Kids, in the spring of 2013,
we were all tying up loose ends
before the big wedding.
I was right here
in this very room,
putting the finishing touches
on the house.
Oh, come on!
Barney and Robin
were wrapping up rehearsal
for their first dance.
That was amazing.
We can do better.
Back to one, everyone!
Reload the cannons,
we'll go again right away.
And Lily and Marshall
were packing
for their year in Italy.
Hello.
How's my favorite
daughter-in-law?
Oh, things are
a bit crazy here.
We've got this big move to Rome
coming up,
and I, I just can't shake
the feeling
that I'm forgetting something,
you know.
I know, I know,
I'm being crazy, right?
Right, Judy?
Right,
Judy?
You're moving to Rome?
Is that my mom?
Don't mention Rome.
You didn't tell
your mom about Rome?
It didn't feel right.
This isn't
over-the-phone news.
This is face-to-face news.
I was gonna tell her
when we see her at Christmas.
You were gonna wait and tell her
after we had already been living
there for six months?
That... was a great plan.
Damn it.
Hey, Mom, it's Marshall.
If you're moving to Rome,
I at least need to see
my grandson before you go!
Of course, and that is why
we would love
for you to come visit us
for a week.
No.
The place will be all packed up.
Oh, oh, uh, okay, hey, Mom,
better idea:
how about we all come visit you
for a week?
I can't go to Minnesota
for a week.
I have a job.
Okay, Mom, here's the plan:
um, Lily has to work,
so Marvin and I will come visit
you for a whole week,
and I-I'll see if I can
get a last-minute flight.
You are going to take
my infant son
away from me for a whole week?
Whoo!
So, what do you want
to do tonight...
drink ourselves blind,
set a car on fire?
Ooh, watch a movie
that doesn't start
with a desk lamp jumping
on top of a capital "I"?
I'm all yours, Teddy Westside.
Actually, tonight
it's Teddy Westchester.
Got to head up to the house,
take care of some stuff.
Oh, yeah,
how's the restoration going?
Actually, done.
You finished the house?
Well, I want to see it.
Marshall already canceled
the cable, huh?
And the Wi-Fi.
It's like Little House
on the Freaking Prairie
up there.
Mm-hmm.
Well, the wedding
planning is done,
so tonight is all about relaxing
and celebrating
everything that makes us
awesome,
which is why I requested
our favorite table.
The one by the window.
Where we were sitting the night
we saw those two bums fighting.
Over a sandwich.
We almost called the cops.
And then we realized
they weren't fighting at all.
They were making love.
Over a sandwich.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Ha-ha, yeah.
No way,
is that...?
El Piramide.
The first cigar
we ever smoked together.
Aw, Barney.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Could you not?
Thanks.
Uh...
dude, I'm not gonna
light 'em up in here.
I'm just looking
at 'em.
Right, but even
when they're unlit,
the smell... it's very...
Pungent.
Exactly...
thank you.
It's a very pungent smell.
So, could you not?
Thanks.
Okay.
I'm sorry, can you also
put the bag away?
It-It's just really
unappetizing to look at.
You're unappetizing to look at.
You know what?
Um, I'll put them away, okay?
Enjoy your night.
We'll try.
Did those two just become
our archenemies?
No, Robin, they've always been
our archenemies.
They've only just
revealed themselves.
Hi, Kristen?
Everyone pronounces it wrong.
The "R" is
after the "I."
Kirsten.
And before the "I."
It's Krirsten.
Your table's ready.
Wow, they're "trerrible."
You know what?
Don't even think
about them, okay?
Tonight is about celebrating us.
You're right, you're right.
We shouldn't let a couple...
Nope, nope.
I'm a self-diagnosed
claustrophobic.
I have to sit
next to the window.
No, that's our table,
that's our table,
that's our table.
You know what?
Screw celebrating us.
You know what we're gonna do?
Make those smug,
obnoxious sons of bitches pay.
Aw...
So Aunt Lily and I drove up
to Westchester.
Hey, baby,
how's Minnesota?
It is so much fun.
Oh, hold on one sec.
Marshall, I made you this
welcome-home ice cream sundae.
But I can't remember,
do you like crushed nuts?
I love
crushed nuts.
Oh!
Anyway, it's,
it's great to be home.
How's Judy doing?
Oh, she's great.
It's cute, you know,
she keeps joking
about how she's not
gonna let us leave.
I'm really not.
It's not a joke.
Judy's going to talk him
out of going to Rome.
I knew something was going
to screw up our plans,
and this is it.
She is going to convince him
never to leave the country.
I think
you're imagining things.
Oh, yeah? Well, check out
what's already on Facebook.
Inconclusive.
Oh, really?
It's getting
conclusiver.
Hey, Lily.
What?
Come on.
Okay, open 'em.
Your eyes... sorry,
they should have been closed.
That one's on me.
Let's try again.
Wow.
Ted, you did this
all yourself?
Just like Ryan Gosling
in The Notebook.
I was pretty manly
till I mentioned
Ryan Gosling
in The Notebook, huh?
Even I haven't seen it, Ted.
Just think, this is the house
your kids are going
to grow up in.
They are going to
roast marshmallows
in this fireplace.
They're gonna experiment
with recreational drugs
on that porch.
They're gonna sit
on a couch right here
and listen to your
boring stories about...
"For sale" sign?
Are you selling this place?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I'm moving to Chicago.
Ow.
So, what are
we gonna do...
put something in their food,
key their car?
Ooh,
do either
of those cigars explode?
Hold on, Wile E. Coyote,
I think I got something.
He's checking
out the hostess.
Now, a guy who's happily in
a relationship sees a girl
like that, he'll check her out
maybe 14, 15 times, tops.
16 times, tops.
So Krirsten's more invested
in the relationship
than her fella is.
That could spell trouble.
Challenge accepted.
Hey, do you think it's bad luck
for a bride
to break up two strangers
a week before her wedding?
I'd say it's very bad luck...
for Krirsten.
Ow, I hate this table so much!
Why would you move to Chicago?
Because it's the perfect town
for me.
I-It's like a Clevelandy
New York,
and... don't act like
you haven't noticed...
my hair excels in the wind.
Besides, you're moving to Rome.
Yeah, for a year,
a-and when we get back,
we need you to be here waiting
for us,
hopefully living in this house
with your future bride.
Wha... what future bride?
The girl.
She's out there walking around
New York City right now,
probably in a pair
of really cute boots
that she's gonna let me borrow
whenever I want
because we're the same size.
She is out there, Ted.
Is she, really?
Because I've looked.
I have looked high
and low for someone I can love
and adore and cook waffles for.
The closest I've come is
Marshall.
He does love your waffles.
It's the
cinnamon.
I add cinnamon.
She's not in New York.
Maybe she's in Chicago.
Okay, you are being ridiculous.
You are going to find someone
here in New York
that you love
just as much as I love Marshall.
And you, if you let Judy
talk you out of going
to Italy, so help me,
I will never let you stuff
my ravioli again.
I'm gonna take you
off speaker.
Lily, you got to relax.
Okay, my mom is psyched
about Italy.
She keeps making jokes
about how she's gonna
come live with us in Rome
and sleep on the couch
and cook every meal for us
so we never have to go
to a restaurant
the whole year we're there.
It's not a joke.
By not saying no
to me right now,
you are giving me
your full consent
for that to happen.
I got to go.
"I'm probably saying
some political stuff
right now to sound smart."
"I'm probably referring
to some snooty podcast
to sound even smarter."
"I'm probably saying
something in French."
Aah!
My God...
Ow.
Okay, you want to
break them up?
I got a plan.
It's something I know has worked
in the past,
but it-it's, it's risky,
so it's, it's not too late
to call it off.
No way, I'm in.
Good, 'cause it's too late
to call it off.
Observe.
And that is
why the senate
can't push anything through.
And Doug Mand said
the same thing in his podcast.
It's like,
"Apres moi le déluge!"
Ooh.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.
Yes, yes, yes. Yes!
What?
Yes!
I will marry you!
Even though
a ring in a champagne glass
is a total cliché
and this is a cushion cut.
And how long have I been hinting
that I want a princess cut?
But yes!
That's a mistake.
That's not from me.
It's not?
We've only been together
seven years.
Now it becomes clear.
Here we go.
You want commitment the same way
you want my brother
to work for you.
I'm sorry I didn't put an
engagement ring in your drink.
The way you chug booze,
I'm surprised you even noticed.
So, when are you leaving?
Day after the wedding.
What?
You can't miss the day
after the wedding.
That's when we sit around
all hungover, drinking mimosas
and talking smack
about who looked fat.
That's my Christmas.
Why are you in such a rush
to get out of there?
Oh.
Of course.
You're not leaving
because you think
the love of your life
isn't in New York.
You're leaving because
you think she is.
And this time next week,
she'll be married
to your best friend.
Baby!
I am in the middle
of something super
dramatic here.
But real quick:
If you let Judy
come to Rome with us,
you are going to have
to find someone else
to do your laundry
and massage your feet.
Oh, my gosh, she's going to do
all that, won't she?
Lily, you have to stop
freaking out.
Nothing is going to screw up
the plan.
We're doing this.
I love you.
I love you, baby. Bye.
Hello?
Hi. Marshall Eriksen?
I'm calling from the New York
State Judiciary Committee.
Uh, you applied for a judgeship
a few months ago, remember?
Uh, of... of course.
Well, I have good news.
We have a last-minute opening
on the bench.
What are you saying to me
right now?
I'm saying congratulations.
We want you to be a judge.
So, you want me to be a judge?
Yes.
And I would start a week
from Tuesday?
Yes.
Could I maybe start
a year from Tuesday?
No.
Got to be a week from Tuesday?
Yes.
And I'd be a real judge?
Yes.
With a robe?
Yes.
Gavel?
Yes.
Wacky Southern accent?
No.
Now, counselor,
are you absolutely sure?
Yes.
And I have to be
in New York for this?
Yes.
I can't telecommute?
No.
I couldn't be the crazy
speakerphone judge?
No.
Could I be a hologram?
No.
Animatronic robot
like Abe Lincoln
from the Hall of Presidents
that I control from afar
with a joystick?
No.
Do you remember the giant
Jor-El head from Superman?
Yes.
Well, what if I...?
No.
Is there any way
that I could do this
and also spend
the next year of my life
in Italy with my wife?
No.
This is such a big decision.
I-I'm not good at big decisions.
Are you sure you want
to be a judge?
Wow. Now that we've broken up
a seven-year relationship
just 'cause they
stole our table,
I feel kind of...
Awesome?
I was going to say horny,
but yeah, awesome, too.
No way.
Are you kidding me?
What?
Whoa. Is there
going to be a fight?
Okay, here's the play.
You take the girl, and
the guy and I will watch.
Hello. Just the people
we want to see.
We got in a pretty big fight
because of you guys.
We had to call our
therapists after hours.
Not cool.
Anyway, it got us
to where we are now.
We're getting married!
And I'm taking
her last name.
You should think
about doing the same thing.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Congratulations.
Yes, definitely.
That was us.
We made that happen.
We're pretty cool.
And, you know,
a week from today,
we are going to be legend...
wait for it...
Married.
Legend-married.
Robin Scherbatsky,
I love you so damn much.
I love you, too,
Barney Scherbatsky.
That sounds good.
Shh.
Think about it.
They're happy.
And I'm happy for them.
I want them to have an amazing
life together. I just...
I just think it would
be best for everyone
if I wasn't around for it.
Did something happen recently
between you and Robin?
No.
Where's the poop, Ted?
She called me up the other day.
She was trying
to dig up this locket
she had buried behind
the Central Park Carousel,
and I blew off that
big interview to go help her.
And then... it started raining.
I'll, uh...
I'll see you
at the wedding.
Yeah.
Even now,
after all these years,
there's still just
this part of me where,
if there's even
the slightest chance
something I do
could make Robin smile,
I don't even think about it...
I just do it.
I mean, if I could make
that locket magically appear,
I would.
I would open a vein in my arm
if I could bleed
that locket out,
just to make her happy.
That's just
a really sucky way to feel
about your best friend's
fiancée.
So I'm going to come
to the wedding, and, uh,
you know, I'll have a good time,
but after that, I...
What?
I know where the locket is.
What?
I know where the locket is.
It-it was a few years ago,
right before you were
supposed to marry Stella.
I went down to the bar
one night
to get a drink,
and what should I see?
Lily!
Hey, girl.
I got a question for you.
Why isn't Ted marrying me?
Whoa...
I'm sorry. Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
I just... I-I should
be happy for him,
and yet here I am,
moving off to Japan just
to get away from him.
And-and I guess
to see those...
those terra-cotta warriors
and the Great Wall.
Well, that's China.
What? This?
No, it's just a paper plate.
Uh, we should
get out of here.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, totally.
I know just where we should go.
Man, you're fast
when you're drunk.
But at least you're still
making good decisions.
Central Park,
around midnight,
digging a hole
with a spoon.
Solid.
Jackpot.
What is that?
My something old.
This locket was my grandma's.
She kept it hidden in her butt
all through World War II.
What? Where was she?
Winnipeg.
Oh, come on.
Lily, it's a joke.
Yeah, I was
going to wear this
when I married Ted.
I guess that's not
going to happen.
So I am taking it
with me to Japan.
Okay, Lily, help me put
this locket in my butt.
Okay. Uh, you know what?
Why don't we put it
in this pencil box instead?
Oh, and then I will take the
pencil box with me to Japan.
Okay. Hey, Lily?
Help me put this
pencil box in my butt.
Wait!
There's one other thing
I have to do.
Lily, it's very important.
It's something
that needs to happen
right now.
Yeah?
Then she barfed in my face.
It was a lovely night.
Wait. You put the locket
in the race car pencil box?
Yep. And then Robin
took it to Japan.
No, she didn't.
It's sitting on my desk
at home right now.
It's been with me all along.
Ted.
The locket is in
the pencil box.
This is awesome.
Ted.
No, I just... I just mean,
this is going to be
the best wedding gift ever.
It's going to blow her mind.
Ted.
Be careful.
Come on, we got to go.
Wait. What am I forgetting?
Nothing. You're not
forgetting anything. Let's go.
Oh, wait,
I'm forgetting something.
What?
Let's go get married.
Yeah.
Bottle for Marvin
during takeoff.
Got it, baby.
And hey, just think,
one week from right now...
We'll be in Italy.
Okay, um, I-I got to go, baby.
Um, I love you.
You still haven't told her.
No.
This is face-to-face news.
Good luck with that...
Your Honor.
Hello.
You want me
to grab your bag?
Yeah. Thanks.
Hey, I don't want to draw
focus from the wedding, so...
don't tell anyone
about Chicago.
It's a major city
with a bunch of sports teams
and some pretty good pizza.
I think people know
about Chicago.
What time do you
leave on Monday?
Early.
Gonna have to head back
to the city Sunday night.
How are you
going to get back?
Guess I'll take the train.
Hi. One ticket
to Farhampton, please.