1 00:00:01,763 --> 00:00:04,317 Kids, sometimes wonderful things 2 00:00:04,318 --> 00:00:06,489 come out of horrible situations. 3 00:00:06,490 --> 00:00:08,526 Like, remember that trip I took to Hong Kong 4 00:00:08,527 --> 00:00:09,461 where I got stuck in the airport? 5 00:00:09,563 --> 00:00:11,382 Well, a funny thing happened that day. 6 00:00:11,383 --> 00:00:13,470 Yes, I realize it's raining, 7 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,106 but, come on, it's 2021. 8 00:00:15,107 --> 00:00:17,043 We can make cell phones that project holograms, 9 00:00:17,044 --> 00:00:19,482 but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport? 10 00:00:19,483 --> 00:00:20,283 Hey, Ted. 11 00:00:20,284 --> 00:00:23,289 Hey... 12 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,926 There she is. 13 00:00:24,927 --> 00:00:26,746 Wow. 14 00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:29,117 Wendy the Waitress. Wendy the Waitress! 15 00:00:29,118 --> 00:00:32,140 I was just saying— what are you doing here? 16 00:00:32,141 --> 00:00:33,910 What was she doing there? 17 00:00:33,911 --> 00:00:36,381 For that, we have to back up about ten years. 18 00:00:36,382 --> 00:00:37,768 So, Barney, I hear you and Nora 19 00:00:37,769 --> 00:00:40,055 had a fun time at laser tag. 20 00:00:40,056 --> 00:00:41,792 I don't know where you heard that. 21 00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:42,995 It was a disaster. 22 00:00:42,996 --> 00:00:44,532 Not according to her. 23 00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:46,836 Oh, my God, this was so much fun. 24 00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:48,172 We have to do this again. We do, we have to. 25 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,042 You want to grab a drink right now? 26 00:00:50,043 --> 00:00:51,612 No, I'm kind of tired. 27 00:00:51,613 --> 00:00:52,714 But... 28 00:00:52,715 --> 00:00:53,750 this is my number. 29 00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:54,818 Give me a call. 30 00:00:54,819 --> 00:00:56,254 Absolutely. 31 00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:57,691 How is that a disaster? 32 00:00:57,692 --> 00:00:59,360 She didn't want to get drinks. 33 00:00:59,361 --> 00:01:01,264 And as soon as a girl says 34 00:01:01,265 --> 00:01:03,603 she doesn't want to get drinks, well... 35 00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:06,241 You want to grab a drink right now? No, I'm kind of tired. 36 00:01:10,818 --> 00:01:13,623 Absolutely. 37 00:01:13,624 --> 00:01:14,858 It's a shame, too. 38 00:01:14,859 --> 00:01:17,296 She was a really great laser tag partner. 39 00:01:17,297 --> 00:01:19,969 She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids. 40 00:01:20,871 --> 00:01:23,443 Please, Cheese. You like this girl. 41 00:01:23,444 --> 00:01:24,945 What? Nora? 42 00:01:24,946 --> 00:01:26,181 No, I don't. 43 00:01:26,182 --> 00:01:28,686 Barney, you can't say her name without smiling. 44 00:01:28,687 --> 00:01:31,091 That's... 45 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,794 Nora. 46 00:01:32,795 --> 00:01:34,330 Sorry, sorry. 47 00:01:34,331 --> 00:01:35,834 I was thinking of a funny thing 48 00:01:35,835 --> 00:01:37,236 that Nora said. Hmm. 49 00:01:37,237 --> 00:01:38,305 Stop it. 50 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,407 No... ra. 51 00:01:39,408 --> 00:01:40,510 Nah... 52 00:01:40,511 --> 00:01:42,280 Damn it, what is the matter with me? 53 00:01:42,281 --> 00:01:44,083 You like her. You should call her. 54 00:01:44,084 --> 00:01:45,185 Call her? 55 00:01:45,186 --> 00:01:47,924 Robin, three things: she had a nice face, 56 00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:51,231 her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase. 57 00:01:51,232 --> 00:01:52,668 That is ridiculous. 58 00:01:52,669 --> 00:01:55,005 Barney, you know what, here's some advice. 59 00:02:00,985 --> 00:02:02,921 Totally. 60 00:02:03,662 --> 00:02:07,593 Transcript by Addic7ed.com 61 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:11,598 Sync by jacobian @ Hdbits.org 62 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,967 Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. 63 00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,471 And when you first start dating someone, 64 00:02:21,472 --> 00:02:23,808 everyone wants to know the same thing. How did we meet? 65 00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:26,747 Oh, Ted, she doesn't want... No, it's a cute story. 66 00:02:26,748 --> 00:02:28,400 Once upon a time... 67 00:02:28,401 --> 00:02:31,289 Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy 68 00:02:31,290 --> 00:02:33,959 called The Captain. 69 00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:35,698 So when Zoey and I became friends, 70 00:02:35,699 --> 00:02:37,835 I was careful not to cross any lines. 71 00:02:37,836 --> 00:02:40,741 Oh, man, this movie is scary. 72 00:02:40,742 --> 00:02:41,543 I know, right? 73 00:02:41,544 --> 00:02:43,313 But then one day, 74 00:02:43,314 --> 00:02:46,185 Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. 75 00:02:46,186 --> 00:02:49,391 He flipped out and demanded a divorce. 76 00:02:49,392 --> 00:02:51,362 And she was heartbroken. 77 00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:52,999 But after a little soul-searching, 78 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,923 she ended up back in my life, and the rest, as they say, 79 00:02:56,924 --> 00:02:59,211 is history. 80 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,750 Actually, I said, "How's your meat?" 81 00:03:01,751 --> 00:03:03,319 Oh. 82 00:03:04,321 --> 00:03:06,224 A little cold. 83 00:03:06,225 --> 00:03:07,527 Gee, wonder why. 84 00:03:09,816 --> 00:03:12,537 Oh, Ted, did you have a chance to pick up that box 85 00:03:12,572 --> 00:03:13,540 I left at my old apartment? 86 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,780 Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain. 87 00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:19,184 I mean this in a super manly way. 88 00:03:19,185 --> 00:03:21,221 That guy scares the panties off me. 89 00:03:21,222 --> 00:03:22,458 You don't have to see him. 90 00:03:22,459 --> 00:03:24,696 He left the box with the doorman. 91 00:03:24,697 --> 00:03:27,367 If it's really important to you, I will pick it up tomorrow. 92 00:03:27,368 --> 00:03:29,772 All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big 93 00:03:29,773 --> 00:03:32,945 meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk 94 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,985 to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of paperwork. 95 00:03:36,787 --> 00:03:38,590 But it's all worth it, 96 00:03:38,591 --> 00:03:42,230 you know, 'cause at least I know I'm making the world a... place. 97 00:03:42,231 --> 00:03:44,167 All right, see you guys later. 98 00:03:45,104 --> 00:03:46,706 I'm worried about Marshall. 99 00:03:46,707 --> 00:03:48,677 He doesn't seem like himself lately. 100 00:03:48,678 --> 00:03:50,848 Yeah, he's been really... quiet. 101 00:03:50,849 --> 00:03:52,952 Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like— 102 00:03:52,953 --> 00:03:55,123 strong, silent, you know, man's man. 103 00:03:55,124 --> 00:03:56,626 Like Prince. 104 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,430 No, it's more than that. 105 00:03:58,431 --> 00:04:00,734 It's like, all the stuff he used to love, 106 00:04:00,735 --> 00:04:04,274 he suddenly has no interest in anymore. 107 00:04:04,275 --> 00:04:05,978 Oh. 108 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,682 Ha-wink. 109 00:04:07,683 --> 00:04:09,051 Excuse me? 110 00:04:09,052 --> 00:04:11,121 Lily, in my travels, 111 00:04:11,122 --> 00:04:13,527 I've developed a finely calibrated sense 112 00:04:13,528 --> 00:04:15,431 of how long it's been since— 113 00:04:15,432 --> 00:04:17,635 How do I not put this delicately?-- 114 00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:18,970 a girl's been porked. 115 00:04:18,971 --> 00:04:19,906 And, boo, 116 00:04:19,907 --> 00:04:21,843 you've been pork-free so long, 117 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,447 you're practically kosher. 118 00:04:23,981 --> 00:04:25,349 It's been a while. 119 00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:28,189 Five weeks, three days by my estimation. 120 00:04:28,190 --> 00:04:30,527 You should work at a carnival. 121 00:04:30,528 --> 00:04:31,663 I tried. 122 00:04:31,664 --> 00:04:33,399 They're pretty strict with backgrounds. 123 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,936 Anyway, we should get going. 124 00:04:34,937 --> 00:04:36,405 Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys. 125 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,944 Good night. Good night, guys. 126 00:04:47,596 --> 00:04:49,364 18 weeks. 127 00:04:49,365 --> 00:04:50,333 Damn it. 128 00:04:50,334 --> 00:04:52,638 Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell. 129 00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:53,640 Hmm. 130 00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,109 But I just started a new job, 131 00:04:55,110 --> 00:04:56,780 and dating's been on the back burner, and... 132 00:04:56,781 --> 00:04:58,115 Shh. 133 00:04:58,116 --> 00:05:01,321 Child, listen. 134 00:05:01,322 --> 00:05:02,825 If you're really hurting for it, 135 00:05:02,826 --> 00:05:05,096 I'd be more than happy to throw you one. 136 00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,367 Throw me one? Yeah. 137 00:05:07,368 --> 00:05:10,072 We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. 138 00:05:10,073 --> 00:05:13,045 Or we could just do it the normal way. 139 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,949 Oh, I see what's going on. 140 00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:15,984 Yeah? 141 00:05:15,985 --> 00:05:17,488 This is about Nora. 142 00:05:17,489 --> 00:05:22,080 You met a girl, you liked her, but then you missed your shot. 143 00:05:22,081 --> 00:05:24,902 And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend 144 00:05:24,903 --> 00:05:27,073 to prove to yourself that you don't care. 145 00:05:27,074 --> 00:05:29,411 Robin, you could not be more— 146 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,348 What do you mean I missed my shot? 147 00:05:31,349 --> 00:05:33,252 Nora met a guy. What? 148 00:05:34,355 --> 00:05:35,791 What? 149 00:05:35,792 --> 00:05:37,093 Yep. Off the market. 150 00:05:37,094 --> 00:05:39,114 He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour this Friday night. 151 00:05:39,115 --> 00:05:40,283 But "L'Amour" means love! 152 00:05:40,284 --> 00:05:41,803 They're going to the cafe of love! 153 00:05:41,804 --> 00:05:43,172 I'm fine. It's fine. 154 00:05:43,173 --> 00:05:44,341 Point is, 155 00:05:44,342 --> 00:05:47,882 Robin, I don't even like Nora. 156 00:05:47,883 --> 00:05:49,284 Damn it! 157 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:54,729 Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed? 158 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,532 I can't sleep. 159 00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:58,436 Mmm. 160 00:05:58,437 --> 00:06:01,843 Anything I can do to help you with that? 161 00:06:01,844 --> 00:06:05,584 Maybe after this documentary on garbage. 162 00:06:05,585 --> 00:06:09,124 Man, I am losing my touch. 163 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:11,428 Nearly twice the size of Texas, 164 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:14,468 the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch, or "Garbage Island," 165 00:06:14,469 --> 00:06:16,338 is an enviwonmental disaster. 166 00:06:16,339 --> 00:06:18,777 Sepawated from its pawents, 167 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,248 this young bird stwuggles to survive, 168 00:06:21,249 --> 00:06:24,154 stwangling itself in the plastic wings of a six-pack. 169 00:06:24,155 --> 00:06:27,878 Marshall Eriksen, I think you know what you have to do. 170 00:06:27,879 --> 00:06:29,381 I have to save the planet! 171 00:06:29,382 --> 00:06:31,101 Is it over? I call on top. 172 00:06:31,102 --> 00:06:32,838 Ow! 173 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:34,976 A few days later, I headed over to The Captain's building 174 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,479 to get Zoey's box. 175 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,048 I'm here to... Ted. 176 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:40,219 What a surprise. 177 00:06:47,238 --> 00:06:48,406 Ted. 178 00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:49,910 Captain. I... 179 00:06:49,911 --> 00:06:51,212 You've come to rescue me 180 00:06:51,213 --> 00:06:54,151 from the capsized wreckage of my marriage. 181 00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:55,353 Mm... 182 00:06:55,354 --> 00:06:56,490 I hesitated calling you 183 00:06:56,491 --> 00:06:58,494 because I know you and Zoey were friendly. 184 00:06:58,495 --> 00:07:00,498 Pssh, nah... But my wife has left me. 185 00:07:00,499 --> 00:07:02,836 All my friends have abandoned me. 186 00:07:02,837 --> 00:07:03,904 Please, 187 00:07:03,905 --> 00:07:06,142 tell me you're on my side. 188 00:07:10,486 --> 00:07:13,423 Let's adjourn to the study. 189 00:07:16,531 --> 00:07:17,632 Garbage Island. 190 00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:18,934 You haven't heard 191 00:07:18,935 --> 00:07:21,105 of Garbage Island? 192 00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,175 It's an island... 193 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,980 made of garbage! 194 00:07:24,981 --> 00:07:26,717 It's in the Pacific Ocean. 195 00:07:26,718 --> 00:07:28,821 It's twice the size of Texas! 196 00:07:28,822 --> 00:07:31,693 In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. 197 00:07:31,694 --> 00:07:33,764 So... 198 00:07:33,765 --> 00:07:36,603 Guys, I'm going environmental, okay? 199 00:07:36,604 --> 00:07:38,373 Phase one: the bar. 200 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,176 I've already convinced MacLaren's to implement 201 00:07:40,177 --> 00:07:41,279 a new green initiative. 202 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,448 That's 'cause of you? 203 00:07:42,449 --> 00:07:45,020 I got to carry an 80-pound bag of bottles 204 00:07:45,021 --> 00:07:47,224 to the recycling center every night. 205 00:07:47,893 --> 00:07:49,194 I threw my back out. 206 00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:52,267 You're welcome... Earth. 207 00:07:52,268 --> 00:07:53,737 Phase two: 208 00:07:53,738 --> 00:07:55,307 GNB. 209 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,927 Tomorrow I'm going to make a presentation 210 00:07:56,928 --> 00:07:59,081 in front of the board about how we can cut 211 00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:02,655 our carbon footprint by half for only $12 million. 212 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,593 Dude, don't do that. All they're going to hear 213 00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:06,997 is "$12 million," and all you're going to hear 214 00:08:06,998 --> 00:08:09,201 is the sound of the door smacking your fired ass. 215 00:08:09,202 --> 00:08:11,272 And some muffled laughter. 216 00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,042 Which I apologize for in advance. 217 00:08:13,043 --> 00:08:14,345 Guys, 218 00:08:14,346 --> 00:08:15,514 I got a problem. 219 00:08:15,515 --> 00:08:17,885 I ran into The Captain. 220 00:08:17,886 --> 00:08:21,058 Ted, beneath this 221 00:08:21,059 --> 00:08:25,568 lustrous mane, I wear the horns of a cuckold. 222 00:08:26,236 --> 00:08:28,874 Zoey left me for another man. 223 00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:31,245 Wow. 224 00:08:31,246 --> 00:08:33,617 Do you have any idea who it could be? 225 00:08:33,618 --> 00:08:35,921 The Captain then told a story much different 226 00:08:35,922 --> 00:08:37,257 than the one I'd been telling. 227 00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,529 But one maybe just as true. 228 00:08:39,530 --> 00:08:42,635 Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy. 229 00:08:42,636 --> 00:08:44,839 Blissful as Arcadian shepherds. 230 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,008 I was Poseidon, 231 00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:48,312 she my Amphitrite. 232 00:08:48,313 --> 00:08:50,116 I dare say, Scylla and Charybdis 233 00:08:50,117 --> 00:08:52,220 could not have torn us asunder. 234 00:08:52,221 --> 00:08:55,628 We had great big boners for each other. 235 00:08:55,629 --> 00:08:57,364 But then... 236 00:08:57,365 --> 00:08:59,602 enter the scoundrel. 237 00:08:59,603 --> 00:09:02,942 Oh, man, this movie's scary. 238 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,915 I know, eh? 239 00:09:05,916 --> 00:09:07,100 I don't know what he looks like, 240 00:09:07,101 --> 00:09:08,319 but I picture him with a mustache. 241 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,556 Yes! 242 00:09:09,557 --> 00:09:12,327 Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart. 243 00:09:12,328 --> 00:09:15,901 Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. 244 00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:18,707 She told me she was in love with someone else. 245 00:09:18,708 --> 00:09:20,778 Obviously, it made me angry. 246 00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:23,182 And that's the last time you saw her. 247 00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:25,153 But I gathered my composure, 248 00:09:25,154 --> 00:09:27,224 and told her I'd do anything to keep her. 249 00:09:27,225 --> 00:09:28,927 I begged her not to leave. 250 00:09:28,928 --> 00:09:30,898 We made love that night. 251 00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:34,806 That's damn good brandy. 252 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,777 But morning came, 253 00:09:36,778 --> 00:09:38,747 and she was gone. 254 00:09:38,748 --> 00:09:41,503 Oh, Captain... 255 00:09:41,504 --> 00:09:42,989 don't blame yourself. 256 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,728 I don't blame myself. Hmm? 257 00:09:45,729 --> 00:09:49,636 There's only one man I blame for this. 258 00:09:49,637 --> 00:09:50,604 Me. 259 00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:52,875 I'm the bad guy. 260 00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:56,148 Well, maybe to him you are, but in the story 261 00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:58,152 of picking up the box for Zoey, 262 00:09:58,153 --> 00:09:59,689 you're the hero. 263 00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:01,526 Damn it! The box! 264 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:11,345 Baby, baby, I really got to work on this presentation. 265 00:10:11,346 --> 00:10:12,949 Oh, that's too bad, 266 00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:16,405 'cause I was going to make a little presentation of my own. 267 00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:18,794 Okay, um, how about this: 268 00:10:18,795 --> 00:10:22,468 from now until tomorrow afternoon, 269 00:10:22,469 --> 00:10:27,110 I do this, and then tomorrow night, I do that. 270 00:10:27,111 --> 00:10:28,312 Deal. 271 00:10:31,854 --> 00:10:33,523 Come on, come on. 272 00:10:33,524 --> 00:10:34,893 Lily! 273 00:10:37,398 --> 00:10:40,871 You lying little minx. 274 00:10:40,872 --> 00:10:43,510 I happened to be at Cafe L'Amour tonight 275 00:10:43,511 --> 00:10:46,015 from 5:00 p.m. Until closing, 276 00:10:46,016 --> 00:10:48,185 reading a newspaper with two holes cut out of it, 277 00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:49,722 and I never saw Nora 278 00:10:49,723 --> 00:10:51,526 or this Italian race car driver she's dating. 279 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,362 Sorry. Who said anything about an...? 280 00:10:53,363 --> 00:10:55,601 Come on, you just know he's an Italian race car driver. 281 00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:56,803 No, he's not. He doesn't exist. 282 00:10:56,804 --> 00:10:59,274 I made the whole thing up to see if you like her. 283 00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:00,544 And you do. 284 00:11:01,514 --> 00:11:02,848 So you should just call her. 285 00:11:03,651 --> 00:11:05,621 Here is her number. 286 00:11:09,178 --> 00:11:10,631 And I also programmed it 287 00:11:10,632 --> 00:11:13,269 into your phone while you were in the bathroom. 288 00:11:17,211 --> 00:11:20,451 Wow. That was a joke. You just got here, remember? 289 00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:23,790 You really are smitten. 290 00:11:23,791 --> 00:11:25,059 No, I'm not. 291 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,161 I'm Barney Stinson. 292 00:11:26,162 --> 00:11:29,001 I don't get smitten, I smite! 293 00:11:29,002 --> 00:11:30,604 You are totally smitten, 294 00:11:30,605 --> 00:11:32,575 but you're scared of being in a relationship. 295 00:11:32,576 --> 00:11:33,677 No, I'm not. 296 00:11:33,678 --> 00:11:36,549 I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. 297 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,820 If I got serious with Nora, it would be like 298 00:11:38,821 --> 00:11:40,724 if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on 299 00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:42,828 one really hot orphan. 300 00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:46,368 With great penis comes great responsibility. 301 00:11:46,369 --> 00:11:49,876 Okay, Mother Teresa, 302 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,245 throw me one. 303 00:11:51,246 --> 00:11:52,648 Sorry? 304 00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:54,852 I would like it if you threw me one. 305 00:11:54,853 --> 00:11:56,489 Fastball, right down the middle. 306 00:11:56,490 --> 00:11:59,762 Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve. 307 00:11:59,763 --> 00:12:02,100 Careful, Robin, I'll do it. 308 00:12:02,101 --> 00:12:03,904 Oh, I don't think you will. Hmm. 309 00:12:03,905 --> 00:12:06,375 Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. 310 00:12:06,376 --> 00:12:07,545 Hey, prove me wrong. 311 00:12:07,546 --> 00:12:09,214 Tomorrow night, my place. 312 00:12:09,215 --> 00:12:10,784 Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 313 00:12:10,785 --> 00:12:13,924 'cause the dragon will poke you back. 314 00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,537 Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after. 315 00:12:20,538 --> 00:12:21,940 Oh, no, baby, come on. 316 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,311 Today didn't go so well. 317 00:12:24,312 --> 00:12:26,516 The green initiative, 318 00:12:26,517 --> 00:12:28,419 for only $12 million, will change the way... 319 00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:29,555 Okay, I've heard enough. 320 00:12:29,556 --> 00:12:32,026 Don't we already have a green initiative? 321 00:12:32,027 --> 00:12:34,297 I mean, didn't we do a whole thing? 322 00:12:34,298 --> 00:12:36,669 Hang a banner, make a video, Sting was there. 323 00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,072 I thought I met Sting. 324 00:12:38,073 --> 00:12:39,107 You did meet Sting. 325 00:12:39,108 --> 00:12:40,359 Yeah, I met Sting. 326 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,998 So why on Earth would we spend another $12 million? 327 00:12:42,999 --> 00:12:44,785 Well, because we can always do more. 328 00:12:44,786 --> 00:12:46,756 Yeah, but I met Sting. 329 00:12:46,757 --> 00:12:49,595 Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur! 330 00:12:49,596 --> 00:12:53,302 Who here supports Eriksen's proposal? 331 00:12:54,238 --> 00:12:57,377 Well, he has some good points. 332 00:12:57,378 --> 00:12:58,580 Meeker, you're fired! 333 00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:01,786 And as for you, Eriksen... His father just died. 334 00:13:01,787 --> 00:13:03,623 nice presentation. 335 00:13:03,624 --> 00:13:05,494 We'll keep it under advisement. 336 00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:08,500 Meeker got fired because of me. 337 00:13:08,501 --> 00:13:10,336 I'm the bad guy. 338 00:13:10,337 --> 00:13:12,508 No, sweetie, just-just put all that 339 00:13:12,509 --> 00:13:14,845 out of your mind and relax. 340 00:13:14,846 --> 00:13:19,555 Look, I got you a six-pack of tall boys from the deli. 341 00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:28,773 Hey, baby. Yeah? 342 00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:30,744 What happened to the plastic rings 343 00:13:30,745 --> 00:13:32,748 that held the six-pack together? 344 00:13:32,749 --> 00:13:34,552 Oh, I-I don't know. 345 00:13:34,553 --> 00:13:36,254 I threw them down the garbage chute. 346 00:13:36,255 --> 00:13:37,441 Let's just use the handcuffs instead. 347 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,929 Baby, birds can get caught in those 348 00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:42,166 and then they dwown in a sea of wubbish! 349 00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:43,335 Weren't you listening? 350 00:13:43,336 --> 00:13:45,172 Don't you care about Garbage Island? 351 00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:47,010 Marshall, right now, I don't give a wat's ass 352 00:13:47,011 --> 00:13:47,978 about Garbage Island. 353 00:13:47,979 --> 00:13:49,582 Well, I do. 354 00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:51,385 I got to find those rings! 355 00:13:53,924 --> 00:13:56,295 Cwap. 356 00:13:56,296 --> 00:13:58,767 Hi, I'm here to pick up... 357 00:13:58,768 --> 00:14:00,102 Hello, Ted. 358 00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:01,271 To the study? 359 00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:03,510 To the study! Mmm. 360 00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:06,499 Ted... 361 00:14:08,654 --> 00:14:10,524 I know. 362 00:14:10,525 --> 00:14:12,193 Know what? 363 00:14:12,194 --> 00:14:14,030 I know who stole my Zoey. 364 00:14:14,031 --> 00:14:16,669 No man likes to be betrayed, 365 00:14:16,670 --> 00:14:18,339 especially by a friend. 366 00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,276 You can imagine then 367 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:23,048 how painful it was when I learned that the name 368 00:14:23,049 --> 00:14:24,284 of my betrayer is... 369 00:14:24,285 --> 00:14:27,458 Ted... 370 00:14:27,459 --> 00:14:29,745 when I tell you who it is, you're gonna... 371 00:14:33,069 --> 00:14:34,605 It's my doorman! 372 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,345 That son of a bitch! 373 00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:44,607 You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman? 374 00:14:44,608 --> 00:14:48,247 He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. 375 00:14:48,248 --> 00:14:50,067 I know how these things work. 376 00:14:50,068 --> 00:14:51,186 He holds her package, 377 00:14:51,187 --> 00:14:52,856 and pretty soon, she's holding his. 378 00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:53,825 And then there's 379 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,595 his glorious mustache. 380 00:14:55,596 --> 00:14:57,198 I will have him fired for this! 381 00:14:57,199 --> 00:14:59,402 No, no, no, you can't fire him. 382 00:14:59,403 --> 00:15:00,872 You're right. 383 00:15:02,844 --> 00:15:06,216 Maritime protocol demands physical retribution! 384 00:15:06,217 --> 00:15:07,352 Oh, my God! No, no! 385 00:15:07,353 --> 00:15:09,105 No physical retribution! Stop! 386 00:15:09,106 --> 00:15:11,494 Who is this flower child, and what has he done 387 00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,364 with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby? 388 00:15:13,365 --> 00:15:15,201 Look, look, yes, yes, 389 00:15:15,202 --> 00:15:16,971 the doorman is a scoundrel. 390 00:15:16,972 --> 00:15:18,625 The mustache alone gives that away. 391 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,631 He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion! 392 00:15:21,632 --> 00:15:24,285 Whoa, "rapscallion" may be going a bit far, Ted. 393 00:15:24,286 --> 00:15:26,223 But it's not his fault, okay? 394 00:15:26,224 --> 00:15:27,760 It's nobody's fault. 395 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,095 You and Zoey 396 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,499 have nothing in common. 397 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,503 For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! 398 00:15:32,504 --> 00:15:33,705 You're just 399 00:15:33,706 --> 00:15:34,940 not right for each other. 400 00:15:34,941 --> 00:15:37,579 Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure 401 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:40,251 a small part of you has always known that. 402 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,265 Why couldn't she just like boats? 403 00:15:48,168 --> 00:15:50,639 Just to have one thing in common? 404 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,443 Other girls like boats, don't they? 405 00:15:52,444 --> 00:15:54,312 Of course they do. 406 00:15:54,313 --> 00:15:56,951 And you'll find one. 407 00:15:56,952 --> 00:15:58,721 And you'll be much happier with her 408 00:15:58,722 --> 00:16:00,625 than you ever were with Zoey. 409 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:04,265 When you put it that way, 410 00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,671 I should almost thank the doorman. 411 00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:09,510 Yeah, yeah! 412 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:13,718 And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter 413 00:16:13,719 --> 00:16:15,421 who Zoey's dating now... 414 00:16:15,422 --> 00:16:16,857 It doesn't, it really doesn't. 415 00:16:16,858 --> 00:16:18,093 It doesn't. 416 00:16:18,963 --> 00:16:21,233 It's me. You're welcome. 417 00:16:22,412 --> 00:16:28,493 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers. 418 00:16:30,118 --> 00:16:31,988 Okay, baby, what gives? 419 00:16:31,989 --> 00:16:34,693 I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action 420 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,664 until I find those rings. 421 00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:40,572 I hope this doesn't make me look desperate. 422 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,432 All right, Robin, 423 00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,717 give it to me. 424 00:16:46,718 --> 00:16:49,590 Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! 425 00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,661 You know, I- I try to root for you. 426 00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:52,896 Even as your ex-girlfriend, 427 00:16:52,897 --> 00:16:54,567 when you meet someone, I'm like, 428 00:16:54,568 --> 00:16:56,203 "Yeah, Barney, go get her!" 429 00:16:56,204 --> 00:16:58,040 But you know what? Just forget it. 430 00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:00,945 You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you. 431 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:04,219 The number. 432 00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:08,060 Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... 433 00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:11,834 Is that a seven or a nine? 434 00:17:11,835 --> 00:17:13,103 It's a five, idiot. 435 00:17:13,104 --> 00:17:16,343 A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five? 436 00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:18,413 "Moon man language"? What does that even mean? 437 00:17:18,414 --> 00:17:20,417 How am I supposed to see that's a five? 438 00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:22,489 Look how you taped this up... Fine, fine, fine. 439 00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:24,826 I have a phone call to make. 440 00:17:26,531 --> 00:17:27,699 Barney. 441 00:17:28,869 --> 00:17:30,170 Go get her. 442 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:34,747 Listen, Zoey, 443 00:17:34,748 --> 00:17:37,218 I need to ask you something. 444 00:17:37,219 --> 00:17:38,921 Did I steal you? 445 00:17:38,922 --> 00:17:41,494 Well... yeah. 446 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,096 You did. 447 00:17:43,097 --> 00:17:44,500 By being the kind of 448 00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:47,472 sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think 449 00:17:47,473 --> 00:17:50,545 of stealing someone, you stole me. 450 00:17:50,546 --> 00:17:52,783 So I'm the bad guy. 451 00:17:52,784 --> 00:17:54,753 Great. 452 00:17:54,754 --> 00:17:56,691 Well, the story isn't over, Ted. 453 00:17:56,692 --> 00:17:59,028 It'll be years before we know who's the good guy 454 00:17:59,029 --> 00:18:00,498 and who's the bad guy. 455 00:18:00,499 --> 00:18:02,268 I mean, yes, 456 00:18:02,269 --> 00:18:03,921 divorce sucks, 457 00:18:03,922 --> 00:18:08,080 but sometimes things need to fall apart 458 00:18:08,081 --> 00:18:10,250 to make way for better things. 459 00:18:10,251 --> 00:18:13,256 If you say so. 460 00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:16,229 I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. 461 00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:19,035 Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it. 462 00:18:19,871 --> 00:18:22,107 Okay, Marshall, 463 00:18:22,108 --> 00:18:24,980 seriously, what's going on? 464 00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:29,957 He'll never get to see how I turn out. 465 00:18:29,958 --> 00:18:31,627 What do you mean? 466 00:18:31,628 --> 00:18:33,431 My dad. You know, 467 00:18:33,432 --> 00:18:35,802 I used to, um, I used to always tell him 468 00:18:35,803 --> 00:18:37,506 that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. 469 00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,743 And he was always so proud of me for that. 470 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,012 But he never 471 00:18:41,013 --> 00:18:43,918 got to see the version of me that was anything but 472 00:18:43,919 --> 00:18:45,855 a corporate stooge. 473 00:18:45,856 --> 00:18:47,526 And now it's too late. 474 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,999 And we're starting a family, you know. 475 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,303 Are you avoiding sleeping with me 476 00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:55,508 'cause you don't want to start a family? 477 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:59,215 Lily, if we have a baby right now, 478 00:18:59,216 --> 00:19:02,923 that is just it for me. 479 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,260 The cement will dry, 480 00:19:05,261 --> 00:19:08,835 and I will be stuck at GNB forever. 481 00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:10,872 Marshall, 482 00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:14,278 if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, 483 00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,884 then you need to do that right now. 484 00:19:16,885 --> 00:19:18,153 And then, 485 00:19:18,154 --> 00:19:20,492 once you've cleaned up all the oceans 486 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,696 and saved the planet— 487 00:19:22,697 --> 00:19:26,737 you know, like, a year from now— then we'll start a family. 488 00:19:26,738 --> 00:19:28,741 I don't know. 489 00:19:28,742 --> 00:19:31,747 So far, in the name of saving the planet, 490 00:19:31,748 --> 00:19:35,187 I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back 491 00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:36,991 and I got Meeker fired. 492 00:19:36,992 --> 00:19:38,461 The guy must hate me. 493 00:19:38,462 --> 00:19:39,997 Meeker doesn't hate you. 494 00:19:39,998 --> 00:19:42,201 Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. 495 00:19:42,202 --> 00:19:45,324 After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. 496 00:19:45,325 --> 00:19:47,211 Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's. 497 00:19:47,212 --> 00:19:49,583 So that night, he went there to confront Marshall. 498 00:19:49,584 --> 00:19:51,419 But as luck would have it... 499 00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:54,058 Are you guys...? Closed. Sorry. 500 00:19:57,850 --> 00:19:59,235 Thanks. 501 00:19:59,236 --> 00:20:00,905 Rough night? 502 00:20:00,906 --> 00:20:03,009 Yeah. I'm sorry. 503 00:20:03,010 --> 00:20:06,249 It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. 504 00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:07,919 Except for Marshall Eriksen. 505 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,590 What did you just say? 506 00:20:09,591 --> 00:20:13,296 Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. 507 00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:14,600 Why, do you know him? 508 00:20:14,601 --> 00:20:17,371 Know him? I hate that guy. 509 00:20:17,372 --> 00:20:19,008 Me, too. 510 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,812 Well, hey. 511 00:20:20,813 --> 00:20:24,352 And the rest, as they say... 512 00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:25,722 is history. 513 00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:27,291 And three kids later, 514 00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:30,030 we decided to come here on our second honeymoon. 515 00:20:30,031 --> 00:20:31,884 Wow. 516 00:20:31,885 --> 00:20:33,771 That's a pretty good omelet. 517 00:20:33,772 --> 00:20:35,608 Oh, and hey, what about you? 518 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,644 You still with Zoey? 519 00:20:36,645 --> 00:20:40,350 No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. 520 00:20:40,351 --> 00:20:41,437 But it's all for the best, 521 00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:42,689 'cause now I'm married to 522 00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:44,443 an amazing girl, we have two kids. 523 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,930 It's actually a funny story of how we met. 524 00:20:46,931 --> 00:20:49,670 I was a best man at this wedding... 525 00:20:49,671 --> 00:20:52,642 Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we got to run. 526 00:20:52,643 --> 00:20:55,882 Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you. 527 00:21:01,795 --> 00:21:03,497 Hello. Marshall. 528 00:21:03,498 --> 00:21:04,599 Hey, Ted. 529 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,206 Hey. You will not believe who I just ran into. 530 00:21:08,207 --> 00:21:18,217 Sync by jacobian @ Hdbits.org 531 00:25:10,245 --> 00:25:20,255 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.