1
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Kids, everyone has

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00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,532
one or two moments

3
00:00:04,574 --> 00:00:05,866
when they make

4
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a huge, crazy decision

5
00:00:05,908 --> 00:00:07,490
that changes

6
00:00:05,908 --> 00:00:07,490
their lives forever.

7
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This is the story of mine.

8
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It all started with

9
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a visit from my mom

10
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and her long-time boyfriend,

11
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Clint, who was always saying

12
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stuff like...

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Ted, your mother

14
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is a very, very

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erotic woman.

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Please don't.

17
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As a painter/songwriter/

18
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volunteer fear fighter,

19
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I find her

20
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incredibly sexual.

21
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But you have

22
00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:34,657
your own sexual memories

23
00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:34,657
with your mom, don't you?

24
00:00:34,699 --> 00:00:35,824
Please don't.

25
00:00:35,866 --> 00:00:38,073
Exiting her womb.

26
00:00:35,866 --> 00:00:38,073
Receiving her milk.

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00:00:38,114 --> 00:00:39,866
You get me?

28
00:00:39,908 --> 00:00:40,989
Good.

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I cannot believe

30
00:00:43,657 --> 00:00:46,281
I am with that man.

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Mom, Mom, it's okay.

32
00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:50,031
You don't have to settle.

33
00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:50,031
There are plenty of guys...

34
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He's so cool.

35
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And he picked me.

36
00:00:57,574 --> 00:01:00,031
Well, I'm glad

37
00:00:57,574 --> 00:01:00,031
you're both so happy.

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Well, good.

39
00:01:00,073 --> 00:01:03,198
Because we do

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have an announcement.

41
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,198
Son.

42
00:01:20,073 --> 00:01:21,824
Yes,

43
00:01:20,073 --> 00:01:21,824
my mom was lapping me.

44
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,198
Getting married

45
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,198
for a second time,

46
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,198
before I was

47
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,198
even married once.

48
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:29,031
I was so

49
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:29,031
happy for them,

50
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:29,031
so freaking happy.

51
00:01:29,073 --> 00:01:31,782
Still, weddings can

52
00:01:29,073 --> 00:01:31,782
be magical.

53
00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:34,323
For all I knew, I'd end up

54
00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:34,323
sharing a dance with my

55
00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:34,323
own future wife there.

56
00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:37,407
And if you don't

57
00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:37,407
boil those jam jars,

58
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:40,114
it's just

59
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:40,114
a welcome mat for bacteria.

60
00:01:40,156 --> 00:01:41,031
That wasn't her.

61
00:01:42,824 --> 00:01:44,699
Oh, congratulations.

62
00:01:44,741 --> 00:01:46,532
We are so happy for you.

63
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,948
I feel like

64
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,948
I'm 19 again.

65
00:01:48,989 --> 00:01:52,031
It's like

66
00:01:48,989 --> 00:01:52,031
the last 35 years of

67
00:01:48,989 --> 00:01:52,031
my life never happened.

68
00:01:52,073 --> 00:01:55,948
So wonderful to hear, Mom.

69
00:01:55,989 --> 00:02:00,699
Son, to show

70
00:01:55,989 --> 00:02:00,699
that your mom and I

71
00:01:55,989 --> 00:02:00,699
will always be there for you,

72
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:05,031
I want you to have this

73
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:05,031
beautiful picture, that

74
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:05,031
I painted.

75
00:02:06,615 --> 00:02:08,574
Kids,

76
00:02:06,615 --> 00:02:08,574
there was no guitar.

77
00:02:08,615 --> 00:02:09,699
Excuse me, Ted.

78
00:02:11,073 --> 00:02:12,073
Best...

79
00:02:11,073 --> 00:02:12,073
Wedding...

80
00:02:12,114 --> 00:02:13,741
Ever.

81
00:02:16,073 --> 00:02:19,073
Hello, everyone. Mahalo

82
00:02:16,073 --> 00:02:19,073
for being here with us.

83
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,989
My entire life,

84
00:02:23,031 --> 00:02:25,657
well, this life,

85
00:02:25,699 --> 00:02:27,989
I've waited for

86
00:02:25,699 --> 00:02:27,989
a muse like Virginia.

87
00:02:29,699 --> 00:02:30,490
Baby,

88
00:02:32,073 --> 00:02:33,281
this is your song.

89
00:02:37,989 --> 00:02:41,615
her trembling bosom

90
00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:42,741
Oh, God.

91
00:02:49,782 --> 00:02:51,073
Kids, I swear to God,

92
00:02:51,114 --> 00:02:53,323
I blacked out for

93
00:02:51,114 --> 00:02:53,323
the next 12 minutes.

94
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:56,031
So I have no idea

95
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:56,031
how the song got

96
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:56,031
to this ending.

97
00:02:56,073 --> 00:03:00,031
And the pancakes

98
00:03:00,073 --> 00:03:01,907
Everyone.

99
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,031
♪ And the dragon

100
00:03:11,741 --> 00:03:14,281
Guys, guys. Guess

101
00:03:11,741 --> 00:03:14,281
what Robin just did?

102
00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:17,989
♪ ... and true

103
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,490
Are you crying?

104
00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:22,448
I know

105
00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:22,448
it's stupid, but...

106
00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:24,031
Everyone.

107
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I'm happy, you know.

108
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Not as happy

109
00:03:30,073 --> 00:03:33,490
as I am, Robin.

110
00:03:33,532 --> 00:03:36,989
Guys, guys. Guess

111
00:03:33,532 --> 00:03:36,989
what Robin just did?

112
00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:40,532
And then,

113
00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:40,532
I told you guys

114
00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:40,532
what Robin just did,

115
00:03:40,574 --> 00:03:43,448
but you were there for that.

116
00:03:40,574 --> 00:03:43,448
I got to tell the rest of

117
00:03:40,574 --> 00:03:43,448
the wedding.

118
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:46,031
Aunt Meredith.

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Kids,

120
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I can't overstate

121
00:03:48,198 --> 00:03:50,532
how horrible it is

122
00:03:48,198 --> 00:03:50,532
to be the single guy

123
00:03:50,574 --> 00:03:52,365
at your own mother's

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second wedding.

125
00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:54,741
So, Ted,

126
00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:54,741
when's your wedding?

127
00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:56,532
So, Ted,

128
00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:56,532
when's your wedding?

129
00:03:56,574 --> 00:03:58,448
When's your wedding?

130
00:03:56,574 --> 00:03:58,448
When's your wedding?

131
00:03:58,490 --> 00:03:59,865
When's your wedding?

132
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,532
Robin cried

133
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,532
at Clint's song.

134
00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:03,989
Oh, I told you already.

135
00:04:04,031 --> 00:04:05,281
Ted's hot sister Heather.

136
00:04:06,365 --> 00:04:07,781
I have to leave.

137
00:04:07,823 --> 00:04:09,989
Wait, Ted,

138
00:04:07,823 --> 00:04:09,989
what about your toast?

139
00:04:10,031 --> 00:04:11,156
Make up some

140
00:04:10,031 --> 00:04:11,156
emergency or

141
00:04:10,031 --> 00:04:11,156
something.

142
00:04:11,198 --> 00:04:13,031
I just...

143
00:04:11,198 --> 00:04:13,031
I can't handle this.

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00:04:13,073 --> 00:04:15,281
Ted, Ted, where you going?

145
00:04:13,073 --> 00:04:15,281
It's your mother's wedding.

146
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:18,781
Uncle Larry, my hand

147
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:18,781
to God, Niagara Falls.

148
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:24,031
And my friends

149
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:24,031
didn't see me for the

150
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:24,031
next 72 hours.

151
00:04:24,073 --> 00:04:28,031
Seriously, is Ted okay?

152
00:04:24,073 --> 00:04:28,031
I mean, I know it was

153
00:04:24,073 --> 00:04:28,031
a rough weekend,

154
00:04:28,073 --> 00:04:29,781
but this radio

155
00:04:28,073 --> 00:04:29,781
silence is weird.

156
00:04:29,823 --> 00:04:32,031
I know. His mom's

157
00:04:29,823 --> 00:04:32,031
called like five times

158
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asking where

159
00:04:32,073 --> 00:04:33,323
he disappeared to.

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Sorry, Robin,

161
00:04:33,365 --> 00:04:35,781
they're all out of pretzels.

162
00:04:35,823 --> 00:04:38,699
And I know how

163
00:04:35,823 --> 00:04:38,699
emotional you get...

164
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,031
Let it go.

165
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,031
Let it go.

166
00:04:44,073 --> 00:04:47,574
Okay. Okay.

167
00:04:44,073 --> 00:04:47,574
I cried at Clint's song.

168
00:04:47,615 --> 00:04:49,031
She cried at Clint's song.

169
00:04:49,073 --> 00:04:50,448
Hi, guys.

170
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,574
Ted, where have you been?

171
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,574
Are you okay?

172
00:04:52,615 --> 00:04:55,073
Oh, I'm better than okay.

173
00:04:52,615 --> 00:04:55,073
I am on top of the world.

174
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Come on.

175
00:04:55,114 --> 00:04:56,490
We're going for a ride.

176
00:04:59,698 --> 00:05:02,031
Hey, buddy,

177
00:04:59,698 --> 00:05:02,031
do you want to,

178
00:04:59,698 --> 00:05:02,031
maybe, let somebody

179
00:05:02,073 --> 00:05:04,448
who isn't having some

180
00:05:02,073 --> 00:05:04,448
sort of manic episode

181
00:05:02,073 --> 00:05:04,448
drive for a while?

182
00:05:04,490 --> 00:05:07,073
Yeah. And where

183
00:05:04,490 --> 00:05:07,073
the hell are we going?

184
00:05:07,114 --> 00:05:10,281
First, let me tell you what

185
00:05:07,114 --> 00:05:10,281
happened the night of the

186
00:05:07,114 --> 00:05:10,281
wedding.

187
00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:12,031
Watching

188
00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:12,031
my mom get married,

189
00:05:12,073 --> 00:05:15,031
I realized

190
00:05:12,073 --> 00:05:15,031
how far behind

191
00:05:12,073 --> 00:05:15,031
I was in my own life.

192
00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:16,407
I just had to

193
00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:16,407
get out of there.

194
00:05:16,448 --> 00:05:18,281
So I went back

195
00:05:16,448 --> 00:05:18,281
to my hotel room,

196
00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:20,615
and got onto this Web site

197
00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:20,615
I sometimes visit when

198
00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:20,615
I can't sleep.

199
00:05:20,657 --> 00:05:22,114
No, no, no, no.

200
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:25,031
We do not

201
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:25,031
want to know what

202
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:25,031
you and the Internet do

203
00:05:25,073 --> 00:05:26,240
when you're lonely.

204
00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:28,323
I didn't. I...

205
00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:32,281
That's not the part

206
00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:32,281
of the night I was

207
00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:32,281
talking about.

208
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:34,823
I went

209
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:34,823
to my favorite

210
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:34,823
real estate auction site.

211
00:05:34,865 --> 00:05:37,989
Come on, we've all got one.

212
00:05:34,865 --> 00:05:37,989
Scrolled through a few

213
00:05:34,865 --> 00:05:37,989
properties and...

214
00:05:39,281 --> 00:05:43,448
Guys, I just

215
00:05:39,281 --> 00:05:43,448
bought my dream house.

216
00:05:49,323 --> 00:05:51,031
What do you mean

217
00:05:49,323 --> 00:05:51,031
you bought this house?

218
00:05:51,073 --> 00:05:53,031
I mean,

219
00:05:51,073 --> 00:05:53,031
I made a bid online,

220
00:05:53,073 --> 00:05:55,073
I won the auction

221
00:05:53,073 --> 00:05:55,073
the next day, and

222
00:05:53,073 --> 00:05:55,073
I got approval.

223
00:05:55,114 --> 00:05:57,240
I just

224
00:05:55,114 --> 00:05:57,240
finalized

225
00:05:55,114 --> 00:05:57,240
the paperwork.

226
00:05:57,281 --> 00:06:00,031
And was

227
00:05:57,281 --> 00:06:00,031
the Blair Witch

228
00:05:57,281 --> 00:06:00,031
easy to deal with,

229
00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:02,365
or did she haggle

230
00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:02,365
over the closing costs?

231
00:06:02,407 --> 00:06:04,281
Don't even joke

232
00:06:02,407 --> 00:06:04,281
about that, man.

233
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,073
So, I'm thinking this

234
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,073
room will be the study.

235
00:06:06,114 --> 00:06:07,865
You know,

236
00:06:06,114 --> 00:06:07,865
a place just for Dad.

237
00:06:07,907 --> 00:06:09,031
I mean, the kids

238
00:06:07,907 --> 00:06:09,031
are welcome in here,

239
00:06:09,073 --> 00:06:11,031
if they're reading

240
00:06:09,073 --> 00:06:11,031
a book, but no toys.

241
00:06:11,073 --> 00:06:12,989
It's not a question

242
00:06:11,073 --> 00:06:12,989
of withholding love.

243
00:06:13,031 --> 00:06:14,448
It's a question of

244
00:06:13,031 --> 00:06:14,448
drawing boundaries.

245
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:15,614
Whoa.

246
00:06:15,656 --> 00:06:17,656
Ted, this is insane.

247
00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:21,240
This is gonna take years,

248
00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:21,240
and a small fortune to

249
00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:21,240
make livable.

250
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,614
I'm an architect.

251
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,614
I'll find a way.

252
00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:25,823
And if I start right now,

253
00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:25,823
it'll be done by the time

254
00:06:25,865 --> 00:06:27,407
the old wifey and I

255
00:06:25,865 --> 00:06:27,407
are ready to move in.

256
00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:34,031
Is she in the room

257
00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:34,031
with us right now, Ted?

258
00:06:34,073 --> 00:06:36,865
Okay, okay.

259
00:06:34,073 --> 00:06:36,865
I know. I haven't

260
00:06:34,073 --> 00:06:36,865
found Mrs. Mosby yet.

261
00:06:36,907 --> 00:06:38,532
But I will, knock on wood.

262
00:06:39,781 --> 00:06:40,948
Careful, buddy.

263
00:06:40,989 --> 00:06:42,740
Okay. Ted.

264
00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:46,031
You can't just skip ahead to

265
00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:46,031
where you think your life

266
00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:46,031
should be.

267
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,031
It doesn't work that way.

268
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,031
Yeah, I got to agree.

269
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:50,114
This may

270
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:50,114
be the stupidest

271
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:50,114
thing you've ever done.

272
00:06:50,156 --> 00:06:52,031
Stupidest thing any

273
00:06:50,156 --> 00:06:52,031
of us have ever done.

274
00:06:52,073 --> 00:06:54,614
Okay, all right.

275
00:06:52,073 --> 00:06:54,614
Let's lay off Ted.

276
00:06:52,073 --> 00:06:54,614
Thank you.

277
00:06:54,656 --> 00:06:56,281
All right. We've all done

278
00:06:54,656 --> 00:06:56,281
some stupid things in

279
00:06:54,656 --> 00:06:56,281
our lives.

280
00:06:56,323 --> 00:06:58,198
For example,

281
00:06:56,323 --> 00:06:58,198
I remember a time

282
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,407
when I dropped some

283
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,407
bottle rockets in

284
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,407
the toilet,

285
00:07:00,448 --> 00:07:03,365
and I tried

286
00:07:00,448 --> 00:07:03,365
to dry them off

287
00:07:00,448 --> 00:07:03,365
in the microwave.

288
00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:05,532
You must've been

289
00:07:03,407 --> 00:07:05,532
drunk off your ass.

290
00:07:05,573 --> 00:07:07,156
No. Too stupid

291
00:07:05,573 --> 00:07:07,156
to be an adult.

292
00:07:07,198 --> 00:07:08,823
He was

293
00:07:07,198 --> 00:07:08,823
obviously a kid

294
00:07:07,198 --> 00:07:08,823
when that happened.

295
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,532
A kid? How does

296
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,532
a kid even get...

297
00:07:10,573 --> 00:07:11,907
Who puts a bottle

298
00:07:10,573 --> 00:07:11,907
rocket in a microwave?

299
00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:14,156
Oh, my God.

300
00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:14,156
Guys, great new game.

301
00:07:14,198 --> 00:07:16,573
"Drunk or Kid?"

302
00:07:14,198 --> 00:07:16,573
Which one was I?

303
00:07:16,614 --> 00:07:17,407
Lock in your guesses.

304
00:07:17,448 --> 00:07:18,907
Drunk.

305
00:07:17,448 --> 00:07:18,907
Kid.

306
00:07:18,948 --> 00:07:19,989
Drum roll, please.

307
00:07:24,365 --> 00:07:26,573
I was...

308
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,365
Drunk.

309
00:07:30,073 --> 00:07:31,281
Yeah.

310
00:07:30,073 --> 00:07:31,281
Hey.

311
00:07:31,323 --> 00:07:33,907
You know, I'm glad

312
00:07:31,323 --> 00:07:33,907
Robin got it right.

313
00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:37,698
'Cause she's

314
00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:37,698
very sensitive and fragile.

315
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:42,240
I'm referencing the time

316
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:42,240
she cried at Clint's song.

317
00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:44,240
And even though

318
00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:44,240
I'm whispering,

319
00:07:44,281 --> 00:07:46,031
I actually hope

320
00:07:44,281 --> 00:07:46,031
she hears me.

321
00:07:46,073 --> 00:07:47,740
It wasn't me.

322
00:07:47,781 --> 00:07:49,073
What?

323
00:07:49,114 --> 00:07:51,490
I'm not the one who

324
00:07:49,114 --> 00:07:51,490
cried at Clint's song.

325
00:07:52,948 --> 00:07:55,698
♪ ... and true

326
00:07:55,740 --> 00:07:58,240
Are you crying?

327
00:07:58,281 --> 00:08:00,073
I know

328
00:07:58,281 --> 00:08:00,073
it's stupid, but...

329
00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:01,490
Everyone.

330
00:08:04,073 --> 00:08:06,073
They're just so happy,

331
00:08:04,073 --> 00:08:06,073
you know.

332
00:08:06,114 --> 00:08:09,031
Not as happy as I am.

333
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:11,531
I will give you $500

334
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:11,531
if this just happened

335
00:08:09,073 --> 00:08:11,531
to you instead of me.

336
00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:13,823
500 bucks? Deal.

337
00:08:13,865 --> 00:08:15,448
Thank you, Robin.

338
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:18,198
You just

339
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:18,198
saved me unspeakable

340
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:18,198
public humiliation and shame.

341
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,740
Hmm.

342
00:08:19,781 --> 00:08:23,031
Guys, guys. Guess

343
00:08:19,781 --> 00:08:23,031
what Robin just did?

344
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,323
Wait, you guys are...

345
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,114
Hi, I'm here

346
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,114
for the inspection.

347
00:08:28,156 --> 00:08:30,198
Oh! Great.

348
00:08:28,156 --> 00:08:30,198
I was worried

349
00:08:28,156 --> 00:08:30,198
you weren't coming.

350
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,031
Well, I was actually

351
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,031
here a few minutes ago,

352
00:08:32,073 --> 00:08:33,281
but I guess

353
00:08:32,073 --> 00:08:33,281
the doorbell doesn't work.

354
00:08:32,073 --> 00:08:33,281
Hmm.

355
00:08:33,323 --> 00:08:34,865
Oh! Hey,

356
00:08:35,614 --> 00:08:38,031
doorbell does not work.

357
00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:44,240
Wait, wait,

358
00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:44,240
you're just getting

359
00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:44,240
this place inspected now?

360
00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:45,073
Well, yeah.

361
00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:45,073
Ted...

362
00:08:46,823 --> 00:08:49,031
All right.

363
00:08:46,823 --> 00:08:49,031
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

364
00:08:49,073 --> 00:08:50,989
All right.

365
00:08:49,073 --> 00:08:50,989
Let's all remember that

366
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,031
we've all done

367
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,031
some stupid things

368
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,031
in our lives, okay?

369
00:08:53,073 --> 00:08:56,031
For example, I once

370
00:08:53,073 --> 00:08:56,031
tried to ride my bike

371
00:08:53,073 --> 00:08:56,031
down an extension ladder

372
00:08:56,073 --> 00:08:57,531
from the roof of

373
00:08:56,073 --> 00:08:57,531
a two-story house.

374
00:08:59,073 --> 00:09:01,865
The only looming

375
00:08:59,073 --> 00:09:01,865
question is,

376
00:09:01,907 --> 00:09:02,989
was I drunk or a kid?

377
00:09:04,073 --> 00:09:05,407
Drunk.

378
00:09:04,073 --> 00:09:05,407
Kid.

379
00:09:05,447 --> 00:09:06,656
Drum roll, please.

380
00:09:09,907 --> 00:09:11,114
I was...

381
00:09:11,156 --> 00:09:13,031
Marshall's dead.

382
00:09:13,073 --> 00:09:15,865
Marshall's dead. Marshall.

383
00:09:13,073 --> 00:09:15,865
A kid.

384
00:09:19,073 --> 00:09:20,365
Moms, right?

385
00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:23,407
Just always making

386
00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:23,407
a big deal out of nothing.

387
00:09:23,447 --> 00:09:25,365
Came out of that

388
00:09:23,447 --> 00:09:25,365
coma in under a week.

389
00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:29,365
Hey, let's check out

390
00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:29,365
the porch, huh? Come on.

391
00:09:29,407 --> 00:09:32,031
I'm gonna

392
00:09:29,407 --> 00:09:32,031
put a grill out here,

393
00:09:29,407 --> 00:09:32,031
every Sunday, right here.

394
00:09:32,073 --> 00:09:33,156
It's gonna be

395
00:09:32,073 --> 00:09:33,156
a total sausage fest.

396
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,365
Hmm.

397
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,614
Sausage party? Burgers.

398
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:37,948
Right, I'll do...

399
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:37,948
We'll do burgers.

400
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:40,281
Ted, stop it.

401
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:40,281
You can't keep this house.

402
00:09:40,323 --> 00:09:41,823
It's a huge mistake.

403
00:09:41,865 --> 00:09:44,323
Lily, listen to me.

404
00:09:41,865 --> 00:09:44,323
I had a plan, okay?

405
00:09:44,365 --> 00:09:46,031
Wife, house, kids.

406
00:09:46,073 --> 00:09:48,698
As it turns out,

407
00:09:46,073 --> 00:09:48,698
the universe is

408
00:09:46,073 --> 00:09:48,698
being kind of a wad

409
00:09:48,740 --> 00:09:50,489
about the whole

410
00:09:48,740 --> 00:09:50,489
wife and kids part.

411
00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:54,531
So what's the one

412
00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:54,531
thing I can control?

413
00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:54,531
The house. I bought it.

414
00:09:54,573 --> 00:09:56,989
It's not a huge mistake.

415
00:09:57,031 --> 00:10:00,365
Exactly. Now,

416
00:09:57,031 --> 00:10:00,365
me driving my brother's

417
00:09:57,031 --> 00:10:00,365
car the wrong way down I-94,

418
00:10:00,406 --> 00:10:02,031
that was a huge mistake.

419
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,698
Drunk.

420
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,698
Kid.

421
00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:05,740
I was...

422
00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,406
A kid.

423
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,281
Wow, Barney,

424
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,281
what, did you cry on

425
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,281
that guy or something?

426
00:10:17,323 --> 00:10:20,031
Uh... You got leaky pipes.

427
00:10:20,073 --> 00:10:23,031
But the bright side, the pond

428
00:10:20,073 --> 00:10:23,031
in your basement is drowning

429
00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:25,031
some of the larger,

430
00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:25,031
slower rats.

431
00:10:25,073 --> 00:10:27,989
The rest of them, well,

432
00:10:25,073 --> 00:10:27,989
they're headed this way.

433
00:10:30,781 --> 00:10:34,031
See, you should've

434
00:10:30,781 --> 00:10:34,031
waited to find out the

435
00:10:30,781 --> 00:10:34,031
problems with this house.

436
00:10:34,073 --> 00:10:36,031
You can always find

437
00:10:34,073 --> 00:10:36,031
problems with any decision.

438
00:10:36,073 --> 00:10:37,781
But you can't

439
00:10:36,073 --> 00:10:37,781
let that stop you.

440
00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:39,740
Freshman year,

441
00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:39,740
Marshall knew right away

442
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,531
he wanted to

443
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,531
spend his life with you.

444
00:10:41,573 --> 00:10:43,989
What if someone had been

445
00:10:41,573 --> 00:10:43,989
there to second-guess

446
00:10:41,573 --> 00:10:43,989
that decision?

447
00:10:45,073 --> 00:10:46,614
Bye.

448
00:10:49,656 --> 00:10:51,031
I know we've only

449
00:10:49,656 --> 00:10:51,031
been on two dates,

450
00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:54,114
but, damn it,

451
00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:54,114
Lily Aldrin, I'm...

452
00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:54,114
I'm gonna marry you.

453
00:10:54,156 --> 00:10:55,364
Not so fast.

454
00:11:00,073 --> 00:11:02,031
We got some

455
00:11:00,073 --> 00:11:02,031
structural issues here.

456
00:11:02,073 --> 00:11:05,698
These hips are not

457
00:11:02,073 --> 00:11:05,698
Eriksen-baby compliant.

458
00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:09,031
And this thing right here

459
00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:09,031
does not have a proper filter.

460
00:11:09,073 --> 00:11:11,948
That's a maintenance issue

461
00:11:09,073 --> 00:11:11,948
that's never gonna go away.

462
00:11:11,989 --> 00:11:15,865
And I know

463
00:11:11,989 --> 00:11:15,865
you think that you like

464
00:11:11,989 --> 00:11:15,865
this gothic exterior now,

465
00:11:15,907 --> 00:11:18,031
but deep down,

466
00:11:15,907 --> 00:11:18,031
didn't you always

467
00:11:18,073 --> 00:11:19,781
picture yourself

468
00:11:18,073 --> 00:11:19,781
in something Spanish?

469
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:24,489
I recommend you look

470
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:24,489
into the rental option.

471
00:11:24,531 --> 00:11:26,656
But Marshall took

472
00:11:24,531 --> 00:11:26,656
that leap of faith,

473
00:11:26,698 --> 00:11:28,031
and it's the best thing

474
00:11:26,698 --> 00:11:28,031
that ever happened to

475
00:11:26,698 --> 00:11:28,031
you both.

476
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,406
It was Robin.

477
00:11:32,447 --> 00:11:37,281
"What?"

478
00:11:32,447 --> 00:11:37,281
Yes! It was Robin who

479
00:11:32,447 --> 00:11:37,281
cried at Clint's song.

480
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,364
"But she said..."

481
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,364
I know what she said.

482
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:42,406
But here's what

483
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:42,406
she didn't want

484
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:42,406
you to know.

485
00:11:42,447 --> 00:11:47,656
Listen, Barney, I can't

486
00:11:42,447 --> 00:11:47,656
stand all these jokes

487
00:11:42,447 --> 00:11:47,656
about me crying.

488
00:11:47,698 --> 00:11:50,489
If I pretend to reveal that

489
00:11:47,698 --> 00:11:50,489
you were the one who cried,

490
00:11:47,698 --> 00:11:50,489
will you go along with it?

491
00:11:51,573 --> 00:11:53,031
Sure.

492
00:11:53,073 --> 00:11:56,364
I made a mistake

493
00:11:53,073 --> 00:11:56,364
letting you go, didn't I?

494
00:11:58,073 --> 00:11:59,865
Your penis is enormous.

495
00:12:01,073 --> 00:12:02,447
Dude, you almost had us.

496
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:03,948
You always take it

497
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:03,948
one too far.

498
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:06,114
Damn it.

499
00:12:06,156 --> 00:12:08,198
All right, good news.

500
00:12:06,156 --> 00:12:08,198
I think we'll be out

501
00:12:06,156 --> 00:12:08,198
of here early.

502
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,823
Really?

503
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,823
Yep.

504
00:12:09,865 --> 00:12:12,031
I finished

505
00:12:09,865 --> 00:12:12,031
downstairs and the outside.

506
00:12:12,073 --> 00:12:14,614
Now, I could keep looking

507
00:12:12,073 --> 00:12:14,614
and see what else I can find,

508
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:18,573
besides the black mold,

509
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:18,573
the damaged retaining wall,

510
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:18,573
the frayed electrical wires,

511
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:20,406
the lead paint,

512
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:20,406
the water damage,

513
00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:21,948
the fire damage,

514
00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:21,948
the sun damage,

515
00:12:21,989 --> 00:12:24,031
the broken furnace,

516
00:12:21,989 --> 00:12:24,031
the rotted floorboards...

517
00:12:24,073 --> 00:12:26,031
Hey, look at that,

518
00:12:24,073 --> 00:12:26,031
no termites.

519
00:12:24,073 --> 00:12:26,031
Ooh.

520
00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:28,156
The cracked chimney,

521
00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:28,156
the bats, the rats,

522
00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:28,156
the spiders,

523
00:12:28,198 --> 00:12:31,114
the raccoons, the hobo,

524
00:12:28,198 --> 00:12:31,114
the detached gutter,

525
00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:34,531
the outdated fuse box and the

526
00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:34,531
paint job in the kitchen,

527
00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:34,531
which is fine,

528
00:12:34,573 --> 00:12:37,031
but the trim really

529
00:12:34,573 --> 00:12:37,031
clashes with the countertops.

530
00:12:37,073 --> 00:12:38,989
Or I could just recommend

531
00:12:39,031 --> 00:12:42,114
that you do not

532
00:12:39,031 --> 00:12:42,114
buy this godforsaken

533
00:12:39,031 --> 00:12:42,114
Guantanamo Bay of a house,

534
00:12:42,156 --> 00:12:44,031
and suggest that we all

535
00:12:42,156 --> 00:12:44,031
get our asses out of here

536
00:12:44,073 --> 00:12:46,656
before a medium-sized wind

537
00:12:44,073 --> 00:12:46,656
blows the whole sumbitch down.

538
00:12:49,823 --> 00:12:51,031
What if...

539
00:12:51,073 --> 00:12:53,198
What if I already

540
00:12:51,073 --> 00:12:53,198
bought the sumbitch?

541
00:12:55,364 --> 00:12:58,740
Well, I will check out

542
00:12:55,364 --> 00:12:58,740
the upstairs.

543
00:13:05,989 --> 00:13:08,656
Did he say

544
00:13:05,989 --> 00:13:08,656
he found a hobo?

545
00:13:08,698 --> 00:13:10,948
Okay, yes.

546
00:13:08,698 --> 00:13:10,948
There are problems.

547
00:13:10,989 --> 00:13:14,573
But I see this house

548
00:13:10,989 --> 00:13:14,573
for what I know it can be.

549
00:13:14,614 --> 00:13:16,907
I see a swing on

550
00:13:14,614 --> 00:13:16,907
that tree outside.

551
00:13:16,948 --> 00:13:20,031
I see a wreath on the

552
00:13:16,948 --> 00:13:20,031
front door at Christmas,

553
00:13:20,073 --> 00:13:22,031
I see a grill

554
00:13:20,073 --> 00:13:22,031
out on that patio,

555
00:13:22,073 --> 00:13:25,239
where I'll be

556
00:13:22,073 --> 00:13:25,239
barbecuing every weekend.

557
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,406
I see a life that I

558
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,406
know I can have here.

559
00:13:31,531 --> 00:13:33,239
Mama.

560
00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:37,322
I see a lawsuit.

561
00:13:37,364 --> 00:13:39,489
Found termites.

562
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:47,114
Bye.

563
00:13:47,156 --> 00:13:50,614
Hey, well, the good news is,

564
00:13:47,156 --> 00:13:50,614
the inspector killed some

565
00:13:47,156 --> 00:13:50,614
roaches on impact.

566
00:13:50,656 --> 00:13:52,406
Hold on.

567
00:13:52,447 --> 00:13:55,907
Giant hole in second floor.

568
00:13:55,948 --> 00:13:57,698
Just want to make sure

569
00:13:55,948 --> 00:13:57,698
the report is thorough.

570
00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:02,865
Oh, you were right.

571
00:14:02,907 --> 00:14:06,031
This was a huge mistake.

572
00:14:02,907 --> 00:14:06,031
It's just...

573
00:14:06,073 --> 00:14:09,031
Everyone's moving on but me.

574
00:14:06,073 --> 00:14:09,031
You guys got a place

575
00:14:06,073 --> 00:14:09,031
years ago.

576
00:14:09,073 --> 00:14:11,447
Robin's getting

577
00:14:09,073 --> 00:14:11,447
serious with Don.

578
00:14:11,489 --> 00:14:13,155
Barney, maybe,

579
00:14:11,489 --> 00:14:13,155
that's a new tie?

580
00:14:13,197 --> 00:14:14,823
Thank you. Jeez.

581
00:14:16,114 --> 00:14:18,031
Now, my mom's remarried.

582
00:14:18,073 --> 00:14:20,907
I'm exactly where

583
00:14:18,073 --> 00:14:20,907
I was five years ago.

584
00:14:20,948 --> 00:14:23,031
I'm sick of it. I'm...

585
00:14:23,073 --> 00:14:25,447
I'm ready for the life

586
00:14:23,073 --> 00:14:25,447
that fits into this house.

587
00:14:27,073 --> 00:14:29,907
That's all right, buddy.

588
00:14:29,948 --> 00:14:32,740
Sometimes, people make

589
00:14:29,948 --> 00:14:32,740
the wrong decisions

590
00:14:29,948 --> 00:14:32,740
in life.

591
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,239
Like your mother.

592
00:14:36,781 --> 00:14:38,573
What do you mean?

593
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:43,364
Ted, as you know,

594
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:43,364
I've always been very,

595
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:43,364
very fond of your mother.

596
00:14:43,406 --> 00:14:45,197
Please don't.

597
00:14:45,239 --> 00:14:50,155
In fact, Virginia and I

598
00:14:45,239 --> 00:14:50,155
shared a special moment

599
00:14:45,239 --> 00:14:50,155
back in 2006 B.C.

600
00:14:51,073 --> 00:14:53,155
Before Clint.

601
00:14:53,197 --> 00:14:55,322
What the hell are

602
00:14:53,197 --> 00:14:55,322
you talking about?

603
00:14:55,364 --> 00:14:58,113
I wanted to be your dad.

604
00:14:58,155 --> 00:14:59,531
What does that even mean?

605
00:14:59,573 --> 00:15:01,155
Don't you talk

606
00:14:59,573 --> 00:15:01,155
back to me, young man.

607
00:15:01,197 --> 00:15:04,155
That's why I cried

608
00:15:01,197 --> 00:15:04,155
at Clint's song.

609
00:15:04,197 --> 00:15:06,740
Because that bastard

610
00:15:04,197 --> 00:15:06,740
took her away from me.

611
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:10,031
And now, all I'm left with

612
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:13,113
is the memory

613
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:13,113
of dropping her

614
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:13,113
off at the airport.

615
00:15:14,823 --> 00:15:17,031
And that's how

616
00:15:14,823 --> 00:15:17,031
you got the brooch?

617
00:15:17,072 --> 00:15:18,948
Unbelievable.

618
00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:21,614
(NIGHT MOVES

619
00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:21,614
PLAYING ON RADIO)

620
00:15:21,656 --> 00:15:23,781
Could've used a few pounds

621
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,573
So, here we are.

622
00:15:27,406 --> 00:15:29,280
Here we are.

623
00:15:29,322 --> 00:15:31,031
beauty with big dark eyes

624
00:15:31,072 --> 00:15:33,113
We made good time.

625
00:15:31,072 --> 00:15:33,113
Not a lot of traffic.

626
00:15:33,155 --> 00:15:34,155
Stupid.

627
00:15:38,072 --> 00:15:39,781
Oh, I love this song.

628
00:15:39,823 --> 00:15:41,948
Do you? I can...

629
00:15:45,197 --> 00:15:48,322
where the woods got heavy

630
00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:51,781
Listen, Ted's mom.

631
00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:56,322
I should really not... I...

632
00:16:04,489 --> 00:16:08,322
front page drive-in news

633
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,907
Your penis is enormous.

634
00:16:16,072 --> 00:16:18,030
Again. Always one too far.

635
00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:19,865
Okay, all right, fine.

636
00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:19,865
That last part I made up.

637
00:16:19,907 --> 00:16:21,698
But the rest of it,

638
00:16:19,907 --> 00:16:21,698
I swear, was true.

639
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,907
Come on, dude,

640
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,907
your mom is a cougar.

641
00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:26,197
Wait, I thought you said

642
00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:26,197
a cougar can't be over 50.

643
00:16:26,239 --> 00:16:28,030
Okay, she's a Mellencamp.

644
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,030
Guys, I am screwed.

645
00:16:31,072 --> 00:16:33,072
I mean, the best I can

646
00:16:31,072 --> 00:16:33,072
do is level this place,

647
00:16:33,113 --> 00:16:35,740
and sell

648
00:16:33,113 --> 00:16:35,740
the property

649
00:16:33,113 --> 00:16:35,740
for a huge loss.

650
00:16:35,781 --> 00:16:39,698
Look, Ted, usually in life,

651
00:16:35,781 --> 00:16:39,698
when you make a stupid

652
00:16:35,781 --> 00:16:39,698
decision,

653
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:41,907
you just have

654
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:41,907
to live with it.

655
00:16:41,948 --> 00:16:46,030
But how often do

656
00:16:41,948 --> 00:16:46,030
you get the chance to

657
00:16:41,948 --> 00:16:46,030
pick up a sledgehammer

658
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,072
and bash the living hell

659
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,072
out of it?

660
00:17:01,072 --> 00:17:02,072
This is stupid.

661
00:17:02,113 --> 00:17:03,865
Your mom and I

662
00:17:02,113 --> 00:17:03,865
got to second base.

663
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:17,447
that you bought today

664
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:26,030
for hours and hours

665
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:30,823
Thanks, Lily.

666
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:30,823
That felt fantastic.

667
00:17:30,865 --> 00:17:33,030
Aw! To Ted Mosby.

668
00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:37,030
Homeowner, friend,

669
00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:37,030
and if he can rent

670
00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:37,030
it out, slumlord.

671
00:17:37,072 --> 00:17:38,239
Yeah.

672
00:17:37,072 --> 00:17:38,239
Cheers.

673
00:17:41,907 --> 00:17:43,947
There's...

674
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,406
There's one last

675
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,406
thing I got to do.

676
00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:49,406
And my friends didn't

677
00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:49,406
see me for the next 72 hours.

678
00:17:50,489 --> 00:17:51,573
He was our ride.

679
00:17:58,988 --> 00:18:00,030
Hi.

680
00:18:00,072 --> 00:18:03,030
Ted, what are you doing here?

681
00:18:03,072 --> 00:18:05,155
I never got to give

682
00:18:03,072 --> 00:18:05,155
you guys your toast.

683
00:18:05,197 --> 00:18:07,030
I was selfish,

684
00:18:05,197 --> 00:18:07,030
and I freaked out,

685
00:18:07,072 --> 00:18:08,113
and I'm so sorry.

686
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,988
So here it is.

687
00:18:13,239 --> 00:18:15,197
How about a hand for the DJ?

688
00:18:13,239 --> 00:18:15,197
Gesture to D...

689
00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:17,823
I'll skip down.

690
00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:21,406
Mom, I love you.

691
00:18:21,447 --> 00:18:24,531
And I've never seen you

692
00:18:21,447 --> 00:18:24,531
as happy as you are

693
00:18:21,447 --> 00:18:24,531
with Clint.

694
00:18:24,573 --> 00:18:26,573
And, Clint,

695
00:18:24,573 --> 00:18:26,573
welcome to the family.

696
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,988
What you two have is

697
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,988
what I one day hope

698
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,988
to find.

699
00:18:32,906 --> 00:18:35,740
But until then,

700
00:18:32,906 --> 00:18:35,740
cheers to you both.

701
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,906
I love you guys.

702
00:18:38,072 --> 00:18:38,988
Ted...

703
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:43,988
I am so

704
00:18:44,947 --> 00:18:46,113
baked right now.

705
00:18:48,072 --> 00:18:51,573
I'm only 60%

706
00:18:48,072 --> 00:18:51,573
sure you're actually

707
00:18:48,072 --> 00:18:51,573
standing in front of me.

708
00:18:51,614 --> 00:18:53,072
But if you are,

709
00:18:54,030 --> 00:18:56,906
I love you.

710
00:18:56,947 --> 00:18:58,988
And you are the best son

711
00:18:56,947 --> 00:18:58,988
a mother could ever have.

712
00:19:13,072 --> 00:19:14,239
There was no

713
00:19:13,072 --> 00:19:14,239
logical reason

714
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,447
why my mother should

715
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,447
be with a guy like that.

716
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,656
And yet,

717
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,656
as you kids know,

718
00:19:18,698 --> 00:19:21,988
being with your Grandpa Clint

719
00:19:18,698 --> 00:19:21,988
was the best decision your

720
00:19:18,698 --> 00:19:21,988
grandma ever made.

721
00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:30,030
Sometimes, our best decisions

722
00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:30,030
are the ones that don't make

723
00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:30,030
any sense at all.

724
00:19:39,072 --> 00:19:41,197
Hey.

725
00:19:39,072 --> 00:19:41,197
Hey, buddy.

726
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:43,072
How'd you know

727
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:43,072
I was gonna be

728
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:43,072
up here today?

729
00:19:43,113 --> 00:19:44,614
Robin told me.

730
00:19:46,322 --> 00:19:49,072
Happy house-warming.

731
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:52,988
But I told you

732
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:52,988
last time I saw you,

733
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:52,988
I'm selling the place.

734
00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:53,947
I know what you said.

735
00:19:55,489 --> 00:19:58,614
I also know my

736
00:19:55,489 --> 00:19:58,614
best friend,

737
00:19:55,489 --> 00:19:58,614
Ted Mosby.

738
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:04,030
Look, all the times

739
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:04,030
over the years when

740
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:04,030
I've said to you,

741
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,197
"Slow down,

742
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,197
don't rush into

743
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,197
things with this girl,"

744
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,988
you haven't listened

745
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,988
to me a single damn time.

746
00:20:10,906 --> 00:20:12,988
Your heart is

747
00:20:10,906 --> 00:20:12,988
both drunk and a kid.

748
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,364
Thanks for

749
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,364
sticking up

750
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,364
for me, man.

751
00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:22,239
That's what I do.

752
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,740
Can I...

753
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,740
Can I show you some

754
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,740
of the ideas I have?

755
00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:30,030
Yeah.

756
00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:32,322
And kids,

757
00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:32,322
Marshall was right.

758
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,155
I didn't give up

759
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,155
on my dream house.

760
00:20:34,197 --> 00:20:36,614
Because that's the thing

761
00:20:34,197 --> 00:20:36,614
about stupid decisions.

762
00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:38,988
We all make them.

763
00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:38,988
But time is funny.

764
00:20:42,947 --> 00:20:44,447
And sometimes

765
00:20:42,947 --> 00:20:44,447
a little magical.

766
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:50,030
It can take

767
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:50,030
a stupid decision

768
00:20:50,072 --> 00:20:51,988
and turn it into

769
00:20:50,072 --> 00:20:51,988
something else entirely.

770
00:20:53,364 --> 00:20:55,364
Because, kids, as you know,

771
00:20:56,988 --> 00:20:58,155
that house

772
00:21:00,239 --> 00:21:01,780
is this house.

773
00:21:30,072 --> 00:21:30,988
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21