1 00:00:00,654 --> 00:00:01,989 I think most people would agree. 2 00:00:02,073 --> 00:00:03,240 I don't agree. 3 00:00:03,324 --> 00:00:04,533 Will you look at your skin? 4 00:00:04,617 --> 00:00:06,077 I am looking. What's the matter with it? 5 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,912 - It's all blotchy. - How's it blotchy? 6 00:00:07,995 --> 00:00:09,830 - I don't see it. - Dad, will you look at Sweet Dee's skin 7 00:00:09,914 --> 00:00:11,207 and tell me that it's not all blotchy? 8 00:00:11,290 --> 00:00:12,833 Do I have to listen to this shit all morning? 9 00:00:12,917 --> 00:00:14,502 - Come on. - Frank, you've gotta be kidding me 10 00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:17,046 with these receipts. We were actually doing better before you took over. 11 00:00:17,129 --> 00:00:19,548 Hey! Hey! What's up, guys? 12 00:00:19,632 --> 00:00:21,217 I didn't hear you guys come in. 13 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:24,095 Uh, you know, I was actually in here early opening up this morning. 14 00:00:24,178 --> 00:00:25,930 Charlie, we had an agreement. 15 00:00:26,013 --> 00:00:28,265 This is a place of business, not your home. 16 00:00:28,349 --> 00:00:30,101 Uh, yeah, I know that. 17 00:00:30,184 --> 00:00:31,936 Not supposed to sleep in the bar anymore, bro. 18 00:00:32,019 --> 00:00:33,104 I wasn't. 19 00:00:33,187 --> 00:00:34,271 You didn't come home last night. 20 00:00:34,355 --> 00:00:36,857 Oh, okay, okay. Well, guess what? 21 00:00:36,941 --> 00:00:38,901 I found some extensive water damage 22 00:00:38,984 --> 00:00:40,152 - in the back office. - What? 23 00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:42,822 Yeah, so, maybe I'm not such a bad guy 24 00:00:42,905 --> 00:00:44,990 for passing out in there and drinking too much or whatever. 25 00:00:45,074 --> 00:00:46,700 That's a terrible excuse, dude. 26 00:00:46,784 --> 00:00:48,869 Well, I drank too much, so lay off. 27 00:00:48,953 --> 00:00:52,039 Holy shit! Guys, come here! Come here! Check this out! 28 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,083 Look! 29 00:00:55,251 --> 00:00:56,293 - What? - What? 30 00:00:56,377 --> 00:00:58,629 That is the Virgin Mary. 31 00:00:58,712 --> 00:01:00,256 - What? - Oh, take it easy, bro. 32 00:01:00,339 --> 00:01:03,426 No, look. The head and the arms and the cape. 33 00:01:03,509 --> 00:01:05,136 - Does look like it. Weird. - I don't see it. 34 00:01:05,219 --> 00:01:08,139 What if it's a sign? You guys, remember, I wanted to be a priest. 35 00:01:08,222 --> 00:01:09,765 That's a water stain, dude. 36 00:01:09,849 --> 00:01:12,852 Or it could be a sign that we need to get our pipes fixed. 37 00:01:12,935 --> 00:01:14,186 What if it's a miracle? 38 00:01:16,021 --> 00:01:20,067 Listen. It could be a miracle. It could be bullshit. 39 00:01:20,151 --> 00:01:22,486 There's only one thing we know for sure. 40 00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:26,323 - What's that? - It's a goddamn gold mine. 41 00:02:03,194 --> 00:02:05,279 Well, I'll tell you, Jim. I was in the back office, 42 00:02:05,362 --> 00:02:08,157 and I'd just finished praying on my rosaries. 43 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,660 And I was doing some crunches, you know, working on my abs. 44 00:02:11,744 --> 00:02:13,996 And that's when I saw it. 45 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,207 And I thought to myself, 46 00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:18,209 "That is definitely the mother of our Lord." 47 00:02:18,292 --> 00:02:20,795 Did my face look fat? 48 00:02:20,878 --> 00:02:21,879 Yeah. 49 00:02:21,962 --> 00:02:24,423 No, don't, don't screw with me here. 50 00:02:24,507 --> 00:02:26,717 - Seriously. It's just the TV, right? - No, it's been looking fat. 51 00:02:26,801 --> 00:02:30,846 So if you like the Virgin Mary and you like beer, 52 00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:33,641 come on down to Paddy's Pub. We got 'em both. 53 00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:37,353 Welcome to Paddy's Pub, home of the Blessed Mother. 54 00:02:37,436 --> 00:02:39,105 Would you care to make a donation? 55 00:02:39,188 --> 00:02:40,731 How much should I give? 56 00:02:40,815 --> 00:02:45,361 Well, what price can one put on the viewing of a miracle? 57 00:02:45,444 --> 00:02:47,405 Give whatever you can. 58 00:02:50,908 --> 00:02:52,827 These people are pathetic. 59 00:02:52,910 --> 00:02:55,955 Yeah, Dad, I really don't feel very good about what we're doing in here. 60 00:02:56,038 --> 00:02:57,623 Well, don't get all high-and-mighty on me. 61 00:02:57,706 --> 00:03:00,960 I only made four dollars, Deandra. I think I can live with myself. 62 00:03:01,043 --> 00:03:02,837 Oh, Let's move, lady. We got a whole long line here. 63 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,673 Don't be selfish. All right. Rollin' on in. 64 00:03:05,756 --> 00:03:08,259 This is one of the more ridiculous things we have ever done, dude. 65 00:03:08,342 --> 00:03:11,262 I will tell you what is ridiculous. Taking advantage of the mother of God. 66 00:03:11,345 --> 00:03:13,931 Are you kidding me? That is a water stain, man. 67 00:03:14,014 --> 00:03:17,351 Man, we are really pushing our luck with the big guy upstairs on this one. 68 00:03:17,435 --> 00:03:19,145 Dude, if you don't think you're already going to hell, 69 00:03:19,228 --> 00:03:20,980 you need to take a long look at yourself. 70 00:03:21,063 --> 00:03:22,189 Go look at yourself, bro. 71 00:03:22,273 --> 00:03:23,732 - Okay, I'll do that. - Yeah, do it. 72 00:03:23,816 --> 00:03:24,817 Dee Reynolds? 73 00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:28,529 Oh, wow. It is you. Matthew Mara. 74 00:03:29,864 --> 00:03:32,324 We were in physical therapy together twice a week after school. 75 00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:36,704 I was the only other person in physical therapy with you. 76 00:03:37,747 --> 00:03:39,915 - Huh. - I wore the giant leg braces. 77 00:03:39,999 --> 00:03:41,125 Oh, my God. Yeah, 78 00:03:41,208 --> 00:03:43,169 - with the leg braces. - Yeah. 79 00:03:43,252 --> 00:03:45,546 - Wow. You look different. - Yeah, so do you. 80 00:03:45,629 --> 00:03:47,214 - No more back brace, I see. - Uh-uh. 81 00:03:47,298 --> 00:03:49,133 - You look… You look wonderful. Yeah. - Oh. 82 00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:50,801 Matty Mara? 83 00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:51,886 Hello, Mac. 84 00:03:51,969 --> 00:03:53,512 I knew it! I called it from across the bar, 85 00:03:53,596 --> 00:03:55,014 even without the cripple braces. 86 00:03:55,097 --> 00:03:56,182 So, what? You're a priest now? 87 00:03:56,265 --> 00:03:59,435 Wow! Look at you. Little Matty Mara all grown up, huh? 88 00:03:59,518 --> 00:04:01,187 Hey, Dennis, little Matty Mara's here. 89 00:04:01,270 --> 00:04:02,438 - The priest. - Hey-oh! 90 00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:04,523 Hey, you come to witness the miracle for yourself? 91 00:04:04,607 --> 00:04:06,192 Miracle's a strong word, Mac. 92 00:04:06,275 --> 00:04:08,652 We don't just throw that around like a football. 93 00:04:08,736 --> 00:04:10,237 Well, you should. 94 00:04:10,321 --> 00:04:12,531 Well, I just came out of curiosity. 95 00:04:12,615 --> 00:04:15,159 See what you had at this bar of yours. 96 00:04:15,242 --> 00:04:16,619 You have to admit it's her, dude. 97 00:04:16,702 --> 00:04:18,496 Well, it's quite a likeness. 98 00:04:18,579 --> 00:04:19,622 Yeah. You think it's a sign? 99 00:04:19,705 --> 00:04:20,956 No, I think it's a stain. 100 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,959 But, uh, it's an interesting stain. I'll give you that. 101 00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:26,087 - Hey, Matty. - Hello, Dennis. How are you? 102 00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,797 I've been better. I've been better. 103 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,216 Let me ask you a question, man. Um. 104 00:04:30,299 --> 00:04:31,759 I know it's been years since we've seen each other, 105 00:04:31,842 --> 00:04:33,803 but does my face look fat to you? 106 00:04:33,886 --> 00:04:36,764 Well, we've all put on a few pounds since high school, so… 107 00:04:36,847 --> 00:04:40,309 Of course. Of course. But I don't look fat though, right? 108 00:04:40,392 --> 00:04:41,936 Um, no. 109 00:04:42,019 --> 00:04:43,145 Hey, what do we used to call you in high school? 110 00:04:43,229 --> 00:04:44,271 Rickety Cricket, dude! 111 00:04:44,355 --> 00:04:46,107 That's right. Rickety Crickety Legs… 112 00:04:46,190 --> 00:04:47,358 Yeah, his legs were… 113 00:04:47,441 --> 00:04:48,442 Yeah, his legs were… 114 00:04:48,526 --> 00:04:49,860 All right. 115 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:51,278 Yeah. Yeah. 116 00:04:51,362 --> 00:04:53,197 Hey, remember how you would pass out at parties, 117 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,615 and Dennis would tea-bag you? 118 00:04:54,698 --> 00:04:56,575 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, then I would take the photo. 119 00:04:56,659 --> 00:04:58,035 We'd pass it around the school. 120 00:04:58,119 --> 00:05:01,288 Everybody loved those photos, Matty. 121 00:05:01,372 --> 00:05:03,082 Hey, you still get balls-to-the-chin cracks? 122 00:05:03,165 --> 00:05:06,377 No, actually, that was a long time ago. 123 00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:08,462 - It would be funnier as a priest. - Oh, my God. Those pictures. 124 00:05:08,546 --> 00:05:09,713 - Those were hilarious. - You don't understand 125 00:05:09,797 --> 00:05:11,173 how much everybody loved those pictures. 126 00:05:11,257 --> 00:05:13,801 - My balls on your chin. - Everybody loved you, man. 127 00:05:13,884 --> 00:05:15,261 I think people still have copies of those pictures. 128 00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:16,345 There's a lot of those floating around. 129 00:05:16,429 --> 00:05:17,430 I saw them on the Internet! 130 00:05:17,513 --> 00:05:19,473 You were, like, famous in school. 131 00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:20,975 Yeah, practically. Practically. 132 00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:22,268 I got a whole shoe box of those things. 133 00:05:22,351 --> 00:05:24,562 - That's partially our doing. - Yeah, well, let's, let's… 134 00:05:24,645 --> 00:05:26,730 - I should get going, so, um… - Okay. 135 00:05:26,814 --> 00:05:28,732 Hey, hey. Check it out though. 136 00:05:28,816 --> 00:05:33,237 Um, why did you pause before you said "no" earlier? 137 00:05:34,238 --> 00:05:35,364 I'm sorry? 138 00:05:35,448 --> 00:05:39,493 Well, earlier when I asked you if my face looked fat, you kind of paused. 139 00:05:39,577 --> 00:05:41,662 I'm not sure. 140 00:05:41,746 --> 00:05:44,331 Uh, listen, Dee, it was great seeing you again. 141 00:05:44,415 --> 00:05:46,625 Oh, yeah. You too. 142 00:05:46,709 --> 00:05:47,710 Gentlemen. 143 00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:48,961 - Cricket. - Later, Cricks. 144 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,296 See you, Rickety Crickety. 145 00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:52,298 - I love that guy. - How do you guys know the priest? 146 00:05:52,381 --> 00:05:53,424 Oh, we went to high school with him. 147 00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:55,176 We should get him to bless the stain. 148 00:05:55,259 --> 00:05:57,428 - Why? - This could be huge, Charlie. 149 00:05:57,511 --> 00:06:00,097 I mean, endorsement from the Catholic Church. 150 00:06:00,181 --> 00:06:02,933 No. No. See, you guys are taking this thing way too far. 151 00:06:03,017 --> 00:06:05,227 And you know what I'm gonna do? Wash my hands of it. 152 00:06:05,311 --> 00:06:07,772 Washing my hands of the whole situation, Lord. 153 00:06:07,855 --> 00:06:10,399 He will smite you all. God will smite you all! 154 00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:13,027 Okay, uh, we should do it soon though because the pipe might leak a little more. 155 00:06:14,195 --> 00:06:16,363 The stain could fade. You think this priest 156 00:06:16,447 --> 00:06:18,157 - would help you guys? - I think Dee could probably 157 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,325 - get him to do it. - You could probably get him to do it. 158 00:06:19,408 --> 00:06:21,744 - What? Why me? - Oh, "Why me?" she says. 159 00:06:21,827 --> 00:06:23,204 The guy was in love with her in high school. 160 00:06:23,287 --> 00:06:25,289 - He would do anything for her. - No. 161 00:06:25,372 --> 00:06:27,166 All right. Remember the time you said you'd kiss him 162 00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:29,168 - if he ate a horse turd? - He ate the whole turd. 163 00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:30,503 The guy eats the whole thing. 164 00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:31,796 Then she doesn't kiss him 'cause she said 165 00:06:31,879 --> 00:06:34,632 - his breath smelled like shit. - His breath smelled like shit. 166 00:06:34,715 --> 00:06:37,218 - That's my girl. - It didn't really happen like that. 167 00:06:37,301 --> 00:06:39,887 No. He ate the whole turd, and then she wouldn't kiss him. 168 00:06:39,970 --> 00:06:41,639 Hey, Dee, come on. This would be really good for the bar. 169 00:06:41,722 --> 00:06:43,682 No. Screw you guys. No way. I'm not doing that. 170 00:06:43,766 --> 00:06:44,975 - That's a bad attitude. - Oh, you know what? 171 00:06:45,059 --> 00:06:47,561 I think the priest may not do it because she's getting a little old. 172 00:06:47,645 --> 00:06:49,355 - Oh! Yeah. - What is that? 173 00:06:49,438 --> 00:06:51,649 - Yeah, yeah, your skin's all blotchy. - No, it's not. 174 00:06:51,732 --> 00:06:53,734 I didn't think about that. Yeah. He's not gonna do it. 175 00:06:53,818 --> 00:06:55,528 - You got the crow's feet. - Crow's feet. 176 00:06:55,611 --> 00:06:56,654 No, I don't. 177 00:06:56,737 --> 00:06:58,364 And you're getting the lines there. And the… 178 00:06:58,447 --> 00:06:59,949 Mmm. Fivehead. Laugh lines. 179 00:07:00,032 --> 00:07:02,410 You know what? You guys are such assholes. 180 00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:04,954 I'm gonna see what I can do. 181 00:07:11,502 --> 00:07:13,379 Matthew, hi. 182 00:07:13,462 --> 00:07:16,757 Dee. Wow. What a nice surprise. What brings you here? 183 00:07:16,841 --> 00:07:19,510 Well, the guys and I kind of needed somebody to come 184 00:07:19,593 --> 00:07:22,012 and bless that stain in our bar. 185 00:07:24,598 --> 00:07:26,517 - Are you serious? - Mm-hmm. 186 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,061 Dee, I'm not gonna bless a water stain. 187 00:07:29,145 --> 00:07:31,147 We don't do things like that. The Catholic Church… 188 00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:32,481 Oh, no, no, no. I know not them. 189 00:07:32,565 --> 00:07:34,984 But I was just hoping you could just do me a little favor. 190 00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:37,653 Dee. Okay. I realize you were able to get me 191 00:07:38,988 --> 00:07:40,197 to do things for you in school, but… 192 00:07:40,281 --> 00:07:41,615 Oh, you know what? I did. 193 00:07:41,699 --> 00:07:45,453 I kind of led you on a little bit back then, didn't I? 194 00:07:45,536 --> 00:07:47,872 But I wasn't always a tease, you know? 195 00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:50,416 Remember? I let you do all my math homework. 196 00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,252 Not sure I follow your logic. 197 00:07:53,335 --> 00:07:55,921 Well, what about that time we almost kissed? 198 00:07:56,005 --> 00:07:58,507 You made me eat a… 199 00:07:58,591 --> 00:08:00,426 Look, I'm not blessing the stain, okay? 200 00:08:00,509 --> 00:08:02,052 Oh, no. Matthew. Okay. Hold on a second. 201 00:08:02,136 --> 00:08:03,888 I mean, the taste of that thing alone… 202 00:08:03,971 --> 00:08:05,097 No, I can't imagine. 203 00:08:05,181 --> 00:08:06,515 - It haunts me. - Of course it does. 204 00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:08,434 I'm sorry, okay? Forget… 205 00:08:08,517 --> 00:08:11,145 Forget I came by about the stain. I don't care about that anymore, okay? 206 00:08:11,228 --> 00:08:13,397 I just… I know you really liked me back then, 207 00:08:13,481 --> 00:08:15,566 and I know I wasn't very nice to you. 208 00:08:15,649 --> 00:08:18,277 And I think that's just because I was too stupid to realize 209 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,987 how wonderful you are. 210 00:08:20,071 --> 00:08:21,405 I'm sorry. 211 00:08:21,489 --> 00:08:22,990 And… 212 00:08:23,074 --> 00:08:26,202 for the record, I think that you grew up to be very handsome. 213 00:08:26,285 --> 00:08:29,580 You do realize you're leading me on right now? I'm a priest. 214 00:08:29,663 --> 00:08:32,124 Am I? Oh, I didn't even know. 215 00:08:33,709 --> 00:08:35,419 But if you wanted to grab a drink sometime… 216 00:08:35,503 --> 00:08:38,506 - You're still doing it. - Oh, my God. I don't… 217 00:08:38,589 --> 00:08:42,218 wow, I-I think it's just 'cause you look so handsome in… 218 00:08:42,301 --> 00:08:43,636 - Please leave. - Okay, I'm gonna go now. 219 00:08:43,719 --> 00:08:45,096 - Thank you. It would be best. - All right. 220 00:08:45,179 --> 00:08:46,722 - God bless. - Yeah. 221 00:08:50,184 --> 00:08:51,519 Would you care to make a donation 222 00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,771 in the name of Paddy's Pub to the Holy Blessed Mother? 223 00:08:53,854 --> 00:08:55,106 Mm-mmm. 224 00:08:55,189 --> 00:08:57,233 Hey, Charlie, this needs to stop. And if you guys don't do it, 225 00:08:57,316 --> 00:08:58,651 - I'm gonna do it myself. - Yeah, you're telling me. 226 00:08:58,734 --> 00:08:59,985 I'm getting sick of doing this. 227 00:09:00,069 --> 00:09:01,987 God is going to show his wrath, Charlie. 228 00:09:02,071 --> 00:09:03,447 Excuse me. 229 00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:07,785 Are you the young man to whom the Holy Mother first appear? 230 00:09:07,868 --> 00:09:10,413 - Yeah. - Could you bless me, please? 231 00:09:10,496 --> 00:09:12,373 You want me to bless you? 232 00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:13,666 Please, senor. 233 00:09:13,749 --> 00:09:17,628 Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. 234 00:09:17,711 --> 00:09:19,338 - In the name of the Father, the Son… - Right hand. 235 00:09:19,422 --> 00:09:21,382 …Holy Spirit. Amen. 236 00:09:21,465 --> 00:09:22,967 Gracias. 237 00:09:23,050 --> 00:09:24,301 You're welcome. 238 00:09:25,678 --> 00:09:27,012 Did you see that, dude? 239 00:09:27,096 --> 00:09:28,764 I just blessed that woman. 240 00:09:28,848 --> 00:09:32,518 I may have saved that poor, wretched old person's life. 241 00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:34,728 Well, I don't know about that, but, uh… 242 00:09:34,812 --> 00:09:36,230 This could be my calling, Charlie. 243 00:09:36,313 --> 00:09:37,898 What happened to all that "God's wrath" business, 244 00:09:37,982 --> 00:09:39,024 and "this has to end…" 245 00:09:39,108 --> 00:09:40,568 Yeah, no, don't worry about that, dude. 246 00:09:40,651 --> 00:09:43,028 I think this could actually be a good thing. 247 00:09:43,112 --> 00:09:44,363 We could change the world. 248 00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:45,448 Okay, okay. All right. 249 00:09:45,531 --> 00:09:48,993 New plan, all right? Let's go around, let's bless people. 250 00:09:49,076 --> 00:09:50,828 Well, actually, I should bless people though, 251 00:09:50,911 --> 00:09:52,580 but you could be my right-hand man. 252 00:09:52,663 --> 00:09:53,706 You could be my Peter. 253 00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:55,833 Oh. 254 00:09:55,916 --> 00:09:56,959 Okay, I'll be your Peter. 255 00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:58,085 Dress a little nicer though… 256 00:09:58,169 --> 00:09:59,336 …'cause you look like shit. 257 00:10:00,504 --> 00:10:03,090 Hey. How'd it go with the priest? 258 00:10:03,174 --> 00:10:04,300 Not gonna happen. 259 00:10:04,383 --> 00:10:05,926 Did you put the moves on him? 260 00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,679 First of all, gross. I don't think you're supposed to whore out your kids. 261 00:10:08,763 --> 00:10:11,140 Second of all, that guy is a really good person, you know, 262 00:10:11,223 --> 00:10:12,933 and I've treated him like shit his whole life. 263 00:10:13,017 --> 00:10:14,977 For once I'm gonna do the right thing. 264 00:10:15,060 --> 00:10:16,103 He thinks you're too old, huh? 265 00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,439 Goddamn it. Why do I speak to you, ever? 266 00:10:18,522 --> 00:10:20,566 Hello. 267 00:10:20,649 --> 00:10:22,818 Oh, wow. 268 00:10:22,902 --> 00:10:24,487 What is wrong with you? 269 00:10:24,570 --> 00:10:26,197 Oh, well, I've been fasting for three days, 270 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,074 so I probably look good. 271 00:10:28,157 --> 00:10:30,785 You haven't eaten anything for three days? 272 00:10:30,868 --> 00:10:32,161 And I feel great. 273 00:10:32,244 --> 00:10:33,746 Why the hell are you fasting? 274 00:10:33,829 --> 00:10:36,832 Well I thought I would get into the spirit of the religious aspect 275 00:10:36,916 --> 00:10:38,417 - of what we got going. - It's 'cause we said his face looks fat. 276 00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:41,378 It is not. People have been fasting for thousands of years… 277 00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:44,590 - Face looks fat. - …for health and religious purposes. 278 00:10:44,673 --> 00:10:45,841 - Moses… - Fat face. 279 00:10:45,925 --> 00:10:47,051 - Jesus and Moses… - Fat. 280 00:10:47,134 --> 00:10:48,886 - …in the woods and in the desert… - Pretty fat, right? 281 00:10:48,969 --> 00:10:50,721 - Fat. - Please listen to me. Please. 282 00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:52,181 - Forget it. - Yeah. Yeah. 283 00:10:52,264 --> 00:10:55,017 All right? The priest thinks Dee's too old for him. 284 00:10:55,101 --> 00:10:58,854 We gotta go to plan B. I know another guy who could help us. 285 00:11:03,484 --> 00:11:05,528 Father O'Grady? Uh… 286 00:11:05,611 --> 00:11:08,030 I'm Frank Reynolds. I was in your parish. 287 00:11:08,114 --> 00:11:09,407 What do you want? 288 00:11:09,490 --> 00:11:11,242 We came to talk to you about a stain. 289 00:11:11,325 --> 00:11:14,078 No! Uh, wait a second. We just wanna have 290 00:11:14,161 --> 00:11:15,454 a few words with you. 291 00:11:15,538 --> 00:11:18,541 We found a stain in our bar that resembles the Virgin Mary. 292 00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:20,668 Cats are brown now. 293 00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:21,752 What? 294 00:11:21,836 --> 00:11:24,088 The cats are brown. 295 00:11:25,214 --> 00:11:27,174 What in the hell is he talking about? 296 00:11:27,258 --> 00:11:30,469 This guy's perfect. Let's go clean him up. 297 00:11:39,186 --> 00:11:42,398 I got the Lord, I got the Lord 298 00:11:42,481 --> 00:11:44,775 I got the good Lord, He's goin' down on me 299 00:11:44,859 --> 00:11:45,860 Down on me I got the Lord 300 00:11:45,943 --> 00:11:47,445 What are you doing? 301 00:11:47,528 --> 00:11:50,865 I got the good Lord is goin' down on me 302 00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:52,450 The good Lord is going down on you? 303 00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:53,826 What is that supposed to mean, Charlie? 304 00:11:53,909 --> 00:11:55,494 - What? It's like… - Why are you dressed like this? 305 00:11:55,578 --> 00:11:57,121 - Come on. It's perfect. - Where did you get it? 306 00:11:57,204 --> 00:11:58,622 I have my sources. 307 00:11:58,706 --> 00:12:00,124 Charlie, I told you to dress nice. 308 00:12:00,207 --> 00:12:01,876 We look like salt and pepper shakers. 309 00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:03,502 Ah, we look good. We look good. 310 00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:05,004 All right. Let's just get started. 311 00:12:05,087 --> 00:12:06,589 - Um… - Mmm. 312 00:12:06,672 --> 00:12:08,799 Ah. Uh, excuse me, sir. 313 00:12:08,883 --> 00:12:11,677 - Hello. Uh, would you like a blessing? - From who? 314 00:12:11,761 --> 00:12:13,888 Well, it was to me that the Virgin Mary first appeared. 315 00:12:13,971 --> 00:12:15,097 - Well, I found it. - What? 316 00:12:15,181 --> 00:12:17,600 Well, I'm just saying I was the one who found it. 317 00:12:17,683 --> 00:12:21,771 Yes, but, uh, I was the one who first recognized it was the Virgin Mary. 318 00:12:21,854 --> 00:12:23,814 - I found it, if you want the truth. - You thought it was a stain. 319 00:12:23,898 --> 00:12:26,692 I'd much prefer a blessing from him. 320 00:12:26,776 --> 00:12:30,279 - Why? - He seems a lot more religious than you. 321 00:12:30,362 --> 00:12:32,698 Okay, but he is my number two and doesn't really do the same… 322 00:12:32,782 --> 00:12:35,076 Well, maybe I could just throw you one of… 323 00:12:35,159 --> 00:12:36,202 Don't do it. 324 00:12:36,285 --> 00:12:38,954 Don't do it, Charlie. Don't do it! 325 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,876 - Ha! - Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. 326 00:12:43,959 --> 00:12:47,129 Okay, feel better. You're looking better already to me. 327 00:12:47,213 --> 00:12:49,090 You are completely betraying me. 328 00:12:49,173 --> 00:12:50,883 What are you doing? You're supposed to be my Peter. 329 00:12:50,966 --> 00:12:52,551 You know what, dude? Hear me out for a second. 330 00:12:52,635 --> 00:12:54,845 Okay. Now, technically, that stain did appear to me. 331 00:12:54,929 --> 00:12:58,599 Also, I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is, 332 00:12:58,682 --> 00:13:00,684 so am I the messiah? 333 00:13:00,768 --> 00:13:02,436 I don't know. Could be. I'm not ruling it out. 334 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,562 The messiah? 335 00:13:03,646 --> 00:13:04,855 I'm just not ruling it out, is all. 336 00:13:04,939 --> 00:13:05,940 You gotta be kidding me, dude. 337 00:13:06,023 --> 00:13:08,025 Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. 338 00:13:08,109 --> 00:13:09,902 I knew you were gonna ruin this. God damn it. 339 00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,863 Ooh. I really wish you wouldn't take my name in vain. 340 00:13:14,782 --> 00:13:17,785 I got the good Lord all up inside of me 341 00:13:19,036 --> 00:13:21,330 How are we gonna get this guy to bless anything? 342 00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:23,457 He's out of his mind. 343 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,085 Well, I'm hoping it's mostly the booze talking. 344 00:13:26,168 --> 00:13:28,295 Let's find some coffee. We can sober him up. 345 00:13:30,631 --> 00:13:31,632 Did you hear me? 346 00:13:33,217 --> 00:13:35,678 Dennis, I think you really gotta eat. 347 00:13:35,761 --> 00:13:37,930 No, I just spaced out for a second. What's up? 348 00:13:38,013 --> 00:13:39,014 Find some coffee. 349 00:13:39,098 --> 00:13:40,975 - We don't have a ton of time. - Yeah. 350 00:13:42,810 --> 00:13:45,980 Here's a confession. I'm in love with a man. 351 00:13:47,189 --> 00:13:48,899 What? 352 00:13:48,983 --> 00:13:51,068 I'm in love with a man. 353 00:13:51,152 --> 00:13:52,653 A man called God. 354 00:13:54,613 --> 00:13:58,075 Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? 355 00:13:58,159 --> 00:13:59,201 You betcha. 356 00:13:59,285 --> 00:14:01,620 Can I talk to you, please? 357 00:14:01,704 --> 00:14:03,330 - Speaketh. - In private. 358 00:14:03,414 --> 00:14:05,958 Okay. 359 00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:08,294 Well, congratulations, Jim Jones. 360 00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:10,129 You found the four people on the planet dumb enough 361 00:14:10,212 --> 00:14:12,381 - to listen to your shit. - Oh, forgive him, Lord, 362 00:14:12,465 --> 00:14:13,758 for he know not what he say. 363 00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:15,259 Give it a rest. You're not the messiah. 364 00:14:15,342 --> 00:14:16,719 You don't know dick about the Bible. 365 00:14:16,802 --> 00:14:19,305 You know, it really sounds like somebody in this room is jealous. 366 00:14:19,388 --> 00:14:20,473 Yeah, because it's bullshit! 367 00:14:20,556 --> 00:14:21,849 I'm the one that wanted to become a priest. 368 00:14:21,932 --> 00:14:24,810 I'm the one that knew it was Mary. I'm the one that should have followers. 369 00:14:24,894 --> 00:14:25,936 Sorry, bro. You just suck at it. 370 00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:27,480 Yeah? You wanna have a little competition? 371 00:14:27,563 --> 00:14:30,524 - Like what? - Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch. 372 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:34,487 Ask and ye shall receive, sucker. 373 00:14:37,490 --> 00:14:39,033 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 374 00:14:39,116 --> 00:14:43,496 It has been 10 years since my last confession. 375 00:14:45,289 --> 00:14:47,958 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, 376 00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,627 what's on your mind, my dear? 377 00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:52,254 I'm in love with a man that I can't have, Father. 378 00:14:52,338 --> 00:14:55,841 And he used to love me, too, but then I was really mean to him, 379 00:14:55,925 --> 00:14:58,886 and now we'll never know what could have been. 380 00:14:58,969 --> 00:15:01,013 Well, it's too late now. 381 00:15:01,097 --> 00:15:03,057 He's made a commitment that can never be broken. 382 00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,017 Let's drop this act, Matty. 383 00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:07,812 Listen, I think I have really strong feelings for you. 384 00:15:07,895 --> 00:15:09,313 Dee, please don't do this. 385 00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:11,357 You know what? It just seems like some kind of cruel joke. 386 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,567 I mean, you wanted me once, 387 00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:15,194 and now that you can have me… 388 00:15:15,277 --> 00:15:20,366 and, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me. 389 00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:22,952 You don't want it anymore? 390 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,830 Well, God has a plan for everybody. 391 00:15:25,913 --> 00:15:26,914 Well, that seems dumb. 392 00:15:26,997 --> 00:15:28,457 Well, it's not. It's God's plan. 393 00:15:28,541 --> 00:15:30,251 Yeah, well, God's plan sucks this time. 394 00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:31,585 - You know why? - Mmm. 395 00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,254 'Cause I think I love you, Matthew. 396 00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:34,672 - Don't say that, Dee. - I have to. 397 00:15:34,755 --> 00:15:36,257 I have to say it, and I'm gonna tell you why. 398 00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:38,217 Because if I don't say it, I'm gonna regret it 399 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,511 for the rest of my life. 400 00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:43,389 Okay, maybe that's not "God's plan" or whatever. I don't care. 401 00:15:43,472 --> 00:15:45,808 I want you to know something. I love you. 402 00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:48,936 And I-I could be your wife, and I could spend the rest 403 00:15:49,019 --> 00:15:50,938 of my days making you happy. 404 00:15:51,021 --> 00:15:52,189 Dee? 405 00:15:52,273 --> 00:15:54,567 Yes. It's me. 406 00:15:54,650 --> 00:15:56,235 I know it's you. Just please… 407 00:15:56,318 --> 00:15:57,862 - No, listen. Wait, wait, wait. - …please leave. 408 00:15:57,945 --> 00:16:00,281 I don't know what God wants for us, all right? 409 00:16:00,364 --> 00:16:02,491 But I do know God brought you into our bar, 410 00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:04,577 and maybe that was just so I could say I'm sorry, 411 00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:06,662 but that sounds stupid. I don't think that's why. 412 00:16:06,746 --> 00:16:08,748 That's not big enough. He works bigger than that. 413 00:16:08,831 --> 00:16:10,416 Maybe his plan is for us to be together 414 00:16:10,499 --> 00:16:12,501 because he did have you come to our bar. Hey. Matty? 415 00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:13,627 What? 416 00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:14,754 - Open the door. - No. 417 00:16:14,837 --> 00:16:17,465 Matty, open the door. 418 00:16:17,548 --> 00:16:18,841 - I love you. - I know that. 419 00:16:18,924 --> 00:16:21,427 - Okay. - Say seven Hail Marys. 420 00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:24,972 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I love you. 421 00:16:30,352 --> 00:16:32,480 "When the Lord saw that he had gone over 422 00:16:32,563 --> 00:16:34,482 to look at the burning bush, 423 00:16:34,565 --> 00:16:36,108 God called from within. 424 00:16:36,192 --> 00:16:39,904 'Moses, come no closer! Remove your sandals, for…'" 425 00:16:39,987 --> 00:16:41,530 Uh, let's stop there. 426 00:16:41,614 --> 00:16:44,325 Why is God asking Moses to remove his sandals? 427 00:16:44,408 --> 00:16:45,826 Well, you didn't let me finish, dude. 428 00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:49,038 It's because Moses is about to walk on holy ground. 429 00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:50,331 No, actually, it's not. 430 00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:51,665 Yes, it is. That's the next line. 431 00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:54,001 "Remove your sandals, for the place where you are 432 00:16:54,085 --> 00:16:56,337 standing is holy ground." 433 00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:58,214 But what's in between the lines? 434 00:16:58,297 --> 00:17:01,300 What's in between the lines is that he has to take off 435 00:17:01,383 --> 00:17:04,929 his damn sandals because it's sacred ground. 436 00:17:05,012 --> 00:17:07,473 No! Sacred ground? Sacred ground? 437 00:17:07,556 --> 00:17:10,726 God doesn't worship the ground. God made the ground. 438 00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:13,145 And Moses is about to step near a burning bush. 439 00:17:13,229 --> 00:17:15,189 That is gonna be hot. 440 00:17:15,272 --> 00:17:17,316 God doesn't think Moses is gonna do it. 441 00:17:17,399 --> 00:17:19,985 "Hey, Moses, kick your shoes off. 442 00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:23,239 Come on. Walk around a burning bush"? 443 00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:25,908 You know, that's like asking me to take my shoes off 444 00:17:25,991 --> 00:17:27,451 and stand on a hot plate. 445 00:17:27,535 --> 00:17:30,746 I'm not gonna do it. Unless God asks me to. 446 00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,665 And then I am, just like Moses. 447 00:17:32,748 --> 00:17:34,875 Why? What's gonna happen to Moses? 448 00:17:34,959 --> 00:17:37,253 His feet aren't gonna get burned. 449 00:17:37,336 --> 00:17:41,507 No. God is gonna reward him with some sweet-ass shoes. 450 00:17:41,590 --> 00:17:45,177 It's like, "Oh. Oh. You risk your feet, you get some shoes." 451 00:17:47,221 --> 00:17:50,349 That's the way God works, 'cause God loves us. 452 00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:54,270 Trust in God, He'll give you shoes. 453 00:17:56,105 --> 00:17:59,066 Are you kidding me? You're buying this crap? You… 454 00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:00,985 All right. Here we go. 455 00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:03,028 Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot. 456 00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:04,947 Hey. What are you guys doing? Who's this? 457 00:18:05,030 --> 00:18:06,824 This crazy, drunk priest… 458 00:18:06,907 --> 00:18:08,909 Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no. 459 00:18:08,993 --> 00:18:11,036 You get a drink after you bless the stain. 460 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,622 Shh! Ooh, cats! 461 00:18:13,706 --> 00:18:15,332 And they're brown! 462 00:18:15,416 --> 00:18:18,002 Oh, this guy is great. Hey, you think he'll bless me? 463 00:18:18,085 --> 00:18:19,420 Love to. 464 00:18:19,503 --> 00:18:20,629 Great. Hey! 465 00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:22,882 It's okay, Frank. Hey, everybody, gather round. 466 00:18:22,965 --> 00:18:26,385 This priest here is going to bless me. 467 00:18:26,469 --> 00:18:30,556 And then after he's finished, I will honor each and every one of you 468 00:18:30,639 --> 00:18:33,100 with a blessing of your own. You can take that with you. 469 00:18:33,184 --> 00:18:35,519 Okay, Father. Anytime you're ready. 470 00:18:36,812 --> 00:18:40,858 The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 471 00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:43,110 What is wrong with you, old man? 472 00:18:43,194 --> 00:18:45,529 Why would you bring somebody like this into the bar? 473 00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:46,864 Charlie, get the camcorder. 474 00:18:46,947 --> 00:18:48,324 The Father's gonna bless the stain. 475 00:18:48,407 --> 00:18:50,242 Right foot, left foot. There we go. 476 00:18:50,326 --> 00:18:51,952 Dee. Dee. 477 00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:54,789 Whoa. You are not lookin' good, huh? 478 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:57,333 Truth, truth. Face fat? 479 00:18:57,416 --> 00:19:00,002 No, you idiot. Your face is fine. 480 00:19:00,086 --> 00:19:01,754 I just got mad that you called mine blotchy. 481 00:19:02,922 --> 00:19:04,048 Oh. Why… 482 00:19:04,131 --> 00:19:05,132 What? 483 00:19:05,216 --> 00:19:06,258 Why'd you do that? 484 00:19:06,342 --> 00:19:09,136 Oh, um, because you're a bad person. 485 00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:10,721 Charlie, you got the camcorder? 486 00:19:10,805 --> 00:19:12,807 Oh, yeah, yeah, I got it. Oh, Mac, Mac, Mac. 487 00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:14,517 This endorsement's gonna put me over the top. 488 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:15,601 Go to hell, Charlie. 489 00:19:15,684 --> 00:19:18,229 Oh, these people are gonna be eating out of my divine hands. 490 00:19:18,312 --> 00:19:19,730 These people are gonna catch on to your shit. 491 00:19:19,814 --> 00:19:21,273 Are they? Are they really? 492 00:19:21,357 --> 00:19:22,358 Hello. 493 00:19:22,441 --> 00:19:26,112 When Irish eyes are smilin' 494 00:19:26,195 --> 00:19:27,613 Sure, 'tis like a… 495 00:19:27,696 --> 00:19:29,198 No! No, get away from there! 496 00:19:29,281 --> 00:19:32,076 - Get him away! - Get… Back off. Oh. 497 00:19:32,159 --> 00:19:34,412 What did you do, you shithead? You ruined it! 498 00:19:34,495 --> 00:19:36,288 - Yeah. - Oh! It's gone! 499 00:19:36,372 --> 00:19:37,706 Uh, no, actually, it's not gone. 500 00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:39,166 It's gone! 501 00:19:39,250 --> 00:19:42,378 - The Virgin Mary has left us! - She hasn't left us! 502 00:19:42,461 --> 00:19:43,629 You can see it. You can see the outline. 503 00:19:43,712 --> 00:19:47,800 She abandoned us 'cause we listen to a false prophet! 504 00:19:47,883 --> 00:19:50,177 - No! False… - False prophet. 505 00:19:50,261 --> 00:19:52,012 - Where are you going? - That's what you are, a false prophet. 506 00:19:52,096 --> 00:19:54,306 - Hey. Where are you going? - Looks like your followers 507 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,766 - are leaving you. - No! 508 00:19:55,850 --> 00:19:57,810 Don't go. She'll come back. 509 00:19:59,186 --> 00:20:00,271 She'll come back. 510 00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:01,730 Dee. 511 00:20:01,814 --> 00:20:03,482 Matthew? What are you doing here? 512 00:20:03,566 --> 00:20:06,527 I thought about what you said, and I think you're right. 513 00:20:06,610 --> 00:20:10,740 I mean, in some weird way, this was God's plan for us. 514 00:20:10,823 --> 00:20:13,784 I mean, I had to become a priest to reconnect with you, 515 00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:17,079 and I had to leave the priesthood to have you. 516 00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:18,247 Huh? 517 00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:20,833 Mr. Reynolds, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. 518 00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:22,460 - Done. - Okay, hold on one second. 519 00:20:22,543 --> 00:20:24,587 - Bless you. - Hold on. 520 00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:26,797 Did you just say that you left the priesthood? 521 00:20:26,881 --> 00:20:29,049 Yes! Yes, I had to. 522 00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:30,926 Matty, wow. You should not have done that. 523 00:20:31,010 --> 00:20:32,386 - What do you mean? - You gotta… 524 00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:36,307 you should go and undo that right now. 525 00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:39,268 - Uh, but you said… - Yeah, I know what I said. 526 00:20:39,351 --> 00:20:42,980 There were a lot of things, and I meant all of them. I did. 527 00:20:43,063 --> 00:20:46,567 But the thing is, I didn't know you were actually gonna leave the Church, 528 00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:51,322 which is why I felt safe saying those things in the first place. 529 00:20:51,405 --> 00:20:53,824 So wait. Wait. So… 530 00:20:55,534 --> 00:20:57,119 So you don't love me? 531 00:20:57,203 --> 00:20:59,872 Oh, Matty. 532 00:20:59,955 --> 00:21:02,333 I think you are a great guy. 533 00:21:05,127 --> 00:21:07,046 - My life is… My life is ruined. - No. 534 00:21:07,129 --> 00:21:08,881 - It's… Yes, it's ruined. - No. It's not. 535 00:21:08,964 --> 00:21:10,549 What about this? 536 00:21:10,633 --> 00:21:12,968 Why don't you go back to the priesthood? 537 00:21:13,052 --> 00:21:16,430 I can't, okay? I can't. 538 00:21:16,514 --> 00:21:18,474 You can't just go back, Dee. 539 00:21:18,557 --> 00:21:20,684 "Yeah, I wanna become a priest again." You can't. Okay? 540 00:21:20,768 --> 00:21:23,395 But are you sure? Did you double-check that? 541 00:21:23,479 --> 00:21:24,605 Oh, my life is ruined. 542 00:21:24,688 --> 00:21:26,107 Hmm. So… 543 00:21:27,149 --> 00:21:29,985 I'm the bad person, huh? 544 00:21:35,449 --> 00:21:36,951 That's what you get for not eating. 545 00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:40,246 Hey, Cricket! You know what would make you feel better? 546 00:21:40,329 --> 00:21:42,248 What could possibly make me feel better? 547 00:21:42,331 --> 00:21:44,083 You wanna tea-bag Dennis? 548 00:21:50,131 --> 00:21:52,133 - I'll get the camera! - Yeah. 549 00:21:52,216 --> 00:21:53,926 - Polaroid, Polaroid, Polaroid. - Whoo!