In 1994, Robin's dad took her
to New York City
for the first time...
This is amazing!
Thank you, sir!
Well, a little father-son
bonding trip never hurt anyone.
I-I did almost die
from malnutrition
on that wolf hunt last year...
I had to almost kill you
for you to learn how to kill.
New York City's the best, eh?
I despise it.
It's like Edmonton,
minus the arts and culture.
Come on, we'll miss our flight.
I'll catch up.
One day, I'm gonna move here,
marry a sophisticated
big-city man
with a sick mullet...
like all the way down to his
shoulder pads,
and at night,
he'll let me brush it...
and I'll dig up this locket
so it can be my "something old"
at our wedding.
R.J.!
Coming, sir!
I'll be back for you.
Back then, I was...
I was too embarrassed
to tell you I'd done that...
but we're closer now.
I feel like I don't have to hide
my feminine side anymore
just because you've
always wanted a...
Son!
It's Barney!
Great!
I'll be there in 15, B-dawg.
Woof, woof!
That's our thing.
Uh... be where in 15?
Laser tag.
Never been.
B-dawg's gonna teach me.
Look, I-I think that it's great
that you and Barney are...
B-dawg.
B-dawg are bonding,
but, um... you agreed
to help me with this.
Fine.
Where did you bury this tampon?
It's a locket.
I'm sorry, I get all these
girlie things confused.
Do you need my help or not?
Nah, it's stupid.
So while Robin searched
for her something old,
Lily and Marshall packed
for their something new:
Lily's year-long art consultant
gig in Italy.
I still can't believe
we have to say goodbye
to this place...
Oh. I know, baby.
But look at it as an excuse
to simplify our lives.
You know, we can't bring
everything to Italy,
so we gotta throw out
some junk.
For example, look...
my old Sasquatch binders
that "I could never throw away"
because
"I was gonna be the guy
who proved the existence
of Bigfoot..."
These are obviously
coming to Italy.
But these handbags?
Gonzo.
No way!
These have sentimental
meaning to me.
Didn't you shop-lift these
in your 20s?
Yes, and I get very nostalgic
for that time.
You get older, you have kids,
you stop stealing, it's sad.
Lily...
we just don't have
room for these.
Oh, but you get to keep
your Bigfoot binders?
Wait, why is this one
just December 1999?
Oh. Y2K was coming.
Lot of people took to the woods.
Saw the truth.
Okay, Marshall, we don't
have time to argue
over what stays and what goes.
Ooh, you know who
we gotta bring in?
Okay, I agree he is
good at this stuff,
but he just gets so cocky.
No, he doesn't.
So I heard you guys have
a bit of a...
packing situation.
I acknowledge now
this was a mistake.
Look, I came here to chew
bubblegum and pack boxes.
And I'm all out of bubble...
Oh, my God... Oh, my God.
I swallowed it.
Is that bad?
Okay, thank you.
Well, Dr. Goldsmith says
I should be fine.
I just have to look for it
in my stool.
So as I was saying...
I heard you guys have
a bit of a...
packing situation.
Now, as you know,
I'm a bit of a legend
when it comes to packing.
We know.
Tales are still told
of the time I traveled
all through Mexico...
for two weeks...
with everything I needed
efficiently packed into
a hands-free belt satchel.
The locals called me...
Yeah, it's not a "hands-free
belt satchel," Ted.
It's a fanny pack.
It's not a fanny pack.
In Spanish,
El Ganso con la Rinonera
means "Fanny Pack Dork."
No, it doesn't.
It means "Packer of Great Skill
and Merit."
I looked it up.
It means "Fanny Pack Dork."
And as a Packer
of Great Skill and Merit,
I will tell you how to pack
with Tetris-like precision.
We get it, you pack
a lot in your fanny.
Obvious yet delightful.
Okay.
I got a big interview at 3:00
about possibly designing
another building.
Until then,
if you abide by my rulings,
I will tell you
what goes to Italy
and what goes in...
The Triangle.
Kids, as you know,
"The Bermuda Triangle"
was the name we gave
to the curb
right outside our apartment,
which possessed
the magical ability
to make any item disappear.
Instantly.
The biggest rule for
de-cluttering is,
"Have you used it
in the last year?"
If not... Triangle.
Have you used this jump rope
in the last year?
Are you kidding?
I hop threads
every morning, son!
Do three in a row
and you can keep it.
Well-played, Mosby.
Next!
Have you used it
in the last year?
Gee, I can't remember.
Are you trying to bribe me?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Take it.
Triangle!
Next!
Wow, you're a natural...
Dad.
You know, I love Robin.
And her sister's okay, I guess.
But there's something nice
about finally having...
a son.
A s...
I...
Cristalli twins, nine o'clock!
Now make like your mommy's
ovum and split!
Solid biology joke, B-dawg.
Woof, woof!
Now, I'll admit,
to the untrained eye,
a few of my packing rulings
may have seemed arbitrary.
Let's Go Italy? Triangle.
Triangle...
let's go Italy.
A gorilla suit and a blonde wig.
Have you used either of these
in the last year?
Please, Queen Kong...
be gentle.
Nope, haven't used those.
I don't think those
even belong to us.
Okay, here's an easy one.
A leaky, ten-year-old
beanbag chair
covered in beer, bong water
and fossilized Cool Ranch
Dorito fingerprints.
Italy.
Vieni ancora per Fudge Grande?
Guys, this chair
has been here forever.
You gotta take it with you.
Italy.
Ted...
Italy doesn't need something
that is wrinkled,
red and leaky,
and smells like booze
and narcotics.
They've already got former Prime
Minister Silvio Berlusconi.
I don't know who that is.
All rulings are final.
Okay, why are things that
we like getting "Triangled"
and crap you like
sneaks through?
Like what?
That old 50-pound
karaoke machine.
Come on!
We sang in the New Year in '02
on this thing, remember?
We were Destiny's Child!
And since I was Beyonce,
I'm pretty sure
I get final say here, so...
Oh, we were not your
backup singers, bitch,
we were a group.
I'm sorry, are you guys
married to Jay-Z,
or am I married to Jay-Z?
Italy.
Wow.
The way you used that kid
having an asthma attack
as a human shield?
That took my breath away.
Yeah.
Okay, next,
I'll be point guy
and you lay down cover.
So I'm...
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa...
are you suggesting that
I will not be point guy?
Look,
if Michael Jordan's healthy,
you don't let Scottie Pippen
run the offense.
Oh, you're from Canada, right.
If... how do I put this?
If Wayne Gretzky's healthy,
you don't let...
uh...
FranÃ§ois...
What I'm saying is: hockey
is stupid and I'm point guy.
Well, I'm point guy
or I'm off the team.
Gah! You are the most stubborn
human being I have ever met!
You better get used to it...
you're marrying a Scherbatsky.
Your daughter is not
even a fraction
as obstinate, stubborn
and... insane as you are!
Where are you,
you son of a bitch?
Look away, kids,
she's about to pee.
What...?
I am not some animal.
I peed 20 minutes ago
and I buried it neatly
because I am a lady!
Ted, we haven't used this chair
in the last year.
Ergo, Triangle.
Yeah, I guess I see your point.
I mean, if you haven't used it
in the last year...
Oh!
Using it!
Italy!
Triangle!
Italy.
Triangle!
Italy.
Okay, stop!
Every time he lands,
that chair farts out
ten-year-old Dorito dust.
Yeah, it's the chair.
Guys, trust me: you're gonna
want this chair in Italy.
I... it'll feel like home.
All right, buddy.
You win. Italy.
Really?
Yeah.
We asked you to be
the judge here
and we gotta trust your opinion.
She's right.
And with all the traveling
that we'll be doing...
we could probably use
a couple of your...
hands-free belt satchels.
You said they were lame.
I hate to admit it,
but they actually sound useful.
Could you buy us a couple?
Two hands-free belt satchels,
coming right up.
Oh, and don't worry,
I'll get cool colors
so you guys don't look like
whatever the Spanish term really
is for "Fanny Pack Dork."
Men, it's us... versus them.
Our actions here today
will echo through eternity...
Stand up straight, Kaden!
I only have one rule,
you worthless maggots:
We all respect each other.
I only have one rule:
For every three tens you bang,
throw a bone to a five.
They're grateful and
hard-working and let's face it,
sometimes you just want
to lay there.
What's that got to do
with Laser Tag?
Everything!
and we will prevail,
even if it takes all night!
Tanner.
I have to be home by 4:00.
Anyone else have
any scheduling issues?
You can take down anyone
on their team...
but I want the big man
for myself.
What's your beef with oldie?
He's...
my father.
Father-in-law.
Shut up, Kai.
Wait a second...
We get it, you pack
a lot in your fanny.
Obvious yet delightful.
Oh, no!
No!
El Ganso!
Liars!
You sent me on a fool's errand.
Okay, to be fair,
buying a fanny pack is
inherently a fool's errand.
Hands-free belt satchels.
And just for that,
I will not move from this chair
until you agree to keep it!
Ted, unlike that chair,
you, sir, are full of beans.
You have a job interview
in half an hour.
Screw the interview.
I'm staying.
And because the forecast
calls for rain...
This... is a raincoat.
Go for Barney.
Hey. Um...
I'm having an issue.
Now, listen, Robin...
is this urgent or can we talk
about it later?
Nah, it's stupid.
Have fun.
So long, losers!
Um...
Look, can you guys
help me down?
I... um...
Ted, if this chair really
means that much to you,
why don't you just
take it for yourself?
No, it's important
that you keep it.
Why?
This is the first thing
we bought
when we moved here
after college.
It was the only piece of
furniture we had for a week.
And now you two are
moving to Italy.
What if our friendship
doesn't pass
the "Have you used it in a year"
test?
If you can throw
out this chair...
who's to say you can't
throw me out, too?
That could never happen.
You're not a chair,
you're our best friend.
You can say that,
but a lot can change in a year.
Buddy, I...
Look, I know I'm being crazy.
I just...
I just need a moment
with this chair.
You know... to say good-bye.
We'll give you two
some space.
Kids, you can't cling
to the past.
Because no matter how tightly
you hold on...
it's already gone.
Hello?
Hi.
I'm at the Central Park Carousel
and, um...
I'm having a little bit
of an issue.
Uh, what kind of issue?
Actually, it's a long story...
Um, Robin, listen,
I'm-I'm late for a big meeting.
Is it important?
Nah, it's stupid.
Good luck.
All right, here's
the bottom line, cockroaches.
There's no end in sight
and we've got no provisions.
If it comes down to it,
I need a volunteer to let
the rest of us...
eat him.
Barney's team seems
way more fun.
Nonsense.
Candy for everyone!
Okay, Team Animal House...
who wants to try a cigar?
Yeah!
Yay!
I'm not saying we're gonna start
with your face or anything,
but is there seriously
no one here
willing to give up
a hand or a foot?
We're outta here!
Ted, why are you here?
You had that meeting;
I told you not to come.
You said, "Nah, it's stupid,"
which is Robin-ese for,
"It's important."
Everyone knows that.
Well... not everyone.
But you shouldn't have
skipped that meeting.
Was it important?
Nah, it's stupid.
And yet, my future husband...
who I sometimes fear
is troublingly similar
to my emotionally
unavailable father...
is off shooting laser guns
with, oh, yeah, you guessed it:
my emotionally
unavailable father.
Oh, come on, that's not fair.
If you told Barney
that you needed him,
he'd be here in a heartbeat.
I didn't have to tell you.
And you're here.
You don't even know why.
Seems like I'm here to dig.
Looking for "D's?
Long story short,
I promised my future self
the locket would be my
"something old" at my wedding.
What?
No, I just like that there was
ever a version of you
who imagined having a
"something old" at your wedding.
Robin Scherbatsky...
you're a girl.
Shut up. You're a girl.
That's been established.
The new information here
is that you're a girl.
Wait... is that...?
Oh, my God, I found it.
Okay...
what's really going on
with this locket?
I'm gonna admit something
that I couldn't admit
until I found this.
I've been having fears
about marrying Barney.
I mean, in many ways,
he's-he's grown up
into a mature, caring adult...
I'm gonna shoot you
with your own gun.
but I still don't know
if he's ready for this.
I still don't know if I am.
But if I could find
this locket...
if it was still here,
waiting for me...
that would mean
that the Universe
wanted me to marry Barney.
And that everything
was gonna be okay.
And when it was gone,
it was like...
every doubt I-I ever had
about Barney,
about myself, got dug up.
But I found it.
And everything's gonna be okay.
Any last words?
You know, seeing you
on the field of battle...
ruthless, manipulative,
untrustworthy...
you've got all the qualities
I would've wanted in a son.
Now I say to you
the last words
my father said to me:
"Shoot me already."
Or we could keep playing,
if you want.
Nah, it's stupid.
Okay, Team Animal House,
I got him!
Come on out!
You're point guy, R-dawg.
Woof, woof.
Oh, thank God.
This is a sign
from the Universe.
It's not a sign
from the Universe...
Yes, it is!
The-the locket is just gone
and you're telling me
that doesn't mean anything?
You know this is a bad omen,
Ted... you're Universe Guy!
And you're Skeptic Girl!
You're-you're not supposed
to believe any of that.
Well, maybe I've grown skeptical
of being skeptical.
This is a sign.
Look, it's not a sign.
You're doing the right thing
marrying Barney.
The Universe isn't
sending you some message.
As we know from science,
rain is liquid water
in the form of droplets
which have condensed
from atmospheric vapor
and then precipitated.
It's not a sign.
Ted, this is a sign
and you know it.
I mean, the Universe is
screaming at me right now!
How-how-how can you,
of all people,
tell me to ignore that?
Because maybe it's dumb to look
for "signs from the Universe."
I mean, maybe the Universe
has better things to do.
Dear God, I hope it does.
Do you know how many
"signs" I've gotten
that I should or shouldn't
be with someone?
And where has it gotten me?
Maybe there aren't any signs.
Maybe... maybe a locket's
just a locket,
a chair is just a chair.
Maybe we don't have to
give meaning
to every little thing.
Maybe we don't...
maybe we don't need the Universe
to tell us what we really want.
Maybe we already know that,
deep down.