1 00:00:01,442 --> 00:00:03,569 You guys. You guys will not 2 00:00:01,442 --> 00:00:03,569 believe what just happened. 3 00:00:03,611 --> 00:00:05,154 On my way here, a taxi 4 00:00:05,196 --> 00:00:07,573 jumped the curb 5 00:00:05,196 --> 00:00:07,573 and it pinned this old lady, 6 00:00:07,615 --> 00:00:09,950 and I-I just went into this, 7 00:00:07,615 --> 00:00:09,950 like, crazy adrenaline mode 8 00:00:09,992 --> 00:00:11,369 and I somehow lifted it off her. 9 00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:13,078 Oh, my God, Ted, 10 00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:13,078 your wrist. 11 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,622 Oh, yeah, I guess 12 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,622 it's a little swollen. 13 00:00:14,664 --> 00:00:16,415 I must've strained it lifting. 14 00:00:14,664 --> 00:00:16,415 No, 15 00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:18,042 I believe our dear 16 00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:18,042 friend Lily was referring 17 00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:19,210 to your other wrist. 18 00:00:19,251 --> 00:00:21,212 The one wearing the 19 00:00:19,251 --> 00:00:21,212 male birth control. 20 00:00:21,253 --> 00:00:22,380 I was gonna go with 21 00:00:22,421 --> 00:00:23,506 "chastity bracelet." 22 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:25,591 God, is it possible 23 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:25,591 to love you more? 24 00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:27,092 Really? 25 00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:27,092 Really? I just 26 00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:29,512 saved someone's life, and 27 00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:29,512 you guys are focusing on this? 28 00:00:29,554 --> 00:00:31,180 Yeah, you know what, 29 00:00:29,554 --> 00:00:31,180 guys? Leave him alone. 30 00:00:31,222 --> 00:00:32,598 All right, 31 00:00:31,222 --> 00:00:32,598 he's a hero. 32 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:33,850 Thank you. 33 00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:36,018 Do you think that your 34 00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:36,018 super strength came from 35 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:37,770 wearing Wonder Woman's 36 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:37,770 magic wrist cuff? 37 00:00:39,146 --> 00:00:41,232 Yeah, I'll have you know 38 00:00:39,146 --> 00:00:41,232 that because of this cuff, 39 00:00:41,273 --> 00:00:42,817 I have a date. 40 00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:43,818 With some hand lotion 41 00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:43,818 and the Internet? 42 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:46,738 It is possible 43 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:46,738 to love you more! 44 00:00:46,779 --> 00:00:49,114 She exists. 45 00:00:49,156 --> 00:00:51,576 And she's right outside. 46 00:00:51,617 --> 00:00:54,036 Great. Bring her in. 47 00:00:51,617 --> 00:00:54,036 You know what? It's so nice out. 48 00:00:54,078 --> 00:00:55,955 Why don't... why don't 49 00:00:54,078 --> 00:00:55,955 we just all go for a walk. 50 00:00:55,996 --> 00:00:58,040 It's pouring rain, Ted. 51 00:00:55,996 --> 00:00:58,040 I think it's pretty obvious 52 00:00:58,082 --> 00:00:59,625 she can't fit 53 00:00:58,082 --> 00:00:59,625 through the door. 54 00:00:58,082 --> 00:00:59,625 Mm. 55 00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:01,794 She is a gorgeous, 56 00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:01,794 athletic woman. 57 00:01:01,836 --> 00:01:04,046 "Athletic"? 58 00:01:01,836 --> 00:01:04,046 Sideburns, no cans. 59 00:01:04,088 --> 00:01:05,005 She is hot. 60 00:01:05,047 --> 00:01:07,132 So why can't 61 00:01:05,047 --> 00:01:07,132 she come in, Ted? 62 00:01:07,174 --> 00:01:10,177 She can come in. 63 00:01:10,219 --> 00:01:12,430 In six and a half months. 64 00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:14,599 Wait. 65 00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:14,599 Are you saying she's... 66 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:15,391 Twenty. 67 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:16,475 And a half. 68 00:01:16,517 --> 00:01:17,894 Almost. 69 00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:36,454 Ah-ah! Hold up, guys. 70 00:01:36,495 --> 00:01:39,999 She had to bounce. Um, 71 00:01:36,495 --> 00:01:39,999 a flash mob broke out in front 72 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,209 of a line of Korean-Mexican 73 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,209 food trucks in Williamsburg. 74 00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:43,419 The only thing 75 00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:45,212 that would make her 76 00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:45,212 more of a 20-year-old 77 00:01:45,254 --> 00:01:46,798 is an ironic form 78 00:01:46,839 --> 00:01:48,090 of transportation. 79 00:01:46,839 --> 00:01:48,090 Yeah. 80 00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:49,133 She's roller skating there. 81 00:01:50,217 --> 00:01:51,343 I don't know 82 00:01:50,217 --> 00:01:51,343 which is more pathetic... 83 00:01:51,385 --> 00:01:52,845 that you're going out 84 00:01:51,385 --> 00:01:52,845 with a 20-year-old 85 00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:56,515 or that you bought a leather 86 00:01:52,887 --> 00:01:56,515 cuff to get a date with her. 87 00:01:56,557 --> 00:01:58,100 I didn't buy this 88 00:01:58,142 --> 00:01:58,893 to get a date. 89 00:01:58,935 --> 00:01:59,978 I just happened to be out 90 00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:00,979 catching up on 91 00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:00,979 some Saturday afternoon 92 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:03,648 leather cuff shopping, 93 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:03,648 Oh. 94 00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:06,317 and she just happened to be 95 00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:06,317 a leather cuff saleswoman. 96 00:02:08,486 --> 00:02:10,696 God, I am so glad I am 97 00:02:08,486 --> 00:02:10,696 done chasing bimbos. 98 00:02:10,738 --> 00:02:13,073 Now that I'm engaged, 99 00:02:10,738 --> 00:02:13,073 that whole part of my life 100 00:02:13,115 --> 00:02:14,617 just seems 101 00:02:13,115 --> 00:02:14,617 sad and empty. 102 00:02:14,659 --> 00:02:16,035 I don't want this 103 00:02:14,659 --> 00:02:16,035 to sound 104 00:02:16,076 --> 00:02:18,078 too harsh, Ted, 105 00:02:16,076 --> 00:02:18,078 but you disgust me. 106 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,916 Until a month ago, your 107 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,916 headboard had a lube dispenser. 108 00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:22,959 Uh, yeah. 109 00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:25,294 We got rid 110 00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:25,294 of that, okay? 111 00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:25,294 Yeah. 112 00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:26,545 Anyway, speaking of engaged, 113 00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:28,840 check out what got back 114 00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:28,840 from being resized. 115 00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:32,259 Oh, my God. 116 00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:32,259 Look at the size of that rock. 117 00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:33,511 Barney, you don't 118 00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:35,554 start with the 119 00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:35,554 I-got-caught-cheating diamond. 120 00:02:35,596 --> 00:02:37,515 You give yourself 121 00:02:35,596 --> 00:02:37,515 room to grow. 122 00:02:37,556 --> 00:02:38,474 It's a family heirloom. 123 00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:39,642 Yeah, I got 124 00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:39,642 a few dirty looks 125 00:02:39,684 --> 00:02:41,060 from Barney's half-sister 126 00:02:39,684 --> 00:02:41,060 over Christmas, 127 00:02:41,101 --> 00:02:44,229 so I had to sit her down 128 00:02:41,101 --> 00:02:44,229 and explain very respectfully... 129 00:02:44,271 --> 00:02:44,981 that she can suck it. 130 00:02:45,023 --> 00:02:45,982 Okay. 131 00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:48,317 I got to bounce. 132 00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:48,317 Stop saying that. 133 00:02:48,359 --> 00:02:50,152 This DJ from Dubai is spinning 134 00:02:50,194 --> 00:02:52,071 at an abandoned loading dock 135 00:02:50,194 --> 00:02:52,071 in Bushwick. 136 00:02:52,112 --> 00:02:53,447 I'm worried I don't 137 00:02:52,112 --> 00:02:53,447 have enough layers. 138 00:02:53,489 --> 00:02:55,324 So what if my friends 139 00:02:55,366 --> 00:02:57,035 thought it was doomed? 140 00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:58,494 I was still young, and I knew 141 00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:58,494 that a night of partying 142 00:02:58,536 --> 00:03:00,830 with a girl 143 00:02:58,536 --> 00:03:00,830 over a decade younger than me 144 00:03:00,872 --> 00:03:02,247 would be a total... 145 00:03:02,289 --> 00:03:04,458 disaster. She's like 146 00:03:02,289 --> 00:03:04,458 an entirely different species. 147 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:08,212 And I definitely didn't 148 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:08,212 have enough layers. 149 00:03:08,253 --> 00:03:10,673 I didn't understand half 150 00:03:08,253 --> 00:03:10,673 the words she was saying. 151 00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:14,134 To me, it all sounded 152 00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:14,134 like hipster Mad Libs. 153 00:03:14,176 --> 00:03:15,553 Didn't you check your phone? 154 00:03:15,594 --> 00:03:17,930 I just "means of contacting" you 155 00:03:17,972 --> 00:03:20,182 on "currently hot 156 00:03:17,972 --> 00:03:20,182 social networking site." 157 00:03:20,224 --> 00:03:20,975 The show's been moved 158 00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:22,184 to "New York neighborhood 159 00:03:22,226 --> 00:03:23,185 you've never heard of." 160 00:03:24,353 --> 00:03:28,148 Oh. Wow, my phone has a clock. 161 00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:31,151 And they subsist on a diet of 162 00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:31,151 pointlessly weird combinations. 163 00:03:31,193 --> 00:03:32,319 Ooh. 164 00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:34,279 Hey, do you want to split 165 00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:34,279 a kimchi cupcake 166 00:03:34,321 --> 00:03:35,364 with bacon frosting? 167 00:03:35,406 --> 00:03:36,908 They are the best here. 168 00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:38,576 Uh, yeah. 169 00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:38,576 Yeah, that'll go great with my 170 00:03:38,617 --> 00:03:40,411 cucumber jalapeño 171 00:03:38,617 --> 00:03:40,411 egg cream. 172 00:03:40,452 --> 00:03:41,412 Chug it! Come on. Come on. 173 00:03:41,453 --> 00:03:43,205 We got to get going. 174 00:03:41,453 --> 00:03:43,205 Right. Okay. 175 00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:48,961 Then later, at a club 176 00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:48,961 in Chinatown 177 00:03:49,003 --> 00:03:51,338 somehow located 178 00:03:49,003 --> 00:03:51,338 beneath a manhole cover, 179 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:52,381 it got weird. 180 00:03:52,423 --> 00:03:53,382 God, I just love those 181 00:03:53,424 --> 00:03:56,594 tiny gray hairs 182 00:03:53,424 --> 00:03:56,594 in your eyebrows. 183 00:03:56,635 --> 00:03:58,846 Old men are so sexy. 184 00:03:58,888 --> 00:04:00,222 (Marshall, Lily, Barney 185 00:03:58,888 --> 00:04:00,222 and Robin groan) 186 00:04:00,264 --> 00:04:01,473 All right, to be fair, 187 00:04:01,515 --> 00:04:03,601 some of those gray hairs 188 00:04:01,515 --> 00:04:03,601 were dried egg cream. 189 00:04:03,642 --> 00:04:05,144 Turns out, when you 190 00:04:05,185 --> 00:04:07,980 projectile vomit on skates, 191 00:04:05,185 --> 00:04:07,980 you roll right into the spray. 192 00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:10,399 Wait, how old does 193 00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:10,399 she think you are? 194 00:04:10,441 --> 00:04:12,401 So, were you in Vietnam? 195 00:04:13,444 --> 00:04:15,237 Hold that groan. 196 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,991 Charlie was everywhere. 197 00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:20,576 She's hot! She likes old guys! 198 00:04:20,618 --> 00:04:21,911 Don't judge me! 199 00:04:21,953 --> 00:04:25,247 Anyway, when we got out 200 00:04:21,953 --> 00:04:25,247 on the dance floor, th... 201 00:04:25,289 --> 00:04:28,250 I swear, this is what all 202 00:04:25,289 --> 00:04:28,250 the 20-year-olds looked like... 203 00:04:32,671 --> 00:04:35,758 I want to thank you for your 204 00:04:32,671 --> 00:04:35,758 service to this nation, Private. 205 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:36,801 Colonel. 206 00:04:36,842 --> 00:04:37,426 Aw. 207 00:04:37,468 --> 00:04:39,386 I got to end this. 208 00:04:39,428 --> 00:04:40,721 Yeah, seriously, Ted. 209 00:04:40,763 --> 00:04:43,390 Pretending to be someone else 210 00:04:40,763 --> 00:04:43,390 just to get laid? 211 00:04:43,432 --> 00:04:45,309 That's... 212 00:04:43,432 --> 00:04:45,309 embarrassing. 213 00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:46,268 Your Highness! 214 00:04:46,310 --> 00:04:48,687 Let's go. 215 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:51,065 Ew. Marshall, 216 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:51,065 take that off. 217 00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:53,275 What? I think it looks 218 00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:53,275 kind of cool. 219 00:04:53,317 --> 00:04:54,693 Cool? 220 00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:57,446 You look like one of those jerks 221 00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:57,446 who's in some lame band 222 00:04:57,488 --> 00:05:01,867 and rides a motorcycle without 223 00:04:57,488 --> 00:05:01,867 a helmet and has a wallet chain 224 00:05:01,909 --> 00:05:04,286 and neck tattoos 225 00:05:01,909 --> 00:05:04,286 and a drug problem. 226 00:05:04,328 --> 00:05:05,704 Not a... a big one, just, uh... 227 00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:09,374 enough that he deals a little 228 00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:09,374 bit on the side, and... 229 00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:12,878 he can never... 230 00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:12,878 ever be true to one woman. 231 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,089 Finish that damn pickle 232 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,089 and do me! 233 00:05:19,093 --> 00:05:21,470 Okay, you guys know how 234 00:05:19,093 --> 00:05:21,470 my mornings usually go. 235 00:05:21,512 --> 00:05:23,097 Why would we care how... 236 00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:24,306 Usually it's like this. 237 00:05:25,474 --> 00:05:27,392 After you. 238 00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:29,061 Aw, thank you. 239 00:05:33,774 --> 00:05:35,609 On the house, Robin! 240 00:05:56,338 --> 00:05:56,964 Mmm. 241 00:05:57,006 --> 00:05:58,507 Wow. 242 00:05:58,549 --> 00:06:02,511 Do little bluebirds help you 243 00:05:58,549 --> 00:06:02,511 get dressed in the morning, too? 244 00:06:10,394 --> 00:06:12,521 But today was different. 245 00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:15,149 That'll be $3.75. 246 00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,526 But I didn't have 247 00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,526 to pay yesterday. 248 00:06:17,568 --> 00:06:19,153 Okay. $7.50. 249 00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:23,282 Oh, honey-sweetie-baby. 250 00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:23,282 It's the ring, Robin. 251 00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:24,449 The ring has power. 252 00:06:24,491 --> 00:06:25,743 When a woman puts on 253 00:06:24,491 --> 00:06:25,743 an engagement ring, 254 00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:28,287 it's like when Bilbo Baggins 255 00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:28,287 wears the One Ring 256 00:06:28,328 --> 00:06:29,496 in The Hobbit. 257 00:06:29,538 --> 00:06:30,581 Okay, can you say that again 258 00:06:29,538 --> 00:06:30,581 but not in nerd? 259 00:06:30,622 --> 00:06:34,001 Sure. Uh, the ring 260 00:06:30,622 --> 00:06:34,001 is like the cloak 261 00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:36,503 that Harry Potter wears 262 00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:36,503 to sneak around Hogwarts. 263 00:06:36,545 --> 00:06:37,588 Yeah, I don't speak virgin 264 00:06:36,545 --> 00:06:37,588 either. 265 00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:40,549 The ring... it 266 00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:40,549 makes you invisible. 267 00:06:42,509 --> 00:06:46,305 You're not precious. 268 00:06:55,397 --> 00:06:56,356 Oh, good, you're awake. 269 00:06:58,025 --> 00:06:59,151 Look, Ted, 270 00:06:59,193 --> 00:07:00,945 there's something 271 00:06:59,193 --> 00:07:00,945 we have to talk about. 272 00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:03,572 Boundaries? 273 00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:03,572 Invasion of privacy? 274 00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:05,532 Losing your key privileges? 275 00:07:05,574 --> 00:07:07,910 It's about the 20-year-old, Ted. 276 00:07:07,952 --> 00:07:10,162 You have to bang her. 277 00:07:10,204 --> 00:07:11,330 For me! 278 00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,502 Why do you want me to hook 279 00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,502 up with this 20-year-old? 280 00:07:17,544 --> 00:07:18,963 I thought I disgusted you. 281 00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:20,589 Yeah, that was 282 00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:20,589 all an act. 283 00:07:20,631 --> 00:07:22,800 Look, look, look, I love Robin 284 00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:25,177 and she's the only girl 285 00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:25,177 I want to be with. 286 00:07:25,219 --> 00:07:29,223 But my body is detoxing 287 00:07:25,219 --> 00:07:29,223 after years of one-night stands. 288 00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:32,977 They don't makegum 289 00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:32,977 or a patch for this, Ted. 290 00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:34,603 But, hey, 291 00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:34,603 billion-dollar idea alert. 292 00:07:34,645 --> 00:07:37,189 Oh, yeah. 293 00:07:37,231 --> 00:07:40,067 That's okay. I'll just buy 294 00:07:37,231 --> 00:07:40,067 a new dream journal. 295 00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:43,528 What-what-what 296 00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:43,528 are you looking for? 297 00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:44,446 Your phone. 298 00:07:44,488 --> 00:07:45,823 There's got to 299 00:07:44,488 --> 00:07:45,823 be some pictures 300 00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,241 of her in here. 301 00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:48,450 Damn it. No. 302 00:07:48,492 --> 00:07:50,035 Those are all worthless. 303 00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:52,371 I need some one-night-stand 304 00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:52,371 material, Ted. 305 00:07:52,412 --> 00:07:54,665 Oh. Oh. Here's your mom. 306 00:07:52,412 --> 00:07:54,665 Hello, Virginia. 307 00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:57,417 Um, my mother is not 308 00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:57,417 one-night-stand material. 309 00:07:57,459 --> 00:08:00,504 Yeah, you're right. It wasn't 310 00:07:57,459 --> 00:08:00,504 night and we weren't standing. 311 00:08:00,545 --> 00:08:01,588 Hey-oh! 312 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,007 That didn't happen. 313 00:08:03,048 --> 00:08:05,384 You're right. It didn't. 314 00:08:05,425 --> 00:08:06,635 You just winked. 315 00:08:06,677 --> 00:08:07,345 No, I didn't. 316 00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:08,220 You just did it again! 317 00:08:08,262 --> 00:08:11,473 Look, bottom 318 00:08:08,262 --> 00:08:11,473 I need you 319 00:08:11,515 --> 00:08:13,392 to proxy bang this girl for me. 320 00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:14,601 Be my stand-in 321 00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:16,436 and put your gland in. 322 00:08:16,478 --> 00:08:18,647 Hey, wow, 323 00:08:16,478 --> 00:08:18,647 that'd be good on a hat. 324 00:08:18,689 --> 00:08:20,024 Barney, 325 00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:23,277 she's just using me 326 00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:23,277 for my gracefully aging body. 327 00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:25,988 You're picking now 328 00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:25,988 to get some self-respect? 329 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:29,491 You once banged a blind girl by 330 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:29,491 pretending to be Sean Connery. 331 00:08:29,533 --> 00:08:30,701 That was you. 332 00:08:30,742 --> 00:08:32,619 Yeah, that conquest 333 00:08:32,661 --> 00:08:34,454 was most enjoyable. 334 00:08:34,496 --> 00:08:36,207 I'm sorry. 335 00:08:34,496 --> 00:08:36,207 T-To hook up with a girl, 336 00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:38,667 I have to connect with her 337 00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:38,667 at least a little. 338 00:08:38,709 --> 00:08:40,502 Then find a connection. 339 00:08:40,544 --> 00:08:42,087 Just go simple. 340 00:08:42,129 --> 00:08:45,090 Nothing about weird poets 341 00:08:42,129 --> 00:08:45,090 or buildings 342 00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:47,926 or any of those stupid articles 343 00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:47,926 you've ever e-mailed me 344 00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:50,221 with the subject line 345 00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:50,221 "Food for thought." 346 00:08:51,138 --> 00:08:53,140 Please, Ted. 347 00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,641 I need this. 348 00:08:54,683 --> 00:08:56,018 Fine. You win. 349 00:08:56,060 --> 00:08:58,520 I'll bang a hot 20-year-old. 350 00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:00,022 But I'm not gonna enjoy... 351 00:09:00,064 --> 00:09:01,523 Oh, who am I kidding? 352 00:09:01,565 --> 00:09:02,691 It's gonna be awesome. 353 00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:05,819 Now, turn off the lights and go. 354 00:09:06,904 --> 00:09:09,240 Not all the way! 355 00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:12,910 Hello. Yeah, three... 356 00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:15,495 Okay, normally New York 357 00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:15,495 is the friendliest, 358 00:09:15,537 --> 00:09:17,664 most affordable city 359 00:09:15,537 --> 00:09:17,664 in the world. 360 00:09:17,706 --> 00:09:21,252 Now it's as rude and expensive 361 00:09:17,706 --> 00:09:21,252 as San Francisco. 362 00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:22,920 Guys? 363 00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:24,963 Oh, hey, that's life 364 00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:24,963 once you're engaged. 365 00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:27,966 Oh, tell her, baby. 366 00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:27,966 Make it hurt. 367 00:09:28,717 --> 00:09:29,927 I'll be at the booth. 368 00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,929 My panties may 369 00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,929 or may not be on 370 00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:33,513 when you get there. 371 00:09:33,555 --> 00:09:36,516 They won't be! 372 00:09:36,558 --> 00:09:38,602 Okay, what is going 373 00:09:36,558 --> 00:09:38,602 on with you guys? 374 00:09:38,643 --> 00:09:39,978 It's the cuff. 375 00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:42,356 It turns out that picturing me 376 00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:42,356 as a loser musician 377 00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:44,608 with a Vicodin addiction 378 00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:44,608 and a beat-up van 379 00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:48,570 I use to steal copper wire 380 00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:48,570 really turns Lily's crank. 381 00:09:48,612 --> 00:09:49,654 Who knew? 382 00:09:49,696 --> 00:09:51,573 Whoa, what-what happened 383 00:09:49,696 --> 00:09:51,573 to your wrist? 384 00:09:51,615 --> 00:09:54,576 Oh. It's an allergic reaction. 385 00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:55,453 So take it off. 386 00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:57,955 Robin, once you have a child, 387 00:09:57,996 --> 00:09:59,498 anything that gets you 388 00:09:57,996 --> 00:09:59,498 even remotely close 389 00:09:59,539 --> 00:10:03,210 to the possibility of sex is 390 00:09:59,539 --> 00:10:03,210 worth a few pus-filled blisters. 391 00:10:03,252 --> 00:10:05,921 Better the sores 392 00:10:03,252 --> 00:10:05,921 weep than I. 393 00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:08,966 Hey, hold on. That 394 00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:08,966 slut just got here. 395 00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:11,009 How'd she get 396 00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:11,009 beer already? 397 00:10:11,051 --> 00:10:12,970 Do you see a ring 398 00:10:11,051 --> 00:10:12,970 on that finger? 399 00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:14,972 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 400 00:10:15,013 --> 00:10:16,598 Are you saying that 401 00:10:15,013 --> 00:10:16,598 this invisibility thing 402 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,600 means I might not be able 403 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,600 to get beer? 404 00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:21,603 I was just getting used to the 405 00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:21,603 idea of having to pay for coffee 406 00:10:21,645 --> 00:10:22,438 and bagels and rent. 407 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,272 Rent? 408 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,272 But not being able 409 00:10:23,314 --> 00:10:26,400 to get a beer? Unacceptable. 410 00:10:28,777 --> 00:10:30,446 Excuse me. 411 00:10:30,488 --> 00:10:32,364 Hot girl coming through. 412 00:10:40,038 --> 00:10:42,458 Huh. 413 00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,002 Three beers, please. 414 00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,800 Damn it, ring! 415 00:10:51,842 --> 00:10:53,760 Oh, yeah, baby. 416 00:10:51,842 --> 00:10:53,760 Mm-hmm. 417 00:10:53,802 --> 00:10:55,762 Later you should totally 418 00:10:53,802 --> 00:10:55,762 go out and buy a switchblade. 419 00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,097 Mm. Sure. 420 00:10:57,139 --> 00:11:00,225 While I'm out, maybe Daddy 421 00:10:57,139 --> 00:11:00,225 picks up some diapers 422 00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:03,687 and a little mild salsa 423 00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:03,687 because we're low. 424 00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:08,442 Well, you're right... 425 00:11:08,484 --> 00:11:11,236 I'm invisible. 426 00:11:16,241 --> 00:11:17,576 That night, the only person 427 00:11:17,617 --> 00:11:20,829 in worse shape than Robin 428 00:11:17,617 --> 00:11:20,829 was her fiancé. 429 00:11:20,871 --> 00:11:22,956 Ted, I'm desperate. 430 00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:24,958 Earlier today, 431 00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:24,958 I saw that wrist cuff 432 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,751 and I got a partial 433 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,751 for Marshall. 434 00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:28,462 Did you bang that girl yet? 435 00:11:28,504 --> 00:11:30,672 Don't get your hopes, 436 00:11:28,504 --> 00:11:30,672 or anything else, up. 437 00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:32,090 I tried to connect with her, 438 00:11:32,132 --> 00:11:34,051 but everything 439 00:11:32,132 --> 00:11:34,051 just comes back 440 00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:36,261 to her weird fetish 441 00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:36,261 about how old I am. 442 00:11:36,303 --> 00:11:39,806 Well, j-just go simple... 443 00:11:36,303 --> 00:11:39,806 does she like TV? 444 00:11:39,848 --> 00:11:40,932 No. 445 00:11:40,974 --> 00:11:42,642 But I'll watch 60 Minutes 446 00:11:40,974 --> 00:11:42,642 with you 447 00:11:42,684 --> 00:11:45,854 as loud and as long as you want. 448 00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,189 Sports? 449 00:11:47,231 --> 00:11:48,566 No. 450 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,901 But I bet you look super hot 451 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,901 playing shuffleboard, 452 00:11:50,942 --> 00:11:54,196 just... slathered in Bengay. 453 00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:55,655 Well, does she like books? 454 00:11:55,697 --> 00:11:57,115 No. 455 00:11:57,157 --> 00:11:59,493 But I bet you do. 456 00:11:59,535 --> 00:12:00,702 Mm-hmm. 457 00:12:00,744 --> 00:12:02,746 I bet you have a big, thick 458 00:12:02,787 --> 00:12:04,248 pair of bifocals. 459 00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:07,667 She doesn't have daddy issues, 460 00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:07,667 she has granddaddy issues. 461 00:12:07,709 --> 00:12:09,169 I'm ending it. 462 00:12:09,211 --> 00:12:12,548 Ted, I beg of you, don't quit 463 00:12:09,211 --> 00:12:12,548 on a body that won't quit. 464 00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:15,008 Ooh, ooh, that'll go sweet 465 00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:15,008 on a bumper sticker. 466 00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:16,843 That's going in the journal. 467 00:12:16,885 --> 00:12:18,720 Wait, did you steal 468 00:12:16,885 --> 00:12:18,720 my dream journal? 469 00:12:18,762 --> 00:12:21,473 No! Now, get back in there 470 00:12:18,762 --> 00:12:21,473 before all your teeth fall out 471 00:12:21,515 --> 00:12:23,850 and you're naked in front 472 00:12:21,515 --> 00:12:23,850 of Shaker Heights High School 473 00:12:23,892 --> 00:12:25,436 in a play 474 00:12:23,892 --> 00:12:25,436 you never rehearsed for. 475 00:12:25,477 --> 00:12:26,686 Bastard! 476 00:12:26,728 --> 00:12:29,856 We don't connect 477 00:12:26,728 --> 00:12:29,856 on a single thing. It's over. 478 00:12:29,898 --> 00:12:31,858 It's not... 479 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,569 Look, Carly, I got 480 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,569 to tell you something. 481 00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:36,572 I just, I don't see 482 00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:36,572 a future here. 483 00:12:36,614 --> 00:12:38,865 Oh, my God. 484 00:12:38,907 --> 00:12:41,743 Are you dying? 485 00:12:41,785 --> 00:12:44,037 Oh, that is so hot. 486 00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:47,832 Hey... 487 00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:49,793 is that R2-D2? 488 00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:51,753 Do you like Star Wars? 489 00:12:51,795 --> 00:12:53,880 I love Star Wars. 490 00:12:53,922 --> 00:12:55,340 Me, too! 491 00:12:58,427 --> 00:13:00,971 I mean, I've only 492 00:12:58,427 --> 00:13:00,971 seen the new ones. 493 00:13:01,012 --> 00:13:03,432 Close enough. 494 00:13:06,768 --> 00:13:08,728 So? 495 00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:09,563 Yeah. 496 00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:10,981 I knew it! 497 00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:10,981 I could feel it. 498 00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:14,693 It's almost like we were 499 00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:14,693 hooking up with her together. 500 00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:15,777 You felt that, right? 501 00:13:15,819 --> 00:13:17,571 I couldn't have performed 502 00:13:15,819 --> 00:13:17,571 if I did. 503 00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:18,947 Don't you see, Ted? 504 00:13:18,989 --> 00:13:21,366 We had a bro-nnection. 505 00:13:21,408 --> 00:13:23,577 All right, I got to know 506 00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:25,162 what she looks like... 507 00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:25,162 show me a picture. 508 00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:27,122 Well, normally, 509 00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:27,122 I'm above such things, 510 00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:30,167 but it's been a while, 511 00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:30,167 and, uh, Teddy's braggin'. 512 00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,752 Okay, here she is. 513 00:13:32,794 --> 00:13:35,088 Okay. Scrolling up. 514 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,381 Oh, yeah, those are 515 00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:38,216 "plow me" heels. Nice. 516 00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:38,216 Uh-huh. 517 00:13:38,258 --> 00:13:42,012 The knee bruise is encouraging. 518 00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:45,098 Working our way up 519 00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:45,098 to those 20-year-old ta-tas. 520 00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:47,559 Oh... gravity's cruel grasp 521 00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:50,812 hasn't found you yet, 522 00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:50,812 my sweet perky miracles. 523 00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:54,441 Now, let's get a gander 524 00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:54,441 at Dirty Girl's face. 525 00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:55,442 Mm-hmm. 526 00:13:57,611 --> 00:14:00,698 Her face says, "Ready to bone," 527 00:13:57,611 --> 00:14:00,698 am I right? 528 00:14:01,823 --> 00:14:04,743 I say again, am I right? 529 00:14:04,784 --> 00:14:07,954 That's my half-sister. 530 00:14:07,996 --> 00:14:11,833 Then you probably shouldn't 531 00:14:07,996 --> 00:14:11,833 scroll to the next picture. 532 00:14:16,296 --> 00:14:17,964 No! 533 00:14:21,885 --> 00:14:23,887 That's my sister, Ted! 534 00:14:23,928 --> 00:14:24,929 Well, look, 535 00:14:23,928 --> 00:14:24,929 I didn't know! 536 00:14:24,971 --> 00:14:27,015 None of us even knew 537 00:14:24,971 --> 00:14:27,015 you had a sister 538 00:14:27,057 --> 00:14:29,017 until two years ago, 539 00:14:27,057 --> 00:14:29,017 including you! 540 00:14:29,059 --> 00:14:30,394 This is just 541 00:14:29,059 --> 00:14:30,394 some crazy coincidence. 542 00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,854 There are four million women 543 00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,854 in the city of New York, 544 00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:34,314 Ted, and you sleep 545 00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:34,314 with my sister? 546 00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:37,568 Why would the universe 547 00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:37,568 do that to me? 548 00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:37,568 I don't know. 549 00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:39,611 It's not like you've ever 550 00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:39,611 treated women in such a way 551 00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:41,154 that would invite some sort 552 00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:41,154 of karmic retribution. 553 00:14:41,196 --> 00:14:43,448 You banged my sister! 554 00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:46,243 My sweet, little, innocent... 555 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:47,994 Pierced. 556 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:47,994 Really? Where? 557 00:14:48,036 --> 00:14:50,080 Don't answer that! 558 00:14:48,036 --> 00:14:50,080 Now I know 559 00:14:50,121 --> 00:14:53,291 why I felt everything 560 00:14:50,121 --> 00:14:53,291 you did to her last night. 561 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:57,003 It wasn't a bro-nnection, 562 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:57,003 it was a sis-nnection! 563 00:14:57,045 --> 00:14:58,296 Oh, my God. 564 00:14:58,338 --> 00:15:01,633 Ted... did you... 565 00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,887 Big-time. 566 00:15:05,929 --> 00:15:06,971 Nice! High five! 567 00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:08,682 Wait! No! No! 568 00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:10,016 Retraction five! 569 00:15:10,058 --> 00:15:12,394 (speaks words 570 00:15:10,058 --> 00:15:12,394 in reverse) 571 00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:14,896 Hey, hey, you're the one 572 00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:14,896 who begged for a proxy bang. 573 00:15:14,938 --> 00:15:16,314 And while we're 574 00:15:14,938 --> 00:15:16,314 on the subject of family, 575 00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:19,317 I'm pretty sure you banged 576 00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:19,317 my mom... mom beats sister. 577 00:15:19,359 --> 00:15:22,028 I never banged your mom. 578 00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:23,905 You just did 579 00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:23,905 the winking thing again! 580 00:15:23,947 --> 00:15:25,156 No, I didn't. 581 00:15:25,198 --> 00:15:27,701 Fine. Hey, Barney, 582 00:15:25,198 --> 00:15:27,701 let me ask you something. 583 00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:29,911 Were you, uh, feeling 584 00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:29,911 a little sore this morning? 585 00:15:29,953 --> 00:15:31,329 Especially... 586 00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:36,042 Friendship over! 587 00:15:37,753 --> 00:15:39,296 Oh, yeah. 588 00:15:39,337 --> 00:15:44,301 Who's your guitar-player-biker- 589 00:15:39,337 --> 00:15:44,301 who-couldn't-find-mild-salsa- 590 00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:47,929 but-said-screw-it- 591 00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:47,929 and-went-medium bad boy? 592 00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,515 Marshall, your hand! 593 00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:52,142 Okay, I'm pretty sure 594 00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:52,142 it wasn't that bad, 595 00:15:52,183 --> 00:15:56,020 but this is how Uncle Marshall 596 00:15:52,183 --> 00:15:56,020 likes to tell the story. 597 00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,732 Oh, yeah, no, 598 00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,732 that's the cuff. 599 00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:01,693 I'm woozy, 600 00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:01,693 and I can't flex my fingers... 601 00:16:03,069 --> 00:16:05,155 and the rotten fish smell 602 00:16:03,069 --> 00:16:05,155 is getting stronger. 603 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:08,074 But I'm learning to compensate 604 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:08,074 with my left. 605 00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:11,077 Is that why last night when 606 00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:11,077 I asked you to honka honka me 607 00:16:11,119 --> 00:16:12,537 you only honka'd me? 608 00:16:12,579 --> 00:16:14,080 I didn't think you noticed. 609 00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:17,041 Snap's been jealous 610 00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:17,041 of Crackle all day. 611 00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,043 Just take the cuff off. 612 00:16:19,085 --> 00:16:20,920 No, but, baby, 613 00:16:19,085 --> 00:16:20,920 then all the sex will stop. 614 00:16:20,962 --> 00:16:25,133 Marshall, you don't need a cuff 615 00:16:20,962 --> 00:16:25,133 for me to find you sexy. 616 00:16:25,175 --> 00:16:26,384 All you have to do 617 00:16:26,426 --> 00:16:29,346 is smile, and I'm ready 618 00:16:26,426 --> 00:16:29,346 for you to hop on Pop. 619 00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:31,931 Thanks, baby. 620 00:16:31,973 --> 00:16:35,059 Are you too woozy to 621 00:16:31,973 --> 00:16:35,059 do it one last time 622 00:16:35,101 --> 00:16:37,937 before we seek emergency 623 00:16:35,101 --> 00:16:37,937 medical attention? 624 00:16:37,979 --> 00:16:39,773 Only one way to find out. 625 00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:41,692 Mm. 626 00:16:46,196 --> 00:16:49,533 I'm sorry, bro, 627 00:16:46,196 --> 00:16:49,533 I totally overreacted. 628 00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:51,201 You think? 629 00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:51,201 I can't believe 630 00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,495 you're allowed 631 00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,495 to ship a dead possum. 632 00:16:53,537 --> 00:16:54,746 He died? 633 00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:58,124 That possum was supposed 634 00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:58,124 to be an olive branch. 635 00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:01,419 Are you sure 636 00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:01,419 he's not just playing dead? 637 00:17:01,461 --> 00:17:03,421 He smells like Marshall's hand. 638 00:17:03,463 --> 00:17:05,423 And wait, you-you forgive me? 639 00:17:05,465 --> 00:17:07,718 Absolutely. 640 00:17:05,465 --> 00:17:07,718 Hey, I got a couple "cee-gars." 641 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:08,886 Get over here! 642 00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,722 All right. 643 00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,722 So, where are those "cee-gars"? 644 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,390 Eh, we'll break 'em 645 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,390 out in a minute. 646 00:17:13,431 --> 00:17:15,475 Hey, Barn. 647 00:17:16,142 --> 00:17:17,769 Ted? 648 00:17:17,811 --> 00:17:20,188 Barney, what is 649 00:17:17,811 --> 00:17:20,188 your sister doing here? 650 00:17:20,230 --> 00:17:22,190 Nothing, bro. 651 00:17:20,230 --> 00:17:22,190 Or should I say, 652 00:17:22,232 --> 00:17:24,317 bro-in-law! 653 00:17:37,247 --> 00:17:38,039 Congratulations! 654 00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:40,959 You're marrying 655 00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:40,959 my sister! 656 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,087 And you spared no expense, 657 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,087 you big crazy! 658 00:17:46,673 --> 00:17:49,885 You know what? 659 00:17:46,673 --> 00:17:49,885 I love Barney, 660 00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,177 but this ring thing sucks. 661 00:17:51,219 --> 00:17:53,221 Some gross guy just 662 00:17:51,219 --> 00:17:53,221 brushed up against my rack 663 00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:54,890 and then apologized. 664 00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:57,183 And I think he really, 665 00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:57,183 really meant it. 666 00:17:57,225 --> 00:18:00,562 Oh, sweetie, I know it's nice 667 00:17:57,225 --> 00:18:00,562 to be groped by strangers, 668 00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:02,898 but nothing beats 669 00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:02,898 the rush you get 670 00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:05,233 when that one special person 671 00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:05,233 looks at you. 672 00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:06,735 It's true. 673 00:18:06,777 --> 00:18:10,614 Like here in this bar, there's 674 00:18:06,777 --> 00:18:10,614 only one thing that I see, 675 00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:13,867 and I see her brighter 676 00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:13,867 and more clearly 677 00:18:13,909 --> 00:18:16,620 than anything else 678 00:18:13,909 --> 00:18:16,620 in this world. 679 00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:18,872 You know what that is? 680 00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:21,249 That's love. 681 00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:22,417 And possibly alcohol 682 00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:26,004 mixed with some 683 00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:26,004 very powerful antibiotics. 684 00:18:27,297 --> 00:18:29,674 And that's how Barney sees you. 685 00:18:29,716 --> 00:18:32,594 And I know that's 686 00:18:29,716 --> 00:18:32,594 how you see Barney. 687 00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:36,389 I'd like 688 00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:36,389 to start the service 689 00:18:36,431 --> 00:18:38,850 with a passage 690 00:18:36,431 --> 00:18:38,850 from Ted's dream journal. 691 00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:41,227 "Drowning. 692 00:18:41,269 --> 00:18:43,229 "Gasping for air. 693 00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:45,273 No escape." 694 00:18:45,315 --> 00:18:48,026 Wait, is that 695 00:18:45,315 --> 00:18:48,026 about Vietnam? 696 00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:49,027 It's about Whole Foods. 697 00:18:49,068 --> 00:18:52,280 Barney, we are not 698 00:18:49,068 --> 00:18:52,280 getting married. 699 00:18:52,322 --> 00:18:55,074 And those aisles 700 00:18:52,322 --> 00:18:55,074 are too narrow! 701 00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:56,284 But you two 702 00:18:56,326 --> 00:18:57,661 have to get married... 703 00:18:56,326 --> 00:18:57,661 otherwise, it's just 704 00:18:57,702 --> 00:19:01,539 a cheap, meaningless, 705 00:18:57,702 --> 00:19:01,539 disgusting one-night stand. 706 00:19:01,581 --> 00:19:04,083 Wait, just to be clear, 707 00:19:01,581 --> 00:19:04,083 you're saying you're opposed 708 00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:07,086 to cheap, meaningless, 709 00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:07,086 disgusting one-night stands? 710 00:19:07,128 --> 00:19:08,129 Yes. 711 00:19:08,171 --> 00:19:10,340 Barney... don't you see? 712 00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:12,342 Your detox is done! 713 00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:14,427 You're over one-night stands! 714 00:19:14,469 --> 00:19:17,180 Oh, my God, you're right! 715 00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:18,431 I'm free! 716 00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:18,431 Yeah. 717 00:19:18,473 --> 00:19:21,643 So if you think about it... 718 00:19:18,473 --> 00:19:21,643 but not too much... 719 00:19:21,685 --> 00:19:24,270 it's actually good that 720 00:19:21,685 --> 00:19:24,270 Carly and I hooked up. 721 00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:26,272 Yeah, it's really good. 722 00:19:26,314 --> 00:19:29,901 I mean, this guy goes at it 723 00:19:26,314 --> 00:19:29,901 like he's still in his 50s. 724 00:19:29,943 --> 00:19:32,320 Hey, have a cigar, 725 00:19:29,943 --> 00:19:32,320 you big crazy! 726 00:19:33,363 --> 00:19:35,114 Hey, don't try 727 00:19:33,363 --> 00:19:35,114 to make this okay. 728 00:19:35,156 --> 00:19:36,950 You still slept with my sister. 729 00:19:36,992 --> 00:19:39,786 Promise me you will never, 730 00:19:36,992 --> 00:19:39,786 ever do that again. 731 00:19:40,495 --> 00:19:42,288 I promise. 732 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:43,581 You just winked. 733 00:19:43,623 --> 00:19:45,583 No, I didn't. 734 00:19:45,625 --> 00:19:47,460 You did it again! 735 00:19:45,625 --> 00:19:47,460 No, I didn't! 736 00:19:47,502 --> 00:19:48,378 You swear, right? 737 00:19:48,419 --> 00:19:51,464 Yeah. Of course. 738 00:19:56,386 --> 00:19:58,346 Hey. 739 00:19:56,386 --> 00:19:58,346 That night, 740 00:19:58,388 --> 00:19:59,931 even though 741 00:19:58,388 --> 00:19:59,931 she still couldn't get a beer, 742 00:19:59,973 --> 00:20:03,894 Robin realized 743 00:19:59,973 --> 00:20:03,894 the true power of the ring. 744 00:20:09,816 --> 00:20:10,984 Hey, Robin. 745 00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,111 Did you ever figure out 746 00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,111 how you're gonna get 747 00:20:13,152 --> 00:20:14,988 a drink at the bar now 748 00:20:13,152 --> 00:20:14,988 that you're engaged? 749 00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:17,490 Oh, sure. I know a way 750 00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:17,490 that's gonna last forever. 751 00:20:17,532 --> 00:20:19,158 Scotch on the rocks? 752 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,535 Coming right up. 753 00:20:26,332 --> 00:20:29,753 Now, before you say anything 754 00:20:26,332 --> 00:20:29,753 about the hat... 755 00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:33,214 this new girl's ass 756 00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:33,214 is phenomenal! 757 00:20:38,428 --> 00:20:40,221 Hey, Marshall, 758 00:20:38,428 --> 00:20:40,221 you got to see this. 759 00:20:40,263 --> 00:20:42,390 The catalog must have 760 00:20:40,263 --> 00:20:42,390 mixed up my order. 761 00:20:42,432 --> 00:20:45,268 You won't believe the jeans 762 00:20:42,432 --> 00:20:45,268 they just sent me. 763 00:20:46,436 --> 00:20:47,938 Hilarious, right? 764 00:20:49,022 --> 00:20:50,314 Totally. 765 00:20:50,356 --> 00:20:51,983 You look like some 766 00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:54,069 suburban mom 767 00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:54,069 who drives a minivan 768 00:20:54,111 --> 00:20:57,238 filled with stale Cheerios 769 00:20:54,111 --> 00:20:57,238 and empty juice boxes... 770 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,322 probably makes 771 00:20:58,364 --> 00:21:01,785 chili mac and 772 00:20:58,364 --> 00:21:01,785 Frito pie for dinner... 773 00:21:01,826 --> 00:21:04,245 smells like that menthol 774 00:21:01,826 --> 00:21:04,245 cigarette that she snuck while 775 00:21:04,287 --> 00:21:06,873 she was waiting 776 00:21:04,287 --> 00:21:06,873 to pick her kids up 777 00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:08,750 from hockey practice. 778 00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:08,750 Get over here!