1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:05,491 As you can see, the ramp is about 40 feet down there. 2 00:00:05,574 --> 00:00:08,786 I will now light the pyrotechnics… 3 00:00:08,869 --> 00:00:11,622 Which are attached at the arms 4 00:00:11,705 --> 00:00:13,916 and back and all over my pants. 5 00:00:13,999 --> 00:00:16,543 Totally and completely badass. 6 00:00:16,627 --> 00:00:17,836 Here we go! 7 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,923 Three, two, one. 8 00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:27,304 Ooh! 9 00:00:27,388 --> 00:00:29,264 - Yeah! - Oh, Jesus! 10 00:00:29,348 --> 00:00:31,975 You see what I was going for, right? How badass is that? 11 00:00:32,059 --> 00:00:34,603 You know what, man? I actually found that to be pretty goddamn entertaining. 12 00:00:34,687 --> 00:00:35,813 - I gotta be honest. - Yeah, dude. 13 00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:37,815 - Now, you have some more of those? - Oh man, I got a shitload of those. 14 00:00:37,898 --> 00:00:39,441 - Yeah? - Yeah, I've been working my ass off 15 00:00:39,525 --> 00:00:41,068 - on these videos. - Has Charlie seen these? 16 00:00:41,151 --> 00:00:42,820 - I bet he would love 'em. - Yeah, I showed it to him. 17 00:00:42,903 --> 00:00:44,613 - Yeah? - He acted like he liked it. 18 00:00:44,697 --> 00:00:47,491 In fact, he even asked me to keep one of the videocassettes for multiple views. 19 00:00:47,574 --> 00:00:50,244 And then when I wasn't around, I saw him smashing one. 20 00:00:50,327 --> 00:00:52,496 - Smashing it? - Dude, I don't know what his problem is, 21 00:00:52,579 --> 00:00:54,373 but he's been completely pissing me off recently. 22 00:00:54,456 --> 00:00:57,292 - I worked so hard on those tapes. - Why? 23 00:00:57,376 --> 00:01:00,045 - Hmm? - Why? 24 00:01:00,129 --> 00:01:03,507 - To show how badass I am. - Code red. Code red! 25 00:01:03,590 --> 00:01:07,010 Code red, guys! Guys, we got a code red on our hands! 26 00:01:07,094 --> 00:01:09,346 - What? - Oh, my God. Check it out. 27 00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:13,392 Now according to my sources in the field, the waitress is seeing somebody. 28 00:01:13,475 --> 00:01:15,269 Do you know who this guy is? 29 00:01:15,352 --> 00:01:16,895 No. I have no idea, man. 30 00:01:16,979 --> 00:01:20,065 I just got, like, a shady readout on the guy. Look, I tell you what, Mac. 31 00:01:20,149 --> 00:01:21,859 - Seeing how you're my best friend… - Yeah. 32 00:01:21,942 --> 00:01:23,610 …maybe you can look into it for me, you know. 33 00:01:23,694 --> 00:01:25,863 - Go down there. Snoop around the shop. - Can I stop you for a second? 34 00:01:25,946 --> 00:01:28,365 I'm sorry. I'm a little confused here. 35 00:01:28,449 --> 00:01:32,036 You just said he was your best friend? How is he your best friend over me? 36 00:01:32,119 --> 00:01:35,873 Well, I mean, you banged the waitress. 37 00:01:35,956 --> 00:01:38,333 Do I even have to explain that to you? 38 00:01:38,417 --> 00:01:39,918 That kind of rubbed me the wrong way, dude. 39 00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:41,253 Okay. I mean, you know, 40 00:01:41,336 --> 00:01:44,590 I don't see how that should factor into whether we're best friends or not. 41 00:01:44,673 --> 00:01:46,508 To be honest with you, man, I'm a little shocked. 42 00:01:46,592 --> 00:01:48,677 I'm kind… I'm thunderstruck. 43 00:01:48,761 --> 00:01:51,388 Oh, well, I'm sorry, man. But I didn't mean to hurt you. 44 00:01:51,472 --> 00:01:54,349 I didn't mean to thunderstrike you. But I don't know what to tell you. 45 00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,727 - What do you want to hear? - I need for you to explain to me 46 00:01:56,810 --> 00:01:59,646 how it is that you consider Mac to be a better friend to you. 47 00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:01,899 This is just becoming awkward when I have a real problem! 48 00:02:01,982 --> 00:02:03,859 All of a sudden it's about some weird feelings thing! 49 00:02:03,942 --> 00:02:05,569 It's not about your feelings now! 50 00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:07,654 It's about my feelings 'cause I have a problem, okay? 51 00:02:07,738 --> 00:02:11,116 Mac, please, do you think you can find this guy and kick his ass for me? 52 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,911 Absolutely, bro. I will find this guy and I will kick his ass. 53 00:02:13,994 --> 00:02:17,081 You know why? Because you and I are best friends. 54 00:02:19,917 --> 00:02:21,668 He's onto us. 55 00:02:55,619 --> 00:02:56,954 - Hey, hey! - Hey. 56 00:02:57,037 --> 00:02:58,622 - Hey, what's up, buddy? - Hey, man. 57 00:02:58,706 --> 00:03:00,541 - How are ya? - Good. So, look, I'm only gonna be here 58 00:03:00,624 --> 00:03:01,959 like, a night or two, you know. 59 00:03:02,042 --> 00:03:03,794 Until Mac and I take care of a little business. 60 00:03:03,877 --> 00:03:07,131 You stay as long as you want to, man, 'cause that's what friends do. 61 00:03:07,214 --> 00:03:09,383 They let each other stay at each other's apartments. 62 00:03:09,466 --> 00:03:11,468 - They hang out with each other. - Absolutely. 63 00:03:11,552 --> 00:03:13,804 And we can do that. Do some bonding. Maybe go over the best friend thing 64 00:03:13,887 --> 00:03:16,140 - a couple more times. - Uh, bro. 65 00:03:16,223 --> 00:03:18,726 Where are you going with that? 66 00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:20,561 Well, I was gonna throw your sleeping bag in my room 67 00:03:20,644 --> 00:03:24,523 - 'cause you can stay with me. - Ooh, yeah. 68 00:03:24,606 --> 00:03:27,234 Uh, I was gonna stay in Mac's room. 69 00:03:27,317 --> 00:03:29,737 Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Hey, my room's a lot bigger. 70 00:03:29,820 --> 00:03:33,198 - I'm just gonna stick with the plan here. - Oh, okay. 71 00:03:33,282 --> 00:03:36,285 Well, hey, listen, man, since you're here and you got all this beer, 72 00:03:36,368 --> 00:03:38,662 let's crack a couple of 'em open. Let's get tipsy. 73 00:03:38,746 --> 00:03:43,000 Yeah, but the beer is for me and Mac. You know? 74 00:03:43,083 --> 00:03:46,879 - It doesn't have to be, though. - Celebrate the ass kicking. 75 00:03:46,962 --> 00:03:50,007 ? Well, I mean, there's 24 beers there 76 00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:51,425 - if I'm counting right. - 12 for me and… 77 00:03:51,508 --> 00:03:53,302 - 12 for Mac. - 12 for Mac. 78 00:03:53,385 --> 00:03:54,803 That's sort of our thing that we do. 79 00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:56,722 You guys are really gonna drink that many? 80 00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:58,640 - Just the two of you? Tonight? - Yeah. 81 00:03:58,724 --> 00:04:01,060 We could do something else. Let's do something else! 82 00:04:01,143 --> 00:04:02,936 - Hey, board games, man! - Yeah. 83 00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:04,813 Let's have a board game night. Chinese checkers. 84 00:04:04,897 --> 00:04:06,648 - I got, um,… - That's kinda foreign to me. 85 00:04:06,732 --> 00:04:08,484 I got Clue. You know. 86 00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:10,319 We could solve a mystery together. 87 00:04:10,402 --> 00:04:12,237 - We could, um… - Complicated stuff there. 88 00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:14,281 What about Connect 4? Connect 4's a fun game. 89 00:04:14,365 --> 00:04:16,200 - Lot of counting. - It's… 90 00:04:16,283 --> 00:04:18,035 Not that much counting. It's just 91 00:04:18,118 --> 00:04:21,121 - one, two, three, and then four you win. - But a lot of times 92 00:04:21,205 --> 00:04:22,498 you gotta count that much. 93 00:04:22,581 --> 00:04:25,667 Not that many times. If you get it once, you've won the game. 94 00:04:25,751 --> 00:04:28,295 So, you're… 95 00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:30,381 - Have you ever spent any… - Kinda in… 96 00:04:30,464 --> 00:04:33,342 - I'm in your way. I'm in your way. - My way. 97 00:04:33,425 --> 00:04:36,804 Yeah. Cool. 98 00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:43,394 Uh, hey, let's watch a movie. That's simple. That doesn't require any… 99 00:04:43,477 --> 00:04:47,064 We can just sit down and like watch.. I bought a bunch of new DVDs. 100 00:04:47,147 --> 00:04:50,359 Yeah, I got a lot of work to do. 101 00:04:50,442 --> 00:04:52,528 Whoa! What are you… What is that? 102 00:04:52,611 --> 00:04:56,073 Oh, nothing. I just got a couple long-range walkie-talkies. 103 00:04:56,156 --> 00:05:00,411 - Oh, cool. Did you get one for me? - Uh…I… 104 00:05:00,494 --> 00:05:03,163 did…not. 105 00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:06,375 Look, that's all right. I mean, 106 00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:08,585 we could probably just… 107 00:05:08,669 --> 00:05:11,130 Who has, who has the other one? 108 00:05:11,213 --> 00:05:13,674 Mac probably. 109 00:05:20,681 --> 00:05:23,392 - All right, let's do this. - What are you doing? 110 00:05:23,475 --> 00:05:25,060 - Popping my pants off. - Why? 111 00:05:25,144 --> 00:05:26,562 Because we're gonna bang. 112 00:05:26,645 --> 00:05:28,814 To shove it into Charlie's face for smashing my tape. 113 00:05:28,897 --> 00:05:30,149 How many times do we have to go through this? 114 00:05:30,232 --> 00:05:31,775 Dude, look. I know what your little plan is. 115 00:05:31,859 --> 00:05:34,570 But if I am going to bang you, it's gonna be on my own terms, okay? 116 00:05:34,653 --> 00:05:36,989 There's some things that I need from you. 117 00:05:37,072 --> 00:05:39,074 All right, whatever. I'll wear the goddamn condom. 118 00:05:39,158 --> 00:05:40,868 - But I am not psyched about it. - This isn't about condoms! 119 00:05:40,951 --> 00:05:44,413 Do you really not wear condoms when you have sex with strangers? 120 00:05:44,496 --> 00:05:47,041 - Why would I wear a condom if I… - Okay, I don't care. I don't care. 121 00:05:47,124 --> 00:05:48,959 You know what? I just need you to get me in Dennis' house alone 122 00:05:49,043 --> 00:05:50,210 so I can get something back from him. 123 00:05:50,294 --> 00:05:52,171 - What? - None of your business. 124 00:05:52,254 --> 00:05:54,673 - Is it a sex tape? - No. 125 00:05:54,757 --> 00:05:56,550 Yes. How do you know that? 126 00:05:56,633 --> 00:05:58,135 Yeah, because he videotapes every chick he bangs. 127 00:05:58,218 --> 00:06:00,054 He's got, like, a thousand of them. I don't like 'em though. 128 00:06:00,137 --> 00:06:02,973 It's mostly that horrible angle that you see in porn, 129 00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:05,434 you know, where it's all balls and male ass just… 130 00:06:07,227 --> 00:06:10,147 - That is disgusting. - Who likes that? Who finds that sexy? 131 00:06:10,230 --> 00:06:11,315 - That's disgusting. - Are there balls and asshole men 132 00:06:11,398 --> 00:06:13,359 - that like… - Please stop. Please stop doing that. 133 00:06:13,442 --> 00:06:15,694 Best Friend 1 to Best Friend 2, come in. Over. 134 00:06:15,778 --> 00:06:17,112 Eesh. I'm gonna take this. 135 00:06:17,196 --> 00:06:20,074 Then maybe a little bit later we can do some hand stuff. 136 00:06:20,157 --> 00:06:21,367 Are you in junior high? 137 00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:22,534 Mouth stuff? 138 00:06:22,618 --> 00:06:24,036 - Oh, my God. - Mouth stuff. 139 00:06:24,119 --> 00:06:25,662 Best Friend 1 to Best Friend 2, come in. 140 00:06:25,746 --> 00:06:27,081 Hey, buddy. What's up? 141 00:06:27,164 --> 00:06:30,709 What's the status there, Best Friend 2? You make contact with the target? 142 00:06:30,793 --> 00:06:33,379 Yeah. Affirmative. I totally kicked his ass. 143 00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:37,174 Good, man! Hey, what was this jerk's name? 144 00:06:37,257 --> 00:06:39,760 His name? Um… 145 00:06:39,843 --> 00:06:43,055 - Don. - Don. Typical. 146 00:06:43,138 --> 00:06:45,099 You get a last name on this chump? 147 00:06:45,182 --> 00:06:46,934 Yeah. Johnson. 148 00:06:47,017 --> 00:06:49,144 Yeah. Sounds like a real sucker. 149 00:06:49,228 --> 00:06:51,105 Actually, no. He had some pretty sweet moves. 150 00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:53,273 But I totally roundhoused him. 151 00:06:53,357 --> 00:06:56,735 - Took him out. My form was pretty perfect. - I'm sure you did. 152 00:06:56,819 --> 00:06:58,987 I'm sure you did. All right. That's my man. 153 00:06:59,071 --> 00:07:00,531 That's my best friend right there. 154 00:07:00,614 --> 00:07:02,658 Why don't you head back to the nest for some pizza and beer. 155 00:07:02,741 --> 00:07:05,202 Best Friend 1, over and out. 156 00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:10,332 He forgot to say, "Over and out." I can't believe that. 157 00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:11,834 He's lying. 158 00:07:13,335 --> 00:07:16,338 - Huh? - He's spinning you a web of lies, Charlie. 159 00:07:16,422 --> 00:07:18,507 What are you talking about, dude? 160 00:07:18,590 --> 00:07:20,509 Don Johnson? 161 00:07:22,010 --> 00:07:23,804 You don't find that a little suspicious? 162 00:07:23,887 --> 00:07:26,265 No. Should I? 163 00:07:27,725 --> 00:07:31,270 Don Johnson's the dude from Miami Vice, Charlie. 164 00:07:31,353 --> 00:07:33,480 I'm sure there's plenty of Don Johnsons 165 00:07:33,564 --> 00:07:35,691 - running around Philly, dude. - I don't think so. I don't think so. 166 00:07:35,774 --> 00:07:38,652 Then maybe he beat up the Don Johnson you're talking about. 167 00:07:38,736 --> 00:07:42,740 No, it's something else. Something stinks here, bro. 168 00:07:42,823 --> 00:07:45,451 And it is not just Mac's dirty socks. 169 00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:48,245 - They do stink, don't they? - They smell really bad. 170 00:07:48,328 --> 00:07:49,413 Really bad! 171 00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:51,206 I'm surprised you've been able to be in here for this long 172 00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:52,875 - without cracking a window or something. - It has not been easy. 173 00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:54,710 - I should crack a window. I tried. - You really should. 174 00:07:54,793 --> 00:07:56,253 It's like they're sealed shut or something. 175 00:07:56,336 --> 00:07:58,964 I hate to say this, bro, but… 176 00:07:59,048 --> 00:08:01,175 I think Mac's banging the waitress. 177 00:08:03,135 --> 00:08:05,095 - What are you talking about? - Hey, hey, hey. 178 00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:07,181 I can't say for sure. I don't have any hard evidence. 179 00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:10,100 But that's just what it feels like from where I'm standing, man. 180 00:08:10,184 --> 00:08:12,269 And he's gonna break your heart, man. 181 00:08:12,353 --> 00:08:14,229 And when he breaks your heart, 182 00:08:14,313 --> 00:08:17,775 I'll be here to pick up the pieces and put you back together. 183 00:08:17,858 --> 00:08:21,987 'Cause that's what a real best friend does. 184 00:08:24,281 --> 00:08:26,075 You know where to find me. 185 00:08:27,701 --> 00:08:29,161 Over and out. 186 00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:35,376 Oh, my God. 187 00:08:46,637 --> 00:08:49,098 Jesus Christ, dude. You scared the shit out of me. 188 00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:51,725 A little late, isn't it? 189 00:08:51,809 --> 00:08:54,228 Uh, yeah. 190 00:08:54,311 --> 00:08:56,438 Yeah. What are you still doing up? 191 00:08:56,522 --> 00:09:00,526 Oh, well, you know, I was just waiting for my… 192 00:09:01,610 --> 00:09:03,904 My best friend. 193 00:09:03,987 --> 00:09:07,950 Right. Well, um, I went on a long walk. So… 194 00:09:08,033 --> 00:09:09,910 Hey, here's an idea for you. 195 00:09:09,993 --> 00:09:14,623 How about you take your mind off of it with some pizza 196 00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:16,709 and some beer? 197 00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:19,503 Oh, that's right. 198 00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:23,757 I ate all the pizza and I drank all the beer. 199 00:09:23,841 --> 00:09:26,760 You must be wasted, dude. 24 beers by yourself? 200 00:09:26,844 --> 00:09:28,971 And… I'm very wasted. 201 00:09:29,054 --> 00:09:31,557 Right. Okay. Why don't you come to bed, bro? 202 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,936 Oh, I don't think I'm gonna be sleeping in your bed tonight. 203 00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:37,938 Doesn't really feel right. 204 00:09:39,523 --> 00:09:43,068 I feel like it might be a little bit better for me… 205 00:09:43,152 --> 00:09:46,488 If I spent the night on the couch. 206 00:09:46,572 --> 00:09:49,324 Okay. That's cool. Just make sure you go to the bathroom 207 00:09:49,408 --> 00:09:52,077 before you fall asleep 'cause I don't want you to piss on the couch again. 208 00:09:52,161 --> 00:09:54,788 Oh, well, we wouldn't want that now, would we? 209 00:09:54,872 --> 00:09:56,457 No, we wouldn't. 210 00:09:56,540 --> 00:10:00,544 'Cause that would be a terrible thing to do. 211 00:10:01,754 --> 00:10:04,381 Terrible and… 212 00:10:04,465 --> 00:10:06,383 Seriously, bro, if you piss on the couch again… 213 00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:08,218 - I'm not gonna piss… - Okay, I just want to be very clear. 214 00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:09,845 You're buying us a new one if you piss on the couch. 215 00:10:09,928 --> 00:10:12,389 - I can control myself. - Just don't piss on the couch. 216 00:10:12,473 --> 00:10:13,932 You've done it before. All right, good night. 217 00:10:14,016 --> 00:10:17,394 I can control myself. 218 00:10:23,776 --> 00:10:26,320 Didn't sound like best friend talk out here to me. 219 00:10:26,403 --> 00:10:30,199 No, it… It really wasn't. 220 00:10:32,159 --> 00:10:33,994 You want to come in my room? 221 00:10:34,078 --> 00:10:37,456 I think that sounds just fine. 222 00:10:37,539 --> 00:10:41,001 Come on, Charlie. Come to your real best friend. 223 00:10:41,085 --> 00:10:44,254 - Yeah. You're my friend. - I'm your friend. 224 00:10:44,338 --> 00:10:47,883 - Oh, my God! Your breath is horrible. - Sorry. I'm like so drunk. 225 00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:49,510 Oh, Jesus. Just get in the bed. 226 00:10:51,845 --> 00:10:54,139 Oh, my God. 227 00:10:58,435 --> 00:11:00,312 Dennis? 228 00:11:00,396 --> 00:11:02,940 Dennis, wake up. 229 00:11:03,023 --> 00:11:04,483 Wake up. 230 00:11:04,566 --> 00:11:07,736 - What time is it? - Shh. It's really late, dude. 231 00:11:07,820 --> 00:11:10,280 There's a certain situation developing between myself, 232 00:11:10,364 --> 00:11:12,366 Charlie, and the waitress that I need to talk to you about. 233 00:11:12,449 --> 00:11:15,369 - Proceed. - Okay. 234 00:11:15,452 --> 00:11:18,872 Well, as you know, Charlie thinks that he and I are best friends, 235 00:11:18,956 --> 00:11:20,332 which is total bullshit. 236 00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:23,210 Because you know that what we have is much stronger than that. 237 00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:26,046 - You and I are blood brothers. - Oh, most definitely. 238 00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:28,674 Okay. So as my blood brother, I need to confide a secret to you. 239 00:11:28,757 --> 00:11:30,843 - You've been banging the waitress? - How'd you know that? 240 00:11:30,926 --> 00:11:32,803 You're my blood brother, man. I know more about you 241 00:11:32,886 --> 00:11:35,139 - than you know about yourself. - All right. Listen, bro. 242 00:11:35,222 --> 00:11:36,724 I need you to do me a favor. 243 00:11:36,807 --> 00:11:38,600 Can you get Charlie out of the apartment tomorrow? 244 00:11:38,684 --> 00:11:40,102 Why? 245 00:11:40,185 --> 00:11:43,022 'Cause she wants to bang in your bed. I don't know. 246 00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:45,274 She's obsessed with you or something. She's a total freak. 247 00:11:45,357 --> 00:11:47,484 I don't give a shit either way 248 00:11:47,568 --> 00:11:48,902 because I want to rub it in Charlie's face 249 00:11:48,986 --> 00:11:50,195 for smashing my Project Badass tape. 250 00:11:50,279 --> 00:11:52,156 Whatever it's gonna take to finally get you two banging. 251 00:11:52,239 --> 00:11:55,117 - Yeah. Dennis, I got you something. - You got me something? 252 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,454 - What? - I got you a walkie-talkie. 253 00:11:58,537 --> 00:12:00,831 Dude, that's great. 254 00:12:00,914 --> 00:12:02,791 That way we can communicate better. 255 00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:04,835 We'll use a different channel than Charlie and I use. 256 00:12:04,918 --> 00:12:06,795 - That's awesome, man. - Yeah, it's good, right? 257 00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:08,505 Thank you. 258 00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:11,050 Shh, shh. 259 00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:14,261 Well… 260 00:12:14,344 --> 00:12:17,139 - Hey. - Hey, Charlie. 261 00:12:17,222 --> 00:12:19,600 Well, what is this? 262 00:12:19,683 --> 00:12:21,602 Uh… 263 00:12:21,685 --> 00:12:23,812 What am I seeing? 264 00:12:23,896 --> 00:12:25,689 Nothing, man. You're having a dream right now. 265 00:12:25,773 --> 00:12:27,107 Yeah. Just a dream. 266 00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:28,984 - I'm dreaming? - Yep. 267 00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:31,195 - Yeah, dreaming. - Yep. 268 00:12:31,278 --> 00:12:33,364 You sure? 'Cause I feel like I'm awake. 269 00:12:33,447 --> 00:12:37,159 - No, man. You're… - This is a dream that you're having. 270 00:12:37,242 --> 00:12:38,535 All right. 271 00:12:38,619 --> 00:12:40,329 Am I peeing? 272 00:12:40,412 --> 00:12:42,581 - Are you peeing? Oh! - He's pissing all over the bed! 273 00:12:42,664 --> 00:12:44,041 - He's peeing! - I told him he was gonna do it! 274 00:12:44,124 --> 00:12:45,459 I know he's gonna do it. He drank too much! 275 00:12:45,542 --> 00:12:48,629 - Goddamn it! - Hey, guys, if I'm peeing, wake me up. 276 00:12:53,258 --> 00:12:54,802 Yeah, bro. But that had to change your mind 277 00:12:54,885 --> 00:12:56,428 about who your real best friend is though. 278 00:12:56,512 --> 00:12:59,556 I'll give you this much, dude. The guy's acting very weird, okay? 279 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:02,351 But I need proof if I'm gonna sell him down the river. 280 00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:04,228 Proof? He told me he was gonna bang her, man. 281 00:13:04,311 --> 00:13:06,063 Maybe the two of you are plotting against me. 282 00:13:06,146 --> 00:13:07,564 Look, it doesn't matter. 283 00:13:07,648 --> 00:13:10,317 - I got a plan to prove it to you, anyway. - What's this plan of yours? 284 00:13:10,401 --> 00:13:11,568 All right. Walk with me a second. 285 00:13:11,652 --> 00:13:13,696 So, what I did, is that I planted that walkie-talkie 286 00:13:13,779 --> 00:13:15,197 that Mac gave me in my bedroom. 287 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,573 We're gonna switch your walkie to that channel 288 00:13:16,657 --> 00:13:17,825 and we're gonna listen to the whole thing. 289 00:13:17,908 --> 00:13:19,201 We're gonna catch that son of a bitch red-handed. 290 00:13:19,284 --> 00:13:20,994 - Oh, my God. That'll work. - Yeah, it's gonna work. 291 00:13:21,078 --> 00:13:22,621 And the whole thing's gonna be on tape too. 292 00:13:22,705 --> 00:13:24,289 You know that video camera I keep in my bedroom? 293 00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:27,584 - No. - I got that bad boy running 24/7. 294 00:13:27,668 --> 00:13:29,837 It's like a security cam. Except it's for banging. 295 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,463 - Weird. - Come to the office with me. 296 00:13:32,965 --> 00:13:36,719 Yeah, he keeps that camera running nonstop, just in case. 297 00:13:36,802 --> 00:13:38,846 Yeah! Here we go. "W" through "Z!" 298 00:13:38,929 --> 00:13:42,474 - You should be under "W," yeah? - No. My name doesn't start with a "W." 299 00:13:42,558 --> 00:13:44,852 "Waitress." Here we go. "Waitress, coffee shop." 300 00:13:44,935 --> 00:13:47,730 - One star. Not good. - Oh, just give that to me. 301 00:13:47,813 --> 00:13:50,607 - One star. - Okay. Well, I guess a deal's a deal. 302 00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:52,735 So pop those knickers off so we can jam, yeah? 303 00:13:52,818 --> 00:13:55,404 Not just yet. I need one more thing from you. 304 00:13:55,487 --> 00:13:58,741 Jesus Christ. I just want to bang at this point just to get it over with. 305 00:13:58,824 --> 00:14:00,242 I want to get it over with too, 306 00:14:00,325 --> 00:14:02,494 but I want you to bang me at Charlie and Frank's apartment. 307 00:14:02,578 --> 00:14:04,079 You want to bang in Charlie and Frank's apartment? 308 00:14:04,163 --> 00:14:06,248 - Yes. - Yeah, that'll be good. 309 00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:08,333 - We can rub his face in it. - Oh, yeah. 310 00:14:08,417 --> 00:14:10,627 Okay. If we're gonna do that, we gotta be very careful. 311 00:14:10,711 --> 00:14:13,464 'Cause I don't want to get caught slipping in and out before the coitus. 312 00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:15,883 - Let's make a plan. - Okay. 313 00:14:15,966 --> 00:14:18,385 Goddamn it. This doesn't make any sense. We should be hearing them by now. 314 00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:21,221 - Why aren't we hearing them? - 'Cause I turned it off. 315 00:14:21,305 --> 00:14:24,099 - What do you mean you turned it off? - I don't want to listen to this, man! 316 00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:26,352 - You gotta listen to it, Charlie. - I don't think I can. 317 00:14:26,435 --> 00:14:28,187 You need to hear him sexing her, okay? 318 00:14:28,270 --> 00:14:30,647 Because the video alone won't be evidence enough because of the angle. 319 00:14:30,731 --> 00:14:32,649 - What's wrong with the angle? - Let's put it this way. 320 00:14:32,733 --> 00:14:34,234 You won't be able to see anybody's face. 321 00:14:34,318 --> 00:14:36,028 - Oh, it's the lowdown… - You got it. 322 00:14:36,111 --> 00:14:37,613 - That's a… - I know. 323 00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:39,239 If we're gonna do this, 324 00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:40,908 the only way it's gonna work… 325 00:14:40,991 --> 00:14:42,534 Is if you're dressed like a man. 326 00:14:42,618 --> 00:14:43,911 Dressed like a man? 327 00:14:43,994 --> 00:14:45,871 You want me to dress like a man? 328 00:14:45,954 --> 00:14:47,956 Yeah. The only way it's gonna work for me 329 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,124 is if you're dressed like Dennis or Charlie. 330 00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:52,044 I should probably dress like Charlie 'cause he's kinda my height. 331 00:14:52,127 --> 00:14:56,006 No. No. I'm gonna be Charlie. You're gonna be Dennis. 332 00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:57,591 That's gonna be much better for me. Trust me. 333 00:14:57,674 --> 00:14:58,926 We'll dress you up in his clothes. 334 00:14:59,009 --> 00:15:01,637 And then that way we can slip you in and out with ease 335 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,055 'cause we gotta be very careful. 336 00:15:03,138 --> 00:15:05,891 This could be a very, very messy situation. 337 00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:08,477 So I want you to stay behind me. Get behind me and stay behind me. 338 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,688 No, no, no, no. I want to be in front of you. 339 00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:12,189 No, no. You gotta be behind me. 340 00:15:12,272 --> 00:15:13,982 I gotta have you behind me. 341 00:15:14,066 --> 00:15:16,318 - What the hell is that all about, man? - I don't know. 342 00:15:16,402 --> 00:15:19,446 Now from here on out, I'm gonna refer to you only as Dennis. 343 00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:22,991 When we slip in, you're gonna start banging me, hard! 344 00:15:23,075 --> 00:15:25,160 - Okay. - Good. 345 00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:29,164 Well, Mac's gay. 346 00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:31,083 Blood Brother 1 to Blood Brother 2. 347 00:15:31,166 --> 00:15:33,919 - Are you there? - Yeah, this is Blood Brother 2. Go ahead. 348 00:15:34,002 --> 00:15:36,714 My mission's extremely close to being complete. But I need a favor. 349 00:15:36,797 --> 00:15:39,425 I need you to get Frank and Charlie away from their apartment, okay? 350 00:15:39,508 --> 00:15:41,427 I need to get in there without being detected. 351 00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:44,138 Blood Brother 1, over and out! 352 00:15:44,221 --> 00:15:45,764 Now he says "Over and out." 353 00:15:45,848 --> 00:15:47,391 I can't believe he just said "Over and out." 354 00:15:47,474 --> 00:15:49,351 What do you think he wants over at your apartment? 355 00:15:49,435 --> 00:15:51,103 I don't know what's going on with him, man. 356 00:15:51,186 --> 00:15:52,646 Shit, dude, I know what it is. 357 00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,732 Oh. Oh. This is sick, but hear me out. 358 00:15:54,815 --> 00:15:58,902 I think he wants to be you getting banged by me in your apartment. 359 00:15:58,986 --> 00:16:02,322 It's like role play! 360 00:16:02,406 --> 00:16:04,491 Oh, God. He's got some sick, twisted obsession with us, man. 361 00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:06,869 He's totally obsessed with us. 362 00:16:06,952 --> 00:16:08,287 That's why he's showing us all those videos 363 00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:10,414 and trying to prove to us he's a badass. He wants to impress us 364 00:16:10,497 --> 00:16:11,874 - because he's in love with us. - Oh, my God. 365 00:16:11,957 --> 00:16:13,542 - He's so in love with us. - Oh, my God. 366 00:16:13,625 --> 00:16:14,877 Ew, dude! 367 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,795 - This is twisted. - This is dark. 368 00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,131 We definitely need to get to the bottom of this. 369 00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:25,054 - Let's just find a hiding spot, okay? - Okay, good. 370 00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:28,766 I'm thinking if I get in the bed, and I get real low and flat, 371 00:16:28,849 --> 00:16:31,810 and maybe you're underneath me or on top of me, they won't see us. 372 00:16:31,894 --> 00:16:34,897 - How does that work? - Okay. Well, see, here's the problem. 373 00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:38,275 If I get all balled up and small, I get too high, 374 00:16:38,359 --> 00:16:39,818 and you'll see that there's someone in the bed. 375 00:16:39,902 --> 00:16:42,446 - Now the further and wider I go… - Uh-huh. 376 00:16:42,529 --> 00:16:44,782 The flatter I become, like a starfish, you know? 377 00:16:44,865 --> 00:16:46,533 What in the hell are you talking about? 378 00:16:46,617 --> 00:16:48,035 Why would we want to look like a starfish? 379 00:16:48,118 --> 00:16:49,370 It's just the best hiding spot. 380 00:16:49,453 --> 00:16:50,579 I don't have a lot of good hiding spots here, man. 381 00:16:50,662 --> 00:16:52,956 We need to find another one 'cause we're not hiding in the bed. 382 00:16:57,878 --> 00:17:01,131 These things are covered in piss. All right, come on. 383 00:17:01,215 --> 00:17:04,259 - Come on! Stay behind me. - Why are these jeans so tight? 384 00:17:04,343 --> 00:17:08,138 Because Dennis takes them all in at the thighs to accentuate his female form. 385 00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:12,851 I would never say it to his face, but Dennis has great thighs. 386 00:17:12,935 --> 00:17:15,270 All right. Now let's stop talking and start banging. 387 00:17:15,354 --> 00:17:18,065 - We busted you! We busted you! - Caught! You are busted! 388 00:17:18,148 --> 00:17:20,651 Oh, we're busted? Because you look pretty busted. 389 00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:23,404 Well, no. This is the best way to hide in my apartment. 390 00:17:23,487 --> 00:17:25,823 Goddamn it, Charlie! I knew we shouldn't have done this in the bed! 391 00:17:25,906 --> 00:17:27,658 Why did you have to get on top of me? 392 00:17:27,741 --> 00:17:30,828 That's the only way to hide and have it not be noticeable in my apartment! 393 00:17:30,911 --> 00:17:32,871 - There's nowhere to hide in here! - What are you doing? 394 00:17:32,955 --> 00:17:35,791 - What are you doing? - Huh? 395 00:17:35,874 --> 00:17:38,210 Coming in here talking about how in love with my thighs you are. 396 00:17:38,293 --> 00:17:40,462 Why isn't it my creamy thighs you're after? 397 00:17:40,546 --> 00:17:42,214 I see you've taken to wearing my clothes. 398 00:17:42,297 --> 00:17:44,425 You heard him talking about my thighs when he came in. 399 00:17:44,508 --> 00:17:45,634 It was my thighs, dude. It's always been my thighs. 400 00:17:45,718 --> 00:17:46,844 Were you guys humping 401 00:17:46,927 --> 00:17:48,178 - when we came in? - No! 402 00:17:48,262 --> 00:17:51,056 - Oh, my God! Where is the tape? - What? 403 00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:53,183 The sex tape that Frank made. Where is it? 404 00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:54,768 Frank made a sex tape too? 405 00:17:54,852 --> 00:17:57,104 Yes. Apparently he made a tape of us having sex 406 00:17:57,187 --> 00:17:59,106 when I banged him to get back at Dennis. 407 00:17:59,189 --> 00:18:02,234 Oh! Oh, no. That's gone. 408 00:18:02,317 --> 00:18:04,028 Yeah, all right. Here's what happened, guys. 409 00:18:04,111 --> 00:18:06,405 I thought it was one of Mac's Project Badass tapes, 410 00:18:06,488 --> 00:18:08,115 so I pop it in the VCR to watch it. 411 00:18:08,198 --> 00:18:11,452 I see what it is. I become violently ill, okay? Then I start smashing. 412 00:18:11,535 --> 00:18:13,120 And I smash good. 413 00:18:13,203 --> 00:18:16,206 So that's what you were smashing. Oh, my God, bro. 414 00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,459 I thought you were smashing my Project Badass tape because you hated it. 415 00:18:18,542 --> 00:18:20,502 What, dude? I love Project Badass! 416 00:18:20,586 --> 00:18:22,129 I watch those tapes all the time. 417 00:18:22,212 --> 00:18:25,215 - So the sex tape is gone then? - Yeah. I smashed the crap out of it. Gone. 418 00:18:25,299 --> 00:18:28,302 - Great. Good. Thank you, Charlie. Thanks. - You're welcome. 419 00:18:28,385 --> 00:18:29,553 Kind of don't know what else to say. 420 00:18:29,636 --> 00:18:32,473 Say, "I will have dinner with you and thank you for this and… Thank you." 421 00:18:32,556 --> 00:18:34,349 - That doesn't make any sense. - Just say the words… 422 00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:36,769 I will never go out with you. Oh, my God! 423 00:18:36,852 --> 00:18:39,396 I will say them for you. You should be more grateful! 424 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,274 Hey. Charlie, I'm sorry. 425 00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:44,193 I was gonna bang the waitress to get back at you 426 00:18:44,276 --> 00:18:45,402 because I thought you smashed my tape. 427 00:18:45,486 --> 00:18:47,404 I'm glad I didn't now, right, 'cause that chick is the worst. 428 00:18:47,488 --> 00:18:49,490 Oh, yeah, man. She's terrible. Gross. Only got one star from me. 429 00:18:49,573 --> 00:18:51,617 - I saw that. - You're watching my tapes again? 430 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,118 - Yeah. - What'd you think? 431 00:18:53,202 --> 00:18:54,703 You got weird balls. 432 00:18:54,787 --> 00:18:57,748 You should see Frank's balls. They're like planets. 433 00:18:57,831 --> 00:18:58,916 Ew. 434 00:18:58,999 --> 00:19:01,210 You know what this all makes me realize though? 435 00:19:01,293 --> 00:19:04,922 Is that maybe the three of us were meant to be best friends together. 436 00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:08,675 Yeah, that would cause a lot less problems if we just called it even. 437 00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:11,512 Said we're all best buds and no more turning on each other. 438 00:19:11,595 --> 00:19:13,972 You can have more than one best friend, right? 439 00:19:14,056 --> 00:19:15,516 Absolutely! 440 00:19:15,599 --> 00:19:17,393 We're three best friends. 441 00:19:17,476 --> 00:19:19,395 - The three amigos. - Yeah! 442 00:19:19,478 --> 00:19:21,230 - All right! - The three, um… 443 00:19:21,313 --> 00:19:23,440 - Musketeers! - Blind mice! 444 00:19:23,524 --> 00:19:25,192 - The three… - Stooges. 445 00:19:25,275 --> 00:19:27,695 - I don't want to be associated with those. - I want to get one. 446 00:19:27,778 --> 00:19:28,904 There's another one out there. 447 00:19:28,987 --> 00:19:30,364 Move past it. 448 00:19:30,447 --> 00:19:31,740 - I can't get it. All right. - Let's move past it. 449 00:19:31,824 --> 00:19:32,991 Let's put it behind us, guys. 450 00:19:33,075 --> 00:19:34,368 - Let's put it behind us. - Yeah. 451 00:19:34,451 --> 00:19:36,370 And let's concentrate on what's really important. 452 00:19:37,871 --> 00:19:40,958 Hello. And welcome to Project Badass, volume 16. 453 00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:44,128 As you can see, the mattresses are stacked three high, 454 00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:47,840 creating a safe but still amazingly badass landing zone. 455 00:19:47,923 --> 00:19:50,092 I will now light the fuse… 456 00:19:50,175 --> 00:19:53,721 That is attached to the pyrotechnics all over my jacket and pants. 457 00:19:53,804 --> 00:19:55,723 Here goes. 458 00:19:58,058 --> 00:20:02,688 One, two, three. Badass. 459 00:20:02,771 --> 00:20:04,398 Here I go again on my own 460 00:20:06,692 --> 00:20:08,402 - Wow. - Yeah! 461 00:20:08,485 --> 00:20:10,362 Hey, man. 462 00:20:10,446 --> 00:20:12,322 Do you still get the feeling he wants to bang us? 463 00:20:12,406 --> 00:20:13,615 Oh, yeah. Definitely. 464 00:20:13,699 --> 00:20:14,950 - That's what this is all about, right? - I think so. 465 00:20:15,034 --> 00:20:16,785 - I think so. - Oh, yeah. 466 00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:22,583 I've made up my mind 467 00:20:24,585 --> 00:20:27,337 I ain't wasting no more time 468 00:20:29,882 --> 00:20:33,343 I'm just another heart in need of rescue 469 00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:38,098 Waiting on love's sweet charity 470 00:20:40,851 --> 00:20:44,855 And I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days 471 00:20:46,106 --> 00:20:48,859 'Cause I know what it means