1 00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:04,925 Kids, in the spring of 2011, 2 00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:04,925 Zoey and I broke up. 3 00:00:04,967 --> 00:00:08,387 But the good news... 4 00:00:04,967 --> 00:00:08,387 Goliath National Bank 5 00:00:04,967 --> 00:00:08,387 was finally ready... 6 00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:12,350 to demolish the Arcadian 7 00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:12,350 and build the new headquarters 8 00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:12,350 I had designed for them. 9 00:00:12,391 --> 00:00:14,101 Ho! 10 00:00:14,143 --> 00:00:15,478 The only problem was 11 00:00:14,143 --> 00:00:15,478 I kept butting heads... 12 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:19,315 with my project supervisor 13 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:19,315 on one very important issue. 14 00:00:19,357 --> 00:00:21,484 I want to press the button 15 00:00:19,357 --> 00:00:21,484 to blow up the Arcadian! 16 00:00:21,526 --> 00:00:23,068 I want to press it! 17 00:00:21,526 --> 00:00:23,068 I want to press it! 18 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:26,113 I want to press it! 19 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:26,113 Guys, I dated you both, 20 00:00:26,155 --> 00:00:27,699 and neither of you 21 00:00:26,155 --> 00:00:27,699 is good at pressing... 22 00:00:27,740 --> 00:00:29,909 or even finding 23 00:00:27,740 --> 00:00:29,909 "the button." 24 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,078 After some awkward pawing 25 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,078 around, that building's 26 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,078 gonna fake an implosion, 27 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,540 say, 28 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,540 "Baby, that was great," 29 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,540 and go to sleep. 30 00:00:36,582 --> 00:00:38,417 She means you. 31 00:00:36,582 --> 00:00:38,417 She means you. 32 00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:40,545 I want to press it. 33 00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:40,545 I want to press it. 34 00:00:40,586 --> 00:00:41,796 I am gonna press the button! 35 00:00:41,838 --> 00:00:43,506 It's just 36 00:00:41,838 --> 00:00:43,506 a button, okay? 37 00:00:43,548 --> 00:00:45,925 Can we just talk about 38 00:00:43,548 --> 00:00:45,925 something else, please? 39 00:00:45,966 --> 00:00:49,303 Well, I ran 40 00:00:45,966 --> 00:00:49,303 into Zoey yesterday. 41 00:00:49,345 --> 00:00:50,889 Ooh. 42 00:00:49,345 --> 00:00:50,889 Ooh. 43 00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:54,266 That's the first time 44 00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:54,266 since the breakup. 45 00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:54,266 How's she doing? 46 00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:57,645 I'm still unemployed, 47 00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:57,645 so I had to get 48 00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:57,645 a couple roommates. 49 00:00:57,687 --> 00:00:59,731 Saving money. 50 00:00:59,772 --> 00:01:01,816 Making new friends. 51 00:00:59,772 --> 00:01:01,816 No downside. 52 00:01:01,858 --> 00:01:03,902 They're all 22 and sell drugs. 53 00:01:03,943 --> 00:01:07,906 Which means 54 00:01:03,943 --> 00:01:07,906 they're not taking them, 55 00:01:03,943 --> 00:01:07,906 so that's a win. 56 00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:13,703 Well, I can tell you're 57 00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:13,703 really busy, so I should... 58 00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:13,703 I'll let you go. 59 00:01:13,745 --> 00:01:15,538 Hey. 60 00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:17,331 You want to get coffee 61 00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:17,331 sometime? 62 00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:20,334 You know "coffee" is code 63 00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:20,334 for "I want to get back 64 00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:20,334 together," right? 65 00:01:20,376 --> 00:01:24,088 Well, at first I wasn't sure, 66 00:01:20,376 --> 00:01:24,088 but then she said something 67 00:01:20,376 --> 00:01:24,088 that got me thinking. 68 00:01:24,129 --> 00:01:25,590 I want to get back together. 69 00:01:25,631 --> 00:01:27,550 - Don't worry. 70 00:01:27,592 --> 00:01:30,344 We're not. I just... 71 00:01:27,592 --> 00:01:30,344 I feel bad Zoey's 72 00:01:27,592 --> 00:01:30,344 having such a hard time. 73 00:01:31,804 --> 00:01:34,599 You know what might make you 74 00:01:31,804 --> 00:01:34,599 feel better, buddy? 75 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,559 I'm not letting you 76 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,559 press the button. 77 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,559 I want to press the button! 78 00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:38,436 You're not pressing 79 00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:38,436 the button! It's my button! 80 00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:38,436 I'm gonna press... 81 00:01:38,477 --> 00:01:40,646 Sadly, that's all you need 82 00:01:38,477 --> 00:01:40,646 to know about my summer. 83 00:01:40,688 --> 00:01:44,567 Now around this time, 84 00:01:40,688 --> 00:01:44,567 Uncle Marshall was still having 85 00:01:40,688 --> 00:01:44,567 a tough time finding a job. 86 00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:46,903 He's out printing up 87 00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:46,903 a whole new 88 00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:46,903 batch of résumés... 89 00:01:46,945 --> 00:01:49,488 because he misspelled 90 00:01:46,945 --> 00:01:49,488 the phrase 91 00:01:46,945 --> 00:01:49,488 "detail oriented." 92 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,532 Mm. 93 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,532 And when he 94 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,532 gets back home, 95 00:01:51,574 --> 00:01:54,368 he is gonna find 96 00:01:51,574 --> 00:01:54,368 his favorite soup 97 00:01:51,574 --> 00:01:54,368 there waiting for him. 98 00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:57,914 Aw. That's sweet, Lil, 99 00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:57,914 but didn't you guys get 100 00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:57,914 food poisoning here one time? 101 00:01:59,373 --> 00:02:02,334 Three times. 102 00:01:59,373 --> 00:02:02,334 But they're really 103 00:01:59,373 --> 00:02:02,334 nice about it. 104 00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:05,630 Their policy is "get sick, 105 00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:05,630 get a free gallon of soup." 106 00:02:06,798 --> 00:02:08,925 [ Sneezes, 107 00:02:06,798 --> 00:02:08,925 Clears Throat ] 108 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,388 And so Lily dropped off 109 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,388 Marshall's surprise soup 110 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,388 and headed back to work... 111 00:02:14,430 --> 00:02:17,141 to introduce the new class pet. 112 00:02:17,182 --> 00:02:18,977 This is Mr. Buttons II. 113 00:02:19,018 --> 00:02:22,146 Now, after what happened 114 00:02:19,018 --> 00:02:22,146 to Mr. Buttons I, 115 00:02:22,187 --> 00:02:24,690 we have to be 116 00:02:22,187 --> 00:02:24,690 very gentle with... 117 00:02:31,363 --> 00:02:32,364 Marshall! 118 00:02:43,542 --> 00:02:45,252 Ew! 119 00:02:52,969 --> 00:02:54,136 Sorry. 120 00:03:09,527 --> 00:03:10,862 Don't eat the soup! 121 00:03:12,738 --> 00:03:15,449 Oh. Thank God. 122 00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:18,077 This was about to be 123 00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:18,077 my third bowl. 124 00:03:19,787 --> 00:03:21,455 Why shouldn't I eat the soup? 125 00:03:27,879 --> 00:03:30,589 Why shouldn't I eat the soup? 126 00:03:43,519 --> 00:03:47,565 Hey, Mr. Architect! 127 00:03:43,519 --> 00:03:47,565 Big day for you tomorrow, huh? 128 00:03:47,606 --> 00:03:49,942 Yeah. Getting to stand next 129 00:03:47,606 --> 00:03:49,942 to me while I press the button. 130 00:03:49,984 --> 00:03:52,277 That is gonna be legen... 131 00:03:49,984 --> 00:03:52,277 wait for it... 132 00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:54,279 dary adjacent. 133 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:57,116 Legendary adjacent! 134 00:03:57,157 --> 00:03:59,326 You okay? 135 00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:01,079 Yeah. No. 136 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,956 I... This morning I was 137 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,956 talking to the foreman. 138 00:04:03,998 --> 00:04:06,125 Hey, hotshot. 139 00:04:06,166 --> 00:04:09,003 You know, Rod, um, 140 00:04:06,166 --> 00:04:09,003 I'm loving that nickname. 141 00:04:09,045 --> 00:04:11,589 And I can tell 142 00:04:09,045 --> 00:04:11,589 it's totally affectionate. 143 00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:13,925 But, uh, I prefer Ted. 144 00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:16,928 Yeah, but you're such a hotshot, 145 00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:19,972 I figured I'd just 146 00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:19,972 call you "hotshot." 147 00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:23,183 Pick one. And make sure 148 00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:23,183 you like it. 149 00:04:23,225 --> 00:04:27,563 There's gonna be 50,000 150 00:04:23,225 --> 00:04:27,563 of these in your big 151 00:04:23,225 --> 00:04:27,563 hotshot building, hotshot. 152 00:04:28,564 --> 00:04:30,942 50,000 lightbulbs. 153 00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:32,568 I mean, what if 154 00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:32,568 this one's too bright? 155 00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:34,028 What if this one flickers... 156 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:36,114 and gives everyone 157 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:36,114 a weird headache? 158 00:04:36,155 --> 00:04:37,573 Do you know how many 159 00:04:36,155 --> 00:04:37,573 people it takes... 160 00:04:37,615 --> 00:04:39,992 to change 50,000 lightbulbs? 161 00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:41,619 Are these people 162 00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:41,619 Irish, Polish, blondes? 163 00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:42,995 What are we dealing with here? 164 00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:45,414 There's so many 165 00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:45,414 decisions to be made. 166 00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:46,707 What if I make all 167 00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:46,707 the wrong ones... 168 00:04:46,749 --> 00:04:48,167 and my building just sucks? 169 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:49,168 Not possible. 170 00:04:49,209 --> 00:04:50,586 Your building is new. 171 00:04:50,628 --> 00:04:51,879 And I have one rule... 172 00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:54,673 new is always better. 173 00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:57,342 You can't keep saying you have 174 00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:57,342 one rule if they're always 175 00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:57,342 different rules. 176 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,344 Ah! But "new is 177 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,344 always better"... 178 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,596 is my oldest rule, 179 00:05:00,638 --> 00:05:01,847 which makes it the best. 180 00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,601 - Marsh. 181 00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,601 - Hey, buddy. 182 00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:07,645 - Hey. 183 00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:07,645 - Everything okay? 184 00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:09,730 Lily got food poisoning 185 00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:09,730 from some soup. 186 00:05:11,356 --> 00:05:12,566 And then I ate the soup... 187 00:05:12,608 --> 00:05:14,026 exactly three hours later, 188 00:05:14,068 --> 00:05:15,820 which means I can see... 189 00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:18,530 exactly three hours 190 00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:18,530 into my future. 191 00:05:18,572 --> 00:05:24,662 And it doesn't... look... good. 192 00:05:24,703 --> 00:05:26,747 I tried to be supportive. 193 00:05:26,789 --> 00:05:29,500 Oh, baby, can you 194 00:05:26,789 --> 00:05:29,500 just hold me, please? 195 00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:31,752 Of course, baby. 196 00:05:34,922 --> 00:05:37,049 But it doesn't help 197 00:05:34,922 --> 00:05:37,049 that when Lily gets going... 198 00:05:37,091 --> 00:05:39,593 she sounds like a velociraptor 199 00:05:37,091 --> 00:05:39,593 from Jurassic Park. 200 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:49,520 But then I realized a man can do 201 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:49,520 a lot of living in three hours. 202 00:05:49,561 --> 00:05:54,566 So I'm out experiencing 203 00:05:49,561 --> 00:05:54,566 this beautiful, 204 00:05:49,561 --> 00:05:54,566 crazy dance called life. 205 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,986 Ah. My last meal. 206 00:05:57,028 --> 00:05:59,446 MacLaren's famous 207 00:05:57,028 --> 00:05:59,446 jalapeño poppers. 208 00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:03,242 My doctor says I need 209 00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:03,242 to eat healthier, so I figure 210 00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:03,242 the round-trip flight... 211 00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:06,120 these babies are about to take 212 00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:06,120 will land them permanently 213 00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:06,120 on the no-fry list. 214 00:06:07,955 --> 00:06:09,707 Good-bye, my friend. 215 00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:13,418 It's been a hell of a ride. 216 00:06:16,047 --> 00:06:18,966 I have to... 217 00:06:20,634 --> 00:06:22,511 Hey, babe. 218 00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,138 The gang says, 219 00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,138 "Feel better." 220 00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:26,598 Mm, thanks. Wait. 221 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,351 You didn't tell them 222 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,351 I had food poisoning, did you? 223 00:06:29,393 --> 00:06:31,395 Um, I... 224 00:06:31,436 --> 00:06:35,024 Marshall, when it's 225 00:06:31,436 --> 00:06:35,024 stomach stuff, you just say 226 00:06:31,436 --> 00:06:35,024 "under the weather," 227 00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:38,027 or people start picturing you 228 00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:38,027 doing unspeakable things. 229 00:06:38,069 --> 00:06:41,822 I know! I just said 230 00:06:38,069 --> 00:06:41,822 that you have the sniffles. 231 00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:46,077 No one is picturing anything 232 00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:46,077 but little red-nosed you... 233 00:06:46,118 --> 00:06:48,495 under a blanky 234 00:06:46,118 --> 00:06:48,495 with some hot tea. 235 00:06:48,537 --> 00:06:51,290 I wonder what end 236 00:06:48,537 --> 00:06:51,290 it's coming out of Lily 237 00:06:48,537 --> 00:06:51,290 right now. 238 00:06:51,331 --> 00:06:53,167 I bet it's her tushie. 239 00:06:53,209 --> 00:06:55,335 I bet it's both. 240 00:06:59,215 --> 00:07:02,467 Hey, speaking of explosions, 241 00:06:59,215 --> 00:07:02,467 enough already, Ted! 242 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,178 That button's mine! 243 00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:05,930 Yeah, fine, okay. 244 00:07:05,971 --> 00:07:08,473 I got you this job, so I... 245 00:07:05,971 --> 00:07:08,473 Say what? 246 00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:12,352 Whatever. It's yours. 247 00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:12,352 I got to run. 248 00:07:12,394 --> 00:07:13,729 You... 249 00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:18,525 Hello? 250 00:07:19,484 --> 00:07:21,612 Yes, it is. 251 00:07:21,653 --> 00:07:24,656 It's Bloom, 252 00:07:21,653 --> 00:07:24,656 Greenberg & Associates. 253 00:07:21,653 --> 00:07:24,656 They want me to come interview. 254 00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:28,452 Yes, I know it's risky to go, 255 00:07:28,493 --> 00:07:30,579 but this is the best 256 00:07:28,493 --> 00:07:30,579 environmental law firm 257 00:07:28,493 --> 00:07:30,579 in New York. 258 00:07:30,621 --> 00:07:31,622 It's my dream job. 259 00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:37,377 That's a great idea, babe. 260 00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:37,377 I'll ask them. 261 00:07:37,419 --> 00:07:40,380 Hey, is it at all possible... 262 00:07:37,419 --> 00:07:40,380 Could I come in on Monday? 263 00:07:41,924 --> 00:07:45,385 Okay, I'll see you at 5:00. 264 00:07:41,924 --> 00:07:45,385 Thank you. 265 00:07:49,598 --> 00:07:51,976 I love and believe 266 00:07:49,598 --> 00:07:51,976 in you too, baby. 267 00:07:54,019 --> 00:07:56,814 Why would Ted just give up 268 00:07:54,019 --> 00:07:56,814 the button like that? 269 00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:57,940 He... 270 00:07:57,982 --> 00:07:59,524 And he forgot his phone. 271 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,654 - "See you in an hour." 272 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,654 - Who's that from? 273 00:08:03,695 --> 00:08:06,698 Zoey. They're meeting 274 00:08:03,695 --> 00:08:06,698 for coffee. 275 00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:09,785 Ted's getting back 276 00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:09,785 together with her. 277 00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:18,543 Why would Ted 278 00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:18,543 get back together with Zoey? 279 00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:18,543 He's doing great. 280 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,754 Well, after a breakup, 281 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,754 we all think we're doing great. 282 00:08:20,796 --> 00:08:23,799 But sometimes 283 00:08:20,796 --> 00:08:23,799 the tiniest trigger 284 00:08:20,796 --> 00:08:23,799 can unravel you... 285 00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:25,467 and send you crawling 286 00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:25,467 right back. 287 00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,261 No. I refuse to believe 288 00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,261 that Ted... 289 00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:29,180 is getting back 290 00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:29,180 together with Zoey 291 00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:29,180 because of lightbulbs. 292 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:31,265 Uh, Ted's gone back for less. 293 00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:38,689 Hi. Natalie, you want 294 00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:38,689 to get coffee sometime? 295 00:08:42,651 --> 00:08:43,694 Bro? 296 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,655 Ted, I only have one rule. 297 00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:49,074 But I can't reach 298 00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:49,074 the worst part. 299 00:08:50,492 --> 00:08:53,453 Hi, Karen. 300 00:08:50,492 --> 00:08:53,453 Want to get coffee sometime? 301 00:08:55,497 --> 00:08:57,166 Coming up next... 302 00:08:57,208 --> 00:09:01,253 our two local pandas, 303 00:08:57,208 --> 00:09:01,253 Ming Ming and Bao Bao, 304 00:08:57,208 --> 00:09:01,253 are expecting a baby. 305 00:09:01,295 --> 00:09:03,964 - Robin, you want 306 00:09:01,295 --> 00:09:03,964 to get coffee sometime? 307 00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:05,383 Get it together, bro. 308 00:09:06,884 --> 00:09:09,970 According 309 00:09:06,884 --> 00:09:09,970 to my calculations, 310 00:09:06,884 --> 00:09:09,970 at 6:00 p.m... 311 00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:14,933 my body is gonna pay out 312 00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:14,933 like the most disgusting 313 00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:14,933 slot machine in the world. 314 00:09:14,975 --> 00:09:18,229 That gives me two hours 315 00:09:14,975 --> 00:09:18,229 to go do the interview 316 00:09:14,975 --> 00:09:18,229 and still get back in time. 317 00:09:18,270 --> 00:09:20,522 Oh, but, baby, 318 00:09:18,270 --> 00:09:20,522 what if you hit 319 00:09:18,270 --> 00:09:20,522 the jackpot early? 320 00:09:20,564 --> 00:09:24,109 Oh, don't worry. 321 00:09:20,564 --> 00:09:24,109 I'll be prepared. 322 00:09:41,793 --> 00:09:44,129 Well, I'm talking 323 00:09:41,793 --> 00:09:44,129 your ear off. Sorry. 324 00:09:44,171 --> 00:09:45,964 Is there anything 325 00:09:44,171 --> 00:09:45,964 I can do for you, sweetie? 326 00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:52,137 Can I borrow... 327 00:09:52,179 --> 00:09:53,931 an adult diaper? 328 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,436 We gotta stop Ted. 329 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,436 Where are they meeting? 330 00:09:58,477 --> 00:10:01,563 Okay, Zoey wrote, 331 00:09:58,477 --> 00:10:01,563 "Meet me at 6:00 332 00:09:58,477 --> 00:10:01,563 where it all began, 333 00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:03,815 where you gave me the orchid 334 00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:03,815 at the intersection." 335 00:10:03,857 --> 00:10:06,151 Well, that's good. 336 00:10:03,857 --> 00:10:06,151 All we have to do 337 00:10:03,857 --> 00:10:06,151 is think back... 338 00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:08,404 to the time Ted told us about 339 00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:08,404 his first date with Zoey. 340 00:10:08,446 --> 00:10:11,656 Amazing first date with Zoey. 341 00:10:08,446 --> 00:10:11,656 We met at the intersection... 342 00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,455 Aw! That's sweet. 343 00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,455 Totally. 344 00:10:17,496 --> 00:10:20,374 - You weren't listening either? 345 00:10:17,496 --> 00:10:20,374 - I was in a coma. 346 00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:23,043 I mean, who pays attention 347 00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:23,043 to that sappy romantic crap? 348 00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:24,920 Lily! 349 00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:24,920 - Lily! 350 00:10:24,962 --> 00:10:27,547 Yeah, I wasn't listening either. 351 00:10:27,589 --> 00:10:30,384 Ted really can 352 00:10:27,589 --> 00:10:30,384 go on about a bitch. 353 00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:33,929 Great. He could be anywhere, 354 00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:33,929 and we're flat out of clues. 355 00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:33,929 I... 356 00:10:33,971 --> 00:10:36,098 Hey, wait! 357 00:10:33,971 --> 00:10:36,098 Ted left a message. 358 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:39,393 I couldn't hear it 359 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:39,393 'cause I was in the bathroom... 360 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:39,393 blowing my nose. 361 00:10:39,435 --> 00:10:41,145 I have the sniffles. 362 00:10:42,813 --> 00:10:44,648 Hey, Lily. 363 00:10:42,813 --> 00:10:44,648 Hope you're feeling better. 364 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,900 Marshall told us 365 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,900 you're exploding from both ends 366 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,900 like a busted fire hydrant. 367 00:10:46,942 --> 00:10:49,653 - Damn it, Marshall. 368 00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:52,531 Anyway, listen. 369 00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:52,531 I was gonna get back together 370 00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:52,531 with Zoey today, 371 00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:55,826 but then I came to my senses 372 00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:55,826 on the way out here, so... 373 00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,702 False alarm. 374 00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:01,499 Oh, crap. 375 00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:01,499 I just stepped in some gum. 376 00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:03,334 I'm getting back together 377 00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:03,334 with Zoey! 378 00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:05,585 Okay, we're never 379 00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:05,585 gonna find him. 380 00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:08,839 Hey, wait, wait, wait! 381 00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:08,839 That was a subway announcement 382 00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:08,839 in the background. 383 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:09,714 I speak conductor. 384 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,883 - Hey, Lily. 385 00:11:11,925 --> 00:11:13,302 - Hope you're feeling better. 386 00:11:11,925 --> 00:11:13,302 Marshall told us... 387 00:11:13,344 --> 00:11:15,887 Got it. Ted's at... 388 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:18,849 Lil... 389 00:11:22,936 --> 00:11:24,604 Ah-choo! 390 00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:26,482 Ted's at Smith and 9th Street. 391 00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,526 Then that's 392 00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,526 the intersection. 393 00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:28,526 That's in Brooklyn. 394 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:31,362 How are we ever gonna 395 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:31,362 get there in time? 396 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:31,362 Way ahead of you. 397 00:11:33,197 --> 00:11:34,906 Hello! 398 00:11:38,369 --> 00:11:41,288 Marshall! Jake Bloom. 399 00:11:38,369 --> 00:11:41,288 Great to meet you. 400 00:11:41,330 --> 00:11:44,041 Hello. Hi. 401 00:11:41,330 --> 00:11:44,041 Hey. Oh, I'm sorry 402 00:11:41,330 --> 00:11:44,041 about the stench. 403 00:11:44,082 --> 00:11:47,294 We're suing a factory 404 00:11:44,082 --> 00:11:47,294 that's been dumping raw sewage 405 00:11:44,082 --> 00:11:47,294 into a local marshland. 406 00:11:47,336 --> 00:11:49,046 Yeah. Ten minutes ago, 407 00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:52,132 I was knee-deep 408 00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:52,132 in liquefied human feces. 409 00:11:52,174 --> 00:11:55,093 And that was just 410 00:11:52,174 --> 00:11:55,093 on the F train. 411 00:11:57,429 --> 00:11:59,764 I can't believe 412 00:11:57,429 --> 00:11:59,764 Ted's getting back 413 00:11:57,429 --> 00:11:59,764 together with Zoey. 414 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,684 I know. They were 415 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,684 a total train wreck. 416 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,684 Unmitigated disaster. 417 00:12:02,726 --> 00:12:04,728 Worst couple ever. 418 00:12:04,769 --> 00:12:05,812 Yeah. 419 00:12:05,854 --> 00:12:07,356 Almost as bad as us. 420 00:12:09,149 --> 00:12:11,026 We were a mess. 421 00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:13,529 Do you remember how awful 422 00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:13,529 I looked by the end? 423 00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:17,699 My hair was falling out. 424 00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:17,699 My skin was gray. 425 00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:17,699 My back was hunched. 426 00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:19,535 What about me? 427 00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:22,954 I got so fat, 428 00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:22,954 at the end of the date 429 00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:22,954 you'd unhook my bra. 430 00:12:22,996 --> 00:12:26,083 You were the only boyfriend 431 00:12:22,996 --> 00:12:26,083 I ever motorboated. 432 00:12:28,586 --> 00:12:31,505 Thank God we're not 433 00:12:28,586 --> 00:12:31,505 sentimental saps who panic 434 00:12:28,586 --> 00:12:31,505 and get back together. 435 00:12:31,547 --> 00:12:32,672 Seriously. 436 00:12:32,714 --> 00:12:34,425 Why would people do that? 437 00:12:37,344 --> 00:12:39,012 I guess I get it. 438 00:12:39,054 --> 00:12:40,347 What do you mean? 439 00:12:40,389 --> 00:12:43,141 Well, no matter 440 00:12:40,389 --> 00:12:43,141 how bad things got, 441 00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:49,231 Ted really did love 442 00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:49,231 Zoey for a minute there, 443 00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:49,231 didn't he? 444 00:12:54,445 --> 00:12:56,905 Yeah. He did. 445 00:12:59,783 --> 00:13:02,578 And... she loved him too. 446 00:13:03,537 --> 00:13:04,871 Didn't she? 447 00:13:06,831 --> 00:13:08,959 Yeah, she did. 448 00:13:14,714 --> 00:13:17,050 Smith 449 00:13:14,714 --> 00:13:17,050 and 9th Street. 450 00:13:17,092 --> 00:13:18,969 So, let me show you... 451 00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:21,972 some of the gut-wrenching 452 00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:21,972 environmental atrocities... 453 00:13:22,013 --> 00:13:23,682 that we are working 454 00:13:22,013 --> 00:13:23,682 to stop, okay? 455 00:13:23,723 --> 00:13:25,183 Mmm. 456 00:13:25,225 --> 00:13:27,978 - Here. Pop quiz. 457 00:13:28,019 --> 00:13:29,938 What is that? 458 00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,773 That's a seal. 459 00:13:31,815 --> 00:13:33,567 Bingo. Yes. 460 00:13:33,609 --> 00:13:36,654 A bloated seal corpse 461 00:13:33,609 --> 00:13:36,654 rotting in industrial waste. 462 00:13:36,695 --> 00:13:37,988 Mm-hmm. 463 00:13:38,029 --> 00:13:40,115 Now, wait till you see 464 00:13:38,029 --> 00:13:40,115 what we found... 465 00:13:40,157 --> 00:13:42,033 when we cut him open. 466 00:13:43,702 --> 00:13:46,121 Okay, where the hell are they? 467 00:13:43,702 --> 00:13:46,121 Maybe this isn't 468 00:13:43,702 --> 00:13:46,121 the intersection. 469 00:13:46,163 --> 00:13:48,206 Well, maybe it is 470 00:13:46,163 --> 00:13:48,206 and we're too late. 471 00:13:48,248 --> 00:13:50,542 Man, I wish we'd gotten 472 00:13:48,248 --> 00:13:50,542 to Brooklyn sooner. 473 00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:52,336 I know, right? 474 00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:56,298 Ever since 475 00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:56,298 the Trader Joe's opened up, 476 00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:56,298 Brooklyn is so... whatever. 477 00:13:57,841 --> 00:13:59,593 Wait. 478 00:13:57,841 --> 00:13:59,593 Where'd you get that? 479 00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:01,928 Across the street. 480 00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:01,928 At The Intersection. 481 00:14:03,263 --> 00:14:05,683 So, um, 482 00:14:05,724 --> 00:14:09,478 you guys wanna buy 483 00:14:05,724 --> 00:14:09,478 some weed or... 484 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:22,073 She's alone. 485 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:22,073 There's still time. 486 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:22,073 But where the hell is Ted? 487 00:14:22,115 --> 00:14:25,202 Wait a minute. 488 00:14:22,115 --> 00:14:25,202 On their first date, 489 00:14:22,115 --> 00:14:25,202 he brought her an orchid. 490 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:27,579 How much do you wanna bet 491 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:27,579 he's gonna do it again? 492 00:14:27,621 --> 00:14:29,122 - Brilliant. 493 00:14:27,621 --> 00:14:29,122 - Right? 494 00:14:29,164 --> 00:14:30,915 But wait. He had a huge 495 00:14:29,164 --> 00:14:30,915 head start on us. 496 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,626 There's no way 497 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,626 he's still in there, 498 00:14:32,668 --> 00:14:35,045 unless he spent 499 00:14:32,668 --> 00:14:35,045 half an hour picking out 500 00:14:32,668 --> 00:14:35,045 the perfect orchid. 501 00:14:35,086 --> 00:14:36,796 Thanks, Julia. 502 00:14:38,465 --> 00:14:40,509 You know what? 503 00:14:40,551 --> 00:14:42,969 Let me see the 504 00:14:40,551 --> 00:14:42,969 pink lady's slipper again. 505 00:14:44,804 --> 00:14:47,307 Now, you know 506 00:14:44,804 --> 00:14:47,307 what that is? 507 00:14:47,349 --> 00:14:51,603 A pile of rotting 508 00:14:47,349 --> 00:14:51,603 seagull carcasses... 509 00:14:51,645 --> 00:14:53,731 covered in toxic sludge. 510 00:14:53,772 --> 00:14:55,023 Being eaten by rats. 511 00:14:53,772 --> 00:14:55,023 Mm-hmm. 512 00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:56,650 Exactly. 513 00:14:56,692 --> 00:14:59,110 Now this next slide... 514 00:14:56,692 --> 00:14:59,110 Oh. 515 00:14:59,152 --> 00:15:01,988 I'm sorry. 516 00:14:59,152 --> 00:15:01,988 That's my wife's 517 00:14:59,152 --> 00:15:01,988 water birth. 518 00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,948 I don't know 519 00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,948 how that got in there. 520 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,454 Anyway, 521 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,454 that's all my questions. 522 00:15:11,039 --> 00:15:12,624 Oh, my God. I made it. 523 00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:15,877 Now just shake his hand, 524 00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:15,877 clench your very soul 525 00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:15,877 and run like hell. 526 00:15:17,254 --> 00:15:19,464 Mm. Now, I like to 527 00:15:17,254 --> 00:15:19,464 set aside 20 minutes... 528 00:15:19,506 --> 00:15:22,509 at the end 529 00:15:19,506 --> 00:15:22,509 of every interview 530 00:15:19,506 --> 00:15:22,509 for your questions. 531 00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:25,845 So don't hold back. 532 00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:25,845 Whatever you got inside 533 00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:25,845 there, you just let 'er rip. 534 00:15:28,181 --> 00:15:31,268 I can't do this anymore. 535 00:15:28,181 --> 00:15:31,268 I'm just gonna tell him 536 00:15:28,181 --> 00:15:31,268 the truth. 537 00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:35,897 When it's stomach stuff, 538 00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:35,897 you just say 539 00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:35,897 "under the weather," 540 00:15:35,939 --> 00:15:38,900 or people start picturing you 541 00:15:35,939 --> 00:15:38,900 doing unspeakable things. 542 00:15:40,318 --> 00:15:42,070 I have food poisoning... 543 00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:45,073 and I'm about to start 544 00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:45,073 volcanoing toxic sludge 545 00:15:42,112 --> 00:15:45,073 out of both ends. 546 00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:46,032 Nailed it. 547 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,205 Thanks, Julia! 548 00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:55,542 No. On second thought... 549 00:15:55,584 --> 00:15:56,918 No! 550 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,920 Come on! 551 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,920 What the hell? 552 00:15:58,962 --> 00:16:00,714 You can't get back 553 00:15:58,962 --> 00:16:00,714 together with Zoey... 554 00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,466 just because 555 00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,466 you're freaking out 556 00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,466 over a lightbulb. 557 00:16:02,507 --> 00:16:04,676 I'm not freaking out 558 00:16:02,507 --> 00:16:04,676 over a lightbulb. 559 00:16:04,718 --> 00:16:07,387 I'm freaking out 560 00:16:04,718 --> 00:16:07,387 over 50,000 lightbulbs! 561 00:16:07,429 --> 00:16:09,389 I can't do this. 562 00:16:09,431 --> 00:16:11,600 I only got this job 563 00:16:09,431 --> 00:16:11,600 because you gave it 564 00:16:09,431 --> 00:16:11,600 to me, Barney. 565 00:16:11,642 --> 00:16:13,268 I didn't earn it. 566 00:16:14,645 --> 00:16:17,856 Look, Ted, 567 00:16:14,645 --> 00:16:17,856 the future is scary. 568 00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:21,234 But you can't just 569 00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:21,234 run back to the past 570 00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:21,234 because it's familiar. 571 00:16:22,611 --> 00:16:24,404 Yes, it's tempting. 572 00:16:25,739 --> 00:16:27,324 But... 573 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:29,242 it's a mistake. 574 00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:33,913 You're right. 575 00:16:34,665 --> 00:16:37,584 Um, excuse me. 576 00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:40,211 Can you give this 577 00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:40,211 to the blonde 578 00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:40,211 sitting alone in there... 579 00:16:40,253 --> 00:16:42,840 and tell her 580 00:16:40,253 --> 00:16:42,840 Ted's really sorry? 581 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,216 Also... 582 00:16:46,593 --> 00:16:48,136 Indirect sunlight. 583 00:16:46,593 --> 00:16:48,136 Don't overwater. 584 00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,847 Half a cup a week 585 00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,847 is more than enough. 586 00:17:02,484 --> 00:17:05,445 No. Um... 587 00:17:05,487 --> 00:17:06,864 Hi. 588 00:17:06,905 --> 00:17:08,532 And, kids... 589 00:17:10,659 --> 00:17:12,994 That's how I met your mother. 590 00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,914 Psych. 591 00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,914 It was just some chick. 592 00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:21,378 Hey, baby. How'd it go? 593 00:17:21,419 --> 00:17:23,338 Lily, this year... 594 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:28,176 this nasty, school-yard 595 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:28,176 bully of a year... will not stop 596 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:28,176 punching me in the face. 597 00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:30,470 How did we kick off 2011? 598 00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:32,556 My dad died. 599 00:17:32,597 --> 00:17:36,476 And now after five months 600 00:17:32,597 --> 00:17:36,476 of unemployment, 601 00:17:32,597 --> 00:17:36,476 I just blew my dream job. 602 00:17:36,518 --> 00:17:39,270 Good news is, in a few seconds, 603 00:17:36,518 --> 00:17:39,270 I'm gonna start heaving 604 00:17:36,518 --> 00:17:39,270 my guts out... 605 00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:41,481 because that's what 606 00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:41,481 life is for me now... 607 00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:44,860 just losing what's inside 608 00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:44,860 until I'm just empty. 609 00:17:44,902 --> 00:17:46,194 Baby, come here. 610 00:17:48,029 --> 00:17:50,615 I just wanna shut my eyes 611 00:17:48,029 --> 00:17:50,615 for a few seconds 612 00:17:48,029 --> 00:17:50,615 before it starts. 613 00:18:01,793 --> 00:18:03,837 And Marshall slept. 614 00:18:06,924 --> 00:18:08,007 All night. 615 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:21,187 Okay, hotshot. 616 00:18:21,813 --> 00:18:23,941 Mr. Stinson. 617 00:18:23,982 --> 00:18:25,275 Who's going to do the honors? 618 00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:27,569 He is. 619 00:18:27,611 --> 00:18:29,028 Are you sure? 620 00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:31,364 Yeah. You earned it. 621 00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:35,285 All clear. 622 00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,289 Hey. 623 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:41,291 New is always better, right? 624 00:18:42,417 --> 00:18:43,585 Always. 625 00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:46,755 Ten, 626 00:18:46,797 --> 00:18:48,799 nine, eight... 627 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,636 Lily. It's a miracle. 628 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,636 I didn't get sick. 629 00:18:52,677 --> 00:18:54,387 I... I didn't get sick. 630 00:18:54,429 --> 00:18:56,222 I know, baby. 631 00:18:58,099 --> 00:19:00,143 I'm pregnant. 632 00:19:34,552 --> 00:19:36,805 You know, I'm proud of you 633 00:19:34,552 --> 00:19:36,805 for giving Ted the button. 634 00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:39,975 It meant a lot. 635 00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:39,975 It's just a button. 636 00:19:40,017 --> 00:19:41,810 Can we talk about 637 00:19:40,017 --> 00:19:41,810 something else, please? 638 00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:47,774 I don't... 639 00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:47,774 But you need to. 640 00:19:48,566 --> 00:19:50,443 Nora. 641 00:19:48,566 --> 00:19:50,443 Hi. 642 00:19:50,485 --> 00:19:52,111 How have you been? 643 00:19:52,153 --> 00:19:53,488 Fine. 644 00:19:56,074 --> 00:19:59,661 Hey, look. 645 00:19:56,074 --> 00:19:59,661 I don't know why you would 646 00:19:56,074 --> 00:19:59,661 possibly say yes to this, 647 00:19:59,703 --> 00:20:02,956 but would you want 648 00:19:59,703 --> 00:20:02,956 to grab a cup of coffee 649 00:19:59,703 --> 00:20:02,956 with me sometime? 650 00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:07,085 Twenty minutes. 651 00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:07,085 I was such a jerk to you. 652 00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:10,588 You can spend the entire 653 00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:10,588 time calling me every 654 00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:10,588 dirty name in the book. 655 00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:13,091 I speak four languages. 656 00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:13,091 I'm gonna need more 657 00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:13,091 than 20 minutes. 658 00:20:14,551 --> 00:20:16,803 I'll call you. 659 00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:19,014 You look beautiful, 660 00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:19,014 by the way. 661 00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:21,599 And here I thought it was 662 00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:21,599 too late for sundresses. 663 00:20:21,641 --> 00:20:23,476 It's never too late, Barney. 664 00:20:26,479 --> 00:20:28,815 Challenge accepted. 665 00:20:42,203 --> 00:20:44,622 Best man, 666 00:20:42,203 --> 00:20:44,622 you're being summoned. 667 00:20:44,664 --> 00:20:46,207 Geez. What now? 668 00:20:50,628 --> 00:20:52,714 I heard the groom needed me. 669 00:20:55,675 --> 00:20:57,594 What do you think 670 00:20:55,675 --> 00:20:57,594 of this tie? 671 00:21:24,746 --> 00:21:25,747 English - US - Line 21