1 00:00:00,802 --> 00:00:02,637 Well, I'm trying to revamp my Myspace page, 2 00:00:02,721 --> 00:00:04,348 but Dennis keeps criticizing every move that I make. 3 00:00:04,431 --> 00:00:06,641 - What is that? - What in the hell is a Myspace page? 4 00:00:06,725 --> 00:00:08,560 - It's, like, that friends' forum. - Dude, these things 5 00:00:08,643 --> 00:00:10,187 are actually pretty awesome. You create a profile, 6 00:00:10,270 --> 00:00:12,522 and then put your picture on there and then other people send you pictures 7 00:00:12,606 --> 00:00:14,024 of themselves and they want to be your friend. 8 00:00:14,107 --> 00:00:16,735 Oh. So that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers. 9 00:00:16,818 --> 00:00:18,153 How are we losers, dude? 10 00:00:18,236 --> 00:00:22,032 Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy. Computers are for losers. 11 00:00:22,115 --> 00:00:24,117 You're drinking a beer at 8:00 in the morning. 12 00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:26,453 - Whatever, dude. Irrelevant. - Holy shit! 13 00:00:26,536 --> 00:00:29,039 This guy's been trying to contact me for, like, two weeks now, 14 00:00:29,122 --> 00:00:30,457 and I've just been blowing him off. 15 00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:33,335 - But he's saying that he's our dad. - Awesome. Crazy person. 16 00:00:33,418 --> 00:00:34,878 - Let me see. - No. Not awesome. 17 00:00:34,961 --> 00:00:37,339 Because look at the pictures he's sending. 18 00:00:37,422 --> 00:00:39,341 - Oh! Oh, look at that! - See? 19 00:00:39,424 --> 00:00:42,219 That's your mom, dude! There's, like… 20 00:00:42,302 --> 00:00:44,513 there's, like, a ton of pictures of this guy and your mom. 21 00:00:44,596 --> 00:00:47,057 Oh, you know what? He does kind of look like you, Dennis. 22 00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:49,142 But don't jump to any conclusions here. 23 00:00:49,226 --> 00:00:51,478 This is some bullshit! You guys have two dads, 24 00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:53,480 - and I don't even have one. - Yeah! That is bullshit! 25 00:00:53,563 --> 00:00:55,399 - We don't even have one. - What are you talking about? 26 00:00:55,482 --> 00:00:57,734 - You have a father. - Yeah. But he's in prison, Charlie. 27 00:00:57,818 --> 00:00:59,361 And he's been there my whole life. It doesn't count. 28 00:00:59,444 --> 00:01:01,071 That does count! I never met my father! 29 00:01:01,154 --> 00:01:03,990 Take it easy, all right? This guy's not our dad. 30 00:01:04,074 --> 00:01:05,742 I don't know. This is really freaking me out. 31 00:01:05,826 --> 00:01:08,620 Look, Dee, this guy can't be our dad. That's ridiculous. 32 00:01:08,704 --> 00:01:11,998 Is it? Is it any more ridiculous than our dad having brown eyes, 33 00:01:12,082 --> 00:01:14,251 black hair and being 4'10"? 34 00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,835 This is really a nice place. 35 00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:59,504 It's about time you kids show me some respect. 36 00:01:59,588 --> 00:02:01,882 Well, it doesn't really have anything to do with respect. 37 00:02:01,965 --> 00:02:03,467 We just wanted to take you to a fancy place 38 00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:05,302 so that you would behave yourself. 39 00:02:05,385 --> 00:02:06,720 Yeah, yeah. 40 00:02:06,803 --> 00:02:08,680 We need to talk to you about something, Dad. 41 00:02:08,764 --> 00:02:10,432 - Shoot. - It's kind of disturbing. 42 00:02:12,059 --> 00:02:13,727 You two aren't banging, are you? 43 00:02:15,062 --> 00:02:16,563 - What? - No! 44 00:02:16,646 --> 00:02:18,523 - No. That's disgusting. - What are you talking about? 45 00:02:18,607 --> 00:02:19,983 Yeah. Yeah, it is. 46 00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,526 Stay away from that kind of thing. 47 00:02:21,610 --> 00:02:23,403 No good can come of it. Trust me. 48 00:02:23,487 --> 00:02:26,073 - That's not what we're here to talk about. - It better not be, 49 00:02:26,156 --> 00:02:28,492 because I don't want no… grandkids. 50 00:02:28,575 --> 00:02:31,536 - I am not banging my sister. - Jesus Christ! 51 00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:33,455 What have I walked into here? 52 00:02:33,538 --> 00:02:36,708 - Oh, my God. - You two aren't having sex together? 53 00:02:36,792 --> 00:02:38,877 - No, we're not having sex… - What the hell is she doing here? 54 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,463 - Sit down, please, Mom. - I am not getting pulled 55 00:02:41,546 --> 00:02:44,633 - into any sort of perverted sex talk. - It's not perverted. 56 00:02:44,716 --> 00:02:46,718 Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis. 57 00:02:46,802 --> 00:02:48,470 I am not banging my sister! 58 00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,434 God! 59 00:02:54,518 --> 00:02:56,103 - Can you just sit, please? - Please sit in the chair. 60 00:02:56,186 --> 00:02:57,979 - This is why I wanted to come to a… - Please sit in the chair. 61 00:03:02,275 --> 00:03:03,985 Frank. 62 00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:05,904 Barbara. 63 00:03:05,987 --> 00:03:10,200 Your turkey neck is looking exceptionally attractive this evening. 64 00:03:10,283 --> 00:03:13,620 - You have turned into a retarded person. - You're a retard. 65 00:03:13,704 --> 00:03:15,872 Can we use some adult language, just for a couple minutes? 66 00:03:15,956 --> 00:03:18,500 All right. Let's get to it. There's this guy Bruce 67 00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,544 who contacted Dee on Myspace, 68 00:03:20,627 --> 00:03:22,921 and he's claiming to be our biological father. 69 00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:25,716 We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way. 70 00:03:25,799 --> 00:03:27,676 Is there a chance that that could be possible? 71 00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:29,386 - No. - Yes. 72 00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:30,762 What? 73 00:03:30,846 --> 00:03:32,931 Well, Bruce who? 74 00:03:33,015 --> 00:03:34,808 Bruce Mathis? 75 00:03:34,891 --> 00:03:37,436 - Yeah. - Then, yes. 76 00:03:37,519 --> 00:03:39,354 There's a chance this guy could be our father? 77 00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:41,189 No. Yes, he is your father. 78 00:03:42,315 --> 00:03:43,984 What the hell are you talking about? 79 00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:45,610 Do we really have to get into all of this? 80 00:03:45,694 --> 00:03:47,612 - Oh, my God! - Yes, we really have to get 81 00:03:47,696 --> 00:03:50,032 - into all of this. - Fine, fine, fine. Everybody settle down. 82 00:03:50,115 --> 00:03:52,075 It's not the end of the world. 83 00:03:53,452 --> 00:03:54,995 A long time ago, 84 00:03:55,078 --> 00:03:57,122 I met Bruce and we had this little affair, 85 00:03:57,205 --> 00:03:59,041 or whatever you want to call it. 86 00:03:59,124 --> 00:04:01,293 Long story short, he got me pregnant, 87 00:04:01,376 --> 00:04:03,003 and I had to make a decision. 88 00:04:03,086 --> 00:04:04,379 Seeing as he had no money, 89 00:04:04,463 --> 00:04:06,256 I decided that the best thing for everyone 90 00:04:06,339 --> 00:04:10,344 was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. 91 00:04:10,427 --> 00:04:11,636 End of story. 92 00:04:14,056 --> 00:04:15,640 End of story? 93 00:04:15,724 --> 00:04:18,101 How could you do that? 94 00:04:18,185 --> 00:04:20,103 Oh, I'm sorry. 95 00:04:20,187 --> 00:04:21,980 Would you rather I had them aborted? 96 00:04:22,064 --> 00:04:24,107 Children, would you like to have been aborted? 97 00:04:24,191 --> 00:04:25,650 I can't believe this. 98 00:04:25,734 --> 00:04:28,403 I just can't believe this! 99 00:04:28,487 --> 00:04:30,530 - Okay, Dad. Keep your voice down. - You whore! 100 00:04:30,614 --> 00:04:32,449 - Keep it down, okay? - Please don't make a scene. 101 00:04:32,532 --> 00:04:34,284 - Don't make a scene. - Sit back down. 102 00:04:34,368 --> 00:04:36,203 Oh, no! I'm not gonna make a scene! 103 00:04:36,286 --> 00:04:38,497 I was just told, excuse me, 104 00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:41,625 that my horrible, whore wife, 105 00:04:41,708 --> 00:04:44,669 has tricked me into raising two bastards, 106 00:04:44,753 --> 00:04:48,465 for 30 years, and I'm being asked to not make a scene! 107 00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:50,217 Whoa! Oh, excuse me. 108 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:53,637 Oh, did you bang my wife? Huh? 109 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:54,971 Did you bang my whore wife? 110 00:04:55,055 --> 00:04:58,642 Does anybody here have any illegitimate children 111 00:04:58,725 --> 00:05:01,978 with my whore wife, that I should know about? 112 00:05:02,062 --> 00:05:03,355 Jesus, Frank! 113 00:05:03,438 --> 00:05:05,357 Jesus! Jesus, Frank! 114 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,858 Jesus, Frank! 115 00:05:06,942 --> 00:05:09,194 Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! 116 00:05:09,277 --> 00:05:12,572 Jes… Oh! Jesus, Frank! My life is a lie! 117 00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:14,366 My life is a lie! 118 00:05:14,449 --> 00:05:16,118 Somebody's got to get stabbed! 119 00:05:16,201 --> 00:05:17,953 - Somebody's got to get sta… - No… 120 00:05:18,036 --> 00:05:19,830 Sta… Sta… 121 00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:26,169 Let's get out of here. 122 00:05:30,465 --> 00:05:32,467 So, Dad. 123 00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:34,011 Kind of a funny story. Um… 124 00:05:34,094 --> 00:05:36,471 turns out my friends got some weird news the other day 125 00:05:36,555 --> 00:05:37,973 about their biological father, 126 00:05:38,056 --> 00:05:39,725 and it got me to thinking, uh, about maybe, 127 00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:42,436 you know, reconnecting with mine. 128 00:05:44,521 --> 00:05:45,897 Uh-huh. 129 00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:50,277 And, you know, Charlie never had a father. 130 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,904 And, uh, I thought that maybe the three of us 131 00:05:52,988 --> 00:05:55,532 could all become, like… Like, friends or something. 132 00:05:55,615 --> 00:05:57,242 Really? 133 00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:59,703 Well, okay. I'll tell you what. 134 00:05:59,786 --> 00:06:01,955 Maybe I got something for you. 135 00:06:02,039 --> 00:06:05,459 - It's a father-son type of thing, huh? - Yeah. 136 00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:07,002 You see… 137 00:06:07,085 --> 00:06:10,672 I got a little business I've been running in here the last couple of years. 138 00:06:10,756 --> 00:06:12,299 I was thinking of expanding, 139 00:06:12,382 --> 00:06:14,426 and I'm gonna need some people on the outside. 140 00:06:14,509 --> 00:06:19,639 Some really badass, tough guys. 141 00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:24,186 - I like where you're going with this. - I think you came to the right place. 142 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,147 What do you guys know about 143 00:06:28,523 --> 00:06:31,526 smuggling heroin through your anus? 144 00:06:35,906 --> 00:06:38,533 You definitely look good. That's not what I'm saying. 145 00:06:38,617 --> 00:06:40,869 I just think you need to tuck it in in the back. 146 00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:43,163 - In the back? - Yeah. You button the top button 147 00:06:43,246 --> 00:06:44,706 - and then they tuck it in in the back. - It is tucked in the back. 148 00:06:44,790 --> 00:06:46,625 - Is it? - No. But is it bunchy? 149 00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:47,959 - It's not bunchy. - You tuck it in. 150 00:06:48,043 --> 00:06:49,211 Let me see. 151 00:06:49,294 --> 00:06:50,754 - How do I look? - That's it. That's exactly it. 152 00:06:50,837 --> 00:06:52,047 That's gonna impress your dad, right? 153 00:06:52,130 --> 00:06:54,633 - It is. It is gonna impress my dad. - You piece of shit! 154 00:06:54,716 --> 00:06:57,344 - You no-good piece of shit! - Whoa, whoa, Frank! 155 00:06:57,427 --> 00:06:59,054 What's going on in here? What happened? 156 00:06:59,137 --> 00:07:01,390 I had a minor stroke. No big deal. 157 00:07:01,473 --> 00:07:02,641 What's with the gun, dude? 158 00:07:02,724 --> 00:07:05,727 I'm trying to find the son of a bitch who fathered my children. 159 00:07:05,811 --> 00:07:08,522 - What? By doing Myspace? - Yeah. And I did everything 160 00:07:08,605 --> 00:07:10,148 they said to do. I put a picture, a profile. 161 00:07:10,232 --> 00:07:11,441 The thing won't tell me 162 00:07:11,525 --> 00:07:13,735 - where the bastard lives. - Did you send him a friend request? 163 00:07:13,819 --> 00:07:16,029 I don't want to be his friend. I want to shoot him in the face. 164 00:07:16,113 --> 00:07:17,447 Can you help me? 165 00:07:17,531 --> 00:07:20,867 - No. You… - Yes, absolutely. But no killing. 166 00:07:20,951 --> 00:07:22,911 - Needs to be killed. - Doesn't need to be killed. 167 00:07:22,994 --> 00:07:25,664 But he could take a good ass whupping. And we're down with that. 168 00:07:25,747 --> 00:07:27,457 - Are you crazy? - No, dude! 169 00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:29,501 - Give us one second here. - Charlie. 170 00:07:29,584 --> 00:07:32,337 This is our opportunity to prove to people that we are to be respected. 171 00:07:32,421 --> 00:07:34,881 No one is more respected than dudes in prison, right? 172 00:07:34,965 --> 00:07:36,925 - Yeah. - And what are dudes in prison? 173 00:07:38,677 --> 00:07:41,430 - Hard? - Right. This is our chance to get hard. 174 00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:44,224 Okay. Okay. I just don't know if this is the best way to get hard. 175 00:07:44,307 --> 00:07:45,892 Of course it is. This is totally hard. 176 00:07:45,976 --> 00:07:47,936 - Look, you want to get hard, don't you? - I want to get hard. 177 00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:50,313 - I want to get very, very hard. - All right. Do you want to shove heroin 178 00:07:50,397 --> 00:07:51,982 - into your ass? - Dude, I don't want to shove anything 179 00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:53,608 - in my ass. - Great. This is the perfect opportunity 180 00:07:53,692 --> 00:07:56,737 to prove how hard we are and not have to shove anything into our asses! 181 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:58,780 What in God's name are you two talking about? 182 00:07:58,864 --> 00:08:01,491 - Frank, we're in. - Great. 183 00:08:08,623 --> 00:08:11,168 Oh, God! This is so weird. I'm really nervous. 184 00:08:11,251 --> 00:08:12,753 I really hope he's not an asshole. 185 00:08:12,836 --> 00:08:15,130 I don't think I can handle two asshole dads. 186 00:08:15,213 --> 00:08:17,507 Are these my beautiful children? 187 00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:23,138 I just… I can't believe what a miracle this is after all these years. 188 00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:27,184 - Oops. - You know, I loved your mother 189 00:08:27,267 --> 00:08:30,437 more than I can say. And I'm sure she had her reasons, 190 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,356 but she never told me. 191 00:08:32,439 --> 00:08:34,441 Yeah. Well, this whole thing is very strange for all of us. 192 00:08:34,524 --> 00:08:36,443 - Yeah. - We've got a lot to catch up on. 193 00:08:36,526 --> 00:08:38,653 - Yeah. Tell us about yourself. - Yeah. 194 00:08:38,737 --> 00:08:40,405 Where to begin, uh… 195 00:08:40,489 --> 00:08:43,200 I met your mom here in, uh, in Philadelphia. 196 00:08:43,283 --> 00:08:47,204 It was just before I shipped off to Alaska with Greenpeace. 197 00:08:47,287 --> 00:08:49,164 I do a lot of environmental work and work with kids. 198 00:08:49,247 --> 00:08:50,832 Mmm-hmm. 199 00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:54,628 And we were in Alaska. And then we went to Africa, to the Sudan. 200 00:08:54,711 --> 00:08:56,171 We… Here. 201 00:08:56,254 --> 00:08:58,215 This… 202 00:08:58,298 --> 00:09:00,217 this is my adopted family. 203 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,593 - Oh. - You adopted them? 204 00:09:01,677 --> 00:09:04,888 - Yup. In fact, um… - Huh. 205 00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:06,139 Hello. 206 00:09:06,223 --> 00:09:08,058 Those are your brothers and sisters. 207 00:09:09,768 --> 00:09:11,853 Your family just got a little bigger today. 208 00:09:11,937 --> 00:09:14,064 - It sure. It sure did. - You want to know their names? 209 00:09:14,147 --> 00:09:16,274 No. We'll do that later. We'll do that later because it's… 210 00:09:16,358 --> 00:09:17,526 - it's hard to remember. - Yeah. 211 00:09:17,609 --> 00:09:19,486 - Okay, thank you very much. - Yes. And anything here, 212 00:09:19,569 --> 00:09:21,238 at all times, is yours. 213 00:09:21,321 --> 00:09:23,156 Anything in my life is yours. 214 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,910 - These are cool speakers. - Yep. They're yours. Take 'em. Take 'em. 215 00:09:26,993 --> 00:09:28,704 - No, no. I was kidding. - It was just a joke, I think. 216 00:09:28,787 --> 00:09:31,081 Later. No. But if you want them, just… 217 00:09:31,164 --> 00:09:33,333 uh, Africa. 218 00:09:33,417 --> 00:09:34,793 - Yes. Yes, Africa. - Right? Sudan. 219 00:09:34,876 --> 00:09:36,795 I went from the Sudan. I was in Darfur. 220 00:09:36,878 --> 00:09:39,423 We had a water-purification program there. 221 00:09:39,506 --> 00:09:41,633 So much work to be done there. 222 00:09:41,717 --> 00:09:43,802 And then I… 223 00:09:43,885 --> 00:09:45,721 I spent a little time in Afghanistan. 224 00:09:45,804 --> 00:09:49,391 We were doing a literacy program for women who were resisting the Taliban. 225 00:09:49,474 --> 00:09:52,811 Well, for better or worse, I came back here a couple of years ago. 226 00:09:52,894 --> 00:09:55,856 And I think it was for better, 'cause I'm doing this work, 227 00:09:55,939 --> 00:09:58,775 uh, starting some programs for Sacred Cross Hospital, 228 00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,444 which I think is very promising. 229 00:10:00,527 --> 00:10:02,404 And… Ah! 230 00:10:02,487 --> 00:10:05,032 My story is boring. I… 231 00:10:05,115 --> 00:10:06,783 What about you? What are your passions? 232 00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,660 You know, what are… what are you doing with your lives? 233 00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:13,915 - There's been a lot of… phases. - Oh, so many things we do. 234 00:10:13,999 --> 00:10:15,584 - Yeah? Right? - Oh, God. 235 00:10:15,667 --> 00:10:17,044 - Where do you begin, you know? - Yeah. 236 00:10:17,127 --> 00:10:18,837 - Something like… - I know. I know. It's… 237 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,131 - A lot of different… - Chapters in that book. 238 00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:23,175 - …kinds of… Kinds of things. - I want to hear anyth… 239 00:10:23,258 --> 00:10:24,968 - Just tell me chapter one. - Well, it's a… Well, 240 00:10:25,052 --> 00:10:28,096 a lot of this kind of stuff, right here. 241 00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:29,639 - Yeah. - These guys. 242 00:10:29,723 --> 00:10:32,434 - Yeah. A lot of… - These guys are important to us. 243 00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:35,520 I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 244 00:10:38,732 --> 00:10:41,109 Son of a piece of shit! 245 00:10:41,193 --> 00:10:43,278 Hey, you gotta relax there, Frank. 246 00:10:43,362 --> 00:10:45,155 Seriously, bro. You're gonna have another stroke. 247 00:10:45,238 --> 00:10:46,740 He won't make me his friend. 248 00:10:46,823 --> 00:10:49,284 How am I gonna find him if he won't make me his friend? 249 00:10:49,368 --> 00:10:51,661 - Be patient. It's a process. - Yeah, bro. Come on. 250 00:10:51,745 --> 00:10:53,705 It's been days. I got no friends. 251 00:10:53,789 --> 00:10:55,374 Stop saying that. You have friends. 252 00:10:55,457 --> 00:10:57,751 I got you. I got this guy Tom. 253 00:10:57,834 --> 00:11:01,505 And that crazy woman who claims we had a one-night stand 30 years ago. 254 00:11:01,588 --> 00:11:03,256 Right, yeah. Tom doesn't really count though. 255 00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:05,217 - He kind of, like, comes with it. - Screw this! 256 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,427 I'm gonna just follow Dennis and Dee around. 257 00:11:07,511 --> 00:11:09,971 Sooner or later, they're gonna bump into this bastard. 258 00:11:10,055 --> 00:11:12,182 And we're gonna just jump him and beat him over the head 259 00:11:12,265 --> 00:11:13,975 - with a baseball bat! - Frank, come on. 260 00:11:14,059 --> 00:11:15,977 They're gonna see that coming a mile away. 261 00:11:16,061 --> 00:11:17,938 Man, we need to be more devious, more cunning! 262 00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:20,816 - Uh, that's not very hard. - That's some weak ass-buster shit, bro. 263 00:11:20,899 --> 00:11:23,527 This bastard destroyed my lineage. 264 00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:25,070 He must be smashed. 265 00:11:25,153 --> 00:11:26,363 We're gonna smash him, friend. 266 00:11:26,446 --> 00:11:28,490 We're gonna smash him good. We know people. 267 00:11:28,573 --> 00:11:32,160 Look, Frank, uh, we know a guy on the inside we can talk to. 268 00:11:32,244 --> 00:11:34,996 He might be willing to help us out with the situation here. 269 00:11:38,709 --> 00:11:40,752 You guys are fast. I'm proud of you. 270 00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:43,213 - Thanks, Dad. - Okay. 271 00:11:43,296 --> 00:11:45,090 Now, here's how it's gonna work. 272 00:11:45,173 --> 00:11:48,135 I'll have a guy meet you in the bathroom in about 10 minutes. 273 00:11:48,218 --> 00:11:53,390 Now, he doesn't mind sifting through the feces, so don't hold back. 274 00:11:53,473 --> 00:11:56,226 Uh, yeah, here's the thing about that, Dad. 275 00:11:56,309 --> 00:11:58,103 We don't have anything… 276 00:11:58,186 --> 00:12:00,480 - in our butts. - No. We don't have anything in our butts. 277 00:12:00,564 --> 00:12:02,441 We're working on that. But we're still hard. 278 00:12:02,524 --> 00:12:04,818 Yeah. Oh, you should see how hard we're getting. 279 00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:07,070 Oh, we are getting so hard. It's, like… whew! 280 00:12:07,154 --> 00:12:08,405 We actually came by 281 00:12:08,488 --> 00:12:10,407 - 'cause we need your help. - Yeah. 282 00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:12,617 Let me get this straight. 283 00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:16,121 You come to me empty-handed, 284 00:12:16,204 --> 00:12:17,789 and you want my help? 285 00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:20,667 Yeah. And, look, we are really, really sorry about that, Dad. 286 00:12:20,751 --> 00:12:25,130 But if you could give us some advice on how to handle a certain situation, 287 00:12:25,213 --> 00:12:27,841 then we promise we will come back with our butts filled. 288 00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:30,052 Oh, so filled. So filled for you. 289 00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:32,429 We need to find our friends' father 290 00:12:32,512 --> 00:12:34,556 so that we can give him a serious beating. 291 00:12:34,639 --> 00:12:36,308 Oh, we're gonna kick the crap out of this guy. 292 00:12:36,391 --> 00:12:38,393 And check it out. We can't find him. 293 00:12:38,477 --> 00:12:39,978 All right. All right. All right. 294 00:12:40,062 --> 00:12:43,357 Why don't you just follow your friends around for a while? 295 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,984 They're bound to contact him at some point. 296 00:12:46,068 --> 00:12:49,654 When they do, just jump him. 297 00:12:49,738 --> 00:12:52,282 Beat him with a baseball bat. 298 00:12:53,617 --> 00:12:55,243 - That's pretty badass. - That could work. 299 00:12:55,327 --> 00:12:56,828 Now, you listen to me. 300 00:12:56,912 --> 00:12:59,206 Do not come back here 301 00:12:59,289 --> 00:13:01,958 without anything up those asses! 302 00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:05,587 Okay? 303 00:13:06,755 --> 00:13:08,507 Okay. 304 00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:11,551 Save the children 305 00:13:11,635 --> 00:13:14,554 Save the children 306 00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:18,058 Save, save, save, save save, save, save, save, save 307 00:13:18,141 --> 00:13:20,644 Save the children save the children 308 00:13:20,727 --> 00:13:23,105 Save the children save the children 309 00:13:23,188 --> 00:13:26,024 Save the children 310 00:13:27,776 --> 00:13:30,445 Thank you! Thank you. Thank you, Philadelphia. 311 00:13:30,529 --> 00:13:33,115 The Juvenile Lupus Association thanks you, 312 00:13:33,198 --> 00:13:34,616 and the children thank you. 313 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,827 Oh, saving the kids, huh? 314 00:13:36,910 --> 00:13:38,787 Yeah, I guess. 315 00:13:38,870 --> 00:13:42,207 Those little angels, they're the future. 316 00:13:42,290 --> 00:13:45,627 That's my dad up there. He put this whole shindig together. 317 00:13:45,711 --> 00:13:47,170 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 318 00:13:47,254 --> 00:13:49,464 Well, I mean, I helped, of course. 319 00:13:49,548 --> 00:13:54,011 I mean, this whole lupus nightmare has gone on long enough, 320 00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:56,096 - you know? - Yeah. 321 00:13:56,179 --> 00:13:58,598 Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes a father has the privilege 322 00:13:58,682 --> 00:14:00,600 of playing a little music with his daughter. 323 00:14:00,684 --> 00:14:04,646 Would you please welcome Deandra Reynolds? 324 00:14:12,821 --> 00:14:16,158 I believe the children are our future 325 00:14:16,241 --> 00:14:19,119 Juvenile Lupus Association. What a bunch of bullshit. 326 00:14:19,202 --> 00:14:22,080 - Mac, I got one question for you. - What? 327 00:14:22,164 --> 00:14:24,833 - What's the plan again? - Are you kidding me? 328 00:14:24,916 --> 00:14:26,877 I swear, Charlie, you're, like, a retard. 329 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,963 What we're gonna do is we're gonna bash him with the bat when he comes out. 330 00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:31,631 All right. You want to huff some of this glue with me? 331 00:14:31,715 --> 00:14:33,550 - No! Put the glue away! - Please. Huff a little with me, dude. 332 00:14:33,633 --> 00:14:35,093 - All right, fine. Fine. - We just need to… 333 00:14:35,177 --> 00:14:36,261 we just need to keep an edge. 334 00:14:36,345 --> 00:14:37,929 We got to stay hard, dude, because you can't do it if… 335 00:14:38,013 --> 00:14:40,849 This is Elmer's glue, for Christ sakes, Charlie! 336 00:14:40,932 --> 00:14:43,643 If I fail, if I succeed 337 00:14:43,727 --> 00:14:47,230 At least I live as I believe 338 00:14:47,314 --> 00:14:50,901 No matter what they take from me 339 00:14:50,984 --> 00:14:55,322 They can't take away my dignity 340 00:14:55,405 --> 00:14:59,868 Because the greatest 341 00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:01,661 - Do you have the camera? - Yeah, I got the camera! 342 00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:03,038 I just don't know what it's for, Mac! 343 00:15:03,121 --> 00:15:04,831 I'm gonna bash you with this! 344 00:15:04,915 --> 00:15:06,792 When he comes out, I'm gonna smash his face. 345 00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:08,043 You're gonna take a picture. 346 00:15:08,126 --> 00:15:09,336 - We're gonna show it to my dad… - Show it to your dad. 347 00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:10,754 …to prove how hard we are! 348 00:15:10,837 --> 00:15:14,049 Find your strength 349 00:15:14,132 --> 00:15:19,763 In love 350 00:15:25,352 --> 00:15:26,812 Whoo! 351 00:15:29,356 --> 00:15:30,482 No, dude. We shouldn't do this. 352 00:15:30,565 --> 00:15:31,858 - I'm backing out. - No, no, you can't back out. 353 00:15:31,942 --> 00:15:33,068 Frank is waiting in the car, dude. 354 00:15:33,151 --> 00:15:34,569 He's gonna be pissed if we don't finish the job. 355 00:15:34,653 --> 00:15:35,779 I don't give a shit. Let Frank wait in the car. 356 00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,030 We owe this to him. 357 00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:38,824 - This guy banged Frank's wife. - So did you. 358 00:15:38,907 --> 00:15:40,158 Yeah, but it's different. 359 00:15:40,242 --> 00:15:41,576 - How is that different? - I don't know, dude. Charlie! Focus! 360 00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:44,371 There they are. Just relax, dude. 361 00:15:44,454 --> 00:15:46,456 He's hugging them. They're hugging him back! 362 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:47,666 This is crazy. We shouldn't do this. 363 00:15:47,749 --> 00:15:49,668 - We should not do this, dude. - We should bash all three of them. 364 00:15:49,751 --> 00:15:51,878 All right. This is it. Let's go. You ready? Don't be a pussy. 365 00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:54,172 - Let's go. - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 366 00:16:02,973 --> 00:16:05,225 Oh. Hi. 367 00:16:05,308 --> 00:16:06,685 Hi. 368 00:16:08,478 --> 00:16:10,355 - Can I help you? - Can I help you? 369 00:16:11,815 --> 00:16:14,026 Can I help you? 370 00:16:14,109 --> 00:16:16,528 Can I help you? 371 00:16:18,113 --> 00:16:20,115 Uh, okay. 372 00:16:21,658 --> 00:16:22,826 Um… 373 00:16:27,456 --> 00:16:29,541 It's… 374 00:16:29,624 --> 00:16:32,419 It's okay. It's okay. 375 00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:34,129 I got it. 376 00:16:38,717 --> 00:16:40,260 Have a good night. 377 00:16:41,595 --> 00:16:42,888 What the hell was that shit? 378 00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:44,639 - What did you do? - I don't know. I freaked out. 379 00:16:44,723 --> 00:16:46,183 You totally freaked out! You just left me… 380 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:47,351 - I was gonna hit him. - …standing there. 381 00:16:47,434 --> 00:16:49,353 I took a picture of the guy. 382 00:16:49,436 --> 00:16:50,645 - Hey! - What? 383 00:16:50,729 --> 00:16:52,481 - Snap out of it! Okay? - Okay! Yes. 384 00:16:52,564 --> 00:16:53,648 Now we got to think of something 385 00:16:53,732 --> 00:16:54,983 - to tell Frank. - Okay. 386 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:56,568 - Hey! Look at me. - What? Yeah? 387 00:16:56,651 --> 00:16:58,195 Ow! 388 00:17:02,491 --> 00:17:04,951 - Let's tell him the truth. - Let's tell him the truth. 389 00:17:07,037 --> 00:17:08,580 Blood! Blood! There's so much blood! 390 00:17:08,663 --> 00:17:10,165 - What happened? - There's blood everywhere. 391 00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:12,542 - We bashed him good! - We bashed him so good! 392 00:17:12,626 --> 00:17:15,253 - We bashed him good! - I think we killed him. 393 00:17:15,337 --> 00:17:17,964 Drive! Drive! Drive! 394 00:17:22,969 --> 00:17:26,181 Jesus, children! This isn't exactly what Mommy needs right now. 395 00:17:26,264 --> 00:17:29,434 No. No, no, no. Mom, Bruce is so awesome. He… 396 00:17:29,518 --> 00:17:31,812 - We had the best time last night. - Bruce is the coolest. 397 00:17:31,895 --> 00:17:33,814 We went to this lupus event last night. 398 00:17:33,897 --> 00:17:35,982 - Lupus is awesome! - Amazing. 399 00:17:36,066 --> 00:17:39,277 - You should give Bruce another chance. - Barbara. 400 00:17:39,361 --> 00:17:40,904 My God. 401 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,657 You still look amazing. 402 00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,243 Wow. 403 00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,662 The years have treated you well. 404 00:17:48,745 --> 00:17:50,956 I would have thought living in poverty 405 00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:53,417 for a quarter of a century would have taken its toll. 406 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:56,837 Well, you know, when Father died, I was left with all that money. 407 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,214 There's only so much you can give away before you finally realize 408 00:17:59,297 --> 00:18:00,966 it's okay to spend a little on yourself. 409 00:18:01,049 --> 00:18:02,592 - On you. - Yeah, on me. 410 00:18:02,676 --> 00:18:03,802 Father? 411 00:18:03,885 --> 00:18:05,637 Wealthy? 412 00:18:05,721 --> 00:18:07,556 I never knew. 413 00:18:07,639 --> 00:18:09,516 I guess it never came up. 414 00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:10,767 So you guys ready? 415 00:18:10,851 --> 00:18:13,854 I am! I'm up for anything. 416 00:18:13,937 --> 00:18:16,940 Okay. But first things first. 417 00:18:20,027 --> 00:18:22,779 - Oh. - Yeah. Let's just put these on. 418 00:18:22,863 --> 00:18:24,865 One for you. 419 00:18:24,948 --> 00:18:26,324 One for me. 420 00:18:27,826 --> 00:18:29,911 Great. 421 00:18:29,995 --> 00:18:32,080 Okay, let's go spread some joy. 422 00:18:34,958 --> 00:18:37,044 Right. Uh… 423 00:18:37,127 --> 00:18:39,629 Ooh. Okay. Um, hey. 424 00:18:39,713 --> 00:18:41,298 Hey, pal. 425 00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:42,841 How… How are you feeling? 426 00:18:42,924 --> 00:18:46,303 It hurts everywhere. 427 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:50,599 - Well… - Well, it… Everything's gonna be okay. 428 00:18:50,682 --> 00:18:54,019 - You don't know that, Deandra. - Shut up, Mother. 429 00:18:54,102 --> 00:18:56,229 I don't think we should be lying to the sick children. 430 00:18:56,313 --> 00:18:57,731 I was trying to be encouraging. 431 00:18:57,814 --> 00:19:00,359 What if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool. 432 00:19:00,442 --> 00:19:01,818 Mom, I gotta say I agree with Dee. 433 00:19:01,902 --> 00:19:03,904 I mean, the kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make? 434 00:19:03,987 --> 00:19:05,864 I can hear you. 435 00:19:05,947 --> 00:19:08,658 Oh, you heard… Well, you know what? Disregard that. 436 00:19:08,742 --> 00:19:11,328 Yeah. You know, we weren't even talking about you. 437 00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:15,916 No. No. We were talking about your sick and dying friend in the next bed. 438 00:19:15,999 --> 00:19:18,210 Mother! 439 00:19:18,293 --> 00:19:19,544 What are you doing? 440 00:19:19,628 --> 00:19:21,380 - Nothing! - Oh, my God! 441 00:19:21,463 --> 00:19:23,590 You can't steal the children's medication. 442 00:19:23,674 --> 00:19:25,592 - I'm not. - Let me see in your purse! 443 00:19:25,676 --> 00:19:26,760 - Open your purse up! - Don't be ridiculous! 444 00:19:26,843 --> 00:19:28,303 - Really? - Everything okay over here? 445 00:19:28,387 --> 00:19:30,138 - Yes. - A slight glitch here. 446 00:19:30,222 --> 00:19:32,641 Um, this is really kind of bumming me out here. 447 00:19:32,724 --> 00:19:34,267 Yeah, this is not fun. 448 00:19:34,351 --> 00:19:37,938 Yes. I'm not exactly sure what it is we're trying to prove. 449 00:19:38,021 --> 00:19:39,940 We're not trying to prove anything. We're just… 450 00:19:40,023 --> 00:19:41,566 helping the kids. 451 00:19:41,650 --> 00:19:44,069 - Who are we really helping? - Yeah? 452 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,613 I'm not sure I understand what you mean. 453 00:19:46,697 --> 00:19:49,157 Well, listen, it's one thing to rock out, raise some cash. 454 00:19:49,241 --> 00:19:51,451 But it's a totally different thing to put our lives at risk. 455 00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:54,204 Oh, yeah. I mean, there's all these diseases floating around in here. 456 00:19:54,287 --> 00:19:57,124 Yes. I mean, how can we help anyone if we're all getting sick? 457 00:19:57,207 --> 00:19:58,583 I mean, use your head. 458 00:19:58,667 --> 00:19:59,960 Plus, it's freezing in here. 459 00:20:00,043 --> 00:20:01,211 You think you could talk to somebody about cranking 460 00:20:01,294 --> 00:20:03,213 - the heat up a little? - It's really cold. This isn't good for us. 461 00:20:03,296 --> 00:20:04,965 You're not serious? 462 00:20:05,048 --> 00:20:07,217 Well, I don't think it's a lot to ask to have them turn 463 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,094 - the temperature up a bit. - It's easy. You just push a button 464 00:20:09,177 --> 00:20:10,512 - or, like, crank a thing over. - Sure. 465 00:20:10,595 --> 00:20:12,389 - Are you guys getting hungry? - Oh, yes. 466 00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,891 - I am starving. - Yeah, I could eat. 467 00:20:14,975 --> 00:20:17,477 - Is there a cafeteria in the hospital? - No, come on. Gross. 468 00:20:17,561 --> 00:20:19,771 - I'm not eating in a hospital cafeteria. - That's a good point. 469 00:20:19,855 --> 00:20:23,483 Brucie, do you know a nice restaurant in the area? 470 00:20:28,447 --> 00:20:29,990 I'm gonna want those noses back. 471 00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:33,577 Please. Give it a rest with that martyr nonsense. 472 00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:35,037 Yeah. Who is he? Patch Adams? 473 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,872 You know who never acts like he cares about kids? 474 00:20:36,955 --> 00:20:38,582 - Dad. - Dad. 475 00:20:38,665 --> 00:20:42,002 All right, buddy. Baking soda, lube, balloons. 476 00:20:42,085 --> 00:20:45,130 This is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna jam this into your rectum. 477 00:20:45,213 --> 00:20:48,467 And then, whoo! Like that, it's gonna expand in your colon, okay? 478 00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:51,511 - It's gonna be that big? - Absolutely. You ready? Drop those pants. 479 00:20:51,595 --> 00:20:53,805 Hey, guys. What do you think? 480 00:20:53,889 --> 00:20:55,724 - That's a good look. Sharp. - That's a good look for you. 481 00:20:55,807 --> 00:20:56,975 - Where're you headed? - I tell you what, 482 00:20:57,059 --> 00:20:58,310 I feel like a hundred dollars. 483 00:20:58,393 --> 00:21:01,730 Ever since you guys beat that guy up, I got to thinking. 484 00:21:01,813 --> 00:21:04,733 Hey, what am I gonna do? Huh? 485 00:21:04,816 --> 00:21:08,070 Dive into some kind of depression over this? No. 486 00:21:08,153 --> 00:21:10,238 I'm gonna jump right back on the horse. 487 00:21:10,322 --> 00:21:14,618 So I contacted that woman on Myspace who claimed that we had a one-night stand. 488 00:21:14,701 --> 00:21:17,245 Turns out she's single and ready to go. 489 00:21:17,329 --> 00:21:18,997 - Give me some skin. - Good work. 490 00:21:19,081 --> 00:21:20,290 There you go, Frankie! 491 00:21:20,374 --> 00:21:21,875 - Get on your horse. - That might be her. Mac, get the door. 492 00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:24,044 - Let me clean this up. - Hide that balloon. 493 00:21:24,127 --> 00:21:25,837 That's gonna kill your date. 494 00:21:27,255 --> 00:21:28,465 Where's my dad? 495 00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:30,926 - So he's your dad now… - Get out of the way. 496 00:21:31,009 --> 00:21:32,135 - Daddy. - Dad. 497 00:21:32,219 --> 00:21:33,428 Don't Daddy me. 498 00:21:33,512 --> 00:21:35,931 You blew your chances with this daddy. You're dead to me. 499 00:21:36,014 --> 00:21:38,558 - No. Just listen for a second here, okay? - No. No. 500 00:21:38,642 --> 00:21:41,061 We've had a change of heart. We've decided to forgive you 501 00:21:41,144 --> 00:21:43,230 and to allow you to be our father again. 502 00:21:43,313 --> 00:21:44,898 I'm not into being your dad anymore. 503 00:21:44,981 --> 00:21:46,274 Don't want to be your dad. 504 00:21:46,358 --> 00:21:48,694 Uh, kinda giving you 505 00:21:48,777 --> 00:21:50,112 - a second chance here, Dad. - Daddy, yeah. 506 00:21:50,195 --> 00:21:51,446 No. I'm over it. 507 00:21:51,530 --> 00:21:52,864 - You can't be over it. - No, no, no. 508 00:21:52,948 --> 00:21:54,491 - I'm over it. - He can be over it. 509 00:21:54,574 --> 00:21:56,660 Will you shut up? What is with you two? 510 00:21:56,743 --> 00:21:58,286 I am over, over, over it! 511 00:21:58,370 --> 00:22:00,080 You're not allowed to be over it! 512 00:22:00,163 --> 00:22:03,750 Don't yell at me! He's my friend. I can yell at him! 513 00:22:06,086 --> 00:22:08,088 - Charlie? - Hey, Mom. 514 00:22:08,171 --> 00:22:10,340 What… What are you doing here? 515 00:22:10,424 --> 00:22:12,801 I'm confused. Do you live here? 516 00:22:12,884 --> 00:22:14,219 Yeah. 517 00:22:14,302 --> 00:22:15,929 Bonnie? 518 00:22:16,013 --> 00:22:17,639 Frank! 519 00:22:17,723 --> 00:22:19,766 How do you guys know each other? 520 00:22:21,685 --> 00:22:24,479 - This is my date. - Whoa! Wait a second. 521 00:22:24,563 --> 00:22:26,106 I thought you were going on a date 522 00:22:26,189 --> 00:22:28,233 with a woman you had a one-night stand with 30 years ago. 523 00:22:28,316 --> 00:22:29,818 - Yeah. - Yeah. 524 00:22:29,901 --> 00:22:33,363 So if you guys had a one-night stand 30… 525 00:22:33,447 --> 00:22:36,575 years ago, and I don't… you know, I don't know who my… 526 00:22:36,658 --> 00:22:37,743 father… 527 00:22:37,826 --> 00:22:41,079 You could be my… 528 00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,378 Dad?