- So?
- No.
No. You-you were in.
I said, "Have you met Ted"
and everything.
- How could that not work?
- I don't know,
we introduced ourselves,
I bought her a drink,
told her I loved her...
- What?
- I'm kidding.
Hold on, Roxanne.
You played "Have You Met Ted"
without me?
In my bar with
my Ted?
Maybe stealing a bro's wingman
is okay back in...
I'm sorry, what's the name of
this third world banana republic
you claim to be from?
Canada.
I have literally
never heard of that place.
When'd you move
here, anyway?
Two months ago.
- How do you like it?
- Honestly,
it-it's been
a little tough.
I moved here for this on-air
reporter job at Metro News 1
thinking it was gonna
be my big break,
only to find out
that our viewership
mostly consists
of DMV waiting rooms
and people plugging in their
TV for the first time.
To top it all off,
I have no friends.
Um... wrong.
You have four friends
right here.
- Right, guys?
- Uh, yeah.
You're totally in our gang,
now. And once you're in,
you're in for life, right?
- She's in.
- Oh. All right.
- She's in.
- Welcome.
Well, if I'm in, I should
get the next round.
- Whoa, whoa,
- Ooh,
- I like this girl.
- ho, ho.
I'm serious, I
like this girl.
So here's the deal
with the deal.
Robin's my new
best friend...
nobody bangs her.
Hey, hey,
hey, she only rejected me
three times,
she's still very much in play.
I'm serious.
There's only one way I'd let
either of you have sex with her.
Not that. It's never that.
I really want this girl
to stay a part
of our lives.
So the only way you're allowed
to hook up with her...
is if you marry her.
Too rich for my blood.
That son of a bitch did it.
He really did.
So you're moving
to Chicago tomorrow, huh?
How do you feel?
Uh, I'm looking forward to it.
The job's amazing.
I got a great apartment
lined up.
You know, it's...
It's exciting.
Onwards and upwar...
Hey! Bass player.
It's me. The guy from
the drug store with the diapers
that hit on you,
then we went outside
and had a deep, emotional
talk on a bus bench.
Remember when you
told me to stop
messing around
and go get the girl?
Well, check it. I got her.
What about you?
You still dating that guy?
Grape Scotch!
Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.
- Right here,
right here,
- Yeah,
- I-I see you, Barney.
- right here, right here.
Good, great. Then it's
time to play a little game
I like to call Have...
Yeah,
- Barney, I...
- No, no.
You are not getting out
of Have You Met Ted.
There's a girl
that you have to meet.
She is perfect for you.
And has...
she met you? No,
she has... not.
Think of all the sex
you're gonna ha..
Barney.
I ha... I have to go.
What, now?
Yeah.
Y...
W-We have to do this outside.
Robin.
It's been a major pleasure.
- Major Pleasure.
Come here.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, God, no, this is too real.
I can't handle this,
Marshall's next.
Good luck out there
in Chicago.
I'm gonna be kind of jealous
of you, getting to have
Gazzola's pizza
whenever you want.
You're gonna be in Rome.
Yeah. I guess.
I just...
I feel like a hug isn't enough.
E.T. good-bye?
I'll be right...
here.
Okay, it helped,
but that was really creepy.
I don't want to
see you for a while.
Barney.
Mm.
We licked the Liberty Bell.
We did?
Yeah, you...
You don't remember that?
Uh, I've done
a lot of cool stuff, Ted.
Oh, my God.
I just... I just realized:
Who am I gonna high five now?
- Come on, dude.
- No, no,
I'm being serious.
What if I see...
a pack of lions
fighting a tyrannosaurus?
Or, better yet,
what if I see boobs?
Who am I...
who am I gonna high five then?
You can high
five Marshall.
Yeah, yeah. But Marshall
only likes to high five
about Lily boobs.
Oh, always.
Okay, Barney.
I have an idea.
One last high five.
A high five to echo
throughout eternity.
Yes.
And within
that high five will be
all the high fives
we've ever high fived.
And all the high fives we
could ever possibly high five.
A high infinity.
A high infinity, exactly.
Let's do this.
All right,
everybody back up.
I'll see you
on the other side, Ray.
Nice working with you,
Dr. Venkman.
Aah!
- Ow!
- Oh.
Oh!
Worth it.
So worth it.
So I rushed out
to make the train,
which is now 45 minutes late.
This lady
with the bass guitar...
was she pretty?
Yeah.
She was beautiful.
Go back and meet her.
No.
But what if it was destiny?
Lady, it's been
a really long weekend.
I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.
I can't really
talk destiny right now.
Okay.
Yes?
What if the universe
sent you a gigantic sign
that this woman
was your destiny?
Then would you talk to her?
Yeah, sure. I mean,
I-I guess I would have to.
Okay.
Where is that train?
Can I ask one more question?
What?
This girl with the bass guitar...
is that her?
That
is
her, isn't it?
This is so exciting.
G-Go talk to her.
Just be cool, lady. Damn.
Why are you still
sitting here?
Because I'm moving to
Chicago tomorrow, remember?
And 24 hours
from now,
my life is gonna be
completely different.
This is so strange,
you know, now that Ted's gone,
it's just a...
a different vibe.
You can just f-feel
his absence.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, hey.
What are you doing
in New York?
Aren't you
supposed to be in Chicago?
No... Oh.
Yeah, I'm not doing that.
- What?
- I'm not moving
to Chicago.
- Why?
- I met a girl.
- You... son of a bitch!
What is the matter with you?
How could you put us
through that?
That good-bye was
emotionally devastating.
A certain delicate flower
cried all night in the shower.
And I was pretty
bummed, too.
And now you're
staying because of some girl?
I mean, who is
this person?
The bass player
from the wedding band.
Oh, yeah, she's great.
- Love her.
- Right,
right?
- What are you...
What are you doing?
- Calling her.
Don't do this.
Don't call her the next day.
- You're blowing this.
- Huh?
Three days.
You wait three days, Ted.
H-Hey, it's Ted. Hi. Um,
listen, do you... do you want
to have dinner tomorrow night?
Great.
It was clear I meant
with me, right?
Same answer. Solid.
Why does he
keep doing this?
He meets 'em,
he likes 'em way too much,
he goes way too big, too soon,
and he ends up blowing it.
I can't take this anymore.
He's fallen in love
so many times now.
Not like this.
This is different.
Come on, go talk to her.
Oh, and it'll all be
because of me.
And I'll sing
at your wedding.
Y-You are gonna have
a big wedding, right?
What? No.
Just be cool, lady. Damn.
And aren't big weddings
kind of a young man's game?
You don't have a big wedding
in your 30s.
If I do ever get married,
I'm keeping it simple.
A hot air balloon?
Well, yeah. I mean,
when you're getting married
in a 17th-century castle in
France and making your entrance
on a stagecoach
with six white horses,
you kind of got to make
a big exit.
How much are you
spending on this?
Oh, like, a lot of money.
- Mm.
- All of my money.
Look, I know you guys
have been traveling a lot,
but you're coming, right?
- Off course. What...
- Duh.
I'll get the next round.
Thanks.
I'd offer, but...
Castle.
Yeah.
So, how you guys doing?
I mean, Robin's really
taking off at work, huh?
It's like, "Robin Scherbatsky,
World Wide News, Caracas."
"Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide
News, St. Petersburg."
"Robin Scherbatsky,
World Wide News,
anywhere but New York,
apparently."
But it's great.
Uh, it's makes things
super difficult for us,
but it's great. It's great.
It's great. It's great.
One more and I'll believe you.
- It's great.
- Sounds great.
- Hey.
- Hi, hi. Sorry I'm late.
Can I talk to you for a
minute?
Yeah, sure. Did you wire
the down payment to the castle
guy?
I got a castle guy.
I've got, like,
three castle guys.
And a moat guy, so...
I didn't wire the
payment because
I don't think we can get
married in September.
- What-What, why?
- Because,
when I do get married,
I kind of want to fit
in... my dress.
Why wouldn't you f...
No.
Yeah.
- No.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
What's going on?
She's getting a boob job.
We just peeked in on Penny
asleep in the baby room.
It's adorable.
The whole place
looks great, guys.
But I can't believe you let Ted
hang his jousting lance
from the renaissance fair
on your bedroom wall.
Yeah.
That's Ted's.
So, Marshall,
how's your job going?
My chair...
is reasonably comfortable.
For short periods of time.
Marshall has decided to say
only positive things about
being back in corporate law.
So you hate it?
Much of what I do does not
make me cry.
Hey, what about you guys?
How was Argentina?
Great. It was great.
- It was great.
It was great.
One more and I'll
believe you.
This is so not great.
I'm sorry that I have
to work while I'm here.
It's called being on assignment.
Well, what about me? There's
no Wi-Fi in this hotel.
How am I supposed to
run a business, Robin,
with no Wi-Fi?
It's not a business,
Barney, it's a blog, okay?
It is a lifestyle blog.
For the upscale,
sophisticated urban
gentleman, and it's
never gonna take off if I can't
post today's boner joke.
I know I'm always traveling.
We both hate it when
I'm gone, we both hate it
when I drag you with me.
Neither of us is happy.
Is this just not
working anymore?
Wait, w... What "this"?
This-this?
If I gave you an out,
right now...
if there was
an exit ramp right here
at the three-year mark...
would you take it?
Before I answer that,
real quick:
you want to get super drunk
and have sex right now?
Of course.
And then, one thing
led to another.
And then another.
And then another
after that.
- Oh.
And we kept drinking, and
may have had
a little... too much.
Arigato.
Wow, these rooms
all look the same,
even when you're sober.
You're sober?
So, um...
about what we discussed
last night.
How do you feel?
I love you, Robin.
And when we got married,
I made a vow that I would always
tell you the truth.
We got divorced.
I can't believe you got
divorced without telling us.
This is my mom and
dad all over again.
Barney, if you start
brewing your own beer now
and nail my prom
date, so help me...
Years too late on
one of those, Teddy.
Guys, it's okay.
This isn't
a failed marriage.
It's a very
successful marriage
that happened to
only last three years.
You both want this?
For real?
We do.
For real.
Lily, you okay?
Of course
I'm not okay.
This ruins
everything.
Now we have to choose sides,
and obviously
we're gonna choose Robin,
but Barney has his moments.
I really liked
the boner joke of the day.
Look, you guys do not need
to pick sides.
- Nothing has to change.
- No. We've already
broken up before
and we've stayed friends,
remember?
As long as you promise me this
won't mean we stop hanging out.
Okay.
- I'm serious.
- I know, but, I mean,
we hardly hang out anymore
anyway.
They live in the suburbs now,
and you two are about
to have baby number three.
Please. You're so obvious.
Your gals are back up
to a full C-cup,
and you've been sipping
her drink all night long.
We didn't want
to announce anything
till we knew for sure.
Oh, my gosh, Lily!
- That's amazing!
- Oh, congratulations!
- Oh, my God.
- Wait, see?
This, right here,
this is why we can't fall
out of each other's lives.
We have to be here
for the big moments.
Just promise me,
no matter what,
we will always be there
for the big moments.
I-I promise. We'll-we'll always
be there for the big moments.
- Mm.
- See?
It's like this whole divorce
thing never happened.
I...
- Hey.
- Hi, sweetie.
How was work?
My-my boss only called me
three words
that meant "vagina" today.
- How are the kids?
- Asleep.
Good. This is working, right?
Marvin and Daisy sharing a room
together? It's not too cramped?
And then when the
next one arrives,
we'll just put her
crib... in the shower.
It's the perfect size.
It'll save time on cleanups...
Let's move
somewhere bigger.
Yes. Oh, thank God.
I mean... You know,
don't get me wrong.
I love this apartment.
How do you say good-bye
to so many special memories?
- Cock-a-mouse!
- We have to move!
- Hey, Marshall.
- Robin!
Hey, I'm so glad you're here.
It's-it's been forever.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
Where's your...
where's your costume?
Oh, uh, it's been
a crazy week at work
so no time to go shopping.
Uh, well, who are
you supposed to be?
Okay, I want to make it clear
this is not my idea.
I'm Captain Ahab.
Why is it bad
if it was your idea?
- Robin, you made it!
- A white whale. Got it.
- Aw. Hi.
- Hi.
Yeah, I figured,
people are thinkin' it. Might as
well steer into the skid, right?
Where's your costume?
Oh, you know,
I've just been so...
Oh, my God, Marshall!
Guess whose digits
I just scored?
The slutty
police officer's...
tax attorney.
Hey, Robin!
- Hey.
- Didn't see you there.
Saved it.
Sorry, I got to pee.
I-I'll be back
in... an hour.
Oh, man.
Is Ted still wearing
his hanging chad costume?
- How old is that thing?
- It's gone
from played out to
charmingly retro and back
six or seven times now.
Kind of
like Ted himself.
Tonight it's working
for him though.
How do you do this, Ted?
How do you
sit out here all night
on the roof in the cold
and still have faith
your pumpkin's gonna show up?
Look, I know that odds are
the love of my life
isn't gonna magically walk
through that door
in a pumpkin costume at...
2:43 in the morning, but...
this seems as nice a spot
as any to just, you know...
sit and wait.
Um...
uh, c-can you tell Lily
I-I had to go?
I got to split.
Speaking of splits, do you think
I can do a split in midair
like my boy
David Lee Roth?
- I know you can't.
- Challenge accepted.
Oh, my scrotum!
I can't get out
of this thing.
I'm holding it.
- Wait, are you leaving?
- Yeah,
I got a big day tomorrow.
I got to get some sleep.
No, you can't leave.
This is a big moment.
We're saying good-bye
to the apartment.
The whole gang has to be here.
The gang?
Do you know who the gang is
to me, Lily?
Here's what the gang is:
the gang is a married couple
who I never see anymore,
about to have their third kid;
it's my ex-husband,
hitting on slutty cops
right in front of me;
and it's the guy I probably
should have ended up with
with the beautiful mother
of his child.
Oh...
Oh, oh, so... so what?
This is all
just over then?
Our whole friendship
is just over?
No. No, of course not.
Look, we'll...
we'll always be friends.
It's just...
never gonna be how it was.
It can't be.
And that doesn't
have to be a sad thing.
There-There's so much
wonderful stuff happening
in all of our
lives right now.
Look, more than enough
to be grateful for.
But the five of us
hanging out at MacLaren's,
being young and stupid...
that's just not one
of those things.
I got to go.
Good night, Lily.
Good night.