1 00:00:01,457 --> 00:00:04,305 Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father, 2 00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:06,393 he decided to stay home a while to take care of his mother. 3 00:00:06,394 --> 00:00:07,661 But the longer he stayed there, 4 00:00:07,662 --> 00:00:10,397 the more it was like he had never left Minnesota. 5 00:00:10,398 --> 00:00:12,599 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 6 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,167 Oh, that is too cute. 7 00:00:14,168 --> 00:00:15,168 Say it again. 8 00:00:15,169 --> 00:00:16,169 No. 9 00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:17,471 It's called manners, jerk. 10 00:00:17,472 --> 00:00:19,273 Now, what's-what's going on in New York? 11 00:00:19,274 --> 00:00:20,407 Give me something. 12 00:00:20,408 --> 00:00:22,843 There is one thing that's been going on. 13 00:00:22,844 --> 00:00:28,916 Uh, it's about Ted... and Zoey. 14 00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,717 to save an old building from being torn down 15 00:00:30,718 --> 00:00:33,687 and replaced by a new building that I'd been hired to design. 16 00:00:33,688 --> 00:00:34,821 And yet somehow, despite this, 17 00:00:34,822 --> 00:00:37,024 we had all managed to become friends. 18 00:00:37,025 --> 00:00:38,058 Which brings us to the night 19 00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:40,427 Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner. 20 00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:47,868 I thought the oven was Celsius. 21 00:00:47,869 --> 00:00:49,102 It's okay. 22 00:00:49,103 --> 00:00:50,671 We got hot dogs. 23 00:00:50,672 --> 00:00:53,874 Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. 24 00:00:54,892 --> 00:00:56,910 Oh, God. 25 00:00:56,911 --> 00:00:58,345 This is so good. 26 00:00:58,346 --> 00:01:01,281 I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom. 27 00:01:03,384 --> 00:01:05,652 Could someone pass the ketchup? 28 00:01:05,653 --> 00:01:07,354 I hope I can pass this hot dog. 29 00:01:08,156 --> 00:01:09,756 Oh. 30 00:01:09,757 --> 00:01:11,325 Oops. Well, looks like someone's 31 00:01:11,326 --> 00:01:13,694 going out in the cold to get more ketchup. 32 00:01:13,695 --> 00:01:16,229 Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine. 33 00:01:16,230 --> 00:01:17,097 Which is all gone. 34 00:01:17,098 --> 00:01:18,966 Oops. 35 00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,251 All right, I tell you what— 36 00:01:21,252 --> 00:01:23,203 you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three. 37 00:01:23,204 --> 00:01:24,538 Hmm, tell you what— no dice. 38 00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:25,772 I'll get the next hundred. 39 00:01:25,773 --> 00:01:26,907 You're not getting out of this. 40 00:01:26,908 --> 00:01:28,475 You want to go on a date with my hot cousin? 41 00:01:28,476 --> 00:01:29,909 I'll get the ketchup. 42 00:01:31,095 --> 00:01:35,182 Transcript by Addic7ed.com 43 00:01:35,183 --> 00:01:39,186 www.addic7ed.com 44 00:01:44,158 --> 00:01:45,826 Robin, I just want you to know, 45 00:01:45,827 --> 00:01:48,328 it's either this story you're telling me or another game 46 00:01:48,329 --> 00:01:51,498 of Clue against myself, so make it good. 47 00:01:51,499 --> 00:01:52,499 Oh, it's good. 48 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:53,734 You see, after that night, 49 00:01:53,735 --> 00:01:56,169 none of us heard from Zoey for a while. 50 00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,705 Finally, Ted called her up. Hello. 51 00:01:58,706 --> 00:02:00,540 So are we ever gonna see you again? 52 00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:01,642 Because, if I recall correctly, 53 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,944 you owe me a date with your hot cousin. 54 00:02:03,945 --> 00:02:05,746 You still want to do that? 55 00:02:05,747 --> 00:02:07,547 Yes. And we miss you. 56 00:02:07,548 --> 00:02:10,183 But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. 57 00:02:10,184 --> 00:02:11,635 Don't worry, Ted, she's cute. 58 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:15,022 "Cute" means "fat" 59 00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:16,623 She's not fat. 60 00:02:16,624 --> 00:02:20,127 "Not fat" means "ugly" 61 00:02:20,128 --> 00:02:21,662 Oh, here she is. 62 00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:25,032 I take back everything I said. 63 00:02:25,033 --> 00:02:27,567 That girl is extremely attractive. 64 00:02:27,568 --> 00:02:29,019 Hey, Zoey. Hey. 65 00:02:29,020 --> 00:02:31,872 Ted, this is my cousin... 66 00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:33,206 Kids, to be honest, 67 00:02:33,207 --> 00:02:34,741 I don't quite remember this girl's name. 68 00:02:34,742 --> 00:02:36,009 None of us do, 69 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:38,078 because as this story has been told and retold, 70 00:02:38,079 --> 00:02:40,047 we've always just referred to her as... 71 00:02:40,048 --> 00:02:41,815 Honey. 72 00:02:41,816 --> 00:02:43,216 Hi, Honey, I'm Ted. 73 00:02:43,217 --> 00:02:44,718 And here's why. 74 00:02:44,719 --> 00:02:47,621 She is a lovely person— 75 00:02:47,622 --> 00:02:51,758 warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible. 76 00:02:51,759 --> 00:02:52,826 It's like, every word 77 00:02:52,827 --> 00:02:54,995 out of her mouth makes you want to be like, 78 00:02:54,996 --> 00:02:57,197 "Oh, honey." 79 00:02:57,198 --> 00:02:58,565 Interesting. 80 00:02:58,566 --> 00:02:59,883 Show your work. 81 00:02:59,884 --> 00:03:02,269 My apartment building is so safe. 82 00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:06,039 My landlord— he even installed a security camera in my shower. 83 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,741 Oh, honey. 84 00:03:07,742 --> 00:03:09,876 Maybe I should feel weird about giving a stranger 85 00:03:09,877 --> 00:03:12,112 my Social Security number, 86 00:03:12,113 --> 00:03:15,415 but the guy's a Nigerian prince. 87 00:03:15,416 --> 00:03:17,551 Oh, honey. 88 00:03:17,552 --> 00:03:20,420 I just had a great TV audition. 89 00:03:20,421 --> 00:03:23,256 Behind the KFC where the executive producer works 90 00:03:23,257 --> 00:03:25,158 on the weekends. 91 00:03:25,159 --> 00:03:26,927 Oh, honey. 92 00:03:26,928 --> 00:03:31,331 Long story short, I'm going to be on Lost. 93 00:03:31,332 --> 00:03:33,533 Oh, honey. 94 00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:34,551 I know. 95 00:03:34,552 --> 00:03:36,436 You just want to wrap her up in a blanket 96 00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:37,671 and give her a cup of tea. 97 00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:38,872 She's, like, this 98 00:03:38,873 --> 00:03:40,173 little lost lamb 99 00:03:40,174 --> 00:03:42,776 who needs to be protected from the wolves. 100 00:03:42,777 --> 00:03:44,244 Speaking of whom... 101 00:03:44,245 --> 00:03:46,980 Yeah, I always get those e- mails from Michelle Obama 102 00:03:46,981 --> 00:03:50,066 and sometimes Obama himself. 103 00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:53,186 Oh, honey. 104 00:03:53,187 --> 00:03:54,654 So the night went on, 105 00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:56,723 and eventually everyone went home, 106 00:03:56,724 --> 00:03:59,092 except for Ted and Honey. 107 00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:01,328 Wow, an architect. 108 00:04:01,329 --> 00:04:02,629 How fascinating. 109 00:04:02,630 --> 00:04:05,064 Why do they call 'em coasters? 110 00:04:05,065 --> 00:04:06,399 And Barney. 111 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:10,287 Okay, time to go home. 112 00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:12,739 Ted, a word. 113 00:04:15,743 --> 00:04:17,577 God, I hate these situations. 114 00:04:17,578 --> 00:04:19,429 What are we gonna do about this? 115 00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:20,914 What are you talking about? 116 00:04:20,915 --> 00:04:23,116 Come on, Ted, it's obvious. 117 00:04:23,117 --> 00:04:24,718 Honey's vibing on me. 118 00:04:24,719 --> 00:04:25,786 What? 119 00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,754 It's called body language. 120 00:04:28,723 --> 00:04:30,357 Remember when she was touching your arm 121 00:04:30,358 --> 00:04:31,958 and leaning in real close? Mm-hmm. 122 00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:36,163 Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink 123 00:04:36,164 --> 00:04:39,265 was pointed right at me. 124 00:04:40,134 --> 00:04:42,202 I mean... 125 00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:44,171 that's as clear as a signal gets, 126 00:04:44,172 --> 00:04:45,322 so... 127 00:04:47,175 --> 00:04:48,942 I'm so sorry, man. 128 00:04:48,943 --> 00:04:51,978 You're right. 129 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,114 She's all yours, buddy. 130 00:04:54,115 --> 00:04:55,949 I'd say hump her brains out, 131 00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,884 but someone obviously already has. 132 00:04:57,885 --> 00:05:00,453 Good for you. 133 00:05:00,454 --> 00:05:02,122 Ted Mosby does not take advantage 134 00:05:02,123 --> 00:05:03,490 of poor, helpless honeys. 135 00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:05,292 Yeah, actually, there's another reason 136 00:05:05,293 --> 00:05:07,127 that I didn't go home with her. 137 00:05:07,128 --> 00:05:08,094 Hmm? 138 00:05:08,095 --> 00:05:08,862 He's gay! 139 00:05:08,863 --> 00:05:10,931 Mom, hang up! 140 00:05:10,932 --> 00:05:12,799 I'm sorry. 141 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,268 Go on. 142 00:05:15,269 --> 00:05:16,536 Yeah, actually, there's another reason 143 00:05:16,537 --> 00:05:18,238 that I didn't go home with her. 144 00:05:18,239 --> 00:05:19,406 Hmm? 145 00:05:19,407 --> 00:05:22,442 I'm in love with Zoey. 146 00:05:22,443 --> 00:05:24,411 Oh, my God. 147 00:05:24,412 --> 00:05:25,946 Oh, my God! 148 00:05:25,947 --> 00:05:26,813 Mom! 149 00:05:26,814 --> 00:05:28,999 Sorry. 150 00:05:33,673 --> 00:05:35,340 Ted's in love with Zoey? 151 00:05:35,341 --> 00:05:37,242 But, but she's married. 152 00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:39,277 That boy needs an intervention. 153 00:05:39,278 --> 00:05:40,912 Funny you should say that. 154 00:05:40,913 --> 00:05:42,547 Does anyone know why we're here? 155 00:05:42,548 --> 00:05:44,182 Yeah, who called this intervention? 156 00:05:44,183 --> 00:05:45,884 I did. It's for me. 157 00:05:45,885 --> 00:05:47,769 This is about the coffee breath. 158 00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:50,438 Finally. Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair. 159 00:05:50,439 --> 00:05:51,890 Guys, just let 160 00:05:51,891 --> 00:05:53,692 the man explain how it's all 161 00:05:53,693 --> 00:05:55,660 about his wearing a lady's watch. 162 00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:58,263 It's because I'm in love with Zoey, 163 00:05:58,264 --> 00:05:59,164 and she's married, 164 00:05:59,165 --> 00:06:01,149 so it needs to stop. 165 00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:03,802 And... intervene. 166 00:06:03,803 --> 00:06:06,137 Are you sure it's love? 167 00:06:06,138 --> 00:06:08,540 Remember the ketchup bottle? 168 00:06:08,541 --> 00:06:10,342 She wasn't the one who dropped it. 169 00:06:10,343 --> 00:06:14,179 When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and... 170 00:06:15,715 --> 00:06:19,417 I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. 171 00:06:19,418 --> 00:06:21,620 This is love. 172 00:06:22,622 --> 00:06:23,488 Wuss. 173 00:06:23,489 --> 00:06:24,472 Marcus! 174 00:06:24,473 --> 00:06:26,758 This is a private conversation! 175 00:06:27,426 --> 00:06:30,195 So what'd the wuss do next? 176 00:06:30,196 --> 00:06:32,597 This is love. 177 00:06:33,466 --> 00:06:36,334 And this was my grandmother's watch. 178 00:06:36,335 --> 00:06:40,471 Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me: 179 00:06:40,472 --> 00:06:42,340 I have to end my friendship with Zoey. 180 00:06:42,341 --> 00:06:43,825 Isn't that a little harsh? 181 00:06:43,826 --> 00:06:44,676 Harsh? 182 00:06:44,677 --> 00:06:45,710 Robin, a single guy 183 00:06:45,711 --> 00:06:47,646 and a married woman cannot be friends 184 00:06:47,647 --> 00:06:49,614 if one's in love with the other. 185 00:06:49,615 --> 00:06:51,650 Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too. 186 00:06:51,651 --> 00:06:53,868 It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. 187 00:06:53,869 --> 00:06:55,253 She'll always be around. 188 00:06:55,254 --> 00:06:56,888 Then what am I supposed to do? 189 00:06:56,889 --> 00:06:57,989 Okay, just shut it down. 190 00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,507 Okay, just ignore your feelings. 191 00:06:59,508 --> 00:07:01,359 If-If she asks you for ketchup, 192 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,461 tell her to get it her own damn self. 193 00:07:03,462 --> 00:07:05,230 Look, I like Zoey. Without her, 194 00:07:05,231 --> 00:07:08,500 my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. 195 00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:10,035 So those feelings of yours— 196 00:07:10,036 --> 00:07:11,069 shut 'em down. 197 00:07:11,070 --> 00:07:13,939 Fine. 198 00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:15,307 I'll shut 'em down. 199 00:07:15,308 --> 00:07:19,511 And seriously, mouthwash after coffee. 200 00:07:20,646 --> 00:07:24,049 Oh, um, that's my other line. 201 00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,283 It's not a number I recognize. 202 00:07:25,284 --> 00:07:26,484 So don't answer it. 203 00:07:27,987 --> 00:07:29,321 Yeah. 204 00:07:29,322 --> 00:07:30,822 Oh, my God, 205 00:07:30,823 --> 00:07:32,724 you are so Minnesota. 206 00:07:32,725 --> 00:07:34,326 You can't not answer the phone 207 00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:35,393 because it would be rude. 208 00:07:35,394 --> 00:07:36,494 Well, it would be. 209 00:07:36,495 --> 00:07:39,064 Good-bye. 210 00:07:39,065 --> 00:07:41,099 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 211 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:41,900 Hey, Marshall. 212 00:07:41,901 --> 00:07:42,867 Barney. 213 00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:44,169 W- What number is this? 214 00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,670 I'm up on burners, playa. 215 00:07:45,671 --> 00:07:47,539 Too many crazies had my old number, 216 00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:50,342 so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. 217 00:07:50,343 --> 00:07:52,377 I'll use one for a while, have my fun, 218 00:07:52,378 --> 00:07:54,279 then dump it and get a new one. 219 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,181 And then I'll do the same with my phone. 220 00:07:56,182 --> 00:08:00,518 Hey, uh, so Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing. 221 00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:02,487 Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. 222 00:08:02,488 --> 00:08:04,406 I'll tell you that story. 223 00:08:04,407 --> 00:08:06,057 Hey, Zoey. 224 00:08:06,058 --> 00:08:07,025 Hey. 225 00:08:07,026 --> 00:08:09,277 Ted, this is my cousin... 226 00:08:09,278 --> 00:08:11,229 Honey. 227 00:08:13,966 --> 00:08:15,700 Uh... 228 00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,102 Robin's version was... 229 00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:18,937 That is exactly how it happened. 230 00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:20,071 So Ted did his best 231 00:08:20,072 --> 00:08:22,173 to impress her, but as per yoozh, 232 00:08:22,174 --> 00:08:25,677 he bored the pants very much on her. 233 00:08:25,678 --> 00:08:27,796 Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. 234 00:08:27,797 --> 00:08:30,548 Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. 235 00:08:30,549 --> 00:08:31,750 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 236 00:08:31,751 --> 00:08:34,386 Wow, an architect. 237 00:08:34,387 --> 00:08:36,154 How fascinating. 238 00:08:36,155 --> 00:08:37,422 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 239 00:08:37,423 --> 00:08:39,057 Rambling architecture anecdote. 240 00:08:39,058 --> 00:08:40,425 Blah, blah, 241 00:08:40,426 --> 00:08:41,893 something about a bridge. 242 00:08:41,894 --> 00:08:42,827 Blah, blah, blah... 243 00:08:42,828 --> 00:08:44,896 Straw. 244 00:08:46,699 --> 00:08:49,401 Coaster. 245 00:08:50,269 --> 00:08:53,271 Okay, time to go home. 246 00:08:55,324 --> 00:08:57,909 Anyway, I get Honey back to her place. 247 00:08:58,844 --> 00:09:00,278 Who's your daddy? 248 00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:02,514 Okay, can we skip this part, please? 249 00:09:02,515 --> 00:09:05,917 Sure, I'll just summarize it. 250 00:09:18,464 --> 00:09:19,464 Okay, that's been 251 00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:20,598 going on a while. 252 00:09:20,599 --> 00:09:22,967 Only way I know how. 253 00:09:22,968 --> 00:09:25,970 Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. 254 00:09:25,971 --> 00:09:27,805 I run into Zoey. Hey, Zoey. 255 00:09:27,806 --> 00:09:30,942 That cousin of yours— Honey— yowsa! 256 00:09:30,943 --> 00:09:32,944 I must say, your family tree has got a couple 257 00:09:32,945 --> 00:09:35,113 of pretty big coconuts. 258 00:09:35,114 --> 00:09:36,281 Thanks. 259 00:09:36,282 --> 00:09:38,366 Yeah, we had a great time last night. 260 00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:41,119 And then just hand stuff in the morning, so... 261 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,887 Wait, she didn't go home with Ted? 262 00:09:42,888 --> 00:09:44,255 Nope, he let me have her. 263 00:09:44,256 --> 00:09:46,257 I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. 264 00:09:46,258 --> 00:09:49,694 He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. 265 00:09:49,695 --> 00:09:53,331 I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... 266 00:09:59,138 --> 00:10:00,839 She hugged me. 267 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,574 What was that all about? 268 00:10:02,575 --> 00:10:03,908 Zoey's in love with Ted. 269 00:10:03,909 --> 00:10:05,143 Marcus! 270 00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:06,478 Wait, hear me out, Marshall. 271 00:10:06,479 --> 00:10:09,514 Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married, 272 00:10:09,515 --> 00:10:11,249 so she tried to push him away 273 00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:13,618 by setting him up with her cousin instead. 274 00:10:13,619 --> 00:10:15,754 But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was 275 00:10:15,755 --> 00:10:17,255 more than her gentle heart could bear, 276 00:10:17,256 --> 00:10:21,025 so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. 277 00:10:21,026 --> 00:10:22,727 But then, the next morning, upon learning 278 00:10:22,728 --> 00:10:25,930 that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar, 279 00:10:25,931 --> 00:10:30,135 her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring. 280 00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:32,137 Wow. 281 00:10:32,138 --> 00:10:34,506 Zoey's in love with Ted. 282 00:10:34,507 --> 00:10:38,777 Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts. 283 00:10:38,778 --> 00:10:40,712 Would you like a Hertz Donut? 284 00:10:40,713 --> 00:10:41,913 Sure. 285 00:10:47,319 --> 00:10:48,019 Hey, where's the...? 286 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:49,687 No! Aah! 287 00:10:49,688 --> 00:10:50,888 Hurts, don't it? 288 00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:55,560 I can't believe you fell for that, bro. 289 00:10:55,561 --> 00:10:58,363 So Ted's in love with Zoey 290 00:10:58,364 --> 00:11:01,065 and Zoey's in love with Ted? 291 00:11:01,066 --> 00:11:02,734 Well, that-that's not going to work. 292 00:11:02,735 --> 00:11:04,369 I got to call Ted. 293 00:11:06,205 --> 00:11:07,405 Hello. 294 00:11:07,406 --> 00:11:08,540 Listen, Ted, um, 295 00:11:08,541 --> 00:11:10,642 I got to tell you something about Zoey. 296 00:11:10,643 --> 00:11:13,945 Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too. 297 00:11:13,946 --> 00:11:16,614 Hey. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up 298 00:11:16,615 --> 00:11:18,449 on that beer you're about to offer me. 299 00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:20,218 Can I get you a beer? 300 00:11:20,219 --> 00:11:22,220 Oh, Ted, I'm so busy. 301 00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:23,621 But I guess I got time for one. 302 00:11:23,622 --> 00:11:25,473 Lead the way. 303 00:11:29,128 --> 00:11:30,495 Oh, my God. 304 00:11:30,496 --> 00:11:31,779 What? 305 00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:33,631 Fridge full of ketchup? How? 306 00:11:33,632 --> 00:11:36,234 How, I ask you? 307 00:11:39,738 --> 00:11:41,639 What? 308 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:45,310 Listen, Zoey, I, um... 309 00:11:47,112 --> 00:11:49,080 I need to tell you something. 310 00:11:49,081 --> 00:11:50,682 Um... 311 00:11:50,683 --> 00:11:52,617 Marshall, I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything? 312 00:11:52,618 --> 00:11:54,485 Mom! Get off the phone! 313 00:11:54,486 --> 00:11:56,354 Could you get some more Bugles, please? 314 00:11:56,355 --> 00:11:57,288 Of course, dear. 315 00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:58,423 Marcus, hang up! 316 00:11:58,424 --> 00:12:00,425 Both of you, hang up! 317 00:12:00,426 --> 00:12:02,627 And we need ice cream. 318 00:12:04,046 --> 00:12:06,097 Go on. 319 00:12:06,098 --> 00:12:10,568 I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore. 320 00:12:11,604 --> 00:12:14,505 And this may seem strange, but... 321 00:12:14,506 --> 00:12:16,341 you can't ask me why. 322 00:12:16,342 --> 00:12:18,543 Wow. 323 00:12:20,346 --> 00:12:22,180 Okay. 324 00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:29,354 And that was it. 325 00:12:29,355 --> 00:12:30,722 No more Zoey. 326 00:12:31,874 --> 00:12:33,291 Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily. 327 00:12:33,292 --> 00:12:34,692 I should take that. 328 00:12:34,693 --> 00:12:35,660 But, uh, 329 00:12:35,661 --> 00:12:37,328 you're a good guy, Ted. 330 00:12:38,197 --> 00:12:40,381 Hey, baby. 331 00:12:40,382 --> 00:12:41,666 We hate Ted now. 332 00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,902 Get on board or the sexting stops. 333 00:12:43,903 --> 00:12:46,371 Ted's a son of a bitch! 334 00:12:48,908 --> 00:12:50,841 Oh, nice. 335 00:12:50,842 --> 00:12:54,212 But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? 336 00:12:54,213 --> 00:12:56,547 He just, he just ended things with Zoey. 337 00:12:56,548 --> 00:12:57,782 Oh, I know. 338 00:12:57,783 --> 00:13:00,418 But did he tell you the whole story? 339 00:13:00,419 --> 00:13:04,656 I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore. 340 00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:08,159 And you can't ask me why. 341 00:13:13,832 --> 00:13:14,899 Why? 342 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,168 Lily hates you. 343 00:13:18,721 --> 00:13:20,872 You hate me? 344 00:13:26,050 --> 00:13:27,517 That's crazy. I don't hate you. 345 00:13:27,518 --> 00:13:31,020 Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything. 346 00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:32,855 He... Oh, really? 347 00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:36,159 And-And what did Ted say, exactly? 348 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,061 Lily hates you. 349 00:13:38,929 --> 00:13:41,798 She hates you so much 350 00:13:41,799 --> 00:13:44,601 it's hard to be around you. 351 00:13:45,936 --> 00:13:48,605 So we can't be friends. 352 00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:51,741 Oh, he... Oh, yeah. 353 00:13:51,742 --> 00:13:53,376 Yeah, okay, well, 354 00:13:53,377 --> 00:13:56,112 I- I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. 355 00:13:56,113 --> 00:13:58,147 I- I hate you. 356 00:13:58,148 --> 00:13:59,382 Bitch. 357 00:13:59,383 --> 00:14:01,918 I can't believe it. 358 00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:04,821 I really thought you and I were friends. 359 00:14:04,822 --> 00:14:06,456 Lord knows I could 360 00:14:06,457 --> 00:14:07,724 use a friend right now. 361 00:14:07,725 --> 00:14:10,393 I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff. 362 00:14:10,394 --> 00:14:13,029 Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff? 363 00:14:13,030 --> 00:14:14,030 I don't know. 364 00:14:14,031 --> 00:14:15,765 Well, you did the right thing, baby. 365 00:14:15,766 --> 00:14:18,101 Not entirely. 366 00:14:18,102 --> 00:14:20,403 Zoey, wait! 367 00:14:20,404 --> 00:14:21,938 I don't hate you! 368 00:14:21,939 --> 00:14:22,972 We just 369 00:14:22,973 --> 00:14:26,109 can't be friends anymore because... 370 00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:27,944 Robin hates you. 371 00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:30,980 And that's Robin on the other line. 372 00:14:30,981 --> 00:14:32,248 Oh, well, I'll let you take that. 373 00:14:32,249 --> 00:14:33,216 Love you, baby! 374 00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:35,585 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 375 00:14:35,586 --> 00:14:38,004 Listen, Robin. I know. I apologize for my wife. 376 00:14:38,005 --> 00:14:39,355 She never should have... 377 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,691 Yeah, I told Zoey you hate her. 378 00:14:41,692 --> 00:14:42,842 Me? 379 00:14:42,843 --> 00:14:44,460 You dragged me into this? 380 00:14:44,461 --> 00:14:45,728 You just went through a tragedy. 381 00:14:45,729 --> 00:14:47,764 It's not like she's gonna call you up and... 382 00:14:48,899 --> 00:14:50,650 Oh, God, that's my other line. 383 00:14:50,651 --> 00:14:53,302 Oh, God, it's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it! 384 00:14:53,303 --> 00:14:54,370 I think it's Zoey! 385 00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:55,538 Just don't answer it. 386 00:14:55,539 --> 00:14:57,707 I can't not answer. It's impolite. 387 00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:58,941 Marshall, you can beat this. I can't turn my back 388 00:14:58,942 --> 00:15:00,209 on politeness. You don't have to answer. 389 00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:01,744 You can just let it ring. Good manners are what 390 00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:02,812 separate us from those "elbows on the table" Wisconsinites. 391 00:15:02,813 --> 00:15:04,047 You can do this. I believe in you. 392 00:15:04,048 --> 00:15:06,382 Don't do it, Marshall! I'm sorry, Robin! 393 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,251 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 394 00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:11,354 Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney 395 00:15:11,355 --> 00:15:13,956 and he accidentally left his phone 396 00:15:13,957 --> 00:15:16,125 in my apartment, in the garbage. 397 00:15:16,126 --> 00:15:17,293 But I've been 398 00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:18,628 going through all of his contacts 399 00:15:18,629 --> 00:15:20,697 because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me. 400 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,199 After all, he told me, uh... 401 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,001 I was his first. 402 00:15:25,002 --> 00:15:27,036 Oh, honey. 403 00:15:27,037 --> 00:15:28,971 Oh! Honey! 404 00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:30,640 Zoey's cousin. 405 00:15:30,641 --> 00:15:31,908 Hi. 406 00:15:31,909 --> 00:15:32,942 Listen, um, about Barney... 407 00:15:32,943 --> 00:15:35,044 Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy. 408 00:15:35,045 --> 00:15:37,280 Who's your daddy? 409 00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:39,849 Oh... 410 00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:41,317 Who's your daddy? 411 00:15:41,318 --> 00:15:44,053 I don't know. 412 00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:49,292 I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad. 413 00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:51,627 His mom gave him the guy's address. 414 00:15:51,628 --> 00:15:54,247 So I wrote him a letter. 415 00:15:54,248 --> 00:15:56,432 And I poured my heart out. 416 00:15:56,433 --> 00:16:00,169 And I gave him my number and I told him to call me. 417 00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:03,005 And he still hasn't called me. 418 00:16:03,006 --> 00:16:05,141 Oh, honey. 419 00:16:05,142 --> 00:16:07,143 I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. 420 00:16:07,144 --> 00:16:10,012 Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me. 421 00:16:10,013 --> 00:16:11,714 Oh, honey. 422 00:16:11,715 --> 00:16:13,516 I mean, 423 00:16:13,517 --> 00:16:16,753 why else would he let 30 years go by? 424 00:16:16,754 --> 00:16:18,187 He's ashamed 425 00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:21,023 to have me as a son. 426 00:16:21,024 --> 00:16:24,059 Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you. 427 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,829 He's ashamed of himself. 428 00:16:26,830 --> 00:16:27,997 I mean, look at you. 429 00:16:27,998 --> 00:16:30,032 You're do so great without him. 430 00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:32,869 I mean, you have an airline 431 00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:35,471 and three Nobel Prizes, 432 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:37,774 and you play for the Yankees. 433 00:16:37,775 --> 00:16:40,543 Four. Four Nobel Prizes. 434 00:16:40,544 --> 00:16:42,445 Four. See? 435 00:16:42,446 --> 00:16:44,046 That is impressive. 436 00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:46,082 I mean, how many does he have? 437 00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:47,550 Only three. 438 00:16:47,551 --> 00:16:49,919 Well, there you go. 439 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,256 Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you, 440 00:16:53,257 --> 00:16:56,359 do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff 441 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,593 Zoey's been going through? 442 00:16:57,594 --> 00:16:59,462 Oh, I can't tell you about that. 443 00:16:59,463 --> 00:17:01,664 The only people that are allowed to know 444 00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:04,901 are me, Zoey and her therapist. 445 00:17:05,736 --> 00:17:07,904 I am her therapist. 446 00:17:07,905 --> 00:17:10,973 Oh! Well, in that case... 447 00:17:14,745 --> 00:17:17,947 Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. 448 00:17:17,948 --> 00:17:20,299 I got to go. Bye. 449 00:17:21,585 --> 00:17:22,919 Mom! Marcus! 450 00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:27,490 What's this really about? 451 00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,192 I told you. 452 00:17:29,193 --> 00:17:30,593 Lily hates you. 453 00:17:30,594 --> 00:17:31,661 I think you hate me. 454 00:17:31,662 --> 00:17:33,563 I think you have some big problem with me, 455 00:17:33,564 --> 00:17:35,932 and you're too chicken to come out and say it. 456 00:17:37,334 --> 00:17:38,734 All right. 457 00:17:38,735 --> 00:17:41,037 Yes. 458 00:17:41,038 --> 00:17:43,873 I... hate you. 459 00:17:43,874 --> 00:17:45,842 Great. 460 00:17:45,843 --> 00:17:48,077 See? 461 00:17:48,078 --> 00:17:49,612 Was that so hard? 462 00:17:53,917 --> 00:17:55,651 Zoey. 463 00:17:55,652 --> 00:17:57,152 Can you at least tell me why? 464 00:17:57,153 --> 00:17:58,821 Because I'm racking my brain here, 465 00:17:58,822 --> 00:18:00,322 and I thought... 466 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:04,193 I just want to know why. 467 00:18:05,362 --> 00:18:08,831 So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey. 468 00:18:08,832 --> 00:18:10,032 Zoey has no idea. 469 00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:12,802 Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney, 470 00:18:12,803 --> 00:18:14,103 and Zoey was happy about it. 471 00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:15,271 Which tells us what? 472 00:18:15,272 --> 00:18:16,973 Zoey's in love with... 473 00:18:16,974 --> 00:18:18,841 Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know. 474 00:18:18,842 --> 00:18:20,810 So Ted and Zoey— they're in love with each other, 475 00:18:20,811 --> 00:18:22,812 which would be fine if Zoey wasn't 476 00:18:22,813 --> 00:18:24,113 married to Colonel Mustard. 477 00:18:24,114 --> 00:18:25,514 I mean, The Captain. 478 00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:29,952 Except now, as Honey informs me... 479 00:18:29,953 --> 00:18:31,120 And we miss you. 480 00:18:31,121 --> 00:18:32,488 But the cousin thing mostly. 481 00:18:32,489 --> 00:18:33,623 Let's get that going. 482 00:18:33,624 --> 00:18:36,358 Fine, I will, uh, make it happen. 483 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:39,028 Good-bye. 484 00:18:39,029 --> 00:18:42,331 Okay. Well... 485 00:18:42,332 --> 00:18:44,867 I guess I'll take it. 486 00:18:49,539 --> 00:18:53,776 Zoey and The Captain are getting divorced. 487 00:18:54,878 --> 00:18:56,245 Which means...? 488 00:18:56,246 --> 00:18:58,114 So help me, Marshall, 489 00:18:58,115 --> 00:19:02,618 if you don't call those two crazy, mixed-up kids, I will. 490 00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:04,587 Give me that phone. 491 00:19:06,423 --> 00:19:07,556 Why do I hate you? 492 00:19:07,557 --> 00:19:08,724 Are you kidding? 493 00:19:08,725 --> 00:19:10,526 Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me 494 00:19:10,527 --> 00:19:11,761 from realizing a lifelong dream. 495 00:19:11,762 --> 00:19:12,995 So there's that. 496 00:19:12,996 --> 00:19:13,863 Plus, you're stubborn 497 00:19:13,864 --> 00:19:15,631 and-and-and argumentative. 498 00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:19,502 And what kind of name is Zoey, huh? 499 00:19:19,503 --> 00:19:21,270 What is that, short for Zoseph? 500 00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:23,272 Go on, get it. 501 00:19:23,273 --> 00:19:24,624 I'll have more in a second. 502 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:27,877 Hello. 503 00:19:27,878 --> 00:19:29,962 Oh, hey, Marshall. 504 00:19:32,683 --> 00:19:34,884 Yes, I am. 505 00:19:36,887 --> 00:19:38,287 Yes, I am. 506 00:19:39,723 --> 00:19:41,991 He is? 507 00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:47,063 Bye. 508 00:19:47,064 --> 00:19:48,664 Why was Marshall calling? 509 00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,266 Don't worry about it. Go on. 510 00:19:50,267 --> 00:19:52,535 You talk during movies. 511 00:19:52,536 --> 00:19:53,536 You-You-You 512 00:19:53,537 --> 00:19:55,471 sneeze with your whole body. 513 00:19:55,472 --> 00:19:56,605 Uh, to my knowledge, 514 00:19:56,606 --> 00:19:58,874 you do not speak Portuguese. 515 00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:00,042 Well, actually... 516 00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:04,630 You're a show-off. 517 00:20:07,184 --> 00:20:09,618 You better take that. 518 00:20:12,973 --> 00:20:15,224 Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back? 519 00:20:15,225 --> 00:20:17,493 I'm out in the hallway with... 520 00:20:17,494 --> 00:20:20,096 She is? 521 00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:24,834 She is? 522 00:20:26,536 --> 00:20:30,528 Marshall, I got to go. 523 00:20:53,371 --> 00:20:55,023 They're kissing. 524 00:20:55,024 --> 00:20:55,988 They're kissing? 525 00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:58,135 Yeah! They're kissing! 526 00:20:58,307 --> 00:21:00,990 They're kissing, Mom! They're kissing!