1 00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:04,828 Guys, I'm going through 2 00:00:03,410 --> 00:00:04,828 something kinda hard. 3 00:00:04,870 --> 00:00:07,915 Since Quinn and I broke up, 4 00:00:04,870 --> 00:00:07,915 she's gone back to dancing 5 00:00:07,956 --> 00:00:11,000 at The Lusty Leopard, 6 00:00:07,956 --> 00:00:11,000 and it's just really 7 00:00:07,956 --> 00:00:11,000 tough because... 8 00:00:11,042 --> 00:00:14,295 'Cause you have to find 9 00:00:11,042 --> 00:00:14,295 a new strip club? 10 00:00:11,042 --> 00:00:14,295 I have to find a new strip club! 11 00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:16,757 I've been going to 12 00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:16,757 The Lusty Leopard 13 00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:16,757 for seven years. 14 00:00:16,798 --> 00:00:19,718 Wow. That's like 15 00:00:16,798 --> 00:00:19,718 49 in perv years. 16 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,720 Sixty-nine. Self-five. 17 00:00:21,762 --> 00:00:22,763 Look... 18 00:00:22,804 --> 00:00:23,847 without my open wallet, 19 00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:25,056 The Lusty Leopard 20 00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:25,056 would be nothing. 21 00:00:25,098 --> 00:00:27,935 Thanks to me, they've 22 00:00:25,098 --> 00:00:27,935 been able to expand 23 00:00:27,976 --> 00:00:30,645 and take over that 24 00:00:27,976 --> 00:00:30,645 soup kitchen next door. 25 00:00:31,605 --> 00:00:32,689 Now I'm a free agent, 26 00:00:32,731 --> 00:00:34,482 and all the strip 27 00:00:32,731 --> 00:00:34,482 clubs are after me. 28 00:00:34,524 --> 00:00:36,944 Mr. Stinson, we might not have 29 00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:38,528 the best strippers 30 00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:38,528 at Moneyballs, 31 00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:42,323 but we use sabermetrics to get 32 00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:42,323 you a stripper with a five body, 33 00:00:42,365 --> 00:00:45,410 sure, and another with 34 00:00:42,365 --> 00:00:45,410 a butter face, but together, 35 00:00:45,452 --> 00:00:47,996 with their tireless grinding, 36 00:00:45,452 --> 00:00:47,996 we guarantee 37 00:00:48,037 --> 00:00:50,916 a high on-pants percentage. 38 00:00:50,958 --> 00:00:52,960 I gotta be 39 00:00:50,958 --> 00:00:52,960 honest with you, Fred, 40 00:00:53,001 --> 00:00:55,629 I can't really see myself 41 00:00:53,001 --> 00:00:55,629 signing with the Golden Oldies. 42 00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:58,840 Well, that's what everyone 43 00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:58,840 says... at first. 44 00:00:58,882 --> 00:01:00,968 But our GILFs have got class. 45 00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:02,928 They've got maturity 46 00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:02,928 and experience, 47 00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:05,597 and the kind of mind-blowing 48 00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:05,597 flexibility 49 00:01:05,639 --> 00:01:08,809 that only comes 50 00:01:05,639 --> 00:01:08,809 from advanced hip dysplasia. 51 00:01:11,352 --> 00:01:14,731 Barney, the Lusty Leopard 52 00:01:11,352 --> 00:01:14,731 would be lost without you. 53 00:01:14,773 --> 00:01:16,900 I think you're really 54 00:01:14,773 --> 00:01:16,900 gonna like a couple of the girls 55 00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:18,568 we just pulled up 56 00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:18,568 from the minors. 57 00:01:18,610 --> 00:01:20,403 Don't leave us! 58 00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:22,990 Wow, you're like the 59 00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:22,990 LeBron James of strip clubs. 60 00:01:23,031 --> 00:01:26,451 Actually, you're probably 61 00:01:23,031 --> 00:01:26,451 tied with LeBron James 62 00:01:23,031 --> 00:01:26,451 for that title. 63 00:01:26,493 --> 00:01:27,535 LeBron 64 00:01:26,493 --> 00:01:27,535 isn't all that. 65 00:01:27,577 --> 00:01:29,454 The Cavs are doing 66 00:01:27,577 --> 00:01:29,454 great without him. 67 00:01:29,496 --> 00:01:30,789 Yeah! 68 00:01:30,831 --> 00:01:34,542 Hey, guys, you will never 69 00:01:30,831 --> 00:01:34,542 believe who I ran into 70 00:01:34,584 --> 00:01:35,669 outside of work today. 71 00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:38,379 It wasn't the guy 72 00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:38,379 handing out coupons 73 00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,423 in the hot dog 74 00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,423 costume, was it? 75 00:01:40,465 --> 00:01:42,467 Baby, there's no reason 76 00:01:40,465 --> 00:01:42,467 to be scared of him. 77 00:01:42,509 --> 00:01:44,427 I'm not scared of him. 78 00:01:44,469 --> 00:01:48,389 It's totally normal to see 79 00:01:44,469 --> 00:01:48,389 a hot dog with a face. 80 00:01:48,431 --> 00:01:50,851 No, it was Brad, 81 00:01:48,431 --> 00:01:50,851 my old law school buddy. 82 00:01:50,892 --> 00:01:53,436 I almost didn't recognize him. 83 00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:54,562 Marshall? 84 00:01:55,939 --> 00:01:57,024 Brad? 85 00:01:57,065 --> 00:01:58,399 Bro! 86 00:01:58,441 --> 00:01:59,776 Oh, hey! 87 00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,695 What a kick-ass day! 88 00:02:01,736 --> 00:02:03,822 I run into you, 89 00:02:01,736 --> 00:02:03,822 some sucker throws away 90 00:02:03,864 --> 00:02:05,699 most of a perfectly good 91 00:02:03,864 --> 00:02:05,699 hot dog... 92 00:02:06,616 --> 00:02:07,826 kick-ass day! 93 00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:10,411 You still doing corporate law? 94 00:02:10,453 --> 00:02:12,413 I got downsized two years ago. 95 00:02:12,455 --> 00:02:13,581 It's been rough. 96 00:02:13,623 --> 00:02:15,709 Going through 97 00:02:13,623 --> 00:02:15,709 a little bit of a depresh. 98 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:18,419 But just today, boom! 99 00:02:18,461 --> 00:02:21,464 Huge job prospect. 100 00:02:21,506 --> 00:02:22,256 Here's your application. 101 00:02:22,298 --> 00:02:23,341 Just tell them I sent you. 102 00:02:23,383 --> 00:02:26,594 I bet you could fit in 103 00:02:23,383 --> 00:02:26,594 the bratwurst. 104 00:02:26,636 --> 00:02:28,471 Bratwurst with a face. 105 00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:29,973 What'd I tell you? 106 00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:32,559 Looks like I'm about 107 00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:32,559 to be on a roll. 108 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,602 Sounds like that guy 109 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,602 could use some help. 110 00:02:34,644 --> 00:02:36,021 I know! 111 00:02:34,644 --> 00:02:36,021 That's why I said... 112 00:02:36,063 --> 00:02:37,939 You know, I'm at 113 00:02:36,063 --> 00:02:37,939 Honeywell & Cootes, 114 00:02:37,981 --> 00:02:40,025 and they're looking 115 00:02:37,981 --> 00:02:40,025 to hire an associate. 116 00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:41,860 I could totally recommend you. 117 00:02:42,736 --> 00:02:45,196 Leave the 118 00:02:42,736 --> 00:02:45,196 wounded behind! 119 00:02:58,085 --> 00:03:01,046 'Cause Brad is 120 00:02:58,085 --> 00:03:01,046 an old friend who needs a job. 121 00:03:01,088 --> 00:03:02,547 Why shouldn't I give him 122 00:03:02,589 --> 00:03:04,841 the old Marshall Eriksen 123 00:03:02,589 --> 00:03:04,841 Stamp of Approval? 124 00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:06,885 Marshall, 125 00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:06,885 you're a stamp tramp. 126 00:03:06,927 --> 00:03:08,678 How dare you! 127 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,764 And what is that? 128 00:03:10,805 --> 00:03:12,974 You give your stamp of 129 00:03:10,805 --> 00:03:12,974 approval to everything. 130 00:03:13,016 --> 00:03:14,059 It's become meaningless. 131 00:03:14,101 --> 00:03:16,061 It's like when my 132 00:03:14,101 --> 00:03:16,061 mom likes a movie. 133 00:03:16,103 --> 00:03:19,022 It just means Richard 134 00:03:16,103 --> 00:03:19,022 Dreyfuss is in it. 135 00:03:19,064 --> 00:03:21,399 Marshall, you love 136 00:03:19,064 --> 00:03:21,399 everything and everyone. 137 00:03:21,441 --> 00:03:23,526 It's-It's what I love 138 00:03:21,441 --> 00:03:23,526 about you, 139 00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:27,030 but it's also why 140 00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:27,030 your stamps are total crap. 141 00:03:27,072 --> 00:03:28,073 Give me one example. 142 00:03:28,115 --> 00:03:29,991 How about when 143 00:03:28,115 --> 00:03:29,991 you turned your boss 144 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:33,036 into a fountain 145 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:33,036 of bodily liquids? 146 00:03:33,954 --> 00:03:35,622 You guys like it? 147 00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,625 I'll be waiting for you in hell, 148 00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,625 Eriksen. 149 00:03:42,045 --> 00:03:43,379 In my defense, that restaurant's 150 00:03:42,045 --> 00:03:43,379 health rating had just gone 151 00:03:43,421 --> 00:03:45,590 from an "F" to a "D," 152 00:03:43,421 --> 00:03:45,590 and I wanted to reward that. 153 00:03:45,632 --> 00:03:47,675 Marshall, you're 154 00:03:45,632 --> 00:03:47,675 already on thin ice 155 00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:49,552 with that horrible 156 00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:49,552 Honeywell guy. 157 00:03:49,594 --> 00:03:52,055 Don't risk screwing 158 00:03:49,594 --> 00:03:52,055 things up more right before 159 00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:53,514 your biggest case ever. 160 00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:55,016 Okay, Honeywell is not horrible, 161 00:03:55,058 --> 00:03:56,935 he just has a bad temper 162 00:03:55,058 --> 00:03:56,935 sometimes. 163 00:03:56,977 --> 00:03:59,062 And he holds a grudge. 164 00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:01,564 He's kind of defensive 165 00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:01,564 about his height. 166 00:04:01,606 --> 00:04:02,607 And he's cheap. 167 00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:05,026 And he made 168 00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:05,026 those secretaries cry. 169 00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,861 But, deep down, 170 00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,861 he is a great guy. 171 00:04:06,903 --> 00:04:08,071 Heck, he gets my stamp, too. 172 00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:09,489 Stamp tramp. 173 00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:11,032 Well, maybe 174 00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:11,032 this isn't the moment 175 00:04:11,074 --> 00:04:12,784 to stick 176 00:04:11,074 --> 00:04:12,784 your neck out for Brad. 177 00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:14,702 Well, that's not how 178 00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:14,702 I was raised. 179 00:04:14,744 --> 00:04:17,455 Back in St. Cloud, 180 00:04:14,744 --> 00:04:17,455 we believe in people, 181 00:04:17,497 --> 00:04:22,043 people like Gudren Olsen, the 182 00:04:17,497 --> 00:04:22,043 town wino who became our mayor. 183 00:04:22,085 --> 00:04:24,587 They even wound up naming 184 00:04:22,085 --> 00:04:24,587 a bridge after him. 185 00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:26,965 The one he drove off. 186 00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:29,092 Marshall, why can't you be 187 00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:29,092 more like your wife? 188 00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:30,177 Lily's stamp is gold. 189 00:04:30,218 --> 00:04:31,761 I'm reading this book 190 00:04:30,218 --> 00:04:31,761 because of her. 191 00:04:34,139 --> 00:04:35,932 I'm drinking this beer 192 00:04:34,139 --> 00:04:35,932 because she recommended it. 193 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,726 I'm even wearing 194 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,726 this bra because 195 00:04:38,768 --> 00:04:40,937 of a lingerie store 196 00:04:38,768 --> 00:04:40,937 Lily told me about. 197 00:04:43,106 --> 00:04:46,526 Uh, if anyone's got 198 00:04:43,106 --> 00:04:46,526 the golden stamp, 199 00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:48,736 it's old Teddy 200 00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:48,736 Westside over here. 201 00:04:48,778 --> 00:04:51,990 Please. You're a 202 00:04:48,778 --> 00:04:51,990 piggyback stamper. 203 00:04:52,032 --> 00:04:53,616 How dare you! 204 00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:55,160 And what is that? 205 00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:57,204 Allow us to demonstrate. 206 00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:57,204 Lily? 207 00:04:57,245 --> 00:05:00,999 Hey, guys, I just found 208 00:04:57,245 --> 00:05:00,999 a great new sushi restaurant. 209 00:05:01,041 --> 00:05:01,666 It's called Katsu... 210 00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,918 yoku. 211 00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,918 Katsuyoku. 212 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,920 My idea. I'm Ted. 213 00:05:05,962 --> 00:05:07,214 Nailed it. 214 00:05:05,962 --> 00:05:07,214 Totally. 215 00:05:08,756 --> 00:05:10,717 Okay, Ted, name one cool 216 00:05:08,756 --> 00:05:10,717 thing you've given 217 00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:11,968 your stamp to first... 218 00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:11,968 Dr. Berkowitz. 219 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,846 that isn't an ear, 220 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,846 nose and throat doctor. 221 00:05:16,764 --> 00:05:19,184 Man, these strip clubs 222 00:05:16,764 --> 00:05:19,184 want me so bad. 223 00:05:19,226 --> 00:05:22,187 They're sending me T-shirts, 224 00:05:19,226 --> 00:05:22,187 beer cozies. 225 00:05:22,229 --> 00:05:25,148 Sticky's even sent me 226 00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,733 a boob-shaped 227 00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,733 hand-sanitizer dispenser. 228 00:05:26,774 --> 00:05:29,069 It's clean and dirty 229 00:05:26,774 --> 00:05:29,069 at the same time. 230 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:32,739 That's it? 231 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:32,739 T-shirts and beer cozies? 232 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,074 That's disrespect, son! 233 00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:35,408 Here's what you do: 234 00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:38,703 hit a few strip clubs 235 00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:38,703 in Jersey and Long Island. 236 00:05:38,745 --> 00:05:40,955 Jersey? Long Island? 237 00:05:40,997 --> 00:05:43,083 Why would I go to 238 00:05:40,997 --> 00:05:43,083 a Third World nation 239 00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:45,043 to get my knob wobbled? 240 00:05:45,085 --> 00:05:46,127 Well, you wouldn't. 241 00:05:46,169 --> 00:05:47,295 But when the clubs in 242 00:05:46,169 --> 00:05:47,295 the city hear 243 00:05:47,336 --> 00:05:50,173 you're sniffing around 244 00:05:47,336 --> 00:05:50,173 across the river, 245 00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:51,758 those beer cozies 246 00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:51,758 and T-shirts turn 247 00:05:51,799 --> 00:05:54,594 into Rolexes and fur coats. 248 00:05:54,635 --> 00:05:57,972 Especially from that 249 00:05:54,635 --> 00:05:57,972 strip club, Fur Coats. 250 00:05:58,014 --> 00:06:00,725 Wow. That's genius. 251 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,143 You're hired. 252 00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:03,603 What do you mean? 253 00:06:03,644 --> 00:06:05,730 I want you to be 254 00:06:03,644 --> 00:06:05,730 my strip club agent. 255 00:06:05,772 --> 00:06:07,732 What is wrong with you? 256 00:06:07,774 --> 00:06:09,525 Well, I just figured I'd ask... 257 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:10,944 No, I was talking to myself, 258 00:06:10,985 --> 00:06:12,946 because, for some reason, 259 00:06:10,985 --> 00:06:12,946 I really want to do that! 260 00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:17,117 Oh! Oh! 261 00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:17,117 What am I wearing? 262 00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:20,745 Just proof of a stamp 263 00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:20,745 I know I gave first, 264 00:06:20,787 --> 00:06:22,663 from a little band called... 265 00:06:22,705 --> 00:06:24,165 Dishwalla. 266 00:06:24,207 --> 00:06:25,166 Who? 267 00:06:25,208 --> 00:06:26,584 Dishwalla! Come on! 268 00:06:26,626 --> 00:06:27,752 They had that whole, 269 00:06:27,794 --> 00:06:29,754 "Tell Me All Your Thoughts 270 00:06:27,794 --> 00:06:29,754 on God" song. 271 00:06:29,796 --> 00:06:31,756 Oh... 272 00:06:31,798 --> 00:06:33,758 Look, I'm not saying 273 00:06:31,798 --> 00:06:33,758 they're my favorite band, 274 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,260 but for a little while 275 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,260 in college, 276 00:06:35,302 --> 00:06:38,138 we were all into that song, 277 00:06:35,302 --> 00:06:38,138 and it was all thanks to me. 278 00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:39,973 But I turned you on 279 00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:39,973 to Dishwalla. 280 00:06:40,014 --> 00:06:41,766 No way! I played them on 281 00:06:40,014 --> 00:06:41,766 my radio show. 282 00:06:41,808 --> 00:06:45,145 I mean, pirate DJ Dr. X 283 00:06:41,808 --> 00:06:45,145 played them on 284 00:06:45,186 --> 00:06:46,520 his beloved radio show. 285 00:06:46,562 --> 00:06:48,606 We all know 286 00:06:46,562 --> 00:06:48,606 you were Dr. X, Ted! 287 00:06:48,648 --> 00:06:50,775 And I'm the one 288 00:06:48,648 --> 00:06:50,775 who got us into that song. 289 00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:52,777 No! No! 290 00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:52,777 On his beloved radio show, 291 00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:55,780 Dr. X pointed out 292 00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:55,780 that the chorus went, 293 00:06:55,822 --> 00:06:58,992 "Tell me all 294 00:06:55,822 --> 00:06:58,992 your thoughts on God" 295 00:07:01,202 --> 00:07:03,997 Her. God's a woman. 296 00:07:04,038 --> 00:07:05,206 And it blew the minds 297 00:07:05,248 --> 00:07:07,792 of everyone listening 298 00:07:05,248 --> 00:07:07,792 to Dr. X that night. 299 00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:10,711 Which was pretty much everyone 300 00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:10,711 on campus... including me. 301 00:07:10,753 --> 00:07:12,130 I'm not Dr. X. 302 00:07:12,172 --> 00:07:13,798 Oh, so you're saying 303 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,260 credit for the stamp goes 304 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,260 to Dr. X then, not you. 305 00:07:23,224 --> 00:07:25,143 Okay... I'm gonna tell you guys 306 00:07:23,224 --> 00:07:25,143 something right now. 307 00:07:25,185 --> 00:07:27,687 Take a sip. 308 00:07:25,185 --> 00:07:27,687 Follow my lead. 309 00:07:30,190 --> 00:07:32,233 I'm Dr. X. 310 00:07:33,276 --> 00:07:35,695 No! 311 00:07:35,736 --> 00:07:37,780 I hope this 312 00:07:35,736 --> 00:07:37,780 works out, bro. 313 00:07:37,822 --> 00:07:39,615 I couldn't even get my leg 314 00:07:37,822 --> 00:07:39,615 in that bratwurst outfit. 315 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:43,661 Don't be nervous. 316 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:43,661 Honeywell is gonna love you. 317 00:07:43,703 --> 00:07:46,831 Sweet! Freebie 318 00:07:43,703 --> 00:07:46,831 muff-tops! 319 00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:50,168 Can I pour you 320 00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:50,168 a pocket of coffee? 321 00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,170 I didn't say 322 00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,170 you were fat. 323 00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:55,215 I said that dress makes 324 00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:55,215 you look fat! Idiot! 325 00:07:55,256 --> 00:07:56,924 Hey! You must be Brad! 326 00:07:56,966 --> 00:07:58,009 I'm excited to meet the man 327 00:07:58,051 --> 00:07:59,677 Eriksen's been talking up 328 00:07:58,051 --> 00:07:59,677 all week. 329 00:07:59,719 --> 00:08:03,306 Mr. Honeywell, I have to say, 330 00:08:03,348 --> 00:08:04,765 your environmental 331 00:08:03,348 --> 00:08:04,765 work is amazing. 332 00:08:06,059 --> 00:08:06,684 Come on, it's not like 333 00:08:06,059 --> 00:08:06,684 I'm saving the world. 334 00:08:06,726 --> 00:08:10,021 Oh, wait, yes, I am! 335 00:08:10,063 --> 00:08:12,023 Great. 336 00:08:12,065 --> 00:08:13,274 Marshall tells me you have 337 00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:16,027 the big Gruber Pharmaceutical 338 00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:16,027 trial coming up. 339 00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:17,278 I'd love to give you my 340 00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:17,278 thoughts on the case, 341 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,739 but I can't take full credit. 342 00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:21,199 Most of these are 343 00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:21,199 from my psychic. 344 00:08:21,241 --> 00:08:22,867 My psychic always 345 00:08:22,909 --> 00:08:24,244 pushes for a settlement. 346 00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:26,829 But my numerologist says 347 00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:26,829 roll the dice with the jury. 348 00:08:26,871 --> 00:08:28,873 I'm waiting for my 349 00:08:26,871 --> 00:08:28,873 astrologist to weigh in, 350 00:08:28,915 --> 00:08:30,833 but he can be 351 00:08:28,915 --> 00:08:30,833 kind of flaky. 352 00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:32,752 You know, Cancer. 353 00:08:32,793 --> 00:08:34,962 Should know more after 354 00:08:32,793 --> 00:08:34,962 he's back from chemo. 355 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,965 Good luck, bro! 356 00:08:43,263 --> 00:08:47,058 You know the best part about you 357 00:08:43,263 --> 00:08:47,058 challenging me on Dishwalla? 358 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,393 Didn't challenge you, 359 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,393 don't care. 360 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,393 It made me 361 00:08:48,435 --> 00:08:51,229 dig up my old video diaries 362 00:08:48,435 --> 00:08:51,229 from freshman year. 363 00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:53,189 And somewhere in here 364 00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:53,189 there's gonna be proof 365 00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:54,690 that I am not a 366 00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:54,690 piggyback stamper. 367 00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:56,817 I have my own 368 00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:56,817 original ideas. 369 00:08:56,859 --> 00:08:58,986 Didn't you only do 370 00:08:56,859 --> 00:08:58,986 the video diaries 371 00:08:59,028 --> 00:09:00,696 because of Winona Ryder 372 00:08:59,028 --> 00:09:00,696 in Reality Bites? 373 00:09:00,738 --> 00:09:01,864 No. 374 00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,866 I don't know what 375 00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:03,866 you're talk... shut up. 376 00:09:03,908 --> 00:09:05,993 Let's just watch. 377 00:09:06,035 --> 00:09:08,079 How do you even know there's 378 00:09:06,035 --> 00:09:08,079 gonna be mention 379 00:09:08,121 --> 00:09:09,747 of Dishwalla on those tapes? 380 00:09:08,121 --> 00:09:09,747 I don't. 381 00:09:09,789 --> 00:09:12,292 And it may take me days 382 00:09:09,789 --> 00:09:12,292 to go through them all, 383 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:15,211 but that is how committed 384 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:15,211 I am to the truth. 385 00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:18,672 Hey, you guys should check out 386 00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:18,672 that song by the band Dishwalla. 387 00:09:18,714 --> 00:09:20,883 Really? 388 00:09:18,714 --> 00:09:20,883 I've never heard of them. 389 00:09:20,925 --> 00:09:23,177 Damn it! 390 00:09:23,219 --> 00:09:24,345 So? 391 00:09:24,387 --> 00:09:25,805 Bottom line, Vito: 392 00:09:24,387 --> 00:09:25,805 a lot of 393 00:09:25,846 --> 00:09:27,098 strip clubs are into my client. 394 00:09:27,140 --> 00:09:28,475 If you want the Melon Patch 395 00:09:27,140 --> 00:09:28,475 to be in the mix, 396 00:09:28,516 --> 00:09:31,311 we're gonna need bigger melons 397 00:09:28,516 --> 00:09:31,311 and smaller patches. 398 00:09:31,352 --> 00:09:33,104 Otherwise, your establishment 399 00:09:31,352 --> 00:09:33,104 is not where 400 00:09:33,146 --> 00:09:35,064 Barney Stinson 401 00:09:33,146 --> 00:09:35,064 is gonna pitch his tent. 402 00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:37,108 B-Dawg, Barn Door, 403 00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:38,734 Stinson-natti, Bro-hio! 404 00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:41,112 Talk to me. 405 00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:41,112 How's it hangin'? 406 00:09:41,154 --> 00:09:43,323 You are killing it 407 00:09:41,154 --> 00:09:43,323 at this agent thing! 408 00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:45,992 I just got a big box 409 00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:45,992 at Yankee Stadium 410 00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:47,785 from the ladies at The Big Box. 411 00:09:47,827 --> 00:09:48,911 Mm-hmm. 412 00:09:48,953 --> 00:09:50,871 One question: Golden Oldies 413 00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:53,124 just sent me a fax machine 414 00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:53,124 and a Charo calendar. 415 00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:55,168 Mm-hmm. 416 00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:55,168 Aren't they out of the running? 417 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:57,378 Yeah, but those old bitches 418 00:09:55,209 --> 00:09:57,378 don't need to know that. 419 00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:59,297 Yeah, I just feel kind of bad. 420 00:09:59,339 --> 00:10:01,341 They just spent eight grand 421 00:10:01,382 --> 00:10:03,050 on that wheelchair ramp 422 00:10:01,382 --> 00:10:03,050 up to the stage. 423 00:10:03,092 --> 00:10:05,928 Hey, Larry, how's everything 424 00:10:03,092 --> 00:10:05,928 at the Beaver Dam? 425 00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:07,347 I don't even know 426 00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:07,347 that strip club. 427 00:10:07,388 --> 00:10:08,639 Oh, it's not a club. 428 00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:11,392 My cousin Larry is 429 00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:11,392 a forest ranger in Squamish. 430 00:10:11,434 --> 00:10:13,394 Oh, yeah? 431 00:10:13,436 --> 00:10:14,770 Then I was fired from 432 00:10:14,812 --> 00:10:16,147 Bed Bath & Beyond 433 00:10:16,189 --> 00:10:17,815 for telling 434 00:10:16,189 --> 00:10:17,815 inappropriate jokes. 435 00:10:17,857 --> 00:10:18,732 I mean... 436 00:10:18,774 --> 00:10:20,901 get a sense of 437 00:10:18,774 --> 00:10:20,901 humor, LaShonda. 438 00:10:20,943 --> 00:10:22,236 You know how "they" are. 439 00:10:22,278 --> 00:10:25,323 "They" meaning Bed Bath 440 00:10:22,278 --> 00:10:25,323 & Beyond employees, right? 441 00:10:25,365 --> 00:10:26,157 Hmm? 442 00:10:26,199 --> 00:10:27,741 No. Women. 443 00:10:27,783 --> 00:10:29,785 That still could have 444 00:10:27,783 --> 00:10:29,785 been worse. 445 00:10:29,827 --> 00:10:32,330 Thank God I ran 446 00:10:29,827 --> 00:10:32,330 into Marshall. 447 00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:34,165 This guy's supportive 448 00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:34,165 as balls. 449 00:10:34,207 --> 00:10:35,916 And here I am. 450 00:10:35,958 --> 00:10:37,751 Yes, we both owe Marshall 451 00:10:35,958 --> 00:10:37,751 a debt of gratitude 452 00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:40,171 for getting you 453 00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:40,171 this interview. 454 00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:41,088 Eriksen... 455 00:10:41,130 --> 00:10:43,216 can I see you outside? 456 00:10:41,130 --> 00:10:43,216 Sure. 457 00:10:43,257 --> 00:10:45,926 Good. Try to stay 458 00:10:43,257 --> 00:10:45,926 out there a few minutes. 459 00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:49,972 I just cut one, and I can 460 00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:49,972 tell it's gonna be a slow burn. 461 00:10:51,849 --> 00:10:55,186 What is Generation X? 462 00:10:55,228 --> 00:10:57,897 What does the X in 463 00:10:55,228 --> 00:10:57,897 "Generation X" stand for? 464 00:10:57,938 --> 00:10:59,232 What do we stand for? 465 00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:02,276 Why aren't people on campus 466 00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:02,276 talking about this? 467 00:11:02,318 --> 00:11:04,862 Maybe you should do 468 00:11:02,318 --> 00:11:04,862 a radio show 469 00:11:04,904 --> 00:11:07,448 and call yourself Dr. X. 470 00:11:08,824 --> 00:11:11,244 I just had an amazing idea. 471 00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:15,789 Just turn it off! 472 00:11:15,831 --> 00:11:17,208 I can't look away. 473 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,377 Oh, God, no. 474 00:11:19,419 --> 00:11:21,337 Oh, God, I'm putting on a beret. 475 00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:22,547 You were there. 476 00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:24,424 Why didn't you tell me 477 00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:24,424 that looked stupid? 478 00:11:24,465 --> 00:11:27,260 Ted, that beret looks stupid. 479 00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:30,054 I agree to disagree. 480 00:11:30,096 --> 00:11:32,432 Marshall, that man is the human 481 00:11:30,096 --> 00:11:32,432 equivalent of what came out 482 00:11:32,473 --> 00:11:34,267 of my body after eating 483 00:11:32,473 --> 00:11:34,267 that soup you recommended! 484 00:11:34,308 --> 00:11:35,935 This guy's your friend? 485 00:11:35,976 --> 00:11:38,938 Really more of an 486 00:11:35,976 --> 00:11:38,938 acquaintance than a friend. 487 00:11:38,979 --> 00:11:40,981 No backpedaling. 488 00:11:41,023 --> 00:11:42,442 You're Marshall Eriksen. 489 00:11:42,483 --> 00:11:44,944 You believe in people. 490 00:11:44,985 --> 00:11:47,029 You know what Brad 491 00:11:44,985 --> 00:11:47,029 hasn't told you? 492 00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:49,031 He was third in our 493 00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:49,031 class at Columbia. 494 00:11:49,073 --> 00:11:50,866 That is impressive. 495 00:11:50,908 --> 00:11:53,369 And I suppose he did warn us 496 00:11:50,908 --> 00:11:53,369 about the fart. 497 00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:54,537 He's a great guy. 498 00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:57,415 Please... give him 499 00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:57,415 just one more chance. 500 00:11:57,457 --> 00:12:00,418 Two more minutes. 501 00:12:02,002 --> 00:12:03,087 I'm proud of you. 502 00:12:03,129 --> 00:12:06,257 I'm proud of you for 503 00:12:03,129 --> 00:12:06,257 being proud of me. 504 00:12:11,053 --> 00:12:13,222 You went undergrad 505 00:12:11,053 --> 00:12:13,222 to Holy Cross? 506 00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:14,390 That's my alma mater. 507 00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:16,058 I went there on a basketball 508 00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:16,058 scholarship. 509 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,810 No way. I played center. 510 00:12:17,851 --> 00:12:19,770 Uh-oh. 511 00:12:19,812 --> 00:12:20,938 Why is that so shocking? 512 00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:24,484 'Cause you're, like, 513 00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:24,484 an itty-bitty fella. 514 00:12:25,276 --> 00:12:26,235 Hey, uh, fish, huh? 515 00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,236 Fish are crazy, right? 516 00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:27,945 You guys ever think 517 00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:27,945 about fish? 518 00:12:27,987 --> 00:12:30,864 I am six-foot one, sir. 519 00:12:30,906 --> 00:12:33,242 Bro, I'm at least 520 00:12:30,906 --> 00:12:33,242 a foot taller than you. 521 00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:36,870 Well, then I guess that makes 522 00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:36,870 you a freakish seven-foot one. 523 00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:38,498 What do you call fish 524 00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:38,498 with no eyes? 525 00:12:38,539 --> 00:12:40,874 "Fsh." 526 00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:44,128 I am six-feet and one inch, 527 00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:44,128 and I'll prove it. 528 00:12:44,170 --> 00:12:45,546 Eriksen. 529 00:12:50,301 --> 00:12:51,844 How tall are you? 530 00:12:51,885 --> 00:12:54,430 Seven feet. 531 00:12:55,848 --> 00:12:57,891 So, we've got 532 00:12:55,848 --> 00:12:57,891 a deal somewhere? 533 00:12:57,933 --> 00:12:59,268 We sure do. 534 00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:00,978 You are the new face of... 535 00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:04,440 and exclusive customer to... 536 00:13:04,482 --> 00:13:06,859 Golden Oldies! 537 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,361 What? 538 00:13:08,402 --> 00:13:10,321 I thought we ruled them out! 539 00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:12,448 (high- 540 00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:12,448 I don't remember that! 541 00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:14,283 Now let's go. It is 4:00, 542 00:13:14,325 --> 00:13:16,285 and their dinner show starts 543 00:13:14,325 --> 00:13:16,285 in ten minutes. 544 00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:18,454 Wait a minute. 545 00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:19,913 Oh... 546 00:13:19,955 --> 00:13:21,040 Is that a Rolex? 547 00:13:21,081 --> 00:13:22,249 Huh. What do you know? 548 00:13:22,291 --> 00:13:23,292 How did that get there? 549 00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:27,463 Anyway, uh, so 550 00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:27,463 initial here and... 551 00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:29,507 Where'd you get 552 00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:29,507 the bling, Robin? 553 00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:31,300 Uh... 554 00:13:31,342 --> 00:13:33,177 They bribed you. 555 00:13:33,219 --> 00:13:35,513 They bribed you! 556 00:13:35,555 --> 00:13:38,140 Why else would you pick a place 557 00:13:35,555 --> 00:13:38,140 where the strippers say 558 00:13:38,182 --> 00:13:40,393 they're trying to put their 559 00:13:38,182 --> 00:13:40,393 grandkids through college? 560 00:13:40,434 --> 00:13:41,935 Please leave! 561 00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:43,479 Barney, I can explain, okay? 562 00:13:43,521 --> 00:13:45,147 Please... 563 00:13:45,189 --> 00:13:47,024 leave. 564 00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:50,861 Say it, you giant beast! 565 00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:50,861 Say I'm six-one! 566 00:13:50,903 --> 00:13:53,239 Maybe if you stood on top 567 00:13:50,903 --> 00:13:53,239 of that pot of gold 568 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,157 you have at the end 569 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,157 of your rainbow. 570 00:13:55,199 --> 00:13:56,409 You know something? 571 00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:58,077 You're nothing but a... 572 00:13:58,118 --> 00:13:59,161 a tree man! 573 00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:02,415 I never want to 574 00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:02,415 see you again, tree man! 575 00:14:02,456 --> 00:14:03,541 Fine. 576 00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:05,459 I have to go to the 577 00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:05,459 little boys' room. 578 00:14:05,501 --> 00:14:06,835 Not your office. 579 00:14:06,877 --> 00:14:09,171 I need to take a dump. 580 00:14:10,506 --> 00:14:13,050 If that's the type of guy 581 00:14:10,506 --> 00:14:13,050 you vouch for, 582 00:14:13,092 --> 00:14:14,260 I can't trust your judgment. 583 00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:15,886 You're off the Gruber 584 00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:15,886 Pharmaceutical case. 585 00:14:15,928 --> 00:14:17,304 No... 586 00:14:23,936 --> 00:14:26,272 Oh, good, we're up to the 587 00:14:23,936 --> 00:14:26,272 time I got my ear pierced. 588 00:14:26,313 --> 00:14:28,399 Do it, do it, do it, do it. 589 00:14:28,441 --> 00:14:30,067 Don't do it! Don't do it! 590 00:14:28,441 --> 00:14:30,067 Don't, don't. 591 00:14:30,109 --> 00:14:31,944 Okay, do it now. 592 00:14:30,109 --> 00:14:31,944 Do, do, do it, do it. 593 00:14:31,985 --> 00:14:34,196 Don't, don't do it! 594 00:14:31,985 --> 00:14:34,196 Don't do it! Don't do it! 595 00:14:34,238 --> 00:14:37,950 Don't! Yes, you can do this. 596 00:14:34,238 --> 00:14:37,950 You can... 597 00:14:37,991 --> 00:14:40,035 That goes on for 45 minutes. 598 00:14:41,579 --> 00:14:44,873 Hey... how was work, baby? 599 00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:47,543 Remember how 600 00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:47,543 I always wanted to know 601 00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,587 what it was like to be a ghost? 602 00:14:50,588 --> 00:14:52,381 Well, I don't want that anymore. 603 00:14:52,423 --> 00:14:53,633 Okay, suppose we lead 604 00:14:53,674 --> 00:14:56,469 with the carbon testing 605 00:14:53,674 --> 00:14:56,469 of the residue water. 606 00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:59,472 How do we keep 607 00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:59,472 the jury engaged? Anyone? 608 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,392 You could bring up 609 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,392 the survey from 610 00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:05,936 Dr. Pasquesi's testimony. 611 00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,062 Anyone? 612 00:15:07,104 --> 00:15:10,524 Anyone who isn't dead to me? 613 00:15:10,566 --> 00:15:12,985 Then you have to earn 614 00:15:10,566 --> 00:15:12,985 Honeywell's trust back. 615 00:15:13,026 --> 00:15:14,528 Just start small. 616 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:15,904 Put your stamp on little things 617 00:15:15,946 --> 00:15:17,615 that have nothing 618 00:15:15,946 --> 00:15:17,615 to do with work. 619 00:15:17,657 --> 00:15:19,032 Like a funny video. 620 00:15:19,074 --> 00:15:22,119 I, uh, I may have something. 621 00:15:24,037 --> 00:15:26,957 Don't think, Mosby! Do it now! 622 00:15:24,037 --> 00:15:26,957 Oh, my God, I'm doing it! 623 00:15:26,999 --> 00:15:28,584 Wow, he's a real bleeder! 624 00:15:30,419 --> 00:15:33,130 And then you build to something 625 00:15:30,419 --> 00:15:33,130 else small, like a tasty snack. 626 00:15:33,172 --> 00:15:35,215 Don't sleep on the popcorn. 627 00:15:35,257 --> 00:15:38,260 Try mixing the caramel 628 00:15:35,257 --> 00:15:38,260 and the cheese. 629 00:15:38,302 --> 00:15:39,928 It shouldn't work, 630 00:15:39,970 --> 00:15:41,305 but... it... does. 631 00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:44,224 There's no way caramel 632 00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:44,224 and cheese... That's good! 633 00:15:44,266 --> 00:15:46,059 That is good. Oh! 634 00:15:47,645 --> 00:15:49,480 And when Honeywell starts 635 00:15:47,645 --> 00:15:49,480 trusting your stamp again, 636 00:15:49,522 --> 00:15:52,107 he'll seek out 637 00:15:49,522 --> 00:15:52,107 your opinion on things. 638 00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:52,817 Be honest, Eriksen. 639 00:15:52,859 --> 00:15:55,027 Is this deep-V working? 640 00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:56,987 And that's when 641 00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:56,987 you lie your ass off. 642 00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,531 Sir... 643 00:15:58,572 --> 00:16:00,616 I think you could 644 00:15:58,572 --> 00:16:00,616 go even deeper. 645 00:16:02,951 --> 00:16:05,204 And before you know it... 646 00:16:05,245 --> 00:16:06,455 Eriksen, get in here. 647 00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:09,291 you're back on the case. 648 00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:14,421 Ted, why are you 649 00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:14,421 torturing yourself? 650 00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:16,590 None of us were 651 00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:16,590 our best in college. 652 00:16:16,632 --> 00:16:20,010 Oh, my God, I love 653 00:16:16,632 --> 00:16:20,010 my hair there! 654 00:16:20,052 --> 00:16:24,097 I always thought I was this kid 655 00:16:20,052 --> 00:16:24,097 from suburban Ohio 656 00:16:24,139 --> 00:16:26,642 who had this innate sense 657 00:16:24,139 --> 00:16:26,642 of judgment and taste 658 00:16:26,684 --> 00:16:30,229 and just showed up to college 659 00:16:26,684 --> 00:16:30,229 and wowed everyone. 660 00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:33,232 Now I have concrete proof 661 00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:33,232 that I wasn't. 662 00:16:33,273 --> 00:16:35,484 I was a total gomer. 663 00:16:35,526 --> 00:16:37,528 Maybe I still am. 664 00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,446 Wait... that's 665 00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,446 the giant suit 666 00:16:39,488 --> 00:16:42,366 Marshall wore on 667 00:16:39,488 --> 00:16:42,366 our third date. 668 00:16:42,408 --> 00:16:43,576 So... 669 00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:44,911 Marshall Eriksen, 670 00:16:44,952 --> 00:16:48,581 you just came back from 671 00:16:44,952 --> 00:16:48,581 your third date with Lily. 672 00:16:48,622 --> 00:16:49,415 How was it? 673 00:16:49,456 --> 00:16:50,917 Great, yeah. 674 00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:56,422 I just... I think I'm falling 675 00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:56,422 for this girl pretty hard. 676 00:16:56,463 --> 00:16:58,298 But is everything 677 00:16:56,463 --> 00:16:58,298 happening too fast? 678 00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:00,300 I mean, maybe I should 679 00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:00,300 see other people. 680 00:17:00,342 --> 00:17:01,635 Whoa, dude, no! 681 00:17:01,677 --> 00:17:05,013 Lily Aldrin is special. 682 00:17:01,677 --> 00:17:05,013 You hold on to that girl. 683 00:17:05,055 --> 00:17:06,432 She is. 684 00:17:06,473 --> 00:17:07,600 I'm only 18 and... 685 00:17:07,641 --> 00:17:09,351 Marshall, you being 18 686 00:17:07,641 --> 00:17:09,351 isn't a bad thing. 687 00:17:09,393 --> 00:17:13,564 It just means you get 688 00:17:09,393 --> 00:17:13,564 to spend even more of 689 00:17:09,393 --> 00:17:13,564 your life with her. 690 00:17:13,606 --> 00:17:15,983 I mean, I'm probably 691 00:17:13,606 --> 00:17:15,983 not gonna meet my wife 692 00:17:16,024 --> 00:17:18,110 until I'm, like, 23. 693 00:17:19,653 --> 00:17:21,154 You're right. 694 00:17:21,196 --> 00:17:24,450 What am I thinking? 695 00:17:24,491 --> 00:17:27,411 I'm in love 696 00:17:24,491 --> 00:17:27,411 with this girl. 697 00:17:27,453 --> 00:17:29,455 Ted, oh, my God. 698 00:17:29,496 --> 00:17:32,666 You gave me 699 00:17:29,496 --> 00:17:32,666 the ultimate stamp. 700 00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:37,296 And in my whole life, 701 00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:37,296 this life... 702 00:17:37,337 --> 00:17:40,591 it all goes back to that moment. 703 00:17:42,384 --> 00:17:45,679 I mean, maybe take a month off, 704 00:17:42,384 --> 00:17:45,679 bang a couple chicks. 705 00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:47,556 Lily's not going anywhere. 706 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:53,061 Hey, Barney. 707 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:53,061 Hey. 708 00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:55,481 Um, look, I'm sorry about the 709 00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:55,481 whole skimming-off-the-top- 710 00:17:55,522 --> 00:17:57,984 of-the-strip-club-swag thing. 711 00:17:58,025 --> 00:17:59,610 Hey, it happens to everybody. 712 00:17:59,652 --> 00:18:01,612 Really? Because even 713 00:17:59,652 --> 00:18:01,612 as I said those words, 714 00:18:01,654 --> 00:18:04,490 they did not feel 715 00:18:01,654 --> 00:18:04,490 like a real thing. 716 00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:07,576 Hey, look, wherever you end up, 717 00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:07,576 can I have the dubious honor 718 00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:09,286 of buying you 719 00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:09,286 your first lap dance? 720 00:18:09,328 --> 00:18:11,121 It's a date. 721 00:18:11,163 --> 00:18:16,209 Ladies and gentlemen, 722 00:18:11,163 --> 00:18:16,209 it's time for "The Decision." 723 00:18:17,711 --> 00:18:19,212 Yeah. 724 00:18:19,254 --> 00:18:23,216 Ladies, my bro-dium? 725 00:18:23,258 --> 00:18:25,093 Yeah. 726 00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:26,178 Look at this! 727 00:18:26,219 --> 00:18:29,306 Man, this whole 728 00:18:26,219 --> 00:18:29,306 free agent experience, 729 00:18:29,348 --> 00:18:32,267 it's been an unbelievable 730 00:18:29,348 --> 00:18:32,267 experience, 731 00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:35,187 a real humbling experience. 732 00:18:35,228 --> 00:18:38,148 First of all, The Lusty Leopard 733 00:18:35,228 --> 00:18:38,148 is where I developed my game. 734 00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:39,942 Oh... 735 00:18:39,984 --> 00:18:43,737 I have nothing but the utmost 736 00:18:39,984 --> 00:18:43,737 respect for you skanks. 737 00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,489 He's just gonna stay 738 00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,489 at The Lusty Leopard. 739 00:18:45,531 --> 00:18:47,115 They have loyalty 740 00:18:45,531 --> 00:18:47,115 and heart. 741 00:18:47,157 --> 00:18:48,659 I bet you 742 00:18:47,157 --> 00:18:48,659 he rewards that. 743 00:18:48,701 --> 00:18:51,203 LeBron moved on, Ted. 744 00:18:48,701 --> 00:18:51,203 So should you. 745 00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:55,248 But Barney Stinson has 746 00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:55,248 to do what's right 747 00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:57,167 for Barney Stinson's penis. 748 00:18:57,209 --> 00:19:02,048 In this fall... This is tough. 749 00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:04,633 Um... in this fall I'm going 750 00:19:04,675 --> 00:19:07,720 to take my talents 751 00:19:04,675 --> 00:19:07,720 to Mouth Beach. 752 00:19:13,308 --> 00:19:16,269 The next day, Uncle Marshall 753 00:19:13,308 --> 00:19:16,269 went to court 754 00:19:16,311 --> 00:19:18,064 for the biggest case 755 00:19:16,311 --> 00:19:18,064 of his life. 756 00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:20,566 Hey, Marshall! 757 00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:20,566 Bilbo! 758 00:19:20,607 --> 00:19:22,442 Brad? What are you...? 759 00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:25,071 Did you just get hired 760 00:19:25,112 --> 00:19:26,655 by Gruber Pharmaceutical's 761 00:19:25,112 --> 00:19:26,655 legal team? 762 00:19:26,697 --> 00:19:28,699 Oh, not just. 763 00:19:28,741 --> 00:19:30,576 I've been working 764 00:19:28,741 --> 00:19:30,576 for them for two years. 765 00:19:30,617 --> 00:19:33,537 I heard about the job opening 766 00:19:30,617 --> 00:19:33,537 at Honeywell & Cootes 767 00:19:33,579 --> 00:19:36,749 and knew that if I hung out 768 00:19:33,579 --> 00:19:36,749 in front of your office 769 00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:40,168 and pretended to be down on 770 00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:40,168 my luck, you'd take pity on me, 771 00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,253 get me an interview... 772 00:19:41,294 --> 00:19:42,755 Try to stay out there 773 00:19:41,294 --> 00:19:42,755 a few minutes. 774 00:19:42,796 --> 00:19:46,800 I just cut one, and I can tell 775 00:19:42,796 --> 00:19:46,800 it's gonna be a slow burn. 776 00:19:46,842 --> 00:19:49,803 and buy some alone time 777 00:19:46,842 --> 00:19:49,803 in the conference room. 778 00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:59,187 I got your firm's strategy 779 00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:59,187 for the case. 780 00:19:59,229 --> 00:20:00,814 Muchas gracias, bro-migo. 781 00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:05,736 He's really more of an 782 00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:05,736 acquaintance than a bro-migo. 783 00:20:05,778 --> 00:20:07,404 Win this case 784 00:20:05,778 --> 00:20:07,404 or you're fired, Eriksen. 785 00:20:07,446 --> 00:20:10,616 And so began the trial that 786 00:20:07,446 --> 00:20:10,616 would change the course 787 00:20:10,657 --> 00:20:11,700 of Marshall's career. 788 00:20:11,742 --> 00:20:14,661 But we'll get to that. 789 00:20:14,703 --> 00:20:19,125 Oh, you see? This is what 790 00:20:14,703 --> 00:20:19,125 I miss about being single: 791 00:20:19,166 --> 00:20:20,793 cutting loose 792 00:20:19,166 --> 00:20:20,793 at a strip club, 793 00:20:20,834 --> 00:20:23,629 drinkin' some beers, 794 00:20:20,834 --> 00:20:23,629 seein' some boobs, 795 00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,298 getting thrown out 796 00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,298 for being "too handsy." 797 00:20:26,339 --> 00:20:29,176 You were a little 798 00:20:26,339 --> 00:20:29,176 out of control tonight. 799 00:20:29,217 --> 00:20:30,427 You know, 800 00:20:29,217 --> 00:20:30,427 I really thought 801 00:20:30,469 --> 00:20:33,764 that that bouncer was 802 00:20:30,469 --> 00:20:33,764 bluffing with the Taser. 803 00:20:33,806 --> 00:20:36,767 Man, everything's gonna taste 804 00:20:33,806 --> 00:20:36,767 like pennies for a week. 805 00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:38,560 I had a fun time 806 00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:38,560 tonight, though. 807 00:20:38,602 --> 00:20:40,228 Me, too. 808 00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:41,438 I always have fun with you. 809 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,824 Whoa, whoa. 810 00:20:51,865 --> 00:20:55,786 I-I've got to... um... 811 00:20:55,828 --> 00:20:58,330 We can't, we can't 812 00:20:55,828 --> 00:20:58,330 do this. 813 00:20:59,372 --> 00:21:01,458 This, this can't happen. 814 00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,837 Uh, I've got to go. 815 00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,837 What...?