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Kids, in my early days

2
00:00:01,327 --> 00:00:03,162
of being a professor,

3
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:07,041
I had one simple goal...

4
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:07,041
give a lecture that changes

5
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:07,041
someone's life.

6
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Then, one afternoon in 2010,

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I achieved that goal.

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"Unfinished."

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Of all the words you could

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use to describe

11
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La Sagrada Família...

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"brown,"pointy,"weird"...

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the one that really seems

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to stick is "unfinished."

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Why? Because on June 7, 1926,

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the architect,

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Antoni Gaudí,

18
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whose beard

19
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was also brown, pointy,

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weird and unfinished,

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was run over by a bus.

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And so,

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his greatest masterpiece

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would remain forever...

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But first, let's back up

26
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a few days.

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Ted, look, across the bar.

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Three chicks... one hot,

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one kinda hot...

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and one whom I'm assuming

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is really funny.

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We ride!

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- What's wrong?

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- I don't know.

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Got a burger comin'.

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Bro, I told you,

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if you ever need a wingman,

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I'm your guy.

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Yeah, I'm not gonna

40
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go through that again.

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00:01:07,477 --> 00:01:09,812
Hi. Barney Stinson.

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00:01:09,854 --> 00:01:12,357
And I'm Marshall,

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Barney's wingman.

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Thank you for your time.

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Fine. I'll have a three-way

46
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with Hot and Kinda Hot...

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00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:23,242
while Giggles works the camera.

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I ride!

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So get this.

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Last night, I was watching TV,

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and it turns out...

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some random satellite channel

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picks up a certain

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local Chicago newscast.

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And now the Eleven O'Clock News

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with Don Frank.

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Boo!

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Oh, man.

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It's bad enough

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to have to go through

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a horrible breakup.

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Then to have that person

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pop up on your TV?

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Are you okay?

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Well, I'll admit,

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at first I felt a little weird.

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But after the initial shock,

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I realized something.

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I've moved on.

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Finished with that.

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It was a peaceful

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moment of closure.

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That's great.

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- Good on you.

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- Yeah. Thank you.

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Where's the poop,

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Robin?

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Excuse me?

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When I was a kid,

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I had a dog named Bean.

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Whenever he made

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the face that you're

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making right now,

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you just knew he pooped

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somewhere in the house.

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Where's the poop, Robin?

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- I don't know what

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you're talking about.

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- Where's the poop, Robin?

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- There's no poop.

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- Where's the poop?

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Okay.

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So it wasn't entirely

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a peaceful moment of closure.

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Hey, Don, here's

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some breaking news.

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There's a zit breaking out

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on your forehead.

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Finished with that.

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Look, I'm not proud.

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00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:44,574
But Don left so quickly

102
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that I never got the chance

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to have that final showdown.

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So yelling at him,

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even on TV,

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felt kinda good.

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And you know what?

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Now I truly am over him.

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That's great.

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- Thank you.

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- Good on you.

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Where's the poop, Robin?

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Damn it!

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Okay, in the process

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of truly getting over him,

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I may have called him...

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and left an...

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indelicate voice mail.

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I am gonna kill you.

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I'm gonna fly to Chicago,

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kill you,

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put your stupid face

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on a deep-dish pizza...

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and eat it.

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And then maybe catch

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a Bears game.

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But mostly the "killing

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and eating your face" thing.

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Give me your phone.

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We're deleting Don's number.

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Don't worry.

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I am never doing that again.

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It was a one-time thing.

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Prove it.

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"Delete contact."

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There. Deleted.

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Oh. Hey, wow.

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Back already.

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How was flying solo?

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And by solo, I mean...

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"so low"

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that you got shot down.

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Look, I didn't

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get shot down.

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Trust me,

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I'll get the "yes."

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Barney Stinson always

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gets the "yes."

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This is all

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00:03:58,022 --> 00:04:00,191
part of the plan.

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00:04:00,232 --> 00:04:03,778
After initial contact,

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I'm now in

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the ignoring phase.

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Barney, why can't you just

155
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take a girl out to dinner

156
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:07,365
like a normal person?

157
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Golden rule: I do not buy

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dinner to get the "yes."

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Dinner's a very

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intimate activity.

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00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:17,458
It requires

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a level of connection...

163
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,502
and eye contact

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that sex just doesn't.

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Call me old-fashioned,

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but I need to have

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sex with a girl

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00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,131
at least three times...

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before I'll even consider

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having dinner with her.

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The next day

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00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,136
at the university,

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I had a surprise visitor.

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What are you

175
00:04:31,055 --> 00:04:32,765
doing here?

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00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:35,017
Oh, God!

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00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:35,017
You're dating

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00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:35,017
one of my students.

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00:04:35,059 --> 00:04:36,811
It's Rachel, isn't it?

180
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Barney, I know she wears

181
00:04:36,853 --> 00:04:39,397
provocative sweaters,

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00:04:36,853 --> 00:04:39,397
but she's 19!

183
00:04:39,438 --> 00:04:42,775
Now I'm gonna have to hear

184
00:04:39,438 --> 00:04:42,775
all about it, right?

185
00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:44,944
Go on. Tell me every detail.

186
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,822
No, you pent-up old perv.

187
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I brought you a present.

188
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Recognize this?

189
00:04:52,577 --> 00:04:54,245
It's my building.

190
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Kids, you may remember

191
00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:57,039
that a few years earlier,

192
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I was chosen to design

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the new Manhattan headquarters

194
00:04:57,081 --> 00:05:01,711
for Goliath National Bank.

195
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It was the opportunity

196
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every architect dreams about.

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And when the project

198
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was ultimately scrapped,

199
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it broke my heart.

200
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:12,722
Do you remember how awesome

201
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:12,722
it was to be coworkers...

202
00:05:12,764 --> 00:05:15,808
nay, bro-workers?

203
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:17,518
Wait a minute.

204
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:17,518
You don't mean...

205
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,896
Ted Mosby, it's back on.

206
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,314
We're gonna build your building.

207
00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,584
This is awesome.

208
00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,584
You're designing

209
00:05:38,957 --> 00:05:41,584
our new headquarters?

210
00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:46,088
Now, there will be voices

211
00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:46,088
that tell you a hockey rink

212
00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:46,088
on the roof is unfeasible.

213
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,090
You've got to shut

214
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,090
those voices out.

215
00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:51,093
Actually, I think

216
00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:51,093
I'm gonna say no.

217
00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:52,470
No? Are you kidding me?

218
00:05:52,511 --> 00:05:54,346
But designing a building

219
00:05:52,511 --> 00:05:54,346
in New York City...

220
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,932
is your lifelong dream.

221
00:05:55,974 --> 00:05:58,267
I do not want to work

222
00:05:55,974 --> 00:05:58,267
for GNB again.

223
00:05:58,309 --> 00:06:00,770
Those guys are evil.

224
00:05:58,309 --> 00:06:00,770
No offense, Marshall.

225
00:06:00,812 --> 00:06:02,730
Dude, none taken.

226
00:06:02,772 --> 00:06:05,107
Yes, GNB is, uh,

227
00:06:05,149 --> 00:06:07,318
the Empire from Star Wars.

228
00:06:07,359 --> 00:06:10,237
But the Death Star's

229
00:06:07,359 --> 00:06:10,237
gonna get built either way.

230
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,323
And don't you think the

231
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,323
architect of the Death Star...

232
00:06:12,364 --> 00:06:13,908
is pretty psyched to have...

233
00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:15,910
that thing on his space résumé?

234
00:06:15,952 --> 00:06:17,286
I mean, yes, his design was

235
00:06:15,952 --> 00:06:17,286
flawed...

236
00:06:17,328 --> 00:06:19,121
in the sense that a single

237
00:06:17,328 --> 00:06:19,121
bullet...

238
00:06:19,163 --> 00:06:21,123
fired into a particular vent

239
00:06:19,163 --> 00:06:21,123
would explode the whole thing.

240
00:06:21,165 --> 00:06:23,542
For all we know,

241
00:06:21,165 --> 00:06:23,542
that was the contractor's fault.

242
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,544
But that won't happen

243
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,544
on your watch. You know why?

244
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,838
Because you're Ted Mosby,

245
00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:28,130
and you are gonna design...

246
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:30,132
the most beautiful, ventless,

247
00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:32,927
Rebel-proof building

248
00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:32,927
in Manhattan.

249
00:06:32,969 --> 00:06:34,261
With clearly marked

250
00:06:32,969 --> 00:06:34,261
emergency stops...

251
00:06:34,303 --> 00:06:36,514
for every trash compactor

252
00:06:34,303 --> 00:06:36,514
on the detention level.

253
00:06:36,555 --> 00:06:39,141
Look, I know this is

254
00:06:36,555 --> 00:06:39,141
hard to understand,

255
00:06:39,183 --> 00:06:42,645
but right now I have a quiet,

256
00:06:39,183 --> 00:06:42,645
simple, happy little life.

257
00:06:42,687 --> 00:06:44,271
And I like it that way.

258
00:06:44,313 --> 00:06:47,149
I know what my answer has to be.

259
00:06:47,191 --> 00:06:48,526
I can't take the job,

260
00:06:47,191 --> 00:06:48,526
Barney.

261
00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:51,029
I'm done with that life.

262
00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:51,029
No hard feelings?

263
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:53,155
Of course not.

264
00:06:53,197 --> 00:06:54,532
All right.

265
00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:58,703
Hey, Professor Mosby.

266
00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:58,703
Hey, Rachel.

267
00:07:01,664 --> 00:07:03,875
And I thought that was

268
00:07:01,664 --> 00:07:03,875
the end of the story.

269
00:07:03,916 --> 00:07:05,626
- But then that night...

270
00:07:03,916 --> 00:07:05,626
- I'm telling you,

271
00:07:05,668 --> 00:07:08,504
no architect would ever design

272
00:07:05,668 --> 00:07:08,504
a giant exposed vent...

273
00:07:08,546 --> 00:07:10,172
right over a Death Star's

274
00:07:08,546 --> 00:07:10,172
core reactor.

275
00:07:10,214 --> 00:07:12,174
That's Space Architecture 101.

276
00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:14,134
It had to be the contractor.

277
00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:14,134
Barney, come on. Back me up.

278
00:07:15,761 --> 00:07:16,762
Barney?

279
00:07:17,972 --> 00:07:20,140
Dude, this is important.

280
00:07:20,182 --> 00:07:22,142
I need another drink.

281
00:07:20,182 --> 00:07:22,142
Marshall, you want anything?

282
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:24,687
Uh, no. I'm fine.

283
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:30,693
Okay, I get that he's mad at me

284
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:30,693
for turning down the job, but

285
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:30,693
acting like I'm not even here?

286
00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:32,695
Wait. You turned down

287
00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:32,695
the job? When?

288
00:07:32,737 --> 00:07:34,238
This morning.

289
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:36,281
That's so weird.

290
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,910
Just, like, an hour ago

291
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,910
when we were leaving work...

292
00:07:38,951 --> 00:07:41,328
So, uh, you still think

293
00:07:38,951 --> 00:07:41,328
Ted's gonna take the job?

294
00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,706
Please.

295
00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,706
I'll get the "yes."

296
00:07:43,748 --> 00:07:46,542
Barney Stinson always...

297
00:07:46,584 --> 00:07:47,835
gets the "yes."

298
00:07:49,253 --> 00:07:50,922
Huh.

299
00:07:50,963 --> 00:07:53,091
Am I wrong, or is that

300
00:07:50,963 --> 00:07:53,091
exactly what Barney says...

301
00:07:53,132 --> 00:07:54,926
when he's putting

302
00:07:53,132 --> 00:07:54,926
the moves on a girl?

303
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:57,428
Exactly. I mean,

304
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:57,428
it's almost like he's

305
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:57,428
putting the moves on you.

306
00:07:57,469 --> 00:08:00,222
Yeah, more like the opposite.

307
00:07:57,469 --> 00:08:00,222
He's been ignoring me all night.

308
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:04,727
- Oh!

309
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:04,727
- Oh!

310
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:07,312
Barney wants me

311
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:07,312
to take the job so bad,

312
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:07,312
he's putting the moves on me?

313
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:10,149
I hope that's his endgame.

314
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,693
Actually, I don't.

315
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,693
I like you two together.

316
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:15,487
I don't buy it.

317
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:15,487
That's crazy even for Barney.

318
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,240
Okay, well, think about it.

319
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,240
We've seen his moves

320
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,240
countless times.

321
00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:20,868
What does he do after

322
00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:20,868
he's done ignoring a girl?

323
00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:23,871
- Chrissy, I love your glasses.

324
00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:23,871
- Really?

325
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,582
They totally pull focus up

326
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,582
from that whole chin

327
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,582
situation you got going on.

328
00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:30,128
To Chrissy!

329
00:08:30,169 --> 00:08:33,047
The backhanded compliment

330
00:08:30,169 --> 00:08:33,047
to lower her self-esteem.

331
00:08:30,169 --> 00:08:33,047
A proven winner.

332
00:08:33,089 --> 00:08:34,423
But Barney hasn't done...

333
00:08:33,089 --> 00:08:34,423
Ted,

334
00:08:34,465 --> 00:08:36,717
I admire your loyalty.

335
00:08:36,759 --> 00:08:38,469
You've had

336
00:08:36,759 --> 00:08:38,469
that hairstyle forever.

337
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:40,721
You don't care

338
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:40,721
that it's out of fashion...

339
00:08:40,763 --> 00:08:42,598
or that it's been co-opted

340
00:08:40,763 --> 00:08:42,598
by the lesbian community.

341
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:43,724
You stick with it.

342
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:45,350
To Ted.

343
00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:48,312
Hey, Lily.

344
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:51,690
Don't "Hey, Lily" me.

345
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,902
I smelled poop all the way

346
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,902
from the hallway.

347
00:08:54,944 --> 00:08:56,821
No, not this again.

348
00:08:56,862 --> 00:08:58,072
Where's the poop, Robin?

349
00:08:59,323 --> 00:09:00,950
Okay, I left Don

350
00:08:59,323 --> 00:09:00,950
another message.

351
00:09:02,201 --> 00:09:03,285
"This just in"...

352
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:07,247
is what I'm gonna say

353
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:07,247
when I'm stabbing you.

354
00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:10,001
But that's impossible.

355
00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:10,001
You deleted his number.

356
00:09:10,042 --> 00:09:13,087
I tried to, but then this

357
00:09:10,042 --> 00:09:13,087
thing popped up on my phone

358
00:09:10,042 --> 00:09:13,087
that said, "Are you sure?"

359
00:09:13,129 --> 00:09:14,421
And I wasn't sure.

360
00:09:14,463 --> 00:09:16,298
I can't lie to my phone.

361
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:20,511
Ooh, sweetie,

362
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:20,511
I totally understand.

363
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:20,511
Delete it!

364
00:09:20,552 --> 00:09:22,304
It's not that easy, okay?

365
00:09:22,346 --> 00:09:25,599
You're not just deleting

366
00:09:22,346 --> 00:09:25,599
a number. You're deleting

367
00:09:22,346 --> 00:09:25,599
a part of your life.

368
00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:28,310
You know, all those memories,

369
00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:28,310
all those experiences.

370
00:09:28,352 --> 00:09:31,022
It's like you're admitting

371
00:09:28,352 --> 00:09:31,022
they're gone forever.

372
00:09:31,063 --> 00:09:34,066
I know, sweetie.

373
00:09:31,063 --> 00:09:34,066
I know.

374
00:09:34,108 --> 00:09:35,317
Delete it!

375
00:09:35,359 --> 00:09:37,319
Okay. If it's that easy,

376
00:09:37,361 --> 00:09:38,946
I'm gonna delete one of your

377
00:09:37,361 --> 00:09:38,946
numbers from your phone.

378
00:09:38,988 --> 00:09:41,157
See how you like it.

379
00:09:38,988 --> 00:09:41,157
My "plezh"!

380
00:09:41,199 --> 00:09:43,450
If you can find a number

381
00:09:41,199 --> 00:09:43,450
in there that I don't

382
00:09:41,199 --> 00:09:43,450
call regularly,

383
00:09:43,492 --> 00:09:45,119
I'll gladly delete it.

384
00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:46,829
"Super Kicks Karate."

385
00:09:46,871 --> 00:09:49,331
Oh, not that one.

386
00:09:46,871 --> 00:09:49,331
That's my dojo.

387
00:09:49,373 --> 00:09:50,875
You have a dojo?

388
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,836
I took an introductory

389
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,836
karate class.

390
00:09:55,087 --> 00:09:57,256
Oops! Wrong room.

391
00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,134
Where do the grown-ups go

392
00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,134
for the real karate class?

393
00:10:00,176 --> 00:10:03,345
What's the matter, lady?

394
00:10:00,176 --> 00:10:03,345
You scared?

395
00:10:03,387 --> 00:10:06,807
Of you? Please.

396
00:10:03,387 --> 00:10:06,807
I'm a kindergarten teacher.

397
00:10:06,849 --> 00:10:09,101
I hated kindergarten...

398
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:11,103
all three times.

399
00:10:13,397 --> 00:10:16,067
But I'm totally gonna

400
00:10:13,397 --> 00:10:16,067
sign up for more lessons.

401
00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:18,360
How long ago did you

402
00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:18,360
take that class?

403
00:10:18,402 --> 00:10:20,988
I don't know.

404
00:10:18,402 --> 00:10:20,988
It was around the time...

405
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:24,366
when everyone was going,

406
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:24,366
"Whassup?"

407
00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:27,119
How do you even remember that?

408
00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:29,872
Whassup!

409
00:10:29,914 --> 00:10:33,084
Lily, this is a number

410
00:10:29,914 --> 00:10:33,084
that you will never dial again.

411
00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:35,253
I might.

412
00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:35,253
No. No. But you

413
00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:35,253
keep it on your phone...

414
00:10:35,294 --> 00:10:37,713
because it reminds you

415
00:10:35,294 --> 00:10:37,713
of a version of yourself

416
00:10:35,294 --> 00:10:37,713
that you could be,

417
00:10:37,755 --> 00:10:40,465
even if it's

418
00:10:37,755 --> 00:10:40,465
a version of yourself

419
00:10:37,755 --> 00:10:40,465
that you'll never become.

420
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,633
And that's okay.

421
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,385
No, it's not.

422
00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:45,596
Okay, you know what?

423
00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:45,596
There. Gone.

424
00:10:45,637 --> 00:10:47,431
Your move, Scherbatsky.

425
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:50,893
I finally know

426
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:50,893
what your kind goes through.

427
00:10:50,935 --> 00:10:52,394
I get it now.

428
00:10:52,436 --> 00:10:54,396
For the last time,

429
00:10:52,436 --> 00:10:54,396
I don't care how big it was.

430
00:10:54,438 --> 00:10:56,274
It is not the same

431
00:10:54,438 --> 00:10:56,274
as giving birth.

432
00:10:56,315 --> 00:10:58,400
Ew. No.

433
00:10:58,442 --> 00:11:00,819
Barney's been

434
00:10:58,442 --> 00:11:00,819
"putting the moves" on Ted.

435
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,322
- Oh, that sucks.

436
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,449
Although I like

437
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,449
you two together.

438
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,449
Mmm.

439
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,326
No. He's been doing it...

440
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,412
to try to get Ted

441
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,412
to design the new GNB Tower.

442
00:11:10,454 --> 00:11:12,414
Which moves

443
00:11:10,454 --> 00:11:12,414
are we talking about?

444
00:11:10,454 --> 00:11:12,414
Did he do that thing...

445
00:11:12,456 --> 00:11:15,293
where he brags on himself

446
00:11:12,456 --> 00:11:15,293
in the form of a complaint?

447
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:19,630
Man. Every time

448
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:19,630
I take out my business card

449
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:19,630
and women see the GNB logo,

450
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:21,215
they throw themselves at me.

451
00:11:21,257 --> 00:11:22,549
I miss the chase.

452
00:11:22,591 --> 00:11:24,676
It sucks!

453
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,554
Man, the courtside Knicks

454
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,554
seats that are available...

455
00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,808
to all upper-level

456
00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,808
GNB employees are

457
00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,808
too close to the action!

458
00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:32,434
I keep getting sweat

459
00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:32,434
on my suit.

460
00:11:32,476 --> 00:11:34,436
It sucks!

461
00:11:34,478 --> 00:11:38,232
Man, GNB's benefits package

462
00:11:34,478 --> 00:11:38,232
is so comprehensive...

463
00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,442
it gives me the freedom

464
00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,442
to see any doctor I want.

465
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:42,444
It sucks!

466
00:11:42,486 --> 00:11:45,447
- He did.

467
00:11:42,486 --> 00:11:45,447
- And the intense

468
00:11:42,486 --> 00:11:45,447
eye contact thing?

469
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:50,035
So, Ted, would you like to

470
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:50,035
split some jalapeño poppers?

471
00:11:53,705 --> 00:11:56,250
Uh, o-okay.

472
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,584
Yep.

473
00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:59,586
And the thing where

474
00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:59,586
he establishes intimacy...

475
00:11:59,628 --> 00:12:01,297
through physical contact?

476
00:12:01,339 --> 00:12:03,632
You know why jalapeño poppers

477
00:12:01,339 --> 00:12:03,632
are so good?

478
00:12:03,674 --> 00:12:05,467
It's the cream cheese.

479
00:12:05,509 --> 00:12:07,803
That is so true.

480
00:12:07,845 --> 00:12:08,887
Yep.

481
00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:13,684
Cream cheese is

482
00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:13,684
a mild flav-flavor,

483
00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:13,684
so it...

484
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,812
it balances out

485
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:16,812
the spiciness of the jal...

486
00:12:16,854 --> 00:12:19,398
the spiciness of the...

487
00:12:16,854 --> 00:12:19,398
the...

488
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,358
Dude!

489
00:12:21,525 --> 00:12:23,485
So at any point in this,

490
00:12:21,525 --> 00:12:23,485
did you say,

491
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:27,948
"Barney, I know what you're

492
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:27,948
doing, and it's not gonna work.

493
00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:27,948
I am not taking that job"?

494
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:30,659
I... Well, I mean,

495
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:30,659
not exactly in those...

496
00:12:30,701 --> 00:12:32,995
- You're loving this.

497
00:12:30,701 --> 00:12:32,995
- No.

498
00:12:33,037 --> 00:12:34,621
You are.

499
00:12:34,663 --> 00:12:36,581
You're loving the attention.

500
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:39,877
It's nice to be wanted,

501
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:39,877
okay?

502
00:12:39,918 --> 00:12:42,671
And, yes, this is a new vest.

503
00:12:39,918 --> 00:12:42,671
Thank you all for noticing.

504
00:12:42,713 --> 00:12:45,507
Oh, that's right.

505
00:12:42,713 --> 00:12:45,507
You didn't. Barney did.

506
00:12:45,549 --> 00:12:49,678
Oh, Teddy, you are so

507
00:12:45,549 --> 00:12:49,678
gonna spread your legs

508
00:12:45,549 --> 00:12:49,678
and design that building.

509
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,556
I am not

510
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,556
that kind of architect.

511
00:12:55,226 --> 00:12:58,478
So get this.

512
00:12:55,226 --> 00:12:58,478
Robin never deleted

513
00:12:55,226 --> 00:12:58,478
Don's number.

514
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,981
Boo!

515
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:02,524
Oh! Oh, everyone thinks

516
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:02,524
it's so easy.

517
00:13:02,566 --> 00:13:04,443
Give me your phone.

518
00:13:02,566 --> 00:13:04,443
Let's delete one of yours.

519
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:05,819
Uh, okay.

520
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:05,819
Mmm.

521
00:13:05,861 --> 00:13:07,779
No problem.

522
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:11,033
If you can find a number

523
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:11,033
that I don't need or shouldn't

524
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:11,033
have in here, be my guest.

525
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:14,494
But good luck.

526
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:14,494
I keep my phone tight.

527
00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:16,288
- Edwin.

528
00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:16,288
- Oh, no. Not that one.

529
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:19,291
That's the booker

530
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:19,291
for the club

531
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:19,291
that my band plays at.

532
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:21,252
You know,

533
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:21,252
my all-lawyer funk band.

534
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:21,252
You remember.

535
00:13:21,293 --> 00:13:24,296
The Funk, the Whole Funk

536
00:13:21,293 --> 00:13:24,296
and Nothing but the Funk.

537
00:13:26,048 --> 00:13:29,051
Ha!

538
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:36,558
Funky!

539
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:36,558
Funky!

540
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,559
Kick it.

541
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:46,568
You guys played one gig

542
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:46,568
four years ago.

543
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:46,568
I'm deleting it.

544
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:49,571
No. No.

545
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:49,571
We're gonna play another gig

546
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:49,571
again, probably really soon.

547
00:13:49,613 --> 00:13:51,531
Just we all got

548
00:13:49,613 --> 00:13:51,531
super busy and...

549
00:13:54,452 --> 00:13:56,287
We're not gonna play

550
00:13:54,452 --> 00:13:56,287
another gig again, are we?

551
00:13:56,328 --> 00:13:58,372
Probably not, baby.

552
00:13:58,414 --> 00:14:00,416
See, it's hard to hit

553
00:13:58,414 --> 00:14:00,416
that delete button, isn't it?

554
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:03,168
Well, it's just that

555
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:03,168
without that number

556
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:03,168
in my phone,

557
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:07,465
I'm just a corporate lawyer

558
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:07,465
working 60 very un-funky

559
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:07,465
hours a week.

560
00:14:07,506 --> 00:14:09,591
Sorry, Marshall.

561
00:14:09,633 --> 00:14:11,260
If I have to, you have to.

562
00:14:17,641 --> 00:14:19,559
Okay. Your turn.

563
00:14:32,656 --> 00:14:34,450
Barney, I gotta

564
00:14:32,656 --> 00:14:34,450
tell you something.

565
00:14:34,492 --> 00:14:35,951
Oh. That reminds me...

566
00:14:35,993 --> 00:14:39,704
I got you...

567
00:14:35,993 --> 00:14:39,704
a little airplane.

568
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,582
It represents

569
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,582
the spirit of adventure.

570
00:14:42,624 --> 00:14:44,168
Do you like it, Ted?

571
00:14:44,209 --> 00:14:46,628
Do you?

572
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,881
Stop it. Stop looking at me

573
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,881
like I'm the only person

574
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,881
in the world who matters.

575
00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:53,635
I'm not designing

576
00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:53,635
the GNB Tower.

577
00:14:53,677 --> 00:14:56,972
Yeah. I know.

578
00:14:53,677 --> 00:14:56,972
You turned it down.

579
00:14:53,677 --> 00:14:56,972
We hired someone else.

580
00:14:57,014 --> 00:14:57,681
Oh.

581
00:14:59,308 --> 00:15:00,851
Oh.

582
00:15:00,892 --> 00:15:03,812
Can you believe it?

583
00:15:00,892 --> 00:15:03,812
He's resorting to the oldest

584
00:15:00,892 --> 00:15:03,812
move in the book...

585
00:15:03,854 --> 00:15:07,399
the classic "pretend to take

586
00:15:03,854 --> 00:15:07,399
the offer off the table

587
00:15:03,854 --> 00:15:07,399
so I'll want it more."

588
00:15:07,441 --> 00:15:09,276
So obvious, right?

589
00:15:09,318 --> 00:15:12,654
As if that's gonna

590
00:15:09,318 --> 00:15:12,654
make me be, like, "Oh, God,

591
00:15:09,318 --> 00:15:12,654
I never should have said no."

592
00:15:12,696 --> 00:15:15,533
It's not a move, dude.

593
00:15:15,574 --> 00:15:18,327
I executed the paperwork

594
00:15:15,574 --> 00:15:18,327
for the new architect

595
00:15:15,574 --> 00:15:18,327
this morning.

596
00:15:18,369 --> 00:15:19,619
Barney wasn't lying.

597
00:15:21,038 --> 00:15:22,831
Oh, God, I never

598
00:15:21,038 --> 00:15:22,831
should have said no!

599
00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:30,630
Come on.

600
00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:30,630
GNB didn't really

601
00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:30,630
hire a new architect.

602
00:15:30,672 --> 00:15:32,632
This is just

603
00:15:30,672 --> 00:15:32,632
one of Barney's moves.

604
00:15:32,674 --> 00:15:35,760
It's not a move, dude.

605
00:15:32,674 --> 00:15:35,760
The senior partners

606
00:15:32,674 --> 00:15:35,760
were getting impatient.

607
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,429
I thought you didn't even

608
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,429
want the job.

609
00:15:37,471 --> 00:15:39,014
I didn't.

610
00:15:39,056 --> 00:15:40,349
I don't.

611
00:15:40,391 --> 00:15:41,683
I don't.

612
00:15:41,725 --> 00:15:42,684
I don't.

613
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:44,936
Okay, I'll do it.

614
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:44,936
What?

615
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,938
Ted, it's too late.

616
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,191
I'll design it for half

617
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,191
of what you're paying

618
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,191
the other architect.

619
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:52,236
And you know I will do stuff

620
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:52,236
they would never do.

621
00:15:52,277 --> 00:15:54,654
Lobby stuff.

622
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:57,115
Wow. Half?

623
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,701
Ted, on behalf of

624
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,701
Goliath National Bank...

625
00:15:59,743 --> 00:16:01,661
- Okay, it's a move.

626
00:15:59,743 --> 00:16:01,661
- What?

627
00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:03,663
- Dude!

628
00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:03,663
- There's no other architect.

629
00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:05,707
I'm sorry.

630
00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:05,707
I'm sorry I lied.

631
00:16:05,749 --> 00:16:08,627
I was being Barney's wingman,

632
00:16:05,749 --> 00:16:08,627
and I never get to be

633
00:16:05,749 --> 00:16:08,627
the wingman.

634
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,337
You guys lied to me?

635
00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:11,713
You're the world's

636
00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:11,713
worst wingman.

637
00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:11,713
You know what?

638
00:16:11,755 --> 00:16:13,048
I'm out of here.

639
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,800
I can do better.

640
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,800
Take me back.

641
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,719
You son of a bitch!

642
00:16:17,761 --> 00:16:19,721
Look, I can't do business

643
00:16:17,761 --> 00:16:19,721
with people who lie to me.

644
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:22,974
We only lied to you

645
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:22,974
to make you realize

646
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:22,974
that you want this job.

647
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,144
No, I don't. I mean,

648
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,144
I-I know I said I did,

649
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,522
but that's only because

650
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,522
I fell for the same...

651
00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:30,982
creepy pickup artist voodoo

652
00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:30,982
of yours that countless women...

653
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,150
236.

654
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,527
before me fell for.

655
00:16:33,569 --> 00:16:34,570
Wow. Respect.

656
00:16:35,779 --> 00:16:38,990
No. Ted, you want

657
00:16:35,779 --> 00:16:38,990
to do this, okay?

658
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,118
You're just scared

659
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,118
of getting hurt again.

660
00:16:41,159 --> 00:16:43,745
But you can't let fear

661
00:16:41,159 --> 00:16:43,745
steal your funk.

662
00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:46,706
That is good.

663
00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:46,706
There is a song in there.

664
00:16:43,787 --> 00:16:46,706
Excuse me.

665
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:51,753
Come on, Ted.

666
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:51,753
This is your dream.

667
00:16:51,795 --> 00:16:53,755
No. It's not.

668
00:16:51,795 --> 00:16:53,755
Not anymore.

669
00:16:53,797 --> 00:16:55,757
And you know what?

670
00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:58,385
Letting go of that dream

671
00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:58,385
was the best decision

672
00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:58,385
I ever made.

673
00:16:58,427 --> 00:17:01,513
You guys actually think

674
00:16:58,427 --> 00:17:01,513
I have some lingering itch

675
00:16:58,427 --> 00:17:01,513
to be an architect,

676
00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:04,391
work 20 hours a day

677
00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:04,391
and weekends to get ulcers...

678
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:06,935
and pull my hair out and worry

679
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:06,935
and doubt myself, and then,

680
00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:10,355
at the end of it all,

681
00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:10,355
have the rug pulled out

682
00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:10,355
from under me?

683
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,899
I love being a professor,

684
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,899
okay?

685
00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:16,945
All that stupid crap they

686
00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:16,945
tell you about how fulfilling

687
00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:16,945
teaching is... it's all true.

688
00:17:18,029 --> 00:17:20,365
I'm happy, and I'm not

689
00:17:18,029 --> 00:17:20,365
letting go of that.

690
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,367
My answer's no.

691
00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:27,872
Hey, guys.

692
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,417
- Where's the poop, Robin?

693
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,417
- How do you do that?

694
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:32,794
God, you are like

695
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:32,794
a bomb-sniffing dog,

696
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:32,794
except with poop.

697
00:17:32,836 --> 00:17:34,713
You're a poop-sniffing dog.

698
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,590
I think that's

699
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,590
just called a dog.

700
00:17:36,632 --> 00:17:38,342
Where's the poop, Robin?

701
00:17:38,383 --> 00:17:40,844
Fine. I called Don again.

702
00:17:42,804 --> 00:17:44,931
Hey, Don, it's Robin again.

703
00:17:44,973 --> 00:17:47,892
Uh, look, I am sorry

704
00:17:44,973 --> 00:17:47,892
for all the calls.

705
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,769
It's just

706
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,769
I saw you on the news,

707
00:17:49,811 --> 00:17:52,356
and it made me

708
00:17:49,811 --> 00:17:52,356
a little crazy for a minute.

709
00:17:52,397 --> 00:17:55,108
I guess I wasn't as over

710
00:17:52,397 --> 00:17:55,108
our breakup as I thought.

711
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:59,196
Um, but I want to say

712
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:59,196
from the bottom of my heart,

713
00:17:59,237 --> 00:18:00,822
I am gonna kill you.

714
00:18:00,864 --> 00:18:03,158
No.

715
00:18:00,864 --> 00:18:03,158
No, I'm not.

716
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,369
I am happy for you.

717
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,413
And that Asian slut

718
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,413
on your Facebook page...

719
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,413
she's dead too.

720
00:18:09,873 --> 00:18:11,833
I thought you deleted

721
00:18:09,873 --> 00:18:11,833
his number.

722
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:14,294
I did.

723
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:14,294
But it turns out

724
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:14,294
I memorized it.

725
00:18:14,336 --> 00:18:16,505
You can't delete contacts

726
00:18:14,336 --> 00:18:16,505
from your brain, Lily.

727
00:18:16,547 --> 00:18:18,840
Well, you have to try.

728
00:18:16,547 --> 00:18:18,840
If you ever want

729
00:18:16,547 --> 00:18:18,840
to have closure...

730
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:21,092
I am never gonna

731
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:21,092
have closure.

732
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,969
Okay?

733
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,969
Closure doesn't exist.

734
00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:25,430
Okay... One day, Don and I

735
00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:25,430
are moving in together,

736
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,849
and the next thing I know,

737
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,849
he's on a plane to Chicago.

738
00:18:27,891 --> 00:18:30,977
It just... ended.

739
00:18:31,019 --> 00:18:34,314
And no matter how much I try

740
00:18:31,019 --> 00:18:34,314
to forget that it happened,

741
00:18:34,356 --> 00:18:36,858
it will have

742
00:18:34,356 --> 00:18:36,858
never not happened.

743
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,319
Don and I will always

744
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,319
be a loose end.

745
00:18:39,361 --> 00:18:40,404
We'll always be...

746
00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:42,740
"Unfinished."

747
00:18:45,116 --> 00:18:47,703
Gaudí, to his credit,

748
00:18:45,116 --> 00:18:47,703
never gave up on his dream.

749
00:18:47,745 --> 00:18:49,705
But that's not usually

750
00:18:47,745 --> 00:18:49,705
how it goes.

751
00:18:49,747 --> 00:18:52,374
I mean, usually it isn't

752
00:18:49,747 --> 00:18:52,374
a speeding bus...

753
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:55,544
that keeps the brown,

754
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:55,544
pointy, weird church

755
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:55,544
from getting built.

756
00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:58,171
Most of the time,

757
00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:58,171
it's just too difficult...

758
00:18:58,213 --> 00:19:00,840
or too expensive

759
00:18:58,213 --> 00:19:00,840
or too scary.

760
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,177
It's only

761
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,177
once you've stopped...

762
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:07,931
that you realize how hard

763
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:07,931
it is to start again.

764
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:10,308
So you force yourself

765
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:10,308
not to want it.

766
00:19:11,727 --> 00:19:13,895
But it's always there.

767
00:19:13,937 --> 00:19:16,565
And until you finish it,

768
00:19:13,937 --> 00:19:16,565
it will always be...

769
00:19:33,749 --> 00:19:35,417
Hey, Barney.

770
00:19:33,749 --> 00:19:35,417
Hey, Rachel.

771
00:19:35,459 --> 00:19:38,044
Rachel, why aren't

772
00:19:35,459 --> 00:19:38,044
you in class?

773
00:19:38,086 --> 00:19:39,921
- Why aren't you in class?

774
00:19:38,086 --> 00:19:39,921
- Yeah, Ted.

775
00:19:39,963 --> 00:19:41,881
Why aren't you in class?

776
00:19:46,928 --> 00:19:48,221
You son of a bitch.

777
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:52,768
I'll call Marshall.

778
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:52,768
We'll draw up the contract.

779
00:19:52,810 --> 00:19:53,977
Not so fast.

780
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:56,354
I'm not that easy.

781
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,816
And so I made Barney

782
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,816
break his golden rule.

783
00:19:58,857 --> 00:20:00,400
I made him

784
00:19:58,857 --> 00:20:00,400
take me out to dinner...

785
00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:04,780
before I finally gave him

786
00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:04,780
the thing he always got.

787
00:20:04,822 --> 00:20:05,905
Yes.

788
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:10,828
And even though it didn't

789
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:10,828
happen right away...

790
00:20:10,869 --> 00:20:13,955
And now the Eleven O'Clock News

791
00:20:10,869 --> 00:20:13,955
with Don Frank.

792
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:19,294
Bueno.

793
00:20:19,336 --> 00:20:21,171
Uh, who is this?

794
00:20:21,212 --> 00:20:23,799
No hablo inglés.

795
00:20:21,212 --> 00:20:23,799
? Quién es?

796
00:20:23,841 --> 00:20:26,802
I'm sorry.

797
00:20:23,841 --> 00:20:26,802
Is this 917-456...

798
00:20:26,844 --> 00:20:29,220
I'm sorry.

799
00:20:26,844 --> 00:20:29,220
465... No, wait.

800
00:20:30,555 --> 00:20:32,390
Huh.

801
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,351
Robin finally got

802
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,351
some closure too.

803
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,271
Sorry. Wrong number.

804
00:20:41,566 --> 00:20:43,151
Finished with that.

805
00:20:55,706 --> 00:20:58,082
Hey, punk,

806
00:20:55,706 --> 00:20:58,082
bit of advice...

807
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:02,086
Next time you step on

808
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:02,086
a kindergarten teacher's neck,

809
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:04,339
you better finish the job.

810
00:21:04,381 --> 00:21:06,216
I knew this day would come.

811
00:21:33,827 --> 00:21:34,828
English - US - Line 21