Thank you for
bringing me here.
I am so glad we made it.
That snowstorm
was getting really bad.
Wait, you think
this is a snowstorm?
This is nothing.
I'll tell you about a snowstorm.
It was winter break,
freshman year of college...
Marshall and I were
roommates, but we weren't
really good friends yet.
Wait, stop.
You've told me this one before.
I have? When?
Uh, let's see. It was...
all the time.
Really?
You and Marshall
drove back to school...
"500 Miles" played on a loop.
You took a back road,
ran out of gas,
got stuck in a snowstorm,
spooned to stay warm...
at least that's your story...
and at the end of it,
you were best friends.
Okay. Okay, that's fine,
because guess what.
That wasn't even
the worst snowstorm ever.
It was 2008...
Barney and I...
Took over the bar,
met the Arizona Tech
marching band... "Go Hens!"...
and they played
"Auld Lang Syne" when Marshall
picked up Lily at the airport.
Okay. Have I told you about
the time that Marshall...
Tried to put Christmas lights
on Lily's grandparents' house
and the little ragamuffin from
next door left him stranded
on the roof?
Did Lily tell you that one?
Yeah.
Lily used the word "ragamuffin."
So I've told you
all my stories.
I'm afraid so.
But luckily,
I have plenty of stories
that you don't know yet.
Like the one where my
college roommates and I
went to this male strip club...
And your friend Dongnose
got smacked on the nose
with a dong?
- I know that one.
- Okay.
What about the story
that explains how...
Dongnose got her
nickname "Dongnose"
and that it had nothing to do
with the dong-smacking incident?
Heard it, loved it,
called it the greatest
coincidence of the 21st century.
Wow.
You know every one
of my stories.
And you know every one of mine.
I guess it's official.
We're an old married couple.
- Nice!
- We did it!
Well, well, if it
isn't the Mosbys.
- Hi.
Here for a romantic weekend
away from the kids.
It's a good thing there's no
guests on either side of you,
'cause those bedsprings
are gonna squeak like mice
in a cheese factory.
Am I right?
Just don't break any
of the lamps like your friends
Barney and Robin, okay?
That's not how the lamp broke.
Of course not. All right,
you have fun, you two.
Uh, what lamp is this?
The lamp Robin broke
the day of the wedding.
Oh, my God.
You don't know this one.
Oh... man.
This is a good one.
I mean, it's got everything.
Intrigue, betrayal, lamps.
- It is a ripping yarn,
so buckle your seatbelt.
- Just
- tell the story.
- Okay.
Here goes.
Robin broke a lamp.
Okay, this has to stop.
Come on, we're
just having fun.
It has been
a long weekend.
This is how I relax.
Really?
This
is how you relax?
By not getting a single shot
past me the entire morning?
You suck, Scherbatsky,
you shoot like my grandma.
Okay, Scherbatsky,
you just poked the dragon.
Here comes the bride.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
okay, okay. How about
we switch to an activity that's
more suited to somebody who's,
you know,
getting married today?
Oh. We gonna go
chug some Labatts?
I was thinking we could chug
some memories instead.
"Barney & Robin:
Lovers Forever
"and Ever
and Ever:
A Love Story."
Sounds cheesy. I'm gonna go barf
forever and ever and ever.
See you, hosers.
It's not cheesy.
See?
Uh, can you tell me
the name of the guest
staying in room nine?
I'm sorry.
That would violate
hotel privacy policy.
Well, maybe my old friend
Mr. Lincoln...
can emancipate that information.
I'm so sorry, I wasn't clear.
I
can't
violate
our hotel privacy policy.
For five dollars.
Something with
a two on it is fine.
But those are super rare and
the one I have is kind of lucky.
Just give me a 20, Mr. Mosby.
That room belongs
to a Ms. Susan Tupp.
Oh, boy.
God, you're gorgeous.
Oh, I can't wait
to be inside you.
Barney. Get out here,
this is your wedding day.
Wha...
- Where is she?
- Who?
Look, I just grossly overpaid
for some information
about this room,
so I know it's accurate.
This room belongs
to Susan Tupp.
Who?
Susan Tupp.
Who?
Sue...
Tupp.
Suit up.
I'm
trying
to.
I need you to help me
pick the suit I'm gonna wear
when I walk down the aisle.
Okay,
Robin walks down the aisle,
you wait at the end of it.
Okay, then the suit
I'll be wearing
- when they all stand
as I enter the chapel.
- That's also her.
Really? Man, the fellas
sure do get boned
- on the whole
wedding thing, don't they?
- Okay.
All right, well, let's,
let's pick you a suit.
What are... what are
the top contenders?
Well, after careful
consideration,
I have narrowed it down to
these ones...
and these ones...
and the other ones in this room
and all the ones
in the adjoining room.
- So you've narrowed it down
to all your suits.
- Yeah, we're screwed.
And this is a picture
of the restaurant
where you and Barney
had your first date.
And now you're getting married.
Mm.
And this is the receipt
from the meal you and Barney ate
at that restaurant
on your first date.
And now you're getting married.
Can we look at this later?
Later? There is no later.
Robin,
this is a day
you only get to do once.
You need to appreciate
the importance of it right now.
Oh, my God.
How did I only
just now realize this?
Dude, this hotel has
The Wedding Bride 2
on pay-per-view.
Score.
This is the best
day of my life!
I mean, I know Robin's
not the girliest girl,
but you'd think
on her wedding day,
she'd be at least
a little sentimental.
Everyone deals with getting
married differently.
I got what I thought was
the worst haircut ever.
Till I fixed it with the
actual worst haircut ever.
Which led to the worst
wedding photos ever.
- But at least you had
a wedding day freak-out.
- Baby,
don't worry. Any minute now,
Robin's gonna get smacked
in the face with her own
"holy crap, this
is my wedding" moment,
and then she's gonna wedding out
all over the place. I promise.
But you can't force it,
it has to just happen.
Mm, I don't know. I mean,
she bailed on my scrapbook
when she found out
The Wedding Bride 2
- is on pay-per-view.
- The Wedding Bride 2
is on pay-per-view?
I'm sorry, did...
did I hear you guys
talking about
The Wedding Bride?
- Oh, God.
- The movie or the...
smash Broadway musical?
Smash? Oh, oh, oh,
I-I guess a show's a smash now
if it closes
after only 96 weeks.
So my husband's
ex-fiancÃ©'s husband
wrote the screenplay
for
The Wedding Bride.
"Jed Mosley"
was based on Ted.
Okay, Jed was not based on me...
Hey!
That is not a toy,
you ragamuffin.
That is an authentic flail
I won at the Renaissance fair.
entirely.
But, regardless, there's...
there's still some
lingering pain there and...
Well, as you can imagine,
my friends promised me
that they'd never watch it.
Wow.
Those are some good friends.
Oh, they're the best.
Oh, oh, whoa!
My wiener!
I can't believe Jed made us
promise not to watch this.
Wait, you mean Ted.
Whatever. Same guy.
See, I would have expected you
to have an extra-special suit
tailor-made
just for this occasion.
Oh, I did.
I had my boy Timmy G make
the perfect wedding suit.
You ever heard of "bespoke"?
This suit was
be-freaking-screamed.
But then I tried it on this
morning and it was uncomfortable
and itchy and completely wrong.
It was like a suit made
for someone
with terrible posture,
no taste and limited funds.
Here, you take it.
The only
question is,
which of these
other suits do I pick?
There are so many great
ones to choose from.
Uh,
how about this one?
Yes. Yes, that's the one.
Oh, hey, quick question: is it
weird to get married in a suit
that you may have worn while
banging a female rodeo clown?
I know what you're wondering.
Yes, the carpet
matched the drapes.
Of course that's weird.
Every part of that is weird.
Mm.
Uh, what about this suit?
Huh?
Let's just say I stuffed
a lot of bunnies in that suit.
Ugh, Barney, do you have
to phrase it that way?
Actual bunnies, Ted.
This is my magic suit.
Get your mind out
of the gutter.
Though, I did once wear it
to the Playboy holiday party
and, uh...
Let's just say I stuffed a lot
of Bunnies in that suit.
Uh...
- How about this one?
- Oh, man,
I went crazy on an escort
in that one.
Barney, come on.
A
Ford
Escort, Ted,
With a woman who I then
may or may not have paid.
Yeah, that one's out, too.
Okay, so your wedding's
in a few hours.
Kind of strange
to spend those hours
watching a terrible movie,
right?
Terrible? Lily,
this movie is a revelation.
I can't believe that Ted
wouldn't let us see it.
Yeah. Why was he hanging
so much beef on this movie?
Just 'cause there's a character
based on him?
Of course. I'll make
all weddings illegal.
Then Stella can never
be a wedding bride.
Ooh,
No-can-I-do's-ville, baby doll.
It's like,
"Relax, Ted,
it's no big deal.
You should be flattered."
And now to celebrate with
that piece of chocolate cake
I've been saving.
What?
Who ate my cake?
Uh, what cake?
Narshall!
Narshall?
Narshall. How dare they?
That is insulting
and ridiculous
and I am nothing
like that character.
I'm gonna sue everyone involved
with this film.
So, you're-you're gonna sue
them on the grounds that
nothing like that cake thing
has ever happened?
If Ted didn't want me
to eat that cake,
he should have put a note on it.
- Oh, hi, Grandma.
- Robin, sweetheart.
I wanted you
to have this.
It's me and your grandpa
on our wedding day.
Aw, that's so sweet.
See my bouquet?
Those wildflowers...
they were supposed
to be hydrangeas,
but there was a mix-up
at the florist's.
I was so upset.
Your grandpa went
behind the church
and picked
those wildflowers
for me. And now
he's buried...
Behind the very same church,
surrounded
by the very same wildflowers.
Okay, Grandma,
watching a movie. Got to go.
Every single holiday,
that same dumb story.
Sorry, Grandma, not as touching
as you think it is.
At the very same church.
Now, I want to see
if Jed can get his wiener
unstuck from that thermos.
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Did you just
- turn off the bride's TV
on her wedding day?
- Oh!
Oh! Is this your wedding day?
I'm sorry. I couldn't tell
because you're acting
like it's any other
Sunday morning, and it's not.
Lily, if you're waiting for me
to suddenly turn
into th-th-the Wedding Bride,
you just give up.
- That's just not me.
- Fine.
Maybe we should all just act
like this wedding's no big deal.
Maybe I don't even feel like
wearing my bridesmaid's dress.
Great. It-It's just a wedding.
Who cares what people wear?
Say yes to the suit!
I can't! I can't.
Great. Because I actually
brought a different dress
that I'd like to wear.
- Fine.
- Oh, no.
Maybe I'll go put it on
right now.
- Go right ahead.
- What?
I'm so sorry.
What, why?
I know this story, too.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin and Lily
get in a big fight
and then, a few minutes later,
there's a knock at the door.
Hello.
- I've told you
this one before.
- A few times.
I'm just...
a boring old man
who won't stop spinning yarns.
Oh, hey. I love your yarns.
I hope you never stop
spinning them.
But...
You're the love of my life,
Pooh Bear.
I just worry about you.
I don't want you to be the guy
who lives in his stories.
Life only moves forward.
So what happens next?
With Lily and the wedding dress,
I mean.
Well... she brought the dress
so that she and Marshall could
get new wedding photos taken.
Because in yet
another
story
that I know...
No!
What kind of space would I have
in my brain for other things
if I didn't know all this?
Eh, probably just state birds
or some crap.
So, uh,
Lily wanted to borrow
Robin's photographer.
- That shouldn't be a problem.
- Shouldn't be
a problem, Robin? Of course
it should be a problem.
This is your wedding.
You can't let somebody borrow
your photographer.
Don't worry.
She's not serious, Robin.
I didn't even bring the suit
that I wore to our wedding.
Yes, you did.
It's in our room.
Go put it on.
We're doing this.
And, Robin,
since you don't seem to care,
I think I'll be wearing this
to the ceremony.
- Fine!
Fine. There's a very simple
solution here.
We might as well just face it.
U.S. Marines have to get married
in uniform, so...
I'll just go enlist.
Dude,
we can enlist together!
That's the dream!
- That's not the...
- I wonder if they let you
pick bunkmates.
I hope they do. Although
I might want to request
a single. You'll make friends.
Look, enough of this.
Tim made you this amazing suit.
Put it on.
This feels weird.
That's because it's new.
It's a suit that's never
been worn before,
a suit you never dreamed
you'd wear.
All of this suit's memories
are still ahead of it.
Look,
picture it, huh?
The ceremony.
- When everyone
stands up for me?
- They do that for her.
They should.
She's gonna
look amazing.
You better
believe it.
She walks
down the aisle,
you say your vows,
you go
to the reception,
you have
your first dance.
Before you know it,
just like magic,
you realize...
it's a perfect fit.
You're right, Ted.
This is the one.
Thanks.
So...
belts.
Hey, Lil. Nice dress.
You two were made
for each other.
Like, does no one care
that I'm wearing this dress?
I care.
Okay. Now you're good.
Okay, look,
I know this is your
wedding, but this is
a big moment
for all of us.
This may be the last time
we're all hanging out together
for who knows how long.
I mean, tomorrow
morning,
Ted's leaving
for Chicag...
- Oh, boy.
- Lily.
Wait, you already know.
You already know.
You're married to
Lily, which means...
She pocket-texted me
while you were telling her.
So...
everybody knows I'm moving
to Chicago tomorrow.
Lily's right.
We don't know the next time
that we'll all be together.
And then I think
it hit all of us.
We didn't know the next time
we'd be together.
This was it.
And it's funny.
In a moment like that,
when what's really happening
is too intense to deal with,
sometimes it's best...
To leave it unspoken
and just enjoy
each other's company instead.
You know, I've been wanting
to see this movie.
Yes, movie time.
So it's not bad luck for the..
- bride to see the groom
in his wedding suit?
- No,
I think it's fine. Nice tie.
Thanks. There was a cornflower
blue one I almost went with.
Oh. Um,
that would've brought out
your eyes.
You brought more than one tie,
right?
I was trying to pack light.
Hey, you know what,
maybe the, uh, groomsmen
should go get some food.
I don't want Ted to have
to sit through this movie.
Ah. I appreciate that, Narshall.
Really?
- Aw, damn it.
- Sorry, I saw it on a plane.
- What, so this is gonna be,
like, a thing now?
- Yeah,
it's gonna be a thing now,
Narshall. Right?
- Narshall.
- Dude,
settle down, Swarley.
Yeah.
Yeah, Swarlize Theron,
take it easy.
Man, this was supposed
to be my special day.
Oh. Hey, we survived the storm!
Oh, Narshall,
did you do that?
Nope. Wasn't me.
Well, then who was it?
(Jed and Narshall
yelling)
A gorilla! Gorilla!
So that
really happened to Ted?
That is exactly
what went down.
Chapter and verse.
Uh-oh. Out of ice.
- I'll get it.
- Oh, no. Got it.
Sit down.
Plus, the, uh, vending machine's
got a loose coil.
I'm gonna try
to hip check my way
into some free
Tropical Skittles.
Your sister's not
like most brides, is she?
She's a Scherbatsky.
She's not gonna lose her Timbits
just 'cause she's getting
married.
I guess some people
just never have that
"holy crap,
this is my wedding" moment.
Mom?
And that's the story.
Right down
to the surprise ending.
Is that really such a surprise?
I mean, come on.
Yeah, of course she showed up.
What mother is gonna miss
her daughter's wedding?
Oh, hey.
No. Come on.
It's okay. I'm fine.
I'm okay.
Did Barney really wear
a scuba suit into the bar?
I've told you that story
a million times.
Yeah, but where did Barney get
the scuba suit?
He stole it.
- What?
- Yeah.
I can't believe
I forgot that.
He... walked right
into a sporting goods store,
tried on a scuba suit,
and walked right out the door.
Walked all the way home
in it, like, 20 blocks.
Guy in a scuba suit,
- just walking down Broadway.
- Ah.
He should be in prison.
Well, yeah, for lots of reasons.
- You know, the thief
of the group is Lily.
- No.
Yes. Oh, my God. Lily...
No. She stole my heart.
No, n-no, I'm telling you,
Lily, from like, uh...