1 00:00:01,137 --> 00:00:04,228 Kids, as you know, Lily and Marshall had decided 2 00:00:04,229 --> 00:00:06,716 to move to Rome after Barney and Robin's wedding. 3 00:00:06,718 --> 00:00:07,902 We're going to Italy. 4 00:00:07,904 --> 00:00:09,388 Si. 5 00:00:09,390 --> 00:00:10,741 But without telling Lily, 6 00:00:10,743 --> 00:00:13,228 Marshall had then accepted a judgeship in New York. 7 00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,684 Good luck with that... Your Honor. 8 00:00:15,686 --> 00:00:18,088 Until his always-helpful road trip companion 9 00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:20,961 Daphne had selflessly come to his aid. 10 00:00:20,963 --> 00:00:23,048 You texted Lily that I took the job? 11 00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:24,250 You're welcome. 12 00:00:24,252 --> 00:00:25,303 You were torturing yourself 13 00:00:25,305 --> 00:00:26,606 figuring out how to tell her, 14 00:00:26,608 --> 00:00:28,025 I just broke the ice for you. 15 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,695 I was standing on that ice. 16 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,449 Now I'm gonna be bobbing, 17 00:00:31,451 --> 00:00:33,787 facedown on a frigid creek. 18 00:00:33,789 --> 00:00:36,543 I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife. 19 00:00:36,545 --> 00:00:40,333 And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong. 20 00:00:42,639 --> 00:00:44,057 Hi, baby. 21 00:00:44,059 --> 00:00:45,978 I can't believe you did this behind my back. 22 00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,898 I know, I should have talked to you. 23 00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,352 Thanks to you, we are stuck 24 00:00:49,354 --> 00:00:52,575 all weekend in the room with a ghost in it. 25 00:00:52,577 --> 00:00:54,662 Room with a...? 26 00:00:54,664 --> 00:00:56,916 We got 13? 27 00:00:56,918 --> 00:00:59,488 The room that's haunted by the ghost of Captain Dearduff? 28 00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:01,612 Who got the who with the what now? 29 00:01:05,642 --> 00:01:10,647 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 30 00:01:14,486 --> 00:01:16,422 Marshall had recently discovered 31 00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:18,359 that the Farhampton Inn was featured 32 00:01:18,361 --> 00:01:21,131 in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series, 33 00:01:21,133 --> 00:01:23,920 True & Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural. 34 00:01:23,922 --> 00:01:25,474 Ooh, there, see? 35 00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:26,843 The Farhampton Inn. 36 00:01:26,845 --> 00:01:28,211 I told you it sounded familiar. 37 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,049 In 1843, 38 00:01:30,051 --> 00:01:32,988 the streets of Farhampton, Long Island 39 00:01:32,990 --> 00:01:34,725 were stalked by a vicious killer 40 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:37,531 named Captain Blazeby Dearduff. 41 00:01:37,533 --> 00:01:41,088 Dubbed "Dearduff the Hooker," he murdered dozens 42 00:01:41,090 --> 00:01:44,260 of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. 43 00:01:44,262 --> 00:01:46,599 Ironically that hook 44 00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:48,520 would prove Dearduff's own undoing 45 00:01:48,522 --> 00:01:51,425 one wintry night in room 13 46 00:01:51,427 --> 00:01:53,897 of the Farhampton Inn. 47 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,879 Uh-oh. 48 00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:04,585 He was found the next morning, frozen to death. 49 00:02:04,587 --> 00:02:06,973 Boom! 50 00:02:06,975 --> 00:02:10,847 Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming 51 00:02:10,849 --> 00:02:12,299 from room 13. 52 00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:13,486 Cold. 53 00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:16,241 So cold. 54 00:02:16,243 --> 00:02:19,949 Help me... help me... 55 00:02:20,952 --> 00:02:23,740 We can see you, Ron. 56 00:02:23,742 --> 00:02:26,495 Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg 57 00:02:26,497 --> 00:02:29,333 and the scrape of his hook. 58 00:02:29,335 --> 00:02:31,138 Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just 59 00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:34,010 a popular male prostitute who murdered no one 60 00:02:34,012 --> 00:02:37,518 and died of syphilis in 1848. 61 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:38,987 Let's hear from some people who have 62 00:02:38,989 --> 00:02:41,459 actually survived a night in room 13. 63 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,197 Did I see a ghost? 64 00:02:44,199 --> 00:02:45,917 - Of course... - Yes. 65 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,036 There's... Are. 66 00:02:47,038 --> 00:02:48,807 such thing as ghosts. 67 00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:55,269 So, have you seen the ghost? 68 00:02:55,271 --> 00:02:57,524 Not yet, but that might just be 69 00:02:57,526 --> 00:03:00,447 because ghosts don't exist, Marshall! 70 00:03:00,449 --> 00:03:02,283 So explain the night shirt 71 00:03:02,285 --> 00:03:05,206 we saw flying around our cabin in the Poconos. 72 00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:07,511 An owl got stuck in it. 73 00:03:07,513 --> 00:03:10,249 We saw it fly out the neck hole. 74 00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:12,754 Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin. 75 00:03:12,756 --> 00:03:16,428 Plus it's a crappy room, but when I tried to complain... 76 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:19,200 The thermostat in my room is broken. 77 00:03:19,202 --> 00:03:20,804 The AC won't turn off. 78 00:03:20,806 --> 00:03:23,075 Ooh! 79 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:25,162 Sounds like the work of Captain Dearduff. 80 00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:27,968 He brings with him the icy chill of death. 81 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,726 So... bad luck there. 82 00:03:32,294 --> 00:03:33,796 Night-night. 83 00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,485 It sounds like you're using Captain Dearduff 84 00:03:36,487 --> 00:03:39,240 as an excuse for a crappy room. 85 00:03:39,242 --> 00:03:40,326 I beg your pardon. 86 00:03:40,328 --> 00:03:42,531 I did not get to be a 40-year-old night clerk 87 00:03:42,533 --> 00:03:44,284 by making excuses. 88 00:03:44,286 --> 00:03:45,921 Now, if there is anything wrong with your room 89 00:03:45,923 --> 00:03:47,039 that isn't ghost-related, 90 00:03:47,041 --> 00:03:48,626 I'm more than happy to address it. 91 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:51,882 Okay, the Wi-Fi doesn't work. 92 00:03:51,884 --> 00:03:53,469 Ghosts interfere with electronic devices. 93 00:03:53,471 --> 00:03:54,638 The shower's leaking. 94 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,224 Dearduff likes the sound of dripping. 95 00:03:56,226 --> 00:03:59,063 Reminds him of his bleeding victims. 96 00:03:59,065 --> 00:04:00,567 And the door won't lock. 97 00:04:00,569 --> 00:04:02,203 Captain Dearduff doesn't want to... 98 00:04:02,205 --> 00:04:03,873 you know, be locked out of his room. 99 00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:05,744 Why would a locked door keep a ghost out? 100 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,198 Can't he just walk through walls? 101 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,551 Maybe he's afraid of rats. 102 00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:11,672 There are rats in the walls? 103 00:04:13,677 --> 00:04:16,097 No. 104 00:04:16,099 --> 00:04:18,268 And the inn's booked up because of the wedding, 105 00:04:18,270 --> 00:04:19,989 so we can't change rooms. 106 00:04:19,991 --> 00:04:23,228 Oh, that sucks. 107 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,865 I'm sorry, baby. 108 00:04:24,867 --> 00:04:26,034 Hey... 109 00:04:26,036 --> 00:04:27,253 but if Dearduff does manifest, 110 00:04:27,255 --> 00:04:28,673 you know the proper way to harvest ectoplasm, right? 111 00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,764 Hey, good news— we're all set for the dove release. 112 00:04:32,766 --> 00:04:34,584 The what? When we leave the church, 113 00:04:34,586 --> 00:04:36,254 they're gonna release a hundred doves. 114 00:04:36,256 --> 00:04:38,693 It's gonna be avi-wait-for-it-ary. 115 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,978 Aviary! 116 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,097 Oh. 117 00:04:41,099 --> 00:04:43,118 That might be a problem. Why? 118 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,571 Because when we leave the church, 119 00:04:44,573 --> 00:04:46,775 a few of the gun enthusiasts in my family 120 00:04:46,777 --> 00:04:49,080 are gonna fire a 21-gun salute. 121 00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:51,419 Hey, man. 122 00:04:57,347 --> 00:04:59,735 Oh, look— one got away. 123 00:05:01,474 --> 00:05:03,308 Can't you guys just fire blanks? 124 00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:05,530 At a wedding? 125 00:05:05,532 --> 00:05:07,784 Yeah, that's romantic. 126 00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,700 Ted! 127 00:05:32,702 --> 00:05:35,005 What the hell are you doing in my room? 128 00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:36,057 Uh... 129 00:05:36,059 --> 00:05:37,644 There was an explanation. 130 00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:40,567 You see, after Marshall got off the phone with Lily, 131 00:05:40,569 --> 00:05:42,102 he'd called me. 132 00:05:43,775 --> 00:05:45,192 Hey, buddy. What's up? 133 00:05:45,194 --> 00:05:47,447 Ted, listen, I need you to sneak into Lily's room, 134 00:05:47,449 --> 00:05:49,868 find her phone, and delete the last text she got. 135 00:05:49,870 --> 00:05:50,587 Why? What's... 136 00:05:50,589 --> 00:05:52,339 Ted, I need you to do this 137 00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:53,593 no questions asked. 138 00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:57,434 And as we both know, you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 139 00:05:58,319 --> 00:05:59,888 Hey. 140 00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:02,226 Hey. Listen, I need you to do something for me 141 00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,398 no questions asked, okay? What is it? 142 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,768 Meet me at the corner of 53rd and 8th. 143 00:06:06,770 --> 00:06:09,575 Bring your drill. 144 00:06:13,282 --> 00:06:15,168 Marshall. 145 00:06:16,171 --> 00:06:18,341 What the hell? 146 00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:19,895 How did you... 147 00:06:19,897 --> 00:06:21,331 No... 148 00:06:21,333 --> 00:06:23,870 questions... asked. 149 00:06:23,872 --> 00:06:26,408 I broke federal law drilling you out of that mailbox. 150 00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:28,245 Hey, I was a man in need. 151 00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:31,084 I know. You were a "Priority Male." 152 00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,086 You said you'd 153 00:06:32,088 --> 00:06:34,123 stop doing that joke after the editor 154 00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:36,261 of Bazooka Joe comics rejected it. 155 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:37,881 That man is a comedy snob. 156 00:06:37,883 --> 00:06:39,216 The point is, 157 00:06:39,218 --> 00:06:40,720 you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 158 00:06:40,722 --> 00:06:42,641 Okay, okay! I'll delete the text. 159 00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:43,859 Thank you. 160 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,363 I just have to figure out 161 00:06:45,365 --> 00:06:46,899 how to get into Lily's room. 162 00:06:46,901 --> 00:06:49,404 Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so... 163 00:06:49,406 --> 00:06:50,856 The drainpipe! What? 164 00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:52,744 There's a drainpipe that runs up near her window, 165 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,798 and, no big deal, I can totally climb it. 166 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:55,967 I'll call you when it's done. 167 00:06:55,969 --> 00:06:57,086 Her door is unlock... 168 00:06:58,841 --> 00:07:00,175 Uh... 169 00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:02,397 Marshall wanted me to check on you. 170 00:07:02,399 --> 00:07:04,401 He was worried that you might be scared 171 00:07:04,403 --> 00:07:06,154 all alone in the ghost room. 172 00:07:06,156 --> 00:07:07,907 Remind me to call you next time 173 00:07:07,909 --> 00:07:10,195 Marvin has a nightmare— you can calm him 174 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:14,086 by bursting into his room with a chain saw and a hockey mask! 175 00:07:14,088 --> 00:07:16,375 Sorry, I didn't want to knock in case you were already asleep, 176 00:07:16,377 --> 00:07:18,579 so I just climbed the drainpipe up to your window. 177 00:07:18,581 --> 00:07:20,350 No big deal. Mm, opened the latch 178 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,387 with this here coat hanger. 179 00:07:22,389 --> 00:07:24,641 I would have called, but, uh... 180 00:07:24,643 --> 00:07:27,647 well, I didn't know if you'd have your phone handy. 181 00:07:27,649 --> 00:07:29,785 Say, where is that old phone of yours? 182 00:07:29,787 --> 00:07:31,405 Ted, I am not scared, 183 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,609 so why don't you head back to your room... 184 00:07:33,611 --> 00:07:34,745 Oh... 185 00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:36,498 kay... 186 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,671 Why, I guess you can stay until I fall asleep, 187 00:07:39,673 --> 00:07:41,725 if it'll make you feel better? 188 00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:44,063 A-And... 189 00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:46,100 maybe if it'll make you feel even better, 190 00:07:46,102 --> 00:07:49,408 you can sing me a version of Marvin's lullaby? 191 00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:50,860 Okay. 192 00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:52,864 Okay. 193 00:08:06,192 --> 00:08:07,727 Ted! 194 00:08:07,729 --> 00:08:08,946 Sorry. Sorry. 195 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,817 Nighty-night. 196 00:08:21,339 --> 00:08:24,427 Cold... 197 00:08:24,429 --> 00:08:26,932 So cold. 198 00:08:28,319 --> 00:08:30,490 Help me. 199 00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,246 Help me... 200 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,286 Oh, God, the Hooker's here! Ted, 201 00:08:37,288 --> 00:08:39,908 I am not gonna cheat on Robin. 202 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:42,997 But you're a hell of a best man for getting me one, buddy. 203 00:08:42,999 --> 00:08:44,417 Where is she? 204 00:08:44,419 --> 00:08:45,770 All right, I'll take a lap dance. 205 00:08:45,772 --> 00:08:47,974 Can I borrow some sweatpants? 206 00:08:52,579 --> 00:08:54,032 Barney, what are you doing in there? 207 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,134 Marshall asked me 208 00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:57,589 to do something for him, no questions asked. 209 00:08:57,591 --> 00:08:59,543 Sidebar— I forgot to get my cousin David 210 00:08:59,545 --> 00:09:01,246 something for his bar mitzvah last week. 211 00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:03,266 Could you send the hooker to his room? 212 00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:05,405 Wait, Marshall called you, too? 213 00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:08,160 Turns out I wasn't Marshall's first call. 214 00:09:08,162 --> 00:09:09,796 Can't you guys just fire blanks? 215 00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,934 At a wedding? 216 00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:13,588 Yeah, that's romantic. 217 00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:14,723 I just wish I would've 218 00:09:14,725 --> 00:09:16,059 known about the guns. Well, 219 00:09:16,061 --> 00:09:17,462 I wish I'd known about the doves. 220 00:09:17,464 --> 00:09:19,098 That's the problem with us— we don't think 221 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,937 about checking in with the other person before doing something. 222 00:09:21,939 --> 00:09:23,190 Honestly, I think 223 00:09:23,192 --> 00:09:25,143 that's what broke us up the first time. 224 00:09:25,145 --> 00:09:27,114 We're both... lone wolves— 225 00:09:27,116 --> 00:09:29,453 always off in our own worlds. 226 00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:32,124 That's not gonna work. 227 00:09:32,126 --> 00:09:34,111 Not in a marriage, no. 228 00:09:34,113 --> 00:09:36,249 What? Sorry, I was thinking about getting the doves 229 00:09:36,251 --> 00:09:38,220 little Kevlar tuxedos, but that's not gonna work— 230 00:09:38,222 --> 00:09:40,140 there's no time for a fitting. 231 00:09:40,142 --> 00:09:41,560 Hey. 232 00:09:41,562 --> 00:09:43,431 Listen, I need you to get to Lily's phone 233 00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:45,602 without her seeing, and delete the last text she got. 234 00:09:45,604 --> 00:09:46,687 Why? What did you... 235 00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:47,972 And I need you to do it 236 00:09:47,974 --> 00:09:49,359 no questions asked. 237 00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:53,501 As you'll recall, you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 238 00:09:54,621 --> 00:09:57,174 Hello? 239 00:09:57,176 --> 00:09:59,663 Marshall, I need you to rush to the Macy's in Herald Square, 240 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,500 find the utility closet on the third floor, 241 00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:02,936 and bring me the following things: 242 00:10:02,938 --> 00:10:05,391 a clean pair of underwear, a clean pair of pants, 243 00:10:05,393 --> 00:10:07,896 a box of moist towelettes, hand sanitizer, 244 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:11,487 and a garbage bag, no questions asked. 245 00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:12,822 You deuced your pants. 246 00:10:14,894 --> 00:10:17,331 Never mind. 247 00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:20,722 Ha. You didn't wind up helping me, so it doesn't count. 248 00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,040 Yes, I'm the one Face! 249 00:10:22,042 --> 00:10:23,761 who should be embarrassed by that story. 250 00:10:23,763 --> 00:10:25,515 But that wasn't the time I meant. 251 00:10:25,517 --> 00:10:27,050 This was last fall. 252 00:10:27,052 --> 00:10:29,271 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 253 00:10:29,273 --> 00:10:30,658 Are you okay? Yeah, fine. 254 00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:32,495 Th-These quacks said I was... 255 00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:35,368 unfit to leave on my own. Blah, blah, blah. 256 00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:37,405 "Danger to myself." Blah, blah, blah. 257 00:10:37,407 --> 00:10:39,743 "Whoever signs me out is legally responsible for my actions." 258 00:10:39,745 --> 00:10:41,245 I just need you to sign me out. 259 00:10:41,247 --> 00:10:42,264 What the hell happened? 260 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:43,551 Uh-uh! 261 00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:45,471 I said no questions asked. 262 00:10:45,473 --> 00:10:47,274 W... 263 00:10:47,276 --> 00:10:51,032 Star, clover, horseshoe. 264 00:10:51,034 --> 00:10:53,069 Barney, did you swallow real versions 265 00:10:53,071 --> 00:10:54,790 of all the Lucky Charms items? 266 00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:58,714 No... questions... asked. 267 00:10:58,716 --> 00:11:00,300 Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. 268 00:11:00,302 --> 00:11:02,722 I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare. 269 00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:05,895 Fine, I'll delete the text. 270 00:11:05,897 --> 00:11:07,515 But how am I supposed to get into Lily's room? 271 00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:09,820 Easy. The lock on her door is busted... 272 00:11:09,822 --> 00:11:11,573 Air ducts! What? 273 00:11:11,575 --> 00:11:13,744 I'll use the system of air ducts to get in her room, 274 00:11:13,746 --> 00:11:15,981 just like the bad guy in Die Hard. 275 00:11:15,983 --> 00:11:18,336 Barney, Bruce Willis is not the bad guy in Die H... 276 00:11:18,338 --> 00:11:21,427 Not important. The point is, the door is not lock... 277 00:11:21,429 --> 00:11:23,162 I'll call you when it's done. 278 00:11:23,164 --> 00:11:24,966 Anyway, I was saying, 279 00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:27,054 I think we need to be better about talking to each other 280 00:11:27,056 --> 00:11:28,273 before doing stuff. 281 00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:29,443 Can't talk. Doing stuff. 282 00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:35,036 What is going on? 283 00:11:37,494 --> 00:11:39,379 Barney, what are you doing in there? 284 00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:43,587 Uh, well, there is a story there. 285 00:11:43,589 --> 00:11:46,877 It involves a trained Guatemalan kinkajou, 286 00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:48,898 a Bolshoi Ballet prima ballerina 287 00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,520 and Olympic gold medalist Duke Kahanamoku's surfboard. 288 00:11:51,522 --> 00:11:53,691 Tell her, Ted. 289 00:11:54,443 --> 00:11:56,195 Uh... 290 00:11:56,197 --> 00:11:58,082 uh... 291 00:11:58,084 --> 00:11:59,586 uh... The kinkajou... 292 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:02,207 the kinkajou... 293 00:12:02,209 --> 00:12:05,715 Oh, God, what is it now? 294 00:12:05,717 --> 00:12:07,585 Good evening, Ms. Aldrin. 295 00:12:07,587 --> 00:12:09,890 I didn't order room service. 296 00:12:09,892 --> 00:12:11,760 It says right here, room 13. 297 00:12:11,762 --> 00:12:13,898 Lobster, caviar, champagne. 298 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,735 $400? 299 00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:17,789 I didn't order any of this. 300 00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:20,109 Maybe Dearduff the Hooker ordered it. 301 00:12:20,111 --> 00:12:23,132 Well, I'm not paying for room service the Hooker ordered! 302 00:12:23,134 --> 00:12:26,055 - I've been there. - Okay, 303 00:12:26,057 --> 00:12:29,261 you know what? I need to talk to the manager. 304 00:12:30,231 --> 00:12:33,404 All right, where's that damn phone? 305 00:12:33,406 --> 00:12:35,575 You, too? 306 00:12:39,784 --> 00:12:40,952 - Hey. - Robin, 307 00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:42,622 I need you to delete the last text 308 00:12:42,624 --> 00:12:44,124 that Lily got before she sees it. 309 00:12:44,126 --> 00:12:46,212 Bro, it's my wedding weekend. 310 00:12:46,214 --> 00:12:47,548 Just because you didn't know better 311 00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:49,001 than to take a naked selfie 312 00:12:49,003 --> 00:12:50,855 while you were in the coldest part of the country... 313 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,392 First, I'm an Eriksen. 314 00:12:52,394 --> 00:12:54,679 Cold has a plumping effect. 315 00:12:54,681 --> 00:12:57,902 Second, you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 316 00:12:57,904 --> 00:13:01,158 All right, I'm-I'm at the alley near 22nd and 2nd. Now what? 317 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,079 No questions asked. Tell me about that giant trout 318 00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:05,635 you and your dad caught ice-fishing that one time. 319 00:13:05,637 --> 00:13:08,256 Well, it was more beast than trout. 320 00:13:08,258 --> 00:13:10,845 Fought us for three hours and nearly dragged us both 321 00:13:10,847 --> 00:13:12,548 into Lake Winnibigoshish. 322 00:13:12,550 --> 00:13:14,234 It was this big, and... 323 00:13:14,236 --> 00:13:15,938 Hey. 324 00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:17,859 Run! 325 00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:25,791 I never asked you who those weirdos were, 326 00:13:25,793 --> 00:13:27,578 why they kept calling you Night Falcon 327 00:13:27,580 --> 00:13:30,100 or even what was in those darts that they were blowing at us. 328 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,753 Your vision came back, didn't it? 329 00:13:31,755 --> 00:13:33,757 Wuss. 330 00:13:33,759 --> 00:13:35,361 Fine, I'll take care of it. 331 00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:37,865 Just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room. 332 00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:39,369 Her door doesn't lock. You can just... 333 00:13:39,371 --> 00:13:41,072 Room service! 334 00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:42,290 Night Falcon, you're a genius. 335 00:13:42,292 --> 00:13:44,496 I'll call you when it's done. 336 00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:47,334 Why would he call 337 00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:49,422 you guys before me? Well, dude, 338 00:13:49,424 --> 00:13:50,725 you're not great in a crisis. 339 00:13:50,727 --> 00:13:52,845 What was that story you were prattling on about? 340 00:13:52,847 --> 00:13:54,231 What the hell is a kinkajou? 341 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,651 Okay, let's just find it before she gets back. 342 00:13:55,653 --> 00:13:56,770 I'm sorry, ma'am. 343 00:13:56,772 --> 00:13:58,774 You ordered it, so you have to pay for it. 344 00:13:58,776 --> 00:14:01,145 Not to mention the room damage you're responsible for. 345 00:14:01,147 --> 00:14:02,598 I've got a report here: 346 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,502 broken lock, faulty Wi-Fi, 347 00:14:04,504 --> 00:14:06,923 you've taken several items from the minibar... 348 00:14:06,925 --> 00:14:08,577 There is no minibar. 349 00:14:08,579 --> 00:14:10,013 Stolen minibar. 350 00:14:10,966 --> 00:14:11,850 It's not here. 351 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,720 Well, where else would it be? 352 00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:14,856 Okay. 353 00:14:14,858 --> 00:14:18,029 I think it's time I call my lawyer. 354 00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,482 Uh-oh. 355 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,876 Okay, we need to get to Lily's phone before she sees that text. 356 00:14:24,877 --> 00:14:26,327 I'm on it. Night Falcon is on it. 357 00:14:26,329 --> 00:14:28,131 Good thing I packed my unitard. 358 00:14:34,011 --> 00:14:35,989 This is exactly what we always do, isn't it? 359 00:14:36,014 --> 00:14:36,583 Yeah. 360 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,852 We were both gonna bolt off and lone wolf it 361 00:14:38,854 --> 00:14:41,358 without telling the other person a thing. 362 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,414 Why do we do that? I don't know. 363 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:47,804 Maybe we're just incapable of working as a unit. 364 00:14:50,677 --> 00:14:53,148 You know... 365 00:14:53,150 --> 00:14:56,688 I bet even lone wolves can learn to work together. 366 00:14:57,575 --> 00:14:59,276 I'd like to think so. 367 00:14:59,278 --> 00:15:03,402 They could build their little woodland den together. 368 00:15:03,404 --> 00:15:05,590 Roam together. 369 00:15:05,592 --> 00:15:07,009 Hunt together. 370 00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:09,414 Lure prey into a tight corner and... 371 00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:11,768 Snap its limbs with our powerful jaws 372 00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:14,306 and watch the life drain from its eyes. 373 00:15:14,308 --> 00:15:16,395 Aw... 374 00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:19,767 Point is, we're gonna make a great team. 375 00:15:19,769 --> 00:15:21,955 We'll just need some practice. 376 00:15:21,957 --> 00:15:25,580 Yeah. Yeah, let's prove that we believe in marriage 377 00:15:25,582 --> 00:15:26,948 by working together 378 00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:29,721 to help Marshall hide something from his wife. 379 00:15:33,195 --> 00:15:36,568 First, we take position in the lobby. 380 00:15:39,107 --> 00:15:41,528 Then you cause a distraction. 381 00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:47,122 Then you send in a trained dove to grab Lily's phone. 382 00:15:47,124 --> 00:15:49,126 The dove drops the phone into your hand. 383 00:15:49,128 --> 00:15:50,663 You delete the text 384 00:15:50,665 --> 00:15:52,800 and toss it back on the counter. 385 00:15:56,325 --> 00:15:58,010 Wait. 386 00:15:58,012 --> 00:15:59,981 It's absolutely insane... 387 00:16:01,017 --> 00:16:03,154 how foolproof this plan is! 388 00:16:03,156 --> 00:16:05,208 Sometimes it's best to just go simple. 389 00:16:05,210 --> 00:16:07,129 Yep. 390 00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:11,137 Wh-Why do you have a gun? 391 00:16:11,139 --> 00:16:12,757 Why do you always have a gun? 392 00:16:12,759 --> 00:16:13,842 Where's Lily? 393 00:16:13,844 --> 00:16:15,228 She went up 20 minutes ago. 394 00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:16,682 You're kidding. 395 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,819 Courtney Dove, no! 396 00:16:18,821 --> 00:16:20,439 I already lost Kurt Coo-bain! 397 00:16:20,441 --> 00:16:22,560 I can't lose you as well. 398 00:16:22,562 --> 00:16:24,748 Great. How are we gonna get Lily's phone back now? 399 00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,283 Oh, I already took care of that. 400 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,737 And now I'm rewarding myself 401 00:16:27,739 --> 00:16:29,708 with some of the inn's finest brandy. 402 00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:30,626 Bottoms up. 403 00:16:30,628 --> 00:16:31,628 Well, thank you. 404 00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:32,680 No, no, that's a warning. 405 00:16:32,682 --> 00:16:33,716 The dove's about to... 406 00:16:35,888 --> 00:16:37,055 What happened? 407 00:16:37,057 --> 00:16:38,726 Well... 408 00:16:38,728 --> 00:16:41,982 I think it's time I call my lawyer. 409 00:16:47,411 --> 00:16:49,279 Hi, baby. 410 00:16:49,281 --> 00:16:51,802 You are never gonna believe this, but... 411 00:16:51,804 --> 00:16:54,507 Uh, someone sent me a text. 412 00:16:54,509 --> 00:16:57,312 Lily, stop! 413 00:16:57,848 --> 00:16:58,816 Why? 414 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,486 Because... 415 00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:02,807 because... 416 00:17:02,809 --> 00:17:04,193 And that's when I realized 417 00:17:04,195 --> 00:17:06,981 that the answer had been there all along. 418 00:17:06,983 --> 00:17:09,370 Throw your phone on the ground and smash it with your foot. 419 00:17:09,372 --> 00:17:10,539 What? No. I need you 420 00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:12,510 to do this no questions asked. 421 00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:15,633 You owe me a "No Questions Asked." 422 00:17:16,519 --> 00:17:18,020 Hey, Lil. What's... Ted, I need you 423 00:17:18,022 --> 00:17:19,774 to come to my classroom right now 424 00:17:19,776 --> 00:17:21,394 with two dozen cupcakes and a box cutter. 425 00:17:21,396 --> 00:17:23,164 No questions asked. 426 00:17:23,166 --> 00:17:25,184 Lily, I brought the... 427 00:17:25,186 --> 00:17:26,738 Oh-oh, my God. 428 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:27,990 Ted, 429 00:17:27,992 --> 00:17:30,194 put the cupcakes at the feet of their leader, 430 00:17:30,196 --> 00:17:31,531 then cut me loose. 431 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:33,217 Don't make eye contact! 432 00:17:35,508 --> 00:17:36,725 Ted... 433 00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:41,183 No... questions... asked. 434 00:17:46,864 --> 00:17:50,201 Well, interesting that I was the one who fixed everything 435 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,673 even though Marshall called me... 436 00:17:52,675 --> 00:17:54,544 - third. - Ninth, 437 00:17:54,546 --> 00:17:57,132 as I found out later, but I won't go into it. 438 00:17:57,134 --> 00:17:58,719 The important thing is what happened 439 00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:01,808 right after the untimely death of Lily's phone. 440 00:18:01,810 --> 00:18:03,896 So you're saying you didn't order room service 441 00:18:03,898 --> 00:18:06,568 and you didn't order Prison Sluts Nine? 442 00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:10,960 I am saying I did not order room service. 443 00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:13,382 It is done. By me. 444 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,136 Your third call. 445 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,790 Actually, you were... 446 00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:20,011 Thank you. H-How did you do it? 447 00:18:20,013 --> 00:18:22,015 I called in a "No Questions Asked" with Lily. 448 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,300 But, wait, why didn't you do that? 449 00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:24,737 You must have, like, a million of those. 450 00:18:24,739 --> 00:18:26,658 And Marshall thought back. 451 00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:27,977 Hello? 452 00:18:27,979 --> 00:18:29,029 Hey, baby, it's me. 453 00:18:29,031 --> 00:18:30,916 Um, can you come bail me out of jail? 454 00:18:30,918 --> 00:18:33,320 I thought I saw Bigfoot in Central Park 455 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,657 and so I tackled him, 456 00:18:34,659 --> 00:18:38,014 but it turned out to be Russell Brand. 457 00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:40,018 Hey... 458 00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:43,392 Oh, do you mind looking up our vaccination records? 459 00:18:43,394 --> 00:18:47,032 I tried to hug a raccoon. 460 00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:49,202 Hey, babe, um, 461 00:18:49,204 --> 00:18:50,522 could you dig up our warranty? 462 00:18:50,524 --> 00:18:53,193 I took the TV apart, and I made 463 00:18:53,195 --> 00:18:55,466 a robot out of it. 464 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,668 Hello? 465 00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:57,920 Hey. 466 00:18:57,922 --> 00:19:00,224 I tackled Russell Brand again. 467 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,147 I've never asked Lily to do anything no questions asked 468 00:19:03,149 --> 00:19:04,984 because... 469 00:19:04,986 --> 00:19:07,490 I've never wanted to. 470 00:19:07,492 --> 00:19:09,225 She's the love of my life. 471 00:19:09,227 --> 00:19:13,034 I never keep anything from her. 472 00:19:13,036 --> 00:19:16,090 Ted, put Lily on the phone. 473 00:19:16,909 --> 00:19:19,580 Hey. It's Marshall. 474 00:19:21,217 --> 00:19:24,106 Want to tell me what's going on? 475 00:19:24,108 --> 00:19:25,926 Yes. 476 00:19:25,928 --> 00:19:28,782 I was offered a judgeship in New York. 477 00:19:28,784 --> 00:19:30,486 And I took it. 478 00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:34,410 Even though we already agreed to move to Rome. 479 00:19:34,412 --> 00:19:36,581 I'm gonna be a judge. 480 00:19:38,669 --> 00:19:40,639 Lily? 481 00:19:41,726 --> 00:19:44,981 You know, Marshall, I don't believe in ghosts, 482 00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:48,688 and I'm not sure anyone died in our room, 483 00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:51,076 but someone's going to. 484 00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:04,414 "And I see in your eyes the emerald reefs 485 00:20:04,415 --> 00:20:06,784 "of the primordial seas afroth 486 00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:08,505 "with the first stirrings of life, 487 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:11,210 "infinite in mystery and miracle. 488 00:20:11,212 --> 00:20:12,596 "Forever yours, 489 00:20:12,598 --> 00:20:15,084 "the guy you met at the drugstore an hour ago. 490 00:20:15,086 --> 00:20:17,105 "I heard you give your address to the pharmacist 491 00:20:17,107 --> 00:20:19,760 while I was buying foot powder." 492 00:20:19,762 --> 00:20:21,948 Yeah. 493 00:20:26,775 --> 00:20:28,628 Mailed it. 494 00:20:32,354 --> 00:20:35,007 No! No! No, no!