Hey, guys.
Where are Marshall and Lily?
Something terrible
happened.
Are they okay?
Are they in the hospital?
No.
Somewhere much... much worse.
Long Island!
Tonight, we're moving
out there for good.
Yeah. Here are your spare
keys to our new house.
Long Island?
I don't understand.
You can get spray tans here.
I never let myself
believe this day
would really come.
It's like when
they canceled
Party of Five
for the second time.
I mean when they...
canceled sports.
Guys, we'll still see
each other all the time,
and we'll talk
on the phone.
And I know people say
that having kids means
you won't see your
friends anymore, but...
Oh, God, this is
good-bye, isn't it?
No. Stop it.
Guys, this doesn't
change anything.
We are only a 46-minute
train ride away.
Just pop out
whenever you want.
So... I guess
this seat is open.
I'll go get a chair.
So that's it.
No more Marshall.
No more Lily.
They're gone.
Which means...
no lame married couple
shooting down
all my amazing ideas.
Guys, great news.
I'm the new leader
of the gang!
Marshall and Lily were almost
done decorating their new home.
I like it there much better.
Yeah.
There was only one problem.
Wrong!
This can't go here.
Kids, when he found out
she was pregnant,
Lily's estranged father
unexpectedly showed up
on her doorstep.
It was a gesture
she appreciated.
But after two weeks,
they'd had just about enough.
That has to go there
to cover up
the splintery floorboard.
And you can't hang
this picture here.
This isn't plaster;
it's dried toothpaste.
Guys, you're so lucky I'm here.
I grew up in this house.
I know it like
the back of my hand.
And this lamp
absolutely cannot be here.
Why not?
Blocks my view
of the Widow Rodriguez
doing her Jane Fonda workouts.
Isn't she
a little old, Dad?
Oh, you didn't see her
when I was a kid.
In my mind, she'll always be 54.
I know he means well, but
I can't take it anymore.
He won't leave,
and-and he's acting
like this is his house.
No, I know.
And these annoying notes
he keeps leaving around?
"I need absolute silence
when practicing the drums."
"Do not touch the fudge
in my nightstand."
"We need ant traps
for my nightstand."
I find myself
hiding out here
just because it's the only room
in the house
where he can't boss us around.
Great news.
I put new batteries
in the old intercom system.
Now we can communicate
at all times.
Mickey out.
Look at what's become
of our booth.
Looks like my old
shop teacher's hand...
just sort of
missing something.
Enough!
I am sick of you two
wallowing in sadness,
instead of doing
the healthy thing
and pretending
anyone who leaves you
never existed
in the first place.
I hate to agree with Barney's
near-paralyzing
abandonment issues,
but he has a point.
You can't just stop living
because two of your friends
moved away.
Precisely.
Now, as new group leader,
I say we go out and do something
that we never would have done
with Marshall and Lily here.
Ooh.
Remember that amazing idea
I had that one time?
Let's go to a strip club.
Nope.
So what do you say?
Let's declare
our independence
with an on-da-peen dance.
On-the-peen dance.
No, we got it.
We got it.
Let's go to a strip club!
Well...
I'm going to miss
them anywhere.
Might as well see some
cans while I'm at it.
I'll take it!
Robin, Kevin, you in?
Kids, early in any
relationship,
there's a phase where you don't
say no to anything.
Because you want
to seem interesting...
adventurous...
and open-minded.
I call it
Early Relationship Chicken.
Well, I'm open
to anything.
Oh, mos' def.
So...
I don't want to go
to a strip club.
I don't want
to go to a strip club.
But I don't want him
to think I'm some prude.
Man, we've been saying "so"
for a while.
Yeah!
Yes!
Tonight is going
to be legen...
Wait, are we sure it's a good
idea to go to a strip club?
Shut up, Lily!
I'm in charge now... dary!
I've got no
cell reception.
I wanted to call Ted.
This feels weird.
The last time I lived
this far from him
was my semester abroad.
You never did a semester abroad.
That's what I called it
when we lived
on opposite sides of campus.
Wrong!
Please tell me you're not
plugging that in there.
Yes, Mickey,
that's exactly what I'm doing.
All right, fine.
I won't say anything.
It's... just that
this was my room
when I was growing up,
so I know it a little
better than you.
Lot of great memories here.
Mostly just discovering my body.
That's it.
Mickey, since you got here,
you've been nothing
but judgmental and pushy
and strangely obsessed
with your adolescent sex life.
Tomorrow morning,
you're out of here.
Well, I-I've just been trying
to help you...
We don't need your help!
I...
Oh, it-it's okay, baby.
It had to be done.
Too bad the one person
who could stop you
from making mistakes like that
was told he has to move out
next month.
Tomorrow!
Would either of you
like a dance?
I'm always ready to rock.
And I'm always ready to roll.
So...
I'm not ready to rock.
Rolling makes me dizzy.
Hell, yeah!
Yeah!
I'm buying my man a lap dance,
'cause that's just how I do!
Party like a
rock star!
Party like a rock star...
Uh, hey, guys.
It's Ted.
Um... you're probably busy
with the move still.
Um...
Give me a call
if you want to gab.
Sorry about using
the word "gab."
Ted, stop pining
over Marshall and Lily.
Have some self-respect.
Now, put this fiver
in your mouth so...
that stripper with the lazy eye
can vacuum it up with...
Barney!
Wh-what?
I'm allowed to miss them, okay?
They're my two best friends.
I'm your two best friends!
And we're here tonight
to show you there's no need
to miss something
when you can replace it
with something better.
Gentlemen, say hello
to J-J-J-Jasmine!
Remember her?
So, a while back, we discovered
the most amazing thing:
Lily had a doppelganger
who was a Russian stripper.
Look at her, Ted.
She's just like old,
less-good Lily,
but instead of
bossing us around,
she shows us her boobs.
No touching.
Okay, a little
bossing us around.
I call her Better Lily.
Hey, Better Lily, please
dance for my friend.
Barney, I don't
need a lap dance.
I need to talk
to my friends.
Who says you
can't do both?
Talk to her.
She's got ears.
Yes, she does have ears.
You want to touch my
girlfriend's boobs?
50 bucks.
Wait... Better Lily
is dating this behemoth?
Sound like anyone
you know?
That's New Marshall.
This is our gang now.
Hey, guys, Ted again.
Starting to think
you forgot about me.
Or replaced me
with some cool neighbor.
What's his name?
I'm totally kidding.
Anyway, uh...
just trying to remember
what your faces look like.
Ted, when they serve alcohol
at a strip club,
you're not allowed
to show your vagina.
100 bucks, and you
will see the world, my friend.
They're already
ignoring my calls?
Look, I'm realistic.
I knew I'd have to get used
to going to the dentist alone,
but I didn't think
they'd cut me out completely.
If they don't
need us, we don't need them.
Yes! Finally!
By the way, did you see
how she opened that bottle?
Whoa.
Lights out in the suburbs
is... is really dark.
Where's the fuse box?
I don't know.
I know where it is.
Maybe I could fix it for you,
if I wasn't so busy packing.
You know what?
I bet the fuse box
is in the basement.
I'll just... I'll go
find it myself.
How hard can it be?
As hard as that desk
you just walked into?
Good burn, Mickey.
You deserve a little
nightstand fudge for that one.
Where do I look?
I mean, I can't look
at her chest.
Damn it! I just did.
Maybe Robin didn't notice.
Man, he's really up
in those jugs.
Shake it, baby!
A playa's gotta play!
This is weird.
I'll just look her
in the eyes.
Is he falling in love
with this stripper?
Quick, do something cool.
Make it rain, son!
Money ain't no thang!
Damn it,
there was a 20 in there.
Hello, Mr. Eriksen.
From the sound
of the wind chimes,
I hear you've made it
to the first floor.
Okay... you know what, Mickey?
You can save the creepy
game master routine.
It's only kind of
terrifying me.
Oh, but the game has just begun.
I call it "Try Not to Bang into
All the Furniture and Stuff
on Your Way to the Fuse Box
in the Basement, Marshall."
That's just a working title.
Hey!
Got a little boob glitter
on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy.
Straight pimpin'.
Barney, you got
a little bit, too.
Where?
Did I get it?
Yeah, you got it.
Who needs Marshall
and Lily?
We got a new gang,
and we're all going to
hang out together forever.
My shift is done.
Good-bye.
Wait, stop!
Technically, this song's not
over, so we still own you.
Plus we're best friends!
Where to next?
We go to underground
poker game
in mostly-abandoned
insane asylum.
Yes!
This is gonna be awesome,
and when it is, I want
you all to remember
who led you there:
Barney Stinson,
new group leader.
Yay!
I'm winning all
your chippies!
Let's not drink
when we're...
I'm thirsty; it's good.
It's good.
Marshall, I just remembered
I saw a box of matches
in the drawer by the trash can.
Okay, thanks, baby.
Lily, I can't find them.
Looking for these?
Oh, right, you can't see me.
Um, well, I'm burning the
matches you so desperately need.
Aah, ooh, ow!
Ow.
Hah! Oh!
Mickey... guess who found
the basement stairs?
I'll be down
at that fuse box in no time,
and when I get there,
I'm sure that I'll figure out
how fuse boxes work,
so it'll be fine.
Hey, Marshall,
I know I've been
messing with you,
but seriously,
that second step, don't...
I don't want to hear it, Mickey.
Oh, my knee!
Ow!
And watch out for my drum set.
I win again!
I was bluffing.
I didn't even have enough cards.
Ted, please stop winning.
Hey, look, it's the
New York City skyline.
Uh, uh!
Hit it!
You know, Butterfly Knife,
I'd expect this
from Face Tattoo...
or Jagged Cheek Scar,
or Larry,
but not you.
Why don't I get nickname?
Because you have too
many things, Larry.
You get one thing!
See, that's why
you bring New Marshall.
We go to party in
slaughterhouse.
You come?
Please, God, no.
Don't let me be in charge
of the gang anymore.
I can't believe Dr. Kevin
doesn't remember me
from our sessions
three years ago.
Is that the lunatic
that stabbed
all those prison guards?
We gotta hit that party!
I'll never find love.
We got to hit that party!
Sweet.
Lily?
I think we made a mistake
moving out to the suburbs.
I miss our home.
I miss our booth
with our friends.
And I'm pretty sure I have
a drumstick...
somewhere bad.
Dad, why are you
acting like this?
Well, I was just
trying to be helpful,
but you guys want me out
by the Fourth of July.
Tomorrow.
You know what
a helpful father,
not to mention grandfather,
might do?
Get these lights back on.
Okay, Marshall, listen up.
I'm gonna get you
to that fuse box.
Can't you just come down here
and do it for me, please?
I don't know anything
about this house.
No, Marshall...
you don't know anything
about your house.
All right, we got a lot
of work to do.
Wait here,
we get you
on VPI list for party.
You give us, uh,
$200 per person.
Cover charge.
That's pretty steep
for a cover charge.
Is very good party.
Is party for, uh, New York
"Yunkees" and Coca-Cola.
Oh, my God.
A Coca-Cola Yankees party?
That sounds like a real thing.
Okay, now, Marshall,
take three steps forward,
while ducking underneath
the broken ceiling fan.
Now look to your left
and spit.
That's the water heater.
Want to stay away from that.
That baby is hotter than the
Widow Rodriguez in a unitard.
Okay, now past the washer and
dryer is the hardest part.
You're gonna have to belly-crawl
underneath the ping-pong table
and don't so much as nudge it.
Why not?
Because there are
900 dominos set up
in the shape of Barbara Eden.
Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan.
I'm clear.
I don't know what
that sound is, Mickey.
That's the sound of Barbara
Eden never banging me.
That's what that is.
Dad, get it back.
Come on.
Okay, Marshall,
take three steps forward,
and you should be
at the fuse box.
Do you think he made it?
I did it!
No, Marshall...
you did it.
Fun fact: that night inspired
Mickey's one and only
successful board game...
Brought to you by Aldrin Games!
Well, judging from
how many clients
that hooker has serviced,
I'd say we've been
here almost an hour.
Ted, we've been robbed.
Better Lily and New Marshall
would never rob us.
They're our best friends.
Damn it, Ted.
New Marshall is
an escaped zoo bear
and the only thing that Better
Lily is better at than our Lily
is over-the-pants hand stuff.
I'm assuming.
I'll admit it.
I can't lead this group.
We need Marshall and Lily.
But they're gone, aren't they?
I mean, it'll go from seeing
them a couple times a week,
to a couple times a month,
and then it'll just
be holiday parties.
Then the years pass,
and you find out
Marshall's dead,
and you're there for Lily
emotionally at first,
but then it becomes sexual,
and you feel guilty,
but maybe that guilt just makes
it dirtier and better...
No, I won't let that happen.
Especially that last part.
Look, I know I've been a little
drunk and naive tonight,
but here's what's gonna happen.
First, we're gonna leave a note
for Better Lily and Arvydas,
they're worriers.
Oh, buddy.
Then,
we're gonna go see Only Marshall
and One-Of-A-Kind Lily
because they're our best friends
and they're only
46 minutes away.
Are you with me?
Kind of resent the power grab,
but okay, let's go!
Hey,
do you want to come to
Long Island with us?
Uh, well, still a few more
hours before the sun comes up.
So...
No.
No?
Is that bad?
No, it's great.
Ooh, that felt so good.
I hate doing things
and going anywhere!
Oh, new experiences suck!
While we're at it,
I hate high-fiving you!
I know.
We're adults who are
sleeping together,
not teens pledging a frat.
Oh, man, I really
liked the high-five.
The next morning, Marshall
and Lily woke up to a surprise.
Hey, what are... what
are you guys doing here?
Just wanted to make
sure this key worked.
We missed you.
Give mama a hug.
Oh...
Don't check your voicemail.
Y-You might have
a couple weird ones.
You hear this?
This is the sound
of me moving on.
Yeah, I'm a stripper.
Okay, who wants pancakes?
Which two of you want pancakes?
I'll make more.
Oh, good-good-good,
'cause I want pancakes.
There you go.
Thank you, okay.
Enjoy them.
Hey, honey, look,
I'm sorry I was a jerk before.
Okay? I'll leave
right after breakfast.
I'll crash with some friends.
Dad, you know what?
You can stay.
Oh, thank God.
I got no friends.
I'll be here two weeks, tops.
It wasn't two weeks.
Would the five
of us always live
within a few minutes
of that booth?
No, that's life, kids,
but here's what I discovered.
Our booth was wherever
the five of us were together.
That's right, Widow Rodriguez.
Stretch it.
Work those gams.
Ooh, yeah.
Grab that left arm.
Clutch that chest.
Fall down really fast.
Oh, my God!
Somebody call 911!