Marshall's almost here.
Yes! Look at us,
hanging out again.
This is amazing.
This is awesome!
This is...
Okay.
Just settle
down, buddy.
No!
Settling down is for losers with
kids who never go out anymore.
I am in
charge tonight,
and the earliest
I am allowing anyone
to go home is... 2:00 a.m.
- 10:00 p.m.
- 9:45.
3:00 a.m.
Guys, tonight
is gonna be legen...
wait for it...
If I leave now,
I could put
the kids to bed.
I'll get the check.
.. dary!
Legendary!
Guys, the gang is back!
We're back!
All of us except for Robin.
We never see her anymore.
Okay, in addition
to you guys not going home
before 4:00 a.m...
yes, it's up to 4:00 now...
new rule: anytime anyone talks
about something sad,
we stay out an extra hour.
We said we'd always be there
for the big moments.
- 5:00 a.m.
- To be fair,
tonight's just
us hanging out
until 10:00 p.m., tops.
It's not a big moment.
Um,
- yes, it is.
- Um, no, it's not.
- Um, yes, it is.
- Um... no, it's not.
Um, yes, it is.
I got a phone call today.
A judge in Queens is retiring,
so...
I'm gonna be a judge.
Yes! Yes!
Judge Eriksen!
Yeah!
One more.
I told you the phone would
ring. You deserve this.
Thanks, Lily.
I love you, Marshmallow.
Oh.
1:45 a.m.
Well, you were right, Barney,
this night was, in fact,
- legendary, but...
- I know what you're gonna say
and I agree.
We're going to Vegas!
I will be awakened
by screaming children
in less than...
four-and-a-half hours.
You're staying.
I'm going.
Judge Fudge,
your very first ruling?
He stays.
Hey! See?
Tonight is about
celebrating our enduring bond
as friends.
Nay, family. Because
that's what we are, Ted.
We are fa...
Okay, fun night,
guys. Keep in touch.
Damn it, Barney.
Crushing... windpipe.
You're lucky that's
the only pipe I'm crushing.
- Aah!
- That woman
is half your age.
Haven't you changed,
even a little?
No. I haven't.
Look, I know
there was a time
when it seemed like I was
capable of going the distance,
but... if it wasn't gonna
happen with Robin,
then it's just not gonna
happen with anyone.
I am never
gonna be a guy
who meets a girl
and, from the first time
I see her, I'm just like,
"You are the
love of my life.
"Everything I have
and everything I am
is yours forever."
Really?
No, I'm just making a point.
Move it along.
That's not me.
I'm the guy
who straightens his tie,
says something dirty,
high-fives himself
and then goes and talks
to that girl over there.
That's me.
Can I please... just be me?
Judge Fudge?
I'll allow it.
Then I'll a-plow it. Self-five.
Stinson out.
(mechanical whirring,
cheering) Oh!
Hey, so are you guys
ever gonna tie the knot
or are you...
are you just comfortable
living in sin?
Someone's gotten a bit...
- judge-y.
- Oh!
- Sustained.
Yeah.
We'll get around to it.
It's just, you know,
with life and
jobs and kids.
Plus, this one's still
insisting on getting married
in a French castle.
I'd get married tomorrow
in a White Castle,
but this guy needs
more "wow factor."
You're all the wow factor
I need.
Aw!
- Glad someone can be happy
on the day of a tragedy.
Aw, Barney,
you know this is
all fake, right?
That robot's
not really dead.
I'm not
talking about the robot, Lily.
Everyone,
stop having fun! I'm about
to tell a sad story!
Guys, remember back in 2010
when I achieved a perfect week?
Seven girls in
seven nights, sure.
Well, recently,
I decided to attempt...
a perfect month.
I put together
a brand-new playbook.
No, I can't hear this.
This is just too sad.
But I haven't gotten
to the sad part yet.
You're in your 40s and
you have a playbook.
That's
the sad part.
Lily... just...
Okay?
So I put together
a brand-new playbook,
filled with plays
I'd never tried before, like...
where,
as in the '80s classic,
I magically come to life,
if you know what I mean.
where I wait till a girl
mentions something she likes.
God, I love nachos.
Thank you.
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Jim,
Jim Nacho.
Inventor of the nacho.
So... did you get
a perfect month?
Yes.
Then why are
you so upset?
That last girl, number 31...
Oh, that's a pretty name.
What is that, French?
she's pregnant.
Wait, you're messing with
us, right? Y-You didn't
really get a girl pregnant.
It's real.
She's pregnant.
Kind of puts an asterisk on the
whole perfect month thing, huh?
Barney, are you okay?
Ah, Jim Nantz.
Thank goodness. You're always
here for me in times of trouble.
What should I do?
You're on your own
this time, bro.
Congratulations, Papa.
Stop it. This is a disaster.
Why?
Why? Because I'm too old.
I was about
to enter my golden years,
my Clooney years,
my daddy issues years,
where I don't just remind
messed-up girls of their dads
because I'm emotionally distant.
I freaking look like
their dads. That's the dream.
My life
is over.
So where are you guys
registered?
Another fun fact about the
Goliath National Bank building,
the sleek but historical facade
has been described
by Architecture Vision Monthly
as "modern classicism."
I can see that.
Mm-hmm. Any questions
from the group?
I have a
question.
What happened to the building
that used to be here?
It was way nicer.
Robin!
Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?
I thought you were in...
Greece, uh, Morocco, Moscow.
Yeah, World Wide News
keeps me pretty busy.
And pretty famous.
I mean, you're everywhere.
I am not everywhere. The...
Okay, I'm some places.
Hi, Penny.
Oh, my gosh, I haven't
seen you in forever.
- I like you, bus lady.
- Oh, I like you, too.
Never call me that again.
And that was it.
- Wow.
- Hm.
A genuine Scherbatsky sighting
out in nature.
At this point, that's
like seeing Sasquatch.
No, Sasquatch is a warm
and affectionate creature.
At this point, Robin's
more like the yeti...
cold and aloof.
Hey, Ted.
Ask me if the Abominable
Snowman called.
Has the Abominable Snowman
called?
Not yeti.
Here we are again.
Another big moment for us,
and Robin's missing it.
I know, baby.
I mean, the birth of her
ex-husband's love child
is a bit of a stretch...
but I know, baby.
Well?
It was... crazy in there,
but...
I threw up,
and now I feel better.
Where were you?
In the can.
I knew I was gonna urp,
so I put this on over my suit.
Number 31 won't let me
in the delivery room.
We're gonna need a name
eventually.
Mr. Stinson?
- Yes?
- Congratulations.
Congratulations because
the blood test came back
and I'm not the father?
Happy Not a Father's Day!
No. Congratulations.
It's a girl.
Would you like to meet her?
Nah, I'm good.
- I don't...
- Oh, just go
meet your daughter!
This is Ellie.
I'll give you guys
a minute.
You are the love
of my life.
Everything I have...
and everything I am...
is yours.
Forever.
What?
Do I have stuff in my teeth?
Give me your
engagement ring back.
Just because I have
stuff in my teeth?
We-we can work through this.
Just give it back.
Five years is past the statute
of limitations on proposals.
If you don't get married in that
time, you have to re-propose.
Will you...
Yes. Yes, you silly man.
Let me finish.
Will you...
Yes! Sorry.
Yes.
Will y...
Will you marry me...
on Thursday?
I called your office...
you got nothing on Thursday.
Will you marry me on Thursday?
Yes.
Same ring.
I can't believe it.
It's Ted Mosby's wedding day!
Yes! After only seven
years and two kids.
Guys, am I rushing
into this?
Whoa.
Oh, buddy, are you okay?
So tired.
Baby no sleepy.
Barney dying.
Well, we're
staying out till
3:00 a.m. Tonight.
9:45!
Seriously, though,
I am so proud of you.
Not that
you're a dad.
It's like
you're a totally
different pers...
Whoa!
And... we're back.
Hey.
Hi.
What to join us for shots?
Shots?
Before lunch on a Thursday?
It's like you're
trying
to make bad decisions.
You young ladies
need to go home,
put on some
decent clothes
and take a good hard look
at your lives. Get!
Call your parents...
they're probably worried sick.
I have officially
seen everything.
Not everything.
- Hi.
I-I know I've...
missed a couple lately, but...
we said we'd always be there
for the big moments.
Aw, crap.
Mascara running.
Nobody let her
out of your sight.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Whoa.
Look, Robin,
I'm really happy to see you,
but I don't think of you
that way anymore.
No, dummy,
you had a kid.
- Congrats.
- Right, yeah.
Thanks. A kid.
I'm tired.
- Oh.
- But, uh,
- she's awesome.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
Daddy's home.
Mm.
Judge Fudge? Hey?
Hey...
Actually, um, little
announcement for everybody.
I'm gonna be running
for State Supreme Court.
Yeah. So if
everything goes well,
in a couple of months,
you won't be calling me
Judge Fudge anymore.
You'll be calling me
Fudge Supreme.
The man of the hour.
Yeah.
You RSVP'd no.
I did.
But someone pretty persuasive
talked me into it.
Sorry. I know
it's bad luck
to see the bride
in her dress.
Worth it.
But I couldn't miss this.
I want to get
a picture.
Get in! I want to take
a picture of you guys.
Come on, get together.
Are you ready?
- All right, get in.
- All right. All right.
One, two,
three.
Hey. Hey, you kids.
Yeah, you didn't
sound a thousand there.
Do you have any idea
what happened right here
in this very bar?
No. What happened?
Just...
just all kinds of stuff.
A toast.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, first off...
to everyone at
this table...
I love you
guys so much,
I can't even...
- Just move to
the second part.
- Okay, okay.
Secondly, to Ted...
Don't say it.
Evelyn Mosby.
Thanks. Thank you for that.
A man with...
more emotional endurance
than anyone I know.
It was a long,
difficult road.
Thank God we
finally got here.
Hear, hear.
Aunt Lily wasn't wrong.
It was at times
a long, difficult road.
But I'm glad it was
long and difficult,
because if I hadn't gone
through hell to get there,
the lesson might
not have been as clear.
You see, kids,
right from the moment
I met your mom, I knew...
I have to love this woman
as much as I can
for as long as I can, and
I can never stop loving her,
not even for a second.
I carried that lesson with me
through every
stupid fight we ever had,
every 5:00 a.m.
Christmas morning,
every sleepy Sunday afternoon,
through every speed bump.
Every pang of jealousy
or boredom or uncertainty
that came our way,
I carried that lesson with me.
And I carried it with me
when she got sick.
Even then, in what can only
be called the worst of times,
all I could do was thank God,
thank every god there is,
or ever was, or will be,
and the whole universe,
and anyone else
I could possibly thank...
that I saw
that beautiful girl
on that train platform,
and that I had the guts
to stand up,
walk over to her,
tap her on the shoulder,
open my mouth,
and speak.
- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm the...
- The best man. Yeah.
Get in here,
- get in here, get in here.
- Oh, thanks. Here, let me.
Oh, okay. Thank you.
- Great show tonight. Yeah.
- Oh, thank you.
You're Cindy's
ex-roommate, right?
Yeah. And you are the professor.
I took one of your classes.
- Really? Which one?
- Mm-hmm.
Econ 305.
I don't teach...
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
- Excuse me, I'm gonna jump
onto the tracks now.
- No.
No, no, no, don't.
You were great,
you were great.
Wait a second.
This is my umbrella.
I left this umbrella
at Cindy's... you totally
stole my umbrella.
What? No, I didn't.
This is my umbrella.
I bought this.
Excuse me. It even
has my initials
on it right here: T.M.
Ted Mosby.
Yeah. Look again,
Ted Mosby.
Those are my
T.M.
- Tracy McConnell.
- Um, no, Tracy McConnell,
it's T.M...
Totally My umbrella.
Uh, you're T.M...
Terribly Mistaken,
because this umbrella has
always belonged T.M.:
To Me.
Although... I did lose it
for a few years there.
Um... so, I went to
this dance club...
On St. Patrick's Day.
on St. Patrick's Day.
And you left it there.
And I left it there.
And you never thought
you'd see it again.
And I never thought
I'd see it again.
Funny how sometimes you just...
find things.
Hi.
And that, kids...
is how I met your mother.
That's it?
That's it.
No. I don't buy it.
That is not the reason
you made us listen to this.
Oh, really?
Then what's the reason?
Let's look at
the facts here.
You made us sit down
and listen to this story
about how you met mom,
yet mom's hardly
in the story. No.
This is a story
about how
you're totally in love
with Aunt Robin.
And you're thinking
about asking her out,
and you want to know
if we're okay with it.
I can't believe this.
I kept this story short
and to the point,
and you guys still missed it.
The point of the story
is that...
Is that you totally,
totally, totally have
the hots for Aunt Robin.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
You're grounded.
Wow, you are really
into Aunt Robin.
You're grounded, too.
Okay, suppose I were
interested in Aunt Robin in that
way...
it's not like
I'd do anything about it.
- I got you guys to think about.
- Dad, we love Aunt Robin.
Whenever she comes over
for dinner, you guys
are so obvious.
Come on, Dad.
Mom's been gone
for six years now.
It's time.
What, I just...
just call her up on the phone
and ask her out on a date?
- Yes.
And that... that's something
you guys would want?
- Yes!
All right, I'll give her a call.
- Do it.
- I am.
- Call her.
- I'm calling
her.
Great.
Here I go.
Or...
All right, home sweet home.
Oh. Wait one second.
Okay.
Stay.
We'll work on that.
Television, display
front door security.
Television, dis...
Oh, for Pete's sakes.