 I just bought. 264 00:06:00,825 --> 00:06:02,368 By the way, our 265 00:06:00,825 --> 00:06:02,368 new credit card works. 266 00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:04,245 You don't need a gun. 267 00:06:04,287 --> 00:06:07,165 Every statistic in the world 268 00:06:04,287 --> 00:06:07,165 points to the fact that 269 00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:11,794 it's safer not to have a gun 270 00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:11,794 in the home than to have one. 271 00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:11,794 Especially in our home. 272 00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:14,172 You know how I'm always 273 00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:14,172 accidentally injuring you. 274 00:06:14,213 --> 00:06:15,548 Pretty easy, right? 275 00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:31,814 Hurry up, baby. 276 00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:31,814 The party's about to start. 277 00:06:31,856 --> 00:06:32,773 Boo! 278 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:38,488 Oh, my God, Lily! 279 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:38,488 I thought you were 280 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:38,488 going as a sexy cat! 281 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,907 I changed my mind. 282 00:06:41,949 --> 00:06:44,118 And now you 283 00:06:41,949 --> 00:06:44,118 want to bring a gun 284 00:06:41,949 --> 00:06:44,118 into that equation? 285 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,120 I know, you're right, 286 00:06:46,162 --> 00:06:47,830 but every time 287 00:06:46,162 --> 00:06:47,830 I close my eyes, 288 00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:51,042 I picture that guy 289 00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:51,042 pointing a gun at you. 290 00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:52,835 And you're 291 00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:52,835 my whole world, Marshall. 292 00:06:52,877 --> 00:06:54,003 If something 293 00:06:52,877 --> 00:06:54,003 ever happened to you, 294 00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,588 I would just... 295 00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,588 I would just... 296 00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:58,841 Okay, okay. 297 00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:58,841 I know. I know. I know. 298 00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:00,885 Okay, look, I got 299 00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:00,885 to admit something. 300 00:07:00,926 --> 00:07:04,847 That mugging didn't happen 301 00:07:00,926 --> 00:07:04,847 exactly the way that 302 00:07:00,926 --> 00:07:04,847 I said it did. 303 00:07:04,889 --> 00:07:08,100 Aha! So he was wearing 304 00:07:04,889 --> 00:07:08,100 a black skull-knit cap! 305 00:07:08,142 --> 00:07:10,019 Told you! 306 00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:13,147 No, he wasn't wearing 307 00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:13,147 a black skull-knit cap. 308 00:07:13,189 --> 00:07:14,649 He wasn't 309 00:07:13,189 --> 00:07:14,649 wearing anything. 310 00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:17,652 Wait. So... 311 00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:22,657 Watch it. 312 00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:22,657 Don't get any closer. 313 00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:25,451 It's... 314 00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:25,451 It's cool. 315 00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:25,451 It's cool. 316 00:07:26,619 --> 00:07:28,788 He naked-muggered you? 317 00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:30,498 I'm not 318 00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:30,498 gonna ask where he 319 00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:30,498 was keeping the gun. 320 00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:33,084 Are we sure 321 00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:33,084 it was a gun? 322 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,795 No, guys. 323 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,795 I was walking 324 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,795 home from work, 325 00:07:37,004 --> 00:07:40,759 through Central Park, 326 00:07:37,004 --> 00:07:40,759 and I stopped at the zoo. 327 00:07:43,928 --> 00:07:45,930 Watch it. 328 00:07:43,928 --> 00:07:45,930 Don't get any closer. 329 00:07:45,971 --> 00:07:48,558 Oh! It's cool. It's cool. 330 00:07:55,981 --> 00:07:58,150 You're telling us... 331 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,195 That you got mugged... 332 00:08:01,237 --> 00:08:03,364 By a monkey. 333 00:08:03,406 --> 00:08:05,408 I got mugged by a monkey. 334 00:08:15,042 --> 00:08:17,837 You got mugged by a monkey? 335 00:08:17,878 --> 00:08:20,131 Yep. I got 336 00:08:17,878 --> 00:08:20,131 mugged by a monkey. 337 00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:22,634 I was embarrassed, 338 00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:22,634 so I made up the 339 00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:22,634 other story. 340 00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:24,927 But the point is, 341 00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:24,927 Lily, you don't 342 00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:24,927 need a gun. 343 00:08:24,969 --> 00:08:26,220 Forget about the gun. 344 00:08:26,262 --> 00:08:27,346 We're on this now. 345 00:08:27,388 --> 00:08:29,348 Wow, monkeys are 346 00:08:27,388 --> 00:08:29,348 mugging people now? 347 00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,975 It really is 348 00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,975 a jungle out there. 349 00:08:31,016 --> 00:08:32,393 Oh, my God. 350 00:08:32,435 --> 00:08:35,062 That monkey 351 00:08:32,435 --> 00:08:35,062 has our address. 352 00:08:32,435 --> 00:08:35,062 What if he's in a gang? 353 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:38,941 I hope 354 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:38,941 he doesn't 355 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:38,941 do a swing by. 356 00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:41,944 Why didn't you 357 00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:41,944 just ask the zookeeper 358 00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:41,944 to get your wallet back? 359 00:08:41,986 --> 00:08:43,946 'Cause I saw 360 00:08:41,986 --> 00:08:43,946 what the monkey 361 00:08:41,986 --> 00:08:43,946 was doing with it, 362 00:08:43,988 --> 00:08:44,905 and I didn't really 363 00:08:43,988 --> 00:08:44,905 want it after that. 364 00:08:46,324 --> 00:08:48,701 Hey, guys. 365 00:08:46,324 --> 00:08:48,701 What's up? 366 00:08:48,743 --> 00:08:52,538 Oh! Some new information 367 00:08:48,743 --> 00:08:52,538 has come to light on 368 00:08:48,743 --> 00:08:52,538 Marshall's mugging. 369 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:53,956 Oh, really? 370 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:53,956 Did they catch the guy? 371 00:08:53,998 --> 00:08:55,333 Well, he's behind bars. 372 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:58,169 Well, where did they 373 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:58,169 find him? 374 00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:01,798 I'm guessing 375 00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:01,798 naked in a tree, 376 00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:01,798 throwing his own feces. 377 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,967 Oh. I've seen that guy. 378 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,967 See, that's why I take cabs. 379 00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:06,385 You know how they 380 00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:06,385 caught him, right? 381 00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:10,598 There was a tail on him. 382 00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:10,598 There was a tail on him! 383 00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:13,976 Okay, what is going on? 384 00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:15,978 All right, Robin, 385 00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:15,978 here's what happened. 386 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:19,691 No, no, no, no, no. 387 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:19,691 Let me tell it. 388 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:19,691 It's my story. 389 00:09:19,732 --> 00:09:22,652 You see, young 390 00:09:19,732 --> 00:09:22,652 Marshall was at the 391 00:09:19,732 --> 00:09:22,652 zoo, eating a banana. 392 00:09:25,404 --> 00:09:28,533 No, I wasn't eating a banana. 393 00:09:25,404 --> 00:09:28,533 If you're gonna tell it, 394 00:09:25,404 --> 00:09:28,533 tell it right. 395 00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:30,827 You're right. 396 00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:30,827 The banana was 397 00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:30,827 on the ground. 398 00:09:44,048 --> 00:09:45,675 There was no banana. 399 00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:47,176 There was no... 400 00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:47,176 There was no banana. 401 00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:49,554 Marshall, I apologize. 402 00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:49,554 Truly. 403 00:09:50,763 --> 00:09:52,181 Robin, here's what happened. 404 00:09:54,058 --> 00:09:56,310 Oh, God. 405 00:09:54,058 --> 00:09:56,310 Oh, God, don't shoot. 406 00:09:56,352 --> 00:09:58,688 There was no banana! 407 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:02,107 Come on, Barney. 408 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:02,107 I know Marshall didn't 409 00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:02,107 get mugged by a monkey. 410 00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,193 Marshall? 411 00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:06,612 That part he got right. 412 00:10:06,654 --> 00:10:08,030 What? 413 00:10:08,072 --> 00:10:10,825 Guys, this is not 414 00:10:08,072 --> 00:10:10,825 an uncommon thing, okay? 415 00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:14,036 In Thailand, in China, 416 00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:14,036 in Costa Rica, 417 00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:16,247 people get mugged 418 00:10:14,078 --> 00:10:16,247 by monkeys all the time. 419 00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:19,083 Monkeys are gatherers. 420 00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:19,083 Because of their 421 00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:19,083 inter-social dynamics, 422 00:10:19,124 --> 00:10:21,460 having a predisposition 423 00:10:19,124 --> 00:10:21,460 towards stealing 424 00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:24,046 gives one 425 00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:24,046 a genetic advantage. 426 00:10:24,088 --> 00:10:27,007 You were mugged 427 00:10:24,088 --> 00:10:27,007 by a monkey. 428 00:10:27,049 --> 00:10:30,970 Maybe he was just curious. 429 00:10:27,049 --> 00:10:30,970 Were you wearing a yellow hat? 430 00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,055 Marshall, 431 00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,055 in all seriousness, 432 00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:33,055 this is a great story. 433 00:10:33,097 --> 00:10:35,057 I mean, 434 00:10:33,097 --> 00:10:35,057 can I interview you 435 00:10:33,097 --> 00:10:35,057 about it on my show? 436 00:10:35,099 --> 00:10:38,060 What? He gets 437 00:10:35,099 --> 00:10:38,060 to be on your show? 438 00:10:35,099 --> 00:10:38,060 What about my model? 439 00:10:38,102 --> 00:10:40,521 No one wants to see a guy 440 00:10:38,102 --> 00:10:40,521 come on my show and play 441 00:10:38,102 --> 00:10:40,521 with dolls. 442 00:10:40,563 --> 00:10:43,065 Okay, first of all, 443 00:10:40,563 --> 00:10:43,065 that is not what it is. 444 00:10:43,107 --> 00:10:44,817 And second of all, 445 00:10:43,107 --> 00:10:44,817 you just had a guy 446 00:10:44,859 --> 00:10:46,736 on your show 447 00:10:44,859 --> 00:10:46,736 playing with dolls. 448 00:10:46,778 --> 00:10:48,070 So, your dolls 449 00:10:46,778 --> 00:10:48,070 are favored to win 450 00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:50,573 at the Rhinebeck Collector 451 00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:50,573 Awards next month. 452 00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:52,241 Only if they 453 00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:52,241 behave themselves. 454 00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:55,077 Last year, 455 00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:55,077 I found one of them 456 00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:55,077 cavorting with a G.I. Joe. 457 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,330 It's not funny. 458 00:10:58,372 --> 00:11:02,543 What were you thinking? 459 00:10:58,372 --> 00:11:02,543 What if you'd gotten 460 00:10:58,372 --> 00:11:02,543 pregnant? 461 00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:05,254 And you invited him back 462 00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:05,254 for a follow-up interview! 463 00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:07,799 Only because the FBI 464 00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:07,799 asked us to keep him 465 00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:07,799 occupied 466 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,009 while they 467 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,009 searched his house. 468 00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:12,511 Come on, Marshall, 469 00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:12,511 I need the story. 470 00:11:12,553 --> 00:11:15,097 It's got everything. 471 00:11:15,139 --> 00:11:17,600 Crime, 472 00:11:15,139 --> 00:11:17,600 monkeys, no stupid model 473 00:11:15,139 --> 00:11:17,600 of the Empire State Building 474 00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:19,059 that takes up my 475 00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:19,059 entire living room 476 00:11:19,101 --> 00:11:21,771 and makes the whole 477 00:11:19,101 --> 00:11:21,771 place smell like glue. 478 00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:25,357 Come on. 479 00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:25,357 Do this for me, as a friend. 480 00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:26,442 It'd be fun 481 00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:26,442 to see you on TV. 482 00:11:26,484 --> 00:11:28,068 Yeah. 483 00:11:28,110 --> 00:11:32,239 Okay, can you promise 484 00:11:28,110 --> 00:11:32,239 to present it in a way 485 00:11:32,281 --> 00:11:34,116 that doesn't make 486 00:11:32,281 --> 00:11:34,116 a joke out of the fact 487 00:11:34,158 --> 00:11:35,701 that I got 488 00:11:34,158 --> 00:11:35,701 mugged by a monkey? 489 00:11:37,202 --> 00:11:39,330 You got mugged 490 00:11:37,202 --> 00:11:39,330 by a monkey. 491 00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:44,335 Oh, my God! 492 00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:44,335 I just got mugged! 493 00:11:44,376 --> 00:11:45,670 What? 494 00:11:44,376 --> 00:11:45,670 Is what I was saying 495 00:11:45,711 --> 00:11:48,464 to this girl at 496 00:11:45,711 --> 00:11:48,464 the bar earlier. 497 00:11:48,506 --> 00:11:50,925 It was completely terrifying. 498 00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:52,885 I just want to 499 00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:52,885 forget this ever happened 500 00:11:52,927 --> 00:11:54,762 and try to move 501 00:11:52,927 --> 00:11:54,762 on with my life. 502 00:11:54,804 --> 00:11:56,430 Oh, you poor thing. 503 00:11:56,472 --> 00:11:57,974 Neil? 504 00:11:58,016 --> 00:11:59,266 Neil? 505 00:11:58,016 --> 00:11:59,266 I... 506 00:11:59,308 --> 00:12:00,225 Neil? 507 00:11:59,308 --> 00:12:00,225 I... 508 00:12:00,267 --> 00:12:01,686 Neil! 509 00:12:01,727 --> 00:12:02,937 Lady, my name's not Neil. 510 00:12:02,979 --> 00:12:04,522 It's Ba... 511 00:12:04,563 --> 00:12:06,148 Why are you calling him Neil? 512 00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:09,151 Because that's his name. 513 00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:09,151 He's Neil Armstrong. 514 00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:10,987 The cyclist? 515 00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:13,155 I thought you 516 00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:13,155 were supposed to be 517 00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:13,155 on a shuttle mission. 518 00:12:13,197 --> 00:12:14,532 I thought you 519 00:12:13,197 --> 00:12:14,532 just got mugged. 520 00:12:16,826 --> 00:12:19,537 Okay, I can do this. 521 00:12:16,826 --> 00:12:19,537 You see, 522 00:12:19,578 --> 00:12:25,835 I was on my way 523 00:12:19,578 --> 00:12:25,835 to the launch pad 524 00:12:19,578 --> 00:12:25,835 when I was mugged. 525 00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:30,255 And the mugger took 526 00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:30,255 my space shuttle keys. 527 00:12:30,297 --> 00:12:32,466 Nailed it. 528 00:12:30,297 --> 00:12:32,466 Who's up for 529 00:12:30,297 --> 00:12:32,466 a three-way? 530 00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:34,176 I am! 531 00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:34,176 Me, too! 532 00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:38,931 And it was 533 00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:38,931 the best three-way ever. 534 00:12:38,973 --> 00:12:42,894 Strange, 'cause you look like 535 00:12:38,973 --> 00:12:42,894 you just had two vodka tonics 536 00:12:38,973 --> 00:12:42,894 thrown in your face. 537 00:12:42,935 --> 00:12:44,269 You have 538 00:12:42,935 --> 00:12:44,269 lime in your hair. 539 00:12:47,314 --> 00:12:52,070 The story's better 540 00:12:47,314 --> 00:12:52,070 with my ending... 541 00:12:47,314 --> 00:12:52,070 Just... Okay? 542 00:12:52,111 --> 00:12:55,114 So, there we are, 543 00:12:52,111 --> 00:12:55,114 zero gravity. 544 00:12:55,155 --> 00:12:57,199 The three of us wearing 545 00:12:55,155 --> 00:12:57,199 nothing but space helmets. 546 00:12:57,241 --> 00:12:58,450 Marshall. 547 00:12:57,241 --> 00:12:58,450 And I... 548 00:12:58,492 --> 00:13:00,494 You won't believe it. 549 00:13:00,536 --> 00:13:02,204 I pitched 550 00:13:00,536 --> 00:13:02,204 the monkey mugger 551 00:13:00,536 --> 00:13:02,204 story to my producer, 552 00:13:02,246 --> 00:13:03,288 and he loves it! 553 00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:05,624 Oh! Wow. 554 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:07,251 Yeah. Yeah. 555 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:07,251 Really? Cool. 556 00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:09,336 I mean, 557 00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:09,336 who's ever heard of a guy 558 00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:09,336 getting mugged by a monkey? 559 00:13:09,378 --> 00:13:12,131 No one, except 560 00:13:09,378 --> 00:13:12,131 for the good people 561 00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:15,551 of Thailand, 562 00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:15,551 China, Costa Rica, and 563 00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:15,551 plenty of other countries 564 00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:18,096 where monkey crime is 565 00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:18,096 an extremely common nuisance. 566 00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:21,181 Well, the best part is, 567 00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:21,181 he said that it might get 568 00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:21,181 picked up to go national. 569 00:13:21,223 --> 00:13:24,184 Guys, this 570 00:13:21,223 --> 00:13:24,184 monkey mugger story 571 00:13:21,223 --> 00:13:24,184 could make me famous. 572 00:13:26,228 --> 00:13:27,396 Me, too. 573 00:13:29,148 --> 00:13:31,943 Guys, this 574 00:13:29,148 --> 00:13:31,943 is bad. I can't do this. 575 00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:33,235 So it'll be a little 576 00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:33,235 embarrassing. So what? 577 00:13:33,277 --> 00:13:35,237 It's not that. 578 00:13:35,279 --> 00:13:36,363 Guys, 579 00:13:38,282 --> 00:13:39,951 I wasn't mugged by a monkey. 580 00:13:44,663 --> 00:13:47,291 So, you weren't 581 00:13:44,663 --> 00:13:47,291 mugged by a monkey? 582 00:13:47,332 --> 00:13:49,251 No, I wasn't. 583 00:13:49,293 --> 00:13:51,170 So, what you're saying is, 584 00:13:51,211 --> 00:13:54,298 the monkey tricked you 585 00:13:51,211 --> 00:13:54,298 into giving him your wallet? 586 00:13:54,339 --> 00:13:55,424 No, that's not 587 00:13:54,339 --> 00:13:55,424 what I'm saying. 588 00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,342 So, you mugged the monkey? 589 00:13:57,384 --> 00:14:00,888 Guys, there was no monkey! 590 00:13:57,384 --> 00:14:00,888 It was a human being 591 00:13:57,384 --> 00:14:00,888 with a gun. 592 00:14:02,723 --> 00:14:05,225 Are you sure it 593 00:14:02,723 --> 00:14:05,225 wasn't one monkey 594 00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:08,270 standing on 595 00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:08,270 another monkey's shoulders 596 00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:08,270 wearing a men's trench coat? 597 00:14:08,312 --> 00:14:09,438 Be about the right height. 598 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,398 No! I... 599 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,734 I just made that story up 600 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,734 so that Lily wouldn't get 601 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,734 a gun. 602 00:14:13,776 --> 00:14:15,235 The truth is that 603 00:14:13,776 --> 00:14:15,235 it never happened. 604 00:14:16,487 --> 00:14:18,280 I don't buy it! 605 00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:19,657 What? 606 00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:19,657 You heard me. 607 00:14:19,698 --> 00:14:21,283 I think you were 608 00:14:19,698 --> 00:14:21,283 mugged by a monkey. 609 00:14:21,325 --> 00:14:23,243 You just don't want 610 00:14:21,325 --> 00:14:23,243 to go on Robin's show, 611 00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:24,703 'cause you're afraid 612 00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:24,703 it'll make you look 613 00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:24,703 like a big joke. 614 00:14:24,745 --> 00:14:26,246 Well, won't it? 615 00:14:26,288 --> 00:14:28,499 The biggest 616 00:14:26,288 --> 00:14:28,499 'cause it's so funny. 617 00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:30,334 Well, it never 618 00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:30,334 happened, okay? 619 00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:32,503 And I can lie to you guys 620 00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:32,503 about it, because you're 621 00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:32,503 my best friends. 622 00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:34,172 I am, but go on. 623 00:14:34,213 --> 00:14:36,465 But I can't 624 00:14:34,213 --> 00:14:36,465 lie about it 625 00:14:34,213 --> 00:14:36,465 on national TV. 626 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,886 Ted, you've 627 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,886 known him the longest. 628 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,886 Is he telling the truth? 629 00:14:43,764 --> 00:14:44,849 Ted, don't. 630 00:14:51,939 --> 00:14:53,273 I can't tell. 631 00:14:55,317 --> 00:14:56,485 He smells good. 632 00:14:58,278 --> 00:14:59,738 I just can't tell. 633 00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,327 Well, I'm still 634 00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,327 saying it happened. 635 00:15:05,369 --> 00:15:09,456 Maybe. But, Marshall, if you 636 00:15:05,369 --> 00:15:09,456 didn't get mugged by a monkey, 637 00:15:09,498 --> 00:15:11,125 you can't let Robin 638 00:15:09,498 --> 00:15:11,125 report it on her show. 639 00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,668 I mean, this could 640 00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,668 hurt her credibility. 641 00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:14,920 Oh, please. Journalists 642 00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:14,920 lie all the time. 643 00:15:14,962 --> 00:15:17,089 I'm sorry, 644 00:15:14,962 --> 00:15:17,089 but I will believe that 645 00:15:17,131 --> 00:15:20,218 Jack Palance is dead 646 00:15:17,131 --> 00:15:20,218 when I see the body. 647 00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:22,053 Okay, this may come 648 00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:22,053 as a shock to you, 649 00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:22,053 Barney, 650 00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:23,929 but people don't 651 00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:23,929 like to be lied to. 652 00:15:23,971 --> 00:15:27,141 Wrong. 653 00:15:23,971 --> 00:15:27,141 They don't like finding 654 00:15:23,971 --> 00:15:27,141 out they've been lied to. 655 00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:29,476 "Because a lie is 656 00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:29,476 just a great story 657 00:15:29,518 --> 00:15:32,938 "that someone ruined with 658 00:15:29,518 --> 00:15:32,938 the truth." Barney Stinson. 659 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:36,358 Case in point, 660 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:36,358 what that girl 661 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:36,358 Sarah did to me. 662 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,818 You mean what you did to her. 663 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,612 No. I mean 664 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,612 what she did to me. 665 00:15:40,654 --> 00:15:43,365 The truth is, 666 00:15:40,654 --> 00:15:43,365 I'm afraid the 667 00:15:40,654 --> 00:15:43,365 three-way story 668 00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:45,659 didn't go exactly as 669 00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:45,659 I said it did. 670 00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,703 Nailed it. 671 00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,703 Who's up for 672 00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,703 a three-way? 673 00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:51,498 Lisa, wait. 674 00:15:52,666 --> 00:15:53,876 Yes, Neil? 675 00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,127 You're Lisa? 676 00:15:55,169 --> 00:15:55,920 Sarah, wait. 677 00:15:57,963 --> 00:15:58,839 Look, 678 00:16:00,507 --> 00:16:02,384 I'm not Neil Armstrong. 679 00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:04,678 I'm sorry I lied. 680 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:09,349 Well, I guess I wasn't 681 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:09,349 completely honest with 682 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:09,349 you either. 683 00:16:09,391 --> 00:16:13,145 I mean, I said that I was 28, 684 00:16:09,391 --> 00:16:13,145 but the truth is that I'm 685 00:16:09,391 --> 00:16:13,145 really 31. 686 00:16:13,187 --> 00:16:15,231 And if 687 00:16:13,187 --> 00:16:15,231 we're being 688 00:16:13,187 --> 00:16:15,231 completely honest, 689 00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:17,691 I went to the doctor the 690 00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:17,691 other day and found out... 691 00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:22,446 Thirty-one! 692 00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:22,446 I was happy, very happy, 693 00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:27,201 thinking that I had 694 00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:27,201 nailed a 28-year-old 695 00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:27,201 with some sun damage. 696 00:16:27,243 --> 00:16:31,330 People want 697 00:16:27,243 --> 00:16:31,330 the lie, Marshall. 698 00:16:27,243 --> 00:16:31,330 They need the lie, 699 00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:35,000 which is why, 700 00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:35,000 as far as I'm concerned, 701 00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:35,000 you were mugged by a monkey. 702 00:16:35,042 --> 00:16:38,254 Just as sure as I 703 00:16:35,042 --> 00:16:38,254 had that three-way. 704 00:16:38,296 --> 00:16:41,299 I am 705 00:16:38,296 --> 00:16:41,299 the greatest 706 00:16:38,296 --> 00:16:41,299 in the world! 707 00:16:42,549 --> 00:16:44,635 Barney, 708 00:16:42,549 --> 00:16:44,635 is that the 709 00:16:42,549 --> 00:16:44,635 three-way belt? 710 00:16:44,676 --> 00:16:46,428 You know it. 711 00:16:44,676 --> 00:16:46,428 Props! 712 00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:50,849 Man, I slept 713 00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:50,849 so great last night. 714 00:16:50,891 --> 00:16:54,061 Can you believe 715 00:16:50,891 --> 00:16:54,061 I almost bought a gun? 716 00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:55,896 I'm so glad you got 717 00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:55,896 mugged by a monkey. 718 00:16:59,483 --> 00:17:02,486 Okay, you guys got me. 719 00:17:02,527 --> 00:17:05,323 I was just nervous. 720 00:17:02,527 --> 00:17:05,323 I got mugged by a monkey. 721 00:17:05,364 --> 00:17:06,448 Yes! I knew it! 722 00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:08,117 Wait a minute. 723 00:17:08,159 --> 00:17:11,203 Now I'm thinking 724 00:17:08,159 --> 00:17:11,203 you really weren't 725 00:17:08,159 --> 00:17:11,203 mugged by a monkey. 726 00:17:11,245 --> 00:17:13,038 Come on, Ted. 727 00:17:11,245 --> 00:17:13,038 Why would he make 728 00:17:11,245 --> 00:17:13,038 something like that up? 729 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,332 Yeah, come on, Ted. 730 00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:16,625 Come here. 731 00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:24,383 Okay, seriously, 732 00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:24,383 what is that cologne? 733 00:17:24,424 --> 00:17:25,801 It's intoxicating. 734 00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:28,804 So, late 735 00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:28,804 the following night, 736 00:17:28,846 --> 00:17:30,430 we all went to 737 00:17:28,846 --> 00:17:30,430 the set of Robin's show. 738 00:17:30,472 --> 00:17:31,974 Okay, Marshall, 739 00:17:30,472 --> 00:17:31,974 now, don't be nervous. 740 00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,100 What we're going to do is, 741 00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,100 we're going to sit you... 742 00:17:33,142 --> 00:17:34,977 What the hell is this? 743 00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:36,187 I don't know. 744 00:17:36,228 --> 00:17:38,772 Looks like something 745 00:17:36,228 --> 00:17:38,772 covered by a sheet. 746 00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:39,815 Guess if you 747 00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:39,815 want to find out, 748 00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:41,192 you're gonna have 749 00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:41,192 to do a story on it. 750 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:42,860 You're gonna be 751 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:42,860 covered by a sheet 752 00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:44,611 if you don't 753 00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:44,611 get your stupid 754 00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:44,611 model out of here. 755 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:48,240 Dude, what are you doing? 756 00:17:48,282 --> 00:17:50,492 I don't think Marshall's 757 00:17:48,282 --> 00:17:50,492 going to lie on TV. 758 00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:52,286 And when he backs out, 759 00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,663 I want to be there for 760 00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,663 my friend Robin with 761 00:17:52,328 --> 00:17:54,663 a story. 762 00:17:54,705 --> 00:17:58,458 Or rather, 102 stories, 763 00:17:54,705 --> 00:17:58,458 because that's how tall 764 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,503 a certain iconic 765 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,503 New York landmark is. 766 00:18:01,545 --> 00:18:03,381 Now, I want to buy a gun. 767 00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:05,507 Whoa, the monkey's here. 768 00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:07,759 Surprise. 769 00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:07,759 We thought it would help 770 00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:07,759 the story to bring him here 771 00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,553 so you could 772 00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,553 face your attacker. 773 00:18:09,594 --> 00:18:11,596 Yeah, because 774 00:18:09,594 --> 00:18:11,596 of this incident, 775 00:18:11,638 --> 00:18:14,558 we will be 776 00:18:11,638 --> 00:18:14,558 sending Captain Bobo 777 00:18:11,638 --> 00:18:14,558 to a wildlife sanctuary. 778 00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:17,019 Ooh! I bet 779 00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:17,019 he'll like it there. 780 00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:21,399 No, ma'am. You see, 781 00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:21,399 we'll be splitting him 782 00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:21,399 up from his mate Milly. 783 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,607 They've 784 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,607 been together 785 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,607 for a long time. 786 00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:26,987 His mate's name is Milly? 787 00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:28,613 And then the 788 00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:28,613 interview began. 789 00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,950 Marshall, 790 00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,950 in your own words, 791 00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,950 describe what happened. 792 00:18:31,992 --> 00:18:34,036 Well, I would... 793 00:18:34,078 --> 00:18:36,205 I... I would 794 00:18:34,078 --> 00:18:36,205 love to tell you 795 00:18:34,078 --> 00:18:36,205 what happened, Robin. 796 00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:38,832 But... 797 00:18:38,874 --> 00:18:40,459 I'm just... 798 00:18:38,874 --> 00:18:40,459 I'm so curious as to 799 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,586 what is going on 800 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,586 underneath that sheet. 801 00:18:42,627 --> 00:18:44,380 Well, we're not here 802 00:18:42,627 --> 00:18:44,380 to talk about that. 803 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:46,006 We're here to talk 804 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:46,006 about your mugging. 805 00:18:46,048 --> 00:18:48,675 Right. Well, people get 806 00:18:46,048 --> 00:18:48,675 mugged in New York City 807 00:18:46,048 --> 00:18:48,675 all the time, Robin. 808 00:18:48,717 --> 00:18:52,596 But how often 809 00:18:48,717 --> 00:18:52,596 do you get to see 810 00:18:48,717 --> 00:18:52,596 whatever's under that sheet? 811 00:18:52,637 --> 00:18:53,555 Mike, can we get 812 00:18:52,637 --> 00:18:53,555 a shot of that? 813 00:18:53,597 --> 00:18:54,556 We'll be right back. 814 00:18:54,598 --> 00:18:55,682 We're clear. 815 00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:57,559 What the hell 816 00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:57,559 are you doing? 817 00:18:57,601 --> 00:19:00,562 Okay, Robin, I wasn't 818 00:18:57,601 --> 00:19:00,562 really mugged by 819 00:18:57,601 --> 00:19:00,562 a monkey, okay? 820 00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:02,606 I just made up that story 821 00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:02,606 so that Lily wouldn't buy 822 00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:02,606 a gun. 823 00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:04,275 So, you weren't 824 00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:04,275 mugged by a monkey? 825 00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:05,567 No, what are you 826 00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:05,567 talking about, baby? 827 00:19:05,609 --> 00:19:06,818 Of course I was 828 00:19:05,609 --> 00:19:06,818 mugged by a monkey. 829 00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,029 Great. Tell it to America. 830 00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,029 We're back in five. 831 00:19:09,071 --> 00:19:11,031 No. No. 832 00:19:09,071 --> 00:19:11,031 No. Not back in five. 833 00:19:09,071 --> 00:19:11,031 I wasn't mugged by a monkey. 834 00:19:11,073 --> 00:19:12,574 Okay, that's it. 835 00:19:11,073 --> 00:19:12,574 I'm getting a gun. 836 00:19:12,616 --> 00:19:14,659 No, no. Don't get a gun. 837 00:19:12,616 --> 00:19:14,659 I was mugged by a monkey. 838 00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:16,161 Well, then, 839 00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:16,161 Bobo here is going away. 840 00:19:16,203 --> 00:19:17,996 Wasn't. I wasn't 841 00:19:16,203 --> 00:19:17,996 mugged by a monkey. 842 00:19:18,038 --> 00:19:19,581 Ted, do you have any idea 843 00:19:18,038 --> 00:19:19,581 if Marshall was mugged by 844 00:19:18,038 --> 00:19:19,581 a monkey? 845 00:19:19,623 --> 00:19:21,583 None whatsoever. 846 00:19:19,623 --> 00:19:21,583 Just tell me, 847 00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:23,585 were you or were you not 848 00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:23,585 mugged by Captain Bobo? 849 00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:25,504 Yeah, baby, 850 00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:25,504 just tell us 851 00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:25,504 what really happened. 852 00:19:25,545 --> 00:19:26,630 Yeah, Marshall, 853 00:19:25,545 --> 00:19:26,630 just tell us the truth. 854 00:19:26,671 --> 00:19:28,006 Come on, you promised. 855 00:19:31,676 --> 00:19:33,220 And that's when 856 00:19:31,676 --> 00:19:33,220 Marshall realized 857 00:19:33,262 --> 00:19:34,679 there was only one 858 00:19:33,262 --> 00:19:34,679 thing he could say. 859 00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:35,931 All right. 860 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,058 Here's the truth. 861 00:19:39,184 --> 00:19:39,851 I... 862 00:19:42,396 --> 00:19:44,606 am going back to bed. 863 00:19:44,648 --> 00:19:46,484 And that was it. 864 00:19:46,525 --> 00:19:49,653 We never found out 865 00:19:46,525 --> 00:19:49,653 what really happened to 866 00:19:46,525 --> 00:19:49,653 Uncle Marshall's wallet. 867 00:19:49,694 --> 00:19:52,614 But we do know this. 868 00:19:49,694 --> 00:19:52,614 Aunt Lily never got 869 00:19:49,694 --> 00:19:52,614 a gun. 870 00:19:52,656 --> 00:19:55,617 Aunt Robin's credibility 871 00:19:52,656 --> 00:19:55,617 remained unimpeached. 872 00:19:55,659 --> 00:19:59,037 And Bobo and Milly lived out 873 00:19:55,659 --> 00:19:59,037 their days together in the 874 00:19:55,659 --> 00:19:59,037 Central Park Zoo. 875 00:19:59,079 --> 00:20:00,664 Damn it. 876 00:20:01,873 --> 00:20:03,667 All right, Ted, mike up. 877 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:08,046 Miked up and made up. 878 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:08,046 Red leather, yellow leather. 879 00:20:08,088 --> 00:20:10,257 That wasn't 880 00:20:08,088 --> 00:20:10,257 very satisfying. 881 00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:11,800 When I tell everyone 882 00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:11,800 at work this story, 883 00:20:11,842 --> 00:20:13,927 I'm saying he was 884 00:20:11,842 --> 00:20:13,927 mugged by a monkey. 885 00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,637 And I'm gonna keep 886 00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,637 the banana-on-a-string 887 00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,637 thing. That was working. 888 00:20:15,679 --> 00:20:17,722 Barney, enough with the lies. 889 00:20:17,764 --> 00:20:19,475 You can't just tack on 890 00:20:17,764 --> 00:20:19,475 a new ending 891 00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,019 because you're 892 00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,019 not satisfied with 893 00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,019 how a story wraps up. 894 00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:26,773 Oh, really? Well, 895 00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:26,773 mark my words, Mosby. 896 00:20:26,815 --> 00:20:29,609 Someday, you'll 897 00:20:26,815 --> 00:20:29,609 be telling this story, 898 00:20:26,815 --> 00:20:29,609 and you'll see it my way. 899 00:20:30,694 --> 00:20:33,280 Doubtful. 900 00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:33,780 And then, kids, 901 00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:33,780 you'll never believe what 902 00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:33,780 happened. 903 00:20:33,822 --> 00:20:35,073 The monkey got loose. 904 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:38,660 He's got one of my dolls! 905 00:20:38,702 --> 00:20:40,787 Bobo, come here, Bobo. 906 00:20:40,829 --> 00:20:42,373 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 907 00:20:42,414 --> 00:20:43,623 He's climbing the building. 908 00:20:47,294 --> 00:20:48,253 Bobo, come here. 909 00:20:48,295 --> 00:20:49,463 I'll get him. 910 00:20:55,302 --> 00:20:57,346 Is this really happening? 911 00:20:57,388 --> 00:20:58,597 Sure is, Ted. 912 00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:01,641 True story. 913 00:21:31,755 --> 00:21:32,672 ENGLISH - US - LINE 21