1 00:00:02,487 --> 00:00:04,362 Oh, God, guys, I'm 2 00:00:02,487 --> 00:00:04,362 still really hungover. 3 00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:05,819 Did I really 4 00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:05,819 ruin a wedding? 5 00:00:05,944 --> 00:00:08,111 No, you didn't ruin 6 00:00:05,944 --> 00:00:08,111 a wedding. 7 00:00:08,237 --> 00:00:09,487 Just the reception. 8 00:00:09,612 --> 00:00:11,445 And the bar mitzvah next door. 9 00:00:11,571 --> 00:00:13,195 And my dress. 10 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,445 And your dress. You put on 11 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,445 a dress at one point. 12 00:00:15,571 --> 00:00:17,738 Okay, you know what, 13 00:00:15,571 --> 00:00:17,738 that's it. 14 00:00:17,861 --> 00:00:20,404 I'm about to be a dad, 15 00:00:17,861 --> 00:00:20,404 and I want to be 16 00:00:20,529 --> 00:00:23,028 the kind of man that my 17 00:00:20,529 --> 00:00:23,028 child can look up to. 18 00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:25,571 So, sweeping declaration... 19 00:00:25,696 --> 00:00:29,861 I am never getting drunk again 20 00:00:25,696 --> 00:00:29,861 as long as I live. 21 00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,986 I'm serious. 22 00:00:32,111 --> 00:00:34,362 Kids, it's not that 23 00:00:32,111 --> 00:00:34,362 your Uncle Marshall 24 00:00:34,487 --> 00:00:35,944 had a drinking problem. 25 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,779 But whenever he made a sweeping 26 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,779 declaration like that, 27 00:00:37,903 --> 00:00:39,529 you pretty much knew... 28 00:00:41,362 --> 00:00:42,612 I did it again. 29 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,696 But I'm getting ahead 30 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,696 of myself. 31 00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:47,903 What happened 32 00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:47,903 to your leg? 33 00:00:48,028 --> 00:00:49,445 Oh, nothing. 34 00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,195 I'm meeting Nora 35 00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,195 for coffee. 36 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,571 She's still mad at me, so 37 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,571 I need some sympathy points. 38 00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:54,861 She likes musicals, 39 00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:54,861 so I'm going 40 00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,487 to tell her I fell off the stage 41 00:00:56,612 --> 00:00:58,111 during a performance 42 00:00:56,612 --> 00:00:58,111 of Man of La Mancha. 43 00:00:58,237 --> 00:00:59,195 What do you think? 44 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,944 Lose the cast. 45 00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:03,487 A one-man show... I like it! 46 00:01:03,612 --> 00:01:05,696 Just so we're clear... 47 00:01:05,903 --> 00:01:08,986 this woman is mad at you 48 00:01:05,903 --> 00:01:08,986 because you lied to her. 49 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,696 So your solution is to pretend 50 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,696 you broke your leg? 51 00:01:11,903 --> 00:01:13,903 You're right. 52 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,028 A neck brace. 53 00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,028 Thanks, Lil. 54 00:01:16,153 --> 00:01:18,362 Man, I wish I'd have talked 55 00:01:16,153 --> 00:01:18,362 to you sooner. 56 00:01:18,487 --> 00:01:19,986 I've been practicing 57 00:01:18,487 --> 00:01:19,986 with these crutches all day 58 00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:22,028 and whoever left them 59 00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:22,028 in my lobby 60 00:01:22,153 --> 00:01:23,028 probably really 61 00:01:22,153 --> 00:01:23,028 needs 'em. 62 00:01:23,153 --> 00:01:25,237 Well, uh, I have 63 00:01:23,153 --> 00:01:25,237 some good news. 64 00:01:25,362 --> 00:01:28,654 As you all know, I recently 65 00:01:25,362 --> 00:01:28,654 decided to get back out there 66 00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:31,487 and start dating again. 67 00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:31,487 And, uh, well... 68 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,237 Is this you? 69 00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:40,278 Uh, yeah. Hi. 70 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:41,487 I'm Ted. 71 00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:42,737 Hi. 72 00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:42,737 Hi. 73 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,903 That's great, Ted. 74 00:01:44,986 --> 00:01:46,778 Yeah. Yeah, it was a moment 75 00:01:44,986 --> 00:01:46,778 of pure destiny. 76 00:01:46,903 --> 00:01:49,195 The kind you just 77 00:01:46,903 --> 00:01:49,195 can't manufacture. 78 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,195 Or so I thought. 79 00:01:54,362 --> 00:01:57,278 Oh, no. 80 00:01:54,362 --> 00:01:57,278 How did I get on there? 81 00:01:57,404 --> 00:01:59,195 Hi. Ted Mosby. 82 00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:01,404 Guilty. 83 00:02:01,529 --> 00:02:03,237 Hi. Ted Mosby. 84 00:02:03,362 --> 00:02:05,153 That is embarrassing. 85 00:02:05,278 --> 00:02:09,237 I should be on the cover of 86 00:02:05,278 --> 00:02:09,237 Egg On My Face magazine. 87 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:10,445 But I'm not. 88 00:02:10,571 --> 00:02:12,571 I'm on the cover of this one. 89 00:02:12,695 --> 00:02:14,737 Hi. Ted Mosby. 90 00:02:14,903 --> 00:02:16,778 16 moments of pure destiny 91 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:19,404 in one day, 92 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:19,404 and of those 16, 93 00:02:19,529 --> 00:02:21,612 ten were single. 94 00:02:21,737 --> 00:02:24,695 Of those ten, 95 00:02:21,737 --> 00:02:24,695 seven liked what they saw. 96 00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:26,320 Of those seven, 97 00:02:26,445 --> 00:02:28,320 four were women. 98 00:02:28,445 --> 00:02:30,695 Of those four, 99 00:02:30,903 --> 00:02:32,028 two gave me their real number. 100 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,778 And I have a date 101 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,778 with both of them. 102 00:02:34,903 --> 00:02:36,487 Okay. 103 00:02:38,404 --> 00:02:39,571 Guys, 104 00:02:39,695 --> 00:02:41,362 it's Garrison Cootes. 105 00:02:41,487 --> 00:02:43,195 Kids, Garrison Cootes 106 00:02:41,487 --> 00:02:43,195 was a senior partner 107 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,944 at Honeywell & Cootes. 108 00:02:45,070 --> 00:02:46,445 One of the biggest 109 00:02:45,070 --> 00:02:46,445 environmental law firms 110 00:02:46,571 --> 00:02:47,944 in America. 111 00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,944 Marshall would have given 112 00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,944 anything to work there. 113 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,195 If I don't get this job, 114 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,195 I might end up working 115 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,445 at, like, a Taco Bell somewhere. 116 00:02:53,571 --> 00:02:55,070 And nobody wants that. 117 00:02:55,195 --> 00:02:57,695 Or maybe you guys want that, 118 00:02:55,195 --> 00:02:57,695 because you'll get free tacos, 119 00:02:57,903 --> 00:02:59,028 'cause your my peeps. 120 00:02:59,153 --> 00:03:02,362 But right now I need 121 00:02:59,153 --> 00:03:02,362 all of you to calm down! 122 00:03:03,903 --> 00:03:06,153 Hello. 123 00:03:06,278 --> 00:03:07,903 Marshall, this is 124 00:03:06,278 --> 00:03:07,903 Garrison Cootes. 125 00:03:07,944 --> 00:03:09,612 Sorry I didn't get back 126 00:03:07,944 --> 00:03:09,612 to you sooner, 127 00:03:09,737 --> 00:03:11,903 but I've just been swamped. 128 00:03:13,362 --> 00:03:15,903 Which is funny, 129 00:03:13,362 --> 00:03:15,903 'cause I'm literally 130 00:03:15,986 --> 00:03:17,653 standing in a swamp. 131 00:03:19,653 --> 00:03:22,695 Anyway, I'm just out here, 132 00:03:19,653 --> 00:03:22,695 I'm just collecting some samples 133 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,903 for this pollution case 134 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,903 we're working on. 135 00:03:25,028 --> 00:03:26,986 I love the work you guys do. 136 00:03:25,028 --> 00:03:26,986 That's a croc... 137 00:03:27,111 --> 00:03:30,487 No, I mean it. 138 00:03:27,111 --> 00:03:30,487 No, no, there's a crocodile 139 00:03:27,111 --> 00:03:30,487 about five feet away from me. 140 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:31,986 So I'm just going to ignore 141 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,195 the hot urine filling 142 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,195 my waders as we speak, 143 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,529 and tell you that 144 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,529 we're very interested. 145 00:03:36,653 --> 00:03:37,571 He's interested. 146 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,320 Obviously we have 147 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,320 to do some sort 148 00:03:39,445 --> 00:03:41,571 of credit check, you know, 149 00:03:39,445 --> 00:03:41,571 a criminal record 150 00:03:41,695 --> 00:03:44,111 and Google search, but as long 151 00:03:41,695 --> 00:03:44,111 as nothing unseemly turns up, 152 00:03:44,237 --> 00:03:45,529 you're good to go, man. 153 00:03:45,653 --> 00:03:47,445 That is fantastic, Mr. Cootes! 154 00:03:47,571 --> 00:03:48,903 Well, I gotta run. 155 00:03:50,611 --> 00:03:52,028 This is so funny, 156 00:03:52,153 --> 00:03:55,903 because, actually, I physically 157 00:03:52,153 --> 00:03:55,903 have to run now. 158 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:59,487 Croc saw you? 159 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:59,487 He's advancing, yeah. 160 00:04:12,445 --> 00:04:14,903 The next night, 161 00:04:12,445 --> 00:04:14,903 Barney met Nora for coffee. 162 00:04:14,986 --> 00:04:17,237 Thankfully, without 163 00:04:14,986 --> 00:04:17,237 the ridiculous leg cast. 164 00:04:17,362 --> 00:04:20,195 Hey, Nora, thanks 165 00:04:17,362 --> 00:04:20,195 for meeting me here. 166 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,320 What happened to your neck? 167 00:04:21,445 --> 00:04:23,778 My wha...? Oh, it's nothing. 168 00:04:23,903 --> 00:04:27,070 I was performing in 169 00:04:23,903 --> 00:04:27,070 a one-man show of Fiddler. 170 00:04:27,195 --> 00:04:28,944 There was this roof. 171 00:04:29,070 --> 00:04:31,070 Wow, that one has 172 00:04:29,070 --> 00:04:31,070 fantastic ta-tas. 173 00:04:31,195 --> 00:04:32,195 What, where? 174 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,487 Oh... Oh, damn it. 175 00:04:33,611 --> 00:04:34,737 Ta-ta. 176 00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:36,778 Wait, Nora, wait... 177 00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:36,778 No, look, please don't. 178 00:04:36,903 --> 00:04:37,778 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 179 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,195 What is the matter with you? 180 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,278 What kind of person 181 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,278 needs to lie like that. 182 00:04:41,404 --> 00:04:43,944 A person who really, 183 00:04:41,404 --> 00:04:43,944 really likes you. 184 00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:46,237 And suspects, 185 00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:46,237 probably accurately, 186 00:04:46,362 --> 00:04:47,778 that you're way 187 00:04:46,362 --> 00:04:47,778 out of his league, 188 00:04:47,903 --> 00:04:49,986 and so he feels the need to... 189 00:04:51,778 --> 00:04:53,237 I'm sorry, you were kidding 190 00:04:53,362 --> 00:04:54,778 about the fantastic 191 00:04:53,362 --> 00:04:54,778 ta-tas, right? 192 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:58,944 'Cause I'm looking around 193 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:58,944 and I do not see 'em... 194 00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:00,903 I just had two 195 00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:00,903 back-to-back dates. 196 00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:03,320 That's right, 197 00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:03,320 two lovely ladies, 198 00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:07,320 four large cappuccinos, 199 00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:07,320 and... one sec. 200 00:05:08,737 --> 00:05:11,528 And I don't know which 201 00:05:08,737 --> 00:05:11,528 date was more awesome. 202 00:05:11,653 --> 00:05:13,278 Let's meet the girls. 203 00:05:13,404 --> 00:05:15,528 Jessica is a Rhodes scholar. 204 00:05:15,653 --> 00:05:17,070 She's traveled 205 00:05:15,653 --> 00:05:17,070 all over the world. 206 00:05:17,195 --> 00:05:19,737 Speaks four languages, 207 00:05:17,195 --> 00:05:19,737 is a concert pianist. 208 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,404 And Claire reached 209 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,404 for the check. 210 00:05:23,528 --> 00:05:24,528 So I don't know. 211 00:05:24,653 --> 00:05:25,903 It's a squeaker. 212 00:05:26,028 --> 00:05:27,278 I mean, both 213 00:05:26,028 --> 00:05:27,278 of these girls 214 00:05:27,404 --> 00:05:30,153 have the potential to be 215 00:05:27,404 --> 00:05:30,153 something really special. 216 00:05:30,278 --> 00:05:33,111 They both move 217 00:05:30,278 --> 00:05:33,111 on to the next round. 218 00:05:30,278 --> 00:05:33,111 Wait a minute. 219 00:05:33,237 --> 00:05:34,986 You're going to date 220 00:05:33,237 --> 00:05:34,986 two girls at once? 221 00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:36,695 Don't you think you should 222 00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:36,695 just choose one 223 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:37,903 before it gets serious? 224 00:05:37,944 --> 00:05:38,944 Define serious. 225 00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:40,737 Well, that's complicated. 226 00:05:40,903 --> 00:05:43,028 I guess you have to weigh 227 00:05:40,903 --> 00:05:43,028 expectations, 228 00:05:43,153 --> 00:05:44,320 emotional investments... 229 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:45,570 Third base. 230 00:05:45,695 --> 00:05:47,278 Seriously, third base. 231 00:05:47,404 --> 00:05:49,486 So I can go to second base with 232 00:05:47,404 --> 00:05:49,486 both of these girls, no problem? 233 00:05:49,611 --> 00:05:51,611 Oh, honk away, my friend. 234 00:05:49,611 --> 00:05:51,611 Yeah, honk away. 235 00:05:52,445 --> 00:05:54,153 Oh, no. 236 00:05:54,278 --> 00:05:56,278 Ever since Mr. Cootes mentioned 237 00:05:54,278 --> 00:05:56,278 the background check, 238 00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:58,320 Marshall had been 239 00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:58,320 scouring the Internet. 240 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,737 Most of what he found 241 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,737 was pretty harmless. 242 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,903 In some cases, 243 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,903 really awesome, until... 244 00:06:03,986 --> 00:06:04,944 Not good. 245 00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:07,404 This... this is not good. 246 00:06:08,486 --> 00:06:09,986 Thanks, Stacy. 247 00:06:10,111 --> 00:06:12,278 Wesleyan has a new cafeteria, 248 00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:14,153 thanks to the generous 249 00:06:12,404 --> 00:06:14,153 endowment from... 250 00:06:14,278 --> 00:06:15,611 Oh, ho-ho! 251 00:06:15,737 --> 00:06:18,903 Did somebody say 252 00:06:15,737 --> 00:06:18,903 generous endowment? 253 00:06:18,986 --> 00:06:25,404 I'm Marshall Eriksen, but you 254 00:06:18,986 --> 00:06:25,404 can call me Beercules! 255 00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:35,153 Well, that could 256 00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:35,153 be anybody. 257 00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:43,903 Oh, man, I forgot 258 00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:43,903 about Beercules. 259 00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,611 Who made this 260 00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,611 Web site anyway? 261 00:06:45,737 --> 00:06:47,528 Pete Durkenson. 262 00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:51,195 Of course. 263 00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:51,195 Is that the guy who convinced 264 00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:51,195 you to run across campus naked? 265 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,195 I was pledging his frat, 266 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,237 which I gave up on 267 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,237 after three days, 268 00:06:55,362 --> 00:06:57,778 because frats are stupid 269 00:06:55,362 --> 00:06:57,778 and elitist 270 00:06:57,903 --> 00:07:00,195 and also I found out 271 00:06:57,903 --> 00:07:00,195 he wasn't in a frat. 272 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,237 Oh, my God. 273 00:07:02,362 --> 00:07:03,570 This is awesome. 274 00:07:03,695 --> 00:07:06,320 I just got invited 275 00:07:03,695 --> 00:07:06,320 to the Architects' Ball, 276 00:07:06,444 --> 00:07:09,778 the annual gala that honors 277 00:07:06,444 --> 00:07:09,778 the city's greatest architects. 278 00:07:09,903 --> 00:07:12,903 Oh, no, you guys see 279 00:07:09,903 --> 00:07:12,903 why this sucks, right? 280 00:07:13,028 --> 00:07:14,611 Because it's an annual gala 281 00:07:14,737 --> 00:07:16,195 honoring the city's 282 00:07:14,737 --> 00:07:16,195 greatest architects? 283 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,903 Robin, this is the social event 284 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,903 of the year. 285 00:07:19,986 --> 00:07:22,320 You take a girl 286 00:07:19,986 --> 00:07:22,320 to the Architects' Ball, 287 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:24,611 brother, you're going 288 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:24,611 to third base. 289 00:07:24,737 --> 00:07:25,903 Whichever girl 290 00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,486 I take as my date, 291 00:07:27,611 --> 00:07:30,320 she will be 292 00:07:27,611 --> 00:07:30,320 Miss Ted Mosby's girlfriend 293 00:07:30,444 --> 00:07:31,903 by the end of the night. 294 00:07:33,237 --> 00:07:34,903 Okay, no more sitting 295 00:07:33,237 --> 00:07:34,903 on the fence. 296 00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:37,070 Robin, get me my legal pad. 297 00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:39,070 It's pros and cons time! 298 00:07:40,737 --> 00:07:43,778 And kids, they really cheered. 299 00:07:43,903 --> 00:07:45,944 Let me make one thing 300 00:07:43,903 --> 00:07:45,944 very clear to you. 301 00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:48,986 I don't date guys who lie to me. 302 00:07:49,111 --> 00:07:51,153 Well, see, I did not 303 00:07:49,111 --> 00:07:51,153 know that. 304 00:07:51,278 --> 00:07:52,320 My bad. 305 00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:54,278 So, from here on in, 306 00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:54,278 no more lies. 307 00:07:54,403 --> 00:07:57,111 I will never lie 308 00:07:54,403 --> 00:07:57,111 to you again. 309 00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,611 I'm serious. Ask me anything. 310 00:07:59,737 --> 00:08:02,028 Okay. 311 00:08:02,153 --> 00:08:03,153 Have you ever successfully 312 00:08:03,278 --> 00:08:05,486 gotten a woman in bed 313 00:08:03,278 --> 00:08:05,486 by lying to her? 314 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:08,028 Have I ever... 315 00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:14,653 If I'm being totally honest... 316 00:08:16,903 --> 00:08:18,195 Yes. 317 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,111 More than once? 318 00:08:20,237 --> 00:08:22,444 More than once... 319 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,528 Wow, that's... 320 00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:29,570 I guess if we're 321 00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:29,570 splitting hairs, 322 00:08:29,695 --> 00:08:33,403 then, technically... 323 00:08:29,695 --> 00:08:33,403 there was a plurality 324 00:08:33,528 --> 00:08:37,695 to the times I've lied to women 325 00:08:33,528 --> 00:08:37,695 for sex having purposes. 326 00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:38,903 What were they? 327 00:08:39,028 --> 00:08:40,903 Nines and tens mostly. 328 00:08:41,028 --> 00:08:42,570 There was a four once. 329 00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:44,237 She was a slump buster. 330 00:08:44,361 --> 00:08:47,570 But, Nora, after that, I had a 331 00:08:44,361 --> 00:08:47,570 run that you would not believe. 332 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:50,070 Man, honesty feels good. 333 00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:51,737 What were the lies? 334 00:08:51,903 --> 00:08:54,278 You want me to tell you every 335 00:08:51,903 --> 00:08:54,278 lie I've ever told a woman 336 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:55,653 to get her into bed? 337 00:08:55,778 --> 00:08:58,195 A bed or any other place 338 00:08:55,778 --> 00:08:58,195 you had sex with her. 339 00:08:58,319 --> 00:08:59,486 Oh, you're good. 340 00:09:00,737 --> 00:09:02,903 Pete, Pete. Hey. 341 00:09:02,944 --> 00:09:04,944 Beercules! 342 00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:06,444 Bring it in, dude. 343 00:09:06,570 --> 00:09:08,319 Hey, I've been 344 00:09:06,570 --> 00:09:08,319 trying to call you, 345 00:09:08,444 --> 00:09:09,695 like, all night. 346 00:09:09,903 --> 00:09:11,028 Oh, my God, sorry. 347 00:09:11,153 --> 00:09:12,986 I would have answered, 348 00:09:11,153 --> 00:09:12,986 but it is Tuesday night. 349 00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:13,944 It's Sunday. 350 00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,695 And you know what that means. 351 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,903 "Edward Forty Hands." 352 00:09:17,986 --> 00:09:19,903 Kids, "Edward Forty Hands" 353 00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:22,277 is a game that involves taping 354 00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:22,277 two 40-ounce bottles 355 00:09:22,403 --> 00:09:24,653 of malt liquor to your hands. 356 00:09:24,778 --> 00:09:26,444 The object is to finish 357 00:09:24,778 --> 00:09:26,444 both bottle... 358 00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:28,195 Oh, my God, why am 359 00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:28,195 I telling you this? 360 00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:29,528 Let's move on. 361 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,903 Okay, you know that old video 362 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,903 of me streaking? 363 00:09:33,028 --> 00:09:35,111 I watch it every day. 364 00:09:35,237 --> 00:09:37,903 Well, I need you to take it down 365 00:09:35,237 --> 00:09:37,903 off the Internet. 366 00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:39,361 Like, right now. 367 00:09:39,486 --> 00:09:41,153 There are two ways 368 00:09:39,486 --> 00:09:41,153 that can happen. 369 00:09:41,277 --> 00:09:43,277 One, you can give me 370 00:09:41,277 --> 00:09:43,277 $4 million, 371 00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:46,403 or... you can help me 372 00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:46,403 go to the bathroom, 373 00:09:46,528 --> 00:09:48,028 because I... I can't... 374 00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:51,903 Yeah, those are two 375 00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:51,903 non-negotiable no's. 376 00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:53,778 Well, I'm sorry we could not 377 00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:53,778 do business together. 378 00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:55,236 But if you'll excuse me, 379 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,444 I'm in the middle of a game 380 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,444 of "Edward Forty Hands," 381 00:09:57,570 --> 00:09:59,528 and the competition is fierce. 382 00:09:59,653 --> 00:10:02,277 Who are you 383 00:09:59,653 --> 00:10:02,277 playing with, anyway? 384 00:10:02,403 --> 00:10:05,570 Just myself. 385 00:10:05,695 --> 00:10:08,070 Meanwhile, Barney continued 386 00:10:05,695 --> 00:10:08,070 listing every lie 387 00:10:08,195 --> 00:10:09,444 he'd ever told to get laid. 388 00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:11,778 There's no time to explain 389 00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:11,778 how I got bit there. 390 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,861 I just need someone 391 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,861 to suck the poison out. 392 00:10:13,986 --> 00:10:16,028 The surgeons gave me a new face, 393 00:10:16,153 --> 00:10:17,028 honey. 394 00:10:17,153 --> 00:10:18,695 Aren't you relieved I'm alive? 395 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,486 Me llamo David Beckham. 396 00:10:21,611 --> 00:10:24,195 If I were 397 00:10:21,611 --> 00:10:24,195 only casting The White Swan 398 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:25,570 the role would be yours. 399 00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:27,778 No, I am a lesbian. 400 00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:30,611 This thing that I'm wearing 401 00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:30,611 is just really lifelike. 402 00:10:30,737 --> 00:10:32,361 Okay, let's skip ahead. 403 00:10:32,486 --> 00:10:33,486 What's the worst one? 404 00:10:33,611 --> 00:10:34,737 The lowest of the low? 405 00:10:34,861 --> 00:10:36,277 The creme de la creepy? 406 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:40,070 Uh... Oh, I once pulled 407 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:40,070 The Soul Man. 408 00:10:40,194 --> 00:10:43,361 There was this beautiful girl 409 00:10:40,194 --> 00:10:43,361 who only dated black guys... 410 00:10:43,486 --> 00:10:47,070 Barnell! 411 00:10:43,486 --> 00:10:47,070 Ooh, I knew it! 412 00:10:49,111 --> 00:10:51,319 I can't decide. 413 00:10:51,444 --> 00:10:52,903 They're both awesome. 414 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,653 If only architects had 415 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,653 two balls, right, Ted? 416 00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,528 I got this. 417 00:10:57,653 --> 00:10:58,986 Ted, left or right? 418 00:10:59,111 --> 00:11:00,319 Yes, yes, great idea. 419 00:11:00,444 --> 00:11:01,944 Let the fates decide, huh? 420 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,153 I will pick left. 421 00:11:04,277 --> 00:11:05,277 Just call one of 'em. 422 00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,277 Ugh! 423 00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:07,653 Ted, deep in your heart, 424 00:11:07,778 --> 00:11:09,903 you know that you 425 00:11:07,778 --> 00:11:09,903 kind of like one 426 00:11:10,028 --> 00:11:10,903 more than the other. 427 00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:12,361 Trust me... take the other. 428 00:11:12,486 --> 00:11:15,319 Um, maybe I haven't 429 00:11:12,486 --> 00:11:15,319 been clear: this is... 430 00:11:15,444 --> 00:11:17,653 the Architects' 431 00:11:15,444 --> 00:11:17,653 Ball, Robin. 432 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:18,986 It's a star-studded event. 433 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,028 Okay, name one celebrity 434 00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,028 who's gonna be there. 435 00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:22,319 Uh... Lenny Kravitz. 436 00:11:22,444 --> 00:11:23,903 Lenny Kravitz is gonna be there? 437 00:11:23,986 --> 00:11:25,236 Yeah. 438 00:11:23,986 --> 00:11:25,236 He's there every year. 439 00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:26,528 And that guy's a rock star. 440 00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,737 You know, Ted, 441 00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,737 I've been thinking... 442 00:11:29,903 --> 00:11:32,903 it's too soon to narrow it down 443 00:11:29,903 --> 00:11:32,903 between these two girls. 444 00:11:33,028 --> 00:11:34,236 Just take a friend. 445 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,903 Like I... I don't know, 446 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,903 maybe, uh, a friend 447 00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:40,070 who had a poster of 448 00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:40,070 Lenny Kravitz on her wall, 449 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:42,778 and may or may not 450 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:42,778 have, perhaps, 451 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,611 dated that poster, on and off, 452 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,611 throughout high school. 453 00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:49,277 This pros and cons list 454 00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:49,277 isn't cutting it. 455 00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:52,653 I need a color chart. 456 00:11:53,903 --> 00:11:55,028 Color chart! Color chart! 457 00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:58,319 And, kids, 458 00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:58,319 we all really chanted. 459 00:11:58,444 --> 00:11:59,319 Pete, please. 460 00:11:59,444 --> 00:12:01,152 I'm unemployed. 461 00:12:01,277 --> 00:12:02,444 I have a huge mortgage. 462 00:12:02,570 --> 00:12:04,028 I have a baby on the way. 463 00:12:04,152 --> 00:12:06,653 And now, I'm about 464 00:12:04,152 --> 00:12:06,653 to lose a job I really need 465 00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,611 because of a 15-year-old prank! 466 00:12:08,737 --> 00:12:10,110 Ugh! Do you hear yourself? 467 00:12:10,236 --> 00:12:11,611 Beercules, what happened? 468 00:12:11,737 --> 00:12:12,737 You're like a different person. 469 00:12:13,986 --> 00:12:15,653 The guy in that video 470 00:12:13,986 --> 00:12:15,653 was awesome. 471 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:18,319 He had potential. 472 00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:20,528 He could have been president of 473 00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:20,528 the frat one day. 474 00:12:20,653 --> 00:12:22,152 There was no frat! 475 00:12:22,277 --> 00:12:23,361 Now he's just a bummer. 476 00:12:23,486 --> 00:12:25,528 It's not like I want 477 00:12:23,486 --> 00:12:25,528 to be a bummer. 478 00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:28,070 I just... I have to be. 479 00:12:28,194 --> 00:12:29,528 I'm gonna be a dad. 480 00:12:29,653 --> 00:12:30,903 You'll have kids someday. 481 00:12:30,944 --> 00:12:31,944 You'll understand. 482 00:12:32,069 --> 00:12:34,570 Dude, I have four kids. 483 00:12:34,695 --> 00:12:37,695 Pete, please take 484 00:12:34,695 --> 00:12:37,695 the video down. 485 00:12:38,903 --> 00:12:40,778 All right, Beercules, 486 00:12:38,903 --> 00:12:40,778 I'll take the video down. 487 00:12:40,903 --> 00:12:42,277 If... 488 00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:45,277 you can best me in 489 00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:45,277 a game of my own choosing. 490 00:12:45,403 --> 00:12:46,528 Oh, no... 491 00:12:46,653 --> 00:12:49,028 And I select the beautiful game, 492 00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:50,277 the sweet science... 493 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,028 Pete, please, 494 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,028 I'm so hungover... 495 00:12:52,152 --> 00:12:53,277 the sport of kings... 496 00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:55,110 I don't want to play 497 00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:55,110 "Edward Forty Hands." 498 00:12:55,236 --> 00:12:56,403 I was gonna say darts... 499 00:12:56,528 --> 00:12:59,152 but "Edward Forty 500 00:12:56,528 --> 00:12:59,152 Hands" it is! 501 00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:01,903 And that concludes all 502 00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:01,903 the space-related lies. 503 00:13:01,986 --> 00:13:04,611 Let's move on to 504 00:13:01,986 --> 00:13:04,611 the world of sports. 505 00:13:04,737 --> 00:13:07,611 Oh, wait, sorry... I just thought 506 00:13:04,737 --> 00:13:07,611 of another space one. 507 00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:09,944 "I've been bitten 508 00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:09,944 by a moon snake. 509 00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:12,444 You need to suck all the 510 00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:12,444 space poison out of my..." 511 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,236 Okay, Barney, uh, 512 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,778 I have to be at work 513 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,778 tomorrow at 8:00, 514 00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,361 which means I have 515 00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,361 just about enough time 516 00:13:17,486 --> 00:13:19,695 to sit in a shower for 11 hours, 517 00:13:17,486 --> 00:13:19,695 hugging myself. 518 00:13:22,194 --> 00:13:23,236 So this was fun. 519 00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:24,486 Can I call you, or...? 520 00:13:24,611 --> 00:13:27,570 Barney, you're funny, handsome 521 00:13:27,695 --> 00:13:29,277 and really quite clever. 522 00:13:29,403 --> 00:13:31,486 But you're also a sociopath. 523 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,361 Well, I count three pros 524 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,361 and one con, so... 525 00:13:33,486 --> 00:13:35,903 How do you still think 526 00:13:33,486 --> 00:13:35,903 you have a chance with me? 527 00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:38,236 Because you sat 528 00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:38,236 here all night. 529 00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:40,236 You could've left right 530 00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:40,236 away, but you didn't. 531 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:45,903 Look, Nora, all those lies... 532 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:45,903 that's the old me. 533 00:13:45,944 --> 00:13:48,570 But I swear to you, 534 00:13:45,944 --> 00:13:48,570 I am trying to change. 535 00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:52,444 You... make me want to change. 536 00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,361 How do I know that's not a lie? 537 00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:57,069 I'll prove it. 538 00:13:57,194 --> 00:13:58,944 I will prove how serious I am. 539 00:13:59,069 --> 00:14:01,737 I will not leave this diner 540 00:14:01,903 --> 00:14:04,903 until I get 541 00:14:01,903 --> 00:14:04,903 a second date with you. 542 00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:07,152 Good-bye, Barney. 543 00:14:07,737 --> 00:14:09,027 I'm not kidding. 544 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,528 This is a 24-hour diner. 545 00:14:10,653 --> 00:14:14,027 I'll stay here forever, 546 00:14:10,653 --> 00:14:14,027 if I have to... and I will! 547 00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:17,611 Just water for me. Thanks. 548 00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:23,069 Okay, so red indicates 549 00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:23,069 level of attractiveness, 550 00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:25,444 blue... 551 00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:25,444 intellectual stimulation, 552 00:14:25,570 --> 00:14:27,110 green... emotional connection, 553 00:14:27,236 --> 00:14:29,778 yellow... compatibility 554 00:14:27,236 --> 00:14:29,778 of life goals, 555 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:33,110 and purple... whether or not 556 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:33,110 she reached for the check. 557 00:14:34,027 --> 00:14:35,653 Well, it looks like 558 00:14:34,027 --> 00:14:35,653 Jessica's ahead 559 00:14:35,778 --> 00:14:37,695 in the first 560 00:14:35,778 --> 00:14:37,695 four categories. 561 00:14:38,985 --> 00:14:42,319 Did not reach for the check... 562 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,069 Oh, this? 563 00:14:47,361 --> 00:14:48,737 No big deal. This... 564 00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:50,403 This cost three 565 00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:50,403 months rent, 566 00:14:50,528 --> 00:14:52,069 and, uh, I've never 567 00:14:50,528 --> 00:14:52,069 gotten to wear it, 568 00:14:52,194 --> 00:14:54,903 because I bought it for that big 569 00:14:52,194 --> 00:14:54,903 event that you invited me to, 570 00:14:54,943 --> 00:14:56,403 which then fell through. 571 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,903 But, you know what? 572 00:14:57,985 --> 00:14:59,444 Don't feel guilty about that. 573 00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:00,444 What big event? 574 00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:01,570 That thing with your uncle. 575 00:15:01,695 --> 00:15:03,277 His funeral? 576 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:05,236 It didn't fall through, 577 00:15:05,361 --> 00:15:06,695 he miraculously 578 00:15:05,361 --> 00:15:06,695 came out of a coma. 579 00:15:06,903 --> 00:15:08,570 And I forgive you. 580 00:15:08,695 --> 00:15:11,110 Now, can I please 581 00:15:08,695 --> 00:15:11,110 meet Lenny Kravitz? 582 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:15,903 I did it again! 583 00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:17,902 Aw, honey. 584 00:15:17,943 --> 00:15:19,069 You got drunk again. 585 00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:21,902 I can't believe 586 00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:21,902 I took the over. 587 00:15:21,985 --> 00:15:26,236 Just to be clear, "I did it 588 00:15:21,985 --> 00:15:26,236 again" is not a reference... 589 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:28,778 to my current state of 590 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:28,778 inebriation. 591 00:15:28,902 --> 00:15:30,943 What's it a reference to? 592 00:15:31,069 --> 00:15:32,943 My name is Marshall Eriksen. 593 00:15:33,069 --> 00:15:34,985 I'm 33 years old. 594 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:40,027 And if my potential future 595 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:40,027 employer, Garrison Cootes, 596 00:15:40,152 --> 00:15:42,444 is watching this... 597 00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:45,152 bow down to Beercules! 598 00:15:52,236 --> 00:15:53,902 Well, that could 599 00:15:52,236 --> 00:15:53,902 be anybody. 600 00:16:02,403 --> 00:16:03,528 Oh, goodness. 601 00:16:09,778 --> 00:16:11,902 Pete, this is Lily Aldrin. 602 00:16:12,027 --> 00:16:13,695 I'm gonna make this real simple: 603 00:16:13,902 --> 00:16:15,528 You're gonna take down 604 00:16:13,902 --> 00:16:15,528 that video of Marshall. 605 00:16:15,653 --> 00:16:17,236 You know why? 606 00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:20,027 Because I'm friends with three 607 00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:20,027 girls who dated you in college, 608 00:16:20,152 --> 00:16:22,528 and girls 609 00:16:20,152 --> 00:16:22,528 tell each other everything. 610 00:16:22,653 --> 00:16:25,152 Every tiny detail. 611 00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,695 Huh. So... 612 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:31,778 tick-tock, Pete... tick-tock goes 613 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:31,778 the little wee-wee clock. 614 00:16:32,902 --> 00:16:33,902 Pete's got a little wee-wee? 615 00:16:33,943 --> 00:16:35,611 No idea. 616 00:16:33,943 --> 00:16:35,611 What's everyone getting? 617 00:16:35,737 --> 00:16:38,778 This was bound to 618 00:16:35,737 --> 00:16:38,778 happen eventually. 619 00:16:38,902 --> 00:16:41,695 I've been trying so hard 620 00:16:38,902 --> 00:16:41,695 to suppress, like, 621 00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:43,403 my carefree idiot side, 622 00:16:43,528 --> 00:16:47,152 that it just rebelled 623 00:16:43,528 --> 00:16:47,152 and came out swingin'! 624 00:16:47,277 --> 00:16:48,570 It sure did. 625 00:16:48,695 --> 00:16:50,902 Look at me! I'm a windmill! 626 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,985 Who am I kidding? 627 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,985 I'm not ready to be a dad. 628 00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:56,778 I thought that I was, 629 00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:56,778 but it's, like... 630 00:16:56,902 --> 00:16:59,902 my dad never did stuff 631 00:16:56,902 --> 00:16:59,902 like that, you know? 632 00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:01,319 So what if he did? 633 00:17:01,444 --> 00:17:03,277 You'd still love him. 634 00:17:03,403 --> 00:17:06,902 And be honest... wouldn't you 635 00:17:03,403 --> 00:17:06,902 love to stumble onto a video 636 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,403 of him running down 637 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,403 the street naked, yelling, 638 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,110 "Hey, Marshall, look at me! 639 00:17:11,236 --> 00:17:13,570 I got an icicle on my deal!" 640 00:17:18,027 --> 00:17:19,152 Oh! Hey, guys! 641 00:17:19,277 --> 00:17:20,902 Ow! My neck! 642 00:17:20,985 --> 00:17:23,361 Uh... oh! Hey! 643 00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:24,902 Look at that. 644 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,361 Barney, what are 645 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,361 you doing here? 646 00:17:27,486 --> 00:17:30,486 Oh, I told Nora I wouldn't leave 647 00:17:27,486 --> 00:17:30,486 until she gave me a second date, 648 00:17:30,611 --> 00:17:31,902 and I mean it. 649 00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,236 I've already been here 650 00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,236 nine hours. 651 00:17:33,361 --> 00:17:35,985 I still need 652 00:17:33,361 --> 00:17:35,985 another minute. 653 00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:39,319 I mean... call me crazy, but 654 00:17:39,444 --> 00:17:41,777 I'm gonna stay here until 655 00:17:39,444 --> 00:17:41,777 I get that girl back. 656 00:17:44,695 --> 00:17:47,695 That... that's 657 00:17:44,695 --> 00:17:47,695 what I want. 658 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,236 The way Barney 659 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,236 feels about Nora... 660 00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,902 I want that feeling again. 661 00:17:53,027 --> 00:17:54,902 I don't want to be choosing 662 00:17:53,027 --> 00:17:54,902 between two girls, 663 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:59,611 I want to be... a complete 664 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:59,611 head-over-heels idiot for one. 665 00:17:59,737 --> 00:18:01,653 Yeah, the complete 666 00:17:59,737 --> 00:18:01,653 head-over-heels idiot thing's 667 00:18:01,777 --> 00:18:03,777 pretty nice. 668 00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:06,277 It's not bad. 669 00:18:06,403 --> 00:18:09,027 Although, for the record... 670 00:18:09,152 --> 00:18:12,570 sweeping declaration! 671 00:18:12,695 --> 00:18:17,444 I am never getting 672 00:18:12,695 --> 00:18:17,444 drunk again. 673 00:18:18,528 --> 00:18:20,403 And sure enough... 674 00:18:20,528 --> 00:18:22,319 All hail Beercules! 675 00:18:23,777 --> 00:18:25,194 Yeah! 676 00:18:25,319 --> 00:18:27,653 But, again, 677 00:18:25,319 --> 00:18:27,653 I'm getting ahead of myself. 678 00:18:36,943 --> 00:18:37,985 Hello. 679 00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:40,069 Marshall! Garrison Cootes. 680 00:18:40,194 --> 00:18:41,236 Yes, Mr. Cootes. 681 00:18:41,361 --> 00:18:42,902 Hi. How are you? 682 00:18:42,985 --> 00:18:44,611 I just wanted to let you know, 683 00:18:42,985 --> 00:18:44,611 we did the background check, 684 00:18:44,736 --> 00:18:47,277 and that is 685 00:18:44,736 --> 00:18:47,277 some disturbing streaking. 686 00:18:47,403 --> 00:18:49,110 Sir, th-th-the thing is, um... 687 00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,194 The rainbow streaking 688 00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,194 in this sample 689 00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:52,985 is definitely 690 00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:52,985 from chemical runoff. 691 00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:55,152 Oh, I... 692 00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:58,152 Bottom line... we'd love to have 693 00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:58,152 you on board. 694 00:18:58,277 --> 00:18:59,152 That is fantastic! 695 00:18:59,277 --> 00:19:01,319 Thank you, Mr. Cootes! 696 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,486 Well, you're welcome. 697 00:19:02,611 --> 00:19:04,152 And... oh, and when 698 00:19:02,611 --> 00:19:04,152 you're at the office, 699 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,361 try to wear some clothes, 700 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,361 okay, Beercules? 701 00:19:08,902 --> 00:19:10,069 Wow! That's a big snake. 702 00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:11,236 Oh, there's 703 00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:11,236 a snake in the swamp? 704 00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:12,611 No, I'm talking about 705 00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:12,611 your penis. 706 00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:13,902 See you tomorrow. 707 00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:16,361 I got the job. 708 00:19:16,486 --> 00:19:17,902 Yay! 709 00:19:17,985 --> 00:19:20,277 And I think that my boss 710 00:19:17,985 --> 00:19:20,277 already sexually harassed me. 711 00:19:20,403 --> 00:19:22,902 But he saw the video 712 00:19:20,403 --> 00:19:22,902 and he doesn't care! 713 00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:25,777 See that? Maybe Beercules 714 00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:25,777 isn't so bad after all. 715 00:19:25,902 --> 00:19:26,736 Yeah. 716 00:19:28,236 --> 00:19:29,361 Hello? 717 00:19:29,486 --> 00:19:31,694 Hey, Marshall, 718 00:19:29,486 --> 00:19:31,694 my name is Pete Durkenson. 719 00:19:31,902 --> 00:19:33,110 We went to Wesleyan together. 720 00:19:33,236 --> 00:19:34,444 Yeah, no, I know. 721 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,652 Pete, we... we just 722 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,652 hung out yesterday. 723 00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:38,902 All right, now Lily's message 724 00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:38,902 makes a little more sense. 725 00:19:38,985 --> 00:19:41,319 Listen, don't worry, bro, 726 00:19:38,985 --> 00:19:41,319 I'm gonna take down the video. 727 00:19:41,444 --> 00:19:42,528 You know what? 728 00:19:42,652 --> 00:19:44,027 Leave it up. 729 00:19:44,152 --> 00:19:45,694 Whatever you say, Beercules. 730 00:19:48,902 --> 00:19:50,736 Scalpel. 731 00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:52,943 You know what? 732 00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:52,943 This is good. 733 00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:55,277 I want our kid to see 734 00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:55,277 every side of who I am. 735 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,528 Yeah. 736 00:19:56,652 --> 00:19:57,985 Even the side that runs through 737 00:19:58,110 --> 00:20:00,069 the East Village hangin' brain. 738 00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,069 I'm gonna call Pete back. 739 00:20:03,194 --> 00:20:04,818 That's a good idea. 740 00:20:04,943 --> 00:20:07,694 That evening, I took 741 00:20:04,943 --> 00:20:07,694 Robin to the Architects' Ball. 742 00:20:07,818 --> 00:20:09,361 Thanks again for 743 00:20:07,818 --> 00:20:09,361 taking me to this. 744 00:20:09,486 --> 00:20:10,694 Mm. My pleasure. 745 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:12,277 And, you know, you might 746 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:12,277 find it interesting. 747 00:20:12,403 --> 00:20:13,902 Some of these guys represent the 748 00:20:12,403 --> 00:20:13,902 living history of New York... 749 00:20:14,027 --> 00:20:15,194 Yeah, yeah. 750 00:20:14,027 --> 00:20:15,194 Where's Lenny Kravitz? 751 00:20:15,319 --> 00:20:16,902 Right there. 752 00:20:17,027 --> 00:20:20,736 Leonard Kravitz, 753 00:20:17,027 --> 00:20:20,736 world-renowned architect. 754 00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:23,069 Guy's a rock star. 755 00:20:23,194 --> 00:20:24,694 He's gonna be 756 00:20:23,194 --> 00:20:24,694 giving his famous 757 00:20:24,818 --> 00:20:25,985 90-minute lecture 758 00:20:24,818 --> 00:20:25,985 on crossbeams. 759 00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:27,486 Well, great. 760 00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:29,777 I'm gonna go find one 761 00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:29,777 and hang myself from it. 762 00:20:29,902 --> 00:20:31,528 Okay. 763 00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:34,236 Kids, you can't talk 764 00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:34,236 yourself into falling in love. 765 00:20:34,361 --> 00:20:36,985 It doesn't take days 766 00:20:34,361 --> 00:20:36,985 of deliberation. 767 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:40,486 When it's real, 768 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:40,486 you know pretty quickly, 769 00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:43,652 and with absolute certainty. 770 00:20:45,152 --> 00:20:47,528 I had forgotten that. 771 00:20:47,652 --> 00:20:50,027 But I was about to be reminded.