1 00:00:01,891 --> 00:00:02,850 Kids, once your 2 00:00:01,891 --> 00:00:02,850 Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily 3 00:00:02,892 --> 00:00:03,601 found a nanny for baby Marvin, 4 00:00:03,642 --> 00:00:06,729 they were excited 5 00:00:06,771 --> 00:00:08,856 for their first night out 6 00:00:06,771 --> 00:00:08,856 together in five months. 7 00:00:08,898 --> 00:00:09,857 And so were we. 8 00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:11,859 Mama. 9 00:00:11,901 --> 00:00:13,694 Dada. 10 00:00:13,736 --> 00:00:15,071 Hi, gang. 11 00:00:15,113 --> 00:00:16,114 Ooh. 12 00:00:16,155 --> 00:00:18,532 Ah, so, now that there's no 13 00:00:18,574 --> 00:00:20,367 screaming baby to distract us, 14 00:00:20,409 --> 00:00:21,953 what have you guys 15 00:00:20,409 --> 00:00:21,953 been up to lately? 16 00:00:20,409 --> 00:00:21,953 Yeah. 17 00:00:21,994 --> 00:00:24,705 This was a surprisingly 18 00:00:21,994 --> 00:00:24,705 loaded question. 19 00:00:24,747 --> 00:00:26,874 You see, right 20 00:00:24,747 --> 00:00:26,874 after Marvin was born, 21 00:00:26,916 --> 00:00:29,752 Lily and Marshall 22 00:00:26,916 --> 00:00:29,752 had issued a decree. 23 00:00:29,794 --> 00:00:33,923 New rule: you can't come to us 24 00:00:29,794 --> 00:00:33,923 with any issue 25 00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:35,257 unless it's an eight 26 00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:35,257 or higher. 27 00:00:35,299 --> 00:00:38,052 And we were doing 28 00:00:35,299 --> 00:00:38,052 our best to abide. 29 00:00:38,094 --> 00:00:39,053 Ted, how are things 30 00:00:39,095 --> 00:00:40,638 going with Victoria? 31 00:00:41,806 --> 00:00:43,808 My dad made the funniest joke. 32 00:00:43,849 --> 00:00:46,894 He said that since you're 33 00:00:43,849 --> 00:00:46,894 the reason I left the wedding, 34 00:00:46,936 --> 00:00:49,271 you owe him the $70,000 35 00:00:46,936 --> 00:00:49,271 he paid for it, 36 00:00:49,313 --> 00:00:50,815 or else. 37 00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:56,737 You know, he's not 38 00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:56,737 usually funny like that. 39 00:00:56,779 --> 00:00:59,907 Not promising, 40 00:00:56,779 --> 00:00:59,907 but not an eight. 41 00:00:59,949 --> 00:01:02,409 Everything's great. 42 00:01:02,451 --> 00:01:04,829 And Robin, how's 43 00:01:02,451 --> 00:01:04,829 everything with Nick? 44 00:01:05,830 --> 00:01:07,915 Finally ready 45 00:01:05,830 --> 00:01:07,915 for a ride on the bike? 46 00:01:07,957 --> 00:01:09,041 Who? Me? 47 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,503 Let's ride, Big Daddy. 48 00:01:15,798 --> 00:01:16,799 Oh, yeah. 49 00:01:19,969 --> 00:01:21,971 Mama likey. 50 00:01:26,017 --> 00:01:28,727 Robin, over here. 51 00:01:26,017 --> 00:01:28,727 Ooh. 52 00:01:28,769 --> 00:01:31,981 Eco-friendly. 53 00:01:32,023 --> 00:01:34,025 She runs on corn. 54 00:01:35,734 --> 00:01:38,946 Totally lady bone killer, 55 00:01:35,734 --> 00:01:38,946 but not an eight. 56 00:01:38,988 --> 00:01:41,615 Everything's great. 57 00:01:41,657 --> 00:01:44,743 And how are things 58 00:01:41,657 --> 00:01:44,743 for the old Barnacle? 59 00:01:49,581 --> 00:01:50,791 Not an eight. 60 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,376 At best, she was a six, 61 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,376 six and a half. 62 00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:55,004 More like a four by the time 63 00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:55,004 I was done with her. 64 00:01:55,046 --> 00:01:57,256 Mental self-five. 65 00:01:57,297 --> 00:01:59,008 Everything's great. 66 00:02:00,259 --> 00:02:03,762 To long-awaited MacLaren's 67 00:02:00,259 --> 00:02:03,762 return of Marshall and Lily. 68 00:02:05,014 --> 00:02:06,849 Mmm. 69 00:02:06,891 --> 00:02:08,642 I've missed this. 70 00:02:06,891 --> 00:02:08,642 Okay. We got to go. 71 00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:09,727 W-what? 72 00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:09,727 You just got here. 73 00:02:09,768 --> 00:02:11,854 I cleared my whole night 74 00:02:09,768 --> 00:02:11,854 for you guys. 75 00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:14,773 I didn't even bring 76 00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:14,773 my booty-call phone. 77 00:02:14,815 --> 00:02:16,234 Oh, I'm sorry, 78 00:02:14,815 --> 00:02:16,234 but we just really 79 00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:18,027 need some time 80 00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:18,027 to ourselves. 81 00:02:18,069 --> 00:02:19,778 I promise 82 00:02:18,069 --> 00:02:19,778 we'll hang out soon. 83 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,781 See you guys. 84 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,781 Bye. 85 00:02:28,495 --> 00:02:30,998 Yeah, like I'm going 86 00:02:28,495 --> 00:02:30,998 to leave this at home. 87 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,000 Barney Stinson. 88 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,000 How may I direct my penis? 89 00:02:33,042 --> 00:02:34,126 Oh, geez. 90 00:02:34,168 --> 00:02:37,922 It is so nice to be out 91 00:02:34,168 --> 00:02:37,922 in the fresh air. 92 00:02:37,963 --> 00:02:39,131 You smell that? 93 00:02:37,963 --> 00:02:39,131 Ooh. 94 00:02:39,173 --> 00:02:41,050 That's the smell of urine 95 00:02:39,173 --> 00:02:41,050 that isn't Marvin's. 96 00:02:41,092 --> 00:02:43,094 Oh, God, I miss that smell. 97 00:02:43,135 --> 00:02:44,970 You know, I thought 98 00:02:43,135 --> 00:02:44,970 we'd spend the whole time 99 00:02:45,012 --> 00:02:47,848 worrying about Marvin, 100 00:02:45,012 --> 00:02:47,848 but it's actually nice to be out 101 00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,391 in the world, living life. 102 00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:50,517 Yeah. 103 00:02:54,521 --> 00:02:58,109 Death is all around us. 104 00:02:58,150 --> 00:03:01,028 Wow, that urine smell 105 00:02:58,150 --> 00:03:01,028 just got a lot stronger. 106 00:03:15,293 --> 00:03:16,835 So, you guys spent 107 00:03:16,877 --> 00:03:18,045 your first night out 108 00:03:16,877 --> 00:03:18,045 in five months, 109 00:03:18,087 --> 00:03:20,089 sitting at home planning 110 00:03:18,087 --> 00:03:20,089 for your own deaths? 111 00:03:20,131 --> 00:03:22,925 Yeah, we found this Web site 112 00:03:20,131 --> 00:03:22,925 that helps you make a will. 113 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:24,927 In the event 114 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:24,927 of your death... 115 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:24,927 Ooh! 116 00:03:24,969 --> 00:03:27,054 I'm sorry. 117 00:03:27,096 --> 00:03:29,514 It-it's just-just real sad 118 00:03:27,096 --> 00:03:29,514 to think about. 119 00:03:29,556 --> 00:03:30,766 Oh, I know. 120 00:03:30,808 --> 00:03:31,809 All right. 121 00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:33,685 In the event 122 00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:33,685 of your death... 123 00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:35,437 Okay, no, you know what? 124 00:03:35,479 --> 00:03:36,688 Let's just start 125 00:03:35,479 --> 00:03:36,688 with something easy. 126 00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:37,856 Okay. 127 00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:37,856 Okay? 128 00:03:37,898 --> 00:03:39,066 Please enter your zip code. 129 00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:43,403 We'll never 130 00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:43,403 get mail again. 131 00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:47,866 I keep reassuring Lily 132 00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:47,866 that this is all hypothetical. 133 00:03:47,908 --> 00:03:51,120 Relatively speaking, 134 00:03:47,908 --> 00:03:51,120 New York City is very safe. 135 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:54,581 Please, faulty elevators, 136 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:54,581 exploding man hole covers, 137 00:03:54,623 --> 00:03:56,041 jealous husbands. 138 00:03:54,623 --> 00:03:56,041 Mmm. 139 00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:57,709 This place is 140 00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:57,709 a coroner's paradise. 141 00:03:57,751 --> 00:03:59,295 Ooh! 142 00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:02,089 They are way more likely to eat 143 00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:02,089 it in a mugging gone wrong. 144 00:04:02,131 --> 00:04:03,882 There was a double hommy 145 00:04:02,131 --> 00:04:03,882 on your block like a week ago. 146 00:04:03,924 --> 00:04:05,717 Caught it on the scanner 147 00:04:03,924 --> 00:04:05,717 during lunch. 148 00:04:05,759 --> 00:04:07,136 Knife job. 149 00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:09,013 Guy made a real mess 150 00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:09,013 of it too. 151 00:04:11,765 --> 00:04:13,058 Anyway, 152 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,769 then we got to the section 153 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,769 about picking a guardian. 154 00:04:15,811 --> 00:04:18,981 Sometimes couples choose one 155 00:04:15,811 --> 00:04:18,981 of their parents as a guardian. 156 00:04:19,023 --> 00:04:20,899 That makes it simple. 157 00:04:20,941 --> 00:04:21,942 My mom. 158 00:04:21,984 --> 00:04:23,610 Your mom? 159 00:04:23,652 --> 00:04:25,070 What's wrong with my mom? 160 00:04:25,112 --> 00:04:26,155 Are you... 161 00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:32,077 Fine. All right. 162 00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:34,955 Marvin won't go 163 00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:34,955 to my loving mother. 164 00:04:34,997 --> 00:04:36,081 But he's got to go to somebody. 165 00:04:36,123 --> 00:04:37,708 Fine. 166 00:04:37,749 --> 00:04:39,001 What about my mom? 167 00:04:39,043 --> 00:04:40,378 Your mom? 168 00:04:40,419 --> 00:04:41,837 Um, excuse... 169 00:04:49,553 --> 00:04:50,429 Fine. 170 00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:52,764 Not my mom. 171 00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:53,765 What about my dad? 172 00:04:53,807 --> 00:04:55,017 Your dad? 173 00:04:55,059 --> 00:04:56,810 Okay, yeah, he's out. 174 00:04:56,852 --> 00:04:59,104 Wait a minute. 175 00:04:56,852 --> 00:04:59,104 You know who could be good? 176 00:04:59,146 --> 00:05:00,731 My brother Marcus. 177 00:05:00,772 --> 00:05:02,733 He's like a great dad. 178 00:05:02,774 --> 00:05:04,026 Do you remember 179 00:05:02,774 --> 00:05:04,026 his Christmas card? 180 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:11,409 Questionable denim choices 181 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:11,409 aside, Marcus is a good dad. 182 00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:14,828 I guess if Marvin has to go 183 00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:14,828 to anyone, it should be family. 184 00:05:14,870 --> 00:05:16,788 Okay, great. 185 00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:18,165 Okay. 186 00:05:18,207 --> 00:05:20,000 Marcus, hey, how's it going? 187 00:05:20,042 --> 00:05:22,461 Pretty freaking sweet, buttwipe. 188 00:05:22,502 --> 00:05:26,215 I packed up all my crap; I said, 189 00:05:22,502 --> 00:05:26,215 "See ya" to Sarah and the kids; 190 00:05:26,257 --> 00:05:28,133 and I finally got my dream job 191 00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:31,429 as a mixologist down here 192 00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:31,429 at Carnalism 2. 193 00:05:31,470 --> 00:05:32,930 Hold on. 194 00:05:32,971 --> 00:05:35,807 Some punk's trying to use 195 00:05:32,971 --> 00:05:35,807 his snorkel rental as a bong. 196 00:05:35,849 --> 00:05:37,435 Hey! 197 00:05:37,476 --> 00:05:41,313 You be packin' that bowl 198 00:05:37,476 --> 00:05:41,313 too tight, mon. 199 00:05:42,856 --> 00:05:45,567 So, now we don't 200 00:05:42,856 --> 00:05:45,567 have a guardian. 201 00:05:45,609 --> 00:05:47,903 You know, as your best friend, 202 00:05:47,945 --> 00:05:50,989 if called upon, 203 00:05:47,945 --> 00:05:50,989 I'd be honored to raise Marvin. 204 00:05:51,031 --> 00:05:53,575 If you want him to be raised 205 00:05:51,031 --> 00:05:53,575 by his underwear on a flagpole, 206 00:05:53,617 --> 00:05:54,618 Ted's your guy. 207 00:05:54,659 --> 00:05:55,619 If you want him 208 00:05:54,659 --> 00:05:55,619 pulling the chord 209 00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:56,578 on some other 210 00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:56,578 nerd's panties, 211 00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:58,872 I'm your guy. 212 00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:00,624 I'll teach that kid 213 00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:00,624 how to be awesome 214 00:06:00,665 --> 00:06:02,418 in ways you and Lily 215 00:06:00,665 --> 00:06:02,418 never could. 216 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,462 It's going to be legend... 217 00:06:04,503 --> 00:06:05,504 wait for it, 218 00:06:04,503 --> 00:06:05,504 no, I won't wait for it 219 00:06:05,545 --> 00:06:06,838 and neither should 220 00:06:05,545 --> 00:06:06,838 little baby Marvin, 221 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,466 so maybe it's better 222 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,466 if you two just die right now... 223 00:06:08,507 --> 00:06:10,592 dary. 224 00:06:10,634 --> 00:06:15,264 And so began the longest week 225 00:06:10,634 --> 00:06:15,264 of Lily and Marshall's lives. 226 00:06:15,306 --> 00:06:16,932 Huh? 227 00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:19,101 Huh? 228 00:06:36,118 --> 00:06:38,870 Huh? Huh? 229 00:06:54,011 --> 00:06:57,389 Huh? Huh? 230 00:06:59,933 --> 00:07:02,269 Aah! 231 00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:25,083 What? 232 00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:26,960 You think you can bribe them 233 00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:26,960 with a stroller? 234 00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:28,504 They already got one, foo. 235 00:07:28,546 --> 00:07:31,131 Oh, this is no stroller, Robin. 236 00:07:31,173 --> 00:07:32,966 I call it the Broller. 237 00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:34,092 Go ahead. Look inside. 238 00:07:37,346 --> 00:07:38,722 I don't get it. 239 00:07:37,346 --> 00:07:38,722 I don't see anything. 240 00:07:38,763 --> 00:07:40,891 Yeah, but Papa does. 241 00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:46,230 Those Robin's boobies? 242 00:07:46,271 --> 00:07:48,982 When new nubile hotties lean in 243 00:07:46,271 --> 00:07:48,982 to inspect your bundle of joy, 244 00:07:49,024 --> 00:07:51,527 you can inspect 245 00:07:49,024 --> 00:07:51,527 their bundles of joy. 246 00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:53,320 The Broller. 247 00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:55,030 God, I come up 248 00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:55,030 with a lot of good stuff. 249 00:07:55,072 --> 00:07:56,365 Hey, guys, hey... 250 00:07:56,407 --> 00:07:57,491 Hey. 251 00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:59,117 Lily and I need you 252 00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:59,117 to come upstairs. 253 00:07:59,159 --> 00:08:00,452 This is an important decision 254 00:08:00,494 --> 00:08:02,746 and we can't have you 255 00:08:00,494 --> 00:08:02,746 constantly interrupting us 256 00:08:02,787 --> 00:08:04,915 with this childish competition. 257 00:08:04,956 --> 00:08:07,834 Which is why 258 00:08:04,956 --> 00:08:07,834 we're going to make it 259 00:08:07,876 --> 00:08:10,837 an official competition! 260 00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:13,048 We're going to play 261 00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:13,048 Who Wants to Be a Godparent? 262 00:08:13,090 --> 00:08:15,842 Right after this word 263 00:08:13,090 --> 00:08:15,842 from our sponsors. 264 00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:20,097 Why is he talking 265 00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:20,097 to the wall? 266 00:08:25,102 --> 00:08:27,563 Wait, this is how you're going 267 00:08:25,102 --> 00:08:27,563 to choose a guardian for Marvin? 268 00:08:27,605 --> 00:08:29,147 I mean, why don't 269 00:08:27,605 --> 00:08:29,147 you just put us 270 00:08:29,189 --> 00:08:31,650 in a three-way cage match and 271 00:08:29,189 --> 00:08:31,650 go with whoever's left standing? 272 00:08:31,691 --> 00:08:35,070 We talked about that, but it 273 00:08:31,691 --> 00:08:35,070 gave Robin an unfair advantage. 274 00:08:35,112 --> 00:08:36,863 Yeah, you see, 275 00:08:35,112 --> 00:08:36,863 guys, we were 276 00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:38,990 really struggling 277 00:08:36,905 --> 00:08:38,990 with this decision. 278 00:08:43,078 --> 00:08:45,080 Babe, I know 279 00:08:43,078 --> 00:08:45,080 these guys have been 280 00:08:45,122 --> 00:08:47,416 a little over the top lately. 281 00:08:45,122 --> 00:08:47,416 A little? 282 00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:51,378 But we still have to pick 283 00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:51,378 a guardian just in case. 284 00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:52,546 In case of what? 285 00:08:52,588 --> 00:08:54,047 Don't make me say it. 286 00:08:54,089 --> 00:08:55,382 Say it. I can handle it. 287 00:08:55,424 --> 00:08:56,383 Say it. 288 00:08:56,425 --> 00:08:58,385 In case we die. 289 00:09:01,305 --> 00:09:04,642 How can you even say it? 290 00:09:04,683 --> 00:09:06,059 And then I thought 291 00:09:04,683 --> 00:09:06,059 what do you do 292 00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,478 if you got a wife 293 00:09:06,101 --> 00:09:07,478 who won't stop crying, 294 00:09:07,519 --> 00:09:10,855 three idiots 295 00:09:07,519 --> 00:09:10,855 who won't stop bribing you, 296 00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:14,318 and a universally beloved 297 00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:14,318 skill for gamesmanship? 298 00:09:14,359 --> 00:09:16,278 You take a bunch 299 00:09:14,359 --> 00:09:16,278 of guardianship scenarios, 300 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,489 throw them on a wheel, 301 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,489 buy your wife an expensive dress 302 00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:19,573 so she'll participate. 303 00:09:19,615 --> 00:09:21,199 I'm pretty again. 304 00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:22,867 Bottom line is 305 00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:22,867 I just wanted 306 00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:25,120 to make the idea 307 00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:25,120 of me and Lily dying... 308 00:09:25,162 --> 00:09:26,580 fun. 309 00:09:25,162 --> 00:09:26,580 Oh. 310 00:09:26,622 --> 00:09:28,666 Now, if you'll step behind 311 00:09:26,622 --> 00:09:28,666 your podiums, we'll get started. 312 00:09:32,711 --> 00:09:33,462 Contestants, 313 00:09:33,504 --> 00:09:35,005 here's how the game works. 314 00:09:35,046 --> 00:09:37,257 Lily will spin that wheel. 315 00:09:35,046 --> 00:09:37,257 Not yet. 316 00:09:37,299 --> 00:09:39,050 When it lands 317 00:09:37,299 --> 00:09:39,050 on a parenting issue, 318 00:09:39,092 --> 00:09:43,096 you'll each describe how 319 00:09:39,092 --> 00:09:43,096 you would handle it with Marvin. 320 00:09:43,138 --> 00:09:44,806 The contestant with the 321 00:09:43,138 --> 00:09:44,806 highest score gets to be 322 00:09:44,848 --> 00:09:45,683 his godparent. 323 00:09:45,724 --> 00:09:47,726 Ready to play? 324 00:09:45,724 --> 00:09:47,726 Great. Lily, 325 00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:49,520 spin that wheel! 326 00:09:53,148 --> 00:09:56,485 Okay, now, see, um, enthusiasm 327 00:09:53,148 --> 00:09:56,485 will factor into your scores. 328 00:09:56,527 --> 00:09:57,819 So, I say again: 329 00:09:57,861 --> 00:09:59,321 Lily, spin... 330 00:09:59,363 --> 00:10:01,031 Spin that wheel! 331 00:10:07,371 --> 00:10:08,497 Ooh. 332 00:10:08,539 --> 00:10:09,707 Our demise. 333 00:10:10,999 --> 00:10:13,084 Barney, how would you 334 00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:17,422 explain to little Marvin 335 00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:17,422 why we're not around anymore? 336 00:10:17,464 --> 00:10:19,924 No. 337 00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:22,553 Easy, all I'd have to do 338 00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:22,553 is change a few words 339 00:10:22,594 --> 00:10:24,971 to one of my classics 340 00:10:22,594 --> 00:10:24,971 with the ladies. 341 00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:27,932 The President of the World 342 00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:27,932 has called your parents away 343 00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:29,934 on a super-secret 344 00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:29,934 space mission. 345 00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:33,564 For the sake of the planet, 346 00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:33,564 you will never see them again. 347 00:10:33,605 --> 00:10:35,982 Now pick up your toys 348 00:10:33,605 --> 00:10:35,982 and say good night to Daddy. 349 00:10:36,024 --> 00:10:38,276 What do you know? 350 00:10:36,024 --> 00:10:38,276 That last line stays the same. 351 00:10:38,318 --> 00:10:39,403 Judges? 352 00:10:40,153 --> 00:10:41,946 Okay, Robin, 353 00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:43,657 what would you do, and remember, 354 00:10:43,699 --> 00:10:45,075 "President of the World 355 00:10:43,699 --> 00:10:45,075 called parents away 356 00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:48,412 for a super-secret space 357 00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:48,412 mission" has already been taken. 358 00:10:48,453 --> 00:10:51,331 Well, my dad was always upfront 359 00:10:48,453 --> 00:10:51,331 and honest with me, 360 00:10:51,373 --> 00:10:53,417 so that's how I would be. 361 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:56,420 All right, kid, here's 362 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:56,420 the deal with the deal. 363 00:10:56,461 --> 00:10:57,504 Your mom and dad are done-ski. 364 00:10:57,546 --> 00:10:59,214 Belly-flopped 365 00:10:57,546 --> 00:10:59,214 off a subway platform. 366 00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:01,925 Mom busted open like a pinata. 367 00:11:01,966 --> 00:11:04,511 What was left of your dad 368 00:11:01,966 --> 00:11:04,511 hung around for a few days. 369 00:11:04,553 --> 00:11:05,929 Anyway, plug's pulled. 370 00:11:04,553 --> 00:11:05,929 Organs donated. 371 00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:09,099 Long story short: I'm your 372 00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:09,099 new mommy now. 373 00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:10,892 Sah-wish! 374 00:11:12,102 --> 00:11:16,231 Well, I was saving these 375 00:11:12,102 --> 00:11:16,231 for the showcase, 376 00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:19,109 but here. 377 00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:19,109 Hey, Lily, look, baby, 378 00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:20,360 his-and-her watches. 379 00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:22,946 Ooh. 380 00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:26,241 Ted, the category's all yours. 381 00:11:26,283 --> 00:11:28,326 Okay, here's what I would say. 382 00:11:28,368 --> 00:11:31,538 Well, Marvin, explaining 383 00:11:28,368 --> 00:11:31,538 where your parents are 384 00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:32,706 isn't gonna be easy. 385 00:11:32,748 --> 00:11:37,377 Even I... Lily and Marshall's 386 00:11:32,748 --> 00:11:37,377 best friend 387 00:11:37,419 --> 00:11:41,172 for almost 20 years... 388 00:11:41,214 --> 00:11:44,551 will have 389 00:11:41,214 --> 00:11:44,551 a hard time doing it. 390 00:11:45,636 --> 00:11:49,556 But I do know a guy who's very 391 00:11:45,636 --> 00:11:49,556 good at this sort of thing. 392 00:11:51,182 --> 00:11:52,851 Professor Infosaurus! 393 00:11:53,644 --> 00:11:55,395 Hey, there, squirt! 394 00:11:55,437 --> 00:12:00,651 Death is a difficult 395 00:11:55,437 --> 00:12:00,651 yet unfortunate certainty. 396 00:12:00,692 --> 00:12:03,236 Good enough! 397 00:12:00,692 --> 00:12:03,236 Ted wins the round! 398 00:12:03,278 --> 00:12:04,780 Yes! Yes! 399 00:12:03,278 --> 00:12:04,780 You'll see. 400 00:12:04,822 --> 00:12:08,158 Professor Infosaurus will be 401 00:12:04,822 --> 00:12:08,158 a big, big hit with children. 402 00:12:09,451 --> 00:12:12,120 Isn't that right, kids? 403 00:12:14,998 --> 00:12:16,750 Moving on. 404 00:12:19,252 --> 00:12:20,754 "Discipline." 405 00:12:20,796 --> 00:12:23,381 "How would you handle Marvin 406 00:12:23,423 --> 00:12:26,968 taking another kid's toy?" 407 00:12:23,423 --> 00:12:26,968 Barney? 408 00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:28,512 That's easy. 409 00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:33,558 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 410 00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:33,558 I'm calling 411 00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:33,558 Child Services. 412 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,477 Wait for it. 413 00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:39,063 I'll return your $1,900 414 00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:39,063 alligator-skin belt 415 00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:41,024 when you return that toy. 416 00:12:41,065 --> 00:12:44,110 Until then, you can wear 417 00:12:41,065 --> 00:12:44,110 this disgusting 418 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,239 black-and-brown reversible belt. 419 00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:55,038 Hey, I don't like it 420 00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:55,038 any more than you do! 421 00:12:55,079 --> 00:12:58,082 Ted, how would you discipline 422 00:12:55,079 --> 00:12:58,082 little Marvin? 423 00:12:58,124 --> 00:13:00,502 I would be firm. 424 00:13:00,544 --> 00:13:03,046 Fair, but firm. 425 00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:06,257 You, sir, just lost 426 00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:06,257 your television privileges. 427 00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:10,762 Okay, you can watch TV, 428 00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:10,762 but nothing violent. 429 00:13:12,055 --> 00:13:13,056 Okay, it can be violent, 430 00:13:13,097 --> 00:13:15,642 but you have 431 00:13:13,097 --> 00:13:15,642 to do the dishes first. 432 00:13:17,101 --> 00:13:19,855 Okay, I'll do the dishes, 433 00:13:17,101 --> 00:13:19,855 you watch TV. 434 00:13:19,897 --> 00:13:22,524 Let's go get some ice cream! 435 00:13:19,897 --> 00:13:22,524 Come on! 436 00:13:22,566 --> 00:13:24,150 But no sprinkles. 437 00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:26,110 Robin? 438 00:13:26,152 --> 00:13:29,072 Okay, sprinkles. 439 00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:32,576 Um, I would do what my dad did: 440 00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:32,576 tough love. 441 00:13:32,617 --> 00:13:33,785 You know where 442 00:13:32,617 --> 00:13:33,785 you're headed, chief? 443 00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:37,706 The British Columbia 444 00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:37,706 Military School for Boys. 445 00:13:37,748 --> 00:13:40,667 Of course, you're actually a 446 00:13:37,748 --> 00:13:40,667 boy, so at least you won't have 447 00:13:40,709 --> 00:13:43,253 to shave off all your hair and 448 00:13:40,709 --> 00:13:43,253 burn your "girlie" clothing in 449 00:13:43,294 --> 00:13:45,255 an old oil drum while 450 00:13:43,294 --> 00:13:45,255 your father stands there 451 00:13:45,296 --> 00:13:47,716 and laughs at you 452 00:13:45,296 --> 00:13:47,716 through the flames! 453 00:13:48,717 --> 00:13:50,928 Oh, my God! 454 00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,348 I think that Robin wins 455 00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,348 this round 456 00:13:55,390 --> 00:14:00,687 because we love her and she's 457 00:13:55,390 --> 00:14:00,687 in a safe space, right, guys? 458 00:14:00,729 --> 00:14:01,521 Robin matters! 459 00:14:01,563 --> 00:14:02,522 Yay! Totally. 460 00:14:02,564 --> 00:14:03,982 Now, that's just 461 00:14:02,564 --> 00:14:03,982 one point, right? 462 00:14:04,023 --> 00:14:05,567 Lily. 463 00:14:05,609 --> 00:14:08,069 A spin... that... wheel! 464 00:14:11,114 --> 00:14:13,157 Oh... 465 00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:15,953 "Birds and Bees." 466 00:14:15,994 --> 00:14:17,704 Barney, "How would you teach 467 00:14:15,994 --> 00:14:17,704 young Marvin 468 00:14:17,746 --> 00:14:19,873 about the facts of life?" 469 00:14:19,915 --> 00:14:21,708 Hmm... 470 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,794 You're gonna love 471 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,794 Amsterdam, little bro. 472 00:14:31,009 --> 00:14:32,552 Okay, Barney's out 473 00:14:31,009 --> 00:14:32,552 of this round. 474 00:14:32,594 --> 00:14:35,597 Ted, how would you handle 475 00:14:32,594 --> 00:14:35,597 "the talk"? 476 00:14:35,639 --> 00:14:38,516 Well, Marvin would be 477 00:14:35,639 --> 00:14:38,516 a young adult, 478 00:14:38,558 --> 00:14:40,143 so you wouldn't want 479 00:14:38,558 --> 00:14:40,143 to talk down to him. 480 00:14:40,184 --> 00:14:45,565 But that doesn't mean 481 00:14:40,184 --> 00:14:45,565 you can't get down with him. 482 00:14:58,369 --> 00:14:59,579 I'm sorry, don't you need 483 00:14:59,621 --> 00:15:02,707 to actually have had sex 484 00:14:59,621 --> 00:15:02,707 in order to explain it? 485 00:15:02,749 --> 00:15:07,712 Professor Infosaurus also has 486 00:15:02,749 --> 00:15:07,712 a rap about ignoring bullies. 487 00:15:07,754 --> 00:15:10,214 Robin? Birds and bees? 488 00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:12,467 Well, I, for one, don't think 489 00:15:12,509 --> 00:15:13,969 you have to teach Marvin 490 00:15:12,509 --> 00:15:13,969 a thing. 491 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:18,348 If he's anything like his dad, 492 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:18,348 he's a natural-born stud. 493 00:15:18,389 --> 00:15:21,059 Lily got a little braggy 494 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,269 at a cucumber stand once, 495 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,269 big guy. 496 00:15:23,311 --> 00:15:25,438 Robin wins again! 497 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,858 Oh, come on! 498 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,858 That's clearly pandering! 499 00:15:27,899 --> 00:15:28,859 A spin... 500 00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:31,402 that... wheel! 501 00:15:31,444 --> 00:15:32,779 We played long into the night, 502 00:15:32,821 --> 00:15:34,698 eventually making it 503 00:15:32,821 --> 00:15:34,698 to the dreaded... 504 00:15:34,739 --> 00:15:36,783 Lightning round! 505 00:15:40,871 --> 00:15:42,288 First word! 506 00:15:43,122 --> 00:15:45,750 Oh. 507 00:15:43,122 --> 00:15:45,750 Ooh... 508 00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:47,168 Actually, that's a joist, 509 00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,253 which carries the stress 510 00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,253 of the ceiling 511 00:15:49,295 --> 00:15:51,715 versus the primary 512 00:15:49,295 --> 00:15:51,715 architectural load. 513 00:15:51,756 --> 00:15:52,966 But that's my boy! 514 00:15:53,008 --> 00:15:54,258 Ooh. 515 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,177 Nerd! 516 00:15:56,219 --> 00:15:57,888 That's my boy! 517 00:15:57,929 --> 00:15:59,639 First heartbreak! 518 00:15:59,681 --> 00:16:02,266 I know this hurts, 519 00:15:59,681 --> 00:16:02,266 little buddy, 520 00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:03,727 but you'll love again someday, 521 00:16:03,768 --> 00:16:06,229 because time will heal 522 00:16:03,768 --> 00:16:06,229 a broken heart. 523 00:16:07,438 --> 00:16:09,232 But not that bitch's window. 524 00:16:09,273 --> 00:16:10,984 Run! 525 00:16:13,319 --> 00:16:14,738 Yeah, right. 526 00:16:14,779 --> 00:16:15,780 I've seen Barney throw. 527 00:16:15,822 --> 00:16:18,742 He's no Vinnie Pestano, 528 00:16:15,822 --> 00:16:18,742 am I right? 529 00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:22,537 Beloved Indians' 530 00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:22,537 middle reliever. 531 00:16:23,371 --> 00:16:25,331 Cleveland sports 532 00:16:23,371 --> 00:16:25,331 are still relevant. 533 00:16:25,373 --> 00:16:28,334 LeBron who? Right, guys? 534 00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:30,211 Ted, neither you nor Cleveland 535 00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:32,255 knows how to get over 536 00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:32,255 someone leaving them. 537 00:16:33,381 --> 00:16:35,341 Here's how you'd 538 00:16:33,381 --> 00:16:35,341 handle heartbreak. 539 00:16:35,383 --> 00:16:36,760 Cheer up, squirt. 540 00:16:36,801 --> 00:16:39,554 There are plenty of other 541 00:16:36,801 --> 00:16:39,554 wonderful women out there. 542 00:16:39,596 --> 00:16:43,641 But I thought 543 00:16:39,596 --> 00:16:43,641 that she was the one. 544 00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,146 I'll be at 545 00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,146 Uncle Barney's. 546 00:16:49,064 --> 00:16:50,732 This is ridiculous. 547 00:16:50,774 --> 00:16:52,650 I've known you for 16 years. 548 00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:54,069 I'm the obvious choice. 549 00:16:54,111 --> 00:16:55,403 Oh, come on, 550 00:16:54,111 --> 00:16:55,403 if Ted raises him, 551 00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:57,906 the poor kid's still gonna 552 00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:57,906 be a virgin when he's 13. 553 00:16:57,948 --> 00:17:00,742 I'm the obvious choice. 554 00:16:57,948 --> 00:17:00,742 Hey, look, as 555 00:16:57,948 --> 00:17:00,742 the only one of us 556 00:17:00,784 --> 00:17:03,078 packing a vag, I got 557 00:17:00,784 --> 00:17:03,078 a natural instinct 558 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,746 for nurturing 559 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,746 and crap like that. 560 00:17:04,788 --> 00:17:06,706 Plus, I can teach him 561 00:17:04,788 --> 00:17:06,706 how to bow hunt. 562 00:17:06,748 --> 00:17:09,292 Yeah, I could do that. 563 00:17:06,748 --> 00:17:09,292 I am Barney Stinson! 564 00:17:11,962 --> 00:17:13,171 Guys, guys, guys! 565 00:17:13,212 --> 00:17:14,505 Okay! 566 00:17:13,212 --> 00:17:14,505 All right! 567 00:17:14,547 --> 00:17:17,550 Obviously, none of you knows 568 00:17:14,547 --> 00:17:17,550 what it really means 569 00:17:17,592 --> 00:17:18,718 to be a parent. 570 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,304 Well... 571 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,304 obviously, neither of you 572 00:17:21,345 --> 00:17:23,848 know what it means 573 00:17:21,345 --> 00:17:23,848 to be a friend anymore. 574 00:17:23,890 --> 00:17:26,350 What are you 575 00:17:23,890 --> 00:17:26,350 talking about? 576 00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:27,393 Think about it. 577 00:17:27,435 --> 00:17:29,270 This is the most 578 00:17:27,435 --> 00:17:29,270 we've seen you two 579 00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:30,939 in five months. 580 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:32,107 You don't 581 00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:32,107 seem to care 582 00:17:32,149 --> 00:17:33,817 what's going on 583 00:17:32,149 --> 00:17:33,817 in our lives 584 00:17:33,858 --> 00:17:35,819 unless it's 585 00:17:33,858 --> 00:17:35,819 an eight or higher. 586 00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:37,320 Well, what do you expect? 587 00:17:37,361 --> 00:17:39,280 We have a baby now. 588 00:17:37,361 --> 00:17:39,280 Yeah. 589 00:17:39,322 --> 00:17:42,159 The days of closing down 590 00:17:39,322 --> 00:17:42,159 MacLaren's are over. 591 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,326 Unless you want 592 00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:45,120 to get up with us 593 00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:45,120 at 5:13 in the morning 594 00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:46,621 with a screaming baby. 595 00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:47,831 So that's it? 596 00:17:47,872 --> 00:17:50,708 The... the end of an era, 597 00:17:47,872 --> 00:17:50,708 just like that? 598 00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:54,171 Look... we're sorry 599 00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:54,171 if-if we don't have time 600 00:17:54,212 --> 00:17:58,008 to sit around the bar listening 601 00:17:54,212 --> 00:17:58,008 to silly little dating problems. 602 00:17:58,049 --> 00:17:59,968 When you have 603 00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:03,888 a baby, it's not just the most 604 00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:03,888 important thing in your life, 605 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:05,223 it's the only 606 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:05,223 important thing. 607 00:18:05,264 --> 00:18:07,350 When are you guys 608 00:18:05,264 --> 00:18:07,350 gonna get that? 609 00:18:07,391 --> 00:18:09,227 Think we get it. 610 00:18:21,865 --> 00:18:23,658 I can't believe 611 00:18:21,865 --> 00:18:23,658 they just walked out. 612 00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,910 Yeah. Maybe it's 613 00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,910 for the best. 614 00:18:25,952 --> 00:18:28,371 Barney was starting 615 00:18:25,952 --> 00:18:28,371 to pull ahead. 616 00:18:28,412 --> 00:18:29,455 I mean, how selfish can they be? 617 00:18:29,497 --> 00:18:32,167 We're trying to raise 618 00:18:29,497 --> 00:18:32,167 a child here. 619 00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:35,128 I'm sorry if I don't have time 620 00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:35,128 to deal with Ted's... 621 00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:38,215 um... o-or Robin's... 622 00:18:38,256 --> 00:18:40,008 um... 623 00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:42,135 or-or Barney's... 624 00:18:42,177 --> 00:18:43,803 mm... 625 00:18:43,845 --> 00:18:45,680 Huh. 626 00:18:47,974 --> 00:18:51,978 You know, we were about to name 627 00:18:47,974 --> 00:18:51,978 one of them Marvin's godparent, 628 00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:54,355 and... I can't tell you 629 00:18:54,397 --> 00:18:56,691 what's going on 630 00:18:54,397 --> 00:18:56,691 in any of their lives. 631 00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:03,406 Do you think that maybe 632 00:19:03,447 --> 00:19:06,743 we've been a little crappy 633 00:19:03,447 --> 00:19:06,743 as friends lately? 634 00:19:12,249 --> 00:19:14,000 Do you really know 635 00:19:12,249 --> 00:19:14,000 how to bow hunt? 636 00:19:14,042 --> 00:19:15,252 Um, yeah. 637 00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:18,046 At the British Columbia 638 00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:18,046 Military School for Boys 639 00:19:18,088 --> 00:19:20,006 we called it "making lunch." 640 00:19:20,048 --> 00:19:21,424 Hey, guys. 641 00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:23,301 We asked Mickey 642 00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:23,301 to watch Marvin 643 00:19:23,342 --> 00:19:25,595 so we could come 644 00:19:23,342 --> 00:19:25,595 down and talk. 645 00:19:25,636 --> 00:19:28,223 I know that we didn't get 646 00:19:25,636 --> 00:19:28,223 to finish the game, but... 647 00:19:28,265 --> 00:19:31,017 we've reached a decision. 648 00:19:31,059 --> 00:19:32,351 Lily? 649 00:19:33,311 --> 00:19:35,354 We've decided... 650 00:19:37,148 --> 00:19:39,943 to revoke the 651 00:19:37,148 --> 00:19:39,943 "eight or higher" rule. 652 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:40,693 TED/ROBIN/BARNEY: 653 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:40,693 What? 654 00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:42,279 We want to know everything 655 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,405 that's going on 656 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,405 with you guys. 657 00:19:44,447 --> 00:19:45,656 Really? 658 00:19:45,698 --> 00:19:46,657 You're our best friends. 659 00:19:46,699 --> 00:19:48,993 Everything is an eight 660 00:19:46,699 --> 00:19:48,993 or higher. 661 00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:53,456 And for the first time 662 00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:53,456 in almost half a year, 663 00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:56,209 Lily and Marshall 664 00:19:53,497 --> 00:19:56,209 closed down MacLaren's. 665 00:19:56,251 --> 00:19:57,543 Anyway, 666 00:19:57,585 --> 00:20:00,213 Victoria's dad and I are 667 00:19:57,585 --> 00:20:00,213 working out a payment plan 668 00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:01,923 with a very reasonable 669 00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:01,923 interest rate. 670 00:20:03,507 --> 00:20:04,926 At least, 671 00:20:03,507 --> 00:20:04,926 Nick's cycle 672 00:20:04,968 --> 00:20:06,469 is fuel-efficient... 673 00:20:04,968 --> 00:20:06,469 we're getting, like, 674 00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:08,429 30, 35 miles to the cob. 675 00:20:08,471 --> 00:20:09,680 Really? 676 00:20:08,471 --> 00:20:09,680 Yeah. 677 00:20:09,722 --> 00:20:10,890 You know, I should've 678 00:20:10,932 --> 00:20:12,225 told you about that 679 00:20:10,932 --> 00:20:12,225 six and a half sooner. 680 00:20:12,267 --> 00:20:15,103 Barney Stinson banging 681 00:20:12,267 --> 00:20:15,103 anything less than an eight? 682 00:20:15,145 --> 00:20:17,355 That's like a 15. 683 00:20:17,396 --> 00:20:19,357 And it was a great night. 684 00:20:19,398 --> 00:20:21,234 Until... 685 00:20:27,573 --> 00:20:28,908 Go 686 00:20:27,573 --> 00:20:28,908 back to bed. 687 00:20:28,950 --> 00:20:30,368 We got this. 688 00:20:37,416 --> 00:20:39,294 And Lily and Marshall 689 00:20:37,416 --> 00:20:39,294 finally decided 690 00:20:39,336 --> 00:20:40,419 on a guardian. 691 00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:42,922 Are you sure 692 00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:42,922 about this, baby? 693 00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:42,922 Yes. 694 00:20:42,964 --> 00:20:52,964 No matter what happens, I want 695 00:20:42,964 --> 00:20:52,964 Marvin to stay in the family. 696 00:20:57,561 --> 00:20:59,105 Oh... 697 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,484 Is that a bowling ball 698 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,484 in a onesie? 699 00:21:03,526 --> 00:21:05,403 Run!