1 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,826 Oh, sorry, kids. 2 00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:45,287 I forgot to mention 3 00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:45,287 there's a bit of a backstory 4 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,997 to this particular slap. 5 00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,207 Oh, man. 6 00:00:48,332 --> 00:00:49,666 Oh. 7 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:52,169 At least it landed 8 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:52,169 on the mustard stain. 9 00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:54,629 Don't bother. 10 00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:54,629 That suit is a stain. 11 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,591 A stain on the very institution 12 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,591 of suits. 13 00:00:57,716 --> 00:00:59,260 You know what tie goes 14 00:00:57,716 --> 00:00:59,260 with that suit? 15 00:00:59,385 --> 00:01:01,429 The tie at the top 16 00:00:59,385 --> 00:01:01,429 of a Hefty bag. 17 00:01:01,553 --> 00:01:02,637 A suit like that 18 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:05,015 only needs one button... 19 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:05,015 self-destruct. 20 00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,267 Hey, I bought him 21 00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,267 that suit. 22 00:01:06,392 --> 00:01:08,018 Where? Barfs Brothers? 23 00:01:08,643 --> 00:01:10,438 Men's Outhouse? 24 00:01:10,562 --> 00:01:13,899 Giorgio Arms... 25 00:01:10,562 --> 00:01:13,899 Are-Not-the-Same-Lengthy? 26 00:01:14,024 --> 00:01:16,985 That suit is a slap in the face 27 00:01:14,024 --> 00:01:16,985 to all suits everywhere. 28 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,280 A slap in the face. 29 00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:21,240 Uh, yes, Barney. 30 00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:23,784 There's something I need to 31 00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:23,784 tell you about the next slap 32 00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,244 that you're going to receive. 33 00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:26,245 You see, 34 00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:27,871 I want this slap to be 35 00:01:27,996 --> 00:01:31,333 as painful as 36 00:01:27,996 --> 00:01:31,333 humanly possible. 37 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,043 Sure. 38 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,043 Sure. 39 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,043 Okay, okay. 40 00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:35,003 Yeah, I'm gonna stop you 41 00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:35,003 right there. 42 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,382 Yes, you won a slap bet 43 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,382 with me seven years ago. 44 00:01:38,507 --> 00:01:39,967 And, yes, over the years, 45 00:01:40,092 --> 00:01:41,969 you got in some great slaps. 46 00:01:42,094 --> 00:01:44,763 Some great slaps. 47 00:01:44,888 --> 00:01:45,931 But here's the problem. 48 00:01:46,056 --> 00:01:48,016 You've tormented me so much 49 00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,226 that I am now immune to it. 50 00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:50,560 Hmm. 51 00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:50,560 It's as if 52 00:01:50,685 --> 00:01:53,647 my face, my psyche, my soul 53 00:01:53,772 --> 00:01:55,774 were covered 54 00:01:53,772 --> 00:01:55,774 in that numbing cream 55 00:01:55,899 --> 00:01:58,235 we all put on our deals 56 00:01:55,899 --> 00:01:58,235 so that we can go all night. 57 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,528 Am I right, fellas? 58 00:02:01,071 --> 00:02:04,032 Okay, we'll all just pretend 59 00:02:01,071 --> 00:02:04,032 like we've never done that. 60 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,411 Just like we've never sat on our 61 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,411 left hand until it fell asleep 62 00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:09,663 and then used it 63 00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:09,663 for an away gamer. 64 00:02:10,205 --> 00:02:11,415 Okay. 65 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:12,416 We'll all pretend 66 00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:13,501 like we've never done that. 67 00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:14,543 Just like we've all never taken 68 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,253 two live jumper cables... 69 00:02:16,378 --> 00:02:17,421 Please stop. 70 00:02:17,546 --> 00:02:19,173 Barney, I'm well-aware 71 00:02:17,546 --> 00:02:19,173 that you've developed 72 00:02:19,298 --> 00:02:21,175 a resistance to all 73 00:02:19,298 --> 00:02:21,175 of my old tricks, 74 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,636 which is why I sought 75 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,636 out special training. 76 00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:27,973 Hi, hey, I'm sure you get 77 00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:27,973 this question all the time. 78 00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:31,018 But is there a special class 79 00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:31,018 where I just learn slapping? 80 00:02:31,143 --> 00:02:32,561 We teach kung fu here. 81 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,480 Right, see, 82 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,480 the thing is, I don't need 83 00:02:34,604 --> 00:02:35,772 to learn anything about kicking. 84 00:02:35,897 --> 00:02:36,773 You know? 85 00:02:36,898 --> 00:02:38,650 Because, uh... 86 00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:40,986 So, yeah. 87 00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:43,113 I'm good there. 88 00:02:43,238 --> 00:02:44,823 Um, what I really need 89 00:02:43,238 --> 00:02:44,823 to learn is slapping. 90 00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:47,284 I need someone to teach me 91 00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:47,284 how to slap my friend 92 00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:50,204 just like really hard 93 00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:50,204 right in his stupid face. 94 00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:51,621 Can you teach me that? 95 00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:54,542 Kung fu is an ancient 96 00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:54,542 and honorable martial art. 97 00:02:54,666 --> 00:02:55,959 It must be learned 98 00:02:54,666 --> 00:02:55,959 with great devotion 99 00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:59,796 and respect. 100 00:02:59,921 --> 00:03:01,673 So, where are we on this 101 00:02:59,921 --> 00:03:01,673 whole slapping thing? 102 00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:03,509 Yes, no, maybe...? 103 00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:03,509 Get out. 104 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:06,761 Psst. 105 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,597 I know what you seek. 106 00:03:08,763 --> 00:03:09,890 You seek to learn 107 00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,808 the Slap of a Thousand 108 00:03:11,933 --> 00:03:13,727 Exploding Suns. 109 00:03:13,852 --> 00:03:16,063 Yes, that's totally 110 00:03:13,852 --> 00:03:16,063 a thing I've heard of. 111 00:03:16,188 --> 00:03:17,439 Can you teach me? 112 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,400 No, but I know who can. 113 00:03:19,525 --> 00:03:21,485 Can you take me 114 00:03:19,525 --> 00:03:21,485 to this great master? 115 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:22,570 I have much gold. 116 00:03:22,694 --> 00:03:26,323 It is not one great master 117 00:03:22,694 --> 00:03:26,323 you seek but three. 118 00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:27,533 They will teach you 119 00:03:27,657 --> 00:03:30,952 the three mighty virtues 120 00:03:27,657 --> 00:03:30,952 of slapistry. 121 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,246 Speed. 122 00:03:33,163 --> 00:03:34,540 Strength. 123 00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:38,001 And accuracy. 124 00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:40,462 Put these 125 00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:40,462 three virtues together, 126 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,090 and only then 127 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,090 will you have mastered 128 00:03:43,215 --> 00:03:45,217 the Slap of a Million 129 00:03:45,342 --> 00:03:47,302 Exploding Suns. 130 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,221 I'm sorry to interrupt, 131 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,221 but a second ago, 132 00:03:49,346 --> 00:03:52,057 wasn't it the Slap 133 00:03:49,346 --> 00:03:52,057 of a Thousand Exploding Suns? 134 00:03:52,182 --> 00:03:54,184 Pretty sure I said 135 00:03:52,182 --> 00:03:54,184 a million, guys? 136 00:03:52,182 --> 00:03:54,184 I heard a million. 137 00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,603 He said a million. 138 00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,603 One million. 139 00:03:55,727 --> 00:03:57,479 So I went to Shanghai... 140 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,439 You didn't go to Shanghai. 141 00:03:58,564 --> 00:03:59,523 I went to Shanghai. 142 00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:00,524 When did you go to Shanghai? 143 00:04:00,649 --> 00:04:01,567 Last year I went 144 00:04:00,649 --> 00:04:01,567 to Shanghai. 145 00:04:01,691 --> 00:04:02,568 You didn't go to Shanghai. 146 00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:03,318 He went to Shanghai. 147 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,153 He didn't go to Shanghai. 148 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,153 Totally went to Shanghai. 149 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,029 You didn't go to Shanghai. 150 00:04:06,154 --> 00:04:07,948 So I went to Shanghai. 151 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,910 In search of the first master. 152 00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:16,748 Are you Red Bird? 153 00:04:22,045 --> 00:04:24,381 Okay, enough. 154 00:04:24,506 --> 00:04:26,007 I know you're trying 155 00:04:24,506 --> 00:04:26,007 to freak me out. 156 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,717 But like I said, 157 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,717 it's not working. 158 00:04:27,842 --> 00:04:29,761 So I will give you much gold 159 00:04:29,886 --> 00:04:31,388 to stop wasting my time. 160 00:04:31,513 --> 00:04:33,682 Hold that thought, I just want 161 00:04:31,513 --> 00:04:33,682 to see if I can fix this. 162 00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:44,526 The Slap of... 163 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,194 Ten Million 164 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,194 Exploding Suns! 165 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,194 500 Exploding Suns! 166 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,529 Three Billion Exploding Stars! 167 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:51,116 Whoops. 168 00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,296 Relax, I'm not gonna 169 00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,296 slap you right now. 170 00:05:05,714 --> 00:05:09,176 When I slap you, it shall be 171 00:05:05,714 --> 00:05:09,176 beneath a willow tree 172 00:05:09,301 --> 00:05:13,054 next to four women and a tiger. 173 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,098 A willow tree, 174 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,098 four women and a tiger? 175 00:05:15,223 --> 00:05:16,684 What are you talking about? 176 00:05:16,808 --> 00:05:19,936 Who said anything about a willow 177 00:05:16,808 --> 00:05:19,936 tree, four women and a tiger? 178 00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,188 Guys? 179 00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,188 Nobody. 180 00:05:21,313 --> 00:05:22,564 A tiger? 181 00:05:21,313 --> 00:05:22,564 You were totally 182 00:05:21,313 --> 00:05:22,564 silent just now. 183 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,983 But Marshall just said that! 184 00:05:25,108 --> 00:05:25,942 What is going on? 185 00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:28,696 How did you do that 186 00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:28,696 to the jukebox? 187 00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:31,198 Wait, it's fake. 188 00:05:31,323 --> 00:05:33,325 That's a prop jukebox, 189 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:35,410 designed just to mess with me. 190 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:38,497 Marshall, that jukebox 191 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:38,497 cost eight grand. 192 00:05:38,622 --> 00:05:41,249 I have much gold. 193 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,671 Huh, that is much. 194 00:05:45,795 --> 00:05:47,255 You got lucky, Eriksen. 195 00:05:48,256 --> 00:05:49,675 I don't like this! 196 00:05:49,799 --> 00:05:51,635 I thought that nothing 197 00:05:49,799 --> 00:05:51,635 I said or did 198 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,094 could intimidate you anymore. 199 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,138 That's right. 200 00:05:55,263 --> 00:05:56,931 It can't. 201 00:05:59,017 --> 00:06:00,101 Itch. 202 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,019 Look. 203 00:06:01,144 --> 00:06:02,563 If you're really nervous, 204 00:06:02,688 --> 00:06:04,189 don't think of it as a slap. 205 00:06:04,314 --> 00:06:06,567 Think of it as a high five. 206 00:06:04,314 --> 00:06:06,567 Okay. 207 00:06:06,692 --> 00:06:08,485 For your stupid face. 208 00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:09,778 So, anyway, I'm in 209 00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:09,778 the noodle house... 210 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:10,987 I'll admit. 211 00:06:11,112 --> 00:06:12,489 I didn't expect Red Bird, 212 00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:16,117 Master of Speed, to be a girl. 213 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,786 You sure you really 214 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,786 know how to...? 215 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,288 What is the sound 216 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,288 of one hand slapping? 217 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,874 I'm sorry, I don't understa... 218 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,128 Wait, how did you...? 219 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,007 Lucky shot, I wasn't ready... 220 00:06:34,052 --> 00:06:35,679 You know, that tip 221 00:06:34,052 --> 00:06:35,679 isn't a full 20%... 222 00:06:38,848 --> 00:06:40,308 Train me, Red Bird. 223 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,727 Teach me speed. 224 00:06:41,851 --> 00:06:43,019 No. 225 00:06:43,144 --> 00:06:44,730 I retired long ago. 226 00:06:44,854 --> 00:06:46,565 Retired? You're like, 32. 227 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,483 I am 86 years old. 228 00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:50,444 But slapping is now 229 00:06:50,569 --> 00:06:51,820 a part of my past. 230 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,699 Darn, I really wanted 231 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,699 to slap Barney Stinson. 232 00:06:55,824 --> 00:06:57,367 This is to slap Barney Stinson? 233 00:06:57,492 --> 00:06:59,160 Yeah, okay. 234 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,455 I'll totally teach you. 235 00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:03,457 And so began my training. 236 00:07:03,582 --> 00:07:06,668 Slap this tree. 237 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:07,669 Slap the tree? 238 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,504 If you can. 239 00:07:11,923 --> 00:07:13,717 I mean... 240 00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:15,469 Seems pretty easy. 241 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,433 Ooh! 242 00:07:21,558 --> 00:07:23,143 What the...? 243 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,354 Ooh! 244 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,982 The fabled Slapping Tree 245 00:07:29,107 --> 00:07:30,984 of Gongqing Forest. 246 00:07:31,109 --> 00:07:32,110 Beg your pardon. 247 00:07:32,235 --> 00:07:33,862 The "Fabled Slapping Tree 248 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,031 of Gongqing Forest"? 249 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,031 Sure. 250 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,867 Really? "Fabled." 251 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,867 Mmm. 252 00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,494 'Cause I've never heard of it. 253 00:07:40,619 --> 00:07:41,536 I'm pretty sure 254 00:07:40,619 --> 00:07:41,536 everybody's heard of it. 255 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,830 Guys? 256 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,830 Yup. 257 00:07:42,954 --> 00:07:44,414 Totally, yeah. 258 00:07:42,954 --> 00:07:44,414 I backpacked there in college. 259 00:07:44,539 --> 00:07:45,373 See? 260 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,667 Fabled. 261 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,667 It even inspired 262 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:49,336 a popular Chinese 263 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:49,336 children's book. 264 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,880 It's a poignant parable 265 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:55,383 whose message, is if you 266 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:55,383 love someone, set them free. 267 00:07:56,092 --> 00:07:57,302 But not before first 268 00:07:57,427 --> 00:08:00,848 slapping them right 269 00:07:57,427 --> 00:08:00,848 in their stupid face. 270 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,599 As my training continued, 271 00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:06,060 I also learned the delicate art 272 00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:06,060 of Chinese painting. 273 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,648 That looks nothing 274 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,648 like this bowl of fruit! 275 00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,026 My training went on for a year. 276 00:08:13,151 --> 00:08:14,736 A year? 277 00:08:13,151 --> 00:08:14,736 A year. 278 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,404 One year? 279 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,404 None of us noticed 280 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,157 you were stuck in Shanghai 281 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,157 for a year? 282 00:08:19,282 --> 00:08:20,868 I wasn't being held slaptive, 283 00:08:20,992 --> 00:08:23,453 I chose to stay and 284 00:08:20,992 --> 00:08:23,453 complete my training. 285 00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:25,622 I'm not even gonna... 286 00:08:25,747 --> 00:08:28,082 Just, whatever. 287 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,418 You have shown great slaptitude, 288 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,418 young one. 289 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,046 You are ready 290 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,046 for your final test. 291 00:08:33,171 --> 00:08:35,298 Slap me. 292 00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:36,299 What? 293 00:08:36,424 --> 00:08:37,300 Slap me, now! 294 00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:39,093 No, Red Bird, I can't. 295 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,345 Slap me... that is not a request. 296 00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:41,346 I won't! 297 00:08:41,471 --> 00:08:42,305 The Vikings will never 298 00:08:42,430 --> 00:08:44,933 win the Super Bo... 299 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,476 Wait, how did you...? 300 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:47,561 Lucky shot. 301 00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:48,978 I wasn't re... 302 00:08:49,103 --> 00:08:50,355 That's a big tip. 303 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,439 You must have much gold. 304 00:08:53,483 --> 00:08:55,985 You are ready 305 00:08:53,483 --> 00:08:55,985 for your final step. 306 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,571 Awesome! Oh, man! 307 00:08:57,696 --> 00:08:59,614 I can't wait 308 00:08:57,696 --> 00:08:59,614 to slap Barney Stinson 309 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,282 right across his stupid fa... 310 00:09:05,119 --> 00:09:07,455 What? What did I say? 311 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,166 You must not slap anyone 312 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,166 until your training is complete. 313 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:12,419 The consequences could be dire. 314 00:09:12,544 --> 00:09:15,756 First, you must meet 315 00:09:12,544 --> 00:09:15,756 White Flower, 316 00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:19,300 the second master, 317 00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:19,300 who will teach you strength. 318 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,886 She lives atop a mountain. 319 00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:21,970 Which mountain? 320 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,139 No, not Witch Mountain. 321 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,058 Slap Mountain. 322 00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:30,353 Hate to cut in 323 00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:30,353 again here, but... 324 00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:32,480 Slap Mountain? 325 00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:32,480 That's right. 326 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,524 You're claiming there's 327 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,524 a mountain in China 328 00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:37,068 in the exact shape of a hand? 329 00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:38,069 Everyone knows that. 330 00:09:38,194 --> 00:09:38,904 Right, guys? 331 00:09:38,194 --> 00:09:38,904 True. 332 00:09:39,028 --> 00:09:40,822 Totally. 333 00:09:39,028 --> 00:09:40,822 I backpacked there in college. 334 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,533 It's the largest 335 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,533 of the Slappalachian Mountains. 336 00:09:44,659 --> 00:09:45,994 And at the top... 337 00:09:50,331 --> 00:09:52,000 Excuse me? Uh, do you know 338 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,168 where I can find White Flower? 339 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,672 How dare you speak that name? 340 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:01,217 That is the most feared name 341 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:01,217 in 40 villages! 342 00:10:01,342 --> 00:10:03,344 Really? "White Flower"? 343 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,346 I'm sorry, it's just, 344 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,346 it's not exactly Voldemort. 345 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,723 Bro! 346 00:10:06,848 --> 00:10:08,433 Why don't you 347 00:10:06,848 --> 00:10:08,433 just say "Candyman" 348 00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:09,851 three times and be done with it? 349 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,185 Geez! 350 00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:26,785 Awesome! 351 00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:28,954 Can-can you teach me 352 00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:28,954 how to do that? 353 00:10:29,078 --> 00:10:31,790 No, I retired 354 00:10:29,078 --> 00:10:31,790 from teaching long ago. 355 00:10:31,915 --> 00:10:33,416 Retired? You're like, 32. 356 00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,752 I am 106 years old. 357 00:10:35,877 --> 00:10:37,504 What is in these noodles? 358 00:10:37,629 --> 00:10:40,256 I'm sorry, 359 00:10:37,629 --> 00:10:40,256 but my slapping days are over. 360 00:10:40,381 --> 00:10:42,383 Darn, I really wanted 361 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:45,720 this next Barney Stinson slap 362 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:45,720 to be special. 363 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,263 This is to slap Barney Stinson? 364 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,263 Mmm. 365 00:10:47,388 --> 00:10:49,557 Yeah, okay, 366 00:10:47,388 --> 00:10:49,557 I'll totally teach you. 367 00:10:52,393 --> 00:10:53,937 The true power of any slap 368 00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,981 comes from the anger behind it. 369 00:10:56,105 --> 00:10:58,692 So for a truly devastating slap, 370 00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:01,653 you must harvest 371 00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:01,653 the anger of many. 372 00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:03,030 Every time 373 00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:05,991 someone who hates Barney 374 00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:05,991 slaps you in the face, 375 00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:09,577 the power of their anger goes 376 00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:09,577 from your face 377 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,204 into your hand. 378 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:16,501 White Flower and I made love 379 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:16,501 that night in the forest. 380 00:11:16,626 --> 00:11:18,545 No, sorry. Flag on the play. 381 00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:20,254 You banged White Flower? 382 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,008 I made love to White Flower. 383 00:11:23,132 --> 00:11:25,134 And then I banged her. 384 00:11:25,259 --> 00:11:26,135 In the forest? 385 00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:28,055 In Gongqing Forest, yes. 386 00:11:28,179 --> 00:11:31,140 Actually right near 387 00:11:28,179 --> 00:11:31,140 the Slapping Tree. 388 00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:34,102 Which may or may not 389 00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:34,102 have come into play. 390 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,436 Oh, my God, 391 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,436 you had a tree-way? 392 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,607 And, Lily, you were okay 393 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,607 with Marshall having an affair? 394 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,651 What happens 395 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,651 in the magical Gongqing Forest 396 00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,862 stays in the magical 397 00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,862 Gongqing Forest. 398 00:11:43,987 --> 00:11:45,906 Best wife ever. 399 00:11:46,823 --> 00:11:48,157 Like I was saying, 400 00:11:48,282 --> 00:11:49,868 you need to harvest the anger 401 00:11:49,993 --> 00:11:51,411 of others into your own slap. 402 00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:52,662 Now, dig deep. 403 00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:55,248 Can you think of anyone, 404 00:11:55,373 --> 00:11:56,666 anyone at all 405 00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:59,210 who hates Barney Stinson? 406 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,425 I know, I know, I almost 407 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,425 couldn't get through it 408 00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:06,718 with a straight face! 409 00:12:06,843 --> 00:12:08,845 There are just so many people 410 00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:11,598 who hate Barney's guts! 411 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,308 Moving on. 412 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,563 The point is, you need 413 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,563 to go get slapped in the face 414 00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:21,108 by a bunch of gullible chicks 415 00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:21,108 Barney banged. 416 00:12:21,232 --> 00:12:23,359 I'm a friend 417 00:12:21,232 --> 00:12:23,359 of Barney Stinson. Ooh! 418 00:12:23,484 --> 00:12:24,903 I'm a friend of Barney Stins... 419 00:12:25,028 --> 00:12:27,280 I-I'm-I'm a friend 420 00:12:25,028 --> 00:12:27,280 of Barney Stinson. Aah! 421 00:12:27,405 --> 00:12:28,197 Ooh! 422 00:12:28,322 --> 00:12:29,365 I'm so sorry. 423 00:12:29,490 --> 00:12:30,408 I thought you said you were 424 00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:31,409 a friend of Barney Stinson. 425 00:12:31,534 --> 00:12:32,827 I did. Ooh! 426 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,037 Oh! 427 00:12:34,162 --> 00:12:37,665 Ooh! Wow! 428 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:41,086 Could you... also... 429 00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:43,630 slap me in the face? 430 00:12:43,755 --> 00:12:46,215 God, you're just 431 00:12:43,755 --> 00:12:46,215 as perverted as Barney. 432 00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:48,217 Ooh! 433 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,680 And after a while... 434 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,020 Look at this thing... 435 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,020 it's all hot and glowy! 436 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,564 I'll never have 437 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,564 cold pizza again! 438 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:04,067 I'll never have cold pizza 439 00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:04,067 again. 440 00:13:04,192 --> 00:13:05,068 Silence! 441 00:13:05,193 --> 00:13:06,611 Sorry, White Flower. 442 00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:08,196 I've just got 443 00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:08,196 a slappetite for destruction. 444 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,280 Thanks for everything! 445 00:13:09,405 --> 00:13:10,573 I'm gonna go slap Barney Stinson 446 00:13:10,698 --> 00:13:11,825 right in his stupid face! 447 00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,494 Wait, first you must 448 00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,494 go learn accuracy 449 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,746 from the one who is called 450 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,746 The Calligrapher 451 00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:20,125 in the far-off, 452 00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:20,125 mystical land of... 453 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,586 Cleveland? 454 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,586 Cleveland. 455 00:13:23,711 --> 00:13:24,796 Why Cleveland? 456 00:13:24,921 --> 00:13:25,964 It's the city equivalent 457 00:13:26,089 --> 00:13:27,841 of being slapped in the face. 458 00:13:27,966 --> 00:13:29,050 Bro. 459 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:32,428 Man, is this place 460 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:32,428 a chain or something? 461 00:13:32,553 --> 00:13:33,429 One for dinner? 462 00:13:33,554 --> 00:13:37,433 No, I'm here to meet her. 463 00:13:37,558 --> 00:13:39,894 Bro. 464 00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:46,317 Can you teach me accuracy? 465 00:13:46,442 --> 00:13:47,819 I can. 466 00:13:47,944 --> 00:13:50,113 The proper question is: will I? 467 00:13:50,238 --> 00:13:52,115 Grammar is the first step 468 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,076 on the thousand-mile journey 469 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,076 to accuracy. 470 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,955 I'm, uh, assuming there's 471 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,955 no Mrs. The Calligrapher? 472 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,332 The path I've chosen 473 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,332 is lonesome. 474 00:14:01,457 --> 00:14:02,542 But it's no big deal. 475 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,544 I prefer being alone, 476 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,544 I really do. 477 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:05,962 Unless you know 478 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:05,962 any single ladies 479 00:14:06,087 --> 00:14:07,505 you-you-you could 480 00:14:06,087 --> 00:14:07,505 set me up with. 481 00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:11,134 Nope. 482 00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:11,134 Good, because I prefer 483 00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:11,134 being alone. 484 00:14:11,259 --> 00:14:12,552 Also I'm sorry, 485 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:15,972 but I retired 486 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:15,972 from teaching long ago. 487 00:14:16,097 --> 00:14:17,515 Retired? You're like, 35. 488 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,976 I'm 34. 489 00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:21,019 Oh, sorry. 490 00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:22,562 I use moisturizer every night. 491 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,148 I thought my skin 492 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,148 still looked vibrant. 493 00:14:25,273 --> 00:14:26,357 It does, it does. 494 00:14:26,482 --> 00:14:27,859 Look, uh, I'm just... 495 00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:30,111 I'm really just here 496 00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:30,111 to finish my training, 497 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,239 um, so, the, uh, 498 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,239 look, the truth is, 499 00:14:32,363 --> 00:14:35,366 I have a divorced cousin 500 00:14:32,363 --> 00:14:35,366 just outside of Akron. 501 00:14:35,491 --> 00:14:38,411 Now, I wouldn't call Janice 502 00:14:35,491 --> 00:14:38,411 easy on the eyes... 503 00:14:38,536 --> 00:14:40,454 or the springs 504 00:14:38,536 --> 00:14:40,454 of a bathroom scale... 505 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,874 but if you want, 506 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,874 I could set you up. 507 00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:44,834 Sold! Now, the most 508 00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:44,834 important lesson 509 00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:47,336 in learning accuracy... 510 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,427 He was dying right 511 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,427 before my eyes. 512 00:14:54,552 --> 00:14:57,471 So I did the only thing 513 00:14:54,552 --> 00:14:57,471 that I could think to do. 514 00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,391 Please! 515 00:15:00,516 --> 00:15:01,976 I slapped his back. 516 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,228 And that's when I found out why 517 00:15:03,352 --> 00:15:05,521 "No slapping until 518 00:15:03,352 --> 00:15:05,521 your training is complete" 519 00:15:05,646 --> 00:15:07,440 is the most important rule. 520 00:15:07,565 --> 00:15:09,276 Because my slap... 521 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,945 was too powerful. 522 00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:14,363 I hadn't learned accuracy 523 00:15:14,488 --> 00:15:17,242 and so I couldn't control it. 524 00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:18,785 And, well... 525 00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:31,256 No! 526 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:32,966 Stop it! Just stop! 527 00:15:33,091 --> 00:15:36,385 You did not slap the heart 528 00:15:33,091 --> 00:15:36,385 out of a man's body! 529 00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,221 If only that were true. 530 00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:40,598 You're saying 531 00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:40,598 that you committed a murder? 532 00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:42,391 I was trying to save him! 533 00:15:42,516 --> 00:15:44,685 Shh, baby, it's okay, 534 00:15:42,516 --> 00:15:44,685 you didn't mean to. 535 00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,187 He doesn't sleep. 536 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,188 You got to move on. 537 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,188 You were only trying to help. 538 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,357 You're making 539 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,357 this whole story up. 540 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,318 I wish that I were. 541 00:15:51,442 --> 00:15:52,735 Because of the tragedy, 542 00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:53,903 I never got to 543 00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:53,903 finish my training. 544 00:15:54,028 --> 00:15:56,530 I never learned accuracy. 545 00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,617 Because of that, 546 00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,617 I shall remain... 547 00:15:59,742 --> 00:16:01,786 forever... 548 00:16:01,911 --> 00:16:04,789 a mere slapprentice. 549 00:16:04,914 --> 00:16:06,457 What does that mean, baby? 550 00:16:06,582 --> 00:16:08,251 Here's what it meant. 551 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,471 Damn it! 552 00:16:25,476 --> 00:16:27,061 Please! Somebody! 553 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,646 Help me! 554 00:16:28,771 --> 00:16:32,692 There's a crazy guy trying 555 00:16:28,771 --> 00:16:32,692 to slap me and he's... 556 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,402 Oh, my God. 557 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,112 Four women. 558 00:16:36,237 --> 00:16:37,571 And a willow tree. 559 00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:40,992 At least there's no tiger. 560 00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,120 Oh, my God. 561 00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:47,123 Is that... half a tiger? 562 00:16:47,248 --> 00:16:48,749 You got here early. 563 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,252 Aah! 564 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,629 It's time. 565 00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:56,299 But you never completed 566 00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:56,299 your training. 567 00:16:56,424 --> 00:16:58,092 Actually... 568 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,261 Listen to me. 569 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,261 I must speak fast. 570 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,180 Once you've had your heart 571 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,180 slapped out of your body, 572 00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:04,765 you've only got ten, 573 00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:04,765 15 minutes to live, max. 574 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,268 Sure. 575 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,268 The trick to accuracy 576 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,812 is to, like, 577 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,812 try to be really accurate. 578 00:17:09,937 --> 00:17:11,398 Okay? Don't just slap. 579 00:17:11,522 --> 00:17:13,233 Like, like, really try to aim. 580 00:17:13,358 --> 00:17:15,818 Look where you're slapping, 581 00:17:13,358 --> 00:17:15,818 that's important. 582 00:17:15,943 --> 00:17:18,029 And then try to slap that spot 583 00:17:18,154 --> 00:17:20,948 instead of some other spot. 584 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,575 Well, I guess 585 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,575 that's pretty much it. 586 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:23,701 You can slap people now. 587 00:17:27,955 --> 00:17:29,457 He's gone. 588 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,666 One other thing. 589 00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:32,252 Cleveland has a lot to offer. 590 00:17:32,377 --> 00:17:35,088 Be sure to check out 591 00:17:32,377 --> 00:17:35,088 the James A. Garfield Monument. 592 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:37,382 Um, I mean, sure, he was only 593 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:37,382 president for four months 594 00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:39,092 before he was assassinated, 595 00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:41,469 but if you get up to the top, 596 00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:41,469 you can see almost for 30 miles. 597 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,721 As long as the steel factory's 598 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,721 not smelting. 599 00:17:47,641 --> 00:17:48,809 He's gone. 600 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:52,063 No, like I said, 601 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:52,063 ten, 15 minutes. 602 00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:55,191 Oh, God, this is awkward. 603 00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:55,191 Yeah, yeah. 604 00:17:55,316 --> 00:17:57,944 It's like when you're saying 605 00:17:55,316 --> 00:17:57,944 good-bye to someone, 606 00:17:58,069 --> 00:17:59,487 and then you realize you're both 607 00:17:58,069 --> 00:17:59,487 headed in the same direction. 608 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,155 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 609 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,155 It's like, what 610 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,155 do we, what do we 611 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,116 we say good-bye again or...? 612 00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:05,118 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? 613 00:18:05,243 --> 00:18:07,745 He's gone. 614 00:18:09,414 --> 00:18:13,084 Wait, are you just pretending 615 00:18:09,414 --> 00:18:13,084 so it'll be less awkward? 616 00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:15,253 Should I just, like, go, or...? 617 00:18:15,836 --> 00:18:18,172 Okay. 618 00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:26,639 My training is complete. 619 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,642 I'm ready. 620 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:33,313 I'm ready, too. 621 00:18:34,355 --> 00:18:35,231 I love you. 622 00:18:35,356 --> 00:18:36,524 Enough to take this slap for me? 623 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,859 No. 624 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,269 All right! 625 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,269 Yeah! 626 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,269 Oh! 627 00:19:13,394 --> 00:19:14,895 Good one. 628 00:19:13,394 --> 00:19:14,895 You got me that time, bro. 629 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,105 Yeah, right? 630 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,105 Hey, only one slap left. 631 00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:17,606 Crazy! Where did the time go? 632 00:19:17,731 --> 00:19:18,691 I know, it's, like, uh, 633 00:19:18,816 --> 00:19:20,151 slow down, life, 634 00:19:18,816 --> 00:19:20,151 you know what I mean? 635 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,862 Hey, was that a fake jukebox? 636 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,780 Yeah, yeah, fake jukebox. 637 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,780 Nice, nice. 638 00:19:24,905 --> 00:19:26,240 Aw, man. 639 00:19:24,905 --> 00:19:26,240 All right. 640 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,658 You okay? Yeah? 641 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,658 Yeah, yeah, good. 642 00:19:31,912 --> 00:19:33,164 Ladies and gentlemen, 643 00:19:31,912 --> 00:19:33,164 Boyz II Men. 644 00:21:01,252 --> 00:21:02,503 One more.