1 00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:02,659 Kids, when Aunt Lily 2 00:00:01,199 --> 00:00:02,659 went into labor, 3 00:00:02,783 --> 00:00:05,578 Marshall was somewhere 4 00:00:02,783 --> 00:00:05,578 slightly inconvenient, 5 00:00:05,704 --> 00:00:08,665 in Atlantic City 6 00:00:05,704 --> 00:00:08,665 with Uncle Barney, 7 00:00:08,789 --> 00:00:11,083 and drunk to the point of 8 00:00:08,789 --> 00:00:11,083 talking like Yoda. 9 00:00:11,209 --> 00:00:13,002 Baby come... 10 00:00:13,127 --> 00:00:14,795 Papa gonna be am I... 11 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,255 Hospital must we get now... 12 00:00:16,381 --> 00:00:19,759 Okay, there's like a four-hour 13 00:00:16,381 --> 00:00:19,759 wait at the valet stand. 14 00:00:19,884 --> 00:00:22,845 Plus, we're in no shape to 15 00:00:19,884 --> 00:00:22,845 drive. So, a car's out... 16 00:00:22,970 --> 00:00:25,181 Wait, don't worry. We'll take 17 00:00:22,970 --> 00:00:25,181 a cab to the train station. 18 00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:27,600 Yeah, good luck 19 00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:27,600 getting a cab. 20 00:00:27,726 --> 00:00:29,185 It's impossible because 21 00:00:27,726 --> 00:00:29,185 of the big thing. 22 00:00:29,310 --> 00:00:31,437 Kids, for the life of 23 00:00:29,310 --> 00:00:31,437 me, I can't remember 24 00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,981 what the big thing was in 25 00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,981 Atlantic City that weekend. 26 00:00:34,106 --> 00:00:35,274 Was it 27 00:00:34,106 --> 00:00:35,274 a cheerleading convention? 28 00:00:37,276 --> 00:00:40,613 No, it was a porn convention. 29 00:00:40,739 --> 00:00:43,616 Sci-fi convention? 30 00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:45,451 Eh, I can't remember. 31 00:00:48,287 --> 00:00:52,792 We're stuck in Atlantic City! 32 00:00:48,287 --> 00:00:52,792 City of Atlantic 33 00:00:48,287 --> 00:00:52,792 stuck in are we. 34 00:01:05,971 --> 00:01:08,600 Okay, Lily, 35 00:01:05,971 --> 00:01:08,600 it's going to be fine. 36 00:01:08,725 --> 00:01:11,102 We are not freaking out. 37 00:01:08,725 --> 00:01:11,102 We are not freaking out! 38 00:01:11,227 --> 00:01:14,105 I feel calmer already. 39 00:01:11,227 --> 00:01:14,105 Let's get you to the hospital. 40 00:01:14,230 --> 00:01:16,190 Oh, I can't go yet. 41 00:01:14,230 --> 00:01:16,190 I talked to Dr. Sonya. 42 00:01:16,315 --> 00:01:18,943 They won't admit me 43 00:01:16,315 --> 00:01:18,943 until my contractions 44 00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:21,487 are four minutes apart. 45 00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:21,487 Okay, well, if you 46 00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:21,487 don't make it in time, 47 00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:24,115 I have got you covered. When I 48 00:01:21,613 --> 00:01:24,115 was 13, my father caught me 49 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,451 kissing a boy, so he sent me 50 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,451 to our family's ranch 51 00:01:26,576 --> 00:01:28,536 for foaling season. 52 00:01:26,576 --> 00:01:28,536 Once you see a baby horse 53 00:01:28,661 --> 00:01:31,205 erupt through that birth canal, 54 00:01:28,661 --> 00:01:31,205 you stop even touching yourself. 55 00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:33,958 Anyway, I had skinny arms, 56 00:01:31,330 --> 00:01:33,958 so I got up there elbow deep. 57 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:35,334 I lost this watch 58 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:35,334 birthing Blacky... 59 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:39,171 Okay, stop it. I am not 60 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:39,171 a farm animal. 61 00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:42,007 Oh, there we go. 62 00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:42,007 Easy girl. Sugar cube? 63 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:43,551 Oh, okay. 64 00:01:43,676 --> 00:01:44,844 Ah, don't worry, Lil. 65 00:01:45,010 --> 00:01:47,722 Some of us know what 66 00:01:45,010 --> 00:01:47,722 a woman actually needs 67 00:01:47,847 --> 00:01:49,223 at a time like this. 68 00:01:49,348 --> 00:01:53,311 A kick-ass 69 00:01:49,348 --> 00:01:53,311 labor announcement e-mail. 70 00:01:53,436 --> 00:01:55,396 A man, 71 00:01:55,521 --> 00:01:56,230 a woman, 72 00:01:56,355 --> 00:01:58,399 and their best friend, 73 00:01:58,524 --> 00:02:00,819 embark on an 74 00:01:58,524 --> 00:02:00,819 incredible journey. 75 00:02:00,985 --> 00:02:04,322 Lily's cervix is dilating, 76 00:02:00,985 --> 00:02:04,322 and we want you all 77 00:02:04,447 --> 00:02:06,699 to be part of its 78 00:02:04,447 --> 00:02:06,699 grand opening. 79 00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:09,201 You are not sending that 80 00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:09,201 to anyone, ever. 81 00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:13,080 So what I need right now is 82 00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:13,080 distraction from the pain. 83 00:02:13,205 --> 00:02:14,707 Just tell me a story. 84 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:16,793 Uh, what story? 85 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:16,793 I don't care. Anything. 86 00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,795 How about the worst 87 00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,795 cab ride ever? 88 00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:19,629 Clean your window for you? 89 00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:19,629 No! 90 00:02:19,754 --> 00:02:22,006 Hey, get off my cab! 91 00:02:24,676 --> 00:02:26,260 Oh! Oh, God! 92 00:02:26,385 --> 00:02:28,179 Oh! 93 00:02:26,385 --> 00:02:28,179 Ah! 94 00:02:33,434 --> 00:02:35,687 We are not panicking! 95 00:02:33,434 --> 00:02:35,687 We are not panicking! 96 00:02:35,812 --> 00:02:37,856 Get on all fours; 97 00:02:35,812 --> 00:02:37,856 it widens your hind quarters. 98 00:02:38,022 --> 00:02:40,775 Stop it! I am not 99 00:02:38,022 --> 00:02:40,775 a farm animal! 100 00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:42,819 But give me that sugar cube. 101 00:02:43,027 --> 00:02:45,738 Okay, listen, I am going to 102 00:02:43,027 --> 00:02:45,738 get you to that hospital 103 00:02:45,864 --> 00:02:49,200 or die trying. 104 00:02:45,864 --> 00:02:49,200 And if I succeed, 105 00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:51,202 I ask only one thing in return. 106 00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:53,329 You can't have sex with Lily. 107 00:02:53,454 --> 00:02:56,123 I ask only a second thing 108 00:02:53,454 --> 00:02:56,123 in return. 109 00:02:56,248 --> 00:02:57,208 We're not naming 110 00:02:56,248 --> 00:02:57,208 our child Barney. 111 00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:59,752 I ask only a third thing 112 00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:59,752 in return. 113 00:03:00,044 --> 00:03:03,339 Let me choose 114 00:03:00,044 --> 00:03:03,339 your child's middle name. 115 00:03:03,464 --> 00:03:05,925 Because I have thought up the 116 00:03:03,464 --> 00:03:05,925 most awesome name of all time. 117 00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:06,759 What's the middle name? 118 00:03:06,885 --> 00:03:09,303 Wait for it... 119 00:03:09,428 --> 00:03:10,847 I'm waiting. 120 00:03:11,055 --> 00:03:12,139 Wait for it... 121 00:03:12,264 --> 00:03:13,892 I said I'm waiting. 122 00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:16,435 Wait for it. 123 00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:16,435 What's the middle name? 124 00:03:16,561 --> 00:03:18,646 No, the middle name is 125 00:03:16,561 --> 00:03:18,646 "Wait For It." 126 00:03:18,771 --> 00:03:21,357 Let's say his first name is, 127 00:03:18,771 --> 00:03:21,357 oh, I don't know, Barney. 128 00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:24,861 He'd be Barney 129 00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:24,861 "Wait For It" Eriksen. 130 00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:27,071 How awesome is that? 131 00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:30,449 That is... 132 00:03:30,575 --> 00:03:32,827 the coolest... 133 00:03:30,575 --> 00:03:32,827 middle name of all time. 134 00:03:32,952 --> 00:03:35,914 I know! 135 00:03:32,952 --> 00:03:35,914 Okay, listen. 136 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,708 I have a plan 137 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,708 to get us to New York. 138 00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:41,753 All we have to do is get our 139 00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:41,753 hands on that motorcycle. 140 00:03:41,878 --> 00:03:47,425 And I know just the way 141 00:03:41,878 --> 00:03:47,425 to do it. 142 00:03:53,723 --> 00:03:54,557 Here. 143 00:03:54,682 --> 00:03:57,101 Oh. Hi, Judy. 144 00:03:57,226 --> 00:04:01,355 Oh, good. 145 00:03:57,226 --> 00:04:01,355 You got the e-mail from Ted. 146 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,734 No, I am not worried my 147 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,734 city hips are too narrow, 148 00:04:04,859 --> 00:04:07,111 and-and your grandson's 149 00:04:04,859 --> 00:04:07,111 going to get stuck. 150 00:04:07,236 --> 00:04:08,404 I got to go. 151 00:04:08,529 --> 00:04:11,156 I thought you deleted 152 00:04:08,529 --> 00:04:11,156 that stupid e-mail. 153 00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:13,451 Okay, I sent it by accident. 154 00:04:13,576 --> 00:04:15,369 She like it? 155 00:04:13,576 --> 00:04:15,369 Yes! 156 00:04:15,494 --> 00:04:17,121 Just keep telling me stories! 157 00:04:17,204 --> 00:04:21,876 Okay, okay, I got one for you: 158 00:04:17,204 --> 00:04:21,876 second base with Neil Young. 159 00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,836 Um, 160 00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:27,840 I don't normally go to, um, 161 00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:27,840 second base and tell, 162 00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:33,721 but I just spent 163 00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:33,721 a magical night with Neil Young. 164 00:04:33,846 --> 00:04:34,806 He's still in my room. 165 00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:37,224 Seriously? 166 00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:37,224 Oh, my God. 167 00:04:37,349 --> 00:04:38,977 Be quiet, don't scare him off. 168 00:04:40,478 --> 00:04:41,771 He-Hey... 169 00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:46,400 Robin... 170 00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:46,400 Yeah. 171 00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:49,153 That's not Neil Young. 172 00:04:51,155 --> 00:04:53,365 Oh, God. 173 00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:56,953 Oh, we're busting apple bags? 174 00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:56,953 I can bust apple bags. 175 00:04:57,161 --> 00:05:00,915 Ted, remember when we were 176 00:04:57,161 --> 00:05:00,915 dating and we threw that party 177 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,208 and one of those appetizers 178 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,208 just didn't sit right? 179 00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:06,170 Ah... doesn't sound familiar. 180 00:05:06,295 --> 00:05:10,215 I call this story "Ted and 181 00:05:06,295 --> 00:05:10,215 the Cuban Sandwich Crisis." 182 00:05:12,176 --> 00:05:14,261 Ted came out of that 183 00:05:12,176 --> 00:05:14,261 bathroom looking like 184 00:05:14,386 --> 00:05:17,181 Joe Frazier after 185 00:05:14,386 --> 00:05:17,181 the Thrilla in Manila. 186 00:05:17,222 --> 00:05:20,559 Oh, what is that smell! 187 00:05:20,685 --> 00:05:22,561 Ugh! 188 00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:27,650 So I, being a great girlfriend, 189 00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:27,650 tried to help him out. 190 00:05:31,487 --> 00:05:33,322 You guys are all crazy; 191 00:05:31,487 --> 00:05:33,322 I don't smell anything. 192 00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:35,407 Anyway, uh, who wants to 193 00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:35,407 go up on the roof? 194 00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:36,325 But then... 195 00:05:36,450 --> 00:05:40,412 She, who denied it, supplied it. 196 00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:45,918 Yeah, must have been that 197 00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:45,918 Cuban sandwich, huh, babe? 198 00:05:46,044 --> 00:05:47,419 That was not cool, Ted. 199 00:05:47,545 --> 00:05:48,212 Contraction! 200 00:05:48,295 --> 00:05:50,006 That wasn't cool, Ted? 201 00:05:50,214 --> 00:05:51,799 Just keep going 202 00:05:50,214 --> 00:05:51,799 with the stories. 203 00:05:51,924 --> 00:05:54,635 I don't even care 204 00:05:51,924 --> 00:05:54,635 if I've heard it before. 205 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,262 Just tell me, uh, 206 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,262 "Where Does That Door Go?" 207 00:05:57,388 --> 00:05:58,514 Okay. 208 00:05:58,639 --> 00:06:02,226 Hey, I've never noticed 209 00:05:58,639 --> 00:06:02,226 that door before. 210 00:06:03,936 --> 00:06:06,480 I wonder where it goes. 211 00:06:09,817 --> 00:06:10,943 Ted. 212 00:06:09,817 --> 00:06:10,943 Ted. 213 00:06:11,069 --> 00:06:14,030 No, no, no, let him... 214 00:06:11,069 --> 00:06:14,030 let him... 215 00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:20,036 Wow... 216 00:06:25,249 --> 00:06:25,917 Don't... 217 00:06:25,249 --> 00:06:25,917 No... 218 00:06:26,042 --> 00:06:28,586 Robi... 219 00:06:34,133 --> 00:06:37,595 Oh... 220 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,304 Wow... 221 00:06:40,681 --> 00:06:41,933 Dad, oh, good. 222 00:06:42,058 --> 00:06:44,143 Let me guess, 223 00:06:42,058 --> 00:06:44,143 you got Ted's e-mail. 224 00:06:44,268 --> 00:06:47,521 I'm on my way, Princess. 225 00:06:44,268 --> 00:06:47,521 Dad, wait, no, not... 226 00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:48,981 Damn it, Ted. 227 00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:52,860 I was okay with you e-mailing 228 00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:52,860 my aunt, my cousins, 229 00:06:52,985 --> 00:06:55,696 and your cousins, 230 00:06:52,985 --> 00:06:55,696 and the guy that Robin 231 00:06:52,985 --> 00:06:55,696 thought was Neil Young. 232 00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:59,617 But my father is the absolute 233 00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:59,617 worst person to have around 234 00:06:59,742 --> 00:07:02,036 in any sort of 235 00:06:59,742 --> 00:07:02,036 medical situation. 236 00:07:02,161 --> 00:07:02,870 When I was seven, I needed 237 00:07:02,995 --> 00:07:05,039 to have my tonsils out. 238 00:07:05,164 --> 00:07:07,041 Daddy, I'm scared. 239 00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:10,086 Aw, Princess, I would be too. 240 00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:10,086 I've researched this surgery. 241 00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:14,048 Anything can happen. 242 00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:14,048 You could bleed to death... 243 00:07:14,173 --> 00:07:16,759 you could have your jaw 244 00:07:14,173 --> 00:07:16,759 removed due to infection, 245 00:07:16,884 --> 00:07:19,678 and the anesthesia could 246 00:07:16,884 --> 00:07:19,678 suddenly just stop working, 247 00:07:19,804 --> 00:07:21,555 much like your mom's 248 00:07:19,804 --> 00:07:21,555 and my marriage. 249 00:07:24,642 --> 00:07:27,728 You do know that we're 250 00:07:24,642 --> 00:07:27,728 getting a divor... 251 00:07:27,853 --> 00:07:30,564 Don't worry about it. We'll talk 252 00:07:27,853 --> 00:07:30,564 about it after the surgery. 253 00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:31,941 Calm down, girl. 254 00:07:32,066 --> 00:07:35,402 Okay, for the last time, 255 00:07:32,066 --> 00:07:35,402 I am not... 256 00:07:35,527 --> 00:07:38,322 Actually, keep going. 257 00:07:38,405 --> 00:07:41,325 Okay, I admit the whole "win a 258 00:07:38,405 --> 00:07:41,325 motorcycle plan" was stupid. 259 00:07:41,450 --> 00:07:45,579 Especially because we've been 260 00:07:41,450 --> 00:07:45,579 playing on the wrong machine. 261 00:07:48,332 --> 00:07:50,751 Meet me at the entrance 262 00:07:48,332 --> 00:07:50,751 in five minutes. 263 00:07:54,088 --> 00:07:58,092 Hop on, Marshall. 264 00:07:54,088 --> 00:07:58,092 Tonight, we ride! 265 00:07:58,217 --> 00:08:00,970 You won that? 266 00:08:01,095 --> 00:08:03,806 Not exactly. You see, I... 267 00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:04,140 Get off! 268 00:08:10,354 --> 00:08:13,024 I hope Marshall's close. 269 00:08:10,354 --> 00:08:13,024 Cube me. 270 00:08:14,358 --> 00:08:16,152 I'm on my way, Lily Pad. 271 00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,156 Kids, your Uncle Marshall 272 00:08:20,364 --> 00:08:22,449 has faced many challenges 273 00:08:20,364 --> 00:08:22,449 in his life. 274 00:08:22,574 --> 00:08:24,451 But he still considers 275 00:08:22,574 --> 00:08:24,451 getting up these two steps 276 00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,162 when he was this drunk to be 277 00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,162 the hardest one of all. 278 00:08:42,887 --> 00:08:44,513 Tell me a Marshall story. 279 00:08:42,887 --> 00:08:44,513 I miss him. 280 00:08:44,638 --> 00:08:48,600 Got it. 281 00:08:44,638 --> 00:08:48,600 "The Tale of the Cursed Pants." 282 00:08:48,726 --> 00:08:51,687 Hey, guys. 283 00:08:51,812 --> 00:08:53,605 So, I'm starting worry 284 00:08:51,812 --> 00:08:53,605 about these pants. 285 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:54,899 Starting to? 286 00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:56,608 No, ever since I got them, 287 00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:56,608 terrible things 288 00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:58,485 have been happening to me: 289 00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:58,485 I stubbed my toe, 290 00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:01,822 I missed my train... 291 00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:01,822 You put on the pants. 292 00:09:01,947 --> 00:09:04,700 And then the lady at the thrift 293 00:09:01,947 --> 00:09:04,700 store said that for years, 294 00:09:04,825 --> 00:09:07,995 no one so much as tried them on. 295 00:09:04,825 --> 00:09:07,995 Can you believe that? 296 00:09:04,825 --> 00:09:07,995 Yes. 297 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,538 You know what this means? 298 00:09:09,663 --> 00:09:12,875 These pants are cursed. 299 00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:16,712 What's this in the pocket? 300 00:09:19,506 --> 00:09:20,716 A clue. 301 00:09:20,841 --> 00:09:24,011 Marshall had 302 00:09:20,841 --> 00:09:24,011 the writing translated. 303 00:09:24,136 --> 00:09:27,056 It led him deep 304 00:09:24,136 --> 00:09:27,056 into the heart of Chinatown. 305 00:09:37,816 --> 00:09:39,526 It is you. 306 00:09:39,651 --> 00:09:42,029 The One has arrived. 307 00:09:48,702 --> 00:09:52,039 Dry cleaning, $21.50. 308 00:09:52,164 --> 00:09:54,666 I remember that suit. 309 00:09:52,164 --> 00:09:54,666 He looked like 310 00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,627 a little kid's 311 00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,627 imaginary friend. 312 00:09:56,752 --> 00:09:58,670 Where is he? 313 00:09:58,796 --> 00:10:00,756 Now, Uncle Marshall 314 00:09:58,796 --> 00:10:00,756 knew he had only one chance 315 00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:03,342 of getting out 316 00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:03,342 of Atlantic City: 317 00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,676 bribing a cab driver. 318 00:10:04,802 --> 00:10:07,638 Machine that gives money! 319 00:10:12,851 --> 00:10:15,437 Now, Marshall 320 00:10:12,851 --> 00:10:15,437 was pretty drunk, 321 00:10:15,562 --> 00:10:18,023 but he swears the ATM 322 00:10:15,562 --> 00:10:18,023 started to do this. 323 00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:37,709 Stop 324 00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:37,709 hitting me. Just for that, 325 00:10:37,835 --> 00:10:39,628 you're never getting home 326 00:10:37,835 --> 00:10:39,628 for the birth of your son. 327 00:10:50,348 --> 00:10:52,683 No! 328 00:10:52,808 --> 00:10:55,353 What's up, bro? 329 00:10:55,477 --> 00:10:57,938 Wait, how did you... 330 00:10:55,477 --> 00:10:57,938 with the security? 331 00:10:58,063 --> 00:10:59,357 I'll explain. 332 00:11:01,817 --> 00:11:04,736 Tell me why we shouldn't 333 00:11:01,817 --> 00:11:04,736 call the authorities... 334 00:11:04,862 --> 00:11:07,823 right now? 335 00:11:04,862 --> 00:11:07,823 Go ahead, call 'em. 336 00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:11,118 But first, can you show me 337 00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:11,118 the rule that says you can't 338 00:11:11,243 --> 00:11:13,662 drive a motorcycle 339 00:11:11,243 --> 00:11:13,662 on the casino floor? 340 00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:18,750 It's not in here. 341 00:11:21,712 --> 00:11:25,299 And, kids, that sign 342 00:11:21,712 --> 00:11:25,299 is still there to this day. 343 00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:28,302 When I came out, 344 00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:28,302 I ran into this guy. 345 00:11:28,427 --> 00:11:29,803 Two seats just opened up 346 00:11:29,928 --> 00:11:32,806 on his bus to New York! 347 00:11:32,931 --> 00:11:34,641 Barney, you're a genius! 348 00:11:34,766 --> 00:11:37,061 Plus, here's the best part. 349 00:11:37,186 --> 00:11:39,604 This Quinn thing is probably 350 00:11:37,186 --> 00:11:39,604 done, so I'm basically single. 351 00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:43,317 He said the bus is full of 352 00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:43,317 hot college seniors. 353 00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:46,195 Okay, maybe he didn't 354 00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:46,195 say "college." 355 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:46,862 Or "hot." 356 00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:50,115 I miss Quinn. 357 00:11:51,242 --> 00:11:51,658 What is taking Marshall so long? 358 00:11:51,783 --> 00:11:53,452 Salt lick? 359 00:11:53,577 --> 00:11:55,704 Just finish the door story! 360 00:12:08,884 --> 00:12:11,470 Oh, wow. 361 00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:16,600 I don't like this. 362 00:12:16,725 --> 00:12:17,726 Okay, okay, that's 363 00:12:16,725 --> 00:12:17,726 four minutes! 364 00:12:17,851 --> 00:12:19,728 We're going to 365 00:12:17,851 --> 00:12:19,728 the hospital. 366 00:12:19,853 --> 00:12:21,313 W-Wait, but Marshall's 367 00:12:19,853 --> 00:12:21,313 not here yet. 368 00:12:21,439 --> 00:12:23,315 I can't go to the hospital 369 00:12:21,439 --> 00:12:23,315 without Marshall! 370 00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:24,608 I'm on it. 371 00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:24,608 Lily, spread your legs. 372 00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:26,444 I'm gonna see if we can 373 00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:26,444 see the hooves... 374 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,945 uh, the-the snout... 375 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,945 uh, the head. 376 00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,696 Here we go. 377 00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,696 Take me to the hospital now. 378 00:12:29,821 --> 00:12:31,656 Okay. Come 379 00:12:29,821 --> 00:12:31,656 on, come on. 380 00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:32,824 Excuse me, sir. 381 00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:33,825 My wife is in labor, 382 00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:33,825 and I really need to 383 00:12:33,951 --> 00:12:35,827 get to Saint Marcus Hospital. 384 00:12:35,953 --> 00:12:37,871 So where exactly in New York 385 00:12:35,953 --> 00:12:37,871 does this bus drop off? 386 00:12:37,996 --> 00:12:40,124 Buffalo. 387 00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:49,258 What do you mean 388 00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:49,258 I can't have an epidural? 389 00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:49,258 You're too far along. 390 00:12:49,383 --> 00:12:50,884 Things are moving much faster 391 00:12:49,383 --> 00:12:50,884 than expected. 392 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,764 Look, if your hands 393 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,764 are tied medically, 394 00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:58,476 just leave the epidural 395 00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:58,476 on the table and walk away. 396 00:12:58,642 --> 00:12:59,893 Don't worry. 397 00:13:00,018 --> 00:13:02,271 The baby slide right out, huh? 398 00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:02,980 It's like a whoosh. 399 00:13:03,105 --> 00:13:05,107 Like a waterslide. 400 00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:09,320 Slightly painful 401 00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:09,320 waterslide. 402 00:13:10,821 --> 00:13:12,490 Tell me a story now! 403 00:13:12,656 --> 00:13:13,491 Uh... 404 00:13:12,656 --> 00:13:13,491 Uh... 405 00:13:13,657 --> 00:13:14,783 Oh! Remember the time Barney 406 00:13:14,908 --> 00:13:15,326 tried to pick up girls as the 407 00:13:14,908 --> 00:13:15,326 Terminator? 408 00:13:15,451 --> 00:13:15,867 Yes. 409 00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,470 Come 410 00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,470 with me if you want to bang. 411 00:13:35,095 --> 00:13:37,473 Another. 412 00:13:37,681 --> 00:13:40,100 Oh, uh, Ted and the 413 00:13:37,681 --> 00:13:40,100 freakishly long arm hair! 414 00:13:40,225 --> 00:13:41,685 No, I disagree, 415 00:13:40,225 --> 00:13:41,685 because the filling... 416 00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:44,062 It depends on 417 00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:44,062 what you're eating, right? 418 00:13:44,188 --> 00:13:44,938 If it's... 419 00:13:45,063 --> 00:13:46,940 Whoa. What the...? 420 00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:49,067 Whoa. 421 00:13:49,193 --> 00:13:52,404 The debunking of the 422 00:13:49,193 --> 00:13:52,404 freakishly long arm hair. 423 00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:55,866 Wait, it's-it's 424 00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:55,866 just a thread. 425 00:13:56,116 --> 00:13:58,327 I was jealous, okay? 426 00:13:58,452 --> 00:13:59,870 Barney's getting all 427 00:13:58,452 --> 00:13:59,870 the attention today 428 00:13:59,995 --> 00:14:02,080 with this 429 00:13:59,995 --> 00:14:02,080 Terminator thing. 430 00:14:02,206 --> 00:14:03,832 Huh. Can't believe I'm not 431 00:14:02,206 --> 00:14:03,832 getting laid in this thing. 432 00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:07,836 Maybe I need to pick 433 00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:07,836 a different part of the movie. 434 00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:18,138 Tell me another story! 435 00:14:18,263 --> 00:14:20,224 Oh, hey, we never finished 436 00:14:18,263 --> 00:14:20,224 "Where does that door go?" 437 00:14:20,349 --> 00:14:21,725 Come on. 438 00:14:21,850 --> 00:14:23,060 Let's check it out. 439 00:14:23,185 --> 00:14:24,728 You know what, baby, 440 00:14:23,185 --> 00:14:24,728 they're gone. 441 00:14:24,853 --> 00:14:26,980 It's time for us 442 00:14:24,853 --> 00:14:26,980 to move on. 443 00:14:29,608 --> 00:14:31,735 L-Lil... 444 00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:38,033 Oh, my God. 445 00:14:40,035 --> 00:14:42,120 New story! 446 00:14:42,246 --> 00:14:43,622 Uh, the time we tested 447 00:14:43,747 --> 00:14:44,915 if banana peels are 448 00:14:43,747 --> 00:14:44,915 really slippery. 449 00:14:43,747 --> 00:14:44,915 Yes. 450 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,042 Ready? 451 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:50,421 There's no way 452 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:50,421 that's really slippery. 453 00:14:52,797 --> 00:14:54,258 Ow! Ow! Ow! 454 00:14:54,383 --> 00:14:56,427 Uh, the Halloween we decided 455 00:14:54,383 --> 00:14:56,427 to go as The Breakfast Club, 456 00:14:56,552 --> 00:14:58,762 but failed to coordinate 457 00:14:56,552 --> 00:14:58,762 our costumes! 458 00:14:58,845 --> 00:14:59,763 Uh... 459 00:14:58,845 --> 00:14:59,763 Does... 460 00:14:59,846 --> 00:15:01,265 Oh. 461 00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:04,768 Really? 462 00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:04,768 I mean, you live 463 00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:04,768 with me, Lily. 464 00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:05,810 Yeah, that was funny. 465 00:15:05,936 --> 00:15:06,811 Keep going! 466 00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:08,146 Oh, uh, uh... 467 00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,441 the-the time Barney 468 00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,441 saved a woman's life. 469 00:15:10,566 --> 00:15:11,816 Ready? 470 00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:13,985 There's no way 471 00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:13,985 that's really slippery. 472 00:15:19,199 --> 00:15:19,991 Uh, the time Lily 473 00:15:19,199 --> 00:15:19,991 went into labor! 474 00:15:20,117 --> 00:15:22,077 That's now! 475 00:15:22,202 --> 00:15:23,287 Sorry, I'm running 476 00:15:22,202 --> 00:15:23,287 out of stories. 477 00:15:23,412 --> 00:15:24,288 Forget it! 478 00:15:24,413 --> 00:15:25,789 They're not working anymore! 479 00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:27,791 Okay, Lily, I know this 480 00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:27,791 isn't how you imagined it, 481 00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:29,084 but I want 482 00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:29,084 you to know 483 00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:31,420 that I am here for you 484 00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:31,420 and I am rock solid! 485 00:15:31,545 --> 00:15:33,380 Oh, I can see its head. 486 00:15:35,382 --> 00:15:36,049 Oh, thank God, 487 00:15:35,382 --> 00:15:36,049 Dr. Sonya! 488 00:15:36,174 --> 00:15:37,217 You! 489 00:15:37,342 --> 00:15:41,096 Get that thing 490 00:15:37,342 --> 00:15:41,096 out of my delivery room! 491 00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:43,307 Weak women 492 00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:43,307 disgust me. 493 00:15:43,432 --> 00:15:45,225 All right, Lily, legs up! 494 00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:46,810 We push now, yes? 495 00:15:46,851 --> 00:15:48,520 I can't. 496 00:15:46,851 --> 00:15:48,520 Marshall's not here yet. 497 00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:49,813 Lily! 498 00:15:49,938 --> 00:15:52,566 If you don't push, 499 00:15:49,938 --> 00:15:52,566 I will shove that baby 500 00:15:52,691 --> 00:15:55,319 up your throat 501 00:15:52,691 --> 00:15:55,319 and pull it out of your mouth! 502 00:15:56,695 --> 00:15:58,071 Where the hell is Marshall? 503 00:15:58,196 --> 00:16:00,073 I can't do this 504 00:15:58,196 --> 00:16:00,073 without Marshall! 505 00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:05,120 Kids, sometimes the universe 506 00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:05,120 sends exactly what you ask for. 507 00:16:05,245 --> 00:16:08,582 Other times, 508 00:16:05,245 --> 00:16:08,582 it sends Lily's dad. 509 00:16:08,707 --> 00:16:10,584 Oh... 510 00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:11,960 Remember the time 511 00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:11,960 you had your tonsils out? 512 00:16:12,085 --> 00:16:14,338 Yeah, yeah. 513 00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:15,130 You scared the crap out of me. 514 00:16:15,255 --> 00:16:17,841 Yes, I did, didn't I? 515 00:16:19,551 --> 00:16:20,594 Oh, my. 516 00:16:20,719 --> 00:16:22,638 But do you remember 517 00:16:20,719 --> 00:16:22,638 what happened next? 518 00:16:22,846 --> 00:16:24,139 And don't worry, 519 00:16:22,846 --> 00:16:24,139 Princess, 520 00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:26,391 if you permanently lose 521 00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:26,391 the ability to speak, 522 00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:27,851 we'll give you 523 00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:27,851 a chalkboard. 524 00:16:27,976 --> 00:16:31,062 You can hang it around your 525 00:16:27,976 --> 00:16:31,062 neck on a little string. 526 00:16:31,188 --> 00:16:33,524 Nurse, I don't know 527 00:16:31,188 --> 00:16:33,524 who this strange man is. 528 00:16:33,649 --> 00:16:35,859 Security! 529 00:16:35,942 --> 00:16:37,736 What are you talking about? 530 00:16:35,942 --> 00:16:37,736 I'm your daddy. 531 00:16:37,861 --> 00:16:38,737 What do you mean... 532 00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:40,155 Hey, fellas, come on! 533 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,615 I woke up in a Dumpster 534 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,615 of medical waste, 535 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:44,909 and I couldn't 536 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:44,909 have been prouder. 537 00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:48,038 Because, much like 538 00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:48,038 that Dumpster, 539 00:16:48,163 --> 00:16:49,581 you had a lot of guts. 540 00:16:49,707 --> 00:16:54,961 And you've used that bravery 541 00:16:49,707 --> 00:16:54,961 every day of your life. 542 00:16:55,086 --> 00:16:56,672 With or without 543 00:16:55,086 --> 00:16:56,672 Marshall. 544 00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,342 You're having 545 00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,342 this baby. 546 00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,135 Thanks, Dad. 547 00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:03,721 That story actually helped. 548 00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:05,389 Oh, good, I'm glad. 549 00:17:05,514 --> 00:17:07,474 And, you know, few women have 550 00:17:05,514 --> 00:17:07,474 vaginal tearing severe enough 551 00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:09,059 to need surgical 552 00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:09,059 reconstruction... 553 00:17:09,184 --> 00:17:10,602 Security! 554 00:17:09,184 --> 00:17:10,602 Oh, come on. 555 00:17:10,728 --> 00:17:11,770 That's not necessary. 556 00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:13,021 Sweetheart, please... 557 00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:14,648 Oh, fellas, come on. 558 00:17:14,773 --> 00:17:16,149 Please, sir, 559 00:17:14,773 --> 00:17:16,149 all you have to do 560 00:17:16,274 --> 00:17:17,317 is take the next exit 561 00:17:16,274 --> 00:17:17,317 to Manhattan. 562 00:17:17,442 --> 00:17:19,236 You'll be back 563 00:17:17,442 --> 00:17:19,236 on the road in 20 minutes. 564 00:17:19,361 --> 00:17:20,237 I already told you, 565 00:17:20,362 --> 00:17:21,363 I'm not allowed to stop. 566 00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:24,616 Sir, this man is 567 00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:24,616 having a baby tonight. 568 00:17:24,742 --> 00:17:28,078 And instead of going 569 00:17:24,742 --> 00:17:28,078 to Saint Marcus Hospital, 570 00:17:28,203 --> 00:17:29,580 we're going to Buffalo. 571 00:17:29,705 --> 00:17:32,332 And I've seen women from there; 572 00:17:29,705 --> 00:17:32,332 the city's aptly named. 573 00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:35,627 Look, I'm a screwup. 574 00:17:35,753 --> 00:17:37,588 I had something special 575 00:17:35,753 --> 00:17:37,588 with this girl Quinn, 576 00:17:37,713 --> 00:17:38,756 and I ruined it. 577 00:17:38,922 --> 00:17:41,633 But this guy... 578 00:17:38,922 --> 00:17:41,633 he's done everything right. 579 00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:45,387 He's been loving and devoted 580 00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:45,387 since he was 18 years old. 581 00:17:45,512 --> 00:17:48,932 There are only a few truly great 582 00:17:45,512 --> 00:17:48,932 people on this planet, 583 00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:50,475 and he is one of them. 584 00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:54,062 He deserves to be 585 00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:54,062 at the birth of his son. 586 00:17:54,187 --> 00:17:55,731 So... what do you say? 587 00:17:55,939 --> 00:17:59,943 Unless there's an emergency, 588 00:17:55,939 --> 00:17:59,943 I'm not allowed to stop, 589 00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:03,947 so sit down, watch 590 00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:03,947 Cocoon 2 and shut up. 591 00:18:08,702 --> 00:18:10,829 I'm sorry, 592 00:18:08,702 --> 00:18:10,829 buddy, I tried. 593 00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:13,582 And then, something 594 00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:13,582 wonderful happened. 595 00:18:13,707 --> 00:18:16,209 I'm having a heart attack! 596 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,756 I'm having a 597 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,756 heart attack! 598 00:18:20,964 --> 00:18:22,674 I'm having a heart attack! 599 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,803 And my doctor is 600 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,803 at Saint Marcus Hospital! 601 00:18:25,969 --> 00:18:27,429 So is mine! 602 00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:28,430 Mine, too. 603 00:18:28,555 --> 00:18:31,182 And my son is head 604 00:18:28,555 --> 00:18:31,182 of Cardiology. 605 00:18:31,308 --> 00:18:33,101 We know! 606 00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:35,520 Push! 607 00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:38,022 I wish Marshall were here! 608 00:18:38,148 --> 00:18:38,732 I'm here, baby. 609 00:18:38,857 --> 00:18:39,775 Marshall! 610 00:18:39,983 --> 00:18:41,652 I don't know why 611 00:18:39,983 --> 00:18:41,652 I passed out. 612 00:18:41,777 --> 00:18:45,405 I have delivered 613 00:18:41,777 --> 00:18:45,405 12 perfectly healthy babies, 614 00:18:45,530 --> 00:18:47,449 and one of them was even human. 615 00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:48,992 Well, it's different 616 00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:48,992 when it's someone you love. 617 00:18:49,117 --> 00:18:50,828 When that head was coming 618 00:18:49,117 --> 00:18:50,828 out of your best friend. 619 00:18:50,994 --> 00:18:52,579 Oh, stop. 620 00:18:50,994 --> 00:18:52,579 I'm feeling woozy again. 621 00:18:52,704 --> 00:18:53,872 Don't. 622 00:18:53,997 --> 00:18:55,457 Salt lick? 623 00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:59,377 In return for him getting me 624 00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:59,377 here, I may have promised Barney 625 00:18:59,503 --> 00:19:03,507 that our son's middle name 626 00:18:59,503 --> 00:19:03,507 will be Wait For It. 627 00:19:03,632 --> 00:19:05,634 I can't wait, just... 628 00:19:03,632 --> 00:19:05,634 what is the name? 629 00:19:05,759 --> 00:19:08,428 The name is 630 00:19:05,759 --> 00:19:08,428 Wait For It. 631 00:19:09,847 --> 00:19:13,684 That is the coolest middle name 632 00:19:09,847 --> 00:19:13,684 of all time! 633 00:19:13,809 --> 00:19:16,060 Look, um, 634 00:19:16,186 --> 00:19:20,023 I know things have been weird 635 00:19:16,186 --> 00:19:20,023 between us the last few months, 636 00:19:20,064 --> 00:19:21,441 but... 637 00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:23,443 Marshall and Lily 638 00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:23,443 are having a baby. 639 00:19:23,568 --> 00:19:24,736 Yeah. 640 00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:26,864 And, you know, 641 00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:26,864 I want this baby to be born 642 00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:29,366 into a world where we're okay. 643 00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,160 So, friends? 644 00:19:32,285 --> 00:19:32,870 I love you, Robin. 645 00:19:34,705 --> 00:19:35,580 Kidding. 646 00:19:35,706 --> 00:19:36,498 You... 647 00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:37,499 Friends. 648 00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:37,499 You... 649 00:19:39,042 --> 00:19:40,794 Guys, great news 650 00:19:39,042 --> 00:19:40,794 from down the hall. 651 00:19:40,919 --> 00:19:45,590 One dollar, 652 00:19:40,919 --> 00:19:45,590 two bags of gummy bears! 653 00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:47,759 It's like, I don't even care 654 00:19:47,885 --> 00:19:49,761 what happens 655 00:19:47,885 --> 00:19:49,761 for the rest of the day. 656 00:19:49,887 --> 00:19:51,596 I... 657 00:19:51,722 --> 00:19:53,056 Hey. 658 00:19:53,097 --> 00:19:54,474 Well, guys, uh... 659 00:19:56,059 --> 00:19:57,268 I'm a dad. 660 00:19:57,394 --> 00:19:58,520 Oh, my God! 661 00:20:01,064 --> 00:20:03,066 Everybody, 662 00:20:03,191 --> 00:20:05,360 this is Marvin. 663 00:20:05,485 --> 00:20:07,863 We named him after my pop. 664 00:20:09,489 --> 00:20:11,199 Tell them the 665 00:20:09,489 --> 00:20:11,199 full name. 666 00:20:11,324 --> 00:20:15,412 Marvin Wait For It Eriksen. 667 00:20:15,537 --> 00:20:18,415 That is the coolest 668 00:20:15,537 --> 00:20:18,415 middle name of all-time. 669 00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:19,999 Totally. 670 00:21:05,169 --> 00:21:06,170 Boo!