1 00:00:01,743 --> 00:00:03,620 Kids, 2 00:00:01,743 --> 00:00:03,620 in the spring of 2012, 3 00:00:03,745 --> 00:00:05,331 your Uncle Barney went off 4 00:00:03,745 --> 00:00:05,331 the grid for a couple weeks. 5 00:00:05,455 --> 00:00:07,333 So I was relieved 6 00:00:05,455 --> 00:00:07,333 when I got a text 7 00:00:07,457 --> 00:00:08,792 asking me to come over 8 00:00:07,457 --> 00:00:08,792 to his place. 9 00:00:08,917 --> 00:00:10,585 Glad to hear from you, buddy. 10 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,381 I was worried something 11 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,381 bad happened... 12 00:00:14,631 --> 00:00:15,174 to you. 13 00:00:15,299 --> 00:00:17,051 Welcome, brother. 14 00:00:17,176 --> 00:00:18,468 What is this? 15 00:00:18,593 --> 00:00:22,181 Ted Evelyn Mosby, 16 00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:23,432 you are about to be 17 00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:23,432 sworn to secrecy 18 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,518 through the sacred vows 19 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,518 of a Bro Oath, 20 00:00:26,643 --> 00:00:28,645 or "Broath." 21 00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:31,732 Please, put on 22 00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:31,732 your "brobe." 23 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:34,693 Yeah, I'm not putting on 24 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:34,693 the "brobe." 25 00:00:34,818 --> 00:00:36,570 Ted, just... 26 00:00:36,695 --> 00:00:39,031 just... Okay? 27 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,912 Wait, are they chanting "bro"? 28 00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:48,207 I got some local monks 29 00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:48,207 to record this. 30 00:00:48,332 --> 00:00:49,833 Yeah! I got a monk guy. 31 00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:50,834 Cool, right? 32 00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:52,127 It actually is, yeah. 33 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,379 I'll burn it for you. 34 00:00:53,503 --> 00:00:55,214 Just remind me after The Broath. 35 00:00:55,339 --> 00:00:57,799 Anyway, Ted Evelyn Mosby, 36 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:03,180 this ritual forever binds you 37 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:03,180 to keep a solemn secret... 38 00:01:03,305 --> 00:01:04,598 Which is? 39 00:01:04,681 --> 00:01:06,141 I really like this Quinn girl! 40 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,227 We've been spending 41 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,227 tons of time together, 42 00:01:08,352 --> 00:01:09,603 and I want the gang to meet her. 43 00:01:09,728 --> 00:01:11,605 but I'm afraid they're 44 00:01:09,728 --> 00:01:11,605 gonna disapprove because, 45 00:01:11,688 --> 00:01:14,816 well, you know. 46 00:01:11,688 --> 00:01:14,816 I did know. You see, 47 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,360 Quinn was a stripper... 48 00:01:16,485 --> 00:01:20,155 who had swindled Barney out of 49 00:01:16,485 --> 00:01:20,155 quite a bit of cash. 50 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,157 We're inviting everyone 51 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,157 to dinner at Quinn's, 52 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,742 and I want them to 53 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,742 keep an open mind, 54 00:01:23,867 --> 00:01:24,785 which brings us to The Broath. 55 00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:28,247 Place your hand 56 00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:28,247 on The Bro Code. 57 00:01:28,372 --> 00:01:30,124 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 58 00:01:30,249 --> 00:01:31,333 Repeat after me. 59 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:36,046 I, Ted Evelyn Mosby... 60 00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:39,300 "I, Ted "Why Did I Ever Tell You 61 00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:39,300 My Middle Name" Mosby..." 62 00:01:39,425 --> 00:01:42,928 solemnly swear not to 63 00:01:39,425 --> 00:01:42,928 tell our friends 64 00:01:43,053 --> 00:01:44,138 that Quinn is 65 00:01:43,053 --> 00:01:44,138 a stripper. 66 00:01:44,263 --> 00:01:45,806 "... solemnly swear not 67 00:01:44,263 --> 00:01:45,806 to tell our friends 68 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:49,226 that Quinn is a stripper" who 69 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:49,226 duped you out of lots of money. 70 00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:50,852 You're only supposed 71 00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:50,852 to repeat after me. 72 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,271 "You're only supposed 73 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,271 to repeat after me." 74 00:01:52,396 --> 00:01:53,230 Stop it. 75 00:01:52,396 --> 00:01:53,230 Stop it. 76 00:01:53,355 --> 00:01:55,732 Silence! 77 00:01:55,857 --> 00:01:58,735 Look, I know that things 78 00:01:55,857 --> 00:01:58,735 started out sketchy 79 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,071 with me and Quinn, but 80 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,071 I really like her, so please. 81 00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,031 Do you, 82 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:06,327 Ted Middle-Name-Omitted Mosby, 83 00:02:06,452 --> 00:02:09,663 swear to uphold this Broath? 84 00:02:11,248 --> 00:02:12,707 I do. 85 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:22,833 Barney's dating a stripper 86 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:22,833 who's gonna steal all his money! 87 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:30,892 Okay, time to go to 88 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:30,892 Quinn's. Now remember, 89 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,394 I told you nothing, okay? 90 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,229 Barney really wants 91 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,229 us all to like her. 92 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,772 But how can we? 93 00:02:35,897 --> 00:02:38,233 Quinn totally duped Barney, 94 00:02:35,897 --> 00:02:38,233 and he couldn't even see it. 95 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,444 Well, apparently, the sex 96 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,444 is mind-blowing. 97 00:02:40,569 --> 00:02:42,404 Ha, I've been there. 98 00:02:40,569 --> 00:02:42,404 Yeah. 99 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,990 I was once with this chick 100 00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:47,784 who answered the door wearing 101 00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:47,784 nothing but, uh, whipped cream, 102 00:02:47,909 --> 00:02:50,204 a dog collar 103 00:02:47,909 --> 00:02:50,204 and a hot pink thong. 104 00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:51,079 Marshall, 105 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,248 you can't tell sex stories 106 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,416 about "this chick," because 107 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,084 everyone knows it's me. 108 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,836 I'm the only woman 109 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,836 you've ever been with. 110 00:02:57,961 --> 00:03:00,755 It's not fair, the guys are 111 00:02:57,961 --> 00:03:00,755 always telling their sex stories 112 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,174 and I can top 113 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,174 every one of them. 114 00:03:02,299 --> 00:03:05,553 Baby, you're like 20 slutty 115 00:03:02,299 --> 00:03:05,553 chicks all rolled into one. 116 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,762 Sweet talk is not going 117 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,762 to change my mind. 118 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,182 Let's focus. 119 00:03:10,307 --> 00:03:11,475 Tonight, we want to make sure 120 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,768 that Quinn is not 121 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,768 out to scam Barney. 122 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,896 So, when we walk back 123 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,896 through that door 124 00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:17,314 three hours from now, 125 00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:17,314 we should all be able 126 00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:20,401 to answer one 127 00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:20,401 simple question: 128 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:24,446 Do we trust this girl? 129 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,739 Well, for one thing, 130 00:03:25,864 --> 00:03:27,491 she seems kind of controlling. 131 00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,744 Is it okay if I put out 132 00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,744 the hummus, bunny face? 133 00:03:30,869 --> 00:03:32,287 No, save it for dessert. 134 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:32,746 Idiot. 135 00:03:35,624 --> 00:03:37,418 Uh, ah... 136 00:03:37,543 --> 00:03:39,503 More red wine, beauty-swan? 137 00:03:39,628 --> 00:03:42,089 She drinks a lot. 138 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,758 Is it okay if I 139 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,758 go pee, sugar lamb? 140 00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:45,800 No! 141 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:46,552 You just went three hours ago. 142 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,470 You're right, baby bear! 143 00:03:53,392 --> 00:03:55,519 Yes, so Barney's whipped; 144 00:03:53,392 --> 00:03:55,519 it doesn't mean 145 00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:57,605 that Quinn is a con artist. 146 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,148 Well, maybe we could've gotten 147 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,148 a better read on her 148 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:03,026 if two people 149 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:03,026 hadn't gone off topic. 150 00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:04,570 By the way, Quinn, 151 00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:04,570 your apartment is amazing. 152 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,072 Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. 153 00:04:07,197 --> 00:04:08,490 I'm actually moving out soon. 154 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:11,201 If you know anyone 155 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:11,201 looking for a sublet, 156 00:04:11,326 --> 00:04:12,327 this place is rent-controlled. 157 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,828 You would not believe 158 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,828 what I pay. 159 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,497 Kids, 160 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,497 things have been tense 161 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,332 between Robin and I for weeks. 162 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,126 Ever since she moved out, 163 00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:21,462 and I gave the apartment 164 00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:21,462 to Marshall and Lily, 165 00:04:21,587 --> 00:04:24,131 I'd been crashing 166 00:04:21,587 --> 00:04:24,131 in university housing. 167 00:04:24,256 --> 00:04:26,341 It's 10:00, 168 00:04:24,256 --> 00:04:26,341 damn it. 169 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,801 Ned, Martin and Millie, 170 00:04:27,842 --> 00:04:28,927 people are trying to sleep! 171 00:04:29,052 --> 00:04:32,431 Hey, you were young 172 00:04:29,052 --> 00:04:32,431 like us once, right? 173 00:04:32,556 --> 00:04:35,976 I was never like you guys. 174 00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:39,187 And Robin was staying 175 00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:39,187 with her coworker, Patrice. 176 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,855 You seem so down today, Robin. 177 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,023 I made you cookies. 178 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,818 Damn it, Patrice, 179 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,818 stop smothering me! 180 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,696 So, when Quinn said 181 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,696 her apartment was available... 182 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,908 ROBIN/TED: 183 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,908 It's mine! It's mine! It's mine! 184 00:04:52,033 --> 00:04:53,118 Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! 185 00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:56,121 We got off topic? 186 00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:56,121 What about Marshall? 187 00:04:56,246 --> 00:04:57,831 Hey, I was just 188 00:04:56,246 --> 00:04:57,831 going along with 189 00:04:57,914 --> 00:04:59,916 whoever suggested 190 00:04:57,914 --> 00:04:59,916 we play that game. 191 00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:01,376 Hey, let's play a game! 192 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,878 Uh, craziest 193 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,878 sex-in-public story; I'll start. 194 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,714 I was once with this chick 195 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,175 who loved to get freaky 196 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,175 in elevators. 197 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:09,551 Doors would close; 198 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:09,551 suddenly, 199 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,721 she's panting on all fours 200 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,721 like a dog in heat. 201 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,850 Marshall, stop. 202 00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:17,726 I never said that it was you. 203 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,645 Okay, so anyway, last August, 204 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,564 I go bareback 205 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,564 with this same slut. 206 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,650 She get's pregnant; 207 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,650 bitch is even hornier. 208 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,569 Oh, yeah? I was once 209 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,569 with this dude 210 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,530 who I caught eating 211 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,530 a sandwich during sex. 212 00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:31,990 Big ol' meatball 213 00:05:32,115 --> 00:05:33,992 falls out, lands on my back, 214 00:05:34,117 --> 00:05:36,244 rolls on to the elevator floor. 215 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,372 Hmm. Disgusting, right? 216 00:05:39,247 --> 00:05:42,250 What, I never said it was you. 217 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,461 Yeah, sorry we didn't stay 218 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,461 as laser-focused as you guys. 219 00:05:44,586 --> 00:05:47,631 Hey, at least I got 220 00:05:44,586 --> 00:05:47,631 some evidence. 221 00:05:47,756 --> 00:05:50,300 Look what I found 222 00:05:47,756 --> 00:05:50,300 in Quinn's bedroom. 223 00:05:50,425 --> 00:05:52,427 Barney's taking her to Hawaii. 224 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,137 Lily, you snooped 225 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,137 through her stuff? 226 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:55,597 No. It's like 227 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:55,597 the first thing you see 228 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:59,226 when you jimmy open her desk 229 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:59,226 drawer with a letter opener 230 00:05:59,351 --> 00:06:01,978 her grandfather left her, 231 00:05:59,351 --> 00:06:01,978 according to her diary. 232 00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:03,313 First-class tickets, 233 00:06:03,438 --> 00:06:05,691 a four-star hotel... 234 00:06:03,438 --> 00:06:05,691 this cost Barney a fortune. 235 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,610 Yeah, this proves that Quinn is 236 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,610 totally using him for his money. 237 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,987 You know what Lily, enough. 238 00:06:11,112 --> 00:06:12,573 Guys, even if you're right 239 00:06:11,112 --> 00:06:12,573 about Quinn, this is Barney. 240 00:06:12,698 --> 00:06:14,575 He'll come to his senses. 241 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:17,160 I give this whole thing 242 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:17,160 a week, two weeks, tops. 243 00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:18,662 And now, we have 244 00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:18,662 an announcement. 245 00:06:18,787 --> 00:06:20,330 Can I tell them? 246 00:06:20,455 --> 00:06:21,790 No. 247 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,208 We're moving in together 248 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,208 We're m... 249 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:26,920 Congrats! 250 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:26,920 That's great. 251 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:26,920 So happy for you. 252 00:06:26,961 --> 00:06:27,671 We gotta end this. 253 00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:30,549 Yup. 254 00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:30,549 Yup. 255 00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:30,549 Yup. 256 00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:35,679 Kids, as you'll recall, 257 00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:38,390 our gang had a subtle way 258 00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:38,390 of letting someone know 259 00:06:38,515 --> 00:06:39,933 they were making a mistake. 260 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:41,643 Where have you been? 261 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,729 Oh, worth it. Hang on. 262 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,773 Hey. 263 00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:54,531 You know we would've 264 00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:54,531 hated ourselves, right? 265 00:06:56,408 --> 00:06:57,951 So, 266 00:06:57,992 --> 00:07:00,954 did Robin mention the incredibly 267 00:06:57,992 --> 00:07:00,954 devious thing she did today? 268 00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:01,996 Me? 269 00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,583 Hey, so I just happened 270 00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,583 to be in the neighborhood 271 00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:08,253 and I thought, "Man, Quinn 272 00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:08,253 is in such great shape, 273 00:07:08,378 --> 00:07:10,130 she must love fruit." 274 00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:12,716 So, unrelated, 275 00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:13,759 how's the search for 276 00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:13,759 a sub-letter going? 277 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:18,138 This is such a 278 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:18,138 weird coincidence! 279 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,515 Robin also "just happened" 280 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,515 to be in the neighborhood 281 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:24,144 with a bottle of wine 282 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:24,144 and her credit scores. 283 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,860 I can't believe you two. 284 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,195 What do you care about more, 285 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,195 protecting your friend 286 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,865 from getting hurt or scoring 287 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,865 this girl's apartment? 288 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,074 There's a working fireplace! 289 00:07:38,199 --> 00:07:41,328 Patrice is ironing 290 00:07:38,199 --> 00:07:41,328 my pants all wrong! 291 00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,079 You guys should be ashamed. 292 00:07:43,204 --> 00:07:44,998 Speaking of shame, 293 00:07:45,081 --> 00:07:46,667 I was once with this chick 294 00:07:45,081 --> 00:07:46,667 who liked to do hand stuff 295 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:49,294 underneath a jacket 296 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:49,294 while we were all 297 00:07:49,419 --> 00:07:51,004 sitting around our 298 00:07:49,419 --> 00:07:51,004 favorite booth at MacLaren's. 299 00:07:51,129 --> 00:07:52,172 Gross. 300 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,090 We share appetizers. 301 00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:56,718 Okay, well, I was once 302 00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:56,718 with a dude 303 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,429 who couldn't even fantasize 304 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,429 about a three-way. 305 00:07:59,554 --> 00:08:01,598 He was all, 306 00:07:59,554 --> 00:08:01,598 "Ew, she's your best friend." 307 00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:02,724 What now? 308 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,225 I was once with a 309 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,225 chick who wanted 310 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,228 to get it on during a school 311 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,228 production of Peter Pan. 312 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,147 Well, I... 313 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,147 Wait, that wasn't me. 314 00:08:09,815 --> 00:08:11,692 So, back to Patrice 315 00:08:09,815 --> 00:08:11,692 and this ironing issue... 316 00:08:11,817 --> 00:08:15,236 I thought I was the first girl 317 00:08:11,817 --> 00:08:15,236 you ever did anything with. 318 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,738 Anything serious. 319 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,281 Please don't tell me that 320 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,281 you're jealous of me getting 321 00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:21,535 to second base in tenth grade 322 00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:21,535 with Jenna Cristalli. 323 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,745 Don't say that whore's name 324 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,745 in front of our baby. 325 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:27,040 What's going on? 326 00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:30,878 Barney, this in an intervention. 327 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,715 A "Quinntervention." 328 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,844 You and Quinn are moving really 329 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,844 fast, and we don't trust her. 330 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,888 We're just looking out 331 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,888 for your best interests. 332 00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,518 "Quinn-terests." 333 00:08:46,643 --> 00:08:47,853 I don't understand. Wh... 334 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,564 Wait a sec. 335 00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,816 Ted Evelyn Mosby... 336 00:08:52,941 --> 00:08:55,610 you broke The Broath. 337 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,237 How dare you? 338 00:08:57,362 --> 00:09:00,657 A Broath is the most sacred bond 339 00:08:57,362 --> 00:09:00,657 between... okay, yeah, I did. 340 00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:04,452 Are you aware that 341 00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:04,452 breaking a Broath 342 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:08,164 can have deadly, 343 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:08,164 even fatal repercussions? 344 00:09:08,289 --> 00:09:10,166 Have you studied history, Ted? 345 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:11,752 Extensively. 346 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:11,752 But I'm a little shaky 347 00:09:11,877 --> 00:09:13,294 on fake history, so... 348 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,672 The tragic cost of 349 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,672 a broken Broath 350 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,672 Uh-huh. 351 00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:19,551 dates back to 352 00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:19,551 Ancient Bro-man times... 353 00:09:21,678 --> 00:09:23,597 Hey, Bro-tus, 354 00:09:23,722 --> 00:09:25,974 you'd tell me if, 355 00:09:23,722 --> 00:09:25,974 like, a bunch of dudes 356 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,309 were conspiring to 357 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,309 assassinate me, right? 358 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,896 Um, totally, Caesar. 359 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,107 Paranoid much? 360 00:09:34,232 --> 00:09:36,484 Just to be sure, 361 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,861 can you swear 362 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,861 a Broath to me? 363 00:09:37,986 --> 00:09:40,989 Sure. I swear. 364 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,408 Thanks. 365 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:44,743 You've always got my back. 366 00:10:06,097 --> 00:10:09,183 Et tu, Bro-te? 367 00:10:13,605 --> 00:10:16,107 And then he banged, 368 00:10:13,605 --> 00:10:16,107 like, a hundred chicks 369 00:10:16,232 --> 00:10:18,318 and invented a salad. 370 00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:19,611 True story. 371 00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:22,739 Well, Quinn lied to you; 372 00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:22,739 she manipulated you. 373 00:10:22,864 --> 00:10:24,574 What if she's just using you? 374 00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:25,909 She's not just using me. 375 00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:26,910 What about the expensive 376 00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:26,910 trip to Hawaii? 377 00:10:27,035 --> 00:10:30,413 What expensive trip to Hawaii? 378 00:10:30,538 --> 00:10:32,707 The one I got for you. 379 00:10:33,041 --> 00:10:34,960 That was supposed to be 380 00:10:33,041 --> 00:10:34,960 a surprise for Barney. 381 00:10:35,084 --> 00:10:38,171 He asked me to meet him here. 382 00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:40,715 What's going on, you guys? 383 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,425 Tell her. 384 00:10:43,802 --> 00:10:44,928 Fine, 385 00:10:43,802 --> 00:10:44,928 I'll fill her in. 386 00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:47,848 And I am so angry, 387 00:10:47,973 --> 00:10:51,100 I'm not even gonna make a joke 388 00:10:47,973 --> 00:10:51,100 about "filling her in." 389 00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,520 Which I did three times 390 00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,520 last night, self-five. 391 00:10:53,645 --> 00:10:56,147 My friends think 392 00:10:53,645 --> 00:10:56,147 you're wrong for me, 393 00:10:56,272 --> 00:10:58,025 so they're having 394 00:10:56,272 --> 00:10:58,025 an intervention. 395 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,196 A "Quinntervention." 396 00:11:03,237 --> 00:11:04,280 I don't understand. 397 00:11:04,405 --> 00:11:07,617 Well, see, your name 398 00:11:04,405 --> 00:11:07,617 is Quinn, and so... 399 00:11:07,742 --> 00:11:09,285 I'll explain. 400 00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:13,456 I made Ted promise not to tell 401 00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:13,456 them what you do, but he did, 402 00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:15,208 and now they don't trust you. 403 00:11:15,249 --> 00:11:18,753 Wow, that really hurts. 404 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:19,963 But what's even worse 405 00:11:20,088 --> 00:11:23,050 is that you felt 406 00:11:20,088 --> 00:11:23,050 the need to lie about me. 407 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,385 I'm not ashamed of 408 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,385 who I am, Barney, 409 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,345 but you clearly are. 410 00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:28,638 I'm not ashamed of you. 411 00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:29,973 I just didn't want them 412 00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:29,973 to judge you without... 413 00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:32,767 Maybe we are moving too fast. 414 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:33,810 What? What is that 415 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:33,810 supposed to mean? 416 00:11:33,935 --> 00:11:35,854 I don't think I can do this. 417 00:11:35,979 --> 00:11:40,067 Wait, are you ending things 418 00:11:35,979 --> 00:11:40,067 just like that? 419 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,361 If you walk out that door, 420 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,361 you prove them right. 421 00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,363 You prove that you're just 422 00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,363 some heartless stripper 423 00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:47,490 who never gave a damn about me 424 00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:47,490 in the... 425 00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:51,244 Don't call me. 426 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:58,626 Wow. That 427 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:58,626 was intense. 428 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,720 We just destroyed 429 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,720 what could have been 430 00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:11,472 a once-in-a-lifetime shot 431 00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:11,472 at happiness. 432 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,767 I know. I feel guilty, too. 433 00:12:13,892 --> 00:12:16,269 Fireplace, balcony, 434 00:12:16,352 --> 00:12:17,771 hardwood floors... 435 00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:20,023 Okay, I'll just say it: 436 00:12:20,148 --> 00:12:21,274 After everything that 437 00:12:20,148 --> 00:12:21,274 happened between us, 438 00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:22,400 I can't believe 439 00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:22,400 you wouldn't 440 00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:23,985 back down and let me 441 00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:23,985 have Quinn's place. 442 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,822 Ted, can I talk to you 443 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,822 out in the hall? 444 00:12:28,073 --> 00:12:32,160 Has it ever occurred to you 445 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,122 that the last few weeks haven't 446 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,122 been easy for me either? 447 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,999 In the span of one day, 448 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,999 my engagement fell apart, 449 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:41,628 I lost my best friend, 450 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:41,628 then I lost my apartment. 451 00:12:41,753 --> 00:12:42,963 And-and now I'm about 452 00:12:41,753 --> 00:12:42,963 to lose my job. 453 00:12:43,088 --> 00:12:44,005 What do you mean? 454 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,177 I-I've been completely 455 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,177 distracted at work. 456 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:52,722 And now my boss wants to see me 457 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:52,722 Friday at 5:00, 458 00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:54,933 which, around the office, 459 00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:54,933 is known as "fire o'clock." 460 00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:57,685 I had no idea. 461 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,312 How could you? 462 00:12:59,353 --> 00:13:02,398 The one person I want to talk 463 00:12:59,353 --> 00:13:02,398 to most barely looks me 464 00:13:02,523 --> 00:13:03,984 in the eye anymore, 465 00:13:02,523 --> 00:13:03,984 much less returns my calls. 466 00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:08,362 Ted, I know it took guts 467 00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:08,362 to tell me you love me. 468 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:12,033 And I-I know how much it hurt 469 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:12,033 that I didn't say it back, 470 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,160 but... 471 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:17,747 Damn it, th-this sucks 472 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:17,747 for me, too. 473 00:13:17,872 --> 00:13:20,333 And I-I miss you. 474 00:13:21,709 --> 00:13:26,881 Is there any way we can just... 475 00:13:21,709 --> 00:13:26,881 go back to normal? 476 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:32,220 I don't think 477 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:32,220 I can do normal anymore. 478 00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:37,684 Barney still 479 00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:37,684 isn't answering. 480 00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:40,520 We gotta go find him 481 00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:40,520 and apologize. 482 00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:46,693 Oh. I thought you were Quinn. 483 00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:48,111 Barney, we're so sorry. 484 00:13:48,236 --> 00:13:50,947 We never should've 485 00:13:48,236 --> 00:13:50,947 meddled like that. 486 00:13:51,072 --> 00:13:52,866 Can you forgive us? 487 00:13:51,072 --> 00:13:52,866 I don't know. 488 00:13:52,991 --> 00:13:54,617 You had no right to do that. 489 00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,369 How can we make it 490 00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,369 up to you, buddy? 491 00:13:58,454 --> 00:14:02,250 I, one of Barney's 492 00:13:58,454 --> 00:14:02,250 best friends... 493 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,003 "I, one of Barney's 494 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,003 best friends..." 495 00:14:05,128 --> 00:14:07,964 promise never to interfere 496 00:14:05,128 --> 00:14:07,964 with his personal life again... 497 00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:12,969 "... promise never to interfere 498 00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:12,969 with his personal life again..." 499 00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:16,723 unless it's an issue of 500 00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:16,723 health, national security, 501 00:14:16,848 --> 00:14:18,558 or he's about to get up 502 00:14:16,848 --> 00:14:18,558 on a fattie. 503 00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:22,062 "... unless it's an issue of 504 00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:22,062 health, national security, 505 00:14:22,187 --> 00:14:25,065 or he's about to 506 00:14:22,187 --> 00:14:25,065 get up on a fattie." 507 00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:30,403 And now, to seal 508 00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:30,403 this sacred vow, 509 00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:32,072 the two ladies will kiss. 510 00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:32,072 Barney... 511 00:14:32,197 --> 00:14:34,949 The two ladies will kiss! 512 00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:39,287 Mmm. 513 00:14:41,622 --> 00:14:42,874 Lil... 514 00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:44,417 Okay. 515 00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:45,668 And now the gentlemen. 516 00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:46,961 Dude... 517 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,172 And now the gentlemen! 518 00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:53,593 Let's just... 519 00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:53,593 This is silly. 520 00:14:55,678 --> 00:14:57,889 Don't-don't touch 521 00:14:55,678 --> 00:14:57,889 my face. 522 00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:02,769 I was going to say, 523 00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:04,645 "And now the gentlemen 524 00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:04,645 bump fists." 525 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,314 How long you been holding 526 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,314 back that one? 527 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,734 Hot stuff, fellas. 528 00:15:09,859 --> 00:15:11,569 Did I see a little tongue 529 00:15:09,859 --> 00:15:11,569 in there? 530 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,155 I don't understand. 531 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:15,573 Well, if these two 532 00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:17,491 will keep their sweaty paws 533 00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:17,491 off each other 534 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,993 for half a second, I'll explain. 535 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,870 It all started 536 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,870 a couple days ago... 537 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,330 I want you to meet 538 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,330 my friends. 539 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,706 Should I be nervous? 540 00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,041 Is it like bringing me home 541 00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,041 to meet your parents? 542 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,167 No, no, no. 543 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,669 Much more stressful than that. 544 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,213 You see, my friends, while 545 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,213 awesome, can be presumptuous, 546 00:15:30,338 --> 00:15:33,341 meddlesome and 547 00:15:30,338 --> 00:15:33,341 downright destructive. 548 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,802 When they learn what 549 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,802 you do and how we met, 550 00:15:35,927 --> 00:15:37,095 they'll probably try 551 00:15:35,927 --> 00:15:37,095 to break us up. 552 00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,472 So let's have 553 00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,472 some fun with them. 554 00:15:39,513 --> 00:15:40,473 Mess with their heads. 555 00:15:40,556 --> 00:15:43,143 Are you saying... 556 00:15:40,556 --> 00:15:43,143 evil plan? 557 00:15:43,268 --> 00:15:45,686 Hells to the yes. 558 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,939 My God, you're hot. 559 00:15:48,064 --> 00:15:48,940 Wait for it. 560 00:15:49,065 --> 00:15:50,942 Here's what we do. 561 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:53,069 I'll make Ted swear not to tell 562 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:53,069 anyone what he knows about you, 563 00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:55,529 and he'll cave immediately. 564 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,740 Barney's dating a stripper 565 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,740 who's gonna steal all his money! 566 00:15:57,865 --> 00:15:58,741 Next, we invite everyone over. 567 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,285 I'll keep saying stuff like: 568 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,495 Is it okay if I put out 569 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,495 the hummus, bunny face? 570 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:03,913 And I'll be the bossy 571 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:03,913 bitch who says: 572 00:16:04,038 --> 00:16:06,499 No, save it for dessert, idiot. 573 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:07,667 Nice. 574 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:08,501 And, finally, we'll announce... 575 00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:10,586 We're moving in together! 576 00:16:10,711 --> 00:16:12,046 I've got an idea. 577 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,631 Let's get your friends 578 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,631 Ted and Robin 579 00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:15,049 fighting over my apartment. 580 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,134 Wait, what does that have 581 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,134 to do with you and me? 582 00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,594 Nothing. I just 583 00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,594 worship chaos. 584 00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:20,388 I can't handle how hot 585 00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:20,388 you are right now. 586 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,723 Wait for it. 587 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,723 Next, 588 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:25,185 they'll try to talk me 589 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:25,185 into dumping you. 590 00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:26,644 And I'll walk in on it. 591 00:16:26,769 --> 00:16:27,561 Then we pretend to break up. 592 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:28,521 And when they crawl back, 593 00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:30,523 begging for forgiveness... 594 00:16:30,648 --> 00:16:32,733 I'll be the bigger man 595 00:16:30,648 --> 00:16:32,733 and let them off the hook. 596 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,152 Or make the monkeys 597 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,152 dance for you. 598 00:16:34,277 --> 00:16:37,030 God, you're smart! 599 00:16:37,155 --> 00:16:39,532 It's gonna be legen... 600 00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:42,160 I'm not waiting for 601 00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:42,160 it anymore. Mmm... 602 00:16:42,285 --> 00:16:44,245 dary. 603 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,165 My God, you two are... 604 00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,542 Perfect together. 605 00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,544 So you're not really moving in? 606 00:16:51,669 --> 00:16:52,628 Well, it started 607 00:16:51,669 --> 00:16:52,628 out as a joke, 608 00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:54,881 but the more we 609 00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:54,881 talked about it... 610 00:16:55,006 --> 00:16:56,341 The more excited we got. 611 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,759 So, yeah, we are. 612 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:02,096 You have anything 613 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:02,096 to say about that? 614 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,765 So happy for you. 615 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,765 Congratulations. 616 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:07,935 Thank you. 617 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:08,561 Thank you. 618 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,273 You two realize this means 619 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,567 my apartment really is 620 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,567 up for grabs, right? 621 00:17:16,152 --> 00:17:18,112 I'm sure I'll find 622 00:17:16,152 --> 00:17:18,112 something else. 623 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,697 Me, too. 624 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,697 Yeah. 625 00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:23,284 And that's the story 626 00:17:19,822 --> 00:17:23,284 of how we met Quinn. 627 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,205 That Friday, I met Robin to see 628 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,205 how it went at "fire o'clock." 629 00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:30,417 They promoted me 630 00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:30,417 to on-air talent. 631 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,419 I'm gonna be 632 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,419 Sandy Rivers' new co-host. 633 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,794 Oh, my God! 634 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,004 How'd that happen? 635 00:17:35,129 --> 00:17:36,339 Remember New Year's Eve? 636 00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:38,632 When I filled in for Sandy, 637 00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:38,632 it turns out 638 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,843 the C.E.O. 639 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,843 of World Wide News liked me. 640 00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:42,220 He said I have "moxie." 641 00:17:42,345 --> 00:17:43,221 So he's a 1940s gangster? 642 00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:45,473 Apparently. 643 00:17:45,639 --> 00:17:48,268 And I got a big raise, 644 00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:51,812 so I'm taking this apartment 645 00:17:48,393 --> 00:17:51,812 on Central Park West, 646 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:52,897 which means... 647 00:17:53,022 --> 00:17:54,190 Quinn's apartment. 648 00:17:54,315 --> 00:17:55,649 I already told her 649 00:17:54,315 --> 00:17:55,649 you'd take it. 650 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,361 Wow. Thanks. 651 00:17:58,486 --> 00:17:59,362 Yeah. 652 00:17:59,487 --> 00:18:01,655 Hey, and congrats. 653 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:02,407 You deserve it all. 654 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:08,955 You know, I've been 655 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:08,955 thinking about it, and... 656 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,415 I can do normal. 657 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,417 To back to normal. 658 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,209 To back to normal. 659 00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:24,429 Uh... I-I should get going. 660 00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:24,429 Yeah. 661 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,764 You've got a lot to do. 662 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,764 Totally. 663 00:18:26,889 --> 00:18:27,390 So... 664 00:18:26,889 --> 00:18:27,390 Um, see you soon. 665 00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:28,975 See you soon. 666 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:30,643 Yeah. 667 00:18:30,768 --> 00:18:32,770 We wouldn't see each other 668 00:18:30,768 --> 00:18:32,770 for a long time. 669 00:18:32,895 --> 00:18:35,773 But I'll get to that. 670 00:18:35,898 --> 00:18:37,650 Listen, um... 671 00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:39,402 about me getting to second base 672 00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:39,402 in tenth grade 673 00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:41,654 with Jenna Cristalli... 674 00:18:41,695 --> 00:18:42,905 I don't know what you're 675 00:18:41,695 --> 00:18:42,905 talking about. 676 00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:45,658 I've already forgotten 677 00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:45,658 about that dumb hobag. 678 00:18:45,783 --> 00:18:49,412 Yeah, um, it didn't happen while 679 00:18:45,783 --> 00:18:49,412 we were watching Peter Pan. 680 00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:53,333 It happened while I was 681 00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:53,333 playing Peter Pan. 682 00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:56,669 Here's a photo 683 00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:56,669 from the day I was cast. 684 00:18:56,752 --> 00:18:59,005 That's me in the middle. 685 00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,048 But then I had my growth spurt. 686 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:04,302 By opening night, I was too big 687 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:04,302 for the flying harness, 688 00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:06,429 and, well... 689 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:13,144 I fell hands-first 690 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:13,144 right onto Jenna Cristalli. 691 00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:16,147 The tissues in her bra saved me 692 00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:16,147 two broken wrists. 693 00:19:16,272 --> 00:19:17,440 I'm sorry. I just, I just wanted 694 00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:20,109 to have one cool 695 00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:20,109 sex story that wasn't you. 696 00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:22,487 Okay. Next time you tell it, 697 00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:22,487 you were in your dad's car, 698 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,407 which you stole to go 699 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:26,407 to a Metallica concert, 700 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:30,453 and you got to third base 701 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:30,453 with that slut. 702 00:19:32,497 --> 00:19:34,332 I was once with this chick... 703 00:19:34,457 --> 00:19:38,961 who is just 704 00:19:34,457 --> 00:19:38,961 the best wife ever. 705 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,884 Thank you for being so cool 706 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,884 about what I do. 707 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:46,802 A lot of guys would be 708 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:46,802 weird or jealous. 709 00:19:46,927 --> 00:19:47,970 Are you kidding? 710 00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:50,264 Who am I to judge 711 00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:50,264 anyone? I'm the devil! 712 00:19:54,519 --> 00:19:55,811 I mean, if you ever 713 00:19:55,936 --> 00:19:57,855 wanted to stop stripping, 714 00:19:55,936 --> 00:19:57,855 I'd support it. 715 00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,357 If you wanted... to. 716 00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,357 Uh-huh. 717 00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:01,526 So, you are jealous? 718 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,404 What? No, no, not at all. 719 00:20:04,529 --> 00:20:06,406 I'm just saying, 720 00:20:04,529 --> 00:20:06,406 if you ever wanted to hang up 721 00:20:06,531 --> 00:20:08,366 the ol' G-string, 722 00:20:06,531 --> 00:20:08,366 I'd completely understand. 723 00:20:08,491 --> 00:20:12,119 Nah, I like taking my clothes 724 00:20:08,491 --> 00:20:12,119 off for money. 725 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:13,120 Great. 726 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,498 Let me... let me finish. 727 00:20:15,623 --> 00:20:20,211 Hypothetically, 728 00:20:15,623 --> 00:20:20,211 what would make you stop? 729 00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:22,380 Hypothetically... 730 00:20:22,505 --> 00:20:27,385 I would stop stripping 731 00:20:22,505 --> 00:20:27,385 if I ever got married. 732 00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:28,595 Good night. 733 00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:39,647 And then we agreed 734 00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:39,647 to "go back to normal." 735 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:44,485 But I'm starting to wonder if we 736 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:44,485 can ever really just be friends. 737 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:50,783 Anyway, that's the story of me 738 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:50,783 and Robin, 2005 to the present. 739 00:20:50,908 --> 00:20:52,201 What do you think? 740 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:53,453 I think your stories 741 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:53,453 are way too long. 742 00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:58,666 I feel bad 743 00:20:53,578 --> 00:20:58,666 for his future kids, dude. 744 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:03,796 Hey, my kids are gonna 745 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:03,796 love my stories. 746 00:21:03,837 --> 00:21:07,508 They're gonna... yeah, they're 747 00:21:03,837 --> 00:21:07,508 gonna love my stories.