1
00:00:01,549 --> 00:00:03,706
Kids, in April of 2013,

2
00:00:03,806 --> 00:00:05,556
your mother and I were
very close

3
00:00:05,558 --> 00:00:07,174
and yet very far apart.

4
00:00:07,176 --> 00:00:09,777
I was living on
West 82nd Street.

5
00:00:09,779 --> 00:00:11,946
She was up on West 115th.

6
00:00:11,948 --> 00:00:14,514
She was getting
a degree in economics.

7
00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:16,534
I was teaching architecture.

8
00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:17,735
I was always at MacLaren's.

9
00:00:17,737 --> 00:00:19,153
She was always...

10
00:00:19,155 --> 00:00:21,238
not spending
all her time in a bar.

11
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,441
She was dating some
finance guy named Louis.

12
00:00:24,443 --> 00:00:26,460
And I...

13
00:00:26,462 --> 00:00:28,913
I was alone.

14
00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:32,333
Ted, get ready
to be surrounded by

15
00:00:32,335 --> 00:00:34,218
half-naked,
grease-covered bodies.

16
00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:36,754
And by grease,
I mean motor grease.

17
00:00:36,756 --> 00:00:40,174
We're going to
Robots vs. Wrestlers!

18
00:00:40,176 --> 00:00:43,344
Kids, you remember
Robots vs. Wrestlers.

19
00:00:43,346 --> 00:00:44,261
Forget everything
you remember

20
00:00:44,263 --> 00:00:45,512
about Robots
vs. Wrestlers.

21
00:00:45,514 --> 00:00:49,066
This is Robots vs.
"Legends."

22
00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:52,319
Elderly wrestlers
fighting old-timey robots

23
00:00:52,321 --> 00:00:54,388
in a wheelchair-accessible
wrestling ring.

24
00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:56,890
Why are we still sitting here?

25
00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:58,108
I got a big lecture tomorrow.

26
00:00:58,110 --> 00:00:59,559
Think I'm gonna
take it easy tonight.

27
00:00:59,561 --> 00:01:01,779
Ted, trust me,
20 years from now,

28
00:01:01,781 --> 00:01:05,466
you'll be glad you saw
Robots vs. Legends.

29
00:01:05,468 --> 00:01:08,002
I can't imagine
a world where that's possible.

30
00:01:08,004 --> 00:01:09,003
I'm serious.

31
00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:10,254
20 years from now,

32
00:01:10,256 --> 00:01:12,623
when my 26-year-old third wife
asks me about this...

33
00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:14,091
You make a lot of those jokes.

34
00:01:14,093 --> 00:01:15,326
I'm gonna say,

35
00:01:15,328 --> 00:01:17,444
"Yeah, it was awesome,
but you know the funny thing?

36
00:01:17,446 --> 00:01:19,463
Ted almost didn't go."
Hmm.

37
00:01:19,465 --> 00:01:21,915
"But thank God he did,
because it was a great night."

38
00:01:21,917 --> 00:01:23,083
And then she
and I will

39
00:01:23,085 --> 00:01:24,418
adjourn to the Jacuzzi,

40
00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:26,420
where my fourth wife
will be waiting for us,

41
00:01:26,422 --> 00:01:27,921
already warming herself
up on the jets.

42
00:01:27,923 --> 00:01:29,640
Oh, Robin's here—
I'll tell you the rest later.

43
00:01:29,642 --> 00:01:31,591
Please do,
that story could go anywhere.

44
00:01:31,593 --> 00:01:32,559
Mwah.

45
00:01:32,561 --> 00:01:33,944
Hey, hello.
Hey.

46
00:01:33,946 --> 00:01:35,062
Here we are
at the bar

47
00:01:35,064 --> 00:01:36,263
once more.

48
00:01:37,115 --> 00:01:38,449
"What will I have to drink?"
you ask.

49
00:01:38,451 --> 00:01:39,483
Hmm.

50
00:01:39,485 --> 00:01:40,600
Minnesota Tidal Wave.

51
00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:42,119
"What's that?" you ask.

52
00:01:42,121 --> 00:01:43,237
Only the best cocktail ever.

53
00:01:43,239 --> 00:01:44,905
"Who invented it?" you ask.

54
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:46,624
Me.

55
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,292
And it's not
a girly drink.

56
00:01:48,294 --> 00:01:49,710
Lily, why would
you even say that?

57
00:01:49,712 --> 00:01:51,445
Girly drink.

58
00:01:51,447 --> 00:01:53,631
Hey, I am the least
girly girl on Earth,

59
00:01:53,633 --> 00:01:55,416
and I love
the Minnesota Tidal Wave.

60
00:01:55,418 --> 00:01:56,834
Thank you, Robin.

61
00:01:56,836 --> 00:01:58,752
Matter of fact,
I'm going to go order one

62
00:01:58,754 --> 00:02:00,620
right now
with my head held high.

63
00:02:00,622 --> 00:02:01,621
Lily.

64
00:02:01,623 --> 00:02:03,090
You want me to
order it for you?

65
00:02:03,092 --> 00:02:04,291
Yes, please,
thank you, baby.

66
00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:10,014
Ted, let me tell you
the secret to life.

67
00:02:10,016 --> 00:02:11,131
Hmm.

68
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:12,933
Every time I make a decision
about what to do

69
00:02:12,935 --> 00:02:15,102
on a given night, I ask myself,

70
00:02:15,104 --> 00:02:18,772
"What would make the best memory
20 years from now?"

71
00:02:18,774 --> 00:02:21,976
So I let 20-Years-From-Now-
Barney call the shots.

72
00:02:21,978 --> 00:02:23,310
And it always works out.

73
00:02:23,312 --> 00:02:25,446
And 20-Years-From-Now-Barney

74
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:27,831
thinks we should go
to Robots vs. Wrestlers?

75
00:02:27,833 --> 00:02:28,849
I don't know.

76
00:02:28,851 --> 00:02:29,817
Let's ask him.

77
00:02:29,819 --> 00:02:31,001
Close your eyes, Ted.

78
00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:34,571
Okay, now open them.

79
00:02:34,573 --> 00:02:35,539
Barney, I swear to God,

80
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:36,990
if I open my eyes
and your bare ass

81
00:02:36,992 --> 00:02:38,542
is an inch away
from my face again...

82
00:02:38,544 --> 00:02:41,028
Just open your eyes.

83
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,917
Ted, I'd like you to meet
20-Years-From-Now-Barney.

84
00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:48,602
20-Years-From-Now-Barney,
you remember Ted.

85
00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,721
'Sup?

86
00:02:54,812 --> 00:02:59,812
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

87
00:03:03,535 --> 00:03:04,868
Hey, Ted.

88
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:06,086
What's this
I hear-slash-remember

89
00:03:06,088 --> 00:03:09,256
about you not wanting to
see Robots vs. Wrestlers?

90
00:03:09,258 --> 00:03:11,041
Yeah, it's just that I
don't want to see it.

91
00:03:11,043 --> 00:03:13,043
You don't...
I know.

92
00:03:13,045 --> 00:03:14,128
He doesn't...
I know.

93
00:03:15,331 --> 00:03:19,216
Ted, trust us,
it's gonna be legend—

94
00:03:19,218 --> 00:03:21,418
wait 20 years for it...

95
00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:22,369
dary!

96
00:03:22,371 --> 00:03:24,805
Legendary!
Legendary!

97
00:03:24,807 --> 00:03:25,923
Okay, uh,
I'm gonna go home.

98
00:03:25,925 --> 00:03:27,057
No, Ted, look.
Come on!

99
00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:28,225
If you don't
believe that

100
00:03:28,227 --> 00:03:29,376
Robots vs. Wrestlers

101
00:03:29,378 --> 00:03:30,928
is gonna be
a life-changing event,

102
00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:34,732
maybe you'll believe
20-Years-From-Now-Ted.

103
00:03:35,851 --> 00:03:36,867
Whoa.

104
00:03:36,869 --> 00:03:38,235
'Sup?

105
00:03:38,237 --> 00:03:39,219
Wow.

106
00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:41,388
Wow, so many
things all at once.

107
00:03:41,390 --> 00:03:42,889
But most
importantly...

108
00:03:42,891 --> 00:03:44,441
I don't go bald?

109
00:03:44,443 --> 00:03:46,060
Nope.

110
00:03:46,062 --> 00:03:47,244
And neither do I.

111
00:03:47,246 --> 00:03:48,395
Eeh...

112
00:03:48,397 --> 00:03:50,897
Ted, listen to me.

113
00:03:50,899 --> 00:03:53,450
You, listen to you.

114
00:03:53,452 --> 00:03:55,202
Me.

115
00:03:55,204 --> 00:03:57,371
You got to go to Robots
vs. Legends.

116
00:03:57,373 --> 00:03:59,623
Trust me,
you will regret it if you don't.

117
00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:01,125
So, what,
do I go bald or something?

118
00:04:01,127 --> 00:04:02,242
Is that a toupee?

119
00:04:02,244 --> 00:04:03,243
Ted,

120
00:04:03,245 --> 00:04:04,545
scalp check!
Can't Robin do this?

121
00:04:04,547 --> 00:04:06,130
Come on, you've been
doing it for years.

122
00:04:06,132 --> 00:04:07,464
You know the frame
of reference.

123
00:04:07,466 --> 00:04:08,766
Scalp check!

124
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,769
Hmm, that's odd.

125
00:04:11,771 --> 00:04:14,688
Little early in the week
for scalp check.

126
00:04:14,690 --> 00:04:15,922
Five tablespoons of sugar,

127
00:04:15,924 --> 00:04:18,142
a whisper
of vanilla vodka

128
00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:19,193
and you're done.

129
00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:20,894
Maraschino cherries.

130
00:04:20,896 --> 00:04:23,564
Oh, and a handful of
maraschino cherries on top.

131
00:04:23,566 --> 00:04:25,365
Wait, you're ordering
a Robin Scherbatsky.

132
00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:26,533
Why didn't you just say that?

133
00:04:28,370 --> 00:04:30,204
One second
there, barkeep.

134
00:04:30,206 --> 00:04:31,104
Unless I'm mistaken,

135
00:04:31,106 --> 00:04:32,656
the drink this
lady just ordered

136
00:04:32,658 --> 00:04:35,325
is called the
Minnesota Tidal Wave.

137
00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:37,060
Origin unknown.

138
00:04:37,062 --> 00:04:39,413
Oh, well, you know, Robin's been
ordering them so much lately

139
00:04:39,415 --> 00:04:40,631
that we named it after her.

140
00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:42,699
You named a drink after me?

141
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:44,134
Right there in the menu.

142
00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:45,452
Congrats.

143
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,978
I can't drink this.

144
00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:56,230
That's better.

145
00:04:56,232 --> 00:04:58,965
I'm still seething,
but that's better.

146
00:05:00,152 --> 00:05:01,652
Okay,
20-Years-From-Now-Me,

147
00:05:01,654 --> 00:05:03,237
level with me.

148
00:05:03,239 --> 00:05:05,739
You. Us.

149
00:05:05,741 --> 00:05:07,524
Is Robots vs.
Wrestlers worth it?

150
00:05:07,526 --> 00:05:10,077
It was the single
greatest night of my life.

151
00:05:10,079 --> 00:05:11,745
Even greater
than your wedding?

152
00:05:11,747 --> 00:05:13,881
Well, I mean,
when I get married,

153
00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:15,532
that'll be the
greatest night of my life.

154
00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:17,201
But who knows when
that's going to happen?

155
00:05:17,203 --> 00:05:19,336
Oh, my God, you
still haven't...

156
00:05:19,338 --> 00:05:20,821
Man, I hope
I meet her soon.

157
00:05:20,823 --> 00:05:22,673
Oh, God, what is
wrong with me?

158
00:05:22,675 --> 00:05:24,041
I'm sorry!

159
00:05:24,043 --> 00:05:25,676
I'm just messing
with you!

160
00:05:25,678 --> 00:05:27,878
Now, come on, are
we going or what?

161
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,596
Fine, let's go.

162
00:05:29,598 --> 00:05:30,797
Yeah!

163
00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:33,100
Not so fast.

164
00:05:33,102 --> 00:05:35,819
Barney, Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Barney,

165
00:05:35,821 --> 00:05:37,120
20-Years-From-Now-Ted.

166
00:05:37,122 --> 00:05:37,955
Who are you?

167
00:05:37,957 --> 00:05:40,741
I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted.

168
00:05:40,743 --> 00:05:43,343
And you bastards
aren't going anywhere.

169
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,797
So, you're the Ted
from 20 hours from now?

170
00:05:50,897 --> 00:05:51,880
Shh.

171
00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:54,466
Just... shh.

172
00:05:54,468 --> 00:05:55,550
You okay?

173
00:05:55,552 --> 00:05:57,152
No, I'm not okay.

174
00:05:57,154 --> 00:05:59,771
This dummy's about to go
to Robots vs. Wrestlers—

175
00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:01,389
and yes, it'll be awesome...

176
00:06:01,391 --> 00:06:03,508
See?

177
00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:04,592
at first.

178
00:06:04,594 --> 00:06:06,227
But then
you're gonna drink way too much,

179
00:06:06,229 --> 00:06:08,179
hence the headache.

180
00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:09,481
Then you're gonna
jump into the ring

181
00:06:09,483 --> 00:06:11,649
and sprain your wrist,
hence the splint.

182
00:06:11,651 --> 00:06:12,700
And then afterwards,
you're gonna smoke

183
00:06:12,702 --> 00:06:14,018
half a pack of cigarettes,
hence the...

184
00:06:15,188 --> 00:06:17,322
Well, that's the sound
a good time.

185
00:06:17,324 --> 00:06:19,824
And 20 hours from now,
when you're me,

186
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:20,825
you're gonna want
to come back here,

187
00:06:20,827 --> 00:06:23,411
right to this very spot,
right now,

188
00:06:23,413 --> 00:06:25,029
and smack yourself
upside the head.

189
00:06:25,031 --> 00:06:26,498
Yeah, but obviously
I wouldn't do that

190
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:27,665
'cause I'd only be
smacking myself—

191
00:06:27,667 --> 00:06:29,367
Ow!

192
00:06:29,369 --> 00:06:32,620
Don't do this to me, Ted.
Don't do this to us.

193
00:06:32,622 --> 00:06:34,556
Don't listen to yourself,
Present-Day-Ted.

194
00:06:34,558 --> 00:06:37,675
It's a day of pain
for a lifetime of memories.

195
00:06:37,677 --> 00:06:39,310
20-Hours-From-Now-Me,

196
00:06:39,312 --> 00:06:42,430
just tell me one
do I hurl?

197
00:06:42,432 --> 00:06:44,599
Yeah, kid.

198
00:06:44,601 --> 00:06:46,234
You hurl.

199
00:06:46,236 --> 00:06:47,385
A lot?

200
00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:49,104
Remember when Mom

201
00:06:49,106 --> 00:06:51,439
bought the beef
from the Price Club?

202
00:06:51,441 --> 00:06:53,525
Okay, how about this:

203
00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:55,743
we go to
Robots vs. Wrestlers,

204
00:06:55,745 --> 00:06:58,663
but I don't
drink too much?

205
00:06:58,665 --> 00:06:59,981
Interesting.

206
00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:00,999
I'm good with that.

207
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:02,233
No, forget it.

208
00:07:02,235 --> 00:07:03,668
If Ted
doesn't get wasted,

209
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,203
there's no way
he'll end up making out

210
00:07:05,205 --> 00:07:07,672
with that surprisingly
realistic-looking female robot.

211
00:07:07,674 --> 00:07:09,574
Wait, I kiss
a female robot?

212
00:07:09,576 --> 00:07:11,042
Oh, you do a lot
more than that.

213
00:07:11,044 --> 00:07:14,212
Now, look, nobody is
saying you need alcohol

214
00:07:14,214 --> 00:07:16,181
to have an exciting
and memorable night.

215
00:07:16,183 --> 00:07:18,266
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.

216
00:07:18,268 --> 00:07:21,019
But in this case, yeah,
you kind of have to be wasted.

217
00:07:23,306 --> 00:07:25,023
You drink beers
in cans still.

218
00:07:25,025 --> 00:07:26,641
It makes the robot scarier.

219
00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:29,277
They named
my drink after her.

220
00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:30,645
The Minnesota Tidal Wave.

221
00:07:30,647 --> 00:07:31,896
It's my usual.

222
00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:33,114
Immaterial!

223
00:07:33,116 --> 00:07:34,732
If it's gonna be named
after anybody,

224
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:36,534
it should be called
The Marshall Eriksen.

225
00:07:36,536 --> 00:07:38,620
Sorry, it's
The Robin Scherbatsky.

226
00:07:38,622 --> 00:07:39,770
Read it and weep.

227
00:07:39,772 --> 00:07:41,439
Oh, so you're gonna
Zuckerberg me?

228
00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:42,373
That it?

229
00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:43,774
You're Zuckerberging me?

230
00:07:43,776 --> 00:07:44,475
That's fine.

231
00:07:44,477 --> 00:07:46,127
I'll see you in court.

232
00:07:46,129 --> 00:07:48,179
Little court known
as the dance floor.

233
00:07:48,181 --> 00:07:49,714
Dance-off. Now.

234
00:07:49,716 --> 00:07:50,781
No, no dancing.

235
00:07:50,783 --> 00:07:52,617
Marshall,
we've been through this.

236
00:07:52,619 --> 00:07:54,619
The doctor said your
dancer's hip is worse than ever.

237
00:07:54,621 --> 00:07:56,638
You have to lay off dancing
for a while.

238
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,473
You're killing me, Lily!

239
00:07:58,475 --> 00:08:00,508
You're killing me!

240
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:01,626
I'm an adult.

241
00:08:01,628 --> 00:08:03,144
You have to let me dance
my own battles.

242
00:08:03,146 --> 00:08:04,896
Marshall, there's not gonna be
a dance-off

243
00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:06,130
because the name is staying.

244
00:08:06,132 --> 00:08:08,466
Period, end of story.

245
00:08:08,468 --> 00:08:11,653
I just like having
my name on something.

246
00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:13,071
Oh, you do?

247
00:08:13,073 --> 00:08:15,106
Oh, that's great, Robin.

248
00:08:15,108 --> 00:08:17,108
Then that's what you will get.

249
00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:19,194
That's...

250
00:08:19,196 --> 00:08:21,196
what you...

251
00:08:21,198 --> 00:08:23,581
will get.

252
00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:27,619
Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm.

253
00:08:27,621 --> 00:08:29,337
Oh, hey, Robin.

254
00:08:29,339 --> 00:08:31,322
You here "for a good time"?

255
00:08:31,324 --> 00:08:33,258
Classic.

256
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,825
Did you write my number
in the men's room?

257
00:08:34,827 --> 00:08:37,128
It...
Well, I don't know.

258
00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:38,663
I guess you'll never know
unless you go in there,

259
00:08:38,665 --> 00:08:39,797
which I highly
doubt that...

260
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,132
There she goes.

261
00:08:41,134 --> 00:08:42,667
Okay, boys.

262
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:45,503
Close your eyes
and zip your flies.

263
00:08:51,393 --> 00:08:53,678
Hi. Don't mind me.

264
00:08:56,398 --> 00:08:58,032
I don't think
you should have done that.

265
00:08:58,034 --> 00:09:00,318
Lily, I know what I'm doing,
all right?

266
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,452
I'm a lawyer.

267
00:09:01,454 --> 00:09:03,071
I've thought about
every possible scenario.

268
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:04,572
I'm ten steps ahead of...

269
00:09:07,025 --> 00:09:08,660
Where's she going?

270
00:09:08,662 --> 00:09:10,078
Probably into the ladies' room

271
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,696
to write something on the wall
about you.

272
00:09:11,698 --> 00:09:13,081
Nobody writes things

273
00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:14,382
on the walls
of the ladies' room.

274
00:09:14,384 --> 00:09:16,050
Have you been
in the ladies' room?

275
00:09:16,052 --> 00:09:17,468
Of course not.

276
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:20,371
Lily, I know that I have the
sexual charisma of a bad boy,

277
00:09:20,373 --> 00:09:23,758
but I certainly don't have
the manners of one.

278
00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:26,043
What'd you write in there?

279
00:09:26,045 --> 00:09:28,179
Why don't you
go in and look?

280
00:09:28,181 --> 00:09:30,381
You know I can't do that, Robin.

281
00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:31,566
Lily, can you go look?

282
00:09:31,568 --> 00:09:34,936
Oh, I thought you wanted
to dance your own battles.

283
00:09:36,071 --> 00:09:38,606
Ladies,
put your blouses back on!

284
00:09:38,608 --> 00:09:41,693
I'm coming in!

285
00:09:46,282 --> 00:09:47,665
Dear Marshall,

286
00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:49,767
I know this is a strange way
to apologize,

287
00:09:49,769 --> 00:09:53,171
but I'm sorry I let Carl
name your drink after me.

288
00:09:53,173 --> 00:09:54,839
Why didn't I say something?

289
00:09:54,841 --> 00:09:57,408
Gosh, I guess that goes back
to my childhood.

290
00:09:58,761 --> 00:10:00,078
Okay, guys.

291
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,097
Let's go to
Robots vs. Wrestlers.

292
00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:03,965
Huzzah!
Now you're talking!

293
00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:04,915
Here we go.

294
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:06,184
Nope, sit down.

295
00:10:06,186 --> 00:10:07,685
Everybody sit down.

296
00:10:07,687 --> 00:10:08,770
Okay, who are you?

297
00:10:08,772 --> 00:10:11,723
Hello, Ted, Barney,
20-Hours-From-Now-Ted,

298
00:10:11,725 --> 00:10:13,941
20-Years-From-Now-Ted,
20-Years-From-Now-Barney.

299
00:10:13,943 --> 00:10:15,443
Hey, how's it going?

300
00:10:15,445 --> 00:10:17,395
Allow me to introduce myself.

301
00:10:17,397 --> 00:10:19,564
I'm 20-Minutes-From-Now-Barney,

302
00:10:19,566 --> 00:10:21,399
and I have got something
very important to...

303
00:10:22,485 --> 00:10:24,569
What's the stain
on your shirt, bro?

304
00:10:24,571 --> 00:10:26,788
Please, please, I really do have
something very important to...

305
00:10:27,957 --> 00:10:29,940
You look stupid.

306
00:10:29,942 --> 00:10:31,275
Here's your spaghetti.

307
00:10:31,277 --> 00:10:33,077
And be careful...

308
00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:36,331
with the meatball.

309
00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:40,885
And that's the only time
my father

310
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,620
ever said he was proud of me.

311
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:45,556
Maybe that's why I stole credit
for your drink.

312
00:10:45,558 --> 00:10:46,641
Maybe that's why

313
00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:49,310
I needed to pour my heart out
like this.

314
00:10:49,312 --> 00:10:51,946
Or, maybe I wrote this
so you'd be in here long enough

315
00:10:51,948 --> 00:10:54,315
for a lady to walk in,
causing you to freak out

316
00:10:54,317 --> 00:10:55,500
and hide in the stall.

317
00:10:56,686 --> 00:10:58,436
So, you got a text message?
Yeah.

318
00:11:01,907 --> 00:11:02,973
Whoa.

319
00:11:02,975 --> 00:11:06,044
Try to get some
in your mouth next time.

320
00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:08,112
Okay, everybody, listen up.

321
00:11:08,114 --> 00:11:09,180
When I walked in here,

322
00:11:09,182 --> 00:11:10,715
I was 20-Minutes-
From-Now-Barney.

323
00:11:10,717 --> 00:11:12,183
But that was 19 minutes

324
00:11:12,185 --> 00:11:13,718
and some serious
acid reflux—

325
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,521
who orders spaghetti
at an Irish bar?-- ago.

326
00:11:16,523 --> 00:11:17,655
Now,

327
00:11:17,657 --> 00:11:19,340
I'm 20-Seconds-
From-Now-Barney,

328
00:11:19,342 --> 00:11:21,342
and I'm telling you,
watch that door.

329
00:11:21,344 --> 00:11:22,176
Why?

330
00:11:22,178 --> 00:11:25,279
That's why.

331
00:11:26,648 --> 00:11:28,416
Um, oh.

332
00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:31,335
In-in, like,
12 seconds.

333
00:11:33,355 --> 00:11:35,273
Your skin looks great.

334
00:11:35,275 --> 00:11:36,724
Thanks.

335
00:11:36,726 --> 00:11:39,026
And thank you for taking
such good care of it.

336
00:11:39,028 --> 00:11:40,177
Shh.

337
00:11:40,179 --> 00:11:41,979
That's why.

338
00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:53,430
Who is that?

339
00:11:53,432 --> 00:11:54,698
She's the coat check girl

340
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:57,000
from that dance club
we went to seven years ago.

341
00:11:57,002 --> 00:11:58,335
You remember that night.

342
00:11:58,337 --> 00:11:59,786
When Barney grinded
with his cousin.

343
00:11:59,788 --> 00:12:02,706
Oh, man, you remember that
20 years from now?

344
00:12:02,708 --> 00:12:04,674
He won't let anyone forget.

345
00:12:04,676 --> 00:12:05,809
Coat check girl.

346
00:12:05,811 --> 00:12:08,161
I always meant to go
back to that club

347
00:12:08,163 --> 00:12:10,330
and get her number,
but I didn't.

348
00:12:10,332 --> 00:12:12,449
And now she's here?

349
00:12:12,451 --> 00:12:15,752
She's in this bar
seven years later?

350
00:12:15,754 --> 00:12:17,637
I-I can't believe this.

351
00:12:17,639 --> 00:12:19,890
So, wait, do you guys think
I should go talk to her?

352
00:12:19,892 --> 00:12:21,558
Are you kidding me?
Yes, go...

353
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:22,625
How many different ways...
Idiot.

354
00:12:22,627 --> 00:12:25,679
Hello?

355
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:28,732
Is anybody out there?

356
00:12:31,152 --> 00:12:33,937
Sounds like the coast is clear.

357
00:12:37,692 --> 00:12:39,642
No, no, wait!

358
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:40,643
Please, it's not my fault!

359
00:12:40,645 --> 00:12:41,862
I was tricked!

360
00:12:41,864 --> 00:12:43,196
Not cool, Marshall.

361
00:12:43,198 --> 00:12:44,664
This is a nice bar.

362
00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:46,867
Girls come here, they just want
to relax with their friends,

363
00:12:46,869 --> 00:12:49,169
maybe have
a few Robin Scherbatskys,

364
00:12:49,171 --> 00:12:50,653
and not have to
worry out some guy

365
00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:53,707
pulling a Marshall Eriksen
in the bathroom.

366
00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:56,676
No, no, no, I know. I just...

367
00:12:56,678 --> 00:13:00,497
Wait a minute,
did you just use my name

368
00:13:00,499 --> 00:13:02,682
as shorthand
for a guy being creepy?

369
00:13:02,684 --> 00:13:03,767
Yep.

370
00:13:03,769 --> 00:13:05,168
Well, you know what, Carl?

371
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:06,887
I think that you are making

372
00:13:06,889 --> 00:13:08,722
a broad
and prejudicial assumption.

373
00:13:08,724 --> 00:13:11,108
So next time I meet a guy
who just goes around

374
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,675
rushing to judgment,
I'm gonna say,

375
00:13:12,677 --> 00:13:15,896
"Hey, that guy's being
a real Carl..."

376
00:13:17,848 --> 00:13:20,367
You don't know my last name.

377
00:13:20,369 --> 00:13:22,369
You've been drinking
here for years,

378
00:13:22,371 --> 00:13:23,653
and you don't know my last name.

379
00:13:23,655 --> 00:13:26,957
I will name every drink
in this bar after you

380
00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:29,126
if you can tell me my last name.

381
00:13:29,128 --> 00:13:30,210
Well, that just seems confusing.

382
00:13:30,212 --> 00:13:32,162
How will you know
what people are ordering?

383
00:13:33,164 --> 00:13:34,498
What's my last name, Marshall?

384
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,633
It's Carl...

385
00:13:42,056 --> 00:13:43,557
's Junior.

386
00:13:44,592 --> 00:13:46,476
Okay, wish me luck,
everyone.

387
00:13:46,478 --> 00:13:48,711
Break a leg...

388
00:13:56,988 --> 00:13:59,239
What the hell?

389
00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:02,242
Do not talk to her.

390
00:14:02,244 --> 00:14:03,577
What-what... Who are you?

391
00:14:03,579 --> 00:14:06,229
We are 20-Months-From-Now-
Coat-Check-Girl.

392
00:14:06,231 --> 00:14:07,447
But there's two of you.

393
00:14:07,449 --> 00:14:09,749
Right, because if you go
over there and you talk to her,

394
00:14:09,751 --> 00:14:11,785
20 months from now, it's gonna
end in one of two ways.

395
00:14:11,787 --> 00:14:13,620
Either you are gonna
get sick of me.

396
00:14:13,622 --> 00:14:15,038
I made you muffins

397
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,574
because of your
Muffin.

398
00:14:17,576 --> 00:14:19,209
Or...

399
00:14:19,211 --> 00:14:21,595
I am gonna get sick of you
and your stupid habits.

400
00:14:21,597 --> 00:14:23,680
Stop DVR-ing the news.
You're never gonna catch up.

401
00:14:23,682 --> 00:14:24,714
Oh, stop it,

402
00:14:24,716 --> 00:14:26,116
you're scaring him off.

403
00:14:26,118 --> 00:14:27,934
By the way,
I'm pregnant.

404
00:14:27,936 --> 00:14:29,135
No, she's not.

405
00:14:29,137 --> 00:14:30,220
Okay, no, I'm not,

406
00:14:30,222 --> 00:14:32,138
but that made you happy
for a second, right?

407
00:14:32,923 --> 00:14:34,407
Please shut up.
Okay, wait,

408
00:14:34,409 --> 00:14:37,227
so you're saying
it's doomed completely?

409
00:14:37,229 --> 00:14:40,113
One of us is just guaranteed
to get sick of the other

410
00:14:40,115 --> 00:14:41,698
and call it quits?

411
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,600
You've been dating
for a long time, Ted.

412
00:14:43,602 --> 00:14:46,253
Has it ever gone
any other way?

413
00:15:08,227 --> 00:15:09,309
Look at this one.

414
00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:10,460
Thank you so much.

415
00:15:10,462 --> 00:15:11,678
Hey.

416
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,163
Hey, you look kind of down.

417
00:15:13,165 --> 00:15:16,683
Have a Robin Scherbatsky,
on me.

418
00:15:16,685 --> 00:15:19,469
None of this would have happened
if Lily had let me dance.

419
00:15:21,156 --> 00:15:23,773
Baby, wait.

420
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:25,108
God, you're still clinging
to that?

421
00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:26,576
Marshall, it doesn't matter,

422
00:15:26,578 --> 00:15:28,862
'cause you'd lose anyway,
and you know why?

423
00:15:28,864 --> 00:15:30,780
'Cause I'm Sparkles,
bitch.

424
00:15:30,782 --> 00:15:32,949
Oh, and you think
you can step to me?

425
00:15:32,951 --> 00:15:34,918
You think you can step
up to the streets?

426
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,202
To me?

427
00:15:36,204 --> 00:15:39,623
You think you can step up
over me to the streets?

428
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:41,508
I guess we'll never know
because you are not allowed...

429
00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:42,492
Wait, wait.

430
00:15:43,828 --> 00:15:46,463
That's my jam.

431
00:15:46,465 --> 00:15:48,381
Who's playing my jam?

432
00:15:54,606 --> 00:15:56,005
Dance-off.

433
00:15:56,007 --> 00:15:57,557
You're on.

434
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,569
Oh.

435
00:16:09,571 --> 00:16:11,121
I think I'm gonna head home.

436
00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:12,405
I understand.

437
00:16:12,407 --> 00:16:14,124
What, you're not gonna try
and stop me?

438
00:16:14,126 --> 00:16:16,293
And how would I try
and stop you?

439
00:16:16,295 --> 00:16:19,629
I don't know, by telling me
life is short,

440
00:16:19,631 --> 00:16:21,631
and if you ever come
across a beautiful,

441
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:23,216
exciting, crazy moment in it,

442
00:16:23,218 --> 00:16:25,302
you got to seize it
while you can

443
00:16:25,304 --> 00:16:26,703
before that moment's gone?

444
00:16:26,705 --> 00:16:30,090
Ted, this moment
already is gone.

445
00:16:31,142 --> 00:16:32,876
The whole
Minnesota Tidal Wave thing

446
00:16:32,878 --> 00:16:34,260
happened five years ago.

447
00:16:34,262 --> 00:16:35,645
It's just a memory.

448
00:16:35,647 --> 00:16:36,813
And the rest of this

449
00:16:36,815 --> 00:16:38,431
never happened.

450
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,984
Right now, Marshall
and Lily are upstairs,

451
00:16:40,986 --> 00:16:42,902
trying to get Marvin
to go back to sleep.

452
00:16:42,904 --> 00:16:45,021
Robin and I are trying
to decide on a caterer.

453
00:16:45,023 --> 00:16:46,106
And you've been
sitting here

454
00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:48,141
all night,
staring at a single ticket

455
00:16:48,143 --> 00:16:49,826
to Robots vs. Wrestlers

456
00:16:49,828 --> 00:16:51,561
because the rest of us
couldn't come out.

457
00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:54,464
Look around, Ted.

458
00:16:54,466 --> 00:16:56,599
You're all alone.

459
00:17:04,241 --> 00:17:06,209
Kids, it's been almost 20 years

460
00:17:06,211 --> 00:17:09,095
since that cold April night
in 2013,

461
00:17:09,097 --> 00:17:10,913
and I can safely tell you,

462
00:17:10,915 --> 00:17:14,517
if I could go back in time
and relive that night,

463
00:17:14,519 --> 00:17:18,722
there's no way in hell
I'd go to Robots vs. Wrestlers.

464
00:17:21,258 --> 00:17:24,861
No, I'd go home.

465
00:17:24,863 --> 00:17:26,730
I'd go to my old apartment,

466
00:17:26,732 --> 00:17:29,449
see all my old furniture,
my old stuff.

467
00:17:29,451 --> 00:17:31,568
I'd see my old drafting table,

468
00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:34,571
where I sketched out
my first building.

469
00:17:34,573 --> 00:17:35,938
I'd sit on that old couch

470
00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:38,625
and smell the Indian food
cooking three stories below.

471
00:17:38,627 --> 00:17:41,944
I'd go to Lily
and Marshall's place,

472
00:17:41,946 --> 00:17:44,831
be back in that old living room
where so many things happened.

473
00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,282
I'd see the baby.

474
00:17:46,284 --> 00:17:48,218
I don't know if you can
picture me holding

475
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:51,004
your six-foot-seven
cousin Marvin over my head,

476
00:17:51,006 --> 00:17:53,173
but back then I could.

477
00:17:53,175 --> 00:17:55,308
I'd go have a drink
with Barney and Robin,

478
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:57,177
watch them fight
about their caterer

479
00:17:57,179 --> 00:17:59,679
or whatever it was they were
fighting about that night.

480
00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:02,965
But none of those things
is the thing I'd do first.

481
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:07,020
You know the thing
I'd do first?

482
00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:34,097
Hi.

483
00:18:35,933 --> 00:18:39,168
I'm Ted Mosby.

484
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:43,005
And exactly 45 days from now,

485
00:18:43,007 --> 00:18:45,692
you and I are gonna meet,

486
00:18:45,694 --> 00:18:48,111
and we're gonna fall in love,

487
00:18:48,113 --> 00:18:50,029
and we're gonna get married,

488
00:18:50,031 --> 00:18:53,533
and...
we're gonna have two kids.

489
00:18:53,535 --> 00:18:57,620
And we're gonna love them
and each other so much.

490
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:03,159
All that is 45 days away.

491
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:09,249
But I'm here now,

492
00:19:09,251 --> 00:19:12,335
I guess, because...

493
00:19:14,722 --> 00:19:18,341
I want those extra 45 days
with you.

494
00:19:18,343 --> 00:19:21,811
I want each one of them.

495
00:19:21,813 --> 00:19:23,730
Look, and if I can't have them,

496
00:19:23,732 --> 00:19:26,232
I'll take the 45 seconds
before your boyfriend shows up

497
00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:29,402
and punches me in the face,

498
00:19:29,404 --> 00:19:32,572
because...

499
00:19:32,574 --> 00:19:34,774
I love you.

500
00:19:34,776 --> 00:19:37,827
I'm always gonna love you,

501
00:19:37,829 --> 00:19:41,698
till the end of my days
and beyond.

502
00:19:43,534 --> 00:19:45,451
You'll see.

503
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:48,621
Can I help you?

504
00:19:48,623 --> 00:19:51,374
Oh, hey, it's, uh, Louis, right?

505
00:19:51,376 --> 00:19:52,392
It's okay.

506
00:19:52,394 --> 00:19:53,676
It's fine, um...

507
00:19:53,678 --> 00:19:55,211
I'm in love
with your girlfriend,

508
00:19:55,213 --> 00:19:57,079
and, uh,
we're gonna get married.

509
00:19:57,081 --> 00:19:59,132
What?
Yeah.

510
00:20:24,192 --> 00:20:26,765
Okay, guys, I've been waiting
20 years for this.

511
00:20:26,865 --> 00:20:28,248
Just like we practiced.

512
00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:29,583
No mistakes, ready?

513
00:20:29,585 --> 00:20:32,335
One, two,
a-one, two, three, four.

514
00:21:06,206 --> 00:21:11,206
== sync, corrected by elderman ==