1 00:00:01,782 --> 00:00:03,993 - No, let's hear about it now. - First of all, it's not a jacket. 2 00:00:04,076 --> 00:00:05,745 It's a duster. It's like a jacket, 3 00:00:05,828 --> 00:00:08,039 only it's longer, thicker, and far more badass. 4 00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:10,750 I look like Lorenzo Lamas, and women find it irresistible. 5 00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:13,586 - Well, that part's just simply not true. - Either way, I like it. 6 00:00:13,669 --> 00:00:15,921 I bought it with the money I was gonna make at the pub crawl. 7 00:00:16,005 --> 00:00:18,007 So here's the problem. You know that Korean barbecue joint down the street? 8 00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:20,634 Mr. Kim's? Well, they just signed up for the pub crawl. 9 00:00:20,718 --> 00:00:22,386 Which means now they're the last stop! 10 00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:23,554 What? They can't be the last stop. 11 00:00:23,637 --> 00:00:25,765 We're always the last stop! That's the only time of year we make any money! 12 00:00:25,848 --> 00:00:28,350 They're also experimenting with a secret microbrew. 13 00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:30,770 Word on the street is that it's delicious and powerful! 14 00:00:30,853 --> 00:00:32,188 - Bullshit! - Yep. 15 00:00:32,313 --> 00:00:34,648 We're the microbrew guys! They can't take that! 16 00:00:34,732 --> 00:00:36,317 Wait. You guys have a microbrew? 17 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,401 Yes! We make a delicious, 18 00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:38,861 - amazing microbrew! - Really? 19 00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:41,822 Oh, it's amazing. They, they throw all the skunk beer into a trash can, 20 00:00:41,906 --> 00:00:43,783 and then they sell it for $10 a glass. 21 00:00:43,866 --> 00:00:46,494 The point is we cannot let these Koreans steal our thunder! 22 00:00:46,577 --> 00:00:48,579 They wanna make a top secret microbrew? 23 00:00:48,662 --> 00:00:50,289 We gotta make ours more powerful! 24 00:00:50,373 --> 00:00:52,792 We'll make it so strong that people will pass out and vomit 25 00:00:52,875 --> 00:00:54,001 and vomit in their own pass out. 26 00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:55,127 They'll never leave and go to Kim's in the first place! 27 00:00:55,211 --> 00:00:56,212 Yeah. 28 00:00:56,295 --> 00:00:58,130 I will make this year's talent show the best talent show ever. 29 00:00:58,214 --> 00:01:00,383 - Let the men talk, Dee! Let the men talk! - What are you saying? 30 00:01:00,466 --> 00:01:02,218 - We're in the middle of an emergency here! - Guys, we gotta move on this. 31 00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:04,136 - It's the damn North Koreans! - Damn North Koreans. 32 00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:06,305 Wait. Wait a second. What makes you guys think they're North Koreans? 33 00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:07,973 That's the bad Korea. 34 00:01:08,099 --> 00:01:09,850 They're the sneaky, bad Korea, man. 35 00:01:09,934 --> 00:01:12,812 The ones on the top and they sneak down and they eat everybody's pets. 36 00:01:12,895 --> 00:01:15,564 I can't stand it! It's un-American! All right, goddamn it. 37 00:01:15,648 --> 00:01:18,192 That's it. They're gonna take our way of life from us. It's bullshit. 38 00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:22,113 Okay, gang. Let's solve this North Korea situation once and for all. 39 00:01:57,398 --> 00:01:59,066 - All right, that's enough. - No, no, no, no. 40 00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:00,526 - That's enough moonshine, Frank! - No, no, no, no! 41 00:02:00,609 --> 00:02:01,986 Look, we don't want people to go blind! 42 00:02:02,069 --> 00:02:04,280 - You can never have enough moonshine. - Goddamn it. 43 00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:06,866 Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about. 44 00:02:06,949 --> 00:02:07,950 How's it taste? 45 00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:11,912 We gotta lace it with somethin' sweeter. 46 00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:14,540 We gotta add a little sweetening. Oh, Deandra. 47 00:02:14,623 --> 00:02:16,333 Could you be a darling and run down 48 00:02:16,417 --> 00:02:18,169 - and get daddy some antifreeze? - No. 49 00:02:18,252 --> 00:02:20,588 We don't want to kill people, Frank. I feel like you're not getting this. 50 00:02:20,671 --> 00:02:22,423 I can't help you guys. I have a very busy day. 51 00:02:22,506 --> 00:02:23,841 I'm auditioning people all day long, 52 00:02:23,966 --> 00:02:25,426 and also, you're not my dad. 53 00:02:25,509 --> 00:02:27,261 Winning a talent show that you throw for yourself 54 00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:29,430 is just about the saddest thing you've ever done, Dee. 55 00:02:29,513 --> 00:02:32,224 Now, listen. If this is all about boosting your self-confidence, 56 00:02:32,308 --> 00:02:34,310 why don't you go out and bang a bunch of random dudes 57 00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:36,812 like you did in the good old days? 58 00:02:36,896 --> 00:02:38,898 This talent show's very important to me. All right? 59 00:02:38,981 --> 00:02:41,108 And I'm not gonna let you guys steamroll me like you always do. 60 00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,027 Why don't you get Charlie and Dennis to help you? 61 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:45,279 Well, Dennis and Charlie are out collecting intelligence, okay? 62 00:02:45,363 --> 00:02:47,531 Oh! You're playing spies now? 63 00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:50,534 Intel is the name of the game, Dee. It's all about the intelligence! 64 00:02:50,618 --> 00:02:53,037 - Then you picked the wrong two people. - Maybe so. 65 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,872 But we do have a secret weapon. 66 00:03:01,921 --> 00:03:04,048 That would've been a lot better if I was wearing the duster, dude. 67 00:03:04,131 --> 00:03:06,300 Come on, dude. It doesn't fit you. It's too big for you. 68 00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:08,302 That's why it's so awesome on me. It's like, 69 00:03:08,386 --> 00:03:09,887 "Why's that guy in a giant jacket?" 70 00:03:10,012 --> 00:03:11,806 - Why do you take this away from me? - "What is he hiding, dude?" 71 00:03:11,889 --> 00:03:14,350 - I just wish you'd let me do it. - Can we just snoop around a little bit? 72 00:03:14,475 --> 00:03:16,102 We can snoop around, but… I should be wearing the duster. 73 00:03:16,185 --> 00:03:17,311 - That's the bottom line. - No, I'm wearing the duster. 74 00:03:17,395 --> 00:03:19,397 - That's the end of it. - Fine. 75 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,523 We should drink a couple of these microbrews. 76 00:03:20,606 --> 00:03:22,483 Let's get some microbrews. That's what people on the pub crawl are gonna do. 77 00:03:22,566 --> 00:03:23,651 Yeah, I know. 78 00:03:25,528 --> 00:03:27,947 Two microbrews, please. 79 00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,115 All right. What is this? 80 00:03:29,198 --> 00:03:31,283 - "Pub crawl karaoke contest"? - Uh-oh. 81 00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,412 Bro, "Prize $500"? That's not good. Aw, shit. 82 00:03:34,495 --> 00:03:35,913 Look at that bracket. Do you think that's… 83 00:03:35,996 --> 00:03:37,498 That's what that's for? 84 00:03:37,581 --> 00:03:39,750 - Oh, that's for the karaoke contest, bro. - Oh my God, dude. 85 00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,669 - There's a lot of names on there. - That's huge, man. That's gonna… 86 00:03:41,752 --> 00:03:43,546 Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult 87 00:03:43,629 --> 00:03:45,214 thing to do, man. It looks like they got it down. 88 00:03:45,297 --> 00:03:46,507 I gotta get this intel back to Mac right away. 89 00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:47,591 Well, hold on that, 90 00:03:47,675 --> 00:03:49,009 - because we want to try the… - What? 91 00:03:49,093 --> 00:03:50,594 - The microbeers? - Yes. 92 00:03:50,928 --> 00:03:52,596 - Here we go. - Thank you. Thank you. 93 00:03:54,724 --> 00:03:56,183 - Mmm! - Oh, shit. 94 00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:58,519 - Goddamn it. That's good. - That is really good. 95 00:03:58,602 --> 00:03:59,729 - That's… - That is… 96 00:03:59,854 --> 00:04:01,772 - Mmm! - Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. 97 00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:06,944 - Son of a bitch, that's good. - They're putting somethin' in that. 98 00:04:07,028 --> 00:04:08,821 'Cause you can't just make beer like that. 99 00:04:08,904 --> 00:04:11,157 What do you mean? Like they're enriching it? 100 00:04:11,615 --> 00:04:13,826 - Are they enriching the… - You cannot… 101 00:04:14,243 --> 00:04:16,620 - They're enriching the beers, Charlie. - They're enriching their beer. 102 00:04:19,165 --> 00:04:20,916 - That's definitely enriched beer. - That's an enriched beer, dude. 103 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,001 That's not conven… 104 00:04:22,084 --> 00:04:23,210 I've only tried enriched beer like once, I think. 105 00:04:23,294 --> 00:04:25,087 They're not allowed to have the capabilities to enrich beer here. 106 00:04:25,171 --> 00:04:27,298 - What is going on in this place? - Where are they enriching… 107 00:04:27,381 --> 00:04:29,050 Look at all these people, man. They're like, uh… 108 00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,468 Oh, there's like brainwash… 109 00:04:30,593 --> 00:04:32,720 - They're being brainwashed. - Notice how they're all happy and smiling, 110 00:04:32,803 --> 00:04:34,138 - 'cause they're drinking enrich… - How old was that bartender? 111 00:04:34,263 --> 00:04:35,848 - Was she 16 or 60? - You can't tell. You have no idea. 112 00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:38,017 - They're timeless. - They're endless and timeless. 113 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,185 - Oh, God. - Damn it, dude. 114 00:04:39,268 --> 00:04:40,311 We are in big trouble here, man. 115 00:04:40,394 --> 00:04:42,229 Oh, shit! 116 00:04:42,354 --> 00:04:43,731 Look at that door, dude. 117 00:04:43,814 --> 00:04:45,232 See that door right there? 118 00:04:45,316 --> 00:04:48,569 The one marked "pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there? 119 00:04:48,819 --> 00:04:50,613 I see a door marked "private." 120 00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:52,740 Is that the… Is that the door you were talkin' about? 121 00:04:52,823 --> 00:04:54,367 - No, I was talking a… - Yeah. 122 00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:55,868 - I didn't say… - No, you… 123 00:04:55,951 --> 00:04:57,203 What did you hear? 124 00:04:57,995 --> 00:05:00,081 I heard you say you saw a door marked "pirate." 125 00:05:00,164 --> 00:05:02,166 - And "is there a pirate living in there?" - No. See, that's not what… 126 00:05:02,249 --> 00:05:03,918 Why would there be a pirate living in a Korean restaurant? 127 00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:05,920 Are we gonna talk about pirates all day? Or we gonna find out who lives in there? 128 00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:08,506 You're the one that… All right. Jesus Christ, man. 129 00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,009 Here we go. What's wrong? Come on, open it. 130 00:05:12,134 --> 00:05:13,761 - It's locked. - All right… 131 00:05:13,844 --> 00:05:14,845 I'm gonna try this out. 132 00:05:14,929 --> 00:05:16,639 - What… What is that? Your apartment key? - Yeah. 133 00:05:16,722 --> 00:05:17,932 - I'm gonna see if it's gonna work here. - That's not gonna work! 134 00:05:18,015 --> 00:05:19,683 - Why not? - We're not at your apartment, shithead! 135 00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:21,060 How many possible lock combinations can there be? 136 00:05:21,143 --> 00:05:22,144 Oh, so many, dude! 137 00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:23,813 - Like hundreds of millions. - Well, eventually they're gonna overlap. 138 00:05:23,896 --> 00:05:24,897 - They're not ever gonna over… - You know what? 139 00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:26,023 You're right. It's not working. 140 00:05:26,107 --> 00:05:27,900 - Oh, no shit. No shit. - It was worth a try. 141 00:05:27,983 --> 00:05:29,360 - It was not worth a try. - Well… 142 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:31,487 Move over. I'm gonna, like, kick the door or some shit. 143 00:05:31,612 --> 00:05:33,364 - You're gonna kick it? - Really? 144 00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:34,949 - Damn, dude. This thing is like… - What? 145 00:05:35,032 --> 00:05:36,033 Enriched in its own way. 146 00:05:36,117 --> 00:05:37,159 All right. Let me try something else here. 147 00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:39,036 - Try a spin kick. Try a spin kick. - Spin kick? 148 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,080 - Yeah. You think you can do it? - I'm not even sure… 149 00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:42,289 Okay. 150 00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:45,459 Sons of… 151 00:05:45,543 --> 00:05:48,254 - All right, I'm gonna kick, you ram. - Go! 152 00:05:48,713 --> 00:05:49,922 Nice. 153 00:05:50,256 --> 00:05:51,340 Good. 154 00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:55,678 - How is that not working? - No, I don't know. 155 00:05:55,761 --> 00:05:57,179 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm all right. 156 00:05:57,263 --> 00:05:58,389 All right, we're gonna do that some more. 157 00:05:58,472 --> 00:06:00,015 But let's get some more of that enriched beer. 158 00:06:00,099 --> 00:06:01,350 - Mmm-hmm. - I'm gonna call Mac 159 00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:02,935 and give him the intel. 160 00:06:03,018 --> 00:06:04,353 Holy shit! 161 00:06:04,854 --> 00:06:07,481 All right, see what else you can find out, and call me back. Good work. 162 00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:09,692 - Forget the microbrew. - What's the intel? 163 00:06:09,984 --> 00:06:11,944 - They're having a karaoke contest. - Oh! 164 00:06:12,028 --> 00:06:14,363 That's it. I'm elevating us to threat level yellow. It's time. 165 00:06:14,488 --> 00:06:15,740 - Yellow? - Yeah. It's time. 166 00:06:15,823 --> 00:06:18,159 - What were we before? - Orange, of course. 167 00:06:18,284 --> 00:06:20,286 Orange is much more threatening than yellow! 168 00:06:20,369 --> 00:06:22,288 No, that's an old system. It doesn't work anymore. 169 00:06:22,371 --> 00:06:23,831 - Clearly yellow… - You go from yellow to orange to red! 170 00:06:23,914 --> 00:06:26,333 Yellow is more threatening than orange! Frank, this is orange! 171 00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:27,918 - Have you seen this? - Yellow, orange, red! 172 00:06:28,002 --> 00:06:29,670 - This is yellow! See this? - Red, red! 173 00:06:29,754 --> 00:06:31,297 - Is this more threatening? - Yellow, orange, red! 174 00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,257 - It's backwards going to yellow. - Wow. 175 00:06:33,382 --> 00:06:34,925 - Elevate… - Color fight. Listen. 176 00:06:35,092 --> 00:06:36,927 I need you monkeys outta here, 'cause my contestants are waiting. 177 00:06:37,011 --> 00:06:38,512 That's a no can do, and I'll tell you why. 178 00:06:38,596 --> 00:06:41,182 The Koreans have escalated the conflict. So I've upgraded us to yellow. 179 00:06:41,265 --> 00:06:42,266 I don't know what that means. 180 00:06:42,349 --> 00:06:43,476 It means we're taking over the talent show. 181 00:06:43,559 --> 00:06:45,019 - What? No, you're not! - It's already done. Go on. 182 00:06:45,102 --> 00:06:46,771 Okay. You know what? I knew it. I told you. 183 00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:48,397 You're trying to steamroll me, but it's not gonna work. 184 00:06:48,522 --> 00:06:49,607 I'm gonna win this competition, 185 00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:51,233 and there's nothing you guys can do about it. 186 00:06:51,359 --> 00:06:53,527 You're not even gonna be in it, Dee. Look, you have to face facts. 187 00:06:53,611 --> 00:06:55,654 - You have no talent. - You're talentless, sweetie. 188 00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,907 Oh, really? Oh, is that so? 189 00:06:57,990 --> 00:07:00,493 Why don't you take a gander at this? 190 00:07:00,576 --> 00:07:03,496 No, Mookie. I don't wanna do it. It's too hot outside. 191 00:07:03,579 --> 00:07:05,373 Right? 192 00:07:05,539 --> 00:07:07,792 - What was that? - What the hell is that? 193 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,460 Rosie Perez! 194 00:07:09,835 --> 00:07:11,128 - What? - That's terrible. 195 00:07:11,212 --> 00:07:12,838 Oh, come on! You love that one! 196 00:07:12,922 --> 00:07:14,882 You know what, Dee? You're a judge. That's it. 197 00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:16,717 Dee's gonna be a judge. And you know why? 198 00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:19,553 Because sitting in judgment of other people is the greatest way 199 00:07:19,637 --> 00:07:21,639 to make yourself feel better. Problem solved. 200 00:07:21,722 --> 00:07:22,932 And go. 201 00:07:23,015 --> 00:07:24,642 - All right again. - And go. 202 00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:27,061 You might have to give me the duster back. It's not working, man. 203 00:07:27,144 --> 00:07:28,521 Aw, it'll work. Go! 204 00:07:28,604 --> 00:07:30,398 - All right, it's not working, dude. - All right, okay. 205 00:07:30,481 --> 00:07:32,066 - I gotta use your head or something. - All right, yes, yes. 206 00:07:32,149 --> 00:07:34,318 Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram. 207 00:07:34,402 --> 00:07:36,195 All right. Now pick me up off the ground, okay? 208 00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:38,030 Why are you people ruining my door? 209 00:07:38,114 --> 00:07:39,824 - Yes! Good! Hello! - All right. Yeah. 210 00:07:39,907 --> 00:07:41,158 Are you the owner? 211 00:07:41,325 --> 00:07:43,911 I owner. I, Mr. Kim. 212 00:07:43,994 --> 00:07:45,621 - All right. - Okay, good. Well, Mr… 213 00:07:45,955 --> 00:07:47,832 Wait. You say Mr. Kim? 214 00:07:48,165 --> 00:07:50,668 Yes! I Mr. Kim! 215 00:07:51,377 --> 00:07:53,546 Wow. You should really do something 216 00:07:53,629 --> 00:07:55,005 - different with your hair, because… - Yeah. 217 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,632 You're not coming across at all like a man to me. 218 00:07:56,716 --> 00:07:59,009 - You don't look or seem like a man. - Look… 219 00:07:59,176 --> 00:08:02,430 If you don't tell us what's in that microbrew, so help me, God, 220 00:08:02,513 --> 00:08:05,141 we will send you people back to the stone age. 221 00:08:05,474 --> 00:08:08,310 I no respond to bully! 222 00:08:10,646 --> 00:08:12,189 What are you gonna do about it? 223 00:08:12,565 --> 00:08:14,400 You're messin' with the wrong country, pal! 224 00:08:14,483 --> 00:08:16,068 That's an act of aggression right there, buddy! 225 00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:17,445 Does every Asian know martial arts? 226 00:08:17,528 --> 00:08:18,612 They have to learn it when they grow up. 227 00:08:18,696 --> 00:08:19,697 - That's right. - It's like school. 228 00:08:21,115 --> 00:08:22,950 Yes! 229 00:08:23,034 --> 00:08:25,619 Okay, okay. Okay! 230 00:08:26,996 --> 00:08:29,165 - Oh, God. Jesus! - That guy is such a dickhead! 231 00:08:29,331 --> 00:08:31,751 Look, you don't have to take that from him. I hope you know that. 232 00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:34,170 If I don't do what he say, he punish me! 233 00:08:34,253 --> 00:08:37,173 He terrible man, okay? Always, "Work, work, work!" 234 00:08:37,256 --> 00:08:38,591 He treat me like slave! 235 00:08:38,674 --> 00:08:40,259 - Slave? - Slave? He's got slaves? 236 00:08:40,342 --> 00:08:42,511 - He's has slaves in there? - What kind of a communist dictatorship 237 00:08:42,595 --> 00:08:45,306 - is this piece of shit running? - Hey, I no phone, no TV! 238 00:08:45,389 --> 00:08:47,349 I not even allowed to drink the beer! 239 00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:49,727 What? No! 240 00:08:49,810 --> 00:08:51,687 No! That is not acceptable! 241 00:08:51,771 --> 00:08:53,564 - You're mad about the beer thing? - I'm… I'm ver… 242 00:08:53,647 --> 00:08:55,232 - Are you not mad about the beer thing? - Yeah. Of course I am. 243 00:08:55,316 --> 00:08:57,401 Look, you should be able to drink beer. That's what happens in America. 244 00:08:57,485 --> 00:08:59,028 - Yeah. In America, you can… - You can drink beer. Look. 245 00:08:59,111 --> 00:09:01,072 I'll tell you what. You come down to Paddy's Pub, all right? 246 00:09:01,155 --> 00:09:03,741 We'll let you drink all the beer you want. You can smoke your cigarettes. 247 00:09:03,824 --> 00:09:05,368 - Mmm-hmm. - You won't have to deal with the trash, 248 00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:07,328 'cause I deal with the trash. 249 00:09:07,411 --> 00:09:08,704 - You do trash? - He takes out the trash. 250 00:09:08,788 --> 00:09:10,539 - Me trash. - He captures the rats. 251 00:09:10,623 --> 00:09:13,376 - You beer, me trash, okay? - I beer, you trash! 252 00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:14,794 I trash, yes! 253 00:09:28,432 --> 00:09:30,768 Holy shit, bro. Did you just see that? 254 00:09:30,893 --> 00:09:33,312 Yeah. She made a meaningful gesture towards me. 255 00:09:33,396 --> 00:09:34,814 She made… 256 00:09:34,897 --> 00:09:36,816 No, dude. She was gesturing to me. 257 00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:39,860 I had my arm out like this. 258 00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:42,196 - Yeah, why were you doing that? - 'Cause she extended to me. 259 00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:44,615 And then there was stuff in the eyes between us. 260 00:09:44,699 --> 00:09:46,367 - And my arm was at her. - All right. 261 00:09:46,534 --> 00:09:48,202 - Sure, pal. - Wha… 262 00:09:53,124 --> 00:09:54,709 But the dog was 263 00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:57,336 Buried by the bright sunlight 264 00:09:57,420 --> 00:10:01,298 And the old man died in his sleep last night 265 00:10:01,382 --> 00:10:04,051 And the young girl never did get… 266 00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:07,513 All right! All right! All right! That's enough. That's enough. Thank you. 267 00:10:07,638 --> 00:10:11,100 Well… Martha, you are terrible. 268 00:10:11,809 --> 00:10:14,937 I wanted to pluck out my eyes and jam them into my ears. 269 00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:17,940 I wanted to pummel you with a manhole cover. 270 00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:20,943 - There is no point to you. - Oh, no… 271 00:10:21,027 --> 00:10:24,613 Sweetie, I thought you were really talented. 272 00:10:24,697 --> 00:10:27,366 And I liked it, what you had on your fingers. 273 00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:29,452 And your hair is so… 274 00:10:29,702 --> 00:10:32,246 It's like it has a bulb on the front of it. 275 00:10:33,330 --> 00:10:35,624 It just wasn't happening for me, dawg. I mean… 276 00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:37,543 - What? - No, dawg. I was not… 277 00:10:37,626 --> 00:10:40,212 - It was the finger cymbals need work. - Oh! 278 00:10:40,337 --> 00:10:43,340 And the jewelry and everything just… 279 00:10:43,674 --> 00:10:45,926 It was… It was just okay, dawg. 280 00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:48,304 - Is it a yes or no, Frank? - It's gotta be no, dawg. 281 00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:51,307 - Dee? - Oh, I just think you're so full of magic. 282 00:10:51,390 --> 00:10:53,642 - You're like a big, round wizard. - Right. 283 00:10:53,726 --> 00:10:56,187 Well, it's a no from me. So… off you go, Martha. 284 00:10:59,356 --> 00:11:01,984 - Why did you get so drunk? - You got drunk! 285 00:11:02,318 --> 00:11:05,029 - I'm just really exhausted. - What's in that cup? 286 00:11:05,446 --> 00:11:07,531 - Rum and cokes. - Why are you getting wasted? 287 00:11:07,615 --> 00:11:09,992 Maybe because you dicks stole my talent show. 288 00:11:10,076 --> 00:11:11,160 Do you have any idea how important this is? 289 00:11:11,243 --> 00:11:12,244 "You have any idea…" 290 00:11:12,328 --> 00:11:15,122 We're trying to save the pub crawl. Really? This is what you're doing? 291 00:11:15,206 --> 00:11:16,374 You know what's gonna happen 292 00:11:16,499 --> 00:11:18,918 if the north Koreans take over? They're gonna ruin our way of life! 293 00:11:19,043 --> 00:11:20,169 Get your shit together, dawg! 294 00:11:20,252 --> 00:11:21,545 Next! 295 00:11:23,005 --> 00:11:24,882 Duster, look out, man 296 00:11:25,007 --> 00:11:27,385 Here comes a brother the man is in a duster 297 00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:29,678 He's a superfine fantastic man 298 00:11:29,762 --> 00:11:31,430 He loves to wear his du… 299 00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:34,225 Oh, my God! 300 00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:36,811 Oh, my God! You scared me. What are you doing? 301 00:11:36,894 --> 00:11:38,396 I run away. 302 00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:39,647 Okay. 303 00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:41,440 Good. Uh… 304 00:11:41,732 --> 00:11:43,234 What are you doing here? 305 00:11:43,317 --> 00:11:46,696 I follow you home, because I like you. 306 00:11:48,072 --> 00:11:49,865 Nice. Good. I… 'Cause I knew… 307 00:11:49,949 --> 00:11:52,410 I knew that… Right on! Okay. 308 00:11:52,576 --> 00:11:54,745 - Wait. All the way home? - Yes. 309 00:11:55,913 --> 00:11:58,582 So you saw me eat that hot pocket I found in the garbage? 310 00:11:58,708 --> 00:11:59,959 Yes. 311 00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:01,961 Any thoughts on that? 312 00:12:02,044 --> 00:12:03,963 - No. - Oh, man. I like you. 313 00:12:04,046 --> 00:12:05,881 - Come on in. - I like you. 314 00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,591 Yeah. 315 00:12:14,056 --> 00:12:16,100 Hello there, Dennis. It's Charlie. 316 00:12:16,225 --> 00:12:19,603 How you doin'? Hey, you're never gonna guess who showed up at my… 317 00:12:19,687 --> 00:12:22,523 That's a very good guess. Congratulations. But the point is that I have defeated you 318 00:12:22,606 --> 00:12:25,526 at this little game of hearts and… And minds so that… 319 00:12:25,609 --> 00:12:28,612 No, don't come over. No, dude. I don't want you to come over, dude. 320 00:12:28,696 --> 00:12:30,740 Don't… Dennis, don't come over. 321 00:12:30,823 --> 00:12:33,075 Well, then why… No, I'm not scared. I just don't want you comin'… 322 00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:35,453 Goddamn it! No! Why did I call him? 323 00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:47,715 Good evening. I need to speak to Mr. Kim, please. 324 00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:49,383 I Mr. Kim. 325 00:12:50,718 --> 00:12:53,054 All right. Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is… 326 00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:57,141 Rita… Fire… Ss. 327 00:12:57,641 --> 00:13:02,980 Hmm, Fires. And I am from the National Health Inspectors… 328 00:13:03,064 --> 00:13:05,483 Uh, store. And I need to… 329 00:13:05,775 --> 00:13:09,945 I need to make sure that your secret microbrew is up to code. 330 00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:11,655 Health Inspector? 331 00:13:11,739 --> 00:13:14,492 Hmm. Oh, you bet your ass, Kim. 332 00:13:14,658 --> 00:13:16,827 Okay, all right! I just… God! 333 00:13:16,911 --> 00:13:18,496 I just want your stupid recipe! 334 00:13:18,746 --> 00:13:21,165 You… terrible actress. 335 00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:23,501 Wait! Okay. 336 00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:26,253 Hmm… I'll sleep with you. 337 00:13:26,337 --> 00:13:29,006 Your breath smell like vomit. 338 00:13:30,007 --> 00:13:31,967 Okay, but… 339 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,261 I know recipe. 340 00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:38,057 You do? 341 00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:39,975 Well, what… What is it? 342 00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:41,811 Offer still stand? 343 00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:47,441 All right. Where is she? 344 00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:49,944 Ah, dude, you might as well turn right back around, man. 345 00:13:50,027 --> 00:13:52,488 - 'Cause she's in love with me, dude. - Uh, yeah, I doubt that. 346 00:13:52,571 --> 00:13:53,698 - Hi. - Hi. 347 00:13:53,781 --> 00:13:54,907 We have so much in common, you're not gonna believe it. 348 00:13:54,990 --> 00:13:55,991 Like what? 349 00:13:56,075 --> 00:13:58,619 - Uh, we both like pizza. - Pizza! 350 00:13:58,703 --> 00:14:01,080 Well, I like pizza. Everybody loves pizza. 351 00:14:01,163 --> 00:14:02,998 - Oh, good. - We both hate mean people. 352 00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,209 - Who likes mean people? - We don't like mean people. 353 00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:07,670 - Well, neither do I. - Well… we both think kissing's gross. 354 00:14:07,753 --> 00:14:09,922 - How is kissing gross? - You know, we just don't like it. 355 00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:11,006 We're not into it, you know? 356 00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:12,425 - Probably, it's… - Sticky. 357 00:14:12,508 --> 00:14:15,302 Is it sticky? It's, like, there's candy and beer in your mouth. 358 00:14:15,386 --> 00:14:17,555 - How is it sticky? From candy and beer? - I don't know. 359 00:14:17,638 --> 00:14:18,973 This is bullshit. Clearly there's some kind of 360 00:14:19,056 --> 00:14:20,683 language-barrier thing happening here. 361 00:14:20,766 --> 00:14:22,893 So I'm gonna go ahead and pop this shirt off and finish this thing 362 00:14:22,977 --> 00:14:24,353 once and for all, Charles. 363 00:14:24,437 --> 00:14:25,438 - Charlie? - Mmm-hmm? 364 00:14:25,521 --> 00:14:28,107 He smell like dog fart. 365 00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:29,483 Eww! 366 00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:30,693 She said you smell like a dog fart. 367 00:14:30,776 --> 00:14:31,819 - Oh, yeah? - All right, take it off. 368 00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:33,779 - Take it off for us. - Dog fart, huh? 369 00:14:42,913 --> 00:14:43,914 Oh, my God! 370 00:15:07,396 --> 00:15:09,023 Am I in America? 371 00:15:13,277 --> 00:15:14,487 Ladies. 372 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:16,030 - Nice turnout, huh? - Yeah. 373 00:15:16,113 --> 00:15:17,698 But I'm getting a little nervous here, Frank. 374 00:15:17,782 --> 00:15:19,408 I've heard some rumblings about Mr. Kim's, okay? 375 00:15:19,492 --> 00:15:20,868 We gotta keep these people here. 376 00:15:20,951 --> 00:15:22,953 Don't worry, Mac. I got a plan. 377 00:15:24,789 --> 00:15:27,083 Mac, I got problems, man. 378 00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:30,461 I can see that. Why are you wearing the duster with no shirt? 379 00:15:30,544 --> 00:15:32,922 I'm trying to get my mojo back. Charlie and I have been competing 380 00:15:33,005 --> 00:15:35,049 over the same Korean chick, and he's like totally winning. 381 00:15:35,132 --> 00:15:37,134 Why are you wearing my duster with no shirt? 382 00:15:37,259 --> 00:15:39,553 This is the perfect combination. Do I really have to explain this to you, bro? 383 00:15:39,637 --> 00:15:41,514 - Yes! Explain it to me. - Are you kidding me? 384 00:15:41,597 --> 00:15:44,767 Black leather duster. Tough, muscular dude underneath it, 385 00:15:44,850 --> 00:15:46,310 inside of it. Very sexual. 386 00:15:46,394 --> 00:15:48,187 Check this out. Check this out. 387 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:49,814 - What's with the hose? - Hang on. 388 00:15:49,897 --> 00:15:51,732 I'm gonna spray it on the women's tops. 389 00:15:51,816 --> 00:15:54,568 We get a better look at their talents if their shirts are wet. 390 00:15:54,652 --> 00:15:57,154 - Wet T-shirt contest. I like that. - Wait, Frank. Frank. 391 00:15:57,238 --> 00:15:59,865 How are we gonna have a wet T-shirt contest without girls? 392 00:15:59,949 --> 00:16:01,367 We never got any contestants. 393 00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:03,202 We can use the girls that are here. 394 00:16:03,285 --> 00:16:04,829 They don't even know they're contestants. 395 00:16:04,912 --> 00:16:08,207 You can't just blast people with a hose in a bar. They will leave. 396 00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:10,167 - Lock the door. - No, that's not gonna work. 397 00:16:10,251 --> 00:16:11,669 Frank, go get your gun. 398 00:16:11,752 --> 00:16:14,922 Okay. Perfect. Go over to Mr. Kim's and convince him to close for the day. 399 00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:16,340 - I can do that. - Oh, excuse us! 400 00:16:16,507 --> 00:16:17,717 - Excuse us, please. - Excuse us! 401 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,135 - Hey-oh! - Hey-oh! 402 00:16:19,635 --> 00:16:21,095 I love when you say it! 403 00:16:21,178 --> 00:16:23,264 We are so happy. And do you know why? 404 00:16:23,347 --> 00:16:26,058 - We just got engaged. - Yes! 405 00:16:26,142 --> 00:16:28,352 - You guys just got engaged? - Yes! 406 00:16:28,436 --> 00:16:30,104 - Yes. - Now we're engaged. 407 00:16:30,187 --> 00:16:31,939 All right, do you want to have some champagne? 408 00:16:32,022 --> 00:16:33,024 - Yes. - We're gonna have some champagne 409 00:16:33,107 --> 00:16:35,651 - to celebrate this. Come on. - Champagne! 410 00:16:35,985 --> 00:16:37,403 Did you guys happen to catch 411 00:16:37,486 --> 00:16:39,363 - what Sun-Li was wearing? - White tank top. 412 00:16:39,447 --> 00:16:41,699 A white tank top. Exactly. I was thinking we could talk Charlie 413 00:16:41,782 --> 00:16:42,992 into having her enter the wet T-shirt contest. 414 00:16:43,075 --> 00:16:44,076 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 415 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,454 We'll tell him it's all a part of Dee's talent show. 416 00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,831 Right. When she jumps up on the stage, we'll blast her with the water. 417 00:16:48,914 --> 00:16:52,251 The crowd will go crazy. The other girls are gonna want to join in. 418 00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:54,545 And we will save the bar. And then she'll break up with Charlie, 419 00:16:54,628 --> 00:16:57,965 ruining any hopes for happiness that that son of a bitch ever had. 420 00:16:58,632 --> 00:17:01,302 I agree with the first part. But the second part seems incredibly harsh. 421 00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:02,636 That's the best goddamn part! 422 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,015 Look, you guys deal with that. I'm gonna go take care of Mr. Kim. 423 00:17:06,098 --> 00:17:07,725 - Yeah, what do you want… - Boom! 424 00:17:07,808 --> 00:17:08,934 What the hell is this? 425 00:17:09,018 --> 00:17:11,437 Oh, only Mr. Kim's secret microbrew recipe. 426 00:17:13,481 --> 00:17:15,733 It's in Korean. What am I supposed to do with this? 427 00:17:15,816 --> 00:17:18,110 Maybe I can get Sun-Li to translate it for us. 428 00:17:18,194 --> 00:17:21,072 Sun-Li? Hi. Could you read this for us, please? 429 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,531 Okay. 430 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,868 "Bony American 431 00:17:25,951 --> 00:17:28,662 "is dirty, dirty whore. 432 00:17:28,871 --> 00:17:33,042 "She bring much shame to herself and country." 433 00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:34,377 Great. Good work, Dee. 434 00:17:34,460 --> 00:17:36,670 Yeah. You really topped yourself this year, sis. 435 00:17:36,754 --> 00:17:38,631 Charlie, can we talk to you for a sec? 436 00:17:42,051 --> 00:17:44,261 - You whore? - Mmm-hmm. 437 00:17:44,387 --> 00:17:45,554 Good. 438 00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:57,400 What you want? 439 00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,944 I'm gonna have to ask you to shut this place down. 440 00:18:00,027 --> 00:18:03,864 I am shut down. Look around, you jerk! 441 00:18:04,073 --> 00:18:05,366 No one here. 442 00:18:07,702 --> 00:18:09,912 Yeah, I was kinda wondering about that. What's up? 443 00:18:09,995 --> 00:18:12,581 My daughter, Sun-Li… She is missing! 444 00:18:12,665 --> 00:18:13,916 Korean broad? 445 00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:15,459 You seen her? 446 00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:16,961 Uh, no. 447 00:18:17,128 --> 00:18:18,879 Oh, she no come home last night! 448 00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:21,215 Well, I'm sure she's gonna come back. 449 00:18:21,298 --> 00:18:23,092 She probably just met some guy. 450 00:18:23,217 --> 00:18:26,262 What you talking about? You sick freak! 451 00:18:26,387 --> 00:18:28,889 Sun-Li only 12-years-old! 452 00:18:28,973 --> 00:18:30,182 What? 453 00:18:30,266 --> 00:18:32,601 She just 12-year-old girl! 454 00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:36,772 Oh, shit! 455 00:18:37,898 --> 00:18:40,026 Attention, everybody. Hey, attention. 456 00:18:40,151 --> 00:18:43,154 Our first contestant hails from North Korea. 457 00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:45,322 That's right, North Korea, everybody. 458 00:18:45,406 --> 00:18:46,907 She's gonna be doing something or other. 459 00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:49,994 And then we're gonna blast her with water from a hose. 460 00:18:50,077 --> 00:18:52,246 It's gonna be great, right? You're gonna want to stick around for this. 461 00:18:52,329 --> 00:18:55,291 And listen, ladies, if you wanna get in on this action, 462 00:18:55,374 --> 00:18:57,501 please do not hesitate to do so. 463 00:18:57,626 --> 00:19:00,171 Okay, take it away. 464 00:19:01,338 --> 00:19:03,591 - All set. - Uh, wait a second. 465 00:19:03,674 --> 00:19:08,054 You're gonna blast my fiancée with water, exposing her breasts to this entire crowd? 466 00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:10,765 - Yeah, man. Is that cool? - That's very cool. 467 00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:12,808 Awesome. All right, Sun-Li, hit it! 468 00:19:13,309 --> 00:19:17,146 Oh, great leader we come to enjoy you 469 00:19:17,855 --> 00:19:21,942 You make sun and moon in the sky 470 00:19:22,401 --> 00:19:26,113 The earth is spinning because of your laughter 471 00:19:26,197 --> 00:19:28,657 - All right, she's bombing. Blast her. - All righty. 472 00:19:29,325 --> 00:19:31,744 All right, everybody! Three, two… 473 00:19:31,827 --> 00:19:33,454 One! 474 00:19:49,804 --> 00:19:52,431 - Oh, God! Come on, Frank! - What are you doing, Frank? 475 00:19:52,515 --> 00:19:53,557 Son of a bitch! 476 00:19:53,682 --> 00:19:55,810 The wet T-shirt contest is off! 477 00:19:55,893 --> 00:19:56,936 Why? 478 00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:58,687 She's only 12-years-old! 479 00:19:58,771 --> 00:20:00,147 What? 480 00:20:00,272 --> 00:20:01,399 You're just 12? 481 00:20:01,524 --> 00:20:02,858 Twelve, Charlie! 482 00:20:02,942 --> 00:20:04,985 - Oh, shit. - That actually explains a lot. 483 00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:07,530 Wait. Where are you guys going? You guys don't have to leave! 484 00:20:07,613 --> 00:20:10,533 No, stay, drink! We didn't know she was 12. We had no idea. 485 00:20:12,576 --> 00:20:14,704 Goddamn it! Well, there goes the pub crawl. 486 00:20:14,787 --> 00:20:16,205 Oh, son of a bitch. 487 00:20:16,372 --> 00:20:19,625 Well, I feel better about myself. 488 00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:21,001 Why? 489 00:20:21,085 --> 00:20:24,755 Uh, all I did was sleep with a toothless, oily busboy for a recipe. 490 00:20:24,922 --> 00:20:26,590 Charlie banged a 12-year-old. 491 00:20:26,674 --> 00:20:27,842 No, I didn't. 492 00:20:28,759 --> 00:20:30,886 - What? - Yeah. I didn't even kiss that girl. 493 00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:32,596 - Like, nothing happened. - Really? 494 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,933 Yeah, absolutely. I can't believe you banged a toothless busboy. 495 00:20:39,687 --> 00:20:41,021 Those goddamn North Koreans. 496 00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:43,024 They are some sneaky bastards. 497 00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,608 - Yeah. - Yep.