Kids, it's not always rational,
but people on their wedding day
sometimes find themselves
panicking
about whether
they've made the best choice.
I have a better
tie at home!
It's cornflower blue.
It's cornflower blue!
But lucky for Barney,
he was marrying a rock.
I can't go through
with this wedding.
Last year, when you helped
Victoria escape this church,
how hard was it
to climb down that drainpipe?
Extremely hard.
Okay, so that means
super easy. Thanks.
Wait, wait.
Stop, stop.
What the hell
are you doing?
I just... I can't
go through with this!
No, no. Sorry. I
refuse to be a part
of a third runaway
bride situation.
It's like the dude
in that documentary who kept
having women show up dead
at the bottom of his staircase.
Sure, maybe they all tripped,
but it's like,
do you want
to hang out with that guy?
You're gonna think
I'm insane, but...
I still think that it's a bad
sign I never found that locket.
Some part of me thought that
Barney would magically find it.
I know.
I know that's unfair of me
to expect that, but... you know,
I want to be with a guy
who comes through for me,
you know?
The guy who,
somehow, against all odds,
finds my locket.
Okay, just, um...
just calm down, stay put.
Uh, I'm-I'm gonna go
get you some water, okay?
Uh, listen,
I have something for you,
but before I give it to you,
I just want to make sure
you're okay.
I was freaking out
a little earlier,
but Lily and Marshall
calmed me down. I'm okay.
Good, good.
So, Robin's a little nervous.
Nervous? Why is she nervous?
I'm not nervous! Who's nervous?
No one needs to be nervous!
Cornflower blue, Ted.
Cornflower blue!
First off, kudos to Marshall
and Lily for calming you down.
Second, do you...
you remember Robin's locket?
Yeah, of course.
She never found it.
Whoa. How did you...?
I never told you about it
because I was afraid
you'd take it the wrong way,
but I actually wound up
tracking it down.
It's a long story.
I was gonna give it to Robin
as a surprise,
but... she needs it
to come from you.
Ted, I don't know.
Take it. Please.
How'd you find it?
I didn't find it.
You found it.
Hey.
What you writing?
Um, it's my wedding day.
What do you think I'm writing?
Suicide note?
Hey-yo!
Oh, God, is it
a suicide note?
Oh, my God,
how many pills did you take?
Quick. How do we
make him vomit?
Uh, remind him
he's getting married.
Hey-yo!
Wait. Now I'm confused.
Are you dying?
I'm writing my vows to Robin,
but I want them to be profound
and inspiring,
as if they were written
by the bard himself,
Lionel Richie.
Then why did you wait
until right before the wedding
to compose them?
I didn't.
I've been trying
to get these
right for weeks.
This is a lot of vows.
Vow-za.
I'll say it again. Vow-za.
Are you really gonna
read all of these?
Yeah, uh, wouldn't it be better
to project them
as a VowerPoint presentation?
Say it again. VowerPoint...
I know it's a lot,
but I-I don't
want to screw up
this wedding thing.
"I vow to love you
forever unconditionally,
"unless you pudge out,
in which case
I'm a Barney-shaped
hole in the wall."
"I vow to start watching
hockey with you..."
Oh, that one's sweet.
I know how much
you hate hockey.
"... once a month."
But it's still
a nice gesture.
"No. Once a year.
No. Hockey's dumb.
"Not watching it, and
neither are you, woman.
Now make me
French toast."
I'll put this in
the maybe pile.
Look, if you're
having trouble,
you've got two expert
vow consultants
standing right
in front of you.
Yeah. We can show
you vow it's done.
Say it again.
Vow it's done...
We're just not
enjoying them, honey.
I am not gonna take
marriage advice from a couple
who just got
in a gigantic fight.
I'm doing fine on my own.
No, you're not.
All of these vows are selfish
and way too easy to keep.
Wedding vows need
to be real commitments,
like our vows.
Poppycock!
What are you
talking about?
I remember
your precious wedding vows,
and I guarantee you've broken
every single one of them.
Vow dare you!
Just stop.
I can't.
It's invowluntary.
Yeah.
Hey. You asked for me?
Look what Barney
just gave me.
No way!
See? Barney came through.
There's your sign.
You're good to go.
Where'd you find
the locket, Ted?
Where did you find the locket?
Me? Why-why are you asking me?
Barney found it. Ask him.
What, you lost a locket?
Barney wouldn't tell me
how he found it,
which made me realize
it had to be you.
Okay.
I'll embarrass him.
Your fiancé got a metal detector
and scoured a 10,000-square-foot
grid around that carousel.
Guess where he found it.
The nest of a mama pigeon.
Barney had to wrestle
it away from four baby pigeons.
But here's where the story
gets bittersweet.
I lied. Barney said it was
in Marshall and Lily's basement.
But do you still want to finish
your little pigeon story?
The mama pigeon gets killed
by a cab.
Barney still goes back
to the park every day
to feed the babies. The end.
Tell me the truth.
Okay, I-I tracked it down,
and I gave it to Barney
to give to you.
Honestly, it was no big deal.
How did you find it?
Psh. How does anybody
find anything?
You hear it might be in your
race car pencil box.
It's not there.
So you swing by
your ex-fiancée's
storage locker
on the opposite coast.
It's not there.
You learn Victoria has it
in Germany,
but Jeanette intercepts it,
throws it in Central Park Lake.
It's a nice day for a swim,
so what the heck?
You dive in, scoop it up, make
it home in time for Jeopardy!
Ease to the pease.
Happy wedding.
You're seriously questioning
our wedding vows?
Us? Uh, we're adorable.
We're Marshmallow
and Lily Pad, bitch.
Okay, I'll give you this.
Your little pre-wedding
wedding out by the tree...
you said some very sweet stuff.
Hell, Ted even cried.
Ted.
But later,
at the actual wedding...
Lily Aldrin,
I vow to be there for you
in sickness and in health.
Hate to tell you, Lily Pad,
but Marshall has since
confessed to me
that en route
to your honeymoon...
Oh. Oh, God.
You son of a beech.
Do you deny it?
Lily, you know
I'm not a vomit guy,
and I just thought
I should give you your space.
Like a dying cat.
Oh, yeah, that saves it.
I'm so sorry I let you down.
Hang on there,
Marshmallow.
Remember when
the blushing bride said...
I vow to honor and respect you.
Maybe she was blushing because
she was lying her ass off.
Not two months later...
Shh.
Okay. Okay.
Hey, not cool!
You will not take a picture
of my husband like that!
You took part
in the bearded Wonder Woman
incident of 2007?
Lily, that photo got
all over Friendster
and MySpace and... man,
2007 was a long time ago.
Ted, I can't believe
how much trouble you went
through to get this for me.
It really wasn't
that much trouble.
Yes, it was.
You always go big for me.
Not as big as Barney.
Canadian rehearsal dinner
on ice... big.
The way he proposed... huge.
Yeah, but think about it.
Those are the most loving things
that Barney has ever done
for me,
and they're all based on lies.
Right down to taking
credit for this locket.
That's not fair.
I told Barney
to take credit for it.
Which he did
without blinking an eye.
Because lying
is second nature to Barney.
Everything's legendary.
You know what "legendary" means?
Not real.
I mean,
the man's initials are "B.S."
If it helps, I'm pretty sure
Barney Stinson's a fake name.
I'm kidding.
You're the one who always
comes through for me, Ted.
The one who's there for me.
Maybe I'm making a mistake.
Wait. What-what are you saying?
Maybe I should be marrying you.
Wait. I know one vow we kept.
I vow to make you breakfast
in bed every Sunday morning.
Really? You still do that?
Absolutely.
Heads up!
Oh! No cream cheese?
Oh.
Oh!
You feed her like Sloth
from Goonies.
So the magic's still there.
Well, here's one
you definitely didn't keep.
I vow to keep
the romantic spark alive.
And how is that going
for you these days?
Are you watching Marvin?
I'm trimming my nose hair.
I'm dumping out.
I watched him
all morning, Lily.
I need a break.
I don't control when my
deuces happen, Marshall.
Deuces are wild!
Ted,
I should be with you.
There it was... the words
that some deep, dark part of me
always wanted to hear.
But it's funny.
Once you actually
hear those words out loud...
I don't want to hear that.
We should get out of here.
You and me right now.
We'll...
We'll move to Chicago.
W-We'll start a new life.
It'll-it'll be painful
at first,
but, hell, I can root
for the Blackhawks.
Stop! Stop!
You're just saying this
because you're scared.
I am not your
future. Barney is.
Shouldn't I be with the guy
who finds me my locket?
The guy who steals me
the blue French horn.
I mean, look me in the eye
and tell me,
why shouldn't I be
with that guy?
Because I'm not that guy
anymore.
Then why did you work so hard
to find me my locket?
It... it was a wedding gift.
Ted, stop it, okay?
I know you better than that.
This is more
than a wedding gift.
Maybe it started out that way.
Maybe some part of me thought...
That you still loved me.
Maybe.
But the truth is...
I don't love you
like that anymore.
And you don't love me.
You love Barney.
And if you think
I would ever be part
of screwing that up,
then maybe you don't know me
at all, Robin.
I... I can't shake it.
I-I can't shake this feeling
that nothing about me and Barney
makes any sense.
But love doesn't make sense.
I mean, you can't
logic your way into
or out of it.
Love is totally nonsensical,
but we have to keep doing it
or else we're lost
and-and love is dead
and humanity
should just pack it in.
Because love is
the best thing we do.
Look, I know that sounds cheesy,
but it's-it's just true.
You love Barney,
and-and he loves you.
And that doesn't
have to make sense
to make sense.
Remember back when you had
never even seen me pee?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
We were so innocent then.
So many dreams.
Trying to work over here.
Bright, shimmering future ahead.
Now we're basically
a couple of wild animals
grunting at each other
to throw some toilet paper
through the crack
in the bathroom door.
Baby, let's be honest.
At this point,
that door is wide open.
You know what you should use
the next time you run out
of toilet paper?
Your wedding vows.
'Cause that's all
your marriage has been,
one long six-year wipe
after that double-flusher
of a wedding.
Stinson out!
You okay?
Yeah.
You're right.
I'm-I'm being insane.
Oh, come on, Robin.
That's... accurate.
We can't run away together.
Of course not.
So I'm just gonna run away
alone!
Damn it.
Whoa!
And that's how Robin
met your mother.
Wait, what are
we doing here?
Lily, our-our
wedding vows,
maybe they were just too
perfect for real life.
Real life is messier
than that, and...
we're different people
than we were in 2007.
But that's okay.
Maybe we just need
some updated vows.
So I thought maybe
before this place
gets too busy, we could...
borrow this altar for a minute.
Lily Aldrin,
I vow to stop shouting stuff
at you when you're dumping out.
You're the love
of my life,
and you deserve
to make a deuce in peace.
I vow to stop pointing out
every dog erection we see
when we walk through the park,
even though they are
incredibly weird looking.
Oh, just don't point and scream
"Maybe it's Maybelline."
Marshall Eriksen,
I vow to always tell you
when you have green stuff
in your teeth.
You have green stuff
in your teeth.
Oh.
I vow to always sit next to you
and hug you,
even if you're covered in vomit,
whether it's yours
or Marvin's or...
in the case of what came to be
known as Spew Year's Eve 1998...
my own. Sorry.
I vow to stop getting
so angry...
Ooh, I just thought of
another one.
when you interrupt me.
Mine was to interrupt you less,
so that's good.
I vow...
to finally stop petitioning
Paul McCartney
to let Weird Al record
"Chicken Pot Pie"
to the tune of
"Live and Let Die."
It's over.
I'll let it go.
I vow...
to cry less
during this pregnancy.
I vow to cry less
during this Vikings season.
Mm, with that secondary,
I wouldn't make that promise.
I vow to keep at least 80%
of these vows.
That seems high.
And I vow to keep updating them
as we go.
Because one set of vows,
it can't cover a lifetime
of growing
and changing with you,
of raising children with you...
falling more and more in love
with you every day,
Lily Aldrin,
which is what I vow to do
for the rest of my life.
Crap. I already broke
my crying vow.
I'll forgive you.
I am so sorry.
Are you okay?
Oh...
That was
totally my fault.
No. The bride is always right.
It was my fault.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Are you sure?
Because you
were sprinting
from a church
in a wedding dress.
And as a kid,
I was a bit of a detective...
so...
Um...
to be honest,
I'm-I'm wondering if this...
whole getting married thing is
something I can go through with.
Oh.
Wow.
That's it?
Aren't you supposed
to talk me out of it?
Tell me it's just cold feet?
I'm-I'm being crazy?
Okay, during that fall, we did
kind of get to second base
with each other...
and we'll always share that...
but I don't really know you.
So...
here's all I'll say:
when I'm overwhelmed,
I force myself
to do one simple thing
before I have to make
a decision:
close my eyes
and take three deep breaths.
Three deep breaths.
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes even three deep
breaths can change everything.
Barney?
Hey, I've been looking
for you. You okay?
Uh... yeah.
I-I was just talking to the...
the band about the...
thing with the stuff.
What are those?
My vows.
I-I know it's bad luck
to see the bride
right before the ceremony,
but I realized something.
Marshall and Lily have broken
most of their wedding vows,
but they're still
the best couple I know.
I think their biggest problem
was that Marshall
didn't tell Lily the truth.
So...
I've decided to make
only one vow to you,
because it's the only one
that really counts.
Robin Scherbatsky...
from this day forward,
I am always gonna be honest
with you.
'Cause I love you.
I'll see you up there.
Oh.
Ted got that locket for you.
He's the one you should thank.
Barney, wait.
What is it?
The cornflower blue tie.
That's the one
I should be wearing.
It's right by my bed.
Back in Manhattan.
Stall for me. I'll be back
in six hours, tops.
That's all of 'em!
Wow.
Wait.
I'm free.
It's over.
The slap bet is finally... over?
Yeah, it is, buddy.
Thank you.
You know, this
may sound crazy,
but I'm gonna miss
that slap bet.
No, you won't.
No, you're
right. I won't.
(Handel's "Hornpipe"
from Water Music playing)
Hi.
You've never looked
more beautiful, Robin.
Nobody asked you, Patrice.
By the way,
in the interest of honesty,
we really do have a ring bear.
What?
Oh. I love
the ring bear.
Then you are gonna love
the flower gorilla.
What?
Kidding. I'm kidding.
Kids, I won't lie,
that was a long weekend.
More ups and downs
than I can count.
It was a twisting,
turning road that led
to the end of the aisle,
and not everything
along the way was perfect.
To be honest,
not everything to follow
would be perfect either.
But what is?
Here's the secret, kids:
none of us can vow
to be perfect.
In the end, all we can do
is promise to love each other
with everything we've got.
Because love's
the best thing we do.
And on that lovely
spring evening,
that's exactly what Barney
and Robin vowed to each other.
And it was legendary.