1 00:00:02,047 --> 00:00:03,921 In May of 2012, 2 00:00:02,047 --> 00:00:03,921 Marshall and Lily 3 00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:05,629 hosted a baby shower 4 00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:05,629 in the apartment. 5 00:00:05,754 --> 00:00:07,255 All their friends were there. 6 00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:10,629 So of course I made sure 7 00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:10,629 to show up exactly... 8 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:13,172 three hours late. 9 00:00:13,297 --> 00:00:15,255 Oh, no! Am I late? 10 00:00:13,297 --> 00:00:15,255 Little bit. 11 00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:19,255 Ah, I'm sorry, I would've gotten 12 00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:19,255 here earlier; it's just, um... 13 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,963 You didn't want 14 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,963 to see Robin. 15 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,963 I didn't want to see Robin. 16 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,130 I know, it's childish. 17 00:00:24,255 --> 00:00:25,381 She's not here, is she? 18 00:00:25,506 --> 00:00:26,589 Actually... 19 00:00:27,589 --> 00:00:31,796 Oh, no! Am I early? 20 00:00:31,921 --> 00:00:32,589 Little bit. 21 00:00:34,422 --> 00:00:37,880 Whoa, she got you 22 00:00:34,422 --> 00:00:37,880 the red stroller? 23 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:41,381 Looks like I just blew her 24 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:41,381 out of the water. 25 00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:44,713 Anyway, he left 26 00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:44,713 before the party started. 27 00:00:44,838 --> 00:00:46,548 Ah, I'm really sorry, I... 28 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,506 I just think it's 29 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,506 best if Robin and I 30 00:00:48,629 --> 00:00:49,754 don't see each 31 00:00:48,629 --> 00:00:49,754 other for a while. 32 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,921 Ted, it's fine; 33 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,921 I'm a child of divorce. 34 00:00:53,047 --> 00:00:54,921 You guys keep fighting 35 00:00:53,047 --> 00:00:54,921 all you want, 36 00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:57,005 as long as the expensive gifts 37 00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:57,005 keep coming. 38 00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:59,005 Uh, so 39 00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:59,005 how was the shower? 40 00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:00,130 It was good, 41 00:01:00,255 --> 00:01:02,088 although there was 42 00:01:00,255 --> 00:01:02,088 one weird moment 43 00:01:02,214 --> 00:01:03,339 with Barney's new 44 00:01:02,214 --> 00:01:03,339 stripper girlfriend. 45 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,921 50 laps a day? 46 00:01:06,047 --> 00:01:09,047 Oh, my goodness, young lady. 47 00:01:06,047 --> 00:01:09,047 That is a lot. 48 00:01:09,172 --> 00:01:10,713 Oh, is it? 49 00:01:10,796 --> 00:01:13,713 Is it a lot, Grandma Lois? 50 00:01:13,754 --> 00:01:16,713 Yes, my girlfriend 51 00:01:13,754 --> 00:01:16,713 gets naked 52 00:01:16,838 --> 00:01:18,255 and sits on guys' laps 53 00:01:16,838 --> 00:01:18,255 for money. 54 00:01:18,381 --> 00:01:21,713 And, yes, sometimes it's as 55 00:01:18,381 --> 00:01:21,713 many as 50 laps in one day. 56 00:01:21,838 --> 00:01:25,172 And maybe society 57 00:01:21,838 --> 00:01:25,172 considers what she does 58 00:01:25,297 --> 00:01:26,339 to be "disgusting," 59 00:01:26,464 --> 00:01:28,838 or "slutty," 60 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,713 or verging on "prostitution," 61 00:01:31,838 --> 00:01:34,713 or actual "prostitution." 62 00:01:34,754 --> 00:01:36,880 But you know what, 63 00:01:34,754 --> 00:01:36,880 I accept her. 64 00:01:37,005 --> 00:01:38,464 And if you can't do the same, 65 00:01:38,588 --> 00:01:41,464 well, then shame on you. 66 00:01:43,796 --> 00:01:45,713 Shame... 67 00:01:45,838 --> 00:01:46,921 on... 68 00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:48,422 you. 69 00:01:50,297 --> 00:01:53,838 We were, um, talking 70 00:01:50,297 --> 00:01:53,838 about swimming. 71 00:01:53,963 --> 00:01:56,506 How I sometimes swim 72 00:01:53,963 --> 00:01:56,506 50 laps a day. 73 00:01:59,297 --> 00:02:00,880 Well, 74 00:01:59,297 --> 00:02:00,880 it's great cardio. 75 00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:03,838 Lois, can I top off 76 00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:03,838 your champagne? 77 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,214 You know, it's funny, 78 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,588 you tell the average guy 79 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,588 you're dating a stripper, 80 00:02:20,713 --> 00:02:22,005 he thinks it's awesome. 81 00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:23,464 Heck, you tell your mom, 82 00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:23,464 she high-fives you so fast, 83 00:02:23,588 --> 00:02:26,005 she doesn't even 84 00:02:23,588 --> 00:02:26,005 take off her oven mitts. 85 00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:27,422 But if they had any idea 86 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:31,214 how difficult it is: 87 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:31,214 the jealousy, 88 00:02:31,339 --> 00:02:33,088 the insecurity, 89 00:02:33,214 --> 00:02:37,963 those high-fives would be 90 00:02:33,214 --> 00:02:37,963 high-fives of condolence. 91 00:02:38,088 --> 00:02:41,754 Barney, condolence high-fives 92 00:02:38,088 --> 00:02:41,754 are not a thing. 93 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,214 They're a thing. 94 00:02:43,339 --> 00:02:45,505 I'm afraid we're gonna 95 00:02:43,339 --> 00:02:45,505 have to let you go. 96 00:02:47,005 --> 00:02:47,381 Up top. 97 00:02:48,588 --> 00:02:52,838 Ah, listen to me 98 00:02:48,588 --> 00:02:52,838 and my boring couples' problems. 99 00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:53,713 How are you? 100 00:02:53,754 --> 00:02:55,713 How's the single life? 101 00:02:55,838 --> 00:02:58,088 I wouldn't know. 102 00:02:55,838 --> 00:02:58,088 After this whole Robin thing, 103 00:02:58,214 --> 00:03:00,047 for the time being, 104 00:02:58,214 --> 00:03:00,047 I'm laying low. 105 00:03:00,172 --> 00:03:01,713 Laying low as in 106 00:03:01,796 --> 00:03:04,214 sleeping with 107 00:03:01,796 --> 00:03:04,214 a really short chick? 108 00:03:04,339 --> 00:03:05,297 You guys doing 39? 109 00:03:05,422 --> 00:03:07,255 I mean, I'm not seeing anyone. 110 00:03:07,381 --> 00:03:10,005 I'm just, you know, trying 111 00:03:07,381 --> 00:03:10,005 to get Robin out of my head. 112 00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:12,463 You need a palate cleanser. 113 00:03:12,588 --> 00:03:14,047 Barney, please, 114 00:03:12,588 --> 00:03:14,047 don't try to set me up 115 00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:15,463 with Quinn's stripper friends. 116 00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:15,463 Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. 117 00:03:15,588 --> 00:03:18,713 Why not, how many hints 118 00:03:15,588 --> 00:03:18,713 do I have to drop? 119 00:03:18,754 --> 00:03:21,796 No, I'm thinking of something 120 00:03:18,754 --> 00:03:21,796 much more traditional. 121 00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:24,463 Online dating. 122 00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:24,463 Yeah, no thanks. 123 00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:26,713 Come on, Ted! It's 2012. 124 00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:29,505 What do you expect, 125 00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:29,505 to meet some cute travel agent 126 00:03:29,713 --> 00:03:31,339 when you're reading a newspaper 127 00:03:29,713 --> 00:03:31,339 at a bookstore? 128 00:03:31,463 --> 00:03:33,255 None of those things 129 00:03:31,463 --> 00:03:33,255 exist anymore. 130 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:37,088 Barney, I will never, ever, 131 00:03:37,214 --> 00:03:40,047 ever, try online dating. 132 00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:41,921 That night 133 00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:41,921 I tried online dating. 134 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:45,130 And kids, the first girl 135 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:45,130 I found was amazing: 136 00:03:45,255 --> 00:03:48,463 beautiful, smart, funny, huge 137 00:03:45,255 --> 00:03:48,463 fan of prewar architecture, 138 00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:52,130 favorite poet Neruda, 139 00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:52,130 favorite movie Ghostbusters, 140 00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:54,130 and she didn't hate Cleveland. 141 00:03:54,255 --> 00:03:56,047 She's perfect. 142 00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:57,754 So I sent her an email, 143 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,796 inviting her to mini golf. 144 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:07,255 Hello. 145 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:07,255 Mini golf? 146 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:10,130 Mini golf? Who takes 147 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:10,130 a first date to mini golf? 148 00:04:10,255 --> 00:04:11,255 I'm coming over! 149 00:04:12,297 --> 00:04:14,921 Oh, Ted-Ted-Ted- 150 00:04:12,297 --> 00:04:14,921 Teddy-Ted-Ted. 151 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,505 Who buzzed you in? 152 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,505 Did you really think you 153 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,505 could start dating online, 154 00:04:17,713 --> 00:04:18,713 and I wouldn't find out? 155 00:04:18,796 --> 00:04:22,214 But with thi-this 156 00:04:18,796 --> 00:04:22,214 girl, sh-she was... 157 00:04:22,339 --> 00:04:24,130 Me. She was me, Ted. 158 00:04:24,255 --> 00:04:27,005 The photo was just of some girl 159 00:04:24,255 --> 00:04:27,005 I knew you'd never seen before, 160 00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,297 a very famous sports anchor 161 00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,297 on ESPN: 162 00:04:29,421 --> 00:04:33,297 Barney, I don't need you to 163 00:04:29,421 --> 00:04:33,297 help me find a girl online. 164 00:04:33,421 --> 00:04:35,547 Exactly because I've 165 00:04:33,421 --> 00:04:35,547 already done it! 166 00:04:35,713 --> 00:04:36,380 Three girls in fact. 167 00:04:36,505 --> 00:04:39,339 I scoured the dating sites 168 00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:41,547 using my own personal 169 00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:41,547 logarithms, 170 00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,963 factoring in a broad 171 00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,963 spectrum of variables, 172 00:04:44,088 --> 00:04:46,339 filtering out undesirable 173 00:04:44,088 --> 00:04:46,339 high-risk negatives, 174 00:04:46,463 --> 00:04:48,339 guaranteeing a success 175 00:04:46,463 --> 00:04:48,339 rate of 83... 176 00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:51,172 You picked the girls 177 00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:51,172 that showed the most boob. 178 00:04:51,297 --> 00:04:53,297 My methods get results. 179 00:04:53,421 --> 00:04:55,921 Go out with 180 00:04:53,421 --> 00:04:55,921 these three girls, 181 00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:57,754 and your palate is going 182 00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:57,754 to be so cleansed, 183 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,338 you will see 184 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,338 your reflection in it. 185 00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:01,005 And when you do, 186 00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:03,838 you can fix the hair, because... 187 00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:03,838 Have you seen yourself? 188 00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:05,338 No, but you know 189 00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:05,338 what I have seen, 190 00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:08,838 your stripper 191 00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:08,838 girlfriend's cans. Wow. 192 00:05:08,963 --> 00:05:10,047 Wow. 193 00:05:08,963 --> 00:05:10,047 Wow, wow. 194 00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:11,963 That was going way 195 00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:11,963 too far, wasn't it? 196 00:05:12,088 --> 00:05:13,297 I'm sorry. 197 00:05:13,421 --> 00:05:14,505 My condolences. 198 00:05:16,713 --> 00:05:17,880 Come on. 199 00:05:19,713 --> 00:05:23,421 Man, Marshall's really 200 00:05:19,713 --> 00:05:23,421 stressing out about this baby. 201 00:05:23,547 --> 00:05:25,088 He's reading every book, 202 00:05:25,214 --> 00:05:26,380 watching breast-feeding 203 00:05:25,214 --> 00:05:26,380 documentaries. 204 00:05:26,505 --> 00:05:30,380 I woke up the other day, 205 00:05:26,505 --> 00:05:30,380 he had swaddled me. 206 00:05:30,505 --> 00:05:33,880 Sure, it was the best night's 207 00:05:30,505 --> 00:05:33,880 sleep I had had in months, 208 00:05:34,005 --> 00:05:35,338 but still... 209 00:05:35,463 --> 00:05:37,172 You know 210 00:05:35,463 --> 00:05:37,172 what his latest thing is? 211 00:05:40,421 --> 00:05:41,421 What the hell is that? 212 00:05:47,338 --> 00:05:49,838 Marshall, 213 00:05:47,338 --> 00:05:49,838 what is that? 214 00:05:49,963 --> 00:05:51,463 I rigged this alarm 215 00:05:49,963 --> 00:05:51,463 to go off every three hours. 216 00:05:51,588 --> 00:05:54,296 I'm training myself for the 217 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:57,088 sporadic sleep patterns 218 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:57,088 of early parenthood. 219 00:05:57,214 --> 00:05:58,255 Now, if you'll excuse me, 220 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,547 I have a practice-baby 221 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,547 to soothe. 222 00:06:04,421 --> 00:06:05,921 You got to talk to him. 223 00:06:06,047 --> 00:06:07,880 Yeah, I'll talk 224 00:06:06,047 --> 00:06:07,880 to him tonight. 225 00:06:08,005 --> 00:06:09,713 Maybe tomorrow morning. 226 00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:10,754 One last swaddle? 227 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:11,963 It's just so cozy. 228 00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:14,547 It's like sleeping 229 00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:14,547 in a warm burrito. 230 00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,547 Meanwhile, 231 00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,547 Barney was about to have 232 00:06:16,713 --> 00:06:17,254 a stripper's boyfriend's 233 00:06:16,713 --> 00:06:17,254 worst nightmare. 234 00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:19,713 Karma? 235 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:20,796 Oh, my gosh, 236 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:20,796 I didn't recognize you 237 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,754 without your legs 238 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,754 behind your head. 239 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,963 Darryl, I didn't 240 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,963 recognize you 241 00:06:25,088 --> 00:06:25,505 without your 242 00:06:25,088 --> 00:06:25,505 creepy trench coat. 243 00:06:25,713 --> 00:06:27,296 How are you? 244 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,254 Great, you working tomorrow? 245 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,254 You know it. 246 00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:31,130 Great. I'll be there 247 00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:31,130 with bells on. 248 00:06:31,254 --> 00:06:33,713 And by bells, 249 00:06:31,254 --> 00:06:33,713 I mean super thin sweatpants. 250 00:06:33,838 --> 00:06:36,005 Gross. 251 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,713 He's actually a nice guy. 252 00:06:38,838 --> 00:06:40,172 She's so busy 253 00:06:38,838 --> 00:06:40,172 as deputy mayor, 254 00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,088 but I always get a card 255 00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,088 on my birthday. 256 00:06:42,214 --> 00:06:44,296 Quinn, I love the fact 257 00:06:42,214 --> 00:06:44,296 that you're a stripper, 258 00:06:44,421 --> 00:06:47,713 but I hate the fact 259 00:06:44,421 --> 00:06:47,713 that you're a stripper. 260 00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:50,713 Barney, I like my job. 261 00:06:50,796 --> 00:06:52,796 And I do not need 262 00:06:50,796 --> 00:06:52,796 to be rescued. 263 00:06:52,921 --> 00:06:55,838 So, don't be that guy. 264 00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:56,921 You're right, you're right. 265 00:06:57,047 --> 00:06:59,296 I got it. 266 00:06:57,047 --> 00:06:59,296 Forget I said anything. 267 00:06:59,421 --> 00:07:00,296 Hmm. 268 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,172 I'll see you 269 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,172 tonight, Karma. 270 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,796 You got it, 271 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,796 Dirty Larry. 272 00:07:03,921 --> 00:07:05,963 You have to quit your job! 273 00:07:06,088 --> 00:07:07,463 That night, I went out 274 00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:09,380 with the first girl 275 00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:09,380 Barney picked for me. 276 00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:10,796 There was just one problem. 277 00:07:10,921 --> 00:07:12,713 Your name is Robin? 278 00:07:12,754 --> 00:07:14,713 Yeah, with a Y. 279 00:07:14,838 --> 00:07:16,421 Oh, Yobin. 280 00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:19,213 No, Robin. 281 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,296 I go by ScotchAndGunLover 282 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,296 in my online profile, 283 00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:24,130 'cause those are 284 00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:24,130 my two favorite things. 285 00:07:24,254 --> 00:07:26,254 Well, next to Canada, 286 00:07:24,254 --> 00:07:26,254 my home and native land. 287 00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:30,005 Oh. Canada. 288 00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:31,963 And just like that, 289 00:07:32,088 --> 00:07:34,338 Robyn became Robin. 290 00:07:34,463 --> 00:07:36,838 How's it going, Ted? 291 00:07:42,547 --> 00:07:44,380 Oh, good. Hey, look, 292 00:07:42,547 --> 00:07:44,380 mommy's back from the bar! 293 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,380 Now I can finally take a shower. 294 00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:52,754 This diaper smells. 295 00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:52,754 I don't want to know. 296 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,921 Okay, Marshall, 297 00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:56,254 sit down; we need to talk. 298 00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:01,505 Look, I know 299 00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:01,505 you mean well, 300 00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:04,047 but we have five weeks 301 00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:04,047 till the due date. 302 00:08:04,171 --> 00:08:06,713 Can't we use this 303 00:08:04,171 --> 00:08:06,713 time to just relax? 304 00:08:06,838 --> 00:08:08,796 We'll figure out 305 00:08:06,838 --> 00:08:08,796 how all this stuff 306 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,463 works after 307 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,463 the baby comes. 308 00:08:10,588 --> 00:08:12,254 After the baby comes? 309 00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,088 Yeah, we'll learn 310 00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,088 on the job. 311 00:08:14,213 --> 00:08:15,463 Learn on the j... Huh. 312 00:08:15,588 --> 00:08:18,713 Wow, you know, Lily, 313 00:08:18,796 --> 00:08:21,380 maybe the crisis here isn't that 314 00:08:18,796 --> 00:08:21,380 I'm not ready to be a dad; 315 00:08:21,505 --> 00:08:23,713 maybe it's that 316 00:08:21,505 --> 00:08:23,713 you're not ready to be a mom! 317 00:08:23,838 --> 00:08:25,047 Excuse me? 318 00:08:23,838 --> 00:08:25,047 Yeah. 319 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,713 With that, 320 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,713 an argument began, 321 00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:28,338 the details of which are still 322 00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:28,338 hotly debated to this day. 323 00:08:28,463 --> 00:08:31,713 For instance, Uncle Marshall 324 00:08:28,463 --> 00:08:31,713 swears he never said: 325 00:08:31,838 --> 00:08:34,713 I'm the only one making 326 00:08:31,838 --> 00:08:34,713 sacrifices for this baby! 327 00:08:31,838 --> 00:08:34,713 What? 328 00:08:34,838 --> 00:08:37,005 And he claims he never 329 00:08:34,838 --> 00:08:37,005 actually uttered the words: 330 00:08:37,129 --> 00:08:38,880 It's like you don't even know 331 00:08:37,129 --> 00:08:38,880 that you're pregnant! 332 00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,296 While Lily insists 333 00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,296 this part was exaggerated: 334 00:08:40,421 --> 00:08:43,254 Baby's are easy; you just 335 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:44,754 watch them be cute 336 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:44,754 and feed them spaghetti! 337 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,296 But everyone agrees 338 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,296 this is how the argument ended: 339 00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:50,880 Marshall, what I need now 340 00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:50,880 is some peace, some quiet, 341 00:08:51,005 --> 00:08:52,713 and now that it's out there, 342 00:08:51,005 --> 00:08:52,713 some spaghetti. 343 00:08:52,754 --> 00:08:55,713 Now, please help me off 344 00:08:52,754 --> 00:08:55,713 the couch so I can storm out. 345 00:08:58,047 --> 00:08:59,505 Huh! 346 00:09:02,921 --> 00:09:05,547 The next day, 347 00:09:02,921 --> 00:09:05,547 I filled Barney in on my date. 348 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:08,005 Oh, Yobin. 349 00:09:08,129 --> 00:09:09,338 No, Robin. 350 00:09:09,463 --> 00:09:10,796 And for the rest of the night, 351 00:09:10,921 --> 00:09:14,338 every time I looked at her, 352 00:09:10,921 --> 00:09:14,338 I just saw Robin's face. 353 00:09:14,463 --> 00:09:16,921 Well, I should hope so. 354 00:09:14,463 --> 00:09:16,921 No, our Robin. 355 00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:18,254 Robin with an I. 356 00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:20,296 Uh, our Robin has 357 00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:20,296 two eyes, my friend. 358 00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:22,505 But that's good. You're 359 00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:22,505 forgetting what she looks like. 360 00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:26,047 I'm sorry, that must 361 00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:26,047 have been tough. 362 00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:27,254 If anyone knows what 363 00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:27,254 that feels like, it's me. 364 00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:30,171 My condolences. 365 00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:35,754 Okay. Moving on. 366 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,713 The next girl: 367 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,713 perfect palate cleanser. 368 00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,129 Nothing like Robin. 369 00:09:40,254 --> 00:09:41,338 How nothing? 370 00:09:41,463 --> 00:09:43,963 I gaze out into the world 371 00:09:41,463 --> 00:09:43,963 and all I see 372 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,505 is an icy place 373 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,505 where dreams die. 374 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:51,254 Ooh, lasagna. 375 00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:53,796 How's it going, Ted? 376 00:09:53,921 --> 00:09:55,880 What? No. What? Wh-Why? 377 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,963 Remember, I made lasagna 378 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,963 that one time. 379 00:09:58,087 --> 00:09:59,421 That's all it takes? 380 00:09:59,547 --> 00:10:01,754 It wasn't even lasagna; 381 00:09:59,547 --> 00:10:01,754 you took your botched kugle 382 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,296 and poured tomato sauce on it. 383 00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:06,171 I didn't say 384 00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:06,171 it was good lasagna. 385 00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:08,671 By the way, what are you doing 386 00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:08,671 with this girl? 387 00:10:08,796 --> 00:10:11,213 With tattoos all up 388 00:10:08,796 --> 00:10:11,213 and down her arms and... 389 00:10:11,338 --> 00:10:15,129 everywhere else. 390 00:10:11,338 --> 00:10:15,129 Hello... good gravy. 391 00:10:15,254 --> 00:10:17,254 Does that dragons tail go 392 00:10:15,254 --> 00:10:17,254 all the way down to her... 393 00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:19,296 Ohh, yes, it does. 394 00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:21,254 Well, what do you want me 395 00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:21,254 to do, Robin? 396 00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:24,005 I have to get over you somehow, 397 00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:25,588 and if this is what it takes... 398 00:10:25,713 --> 00:10:27,421 Are you okay? 399 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,547 Yeah. Why? 400 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,129 You kind of spaced out there. 401 00:10:33,254 --> 00:10:34,838 Weirdo. 402 00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,713 "So, in summation, 403 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,171 I'm very, very sorry." 404 00:10:39,296 --> 00:10:40,754 "I guess I just wanted 405 00:10:39,296 --> 00:10:40,754 you all to myself, 406 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,963 "and then I thought of all the 407 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,963 creepy guys groping at your... 408 00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,004 "Okay, I'm getting mad again, 409 00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:46,713 "so I'm going to 410 00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:46,713 stop writing now. 411 00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:49,338 Please enjoy these chocolates, 412 00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:49,338 may contain peanuts." 413 00:10:49,463 --> 00:10:50,463 Kiss and make up? 414 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,380 Have sex up against 415 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,380 the window and make up? 416 00:10:57,505 --> 00:10:59,754 You do have a great view. 417 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,296 Well, funny you 418 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,296 should mention that. 419 00:11:01,421 --> 00:11:02,338 It's your view. 420 00:11:02,463 --> 00:11:03,754 Come again for Big Fudge? 421 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,713 Congratulations. You're hired. 422 00:11:07,713 --> 00:11:08,713 You are Goliath National Bank's 423 00:11:08,838 --> 00:11:11,588 newest executive 424 00:11:08,838 --> 00:11:11,588 strategy coordinator. 425 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,338 What is an executive 426 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,338 strategy coordinator? 427 00:11:14,463 --> 00:11:16,463 It's three 428 00:11:14,463 --> 00:11:16,463 corporate-sounding words 429 00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:17,754 which, when added together, 430 00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:17,754 equal a fake job 431 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,087 for which you get 432 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,087 a real paycheck 433 00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,796 in the amount of exactly 434 00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,796 what you'd make stripping. 435 00:11:22,921 --> 00:11:24,838 Plus dental. You're welcs. 436 00:11:24,962 --> 00:11:27,754 Now, about that 437 00:11:24,962 --> 00:11:27,754 up-against-the-window sex... 438 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,713 Dude, I don't want 439 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,713 to work for a bank. 440 00:11:29,796 --> 00:11:30,505 Why not? 441 00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:32,505 Because I have standards. 442 00:11:32,713 --> 00:11:33,962 You people are whores. 443 00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:35,962 The things you're willing 444 00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:35,962 to do just for some money, 445 00:11:36,087 --> 00:11:37,588 it's shameful. 446 00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:39,754 You work in a strip club. 447 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,921 Yeah, and I like it. 448 00:11:41,046 --> 00:11:43,380 And I'm good at it. 449 00:11:43,505 --> 00:11:44,547 Barney, 450 00:11:44,713 --> 00:11:47,171 if I took this job, 451 00:11:44,713 --> 00:11:47,171 you would own me. 452 00:11:47,296 --> 00:11:48,796 I would be willingly 453 00:11:47,296 --> 00:11:48,796 stepping into a cage, 454 00:11:48,921 --> 00:11:50,713 which is something I don't do. 455 00:11:50,796 --> 00:11:53,254 Except on Thursdays, when it's 456 00:11:50,796 --> 00:11:53,254 cage night at the Lusty Leopard, 457 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,463 but that's a cardboard cage, 458 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:55,796 and I can get out of it 459 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:55,796 any time I want. 460 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,880 You can? 461 00:11:58,004 --> 00:12:00,004 Wow, thanks 462 00:11:58,004 --> 00:12:00,004 for ruining cage night. 463 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:01,380 Come on, Quinn. 464 00:12:01,505 --> 00:12:02,171 No. 465 00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:03,171 I wouldn't... 466 00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:03,171 Nope. 467 00:12:03,296 --> 00:12:04,962 Don't. 468 00:12:05,087 --> 00:12:06,920 I think I have 469 00:12:05,087 --> 00:12:06,920 some thinking to do. 470 00:12:07,962 --> 00:12:09,920 I... 471 00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:11,296 Mr. Stinson? 472 00:12:11,421 --> 00:12:12,962 Does this mean 473 00:12:11,421 --> 00:12:12,962 I get to keep my job? 474 00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:16,171 Yeah, Herm, you can stay. 475 00:12:16,296 --> 00:12:17,087 Hey, baby, listen. 476 00:12:17,213 --> 00:12:19,796 I'm-I'm sorry I flipped out. 477 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,171 Oh, that's okay. 478 00:12:21,296 --> 00:12:23,547 To be fair, maybe I'm at fault 479 00:12:23,713 --> 00:12:25,296 for loving our child too much, 480 00:12:25,421 --> 00:12:27,713 although that is the definition 481 00:12:25,421 --> 00:12:27,713 of parenting, so... 482 00:12:27,796 --> 00:12:28,588 All right, good make up. 483 00:12:28,713 --> 00:12:30,463 Hey, listen, I went online, 484 00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:32,588 and I found 485 00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:32,588 this Baby Boot Camp thing 486 00:12:32,713 --> 00:12:35,129 that they're doing at a hotel 487 00:12:32,713 --> 00:12:35,129 in Paramus this weekend. 488 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,505 Baby Boot Camp? 489 00:12:36,713 --> 00:12:37,796 That sounds great. 490 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:38,920 Yeah, it's a two-day event... 491 00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:40,213 We're going. 492 00:12:40,338 --> 00:12:41,171 and there's lots 493 00:12:40,338 --> 00:12:41,171 of seminars and classes. 494 00:12:41,296 --> 00:12:43,046 You've already made the sale. 495 00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:44,588 Anyway, I signed us up. 496 00:12:44,713 --> 00:12:46,087 Not even listening anymore; 497 00:12:44,713 --> 00:12:46,087 mentally packing. 498 00:12:46,213 --> 00:12:48,046 I'm trying to figure out 499 00:12:46,213 --> 00:12:48,046 the best way to get to Paramus 500 00:12:48,171 --> 00:12:49,254 without hitting any tolls. 501 00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:50,547 This is gonna be great. 502 00:12:52,046 --> 00:12:53,879 And that was the last time 503 00:12:54,004 --> 00:12:55,754 I'll ever go out with a guy 504 00:12:54,004 --> 00:12:55,754 with a mustache. 505 00:12:57,962 --> 00:12:59,296 This is good. 506 00:12:59,421 --> 00:13:00,920 This is nice, not thinking 507 00:12:59,421 --> 00:13:00,920 about you-know-who. 508 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,754 Just having a good time 509 00:13:02,879 --> 00:13:04,796 and thanking God I didn't grow 510 00:13:02,879 --> 00:13:04,796 that mustache. 511 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,129 And you, 512 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,713 you're so polite. 513 00:13:09,754 --> 00:13:13,213 My ex-fiancé, Wayne, 514 00:13:09,754 --> 00:13:13,213 he had no manners. 515 00:13:13,338 --> 00:13:14,004 Wayne had no manners. 516 00:13:14,129 --> 00:13:15,796 Wayne... manners... 517 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,796 Wayne Manor, 518 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,796 home of Bruce Wayne, 519 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,046 better known as Batman, 520 00:13:21,171 --> 00:13:24,338 mentor to Dick Grayson, 521 00:13:21,171 --> 00:13:24,338 his orphan ward 522 00:13:24,463 --> 00:13:26,547 who at night would don 523 00:13:24,463 --> 00:13:26,547 the colorful vestments 524 00:13:26,713 --> 00:13:28,421 of the Boy Wonder, aka... 525 00:13:28,547 --> 00:13:30,129 Robin. 526 00:13:30,254 --> 00:13:33,505 Holy long walk for a short drink 527 00:13:30,254 --> 00:13:33,505 of water, Ted. 528 00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:34,588 Stop this. 529 00:13:34,754 --> 00:13:36,547 I need you out of my life 530 00:13:34,754 --> 00:13:36,547 for real. 531 00:13:36,713 --> 00:13:37,920 You don't mean that. 532 00:13:36,713 --> 00:13:37,920 Yes, I do. 533 00:13:38,046 --> 00:13:39,046 No, you don't. 534 00:13:39,171 --> 00:13:40,796 Look how much is changing 535 00:13:39,171 --> 00:13:40,796 right now. 536 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,171 Marshall and Lily 537 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,171 are having a baby. 538 00:13:43,296 --> 00:13:43,962 Barney's shacking up 539 00:13:43,296 --> 00:13:43,962 with a girl. 540 00:13:44,087 --> 00:13:45,879 With your whole world 541 00:13:46,004 --> 00:13:47,421 turning upside down, 542 00:13:47,547 --> 00:13:48,962 isn't a friendship like this one 543 00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:52,171 something you want to hold on to 544 00:13:49,087 --> 00:13:52,171 as tightly as possible? 545 00:13:54,463 --> 00:13:57,879 And every time I look at you, 546 00:13:54,463 --> 00:13:57,879 it hurts. 547 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,463 and that's the story 548 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,463 of my only lesbian experience. 549 00:14:00,713 --> 00:14:01,879 I'm sorry 550 00:14:02,004 --> 00:14:03,879 for going into so much detail. 551 00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:06,338 I'll never tell 552 00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:06,338 that story again. 553 00:14:06,463 --> 00:14:08,087 Anyway, how's your meal? 554 00:14:08,213 --> 00:14:10,421 Holly, listen, 555 00:14:08,213 --> 00:14:10,421 I should probably tell you, 556 00:14:10,547 --> 00:14:14,004 um, I'm kind of getting 557 00:14:10,547 --> 00:14:14,004 over someone right now. 558 00:14:14,129 --> 00:14:16,713 I am so glad you said that. 559 00:14:16,837 --> 00:14:19,004 I guess I'm still 560 00:14:16,837 --> 00:14:19,004 getting over Wayne. 561 00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:19,962 It's been really hard. 562 00:14:21,754 --> 00:14:23,129 Can I interest you 563 00:14:21,754 --> 00:14:23,129 in some sorbet? 564 00:14:23,254 --> 00:14:26,046 You two look like you could both 565 00:14:23,254 --> 00:14:26,046 use a palate cleanser. 566 00:14:32,463 --> 00:14:33,754 How's your palate, Ted? 567 00:14:33,879 --> 00:14:36,046 Pretty cleansed. 568 00:14:38,547 --> 00:14:40,753 You know, at this seminar, 569 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,920 there's gonna be the 570 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,920 one guy who's, like, 571 00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:45,713 Mr. Parenting Expert, keeps 572 00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:45,713 interrupting the speakers 573 00:14:45,837 --> 00:14:47,505 with his own "important facts." 574 00:14:47,713 --> 00:14:49,713 And you're gonna be sitting 575 00:14:47,713 --> 00:14:49,713 right next to him, 576 00:14:49,795 --> 00:14:52,129 so get ready for that. 577 00:14:52,254 --> 00:14:54,713 Baby, you've been a little 578 00:14:52,254 --> 00:14:54,713 sleep deprived lately. 579 00:14:54,837 --> 00:14:56,004 Why don't you let me drive? 580 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,588 You know what, that's 581 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,588 not such a bad idea. 582 00:14:59,713 --> 00:15:01,004 I mean, the last thing we want 583 00:15:01,129 --> 00:15:05,171 is for me to get 584 00:15:01,129 --> 00:15:05,171 behind the wheel and just... 585 00:15:14,254 --> 00:15:16,837 Oh, baby, you smell good. 586 00:15:16,962 --> 00:15:19,463 When we get to that hotel, 587 00:15:19,588 --> 00:15:22,004 I'm gonna wear 588 00:15:19,588 --> 00:15:22,004 your pregnant belly like a hat. 589 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,712 You'll have to buy me 590 00:15:23,837 --> 00:15:25,129 a couple of 591 00:15:23,837 --> 00:15:25,129 cocktails first. 592 00:15:25,254 --> 00:15:25,920 Bar-Barney! 593 00:15:26,046 --> 00:15:28,505 Where are we? 594 00:15:28,712 --> 00:15:31,547 Atlantic City, baby! 595 00:15:31,712 --> 00:15:33,712 Well, in 14 miles. 596 00:15:39,837 --> 00:15:40,753 What the hell is going on? 597 00:15:40,879 --> 00:15:42,087 And where is Lily? 598 00:15:42,213 --> 00:15:44,712 And what did you do 599 00:15:42,213 --> 00:15:44,712 to the practice baby? 600 00:15:44,795 --> 00:15:46,879 And is there any left? 601 00:15:47,004 --> 00:15:49,588 Lily was worried about you. 602 00:15:49,712 --> 00:15:51,879 She thought you needed 603 00:15:49,712 --> 00:15:51,879 to unwind, so... 604 00:15:52,004 --> 00:15:55,087 I mean, the last thing 605 00:15:52,004 --> 00:15:55,087 we want is for me to 606 00:15:55,213 --> 00:15:57,588 get behind the wheel 607 00:15:55,213 --> 00:15:57,588 and just... 608 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:04,213 She made reservations 609 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:04,213 for two deluxe rooms, 610 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,712 massages, and dinner 611 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,712 at the Palm, 612 00:16:05,837 --> 00:16:08,421 and in return, 613 00:16:05,837 --> 00:16:08,421 I made her cookies. 614 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,046 So, there's no Baby Boot Camp 615 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,046 at the Paramus Waldorf? 616 00:16:15,046 --> 00:16:17,712 Is there even a Paramus Waldorf? 617 00:16:17,753 --> 00:16:18,920 Bro... 618 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,712 I am so mad at Lily right now. 619 00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:25,004 She knew you would be; 620 00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:25,004 that's why she packed this. 621 00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:27,421 Aw. 622 00:16:27,547 --> 00:16:28,920 My mad-at-Lily shirt. 623 00:16:29,046 --> 00:16:32,588 I had this made for me 624 00:16:32,712 --> 00:16:34,712 and my high school 625 00:16:32,712 --> 00:16:34,712 girlfriend, Steph. 626 00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:35,837 In reality, 627 00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:35,837 "Marshall and Steph 4-eva" 628 00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,753 turned out to be 629 00:16:37,879 --> 00:16:39,254 "Marshall and Steph 630 00:16:37,879 --> 00:16:39,254 for two days 631 00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:43,171 until Steph's boyfriend 632 00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:43,171 got out of juvie a week early." 633 00:16:43,296 --> 00:16:44,879 Drives Lily crazy 634 00:16:43,296 --> 00:16:44,879 when I wear it. 635 00:16:46,837 --> 00:16:49,338 I hope she's miserable 636 00:16:46,837 --> 00:16:49,338 without me. 637 00:16:53,837 --> 00:16:55,712 Hey, Ted, 638 00:16:53,837 --> 00:16:55,712 how's tricks? 639 00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:57,171 Tricks are pretty good, Lou. 640 00:16:57,296 --> 00:17:00,171 Had some girl trouble 641 00:16:57,296 --> 00:17:00,171 earlier in the week, but, uh, 642 00:17:00,296 --> 00:17:02,380 I got a feeling from here on 643 00:17:00,296 --> 00:17:02,380 out, things are gonna be A... 644 00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,753 O-Oh, you son of a bitch. 645 00:17:04,879 --> 00:17:07,213 Hello. 646 00:17:09,254 --> 00:17:10,712 Lily's right. 647 00:17:10,753 --> 00:17:11,753 I've been acting crazy. 648 00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:13,046 No, it's okay, bro. 649 00:17:13,171 --> 00:17:14,753 I mean, yeah, 650 00:17:13,171 --> 00:17:14,753 you've been a little crazy, 651 00:17:14,879 --> 00:17:17,087 but it comes from love. 652 00:17:17,213 --> 00:17:19,254 It's the same kind of crazy 653 00:17:17,213 --> 00:17:19,254 that makes a man 654 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:22,505 offer his stripper girlfriend 655 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:22,505 over half a million dollars 656 00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:23,712 of government bailout money, 657 00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:25,505 not to rub up 658 00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:25,505 on other guys' junk. 659 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:26,837 It's good crazy. 660 00:17:32,338 --> 00:17:33,753 I hope Lily's okay. 661 00:17:32,338 --> 00:17:33,753 Okay, 662 00:17:33,879 --> 00:17:35,087 you know, that's it, bro. 663 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:36,837 We're both turning off 664 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:36,837 our phones for one hour. 665 00:17:36,962 --> 00:17:37,962 Motion denied. 666 00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:40,920 Okay, you leave me no choice. 667 00:17:41,046 --> 00:17:43,962 you give me one hour 668 00:17:41,046 --> 00:17:43,962 of phone-free bro time, 669 00:17:44,087 --> 00:17:47,712 during which we, 670 00:17:44,087 --> 00:17:47,712 and by we I mean you, 671 00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,712 get magnificently, 672 00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,712 mythologically drunk. 673 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,213 I'm talking needing-subtitles- 674 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,213 when-you-speak drunk. 675 00:17:54,338 --> 00:17:55,837 If you can give me that, 676 00:17:55,962 --> 00:17:59,795 I will wear this. 677 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:01,129 The ducky tie? 678 00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:02,463 I thought you threw 679 00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:02,463 that thing away. 680 00:18:02,587 --> 00:18:03,795 I did. 681 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:04,962 It came back. 682 00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:07,505 All right, Barney, 683 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,338 you got yourself a deal. 684 00:18:13,129 --> 00:18:15,380 Um, excuse me, miss. 685 00:18:15,505 --> 00:18:16,920 Um, when you get a chance, 686 00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:19,795 could you bring over a hundred 687 00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:19,795 shots of tequila, please? 688 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,171 I'll have the same. 689 00:18:26,046 --> 00:18:27,962 Why are you still here? 690 00:18:28,087 --> 00:18:29,129 Why do you think I'm still here? 691 00:18:29,254 --> 00:18:32,712 I guess because I'm 692 00:18:29,254 --> 00:18:32,712 in love with you. 693 00:18:32,795 --> 00:18:34,962 Why else would I be seeing 694 00:18:32,795 --> 00:18:34,962 your face everywhere I look? 695 00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:37,546 Because you feel bad. 696 00:18:37,712 --> 00:18:39,587 Of course I feel bad. 697 00:18:39,712 --> 00:18:41,421 I told you I love you, 698 00:18:41,546 --> 00:18:44,879 which is apparently the worst 699 00:18:41,546 --> 00:18:44,879 thing you can say to someone. 700 00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:46,087 That's not why you feel bad. 701 00:18:46,213 --> 00:18:49,004 You feel bad because 702 00:18:46,213 --> 00:18:49,004 after you said it, 703 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,712 you let me go away. 704 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,879 I know our relationship 705 00:18:53,004 --> 00:18:55,171 isn't exactly 706 00:18:53,004 --> 00:18:55,171 what you want it to be, 707 00:18:55,296 --> 00:18:57,254 and I know I 708 00:18:55,296 --> 00:18:57,254 may not love you 709 00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:01,087 the way you love me, 710 00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:01,087 but I do love you. 711 00:19:02,004 --> 00:19:04,920 Isn't that worth hanging on to? 712 00:19:09,296 --> 00:19:11,795 I miss you. 713 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,046 So go get me back. 714 00:19:21,004 --> 00:19:23,587 Robin? 715 00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:24,504 Ted. 716 00:19:24,712 --> 00:19:25,920 It's good to really see you. 717 00:19:26,046 --> 00:19:27,712 It's really good to see you. 718 00:19:27,837 --> 00:19:28,920 Look, I think we need to talk. 719 00:19:29,046 --> 00:19:31,254 Uh, me, too, 720 00:19:29,046 --> 00:19:31,254 but now's not a good time. 721 00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:32,046 Why not? 722 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,171 I am proud of you, bro. 723 00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:36,712 You turned off your phone 724 00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:36,712 for one hour, 725 00:19:36,795 --> 00:19:37,920 and you got so drunk... 726 00:19:41,962 --> 00:19:44,712 Exactly. 727 00:19:45,712 --> 00:19:46,546 Hey, 728 00:19:46,712 --> 00:19:47,380 Yes, Marshall? 729 00:19:50,587 --> 00:19:52,046 Well, I don't see why not. 730 00:19:54,421 --> 00:19:57,962 Whoa! I've got 731 00:19:54,421 --> 00:19:57,962 17 new voicemails. 732 00:19:58,087 --> 00:19:59,421 Barney, it's Lily. 733 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:00,753 You guys need to get back 734 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:00,753 to New York right away. 735 00:20:00,879 --> 00:20:01,837 I'm in labor. 736 00:20:05,129 --> 00:20:05,795 All hail Beercules! 737 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,171 Yeah! 738 00:20:18,171 --> 00:20:21,046 All right, Barney, 739 00:20:18,171 --> 00:20:21,046 you got yourself a deal. 740 00:20:25,587 --> 00:20:26,795 Hey, you've reached Marshall. 741 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,171 Please leave a message. 742 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,254 Hey, baby, it's me. 743 00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:32,795 I think I'm labor. 744 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,795 We should do this 745 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,795 every weekend. 746 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,920 Okay, this is real. 747 00:20:38,046 --> 00:20:39,920 It's not a false alarm. 748 00:20:40,046 --> 00:20:41,338 This is real; I'm in labor. 749 00:20:41,462 --> 00:20:43,670 I kind of need you 750 00:20:41,462 --> 00:20:43,670 to call me back now. 751 00:20:43,795 --> 00:20:44,753 How does somebody so little 752 00:20:44,879 --> 00:20:47,920 have such strong fingers? 753 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,380 Where are you? 754 00:20:49,504 --> 00:20:50,628 Call me! 755 00:20:50,753 --> 00:20:53,670 He is the manager 756 00:20:50,753 --> 00:20:53,670 of the Paramus Waldorf. 757 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:57,462 You come to Paramus, 758 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:57,462 we will hook you up. 759 00:20:57,587 --> 00:20:59,338 If you're trying 760 00:20:57,587 --> 00:20:59,338 to get back at me, 761 00:20:59,462 --> 00:21:02,712 you have chosen a wildly 762 00:20:59,462 --> 00:21:02,712 inappropriate way of doing so! 763 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:08,795 Oh, yeah... Oh, yeah.