1 00:00:03,449 --> 00:00:05,326 - Goddamn it! - What is wrong with you? 2 00:00:05,409 --> 00:00:07,036 - Super slow drinker here. - Do you have a little throat 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,371 - or something? - Dennis. Dennis, hey. 4 00:00:08,454 --> 00:00:09,664 - We gotta get out of here now. - Why? 5 00:00:09,747 --> 00:00:12,333 I just got off the phone with Dad. He wants to stop by and talk to us. 6 00:00:12,416 --> 00:00:13,709 - What does Dad want? - I don't know and don't care. 7 00:00:13,793 --> 00:00:15,002 Let's go before we have to deal with this! 8 00:00:15,086 --> 00:00:17,421 Let's get out of here before you guys get around your father. 9 00:00:17,505 --> 00:00:20,508 Let's just take care of one more… Don't… Don't be grabby. 10 00:00:20,591 --> 00:00:23,469 Okay. Dennis, I need to borrow $20. 11 00:00:23,553 --> 00:00:25,179 - What, dude? - Just give me some money, man. 12 00:00:25,263 --> 00:00:26,848 How come you don't ever have any money? 13 00:00:26,931 --> 00:00:28,683 - Dee? Moneys? - No way. 14 00:00:28,766 --> 00:00:30,351 What are you gonna do at the strip club with… 15 00:00:30,435 --> 00:00:32,311 - Will you just get in the car! - No, no! 16 00:00:32,395 --> 00:00:35,440 It sucks for me, 'cause you guys get all the girls and the attention! 17 00:00:35,523 --> 00:00:37,442 - My dad's gonna be here in a second! - Will you get in the car! 18 00:00:37,525 --> 00:00:40,153 - No! I'm going home! I'm going home. - Oh! 19 00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:42,613 - Can we go? Please! - Yeah, we can go. We can go. 20 00:00:45,783 --> 00:00:48,035 - Dennis! - Oh, Jesus! 21 00:00:48,119 --> 00:00:50,288 Dennis, no! 22 00:00:51,789 --> 00:00:53,791 Dennis, you son of a bitch! 23 00:01:29,827 --> 00:01:30,995 What the hell is wrong with you, Dad? 24 00:01:31,078 --> 00:01:32,246 Why would you come sneaking around the bar 25 00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:33,414 - in the middle of the night? - Yeah. 26 00:01:33,498 --> 00:01:35,500 You don't snoop and sneak and appear in front of cars 27 00:01:35,583 --> 00:01:36,918 - and start yelling names! - No! 28 00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:38,628 I had something very important to tell you. 29 00:01:38,711 --> 00:01:40,463 What could be so important it couldn't wait till the morning? 30 00:01:40,546 --> 00:01:41,923 Yeah. There's nothing more important than the fact 31 00:01:42,006 --> 00:01:44,133 that we hit our friend with a car, Dad. 32 00:01:44,217 --> 00:01:46,135 Oh, yeah? Try this on for size. 33 00:01:46,219 --> 00:01:48,763 Your mother's dead. 34 00:01:48,846 --> 00:01:50,473 - No. - What? 35 00:01:50,556 --> 00:01:52,934 Oh, my God! 36 00:01:53,017 --> 00:01:57,730 No, she's not dead. We're gettin' divorced though. 37 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,191 - Why… - Why… 38 00:02:00,274 --> 00:02:01,359 - What… - What… 39 00:02:01,442 --> 00:02:02,985 Why would you say she's dead? 40 00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:04,320 That's a business tactic. 41 00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:06,572 You drop the bomb, then you soften the blow. 42 00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:07,990 You never tried this? 43 00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:12,703 - That is a terrible business tactic! - You are a horrible father. 44 00:02:12,787 --> 00:02:14,789 That's what I came to talk to you about. 45 00:02:14,872 --> 00:02:18,501 I hate the kind of person that your whore mother turned me into. 46 00:02:18,584 --> 00:02:21,546 The big house, the big car… I'm giving it all away. 47 00:02:21,629 --> 00:02:23,506 - Hmm? - Giving it away how? 48 00:02:23,589 --> 00:02:26,384 For starters, I'm giving all my money to charity. 49 00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:28,636 Then I'm gonna hang out with you two. 50 00:02:28,719 --> 00:02:30,680 That's what this is all about, spending time with my kids. 51 00:02:30,763 --> 00:02:33,307 - Hold on a second. - I wanna be the father that I never was. 52 00:02:33,391 --> 00:02:34,976 - Shh, shh, shh. - Getting to know them. 53 00:02:35,059 --> 00:02:36,561 Yeah. What did you say about the money? 54 00:02:36,644 --> 00:02:39,021 - Mm-hmm. - I'm giving it all away. 55 00:02:39,105 --> 00:02:42,316 - That is a very stupid thing to do. - You're a very stupid, stupid man. 56 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,485 Who are you gonna give it to? 57 00:02:44,569 --> 00:02:46,237 I don't know. Poor people. 58 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,197 - Poor people? - Poor people? 59 00:02:48,281 --> 00:02:50,450 What… What is your… Okay, where's Mom? 60 00:02:50,533 --> 00:02:54,579 Mom? She's on vacation banging one of the boys she hangs out with. 61 00:02:54,662 --> 00:02:57,123 Dennis, your mother is a dirty, dirty whore. 62 00:02:57,206 --> 00:02:58,958 Oh, goddamn it, Dad! 63 00:02:59,041 --> 00:03:01,169 First you force me to run over my friend Charlie. 64 00:03:01,252 --> 00:03:02,837 And then you start talking about Mom like she's dead. 65 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,422 And now you're saying she's a dirty whore? 66 00:03:04,505 --> 00:03:06,299 - The money. - You can't waltz back into our lives 67 00:03:06,382 --> 00:03:07,633 - and be our dad again! - And the money. 68 00:03:07,717 --> 00:03:09,510 It doesn't work that way. You can't just barge in! 69 00:03:09,594 --> 00:03:11,471 - And the money! - And the money! 70 00:03:11,554 --> 00:03:14,015 My God, Dad! All of our money? 71 00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,027 Well, that was awkward. 72 00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:28,988 - Yes, it was. - Sort of a private conversation. 73 00:03:29,071 --> 00:03:30,865 Very much a family-type moment. 74 00:03:30,948 --> 00:03:32,784 We didn't need to hear any of that. 75 00:03:32,867 --> 00:03:34,744 Not for our ears. 76 00:03:36,329 --> 00:03:37,663 Wanna go to the strip club? 77 00:03:37,747 --> 00:03:39,791 I don't know. 78 00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:44,086 I've been manically depressed for the past couple of years. 79 00:03:44,170 --> 00:03:47,673 I just feel like I need a serious change, or I'm gonna kill myself. 80 00:03:47,757 --> 00:03:50,927 Right, so when you say you're giving your money away to poor people, 81 00:03:51,010 --> 00:03:54,764 do you mean, like, "Mexico" poor, or can it be, like, "Me and Charlie" poor? 82 00:03:56,015 --> 00:03:57,725 Well, I haven't given that much thought. 83 00:03:57,809 --> 00:03:59,018 Put some thought into that one. 84 00:03:59,102 --> 00:04:01,270 - Consider that. - Yeah, man. Give that some thought. 85 00:04:01,354 --> 00:04:03,231 In the meantime, you wanna get shit-faced, bro. 86 00:04:03,314 --> 00:04:04,398 So I tell you what. 87 00:04:04,482 --> 00:04:06,609 Uh, before we get crazy giving away our money here, 88 00:04:06,692 --> 00:04:08,611 what do you say we buy a couple of pitchers, 89 00:04:08,694 --> 00:04:12,406 maybe a few tequila shots, a few rounds of kamikazes. 90 00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:14,575 After that, we'll hit the town, we'll tie on a serious buzz. 91 00:04:14,659 --> 00:04:15,660 All right, bud? 92 00:04:15,743 --> 00:04:18,871 Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened? 93 00:04:18,955 --> 00:04:22,834 Uh, my best friend ran me over with his car. 94 00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:24,252 Yeah. 95 00:04:24,335 --> 00:04:27,630 - Oh, my God! That's terrible! - Yeah, yeah. 96 00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:30,675 - Do you want a lap dance? - Oh… 97 00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:34,220 - I don't have any money. - Oh! 98 00:04:34,303 --> 00:04:35,972 I could give you one for free. 99 00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:38,766 Really? Okay. Okay. 100 00:04:38,850 --> 00:04:41,644 Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened to you? 101 00:04:41,727 --> 00:04:45,148 - His friend ran him over with a car. - That is so sad. 102 00:04:45,231 --> 00:04:46,232 - I know. - Yeah, yeah. 103 00:04:46,315 --> 00:04:48,025 I was gonna give him a free lap dance. 104 00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:49,360 - She totally was. - I'll join you! 105 00:04:49,444 --> 00:04:52,738 That's great! Do one of you girls wanna hook my boy up over here, though? 106 00:04:52,822 --> 00:04:54,115 He's really down in the dumps. 107 00:04:54,198 --> 00:04:55,908 Okay! 108 00:04:55,992 --> 00:04:58,411 - No, no, no. I don't… I don't… - Oh, come on, buddy! 109 00:04:58,494 --> 00:05:00,955 - You gotta do this, man! - Embrace it. Get in the spirit. 110 00:05:01,038 --> 00:05:02,623 This is gonna cheer you up. 111 00:05:07,253 --> 00:05:10,923 Well, maybe just one. 112 00:05:11,007 --> 00:05:14,135 All right, Frank! See? That's the spirit that beat the Japanese! 113 00:05:15,386 --> 00:05:17,805 God. Stupid Dad! Never gave me a goddamn thing. 114 00:05:17,889 --> 00:05:18,931 Give his shit to poor people. 115 00:05:19,015 --> 00:05:20,558 Poor people? 116 00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:30,902 Ooh! Ooh! 117 00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:33,613 Oh! Oh. 118 00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,115 Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing? 119 00:05:36,199 --> 00:05:37,742 Same thing you're doing, Dennis. 120 00:05:37,825 --> 00:05:39,410 I'm not letting Dad give all this shit to poor people. 121 00:05:39,494 --> 00:05:40,620 Right. Hey, I got here first, though. 122 00:05:40,703 --> 00:05:42,371 I'm taking the plasma TV and the fish tank. 123 00:05:42,455 --> 00:05:43,456 How come you get to pick and choose? 124 00:05:43,539 --> 00:05:44,665 It's not that I get to pick and choose. 125 00:05:44,749 --> 00:05:47,001 It's that, I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. 126 00:05:47,084 --> 00:05:50,254 You're a woman. You're weak, and you can't. 127 00:05:50,338 --> 00:05:53,216 - You're a woman and you're weak. - That doesn't make any sense. 128 00:05:53,299 --> 00:05:55,176 - You don't make any sense. - Great. I'll tell you what. 129 00:05:55,259 --> 00:05:57,303 Um, I'm gonna take all the stuff that I want 130 00:05:57,386 --> 00:05:58,930 and load it into my enormous SUV, 131 00:05:59,013 --> 00:06:00,473 and you can grab some trinkets or whatever 132 00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:03,101 - and throw it in your tiny little car. - I don't… 133 00:06:03,184 --> 00:06:05,478 All right, look. We… We don't need to be doing this, okay? 134 00:06:05,561 --> 00:06:08,564 You're my brother. We're… We're in this thing together. 135 00:06:08,648 --> 00:06:11,109 We don't need to make this a competition. 136 00:06:11,192 --> 00:06:14,070 Yeah. You're right. 137 00:06:14,153 --> 00:06:16,906 A competition. That's a good idea. I'll make you a deal. 138 00:06:16,989 --> 00:06:19,492 Uh, whatever your feeble little arms can carry out of here, you can keep. 139 00:06:19,575 --> 00:06:21,285 And the rest is mine. 140 00:06:23,496 --> 00:06:24,580 God, I hate you so bad! 141 00:06:26,415 --> 00:06:29,210 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah! 142 00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:32,755 On your mark! Get set! Go! 143 00:06:35,049 --> 00:06:36,592 - Go, go, go! - Go, horsey! 144 00:06:38,177 --> 00:06:41,097 Come on! Come on! 145 00:06:46,477 --> 00:06:49,772 No! No! Wait a second! Charlie, you hit me! 146 00:06:49,856 --> 00:06:51,190 - You hit me, Charlie! - So what? So what? 147 00:06:51,274 --> 00:06:54,152 - You are fast. - I was winning anyway. 148 00:06:54,235 --> 00:06:56,112 This one's too heavy! This one's too heavy! 149 00:06:56,195 --> 00:06:58,364 - You are freakishly fast! - Thanks. 150 00:07:00,658 --> 00:07:02,618 Charlie, you got any booze in here? 151 00:07:02,702 --> 00:07:06,205 Yeah, yeah. Check under my bed or under one of my pillows. 152 00:07:06,289 --> 00:07:08,624 Hey, guys, I can't thank you enough. 153 00:07:08,708 --> 00:07:11,335 I feel so much better. So much. 154 00:07:11,419 --> 00:07:14,380 Yeah, man. Hey, you look great. Make yourself at home. 155 00:07:14,464 --> 00:07:16,591 - Charlie, we gotta get him out of here. - What? Why, dude? 156 00:07:16,674 --> 00:07:18,134 Because there's two of them and three of us! 157 00:07:18,217 --> 00:07:20,511 Oh, man, have a heart. The guy's going through a divorce. 158 00:07:20,595 --> 00:07:22,013 Since when do you give a shit about people? 159 00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:24,515 Well, you know. Um, maybe you should be the one that leaves, okay? 160 00:07:24,599 --> 00:07:26,392 Charlie. Don't you roll away when I'm talking to you. Charlie! 161 00:07:26,476 --> 00:07:27,685 Hey, I'm the reason they're here in the first place. 162 00:07:27,769 --> 00:07:30,021 - That is bullshit! You know it. - Do not ruin this! 163 00:07:30,104 --> 00:07:32,482 - Do not ruin this for me! - I'm not ruining anything! 164 00:07:32,565 --> 00:07:35,276 Whoa! What are you guys fighting about? 165 00:07:35,359 --> 00:07:36,402 Nothing, man. We're just having a… 166 00:07:36,486 --> 00:07:37,487 No. We're just 167 00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:40,114 Well, take it out in the hall. You're ruining the vibe. 168 00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:42,325 Okay. Let's go. We'll go out in the hall. 169 00:07:42,408 --> 00:07:43,951 - Watch my… Watch my… - Shut up! 170 00:07:44,035 --> 00:07:47,121 Easy. Easy! Your behavior is unbelievable, man. 171 00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,915 - All right. How are we gonna do this? - Okay. 172 00:07:48,998 --> 00:07:53,085 - Uh, let's flip a coin. The loser leaves. - Great. 173 00:07:53,169 --> 00:07:55,505 - Okay, get a coin. - I don't have a coin. 174 00:07:55,588 --> 00:07:57,298 - Why don't you… - Give me a coin. You have a coin? 175 00:07:57,381 --> 00:07:58,966 Of course I don't have a coin. 176 00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:00,134 All right. Let's flip something else. 177 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,136 - All right. Um… - Something in the hallway, 178 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,263 - like a feather. - Flip that, uh, piece of wood? 179 00:08:04,347 --> 00:08:06,098 - That's not gonna work. - What about something off the chair? 180 00:08:06,182 --> 00:08:07,642 Yeah. Maybe we'll just break something off the chair. 181 00:08:07,725 --> 00:08:10,895 - Break something… - Don't… Don't break it too much. 182 00:08:10,978 --> 00:08:12,438 - No, that's not gonna work. - It's a rental, dude. 183 00:08:12,522 --> 00:08:13,731 You know what? Frank's got money. Let's ask him. 184 00:08:13,815 --> 00:08:14,816 All right. 185 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,443 It's locked. 186 00:08:17,527 --> 00:08:19,320 No. You gotta push it hard 'cause it sticks. 187 00:08:19,403 --> 00:08:21,405 - I'm telling you, it's locked. - Bang again! 188 00:08:21,489 --> 00:08:23,908 - Frank! - Frank, open the door, dude! 189 00:08:23,991 --> 00:08:25,326 - Hey. - Oh. 190 00:08:25,409 --> 00:08:28,287 Hey, you guys need to give me about 45 minutes in here, okay? 191 00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:30,206 Here. Hey, Charlie, here's five dollars. 192 00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:32,667 Go down to Wawa, pick me up a couple of sodas. 193 00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,211 I got a feeling I'll be pretty thirsty after this. 194 00:08:35,294 --> 00:08:36,504 Yeah. Hey… 195 00:08:36,587 --> 00:08:37,755 Oh… 196 00:08:39,006 --> 00:08:41,217 Son of a bitch. 197 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,061 Over the line. Over the line! 198 00:08:52,145 --> 00:08:53,646 I'm… I'm on the line. 199 00:08:53,729 --> 00:08:56,315 On the line is over the line. Get your foot on your side. 200 00:08:56,399 --> 00:08:57,900 Which side? This one? Is this the side? 201 00:08:57,984 --> 00:08:59,152 - No. - This the side you're talking about? 202 00:08:59,235 --> 00:09:02,989 Get… All right. You know what? Oh, what is this? 203 00:09:03,072 --> 00:09:05,283 - Do you recognize this lamp? - Where'd you get that? 204 00:09:05,366 --> 00:09:06,951 I think this is the lamp Dad got you in China. 205 00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:08,661 - Give it back to me. - As I recall, yeah. 206 00:09:08,744 --> 00:09:10,538 - Give me my lamp back. - Must have gotten this out of your room. 207 00:09:10,621 --> 00:09:13,040 - Well, it's mine so give it back to me. - Let me put it on your side for you. 208 00:09:15,585 --> 00:09:17,795 - You… - Oh, that is a shame. 209 00:09:17,879 --> 00:09:19,839 - No, that's fine. I don't care. - It slipped. 210 00:09:19,922 --> 00:09:22,633 Yeah. By the way, I wanted to, uh, show you something 211 00:09:22,717 --> 00:09:24,635 my feeble little arms were able to carry. 212 00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,053 By all means. 213 00:09:28,556 --> 00:09:31,434 - Mr. Tibbs. - Oh, is that it? Is that Mr. Tibbs… 214 00:09:31,517 --> 00:09:34,145 Is that what they call you? They call you Mr. Tibbs? 215 00:09:34,228 --> 00:09:37,899 - What do they call you now? - Whatever. 216 00:09:37,982 --> 00:09:41,235 I don't care. 217 00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:46,199 Hey-o! What's up, bitches? 218 00:09:46,282 --> 00:09:47,658 What… What? 219 00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,702 Dennis, you would not believe how great this thing is. 220 00:09:49,786 --> 00:09:52,246 People give you free shit, and women treat you like a puppy 221 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,040 they found out on the street. 222 00:09:54,123 --> 00:09:55,500 - Really? - Yeah. Dude, I was thinking. 223 00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:58,252 You pick up one of these bad boys, we head down to the mall. 224 00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:01,714 There's a ton of talent down there. We've been looking for a new angle. 225 00:10:01,798 --> 00:10:04,717 - That does sound like fun. - Yeah. Yeah, that'll work. 226 00:10:04,801 --> 00:10:06,969 Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. Um, we're putting ourselves 227 00:10:07,053 --> 00:10:08,262 into the shoes of the unfortunate, 228 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,723 see what their world's like, maybe gain a little perspective. 229 00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:13,893 - What do you do? - I don't take advantage of people. 230 00:10:13,976 --> 00:10:16,437 - Oh! - Look at Sweet Dee 231 00:10:16,521 --> 00:10:18,731 sitting on her cloud of judgment, 232 00:10:18,815 --> 00:10:22,068 handing down life lessons to all the sinners. 233 00:10:22,151 --> 00:10:25,321 Come on, Mac. Let's go get crippled. 234 00:10:30,326 --> 00:10:31,744 Charlie. 235 00:10:31,828 --> 00:10:34,789 - Charlie, buddy, buddy, buddy. Charlie. - Oh, my God, I'm cold. 236 00:10:34,872 --> 00:10:36,499 We got… We gotta talk, Charlie. 237 00:10:36,582 --> 00:10:39,210 Uh… oh, yeah, Frank. We have to talk. 238 00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:42,046 Last night was one of the greatest nights of my whole life. 239 00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:43,131 Hmm, I'm sure it was. 240 00:10:43,214 --> 00:10:46,175 I used to live like this in squalor and filth, 241 00:10:46,259 --> 00:10:47,969 always trying to get over on people, 242 00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:49,762 scamming my way through situations. 243 00:10:49,846 --> 00:10:52,807 - Wow! I don't care! - I wanna live like you again, Charlie. 244 00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:56,436 I wanna be pathetic and desperate and ugly and hopeless. 245 00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:59,147 - Okay. I am not ugly. - This is the change I've been looking for. 246 00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:02,108 - I wanna move in with you. - Are you out… 247 00:11:02,191 --> 00:11:03,568 Are you out of your damn mind, dude? 248 00:11:03,651 --> 00:11:04,819 You made me sleep out in the hall. 249 00:11:04,902 --> 00:11:06,446 You ignored my cries for help in the middle of the night. 250 00:11:06,529 --> 00:11:09,824 - I'll pay for your rent for six months. - Twelve. 251 00:11:09,907 --> 00:11:11,325 - Six. Six. - Ten. Nine. 252 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:12,869 - Six. Six. - Ten. Twelve. 253 00:11:12,952 --> 00:11:13,953 - Four. - Six. 254 00:11:14,036 --> 00:11:15,413 - Deal. - All right. 255 00:11:15,496 --> 00:11:16,831 No more sleeping out in the hall though. 256 00:11:16,914 --> 00:11:18,040 I can't promise that. 257 00:11:18,124 --> 00:11:19,792 - Let's get ready. - All right. Where are you taking me? 258 00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:22,086 - We're going back to the strip club. - All right. Strip club… 259 00:11:22,170 --> 00:11:24,714 - Dude! My legs! - Wait, hold on a second. 260 00:11:24,797 --> 00:11:26,924 This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel for us. 261 00:11:27,008 --> 00:11:28,050 - Yeah, bro. It's gonna be awesome. - Yeah. 262 00:11:28,134 --> 00:11:29,844 What's your backstory? 263 00:11:29,927 --> 00:11:31,596 What do you mean? Bro, your backstory. 264 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,098 - How'd your legs get crippled? - I don't know. 265 00:11:34,182 --> 00:11:36,309 All right, check mine out. I had polio. Okay? 266 00:11:36,392 --> 00:11:38,561 That's why I'm rocking the FDR look with the blanket and everything. 267 00:11:38,644 --> 00:11:40,646 See, I got a problem. 268 00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,398 My legs are really muscular and athletic. 269 00:11:42,482 --> 00:11:44,734 So nobody's gonna believe that they're dead. Okay? 270 00:11:44,817 --> 00:11:47,445 This way, with the blanket, everyone will assume that underneath, 271 00:11:47,528 --> 00:11:49,697 my legs are withered and useless. 272 00:11:49,781 --> 00:11:52,241 - Huh. That's a good idea. - Bro, it's brilliant. 273 00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:54,327 Yeah. I have polio, too. 274 00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:55,620 Well, you can't have polio. That's my disease. 275 00:11:55,703 --> 00:11:56,746 You gotta pick your own disease. 276 00:11:56,829 --> 00:12:00,082 - Yeah, but I want polio. - Well, you can't have it. 277 00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,667 What the hell is this? 278 00:12:03,711 --> 00:12:06,047 Are you sure you're okay? 279 00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:08,883 It's really important that I do this myself. 280 00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:11,719 You are so brave. 281 00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:20,895 - I got it! - You did it. 282 00:12:20,978 --> 00:12:22,063 All by myself, I did it. 283 00:12:22,146 --> 00:12:25,024 Yeah, you did. That's awesome. 284 00:12:30,655 --> 00:12:32,365 Goddamn it. 285 00:12:32,448 --> 00:12:34,534 What are we gonna do now? We can't go back in there. 286 00:12:34,617 --> 00:12:35,910 Everybody's desensitized. 287 00:12:35,993 --> 00:12:37,328 All right, look. We'll go down to Crate & Barrel. 288 00:12:37,411 --> 00:12:39,539 Maybe we can find some cougars or something. 289 00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:40,748 Hey, guys! 290 00:12:40,832 --> 00:12:43,209 Shit! What do we do? What do we do? 291 00:12:43,292 --> 00:12:45,419 - Uh, okay. Just… Just play it cool, man. - Play it cool. 292 00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:46,587 Play it cool. 293 00:12:47,797 --> 00:12:48,798 - Hey. - Hey. 294 00:12:48,881 --> 00:12:51,134 - How's it going? - I have polio. 295 00:12:51,217 --> 00:12:52,301 Oh. 296 00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:58,266 Uh… Okay. 297 00:12:59,934 --> 00:13:03,980 - And I have polio… - He has polio, too. 298 00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:09,694 Mm-hmm. 299 00:13:11,404 --> 00:13:14,282 All right. Um… 300 00:13:30,006 --> 00:13:32,341 So if you wanna shower, you gotta shower in the bar. 301 00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:34,594 - Shower in the bar? - It's like… Yeah. Shower in the sink. 302 00:13:34,677 --> 00:13:36,929 - The sink? - Yeah. You never showered in a sink… 303 00:13:37,013 --> 00:13:38,931 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh… 304 00:13:39,015 --> 00:13:40,683 - What? - Oh, my God! 305 00:13:40,766 --> 00:13:42,643 - Do you see that? - What? 306 00:13:42,727 --> 00:13:43,770 I got a good idea, Frank. 307 00:13:43,853 --> 00:13:46,355 I think I know how we can really up our game at the strip club. 308 00:13:46,439 --> 00:13:47,648 How? 309 00:13:47,732 --> 00:13:51,903 Who gets more respect and admiration in this country than war heroes? 310 00:13:53,905 --> 00:13:55,406 - Athletes. - Yeah, that's true. 311 00:13:55,490 --> 00:13:56,991 - But after that. - Rock stars. 312 00:13:57,074 --> 00:13:59,702 - Yeah, also true. But after that, Frank. - Actors. 313 00:13:59,786 --> 00:14:00,995 - Yeah. Right. - Models. 314 00:14:01,078 --> 00:14:02,330 - Yes. Look… - Rich people. 315 00:14:02,413 --> 00:14:05,124 No, no. Okay, look, look, look! If you just buy me this costume, 316 00:14:05,208 --> 00:14:08,961 I'm gonna show these ladies a war hero they can't take their eyes off of. 317 00:14:09,045 --> 00:14:10,671 I don't think this costume's gonna work. 318 00:14:10,755 --> 00:14:12,715 No, this costume… The chicks are gonna go crazy over this. 319 00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:13,841 Maybe you should let me do all the talking. 320 00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:16,177 No. It's gonna be like fish in a barrel. I got it covered. 321 00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:18,638 - Okay. - Just watch and learn. 322 00:14:18,721 --> 00:14:19,972 Oh, look at you, sweetie. 323 00:14:20,056 --> 00:14:22,058 What happened? 324 00:14:22,141 --> 00:14:24,685 Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! 325 00:14:24,769 --> 00:14:27,730 - Go get me a beer, bitch! - Excuse me. 326 00:14:27,814 --> 00:14:29,482 What are you doing? What are you doing? 327 00:14:29,565 --> 00:14:33,194 - Hey, that was working. - Let me do the talking. 328 00:14:33,277 --> 00:14:34,987 - I'll take it from here. - Did you just box me in? 329 00:14:37,657 --> 00:14:41,244 You don't do that to a guy, Frank. You don't box in a vet! 330 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:42,370 You don't stick a vet in the corner, Frank! 331 00:14:42,453 --> 00:14:45,957 Sorry about that. He's a little loosey-goosey upstairs. 332 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,710 I try to get him out as much as possible. It's very difficult. 333 00:14:49,794 --> 00:14:53,548 - Is he your… - Boy. He's my poor little crippled boy. 334 00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:55,800 - Oh, that's so sad. - Mmm. 335 00:14:55,883 --> 00:14:58,469 I didn't fight no damn war so I could be boxed in 336 00:14:58,553 --> 00:15:02,140 by some square commie-ass piece of shit! 337 00:15:02,223 --> 00:15:03,975 Well, I feel awful. 338 00:15:04,058 --> 00:15:06,352 Yeah. Well, that's what happens when you meet an actual crippled person. 339 00:15:06,436 --> 00:15:08,479 - You know. Brings you down. - Yeah, disabled. 340 00:15:08,563 --> 00:15:10,440 Whatever, dude. Crippled, disabled… I don't care, man! 341 00:15:10,523 --> 00:15:12,024 I just wanna get out of here. This whole thing's ruined. 342 00:15:12,108 --> 00:15:14,902 I know! We should, because, you know, you weren't pulling it off anyway. 343 00:15:14,986 --> 00:15:18,865 Whoa! Hold on a second. Don't pull that shit with me, okay? 344 00:15:18,948 --> 00:15:21,284 - I didn't ruin this. You ruined this. - How did I ruin it? 345 00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,327 Because I had a good polio backstory that the chicks… 346 00:15:23,411 --> 00:15:25,621 Nobody cares about polio or backstories… 347 00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:26,747 - You know what? - …or little legs or whatever. 348 00:15:26,831 --> 00:15:29,083 I bet you a million dollars if I had talked to a girl… 349 00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,461 - For God's sakes! A million dollars? - About my withered legs, then… 350 00:15:31,544 --> 00:15:34,755 All right. What are we doing? What are we doing? 351 00:15:34,839 --> 00:15:39,469 I think that there's only one true way to settle this like gentlemen. 352 00:15:42,263 --> 00:15:43,431 You're dead! 353 00:15:45,308 --> 00:15:46,309 Hey! 354 00:15:53,024 --> 00:15:54,317 No! No! 355 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,319 - Oh, yeah, baby! - Oh, yeah. You cheated! You cheated! 356 00:15:56,402 --> 00:15:59,739 Oh, yeah! Whoo! 357 00:15:59,822 --> 00:16:01,866 - You suck! - All you do is cheat! 358 00:16:01,949 --> 00:16:03,534 How do you feel about that, huh? 359 00:16:03,618 --> 00:16:05,536 - How do you feel about that? - What are you doing? 360 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,079 You're just a sore loser! 361 00:16:10,374 --> 00:16:12,376 What's going on down there? 362 00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:15,671 Those two guys are pretending to be disabled and kicking each other's asses. 363 00:16:18,216 --> 00:16:20,510 What a bunch of scumbags. 364 00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:38,736 - Being handicapped sucks, dude. - Oh, yeah, man. It's too much work. 365 00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:40,363 There's, like, nothing to show for it, man. 366 00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:42,073 - There's no advantages. - Oh, look at this guy. 367 00:16:42,156 --> 00:16:43,157 - Hey. - Another homeless guy? 368 00:16:43,241 --> 00:16:44,784 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, pal, wake up. 369 00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:46,786 - Hey. - Charlie? 370 00:16:47,954 --> 00:16:49,163 - What the hell are you doing? - What time is it? 371 00:16:49,247 --> 00:16:50,790 - Why are you dressed like that, dude? - Yeah. 372 00:16:50,873 --> 00:16:53,042 What is going on? Why are you sleeping out here? 373 00:16:53,126 --> 00:16:56,712 Because I can't sleep in there! I can't get onto the stupid curb! 374 00:16:56,796 --> 00:16:57,964 Why would you wanna sleep in there? 375 00:16:58,047 --> 00:17:00,091 Your dad keeps swooping in, taking my chicks 376 00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:02,093 and locking me out of my apartment! 377 00:17:03,594 --> 00:17:05,805 Okay. Well, we were gonna go inside and get drunk. 378 00:17:05,888 --> 00:17:07,306 - You wanna come with us? - No. No. Look at me. 379 00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:08,474 I got a whole thing going on, man. 380 00:17:08,558 --> 00:17:10,977 - What… Really? - Yeah. I'm going to the strip… 381 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:12,812 Don't touch that. I'm going to the strip club. 382 00:17:12,895 --> 00:17:14,105 - I'm gonna get some girls… - Right. 383 00:17:14,188 --> 00:17:15,857 - …because it's bullshit. I think… - With this? 384 00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:18,401 I mean, Yeah, with this! I mean, the whole thing is… 385 00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:20,278 This is good as gold. Frank keeps coming in. 386 00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:21,988 He swoops in, he takes my chicks. 387 00:17:22,071 --> 00:17:24,115 He doesn't care about me. What kind of a guy does that? 388 00:17:24,198 --> 00:17:26,117 You know what I mean? Who comes into someone's apartment 389 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,618 and just kicks him out? You know what I mean? 390 00:17:27,702 --> 00:17:29,871 Like I'm a piece of crap. Like I belong on the street. 391 00:17:29,954 --> 00:17:33,374 Like I'm some kind of piece of dirt. That's bullshit, man! 392 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:35,418 War hero coming through. 393 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:39,380 How you doing? War hero. So… Kind of a big deal. 394 00:17:39,464 --> 00:17:42,091 I'm a war hero. How do you… Hey, how you doin'? 395 00:17:42,175 --> 00:17:44,635 I'm a war hero. So I'll catch up with you. 396 00:17:44,719 --> 00:17:46,929 All right. Okay. All right. 397 00:17:47,013 --> 00:17:49,724 Hey, war hero. So… 398 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:52,351 All right. All right. Maybe hit the gym a little bit. 399 00:17:53,895 --> 00:17:54,896 What the hell? 400 00:17:54,979 --> 00:17:56,981 Yeah! 401 00:17:59,692 --> 00:18:01,903 No! 402 00:18:01,986 --> 00:18:04,989 No! No! 403 00:18:05,072 --> 00:18:08,326 Charlie! Hey, this is my roommate, Charlie. 404 00:18:08,409 --> 00:18:10,620 - Girls, say hello to Charlie. - No! 405 00:18:10,703 --> 00:18:12,580 - Hi, Charlie! - No! No! 406 00:18:12,663 --> 00:18:15,291 No! No! No! 407 00:18:15,374 --> 00:18:19,128 No, Frank! Come here! Come here! 408 00:18:22,423 --> 00:18:25,301 - What… What is this shit? - Well, it's just… 409 00:18:25,384 --> 00:18:26,928 I rigged it up. It's like… 410 00:18:27,011 --> 00:18:28,930 I'm really using my hands, but they don't know it. 411 00:18:29,013 --> 00:18:30,807 No, no, Frank! What are you doing with the strippers? 412 00:18:30,890 --> 00:18:32,433 You're stealing my thing! 413 00:18:32,517 --> 00:18:35,937 What? Well, I figured, you know, I'd cut out the middleman. 414 00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:38,272 This way, everybody wins. 415 00:18:38,356 --> 00:18:39,774 I don't win. 416 00:18:39,857 --> 00:18:41,943 The other thing I figured out is the only thing 417 00:18:42,026 --> 00:18:46,155 that attracts the attention of strippers more than pity is money. 418 00:18:46,239 --> 00:18:47,824 And I brought a shitload of that. 419 00:18:47,907 --> 00:18:51,536 - What… Charlie! - I'm gonna kill you! 420 00:18:51,619 --> 00:18:52,745 - What are you doing? Huh? - You're totally blowing up 421 00:18:52,829 --> 00:18:54,247 - my scene here, man! - Are you crazy? 422 00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:55,540 This is like the best thing that ever happened to me, and you're ruining it! 423 00:18:55,623 --> 00:18:57,959 - It's a win-win situation. - No! You come to my apartment! 424 00:18:58,042 --> 00:19:01,212 You lock me out! Take all my girls! It's not a win-win situation! 425 00:19:01,295 --> 00:19:03,464 - My thumb's on your neck. - Why can't you just give me this? 426 00:19:03,548 --> 00:19:05,424 - I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. - This guy's a walker! 427 00:19:05,508 --> 00:19:07,927 But I love the guy, all right? 428 00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:11,556 He's family, you know? I mean, we've been through a lot together. 429 00:19:11,639 --> 00:19:14,183 Okay? So, you know, 430 00:19:14,267 --> 00:19:16,310 is it wrong for me to love him? I don't know. 431 00:19:16,394 --> 00:19:19,439 If I have to listen to you talk about this stupid, 432 00:19:19,522 --> 00:19:21,732 goddamned stuffed elephant anymore, 433 00:19:21,816 --> 00:19:23,443 I'm going to punch you in the head. 434 00:19:23,526 --> 00:19:24,694 Hey! Hey! 435 00:19:24,777 --> 00:19:27,780 Mr. Tibbs was not just some stupid stuffed element… 436 00:19:27,864 --> 00:19:29,282 Elephant, okay? 437 00:19:29,365 --> 00:19:33,411 - He was like a companion. - Strip club! 438 00:19:33,494 --> 00:19:35,496 - All right. Let's go… - Strip club! 439 00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:38,458 Yeah. Let's go to the strip club. 440 00:19:38,541 --> 00:19:39,750 You're driving. 441 00:19:45,131 --> 00:19:46,132 All right. 442 00:19:46,215 --> 00:19:48,217 You know, I didn't realize that somebody 443 00:19:48,301 --> 00:19:51,053 in your condition could have so much energy. 444 00:19:51,137 --> 00:19:53,222 - Well, you gotta live, right? - God! 445 00:19:53,306 --> 00:19:56,267 You know, you… You are an amazing person. 446 00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:58,019 - I'm scoring in there… - You've you ruined this. 447 00:19:58,102 --> 00:19:59,645 …and you come in there and blow everything! 448 00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:01,481 - You shouldn't even be in there! - You get your hands off my blow tube! 449 00:20:01,564 --> 00:20:03,775 You know what, Frank, Go get your goddamn car 450 00:20:03,858 --> 00:20:04,859 and give me a ride home! 451 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:07,612 - I'll give you a ride home! - Hey! 452 00:20:07,695 --> 00:20:10,281 Ow, my legs! 453 00:20:10,364 --> 00:20:13,409 Oh, my legs! Frank, what are you doing? 454 00:20:13,493 --> 00:20:15,119 - Hey, Dad! - My broken legs! 455 00:20:15,203 --> 00:20:17,830 Why are you beating up a homeless person? 456 00:20:17,914 --> 00:20:19,540 What the hell's with the crutches? 457 00:20:19,624 --> 00:20:21,334 It's kind of a… It's kind of a long story. 458 00:20:21,417 --> 00:20:23,586 - I can't really go into it right now. - Oh, yeah? 459 00:20:23,669 --> 00:20:24,921 Whether you like it or not. 460 00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:26,589 - Here! How about that? - Hey! Give… 461 00:20:26,672 --> 00:20:28,966 Whoo! That's right! We're going to the strip club! 462 00:20:29,050 --> 00:20:32,845 I'm gonna steal Charlie's girls at the strip club! 463 00:20:32,929 --> 00:20:36,516 I'm gonna buy you a lap dance. I'm gonna buy myself a lap dance. 464 00:20:36,599 --> 00:20:39,143 I'm gonna buy everybody at the whole strip club a lap dance. 465 00:20:39,227 --> 00:20:42,396 Whoa! Are you people all pretending to be handicapped? 466 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,481 Mind your own business. 467 00:20:43,564 --> 00:20:45,316 - Give me the crutches back. Dad! - No! 468 00:20:49,362 --> 00:20:50,363 - Who's acting like a child? - You are acting like a child. 469 00:20:50,446 --> 00:20:51,447 You stole my stuff! 470 00:20:51,531 --> 00:20:53,324 - Oh! Whoo! - Whoo, baby! 471 00:20:53,407 --> 00:20:55,535 - I'm gonna count to three. One… - You don't get the crutches. 472 00:20:58,454 --> 00:20:59,455 - One thousand-two… - Here's the crutches. 473 00:20:59,539 --> 00:21:00,832 - You can't have 'em! - Give me the… 474 00:21:03,042 --> 00:21:04,627 Oh, shit! 475 00:21:06,963 --> 00:21:08,422 Paging Dr. Lyon. 476 00:21:08,506 --> 00:21:10,591 Dr. Lyon, please report to the emergency room. 477 00:21:10,675 --> 00:21:13,052 We are so lucky that nobody got killed. 478 00:21:13,136 --> 00:21:14,595 - Oh, my God. - Well, yeah. 479 00:21:14,679 --> 00:21:16,639 Actually, Dennis is lucky that nobody got killed… 480 00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:18,766 Since he's the guy that just about killed everybody. 481 00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:20,351 Uh, you know what? Maybe you killed somebody. 482 00:21:20,435 --> 00:21:23,354 - How does that make sense? - Maybe you did kill somebody! 483 00:21:23,438 --> 00:21:24,939 You were standing in front of a driving car… 484 00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:28,192 - Yeah, well, driving a vehicle… - Shut up! 485 00:21:28,276 --> 00:21:30,153 Will you shut up, for crying out loud! 486 00:21:30,236 --> 00:21:34,991 Don't youse ever stop fighting and just shut the hell up? 487 00:21:40,705 --> 00:21:42,415 Now, who wants ice cream? 488 00:21:42,498 --> 00:21:43,499 - I do. - I do. 489 00:21:43,583 --> 00:21:46,502 - Really, Dad? - Enjoy a nice ice cream, 490 00:21:46,586 --> 00:21:51,257 and just thank goodness that nobody important got seriously hurt. 491 00:21:57,805 --> 00:22:00,141 What a bunch of assholes.