1 00:00:01,056 --> 00:00:02,850 Dude, a mouse could kill, it's got sharp claws and teeth. 2 00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:03,934 A rat could kill a scorpion. 3 00:00:04,018 --> 00:00:05,978 No shit, Frank, but we're not talking about a rat. 4 00:00:06,061 --> 00:00:07,062 We're talking about a mouse. 5 00:00:07,146 --> 00:00:08,856 If we were talking about a rat, it still would lose. 6 00:00:08,939 --> 00:00:09,940 A scorpion's this big. 7 00:00:10,107 --> 00:00:12,818 A little mouse fighting a scorpion, and that is final! 8 00:00:12,902 --> 00:00:15,571 Shut up! 9 00:00:15,654 --> 00:00:18,616 Shut up! Oh, my God! I don't care! 10 00:00:18,699 --> 00:00:20,868 All we're doing is arguing about the most stupid shit! 11 00:00:20,993 --> 00:00:23,412 A rat. A scorpion. I don't care, man! 12 00:00:23,496 --> 00:00:25,247 When did this start happening? 13 00:00:25,331 --> 00:00:28,959 When did we start arguing all the time and fighting? This isn't like us! 14 00:00:29,335 --> 00:00:31,670 We're working our asses off in this bar, 15 00:00:31,754 --> 00:00:33,047 and we're getting nothing to show for it, 16 00:00:33,130 --> 00:00:35,424 and so we're starting to snip and pick at each other. 17 00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:37,885 And it's bullshit, man. 'Cause guess what. It's a beautiful day outside. 18 00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,262 Okay? We need to change things up. 19 00:00:40,346 --> 00:00:42,807 Let's go outside. Let's get some fresh air. 20 00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:44,892 Let's run around a little bit. You know? 21 00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:47,019 Let's just do something different. 22 00:00:47,645 --> 00:00:49,063 You know what, Charlie? 23 00:00:49,146 --> 00:00:50,147 You're right. This is great. 24 00:00:50,564 --> 00:00:52,441 Yeah. It's just nice to do something different for a change. 25 00:00:52,525 --> 00:00:54,652 Yeah. Enjoy a little blue sky, some fresh air. 26 00:00:54,735 --> 00:00:56,821 - Yeah. Some earth beneath our feet. - Yeah. 27 00:00:56,904 --> 00:00:58,948 - See? I told you guys you'd like it. - Yeah. 28 00:01:02,326 --> 00:01:03,577 It's goddamn bright out here. 29 00:01:03,661 --> 00:01:06,580 It's so bright. I can't use my eyes. 30 00:01:06,705 --> 00:01:07,790 There's people playing football right next to us. 31 00:01:07,873 --> 00:01:09,625 Like there's no room to drink. 32 00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:11,710 Tell you what. I would like to go back to the bar. 33 00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:12,962 Let's go back to the bar! 34 00:01:13,045 --> 00:01:15,297 - Are you kidding me? - Oh! 35 00:01:15,381 --> 00:01:18,592 - Oh, look out. Let me see that. - Can I get that back? 36 00:01:18,676 --> 00:01:20,886 Yeah. Go long. I'll toss you a wicked spiral. 37 00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:24,056 Want to just give me the ball, dude? We're trying to practice. 38 00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:25,141 What are you practicing for? 39 00:01:25,224 --> 00:01:26,725 I'm trying out for the Eagles. 40 00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:30,396 Uh, the Philadelphia Eagles? 41 00:01:30,479 --> 00:01:32,982 Yeah. They're holding tryouts for the public. 42 00:01:33,065 --> 00:01:34,692 Like in that movie, Invincible. 43 00:01:34,942 --> 00:01:37,153 Oh! Was that the one where the guy 44 00:01:37,236 --> 00:01:40,156 from the New Kids on the Block makes it onto the Eagles? I saw that. 45 00:01:40,239 --> 00:01:41,699 Yeah. That's the one. That's a good one. Wait. 46 00:01:41,782 --> 00:01:43,325 - So they're actually doing that? - Yes. 47 00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:45,244 - Just give me the football. - Okay. 48 00:01:46,162 --> 00:01:49,415 Well, Dennis, I think you know what we have to do. 49 00:02:25,576 --> 00:02:27,745 Dude, did you read this flyer? 50 00:02:27,953 --> 00:02:30,539 Donovan McNabb is gonna be giving us a motivational speech. 51 00:02:30,623 --> 00:02:32,249 I know, dude. We are actually going to be 52 00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:33,417 running on the Linc! 53 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,002 Lincoln Field, baby! 54 00:02:35,085 --> 00:02:36,587 You guys think you're actually gonna make the team? 55 00:02:36,670 --> 00:02:38,631 - No. - Hell, no, we're not gonna make the team. 56 00:02:38,714 --> 00:02:40,966 But we will finally get to prove once and for all 57 00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:42,301 who's a better football player. 58 00:02:42,384 --> 00:02:45,012 That's right. Trying out for the Eagles is the best way to settle that score. 59 00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:47,264 You know what? I would like to join your little competition. 60 00:02:52,645 --> 00:02:55,731 - No, no, no, no, no. - You… You… You're a woman. 61 00:02:55,815 --> 00:02:57,900 Women can't do things like this. You'll get hurt. 62 00:02:57,983 --> 00:02:59,735 No. Women aren't allowed to try out for football. 63 00:02:59,819 --> 00:03:01,070 Well, that's ridiculous. 64 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,863 They should at least be able to try out. 65 00:03:02,988 --> 00:03:05,533 Well, there are plenty of other sports that women can try out for. 66 00:03:05,616 --> 00:03:07,618 - Yeah. - Like, uh, cooking and, uh… 67 00:03:07,701 --> 00:03:09,662 Complaining to your friends about your boyfriends. 68 00:03:09,745 --> 00:03:11,205 Yeah. Playing at ballet. 69 00:03:11,288 --> 00:03:14,458 Cleaning. Displaying cars at auto shows in tiny bikinis. 70 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,836 Yeah. When you get older, you can play bridge together. I don't know. 71 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,547 You know what? I am in such better shape than both of you guys. 72 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:21,173 Do you not think the first thing they're gonna do 73 00:03:21,257 --> 00:03:22,758 to weed people out is make you run? 74 00:03:22,842 --> 00:03:24,385 Oh, good luck. 75 00:03:24,468 --> 00:03:26,345 I could get so much further than both of you. 76 00:03:28,431 --> 00:03:29,598 You think that's even a possibility? 77 00:03:29,682 --> 00:03:31,350 'Cause that could be very embarrassing for us. 78 00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,436 Well, we're never gonna have to find out 79 00:03:33,519 --> 00:03:35,271 because she can't try out. 80 00:03:35,354 --> 00:03:37,273 - You can't try out! - You're not allowed to try out. 81 00:03:37,356 --> 00:03:38,357 That is a rule, right? 82 00:03:38,441 --> 00:03:39,692 - Check the rules. - Okay. Let's double-check. 83 00:03:39,775 --> 00:03:41,694 We'll put a layer of beer, then a layer of ice… 84 00:03:41,819 --> 00:03:42,820 What are you guys doing? 85 00:03:42,903 --> 00:03:45,030 Dude, we're gonna tailgate the tryouts. 86 00:03:45,114 --> 00:03:46,574 Oh, shit. That's a good idea. 87 00:03:46,699 --> 00:03:48,033 Oh, you gonna bust out green man, bro? 88 00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:50,119 - No. No green man. - What's green man? 89 00:03:50,202 --> 00:03:52,705 In high school, Charlie was like our school mascot. 90 00:03:52,788 --> 00:03:54,039 A mascot nobody wanted. 91 00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:57,334 He'd get wasted and dress in this green spandex bodysuit. 92 00:03:57,418 --> 00:03:59,295 - It was really sad. - Spandex? 93 00:04:00,921 --> 00:04:02,423 That's it. You gotta bring the green man suit. 94 00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:04,091 - Yeah, no. Done with it. - The spandex. 95 00:04:04,175 --> 00:04:06,427 Green man was good. It got me through some hard times. 96 00:04:06,510 --> 00:04:07,803 But I'm done with it. Tell you what. 97 00:04:07,887 --> 00:04:08,888 You can wear it if you want, 98 00:04:08,971 --> 00:04:10,848 but I'm just gonna be relaxing, okay? 99 00:04:10,931 --> 00:04:11,974 This is gonna be about chilling out for me. 100 00:04:12,057 --> 00:04:14,977 No. This is gonna be exactly like Woodstock. 101 00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,813 Oh, is it? Oh. Are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom 102 00:04:17,897 --> 00:04:19,565 of your cousin's Winnebago for three days? 103 00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:21,025 Shut up about that. 104 00:04:21,358 --> 00:04:23,068 I survived on hand soap 105 00:04:23,194 --> 00:04:25,362 and toilet water for three days. 106 00:04:26,864 --> 00:04:28,240 The memory haunts me. 107 00:04:31,744 --> 00:04:34,038 - The Linc, dude! The Linc! - Yeah, baby. 108 00:04:34,121 --> 00:04:35,706 I mean, I am actually gonna be able to look down 109 00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,917 and literally see how many yards I'm running. 110 00:04:38,042 --> 00:04:40,419 - Oh, yeah. This is gonna be awesome, dude. - We might actually get further 111 00:04:40,503 --> 00:04:41,837 - in this little tryout than we thought. - Yeah? 112 00:04:41,921 --> 00:04:43,422 - See how many yahoos are trying out? - Oh, yeah. 113 00:04:43,506 --> 00:04:44,924 I've seen a lot of people wearing capes. 114 00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:46,425 There are, like, 15 guys wearing capes. 115 00:04:46,509 --> 00:04:47,676 You've seen that? Why would you wear a cape? 116 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,678 - What advantage does that give you? - Absolutely none. 117 00:04:49,762 --> 00:04:51,222 - None, right? - You know what? Have a little respect. 118 00:04:51,305 --> 00:04:54,475 We are here with the Philadelphia Eagles, and they are opening up their doors to us. 119 00:04:54,558 --> 00:04:56,519 - I mean, this is a boyhood dream. - I know. I know. 120 00:04:56,602 --> 00:04:58,020 Why even come out here if you're not gonna take this 121 00:04:58,104 --> 00:04:59,730 somewhat seriously? I mean… 122 00:05:02,108 --> 00:05:03,901 - You done pissing yet? - No. No. I haven't even started pissing, 123 00:05:03,984 --> 00:05:05,611 because you're standing next to me, you're talking to me. 124 00:05:05,736 --> 00:05:07,154 It's making me nervous, and I can't do my thing. 125 00:05:07,238 --> 00:05:08,239 All right. Want another beer? 126 00:05:08,322 --> 00:05:09,532 Yeah. Give me another beer, for Christ's sakes. 127 00:05:09,615 --> 00:05:11,158 I'm gonna sit here and not drink another beer? 128 00:05:11,909 --> 00:05:12,910 Yeah. 129 00:05:17,623 --> 00:05:19,667 Okay. Cabana is assembled. 130 00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:22,378 The grill is as sparkling as we're gonna get it. 131 00:05:22,461 --> 00:05:24,839 The margarita machine here is open for business. 132 00:05:24,922 --> 00:05:26,298 Time to relax. 133 00:05:27,424 --> 00:05:28,926 Want to drop some acid with me? 134 00:05:29,927 --> 00:05:31,929 - What? You're dropping acid? - Mmm. 135 00:05:32,388 --> 00:05:33,514 Woodstock, baby. 136 00:05:33,597 --> 00:05:36,475 Uh, okay. 137 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,561 Well, no. Thank you. 138 00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:40,396 Uh, I believe that would have the complete opposite 139 00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:42,148 effect of relaxation for me. 140 00:05:42,648 --> 00:05:44,483 Well, I'm gonna trip balls. 141 00:05:46,193 --> 00:05:48,446 No. You messed up. It's too high. It doesn't look right on you. 142 00:05:48,529 --> 00:05:50,823 Too high? No, I'm good at it, dude. I did a good job on you. 143 00:05:50,948 --> 00:05:53,117 - That's 'cause I have good cheekbones. - You have good cheekbones? 144 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,119 - Yeah. - 'Cause you put foundation all over, bro. 145 00:05:55,202 --> 00:05:58,664 - I put a light base on to… It's got SPF. - Hey, guys. What's up? 146 00:05:59,457 --> 00:06:01,959 - What the hell is this? - How's it hanging? 147 00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:05,212 This is a joke, right? You think anyone's gonna buy that? 148 00:06:05,296 --> 00:06:06,922 - Whatever, bro. - You're gonna get crushed. 149 00:06:07,006 --> 00:06:09,383 Dee, the second that any part of your body touches that field, 150 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:10,551 it's gonna shatter like glass. 151 00:06:10,634 --> 00:06:12,344 - You got bones like glass. - I don't have bones like glass. 152 00:06:12,428 --> 00:06:13,888 You spent half your life in a back brace. 153 00:06:13,971 --> 00:06:16,056 Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee. 154 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:17,558 Move it, fellas. 155 00:06:17,641 --> 00:06:18,768 Come on. Let's get on the bus. 156 00:06:19,101 --> 00:06:20,519 Bus? What the hell are you talking about? 157 00:06:22,188 --> 00:06:24,023 - The bus that takes you to the field. - Oh. Wait. 158 00:06:24,106 --> 00:06:25,608 I thought we were gonna be playing on the Linc. 159 00:06:25,691 --> 00:06:27,693 You think you dipshits are gonna play on the same field 160 00:06:27,818 --> 00:06:29,236 that champions play on? 161 00:06:29,361 --> 00:06:30,613 Where are we going? 162 00:06:30,696 --> 00:06:31,864 "Where are we going?" 163 00:06:32,156 --> 00:06:34,116 We're going to a shitty high school in Bucks County. 164 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,659 Now, get your ass on the bus. 165 00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:38,287 If I say it one more time… If I say it one more time… 166 00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:39,997 If I say it one more time… 167 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,416 Sprint to the bus. Sprint to the bus. 168 00:06:46,962 --> 00:06:48,506 That's everyone on the bus, dude. 169 00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:49,882 They're leaving. 170 00:06:49,965 --> 00:06:52,635 Maybe they're having the tryouts in a different place. 171 00:06:53,052 --> 00:06:54,261 Son of a bitch. 172 00:06:54,595 --> 00:06:57,181 All right. Screw it, man. We're here. We'll just relax. 173 00:06:57,348 --> 00:07:00,893 Stay here and look at the Linc? Like a couple of dicks in a yard? 174 00:07:00,976 --> 00:07:03,479 Get out of here! We gotta get up and go. 175 00:07:03,562 --> 00:07:05,689 - Oh… - Let's go follow that bus. Come on. 176 00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:07,733 All right. You get that. 177 00:07:07,858 --> 00:07:09,735 - You get that. Come on. Let's go. - No, this is so much work. 178 00:07:09,819 --> 00:07:12,238 - Charlie, get up. Let's go. - This is work. I didn't want to… 179 00:07:12,321 --> 00:07:14,448 Get the stuff. We'll follow the bus. 180 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:17,952 I like your mustache. 181 00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:21,038 - Oh. Thank you. - Hmm. 182 00:07:21,247 --> 00:07:22,540 I can't grow one. 183 00:07:23,874 --> 00:07:24,875 Okay. 184 00:07:26,919 --> 00:07:29,380 - That's a pretty sweet cape. - Thank you. 185 00:07:30,005 --> 00:07:31,882 - My mom made it. - Hmm. 186 00:07:32,216 --> 00:07:35,261 - She did a very good job. - Yeah. She's talented. 187 00:07:35,344 --> 00:07:36,345 - Mmm-hmm. - Hmm. 188 00:07:36,470 --> 00:07:38,472 Can't believe we're not gonna be tearing it up on the Linc, man. 189 00:07:38,556 --> 00:07:39,557 This is bullshit. 190 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,183 Half the reason I wanted to do this in the first place 191 00:07:41,267 --> 00:07:42,518 was to be out on that field. 192 00:07:42,601 --> 00:07:44,353 Hey, man. Stop smoking, will you? 193 00:07:44,437 --> 00:07:46,063 Some of us are trying to make the team. 194 00:07:46,605 --> 00:07:48,190 Are you kidding me, bro? 195 00:07:48,399 --> 00:07:49,650 - No. - Guy, if you think 196 00:07:49,733 --> 00:07:50,776 you're actually going to make 197 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:53,279 the Philadelphia Eagles, then you're pathetic. 198 00:07:54,029 --> 00:07:55,030 You're pathetic. 199 00:07:55,114 --> 00:07:56,323 - No, you're pathetic, sport. - No, you are! 200 00:07:56,407 --> 00:07:57,408 - You're pathetic! - You're pathetic! 201 00:07:57,491 --> 00:07:59,869 - You're the one who is pathetic! - Whatever, man! 202 00:08:00,494 --> 00:08:04,582 When I'm done with this tryout, you'll go back to your sad, pitiful life, 203 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,083 and I'll be on the Eagles. 204 00:08:06,292 --> 00:08:09,920 And everybody in Philadelphia will know the name McPoyle. 205 00:08:11,005 --> 00:08:12,965 - What'd you say your name is? - McPoyle. 206 00:08:13,716 --> 00:08:15,259 Doyle McPoyle. 207 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,181 - The unibrow. - Yeah. 208 00:08:20,264 --> 00:08:21,891 - The eczema. The acne. - He's definitely a McPoyle. 209 00:08:21,974 --> 00:08:23,309 There are so many of those people. 210 00:08:27,313 --> 00:08:30,357 Now, this is what I'm talking about. 211 00:08:30,483 --> 00:08:31,859 - I don't know, dude. - Look at all the people. 212 00:08:31,942 --> 00:08:34,487 Yeah, but we're stuck over here by the portable shitters, man. 213 00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:36,822 - It's kinda lame. - Stop bitching and set up. 214 00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:39,950 No. I'm not setting anything up, all right? I'm sitting in my chair. 215 00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:42,119 I'm relaxing, I'm getting blackout drunk, 216 00:08:42,203 --> 00:08:45,164 - and you're leaving me alone. - All right. Be a party pooper. 217 00:08:45,831 --> 00:08:46,832 What are you doing, dude? 218 00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:48,209 Taking more acid. 219 00:08:48,459 --> 00:08:49,960 Classic mistake, Frank. 220 00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:52,087 You're making a classic mistake, bro. 221 00:08:52,171 --> 00:08:54,298 Just shut up and sit in your stupid chair. 222 00:08:54,381 --> 00:08:56,175 - It's your funeral, buddy. - Just shut up. 223 00:08:56,258 --> 00:08:58,219 Whoa! Hey there, guy. That's good. 224 00:08:58,344 --> 00:09:01,263 - Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! - You kidding me, man? 225 00:09:01,555 --> 00:09:04,016 - What the hell is that shit? - Man, that won't fly. 226 00:09:04,141 --> 00:09:07,311 Come on, dude. You almost ran me… Oh, my God. 227 00:09:07,394 --> 00:09:09,105 - The McPoyle brothers. - Hello, Charles. 228 00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:11,982 - What the hell are you guys doing here? - We came to support our brother Doyle. 229 00:09:12,066 --> 00:09:13,275 He's gonna make the Eagles. 230 00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:15,945 - Okay. Well, that's fantastic. Great. - Whatever, man. That's great. 231 00:09:16,028 --> 00:09:17,029 Yeah. Look… 232 00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:18,405 But your bus is spilling over into our space. 233 00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:19,949 You almost ran me over, man. 234 00:09:20,032 --> 00:09:22,618 - Move it back. - You gotta move it back a few feet. 235 00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:24,870 - No. No can do. - We need the space. 236 00:09:25,329 --> 00:09:26,330 For what? 237 00:09:26,789 --> 00:09:27,998 The whole family's here. 238 00:09:28,874 --> 00:09:30,584 Oh, that's great. 239 00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:33,754 Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Great. Of course you're here. Good. 240 00:09:34,213 --> 00:09:36,048 How many… What is that a jar of? 241 00:09:36,507 --> 00:09:38,509 - What is that a jar of, dude? What is… - Pig parts. 242 00:09:38,592 --> 00:09:42,263 How many can there possibly be? Oh, good to see her again. Good. 243 00:09:42,346 --> 00:09:45,099 She doesn't know what I'm saying, right? Okay. Here he comes. 244 00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:48,436 Yeah. You're… You're here in the world. That's the sun. 245 00:09:48,561 --> 00:09:49,562 It's gonna hurt your eyes. 246 00:09:49,645 --> 00:09:50,813 Watch your mouth. They've got thin corneas. 247 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:53,441 Yeah, okay. What is that? A fife? You brought your little flute. 248 00:09:53,524 --> 00:09:56,110 Is there more? Are there any more? Get them all out. 249 00:09:56,235 --> 00:09:58,612 All right. Look. I tell you what. Leave me alone, okay? 250 00:09:58,737 --> 00:10:00,364 I don't care what you do. Just leave me alone. 251 00:10:00,448 --> 00:10:02,783 'Cause, like, I'm here to relax and have a good time. 252 00:10:02,908 --> 00:10:05,661 I don't want any of your shit. All right? So leave me alone, okay? 253 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,538 We be cool. We're even now. 254 00:10:09,498 --> 00:10:10,499 Bump it. 255 00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:12,418 - I'm not bumping your fist. - Bump it. 256 00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:14,587 - Do it, Charlie. Bump it. - I'm not bumping you, all right? 257 00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:15,671 I never bumped him once! 258 00:10:15,754 --> 00:10:16,922 - I'm not gonna bump him! - Let's go, Charlie. 259 00:10:17,006 --> 00:10:18,132 All right, whatever. No bumping. 260 00:10:18,215 --> 00:10:20,718 I just don't want… These guys are freak shows, man. 261 00:10:21,051 --> 00:10:23,929 Hustle up! Let's go, bitches! 262 00:10:24,472 --> 00:10:26,557 Let's move it! Let's move it! 263 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,350 - I was here first, Coach. - Hustle! 264 00:10:28,434 --> 00:10:31,687 Coach! Hi. Hi, there. Cole. Cole Armstrong. 265 00:10:31,771 --> 00:10:34,023 Three-time all-American. Fastest sprinter in five counties. 266 00:10:34,106 --> 00:10:36,442 Coach, would you like us to stand when you address us, 267 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:38,194 or do you prefer we take a knee? 268 00:10:38,277 --> 00:10:39,737 I don't give a shit! 269 00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:41,030 Okay. I'll take a knee. 270 00:10:41,113 --> 00:10:43,616 Yeah. I'll take a knee. 271 00:10:44,116 --> 00:10:47,745 We're doing these tryouts for you, because of your harassment 272 00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:50,706 and your love for the New Kids on the Block movie. 273 00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:55,002 You paid your $30 fee. We promised you a keynote speaker. 274 00:10:57,421 --> 00:10:58,631 All right. Bring him up. 275 00:10:59,632 --> 00:11:01,133 McNabb, dude. McNabb. 276 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,014 Gentlemen! 277 00:11:07,264 --> 00:11:08,265 Uh, is this good here? 278 00:11:08,599 --> 00:11:10,017 Yeah, that's cool. Just put your parking brake on. 279 00:11:11,435 --> 00:11:13,354 Donovan McNabb. 280 00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:15,981 Hey, guys. 281 00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,984 I'm Donovan McNabb. Whoo. 282 00:11:19,151 --> 00:11:21,862 Uh, I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. 283 00:11:21,987 --> 00:11:24,490 And I'm here to tell you that you can, too, 284 00:11:24,573 --> 00:11:28,244 if you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's. 285 00:11:28,327 --> 00:11:31,413 Uh, like the new sausage egg McGriddle value meal, 286 00:11:31,497 --> 00:11:34,917 available now for a limited time for under $5. 287 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,795 Uh. Remember, guys. Real champs eat at McDonald's. 288 00:11:39,463 --> 00:11:42,174 I'm loving it. Can I get the check? 289 00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:45,052 - That's good. - What the hell was that? 290 00:11:45,136 --> 00:11:47,138 Thanks, Donnie. 291 00:11:47,221 --> 00:11:49,557 - That was not Donovan McNabb! - That was not Donovan McNabb! 292 00:11:49,682 --> 00:11:51,392 - Yes, it was. - It was like a McDonald's plug. 293 00:11:51,475 --> 00:11:52,476 Was that the guy from The Cosby Show? 294 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,812 That's not the guy from The Cosby Show. 295 00:11:54,895 --> 00:11:57,231 - Yeah. He was married to Sondra. - Alvin. Alvin. 296 00:11:57,356 --> 00:11:59,150 - That's awesome. - They had Raven-Symone. That's So Raven. 297 00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:01,318 That's not the guy from… You know what? 298 00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:02,611 Sprints! 299 00:12:02,695 --> 00:12:03,904 Oh. 300 00:12:04,196 --> 00:12:05,948 - God damn it! - Sprints! 301 00:12:06,282 --> 00:12:08,367 - Sprints! - Good job, dude. 302 00:12:13,205 --> 00:12:15,624 - I'm starting to feel it. Mmm! - I bet you are, bud. 303 00:12:15,708 --> 00:12:18,627 - Feeling weird. - Yeah. You're probably feeling very weird. 304 00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:21,589 The acid's making me feel like I gotta take a dump. 305 00:12:21,672 --> 00:12:23,632 That's what happens when you take a lot of acid, dude. 306 00:12:23,716 --> 00:12:24,967 I gotta go. 307 00:12:25,050 --> 00:12:26,260 Then, go. 308 00:12:26,343 --> 00:12:29,180 The line's too long. Maybe I can hold it in. 309 00:12:29,263 --> 00:12:31,265 Then go in the McPoyles' camper, dude. 310 00:12:31,515 --> 00:12:32,516 Oh, no. 311 00:12:32,892 --> 00:12:35,060 That might bring back bad memories. 312 00:12:35,561 --> 00:12:37,062 I think I'm gonna hold it. 313 00:12:37,271 --> 00:12:39,064 - How you feeling? - Annoyed. 314 00:12:39,523 --> 00:12:41,150 There's nothing kicking in yet? 315 00:12:41,317 --> 00:12:42,651 What are you talking about? The beer? 316 00:12:42,777 --> 00:12:43,819 No. The acid. 317 00:12:44,361 --> 00:12:46,405 I did not take any acid. Remember? 318 00:12:46,489 --> 00:12:48,574 Oh, yeah, you did. 319 00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:51,786 - What are you talking about? - I put a shitload of it in your beer. 320 00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:53,496 - What? - Yeah. 321 00:12:53,746 --> 00:12:55,873 Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating… 322 00:12:55,956 --> 00:12:57,416 I drank all that shit, dude! 323 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,418 - That's okay. - There was, like, a ton of acid in there! 324 00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:01,003 - Yeah. - Why would you do that? 325 00:13:01,253 --> 00:13:02,588 I don't want to be the only one tripping. 326 00:13:02,671 --> 00:13:04,256 - Oh, my God, man! - Charlie. 327 00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:06,091 - Oh, my God! - I actually 328 00:13:06,175 --> 00:13:08,511 - really have to go take a dump. - Oh, my God. 329 00:13:08,594 --> 00:13:10,429 Shut up. I don't care. Go to their camper. 330 00:13:10,596 --> 00:13:12,515 I don't care, dude. Get out of here. 331 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,517 Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude! 332 00:13:14,642 --> 00:13:18,145 Why would you do… Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 333 00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:23,984 - You ready to quit yet, Cole? - Yeah. You had enough yet, Cole? 334 00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:26,654 - Yeah, Cole! - We ran for, like, 10 minutes. 335 00:13:26,737 --> 00:13:29,073 - My side is gonna explode. - You guys are in terrible shape. 336 00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:30,908 This is gonna be a lot easier than I thought. 337 00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,662 Let's go! Let's go! Move it! 338 00:13:34,745 --> 00:13:36,664 I'm in so much pain. 339 00:13:36,747 --> 00:13:38,791 All right. Now that we got our hearts pumping, 340 00:13:38,874 --> 00:13:42,837 let's pick out some gear, pick a partner… Hitting drills! 341 00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,171 I pick Cole! 342 00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:48,634 Oh, no, he didn't! 343 00:13:48,717 --> 00:13:50,052 Oh, no, he didn't! 344 00:13:50,136 --> 00:13:52,263 That's my dance. That's my signature dance. 345 00:13:52,346 --> 00:13:53,681 - I'm gonna do that when I tackle people. - Yeah. 346 00:13:53,806 --> 00:13:55,057 - Whoo! - I like your form on that, 347 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,183 and I liked how you went before the whistle. 348 00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:57,435 - God damn right. - Nice. 349 00:13:59,311 --> 00:14:00,354 All right, guys. 350 00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:01,730 Let's pick new partners. 351 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,193 Eeny, 352 00:14:06,610 --> 00:14:07,653 meeny, 353 00:14:08,112 --> 00:14:09,989 miny, mo. 354 00:14:13,868 --> 00:14:14,952 Nice. 355 00:14:15,828 --> 00:14:17,371 All right. You're up, man. 356 00:14:18,497 --> 00:14:22,585 Ah. Uh, hitting's not really my thing, Coach. 357 00:14:22,918 --> 00:14:25,880 Spoken like a true champion. You just might make the team. 358 00:14:26,547 --> 00:14:28,090 Awesome. Really? 359 00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:30,217 Jesus Christ. 360 00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:34,388 Okay, Frank. That was easy.Now just exit. 361 00:14:34,513 --> 00:14:38,267 Don't talk to anybody. These people are freak shows. 362 00:14:38,392 --> 00:14:40,644 Wait. Better wash your hands. 363 00:14:40,728 --> 00:14:43,397 No telling what kind of germs these McPoyles have. 364 00:14:45,107 --> 00:14:46,859 Oh! Crap! 365 00:14:49,987 --> 00:14:51,572 I'm starting to feel weird. 366 00:14:53,908 --> 00:14:55,659 What the hell? Oh, no. Not again. 367 00:14:55,743 --> 00:14:57,578 Oh, no! Hey! 368 00:14:58,788 --> 00:15:01,582 Hey! Hey! Hey! 369 00:15:01,665 --> 00:15:02,833 Somebody get me outta here! 370 00:15:04,919 --> 00:15:06,796 Man, my brother just leveled your boy out there. 371 00:15:06,879 --> 00:15:08,255 He's gonna make the Eagles. 372 00:15:08,756 --> 00:15:10,090 Yeah, your boy's a pansy. 373 00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:11,967 But Doyle's a big strong guy. 374 00:15:12,051 --> 00:15:13,219 It's probably 'cause he eats all that fish. 375 00:15:13,302 --> 00:15:14,720 Is he just gonna talk at me? 376 00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:16,472 I am gonna lose my shit. 377 00:15:16,972 --> 00:15:20,392 What is going on with his head? It's too smallor tight or something. 378 00:15:20,476 --> 00:15:22,728 Yeah, that's it. His skin's too tight. 379 00:15:23,562 --> 00:15:24,814 My skin's not tight. 380 00:15:29,151 --> 00:15:32,446 Good catch, Doyle! Good catch! Way to hustle! 381 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:35,950 - Way to hustle! All right. Who's next? - This guy. 382 00:15:39,245 --> 00:15:41,080 All right. Run out and hook in. 383 00:15:41,163 --> 00:15:42,414 Run out and hook in. 384 00:15:42,498 --> 00:15:44,458 Show these people how to play football. 385 00:15:46,252 --> 00:15:50,464 I'm gonna make Mac look so bad. My form is perfect. I'm like Jerry Rice. 386 00:15:50,923 --> 00:15:54,093 Feel that stride. So fluid and fast. 387 00:15:54,468 --> 00:15:56,262 I've got the stride of a gazelle. 388 00:15:56,345 --> 00:15:58,472 A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person. 389 00:15:58,681 --> 00:16:01,434 My body is achieving a perfect symmetryright now. 390 00:16:01,809 --> 00:16:04,728 It's that long, lean muscle I've worked so hard to achieve. 391 00:16:04,937 --> 00:16:07,523 Hmm, I should've popped my shirt off. God damn it. 392 00:16:07,606 --> 00:16:09,525 Really should've popped that shirt off. 393 00:16:09,608 --> 00:16:11,652 I wonder if any women are watching from the sidelines. 394 00:16:17,908 --> 00:16:20,327 All right, Dee. You can do this. You can kick a football. 395 00:16:20,411 --> 00:16:22,288 You're better at sports than Mac and Dennis. 396 00:16:25,624 --> 00:16:28,127 Holy shit! 397 00:16:28,794 --> 00:16:30,546 The other coaches gotta hear about this. 398 00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:35,843 Well, well, look who's a natural. 399 00:16:36,552 --> 00:16:38,971 Guess I'll be getting further than you after all. 400 00:16:41,182 --> 00:16:42,808 - Maybe it was a lucky kick. - No. 401 00:16:42,892 --> 00:16:44,852 No. Those stork-like legs, they act like pendulums. 402 00:16:44,977 --> 00:16:48,481 And on the bottoms of those pendulums, feet like wrecking balls. 403 00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:51,358 We gotta do something about this, dude. 404 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:53,652 Let's go talk to Frank. Come on. I got an idea. 405 00:16:54,487 --> 00:16:57,573 Somebody! Somebody help! 406 00:16:57,823 --> 00:17:00,951 God damn it! God damn it! Not again! 407 00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:07,124 Frank. 408 00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:09,585 Hey, Frank. 409 00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:11,212 Who said that? 410 00:17:11,921 --> 00:17:14,465 I'm Artemis. I'm Dee's friend. 411 00:17:16,091 --> 00:17:18,636 - I'm trapped. - I know. 412 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:22,389 But I can help. Crawl into my mouth. 413 00:17:23,766 --> 00:17:25,392 I don't think I can fit. 414 00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:29,355 Mmm, sure you will. Just go one leg at a time. 415 00:17:31,357 --> 00:17:33,526 Okay. 416 00:17:35,319 --> 00:17:38,489 Into the toilet 417 00:17:38,572 --> 00:17:40,407 I go. 418 00:17:44,078 --> 00:17:45,496 Man, this is crazy. 419 00:17:45,579 --> 00:17:48,082 You are dancing with the entire McPoyle family. 420 00:17:48,165 --> 00:17:50,835 These people are freak shows, man. Freaks. 421 00:17:50,918 --> 00:17:53,129 But you're keeping your cool. You are keeping your cool. 422 00:17:53,254 --> 00:17:56,465 You know why? Because you arethe green man. 423 00:17:56,799 --> 00:17:59,093 Green man is saving your liferight now, bro. 424 00:17:59,176 --> 00:18:00,928 Just go with the flow. 425 00:18:01,637 --> 00:18:03,097 Charlie, we've been looking all over for you, dude. 426 00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:04,181 Ah, green man. 427 00:18:04,265 --> 00:18:06,058 - I knew you couldn't resist. - Huh? 428 00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:08,602 You know what? I'm actually tripping pretty hard right now. 429 00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:10,729 - You're tripping? - Yeah. 430 00:18:11,063 --> 00:18:13,023 Frank gave me some acid, and it's like… 431 00:18:13,107 --> 00:18:14,108 - Whoo! - Oh, Jesus. 432 00:18:14,191 --> 00:18:15,192 Hey, guys. 433 00:18:15,818 --> 00:18:18,904 - Guess who got invited to training camp. - Yeah. We're gonna be famous. 434 00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:21,031 Look. We need to talk to green man alone for a second, please. 435 00:18:21,115 --> 00:18:22,491 Okay? Thank you. Yes. Bye. 436 00:18:22,575 --> 00:18:23,659 Hey. Can we talk to the green man? Just go. Thank you. 437 00:18:23,742 --> 00:18:25,536 Can we… Guys… 438 00:18:25,619 --> 00:18:26,620 Charlie, where's Frank? It's very important. 439 00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:27,705 Really important. 440 00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:28,873 - Oh, Frank? - Yes. 441 00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:30,207 Uh… He's standing right there. 442 00:18:33,836 --> 00:18:35,212 Frank, what the hell are you doing? 443 00:18:35,504 --> 00:18:38,174 He's been trying to climb through that trash can for 20 minutes. 444 00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:40,384 I'm pretty sure he's on acid. 445 00:18:40,509 --> 00:18:43,888 Thank God you guys are here. How'd you get in here? 446 00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:45,222 What are you talking about? 447 00:18:45,306 --> 00:18:47,725 I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours. 448 00:18:47,808 --> 00:18:49,143 I think he took a dump in there. 449 00:18:49,226 --> 00:18:51,437 - Can you give us a second, please? - Whatever. 450 00:18:51,645 --> 00:18:53,731 I'm getting tired of watching him anyway. 451 00:18:54,023 --> 00:18:56,192 All right. Frank, listen. Did you bring your gun today? 452 00:18:57,234 --> 00:18:58,944 - Great. Now, walk me through the plan. - Awesome. 453 00:18:59,028 --> 00:19:00,654 The plan is, I get close to Dee, all right? 454 00:19:00,738 --> 00:19:03,199 When she goes to punt the ball, I'll fire the gun. It'll startle her. 455 00:19:03,282 --> 00:19:04,658 - She'll blow the kick. - That's a great plan. 456 00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:06,869 Wait a second! How long have we been standing right here? 457 00:19:07,244 --> 00:19:09,163 - Like two seconds. - Seriously? 458 00:19:09,246 --> 00:19:10,998 Yeah. Frank, give me the gun. We're in a hurry. Come on. 459 00:19:11,081 --> 00:19:12,249 - Where is it? - It's in your hand. 460 00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:15,836 Wait, wait, wait, wait! When the hell did I put green man on? 461 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,797 - I don't know. - That lizard talks! 462 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,257 Where? Where? I don't like lizards! 463 00:19:20,382 --> 00:19:22,343 We don't have time for this. Frank, just give us the gun! 464 00:19:22,426 --> 00:19:23,886 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 465 00:19:24,261 --> 00:19:26,680 Lizard, am I standing in poop? 466 00:19:27,556 --> 00:19:30,684 I'm about to demonstrate to all of you my natural abilities as a punter. 467 00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:33,062 I'm gonna kick this ball 60 yards right in front of your faces, 468 00:19:33,145 --> 00:19:34,271 and I'm gonna do it… 469 00:19:36,732 --> 00:19:37,983 …as a woman. 470 00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:41,112 Oh, that's right. I'm a woman. 471 00:19:41,195 --> 00:19:43,489 And I'm about to show all of you that women 472 00:19:43,572 --> 00:19:45,866 should be allowed to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles. 473 00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:47,451 Coach. 474 00:19:51,956 --> 00:19:53,457 Wrap your minds around this. 475 00:19:56,043 --> 00:19:58,879 Oh, I broke it. Oh, it may be broken. 476 00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:01,549 Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it. 477 00:20:03,092 --> 00:20:04,093 Kick your legs, man. Come on. 478 00:20:04,218 --> 00:20:05,469 All right, Frank. You're out of the trash can. 479 00:20:05,594 --> 00:20:07,096 Now a deal is a deal. Give us the gun. 480 00:20:07,221 --> 00:20:08,222 Hold on. Hold on. 481 00:20:08,305 --> 00:20:09,723 I'm really peaking here. 482 00:20:09,807 --> 00:20:10,975 - Oh, come on. - Stop pointing the gun at us! 483 00:20:11,058 --> 00:20:12,226 Stop pointing it at us! 484 00:20:12,309 --> 00:20:13,352 Come on, man. Point it somewhere else. 485 00:20:13,436 --> 00:20:15,438 Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now, do they? 486 00:20:15,521 --> 00:20:16,939 Nobody cares if you're dancing, Charlie. 487 00:20:17,022 --> 00:20:18,023 Hey, guys. 488 00:20:18,107 --> 00:20:19,400 Could somebody please take me to the hospital, 489 00:20:19,483 --> 00:20:21,652 because I'm pretty sure I just broke every single bone in my foot 490 00:20:21,735 --> 00:20:23,028 - punting that football. - Really? 491 00:20:23,112 --> 00:20:24,280 Yeah. I didn't make the Eagles, 492 00:20:24,363 --> 00:20:26,365 but I would like to go to the emergency room right now, please. 493 00:20:26,449 --> 00:20:29,452 - So your bones are made out of glass. Yes! - Nice. 494 00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:31,328 No, my bones aren't… You know what? Forget… 495 00:20:31,454 --> 00:20:33,247 It doesn't matter, because I made the furthest, so I win. 496 00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,499 No, I win because you're the girl, and you got knocked unconscious. 497 00:20:35,583 --> 00:20:37,251 - You didn't win. You got crushed, dude. - Once again! Yes! 498 00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:39,336 That is so stupid. 499 00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:40,421 Guess what, I made it the farthest. 500 00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:42,548 - Yes, yes, yes! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 501 00:20:42,631 --> 00:20:44,383 - What are you talking about? - You just shattered every… 502 00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:48,512 Holy shit. This thing is loaded. 503 00:20:48,596 --> 00:20:50,973 - My leg! - Doyle, are you okay? 504 00:20:51,098 --> 00:20:53,434 My leg! Somebody shot my leg! 505 00:20:54,185 --> 00:20:57,188 No! 506 00:20:57,897 --> 00:20:59,440 - Oh, that's not good. - That's not good. 507 00:20:59,523 --> 00:21:01,317 No. That could come back and bite us in the ass. 508 00:21:05,196 --> 00:21:06,197 - Ready? - Let's go!