1 00:00:05,079 --> 00:00:06,397 Ooh, Chicago! 2 00:00:06,399 --> 00:00:08,118 There is this pizza place called Gazzola's. 3 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,353 It's fantastic. 4 00:00:09,355 --> 00:00:11,524 It was closed down for a while, but it just reopened. 5 00:00:11,526 --> 00:00:13,495 I'm sure they got a Godzilla's in New York. 6 00:00:13,497 --> 00:00:14,831 We're not stopping. 7 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,553 It's just pizza. 8 00:00:17,555 --> 00:00:19,507 Just... pizza? 9 00:00:20,326 --> 00:00:22,096 Let me tell you 10 00:00:22,098 --> 00:00:26,170 about the thing you say is just pizza. 11 00:00:26,172 --> 00:00:28,224 We begin with the first bite. 12 00:00:28,226 --> 00:00:30,262 Oh, the crunch! 13 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,564 And then the marinara. 14 00:00:31,566 --> 00:00:34,320 That roiling lava 15 00:00:34,322 --> 00:00:37,877 of tomato and oregano— it overtakes you! 16 00:00:37,879 --> 00:00:40,866 I'm falling! 17 00:00:40,868 --> 00:00:44,106 And that's... when she catches you. 18 00:00:44,108 --> 00:00:45,442 That chewy, 19 00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:49,567 voluptuous mistress, Mozzarella. 20 00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:54,861 Her oven-kissed cheeks crackle with warmth in your mouth, 21 00:00:54,863 --> 00:00:56,748 cradling the sauce and the bread, 22 00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:59,203 letting you know that from now on... 23 00:00:59,205 --> 00:01:03,011 this... is home. 24 00:01:04,014 --> 00:01:06,050 This pizza... 25 00:01:06,052 --> 00:01:08,221 is home. 26 00:01:09,892 --> 00:01:11,979 If it was so delicious, 27 00:01:11,981 --> 00:01:14,483 why'd they close it in the first place? 28 00:01:14,485 --> 00:01:16,020 Rats. We're not stopping! 29 00:01:16,022 --> 00:01:18,074 This road trip sucks! 30 00:01:22,105 --> 00:01:27,110 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 31 00:01:31,101 --> 00:01:34,056 Barney's bachelor poker game was winding down. 32 00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:35,642 Tim Gunn, out. 33 00:01:35,644 --> 00:01:38,781 Lily, busted. 34 00:01:38,783 --> 00:01:41,839 Marshpillow, fluffed and turned down. 35 00:01:41,841 --> 00:01:44,426 We were playing what we thought was our final hand, 36 00:01:44,428 --> 00:01:46,564 and it was getting intense. 37 00:01:46,566 --> 00:01:48,886 Action to Ranjit. 38 00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:53,545 Ranjit, action to you. 39 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,615 What? 40 00:01:55,617 --> 00:01:57,185 Hey, Ted, thanks again for your gift. 41 00:01:57,187 --> 00:02:00,325 He gave us a framed photo of all of us at the bar, and 42 00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:02,663 he's getting us two other wedding gifts. 43 00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:04,834 What can I say? I just love giving wedding gifts. 44 00:02:04,836 --> 00:02:06,254 I love giving wedding gifts so much, 45 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,976 I wish I could marry giving-wedding-gifts, 46 00:02:08,978 --> 00:02:11,814 and then get myself and giving-wedding-gifts 47 00:02:11,816 --> 00:02:14,136 a wedding gift. 48 00:02:14,138 --> 00:02:16,574 Maybe saying things like that's why I am not married. 49 00:02:18,163 --> 00:02:20,665 Kids, there's a story behind that face. 50 00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:23,087 Six years earlier, a few weeks after their wedding, 51 00:02:23,089 --> 00:02:25,675 Marshall and Lily were going through their wedding gifts. 52 00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,296 Well, that's weird. 53 00:02:27,298 --> 00:02:28,966 Did Ted get us anything? 54 00:02:28,968 --> 00:02:31,237 Come on, Lily. 55 00:02:31,239 --> 00:02:32,773 Ted... Ted's our best friend. 56 00:02:32,775 --> 00:02:35,762 If his gift hasn't arrived yet, it's on the way. 57 00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:38,401 But time passed, and no gift arrived. 58 00:02:38,403 --> 00:02:40,171 Finally, Marshall started dropping hints. 59 00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:41,474 Hey, man, 60 00:02:41,476 --> 00:02:42,961 it was great having you at our wedding. 61 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,998 Thanks, Bro, and thanks for this coffee. 62 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,550 It is great. 63 00:02:46,552 --> 00:02:49,323 You were not wedding absent. 64 00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:51,344 No, sir. 65 00:02:51,346 --> 00:02:53,999 You were wedding present. 66 00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:56,704 Do I detect a note of hazelnut? 67 00:02:58,393 --> 00:03:00,712 Wedding present. 68 00:03:02,835 --> 00:03:05,038 I think he got it. 69 00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:07,844 But I didn't get it. 70 00:03:07,846 --> 00:03:09,413 More months passed. 71 00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:11,183 His hints got more desperate. 72 00:03:11,185 --> 00:03:12,552 Happy Halloween! 73 00:03:12,554 --> 00:03:14,606 Yeah. What-what are you supposed to be? 74 00:03:14,608 --> 00:03:16,610 Well, I'm a wedding present, Ted! 75 00:03:16,612 --> 00:03:19,199 How could you not get me a wedding present? 76 00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:23,124 I mean, how could you not get that I am a wedding present? 77 00:03:23,742 --> 00:03:26,330 Get me? A wedding present! 78 00:03:26,332 --> 00:03:29,703 Get me a wedding present. 79 00:03:29,705 --> 00:03:30,973 Why isn't he getting it? 80 00:03:30,975 --> 00:03:32,142 I don't know. 81 00:03:32,144 --> 00:03:33,528 Why didn't you get the message 82 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,100 to dress up like a pregnant teenager, home skillet? 83 00:03:36,102 --> 00:03:39,106 But he kept on waiting until the summer of 2008 84 00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:40,542 when I got engaged. 85 00:03:40,544 --> 00:03:42,412 So Ted's getting married, huh? 86 00:03:42,414 --> 00:03:44,750 Bet he'd love a gift from his old pal Marshall. 87 00:03:44,752 --> 00:03:46,036 Well, he can forget it! 88 00:03:46,038 --> 00:03:47,957 We're getting them a gift. 89 00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:49,226 But Lily, this is the dream. 90 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:51,530 This is the whole reason we wanted Ted to get married. 91 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,334 So we could not give him a wedding gift, 92 00:03:53,336 --> 00:03:55,004 and he would know exactly how it feels! 93 00:03:55,006 --> 00:03:58,077 Baby, I'm as pissed as you are, but we're getting them a gift. 94 00:03:58,079 --> 00:03:59,480 We have to. 95 00:04:01,318 --> 00:04:03,488 Fine. 96 00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:06,293 We'll get them a gift. 97 00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:09,333 A gift that'll send a message loud and clear. 98 00:04:09,335 --> 00:04:12,239 A gift-wrapping station! 99 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:14,894 Oh, boy. This time, 100 00:04:14,896 --> 00:04:17,015 he has to get it. 101 00:04:17,017 --> 00:04:19,520 And not long after that, a package arrived. 102 00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:21,740 Oh, well, well, well. 103 00:04:21,742 --> 00:04:24,663 Package from one Mr. Ted Mosby. 104 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,584 It's a little late, but... 105 00:04:26,586 --> 00:04:28,839 What the balls is this? 106 00:04:28,841 --> 00:04:30,843 It-It's a thank you note 107 00:04:30,845 --> 00:04:34,016 for the gift-wrapping station. 108 00:04:34,018 --> 00:04:36,503 Which explains the face. 109 00:04:36,505 --> 00:04:38,040 Wedding gift. 110 00:04:38,042 --> 00:04:39,509 Hey, Barney. 111 00:04:39,511 --> 00:04:41,080 I've got a wedding gift for you, too. 112 00:04:41,082 --> 00:04:42,348 Don't get married. 113 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,517 Ah. 114 00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:45,738 In fact, it comes in His and Hers. 115 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:47,125 Don't get married! 116 00:04:47,127 --> 00:04:48,411 Don't get married! 117 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,746 Ah. 118 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,870 I'm not cheating! Don't tell anyone! 119 00:04:52,872 --> 00:04:54,339 I'll cut you in on half! 120 00:04:54,341 --> 00:04:55,910 Hey, Barney, 121 00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:59,566 can you ask James to stop crapping all over marriage? 122 00:04:59,568 --> 00:05:01,420 He's not crapping on marriage. 123 00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:03,608 He literally drew this on the toilet. 124 00:05:05,162 --> 00:05:07,649 Come on, Robin. Please don't ask me to pick sides. 125 00:05:07,651 --> 00:05:10,088 In two days, he's gonna be your brother, too. 126 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:12,542 Just be honest and tell him what's bothering you. 127 00:05:12,544 --> 00:05:14,831 Okay. 128 00:05:16,052 --> 00:05:17,352 Marshall, are you...? 129 00:05:17,354 --> 00:05:18,654 Hey, Andretti! 130 00:05:18,656 --> 00:05:20,642 Beat it! 131 00:05:20,644 --> 00:05:24,049 Marshall, are you sitting down? 132 00:05:24,051 --> 00:05:25,267 Well, I'm in a car, 133 00:05:25,269 --> 00:05:26,787 and you were pretty clear about 134 00:05:26,789 --> 00:05:28,324 the No-Teen-Wolfing Now-That-I'm-A-Dad rule, 135 00:05:28,326 --> 00:05:30,211 so, yeah, I'm sitting down. 136 00:05:30,213 --> 00:05:34,086 Ted is getting Barney and Robin three wedding gifts! 137 00:05:35,172 --> 00:05:37,175 I hate him. 138 00:05:37,177 --> 00:05:38,177 Lily, 139 00:05:38,179 --> 00:05:39,763 requesting permission to make a stink? 140 00:05:39,765 --> 00:05:41,650 Stink away! 141 00:05:41,652 --> 00:05:45,274 Hurry up and get it over with. 142 00:05:47,029 --> 00:05:48,497 Oh, that's Marshall. 143 00:05:48,499 --> 00:05:49,750 I should take this. 144 00:05:49,752 --> 00:05:50,953 Well, 145 00:05:50,955 --> 00:05:54,109 call me Akira Yoshizawa. 146 00:05:55,713 --> 00:05:57,465 World's most famous origamist? 147 00:05:59,153 --> 00:06:01,440 I fold. 148 00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:05,798 Barney, here's a good one. 149 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,734 What's the difference 150 00:06:06,736 --> 00:06:07,903 between a Journey song 151 00:06:07,905 --> 00:06:09,389 and a husband? 152 00:06:10,292 --> 00:06:12,579 A Journey song has a climax. 153 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,101 I'm sorry, Robin. 154 00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:17,088 I'm just messing with you. 155 00:06:17,090 --> 00:06:18,373 Raise a hundred. 156 00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:20,311 No, it's fine. 157 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,184 It's just funny hearing all this anti-marriage stuff 158 00:06:23,186 --> 00:06:25,571 from a divorced guy who still wears his wedding ring. 159 00:06:25,573 --> 00:06:27,492 What, this? Mm. 160 00:06:27,494 --> 00:06:28,778 Only wear it because, 161 00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:31,617 nothing attracts a gay guy faster than a wedding ring. 162 00:06:31,619 --> 00:06:33,204 Except saying hi to him. 163 00:06:33,206 --> 00:06:36,760 Or being in the same room, or every app on my phone. 164 00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:39,766 People, it is a good time to be gay. 165 00:06:39,768 --> 00:06:42,555 So you can just... you can take that ring off anytime you want? 166 00:06:42,557 --> 00:06:43,842 Anytime. 167 00:06:43,844 --> 00:06:48,117 I'm all in. 168 00:06:48,119 --> 00:06:50,104 And raise you... 169 00:06:50,106 --> 00:06:52,325 one ring. 170 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,663 Ooh! 171 00:06:56,886 --> 00:06:59,055 Fine. 172 00:06:59,057 --> 00:07:01,293 It's just a ring. 173 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:04,432 Okay, let's see what you got. 174 00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:07,188 Robin has three jacks, James 175 00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:08,324 has... 176 00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:11,196 just shy of a pair of a sixes. 177 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,450 Thank you. 178 00:07:13,452 --> 00:07:14,419 Yeah. 179 00:07:14,421 --> 00:07:15,822 I'm gonna hit the gym. 180 00:07:15,824 --> 00:07:17,292 Let me know if you want to get some dinner later. 181 00:07:17,294 --> 00:07:20,497 Oh, we'll give you a ring, just not this one. Ho! 182 00:07:24,006 --> 00:07:25,408 You, Ted Mosby, 183 00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,645 never got me and Lily a wedding gift! 184 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:28,949 J'accuse! 185 00:07:28,951 --> 00:07:30,735 I did, too, get you a gift! 186 00:07:30,737 --> 00:07:32,455 It was a coffeemaker, 187 00:07:32,457 --> 00:07:34,877 and you never sent me a thank you note! 188 00:07:34,879 --> 00:07:36,864 Oh. 189 00:07:36,866 --> 00:07:39,553 So-so... me-cuse? 190 00:07:39,555 --> 00:07:41,958 You-cuse! 191 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,563 Robin, when I said, "Be honest and say what's bothering you," 192 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,650 I meant, stuff it down and never do anything about it. 193 00:07:46,652 --> 00:07:47,870 How did you not get that? 194 00:07:47,872 --> 00:07:50,107 It's fine. He's a grown-up. 195 00:07:51,528 --> 00:07:54,951 What did you do to my little boy? 196 00:07:56,238 --> 00:07:58,123 Hi, Mom. 197 00:08:00,509 --> 00:08:03,434 You get your brother's ring back! Mom, please don't make me 198 00:08:03,435 --> 00:08:05,592 take sides! That's your brother out there. 199 00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,678 You two shared bunk beds and baseball mitts, 200 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,617 and, when you were hungry, these supple breasts. 201 00:08:10,619 --> 00:08:12,521 Arguably a little too long. 202 00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:14,292 Stinsons stand up for each other. 203 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,527 Take care of this! 204 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,448 I... I'm gonna play some cards. 205 00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:20,254 All right, chumps. 206 00:08:20,256 --> 00:08:22,876 I'm gonna tell you what I told Frampton's guitar tech 207 00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:26,099 when he couldn't find a condom: let's gamble. 208 00:08:27,686 --> 00:08:29,605 You gave us a coffeemaker? 209 00:08:29,607 --> 00:08:31,593 Not just ah coffeemaker. 210 00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,398 I asked what they used at your favorite coffeehouse 211 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,288 and got you that exact... one tier down model. 212 00:08:37,290 --> 00:08:40,727 And you know what you got me? Huh? 213 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,548 No thank you note. 214 00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:44,602 So I started dropping hints about it. 215 00:08:44,604 --> 00:08:46,840 Do I detect a note of hazelnut? 216 00:08:46,842 --> 00:08:48,009 Wedding present. 217 00:08:48,011 --> 00:08:50,030 Kind of want to say thank you 218 00:08:50,032 --> 00:08:52,568 to that note of hazelnut. 219 00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:54,605 Thank you... note. 220 00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:58,380 Wedding... present. 221 00:08:58,382 --> 00:09:01,402 Anyway... 222 00:09:01,404 --> 00:09:03,523 Thank you note. 223 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,099 Yeah, he got it. 224 00:09:08,101 --> 00:09:10,020 But you never got it! 225 00:09:10,022 --> 00:09:11,974 I drank so much coffee that year, 226 00:09:11,976 --> 00:09:13,276 hoping you'd take the hint, 227 00:09:13,278 --> 00:09:16,065 my resting pulse was like the drum solo from "Wipeout." 228 00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:18,787 And then, uh, Halloween rolled around. 229 00:09:18,789 --> 00:09:19,990 Get me a wedding present. 230 00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:22,211 On that note... 231 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,713 I think you'll like my costume. 232 00:09:23,715 --> 00:09:25,033 Mm. 233 00:09:25,035 --> 00:09:28,372 I'm a thank you note. 234 00:09:28,374 --> 00:09:29,876 Thank you note. Ah. 235 00:09:29,878 --> 00:09:32,932 Guess you could say that we sort of go together. 236 00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:34,652 That's right, Marshall. That's right. 237 00:09:34,654 --> 00:09:36,689 When someone gets you a gift, 238 00:09:36,691 --> 00:09:39,495 you give them a thank you note. 239 00:09:39,497 --> 00:09:40,614 That is how it works. 240 00:09:40,616 --> 00:09:42,768 Give a gift, get a note. 241 00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,155 Agreed. Exactly. 242 00:09:44,157 --> 00:09:45,223 Exactly. 243 00:09:45,225 --> 00:09:48,263 Exactly. Exactly. 244 00:09:50,768 --> 00:09:53,056 I think he got it. 245 00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:55,477 Yeah. Yeah, he got it. 246 00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:57,698 I have to find a bathroom. 247 00:09:59,119 --> 00:10:00,203 I didn't get it! 248 00:10:00,205 --> 00:10:01,824 And I thought for sure you'd get it 249 00:10:01,826 --> 00:10:04,528 when I sent that thank you note for the wrapping station. 250 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:08,253 "Dear Marshall and Lily, 251 00:10:08,255 --> 00:10:11,058 "this is a thank you note to thank you 252 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:13,680 "for the gift-wrapping station. 253 00:10:13,682 --> 00:10:16,602 "Because even though the wedding never happened, 254 00:10:16,604 --> 00:10:20,360 "there's one thing that didn't leave me at the altar, 255 00:10:20,362 --> 00:10:23,199 and that's my manners." 256 00:10:23,201 --> 00:10:24,535 I can't believe this. 257 00:10:24,537 --> 00:10:26,088 Eriksens send thank you notes. 258 00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:28,126 It's the one thing that we always do! 259 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,130 We even have a family saying about it. 260 00:10:30,132 --> 00:10:32,017 "Lick it, before you stick it!" 261 00:10:32,019 --> 00:10:34,772 "It" being the stamp on the thank you note, 262 00:10:34,774 --> 00:10:36,977 before you stick it in the mailbox. 263 00:10:36,979 --> 00:10:38,679 I will make this right! 264 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,150 I know, right? 265 00:10:40,152 --> 00:10:42,070 Hey, listen, we're about to go through a tunnel. 266 00:10:42,072 --> 00:10:43,356 Guys, big dilemma. 267 00:10:43,358 --> 00:10:45,693 My mom's insisting that I get Robin 268 00:10:45,695 --> 00:10:49,201 to give James his ring back, but Robin's refusing. 269 00:10:49,203 --> 00:10:51,974 But James seems like he's really upset. 270 00:10:51,976 --> 00:10:54,061 But Robin's gonna be my wife. 271 00:10:54,063 --> 00:10:56,048 But James is my brother. 272 00:10:56,050 --> 00:10:58,069 But Robin lets me do sex to her. 273 00:10:58,071 --> 00:10:59,655 But I have 274 00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:02,327 to spend eternity in my mom's mausoleum. 275 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,450 I just wish there was a way I didn't have to take sides! 276 00:11:05,452 --> 00:11:07,537 What should I do? 277 00:11:09,343 --> 00:11:10,577 Choose your wife. 278 00:11:10,579 --> 00:11:12,915 You always choose your wife. Easy. 279 00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:15,470 Got any other stumpers, like how to answer 280 00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:16,924 "Does this make me look fat?" 281 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,478 Well, maybe a little around the hips but no more than usual. 282 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,032 You're getting married, 283 00:11:21,034 --> 00:11:23,602 so I will deal with that one after your honeymoon. 284 00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:24,705 And she did. 285 00:11:24,707 --> 00:11:27,694 Belize was amazi... 286 00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:33,891 In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive. 287 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:37,314 happy wife equals happy life. 288 00:11:37,316 --> 00:11:39,652 Wow, thanks. That's some great advice, Lil. 289 00:11:39,654 --> 00:11:41,489 I knew I could count on you. 290 00:11:44,179 --> 00:11:46,532 He's gotten very respectful with his fake listening. 291 00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:47,835 Anyway, Lily, 292 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,338 I told Marshall this already, but... 293 00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:51,258 don't worry about not sending a thank you note 294 00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,680 for the coffeemaker. It's cool. 295 00:11:53,682 --> 00:11:56,920 Uh, we did send a thank you note for the coffeemaker. 296 00:11:56,922 --> 00:11:59,525 Uh... no, you didn't. 297 00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:02,531 Uh... yes, we did. 298 00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:04,451 To Stuart and Claudia, 299 00:12:04,453 --> 00:12:07,324 the people who gave us the coffeemaker. 300 00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:10,915 Uh... 301 00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:12,451 what? 302 00:12:12,453 --> 00:12:13,770 Hey, you two! 303 00:12:13,772 --> 00:12:15,023 Hey. Hey. 304 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,977 Hey, thanks again for that coffeemaker. 305 00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:18,646 We use it all the time. 306 00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:21,152 Especially when Ted's over. 307 00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:22,237 Yeah, it's a great machine. 308 00:12:22,239 --> 00:12:24,525 We have one at home and we love it. 309 00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:27,414 Did I forget to get you a wedding gift? 310 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,284 What kind of monster am I? 311 00:12:29,286 --> 00:12:31,038 Mosbys always give wedding gifts. 312 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,793 We even have an expression: "Wrap it before you tap it." 313 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,046 You know, 314 00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,098 wrap the gift 315 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:37,750 before you tap the person on the shoulder 316 00:12:37,752 --> 00:12:39,188 and say, "Here's your gift." 317 00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:42,210 I will make this right. 318 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,565 Robin? Two things: 319 00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:46,068 number one, are you dropping heat right now? 320 00:12:46,070 --> 00:12:47,704 No. Great. 321 00:12:47,706 --> 00:12:49,541 Number two. 322 00:12:49,543 --> 00:12:51,880 Nice. Thanks. Anyway, 323 00:12:51,882 --> 00:12:53,332 I came up with an amazing plan 324 00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:54,886 that I think will make everyone happy. 325 00:12:54,888 --> 00:12:58,459 Step one: you let my mom win the ring back in a hand of poker. 326 00:12:58,461 --> 00:13:00,346 Step two... 327 00:13:00,348 --> 00:13:01,515 No, that's all the steps. 328 00:13:01,517 --> 00:13:02,651 What do you think? 329 00:13:02,653 --> 00:13:05,657 So your plan is you do absolutely nothing 330 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,194 to get your fiancée's back. 331 00:13:07,196 --> 00:13:08,329 Okay. 332 00:13:08,331 --> 00:13:10,667 Let me propose a different plan. 333 00:13:10,669 --> 00:13:12,003 Step one... 334 00:13:12,005 --> 00:13:14,791 Good game, everybody! 335 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,947 And that's all the steps. 336 00:13:20,771 --> 00:13:23,643 That's a really pretty bra, Mom. 337 00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:29,062 Well, I'd better leave now before I lose 338 00:13:29,063 --> 00:13:30,346 any more of my dignity, 339 00:13:30,348 --> 00:13:31,950 the likelihood of which 340 00:13:31,952 --> 00:13:35,523 is increasing every moment in this very chilly room. 341 00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:37,277 Oh... 342 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,400 Not good, Robin. 343 00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,037 Very not good. 344 00:13:42,039 --> 00:13:43,773 How do you keep winning, anyway? 345 00:13:43,775 --> 00:13:45,276 Well, to the keen observer, 346 00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:49,201 all of you Stinsons have the same very subtle tell. 347 00:13:49,837 --> 00:13:50,753 Whenever you're bluffing, 348 00:13:50,755 --> 00:13:52,591 you say the word "bluff." 349 00:13:52,593 --> 00:13:54,211 Hey, I'm hungry. Uh... 350 00:13:54,213 --> 00:13:56,081 should we get some bluffalo wings? 351 00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:58,719 Raise you $20. 352 00:13:58,721 --> 00:14:02,277 When I walked in, I saw an all-you-can-eat bluffet. 353 00:14:02,279 --> 00:14:04,431 Raise $50. 354 00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:07,704 Mmm... I could use a bluffberry muffin. 355 00:14:07,706 --> 00:14:09,741 A blueberry bluffin. Sorry. 356 00:14:09,743 --> 00:14:12,797 A bluebluffy muffbluff. All in. 357 00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:13,967 I don't believe it. 358 00:14:13,969 --> 00:14:16,055 Robin, you've got to give her that blouse back. 359 00:14:16,057 --> 00:14:17,457 She loves that blouse. 360 00:14:17,459 --> 00:14:22,400 She got those sequins from Rick James...'s open casket. 361 00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:23,603 Nope. Not happening. 362 00:14:23,605 --> 00:14:27,661 Woman, as your bridegroom, I command you! 363 00:14:27,663 --> 00:14:28,947 We'll leave and 364 00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:31,986 give you guys some privacy. 365 00:14:32,755 --> 00:14:34,658 You, uh, 366 00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:36,712 want to take back that "I command you" thing? 367 00:14:36,714 --> 00:14:38,049 Please can I? 368 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,136 Why is this so important to you? 369 00:14:40,138 --> 00:14:41,973 Because it's my family. 370 00:14:41,975 --> 00:14:45,864 And, so help me, you and I will never have sex again 371 00:14:45,866 --> 00:14:47,851 if you don't give back their bluff. 372 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,538 Stuff! Damn it. 373 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,525 Look, I just... I want to feel like 374 00:14:51,527 --> 00:14:54,081 you're on my side once in a while. That's all. 375 00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:55,249 Look, I'm gonna be your wife, 376 00:14:55,251 --> 00:14:56,585 for God's sakes. 377 00:14:56,587 --> 00:14:57,938 But, look, 378 00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:00,677 if it's... if it's that important to you, here. 379 00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:02,881 Do what you want. 380 00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:04,568 Thank you. 381 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:08,409 And please don't play strip poker with my mom again. 382 00:15:08,411 --> 00:15:11,565 It's all kinds of confusing. 383 00:15:19,416 --> 00:15:23,556 Oh, that's where my phone is. 384 00:15:23,558 --> 00:15:25,861 I wasn't eavesdropping. Hey, baby. 385 00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:27,697 Lily, we were wrong the whole time. 386 00:15:27,699 --> 00:15:29,317 Ted got us the coffeemaker! 387 00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,770 He's a wonderful man! 388 00:15:30,772 --> 00:15:34,778 What? No. Claudia and Stuart gave us our coffeemaker. 389 00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:37,617 Ted's a rat bastard! Never mention his name again! 390 00:15:37,619 --> 00:15:38,636 Your coffeemaker? 391 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,588 Ted got you that. 392 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:40,673 I was with him when he bought it. 393 00:15:40,675 --> 00:15:41,976 I don't know what to feel! 394 00:15:41,978 --> 00:15:44,030 But Stuart said he got it for us. 395 00:15:44,032 --> 00:15:45,851 Stuart and Claudia checked in. 396 00:15:45,853 --> 00:15:47,353 I saw them in the lobby. 397 00:15:48,908 --> 00:15:50,309 Let's go get to the bottom of this. 398 00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:55,336 Stuart, 399 00:15:55,338 --> 00:15:57,173 no B.S., did you really get us 400 00:15:57,175 --> 00:15:59,010 that coffeemaker for our wedding? 401 00:15:59,012 --> 00:16:00,446 Of course. 402 00:16:00,448 --> 00:16:02,952 What a crazy thing to ask. 403 00:16:02,954 --> 00:16:04,488 They never give you enough of these things. 404 00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:06,558 Oh, my God. 405 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,646 Ted got us that coffeemaker, 406 00:16:08,648 --> 00:16:10,868 and you just played it off as your gift. 407 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,040 You're a weasel. Admit it. 408 00:16:14,042 --> 00:16:15,126 No, that's insane. 409 00:16:15,128 --> 00:16:16,194 Really? 410 00:16:16,629 --> 00:16:17,630 Housekeeping! 411 00:16:17,632 --> 00:16:18,716 Conditioner thief! 412 00:16:18,718 --> 00:16:20,636 Okay, shh, shh. Yes, I am a weasel. 413 00:16:20,638 --> 00:16:23,844 I ripped the card off Ted's gift and I wrote my name on it. 414 00:16:23,846 --> 00:16:25,730 Does Claudia know about this? 415 00:16:25,732 --> 00:16:28,319 No. Please don't tell her. 416 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,275 That gift was a turning point for us. 417 00:16:31,277 --> 00:16:32,945 Ah. 418 00:16:32,947 --> 00:16:34,882 I got to admit, 419 00:16:34,884 --> 00:16:38,672 I came pretty close to leaving you. 420 00:16:38,674 --> 00:16:41,512 Bags packed, plane ticket purchased, 421 00:16:41,514 --> 00:16:43,749 topless pics sent to your brother, the whole nine. 422 00:16:43,751 --> 00:16:47,892 But seeing that you got our friends such a nice gift, 423 00:16:47,894 --> 00:16:51,331 ah, it just really puts you in a whole new light. 424 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,536 Oh. 425 00:16:54,455 --> 00:16:57,995 I'm a pretty great guy. Oh. 426 00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:01,680 And since that day, on the 427 00:17:01,705 --> 00:17:03,406 foundation of that coffeemaker, 428 00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:07,463 we've built a strong, nurturing relationship. 429 00:17:07,465 --> 00:17:12,306 Well, out of respect for your marriage, I won't say anything. 430 00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:14,912 Say hi to Claudia when she gets out of the shower. 431 00:17:14,914 --> 00:17:16,698 That's not Claudia. Good night. 432 00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,039 Tap tap. 433 00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:22,010 Look what I wrapped! 434 00:17:22,645 --> 00:17:23,812 What? 435 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,639 So, I went to give James his ring back... 436 00:17:29,358 --> 00:17:31,863 Glad you came to your senses. 437 00:17:31,865 --> 00:17:34,651 You can't let being married keep you from being you. 438 00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:35,821 It's like Tom, 439 00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:38,191 always telling me I spend too much time at the gym. 440 00:17:38,193 --> 00:17:39,277 Exactly. Is it so wrong 441 00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:41,031 if you want to work out a couple times a week? 442 00:17:41,033 --> 00:17:42,868 Right. Or a couple times a day. 443 00:17:42,870 --> 00:17:44,087 Or a couple times... 444 00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:46,141 A couple times a day? Really? 445 00:17:46,143 --> 00:17:48,930 A few hours before work, a few hours after. 446 00:17:48,932 --> 00:17:52,020 Only way to keep up the chocolate xylophone. 447 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,743 Still, that's a lot of time at the gym. 448 00:17:55,745 --> 00:17:57,397 Especially with two kids. 449 00:17:57,399 --> 00:17:58,749 It's like I always said to Tom, 450 00:17:58,751 --> 00:18:00,703 "I've got to stay in shape 451 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,073 in case I'm ever single again." 452 00:18:02,075 --> 00:18:04,644 And, hello, I was right. 453 00:18:04,646 --> 00:18:07,300 Oh, my God. 454 00:18:07,302 --> 00:18:10,022 I think I finally understand what Lily was mumbling 455 00:18:10,024 --> 00:18:12,110 in my peripheral vision earlier. 456 00:18:12,946 --> 00:18:14,314 I'm marrying Robin 457 00:18:14,316 --> 00:18:15,766 so I can be part of a team, 458 00:18:15,768 --> 00:18:18,322 not just some guy alone at a gym 459 00:18:18,324 --> 00:18:20,126 with admittedly amazing abs. 460 00:18:20,128 --> 00:18:21,294 Thanks, Bro. 461 00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:24,284 No. Thank you, Bro. 462 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,475 You're not getting this ring. 463 00:18:28,477 --> 00:18:30,730 I'm always gonna have your back. 464 00:18:30,732 --> 00:18:32,283 No matter what. 465 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,738 Thank you. 466 00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,224 I love you. Mmm, 467 00:18:36,226 --> 00:18:37,911 I love you, too. 468 00:18:39,315 --> 00:18:41,317 Oh, oh! I almost didn't tell you the best part! 469 00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:42,153 There's more! 470 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,405 Really? 471 00:18:43,407 --> 00:18:46,044 James, let me spell this out for you: 472 00:18:46,046 --> 00:18:48,098 now that I've got Robin, 473 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:50,686 we are not brothers anymore. 474 00:18:50,688 --> 00:18:51,605 What? 475 00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:53,275 Uh-huh. 476 00:18:53,277 --> 00:18:55,029 If you and Robin are both 477 00:18:55,031 --> 00:18:57,033 ever hanging from a cliff 478 00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:58,953 and I have one hand free, 479 00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:00,322 enjoy the fall. 480 00:19:00,324 --> 00:19:01,826 Uh, buh-bye. 481 00:19:02,461 --> 00:19:04,380 If you... Oh, Mom! Good! 482 00:19:04,382 --> 00:19:05,499 You should hear this, too. 483 00:19:05,501 --> 00:19:08,422 This mother-son thing— it's over. 484 00:19:08,424 --> 00:19:09,724 It's been a nice few decades, 485 00:19:09,726 --> 00:19:11,428 but I've got a wife now, 486 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,381 so you mean nothing to me. 487 00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:15,319 Oh, and me coming over 488 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,488 for Thanksgiving and Christmas, 489 00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,440 that's done! 490 00:19:17,442 --> 00:19:18,775 No more of that! 491 00:19:18,777 --> 00:19:19,995 And you know why? 492 00:19:19,997 --> 00:19:21,916 Because Robin said so! 493 00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:24,905 This came directly from her! 494 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:29,580 See ya, losers! 495 00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:30,766 Oh, my God. 496 00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:31,768 Yeah. 497 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,923 Fiancé of the year? 498 00:19:33,925 --> 00:19:36,979 I think I know what's next. Oh, God. 499 00:19:36,981 --> 00:19:39,317 Oh, God. I can't leave this room for the rest of the weekend. 500 00:19:39,319 --> 00:19:43,910 I'm sure we can find something to do, eh? 501 00:19:43,912 --> 00:19:45,646 Ted, I'm so sorry! 502 00:19:45,648 --> 00:19:47,633 No, I'm sorry. 503 00:19:47,635 --> 00:19:49,554 I shouldn't have spent the last six years passive-aggressively 504 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,591 drinking gallons of coffee around you. 505 00:19:51,593 --> 00:19:53,145 And I shouldn't have taken that sewing class 506 00:19:53,147 --> 00:19:55,516 to learn how to make that wedding present costume. 507 00:19:55,518 --> 00:19:57,687 I regret all of it. Me, too! 508 00:19:57,689 --> 00:19:59,992 Except I actually don't regret that sewing class. 509 00:19:59,994 --> 00:20:02,479 I learned a fun and useful lifetime skill. 510 00:20:02,481 --> 00:20:05,336 But, seriously, even without the coffeemaker, 511 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:07,340 you've given us more than enough. 512 00:20:07,342 --> 00:20:10,512 Well, there is one more gift on the way. 513 00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:12,935 Whatever it is, send it back. 514 00:20:12,937 --> 00:20:15,005 It's a little late for that. 515 00:20:16,108 --> 00:20:17,727 Marshall Eriksen? 516 00:20:17,729 --> 00:20:19,113 Yes? 517 00:20:19,115 --> 00:20:21,568 I got your pizza! 518 00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:23,155 Oh, Ted! 519 00:20:23,157 --> 00:20:25,292 You are the best friend ever! 520 00:20:25,294 --> 00:20:26,996 Don't say another word, Marshall. 521 00:20:26,998 --> 00:20:29,367 Save it for the thank you note. 522 00:20:29,369 --> 00:20:30,535 You got it, buddy! 523 00:20:30,537 --> 00:20:31,671 And, kids, 524 00:20:31,673 --> 00:20:32,757 I got that thank you note 525 00:20:32,759 --> 00:20:35,712 four months later. 526 00:20:35,714 --> 00:20:37,934 Four months. 527 00:20:41,187 --> 00:20:42,421 Uh, here's your blouse back. 528 00:20:43,412 --> 00:20:45,231 Is there any way we could just, um... 529 00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:46,767 forget about all this? 530 00:20:46,769 --> 00:20:49,589 Oh, no, dear, you keep the blouse. 531 00:20:49,591 --> 00:20:52,529 Think of it as your consolation prize. 532 00:20:52,531 --> 00:20:54,032 Consolation prize? 533 00:20:54,868 --> 00:20:57,155 You won the battle. 534 00:20:57,157 --> 00:20:59,326 But I'll win the war. 535 00:21:01,631 --> 00:21:03,283 Game on, bitch.