1 00:00:00,530 --> 00:00:01,573 Forget the chicken parts, dude. 2 00:00:01,656 --> 00:00:02,991 Charlie is about to shatter the world record 3 00:00:03,074 --> 00:00:04,743 for holding his breath. He's up to seven minutes. 4 00:00:04,826 --> 00:00:06,411 Take the buns off the radiator. 5 00:00:06,494 --> 00:00:08,705 Forget the buns. We'll be famous after this. 6 00:00:08,788 --> 00:00:10,206 - Charlie, how you doing? - I gotta breathe, man. 7 00:00:10,290 --> 00:00:12,042 - Charlie, don't breathe! One more minute! - Buns are gonna burn! 8 00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:14,002 Don't do that! Oh! Oh! Oh! 9 00:00:14,878 --> 00:00:16,046 Come on! 10 00:00:16,129 --> 00:00:17,964 - Are you breathing? - Of course I am! 11 00:00:18,048 --> 00:00:20,050 You ruined it. We could have been famous. 12 00:00:20,175 --> 00:00:21,551 We could have been famous. 13 00:00:21,676 --> 00:00:23,219 - Come in! - Hi. I… 14 00:00:23,303 --> 00:00:24,804 Oh, I'm, uh… 15 00:00:25,472 --> 00:00:27,557 - What do you want, lady? - Ow! 16 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,309 Uh, my name is Betty Canuso, 17 00:00:29,392 --> 00:00:32,270 and I don't know if you heard, but a week ago, 18 00:00:32,354 --> 00:00:34,898 Eastern State Correctional Facility was forced to release 19 00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:37,484 25% of its inmates due to overcrowding. 20 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:38,902 Eastern State? 21 00:00:39,152 --> 00:00:40,945 That's where my dad is. Maybe they let my dad out. 22 00:00:41,029 --> 00:00:42,238 Did they let my dad out, lady? 23 00:00:43,323 --> 00:00:44,824 How would I know? 24 00:00:44,908 --> 00:00:47,410 I'm here because of a man named Wendell Albright, 25 00:00:47,494 --> 00:00:48,870 a registered sex offender. 26 00:00:48,953 --> 00:00:50,580 - He's moved into this neighborhood. - Yeah. 27 00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:52,957 I'm hoping that by raising awareness, we can force him out 28 00:00:53,041 --> 00:00:56,086 of the neighborhood and away from our children once and for all. 29 00:00:56,169 --> 00:00:58,171 - It's going on and on. - Is there something that you need from us? 30 00:00:58,254 --> 00:00:59,631 Because we're in the middle of something. 31 00:00:59,839 --> 00:01:01,675 Please post these flyers anywhere you can. 32 00:01:01,841 --> 00:01:03,802 - Okay, okay, okay. - Yes, yes, yes. 33 00:01:03,885 --> 00:01:05,845 - All right. - Thank you for your time. 34 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:07,097 Out. Get out. 35 00:01:07,222 --> 00:01:11,351 Some people have no sense of my personal boundaries and property. 36 00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:13,144 Let's set the shit up again, okay? 37 00:01:13,311 --> 00:01:14,896 Holy shit! 38 00:01:14,980 --> 00:01:15,981 What? 39 00:01:16,523 --> 00:01:18,525 This dude looks just like Dennis. 40 00:01:54,185 --> 00:01:55,645 I do not look like this guy. 41 00:01:55,729 --> 00:01:58,606 - Are you serious, dude? - What are you guys talking about? 42 00:01:58,773 --> 00:02:00,442 - He's, like, 40-years-old. - Oh, my God. Look at his jaw. 43 00:02:00,525 --> 00:02:01,609 Look at his jawline. 44 00:02:01,693 --> 00:02:05,155 His jaw is exactly where I don't look like him. His jaw is fat and… 45 00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:07,324 - Go, like, this far back. - I never go that far back. 46 00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:09,576 When I do, it doesn't do that. 47 00:02:09,659 --> 00:02:11,911 I give you six to eight months before you start looking exactly like that guy. 48 00:02:12,245 --> 00:02:14,497 That's crazy. There's no resemblance… 49 00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:18,251 Hello. 50 00:02:18,335 --> 00:02:19,836 Dad. They did let you out! 51 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:21,880 - Oh, my God. - Don't touch me. 52 00:02:21,963 --> 00:02:24,466 Right. That's how it goes. Hey, hey, come meet my friends. 53 00:02:24,632 --> 00:02:26,259 Guys, this is my dad. Well, Charlie you know. 54 00:02:26,509 --> 00:02:27,719 Hey, hey, man. 55 00:02:27,802 --> 00:02:29,471 Hey, by the way, 56 00:02:29,637 --> 00:02:31,598 real sorry about that whole heroin incident 57 00:02:31,681 --> 00:02:33,058 in the butt, but here's the deal. 58 00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:35,727 I had my butt filled like a Christmas stocking, I wanted to come, 59 00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:38,521 I got a little nervous, everything came flushing out of me. 60 00:02:38,730 --> 00:02:41,733 Wendell "short-eyes." They let you out too, huh? 61 00:02:41,941 --> 00:02:43,985 What? No, I'm not Wendell "short-eyes." 62 00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:45,445 Didn't I stab you once? 63 00:02:45,612 --> 00:02:47,405 No, you never stabbed… Look, I'm not Wendell, okay? 64 00:02:47,489 --> 00:02:48,657 I'm not a sexual child molester. 65 00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:51,326 I'm Dennis Reynolds. I'm handsome and chiseled… 66 00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:54,329 Now you got me thinking. I gotta go look in a mirror. 67 00:02:54,412 --> 00:02:56,039 So, Dad, what are you gonna do now that you're out? 68 00:02:56,122 --> 00:02:57,499 I need a job. 69 00:02:57,582 --> 00:02:59,459 Tell you what. I just got an idea. 70 00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:01,086 Bouncer. Welcome aboard. 71 00:03:01,169 --> 00:03:02,545 Right. 72 00:03:02,629 --> 00:03:04,047 Good thinking. 73 00:03:05,423 --> 00:03:07,133 Can I talk to you for a second, you guys? 74 00:03:07,342 --> 00:03:09,386 - Oh, yeah. - Dee, that guy really likes your hair. 75 00:03:09,469 --> 00:03:11,721 Yeah, he does. This is a very bad plan. 76 00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:13,098 - What? - Which one? 77 00:03:13,181 --> 00:03:14,224 This man should not work here. 78 00:03:14,307 --> 00:03:15,433 - Why? - Why are you attacking us? 79 00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:17,852 Because this guy looks like he wants to eat me. 80 00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,813 Has he ever eaten anybody that you know of? 81 00:03:20,021 --> 00:03:21,481 I don't think so. 82 00:03:21,606 --> 00:03:23,692 No. But it'd be pretty cool if he did. Don't you think? 83 00:03:23,775 --> 00:03:25,527 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that is really cool. 84 00:03:25,694 --> 00:03:28,113 Think about the dedication you got to put into eating a human body, man. 85 00:03:28,196 --> 00:03:30,448 If he's got that kind of commitment, imagine what… 86 00:03:30,532 --> 00:03:32,158 Where's the telephone? 87 00:03:32,283 --> 00:03:33,702 Do you have plans, Dad? 88 00:03:33,785 --> 00:03:35,370 'Cause I was thinking we could do some father-son stuff. 89 00:03:35,453 --> 00:03:36,705 Have a catch. Talk. 90 00:03:36,788 --> 00:03:40,083 No, I'm not gonna do that. But, I'll tell you what. 91 00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:42,836 Here's a list of, uh, all the people I, uh, 92 00:03:42,919 --> 00:03:45,505 promised to visit after I got out of prison. 93 00:03:45,588 --> 00:03:47,841 Maybe you can drive me around, 94 00:03:47,924 --> 00:03:50,051 help me take care of a few of 'em? 95 00:03:50,218 --> 00:03:52,303 Take care of a few of 'em? Okay, yeah. That sounds cool. 96 00:03:52,387 --> 00:03:53,722 You got a car? 97 00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:55,890 No. Dennis does, but he won't give me the keys. 98 00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:58,518 That won't be a problem. 99 00:04:00,061 --> 00:04:02,188 I don't want Mac's dad working at our bar. 100 00:04:02,272 --> 00:04:03,315 I was looking in the mirror, 101 00:04:03,398 --> 00:04:05,066 and I gotta tell you, looks pretty good in here. 102 00:04:05,191 --> 00:04:07,027 - Jaw line looks good, hairline's good. - Are you listening to me? 103 00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:10,196 - I don't want to get eaten. - He eats people? That's awesome. 104 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,489 That's not awesome. Why do you guys think 105 00:04:11,573 --> 00:04:13,533 - that eating people is awesome? - It just is. 106 00:04:13,616 --> 00:04:16,286 - Asshole! - What? Did you see that? 107 00:04:16,369 --> 00:04:18,538 Yeah, I saw that. I need your help, okay? 108 00:04:18,621 --> 00:04:19,664 You're part owner of the bar, 109 00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:21,750 and you're probably the only person that Mac listens to, 110 00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:23,043 and I need you to talk to him… 111 00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:25,628 Dee, you're blowing this completely out of proportion, okay? 112 00:04:25,712 --> 00:04:28,340 Mac's dad probably hasn't seen a woman in a very long time. 113 00:04:28,423 --> 00:04:30,467 As soon as he comes across one that's actually attractive, 114 00:04:30,550 --> 00:04:33,303 he's gonna forget all about you, just like every other man does. 115 00:04:33,386 --> 00:04:34,429 Why do you do that? 116 00:04:34,679 --> 00:04:36,014 - Pervert! - Dickhead! 117 00:04:36,765 --> 00:04:38,683 Pervert? Dickhead? Wait a minute. 118 00:04:38,767 --> 00:04:40,894 Why are people yelling at me in the streets, Dee? 119 00:04:40,977 --> 00:04:42,896 Could have something to do with that. 120 00:04:43,813 --> 00:04:44,814 What? 121 00:04:49,361 --> 00:04:51,029 That's gonna be a problem for me. 122 00:04:54,366 --> 00:04:56,201 - Take the TV, too. - Frank! 123 00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:58,203 What's going on in here, man? 124 00:04:58,411 --> 00:04:59,537 I'm leaving. 125 00:04:59,621 --> 00:05:00,914 It's been great, 126 00:05:00,997 --> 00:05:03,249 but I gotta get something more out of my life. 127 00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:05,168 Why are you taking all my shit? 128 00:05:05,251 --> 00:05:06,961 Well, it was really hard to tell whose was whose, 129 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,963 so I just decided to take everything. 130 00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,548 You don't ever use this. 131 00:05:10,632 --> 00:05:13,009 I use that all the time. It's like the only thing I use. 132 00:05:13,176 --> 00:05:15,220 All right, slow down, Frank. Slow down. 133 00:05:15,303 --> 00:05:16,888 What the hell's this all about? 134 00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:18,640 Charlie, I need a woman. 135 00:05:18,765 --> 00:05:21,142 to cook for me and clean up after me, 136 00:05:21,226 --> 00:05:23,186 and someone who'll do everything I say. 137 00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:25,563 - That's just a maid. You want a maid? - Yeah. 138 00:05:25,772 --> 00:05:27,732 That's right. A maid. 139 00:05:27,816 --> 00:05:29,150 A maid I can bang. 140 00:05:29,734 --> 00:05:32,278 - Well, what the hell, man? I mean… - What? 141 00:05:32,362 --> 00:05:35,198 I thought we had a pretty sweet thing going on here. Am I wrong? 142 00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:37,742 We had a good deal going on. We hung out. We… 143 00:05:37,826 --> 00:05:39,703 You know, breakin' records, eatin' chicken scraps. 144 00:05:39,911 --> 00:05:41,663 - Come on. I know you're gonna miss me. - Don't hug me! 145 00:05:41,746 --> 00:05:44,791 Get out of my apartment. I don't need you. No, wait, wait. 146 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:47,043 You know what, dude? Before you go, remember one thing. 147 00:05:47,168 --> 00:05:51,047 We had about the sweetest life that two men can have together, all right? 148 00:05:51,131 --> 00:05:52,298 And you're walking out on that. 149 00:05:52,424 --> 00:05:55,051 You're gonna have to deal with it. You know why? 150 00:05:55,135 --> 00:05:56,803 Because I need that bang maid. 151 00:05:57,012 --> 00:05:58,179 All right, fine. But I'll tell you what. 152 00:05:58,263 --> 00:06:00,390 You're not gonna do very well out there without this guy. 153 00:06:00,515 --> 00:06:02,225 'Cause I may not be much, Frank, but, uh… 154 00:06:02,308 --> 00:06:04,769 I think you'll find that I'm a pretty sweet deal 155 00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:06,021 once you're out there on your own. 156 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,230 And I'll tell you what else. 157 00:06:07,314 --> 00:06:09,691 You're not gonna find a bang maid, 'cause there's no such thing. 158 00:06:09,941 --> 00:06:11,151 I already did. 159 00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:13,278 Your mom. Good-bye. 160 00:06:22,162 --> 00:06:24,748 Okay, let's go. 161 00:06:25,790 --> 00:06:28,168 It's been about 30 minutes, Dad. What were you doing up there? 162 00:06:28,251 --> 00:06:30,253 Hmm? Oh, just, uh, 163 00:06:30,337 --> 00:06:33,006 keeping up with my, uh, correspondence. 164 00:06:33,089 --> 00:06:35,550 Oh, that sounds nice. How'd it go? 165 00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:38,928 Well, there was a bit of a struggle, but, uh, 166 00:06:39,679 --> 00:06:41,890 - it turned out just fine. - Oh, good. 167 00:06:42,390 --> 00:06:45,310 Good. So, um… I was thinking we could hang out, you know. 168 00:06:45,393 --> 00:06:48,188 I was thinking we could go on a double date. Go onto match.com, 169 00:06:48,271 --> 00:06:50,690 find us a few hot ladies. What do you think? 170 00:06:51,232 --> 00:06:52,484 No. 171 00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:54,069 No. Okay. Ooh! 172 00:06:54,361 --> 00:06:55,820 We could go on a road trip. 173 00:06:55,904 --> 00:06:58,073 Hey, Dad, let's go to Cooperstown, New York. 174 00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:01,034 I have always wanted to go to the baseball hall of fame with my dad. 175 00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:03,578 - Do you want to do that with me? - Start the car. 176 00:07:04,371 --> 00:07:05,914 Okay. 177 00:07:05,997 --> 00:07:09,542 I'll start the car. That's fine. Um, just school me again here. 178 00:07:09,626 --> 00:07:13,630 Is it the yellow one to the black one, or is there orange involved? 179 00:07:13,713 --> 00:07:15,382 - Red. - Red. Just red. 180 00:07:15,465 --> 00:07:17,676 Here we go. Teamwork, right? 181 00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:19,386 A little father-son teamwork. 182 00:07:20,929 --> 00:07:23,223 Okay, here we go. Put on your seat belt. 183 00:07:24,766 --> 00:07:26,184 Or don't. Here we go. 184 00:07:28,269 --> 00:07:30,021 It looks great. Stop fiddling with it. 185 00:07:30,105 --> 00:07:32,190 I know it looks great, Dee. I just want to make sure the glue holds. 186 00:07:32,273 --> 00:07:34,234 Remember, this is a twofold operation. We want to prove 187 00:07:34,317 --> 00:07:35,986 that you're not Wendell Albright, 188 00:07:36,069 --> 00:07:38,530 - but prove that you are a good guy. - Good guy? 189 00:07:38,613 --> 00:07:41,324 - Check. That comes naturally for me. - Great. Now step one. 190 00:07:41,408 --> 00:07:44,035 This guy's a little paunchy, right? You're not. You got a great body. 191 00:07:44,119 --> 00:07:46,246 But how are we supposed to see that with this billowy shirt you got on? 192 00:07:46,329 --> 00:07:49,040 - Pop that thing off. - Whoa. Wait a second, Dee. 193 00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:51,668 I can't just pop my shirt off in the middle of a park. You crazy? 194 00:07:51,793 --> 00:07:53,003 I feel like you're not using your head. 195 00:07:53,128 --> 00:07:54,254 What better way to differentiate you 196 00:07:54,337 --> 00:07:57,257 from this fatty than by showing off this amazing body you got? 197 00:07:58,341 --> 00:07:59,968 There is an amazing body under this shirt. 198 00:08:00,093 --> 00:08:01,594 I'm gonna pop the shirt off. I need to show it. 199 00:08:01,678 --> 00:08:04,848 This is what I'm thinking. You go over there and put on some sort of 200 00:08:04,973 --> 00:08:06,599 a fitness clinic for these kids, right? 201 00:08:06,683 --> 00:08:08,768 Show that you care about their physical body. 202 00:08:08,935 --> 00:08:10,437 I care about the kids. That I would never hurt the kids, 203 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:11,688 but that I care about them. 204 00:08:11,771 --> 00:08:13,648 - Absolutely. - I'm gonna go do that right now. 205 00:08:13,815 --> 00:08:16,568 Take a lap. Work those monkey bars. 206 00:08:20,822 --> 00:08:22,615 Hey, fellas. Hi, there. 207 00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:27,078 I am working with a program that assimilates convicted child molesters 208 00:08:27,162 --> 00:08:28,705 right back into your neighborhood. 209 00:08:29,414 --> 00:08:31,374 Kids, how you doing today? 210 00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,209 It's a beautiful day, isn't it? 211 00:08:33,293 --> 00:08:34,461 Here, gather around for a second. 212 00:08:34,544 --> 00:08:36,629 I want to talk to you kids about physical fitness. 213 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,883 Now we're not responsible for making sure these people are rehabilitated, 214 00:08:39,966 --> 00:08:42,344 but this guy's done his time and he deserves a second chance, 215 00:08:42,469 --> 00:08:44,095 don't you think? 216 00:08:44,179 --> 00:08:46,890 That's him right over there, talking to your kids. 217 00:08:49,351 --> 00:08:52,187 Yeah. Nice and high over that bar. 218 00:08:52,646 --> 00:08:54,272 So you can work those muscles. 219 00:08:54,356 --> 00:08:55,940 'Cause you want your muscles to pop, you understand? 220 00:08:56,024 --> 00:08:57,901 You see how these pecs, they're popping? 221 00:08:57,984 --> 00:09:00,987 Take a real close look at this body. This body is chiseled. This body is… 222 00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:02,238 you guys have a great day. 223 00:09:02,322 --> 00:09:04,115 Some people in society aren't very muscular. 224 00:09:04,199 --> 00:09:05,533 You should notice the difference. 225 00:09:05,784 --> 00:09:08,161 Let me show you another hamstring stretch. This is a real good one. 226 00:09:08,244 --> 00:09:10,789 You're gonna make your legs into a "V", just like that. 227 00:09:10,872 --> 00:09:12,707 You're gonna put your hands together 228 00:09:12,791 --> 00:09:15,919 and stretch out nice and low. Don't be afraid to stick your ass out. 229 00:09:16,002 --> 00:09:17,962 That's not embarrassing. It's a good thing. 230 00:09:18,088 --> 00:09:20,674 Get those hamstrings nice and loose. That's a real… 231 00:09:20,757 --> 00:09:21,800 Hey, pervert. 232 00:09:24,761 --> 00:09:26,054 Oh, shit. 233 00:09:31,726 --> 00:09:33,812 A dinner party? I don't think so. 234 00:09:33,895 --> 00:09:35,647 I'm telling you. it's gonna be awesome. 235 00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:39,275 Everybody's gonna be there. My mom, my dad, Charlie. 236 00:09:39,359 --> 00:09:40,694 No, Mac. 237 00:09:41,277 --> 00:09:43,154 I don't think I'm ever gonna leave this place. 238 00:09:43,238 --> 00:09:45,782 Nail clippings on command. Massages and hand jobs 239 00:09:45,865 --> 00:09:47,742 being thrown around like hotcakes. 240 00:09:48,243 --> 00:09:50,495 This is a party in your honor. 241 00:09:50,578 --> 00:09:52,747 We are celebrating your new relationship. 242 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:55,792 Can I bring my bang maid? 243 00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:58,378 Of course, dude. You can bring anybody you want. 244 00:09:59,921 --> 00:10:02,716 - Bonnie! - Oh, uh, yes, Frank? 245 00:10:02,799 --> 00:10:05,093 Stop making lasagna. We're goin' out tonight. 246 00:10:05,593 --> 00:10:07,220 Oh. Okay, Frank. 247 00:10:07,804 --> 00:10:08,847 She's in. 248 00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:10,265 All right, I'll see you tonight at 8:00. 249 00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,516 And the trap is set. 250 00:10:11,599 --> 00:10:13,476 - Sweet, bro. - What the hell are you doing? 251 00:10:13,893 --> 00:10:16,604 - Siphoning boxed wine. - Why? 252 00:10:16,688 --> 00:10:19,649 Why? Bro, this is the perfect plan, man. 253 00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:21,609 Dude, if we get your dad drunk enough, 254 00:10:21,693 --> 00:10:23,778 he's gonna be able to see past your mother's looks, 255 00:10:23,862 --> 00:10:26,239 past her skin, all that eczema and shit. 256 00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:28,450 He's gonna fall in love with her all over again, buddy. 257 00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:32,871 Now my mom, she gets so belligerent and mean when she's drunk, dude, 258 00:10:32,954 --> 00:10:35,999 she's gonna drive Frank right back into my arms. 259 00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:37,250 Into your arms? 260 00:10:37,542 --> 00:10:41,087 Into my… Into my home, into my futon and my house… 261 00:10:41,171 --> 00:10:43,256 I'm gonna have Frank back is what I'm trying to say, dude. 262 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,383 Right. Where'd all these jars come from? 263 00:10:45,717 --> 00:10:48,345 - I emptied out all the tomato sauce. - Hmm. 264 00:10:48,636 --> 00:10:51,639 Seems to me like it'd be easier to steal the box than jars of liquid. 265 00:10:51,723 --> 00:10:53,725 No. No. The jars are… 266 00:10:53,808 --> 00:10:55,644 It's easier… You empty… 267 00:10:55,727 --> 00:10:58,605 Where were you 10 minutes ago when I was coming up with this plan, man? 268 00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:04,069 Okay, I helped you. In fact, I'm still helping you. 269 00:11:04,152 --> 00:11:06,946 I'm giving you ice for your broken face, so you call Mac now. 270 00:11:07,155 --> 00:11:09,074 What are you talking about? You helped me get my ass kicked. 271 00:11:09,157 --> 00:11:11,201 And by the way, I'm starting to think you did that on purpose. 272 00:11:11,368 --> 00:11:12,702 - What? - Yeah. 273 00:11:12,786 --> 00:11:16,373 Oh, how dare you say it. You call Mac right now. 274 00:11:16,706 --> 00:11:18,416 No. I'm not calling Mac. No. I'm not calling Mac, 275 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,418 because you're not helping me with this molester situation. 276 00:11:20,502 --> 00:11:22,003 In fact, you know who I'm gonna call? 277 00:11:22,087 --> 00:11:23,421 I'm gonna call Mac's dad. I'm gonna tell him you're available. 278 00:11:23,505 --> 00:11:24,673 I'm gonna tell him you were asking about him. 279 00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:26,007 All right, fine. I'll help you. 280 00:11:26,091 --> 00:11:27,342 But then right afterwards, you're helping me. 281 00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:28,426 - Yeah. - Dick. 282 00:11:29,094 --> 00:11:30,220 Yeah. 283 00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:32,889 Oh, Mom, you're gonna look so good for your date. 284 00:11:32,972 --> 00:11:34,891 All right, here we go. 285 00:11:34,974 --> 00:11:38,728 I think that should just about do it. 286 00:11:40,063 --> 00:11:42,399 What do you think? 287 00:11:42,482 --> 00:11:44,025 Can't see the TV. 288 00:11:44,776 --> 00:11:46,945 Right. I was thinking maybe you could lay off the TV, just for like an hour… 289 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,154 Can't see the TV. 290 00:11:48,238 --> 00:11:49,823 Mac, can I talk to you in here for a second? 291 00:11:49,906 --> 00:11:51,700 Yeah. I'll… I'll be right back, okay? 292 00:11:51,908 --> 00:11:52,951 Okay, what's up? 293 00:11:53,034 --> 00:11:55,537 All right. Do me a favor, 'cause I'm really in the weeds here, bro. 294 00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:57,956 I need you to take some of these spaghetti sauce things 295 00:11:58,039 --> 00:11:59,332 with all the wine in them… 296 00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:01,876 - I need you to, like, empty all… - What are you talking about? 297 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,504 - I am trying to set the mood in there. - Are you kidding me? 298 00:12:04,587 --> 00:12:06,297 I'm the only one in here! I'm the only one cooking! 299 00:12:06,381 --> 00:12:07,590 Is that my problem, Charlie? 300 00:12:07,674 --> 00:12:09,509 - What if we have no ambience? - Do you have any idea 301 00:12:09,592 --> 00:12:10,844 what it takes to cook in this kitchen? 302 00:12:10,927 --> 00:12:12,637 - Do you want flat ambience? - Get out of my kitchen! 303 00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:14,389 - Jesus Christ, Charlie. Jesus Christ. - This is a disaster! 304 00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:17,934 This disaster's on your hands, Charlie, not mine, okay? Whoa! Dad. 305 00:12:18,685 --> 00:12:19,811 When did you get here? 306 00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:25,775 Right. Right. Oh, uh, surprise, Mom. 307 00:12:25,859 --> 00:12:27,944 Surprise! Yay! It's Dad. 308 00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:31,197 You guys haven't seen each other in so long, huh? It's quite exciting. 309 00:12:31,281 --> 00:12:32,824 Right. 310 00:12:32,907 --> 00:12:35,118 Hey, Dad. Dad, doesn't Mom look pretty? 311 00:12:35,243 --> 00:12:36,536 - No. - Oh, boy. 312 00:12:36,745 --> 00:12:38,955 Oh, boy. Here we go. 313 00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:40,457 Our guests have arrived. 314 00:12:40,540 --> 00:12:42,792 Oh, sorry. Almost, uh, touched you again. 315 00:12:42,876 --> 00:12:44,961 Okay, guys. You guys ready? Are you ready? 316 00:12:45,795 --> 00:12:47,839 All right, you look ready. Let's do it. 317 00:12:47,922 --> 00:12:50,258 - It's all happening. Hello. - Hi. 318 00:12:50,342 --> 00:12:51,843 - Welcome. Welcome. - Thank you. 319 00:12:51,926 --> 00:12:53,261 - You look good. - Thanks. 320 00:12:53,345 --> 00:12:55,305 - Can I take your coats? - Bonnie, coat. 321 00:12:55,388 --> 00:12:56,973 - Oh. - Sit. 322 00:12:57,057 --> 00:12:58,641 - Love you. - Mmm. 323 00:12:59,476 --> 00:13:00,977 - Damn, dude. - Harsh, right? 324 00:13:01,061 --> 00:13:02,854 - Yeah. - I think so, too. 325 00:13:02,937 --> 00:13:05,315 The woman prefers to be treated like shit. 326 00:13:05,398 --> 00:13:07,359 I ain't never seen anything like it in my life. 327 00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:11,613 Attention, everybody! Attention, everyone! Your dinner is served. 328 00:13:11,821 --> 00:13:14,282 - Oh! - Pipe down. 329 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,956 This is, uh, delicious, Charlie. 330 00:13:22,207 --> 00:13:24,167 - Why, thank you, Mac. - It's crap. 331 00:13:24,584 --> 00:13:26,920 Pure, unadulterated crap. 332 00:13:27,504 --> 00:13:29,214 Uh, Mother, how's yours? 333 00:13:30,215 --> 00:13:31,383 Um… 334 00:13:33,093 --> 00:13:34,719 It's crap. 335 00:13:34,803 --> 00:13:37,263 Pure, unadulterated crap. 336 00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,099 Well, I'm not surprised you're saying that, 337 00:13:39,182 --> 00:13:40,392 considering I took a crap in yours. 338 00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:42,102 No, he didn't. He's joking. 339 00:13:42,352 --> 00:13:44,688 Charlie did not crap into anybody's food, okay? 340 00:13:44,771 --> 00:13:47,315 Mother, you might be wanting to have some more of this turkey sangria 341 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:48,733 to wash that crap down, right? 342 00:13:48,817 --> 00:13:50,944 No. Bonnie. She doesn't want any more. 343 00:13:51,319 --> 00:13:52,862 Shut up, Frank. You don't know what she wants 344 00:13:52,946 --> 00:13:54,948 any more than she knows what you want. You know who knows what you want, Frank? 345 00:13:55,031 --> 00:13:56,783 I do. I've always known what you want, bro. 346 00:13:56,866 --> 00:13:59,452 And I can give you want you want, man. Just let me give you what you want, Frank. 347 00:13:59,661 --> 00:14:01,871 I don't think so, Charlie. I don't think so. 348 00:14:01,955 --> 00:14:03,289 Okay, let's change the subject, shall we? 349 00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:06,334 Dad. Dad, maybe you want to regale us with a story 350 00:14:06,418 --> 00:14:08,837 - from prison, or my childhood? - Mmm-mmm. 351 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,047 Oh, my. You were in prison? 352 00:14:12,465 --> 00:14:14,467 - Yeah. - That's very interesting, Luther. 353 00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:16,886 Now that you and my mother are opening up a bit of a dialogue here, 354 00:14:16,970 --> 00:14:19,097 Don't know if you've taken any time out of your dinner to notice her ample breasts. 355 00:14:19,389 --> 00:14:21,099 - What? - Charlie. 356 00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:22,350 Well, the man's been in prison a long time. 357 00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:23,601 He probably needs a woman. 358 00:14:23,685 --> 00:14:25,061 What you may not have known 359 00:14:25,145 --> 00:14:26,229 is that my mother happens to be 360 00:14:26,313 --> 00:14:28,356 one hell of a whore of a man-stealing woman! 361 00:14:28,648 --> 00:14:31,151 - Charlie, that's just rude. - What are you doing? 362 00:14:31,234 --> 00:14:34,029 That's okay, because my dad already has a woman, Frank. 363 00:14:34,112 --> 00:14:35,155 Uh, you have Mom. 364 00:14:35,238 --> 00:14:37,657 - She hates me. - That's not true. That's not true. 365 00:14:37,741 --> 00:14:39,909 - Mom, you don't hate dad, do you? - Oh, yeah. 366 00:14:39,993 --> 00:14:42,662 - Damn it. - Mother, I don't know if you know this 367 00:14:42,746 --> 00:14:44,497 but Luther happens to be a very successful drug dealer. 368 00:14:45,999 --> 00:14:47,334 And this might also appeal to the whore in you. 369 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,836 He happens to have beautiful, sparkling blue eyes 370 00:14:49,919 --> 00:14:51,254 that just pop right out of his head. 371 00:14:51,504 --> 00:14:54,883 - I don't blink. - The man doesn't blink, Mom. 372 00:14:54,966 --> 00:14:56,092 Stay away from my bang maid. 373 00:14:56,176 --> 00:14:57,927 All right. Damn it, Frank! This isn't about them… 374 00:14:58,011 --> 00:14:59,304 - Charlie… - …or Mac or anyone else. 375 00:14:59,387 --> 00:15:00,513 This is about you and me, bro. 376 00:15:00,930 --> 00:15:02,807 This is about dudes living together, hanging out, 377 00:15:02,891 --> 00:15:04,309 sharing their bed and their home and their life… 378 00:15:04,392 --> 00:15:06,102 - No. That's not what this is about! - Yes! 379 00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:07,979 This is about… This is about people 380 00:15:08,063 --> 00:15:10,523 meeting back up after many years and sparks flying… 381 00:15:10,607 --> 00:15:13,485 And families getting back together and raising little boys 382 00:15:13,568 --> 00:15:15,070 so they can be happy again! 383 00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:17,697 Okay? Happy boys! This is about happy boys! 384 00:15:17,906 --> 00:15:19,199 Bonnie… 385 00:15:19,282 --> 00:15:20,492 I'll call you sometime. 386 00:15:20,659 --> 00:15:21,701 - No! - That's it! 387 00:15:21,826 --> 00:15:23,328 Oh, that's it! That's it! 388 00:15:23,578 --> 00:15:25,664 - Ah, it's on! - You've ruined this, 389 00:15:25,747 --> 00:15:26,956 and I'll never forgive you. 390 00:15:27,082 --> 00:15:28,958 - We're out of here. - I will never forgive you. 391 00:15:29,292 --> 00:15:31,169 Oh, come on. You'll forgive me. 392 00:15:31,378 --> 00:15:34,381 Mmm! And the seed is planted. 393 00:15:38,802 --> 00:15:40,095 All right, listen, douche bag, 394 00:15:40,303 --> 00:15:42,681 apparently people think we look alike. Personally, I don't see it. 395 00:15:42,847 --> 00:15:45,350 Holy shit! No. Yeah, I see that. 396 00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:48,144 We got the same eyes, same nose, same lips, same… 397 00:15:48,353 --> 00:15:49,813 - And the chin. - What are you doing? 398 00:15:50,146 --> 00:15:53,149 That's what it is. It's all in here is the same. Same jaw line and chin… 399 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,485 But look at his whole neck parts. 400 00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:57,362 - Yeah, it's right in here. - Mmm-hmm. It's all there. 401 00:15:57,529 --> 00:16:00,073 - What? Who are you here to help? - But look at his… 402 00:16:00,156 --> 00:16:03,118 I have a chiseled, noble… That's not the point. 403 00:16:03,201 --> 00:16:05,120 The point is you got to leave so I can live my life in peace. 404 00:16:05,203 --> 00:16:08,873 Listen, pal. This is a pretty sweet situation I got going here. 405 00:16:08,957 --> 00:16:10,542 You're out there looking like me, 406 00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:14,212 taking all my heat while I'm in here watching the Disney channel all day long. 407 00:16:14,295 --> 00:16:15,630 Why the hell would I move? 408 00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:17,674 We were afraid it might come to that. 409 00:16:17,757 --> 00:16:19,384 Timmy, could you come out here for a second? 410 00:16:20,468 --> 00:16:23,346 Timmy, will you recite for our husky friend here 411 00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:25,765 the little courtroom speech we prepared? 412 00:16:25,849 --> 00:16:27,851 I have a friend. His name is Wendell. 413 00:16:27,934 --> 00:16:30,437 He showed me funny movies with fully naked people in them. 414 00:16:31,146 --> 00:16:33,690 He gives me juice boxes that make me sleepy. 415 00:16:34,107 --> 00:16:35,859 - All right, I get it. - He's silly. 416 00:16:35,942 --> 00:16:37,277 He's a tickle monster. 417 00:16:37,485 --> 00:16:39,154 Listen, kid, I said I get it, okay? 418 00:16:39,237 --> 00:16:41,281 He makes me taste things I don't want to. 419 00:16:41,364 --> 00:16:43,074 - He puts things in my heinie. - Ooh! 420 00:16:43,366 --> 00:16:45,952 Goddamn it! Will you make the kid stop? Come on. 421 00:16:46,453 --> 00:16:48,288 - Yeah, I think that ought to do it. - Yeah. That's good, Timmy. 422 00:16:48,371 --> 00:16:49,372 So you'll leave? 423 00:16:49,873 --> 00:16:52,542 Yeah, I'll leave. 424 00:16:57,422 --> 00:16:59,090 Lady 425 00:16:59,174 --> 00:17:01,509 When you're with me I'm smiling 426 00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:05,930 Give me 427 00:17:06,014 --> 00:17:08,600 Whoa-oa-oa All your love 428 00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:10,018 - So I say that went very well. - Shut up, Charlie. 429 00:17:10,101 --> 00:17:11,186 Didn't you think it went well? 430 00:17:11,269 --> 00:17:14,939 Hey, hey, hey. I agree with Charlie. I thought it was nice. 431 00:17:15,023 --> 00:17:16,399 - Hey, pull over. Pull over. - Here? 432 00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:17,609 Yeah, yeah. 433 00:17:18,443 --> 00:17:20,528 What, do you have another name on your correspondence list? 434 00:17:20,612 --> 00:17:23,156 Yeah. Okay. 435 00:17:23,239 --> 00:17:26,409 You two, stay right here. This one 436 00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:28,286 shouldn't take long. 437 00:17:31,164 --> 00:17:32,749 - Bro, can I talk to you for one second? - Yeah. 438 00:17:32,832 --> 00:17:34,876 - What the hell's up with that? It's weird. - I don't know. 439 00:17:34,959 --> 00:17:37,295 - This shit-eating behavior. - He's acting very weird about this list. 440 00:17:37,379 --> 00:17:38,546 What's up with this correspondence list? 441 00:17:38,797 --> 00:17:39,923 I don't know. I mean, who are these people? 442 00:17:40,006 --> 00:17:43,009 "Judge Hatcher. District Attorney Andrews. Warden Phillips." 443 00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:45,428 What? I think he's killing those people. 444 00:17:45,804 --> 00:17:47,138 - Charlie. - Holy shit! 445 00:17:47,222 --> 00:17:49,224 He's killing… He's probably eating them, too, dude. 446 00:17:49,307 --> 00:17:52,018 And although I think eating people is very cool, not if we're involved. 447 00:17:52,102 --> 00:17:54,938 - Charlie, he is not killing anybody, okay? - We're accomplices. 448 00:17:55,021 --> 00:17:56,439 No, we are not. 449 00:17:56,523 --> 00:17:58,358 He told me that these are people from his past, 450 00:17:58,441 --> 00:17:59,526 and he's got to take care of them. 451 00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:01,736 And once he takes care of them, he's gonna take care of me. 452 00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:04,197 Oh, my God! 453 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,200 - Wait, that doesn't sound good. - That doesn't sound good at all for you. 454 00:18:07,325 --> 00:18:09,202 I'm on the list, of course, and then… 455 00:18:09,285 --> 00:18:10,412 - Uh-oh. - What? 456 00:18:10,495 --> 00:18:11,621 - Number 12. - What? 457 00:18:11,705 --> 00:18:12,831 - "Charlie." - What? 458 00:18:12,914 --> 00:18:14,249 - "Charlie." - Why am I on there? 459 00:18:14,332 --> 00:18:16,501 - I don't know. - I don't belong on there! That's bullshit! 460 00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:18,545 You don't put a man on a list! Rip it off! 461 00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:21,089 You think he memorized it? Of course he did. That's pointless. 462 00:18:21,172 --> 00:18:23,675 - Okay, I… - What's this about? Why am I on the list? 463 00:18:23,758 --> 00:18:25,844 - Charlie… - It's the heroin thing. 464 00:18:26,011 --> 00:18:27,470 - Remember when he asked us to put… - Yes. 465 00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,389 …heroin in our butts and smuggle it into prison and we didn't do it? 466 00:18:29,472 --> 00:18:31,099 Now he's all hot and bothered, 467 00:18:31,182 --> 00:18:33,268 'cause we don't give him heroin? We don't put it in our butts? 468 00:18:33,351 --> 00:18:34,394 You don't do that! 469 00:18:34,477 --> 00:18:36,646 You don't eat someone 'cause they don't have heroin in their ass! 470 00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:38,690 Let's get out of here. 471 00:18:38,773 --> 00:18:41,318 - Hold on! Calm down, Charlie! - Red to red! Red to red! 472 00:18:41,401 --> 00:18:43,028 - Are you sure it's red to red? - Am I sure it's red to red? 473 00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:44,988 - You hold this one! I'm freakin' out! - Oh, my God! Red to red! 474 00:18:45,071 --> 00:18:47,032 - Red to red! - I can do it, right? 475 00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:50,285 - Lady Let's go! 476 00:18:50,368 --> 00:18:52,662 Of the morning 477 00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:59,169 - What can I do you for? - We need to talk. 478 00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:02,213 What is going on in here? 479 00:19:02,297 --> 00:19:04,466 Just laying low and breaking world records. 480 00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:07,093 - Don't even think about breathing, bitch. - All right, so here's the deal. 481 00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:09,304 Got rid of that child molester. The sexual predator guy? 482 00:19:09,387 --> 00:19:12,390 Yeah, he's gone. He's out of the situation so my problems are solved. 483 00:19:12,474 --> 00:19:13,641 - You had a thing, too, right? - Mac's dad. 484 00:19:13,725 --> 00:19:14,934 I want your dad out of the bar. 485 00:19:15,018 --> 00:19:16,478 - Great. Me, too. - Really? 486 00:19:16,561 --> 00:19:18,313 I'm pretty sure he wants to kill me, actually. 487 00:19:18,563 --> 00:19:20,065 Why would your dad want to kill you? 488 00:19:20,231 --> 00:19:23,401 Not sure. But we've been driving around in your car. He's got this list of names. 489 00:19:23,485 --> 00:19:25,320 - He's been checking them off… - Whoa. Wait a second. 490 00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:26,738 You've been driving around in my car? 491 00:19:26,946 --> 00:19:30,617 Uh, my dad made me steal it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, dude. 492 00:19:30,742 --> 00:19:32,702 That son of a bitch. He's dangerous 493 00:19:32,786 --> 00:19:34,120 and I don't want him in the bar anymore. 494 00:19:34,204 --> 00:19:35,288 - Okay. - Are you kidding me? 495 00:19:35,372 --> 00:19:36,998 Dee, that's final! Don't argue with me! 496 00:19:37,123 --> 00:19:38,875 Mac, call the police. 497 00:19:38,958 --> 00:19:43,046 Good-bye. Good-bye, Luther. 498 00:19:43,129 --> 00:19:44,464 I'll wait for you. 499 00:19:44,631 --> 00:19:46,800 Oh. Okay, Mom. Mom, are you okay? Are you okay? 500 00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:49,052 Oh, Charlie, they're taking him away. 501 00:19:49,135 --> 00:19:50,595 They're taking away my Luther. 502 00:19:50,679 --> 00:19:52,764 Mom, I was… Mom! Mom, sorry. Can you listen to me for one second? 503 00:19:52,847 --> 00:19:54,557 Don't ever take Frank from me again, all right? 504 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,142 He's mine now! I got him back, so… 505 00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:58,353 - What? - Officer. Officer. 506 00:19:58,436 --> 00:20:00,271 - We know everything. - What are you talking about? 507 00:20:00,355 --> 00:20:02,524 We're the ones that called you. That's my dad that you're arresting. 508 00:20:02,607 --> 00:20:04,693 He's been killing all the people on this list. 509 00:20:04,776 --> 00:20:06,444 Oh, yeah. You know, we looked into all that already. 510 00:20:06,736 --> 00:20:08,238 He wasn't killing those people. 511 00:20:08,321 --> 00:20:11,241 In fact, everybody on that list spoke very highly of him. 512 00:20:11,533 --> 00:20:12,993 - Spoke highly of him? - What? 513 00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:15,954 Yeah. Apparently, he was making amends with all the people he wronged. 514 00:20:16,204 --> 00:20:18,581 Then if he hasn't been killing anybody, why are you arresting him? 515 00:20:18,790 --> 00:20:20,625 Because he violated his parole. 516 00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:22,210 He's not supposed to leave the state 517 00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:24,212 and we caught him buying three airline tickets. 518 00:20:24,421 --> 00:20:26,715 - To where? - Cooperstown, New York. 519 00:20:26,798 --> 00:20:30,385 Said he was gonna take some guy named Mac and some guy named Charlie. 520 00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:32,512 - Oh. - You guys have a good one, huh? 521 00:20:32,595 --> 00:20:33,680 Yeah. 522 00:20:34,264 --> 00:20:36,850 Oh, my God. Dad. 523 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:38,643 Dad! 524 00:20:38,768 --> 00:20:41,104 You did want to take me to the Hall Of Fame. 525 00:20:41,896 --> 00:20:44,107 Well, I wanted it to be a surprise. 526 00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:46,818 Oh. It is a surprise. It's a huge surprise, Dad. 527 00:20:46,901 --> 00:20:51,031 And I wanted Charlie to know there were no hard feelings about that whole, 528 00:20:51,114 --> 00:20:52,741 you know, heroin thing. 529 00:20:52,824 --> 00:20:54,909 - Oh. - Oh, my God, Dad. 530 00:20:55,285 --> 00:20:57,829 I'm so sorry for ratting you out and turning you in. 531 00:20:57,912 --> 00:21:00,707 Of course you weren't gonna kill me. I'm your son. 532 00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:02,250 No. 533 00:21:02,334 --> 00:21:04,294 I wasn't gonna kill you. 534 00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:07,005 But I'm going to now. 535 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,508 - Huh? - Yeah. 536 00:21:12,469 --> 00:21:14,220 As soon as I get out, 537 00:21:14,888 --> 00:21:16,097 I'm gonna kill you. 538 00:21:17,432 --> 00:21:18,892 See you, son. 539 00:21:19,017 --> 00:21:20,685 See you real soon. 540 00:21:27,442 --> 00:21:28,818 Lady 541 00:21:29,736 --> 00:21:31,404 Of the morning 542 00:21:34,074 --> 00:21:35,700 Love shines 543 00:21:36,409 --> 00:21:38,036 In your eyes 544 00:21:40,914 --> 00:21:42,457 Sparkling 545 00:21:43,416 --> 00:21:45,251 Clear and lovely 546 00:21:47,045 --> 00:21:48,755 You're my lady 547 00:21:51,549 --> 00:21:52,759 Lady 548 00:21:53,259 --> 00:21:55,887 Turns me on when I'm lonely 549 00:21:58,014 --> 00:22:00,767 Show me Whoa…