1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,294 So, how's living alone? 2 00:00:03,419 --> 00:00:05,421 You know, it's interesting. 3 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:07,048 When I first moved into 4 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:07,048 my new apartment, 5 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,758 I was nervous. 6 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:12,637 For the first time in my adult 7 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:12,637 life, I didn't have a roommate. 8 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,389 But then it hit me: 9 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:18,393 for the first time in my adult 10 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:18,393 life, I didn't have a roommate! 11 00:00:20,936 --> 00:00:23,732 If I want to walk around naked, 12 00:00:20,936 --> 00:00:23,732 nobody cares. 13 00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:26,526 If I want to leave 14 00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:26,526 the laundry basket 15 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:30,613 in the middle of the living 16 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:30,613 room, nobody stops me. 17 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,657 If I bring home soup 18 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,657 from the deli 19 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,743 and leave it in the fridge 20 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,743 for two days, nobody eats it. 21 00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:38,538 And if I do something 22 00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:38,538 colossally stupid, 23 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,749 nobody ever has to know. 24 00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:46,212 People make fun of the guy 25 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,673 who stays home every night 26 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,673 doing nothing. 27 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,760 But the truth is... 28 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,760 that guy's a genius. 29 00:00:51,884 --> 00:00:55,888 Because let's be honest, 30 00:00:51,884 --> 00:00:55,888 sitting around watching TV, 31 00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:57,973 drinking beer and eating ribs 32 00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:57,973 alone is what every 33 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:02,812 red-blooded American would 34 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:02,812 rather be doing at all times. 35 00:01:02,978 --> 00:01:07,483 Yeah, but wouldn't it be better 36 00:01:02,978 --> 00:01:07,483 to have someone to share the... 37 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,944 I mean, don't you 38 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,944 get lonely without... 39 00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:11,987 Yeah, that sounds pretty great. 40 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:25,960 What's the best thing 41 00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:29,297 about dating a stripper, 42 00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:29,297 you ask? 43 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,256 Nope. 44 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:31,716 Just asked for your drink order. 45 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,551 I'll tell you the best thing 46 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,551 about dating a stripper. 47 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:34,510 He'll just have a scotch. 48 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:35,595 Getting to say, 49 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,513 "Hey, I'm dating a stripper." 50 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,014 And I should go. 51 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,516 Time to make 52 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,516 the doughnuts. 53 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:43,561 More like time to make some 54 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:43,561 dough sitting on some nuts. 55 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:44,646 She's a stripper. 56 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:45,814 I'm dating her. 57 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:46,481 I'm dating a stripper. 58 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:46,481 Barney wins. 59 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:47,398 I'll walk you out. 60 00:01:47,523 --> 00:01:50,067 Hey, where are 61 00:01:47,523 --> 00:01:50,067 you going? 62 00:01:50,192 --> 00:01:50,985 Quinn needs to get to work. 63 00:01:50,192 --> 00:01:50,985 She's a... 64 00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:53,696 I know, a stripper, got it. 65 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,197 Hey, taxi! 66 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,451 My girlfriend's a stripper! 67 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:01,996 So, Ted, guess where we're 68 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:01,996 having dinner Friday night. 69 00:02:02,538 --> 00:02:03,623 Chez L'Argent. 70 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:04,999 I am so excited. 71 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,001 We've been trying forever 72 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,001 to get this reservation. 73 00:02:07,084 --> 00:02:08,837 Can you hold on 74 00:02:07,084 --> 00:02:08,837 for just one second? 75 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,254 What the hell 76 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,254 are you doing? 77 00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:11,589 Nothing. 78 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:13,341 Did you say 79 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:13,341 you had to pee? 80 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,216 No. 81 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,761 But yeah, I do have to pee. 82 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,555 Man, this kid better be 83 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,555 real freakin' cute! 84 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,267 What was that all about? 85 00:02:23,392 --> 00:02:25,269 Lily had a sex dream last night. 86 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,063 Sex dream? 87 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,063 Do tell. 88 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:31,651 I was painting 89 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:31,651 the baby furniture... 90 00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:35,279 Oh, yeah. 91 00:02:35,404 --> 00:02:38,658 Oh, yeah. 92 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,869 Hurry up, 93 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,869 before Marshall gets home. 94 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,037 Oh, oh... 95 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:47,876 Whoa! 96 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:48,918 I'm sorry, baby. 97 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,504 Were you asleep? 98 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,047 All pregnant ladies 99 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,047 have crazy sex dreams. 100 00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:56,718 It's just her hormones 101 00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:56,718 going berserk. 102 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,303 So who's responsible for her 103 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,303 rapid thigh movement this time? 104 00:02:59,428 --> 00:03:01,514 Oh, my favorite was when 105 00:02:59,428 --> 00:03:01,514 she banged George Washington. 106 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,058 I liked the three-way with 107 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,058 Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf. 108 00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:07,311 Oh, he smurfed 109 00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:07,311 the smurf out of her. 110 00:03:07,436 --> 00:03:09,063 Yes, while The Cos 111 00:03:07,436 --> 00:03:09,063 smurfed off in the corner. 112 00:03:09,104 --> 00:03:11,065 We all remember. 113 00:03:09,104 --> 00:03:11,065 But here's the thing. 114 00:03:11,106 --> 00:03:14,360 When Lily has dirty dreams 115 00:03:11,106 --> 00:03:14,360 about other people, 116 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,070 she always tells me. 117 00:03:16,111 --> 00:03:17,488 But this time... 118 00:03:17,613 --> 00:03:21,409 Sounds like you 119 00:03:17,613 --> 00:03:21,409 had a crazy dream. 120 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,912 What was it about? 121 00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:29,542 And then her face turned... 122 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,086 vermilion. 123 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:36,465 Just... you and me... 124 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,385 gettin' it on, monogamously. 125 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:45,182 Monoga-me-oh-my. 126 00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:48,227 Not the rose quartz 127 00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:48,227 of the slightly embarrassed, 128 00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:51,105 or the tomato red 129 00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:51,105 of the mildly abashed, 130 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,859 vermilion, the color 131 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,859 of carnal shame. 132 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:58,112 Can only mean one thing: 133 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:01,616 Lily dream-banged 134 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:01,616 someone we know. 135 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,993 Okay, you caught me 136 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,993 vermilion-handed. 137 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:07,622 The truth is, I've spent 138 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:07,622 the last five years 139 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,207 trying to inception 140 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,207 your wife. 141 00:04:10,332 --> 00:04:12,251 That movie only came out 142 00:04:10,332 --> 00:04:12,251 two years ago. 143 00:04:12,376 --> 00:04:14,295 What movie? 144 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,297 You know who I bet it is? 145 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:16,965 Robin. 146 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,884 Already checked. 147 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,302 Lily and I paid her a visit 148 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,304 at the new World Wide News 149 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,304 headquarters. 150 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,306 And I'm so excited, 151 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,306 because I've been trying months 152 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,307 to get this reservation. 153 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,809 Can you hold on 154 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,809 just one second? 155 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:28,309 What the hell 156 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:28,309 are you doing? 157 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,019 Nothing. 158 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,313 Nice photo. 159 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,313 Oh. 160 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,356 Your passport 161 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,356 must be enormous. 162 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:35,691 Ugh. 163 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,528 You know, for the record, 164 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,528 I didn't want this. 165 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,906 Didn't want it, 166 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,906 did not approve it. 167 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,366 It's super embarrassing. 168 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,786 Hey, Merle. 169 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:50,039 So, uh, do you guys 170 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:50,039 want to come up and see my desk? 171 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,373 Yeah, why not? 172 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,166 Come on. 173 00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:54,460 I.D.? 174 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,337 Oh. Um, that is me. 175 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,007 Ma'am, with all due respect, 176 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,175 you're a wee bit older 177 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,175 than that hottie. 178 00:05:02,259 --> 00:05:03,552 For God sakes. 179 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,180 You know, here I am, 180 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,180 on national TV every day, 181 00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:10,434 and still a guy who spends 182 00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:10,434 his whole life sitting next to 183 00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:12,812 a giant picture of me 184 00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:12,812 has no idea who I am. 185 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,022 This isn't my whole life; 186 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,022 I'm in a band. 187 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:16,315 And we're gonna make it. 188 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,526 And, kids, they did make it. 189 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,235 But I'll get to that later. 190 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:23,823 You know what, I'm probably not 191 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:23,823 going to get to that later. 192 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:27,242 They had one song, 193 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:27,242 it didn't suck, the end. 194 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,954 You always said 195 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,954 it wasn't about being famous. 196 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,247 You just want to do 197 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,247 solid journalism, right? 198 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,290 Yeah, well... 199 00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:35,209 Of course I want 200 00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:35,209 to be famous! 201 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,419 In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles. 202 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,713 I was a cabinhold name. 203 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:39,881 But here? 204 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,049 Don't need to see 205 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,049 your I.D., Merle. 206 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,800 Everyone knows 207 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,800 who you are. 208 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,093 You're Merle. 209 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,219 He was in one skit 210 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,219 in the Christmas party! 211 00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:49,098 Uh, by the way, 212 00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:49,098 how is Ted doing? 213 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,809 Kids, you remember 214 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,809 what happened. 215 00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,936 I declared my love, 216 00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,936 she turned me down, 217 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,438 we both moved out of 218 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,438 the apartment, and now... 219 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,066 I haven't talked to him 220 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,066 since we... stopped talking. 221 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,070 He's pretty good. 222 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,529 Pretty good? 223 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,865 Last night, you ate 224 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,865 a box of Froot Loops 225 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,033 in your tighty whities. 226 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,994 No, I demolished 227 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,994 a box of Froot Loops, 228 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,287 fully nude. 229 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,749 Yeah, "pretty good" works. 230 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:16,792 Hey, Barney. 231 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,920 Hey, Lily. 232 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,550 Do you know 233 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,550 what this is about? 234 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:25,259 Uh-huh. 235 00:06:25,342 --> 00:06:26,343 Do I want to know? 236 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,387 No, sorry, bro. 237 00:06:28,512 --> 00:06:29,304 Damn it! 238 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,099 Okay, time 239 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,099 for my stuff. 240 00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:33,308 Guys, I was sitting 241 00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:33,308 at home last night, 242 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,937 and all of a sudden, 243 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,937 I had a piphany. 244 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,271 And my piphany 245 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,271 was this... 246 00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,273 Actually, it's, uh, 247 00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,273 it's "epiphany." 248 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:40,900 No, Ted, this 249 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:40,900 is the piphany. 250 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:43,152 And here it is: 251 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:47,406 Make... every... 252 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:47,406 night... legendary. 253 00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:48,991 Guys, we've had 254 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,576 some pretty 255 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,576 legendary nights. 256 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,287 But we've also had some nights 257 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,287 that weren't so legendary. 258 00:06:53,328 --> 00:06:56,290 Lookin' at you, The Night Ted 259 00:06:53,328 --> 00:06:56,290 Made Us All Watch Norbit. 260 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,960 Eddie Murphy as a fat lady; 261 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,960 what's the problem? 262 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,086 That was Eddie Murphy? 263 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,963 The non-legendary 264 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,963 nights are done. 265 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,758 From here on in, every 266 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,758 single night of our lives 267 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,927 will be a night 268 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,927 we'll never forget. 269 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:10,012 Starting tonight. 270 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:13,933 Who's ready for the longest, 271 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:13,933 craziest adventure yet? 272 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,852 Good. 273 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,438 The weak have been 274 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,438 weeded from our herd. 275 00:07:19,563 --> 00:07:21,149 You ready to rock 276 00:07:19,563 --> 00:07:21,149 and roll, Ted? 277 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:22,524 Yeah, I'm going home, too. 278 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,943 I'm sensing some costumes 279 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,943 coming up here 280 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,194 and I'd rather steer clear. 281 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,696 Ted, 20 years from now, 282 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:28,948 when you're all alone 283 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:28,948 and I'm President, 284 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,866 you're not 285 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,866 gonna remember 286 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,868 sitting around your 287 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,868 apartment doing nothing. 288 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,204 What you will remember 289 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,204 is that tonight, 290 00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:37,706 this night... 291 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,001 was The Night We Started 292 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,001 a Mariachi Band! 293 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,711 Uno, dos, tres, quatro! 294 00:07:50,886 --> 00:07:52,138 Okay, you were right. 295 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:53,555 Memorable night. 296 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,683 That was nothing 297 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,683 compared to manana, amigo. 298 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,768 Because manana is gonna be... 299 00:07:57,893 --> 00:07:59,103 The Night We Ate Everything 300 00:07:57,893 --> 00:07:59,103 on the Menu! 301 00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:04,733 A really memorable night. 302 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,110 But tomorrow night... 303 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,945 Is The Night We Brought 304 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,945 a Horse into the Bar! 305 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:12,491 Okay, but tomorrow... 306 00:08:12,616 --> 00:08:15,161 Is The Night We Bungee Jump 307 00:08:12,616 --> 00:08:15,161 off the Statue of Liberty! 308 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:20,833 Nope. 309 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,918 That night was the night 310 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,918 of Aunt Lily 311 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,753 and Uncle Marshall's 312 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,753 fancy dinner. 313 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,881 Complete with a fancy limo ride. 314 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:27,882 Surprise! 315 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,842 Hello! 316 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,553 Hi, Ranjit. 317 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,141 No. 318 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:46,650 Should I take the 319 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:46,650 West Side Highway? 320 00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:48,694 Why not, Ranjit? 321 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:49,904 Don't you always just 322 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:49,904 take whatever you want, 323 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,740 regardless of 324 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,740 anything but your own 325 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:56,035 dirty, sick, 326 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:56,035 twisted appetites? 327 00:08:58,787 --> 00:09:01,790 I'll stay on Broadway. 328 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,252 I.D.? 329 00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,628 For God's sakes, open your... 330 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,797 Yeah, that's about right. 331 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,591 I.D.? 332 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,593 Robin had finally 333 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,593 learned the lesson 334 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,511 that nobody 335 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,511 gets famous overnight. 336 00:09:14,636 --> 00:09:16,013 But here's the crazy part: 337 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,015 that night, she got famous. 338 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,225 Robin, there you are. 339 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:20,642 Sandy Rivers! 340 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:21,602 Star of the show. 341 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:22,895 What it is, my man. 342 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:22,895 Yeah. 343 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,439 Robin, I've got 344 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,439 something big for you, 345 00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,149 something huge. 346 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,193 And I want you on it. 347 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,238 Sandy, you were 348 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:32,238 in the harassment video. 349 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,655 You were great in that, 350 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,655 by the way. 351 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:34,656 Thanks, holmes. 352 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,158 And I like the way 353 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:36,951 your filthy little mind works, 354 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:36,951 Robin, but this is real. 355 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:37,910 Big story's breaking. 356 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,079 Are you afraid of helicopters? 357 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,663 I love helicopters. 358 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,498 What am I covering, 359 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,498 a war? 360 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,498 Better! 361 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:47,753 World Wide News 362 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:47,753 brings you the world. 363 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:48,670 And now Robin Scherbatsky 364 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:48,670 with traffic. 365 00:09:51,506 --> 00:09:53,675 You don't want to go 366 00:09:51,506 --> 00:09:53,675 bungee jumping, fine. 367 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,595 Tonight's The Night 368 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,595 We Stole a Mummy 369 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,848 from the Natural History Museum! 370 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,185 Yeah, I'm not 371 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,185 doing that. 372 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:07,564 Then get out your MetroCard, 373 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:07,564 Ted, because tonight's 374 00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:10,567 The Night We Partied 375 00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:10,567 with the Mole People! 376 00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:14,947 Barney, I have a Stouffer's 377 00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:14,947 lasagna for one in the freezer 378 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,698 that is going to be 379 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,698 unforgettable. 380 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,700 I have a Sanford and Son 381 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,700 on my DVR 382 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,619 that I will take with me 383 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,619 to my grave. 384 00:10:20,744 --> 00:10:24,248 I don't need tonight to be 385 00:10:20,744 --> 00:10:24,248 any more memorable than that. 386 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:27,126 Okay, Sanford and Son 387 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:27,126 does sound good. 388 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:30,796 But if I could just present 389 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:30,796 a counter argument... 390 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,634 You're locked out, dummy! 391 00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:36,885 Damn it! Barney! 392 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679 Give me your phone; 393 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,679 I'm calling my super. 394 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:42,057 The only person we're calling 395 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:42,057 is everyone we know, 396 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,477 because tonight's The Night 397 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,477 We Tracked Down Phil Collins, 398 00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:48,147 Became Best Friends with Him, 399 00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:48,147 and Talked Him into Reuniting 400 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,564 with Peter Gabriel, 401 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,564 So Then We Got to Sing Backup 402 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:53,319 On The New Genesis Album 403 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:53,319 and It Was Awesome! 404 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,405 Fine, I'll use the 405 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,405 phone at the bar. 406 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,660 Ranjit, would you please 407 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,660 put up the partition? 408 00:11:01,785 --> 00:11:04,746 Partition going up. 409 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,790 You had a sex dream 410 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,790 about Ranjit! 411 00:11:06,915 --> 00:11:08,334 Hello. 412 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:09,710 Ranjit! 413 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,379 Sorry. 414 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,381 Okay, yes, I did, 415 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,133 but it didn't 416 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,133 mean anything. 417 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,427 Okay, well, what 418 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,427 happened in this dream? 419 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,594 And I want to 420 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,594 know everything. 421 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,971 Every explicit detail. 422 00:11:21,096 --> 00:11:22,431 Don't leave out any... 423 00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,141 Damn it, Ranjit! 424 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,018 Sorry. 425 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:28,687 Marshall, it was a dream. 426 00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:30,898 Yeah, well, dreams 427 00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:30,898 are just stuff 428 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,150 that you subconsciously 429 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,150 want to happen. 430 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,818 Why do you think 431 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,818 I'm constantly dreaming 432 00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:36,611 about Bigfoot playing 433 00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:36,611 quarterback for the Vikings? 434 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,948 Because you fall asleep 435 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,948 looking at a painting of it. 436 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:41,575 It soothes me. 437 00:11:41,616 --> 00:11:43,785 Don't try to change the subject. 438 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,746 You sleep-cheated. 439 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,789 You've been 440 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,789 sleep-sleeping around, 441 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,083 and I'm sick of it. 442 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,292 You know, 443 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,292 I have half a mind 444 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,710 to get out and let you 445 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,710 eat all by yourself. 446 00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:54,755 Should I pull over? 447 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,048 Damn it, Ranjit! 448 00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,467 Yes, Ranjit. 449 00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,467 Pull over. 450 00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,720 Pulling over. 451 00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:02,971 You watch, Ted. 452 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,681 Tonight is going 453 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,681 to be legen... 454 00:12:04,806 --> 00:12:06,767 it's the night 455 00:12:04,806 --> 00:12:06,767 we stole a camel... 456 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,814 which means it'll be 457 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,814 full of drama... dary. 458 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,775 Dromedary! 459 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:18,612 I applaud your wordplay, 460 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:18,612 but your core premise is flawed. 461 00:12:18,653 --> 00:12:19,988 Every night 462 00:12:18,653 --> 00:12:19,988 can't be legendary. 463 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:24,201 If all nights are legendary, 464 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:24,201 no nights are legendary. 465 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,413 See, Ted, 466 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,413 that attitude right there, 467 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,123 that's why I'm in the lead. 468 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,624 What do you mean, in the lead? 469 00:12:30,707 --> 00:12:32,334 I'm talking about 470 00:12:30,707 --> 00:12:32,334 the game of life, Ted. 471 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,627 Scoreboard. 472 00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:35,629 Better wardrobe: 473 00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:35,629 75 points. 474 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,006 Apartment on a higher floor: 475 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,006 90 points. 476 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,717 Longer name: 110 points. 477 00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:42,803 Sorry. Did you just make up 478 00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:42,803 this point system? 479 00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,139 Made up the point system: 480 00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,139 114 points. 481 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,182 And ten points to you 482 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,182 for pointing that out. 483 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,642 Nice job, Ted. 484 00:12:48,725 --> 00:12:49,726 15 points to me 485 00:12:48,725 --> 00:12:49,726 for being gracious enough 486 00:12:49,851 --> 00:12:51,853 to give you those ten points. 487 00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,188 But here's the point, Ted. 488 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,440 Every time I go out 489 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:55,649 and have an awesome night 490 00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:56,858 and you're not there, 491 00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,360 that's another 100 points 492 00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,360 in my column. 493 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,654 So yeah, I'm in the lead. 494 00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,324 Barney, the fact that I 495 00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,324 can stay home for a night 496 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,741 shows that I have inner peace 497 00:13:04,866 --> 00:13:06,827 and that I don't feel 498 00:13:04,866 --> 00:13:06,827 the need to keep score. 499 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,413 That's worth like 500 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,413 1,000 points right there, 501 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,873 so at the very 502 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,873 least, we're tied. 503 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,875 We're so not tied. 504 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,336 Although you know 505 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,336 what is tied... 506 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,546 the strap 507 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,546 of my girlfriend's bikini. 508 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:18,755 Except when it's not, 509 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:18,755 'cause she's a stripper. 510 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,300 One million points! 511 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,300 Game. 512 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:21,800 Shh. 513 00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:22,801 It's over. 514 00:13:22,926 --> 00:13:25,804 It's done. It's done. 515 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,057 So what do you do? 516 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,392 You're kidding, right? 517 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,269 I... I'm an on-air reporter. 518 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,688 I just did a report 519 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,688 like five minutes ago. 520 00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,273 You sound frustrated. 521 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,691 Yeah, I am. 522 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:41,695 I'm busting my ass, 523 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:41,695 and as usual, no recognition. 524 00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,738 Robin, I've been 525 00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,738 doing this a while, 526 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:47,326 and if there's one thing 527 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:47,326 I've learned, it's flarm. 528 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,328 What? 529 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,328 Flarm. 530 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,288 Flarm, flarm, flarm. 531 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,789 Blobbum. 532 00:13:52,914 --> 00:13:53,832 What is wrong with you? 533 00:13:53,957 --> 00:13:56,544 Are you having a stroke? 534 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,128 As a matter of fact, he was. 535 00:13:58,253 --> 00:13:59,796 Oh! Hold on! Wait! 536 00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:01,590 Meanwhile, Lily was in 537 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,592 desperate need 538 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,592 of a female friend. 539 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,469 Lily, I have seen this 540 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,469 a million times. 541 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,013 Guys go crazy when there's 542 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,013 a baby on the way. 543 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,516 You should have seen the manager 544 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,516 when his wife got pregnant. 545 00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:13,935 After the second trimester, 546 00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:13,935 he made her stop stripping. 547 00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,355 Yeah, you're right. 548 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,814 Now I feel bad. 549 00:14:17,939 --> 00:14:19,483 Our big dinner's been ruined. 550 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,943 Marshall's 551 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,943 probably crying right now. 552 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,778 I had no idea that 553 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,778 food could be this delicious. 554 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,823 Marshall, you are being crazy. 555 00:14:26,948 --> 00:14:28,867 No, no, I can handle it. 556 00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:31,119 If I sell my laptop, 557 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,788 we can get seconds 558 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,788 on those squash blossoms. 559 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,249 I mean about Lily. 560 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,752 Well, you know, 561 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,752 she's being crazy, too. 562 00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:39,461 She's pregnant. 563 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,171 She gets to be crazy. 564 00:14:41,296 --> 00:14:43,173 You have to be the sane one. 565 00:14:43,298 --> 00:14:44,966 So what, I don't get to be 566 00:14:43,298 --> 00:14:44,966 crazy again 567 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:46,260 until the baby comes? 568 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,388 No. Then it's baby's turn 569 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,388 to be crazy. 570 00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:52,057 When do I get to be crazy again? 571 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,767 Never. 572 00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,190 We are totally even. 573 00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,484 We absolutely are not even, 574 00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,484 and here's why. 575 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,944 I'll grant you 576 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,944 that if you include 577 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,572 the 12 points 578 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,572 for designing the skyscraper, 579 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:07,989 the 83 points for slapping five 580 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:07,989 with Tommy Lee 581 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:11,034 and the 9,000 points 582 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:11,034 for banging Robin before me, 583 00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:14,580 our point totals 584 00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:14,580 would be about neck and neck, 585 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,415 but there's one thing 586 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,415 you're forgetting. 587 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:17,791 The fact that I don't care? 588 00:15:17,874 --> 00:15:19,042 No. 589 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,587 And you just lost five points 590 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,587 for sass. 591 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,591 Do you remember a conversation 592 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,591 we had about three years ago? 593 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,050 Barney, you're 594 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,050 the king. 595 00:15:27,175 --> 00:15:29,428 Nobody picks up chicks like you. 596 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:29,970 You're handsome, 597 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,640 debonair, 598 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,808 everything I wish I could be. 599 00:15:34,849 --> 00:15:36,310 I'm starting to think 600 00:15:34,849 --> 00:15:36,310 this never happened. 601 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,395 Let you finish. 602 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,021 You're smooth, 603 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,021 charismatic, 604 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:40,981 "sauve." 605 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,358 I think you mean "suave." 606 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:44,652 Aha. 607 00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,820 So you do remember. 608 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:48,196 But there's one thing 609 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,073 even a master ladies' man 610 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,073 like you could never do, 611 00:15:50,198 --> 00:15:52,534 and if you could 612 00:15:50,198 --> 00:15:52,534 ever do it, 613 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,620 it would be worth 500 points. 614 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,248 You have my attention, 615 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,248 my slightly shorter friend. 616 00:15:58,373 --> 00:15:59,833 Here's the challenge. 617 00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:03,170 Get a girl's phone number 618 00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:03,170 while you're wearing a dress. 619 00:16:05,213 --> 00:16:08,842 Challenge... 620 00:16:08,883 --> 00:16:10,302 Accomplished. 621 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,470 That's right. 622 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,054 Last year, 623 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,054 I slapped on a dress, 624 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,097 took a few laps 625 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,097 around this very bar, 626 00:16:14,222 --> 00:16:16,517 and I got this: 627 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,144 the phone number 628 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,144 of one Stephanie McColgan. 629 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,356 Later that night, 630 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,356 I took off my pantyhose, 631 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,065 and gave her panties... 632 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,065 my hose. 633 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,276 That's right, Ted. 634 00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:28,696 I am 500 points ahead. 635 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,739 Until you can get 636 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,739 a girl's digits 637 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:34,075 while wearing a dress, 638 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:34,075 you and I will never be even. 639 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:36,077 You know what? The super's 640 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:36,077 probably waiting for me, 641 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,912 and I just remembered 642 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,912 there's a spare key 643 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,707 under the doormat, 644 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,707 so good night. 645 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,707 Wait, wait. 646 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,041 Ted, don't go. 647 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,041 Barney, I am leaving. 648 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,001 I'm afraid this is just 649 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,001 one of those nights 650 00:16:43,126 --> 00:16:44,878 we're probably going to forget. 651 00:16:44,919 --> 00:16:46,755 I don't think so, dude. Look. 652 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,423 If you're just joining us, 653 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,423 the World Wide News 654 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,050 Eye in the Sky traffic chopper 655 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,050 is out of control over Manhattan 656 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,010 and being piloted 657 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,010 by our own Robin Scherbatsky. 658 00:16:52,135 --> 00:16:54,179 This probably won't end well. 659 00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,519 Kids, every now and then, 660 00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,519 New York has a moment 661 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:03,021 when every eye in the city 662 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:03,021 is watching the same thing. 663 00:17:03,146 --> 00:17:05,649 This was one of those moments. 664 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:08,443 We all watched breathlessly 665 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:08,443 as the pilot on the ground 666 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,154 told her what to do, 667 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,154 and against all odds, 668 00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:14,908 your Aunt Robin 669 00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:14,908 landed that helicopter. 670 00:17:16,284 --> 00:17:17,244 I did it. 671 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,622 I did it! 672 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,257 The pilot survived 673 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,257 and made a full recovery. 674 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,675 And Robin? 675 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,927 It's Robin Scherbatsky, 676 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,927 everybody! 677 00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,681 Thank you so much. 678 00:17:39,182 --> 00:17:41,935 Oh, okay... 679 00:17:41,976 --> 00:17:43,353 Robin got famous. 680 00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:45,313 In the next few days, 681 00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:45,313 she would... 682 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,189 meet the mayor, 683 00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,817 go on Letterman 684 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,945 and even have a deli sandwich 685 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,945 named after her. 686 00:17:51,986 --> 00:17:52,987 But most importantly, 687 00:17:51,986 --> 00:17:52,987 that night, 688 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,783 she got a call, text or e-mail 689 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,951 from almost everyone 690 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,951 she'd ever met. 691 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,828 Hey, Marshall. 692 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,789 Hey, Lil. 693 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:03,832 Hey, Barney. 694 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,042 Yes, I know 695 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,042 you're dating a stripper. 696 00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,544 Mm-hmm. 697 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:08,503 Hey, Dad. 698 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,423 You proud of your little girl? 699 00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:16,637 Okay, I'll keep trying. 700 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,474 Babe, I think 701 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,474 I know why you had 702 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,017 that sex dream 703 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,017 about Ranjit. 704 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,017 Why? 705 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,436 Think about it. 706 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,354 The way he talks 707 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,354 about his kids. 708 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,398 He's a wonderful father. 709 00:18:28,523 --> 00:18:31,192 Just like Papa Smurf, 710 00:18:28,523 --> 00:18:31,192 Bill Cosby... 711 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:34,988 George Washington, 712 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:34,988 the father of our country. 713 00:18:35,071 --> 00:18:37,991 You're attracted 714 00:18:35,071 --> 00:18:37,991 to great dads. 715 00:18:38,032 --> 00:18:39,743 And that's why you love me. 716 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,204 Because I'm going to be 717 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,204 the greatest dad ever. 718 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,039 Sure, that must be it. 719 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,502 Lily decided 720 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,502 not to tell Marshall 721 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,086 about her dream 722 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,086 involving Frankenstein 723 00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:52,464 and the tea cup 724 00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:52,464 from Beauty and the Beast. 725 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,549 That one was just for her. 726 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,844 Okay, Barney, 727 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,844 I got to go. 728 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:57,845 What? 729 00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,220 In the middle of 730 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,306 "The Night You Got Locked Out 731 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,306 in Your Pajamas 732 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,350 "and Robin Landed 733 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,350 a Freaking Helicopter 734 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,185 and There's Still Time 735 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,185 to Reunite Genesis?" 736 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:08,062 Dude, you got your wish. 737 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,105 It's a night 738 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,105 we'll always remember. 739 00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:12,025 Why can't we just go home? 740 00:19:12,066 --> 00:19:13,527 I can't go home, Ted. 741 00:19:12,066 --> 00:19:13,527 Why not? 742 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:16,655 Because... 743 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:16,655 I'm dating a stripper. 744 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,198 Yes, I've seen your bus ad. 745 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,073 I get it. 746 00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,618 No, you don't. 747 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:25,038 Every night, between 9:00 p.m. 748 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:25,038 and 4:00 a.m., 749 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:26,581 I'm in hell. 750 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,083 All I can think about 751 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,083 is what Quinn is doing 752 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,212 and where she is doing it 753 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,212 and who she is doing it on. 754 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,674 If I don't do something 755 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,674 to take my mind off of it... 756 00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:40,220 You're lucky that you can just 757 00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:40,220 go sit around the house, Ted. 758 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,181 I don't have that option. 759 00:19:43,306 --> 00:19:45,475 Wow. 760 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,310 You're in love with this girl. 761 00:19:47,435 --> 00:19:49,646 I really am, Ted. 762 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:52,065 I mean... 763 00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:55,068 she's a stripper. 764 00:19:55,151 --> 00:19:56,486 Later that night... 765 00:20:08,456 --> 00:20:10,834 The next night, 766 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,045 all I wanted to do 767 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,045 was enjoy a night at home. 768 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:19,467 But there was something 769 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:19,467 I had to do. 770 00:20:32,355 --> 00:20:34,315 It wasn't easy, 771 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,193 but by God, 772 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,193 after a long night of trying... 773 00:20:37,318 --> 00:20:39,905 Okay. 774 00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:41,990 Now we're even. 775 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,951 500 points. 776 00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:44,910 Scoreboard. 777 00:20:45,034 --> 00:20:46,244 More than a legendary night 778 00:20:46,369 --> 00:20:47,996 we'd remember forever, 779 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:51,374 Uncle Barney needed a bro 780 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:51,374 to help him forget. 781 00:20:51,499 --> 00:20:53,668 In this case, a bro in a dress. 782 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,211 I'm proud of you. 783 00:20:55,336 --> 00:20:58,047 Are you wearing perfume? 784 00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,800 It's a unisex fragrance. 785 00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,800 It was in Details. 786 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:05,430 It's nice. 787 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:05,430 It's perfume.