1 00:00:01,893 --> 00:00:04,194 My first kiss with Zoey was amazing, 2 00:00:04,195 --> 00:00:05,628 and complicated. 3 00:00:05,629 --> 00:00:07,064 Look, um... 4 00:00:07,065 --> 00:00:09,433 I know you're going through a lot right now. 5 00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:11,702 Getting divorced, being single, 6 00:00:11,703 --> 00:00:14,404 figuring out who you are on your own. 7 00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,340 Someone knows how to set a mood. 8 00:00:16,341 --> 00:00:18,542 I just mean... 9 00:00:18,543 --> 00:00:21,044 I'm okay taking this slow. 10 00:00:21,045 --> 00:00:23,113 I want to do this right. 11 00:00:23,114 --> 00:00:26,583 My friends, as usual, were completely supportive. 12 00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:28,452 You're doing this all wrong! 13 00:00:28,453 --> 00:00:31,021 Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class 14 00:00:31,022 --> 00:00:33,090 who have moved faster than you two. 15 00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:35,025 Granted, their home lives are not great. 16 00:00:35,026 --> 00:00:36,259 Hey, I'm trying. 17 00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:38,128 I keep suggesting these big, romantic dates, 18 00:00:38,129 --> 00:00:40,047 and she keeps putting on the brakes. 19 00:00:40,048 --> 00:00:43,300 Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies. 20 00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:44,301 Oh. 21 00:00:44,302 --> 00:00:45,802 booty-call. 22 00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:47,471 Total booty-call. 23 00:00:47,472 --> 00:00:49,439 Private Booty, reporting for duty. 24 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,974 That's crazy. 25 00:00:50,975 --> 00:00:52,142 She-She wants to bake. 26 00:00:52,143 --> 00:00:54,544 Guys booty-call girls after 2:00 a.m. 27 00:00:54,545 --> 00:00:57,781 with a drunkenly slurred, "What ya doing?" 28 00:00:57,782 --> 00:01:00,250 But when a lady booty-calls a guy, 29 00:01:00,251 --> 00:01:02,786 she invents a respectable excuse 30 00:01:02,787 --> 00:01:05,522 to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good. 31 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,057 It's called class, Ted. 32 00:01:07,058 --> 00:01:08,425 Wait. That... 33 00:01:08,426 --> 00:01:10,861 You think that's what she means by "baking cookies"? 34 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,079 Are you kidding? 35 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,998 You're in the kitchen, it's getting hot, 36 00:01:14,999 --> 00:01:17,667 you start licking stuff off each others' fingers. 37 00:01:17,668 --> 00:01:19,269 Before you know it, she's bent 38 00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:21,004 over the marble island, 39 00:01:21,005 --> 00:01:23,039 and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. 40 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,875 And she's screaming, "Stop, Marshall, stop," 41 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,744 but that's just code for "harder!" 42 00:01:28,613 --> 00:01:29,813 Marshall's been in Minnesota 43 00:01:29,814 --> 00:01:30,914 a while, huh? 44 00:01:30,915 --> 00:01:32,215 So long! 45 00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:34,851 And now he's staying even longer. 46 00:01:34,852 --> 00:01:37,821 His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. 47 00:01:37,822 --> 00:01:39,589 He's waiting on her hand and foot. 48 00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:40,624 But... 49 00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:41,625 it's Valentine's Day. 50 00:01:41,626 --> 00:01:43,093 It's not going to be the same 51 00:01:43,094 --> 00:01:45,028 without the two of us watching Predator together. 52 00:01:45,029 --> 00:01:46,296 I should explain. 53 00:01:46,297 --> 00:01:48,198 On their very first Valentine's Day, 54 00:01:48,199 --> 00:01:51,501 Marshall and Lily set out to watch Sleepless in Seattle. 55 00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:55,439 You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times, 56 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,041 but I never got to see it with the right girl. 57 00:01:58,042 --> 00:01:59,443 Aw... 58 00:01:59,444 --> 00:02:02,979 I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you. 59 00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:04,548 What girls? 60 00:02:04,549 --> 00:02:07,050 If it bleeds, we can kill it. 61 00:02:07,051 --> 00:02:11,188 Except Marshall's brothers had taped over it with Predator. 62 00:02:11,189 --> 00:02:12,355 Mmm. 63 00:02:12,356 --> 00:02:14,724 And it became a tradition. 64 00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:16,993 Wow, you sound really lonely. 65 00:02:16,994 --> 00:02:20,464 I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears... 66 00:02:20,465 --> 00:02:22,032 Shh. Daddy's talking now. 67 00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:24,801 Loneliness. The looming specter 68 00:02:24,802 --> 00:02:27,037 of Valentine's Day fast approaching. 69 00:02:27,038 --> 00:02:30,907 The two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year, 70 00:02:30,908 --> 00:02:34,277 Desperation Day. 71 00:02:34,278 --> 00:02:36,379 That's not a thing. It's a thing. 72 00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:38,331 Much like Valentine's Day itself, 73 00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,650 Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. 74 00:02:40,651 --> 00:02:42,469 Weddings were forbidden 75 00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:43,720 under ancient Roman law, 76 00:02:43,721 --> 00:02:46,156 so Saint Valentine performed them in secret, 77 00:02:46,157 --> 00:02:48,124 under threat of death. 78 00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:50,260 That's actually true. Wait, there's more. 79 00:02:50,261 --> 00:02:51,461 This won't be. 80 00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,296 And right by Saint Valentine's side 81 00:02:53,297 --> 00:02:56,900 was his best bro, Saint Desperatius, 82 00:02:56,901 --> 00:02:59,503 there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. 83 00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:00,904 Whoa. Check out that one. 84 00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:03,573 Her body is a perfect X. 85 00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:07,377 Player, play on. High V. 86 00:03:07,378 --> 00:03:09,646 Oh, Jupiter, 87 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:12,199 what are your plans for me? 88 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,818 15 and still unmarried. 89 00:03:16,053 --> 00:03:19,189 And I thought Pompeii was smokin'. 90 00:03:20,691 --> 00:03:23,343 Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. 91 00:03:23,344 --> 00:03:25,629 That neediness reaches its climax— 92 00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:28,098 what up— on February 13. 93 00:03:28,099 --> 00:03:30,800 A magical night when a ten 94 00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:32,702 has the self-esteem of a four 95 00:03:32,703 --> 00:03:35,071 and the depraved enthusiasm of a two. 96 00:03:35,072 --> 00:03:38,041 Now, there's only one thing you can't do. 97 00:03:38,042 --> 00:03:39,709 Please say "widows." 98 00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:43,013 Wherever you are, or whoever you're under, 99 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:47,551 you must get home alone by 11:59 p.m. 100 00:03:47,552 --> 00:03:50,687 Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day. 101 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,122 Barney, Desperation Day 102 00:03:52,123 --> 00:03:55,158 assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. 103 00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:56,760 Which we do not. 104 00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:59,863 Case in point, I will be spending February 13 105 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,665 with some lovely single ladies from work... 106 00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:03,750 Trolls... who could care less 107 00:04:03,751 --> 00:04:05,669 about Valentine's Day. Lying trolls. 108 00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:07,870 And we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have 109 00:04:07,871 --> 00:04:09,372 to spend it with some dippy guy 110 00:04:09,373 --> 00:04:11,508 carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. 111 00:04:11,509 --> 00:04:12,609 Oh, no offense, Ted. 112 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:15,979 And none was taken until just then. 113 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:22,465 Transcript by Addic7ed.com 114 00:04:23,074 --> 00:04:28,925 www.addic7ed.com 115 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,994 I decided to go to Minnesota 116 00:04:30,995 --> 00:04:32,329 to see Marshall. 117 00:04:32,330 --> 00:04:34,130 He shouldn't have to help his mom 118 00:04:34,131 --> 00:04:36,499 through this rough time all by himself. 119 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:38,418 You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment? 120 00:04:38,419 --> 00:04:39,569 I'm getting weird! 121 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,738 See, it started off 122 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:44,641 with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. 123 00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:48,645 And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. 124 00:04:50,114 --> 00:04:53,016 I'm sorry I yelled like that before. 125 00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:56,453 I call him "Marshpillow." And he calls me... 126 00:04:56,454 --> 00:04:59,055 nothing because he's a pillow. 127 00:05:00,057 --> 00:05:02,225 Hey. 128 00:05:02,226 --> 00:05:04,427 Hey. How was "baking cookies" last night? 129 00:05:04,428 --> 00:05:06,096 That was a tough question. 130 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,697 You see... 131 00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:09,399 Hi. 132 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,835 Uh... 133 00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:14,337 Is that an overnight bag? 134 00:05:17,174 --> 00:05:19,142 You brought an overnight bag? 135 00:05:19,143 --> 00:05:21,077 You guys said I was definitely going to spend the night. 136 00:05:21,078 --> 00:05:22,212 We said you were going to have sex. 137 00:05:22,213 --> 00:05:23,980 We didn't say, "Bring a carry-on." 138 00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:25,949 So how did Zoey react? 139 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,585 She thought it was presumptuous and asked me to leave. 140 00:05:28,586 --> 00:05:30,987 It's-It's not like I brought a ton of stuff. 141 00:05:30,988 --> 00:05:32,689 Were there slippers for the morning? 142 00:05:33,991 --> 00:05:36,326 Not slippers, exactly. 143 00:05:37,595 --> 00:05:40,063 They're called British morning socks. 144 00:05:40,931 --> 00:05:42,866 This is such a nice surprise. 145 00:05:42,867 --> 00:05:45,652 Marshall will be so happy. 146 00:05:45,653 --> 00:05:46,970 Oh... 147 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:49,606 How are you holding up, Judy? 148 00:05:49,607 --> 00:05:50,674 Oh, I'm doin' okay. 149 00:05:50,675 --> 00:05:52,158 It gets a little lonely. 150 00:05:52,159 --> 00:05:55,078 My friends suggested a body pillow, but... 151 00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:57,080 I'm not a lunatic. 152 00:05:57,081 --> 00:05:58,331 Hey, Mom? 153 00:05:58,332 --> 00:05:59,983 I hate to be that guy, 154 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,918 but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, 155 00:06:01,919 --> 00:06:03,670 like, ten minutes ago. 156 00:06:03,671 --> 00:06:06,222 Lily. Lily. 157 00:06:06,223 --> 00:06:07,340 What are you doing here? 158 00:06:07,341 --> 00:06:09,092 I wanted to surprise you. 159 00:06:09,093 --> 00:06:10,844 Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. 160 00:06:10,845 --> 00:06:12,679 I'm so glad you're here. 161 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,464 Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, 162 00:06:14,465 --> 00:06:16,132 did you remember to get more double-A batteries? 163 00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,233 Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie. 164 00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:18,935 Right next to your washed and folded clothes. 165 00:06:18,936 --> 00:06:21,337 Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. 166 00:06:21,338 --> 00:06:23,390 I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. 167 00:06:23,391 --> 00:06:24,841 Okay. I'll be right back. 168 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:25,909 I love you, Lily. 169 00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:26,910 Okay. 170 00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:28,061 You're the best, Mom. 171 00:06:28,062 --> 00:06:31,398 Aw... Anything for my baby bear. 172 00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:34,217 Get him out of my house. 173 00:06:38,902 --> 00:06:40,903 Take Marshall back to New York with you. 174 00:06:40,904 --> 00:06:41,970 Please, I am begging you. 175 00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:43,739 I thought he was here helping you. 176 00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:44,907 Well, he was, at first. 177 00:06:44,908 --> 00:06:46,141 But once he saw me starting 178 00:06:46,142 --> 00:06:47,976 to do better, he kind of regressed. 179 00:06:47,977 --> 00:06:50,779 He's been holed up in his room for days at a time, 180 00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:52,114 playing old video games. 181 00:06:52,115 --> 00:06:55,451 I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but... 182 00:06:56,486 --> 00:06:58,120 Uh, I'll talk to him. 183 00:06:58,121 --> 00:06:59,588 I want to be there for him, 184 00:06:59,589 --> 00:07:02,157 but it's like he's a teenager again. 185 00:07:02,158 --> 00:07:04,760 I even walked in on him abusing himself. 186 00:07:04,761 --> 00:07:05,961 Oh, God. 187 00:07:05,962 --> 00:07:07,129 There he was, on the bed, 188 00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:08,597 looking at old photos of his dad. 189 00:07:08,598 --> 00:07:11,967 That's emotional self-abuse, don't you think? 190 00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:17,005 Hi. Hi. 191 00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:18,206 Listen, 192 00:07:18,207 --> 00:07:20,592 that was a dumb move for me to just assume... 193 00:07:20,593 --> 00:07:21,810 No, no, I overreacted. 194 00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:25,514 I mean, I invited you over to "bake cookies." 195 00:07:25,515 --> 00:07:27,149 We both knew what that meant. 196 00:07:27,150 --> 00:07:28,116 We totally did. 197 00:07:28,117 --> 00:07:29,518 I just, you know... 198 00:07:29,519 --> 00:07:31,587 I saw those slippers in your bag, 199 00:07:31,588 --> 00:07:32,621 and suddenly everything 200 00:07:32,622 --> 00:07:34,323 felt really serious. 201 00:07:34,324 --> 00:07:37,326 And... ever since, I've been asking myself, 202 00:07:37,327 --> 00:07:40,195 "Am I ready for this?" 203 00:07:40,196 --> 00:07:41,730 And... 204 00:07:41,731 --> 00:07:45,167 the answer is "yes." 205 00:07:49,422 --> 00:07:51,206 They're actually called British morning socks. 206 00:07:51,207 --> 00:07:52,207 Yeah. Don't get in your own way. 207 00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:53,542 Right. Okay. 208 00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:56,595 Um, Marshall, your mom asked me 209 00:07:56,596 --> 00:07:57,813 to carry this up. 210 00:07:57,814 --> 00:07:59,982 She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels. 211 00:07:59,983 --> 00:08:01,483 Is my track okay? 212 00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:04,052 It's fine, but, Marshall, 213 00:08:04,053 --> 00:08:06,722 I thought you were here taking care of your mom. 214 00:08:06,723 --> 00:08:09,124 It seems like she's taking care of you. 215 00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:12,127 My mom loves to feel needed. 216 00:08:12,128 --> 00:08:13,462 Letting her take care of me 217 00:08:13,463 --> 00:08:15,831 is how I'm taking care of her. 218 00:08:16,633 --> 00:08:18,200 She's in a dark place, Lily. 219 00:08:18,201 --> 00:08:19,868 She needs this. 220 00:08:20,203 --> 00:08:21,270 Mom? 221 00:08:21,271 --> 00:08:22,571 You forgot my chocolate milk 222 00:08:22,572 --> 00:08:24,106 with the swirly straw! 223 00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:27,209 Oops. Comin' right up! 224 00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,545 Ow. Ow. 225 00:08:29,546 --> 00:08:30,879 She needs this. 226 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,615 Marshall, tomorrow's Valentine's. 227 00:08:33,616 --> 00:08:36,351 Don't you want to be at home on our couch, 228 00:08:36,352 --> 00:08:38,420 cuddling up under a warm blanket, 229 00:08:38,421 --> 00:08:40,756 watching the Predator use his heat vision 230 00:08:40,757 --> 00:08:43,475 to stalk helpless prey? 231 00:08:58,775 --> 00:09:01,176 Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. 232 00:09:01,177 --> 00:09:02,945 No, my mom can go rent it for us 233 00:09:02,946 --> 00:09:04,780 after she's done digging out the car. 234 00:09:04,781 --> 00:09:06,048 Marshall, your mom wants you out of here. 235 00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:07,082 What? 236 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,984 Anything else, sweetie? 237 00:09:08,985 --> 00:09:11,753 Mom, d-do you want me to leave? 238 00:09:11,754 --> 00:09:13,989 Heavens to Bess, no! 239 00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:15,557 Of course not! 240 00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:16,625 But, Judy, you said... 241 00:09:16,626 --> 00:09:19,061 Oh, if Marshall could stay here forever, 242 00:09:19,062 --> 00:09:22,297 I would be the happiest mom in Minnesota. 243 00:09:26,386 --> 00:09:29,354 So Valentine's Day is tomorrow. 244 00:09:29,355 --> 00:09:31,723 Yeah. You know, there's this new Italian restaurant 245 00:09:31,724 --> 00:09:33,942 on 79th that's supposed to be amazing. 246 00:09:33,943 --> 00:09:36,778 I would be happier having just a simple, home-cooked meal. 247 00:09:36,779 --> 00:09:39,047 As long as it's with you. 248 00:09:39,048 --> 00:09:41,450 Tomorrow night, my place. 249 00:09:44,854 --> 00:09:47,089 I'm ready for this, Ted. 250 00:09:47,090 --> 00:09:48,056 I am in it 251 00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:49,574 for the long haul. 252 00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:52,961 I can't wait for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. 253 00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:57,132 The one we'll remember for years. 254 00:09:59,202 --> 00:10:01,336 Isn't that great? Yeah, if you say so, yeah. 255 00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:02,437 What do you mean? 256 00:10:03,473 --> 00:10:05,207 Look, she just got out of a marriage, Ted. 257 00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:06,475 That's heavy. 258 00:10:06,476 --> 00:10:09,478 I'm kind of freaking out, just listening to you. 259 00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:10,646 My heart is pounding, 260 00:10:10,647 --> 00:10:12,064 I'm hearing this weird clicking noise. 261 00:10:15,818 --> 00:10:17,786 Well, it's romantic, right? 262 00:10:17,787 --> 00:10:21,056 Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day. 263 00:10:21,057 --> 00:10:23,659 See, that just amps up the pressure even more. 264 00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:26,161 Boy, it's a good thing that you're sure. 265 00:10:26,162 --> 00:10:27,429 Who said I wasn't sure? 266 00:10:27,430 --> 00:10:30,065 I'm glad we're in a serious relationship. 267 00:10:30,066 --> 00:10:31,566 Right away. 268 00:10:31,567 --> 00:10:32,601 And if I screw this up, 269 00:10:32,602 --> 00:10:33,869 I'm the devil, 270 00:10:33,870 --> 00:10:35,370 because she's going through a divorce. 271 00:10:35,371 --> 00:10:37,255 But I'm not going to screw this up. 272 00:10:37,256 --> 00:10:39,708 So stop freaking out, Robin. 273 00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,243 Stop freaking out! 274 00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:44,146 Kids, I'm not super proud of what I did next. 275 00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:45,430 Hi! 276 00:10:45,431 --> 00:10:46,982 I'm here to help Marshall. 277 00:10:49,252 --> 00:10:51,153 Meanwhile, as Desperation Day 278 00:10:51,154 --> 00:10:52,921 turned into Desperation Night... 279 00:10:52,922 --> 00:10:56,692 God, these girls are so hungry for male attention. 280 00:10:56,693 --> 00:11:01,129 It is like being a hunter and having the deer walk up, 281 00:11:01,130 --> 00:11:03,198 tie itself to the hood of your car 282 00:11:03,199 --> 00:11:04,766 and beg to get mounted. 283 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,134 Barney, this is 284 00:11:06,135 --> 00:11:09,271 Bev and Anna, uh, my coworkers and my friends. 285 00:11:09,272 --> 00:11:12,407 Bev, Anna, this is Barney, a high-functioning sociopath 286 00:11:12,408 --> 00:11:14,309 and my ex. 287 00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:15,544 Enchanté. 288 00:11:15,545 --> 00:11:17,412 That's French for "What's with the purple?" 289 00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:18,747 Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, 290 00:11:18,748 --> 00:11:20,816 and everything is pink and red, so Bev 291 00:11:20,817 --> 00:11:22,150 very thoughtfully suggested 292 00:11:22,151 --> 00:11:25,153 that we wear purple to show how little we care. 293 00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:27,222 I use, uh, colors to express emotion. 294 00:11:27,223 --> 00:11:28,724 Purple is for pride. 295 00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:30,859 It was a stupid idea. 296 00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:32,794 Bev, you look at me. 297 00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:35,097 It's not a stupid idea. 298 00:11:35,098 --> 00:11:36,998 Tonight, we are queens. 299 00:11:36,999 --> 00:11:39,634 And we don't care about some stupid, 300 00:11:39,635 --> 00:11:41,503 sexist, corporate holiday. 301 00:11:41,504 --> 00:11:43,155 Please! 302 00:11:43,156 --> 00:11:47,075 You might as well be dog-earing a tear-stained bridal magazine 303 00:11:47,076 --> 00:11:49,044 while wolfing down the box of chocolates 304 00:11:49,045 --> 00:11:50,812 you had delivered to yourself at work 305 00:11:50,813 --> 00:11:52,914 from your "fiancé" who no one's ever met. 306 00:11:52,915 --> 00:11:54,950 Gerard is real! 307 00:11:55,818 --> 00:11:57,018 Oh! 308 00:11:58,087 --> 00:12:01,456 Ted... I thought you were going 309 00:12:01,457 --> 00:12:04,226 to talk to Marshall about coming back to New York. 310 00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:07,729 Yeah, but, you know, things move so fast in New York. 311 00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:11,533 Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day? 312 00:12:11,534 --> 00:12:13,535 Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. 313 00:12:13,536 --> 00:12:15,687 Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're running low on SunnyD! 314 00:12:15,688 --> 00:12:17,773 Is orange juice okay? 315 00:12:17,774 --> 00:12:20,075 No! 316 00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:24,679 Okay, when your "fiancé" Gerard comes back 317 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,615 from fixing cleft palates in Peru, 318 00:12:26,616 --> 00:12:29,284 maybe snatch a photo of the two of you together, 319 00:12:29,285 --> 00:12:30,819 and then I'll totally believe you. 320 00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:34,956 Well, he's going to Kenya after Peru, so... 321 00:12:34,957 --> 00:12:36,758 Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late. 322 00:12:36,759 --> 00:12:38,693 Hey. Hey, Nora. Uh, Nora, this is Barney. 323 00:12:38,694 --> 00:12:41,496 You want to see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle? 324 00:12:41,497 --> 00:12:43,131 My elbow slipped! 325 00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:47,235 Marshall, I'm going home. 326 00:12:50,306 --> 00:12:52,207 What? 327 00:12:52,208 --> 00:12:55,177 I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, 328 00:12:55,178 --> 00:12:57,445 and I want you to come with me. 329 00:12:59,265 --> 00:13:01,950 I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me. 330 00:13:01,951 --> 00:13:04,619 While I'm sure it's been really helpful 331 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,021 for her to have you here 332 00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:09,224 playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day... 333 00:13:09,225 --> 00:13:10,525 You have Super Mario Kart? 334 00:13:10,526 --> 00:13:12,794 Hell, yeah. 335 00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:14,930 But your mom doesn't need you. 336 00:13:14,931 --> 00:13:16,832 Your life in New York needs you. 337 00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:20,035 It needs you really bad. 338 00:13:20,903 --> 00:13:22,871 Baby, don't go. 339 00:13:28,544 --> 00:13:31,429 Please come home soon. 340 00:13:35,151 --> 00:13:37,352 So, you were an Olympic gymnast? 341 00:13:37,353 --> 00:13:38,353 Silver medal. 342 00:13:38,354 --> 00:13:39,554 Ooh, sorry. 343 00:13:39,555 --> 00:13:41,756 Gold's the only thing that really counts. 344 00:13:41,757 --> 00:13:43,191 That's what my dad said. 345 00:13:43,192 --> 00:13:44,793 And she sticks the landing. 346 00:13:44,794 --> 00:13:47,562 Why don't you start stretching, and I'll... 347 00:13:47,563 --> 00:13:49,731 be right back. 348 00:13:49,732 --> 00:13:51,032 Hey, hey, sorry. Oh, hi. 349 00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,400 Quick question. Yeah. 350 00:13:52,401 --> 00:13:53,735 Why aren't you wearing purple like your friends? 351 00:13:53,736 --> 00:13:56,238 Oh, I told them I forgot, but the truth is, 352 00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:57,973 I'm kind of protesting their protest. 353 00:13:58,641 --> 00:13:59,674 Can you keep a secret? 354 00:13:59,675 --> 00:14:00,508 Sure. 355 00:14:00,509 --> 00:14:02,410 I love Valentine's Day. 356 00:14:02,411 --> 00:14:04,579 Oh, my gosh! Me, too! 357 00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:07,249 Um, is it getting crowded in here, 'cause I think 358 00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:08,683 there are two peas in this pod? 359 00:14:08,684 --> 00:14:10,485 Oh, you're a gooey romantic, too? 360 00:14:10,486 --> 00:14:12,954 Guilty. This is embarrassing, 361 00:14:12,955 --> 00:14:16,358 but every year, I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, 362 00:14:16,359 --> 00:14:18,560 even if I'm not with someone. 363 00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:20,962 Just in case, you know? 364 00:14:20,963 --> 00:14:23,164 We are pitiful. The worst. 365 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,167 Although there is one difference between you and me. 366 00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:28,370 What's that? I'm not saying any of this 367 00:14:28,371 --> 00:14:30,488 to get in your pants. 368 00:14:35,912 --> 00:14:38,680 I miss my dad, Ted. 369 00:14:39,448 --> 00:14:41,917 I miss him so much. 370 00:14:41,918 --> 00:14:43,418 I know. 371 00:14:45,121 --> 00:14:46,654 Um, when I was a kid, 372 00:14:46,655 --> 00:14:49,007 we would spend the summers in the Upper Peninsula. 373 00:14:49,008 --> 00:14:51,626 And every year, we wouldn't get to the cabin 374 00:14:51,627 --> 00:14:53,828 till, like, the middle of the night. 375 00:14:53,829 --> 00:14:55,497 And so, it would be pitch black, 376 00:14:55,498 --> 00:14:57,465 in the middle of the woods. 377 00:14:57,466 --> 00:15:00,068 And I could never see anything in front of the headlights, 378 00:15:00,069 --> 00:15:04,439 but I always felt so safe 'cause my dad was driving. 379 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,908 He was like some sort of superhero 380 00:15:06,909 --> 00:15:09,377 who could just see way out into the darkness. 381 00:15:10,913 --> 00:15:13,114 Now he's just gone. 382 00:15:13,749 --> 00:15:16,318 And it's pitch black. 383 00:15:16,319 --> 00:15:19,587 And I can't see where I'm going. 384 00:15:19,588 --> 00:15:21,790 I can't see anything. 385 00:15:24,427 --> 00:15:25,794 All right, okay. 386 00:15:25,795 --> 00:15:27,195 I was playing you before. 387 00:15:27,196 --> 00:15:29,664 But I was really doing you a public service. 388 00:15:29,665 --> 00:15:31,566 It's February 13— 389 00:15:31,567 --> 00:15:34,936 a day many are now calling Desperation Day. 390 00:15:34,937 --> 00:15:36,338 It's kind of a thing. 391 00:15:36,339 --> 00:15:39,641 And you walking around, saying you're a gooey romantic? 392 00:15:39,642 --> 00:15:42,510 It comes across a bit desperate. 393 00:15:42,511 --> 00:15:46,047 What's desperate about knowing what you want? 394 00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:47,949 Look, life is really short, Barney. 395 00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:49,985 Who wants to spend Valentine's Day alone, 396 00:15:49,986 --> 00:15:51,653 distracting yourself from the fact 397 00:15:51,654 --> 00:15:55,156 that nobody loves you with some sad little activity? 398 00:15:55,157 --> 00:15:57,892 Um, or you could be in the 47th Semi-Annual 399 00:15:57,893 --> 00:16:00,929 Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie. 400 00:16:00,930 --> 00:16:03,898 I have no idea what any of those words mean. 401 00:16:03,899 --> 00:16:06,468 Hey, I'm all stretched out! 402 00:16:08,137 --> 00:16:11,072 Here's the first thing you need to know about laser tag. 403 00:16:11,073 --> 00:16:13,208 Thanks a lot for coming out here, man. 404 00:16:13,209 --> 00:16:14,676 Yeah. 405 00:16:14,677 --> 00:16:17,879 Hey, are-are you sure it's okay with Zoey 406 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,914 that you're here for Valentine's Day? 407 00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:23,184 Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't know yet. 408 00:16:23,185 --> 00:16:24,019 What? 409 00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:25,353 Things with Zoey 410 00:16:25,354 --> 00:16:27,055 are moving really fast, 411 00:16:27,056 --> 00:16:29,724 and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. 412 00:16:29,725 --> 00:16:32,260 I just, I needed to take a step back. 413 00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:33,828 You're not taking a step back. 414 00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:35,330 You're running away. 415 00:16:35,331 --> 00:16:36,598 And hiding out here, 416 00:16:36,599 --> 00:16:39,200 hiding out here is not gonna solve anything. 417 00:16:39,201 --> 00:16:40,168 You're just 418 00:16:40,169 --> 00:16:41,636 holed up in Minnesota 419 00:16:41,637 --> 00:16:44,806 because you're too scared to face reality, and it's... 420 00:16:47,376 --> 00:16:51,179 We got to go back to New York, tonight. 421 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,381 We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight. 422 00:16:53,382 --> 00:16:55,417 So, we drive. It's time. 423 00:16:55,418 --> 00:16:57,719 It's time to get back to real life. 424 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,422 It's time to grow up. 425 00:17:00,423 --> 00:17:01,589 Yeah. 426 00:17:01,590 --> 00:17:02,857 Mom! 427 00:17:02,858 --> 00:17:05,727 Can you make us some PB and J's for the road? 428 00:17:05,728 --> 00:17:07,028 Crusts cut off. 429 00:17:07,029 --> 00:17:09,097 Crusts cut off! 430 00:17:09,098 --> 00:17:10,799 No, Ted. What are we...? 431 00:17:12,234 --> 00:17:14,803 We're men. 432 00:17:15,905 --> 00:17:18,039 Mom! 433 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,209 Leave the crusts on! 434 00:17:25,550 --> 00:17:27,852 They forced their opponents to scatter, picking them off, 435 00:17:27,853 --> 00:17:30,672 one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter. 436 00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:34,742 became the 2010 Tri-County Champions. 437 00:17:35,743 --> 00:17:38,612 Wow. Laser tag sounds brilliant! 438 00:17:38,613 --> 00:17:39,863 Oh, it is. 439 00:17:39,864 --> 00:17:41,765 Plus, if you win, you get free pizza! 440 00:17:41,766 --> 00:17:44,468 This is my teammate for tomorrow. 441 00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:46,236 Oh, yeah, I agreed to that. 442 00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:48,171 Where are Bev and Anna? 443 00:17:48,172 --> 00:17:49,039 Well... 444 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,607 So, we're taking off. 445 00:17:50,608 --> 00:17:51,642 What? 446 00:17:51,643 --> 00:17:52,843 Those guys are gonna 447 00:17:52,844 --> 00:17:54,678 buy us hot dogs at Grey's Papaya. 448 00:17:54,679 --> 00:17:56,513 What...? So that's it? 449 00:17:56,514 --> 00:18:00,517 A couple of white Urkels offer you sausages, and you're gone? 450 00:18:00,518 --> 00:18:02,452 What about the sisterhood? 451 00:18:02,453 --> 00:18:04,421 Solidarity? The color purple? 452 00:18:04,422 --> 00:18:06,957 But tomorrow's Valentine's Day. 453 00:18:06,958 --> 00:18:08,592 I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day. 454 00:18:08,593 --> 00:18:10,894 Look, Robin, you'll find someone, too. 455 00:18:10,895 --> 00:18:12,329 You're a queen. 456 00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:13,864 You've got so much to offer. 457 00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:15,766 Maybe do something with that hair. 458 00:18:17,368 --> 00:18:18,535 I'm telling you. 459 00:18:18,536 --> 00:18:19,870 The power of Valentine's Day. 460 00:18:19,871 --> 00:18:23,674 I'm Huey Lewis, and you just heard the news. 461 00:18:24,542 --> 00:18:26,043 Well, I think I'm heading out, too. 462 00:18:26,044 --> 00:18:28,462 What? No, don't go! You want to see a magic trick? 463 00:18:28,463 --> 00:18:30,780 It's late, and I have a date with my pillow. 464 00:18:30,781 --> 00:18:32,949 I mean, not literally. I'm not a lunatic. 465 00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:34,885 Boy Scout Troop 15 466 00:18:34,886 --> 00:18:36,119 doesn't stand a chance. 467 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,021 Bye. 468 00:18:38,022 --> 00:18:39,723 Mm. 469 00:18:43,628 --> 00:18:46,897 Speaking of the power of Valentine's Day... 470 00:18:46,898 --> 00:18:48,565 What are you talking about? 471 00:18:48,566 --> 00:18:49,833 Oh, come on. 472 00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,234 It's-It's past midnight. 473 00:18:51,235 --> 00:18:53,737 Desperation Day has come and gone, 474 00:18:53,738 --> 00:18:56,940 and you have neither gone nor come. 475 00:18:57,642 --> 00:18:59,443 You know why? 476 00:18:59,444 --> 00:19:00,577 You like Nora. 477 00:19:00,578 --> 00:19:01,812 No, I don't. She's gross. 478 00:19:01,813 --> 00:19:03,880 Oh... You like her. 479 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,383 You think she smells like rain. 480 00:19:06,384 --> 00:19:08,218 Whatever you say. 481 00:19:08,219 --> 00:19:09,536 Oh, hey, Nora. 482 00:19:09,537 --> 00:19:11,004 Nora... 483 00:19:19,997 --> 00:19:21,998 Here's a secret. 484 00:19:21,999 --> 00:19:25,902 I couldn't see worth a damn, either, buddy. 485 00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:30,040 I just kept driving forward, hoping for the best. 486 00:19:31,809 --> 00:19:33,894 Look out! 487 00:19:33,895 --> 00:19:35,212 Gotcha. 488 00:19:43,588 --> 00:19:45,555 And so we drove through the night, 489 00:19:45,556 --> 00:19:47,824 out of Desperation Day and into Valentine's. 490 00:19:47,825 --> 00:19:50,560 And there was no trace of my little freak out, except... 491 00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:53,463 Really? An overnight bag for your own living room? 492 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:58,101 Looks like we got a matching set. 493 00:19:58,102 --> 00:20:01,037 Well, that was kind of presumptuous. 494 00:20:06,093 --> 00:20:08,411 Robin, where are you? 495 00:20:08,412 --> 00:20:10,313 Those Boy Scouts have grown a foot since last year. 496 00:20:10,314 --> 00:20:11,481 They're terrifying! 497 00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:12,883 Oh, yeah. 498 00:20:12,884 --> 00:20:14,451 Change of plans. 499 00:20:14,452 --> 00:20:15,986 Happy Valentine's Day. 500 00:20:15,987 --> 00:20:18,054 Hap...? Hey, Barney. 501 00:20:18,055 --> 00:20:20,223 Robin told me to meet you guys here. 502 00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:22,592 And that's how, for the first time in his life, 503 00:20:22,593 --> 00:20:25,729 Barney Stinson wound up on a date on Valentine's Day. 504 00:20:26,998 --> 00:20:28,081 Oh! 505 00:20:31,068 --> 00:20:32,302 You will be avenged. 506 00:20:36,741 --> 00:20:38,475 Come on! Come on! 507 00:20:38,476 --> 00:20:39,943 Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! 508 00:20:42,246 --> 00:20:44,781 Baby, you're back. 509 00:20:44,782 --> 00:20:46,550 Happy Valentine's Day, Lily Pad. Oh. 510 00:20:50,441 --> 00:20:53,504 www.addic7ed.com 511 00:21:00,402 --> 00:21:03,979 We both knew this would end eventually.