1 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:04,355 Kids, early in this story, you may recall me saying 2 00:00:04,455 --> 00:00:05,871 something along the lines of... 3 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,008 Okay, no more dating. 4 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:09,692 I am ready to settle down. 5 00:00:09,694 --> 00:00:12,211 And at the time, I probably thought I meant it. 6 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,463 But, kids, I'll be honest. 7 00:00:14,465 --> 00:00:16,231 Being single's fun. 8 00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:19,051 As a young unattached man in New York City, 9 00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,452 I had a great time. 10 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,721 A great time. 11 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:25,057 What was I saying? Oh, yeah. 12 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:27,926 I had such a great time that it took someone very special 13 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,845 to make me want to settle down. 14 00:00:29,847 --> 00:00:32,348 And that someone... 15 00:00:32,350 --> 00:00:35,017 was Jeanette. 16 00:00:35,019 --> 00:00:37,653 What made Jeanette so special? Well... 17 00:00:37,655 --> 00:00:39,405 That was a foul! 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,491 Jeanette was the last girl I dated 19 00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:43,776 before I met your mother. 20 00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:45,744 The girl who finally got me to say... 21 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,946 No more dating. 22 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:50,193 I'm ready to settle down. 23 00:00:50,194 --> 00:00:51,644 and really mean it. 24 00:00:51,646 --> 00:00:53,179 Oh! 25 00:00:57,206 --> 00:01:02,206 == sync, corrected by elderman == 26 00:01:06,719 --> 00:01:08,452 But let's back up a little bit. 27 00:01:08,454 --> 00:01:10,805 She broke your TV with a beer bottle? 28 00:01:10,807 --> 00:01:13,174 In her defense, she was aiming for the window. 29 00:01:13,176 --> 00:01:15,143 Dude, you gotta get rid of this girl. 30 00:01:15,145 --> 00:01:17,262 Agreed. Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye 31 00:01:17,264 --> 00:01:18,480 before you get stab-stabbed. 32 00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:19,814 Oh, really? 33 00:01:19,816 --> 00:01:22,350 And are you guys saying this because you don't want me 34 00:01:22,352 --> 00:01:24,452 to be with Jeanette, or because you want me 35 00:01:24,454 --> 00:01:27,138 to stay single so you guys can keep your clubhouse? 36 00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:28,139 J'accuse! 37 00:01:28,141 --> 00:01:29,507 I had a point, 38 00:01:29,509 --> 00:01:30,542 and they knew it. 39 00:01:30,544 --> 00:01:32,310 You see, in early 2013, 40 00:01:32,312 --> 00:01:34,596 I was the only single guy in the group. 41 00:01:34,598 --> 00:01:37,298 Which meant whenever Marshall or Barney bought something 42 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:38,983 they weren't allowed to keep in their apartments... 43 00:02:07,696 --> 00:02:09,531 You know what, Ted? That reminds me. 44 00:02:09,533 --> 00:02:11,699 I just bought this antique Swiss clock, 45 00:02:11,701 --> 00:02:14,185 but Robin won't let us put it in the apartment, 46 00:02:14,187 --> 00:02:16,854 so I was gonna leave it at your place. 47 00:02:16,856 --> 00:02:18,156 Only problem? It's broken. 48 00:02:18,158 --> 00:02:20,992 So I was just gonna sit here and try to fix it 49 00:02:20,994 --> 00:02:24,078 while maybe you tell us what you and Jeanette did last night? 50 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,714 Okay. Well, uh, Jeanette is a big Marilyn Monroe fan. 51 00:02:27,751 --> 00:02:30,501 There you go! Now it's working! 52 00:02:30,503 --> 00:02:32,670 Sorry. Sorry. Go on. Go on. She's a Marilyn Monroe fan 53 00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:34,505 so I guess you watched one of her movies? 54 00:02:34,507 --> 00:02:37,175 Uh, No, we had a séance. 55 00:02:38,345 --> 00:02:40,228 Look at that! Good as new. 56 00:02:40,230 --> 00:02:43,381 Anyway, were you able to contact Marilyn 57 00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:45,183 in the spirit world? 58 00:02:45,185 --> 00:02:47,652 No. We talked to her cat. 59 00:02:49,573 --> 00:02:52,657 Screw loose! That's the problem. 60 00:02:52,659 --> 00:02:54,525 Uh-oh. 61 00:02:54,527 --> 00:02:55,693 Looks like somebody's hungry. 62 00:02:55,695 --> 00:02:57,278 I'm gonna get his food ready. 63 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,747 Robin, can you grab him? 64 00:02:59,749 --> 00:03:02,951 Can I? Try and stop me! 65 00:03:02,953 --> 00:03:04,903 Now, kids, what Lily didn't realize— 66 00:03:04,905 --> 00:03:07,438 what none of us realized, in fact— was that 67 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,774 in the eight months since your cousin Marvin was born, 68 00:03:09,776 --> 00:03:11,709 Robin had never once held him. 69 00:03:11,711 --> 00:03:14,912 The truth was, the thought of holding him terrified her, 70 00:03:14,914 --> 00:03:18,266 so she had always avoided it, ever so discreetly. 71 00:03:18,268 --> 00:03:19,717 Can you hold... Oh, shoot! Look at that! 72 00:03:19,719 --> 00:03:22,353 Oh, geez. 73 00:03:22,355 --> 00:03:23,688 I got him. 74 00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:25,273 Come here, you little munchkin. 75 00:03:25,275 --> 00:03:26,757 Aw, man... 76 00:03:26,759 --> 00:03:29,143 Oh, well, I call next. 77 00:03:29,145 --> 00:03:32,697 Well, I should go. It's time for Jeanette's... something. 78 00:03:32,699 --> 00:03:35,483 Time for Jeanette's what, Ted? 79 00:03:35,485 --> 00:03:39,487 Uh, we're taking her dog to an exorcist. 80 00:03:39,489 --> 00:03:42,373 Wow, Ted, that sounds... 81 00:03:46,962 --> 00:03:49,613 Crap, it's really broken now. 82 00:03:49,615 --> 00:03:52,216 Okay, fine. I admit it. She's crazy. 83 00:03:52,218 --> 00:03:53,334 Obviously. 84 00:03:53,336 --> 00:03:55,837 But I'm not in this for the long haul. 85 00:03:55,839 --> 00:03:57,621 It's just, you know, it's just fun. 86 00:03:57,623 --> 00:03:59,674 Of course it's fun, at first. 87 00:03:59,676 --> 00:04:02,060 But then when she starts calling out the name of her 88 00:04:02,062 --> 00:04:04,795 high school science teacher in the throes of passion, 89 00:04:04,797 --> 00:04:06,314 it's really fun. 90 00:04:06,316 --> 00:04:09,400 But then when she starts bringing knives into bed 91 00:04:09,402 --> 00:04:12,236 and making you fear for your safety? 92 00:04:12,238 --> 00:04:13,988 It's really, really fun. 93 00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:16,858 But then when she starts unbuttoning your pants 94 00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,978 while you're being forced to drive blindfolded 95 00:04:20,980 --> 00:04:25,850 down the freeway with a gun pointed at your... 96 00:04:25,852 --> 00:04:28,336 I'm sorry, what were we talking about? 97 00:04:28,338 --> 00:04:29,337 Jeanette. 98 00:04:29,339 --> 00:04:30,455 Oh, right. That girl's crazy. 99 00:04:30,457 --> 00:04:32,840 You gotta break up with her. I know. 100 00:04:32,842 --> 00:04:35,343 I know. You're right. I-I have to break up with her. 101 00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:37,328 I should do it in a public place, though, 102 00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:38,763 so she doesn't flip out. 103 00:04:38,765 --> 00:04:41,349 So the next night, I met her in a public place 104 00:04:41,351 --> 00:04:42,684 so she wouldn't flip out. 105 00:04:42,686 --> 00:04:44,018 I will kill you, ref! 106 00:04:44,020 --> 00:04:46,270 I will kill you in front of all these people! 107 00:04:46,272 --> 00:04:48,022 Oh, boy. What, you think I won't 108 00:04:48,024 --> 00:04:49,691 just 'cause I'm in a public place? 109 00:04:49,693 --> 00:04:52,676 I'll go to jail for the rest of my life if I have to! 110 00:04:55,281 --> 00:04:58,232 Listen, before the game starts, I think we need to talk. 111 00:04:58,234 --> 00:05:00,017 I can't believe Ted's dead. 112 00:05:00,019 --> 00:05:01,285 I know. 113 00:05:01,287 --> 00:05:02,820 What a way to go. 114 00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:04,489 Killed by a bazooka. 115 00:05:04,491 --> 00:05:08,626 All right, all right, so I'm not on my game today. 116 00:05:08,628 --> 00:05:09,744 Anyway... 117 00:05:09,746 --> 00:05:12,080 I gotta hop out for a bit. 118 00:05:12,082 --> 00:05:13,297 You guys stay here. 119 00:05:13,299 --> 00:05:16,217 Oh, and, um, if Jeanette comes by, 120 00:05:16,219 --> 00:05:18,369 do not let her into the apartment. 121 00:05:18,371 --> 00:05:20,037 Don't let her in. Got it. 122 00:05:20,039 --> 00:05:22,706 Guys, this is serious. This girl is like bedbugs. 123 00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:25,343 Once she's in the apartment, there's no getting her out. 124 00:05:25,345 --> 00:05:28,229 Ted, buddy, 125 00:05:28,231 --> 00:05:29,931 how long have we been dealing 126 00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:32,984 with Barney's insane girlfriends? Years. 127 00:05:32,986 --> 00:05:34,986 Nigh on a decade! 128 00:05:34,988 --> 00:05:38,189 I had to testify in five competency hearings. 129 00:05:38,191 --> 00:05:40,525 I think we can handle Jeanette. 130 00:05:40,527 --> 00:05:42,110 Okay, okay. 131 00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:44,112 See you soon. 132 00:05:46,366 --> 00:05:48,616 That kid. Am I right? 133 00:05:50,069 --> 00:05:52,703 Now look who forgot his keys. 134 00:05:55,008 --> 00:05:56,424 What is it? 135 00:06:00,096 --> 00:06:02,930 Meanwhile, Lily and Robin were out getting lunch, 136 00:06:02,932 --> 00:06:05,299 when disaster struck. 137 00:06:05,301 --> 00:06:07,585 Oh, God, I left his binky on that bus! 138 00:06:07,587 --> 00:06:09,086 Wait. Don't you have other binkies? 139 00:06:09,088 --> 00:06:10,805 That one's his favorite! He'll know the difference! 140 00:06:10,807 --> 00:06:13,057 I'm not gonna let this be the reason 141 00:06:13,059 --> 00:06:14,142 he resents me later in life! 142 00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:17,428 If he starts crying, just pick him up! 143 00:06:18,615 --> 00:06:21,616 What? Uh, uh... 144 00:06:21,618 --> 00:06:26,404 Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there. Okay. 145 00:06:26,406 --> 00:06:29,240 Hey, I'm back. Did I miss anything? 146 00:06:29,242 --> 00:06:30,625 Nope. 147 00:06:30,627 --> 00:06:31,609 Did Jeanette come by? 148 00:06:31,611 --> 00:06:32,743 Jeanette? I know lots of Jeanettes. 149 00:06:32,745 --> 00:06:34,662 Um... 150 00:06:34,664 --> 00:06:36,431 Guys! Okay, she came by 151 00:06:36,433 --> 00:06:38,466 because she forgot her book. 152 00:06:38,468 --> 00:06:41,252 So we let her go up in your room and get it. 153 00:06:41,254 --> 00:06:42,953 And then? 154 00:06:42,955 --> 00:06:44,722 And then what? 155 00:06:44,724 --> 00:06:47,058 And then she left? 156 00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:51,012 I think she left. 157 00:06:52,565 --> 00:06:55,450 Are you sure she left? 158 00:06:55,452 --> 00:06:59,153 I am... 90% sure... 159 00:06:59,155 --> 00:07:01,105 that she left. 160 00:07:02,192 --> 00:07:04,242 80 percent. 161 00:07:05,245 --> 00:07:06,911 Actually, I'm gonna change my answer. 162 00:07:06,913 --> 00:07:09,146 I am now starting to think she never left, 163 00:07:09,148 --> 00:07:13,367 and instead she barricaded herself in your room. 164 00:07:13,369 --> 00:07:15,119 And I'm never coming out! 165 00:07:16,288 --> 00:07:18,089 A hundred percent. 166 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,138 I cannot believe you guys! 167 00:07:24,238 --> 00:07:27,502 Well, maybe if you had given us a warning that she was crazy! 168 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,262 Dude, it's okay. 169 00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:31,098 She can't stay in there forever. 170 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,651 She'll have to come out to eat and drink 171 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,319 and go to the bathroom, right? 172 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,238 Now, a few months earlier, 173 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,840 the East Coast had been hit by a bad storm, 174 00:07:39,842 --> 00:07:41,842 and some intelligent, forward-thinking 175 00:07:41,844 --> 00:07:43,944 New Yorkers took it as a wake-up call, 176 00:07:43,946 --> 00:07:46,163 making sure to stock their bedrooms with enough 177 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,414 food and water to last months, 178 00:07:47,416 --> 00:07:49,166 not to mention a portable waste management system. 179 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,568 It was really the smart thing to do. 180 00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:54,622 You dumb-ass! 181 00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:58,375 Really, Ted. How could you be so unbelievably stupid? 182 00:07:58,377 --> 00:08:00,744 No, no, you guys are the ones who invited 183 00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:03,714 a vampire into my apartment! This is your fault! 184 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,299 And P.S., if this disaster 185 00:08:05,301 --> 00:08:07,768 had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic, 186 00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:10,471 you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste 187 00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:13,440 and crap in my biohazard bucket. Just sayin'. 188 00:08:13,442 --> 00:08:14,508 I got it. 189 00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,110 It was on the floor of the bus. 190 00:08:16,112 --> 00:08:19,763 I should probably throw it out. Eh. 191 00:08:20,431 --> 00:08:22,032 Did he give you any problems? 192 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,485 He cried a little, but then he stopped. 193 00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:27,705 Oh, good. Anything else happen? 194 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,106 Nope. 195 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:31,625 That... is... it. 196 00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:35,663 All gone! 197 00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:37,381 We have to do this more often. 198 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:38,966 Oh, we totally do. 199 00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:40,751 I can't believe Marvin's in kindergarten. 200 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,720 He's growing up so fast. 201 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:45,306 Can I confess something to you? 202 00:08:45,308 --> 00:08:48,976 Remember the day you left Marvin's binky on the bus 203 00:08:48,978 --> 00:08:51,762 and you left me alone with him? Yeah. 204 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:54,798 Well, I didn't tell you this at the time, but... 205 00:08:56,152 --> 00:09:00,187 Okay, okay. Yeah, there, there, there. 206 00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:01,471 Okay, shh, shh. 207 00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:05,308 Oh, no, it looks like somebody's not happy. 208 00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:06,660 No kidding. I'm miserable. 209 00:09:06,662 --> 00:09:07,928 Listen to this thing. 210 00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:10,831 He probably just wants to be held. 211 00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:12,416 I think you're right. 212 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,501 Can you do it? 213 00:09:14,503 --> 00:09:16,337 All right. 214 00:09:16,339 --> 00:09:19,322 Come here, handsome. Oh. Yeah. 215 00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:20,924 Yes. 216 00:09:20,926 --> 00:09:22,676 Oh. 217 00:09:22,678 --> 00:09:25,162 I let a stranger pick up Marvin. I'm sorry. 218 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:27,097 It's just, I hadn't actually picked him up 219 00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:28,966 at that point, and I was scared, so... 220 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,268 You know what? It was four years ago. 221 00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:34,605 He's obviously fine. Don't even worry about it. 222 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,056 Really? Yeah. 223 00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:37,891 Thank you. 224 00:09:37,893 --> 00:09:41,011 I mean, as long as there's not more to that story. 225 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:45,149 Nope. That... is... it. 226 00:09:47,185 --> 00:09:49,119 Jeanette, you have to leave! 227 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:50,154 In a minute! 228 00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:52,322 I still haven't found that book! 229 00:09:53,525 --> 00:09:55,542 Listen, Jeanette, I didn't want to do this, 230 00:09:55,544 --> 00:09:57,861 but I called the police. They're on their way. 231 00:09:57,863 --> 00:09:59,546 All units, all units. 232 00:09:59,548 --> 00:10:01,131 Possible 10-90 in progress 233 00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:04,168 at 521 West 82nd, apartment 15. 234 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,586 Where's that coming from? 235 00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,037 Is that you, Dolores? 236 00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:09,089 Jeanette? Hey, girl. How you been? 237 00:10:09,091 --> 00:10:11,642 Oh, you know, I'm just doing me. 238 00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:14,311 Anyway, I'll check out that 10-90. 239 00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:16,397 Okay, but remember... 240 00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:18,148 I know, no excessive force. 241 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,818 Last thing I need is another suspension, am I right? 242 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,987 And that, kids, was how I found out 243 00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:25,956 what Jeanette did for a living. 244 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,908 Wait a second. 245 00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:29,893 Is she a cop? 246 00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:30,944 I think she's a cop! 247 00:10:30,946 --> 00:10:32,613 Did you know she was a cop? 248 00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:34,915 I didn't know she was a cop! 249 00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:38,335 Ted, I'm sorry I have to say this— Jeanette lives here now. 250 00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,537 This is her place. You're gonna have to leave. 251 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:41,538 What? 252 00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:42,589 Why don't you have to leave? 253 00:10:42,591 --> 00:10:44,174 They can stay. 254 00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:47,261 Thank you, Officer Jeanette. Thank you, Officer Jeanette. 255 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,413 All gone. 256 00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:51,765 We need to do this more often. 257 00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,050 We totally do. I can't believe 258 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,551 Marvin's in middle school. 259 00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:55,853 Oh, he's growing up so fast. 260 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:59,022 Can I confess something to you? 261 00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:00,808 Remember that day you left Marvin's binky 262 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:03,227 on the bus and I let that old lady pick him up? 263 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,196 I seem to recall that was the entire story. 264 00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,532 There's a little bit more. 265 00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,100 There, there, little one. 266 00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:13,036 Let's put you back in your strolly-poo, 267 00:11:13,038 --> 00:11:16,707 so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land. 268 00:11:18,076 --> 00:11:20,160 Oh, thank you so much. 269 00:11:20,162 --> 00:11:21,829 Yeah, this is my first time alone with him, 270 00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:24,381 and, you know, um, I have this weird feeling that I'm gonna, 271 00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:27,084 I don't know, like, drop him or injure him in some way, 272 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,719 which is completely insane. 273 00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,387 But... Oh, heavens. 274 00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:31,555 Oh, my God! 275 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:32,306 Oh, my God. 276 00:11:32,308 --> 00:11:34,224 I know, I'm so sorry. 277 00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,642 Well, you know what? 278 00:11:35,644 --> 00:11:38,061 That was what, 12 years ago? 279 00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:39,646 Don't even worry about it. 280 00:11:39,648 --> 00:11:40,898 Really? Yeah. 281 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,100 Oh, thank you. 282 00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:45,853 Just promise me there's no more to that story. 283 00:11:46,804 --> 00:11:49,907 Nope, that is it. 284 00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:53,643 Are you sure you want to do this? 285 00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:54,828 The girl's a cop. 286 00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:58,749 Yeah, this seems like a really bad idea. 287 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,150 I don't care. 288 00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,419 I am going into that bedroom 289 00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:03,871 because this is my home 290 00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:06,173 and I have to defend it. 291 00:12:06,175 --> 00:12:07,958 But mostly because 292 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,826 my allergy medication 293 00:12:09,828 --> 00:12:12,162 is in there! 294 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:13,830 All right, just be careful, okay? 295 00:12:13,832 --> 00:12:15,549 This girl is really crazy. 296 00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:18,835 Yeah, why can't she just accept the fact that you guys broke up? 297 00:12:18,837 --> 00:12:21,722 I know, I know, why can't she just accept that? 298 00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:23,640 Why, it's, like, why? 299 00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:28,845 It might be because we didn't actually break up. 300 00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:30,364 Aw, man. 301 00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:33,317 Jeanette, come on, that's vintage vinyl. 302 00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:39,924 Ted, did you or didn't you break up 303 00:12:40,024 --> 00:12:41,506 with Jeanette last night? 304 00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:44,476 I don't know, it's kind of confusing. 305 00:12:44,478 --> 00:12:46,829 I think we need to talk. 306 00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,231 Oh, oh, okay. 307 00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:51,066 I see where this is going. 308 00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:53,068 You're in love with Lily. 309 00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:54,236 That's it, isn't it? 310 00:12:54,238 --> 00:12:56,121 What? No, I... 311 00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:58,857 Like I should be surprised with her fancy medical degree 312 00:12:58,859 --> 00:13:01,126 and her sexy Southern drawl. 313 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,378 What? She's not... 314 00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,996 Don't talk to me, don't look at me. 315 00:13:03,998 --> 00:13:06,882 I hate you and I never want to see you again! 316 00:13:08,534 --> 00:13:09,885 And then things got crazy 317 00:13:09,887 --> 00:13:12,554 and we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 318 00:13:12,556 --> 00:13:15,808 I don't know, it felt pretty breakup-y. 319 00:13:15,810 --> 00:13:17,709 Mm. Anyway, 320 00:13:17,711 --> 00:13:20,396 we parted on pretty bad terms, so... 321 00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,981 I kind of thought maybe I could... 322 00:13:22,983 --> 00:13:24,516 Never contact her again and hope she'd take 323 00:13:24,518 --> 00:13:26,218 the hint and just leave you alone? 324 00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:27,770 Barney, give me some credit. 325 00:13:27,772 --> 00:13:30,322 Was that the plan? Yes. 326 00:13:32,242 --> 00:13:33,859 All gone. We need to do this more often. 327 00:13:33,861 --> 00:13:34,993 We totally do. 328 00:13:34,995 --> 00:13:36,278 I can't believe Marvin's in high school. 329 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,395 He's growing up so fast. 330 00:13:37,397 --> 00:13:39,364 Can I confess something to you? Oh, no. What? 331 00:13:39,366 --> 00:13:40,565 What happened? 332 00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:42,701 Tell me what you did to my son. 333 00:13:43,670 --> 00:13:46,588 This is not going well at all. 334 00:13:46,590 --> 00:13:48,023 Oh, honey, you are shaking. 335 00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:49,675 Let's get you out of the cold. 336 00:13:49,677 --> 00:13:51,677 What's open near here? 337 00:13:55,014 --> 00:13:58,416 You took my infant child to a strip club? 338 00:13:58,418 --> 00:13:59,635 It was just topless. 339 00:13:59,637 --> 00:14:01,603 He saw yours all the time anyway. 340 00:14:01,605 --> 00:14:03,539 Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, 341 00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:05,441 but that is all there is. 342 00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:07,142 Okay, there is no more to the story. 343 00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:08,944 I have now told you everything. 344 00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:11,180 All gone. 345 00:14:11,182 --> 00:14:13,732 We need to do this more often. We totally do. 346 00:14:13,734 --> 00:14:15,400 I can't believe Marvin's driving. 347 00:14:15,402 --> 00:14:16,702 He's growing up so fast. 348 00:14:16,704 --> 00:14:18,120 Okay, there's one other thing. 349 00:14:18,122 --> 00:14:19,288 What? 350 00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:21,406 Well, I have to go use the ladies' room. 351 00:14:21,408 --> 00:14:23,292 Can you watch him for me? 352 00:14:23,294 --> 00:14:24,442 Of course. 353 00:14:24,444 --> 00:14:26,211 I could just eat you up. 354 00:14:27,798 --> 00:14:30,282 You left him with a complete stranger? 355 00:14:30,284 --> 00:14:31,616 He could've been... 356 00:14:31,618 --> 00:14:33,218 Robin, how could you? Lily, 357 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,304 please, okay, it was 16 years ago. 358 00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:37,556 He's fine. 359 00:14:37,558 --> 00:14:38,924 You're right. 360 00:14:38,926 --> 00:14:40,959 It's fine. 361 00:14:40,961 --> 00:14:45,013 God, it feels so good to have gotten this off my chest. 362 00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:47,182 Finally it is all on the table. 363 00:14:47,184 --> 00:14:49,852 All secrets are exposed and there is nothing left 364 00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:51,403 to be revealed. 365 00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:53,856 All gone. We need to do this more... 366 00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:55,607 There's more to the story. Damn it, Robin. 367 00:14:55,609 --> 00:14:57,609 What could you possibly have left out? 368 00:14:57,611 --> 00:15:00,162 It's just there's, um, 369 00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:05,167 one little detail that I may have slightly altered. 370 00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:07,286 If he starts crying, just pick him up. 371 00:15:11,457 --> 00:15:13,292 Yeah, there, there. 372 00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:15,210 Come on, buddy, shh. 373 00:15:15,212 --> 00:15:17,262 Looks like somebody's unhappy. 374 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:18,931 No kidding, I'm miserable. 375 00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:20,349 Listen to this thing. 376 00:15:20,351 --> 00:15:21,850 Maybe he needs to be held. 377 00:15:21,852 --> 00:15:24,102 I think you're right. 378 00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:25,938 Can you do it? 379 00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,306 Sure. 380 00:15:27,308 --> 00:15:28,673 Come here, handsome. 381 00:15:28,675 --> 00:15:30,225 Come here, come here, you handsome devil, you. 382 00:15:30,227 --> 00:15:31,476 You're such a beautiful... 383 00:15:31,478 --> 00:15:32,945 Aw, you're such a cool dude. 384 00:15:32,947 --> 00:15:35,614 Oh, look at you, oh. 385 00:15:35,616 --> 00:15:37,316 All right, there, there, little one, there, there. 386 00:15:37,318 --> 00:15:39,701 Let me put you back in your strolly-poo 387 00:15:39,703 --> 00:15:42,854 so you can drift off to dreamy-dreamy land. 388 00:15:42,856 --> 00:15:44,823 Okay? All right. 389 00:15:44,825 --> 00:15:45,874 Thank you so much. 390 00:15:45,876 --> 00:15:46,959 Hey, don't worry about it. 391 00:15:46,961 --> 00:15:48,076 It's my first time alone with him, 392 00:15:48,078 --> 00:15:49,294 and I just have this weird feeling 393 00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:50,579 I'm gonna drop him 394 00:15:50,581 --> 00:15:51,747 or injure him in some way. 395 00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:52,915 I know it's completely insane... 396 00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,132 Oh, heavens, oh, watch it, no! 397 00:15:54,134 --> 00:15:55,500 No! 398 00:15:56,219 --> 00:15:59,171 This is not going well at all. 399 00:16:00,341 --> 00:16:02,507 Oh, hon, you're shaking. 400 00:16:02,509 --> 00:16:03,475 Let's get out of the cold. 401 00:16:03,477 --> 00:16:05,227 Is there anything open near here? 402 00:16:09,715 --> 00:16:11,934 Hey, I need to go to the ladies' room— can you watch him for me? 403 00:16:11,936 --> 00:16:14,186 Of course. I could just eat you up. 404 00:16:14,188 --> 00:16:16,321 Look at you, yum, yum, yum, yum. 405 00:16:17,273 --> 00:16:20,609 You waited 17 years to tell me 406 00:16:20,611 --> 00:16:23,829 that you met the greatest boxer of all time? 407 00:16:23,831 --> 00:16:28,200 My son was rocked to sleep by Senator Mike Tyson? 408 00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:30,669 I wanted to tell you, believe me. How could you...? 409 00:16:30,671 --> 00:16:32,838 Okay, this is the right thing to do. 410 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,624 You got to go up there and break up with her for real. 411 00:16:35,626 --> 00:16:37,409 And don't worry, if anything happens, 412 00:16:37,411 --> 00:16:39,428 just scream, we'll come rescue you. 413 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:41,096 Okay. 414 00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:02,150 Did you guys not hear me screaming up there? 415 00:17:02,152 --> 00:17:04,369 Aw, I feel so awful. 416 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:05,537 We went to get subs. 417 00:17:05,539 --> 00:17:07,239 We got you one though. 418 00:17:07,241 --> 00:17:09,291 We didn't get you one. 419 00:17:10,243 --> 00:17:12,077 So, Jeanette's squatting in your room? 420 00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:13,695 What are you guys doing here? 421 00:17:13,697 --> 00:17:15,914 We heard you screaming from three blocks away. 422 00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:17,049 Why is she in there? 423 00:17:17,051 --> 00:17:19,001 Lily, there is no reason why. 424 00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:21,253 That's like asking why is the earth round? 425 00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:23,121 Why does the sun come up in the morning? 426 00:17:23,123 --> 00:17:24,589 What do I do for a living? 427 00:17:24,591 --> 00:17:27,426 There are some questions we're not meant to know the answer to. 428 00:17:27,428 --> 00:17:30,729 Crazy girls are crazy because they're crazy. 429 00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:32,931 I-I don't think it's quite that simple. 430 00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:34,099 I was talking 431 00:17:34,101 --> 00:17:35,984 to a friend of mine about Ted and Jeanette. 432 00:17:35,986 --> 00:17:37,969 Oh, great, what friend is this? 433 00:17:37,971 --> 00:17:41,890 Uh, just this wise old lady that I know. 434 00:17:41,892 --> 00:17:43,225 Here's the thing about crazy. 435 00:17:43,227 --> 00:17:45,577 When a guy sends mixed signals to a girl, 436 00:17:45,579 --> 00:17:48,130 it takes a toll on her psychological well-being. 437 00:17:48,132 --> 00:17:50,666 You want to know why a girl acts crazy, 438 00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:52,250 look at the guy she's dating. 439 00:17:52,252 --> 00:17:54,152 Then you really see some crazy. 440 00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:56,088 Trust me. 441 00:17:57,373 --> 00:18:00,175 Are you Mike Tyson? 442 00:18:00,177 --> 00:18:01,209 Now, hold on. 443 00:18:01,211 --> 00:18:03,661 I've dated tons of crazy girls in my life, 444 00:18:03,663 --> 00:18:08,166 and not once have I ever treated them with anything other than... 445 00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:09,551 Oh, right, I'm a monster. 446 00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:12,804 Maybe the old lady with the face tattoo is right. 447 00:18:12,806 --> 00:18:15,673 Maybe the reason Jeanette's acting this way 448 00:18:15,675 --> 00:18:16,942 is Ted. 449 00:18:16,944 --> 00:18:18,894 Me? How is this my fault? 450 00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:21,196 Yeah, come on, this is Ted we're talking about. 451 00:18:21,198 --> 00:18:23,315 I'm sure he didn't do anything to lead her on 452 00:18:23,317 --> 00:18:25,817 or send mixed signals, right, Ted? 453 00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:28,987 Don't talk to me, don't look at me. 454 00:18:28,989 --> 00:18:31,990 I hate you and I never want to see you again! 455 00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:39,381 And we got thrown out of the Barclays Center. 456 00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:40,999 Okay, that's disappointing. 457 00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,667 So disappointing. 458 00:18:42,669 --> 00:18:45,637 Seriously. 459 00:18:45,639 --> 00:18:47,639 But that was last night. I mean, it's not like... 460 00:18:48,841 --> 00:18:50,926 Listen, Jeanette, we really need 461 00:18:50,928 --> 00:18:52,594 to have a serious talk about our... 462 00:18:52,596 --> 00:18:56,014 So, did Lily leave these boots here 463 00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:58,150 or was it some other bitch? 464 00:19:00,903 --> 00:19:04,389 Marshall, Barney, help me! 465 00:19:04,391 --> 00:19:06,858 I don't think they're coming. 466 00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:08,677 I guess not. 467 00:19:13,666 --> 00:19:14,899 It's those red boots. 468 00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:16,868 They just look sexy on everyone. 469 00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:19,421 Okay, Ted, what is with the red boots? 470 00:19:19,423 --> 00:19:21,623 You're a smart guy, you've got some taste, 471 00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:23,125 you got a visual sense, I mean, 472 00:19:23,127 --> 00:19:24,909 you're an architect for Pete's sakes. 473 00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:26,795 How can you look at those boots and think... 474 00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:29,247 Oh, my God, I'm holding it, I'm holding the baby. 475 00:19:29,249 --> 00:19:30,682 What, you've never held him before? 476 00:19:30,684 --> 00:19:32,417 Uh, tons of times. 477 00:19:32,419 --> 00:19:35,353 This-this is not a big moment for me. 478 00:19:35,355 --> 00:19:36,855 This is exhilarating. 479 00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:41,393 Look, yes, I know what you're gonna say. 480 00:19:41,395 --> 00:19:43,445 I have to break up with her. No, 481 00:19:43,447 --> 00:19:45,597 I was actually gonna say the opposite. 482 00:19:45,599 --> 00:19:48,033 I think you need to be with Jeanette right now. 483 00:19:48,035 --> 00:19:49,934 Because she's the one. 484 00:19:49,936 --> 00:19:51,119 No. What? No. 485 00:19:51,121 --> 00:19:53,071 She's insane. 486 00:19:53,073 --> 00:19:55,907 But I think you are also a little insane right now. 487 00:19:55,909 --> 00:19:58,276 So I think you need to go 488 00:19:58,278 --> 00:20:01,296 be with your crazy girl for a while and when it all goes down 489 00:20:01,298 --> 00:20:03,498 in flames— and I don't mean that figuratively, 490 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,550 I expect there to be actual flames... 491 00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,419 And there were. 492 00:20:07,421 --> 00:20:09,805 we'll be here for you because we love you. 493 00:20:13,226 --> 00:20:16,461 Jeanette I just want to say that, uh, 494 00:20:16,463 --> 00:20:18,980 you going through my stuff like that... 495 00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:23,435 You are really something special. 496 00:20:24,904 --> 00:20:27,939 I'm gonna send Lily a dead animal in the mail. 497 00:20:29,141 --> 00:20:31,159 I think I'm falling for you. 498 00:20:31,161 --> 00:20:34,029 I think we should have a three-way with my therapist. 499 00:20:34,031 --> 00:20:35,664 He's 70. 500 00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:38,416 What is your ring size? 501 00:20:46,266 --> 00:20:48,396 Robin. 502 00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:50,386 It's 3:00 in the morning. 503 00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:51,303 Really? 504 00:20:51,304 --> 00:20:53,087 Yeah, you sure you don't want to just 505 00:20:53,089 --> 00:20:56,224 put him in the crib and, you know, go home? 506 00:20:56,226 --> 00:20:58,059 No, I'm good. 507 00:20:58,061 --> 00:21:00,061 Okay. 508 00:21:00,063 --> 00:21:01,146 Good night. 509 00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:02,430 Good night. 510 00:21:02,432 --> 00:21:06,532 == sync, corrected by elderman == 511 00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:08,586 What's that smell? 512 00:21:08,588 --> 00:21:11,222 Lily! Lily!