1
00:00:01,257 --> 00:00:04,511
So, this chick and I

2
00:00:01,257 --> 00:00:04,511
are going at it behind

3
00:00:01,257 --> 00:00:04,511
the Central Park Zoo.

4
00:00:04,553 --> 00:00:07,680
The bonobo chimps

5
00:00:04,553 --> 00:00:07,680
start giving us

6
00:00:04,553 --> 00:00:07,680
a standing "O."

7
00:00:07,722 --> 00:00:13,102
And just when

8
00:00:07,722 --> 00:00:13,102
I'm about to give her

9
00:00:07,722 --> 00:00:13,102
the same thing... what up...

10
00:00:13,144 --> 00:00:14,479
I-I...

11
00:00:14,521 --> 00:00:17,065
I can't.

12
00:00:14,521 --> 00:00:17,065
I just... I can't.

13
00:00:17,106 --> 00:00:19,526
Guys, I know you count

14
00:00:17,106 --> 00:00:19,526
the minutes...

15
00:00:19,568 --> 00:00:22,820
until you can escape

16
00:00:19,568 --> 00:00:22,820
from your humdrum lives

17
00:00:19,568 --> 00:00:22,820
by hearing how awesome mine is.

18
00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:24,614
And I love

19
00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:24,614
doing that for you.

20
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:27,742
But I just can't tonight.

21
00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:30,870
- What's wrong?

22
00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:30,870
- I don't wanna talk about it.

23
00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:33,039
Okay. Hey, you guys

24
00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:33,039
see Deadliest Catch

25
00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:33,039
last night?

26
00:00:33,081 --> 00:00:35,250
- Did I ever!

27
00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:36,626
All right!

28
00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:36,626
I'll tell you.

29
00:00:37,877 --> 00:00:40,713
My mother is selling

30
00:00:37,877 --> 00:00:40,713
the house I grew up in.

31
00:00:40,755 --> 00:00:44,050
All of my childhood memories

32
00:00:40,755 --> 00:00:44,050
gone...

33
00:00:40,755 --> 00:00:44,050
just like that.

34
00:00:44,092 --> 00:00:46,928
That sucks.

35
00:00:44,092 --> 00:00:46,928
I've been there, buddy.

36
00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:49,847
What are you talking about?

37
00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:49,847
Your mother still lives

38
00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:49,847
in the house you grew up in.

39
00:00:49,889 --> 00:00:52,434
With her new

40
00:00:49,889 --> 00:00:52,434
hippie husband Clint.

41
00:00:52,475 --> 00:00:55,270
The comfort of home

42
00:00:52,475 --> 00:00:55,270
is a little ruined when

43
00:00:52,475 --> 00:00:55,270
someone turns your old room...

44
00:00:55,311 --> 00:00:58,231
into what I'm pretty sure

45
00:00:55,311 --> 00:00:58,231
is a tantric sex temple.

46
00:00:58,273 --> 00:01:00,733
With all the bamboo,

47
00:00:58,273 --> 00:01:00,733
pot smoke and '60s music,

48
00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:03,778
it's like my old G.I. Joes

49
00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:03,778
are frozen in some

50
00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:03,778
weird Vietnam flashback.

51
00:01:04,779 --> 00:01:07,323
Anyway, I need you guys...

52
00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:10,452
to come out

53
00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:10,452
to Staten Island on Saturday

54
00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:10,452
and help box everything up.

55
00:01:11,786 --> 00:01:14,122
You expect us

56
00:01:11,786 --> 00:01:14,122
to spend a whole day...

57
00:01:14,163 --> 00:01:15,873
packing up

58
00:01:14,163 --> 00:01:15,873
your mom's house?

59
00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:18,543
No, of course not.

60
00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:18,543
It's a two-day job.

61
00:01:18,585 --> 00:01:20,711
Uh, pass.

62
00:01:18,585 --> 00:01:20,711
Same.

63
00:01:20,753 --> 00:01:22,672
Unsubscribe.

64
00:01:24,799 --> 00:01:26,884
You guys are adorable.

65
00:01:26,926 --> 00:01:30,472
You seriously believe

66
00:01:26,926 --> 00:01:30,472
that I, Barney Stinson,

67
00:01:26,926 --> 00:01:30,472
can't talk you into this?

68
00:01:30,513 --> 00:01:34,058
- I got the queen

69
00:01:30,513 --> 00:01:34,058
to give me a fist bump.

70
00:01:30,513 --> 00:01:34,058
- No one believes that story.

71
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:38,062
You may be able to talk

72
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:38,062
the brain surgeons you pick up

73
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:38,062
into doing whatever you want,

74
00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:40,315
but it's not gonna

75
00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:40,315
work on us.

76
00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:44,026
Mmm.

77
00:01:47,905 --> 00:01:49,740
How did he do that?

78
00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:07,758
So there

79
00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:07,758
we were, helping Barney

80
00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:07,758
pack up his childhood home.

81
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,470
Whoa, Ted, that thing

82
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,470
you're packing's way too big

83
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,470
to fit in that box.

84
00:02:10,512 --> 00:02:13,556
- Yeah, that's what

85
00:02:10,512 --> 00:02:13,556
your mom said.

86
00:02:10,512 --> 00:02:13,556
- How dare you!

87
00:02:13,598 --> 00:02:15,684
No, she actually said that.

88
00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:18,811
Oh, dear. I thought

89
00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:18,811
I told you that's just

90
00:02:15,725 --> 00:02:18,811
not gonna fit in there.

91
00:02:18,853 --> 00:02:20,146
Oh.

92
00:02:20,188 --> 00:02:22,524
Someone order something

93
00:02:20,188 --> 00:02:22,524
tall, dark and awesome?

94
00:02:22,565 --> 00:02:24,651
Hey.

95
00:02:22,565 --> 00:02:24,651
Bro!

96
00:02:24,693 --> 00:02:26,152
How you doin'?

97
00:02:26,194 --> 00:02:27,820
Hey.

98
00:02:26,194 --> 00:02:27,820
Oh, my goodness.

99
00:02:27,862 --> 00:02:30,406
- Mama.

100
00:02:27,862 --> 00:02:30,406
- Look at my two sons.

101
00:02:30,448 --> 00:02:32,283
So big and strong

102
00:02:30,448 --> 00:02:32,283
and handsome.

103
00:02:32,325 --> 00:02:34,661
Uh, Mom.

104
00:02:32,325 --> 00:02:34,661
Stop.

105
00:02:34,703 --> 00:02:36,829
And how is

106
00:02:34,703 --> 00:02:36,829
my delicious

107
00:02:34,703 --> 00:02:36,829
little grandson?

108
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:39,248
Oh, did he get the clothes

109
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:39,248
I sent him?

110
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:39,248
Check it.

111
00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,626
Huh? Oh!

112
00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,626
Ah!

113
00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:43,503
How cute is that,

114
00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:43,503
right?

115
00:02:43,545 --> 00:02:45,213
When was the last time

116
00:02:43,545 --> 00:02:45,213
you saw...

117
00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:47,507
a diaper poking out of

118
00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:47,507
a Dolce & Gabbana suit?

119
00:02:47,549 --> 00:02:49,718
Tuesday, at work.

120
00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:51,386
Some of the senior partners

121
00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:51,386
are really getting up there.

122
00:02:53,304 --> 00:02:55,848
So, Ted, yesterday at work,

123
00:02:55,890 --> 00:02:58,434
I totally talked you up to that

124
00:02:55,890 --> 00:02:58,434
super-hot make-up girl Liz.

125
00:02:58,476 --> 00:03:00,061
Oh, yeah?

126
00:02:58,476 --> 00:03:00,061
What'd you say?

127
00:03:00,102 --> 00:03:01,896
Oh, you know,

128
00:03:00,102 --> 00:03:01,896
how funny you are.

129
00:03:01,937 --> 00:03:03,398
Guilty.

130
00:03:01,937 --> 00:03:03,398
Handsome.

131
00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:04,857
Who, me?

132
00:03:04,899 --> 00:03:05,858
Incredible lover.

133
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,985
Really?

134
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,985
Oh, yeah.

135
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,985
Oh, yeah.

136
00:03:08,027 --> 00:03:09,487
I was all, like,

137
00:03:09,529 --> 00:03:12,114
he knows a woman's body better

138
00:03:09,529 --> 00:03:12,114
than she knows her own.

139
00:03:12,156 --> 00:03:14,283
Endless waves of pleasure...

140
00:03:14,325 --> 00:03:17,870
just cresting and breaking

141
00:03:14,325 --> 00:03:17,870
for hours and hours,

142
00:03:14,325 --> 00:03:17,870
blah, blah, blah.

143
00:03:17,912 --> 00:03:21,040
Orgasms so intense

144
00:03:17,912 --> 00:03:21,040
you just black out.

145
00:03:21,082 --> 00:03:22,833
All that stuff.

146
00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:26,295
Robin, how can I possibly

147
00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:26,295
live up to that review?

148
00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:28,005
What? You know what

149
00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:28,005
you're doing down there.

150
00:03:28,047 --> 00:03:30,841
Oh, Teddy Westside can

151
00:03:28,047 --> 00:03:30,841
bring it. We know this.

152
00:03:32,134 --> 00:03:33,636
But that is not the point.

153
00:03:33,678 --> 00:03:37,014
You broke the first rule of

154
00:03:33,678 --> 00:03:37,014
setting people up... undersell.

155
00:03:37,056 --> 00:03:39,183
It's like if someone's

156
00:03:37,056 --> 00:03:39,183
never seen The Karate Kid,

157
00:03:39,225 --> 00:03:41,185
you don't say,

158
00:03:39,225 --> 00:03:41,185
"It's the greatest movie ever."

159
00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:42,895
You say,

160
00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:42,895
"Uh, it's pretty good."

161
00:03:42,937 --> 00:03:45,440
And then they see it, and

162
00:03:42,937 --> 00:03:45,440
it blows their freakin' mind.

163
00:03:45,481 --> 00:03:47,983
'Cause Cobra Kai Sensei's

164
00:03:45,481 --> 00:03:47,983
all, like, "Sweep the leg!"

165
00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:51,987
And Daniel-san's all, like,

166
00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:51,987
"Ahh-ahh-ahh."

167
00:03:52,029 --> 00:03:53,906
[ Imitating Martial Arts

168
00:03:52,029 --> 00:03:53,906
Sound Effects ]

169
00:03:59,537 --> 00:04:01,914
Maybe I did

170
00:03:59,537 --> 00:04:01,914
oversell you a bit.

171
00:04:01,956 --> 00:04:05,209
Thank you guys

172
00:04:01,956 --> 00:04:05,209
so much for helping us out

173
00:04:01,956 --> 00:04:05,209
with this stuff.

174
00:04:05,251 --> 00:04:08,713
Oh, it gives us a rare

175
00:04:05,251 --> 00:04:08,713
insight into the makings

176
00:04:05,251 --> 00:04:08,713
of Barney Stinson.

177
00:04:08,755 --> 00:04:10,923
Hmm.

178
00:04:08,755 --> 00:04:10,923
Hey, look at this.

179
00:04:10,965 --> 00:04:13,509
Who was a cute little

180
00:04:10,965 --> 00:04:13,509
basketball player...

181
00:04:13,551 --> 00:04:16,679
before he became

182
00:04:13,551 --> 00:04:16,679
the biggest pervert

183
00:04:13,551 --> 00:04:16,679
in the world?

184
00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:19,265
I loved pee-wee basketball.

185
00:04:19,307 --> 00:04:21,934
Well, until they

186
00:04:19,307 --> 00:04:21,934
kicked me off the team.

187
00:04:21,976 --> 00:04:23,936
I was so awesome,

188
00:04:23,978 --> 00:04:27,356
the coach asked me to quit

189
00:04:23,978 --> 00:04:27,356
because it wasn't fair

190
00:04:23,978 --> 00:04:27,356
to the other kids.

191
00:04:32,445 --> 00:04:33,904
That sounds plausible.

192
00:04:33,946 --> 00:04:35,531
Hey, it's true.

193
00:04:35,573 --> 00:04:37,074
Tell 'em, James.

194
00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:39,619
Oh, yeah.

195
00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:39,619
He had, like,

196
00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:39,619
a four-foot vertical leap.

197
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:42,079
He would hit it

198
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:42,079
from the outside,

199
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:42,079
hit it from the inside.

200
00:04:42,121 --> 00:04:43,998
He sucked.

201
00:04:44,039 --> 00:04:47,168
Coach cut him from the team,

202
00:04:44,039 --> 00:04:47,168
and Mom fed him that story

203
00:04:44,039 --> 00:04:47,168
so he'd feel better.

204
00:04:47,209 --> 00:04:48,961
Oh, my God.

205
00:04:47,209 --> 00:04:48,961
Look at this.

206
00:04:49,003 --> 00:04:51,964
My letter from

207
00:04:49,003 --> 00:04:51,964
the postmaster general.

208
00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:54,509
I still can't believe

209
00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:54,509
he took the time

210
00:04:52,006 --> 00:04:54,509
to write this.

211
00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:56,427
"Dear Barney"...

212
00:04:56,469 --> 00:05:00,264
"I sincerely apologize

213
00:04:56,469 --> 00:05:00,264
about losing all

214
00:04:56,469 --> 00:05:00,264
the invitations...

215
00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:03,685
you sent out to your

216
00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:03,685
eighth birthday party.

217
00:05:03,726 --> 00:05:07,313
That's why none of your

218
00:05:03,726 --> 00:05:07,313
classmates showed up.

219
00:05:07,355 --> 00:05:11,734
Not because you threw up

220
00:05:07,355 --> 00:05:11,734
when they turned the lights off

221
00:05:07,355 --> 00:05:11,734
at the planetarium.

222
00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:14,863
Ah, no one

223
00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:14,863
even noticed that.

224
00:05:14,904 --> 00:05:19,617
Also, Janey Masterson's mother

225
00:05:14,904 --> 00:05:19,617
is a whore,

226
00:05:19,659 --> 00:05:22,620
and, with gin on her breath

227
00:05:19,659 --> 00:05:22,620
at 10:00 in the morning,

228
00:05:22,662 --> 00:05:26,624
she's got some nerve

229
00:05:22,662 --> 00:05:26,624
kicking us out of the carpool.

230
00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:29,669
Love, Postmaster General."

231
00:05:33,047 --> 00:05:34,507
Thank you!

232
00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:39,094
- Does your mom make stuff

233
00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:39,094
like that up a lot?

234
00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:39,094
- Constantly.

235
00:05:39,136 --> 00:05:42,264
I mean, she put more effort

236
00:05:39,136 --> 00:05:42,264
into some lies than others.

237
00:05:42,306 --> 00:05:44,475
Mom, who's my dad?

238
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:48,646
All the other kids at school

239
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:48,646
know who their dad is.

240
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:48,646
Who's mine?

241
00:05:48,688 --> 00:05:51,816
I don't know.

242
00:05:48,688 --> 00:05:51,816
That guy.

243
00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:53,818
Uh, you've all

244
00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:53,818
heard about...

245
00:05:55,236 --> 00:05:57,488
Did she tell you

246
00:05:55,236 --> 00:05:57,488
that Bob Barker

247
00:05:55,236 --> 00:05:57,488
was your dad too?

248
00:05:57,530 --> 00:05:58,989
No, no, no.

249
00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:02,034
I heard Flip Wilson,

250
00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:02,034
Bill Cosby,

251
00:06:02,076 --> 00:06:04,995
James Earl Jones,

252
00:06:02,076 --> 00:06:04,995
Meadowlark Lemon.

253
00:06:05,037 --> 00:06:07,039
The list goes on.

254
00:06:07,081 --> 00:06:10,459
I still can't

255
00:06:07,081 --> 00:06:10,459
get a straight answer

256
00:06:07,081 --> 00:06:10,459
about who my real dad is.

257
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:14,672
And Barney's no help.

258
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:14,672
He still believes every lie

259
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:14,672
that my mom told us growing up.

260
00:06:14,714 --> 00:06:16,632
Not me.

261
00:06:14,714 --> 00:06:16,632
I caught on early.

262
00:06:16,674 --> 00:06:18,300
Careful!

263
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:20,135
Michael Jackson

264
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:20,135
sent me this glove

265
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:20,135
for my 10th...

266
00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:22,680
Damn.

267
00:06:25,099 --> 00:06:28,811
Wow. Loretta really

268
00:06:25,099 --> 00:06:28,811
lied a lot to her kids.

269
00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:30,813
Well, she's not alone.

270
00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:32,607
Whenever Marshall

271
00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:32,607
was acting too hyper,

272
00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:34,692
his mom would suddenly

273
00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:34,692
decide he was "sick"...

274
00:06:34,734 --> 00:06:36,945
and give him cough medicine

275
00:06:34,734 --> 00:06:36,945
until he passed out.

276
00:06:38,821 --> 00:06:40,782
I'm pretty sure that's

277
00:06:38,821 --> 00:06:40,782
what stunted my growth.

278
00:06:40,823 --> 00:06:43,284
I hit 6'4" in the fifth grade,

279
00:06:40,823 --> 00:06:43,284
and then I just stopped.

280
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:48,873
And then there's the most

281
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:48,873
popular parental lie

282
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:48,873
in history... Santa.

283
00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:50,708
Yeah, but

284
00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:50,708
that's a good lie.

285
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:53,210
Like when we tell Ted

286
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:53,210
he'll meet the right girl

287
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:53,210
and settle down.

288
00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:55,045
I always find that

289
00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:55,045
reassuring.

290
00:06:55,087 --> 00:06:56,255
You will meet her,

291
00:06:55,087 --> 00:06:56,255
buddy.

292
00:06:55,087 --> 00:06:56,255
Ya think so?

293
00:06:56,297 --> 00:06:57,882
Yeah.

294
00:06:59,425 --> 00:07:02,678
Santa's still a lie,

295
00:06:59,425 --> 00:07:02,678
and I'm not lying to our kids.

296
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,097
Baby, it's Santa.

297
00:07:05,139 --> 00:07:09,268
Don't you want our kids

298
00:07:05,139 --> 00:07:09,268
goin' to sleep on Christmas Eve

299
00:07:05,139 --> 00:07:09,268
with their hearts full of hope,

300
00:07:09,310 --> 00:07:12,146
their heads full of

301
00:07:09,310 --> 00:07:12,146
crazy cough syrup nightmares,

302
00:07:12,187 --> 00:07:16,108
knowing that downstairs

303
00:07:12,187 --> 00:07:16,108
Kris Kringle is stuffing

304
00:07:12,187 --> 00:07:16,108
their stockings full of joy...

305
00:07:16,150 --> 00:07:19,779
and stuffing his belly

306
00:07:16,150 --> 00:07:19,779
full of milk and lutefisk

307
00:07:16,150 --> 00:07:19,779
that they left him?

308
00:07:19,821 --> 00:07:23,198
Milk and lutefisk?

309
00:07:19,821 --> 00:07:23,198
Santa doesn't get cookies

310
00:07:19,821 --> 00:07:23,198
in Minnesota?

311
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,701
Yeah, that's just what Santa

312
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,701
needs at 3:00 a.m...

313
00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:29,121
when he's battling

314
00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:29,121
a snowstorm over the Rockies...

315
00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:29,121
a sugar crash.

316
00:07:29,163 --> 00:07:30,832
No, Santa needs protein.

317
00:07:30,873 --> 00:07:33,125
I'm not lying to our kids.

318
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:36,838
Ah, valentines...

319
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:36,838
the second base

320
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:36,838
of third grade.

321
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:40,424
I always got a valentine

322
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:40,424
from every single girl

323
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:40,424
in my class.

324
00:07:40,466 --> 00:07:44,053
Funny how all these girls have

325
00:07:40,466 --> 00:07:44,053
the exact same handwriting...

326
00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:46,889
as the postmaster general,

327
00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:46,889
Mom...

328
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:51,101
and home run king

329
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:51,101
"Frank" Aaron.

330
00:07:51,477 --> 00:07:53,980
Yeah, schoolgirls.

331
00:07:54,022 --> 00:07:56,148
The more they ignore you,

332
00:07:54,022 --> 00:07:56,148
pretend to hate your guts,

333
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:58,150
lock you in the coatroom

334
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:58,150
over winter break,

335
00:07:58,192 --> 00:08:00,152
the more they secretly

336
00:07:58,192 --> 00:08:00,152
like you.

337
00:08:01,904 --> 00:08:04,949
This isn't...

338
00:08:01,904 --> 00:08:04,949
Who's Sam Gibbs?

339
00:08:04,991 --> 00:08:06,575
No idea.

340
00:08:04,991 --> 00:08:06,575
Why?

341
00:08:04,991 --> 00:08:06,575
Oh.

342
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,953
Mom addressed this

343
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,953
and never sent it.

344
00:08:08,995 --> 00:08:10,287
What's in it?

345
00:08:11,413 --> 00:08:12,874
I...

346
00:08:15,292 --> 00:08:19,088
Hey, it's a picture

347
00:08:15,292 --> 00:08:19,088
of you and me

348
00:08:15,292 --> 00:08:19,088
when we were little kids.

349
00:08:21,215 --> 00:08:24,218
On the back,

350
00:08:21,215 --> 00:08:24,218
Mom wrote "Your son."

351
00:08:29,891 --> 00:08:31,559
Okay, everyone,

352
00:08:29,891 --> 00:08:31,559
lunch is ready.

353
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,227
Who wants sloppy joes?

354
00:08:33,268 --> 00:08:35,437
Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?

355
00:08:37,106 --> 00:08:38,357
That doesn't

356
00:08:37,106 --> 00:08:38,357
sound familiar.

357
00:08:38,399 --> 00:08:40,526
Who wants sloppy joes?

358
00:08:40,568 --> 00:08:42,820
There's a picture of me

359
00:08:40,568 --> 00:08:42,820
and Barney in an envelope

360
00:08:40,568 --> 00:08:42,820
addressed to him.

361
00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:44,822
And you wrote "Your son"

362
00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:44,822
on the back.

363
00:08:44,864 --> 00:08:48,200
Oh, no, that...

364
00:08:44,864 --> 00:08:48,200
It says "Yourson."

365
00:08:48,242 --> 00:08:50,160
For Yourson,

366
00:08:48,242 --> 00:08:50,160
North Dakota.

367
00:08:50,202 --> 00:08:52,454
That's where

368
00:08:50,202 --> 00:08:52,454
we took the picture.

369
00:08:50,202 --> 00:08:52,454
Lovely town.

370
00:08:52,496 --> 00:08:57,209
We went kayaking, and you two

371
00:08:52,496 --> 00:08:57,209
rescued the mayor's dog, which

372
00:08:52,496 --> 00:08:57,209
had wandered into the rapids.

373
00:08:57,251 --> 00:09:02,048
Then Mayor Sam Gibbs asked

374
00:08:57,251 --> 00:09:02,048
for your pictures so the city

375
00:08:57,251 --> 00:09:02,048
could make statues of you both.

376
00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:04,341
I guess I never sent it.

377
00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:04,341
That's embarrassing.

378
00:09:04,383 --> 00:09:08,220
Now, how about

379
00:09:04,383 --> 00:09:08,220
those sloppy joes?

380
00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:12,058
If this picture was taken in

381
00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:12,058
North Dakota, then why is our

382
00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:12,058
old swing set in the background?

383
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,060
I don't know!

384
00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:16,938
I did my best

385
00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:16,938
as a single parent,

386
00:09:16,979 --> 00:09:18,731
and it wasn't

387
00:09:16,979 --> 00:09:18,731
always easy.

388
00:09:18,773 --> 00:09:21,150
And I'd recommend putting

389
00:09:18,773 --> 00:09:21,150
the coleslaw right on top

390
00:09:18,773 --> 00:09:21,150
of the sloppy joe.

391
00:09:21,191 --> 00:09:22,902
Because it's delicious.

392
00:09:21,191 --> 00:09:22,902
That's why!

393
00:09:25,487 --> 00:09:27,448
Can you believe her?

394
00:09:27,489 --> 00:09:29,784
I know.

395
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:31,786
Forgetting

396
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:31,786
to send the photo.

397
00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:33,788
That poor sculptor

398
00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:33,788
had to work from memory.

399
00:09:33,829 --> 00:09:35,456
Those statues probably

400
00:09:33,829 --> 00:09:35,456
look nothing like us.

401
00:09:35,497 --> 00:09:38,417
Damn it, Mom!

402
00:09:38,459 --> 00:09:40,169
So, Ted.

403
00:09:38,459 --> 00:09:40,169
Hmm?

404
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,338
You were worried that

405
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,338
I oversold you to Liz.

406
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,338
Well, I fixed it.

407
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,841
- How?

408
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,841
- I sent her another e-mail.

409
00:09:45,883 --> 00:09:49,845
"Dear Liz, I hope it didn't

410
00:09:45,883 --> 00:09:49,845
sound like I was trying

411
00:09:45,883 --> 00:09:49,845
to oversell Ted.

412
00:09:49,887 --> 00:09:53,141
The truth is,

413
00:09:49,887 --> 00:09:53,141
he is a genuinely nice,

414
00:09:49,887 --> 00:09:53,141
down-to-earth guy,

415
00:09:53,182 --> 00:09:55,350
and I think you two

416
00:09:53,182 --> 00:09:55,350
would really hit it off."

417
00:09:55,392 --> 00:09:58,228
Thank you. Thank you.

418
00:09:55,392 --> 00:09:58,228
That's perfect. That totally

419
00:09:55,392 --> 00:09:58,228
takes the pressure off.

420
00:09:58,270 --> 00:10:00,606
"Is he gonna rock your world

421
00:09:58,270 --> 00:10:00,606
in bed? No.

422
00:10:00,648 --> 00:10:05,527
But he's clean,

423
00:10:00,648 --> 00:10:05,527
open to criticism

424
00:10:00,648 --> 00:10:05,527
and not into anything too weird.

425
00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:07,738
He's not bad at all.

426
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:10,866
Not bad at all."

427
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:10,866
See, now you went too far

428
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:10,866
in the other direction.

429
00:10:10,908 --> 00:10:13,953
"I'll be honest,

430
00:10:10,908 --> 00:10:13,953
the first few times

431
00:10:10,908 --> 00:10:13,953
aren't gonna be that great.

432
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:17,206
He's gonna say 'Are you

433
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:17,206
finished?' more times than

434
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:17,206
a waiter at a busy restaurant."

435
00:10:17,247 --> 00:10:18,624
Stop!

436
00:10:18,666 --> 00:10:21,127
Listen to me.

437
00:10:18,666 --> 00:10:21,127
There is no Yourson,

438
00:10:18,666 --> 00:10:21,127
North Dakota.

439
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,838
Mom...

440
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,838
And Sam Gibbs

441
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,838
wasn't the mayor.

442
00:10:23,879 --> 00:10:25,840
He might be

443
00:10:23,879 --> 00:10:25,840
one of our fathers.

444
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,258
He's not my dad.

445
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,258
My dad's Bob Barker.

446
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:32,221
Barney, you've gotta stop

447
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:32,221
livin' in these fairy tales

448
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:32,221
that Mom told us.

449
00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:34,598
Bob Barker

450
00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:34,598
is not your father.

451
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,558
Sam Gibbs might be.

452
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,855
But Bob Barker

453
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,855
is absolutely, unequivocally

454
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,855
not your father!

455
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:47,111
I suppose you have a problem

456
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:47,111
with the Easter Bunny too.

457
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:47,111
Not now.

458
00:10:48,237 --> 00:10:49,613
This address isn't too far.

459
00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:51,281
Are you comin' with me

460
00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:51,281
or not?

461
00:10:53,242 --> 00:10:54,827
So we're doing this?

462
00:10:54,869 --> 00:10:57,997
We're really gonna go

463
00:10:54,869 --> 00:10:57,997
disturb the peaceful

464
00:10:54,869 --> 00:10:57,997
Long Island retirement...

465
00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:02,001
of the former mayor

466
00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:02,001
of Yourson, North Dakota,

467
00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:02,001
on a Sunday afternoon.

468
00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,003
Real classy, James.

469
00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,003
Real classy.

470
00:11:04,045 --> 00:11:05,796
You're just too scared

471
00:11:04,045 --> 00:11:05,796
to face the truth.

472
00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:07,798
You are living

473
00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:07,798
in a dream world.

474
00:11:12,386 --> 00:11:15,014
Maybe we shouldn't have

475
00:11:12,386 --> 00:11:15,014
brought these sloppy joes.

476
00:11:15,056 --> 00:11:16,891
Hey, what's done

477
00:11:15,056 --> 00:11:16,891
is done.

478
00:11:18,893 --> 00:11:21,311
"Ted Mosby

479
00:11:18,893 --> 00:11:21,311
is solid as a rock."

480
00:11:21,353 --> 00:11:23,522
- Mmm.

481
00:11:21,353 --> 00:11:23,522
- No. Dependable.

482
00:11:23,564 --> 00:11:27,776
No. Rugged. No...

483
00:11:27,818 --> 00:11:30,738
Why don't I just go

484
00:11:27,818 --> 00:11:30,738
to the Chevy Web site

485
00:11:27,818 --> 00:11:30,738
and copy down adjectives?

486
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:33,199
I just wanna hit

487
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:33,199
that perfect middle ground.

488
00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:35,910
How about we just go

489
00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:35,910
wildly to both extremes...

490
00:11:35,951 --> 00:11:38,370
and just let them

491
00:11:35,951 --> 00:11:38,370
balance each other out?

492
00:11:38,412 --> 00:11:41,373
"Ted Mosby

493
00:11:38,412 --> 00:11:41,373
is really handsome,

494
00:11:38,412 --> 00:11:41,373
but extremely violent,

495
00:11:41,415 --> 00:11:44,960
and really rich,

496
00:11:41,415 --> 00:11:44,960
but lacks bladder control."

497
00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:48,964
- Oh, damn.

498
00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:48,964
- What?

499
00:11:49,006 --> 00:11:51,383
- That last bump

500
00:11:49,006 --> 00:11:51,383
just made me hit "send."

501
00:11:49,006 --> 00:11:51,383
- No, no.

502
00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:54,095
Don't worry.

503
00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:54,095
I'm sure that everyone

504
00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:54,095
will get it's a joke.

505
00:11:54,136 --> 00:11:55,721
No, they won't.

506
00:11:54,136 --> 00:11:55,721
They're gonna think...

507
00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:57,472
Wait. "Everyone"?

508
00:11:59,725 --> 00:12:01,977
"Really rich"?

509
00:12:06,815 --> 00:12:08,776
You ready for this?

510
00:12:06,815 --> 00:12:08,776
For what?

511
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:11,820
I don't know who lives here,

512
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:11,820
but it's not my dad.

513
00:12:15,783 --> 00:12:17,201
Wait, wait.

514
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:19,954
Please stop.

515
00:12:19,995 --> 00:12:21,413
Just give me a second.

516
00:12:19,995 --> 00:12:21,413
Okay?

517
00:12:21,455 --> 00:12:24,416
- I thought you said

518
00:12:21,455 --> 00:12:24,416
that he wa...

519
00:12:21,455 --> 00:12:24,416
- Stop. Come on.

520
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:28,963
I know Bob Barker's

521
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:28,963
not really, you know...

522
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:28,963
I'm not crazy.

523
00:12:29,004 --> 00:12:30,380
I just...

524
00:12:31,548 --> 00:12:32,758
I needed that.

525
00:12:35,344 --> 00:12:38,306
I know it may sound stupid,

526
00:12:35,344 --> 00:12:38,306
but I didn't always feel so

527
00:12:35,344 --> 00:12:38,306
great about myself growing up,

528
00:12:38,347 --> 00:12:40,975
and so having a celebrity dad

529
00:12:38,347 --> 00:12:40,975
made me feel special.

530
00:12:41,016 --> 00:12:43,435
But you're right, James.

531
00:12:43,477 --> 00:12:46,730
It's time to let go

532
00:12:43,477 --> 00:12:46,730
of the fantasies.

533
00:12:47,982 --> 00:12:49,399
It's time to grow up.

534
00:12:50,484 --> 00:12:52,444
Come here.

535
00:13:08,127 --> 00:13:09,753
Can I help you?

536
00:13:10,504 --> 00:13:13,007
Yeah, um...

537
00:13:13,048 --> 00:13:14,800
You're Sam Gibbs?

538
00:13:13,048 --> 00:13:14,800
Yes.

539
00:13:16,385 --> 00:13:18,720
I'm James Stinson.

540
00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:23,100
And, uh, I think

541
00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:23,100
you may have known

542
00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:23,100
my mother, Loretta Stinson,

543
00:13:23,142 --> 00:13:24,935
in the '70s.

544
00:13:24,977 --> 00:13:27,771
Loretta.

545
00:13:27,813 --> 00:13:31,984
Yeah.

546
00:13:27,813 --> 00:13:31,984
Yeah, I-I-I-I knew Loretta.

547
00:13:32,026 --> 00:13:35,445
My mother meant

548
00:13:32,026 --> 00:13:35,445
to send you this.

549
00:13:45,539 --> 00:13:46,999
You're my son.

550
00:13:58,552 --> 00:14:01,513
God, this must be

551
00:13:58,552 --> 00:14:01,513
so hard for Barney.

552
00:14:01,555 --> 00:14:04,099
Yeah, but you know what?

553
00:14:01,555 --> 00:14:04,099
He took a big step today.

554
00:14:04,141 --> 00:14:05,934
Papa!

555
00:14:09,688 --> 00:14:10,981
Uh-oh.

556
00:14:16,737 --> 00:14:19,198
Look at us!

557
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,783
It's like three

558
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,783
of the same guy.

559
00:14:22,993 --> 00:14:24,536
Oh, my God.

560
00:14:24,578 --> 00:14:27,497
This explains why

561
00:14:24,578 --> 00:14:27,497
I was always so awesome

562
00:14:24,578 --> 00:14:27,497
at basketball.

563
00:14:27,539 --> 00:14:28,790
Guys, I'm black.

564
00:14:30,376 --> 00:14:32,294
Sorry.

565
00:14:30,376 --> 00:14:32,294
African-American.

566
00:14:32,336 --> 00:14:34,546
No. I'm allowed

567
00:14:32,336 --> 00:14:34,546
to say either.

568
00:14:34,588 --> 00:14:36,590
I gotta go

569
00:14:34,588 --> 00:14:36,590
get my camera!

570
00:14:36,631 --> 00:14:39,634
That is my younger brother,

571
00:14:36,631 --> 00:14:39,634
Barney.

572
00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:44,390
He just thought he'd meet

573
00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:44,390
his real dad today, and clearly

574
00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:44,390
he's not taking it so well.

575
00:14:44,432 --> 00:14:46,558
Well, my head's

576
00:14:44,432 --> 00:14:46,558
kind of spinning too.

577
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,937
I mean, Loretta and I

578
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,937
only saw each other

579
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,937
for a couple of months.

580
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:52,564
You were two before

581
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:52,564
I even knew you existed.

582
00:14:52,606 --> 00:14:57,778
And at that point, your mother

583
00:14:52,606 --> 00:14:57,778
made it very clear she was

584
00:14:52,606 --> 00:14:57,778
gonna raise you on her own.

585
00:14:57,819 --> 00:14:59,947
I felt I had

586
00:14:57,819 --> 00:14:59,947
to respect her wishes.

587
00:14:59,988 --> 00:15:02,574
But I always

588
00:14:59,988 --> 00:15:02,574
wanted to meet you.

589
00:15:02,616 --> 00:15:06,120
Wait, Barney and James

590
00:15:02,616 --> 00:15:06,120
are two years apart.

591
00:15:06,161 --> 00:15:10,582
If Sam only knew Loretta

592
00:15:06,161 --> 00:15:10,582
for a few months, he couldn't

593
00:15:06,161 --> 00:15:10,582
possibly be Barney's father.

594
00:15:10,624 --> 00:15:14,336
He's also

595
00:15:10,624 --> 00:15:14,336
quite the detective.

596
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:21,051
Don't worry. We'll, uh...

597
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:21,051
We'll snap Barney out of this

598
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:21,051
when he gets back.

599
00:15:21,093 --> 00:15:24,472
Or, uh, we could

600
00:15:21,093 --> 00:15:24,472
just let him

601
00:15:21,093 --> 00:15:24,472
have this one.

602
00:15:24,513 --> 00:15:27,475
Are you kidding?

603
00:15:24,513 --> 00:15:27,475
Guys, Barney's losing

604
00:15:24,513 --> 00:15:27,475
his childhood home.

605
00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:29,726
He finally

606
00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:29,726
admitted Bob Barker's

607
00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:29,726
not his dad.

608
00:15:29,768 --> 00:15:32,604
And then he watched James

609
00:15:29,768 --> 00:15:32,604
meet his real father.

610
00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:35,607
It's just

611
00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:35,607
a lot to go through

612
00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:35,607
in one afternoon.

613
00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:38,735
Can't we just

614
00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:38,735
let the guy be black

615
00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:38,735
for a day?

616
00:15:38,777 --> 00:15:40,570
Here, Ted!

617
00:15:38,777 --> 00:15:40,570
Capture the moment!

618
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,573
I think you'd need

619
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,573
Salvador Dali...

620
00:15:43,615 --> 00:15:45,993
to capture

621
00:15:43,615 --> 00:15:45,993
this particular moment,

622
00:15:43,615 --> 00:15:45,993
but I'll give it a whirl.

623
00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:50,622
Man, I thought I was

624
00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:50,622
a light-skinned Caucasian,

625
00:15:50,664 --> 00:15:54,626
but in truth

626
00:15:50,664 --> 00:15:54,626
I'm a really light-skinned

627
00:15:50,664 --> 00:15:54,626
African-American.

628
00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:57,463
Man, try to hail a cab

629
00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:57,463
in Manhattan.

630
00:15:57,505 --> 00:15:59,340
Am I right?

631
00:15:59,381 --> 00:16:01,800
Nope. No one's

632
00:15:59,381 --> 00:16:01,800
stoppin' for this.

633
00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:05,887
These guys don't understand

634
00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:05,887
what I'm talkin' about.

635
00:16:05,929 --> 00:16:07,639
During that afternoon,

636
00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:11,643
Sam and James

637
00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:11,643
began to discover

638
00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:11,643
how much they had in common.

639
00:16:15,939 --> 00:16:17,316
Mmm.

640
00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:20,361
Come on, you know this.

641
00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:20,361
Come on.

642
00:16:30,329 --> 00:16:32,373
Hey! Ho!

643
00:16:42,174 --> 00:16:42,966
There you go.

644
00:16:42,174 --> 00:16:42,966
Come on.

645
00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:53,060
Hey!

646
00:16:55,729 --> 00:16:57,272
Weird day.

647
00:16:55,729 --> 00:16:57,272
Weird day.

648
00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:02,736
Hey, look at that.

649
00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:02,736
Liz still wants to meet you.

650
00:17:02,777 --> 00:17:05,364
That's great!

651
00:17:02,777 --> 00:17:05,364
Mm-hmm.

652
00:17:05,406 --> 00:17:06,823
I guess.

653
00:17:06,865 --> 00:17:08,700
Wait a minute.

654
00:17:08,742 --> 00:17:11,370
You said Liz

655
00:17:08,742 --> 00:17:11,370
was a total 10.

656
00:17:11,412 --> 00:17:14,081
Why would she wanna meet

657
00:17:11,412 --> 00:17:14,081
the incontinent freak show

658
00:17:11,412 --> 00:17:14,081
you described?

659
00:17:15,749 --> 00:17:18,502
- Um...

660
00:17:15,749 --> 00:17:18,502
- You oversold her.

661
00:17:18,544 --> 00:17:20,712
Maybe a little.

662
00:17:18,544 --> 00:17:20,712
You said she was a 10.

663
00:17:20,754 --> 00:17:22,839
I did not specify

664
00:17:20,754 --> 00:17:22,839
on what scale.

665
00:17:22,881 --> 00:17:24,716
You said she looked

666
00:17:22,881 --> 00:17:24,716
like a movie star.

667
00:17:24,758 --> 00:17:26,885
She does.

668
00:17:24,758 --> 00:17:26,885
It's Robert De Niro.

669
00:17:26,927 --> 00:17:28,929
But like super buff,

670
00:17:26,927 --> 00:17:28,929
like in Cape Fear.

671
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,891
Dad, look how fast

672
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,891
I can run.

673
00:17:33,892 --> 00:17:35,727
He's actually

674
00:17:33,892 --> 00:17:35,727
a really sweet guy,

675
00:17:35,769 --> 00:17:37,729
and he's great

676
00:17:35,769 --> 00:17:37,729
with my son.

677
00:17:37,771 --> 00:17:39,314
I have a grandson?

678
00:17:39,356 --> 00:17:40,566
Uh...

679
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,860
His name is Eli.

680
00:17:48,156 --> 00:17:49,617
He's beautiful.

681
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:51,868
Dad, you're not looking.

682
00:17:53,787 --> 00:17:56,164
Eventually the strangest

683
00:17:53,787 --> 00:17:56,164
afternoon of our lives...

684
00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:57,874
wound to a close,

685
00:17:57,916 --> 00:17:59,834
and we headed back

686
00:17:57,916 --> 00:17:59,834
to Staten Island...

687
00:17:59,876 --> 00:18:02,421
where Barney and his mom

688
00:17:59,876 --> 00:18:02,421
had a long-overdue

689
00:17:59,876 --> 00:18:02,421
heart-to-heart.

690
00:18:02,463 --> 00:18:05,006
Barney,

691
00:18:02,463 --> 00:18:05,006
I need to talk to you.

692
00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:06,925
Uh, me first.

693
00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:09,511
Mom, there's something

694
00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:09,511
that I need to ask you,

695
00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:11,721
and I... I want you

696
00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:11,721
to be honest with me.

697
00:18:15,684 --> 00:18:18,479
Why do white people

698
00:18:15,684 --> 00:18:18,479
like Carrot Top?

699
00:18:24,109 --> 00:18:25,569
Listen.

700
00:18:27,779 --> 00:18:29,781
I always wanted to be

701
00:18:27,779 --> 00:18:29,781
enough for you boys.

702
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,118
I think

703
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,118
that's why it always hurt...

704
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,787
whenever you asked

705
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,787
about your dads,

706
00:18:35,829 --> 00:18:39,874
because I was always

707
00:18:35,829 --> 00:18:39,874
trying so hard to be

708
00:18:35,829 --> 00:18:39,874
both parents for you.

709
00:18:39,916 --> 00:18:41,543
But I was being selfish.

710
00:18:43,837 --> 00:18:47,757
You deserve the truth,

711
00:18:43,837 --> 00:18:47,757
so here it is.

712
00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:50,678
Sam is not your father.

713
00:18:52,596 --> 00:18:54,014
Are you sure?

714
00:18:54,055 --> 00:18:55,724
Yes.

715
00:18:55,765 --> 00:18:57,058
He's black, dear.

716
00:18:59,853 --> 00:19:03,773
But if you want, I can tell you

717
00:18:59,853 --> 00:19:03,773
who your father really is.

718
00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,821
And at that moment, Barney

719
00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,821
suddenly saw his childhood...

720
00:19:09,863 --> 00:19:11,906
more clearly

721
00:19:09,863 --> 00:19:11,906
than he ever had before.

722
00:19:14,868 --> 00:19:17,912
I'm sorry, but your son

723
00:19:14,868 --> 00:19:17,912
can't be on the team.

724
00:19:14,868 --> 00:19:17,912
He's terrible.

725
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,418
What did Coach say, Ma?

726
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:26,838
He said you're simply too good

727
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:26,838
to be on the team.

728
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,508
It's not fair

729
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,508
to the other boys.

730
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,508
But that's okay.

731
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,760
We can just play together

732
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,760
in the backyard.

733
00:19:32,886 --> 00:19:35,096
Why didn't anyone come?

734
00:19:35,138 --> 00:19:37,098
Oh, you know what, dear?

735
00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:40,852
Apparently

736
00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:40,852
there was a mix-up

737
00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:40,852
with the mail.

738
00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:43,813
I just got this letter

739
00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:43,813
from the postmaster general.

740
00:19:44,898 --> 00:19:46,441
"Dear Barney,

741
00:19:46,483 --> 00:19:50,111
I sincerely apologize for losing

742
00:19:46,483 --> 00:19:50,111
all the invitations...

743
00:19:50,153 --> 00:19:52,864
you sent out to your

744
00:19:50,153 --> 00:19:52,864
eighth birthday party."

745
00:20:08,547 --> 00:20:11,174
Barney.

746
00:20:08,547 --> 00:20:11,174
It's okay, Mom.

747
00:20:08,547 --> 00:20:11,174
I don't need it.

748
00:20:11,216 --> 00:20:12,842
But it's your father.

749
00:20:13,677 --> 00:20:16,137
I already have a father.

750
00:20:17,556 --> 00:20:19,224
And his name...

751
00:20:19,266 --> 00:20:20,850
is Loretta.

752
00:20:23,771 --> 00:20:27,315
Kids, your Uncle Barney

753
00:20:23,771 --> 00:20:27,315
grew up without a dad,

754
00:20:27,357 --> 00:20:30,068
and it always

755
00:20:27,357 --> 00:20:30,068
made him feel incomplete.

756
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:34,531
But as he hugged Loretta,

757
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:34,531
surrounded by the boxed-up

758
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:34,531
remnants of his happy childhood,

759
00:20:34,573 --> 00:20:37,867
he realized he had

760
00:20:34,573 --> 00:20:37,867
one hell of a mom.

761
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,882
[ Through Vocoder:

762
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,882
Distorted, Reverberating ]

763
00:20:58,221 --> 00:21:01,266
Wait, Dad, James.

764
00:21:01,308 --> 00:21:03,893
Where you goin'?

765
00:21:01,308 --> 00:21:03,893
That's the best part.

766
00:21:05,562 --> 00:21:07,105
Can we go camping?

767
00:21:33,841 --> 00:21:34,842
English - US - Line 21