1 00:00:01,624 --> 00:00:03,167 Kids, in the fall of 2010, 2 00:00:03,208 --> 00:00:05,127 our friends Stuart and Claudia 3 00:00:03,208 --> 00:00:05,127 had a baby, 4 00:00:05,169 --> 00:00:09,131 and Lily and Marshall 5 00:00:05,169 --> 00:00:09,131 were the first to visit 6 00:00:05,169 --> 00:00:09,131 the happy new parents. 7 00:00:09,173 --> 00:00:10,925 So, have you guys 8 00:00:09,173 --> 00:00:10,925 landed on a name yet? 9 00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,551 We're tryin', 10 00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,551 but it's tougher than you think. 11 00:00:12,593 --> 00:00:14,178 See, I like Tiffany. 12 00:00:14,219 --> 00:00:16,639 And I don't 13 00:00:14,219 --> 00:00:16,639 want my daughter 14 00:00:14,219 --> 00:00:16,639 to have a whore's name. 15 00:00:16,681 --> 00:00:18,349 That's my mother's name. 16 00:00:16,681 --> 00:00:18,349 I know. 17 00:00:18,390 --> 00:00:20,142 Oh, I got it! 18 00:00:20,184 --> 00:00:22,812 How about we name 19 00:00:20,184 --> 00:00:22,812 the baby after you... 20 00:00:20,184 --> 00:00:22,812 Frigid Shrew. 21 00:00:22,854 --> 00:00:25,147 Oh! That's good. 22 00:00:22,854 --> 00:00:25,147 No, no, no. 23 00:00:25,189 --> 00:00:26,899 Let's call her Vodka. 24 00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:29,151 Then at least we know 25 00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:29,151 you'll hold her tight 26 00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:29,151 and never let her go. 27 00:00:29,193 --> 00:00:31,779 Don't knock the vodka. 28 00:00:29,193 --> 00:00:31,779 Wouldn't have a kid 29 00:00:29,193 --> 00:00:31,779 without it. 30 00:00:31,821 --> 00:00:34,991 Oh, that's, Stuart... 31 00:00:31,821 --> 00:00:34,991 You are so... 32 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:36,617 That's not gonna be us, 33 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:36,617 right? 34 00:00:36,659 --> 00:00:39,161 I mean, how hard can it be 35 00:00:36,659 --> 00:00:39,161 to name a baby? 36 00:00:39,203 --> 00:00:42,331 Right? 37 00:00:39,203 --> 00:00:42,331 Just look at her. 38 00:00:39,203 --> 00:00:42,331 She's clearly a... 39 00:00:42,373 --> 00:00:43,916 Lisa. 40 00:00:42,373 --> 00:00:43,916 Emily. 41 00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:45,167 Emily? 42 00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:45,167 Lisa? 43 00:00:45,209 --> 00:00:50,172 Uh-oh. 44 00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:05,897 Okay! I made a list 45 00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:05,897 of awesome baby names. 46 00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:08,190 Starting at the top, 47 00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:08,190 number one... 48 00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:10,484 I'm gonna stop you 49 00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:10,484 right there, Marshall. 50 00:01:10,526 --> 00:01:12,486 You name a chubby white kid 51 00:01:10,526 --> 00:01:12,486 LeBron, 52 00:01:12,528 --> 00:01:15,197 and he's the one 53 00:01:12,528 --> 00:01:15,197 getting stuffed 54 00:01:12,528 --> 00:01:15,197 in the basketball hoop. 55 00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:18,492 Then I'm also crossing off, 56 00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:18,492 um, Shaquille... 57 00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:18,492 Mm-hmm. 58 00:01:18,534 --> 00:01:21,370 Hakeem and Dikembe. 59 00:01:22,621 --> 00:01:24,164 Wait. What about Rob? 60 00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:26,959 Rob? No. 61 00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:26,959 Why not? 62 00:01:27,001 --> 00:01:29,336 Hey, Rob. What are you 63 00:01:27,001 --> 00:01:29,336 gonna make... a turkey? 64 00:01:29,378 --> 00:01:32,214 Hunka, hunka! 65 00:01:34,216 --> 00:01:36,135 Not Rob. 66 00:01:36,176 --> 00:01:39,346 Um, how about Ryan? 67 00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:45,978 Not Ryan. 68 00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,312 Johnny? 69 00:01:47,354 --> 00:01:50,190 Hey, where's the goldfish? 70 00:01:54,862 --> 00:01:56,196 Not Johnny. 71 00:01:58,282 --> 00:01:59,617 Or Gil. 72 00:02:02,286 --> 00:02:03,537 Jeremy. 73 00:02:06,707 --> 00:02:08,167 Jeremy, no! 74 00:02:12,296 --> 00:02:14,256 Definitely not Jeremy. 75 00:02:14,298 --> 00:02:16,550 His stuff was so derivative. 76 00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:18,803 Well, I mean... 77 00:02:16,592 --> 00:02:18,803 Geez, Lily. 78 00:02:18,844 --> 00:02:22,014 Well, whatever you do, do not 79 00:02:18,844 --> 00:02:22,014 name your baby Becky. Right? 80 00:02:22,056 --> 00:02:23,557 Why? What... 81 00:02:23,599 --> 00:02:26,310 Becky. My new co-anchor. 82 00:02:26,351 --> 00:02:28,604 Wait, don't you guys 83 00:02:26,351 --> 00:02:28,604 ever watch the show? 84 00:02:28,646 --> 00:02:30,272 We really try. 85 00:02:30,314 --> 00:02:32,108 Our DVR won't recognize it 86 00:02:30,314 --> 00:02:32,108 as a television program. 87 00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:34,359 I watched. 88 00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:37,279 Robin insisted I confirm 89 00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:37,279 how "awful" Becky is... 90 00:02:34,401 --> 00:02:37,279 Mm-hmm. 91 00:02:37,321 --> 00:02:39,782 so last night 92 00:02:37,321 --> 00:02:39,782 I checked it out. 93 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,366 Peace talks in the region... 94 00:02:41,408 --> 00:02:43,452 have been described 95 00:02:41,408 --> 00:02:43,452 as productive. 96 00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:46,371 Becky. 97 00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:46,371 Last night 98 00:02:43,494 --> 00:02:46,371 in Staten Island, 99 00:02:46,413 --> 00:02:49,917 a taco cart owner 100 00:02:46,413 --> 00:02:49,917 was robbed at gunpoint. 101 00:02:49,959 --> 00:02:52,878 Oh! That's so sad. 102 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,505 Becky, we're... 103 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,505 we're journalists. 104 00:02:54,546 --> 00:02:57,382 We can't get emotional 105 00:02:54,546 --> 00:02:57,382 about the news we... 106 00:02:54,546 --> 00:02:57,382 Oh, no! 107 00:02:57,424 --> 00:03:00,385 They stole all his money 108 00:02:57,424 --> 00:03:00,385 and then pelted him 109 00:02:57,424 --> 00:03:00,385 with his own taco meat! 110 00:03:00,427 --> 00:03:02,387 Who would do that? 111 00:03:02,429 --> 00:03:04,598 Well, if you 112 00:03:02,429 --> 00:03:04,598 read this story, 113 00:03:02,429 --> 00:03:04,598 we might find out. 114 00:03:05,891 --> 00:03:08,978 Oh. Can I do this one 115 00:03:05,891 --> 00:03:08,978 about the horse? 116 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,897 I love horsies. 117 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:11,897 Mm-hmm. 118 00:03:11,939 --> 00:03:14,942 Oh! The horse died. 119 00:03:14,984 --> 00:03:19,321 Guys, this news 120 00:03:14,984 --> 00:03:19,321 is all really sad. 121 00:03:19,363 --> 00:03:23,534 Okay, no holds barred. 122 00:03:19,363 --> 00:03:23,534 What'd you think of Becky? 123 00:03:23,575 --> 00:03:25,744 Mmm. 124 00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,791 - I thought 125 00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,791 she was charming. 126 00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,791 - You too? 127 00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:34,378 Can somebody please explain 128 00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:34,378 to me why the "little girl" act 129 00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:34,378 works on men? 130 00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:35,880 Want the long version 131 00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:35,880 or the short version? 132 00:03:35,921 --> 00:03:37,339 Short version. 133 00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:39,299 Short version... 134 00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,343 - Who's your daddy? 135 00:03:41,385 --> 00:03:42,887 You know, 136 00:03:41,385 --> 00:03:42,887 when you think about that, 137 00:03:42,928 --> 00:03:45,097 that phrase is really creepy. 138 00:03:45,139 --> 00:03:47,975 No, it's not. It's fun. 139 00:03:45,139 --> 00:03:47,975 Here, watch this. 140 00:03:48,017 --> 00:03:49,309 Hey, Lily, 141 00:03:50,477 --> 00:03:52,354 who's your daddy? 142 00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:54,148 Okay, uh, 143 00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:54,148 let me get this straight. 144 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:57,276 So in this scenario, 145 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:57,276 because you make 146 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:57,276 such sweet love to Lily, 147 00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:58,861 she is now your daughter? 148 00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:00,571 No, she is not my daughter. 149 00:04:00,612 --> 00:04:03,532 I'm just... her daddy. 150 00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:07,078 Wow, that is disgusting. 151 00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:07,078 Exactly. It's not like 152 00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:07,078 the opposite will work. 153 00:04:07,119 --> 00:04:10,081 There's no way a guy could 154 00:04:07,119 --> 00:04:10,081 pick up a girl going around 155 00:04:07,119 --> 00:04:10,081 talking like a little boy. 156 00:04:10,122 --> 00:04:11,456 Challenge accepted. 157 00:04:10,122 --> 00:04:11,456 No. 158 00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:13,709 I, Barney Stinson, 159 00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:16,837 will pick up a girl whilst 160 00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:16,837 talking like a little boy. 161 00:04:16,879 --> 00:04:19,381 It'll never work. 162 00:04:19,423 --> 00:04:21,842 Okay, here's my list 163 00:04:19,423 --> 00:04:21,842 of baby names. 164 00:04:19,423 --> 00:04:21,842 Oh. 165 00:04:21,884 --> 00:04:24,386 - What about Tara? 166 00:04:21,884 --> 00:04:24,386 - No. 167 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,931 Not Tara. 168 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,931 Tara was the hottest girl 169 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,931 in my high school. 170 00:04:26,972 --> 00:04:29,349 We were all, like, 171 00:04:26,972 --> 00:04:29,349 obsessed with her. 172 00:04:29,391 --> 00:04:32,519 We didn't just talk about her 173 00:04:29,391 --> 00:04:32,519 and fantasize about her. 174 00:04:32,561 --> 00:04:34,646 We wrote songs about her. 175 00:04:49,536 --> 00:04:51,413 Not Tara. 176 00:04:51,455 --> 00:04:53,373 What about Esther? 177 00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:57,628 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 178 00:04:57,669 --> 00:05:00,547 On the main stage, 179 00:04:57,669 --> 00:05:00,547 give it up for Esther! 180 00:05:00,589 --> 00:05:02,300 Oh, oh. 181 00:05:02,341 --> 00:05:04,551 Hey, Barney, that prime rib 182 00:05:02,341 --> 00:05:04,551 was surprisingly good, 183 00:05:04,593 --> 00:05:06,428 but it's 10:30 184 00:05:04,593 --> 00:05:06,428 in the morning. 185 00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:08,680 I don't need to see a lady 186 00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:08,680 get naked and dance. 187 00:05:08,722 --> 00:05:11,183 Oh, Esther gets naked, 188 00:05:08,722 --> 00:05:11,183 but she doesn't dance. 189 00:05:11,225 --> 00:05:13,685 Then what does she do? 190 00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:21,777 Sweet Mother Nature! 191 00:05:26,865 --> 00:05:29,368 That was my card. 192 00:05:29,409 --> 00:05:32,454 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 193 00:05:29,409 --> 00:05:32,454 Give it up for Esther! 194 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:37,709 Not Esther. 195 00:05:39,086 --> 00:05:41,213 I need a drink. 196 00:05:39,086 --> 00:05:41,213 Ted? Hmm? Ted? 197 00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:48,137 Marshall, your list 198 00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:48,137 is entirely boy names. 199 00:05:48,179 --> 00:05:51,431 You do realize 200 00:05:48,179 --> 00:05:51,431 there's roughly a 50% chance 201 00:05:48,179 --> 00:05:51,431 of you having a daughter, right? 202 00:05:51,473 --> 00:05:53,517 Okay, honestly, 203 00:05:51,473 --> 00:05:53,517 I've never thought 204 00:05:51,473 --> 00:05:53,517 about having a girl. 205 00:05:53,558 --> 00:05:55,519 I don't want to think 206 00:05:53,558 --> 00:05:55,519 about having a girl. 207 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,437 Tara, Esther... 208 00:05:57,479 --> 00:05:59,523 can you imagine being one 209 00:05:57,479 --> 00:05:59,523 of those girls' dads? 210 00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:09,867 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 211 00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:13,078 On the main stage, 212 00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:13,078 give it up 213 00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:13,078 for Marshall's daughter. 214 00:06:15,706 --> 00:06:17,624 He screwed up my childhood. 215 00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:19,918 That's why I do this. 216 00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:25,507 I have no idea 217 00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:25,507 how to raise a daughter. 218 00:06:25,549 --> 00:06:27,051 What if she makes bad choices? 219 00:06:27,092 --> 00:06:28,760 I mean, what if she ends up 220 00:06:27,092 --> 00:06:28,760 dating some... 221 00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:32,264 Oh, God. 222 00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:34,141 Papa, I want you 223 00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:34,141 to meet my new boyfriend. 224 00:06:37,144 --> 00:06:39,688 Hey, bro. 225 00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,648 Thanks for makin' 226 00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,648 such a hottie. 227 00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:44,526 Who's your daddy? 228 00:06:44,568 --> 00:06:47,029 You are... 'cause of all 229 00:06:44,568 --> 00:06:47,029 the sex we have! 230 00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:54,119 I don't want a girl. 231 00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:54,119 I just want a little boy. 232 00:06:55,579 --> 00:06:57,497 It's not what 233 00:06:55,579 --> 00:06:57,497 it sounds like, folks. 234 00:07:03,128 --> 00:07:04,838 Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. 235 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,674 Marshall, is that you? 236 00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:10,261 Oh, okay, you guys, 237 00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:10,261 you're a little too close 238 00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:10,261 to the camera. 239 00:07:10,302 --> 00:07:11,511 Can you back up a bit? 240 00:07:14,473 --> 00:07:15,724 How's this? 241 00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:17,642 Every time. 242 00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:22,606 Um, can you just sit 243 00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:22,606 in front of the computer 244 00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:22,606 like normal human beings? 245 00:07:22,647 --> 00:07:24,524 Perfect. Perfect. 246 00:07:24,566 --> 00:07:26,318 What's up, Shooter? 247 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,028 To be honest, I'm getting 248 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,028 a little freaked out... 249 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,448 about the idea 250 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,448 of having a daughter. 251 00:07:30,489 --> 00:07:32,908 I know you two probably 252 00:07:30,489 --> 00:07:32,908 aren't the right people 253 00:07:30,489 --> 00:07:32,908 to talk to about this. 254 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,827 - You had all boys. 255 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,827 - Oh, well, that... 256 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,827 that was just dumb luck. 257 00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:39,290 Uh, hey, honey, 258 00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:39,290 would you get me a brewski 259 00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:39,290 from outta the shed? 260 00:07:39,331 --> 00:07:41,292 Sure. 261 00:07:39,331 --> 00:07:41,292 You want anything, Marshall? 262 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:42,667 I'm in a computer, Mom. 263 00:07:42,709 --> 00:07:44,836 Oh. 264 00:07:44,878 --> 00:07:46,588 Yeah, all boys. 265 00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:49,133 Total coinkydink. 266 00:07:49,174 --> 00:07:51,135 It was no coinkydink. 267 00:07:51,176 --> 00:07:53,095 Since the Viking age, 268 00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:57,015 the Eriksen men have 269 00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:57,015 passed down ancient secrets 270 00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:57,015 for conceiving boys. 271 00:07:57,057 --> 00:07:59,684 Number one: Avoid lemons. 272 00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,603 They're baby girl fertilizer. 273 00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:03,605 Okay, no offense, Dad, 274 00:08:03,647 --> 00:08:05,524 but I doubt there's 275 00:08:03,647 --> 00:08:05,524 any scientific data 276 00:08:03,647 --> 00:08:05,524 to support... 277 00:08:05,565 --> 00:08:08,444 "I doubt there's any 278 00:08:05,565 --> 00:08:08,444 scientific data to support"... 279 00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:10,446 I had all sons! 280 00:08:10,488 --> 00:08:12,406 Your grandfather had all sons. 281 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,783 Your great-grandfather 282 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,783 had all sons. 283 00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:16,618 Scoreboard! 284 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:20,456 Who you gonna listen to... 285 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:20,456 me or the scientific data? 286 00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:25,461 Members of the G-8 287 00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:25,461 convened today in Vienna... 288 00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:28,672 to discuss plans 289 00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:28,672 to fight climate change, 290 00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:28,672 by which... 291 00:08:28,713 --> 00:08:31,467 What? 292 00:08:28,713 --> 00:08:31,467 Ask me 293 00:08:28,713 --> 00:08:31,467 what I did yesterday. 294 00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:33,844 Hey, Becky. 295 00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:33,844 Becky, this is 296 00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:33,844 our news segment, okay? 297 00:08:33,885 --> 00:08:35,637 Nobody cares 298 00:08:33,885 --> 00:08:35,637 what you did yesterday. 299 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,640 Lighten up, Robin. 300 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,640 What'd you do, sweetheart? 301 00:08:38,682 --> 00:08:40,225 Mike? 302 00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:44,021 Well, I'm new in town 303 00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:44,021 and don't know many people, 304 00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:46,648 but yesterday 305 00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:46,648 I met the sweetest man... 306 00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:49,527 who took me on a tour 307 00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:49,527 of the city. 308 00:08:49,568 --> 00:08:51,987 Guys, New York is kinda cool. 309 00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:54,198 Okay. Back to the G-8 310 00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:54,198 conference. 311 00:08:54,239 --> 00:08:55,657 Hello? 312 00:08:55,699 --> 00:08:58,410 Mike? Can I 313 00:08:55,699 --> 00:08:58,410 get in the shot? 314 00:08:58,452 --> 00:09:01,246 Fantastic. 315 00:09:01,288 --> 00:09:03,707 Then, this cutie patootie... 316 00:09:03,748 --> 00:09:06,502 took me to this bar 317 00:09:03,748 --> 00:09:06,502 called MacLaren's 318 00:09:03,748 --> 00:09:06,502 right underneath his apartment. 319 00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:10,464 Wait. Did you go out 320 00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:10,464 with Ted Mosby? 321 00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:10,464 Yes! 322 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,674 Guys, I went out 323 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,674 with Robin's roommate. 324 00:09:12,716 --> 00:09:15,427 I saw her bedroom. 325 00:09:15,469 --> 00:09:18,013 She's a messy Bessie. 326 00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:19,681 In other news, 327 00:09:19,723 --> 00:09:23,643 later today 328 00:09:19,723 --> 00:09:23,643 a Manhattan architect 329 00:09:19,723 --> 00:09:23,643 gets punched in the throat. 330 00:09:23,685 --> 00:09:25,270 Ow! 331 00:09:25,312 --> 00:09:27,189 Ted, of all the women 332 00:09:25,312 --> 00:09:27,189 in New York, 333 00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:29,400 you had to go out 334 00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:29,400 with an eight-year-old girl? 335 00:09:29,441 --> 00:09:31,235 Yeah. Not what 336 00:09:29,441 --> 00:09:31,235 it sounds like, folks. 337 00:09:31,276 --> 00:09:33,695 Ted, you know 338 00:09:31,276 --> 00:09:33,695 that I hate her. 339 00:09:33,737 --> 00:09:35,697 How could you go out 340 00:09:33,737 --> 00:09:35,697 on a date with this girl? 341 00:09:35,739 --> 00:09:37,533 It wasn't a date. 342 00:09:37,575 --> 00:09:39,701 She came over to the apartment 343 00:09:37,575 --> 00:09:39,701 looking for you. 344 00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:43,080 I made Robin my famous 345 00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:43,080 chocolate-chip cookies, 346 00:09:43,121 --> 00:09:46,708 but instead of chocolate chips 347 00:09:43,121 --> 00:09:46,708 I used Gummi bears. 348 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:47,834 Oh! 349 00:09:47,876 --> 00:09:49,711 A spider! 350 00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:52,839 Let me guess. 351 00:09:52,881 --> 00:09:55,050 She acted like 352 00:09:52,881 --> 00:09:55,050 a helpless little girl, 353 00:09:55,092 --> 00:09:57,261 and you stepped in 354 00:09:55,092 --> 00:09:57,261 as the big strong man. 355 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,889 I don't know 356 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,889 if that's totally true. 357 00:10:04,226 --> 00:10:05,894 It's okay, little darlin'. 358 00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:07,605 Poor spider. 359 00:10:07,646 --> 00:10:09,273 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 360 00:10:11,483 --> 00:10:13,444 Spiders gotta die... 361 00:10:13,485 --> 00:10:15,237 so trees can grow. 362 00:10:17,114 --> 00:10:19,366 Then I held her tight, 363 00:10:19,408 --> 00:10:21,701 told her 364 00:10:19,408 --> 00:10:21,701 it was all gonna be okay. 365 00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:25,456 By the way, I think 366 00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:25,456 I only wounded the spider. 367 00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:27,291 It crawled off into my bedroom. 368 00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:29,084 Wait. Is that why 369 00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:29,084 you slept on the couch 370 00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:29,084 last night? 371 00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:31,711 Yeah. I slept. 372 00:10:33,213 --> 00:10:35,257 I'm dyin' out here. 373 00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:38,594 Talkin' like a little boy 374 00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:38,594 is not working 375 00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:38,594 with the ladies. 376 00:10:38,636 --> 00:10:40,762 Wow, lady. 377 00:10:40,804 --> 00:10:43,140 You got 378 00:10:40,804 --> 00:10:43,140 some "tig ol' bitties"! 379 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:47,811 Gosh! 380 00:10:47,852 --> 00:10:51,731 Your body's a perfect... 381 00:10:47,852 --> 00:10:51,731 this many. 382 00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:57,321 Uh, do you wanna wrestle 383 00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:57,321 with our special 384 00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:57,321 bathing suit places? 385 00:10:58,656 --> 00:10:59,864 Come on. 386 00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:02,784 I just need two seconds, 387 00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:02,784 baby. 388 00:11:02,826 --> 00:11:04,786 I know you think 389 00:11:02,826 --> 00:11:04,786 that's a compliment, 390 00:11:04,828 --> 00:11:06,830 but I'd rather 391 00:11:04,828 --> 00:11:06,830 you take your time. 392 00:11:06,871 --> 00:11:09,124 No, um, I'll be... 393 00:11:06,871 --> 00:11:09,124 I'll be right back. 394 00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:21,803 Ancient Norse wisdom tells us 395 00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:21,803 that to sire a son, 396 00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:24,806 you must do three things 397 00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:24,806 right before you lay 398 00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:24,806 with your maiden. 399 00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:27,309 First, eat pickled herring. 400 00:11:28,852 --> 00:11:30,646 Eat it! 401 00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:32,814 This is ridiculous. 402 00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:38,153 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 403 00:11:38,195 --> 00:11:40,238 On the main stage, 404 00:11:38,195 --> 00:11:40,238 throwing her life away, 405 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,782 give it up 406 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,782 for Marshall's daughter. 407 00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,788 Who's your granddaddy? 408 00:11:49,873 --> 00:11:52,083 - That guy. 409 00:12:01,593 --> 00:12:04,846 Hey, wanna have a three-way 410 00:12:01,593 --> 00:12:04,846 with me and my imaginary friend? 411 00:12:04,888 --> 00:12:06,848 His name's Otis. 412 00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:09,685 You don't... 413 00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:12,354 Hey. Hey! 414 00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:12,354 Wanna come to my house 415 00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:12,354 and play telephone? 416 00:12:12,396 --> 00:12:14,481 I got the string, 417 00:12:12,396 --> 00:12:14,481 you got the cans. 418 00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,819 I wet myself. 419 00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,819 Will you change me? 420 00:12:21,655 --> 00:12:23,073 Can't blame her on that one. 421 00:12:25,909 --> 00:12:29,246 Guys, I have some terrible, 422 00:12:25,909 --> 00:12:29,246 terrible news. 423 00:12:29,287 --> 00:12:32,374 I, Barney Stinson, 424 00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:36,878 can't pick up a girl 425 00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:36,878 whilst talking 426 00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:36,878 like a little boy. 427 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,631 Challenge forfeited. 428 00:12:39,673 --> 00:12:42,801 We don't care about this at all. 429 00:12:39,673 --> 00:12:42,801 No one challenged you. 430 00:12:39,673 --> 00:12:42,801 It wasn't really a challenge. 431 00:12:44,386 --> 00:12:45,845 I'm sorry. 432 00:12:47,222 --> 00:12:49,057 Hey, Gerard. 433 00:12:47,222 --> 00:12:49,057 What's with that shirt? 434 00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:51,017 Nobody could pick up a chick 435 00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:51,017 wearing that thing. 436 00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:53,228 Challenge accept... 437 00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:58,442 Wow, I'm glad that's over. 438 00:12:58,483 --> 00:13:01,111 It was creepy watching Barney 439 00:12:58,483 --> 00:13:01,111 talk like a little kid. 440 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,363 Oh, but you 441 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,363 find it irresistible 442 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,363 when Becky does? 443 00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:05,865 I don't get it. 444 00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:05,865 The Ted that I 445 00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:05,865 went out with... 446 00:13:05,907 --> 00:13:07,409 was attracted 447 00:13:05,907 --> 00:13:07,409 to the kind of woman... 448 00:13:07,451 --> 00:13:09,869 who could use a steak knife 449 00:13:07,451 --> 00:13:09,869 without supervision. 450 00:13:09,911 --> 00:13:12,330 For your information, 451 00:13:09,911 --> 00:13:12,330 Becky doesn't like steak. 452 00:13:12,372 --> 00:13:14,792 She likes "pasghetti"... 453 00:13:12,372 --> 00:13:14,792 Spaghetti. 454 00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:18,044 And more importantly, 455 00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:18,044 she makes me feel needed. 456 00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:18,044 Needed? 457 00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:20,422 She makes training wheels 458 00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:20,422 feel needed. 459 00:13:20,464 --> 00:13:22,591 Hey, it's nice to feel needed. 460 00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:24,884 And you know what? 461 00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:24,884 It's not a feeling guys get 462 00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:24,884 when they're with you. 463 00:13:31,015 --> 00:13:34,352 Son, 464 00:13:31,015 --> 00:13:34,352 Viking lore tells us... 465 00:13:34,394 --> 00:13:37,897 that to ensure 466 00:13:34,394 --> 00:13:37,897 the continuation 467 00:13:34,394 --> 00:13:37,897 of your noble male lineage, 468 00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:43,153 get a big ol' bowl of ice 469 00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:43,153 and dunk your man sack 470 00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:43,153 right in there. 471 00:13:43,194 --> 00:13:45,823 You two and your football. 472 00:13:52,496 --> 00:13:53,913 Okay. 473 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,209 Mm-hmm. 474 00:14:04,132 --> 00:14:07,385 Now, get in there, 475 00:14:04,132 --> 00:14:07,385 point Lily due north, 476 00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:09,638 and make me a grandson! 477 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,182 Eriksen! 478 00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:15,352 Eriksen! 479 00:14:23,026 --> 00:14:24,736 When we were dating, I... 480 00:14:24,778 --> 00:14:26,613 I didn't 481 00:14:24,778 --> 00:14:26,613 make you feel needed? 482 00:14:26,655 --> 00:14:29,366 Come on. You always 483 00:14:26,655 --> 00:14:29,366 took charge of everything. 484 00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:33,370 Oop. I got this. 485 00:14:35,914 --> 00:14:37,749 Is this okay? 486 00:14:35,914 --> 00:14:37,749 Am I hurting you? 487 00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:39,376 I got this. 488 00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:39,376 Whoa! 489 00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:44,506 Someone's trying 490 00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:44,506 to break in! 491 00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:44,506 Call the cops. 492 00:14:44,548 --> 00:14:46,550 I got this. 493 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,929 Did that 494 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,929 really bother you? 495 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,929 Well, yeah. 496 00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:53,223 It's nice to be needed. 497 00:14:53,264 --> 00:14:55,392 Look, I'm sorry. 498 00:14:53,264 --> 00:14:55,392 I didn't mean to upset you. 499 00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:01,857 It's Becky. 500 00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:01,857 Aw, she's trapped 501 00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:01,857 in a revolving door. 502 00:15:04,192 --> 00:15:05,819 I got this. 503 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:06,986 Thank you. 504 00:15:09,406 --> 00:15:11,991 Let's make a baby. 505 00:15:09,406 --> 00:15:11,991 Mmm! 506 00:15:13,034 --> 00:15:13,993 Whoa! 507 00:15:14,035 --> 00:15:16,329 Baby, you're packin' snowballs, 508 00:15:16,371 --> 00:15:18,415 and your breath 509 00:15:16,371 --> 00:15:18,415 smells like a mermaid fart. 510 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,043 Loving the dirty talk. 511 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,043 You know what's even hotter? 512 00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:23,962 If we face this-a way. 513 00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:23,962 Hmm? 514 00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:26,047 Ooh, we're bad. 515 00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:26,047 Baby... 516 00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:28,341 Hey, baby, why are you 517 00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:28,341 facing me north? 518 00:15:28,383 --> 00:15:30,093 I... 519 00:15:30,134 --> 00:15:32,095 You're trying 520 00:15:30,134 --> 00:15:32,095 to make us have a boy! 521 00:15:32,136 --> 00:15:33,972 I can ex... 522 00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:37,141 How do you know about 523 00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:37,141 the north thing? 524 00:15:37,183 --> 00:15:39,018 Oh, um... 525 00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:41,020 And what are you doing 526 00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:41,020 with those lemons? 527 00:15:42,814 --> 00:15:44,775 Baby girl fertilizer! 528 00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:47,945 You're trying to make us 529 00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:47,945 have a girl! 530 00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:55,118 You are trying 531 00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:55,118 to make us have a girl. 532 00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:58,830 All my least favorite students 533 00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:58,830 have been boys, 534 00:15:58,872 --> 00:16:01,792 so I googled 535 00:15:58,872 --> 00:16:01,792 "How to make a girl." 536 00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:04,795 Some really weird stuff came up. 537 00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:08,715 But, finally, I found 538 00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:08,715 this conception Web site 539 00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:08,715 that said you should... 540 00:16:08,757 --> 00:16:11,927 Point south at the moment 541 00:16:08,757 --> 00:16:11,927 of conception, 542 00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:14,053 eat a lemon... 543 00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:20,602 and heat up your lady parts 544 00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:20,602 to a balmy 105 degrees. 545 00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:29,110 Ooh. Ahhh. 546 00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:29,110 Oh, that's not bad. 547 00:16:29,152 --> 00:16:31,112 Mmm! 548 00:16:31,154 --> 00:16:32,405 Eriksen! 549 00:16:32,447 --> 00:16:33,949 Ooh, ooh. 550 00:16:35,575 --> 00:16:37,744 Lily, how could you do... 551 00:16:37,786 --> 00:16:39,788 exactly 552 00:16:37,786 --> 00:16:39,788 the same thing I did? 553 00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,706 You're supposed 554 00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,706 to be the sane one. 555 00:16:41,748 --> 00:16:45,418 See that? 556 00:16:41,748 --> 00:16:45,418 Another boy expecting a woman 557 00:16:41,748 --> 00:16:45,418 to clean up his mistakes. 558 00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,963 That's why girls 559 00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,963 are way better than boys. 560 00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:50,465 Oh, really? Then how come 561 00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:50,465 whenever there's a creepy kid 562 00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:50,465 in a horror movie, 563 00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:55,136 it's always a little girl... 564 00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:55,136 or twin girls 565 00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:55,136 who speak in unison. 566 00:16:55,178 --> 00:16:57,138 Oh, well, what about Chucky? 567 00:16:57,180 --> 00:16:59,808 Okay. A: He was a doll. 568 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,686 B: He was possessed 569 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,686 by an adult serial killer. 570 00:17:02,727 --> 00:17:06,189 And C: How could you 571 00:17:02,727 --> 00:17:06,189 bring up Chucky 572 00:17:02,727 --> 00:17:06,189 right before bed? 573 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,153 Hey. 574 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,153 Hey. 575 00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:13,947 Hey. Um... 576 00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:17,158 When we were dating, did... 577 00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:17,158 did I make you feel needed? 578 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,161 No, I didn't feel 579 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,161 like you needed me at all. 580 00:17:20,203 --> 00:17:21,997 That's what I thought. 581 00:17:22,039 --> 00:17:24,082 Uh, I'm sorry. 582 00:17:24,123 --> 00:17:27,251 Wait. Where are you go... 583 00:17:24,123 --> 00:17:27,251 That's a compliment. 584 00:17:27,293 --> 00:17:29,337 You're the least-needy woman 585 00:17:27,293 --> 00:17:29,337 I've ever met. 586 00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:31,297 That's awesome. 587 00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:34,926 I mean, no guy's gonna 588 00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:34,926 say "Who's your daddy?" 589 00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:34,926 to Robin Scherbatsky. 590 00:17:34,968 --> 00:17:36,594 You're your own daddy... 591 00:17:36,636 --> 00:17:38,596 and mommy... 592 00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:41,265 and weird survivalist uncle 593 00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:41,265 who lives in a cabin 594 00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:41,265 with a shotgun, 595 00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:43,101 blaming stuff 596 00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:43,101 on the government. 597 00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:49,816 And that is what makes you 598 00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:49,816 the most amazing, 599 00:17:49,858 --> 00:17:52,151 strong, 600 00:17:52,193 --> 00:17:55,072 independent woman 601 00:17:52,193 --> 00:17:55,072 I've ever banged. 602 00:17:55,113 --> 00:17:57,323 Thanks, Barney. 603 00:17:57,365 --> 00:18:01,160 You know, um, there's something 604 00:17:57,365 --> 00:18:01,160 that I wanted to ask you. 605 00:18:02,746 --> 00:18:04,330 I don't really know 606 00:18:02,746 --> 00:18:04,330 how to say it, 607 00:18:04,372 --> 00:18:05,957 so here goes. 608 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:10,253 Who's the crazy chick 609 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:10,253 in the apron? 610 00:18:10,294 --> 00:18:13,715 Someone naughty left 611 00:18:10,294 --> 00:18:13,715 his toys on the floor... 612 00:18:13,757 --> 00:18:16,968 and needs to be spanked 613 00:18:13,757 --> 00:18:16,968 on his tushy-tush. 614 00:18:20,138 --> 00:18:22,265 Uh-oh. I'm in twubble! 615 00:18:22,306 --> 00:18:24,726 You did it. How? 616 00:18:24,768 --> 00:18:28,855 Last night 617 00:18:24,768 --> 00:18:28,855 after admitting defeat, 618 00:18:24,768 --> 00:18:28,855 I just let myself go. 619 00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:31,775 Mmm! That looks so good. 620 00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:31,775 Can I have some? 621 00:18:31,816 --> 00:18:35,946 No! It's my ice cream. 622 00:18:31,816 --> 00:18:35,946 You can't have any. 623 00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:39,074 Someone needs to teach you 624 00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:39,074 how to share. 625 00:18:42,285 --> 00:18:44,412 Who's your mommy? 626 00:18:48,708 --> 00:18:50,543 Challenge completed! 627 00:18:50,585 --> 00:18:52,503 Mmm. 628 00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:54,756 Now, uh, can you get 629 00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:54,756 this freak outta here? 630 00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:54,756 I'm really scared. 631 00:18:54,798 --> 00:18:56,883 I got this. 632 00:19:03,014 --> 00:19:05,725 Oh, so you finally 633 00:19:03,014 --> 00:19:05,725 agreed on a name. 634 00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:10,688 Well, the other night, 635 00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:10,688 she ran a... 636 00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:10,688 a really high fever. 637 00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,274 We rushed her to the emergency 638 00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,274 room at 3:00 in the morning, 639 00:19:13,316 --> 00:19:15,610 but they wouldn't admit her 640 00:19:13,316 --> 00:19:15,610 without a name. 641 00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:22,659 Right then and there 642 00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:22,659 we realized how stupid 643 00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:22,659 we were being. 644 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:27,122 We looked at each other 645 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:27,122 and, well, we just knew. 646 00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:28,665 Our baby's name is... 647 00:19:28,706 --> 00:19:30,291 Esther. 648 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:31,751 Esther! 649 00:19:32,961 --> 00:19:34,629 Esther! 650 00:19:34,671 --> 00:19:36,297 That's beautiful. 651 00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:37,590 Yeah. 652 00:19:39,717 --> 00:19:42,137 We're idiots. 653 00:19:42,179 --> 00:19:46,057 Baby, names and gender... 654 00:19:42,179 --> 00:19:46,057 It's just like... 655 00:19:46,099 --> 00:19:47,851 It's some way 656 00:19:46,099 --> 00:19:47,851 of giving ourselves 657 00:19:46,099 --> 00:19:47,851 the illusion... 658 00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:50,103 that we have 659 00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:50,103 any control whatsoever. 660 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,563 I-I just want a healthy, 661 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,563 happy 12-pound... 662 00:19:52,605 --> 00:19:54,315 Whoa! 663 00:19:54,357 --> 00:19:55,817 Ten-pound? 664 00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,362 Eight-pound? 665 00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,362 I guess. 666 00:19:59,403 --> 00:20:02,073 But, dude, you're writing checks 667 00:19:59,403 --> 00:20:02,073 my vagina can't cash. 668 00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:06,161 I love you. 669 00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:06,161 Mmm. 670 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,913 And I'm gonna love the crap 671 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,913 outta whatever baby we have. 672 00:20:08,955 --> 00:20:10,707 Me too. 673 00:20:15,712 --> 00:20:17,672 You know what? 674 00:20:17,714 --> 00:20:20,925 We should just think 675 00:20:17,714 --> 00:20:20,925 of a name that's good 676 00:20:17,714 --> 00:20:20,925 for either a girl or a boy. 677 00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:24,137 Like, um... 678 00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:24,137 Jamie. 679 00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:27,807 Marshall, 680 00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:27,807 we just named our baby. 681 00:20:29,017 --> 00:20:29,976 Jamie. 682 00:20:33,688 --> 00:20:35,106 Not Jamie! 683 00:20:46,409 --> 00:20:48,327 Shoe's untied. 684 00:20:46,409 --> 00:20:48,327 I got it. 685 00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:00,381 Yeah, this is over. 686 00:21:28,701 --> 00:21:29,702 English - US - Line 21