1
00:00:02,549 --> 00:00:04,547
Kids, the heart is a mysterious muscle.

2
00:00:04,548 --> 00:00:06,630
You never really know what's
going on in there.

3
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:09,080
So after Uncle Marshall lost his father,

4
00:00:09,081 --> 00:00:11,014
he decided to get his heart checked.

5
00:00:11,015 --> 00:00:12,580
And so did I—

6
00:00:12,581 --> 00:00:14,414
and so did Lily—

7
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,614
and so did Robin.

8
00:00:16,615 --> 00:00:19,214
And then Marshall went again
just to be sure.

9
00:00:19,215 --> 00:00:22,414
There was only one holdout.

10
00:00:22,415 --> 00:00:24,248
I don't need to go to a heart doctor.

11
00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:27,847
I drink every day,
I sleep three hours every night,

12
00:00:27,848 --> 00:00:29,515
and I have multiple sex partners.

13
00:00:29,516 --> 00:00:31,081
I'm doing everything right.

14
00:00:31,082 --> 00:00:32,381
Barney, come on, this is important.

15
00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:34,248
We need you around for a long time.

16
00:00:34,249 --> 00:00:35,747
Without you, we'd have to find

17
00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:37,881
some other sex-fueled,
depraved animal to entertain us.

18
00:00:37,882 --> 00:00:38,947
Actually,

19
00:00:38,948 --> 00:00:40,680
I'm thinking about getting a dog again.

20
00:00:40,681 --> 00:00:42,630
Oh, can she? Can she get a dog, please Dad?

21
00:00:42,631 --> 00:00:43,964
No. If you get a dog,

22
00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:46,481
I'm going to be the one
stuck taking care of it.

23
00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:48,081
You wouldn't have to take care of it.

24
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,148
Really? And who watered the philodendron

25
00:00:50,149 --> 00:00:52,248
on your bookcase and sang it back to life?

26
00:00:52,249 --> 00:00:54,847
Yeah, that was made out of silk, Ted.

27
00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:57,747
Okay, Robin, what you need is
indeed something that buries a bone,

28
00:00:57,748 --> 00:00:59,281
but I'm not talking about a dog.

29
00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:00,381
I'm talking about a man.

30
00:01:00,382 --> 00:01:01,747
Here we go.

31
00:01:01,748 --> 00:01:04,047
You're clearly trying to
fill a hole— in her heart.

32
00:01:04,048 --> 00:01:07,314
You feel like the seventh wheel,
because now Ted is with Zoey

33
00:01:07,315 --> 00:01:09,381
and Barney's with Nora and
Lily's with Big Fudge.

34
00:01:09,382 --> 00:01:12,514
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, Big Fudge.

35
00:01:12,515 --> 00:01:13,781
"With"?

36
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,881
I am not "with" Nora.

37
00:01:16,882 --> 00:01:18,081
Wrong preposition.

38
00:01:18,082 --> 00:01:21,414
Later tonight I'm hoping to
be on Nora, right?

39
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,281
Or under Nora, right?

40
00:01:23,282 --> 00:01:25,414
Or, we're all adults, I'll just say it—

41
00:01:25,415 --> 00:01:27,314
behind Nora.

42
00:01:27,982 --> 00:01:28,947
I don't know.

43
00:01:28,948 --> 00:01:30,414
This will be your second date.

44
00:01:30,415 --> 00:01:33,580
Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl.

45
00:01:33,581 --> 00:01:35,448
Yeah. Penis feelings.

46
00:01:35,449 --> 00:01:36,647
Because she's hot.

47
00:01:36,648 --> 00:01:37,931
Guys, as you know,

48
00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,247
I only have one rule...

49
00:01:39,248 --> 00:01:41,314
Barney said this a lot.

50
00:01:43,048 --> 00:01:45,714
if you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty,

51
00:01:45,715 --> 00:01:47,431
do it early in the day.

52
00:01:49,082 --> 00:01:51,414
Never screw over a girl whose last name

53
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,081
ends in a vowel.

54
00:01:53,082 --> 00:01:54,547
'Cause she's got brothers.

55
00:01:56,182 --> 00:02:02,047
Never date a girl with a hook for a hand.

56
00:02:02,048 --> 00:02:05,914
Never go out with the
same girl more than once.

57
00:02:05,915 --> 00:02:07,931
Then why are you going out with Nora again?

58
00:02:07,932 --> 00:02:09,414
There is an exception.

59
00:02:09,415 --> 00:02:11,614
And it was always the same exception.

60
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:14,181
unless she's hot.

61
00:02:14,182 --> 00:02:16,081
unless she's hot.

62
00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:19,580
unless she's hot. Arr!

63
00:02:19,581 --> 00:02:22,148
And she is indeed hot.

64
00:02:22,149 --> 00:02:26,214
Which is why nothing, not even God himself—

65
00:02:26,215 --> 00:02:28,264
yeah, I said it, Beardy—

66
00:02:28,265 --> 00:02:31,514
is going to stand in the way
of tonight being legend...

67
00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:33,381
Wait for it.

68
00:02:36,515 --> 00:02:38,714
Uh-oh.

69
00:02:51,414 --> 00:02:53,148
Hey, Nora, sorry I'm late.

70
00:02:53,149 --> 00:02:55,047
I'm just, uh, just getting over a cold.

71
00:02:55,048 --> 00:02:56,747
Oh, no. How long have you been sick?

72
00:02:56,748 --> 00:02:59,014
About 20 minutes. Can't seem to shake it.

73
00:02:59,015 --> 00:03:01,914
Okay, 'cause I was going
to say you look a little...

74
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,881
Handsome? Rich? Well-endowed?

75
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:10,380
Huh, let's say well-endowed— with phlegm.

76
00:03:11,481 --> 00:03:14,747
All right, let's go. It's bedtime.

77
00:03:14,748 --> 00:03:16,981
The bed— that's where all the...

78
00:03:20,149 --> 00:03:22,380
happens.

79
00:03:22,381 --> 00:03:23,881
Come on, let's get you sorted out.

80
00:03:23,882 --> 00:03:25,981
That night, Barney didn't
take care of business.

81
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,931
Instead, Nora took care of Barney.

82
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,114
Ah. Thank you.

83
00:03:44,381 --> 00:03:46,047
Good night, Barney.

84
00:03:46,048 --> 00:03:47,781
Good night, Mommy.

85
00:03:48,815 --> 00:03:50,413
Wow, she nursed you back to health?

86
00:03:50,414 --> 00:03:52,981
No. I didn't even see her boobs.

87
00:03:53,815 --> 00:03:55,547
She just took care of me.

88
00:03:57,249 --> 00:03:59,014
Oh, hey, guys. This is Nate.

89
00:03:59,015 --> 00:04:00,814
Nate, these are my friends. What's up. Guys?

90
00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:03,347
Nate Scooberman.
But everyone calls me Scooby.

91
00:04:03,348 --> 00:04:05,747
I'd love to hang out,
but I really gotta hit the john.

92
00:04:05,748 --> 00:04:07,514
Uh, yeah, it's right in here...

93
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:08,547
Scooby.

94
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:09,714
Thanks, brah.

95
00:04:09,715 --> 00:04:11,413
I like you guys.

96
00:04:12,215 --> 00:04:13,680
Oh, Robin,

97
00:04:13,681 --> 00:04:16,847
if you weren't so much stronger
than me, I would slap you.

98
00:04:16,848 --> 00:04:19,847
What? You told me to meet someone.

99
00:04:19,848 --> 00:04:21,547
I know, and, look, he seems plenty nice,

100
00:04:21,548 --> 00:04:23,580
but I didn't mean bring home the first guy

101
00:04:23,581 --> 00:04:25,181
you bump into on the street.

102
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,547
Actually, I met him in the park.

103
00:04:27,548 --> 00:04:28,614
Oh. Oh. Oh.

104
00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:30,248
Should have just let you get a dog.

105
00:04:30,249 --> 00:04:32,914
Oh, oh, I should go.
Lily, can I talk to you for a second?

106
00:04:35,882 --> 00:04:39,081
So, um, I made an appointment
with that cardiologist.

107
00:04:39,082 --> 00:04:40,714
Aw, and you want me to go with you

108
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:41,947
'cause you're a little scared?

109
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,380
No.

110
00:04:43,381 --> 00:04:45,914
Do you want me to go with you
because you're a lot scared?

111
00:04:45,915 --> 00:04:47,114
Yes!

112
00:04:47,115 --> 00:04:48,413
Okay, fine.

113
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:49,847
On one condition.

114
00:04:49,848 --> 00:04:52,380
You have to promise me
you won't lie to Nora.

115
00:04:52,381 --> 00:04:54,547
She seems like something special.

116
00:04:54,548 --> 00:04:58,881
Okay, I promise I won't lie to her.

117
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,480
I may, however, lie on her.

118
00:05:00,481 --> 00:05:04,247
I said, bang-bang, bangity-bang.

119
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,464
Are we done?

120
00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:13,747
Well, Barney, your heart sounds fine.

121
00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:15,447
See, Lily?

122
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,881
She was worried.

123
00:05:16,882 --> 00:05:19,380
Although it seems like you
might have a slight arrhythmia.

124
00:05:19,381 --> 00:05:22,148
Ow! Nails, nails!

125
00:05:22,149 --> 00:05:23,514
It's probably nothing to worry about,

126
00:05:23,515 --> 00:05:25,714
but I'd like you to wear this heart monitor

127
00:05:25,715 --> 00:05:27,347
for the next 24 hours.

128
00:05:27,348 --> 00:05:29,514
Twen... Flag on the play, Doc.

129
00:05:29,515 --> 00:05:30,747
I have a date tonight.

130
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:32,313
Don't worry. It's totally safe.

131
00:05:32,314 --> 00:05:33,747
Unless part of your big date

132
00:05:33,748 --> 00:05:35,680
involves connecting
yourself to a car battery.

133
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,913
Well, now it doesn't.

134
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:43,913
And exactly 24 hours later,
they returned for the results.

135
00:05:43,914 --> 00:05:46,363
Okay, everything looks fine here,

136
00:05:46,364 --> 00:05:49,846
although I did notice a few irregularities.

137
00:05:49,847 --> 00:05:51,047
There's nothing to be...

138
00:05:52,314 --> 00:05:54,313
alarmed about.

139
00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:56,047
Go on, Doctor.

140
00:05:56,048 --> 00:05:57,913
What happened

141
00:05:57,914 --> 00:05:59,846
at 8:46 p.m. Last night?

142
00:05:59,847 --> 00:06:03,013
Well, let's see...

143
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,780
Uh, Wheel of Fortune, naked push-ups,
naked chin-ups...

144
00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:07,114
I was at dinner.

145
00:06:07,115 --> 00:06:09,446
This might be a little forward,

146
00:06:09,447 --> 00:06:12,013
but do you have a bomb
strapped to your chest?

147
00:06:12,014 --> 00:06:13,480
This? No, no.

148
00:06:13,481 --> 00:06:15,147
It's a heart monitor.

149
00:06:15,148 --> 00:06:18,013
It's a medical thing.

150
00:06:18,014 --> 00:06:19,513
Oh, I'm so sorry. I've been trying

151
00:06:19,514 --> 00:06:21,179
not to stare at your chest all night.

152
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,346
What's that like?

153
00:06:23,347 --> 00:06:25,279
So is everything okay?

154
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:29,213
My friend's dad passed away
from a sudden heart attack.

155
00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:31,313
So I'm just getting myself checked out, too.

156
00:06:31,314 --> 00:06:33,246
Oh, I am so sorry.

157
00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:35,813
Thanks.

158
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,713
Um, Barney, what I'm about to say

159
00:06:40,714 --> 00:06:42,947
is going to sound a little weird,

160
00:06:42,948 --> 00:06:46,780
but I think I'm starting to like you,
so I have to say it.

161
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,880
Well, for what it's worth,
I'm not easily shocked.

162
00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:51,114
Unless you dump water on me,
'cause I'll just...

163
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:54,413
No. What is it?

164
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,080
I want to get married.

165
00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:58,213
I mean, not tonight,

166
00:06:58,214 --> 00:06:59,947
or even to you, necessarily.

167
00:06:59,948 --> 00:07:01,747
But that's what I want.

168
00:07:01,748 --> 00:07:03,380
And if that's going to scare you off,

169
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,713
then I'd rather it scare you off now.

170
00:07:05,714 --> 00:07:07,246
I want a family,

171
00:07:07,247 --> 00:07:09,413
and I want to live in a little house

172
00:07:09,414 --> 00:07:12,246
with a garden and a tree
for the kids to climb.

173
00:07:12,247 --> 00:07:14,847
And I want to go to sleep every night

174
00:07:14,848 --> 00:07:16,780
with the same person by my side,

175
00:07:16,781 --> 00:07:19,880
and wake up next to him in
the morning every morning

176
00:07:19,881 --> 00:07:22,080
for the rest of our lives.

177
00:07:22,081 --> 00:07:24,313
Just thought you should know that.

178
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,546
You have to promise me
you won't lie to Nora!

179
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:33,813
That's exactly what I want, too.

180
00:07:40,254 --> 00:07:42,686
I'm really into gardening, but these
squirrels keep messing with my tomatoes.

181
00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:44,102
Every time I see them in the backyard,

182
00:07:44,103 --> 00:07:45,369
I'm like, "Get out of here!"

183
00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:46,853
And they run off, but sure enough,

184
00:07:46,854 --> 00:07:48,453
a few minutes later, there they are again.

185
00:07:48,454 --> 00:07:50,020
And I'm like, "Get out of here!"

186
00:07:50,021 --> 00:07:50,786
So annoying.

187
00:07:51,354 --> 00:07:52,386
I smell food.

188
00:07:52,387 --> 00:07:53,753
Does this place have a kitchen?

189
00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:54,953
I'll be right back.

190
00:07:55,587 --> 00:07:59,319
Okay, but you have to admit

191
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,753
that he is a lot of fun.

192
00:08:01,754 --> 00:08:02,820
Oh, I actually think

193
00:08:02,821 --> 00:08:04,386
he's quite intelligent for what he is.

194
00:08:04,387 --> 00:08:05,419
And what is he?

195
00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:06,386
He's a dog.

196
00:08:06,387 --> 00:08:07,620
He's totally a dog.

197
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,286
What? You saw him hitting on someone?

198
00:08:09,287 --> 00:08:11,119
No, I didn't say, "He a dawg."

199
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,953
I said, "He's a dog." As in, a dog.

200
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:16,586
I think we've all noticed
a few curious mannerisms.

201
00:08:16,587 --> 00:08:20,052
Or rather, doggerisms.

202
00:08:20,053 --> 00:08:23,486
Uh, Scooby, the tag's still on your jeans.

203
00:08:23,487 --> 00:08:25,152
Where?

204
00:08:34,153 --> 00:08:35,936
Okay, Scooby, you ready?

205
00:08:37,453 --> 00:08:38,819
Oh!

206
00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:39,736
Good boy, Scooby!

207
00:08:39,737 --> 00:08:42,051
Good job, Scoob! Good boy!

208
00:08:42,052 --> 00:08:44,719
- That last one did not happen.
- Okay, you're right.

209
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,051
He dropped it.

210
00:08:46,052 --> 00:08:47,852
He's not a dog.

211
00:08:47,853 --> 00:08:48,952
Robin, it's fine.

212
00:08:48,953 --> 00:08:51,152
You said you wanted a dog and you got one.

213
00:08:51,153 --> 00:08:53,318
And the best part is, he got his shots.

214
00:08:53,319 --> 00:08:54,886
Hey, guys, got my shots.

215
00:08:54,887 --> 00:08:56,051
You are so playful.

216
00:08:56,052 --> 00:08:57,886
Nice job fetching those. Guys...

217
00:08:57,887 --> 00:08:59,102
Yeah, guys, cut it out.

218
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,185
Scooby, sit.

219
00:09:00,186 --> 00:09:02,519
So, Scooby, we were thinking

220
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,385
if you're going to be
hanging out with our Robin,

221
00:09:04,386 --> 00:09:05,752
you should be properly vetted.

222
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,885
Uh, yeah. We hope our nosiness
doesn't give you "paws."

223
00:09:09,886 --> 00:09:11,585
How did you meet? Tell us the "tail"

224
00:09:11,586 --> 00:09:13,452
Yes, how did you "whisker" off her feet?

225
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:14,919
Shed a little light on the matter.

226
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,218
Did you send her an e-mail,
or did you "collar"?

227
00:09:17,219 --> 00:09:18,719
Guys, just stop hounding him.

228
00:09:19,286 --> 00:09:20,852
Oh, geez.

229
00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:21,886
No, no, you're right, Robin.

230
00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,352
We don't want your new guy to "flea."

231
00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:25,452
We're just trying to make
sure he's not a heel.

232
00:09:25,453 --> 00:09:27,318
So, moving from Canada,

233
00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:29,385
that transition must
have been pretty "ruff."

234
00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:32,085
Sure was. My part of Canada's
pretty different from New York.

235
00:09:32,086 --> 00:09:34,552
Oh, I bet it was an "Incredible Journey"

236
00:09:34,553 --> 00:09:37,519
What part of Canada is that?
Speak. Labrador.

237
00:09:38,853 --> 00:09:40,719
Hey, Nate,

238
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,051
why don't you go play
some music on the jukebox.

239
00:09:43,052 --> 00:09:45,485
No, I'm good. Oh, shoot, dropped my keys.

240
00:09:45,486 --> 00:09:47,152
I'll get 'em. Okay.

241
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,936
Hey, guys, this is Nora.

242
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:52,085
Hey. Hey, how are you. Hey.

243
00:09:52,086 --> 00:09:53,385
Nice to meet you. How's it going?

244
00:09:53,386 --> 00:09:54,902
We were just passing by,

245
00:09:54,903 --> 00:09:56,652
and I wanted to pop in for two reasons.

246
00:09:56,653 --> 00:09:58,051
First, I wanted to let you know

247
00:09:58,052 --> 00:09:59,852
that your friend Barney is
being a perfect gentleman.

248
00:09:59,853 --> 00:10:01,485
Well, it's still early.

249
00:10:01,486 --> 00:10:02,886
I'm being serious.

250
00:10:02,887 --> 00:10:05,452
I had no idea that deep down,
he's such a romantic.

251
00:10:05,453 --> 00:10:07,719
I had no idea he had a deep down.

252
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,485
Oh, you should have heard him at dinner.

253
00:10:09,486 --> 00:10:12,352
I mean, I like being single,

254
00:10:12,353 --> 00:10:15,951
but secretly, I want to have kids.

255
00:10:15,952 --> 00:10:17,018
How many do you want?

256
00:10:17,019 --> 00:10:18,886
Three— one of each.

257
00:10:18,887 --> 00:10:20,318
You?

258
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:23,352
Three. All in an old stone house.

259
00:10:23,353 --> 00:10:24,886
Yeah, with ivy growing on it.

260
00:10:24,887 --> 00:10:26,385
Cocktails on the patio.

261
00:10:26,386 --> 00:10:28,018
And we must have a pool.

262
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,619
We?

263
00:10:31,052 --> 00:10:32,852
A pool sounds brilliant.

264
00:10:34,019 --> 00:10:35,752
Are you for real, Barney?

265
00:10:35,753 --> 00:10:38,018
I really am.

266
00:10:39,186 --> 00:10:40,719
Unbelievable.

267
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,786
I know, right?

268
00:10:41,787 --> 00:10:43,218
And the second reason we popped in

269
00:10:43,219 --> 00:10:44,935
is 'cause I need to use the loo.

270
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,402
But when I get back,

271
00:10:46,403 --> 00:10:49,385
I'm dying to hear all about Mr. Softy here.

272
00:10:49,386 --> 00:10:51,719
I assure you, that's not
a nickname that I...

273
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:57,018
And that explains your
14-second cardiac arrest.

274
00:10:58,686 --> 00:11:01,018
Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie.

275
00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:05,252
I'm not lying! Guys, Nora's really special.

276
00:11:05,253 --> 00:11:06,352
In fact...

277
00:11:06,353 --> 00:11:08,185
I think I'm...

278
00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,752
falling in love with her.

279
00:11:13,186 --> 00:11:15,552
Guys! I'm serious.

280
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:17,051
I'm not going to let you do this.

281
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,852
When Nora gets back here,
I'm blowing the whistle.

282
00:11:18,853 --> 00:11:21,185
Just make sure it's not a
high-frequency whistle,

283
00:11:21,186 --> 00:11:23,051
because we don't want to
torture Robin's boyfriend.

284
00:11:23,753 --> 00:11:25,252
Guys, this is real.

285
00:11:25,253 --> 00:11:28,051
And if you don't make me
look good in front of Nora,

286
00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:30,118
just remember: I've got dirt on each of you,

287
00:11:30,119 --> 00:11:31,951
and I am not afraid to spill it.

288
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:35,018
Barney, you can't blackmail
us into lying to Nora.

289
00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:36,285
Really, Lily?

290
00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:39,085
Even if I were to mention,
oh, I don't know...

291
00:11:39,086 --> 00:11:41,218
your kindergarten class's pet guinea pig?

292
00:11:41,219 --> 00:11:43,085
Mr. Buttons?

293
00:11:43,086 --> 00:11:45,485
Oh, you son of a bitch.

294
00:11:45,486 --> 00:11:46,918
Fine. I'll be nice.

295
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:48,985
Marshall? You got nothing on me.

296
00:11:48,986 --> 00:11:50,951
The calzone? Checkmate.

297
00:11:50,952 --> 00:11:52,652
Robin.

298
00:11:52,653 --> 00:11:55,218
Don't say the Mr. T dream,
don't say the Mr. T dream,

299
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:56,452
don't say the Mr. T dream...

300
00:11:56,453 --> 00:11:57,685
The Mr. T dream...

301
00:11:57,686 --> 00:11:59,419
I'm lost.

302
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:00,585
Ted?

303
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,585
Go ahead. Give me your best.

304
00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:03,951
My life's an open book.

305
00:12:03,952 --> 00:12:05,185
The ballet class.

306
00:12:05,186 --> 00:12:07,485
I once took a ballet class. Not ashamed.

307
00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:09,252
The 'N Sync concert.

308
00:12:09,253 --> 00:12:11,951
1998. Cleveland's Gund Arena, front row.
Caught JC's shirt.

309
00:12:11,952 --> 00:12:13,519
What else you got?

310
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,519
Okay, Ted.

311
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,018
The thermos.

312
00:12:17,019 --> 00:12:20,118
I suppose it's possible Barney
has real feelings for Nora.

313
00:12:20,119 --> 00:12:22,769
I do! So be cool!

314
00:12:25,052 --> 00:12:26,652
There's a man back there
who seems fascinated

315
00:12:26,653 --> 00:12:28,352
by the records flipping in the jukebox.

316
00:12:29,119 --> 00:12:31,552
Sorry, toots. He's taken.

317
00:12:31,553 --> 00:12:34,485
So. How do you all know Barney?

318
00:12:34,486 --> 00:12:36,118
Oh, I don't know how we know Barney.

319
00:12:36,119 --> 00:12:38,318
How does anyone know how they know anyone?

320
00:12:38,319 --> 00:12:40,685
I like your pretty hair, help me.

321
00:12:40,686 --> 00:12:44,519
We did not meet him at a strip club.

322
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:45,652
No, sir.

323
00:12:45,653 --> 00:12:47,552
Because...

324
00:12:47,553 --> 00:12:50,218
Barney don't go to no strip clubs.

325
00:12:50,219 --> 00:12:52,352
Oh, come on. Barney's
been to a strip club once.

326
00:12:52,353 --> 00:12:53,585
Once? Thermos.

327
00:12:53,586 --> 00:12:54,885
Nope. Not even once.

328
00:12:54,886 --> 00:12:58,918
Really? So Barney really
is a genuinely a nice guy.

329
00:13:04,019 --> 00:13:05,685
I don't recall.

330
00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:08,285
Okay, I think that we're done here,
I think that we have

331
00:13:08,286 --> 00:13:10,951
adequately established that Barney is...

332
00:13:10,952 --> 00:13:13,951
the kind of guy that you would
bring home to meet your parents.

333
00:13:13,952 --> 00:13:16,152
Okay? So... let's just drop it, all right?

334
00:13:16,153 --> 00:13:17,402
It's funny you should say that,

335
00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:19,851
because, as it happens,
my parents are in town.

336
00:13:19,852 --> 00:13:21,785
They're only here like once a year.

337
00:13:21,786 --> 00:13:23,519
We're getting brunch tomorrow.

338
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,985
Do you want to meet them?

339
00:13:24,986 --> 00:13:27,118
This was a big deal for Barney.

340
00:13:27,119 --> 00:13:28,452
I only have one rule.

341
00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:33,918
Never, ever, ever meet a girl's parents.

342
00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:36,519
Not even if she's hot?

343
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,252
Not even if her mom's hot.

344
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,185
I'd love to meet your parents.

345
00:13:41,886 --> 00:13:44,018
It's a date.

346
00:13:45,052 --> 00:13:46,818
Well, we should get going. Walk me home?

347
00:13:46,819 --> 00:13:47,985
Walk? Somebody say walk?

348
00:13:47,986 --> 00:13:50,268
I'll go for a walk. I love a good walk.

349
00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:52,718
No, Scooby, you, uh... stay!

350
00:13:56,952 --> 00:13:58,619
Oh, no. I got called back in to work.

351
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,718
Can you keep an eye on him until I get back?

352
00:14:00,719 --> 00:14:02,768
He's new to the city,
and he doesn't really know anyone.

353
00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:05,485
I knew it. I knew it.
I knew if you got a dog,

354
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:07,768
I'd wind up taking care of it. He's not a—

355
00:14:08,852 --> 00:14:10,935
Good night.

356
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,419
What do we do now?

357
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,185
Oh! I got an idea.

358
00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:19,252
I was in the park today,
and this guy sold me a big bag of...

359
00:14:19,253 --> 00:14:22,419
Kids, it was a big bag of sandwiches.

360
00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:25,118
Whoa. Put that away.

361
00:14:25,119 --> 00:14:28,018
You guys want to fire these up? Scooby,
we're in our 30s.

362
00:14:28,019 --> 00:14:29,885
We don't smoke sandwiches anymore.

363
00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:32,018
Sandwich brownies? Okay.

364
00:14:33,786 --> 00:14:36,085
Sandwiches make me hungry.

365
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:38,419
Truth. Hey.

366
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,818
I have a question. Yeah?

367
00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:43,851
What did Barney mean when he said "calzone"?

368
00:14:43,852 --> 00:14:47,485
Okay, I'll tell you. Okay.

369
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:52,385
One time Barney saw me drop
a calzone on the sidewalk,

370
00:14:52,386 --> 00:14:54,185
pick it up, and then keep eating it.

371
00:14:54,186 --> 00:14:57,684
It feels so good to finally
say that out loud. I... Dude.

372
00:14:57,685 --> 00:14:59,385
Listen to me.

373
00:14:59,386 --> 00:15:01,718
You have nothing to be ashamed of.

374
00:15:01,719 --> 00:15:03,885
That calzone sounds amazing.

375
00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:10,684
Guys, I found this on the floor.

376
00:15:10,685 --> 00:15:12,684
Oh, my God.

377
00:15:12,685 --> 00:15:14,419
Scooby ate the whole tray.

378
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:15,751
Ruh-roh!

379
00:15:15,752 --> 00:15:19,185
Wait. Where is he, anyway?

380
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:20,602
Oh, dude.

381
00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:22,218
Scooby got out!

382
00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:26,402
Here we are.

383
00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:31,085
I had a really great time tonight.

384
00:15:31,086 --> 00:15:33,684
Yeah, me, too.

385
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,585
Do you want to come upstairs?

386
00:15:41,586 --> 00:15:44,885
I'd love to.

387
00:15:46,986 --> 00:15:48,452
There's just one little thing,

388
00:15:48,453 --> 00:15:50,718
and it probably doesn't matter, but...

389
00:15:50,719 --> 00:15:52,218
I don't want to get married.

390
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,951
I've been saying that all night
just to get in your pants.

391
00:15:56,386 --> 00:15:57,552
Whoa!

392
00:15:58,386 --> 00:16:00,185
Oh! Ahh!

393
00:16:00,186 --> 00:16:03,331
Can you believe...

394
00:16:07,723 --> 00:16:11,892
Oh, my God! I found
Scooby's wallet. - Oh, no!

395
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:14,654
That means the poor guy's out
there with no identification.

396
00:16:14,655 --> 00:16:18,654
Robin! Hey. Hey, um, remember Scooby?
Uh, well, he got out.

397
00:16:18,655 --> 00:16:19,921
"Got out"? What do you mean?

398
00:16:19,922 --> 00:16:21,488
He just walked out of the apartment.

399
00:16:21,489 --> 00:16:22,955
Someone must've left the door open.

400
00:16:22,956 --> 00:16:24,422
It wasn't me. Me neither.

401
00:16:25,855 --> 00:16:28,088
He must've figured out
how to open it himself.

402
00:16:28,089 --> 00:16:29,321
He's so smart.

403
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,288
We should get him on Letterman doing tricks.

404
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:32,871
I know Paul Schaffer's

405
00:16:32,872 --> 00:16:34,388
sandwich guy. This could happen.

406
00:16:34,389 --> 00:16:37,121
Guys. Get yourselves together
and start looking for Scooby.

407
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,621
I'm on my way home.

408
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,288
Wait wait! Robin.

409
00:16:40,289 --> 00:16:42,038
Can you pick up some calzones?

410
00:16:43,855 --> 00:16:46,121
Wait— Nora, wait. Wait.

411
00:16:46,122 --> 00:16:48,255
I'm sorry I misled you.

412
00:16:48,256 --> 00:16:50,255
Misled? You lied to me!

413
00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,821
You had your friends lie to me!

414
00:16:51,822 --> 00:16:55,121
I was on the spot.
This is your fault. My fault?

415
00:16:55,122 --> 00:16:57,288
Yeah, with the whole
"I want to get married" thing.

416
00:16:57,289 --> 00:17:00,255
You can't just tell someone
exactly what you want

417
00:17:00,256 --> 00:17:01,587
out of a relationship.

418
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:05,221
This... isn't England.

419
00:17:07,056 --> 00:17:08,854
Good-bye, Barney.

420
00:17:11,222 --> 00:17:12,321
Scooby!

421
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:13,671
Scoob!

422
00:17:13,672 --> 00:17:16,721
Great idea. No, great idea!

423
00:17:16,722 --> 00:17:18,221
Okay. If you were new in town

424
00:17:18,222 --> 00:17:20,838
and had just ingested an eighth
of sandwich, where would you go?

425
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,688
Of course.

426
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:25,288
Back to the pizza place!

427
00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:26,821
Yeah! Maybe that's where Scooby went.

428
00:17:26,822 --> 00:17:28,288
Who's Scooby?

429
00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:30,821
Hey, guys. Hey, have you seen Scooby?

430
00:17:30,822 --> 00:17:33,654
Uh, yeah. Isn't that him taking
a leak on that fire hydrant?

431
00:17:35,256 --> 00:17:36,988
Scooby!

432
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,754
Oh, hey! It's my friends!

433
00:17:39,755 --> 00:17:42,155
No!

434
00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:45,988
And that explains 12:51 a.m.

435
00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:47,988
Okay. None of this
suggests a systemic issue.

436
00:17:47,989 --> 00:17:49,321
Your heart's fine.

437
00:17:49,322 --> 00:17:52,121
With a healthy diet,
you can live a long and happy life.

438
00:17:52,122 --> 00:17:53,988
If nobody stabs you.

439
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,621
Day's not over.

440
00:17:55,622 --> 00:17:57,754
Okay.

441
00:17:57,755 --> 00:18:01,754
Lily, I'm sorry that I lied
about wanting to settle down.

442
00:18:01,755 --> 00:18:03,721
No, that wasn't the lie.

443
00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:06,255
The lie was when you
told Nora you were lying.

444
00:18:06,256 --> 00:18:07,688
Because you weren't.

445
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:10,455
You want that stuff, Barney, I know you do.

446
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:16,537
Okay. Maybe, eventually,
I could settle down.

447
00:18:16,538 --> 00:18:20,088
50 years from now, if I have
like a Hefner thing going on

448
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:21,621
with some really hot twins.

449
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,188
But those twins

450
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:28,055
won't even be born for another... 32 years.

451
00:18:28,056 --> 00:18:29,422
I mean...

452
00:18:29,423 --> 00:18:33,255
Nora's great. She's wonderful. But...

453
00:18:33,256 --> 00:18:34,955
What time was your dinner reservation?

454
00:18:34,956 --> 00:18:36,788
Last night? 8:30.

455
00:18:36,789 --> 00:18:39,221
What did his heart do at 8:30?

456
00:18:49,989 --> 00:18:53,454
It... literally skipped a beat.

457
00:18:54,522 --> 00:18:56,721
Your heart's talking to you, Barney.

458
00:18:56,722 --> 00:18:58,854
Do you have the guts to listen to it?

459
00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:21,554
I lied. Barney.

460
00:19:21,555 --> 00:19:24,221
When I said I lied,
that was a lie, and I'm sorry.

461
00:19:24,222 --> 00:19:26,221
I'm confused. So am I.

462
00:19:26,222 --> 00:19:29,688
This, all of this,
this is totally new to me,

463
00:19:29,689 --> 00:19:31,688
but I know it's what I want.

464
00:19:31,689 --> 00:19:33,355
I want to be confused.

465
00:19:33,356 --> 00:19:35,221
With you.

466
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:43,021
Mom, Dad...

467
00:19:43,022 --> 00:19:44,621
this is Barney.

468
00:19:44,622 --> 00:19:45,888
Hi.

469
00:19:45,889 --> 00:19:48,221
I'm Barney. Great to meet you.

470
00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:50,205
Hey, you want to see a magic trick?

471
00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:24,249
Transcript by Addic7ed.com
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