1 00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:05,803 Kids, it was two days 2 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,423 before Barney and Robin's wedding, 3 00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:09,877 and everything was going off without a hitch. 4 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,079 Ah. 5 00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,533 Been waiting for the perfect time for this, 6 00:00:12,535 --> 00:00:14,103 and, my friend, that time is... 7 00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:16,557 I saw you and Robin at the carousel. 8 00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:19,780 Okay, there was one slight hitch. 9 00:00:19,782 --> 00:00:22,169 She called me to help her, 10 00:00:22,171 --> 00:00:23,555 and there you were 11 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:24,757 in the rain 12 00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:26,694 holding hands with my fiancée. 13 00:00:30,637 --> 00:00:31,855 What up? 14 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:33,424 Nothing up. 15 00:00:33,426 --> 00:00:34,393 Everything down. 16 00:00:34,395 --> 00:00:36,564 All parts of me down. 17 00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:37,599 Look, 18 00:00:37,601 --> 00:00:39,987 you were busy, so I-I... 19 00:00:39,989 --> 00:00:41,157 I went to the park to help her look 20 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:42,576 for this locket she buried years ago. 21 00:00:42,578 --> 00:00:44,280 She couldn't find it, she got upset, 22 00:00:44,282 --> 00:00:46,384 I held her hand. End of story. 23 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,261 Cool! I just wanted to air that out. 24 00:00:51,263 --> 00:00:52,846 You know, bro to bro. 25 00:00:52,848 --> 00:00:54,650 You're my best friend and my best man. 26 00:00:54,652 --> 00:00:55,869 Of course I trust you. 27 00:00:55,871 --> 00:00:57,239 Oh, come on. 28 00:00:57,241 --> 00:00:59,410 You don't have to cry about it. 29 00:00:59,412 --> 00:01:02,081 It's not that. 30 00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:05,455 That was a $600 bottle of scotch. 31 00:01:05,457 --> 00:01:08,261 Oh, my God. 32 00:01:10,351 --> 00:01:14,307 I hope Marshall gets here for the rehearsal dinner. 33 00:01:14,309 --> 00:01:15,525 Thank you, Linus. 34 00:01:15,527 --> 00:01:18,648 He's somewhere in Wisconsin in a rental car. 35 00:01:18,650 --> 00:01:20,285 Hertz? I mean, it hurts a little 36 00:01:20,287 --> 00:01:22,573 but I'm not gonna cry about it. Hey! 37 00:01:22,575 --> 00:01:24,710 We've been doing that all afternoon. 38 00:01:24,712 --> 00:01:26,046 Oh, who's that for? 39 00:01:26,048 --> 00:01:27,633 Marshpillow. 40 00:01:27,635 --> 00:01:30,372 Kids, as you may recall, whenever Marshall left town 41 00:01:30,374 --> 00:01:31,507 for a few days, 42 00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,628 Lily would compensate with a body pillow 43 00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:36,150 she dressed up and named Marshpillow. 44 00:01:36,152 --> 00:01:37,753 Pretty normal stuff. 45 00:01:37,755 --> 00:01:40,074 But with Marshall stuck driving across the country, 46 00:01:40,076 --> 00:01:42,112 Lily decided to upgrade. 47 00:01:42,114 --> 00:01:45,502 Meet Marshpillow 2.0! 48 00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:47,005 Hey! 49 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,875 Am I on? 50 00:01:48,877 --> 00:01:50,912 Hey, guys! 51 00:01:50,914 --> 00:01:52,199 Hey, Marsh. Hey, Marshall. Hey. 52 00:01:52,201 --> 00:01:52,966 It's like you're really here. 53 00:01:52,968 --> 00:01:54,270 Hey, Ted. 54 00:01:54,272 --> 00:01:57,476 Can you give me a gander of the environs? 55 00:01:58,763 --> 00:02:00,482 Wow! 56 00:02:00,484 --> 00:02:04,607 This place looks beautif... 57 00:02:05,943 --> 00:02:07,346 Wait for it. 58 00:02:07,348 --> 00:02:09,633 He's frozen. 59 00:02:09,635 --> 00:02:12,723 Same thing happened last night at the worst possible time. 60 00:02:12,725 --> 00:02:16,898 I had just gotten on all fours and taken off my panti... 61 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,026 Now Lily's frozen. 62 00:02:28,393 --> 00:02:33,398 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 63 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,678 ful. 64 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,151 This place is beautiful! 65 00:02:43,153 --> 00:02:45,489 Wow. Lily, it looks like you really put 66 00:02:45,491 --> 00:02:47,326 some time into this, huh? 67 00:02:48,163 --> 00:02:49,663 Though I wonder if 68 00:02:49,665 --> 00:02:51,032 instead of dressing up 69 00:02:51,034 --> 00:02:54,306 your giant husband doll like Malibu Ken, 70 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,809 you could've spent a minute or two— 71 00:02:55,811 --> 00:02:57,279 I don't know— 72 00:02:57,281 --> 00:02:59,984 planning the weak ass bachelorette party you threw me? 73 00:03:05,196 --> 00:03:09,653 I-It's possible I forgot to send out the Evite. 74 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:11,757 Robin! 75 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,096 Happy bachelorette party! 76 00:03:14,098 --> 00:03:17,469 You invited Patrice to my bachelorette party? 77 00:03:17,471 --> 00:03:19,423 No. 78 00:03:19,425 --> 00:03:20,692 You know, it's funny. 79 00:03:20,694 --> 00:03:23,414 When I was planning Barney's bachelor party, 80 00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:27,573 I managed to wrangle his boyhood hero, Billy Zabka, 81 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,243 from The Karate Kid. 82 00:03:29,245 --> 00:03:31,163 But you scored Patrice. 83 00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:32,633 I'm sorry, Robin. 84 00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:36,757 I-I've just been so consumed with our move to Rome. 85 00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,528 I guess I forgot to invite 86 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:39,813 the girls. 87 00:03:39,815 --> 00:03:41,651 Yeah, Lily, I'd like to show you how it's done. 88 00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:44,740 Billy Zabka, what a great guy. 89 00:03:44,742 --> 00:03:47,629 Look at how thorough Ted was planning the best man poker game 90 00:03:47,631 --> 00:03:49,166 he's throwing for Barney. 91 00:03:49,168 --> 00:03:52,172 Wait, I think I'm on some sort of delay here. 92 00:03:52,174 --> 00:03:55,462 Best man visor for the dealer. 93 00:03:55,464 --> 00:03:57,799 Customized playing cards. 94 00:03:57,801 --> 00:03:59,520 Barney's the king. 95 00:03:59,522 --> 00:04:00,939 And... 96 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,092 the queens 97 00:04:02,094 --> 00:04:04,012 are naked. 98 00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:05,799 It was my first decree. 99 00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:09,022 Hmm. Plus, Ted handwrote all of the table cards 100 00:04:09,024 --> 00:04:10,976 for the reception in calligraphy. 101 00:04:10,978 --> 00:04:12,996 The man's a wizard with a pen. 102 00:04:12,998 --> 00:04:15,268 Oh. I don't know about all that. 103 00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:16,304 Though I was approached 104 00:04:16,306 --> 00:04:18,474 by the decorating committee to make the... 105 00:04:18,476 --> 00:04:20,662 signs for our senior prom. 106 00:04:20,664 --> 00:04:24,169 I'm told they were quite the hit. 107 00:04:24,171 --> 00:04:27,526 Hey, buddy, listen, 108 00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:31,484 you're gonna kill me, but I forgot to bring the table cards. 109 00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:33,871 Uh, I'd hate to ask you to redo them... 110 00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,260 Say no more. The best man is on it. 111 00:04:36,262 --> 00:04:38,965 Thanks, Ted. 112 00:04:38,967 --> 00:04:41,069 S-So now the best man 113 00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:44,777 is painstakingly handwriting 200 table cards, 114 00:04:44,779 --> 00:04:47,232 but my maid of honor forgot 115 00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:50,305 to click "send" on an Evite. 116 00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:52,041 I didn't forget to invite the girls 117 00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:53,378 to your bachelorette party. 118 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,248 You have no girls! 119 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,467 What? 120 00:04:56,469 --> 00:04:59,022 What? 121 00:04:59,024 --> 00:05:01,093 What? 122 00:05:01,095 --> 00:05:03,681 What? I... All my girls. 123 00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,769 I gave you a list. 124 00:05:05,771 --> 00:05:06,987 This list? 125 00:05:06,989 --> 00:05:07,939 Yeah. 126 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,643 "Tall girl from work, 127 00:05:09,645 --> 00:05:12,449 "mouth-breather from coffee shop, 128 00:05:12,451 --> 00:05:13,785 "average-sized 129 00:05:13,787 --> 00:05:15,789 girl from that place"? 130 00:05:15,791 --> 00:05:18,043 Ooh. Sorry I didn't track her down. 131 00:05:18,045 --> 00:05:19,446 She sounds great! 132 00:05:19,448 --> 00:05:21,434 She's actually kind of a bitch. 133 00:05:21,436 --> 00:05:22,719 Face it, Robin. 134 00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:24,690 You hate women, and... 135 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,694 women hate you. 136 00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:29,950 Ted didn't go to his prom? 137 00:05:29,952 --> 00:05:32,472 Classic. 138 00:05:32,474 --> 00:05:34,960 While Lily was dropping the ball as Robin's maid of honor, 139 00:05:34,962 --> 00:05:38,251 the best man was busy knocking it out of the park. 140 00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:41,707 Hey, buddy, listen, 141 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:44,179 my great-aunt Ida has corns on her feet 142 00:05:44,181 --> 00:05:45,932 and needs a first-floor room. 143 00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,769 Uh, would you mind switching rooms? 144 00:05:47,771 --> 00:05:49,907 Say no more. The best man is on it. 145 00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:50,992 Thanks, Ted. 146 00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:07,192 Hey, buddy, listen, 147 00:06:07,194 --> 00:06:08,978 the wedding doves got here early, 148 00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:10,798 and I don't know where to put 'em... 149 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,321 Say no more. The best man is on it! 150 00:06:13,323 --> 00:06:14,823 Thanks, Ted. 151 00:06:14,825 --> 00:06:17,212 Poor guys. 152 00:06:17,214 --> 00:06:19,833 All cooped up. 153 00:06:19,835 --> 00:06:24,509 I guess there's no harm in letting you out for a bit, huh? 154 00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:26,914 They carpet-bombed my entire room. 155 00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:28,217 Wish I'd closed 156 00:06:28,219 --> 00:06:30,905 my suitcase. 157 00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:33,661 And my mouth. 158 00:06:33,663 --> 00:06:36,316 Hey, buddy, listen, 159 00:06:36,318 --> 00:06:40,007 I see you wrote "N-O-period" instead of the number sign. 160 00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,211 I'm worried that might confuse the guests... 161 00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:42,096 Say no more. 162 00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:43,798 The best man is on it. 163 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,218 Thanks, Ted. 164 00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,004 Here they are. 165 00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:50,177 Freshly penned table cards in a pretty decent chancery 166 00:06:50,179 --> 00:06:53,016 considering I only had my travel quills. 167 00:06:53,018 --> 00:06:55,705 Wait. Why's the poker game started? 168 00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:58,527 Oh, um, the best man moved the time. 169 00:06:58,529 --> 00:06:59,930 Mm, no, he didn't. 170 00:06:59,932 --> 00:07:01,300 Yes, he did. 171 00:07:01,302 --> 00:07:02,736 Heya, Ted. 172 00:07:02,738 --> 00:07:05,224 Thanks for the sweet lid, bro. 173 00:07:07,701 --> 00:07:10,034 Billy Zabka's your new best man? 174 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:13,674 He's the best... around. 175 00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:15,526 Sorry, Ted. Maybe next wedding. 176 00:07:15,527 --> 00:07:16,055 What... 177 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,350 So you're playing the best man poker game without me? 178 00:07:18,352 --> 00:07:20,204 Tim Gunn's here and I'm not? 179 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,976 I'm Barney's personal tailor, of course I'm here. 180 00:07:22,978 --> 00:07:25,114 Plus, I've never played poker before. 181 00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:27,368 It looks like a hoot. 182 00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:28,754 I moved into a dungeon. 183 00:07:28,756 --> 00:07:30,508 I wrote hundreds of cards. 184 00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:33,097 I even gave your batty great-aunt Ida a foot massage 185 00:07:33,099 --> 00:07:36,085 so vigorous it put her to sleep right there in the lobby. 186 00:07:36,087 --> 00:07:38,641 Yeah, I don't really have a great-aunt Ida. 187 00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:46,439 So you are mad about me and Robin holding hands. 188 00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:47,792 Of course I'm mad, Ted. 189 00:07:47,794 --> 00:07:48,878 Holding hands is, like, 190 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,498 the fourth-grade equivalent of banging. 191 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,800 Well, in your case, 12th grade. 192 00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:52,852 Self-five. 193 00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:55,624 You broke the Bro Code. 194 00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:58,264 No, I did not. I only went to help Robin as a friend 195 00:07:58,266 --> 00:07:59,566 because you didn't show up. 196 00:07:59,568 --> 00:08:01,219 I did not break the Bro Code. 197 00:08:01,221 --> 00:08:02,272 It's in the text. 198 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,693 A bro shall not have a weird moment 199 00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:07,248 with another bro's fiancée. Well, 200 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:10,036 too bad we're in Farhampton and can't actually check. 201 00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:12,375 I am pleased to announce that the Bro Code has replaced 202 00:08:12,377 --> 00:08:15,214 the Gideons Bible at select hotels throughout the country. 203 00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:17,936 Oh. 204 00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:20,174 I'm sorry I said you hate women. 205 00:08:20,176 --> 00:08:21,476 Yeah, don't be. 206 00:08:21,478 --> 00:08:23,314 For whatever reason, I just... 207 00:08:23,316 --> 00:08:25,484 I can't seem to connect with them. Down! 208 00:08:25,486 --> 00:08:27,338 Can you help me? I've got 209 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,824 a bunch more wedding gifts in the van. 210 00:08:28,826 --> 00:08:32,565 Yay! I love Robin so much! 211 00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,636 Oh, God, I'm gonna strangle that bitch. 212 00:08:34,638 --> 00:08:37,925 Robin, what is it with you and women? 213 00:08:37,927 --> 00:08:40,030 They're so annoying. 214 00:08:40,032 --> 00:08:42,602 I'm glad that you're my only female friend. 215 00:08:42,604 --> 00:08:44,572 Girls are always whining and crying 216 00:08:44,574 --> 00:08:46,559 over every little thing. 217 00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:50,083 Yes. That's exactly... 218 00:08:50,085 --> 00:08:53,624 Thank you. "Oh, oh, boo-hoo. 219 00:08:53,626 --> 00:08:55,261 "Look at me. I'm a sensitive 220 00:08:55,263 --> 00:08:57,181 little girl..." Oh. God, I'm sorry. 221 00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:58,600 You're actually crying. 222 00:08:58,602 --> 00:08:59,519 It's just 223 00:08:59,521 --> 00:09:01,390 so sad. 224 00:09:01,392 --> 00:09:04,479 I can't be your only girlfriend. Well, I... 225 00:09:04,481 --> 00:09:06,867 I don't need anybody else. I got... I got you. 226 00:09:06,869 --> 00:09:10,791 For another six days and then I'm off to Rome for a year. 227 00:09:10,793 --> 00:09:14,499 What are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch 228 00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:17,054 with a side of sassy gossip? 229 00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:19,542 A one-shot power play? 230 00:09:19,544 --> 00:09:21,680 Hey! Hey, Boston! 231 00:09:21,682 --> 00:09:22,982 Why not drop your hockey pants 232 00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:25,971 and actually take a dump on the ice next time? 233 00:09:25,973 --> 00:09:29,646 I love it! 234 00:09:30,983 --> 00:09:34,506 See? It is just too horrible to even think about. 235 00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:35,624 Yeah. You... 236 00:09:35,626 --> 00:09:37,879 need another female friend. 237 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,632 Whenever I try to talk to women, 238 00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:41,494 they look like they want to punch me. 239 00:09:41,519 --> 00:09:42,422 Well, 240 00:09:42,423 --> 00:09:45,394 maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe. 241 00:09:45,396 --> 00:09:48,700 Like, what do you say to other women at the gym? 242 00:09:48,702 --> 00:09:50,404 Oh, well, I haven't been to the gym in forever. 243 00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,492 My metabolism is all messed up. 244 00:09:52,494 --> 00:09:54,879 See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple 245 00:09:54,881 --> 00:09:58,587 for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. 246 00:09:58,589 --> 00:09:59,756 Well, everywhere 247 00:09:59,758 --> 00:10:01,476 except for my boobs. 248 00:10:02,229 --> 00:10:03,564 So annoying. 249 00:10:05,218 --> 00:10:08,440 You're gonna need a lot of work. 250 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,528 It's in here. Somewhere. 251 00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,481 I... It has to be. 252 00:10:12,483 --> 00:10:14,569 Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order. 253 00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,208 Who cares about the Bro Code? 254 00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:19,179 It's just some stupid book you made up. 255 00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:21,883 How dare you? 256 00:10:21,885 --> 00:10:25,224 The Bro Code has been around for centuries. 257 00:10:25,226 --> 00:10:26,860 Nay... 258 00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:29,449 whatever's more than centuries. 259 00:10:29,451 --> 00:10:30,734 Please don't launch into a fake history lesson. 260 00:10:30,736 --> 00:10:34,492 The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back 261 00:10:34,494 --> 00:10:36,713 to Broses himself. 262 00:10:36,715 --> 00:10:39,752 Article one: 263 00:10:39,754 --> 00:10:42,675 bros before ho's. 264 00:10:42,677 --> 00:10:44,145 Okay. 265 00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:46,015 I see what you're doing. You can't prove that 266 00:10:46,017 --> 00:10:47,835 I broke the Bro Code, so you're just making up stories about... 267 00:10:47,837 --> 00:10:50,357 This sacred text was eventually brought 268 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:54,014 to the New World in 1776 by none other 269 00:10:54,016 --> 00:10:56,219 than Christopher Brolumbus. 270 00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:58,540 Article 62: 271 00:10:58,542 --> 00:11:02,682 a bro who calls dibs first has dibs. 272 00:11:02,684 --> 00:11:05,404 Oh? Dibs! 273 00:11:05,406 --> 00:11:08,510 And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas. 274 00:11:08,512 --> 00:11:10,006 Pocahontas was with John Smith. 275 00:11:10,031 --> 00:11:10,932 Maybe 276 00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:12,285 according to the hotel register. 277 00:11:12,287 --> 00:11:13,704 Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus didn't know 278 00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,073 couldn't hurt her, am I right? 279 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,876 Well, except maybe that New World syphilis. 280 00:11:16,878 --> 00:11:18,045 But I digress. 281 00:11:18,047 --> 00:11:20,918 Barney, if you believe in the Bro Code, 282 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,638 how come you've broken it so many times? 283 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,892 How dare you! 284 00:11:24,894 --> 00:11:27,264 I have never broken the Bro Code! 285 00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:29,719 Hmm? Hmm? Ah. 286 00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:31,439 "Article 104: 287 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:35,264 the mom of a bro is always off limits." 288 00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:38,420 Okay, look, we've all had a lot of fun 289 00:11:38,422 --> 00:11:40,491 joking about me banging your mom. 290 00:11:40,493 --> 00:11:41,876 Not all of us. Continue. 291 00:11:41,878 --> 00:11:45,517 But I swear nothing ever happened between the two of us. 292 00:11:45,519 --> 00:11:47,304 Trust me. 293 00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:49,925 And what's going on with your fingers? 294 00:11:51,731 --> 00:11:53,984 That's how our bodies were intertwined. 295 00:11:53,986 --> 00:11:55,888 All right, this is ridiculous! 296 00:11:55,890 --> 00:11:57,491 It's ridiculous that you won't admit 297 00:11:57,493 --> 00:11:59,212 holding Robin's hand was weird. 298 00:11:59,214 --> 00:12:00,381 It wasn't weird! 299 00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:01,883 Yes, it was. 300 00:12:03,003 --> 00:12:04,589 You know what? 301 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:09,098 We need a third impartial bro to settle this. 302 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,584 To resolve this, 303 00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:12,338 I really need to parse 304 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,590 the text of the Bro Code. 305 00:12:13,592 --> 00:12:14,742 It's too bad 306 00:12:14,744 --> 00:12:15,894 Marshall doesn't have a copy. 307 00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:18,065 Actually, I do. 308 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,754 They were in the, uh, seat back pockets on my flight 309 00:12:20,756 --> 00:12:22,291 in place of the safety cards. 310 00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:24,729 I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available 311 00:12:24,731 --> 00:12:26,433 in select airlines across the country. 312 00:12:26,435 --> 00:12:27,885 And Lufthansa. 313 00:12:27,887 --> 00:12:31,392 Der Bro Code is, like, huge in Germany. 314 00:12:31,394 --> 00:12:33,313 Okay, so prove to me 315 00:12:33,315 --> 00:12:35,684 you can make a female friend. 316 00:12:35,686 --> 00:12:37,521 What about her? 317 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,959 Ugh! The girl with the bangs? 318 00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:42,364 Any chick who does that to her hair 319 00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:44,252 is going through a big life transition 320 00:12:44,254 --> 00:12:45,921 I don't want to hear about. 321 00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:48,844 Next time, grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. 322 00:12:48,846 --> 00:12:49,979 Ha-pass. 323 00:12:49,981 --> 00:12:51,466 Okay, well... 324 00:12:51,468 --> 00:12:53,103 what about her? 325 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,257 Ugh! Comfortable shoes? 326 00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:58,446 What, are you filibustering later? 327 00:12:58,448 --> 00:13:00,334 It's after 5:00. Put on some heels. 328 00:13:00,336 --> 00:13:01,336 Ha-pass. 329 00:13:01,338 --> 00:13:04,425 Okay, well, what about...? Ugh! 330 00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:06,596 I haven't even pointed to anyone yet! 331 00:13:06,598 --> 00:13:08,350 Now, 332 00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:11,990 although not expressly stated in the Bro Code, 333 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,111 a weird moment between 334 00:13:14,113 --> 00:13:16,783 a bro and his bro's fiancée is, 335 00:13:16,785 --> 00:13:20,039 in my bropinion... a violation. 336 00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:21,626 No! Yes! However, 337 00:13:21,628 --> 00:13:23,947 Ted was helping Robin as a friend. 338 00:13:23,949 --> 00:13:25,082 Therefore, 339 00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:26,185 holding her hand 340 00:13:26,187 --> 00:13:28,840 isn't necessarily a weird moment. 341 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,460 No! Yes! 342 00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:31,479 That being said... 343 00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:32,765 What? 344 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:33,967 if we decide 345 00:13:33,969 --> 00:13:36,522 that holding any friend's hand is weird, 346 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,512 then, yes, Ted did break the Bro Code. 347 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,714 So, the question is this. 348 00:13:40,716 --> 00:13:42,468 If Ted had gone to the park 349 00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:44,455 and held Barney's hand, 350 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,693 would it have been weird? 351 00:13:47,495 --> 00:13:49,932 No? Yes? 352 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:56,229 See? 353 00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:00,988 It's not weird at all. 354 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,376 I don't know what to say. 355 00:14:03,378 --> 00:14:04,545 Just be yourself. 356 00:14:04,547 --> 00:14:05,831 Say something nice. 357 00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:07,718 Which one? I can't do both. 358 00:14:12,044 --> 00:14:14,047 Slut alert. 359 00:14:14,049 --> 00:14:15,817 That's my 14-year-old daughter. 360 00:14:17,906 --> 00:14:19,975 Crappy mom alert. 361 00:14:19,977 --> 00:14:21,112 Ugh! 362 00:14:21,114 --> 00:14:22,765 It's you. Nice bangs. 363 00:14:24,753 --> 00:14:26,756 What is wrong with you? 364 00:14:26,758 --> 00:14:28,943 I can't do this, okay? 365 00:14:28,945 --> 00:14:30,380 I was raised as a boy. 366 00:14:30,382 --> 00:14:31,883 I don't get along with women. 367 00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:33,687 Can we just drop it? 368 00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:36,024 Okay, I never thought I'd take a page 369 00:14:36,026 --> 00:14:38,763 out of your fiancé's playbook, but... 370 00:14:38,765 --> 00:14:42,738 it's time to target the crying chick. 371 00:14:44,326 --> 00:14:47,297 Not weird at all. 372 00:14:47,299 --> 00:14:49,000 Marshall, 373 00:14:49,002 --> 00:14:50,587 why are we doing this? 374 00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,176 Two dudes on a beach with a lifeless blob 375 00:14:53,178 --> 00:14:54,795 they're pretending is alive? 376 00:14:54,797 --> 00:14:56,014 It's stupid. 377 00:14:56,016 --> 00:14:57,184 So, I guess that means 378 00:14:57,186 --> 00:14:59,488 Weekend at Bernie's is stupid, too. 379 00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:01,442 E-Lawyered. 380 00:15:01,444 --> 00:15:03,279 Now, before 381 00:15:03,281 --> 00:15:04,498 I can render a decision, 382 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,152 we need to recreate the variables 383 00:15:06,154 --> 00:15:08,373 at the carousel as closely as possible. 384 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:11,629 Since Ted says that he was comforting Robin, 385 00:15:11,631 --> 00:15:12,831 he needs to do 386 00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:16,923 the same for Barney, so, Ted, comfort Barney. 387 00:15:16,925 --> 00:15:18,693 I don't see how that... 388 00:15:18,695 --> 00:15:20,647 Comfort... Barney. 389 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:26,125 Barney, what is going on with you? 390 00:15:26,127 --> 00:15:28,530 Why are you so upset with me? 391 00:15:28,532 --> 00:15:31,302 Marshall, this is stupid! I don't... 392 00:15:31,304 --> 00:15:33,005 Accept the comfort. 393 00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,427 Fine! 394 00:15:36,681 --> 00:15:39,768 I guess... I'm not really mad at you. 395 00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:41,939 I'm mad at myself. I should have met Robin 396 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,860 at the carousel when she called, 397 00:15:43,862 --> 00:15:47,066 but I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds. 398 00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:48,035 Laser tag. 399 00:15:48,037 --> 00:15:50,257 Helpful. Continue. 400 00:15:51,593 --> 00:15:54,748 Look, Ted, I'm sorry that I've been taking it out on you. 401 00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:57,237 You were just being a good friend to Robin. 402 00:15:57,239 --> 00:15:59,558 It's okay. 403 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,979 It would be different if you still had feelings for her, 404 00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:04,118 but you don't, right? 405 00:16:05,738 --> 00:16:08,326 Right? 406 00:16:14,455 --> 00:16:15,991 Okay, now it's weird. 407 00:16:19,569 --> 00:16:22,090 You still have feelings for Robin? 408 00:16:22,092 --> 00:16:25,480 What? What? What? What? 409 00:16:25,482 --> 00:16:27,117 Okay, yes, sometimes I do. 410 00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:28,553 Well, then, turn 'em off! 411 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,590 I would love to, but it doesn't work that way! 412 00:16:30,592 --> 00:16:33,563 I'm a... I'm a human being. I-I-I don't have an off switch. 413 00:16:33,565 --> 00:16:35,734 I'm shutting off. 414 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,458 There, there. 415 00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:41,462 Sister? 416 00:16:41,464 --> 00:16:44,585 Who needs a lady hug? 417 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,639 Ugh! What the hell are you doing? 418 00:16:46,641 --> 00:16:49,161 Wait. Did you just "ugh" my hug? 419 00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:50,263 I don't need a hug. 420 00:16:50,265 --> 00:16:51,348 I'm pissed off because 421 00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:53,986 the Rangers just lost to the Boston Bruins. 422 00:16:53,988 --> 00:16:56,308 I hate the Boston Bruins! 423 00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:01,952 Look, Barney, I hate these feelings. 424 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,923 I hate myself for having these feelings. 425 00:17:03,925 --> 00:17:06,712 No one wishes they would go away more than I do, 426 00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:10,052 but I just... I... I can't seem to make that happen. I've tried. 427 00:17:10,054 --> 00:17:11,505 Well, then, try harder! 428 00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,526 I'm marrying her in less than two days! 429 00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:16,148 What the hell are we gonna do about this? 430 00:17:18,018 --> 00:17:21,325 As she watched Robin make a new friend, Lily was happy... 431 00:17:21,327 --> 00:17:24,498 for two seconds. 432 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,302 Oh, no! Oh, come on, ref! 433 00:17:26,304 --> 00:17:28,222 I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished 434 00:17:28,224 --> 00:17:29,975 since my last trip to Vegas. 435 00:17:29,977 --> 00:17:32,848 And I was on that trip, because we are best friends now. 436 00:17:33,935 --> 00:17:35,854 Hey, 437 00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:38,041 this might sound a little nutty, but 438 00:17:38,043 --> 00:17:40,396 how about we inject a sexual edge 439 00:17:40,398 --> 00:17:41,782 into our abiding friendship that... 440 00:17:41,784 --> 00:17:45,423 in no way jeopardizes our emotional connection, 441 00:17:45,425 --> 00:17:47,344 or respective marriages? 442 00:17:48,381 --> 00:17:49,598 Aw! 443 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,583 Hell, no! 444 00:17:50,585 --> 00:17:52,637 Excuse me. 445 00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,610 I've got a Boston Brewin', if you know what I mean. 446 00:17:57,282 --> 00:17:59,535 You listen, and you listen good. 447 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,455 If I see your face around Robin again, 448 00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:03,376 you will be crying about a lot more 449 00:18:03,378 --> 00:18:05,380 than your precious New York Rogers. 450 00:18:05,382 --> 00:18:07,133 Rangers? I will cut you! 451 00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:14,565 Forgot my purse. 452 00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:18,155 You know what? 453 00:18:18,157 --> 00:18:20,109 That's why I only need you. 454 00:18:20,111 --> 00:18:21,996 'Cause you're a psycho. 455 00:18:21,998 --> 00:18:23,933 My psycho. 456 00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:26,789 I am, aren't I? Mm-hmm. 457 00:18:30,014 --> 00:18:31,282 There's the blushing bride! 458 00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,352 Back off, Patrice! 459 00:18:34,505 --> 00:18:39,180 Look, Barney, the truth is, it was weird at the carousel. 460 00:18:39,182 --> 00:18:40,533 On some level, it's probably been weird 461 00:18:40,535 --> 00:18:42,537 between me and Robin ever since we broke up. 462 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:43,623 But you're my brother. 463 00:18:43,625 --> 00:18:44,791 I would never do anything 464 00:18:44,793 --> 00:18:46,161 to hurt you, ever. 465 00:18:46,163 --> 00:18:47,881 I mean it, I swear! 466 00:18:47,883 --> 00:18:50,202 I'll-I'll even swear it on the Bro Code. 467 00:18:50,204 --> 00:18:51,305 The Bro Code's stupid. 468 00:18:51,307 --> 00:18:53,208 How dare you! 469 00:18:54,762 --> 00:18:55,980 I'd be honored. 470 00:19:00,941 --> 00:19:04,448 I can't promise that I'll ever get to a place where it won't be 471 00:19:04,450 --> 00:19:06,785 at least a little weird between me and Robin. 472 00:19:06,787 --> 00:19:10,510 But I don't want to lose you as a friend, either of you. 473 00:19:11,529 --> 00:19:13,549 So I will do everything I can 474 00:19:13,551 --> 00:19:16,221 to move on and live with it. 475 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:20,596 The question is... can you? 476 00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:28,462 I'm sorry, Ted. I just... can't do this. 477 00:19:28,464 --> 00:19:31,118 I fold. 478 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:34,641 What about the best man? 479 00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:39,735 I fold, too. 480 00:19:39,737 --> 00:19:41,522 I fold. 481 00:19:41,524 --> 00:19:42,807 There goes my belly buster. 482 00:19:42,809 --> 00:19:44,161 You sandbag all night, 483 00:19:44,163 --> 00:19:46,648 only to bluff a couple of rags, pre-flop, 484 00:19:46,650 --> 00:19:48,369 and wind up with a dry board. 485 00:19:48,371 --> 00:19:49,604 That's what you get 486 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:53,011 for limping in shorts-tacked with a pack of donkeys. 487 00:19:53,013 --> 00:19:55,133 Muck city. 488 00:19:57,471 --> 00:19:58,439 I fold! 489 00:19:58,441 --> 00:19:59,674 Yeah... Oh, right. I knew that. 490 00:19:59,676 --> 00:20:01,311 I knew that, I knew that, I knew that. 491 00:20:01,313 --> 00:20:02,614 Okay, two players left. 492 00:20:09,528 --> 00:20:10,880 You are bluffing, robot man. 493 00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:12,500 I raise. 494 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,171 Oh. 495 00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:16,208 Hey, Billy, do you mind 496 00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:19,648 pushing my chips into the center of the pot? 497 00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:22,937 Preferably with gusto, because... 498 00:20:22,939 --> 00:20:25,176 I'm all in! 499 00:20:25,178 --> 00:20:27,230 Oh! Oh, boy! 500 00:20:27,232 --> 00:20:29,501 - All right, all right. - Oh! 501 00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:35,596 And that's how I became Barney's best man again. 502 00:20:35,598 --> 00:20:39,137 Everything was back to going off without a hitch. 503 00:20:39,139 --> 00:20:42,193 I'm coming for you, Mosby. 504 00:20:42,195 --> 00:20:44,314 Okay, there was one slight hitch. 505 00:20:44,316 --> 00:20:49,321 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man