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Kids, 2012 started out

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kind of crazy.

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Barney met a girl named Quinn,

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Kevin unproposed to Robin,

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I told Robin...

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I love you, Robin.

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When I asked if she

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loved me back, she said...

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No.

10
00:00:15,881 --> 00:00:16,924
Marshall told Robin...

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You got to move out.

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And Robin did.

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I can't even open

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her bedroom door anymore.

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Why do I have

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to be so sensitive?

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I don't know, bro.

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Look at me and that Quinn chick.

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You don't hear me

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prattling on

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about how beautiful

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her smile is,

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how her hair is like a waterfall

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of honey-colored silk,

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how her eyes are like

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a warm South Sea

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kissed by the fire

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and gold of sunrise.

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I don't even remember

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what she looks like.

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Dude, you obviously like her.

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Can't you read

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between the lines, Ted?

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I obviously like her.

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How did this happen to me?

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When did I become such

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a gooey romantic?

38
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Look, I think it's healthy

39
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that you have real feelings

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for a woman

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instead of just seeing her

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as an object.

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Switch?

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Sure.

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But why Quinn?

46
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I mean, you spent

47
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one night with her,

48
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and she was kind of mean.

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We just connected.

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Emotionally, intellectually,

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spiritually.

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So, mind-blowing sex?

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Mind-blowing sex!

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For an hour afterwards,

55
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I couldn't uncross my eyes.

56
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Which was awesome, because

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when I went back for seconds,

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it was like having

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a three-way with twins.

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So... call her.

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I would if I knew how

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to get in touch with her,

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but I can't,

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and it's driving me crazy.

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Everywhere I look,

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I see her.

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I see her walking on the street;

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I see her shopping in the store;

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I see her dancing on that pole.

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I see her dancing

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on that pole, too.

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Oh, my God, that's Quinn.

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Gentlemen,

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give it up for Karma.

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I really appreciate

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you guys taking me in.

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I mean,

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I'm homeless,

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things between me and Ted

80
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are still kind of weird.

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So, it's nice

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to be around friends.

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Well, stay as long

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as you want, sweetie.

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Oh, thank you.

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Mm.

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Now, I got you a journal.

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I know this sounds lame,

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but it really helps work

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through stuff to write about it.

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Oh.

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"Dear Diary. The fantasies

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of killing Marshall's mom

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"have become more vivid.

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Today, I scalped

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her with a ..."

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Whoops,

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that one's mine.

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You are going to have

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so much fun here.

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Oh, guys,

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please, do not feel like you

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have to keep me entertained.

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Well, you shouldn't have come

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to East Meadow, Long Island,

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Robin, if you didn't want

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to be entertained.

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Really? I didn't think

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there was a ton to do here.

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Oh, apparently, someone

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hasn't heard

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of the Uniondale

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Miniatures Museum.

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You'll come for

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the 19th century thimble art,

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but you'll stay for the

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Dutch masters on bottle caps.

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Plus,

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you'll be bowling

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with two

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charter members of the

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East Meadow Alley Cats.

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"We're a hot dog eating team

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with a bowling problem."

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Shirley

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came up with that one.

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Great bowler, Shirley.

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She hit 280 the other day.

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Unfortunately,

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that was on her bathroom scale.

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When Robin moved out,

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there was a hole in my life

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in the shape

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of an empty bedroom.

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I filled it with a new hobby.

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What are you doing

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in my old room?

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This room being empty

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was bumming me out,

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so I decided

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to do something healthy

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that would take my mind off you.

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Well, nothing says healthy

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like smoking 40 pounds

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of pork loin

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in an unventilated room

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while having an imaginary

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conversation with your ex.

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Just for that,

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you're not getting any.

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I'm not getting any?

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You're the one smoking

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your own meat.

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Oh!

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What am I gonna do

156
00:03:53,683 --> 00:03:56,101
about this Quinn thing?

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I want to ask her out again,

158
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but I don't know how I feel

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about her being a stripper.

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Why would you have

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an issue with that?

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I mean, you've dated convicted

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felons, arms dealers...

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pageant moms.

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Hey, Quinn is someone I might

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want to get serious with,

167
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not just pretend to be a judge

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who could help her four-year-old

169
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clinch Little Miss Biloxi.

170
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Tiffany's mom really

171
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wanted that tiara.

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In a city of eight

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million people,

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you happened to walk into

175
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the club where she works?

176
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Maybe it's destiny.

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No, Destiny strips

178
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at The Melon Patch.

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They're people, Ted;

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try to keep them straight.

181
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Wait a minute.

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What if this is destiny?

183
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I just said...

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What if the universe

185
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,980
is throwing us in each other's

186
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,980
path for some reason?

187
00:04:41,105 --> 00:04:43,107
More or less exactly what I...

188
00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:44,901
I don't care what you say,

189
00:04:43,148 --> 00:04:44,901
this is destiny!

190
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Damn it, Ted!

191
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,947
Why can't you ever root

192
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,947
for love?

193
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Hey.

194
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,663
Hey.

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00:04:57,789 --> 00:04:58,247
Quinn...

196
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No, listen,

197
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in here I'm Karma, okay?

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Got it.

199
00:05:03,127 --> 00:05:04,378
Uh, look, Karma,

200
00:05:04,503 --> 00:05:05,463
I swear

201
00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:07,673
I never say crap

202
00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:07,673
like this, but...

203
00:05:07,799 --> 00:05:08,507
I think maybe

204
00:05:07,799 --> 00:05:08,507
the universe

205
00:05:08,633 --> 00:05:11,135
is telling us something.

206
00:05:11,218 --> 00:05:12,219
You want to go out again?

207
00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:15,139
I'm sorry,

208
00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:15,139
I don't date customers.

209
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,557
What about destiny?

210
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:18,434
I heard she's

211
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:18,434
over at The Melon Patch now.

212
00:05:18,559 --> 00:05:21,980
No, I mean like fate telling us

213
00:05:18,559 --> 00:05:21,980
that we're supposed to be...

214
00:05:22,146 --> 00:05:23,230
Oh, listen, Barney,

215
00:05:23,355 --> 00:05:25,483
my manager is really

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00:05:23,355 --> 00:05:25,483
giving me the stink eye.

217
00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:27,359
I have to get back to work.

218
00:05:27,485 --> 00:05:28,402
Okay, wait, wait.

219
00:05:28,527 --> 00:05:30,154
What if I pay for a dance?

220
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That way,

221
00:05:31,155 --> 00:05:32,156
your manager's happy,

222
00:05:32,239 --> 00:05:33,574
and then I can to tell you

223
00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:35,242
why you should go on

224
00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:35,242
another date with me.

225
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:38,037
I guess there's

226
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:38,037
no reason why not.

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00:05:38,162 --> 00:05:39,872
Okay, first off,

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we have a lot in common.

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00:05:39,998 --> 00:05:42,166
For example,

230
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,251
both of our jobs

231
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,251
are largely financed

232
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:47,546
by drunk Asian businessmen.

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00:05:47,672 --> 00:05:49,298
Dear Diary.

234
00:05:49,423 --> 00:05:51,550
It is day four on this island,

235
00:05:51,676 --> 00:05:53,803
which the natives have dubbed

236
00:05:51,676 --> 00:05:53,803
"Long Island,"

237
00:05:53,928 --> 00:05:55,262
perhaps referencing

238
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,932
how each hour here feels

239
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,932
like it may never end.

240
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So far, they have welcomed me

241
00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:04,605
and given me a rare glimpse

242
00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:04,605
into their bizarre way of life.

243
00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:07,733
By "entertainment," they mean

244
00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:07,733
table shuffle board,

245
00:06:07,859 --> 00:06:11,863
macramé classes, and other

246
00:06:07,859 --> 00:06:11,863
non-stimulating activities

247
00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:13,614
which are only used

248
00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:13,614
in Manhattan

249
00:06:13,739 --> 00:06:16,909
to calm down drug addicts

250
00:06:13,739 --> 00:06:16,909
and the criminally insane.

251
00:06:17,035 --> 00:06:20,746
A preliterate society,

252
00:06:17,035 --> 00:06:20,746
their menus display pictures

253
00:06:20,872 --> 00:06:22,999
of the food they offer,

254
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:25,209
everyone is forced

255
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:25,209
to sing "Happy Birthday"

256
00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:26,961
four or five times a meal,

257
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:31,757
and dessert

258
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:31,757
has fireworks in it.

259
00:06:31,883 --> 00:06:34,052
In their lairs, they often don

260
00:06:31,883 --> 00:06:34,052
a primitive shroud

261
00:06:34,218 --> 00:06:38,514
called a "Snugget,"

262
00:06:34,218 --> 00:06:38,514
and it is not uncommon for them

263
00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:40,641
to go to sleep before 9 p.m.,

264
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:42,434
fearing, as they do,

265
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:43,061
the night.

266
00:06:45,312 --> 00:06:47,065
Also Diary, I think writing

267
00:06:45,312 --> 00:06:47,065
in you is stupid,

268
00:06:47,231 --> 00:06:48,607
but you were a gift from Lily,

269
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:49,984
and she's watching

270
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:49,984
me right now.

271
00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:53,529
Guys, um, I don't want

272
00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:53,529
to overstay my welcome,

273
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:56,240
and Patrice said that she would

274
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:56,240
take me off your hands.

275
00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:59,243
So, do you have

276
00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:59,243
a train schedule or...

277
00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:00,619
Oh, yeah,

278
00:07:00,745 --> 00:07:01,662
um, but-but

279
00:07:01,787 --> 00:07:04,373
there's a-a problem

280
00:07:01,787 --> 00:07:04,373
with the train.

281
00:07:04,498 --> 00:07:06,000
Big, big problem.

282
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,001
There was a...

283
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,253
Strike.

284
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,253
A lightning strike.

285
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:12,506
That hit one of the picketers

286
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:12,506
who was on strike.

287
00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:14,633
During a thunderstorm.

288
00:07:14,759 --> 00:07:16,510
Plus,

289
00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:18,804
you don't want

290
00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:18,804
to be a burden on Patrice.

291
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:21,724
Yeah, she probably doesn't

292
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:21,724
even want you there.

293
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:26,270
You guys are being weird.

294
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:30,357
Oh!

295
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:30,357
Oh!

296
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,151
Oh, my God, Robin,

297
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,151
I am so sorry.

298
00:07:32,276 --> 00:07:34,737
I'll throw these in the wash.

299
00:07:34,862 --> 00:07:37,531
They'll be dry

300
00:07:34,862 --> 00:07:37,531
and folded in the morning.

301
00:07:37,656 --> 00:07:38,783
Or the weekend.

302
00:07:38,908 --> 00:07:40,826
And we can talk

303
00:07:38,908 --> 00:07:40,826
about you leaving then.

304
00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:42,036
Or never.

305
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,580
Wait, Lily,

306
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,580
why don't...

307
00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:46,665
It's 8:45,

308
00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:46,665
time to hit the hay.

309
00:07:46,791 --> 00:07:48,667
Good night!

310
00:07:54,548 --> 00:07:56,383
So Ted, what healthy,

311
00:07:56,508 --> 00:07:58,010
not-at-all-crazy activity

312
00:07:56,508 --> 00:07:58,010
are you up to now?

313
00:07:58,136 --> 00:08:02,598
I liked smoking meat,

314
00:07:58,136 --> 00:08:02,598
but now I've got a new passion:

315
00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:04,183
wood.

316
00:08:04,308 --> 00:08:07,186
You hear these things that come

317
00:08:04,308 --> 00:08:07,186
out of your mouth, right?

318
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:14,026
So I went back to

319
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:14,026
the Lusty Leopard.

320
00:08:14,152 --> 00:08:16,570
You know what, Barney?

321
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:19,573
I know I said I have a rule

322
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:19,573
about not dating customers,

323
00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:23,494
but you may have

324
00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:23,494
convinced me to...

325
00:08:23,619 --> 00:08:24,328
Oh.

326
00:08:24,453 --> 00:08:26,413
Song's over, I got to go.

327
00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:28,666
Wait, no, what?

328
00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:28,666
Convinced you to what?

329
00:08:28,791 --> 00:08:31,627
I'm sorry, but manager's

330
00:08:28,791 --> 00:08:31,627
giving me the stink eye.

331
00:08:31,752 --> 00:08:33,879
Ugh, get a life, Manager.

332
00:08:34,172 --> 00:08:36,423
What were you saying?

333
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:38,092
Well, I was going to say

334
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:42,638
that I do find you

335
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:42,638
very... charming.

336
00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:44,348
And funny...

337
00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:46,558
and sexy.

338
00:08:46,684 --> 00:08:49,353
And exciting and smart.

339
00:08:49,478 --> 00:08:51,814
You so get me.

340
00:08:51,939 --> 00:08:53,482
You know what, Barney?

341
00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:55,067
I have never done

342
00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:55,067
this before,

343
00:08:55,193 --> 00:08:59,655
but there's just

344
00:08:55,193 --> 00:08:59,655
something about you.

345
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,448
So I guess my answer is...

346
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:03,034
Oh.

347
00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:03,993
The song's over.

348
00:09:04,118 --> 00:09:05,744
Well, just finish the thought!

349
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,079
But the manager.

350
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:07,079
God,

351
00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:08,122
I hate manager.

352
00:09:09,373 --> 00:09:12,543
There. Your answer is...

353
00:09:12,668 --> 00:09:15,004
Maybe if we knew each other

354
00:09:12,668 --> 00:09:15,004
a little better.

355
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,048
Tell me about yourself.

356
00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:19,050
Well, um, what can I tell you?

357
00:09:19,175 --> 00:09:20,051
I'm, um...

358
00:09:20,176 --> 00:09:21,219
charming and funny

359
00:09:21,385 --> 00:09:24,805
and sexy and...

360
00:09:24,930 --> 00:09:28,226
exciting and smart.

361
00:09:28,392 --> 00:09:30,186
Well, how can a girl

362
00:09:28,392 --> 00:09:30,186
say no to that?

363
00:09:30,394 --> 00:09:32,646
How about we...

364
00:09:32,771 --> 00:09:34,606
go out on...

365
00:09:34,732 --> 00:09:38,402
aaaaaaaaa...

366
00:09:38,443 --> 00:09:40,112
aaaaaa...

367
00:09:40,238 --> 00:09:42,031
Ugh, these songs are so short.

368
00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:48,412
Uh, how much exactly

369
00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:48,412
did you give Quinn?

370
00:09:48,453 --> 00:09:49,955
Eight, nine hundred bucks,

371
00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:52,750
plus whatever

372
00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:52,750
my Rolex is worth.

373
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:53,918
Whoa.

374
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:55,002
I know.

375
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:57,922
Ted, I think I'm in love.

376
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:07,431
Quinn is totally playing you.

377
00:10:07,556 --> 00:10:08,473
What?

378
00:10:08,599 --> 00:10:10,017
That's ridiculous.

379
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:11,310
If she were playing me,

380
00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:13,187
why would she agree

381
00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:13,187
to go on a date with me?

382
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,689
You're different than

383
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,689
the rest of these schlubs.

384
00:10:15,814 --> 00:10:18,234
This one time only,

385
00:10:15,814 --> 00:10:18,234
I'm going to break my rule.

386
00:10:18,358 --> 00:10:20,861
Let's go out tomorrow night.

387
00:10:20,986 --> 00:10:21,361
Sweet!

388
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:23,155
Oh, shoot.

389
00:10:23,281 --> 00:10:24,990
I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!

390
00:10:26,075 --> 00:10:27,743
Hey, brainstorm.

391
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:29,912
What if we just have

392
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:29,912
our date here?

393
00:10:30,037 --> 00:10:31,330
It's a date.

394
00:10:31,455 --> 00:10:33,707
It's not a date.

395
00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:35,375
It's you going to a strip club

396
00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:35,375
and paying for lap dances!

397
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:39,213
If it's not a date, why'd she

398
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:39,213
say every fifth dance was free?

399
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,090
Because that's

400
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,090
the Lusty Leopard's policy

401
00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:43,717
on Friday nights, and I'm so mad

402
00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:43,717
at you that I know that!

403
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:47,346
Dear Diary.

404
00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:49,348
It is day six on this island,

405
00:10:49,473 --> 00:10:52,977
and I begin to fear I am

406
00:10:49,473 --> 00:10:52,977
more captive than guest...

407
00:10:55,104 --> 00:10:55,646
Morning, sweetie.

408
00:10:55,771 --> 00:10:57,315
Up for croquet?

409
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:01,819
Hey, uh, Lil, are you done

410
00:11:01,944 --> 00:11:03,946
washing my clothes yet?

411
00:11:01,944 --> 00:11:03,946
Because I...

412
00:11:04,071 --> 00:11:05,281
Oh, I am so sorry.

413
00:11:05,489 --> 00:11:06,324
Your clothes accidentally

414
00:11:05,489 --> 00:11:06,324
wound up in the bag

415
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:09,285
I donated to Goodwill.

416
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:11,495
You gave away my clothes?

417
00:11:11,536 --> 00:11:14,498
They were a bit fancy

418
00:11:11,536 --> 00:11:14,498
for East Meadow.

419
00:11:14,539 --> 00:11:16,583
People were staring.

420
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:20,171
Besides, we have

421
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:20,171
an extra Snugget.

422
00:11:20,504 --> 00:11:22,756
Try it.

423
00:11:23,341 --> 00:11:25,968
Try it, Robin.

424
00:11:27,719 --> 00:11:29,513
They're trying to make me

425
00:11:27,719 --> 00:11:29,513
one of them, Diary.

426
00:11:29,638 --> 00:11:32,391
And I begin to fear...

427
00:11:32,516 --> 00:11:34,726
I may like it!

428
00:11:37,521 --> 00:11:39,398
I can't believe we're

429
00:11:37,521 --> 00:11:39,398
at a strip club,

430
00:11:39,523 --> 00:11:41,692
and the biggest boob

431
00:11:39,523 --> 00:11:41,692
in here is you.

432
00:11:41,817 --> 00:11:43,944
It's a real date, Ted.

433
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:46,905
And clearly you haven't

434
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:46,905
seen the DeSalvo twins.

435
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:48,324
She's right over there.

436
00:11:48,532 --> 00:11:50,368
Barney...

437
00:11:48,532 --> 00:11:50,368
Yowza!

438
00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:52,911
You are not on a date.

439
00:11:53,037 --> 00:11:54,372
Okay, look, prove it.

440
00:11:54,538 --> 00:11:56,874
Prove that she's not just

441
00:11:54,538 --> 00:11:56,874
taking advantage of you.

442
00:11:56,999 --> 00:11:59,293
Get her to go out with

443
00:11:56,999 --> 00:11:59,293
you anywhere but here.

444
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,711
Fine!

445
00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:03,047
Hey, sexy! You want a dance?

446
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:04,548
Yeah!

447
00:12:04,589 --> 00:12:05,924
Uh, one thing, though.

448
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:08,302
Um, you'd be okay

449
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:08,302
with us having a date

450
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,970
somewhere besides here,

451
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,970
wouldn't you?

452
00:12:10,095 --> 00:12:12,723
I was hoping you would ask that.

453
00:12:12,848 --> 00:12:15,309
I'm sorry it's

454
00:12:12,848 --> 00:12:15,309
so expensive in here,

455
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,561
but it's nice and private, huh?

456
00:12:17,644 --> 00:12:18,937
Absolutely. And romantic!

457
00:12:19,063 --> 00:12:20,105
It's our first getaway

458
00:12:19,063 --> 00:12:20,105
as a couple!

459
00:12:22,566 --> 00:12:23,775
It's become clear to me, Diary,

460
00:12:23,901 --> 00:12:25,110
that I must attempt

461
00:12:23,901 --> 00:12:25,110
a dramatic escape.

462
00:12:25,236 --> 00:12:28,864
I will fake a stomachache

463
00:12:25,236 --> 00:12:28,864
during dinner.

464
00:12:28,989 --> 00:12:31,033
Then, after Marshall and Lily

465
00:12:28,989 --> 00:12:31,033
leave for bingo night,

466
00:12:31,158 --> 00:12:33,285
I will sneak out the back.

467
00:12:33,411 --> 00:12:36,163
I'll swipe Shirley's Rascal

468
00:12:33,411 --> 00:12:36,163
and drive to the train station.

469
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:38,290
Shirley's 42, by the way,

470
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:38,290
and rides a Rascal.

471
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:41,835
I swear, it's the second half

472
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:41,835
of Wall-E out here.

473
00:12:44,129 --> 00:12:45,797
Bingo...

474
00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:49,593
was canceled.

475
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:56,350
Hey, sexy, you want a dance?

476
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:58,727
No,

477
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:58,727
I'm not a customer.

478
00:12:58,852 --> 00:13:00,062
My girlfriend works here.

479
00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:02,940
She's right over...

480
00:13:03,065 --> 00:13:05,484
This one time only,

481
00:13:03,065 --> 00:13:05,484
I'm gonna break my rule.

482
00:13:05,609 --> 00:13:06,818
Let's go out tomorrow night!

483
00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:07,361
Sweet!

484
00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:09,071
Oh, shoot!

485
00:13:09,196 --> 00:13:12,199
I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!

486
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:13,617
Hey! Brainstorm!

487
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:15,453
What if we just have

488
00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:15,453
our date here,

489
00:13:15,619 --> 00:13:18,872
maybe in

490
00:13:15,619 --> 00:13:18,872
the Champagne Room?

491
00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:23,502
That was our spot.

492
00:13:29,383 --> 00:13:29,967
Hey, gorgeous,

493
00:13:29,383 --> 00:13:29,967
You want a dance?

494
00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:32,344
Is it a jig?

495
00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:34,305
'Cause if so, it's up.

496
00:13:35,139 --> 00:13:36,474
Sorry, I only had the last verse

497
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,143
of "Hot For Teacher" to work

498
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,143
on that. What was that?

499
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:42,938
You laid exactly the same line

500
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:42,938
on that guy that you did on me!

501
00:13:43,063 --> 00:13:44,106
Sweetie, that is just something

502
00:13:44,231 --> 00:13:45,857
I say to these

503
00:13:44,231 --> 00:13:45,857
gullible losers here.

504
00:13:45,983 --> 00:13:48,360
They fall for it every time.

505
00:13:48,486 --> 00:13:52,072
Bunch of losers!

506
00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:54,074
Oh, gosh, manager again.

507
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:55,493
He's looking at me like,

508
00:13:55,659 --> 00:13:57,077
"Karma, why aren't you booking

509
00:13:55,659 --> 00:13:57,077
more time

510
00:13:57,202 --> 00:13:58,287
in the Champagne Room?"

511
00:13:58,412 --> 00:14:00,789
Well, we'll show him.

512
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:03,250
No! You're playing me again!

513
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,085
And you're not even trying hard!

514
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:07,671
There's no manager there;

515
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:07,671
You're pointing at a fern!

516
00:14:09,673 --> 00:14:11,133
Ted was right.

517
00:14:11,258 --> 00:14:13,010
I bet he's home right now,

518
00:14:11,258 --> 00:14:13,010
laughing at how dumb I am.

519
00:14:19,683 --> 00:14:22,144
Did I deserve this?

520
00:14:19,683 --> 00:14:22,144
Absolutely.

521
00:14:22,269 --> 00:14:25,022
I have told

522
00:14:22,269 --> 00:14:25,022
some outrageous lies.

523
00:14:25,147 --> 00:14:27,525
I have told women I was famous,

524
00:14:27,691 --> 00:14:28,984
a war hero,

525
00:14:29,109 --> 00:14:31,278
that sex with me would cure

526
00:14:29,109 --> 00:14:31,278
their nearsightedness.

527
00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:32,988
Barney?

528
00:14:34,156 --> 00:14:38,202
I probably deserved everything

529
00:14:34,156 --> 00:14:38,202
you did to me and more.

530
00:14:38,327 --> 00:14:39,411
But I have been trying,

531
00:14:39,537 --> 00:14:42,956
and trying hard

532
00:14:39,537 --> 00:14:42,956
to be a better person.

533
00:14:43,832 --> 00:14:44,791
Thanks for showing me

534
00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:46,084
I had it right before.

535
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:57,762
Look, I'm sorry

536
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:57,762
we made you feel

537
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:57,762
a little suffocated,

538
00:14:57,888 --> 00:15:00,140
but were you really

539
00:14:57,888 --> 00:15:00,140
just gonna sneak away?

540
00:15:00,265 --> 00:15:03,143
Well, it's just...

541
00:15:00,265 --> 00:15:03,143
I really miss the city.

542
00:15:03,268 --> 00:15:06,271
I know you guys love it here,

543
00:15:03,268 --> 00:15:06,271
and that's fine,

544
00:15:06,397 --> 00:15:07,731
We don't love it here!

545
00:15:07,772 --> 00:15:08,273
What?

546
00:15:08,399 --> 00:15:09,441
Come on, Robin,

547
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,402
what kind

548
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,402
of life is this?

549
00:15:11,527 --> 00:15:12,944
Going to canasta tournaments

550
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:14,905
and high school

551
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:14,905
field hockey playoffs?

552
00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:17,324
Oh, I think North Bellmore

553
00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:17,324
can take state.

554
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,326
With Sophie's ankle?

555
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,326
Doubtful.

556
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,495
Okay, but if you two

557
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,495
are so unhappy,

558
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,539
why don't you just move

559
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,539
back to Manhattan?

560
00:15:23,747 --> 00:15:26,208
Because the suburbs are

561
00:15:23,747 --> 00:15:26,208
better for the baby.

562
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:29,294
Who says? Who says any place

563
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:29,294
is better for the baby

564
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,422
if you two are unhappy in it?

565
00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,967
No, no,

566
00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,967
we live here now.

567
00:15:36,885 --> 00:15:38,387
And, you know,

568
00:15:36,885 --> 00:15:38,387
this place

569
00:15:38,512 --> 00:15:39,763
wouldn't seem

570
00:15:38,512 --> 00:15:39,763
so bad if...

571
00:15:39,888 --> 00:15:42,641
we got one of our friends

572
00:15:39,888 --> 00:15:42,641
to move out here.

573
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,018
Oh, guys...

574
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:48,063
Oh...

575
00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:50,815
I would rather set myself

576
00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:50,815
on fire.

577
00:15:52,401 --> 00:15:55,153
The next morning,

578
00:15:52,401 --> 00:15:55,153
Barney learned that even in

579
00:15:55,279 --> 00:15:58,449
a city of eight million people,

580
00:15:55,279 --> 00:15:58,449
there's no escaping Karma.

581
00:16:05,914 --> 00:16:06,790
Oh.

582
00:16:06,915 --> 00:16:08,417
Oh, hey.

583
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,252
Sorry, can't talk;

584
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,252
manager's watching.

585
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,131
Look, I am sorry

586
00:16:14,256 --> 00:16:15,215
if I hurt your feelings;

587
00:16:14,256 --> 00:16:15,215
it's a job.

588
00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:17,468
Yeah, well, at my job,

589
00:16:17,593 --> 00:16:19,344
we don't rip out

590
00:16:17,593 --> 00:16:19,344
people's hearts for money.

591
00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:23,056
My company briefly backed

592
00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:23,056
a lab in North Korea

593
00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:25,225
which did, but we sold it!

594
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:27,102
You know, I've worked

595
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:27,102
at that club for a year.

596
00:16:27,227 --> 00:16:29,354
You practically live there,

597
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,356
and you didn't even recognize me

598
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,356
the night we went out.

599
00:16:31,482 --> 00:16:34,401
You can't pretend to be some

600
00:16:31,482 --> 00:16:34,401
hurt little victim with me.

601
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:35,444
I know you.

602
00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:36,820
Well, of course you do.

603
00:16:36,861 --> 00:16:38,155
I told you things

604
00:16:36,861 --> 00:16:38,155
I don't tell anybody.

605
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,615
I was honest with you.

606
00:16:39,823 --> 00:16:41,659
Yeah, because I believe you have

607
00:16:39,823 --> 00:16:41,659
a gay black brother,

608
00:16:41,825 --> 00:16:43,243
a friend lonely enough

609
00:16:41,825 --> 00:16:43,243
to smoke his own meat

610
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:45,036
and that your mom was a groupie

611
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:45,036
for Supertramp.

612
00:16:45,162 --> 00:16:47,205
They named

613
00:16:45,162 --> 00:16:47,205
their band for her!

614
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:51,835
You remembered all that?

615
00:16:51,918 --> 00:16:54,212
Well, yeah.

616
00:16:51,918 --> 00:16:54,212
I mean,

617
00:16:54,338 --> 00:16:55,631
you're more interesting

618
00:16:54,338 --> 00:16:55,631
than the lyrics

619
00:16:55,839 --> 00:16:57,966
to "Pour Some Sugar On Me"

620
00:16:55,839 --> 00:16:57,966
for the 8,000th time.

621
00:17:00,177 --> 00:17:01,845
You know, it's funny.

622
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:04,848
Almost every woman

623
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:04,848
I've ever met was wrong

624
00:17:04,973 --> 00:17:06,057
to give me a chance.

625
00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:08,727
You're the first woman

626
00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:08,727
who's wrong not to.

627
00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:14,399
Large black coffee...

628
00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:17,444
and whatever he's having.

629
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,862
It's on me.

630
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:22,240
The same.

631
00:17:22,366 --> 00:17:22,866
Thank you.

632
00:17:22,991 --> 00:17:26,077
You're welcome.

633
00:17:26,203 --> 00:17:29,039
1,700 more of these

634
00:17:26,203 --> 00:17:29,039
and we're even.

635
00:17:29,164 --> 00:17:31,041
Uh, the song just ended.

636
00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,876
That mean you got

637
00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,876
to get going?

638
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:35,212
No.

639
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:37,297
Do you have time

640
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:37,297
to sit with me?

641
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:39,883
I don't know.

642
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:39,883
You're wearing my watch.

643
00:17:43,428 --> 00:17:45,930
Pottery.

644
00:17:43,428 --> 00:17:45,930
Now you're making pottery.

645
00:17:46,056 --> 00:17:47,683
I needed a new vase...

646
00:17:47,891 --> 00:17:49,643
and some plates.

647
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,061
And bowls.

648
00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:53,522
The china cabinet I built had

649
00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:53,522
some design flaws.

650
00:17:53,647 --> 00:17:56,191
Why don't you just turn

651
00:17:53,647 --> 00:17:56,191
this into a guest room?

652
00:17:56,316 --> 00:17:57,484
A guest room?

653
00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:58,694
You mean

654
00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:58,694
a room ready and waiting

655
00:17:58,902 --> 00:18:01,112
for someone who isn't there?

656
00:18:01,238 --> 00:18:04,199
A room devoted to reminding me

657
00:18:01,238 --> 00:18:04,199
that I'm still alone?

658
00:18:04,324 --> 00:18:06,785
Yeah, I don't need that.

659
00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:12,541
Ted, no matter how many things

660
00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:12,541
you put in this room...

661
00:18:12,666 --> 00:18:13,751
I'll still be here.

662
00:18:26,513 --> 00:18:26,971
Hey.

663
00:18:27,097 --> 00:18:29,099
Hey!

664
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:31,059
Come on in.

665
00:18:31,184 --> 00:18:32,936
Thanks.

666
00:18:34,271 --> 00:18:35,773
Oh, um, thanks for packing up

667
00:18:34,271 --> 00:18:35,773
the rest of my stuff.

668
00:18:35,939 --> 00:18:38,942
No problem. Uh, you

669
00:18:35,939 --> 00:18:38,942
want some coffee?

670
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,152
Uh, sure.

671
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,152
Yeah?

672
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,152
Yeah.

673
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,655
So, how are things?

674
00:18:43,781 --> 00:18:44,823
Good! You?

675
00:18:43,781 --> 00:18:44,823
Great!

676
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:46,825
You know, I actually

677
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:46,825
made this mug.

678
00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:49,286
Oh, yeah? Oh!

679
00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:49,286
Yeah. Oh!

680
00:18:49,411 --> 00:18:50,954
Yeah, sorry, coffee's

681
00:18:49,411 --> 00:18:50,954
a little strong.

682
00:18:53,123 --> 00:18:54,666
How was your stay

683
00:18:53,123 --> 00:18:54,666
with Marshall and Lily?

684
00:18:54,792 --> 00:18:56,668
Uh... a little weird.

685
00:18:56,794 --> 00:18:58,962
They're not loving Long Island.

686
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:00,964
Oh.

687
00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:02,591
I think deep down, they realize

688
00:19:02,716 --> 00:19:04,593
it just... isn't a good fit.

689
00:19:04,718 --> 00:19:08,012
It's hard to admit that

690
00:19:04,718 --> 00:19:08,012
sometimes.

691
00:19:08,138 --> 00:19:09,973
Sure is.

692
00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:13,268
But I guess it's better

693
00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:13,268
to face it and move on

694
00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:17,856
than try to force something that

695
00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:17,856
just isn't meant to be, right?

696
00:19:17,981 --> 00:19:18,774
I think so.

697
00:19:18,982 --> 00:19:20,818
Yeah.

698
00:19:20,984 --> 00:19:22,778
So, what do you think

699
00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:24,488
you're gonna do

700
00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:24,488
with my old room?

701
00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:25,864
Haven't really thought about it.

702
00:19:25,989 --> 00:19:27,616
Oh!

703
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:35,749
Who needs Manhattan?

704
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:37,208
Yeah.

705
00:19:39,503 --> 00:19:41,379
Hmm, it's Ted.

706
00:19:39,503 --> 00:19:41,379
He wants to know

707
00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:43,381
if we want to hang

708
00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:43,381
out in the city.

709
00:19:43,507 --> 00:19:45,091
The next train leaves

710
00:19:43,507 --> 00:19:45,091
in nine minutes.

711
00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:06,488
Dear Lily and Marshall,

712
00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:06,488
I don't know if you know this,

713
00:20:06,613 --> 00:20:09,449
but I never took

714
00:20:06,613 --> 00:20:09,449
your names off the lease.

715
00:20:09,574 --> 00:20:12,994
Well, today

716
00:20:09,574 --> 00:20:12,994
I took my name off it.

717
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:16,122
The apartment is now yours.

718
00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:18,792
And I think I finally figured

719
00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:18,792
out the best thing

720
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:19,918
to do with Robin's old room.

721
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:33,515
See, for me, this place has

722
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:33,515
begun to feel a little haunted.

723
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,975
At first, I thought

724
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,975
it was haunted by Robin,

725
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,854
but now I think

726
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,854
it was haunted by me.

727
00:20:38,978 --> 00:20:43,859
Well, no ghost is at peace

728
00:20:38,978 --> 00:20:43,859
until it finally moves on.

729
00:20:45,193 --> 00:20:47,070
I need a change.

730
00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:49,197
And I think you do, too.

731
00:20:49,322 --> 00:20:51,783
This apartment needs

732
00:20:49,322 --> 00:20:51,783
some new life.

733
00:20:51,909 --> 00:20:56,120
So, please, make our old home

734
00:20:51,909 --> 00:20:56,120
your new home.

735
00:20:56,246 --> 00:20:58,749
It is now ghost-free.

736
00:20:58,874 --> 00:21:08,874
Love, Ted.