1 00:00:02,690 --> 00:00:04,858 Charlie, the thinner the TV, the better. 2 00:00:04,942 --> 00:00:06,110 I mean, that's just a straight-up fact. 3 00:00:06,193 --> 00:00:09,613 Guys, guys, guys! Check it out! We got a review in the paper! 4 00:00:09,697 --> 00:00:11,407 - Read it, read it, read it, read it! - No way! Is it a good review? 5 00:00:11,490 --> 00:00:14,702 "The first thing I noticed about Paddy's Pub is its charm." 6 00:00:14,785 --> 00:00:17,329 - All right. It's a good review. - It's a good start. 7 00:00:17,413 --> 00:00:19,540 - "It has none." - Uh-oh. Are you serious? 8 00:00:19,623 --> 00:00:22,376 "There was an ominous feeling that you could get stabbed at any moment." 9 00:00:22,459 --> 00:00:24,628 - That's good, right? - How is that good? 10 00:00:24,712 --> 00:00:27,256 That's the exact type of atmosphere I've been trying to cultivate. 11 00:00:27,339 --> 00:00:29,008 But while danger may linger, 12 00:00:29,091 --> 00:00:30,592 I'm the level-headed bouncer that keeps violence in check, 13 00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:32,011 like Swayze in Road House. 14 00:00:32,094 --> 00:00:33,679 - I'm the cooler. - "In check"? 15 00:00:33,762 --> 00:00:34,972 - There have been many stabbings in here. - Yeah. 16 00:00:35,055 --> 00:00:37,266 - I feel unsafe here every single day. - Oh, very often. 17 00:00:37,349 --> 00:00:39,268 Look, stabbings have been down, though. 18 00:00:39,351 --> 00:00:40,436 - You know? - Read more. 19 00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:42,104 "When I ordered a glass of wine, 20 00:00:42,187 --> 00:00:44,898 not only did the surly, white trash waitress refused to make it, 21 00:00:44,982 --> 00:00:48,027 but she proceeded to call me a word that I cannot print in this paper." 22 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:49,903 - Surly? - "I was forced to listen 23 00:00:49,987 --> 00:00:51,780 to the three classless boors, 24 00:00:51,864 --> 00:00:53,407 who call themselves the owners, 25 00:00:53,490 --> 00:00:56,201 get drunk and yell over each other all night." 26 00:00:56,285 --> 00:00:58,829 "Classless boors"? I am not a classless boor. 27 00:00:58,912 --> 00:01:00,122 I am not white trash. 28 00:01:00,205 --> 00:01:02,791 I am a kind and a generous and a good-natured lady. 29 00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:05,210 Well, I do seem to remember you calling the guy a faggot. 30 00:01:05,294 --> 00:01:06,545 Yeah, I absolutely called him a faggot. 31 00:01:06,628 --> 00:01:08,213 But he ordered Chardonnay. What was I supposed to do? 32 00:01:08,297 --> 00:01:10,966 "Having reviewed every bar in Philadelphia, 33 00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:15,763 I hereby officially declare Paddy's Pub to be the worst bar in Philly." 34 00:01:57,304 --> 00:01:59,390 Hi. Are you Mr. Lyle Korman? 35 00:01:59,473 --> 00:02:00,808 Yes. Can I help you? 36 00:02:00,891 --> 00:02:02,351 - Oh, nice to meet you. - Yeah. 37 00:02:02,434 --> 00:02:03,644 - We're here from Paddy's Pub. - Yes. 38 00:02:03,727 --> 00:02:05,562 And we have come down to give you the opportunity 39 00:02:05,646 --> 00:02:07,064 - to give us another chance. - Yeah, here's the thing. 40 00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:08,399 We felt your first review 41 00:02:08,482 --> 00:02:10,567 - was just a tiny bit off-base. - Yeah, as you can see, 42 00:02:10,651 --> 00:02:11,777 - we're not white trash. So… - Yeah. 43 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:14,154 Oh, really? Well, uh, then in that case, 44 00:02:14,238 --> 00:02:16,699 can you ask your friend to put down that hammer? 45 00:02:16,782 --> 00:02:20,119 Ah. Yeah, uh, don't let the hammer throw you, Korman. 46 00:02:20,202 --> 00:02:22,413 We are classy, interesting people. 47 00:02:22,496 --> 00:02:24,498 Okay. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 48 00:02:24,581 --> 00:02:26,583 Well, don't be rude. We just came to have a talk, so… 49 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,460 This is a private… I'm gonna have to get security. 50 00:02:28,544 --> 00:02:30,379 We can play it that way, Korman, 51 00:02:30,462 --> 00:02:33,549 but you should know that we would have no problem suing you. 52 00:02:33,632 --> 00:02:35,175 Suing me? What are you gonna sue me for? 53 00:02:35,259 --> 00:02:38,178 Libel, slander. There's two of the big dogs right there. 54 00:02:38,262 --> 00:02:40,639 It's only libel if what I write is false. 55 00:02:40,723 --> 00:02:41,849 You know what, buddy? 56 00:02:41,932 --> 00:02:44,393 We will jam your asshole up with so many lawyers, 57 00:02:44,476 --> 00:02:46,270 you won't know what to do with yourself. 58 00:02:46,353 --> 00:02:48,939 We have a team of lawyers on retainer 59 00:02:49,023 --> 00:02:50,691 just to deal with people like you. 60 00:02:50,774 --> 00:02:52,109 - Really? - Yeah. 61 00:02:52,192 --> 00:02:53,902 - Well, check this out. - Oh! 62 00:02:53,986 --> 00:02:55,446 You're all outta time, bitch! 63 00:02:55,529 --> 00:02:56,613 Boom! 64 00:02:56,697 --> 00:02:58,032 You just got faced! 65 00:02:58,115 --> 00:02:59,742 This just in, poo-poo pants. 66 00:02:59,825 --> 00:03:01,660 People don't read newspapers anymore. 67 00:03:03,787 --> 00:03:04,955 How's that for class? 68 00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:14,757 Nice. Brand-new Blu-ray DVD player all hooked up. 69 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,009 - Hey, all right. - Where are we gonna put it? 70 00:03:17,092 --> 00:03:18,719 We need, like, a flat surface. 71 00:03:18,802 --> 00:03:21,138 - Here we go. - You know what? We'll dangle it. 72 00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:22,431 Yeah. That looks better. 73 00:03:22,514 --> 00:03:24,266 We're not dangling anything. That's very white trash. 74 00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:26,810 What is the point of having all this expensive, new status-symbol stuff 75 00:03:26,894 --> 00:03:28,562 if we're just gonna make it look terrible? 76 00:03:28,646 --> 00:03:31,899 - Hey, you guys wanna see something? - What? 77 00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:35,444 I did something. 78 00:03:37,905 --> 00:03:40,699 - Holy shit! - Whoa, you kidnapped Korman? 79 00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:41,909 I don't really know what happened, okay? 80 00:03:41,992 --> 00:03:43,911 First I was angry, then I was drinking. 81 00:03:43,994 --> 00:03:45,537 Next thing I know, I'm following this guy home 82 00:03:45,621 --> 00:03:47,122 and forcing him into the trunk of his own car. 83 00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:48,582 Jesus Christ, this is bad! Really bad! 84 00:03:48,666 --> 00:03:50,250 Don't panic, don't panic. Relax. 85 00:03:50,334 --> 00:03:52,461 I drove him around in a circle for a while 86 00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:54,838 so he wouldn't know where he was or how far away he'd gone. 87 00:03:54,922 --> 00:03:56,715 But then you brought him back to a place where he's already been! 88 00:03:56,799 --> 00:03:57,883 And plus, he just heard everything you just said! 89 00:03:57,966 --> 00:03:59,301 He's right there, Charlie. 90 00:03:59,385 --> 00:04:01,428 Just release him. And then that way this won't be a kidnapping. 91 00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:02,930 First things first, let's just get him out of the trunk, 92 00:04:03,013 --> 00:04:04,473 let's get him into the bar, and then let's figure out… 93 00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:05,641 - Well, how… Okay. - …what we need to do. 94 00:04:05,724 --> 00:04:07,226 How are we going to get him in the bar without anyone seeing him? 95 00:04:07,309 --> 00:04:09,353 - Easy. We roll him up in a rug. - No, no, no! 96 00:04:09,436 --> 00:04:10,521 Where are we gonna get a rug? 97 00:04:10,604 --> 00:04:13,273 We buy a big oriental rug and we roll him up in it. 98 00:04:13,357 --> 00:04:14,733 Do you have any idea how expensive rugs are? 99 00:04:14,817 --> 00:04:16,360 Yeah, especially oriental rugs! 100 00:04:16,485 --> 00:04:18,946 No! No rugs! Just get him out of the car and into the bar, Charlie, 101 00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:20,322 - and we'll figure it out. - Help me get him out of the trunk. 102 00:04:20,406 --> 00:04:22,116 Okay, so we're really sorry about this, Mr. Korman. 103 00:04:22,199 --> 00:04:24,410 - Watch your head. - We're gonna help you. 104 00:04:24,493 --> 00:04:26,328 It'll be okay. It's not a kidnapping. 105 00:04:26,412 --> 00:04:28,205 - Oh, God damn it. - Enjoy it. 106 00:04:28,288 --> 00:04:30,290 Okay. I think we're all on the same page. 107 00:04:30,374 --> 00:04:32,376 - This is not a kidnapping. No? Okay. - No! 108 00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:34,420 All right! But we do need to keep him here for a couple of hours 109 00:04:34,503 --> 00:04:35,587 so he doesn't do anything rash. 110 00:04:35,671 --> 00:04:36,922 - Just borrowing him! - Go to the police… 111 00:04:37,006 --> 00:04:39,091 That being said, let's take a few precautions here, okay? 112 00:04:39,174 --> 00:04:40,384 We need to cover our tracks. You know what? 113 00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:41,885 Why don't we shoot over to Korman's place 114 00:04:41,969 --> 00:04:43,429 and make sure that Charlie left without a trace? 115 00:04:43,512 --> 00:04:45,723 Yeah. I'm pretty sure Charlie left with a trace, so that's a good idea. 116 00:04:45,806 --> 00:04:48,642 Okay. And I'll use my cooling abilities to smooth things over with Korman… 117 00:04:48,726 --> 00:04:50,477 Jesus Christ. Are you still going on and on about being a cooler? 118 00:04:50,561 --> 00:04:52,104 - You gotta give that shit up. - Shut up! 119 00:04:52,187 --> 00:04:53,272 That cooler thing is not helping right now! 120 00:04:53,355 --> 00:04:56,150 Just get into the bar and make sure Charlie doesn't do anything stupid. 121 00:04:57,318 --> 00:04:58,569 Okay. But can we establish that I'm the cooler… 122 00:04:58,652 --> 00:04:59,737 Oh, my God! 123 00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:01,447 Get into the bar. We're surrounded by idiots. 124 00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:03,657 Look, this really isn't necessary. 125 00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:05,534 - You don't have to tape me. - I'm sorry, 126 00:05:05,617 --> 00:05:07,703 - but this is the situation we're in. - I just feel like this is 127 00:05:07,786 --> 00:05:09,538 - the best thing to do here. - Jesus Christ, dude! 128 00:05:09,621 --> 00:05:10,998 What are you doing? You can't tape him up like that! 129 00:05:11,081 --> 00:05:13,250 Come on! The guy gets my goat! 130 00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:14,543 He sits around all day. 131 00:05:14,626 --> 00:05:17,629 He judges people with his words and his fancy newspaper talk. 132 00:05:17,713 --> 00:05:18,797 It's bullshit, man! 133 00:05:18,881 --> 00:05:21,383 All right. What is it that you people want? 134 00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:24,136 Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Fancy Pants Writer Man. 135 00:05:24,219 --> 00:05:27,222 I was thinking maybe you could write a new review, you know? 136 00:05:27,306 --> 00:05:30,184 And this time maybe add a few less lies. 137 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:33,604 How can I write a new review if I am taped to a chair? 138 00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:36,357 Come on. See, he's twisting everything I say around! 139 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,524 He's making me look like an asshole, dude. 140 00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:40,986 Okay, look. Nobody has to write anything against their will, okay? 141 00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,988 Thank you. 142 00:05:43,072 --> 00:05:44,990 - I have to go to the bathroom. - Huh? 143 00:05:45,074 --> 00:05:47,409 - I have to pee. - Okay. Sidebar. 144 00:05:48,702 --> 00:05:50,037 How's he gonna pee if his hands are taped up? 145 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,413 I don't care. Let him piss in his pants. 146 00:05:51,497 --> 00:05:53,415 He can't piss in his pants, Charlie! 147 00:05:54,541 --> 00:05:55,626 I don't know why you're so in love with this guy. 148 00:05:55,709 --> 00:05:56,794 What if we just… Oh, I'm not in love with him. 149 00:05:56,877 --> 00:05:59,004 I just don't want to get arrested. 150 00:05:59,088 --> 00:06:01,173 - What if we just untie him for a second? - Not gonna work. 151 00:06:01,256 --> 00:06:02,841 - I used the last of the tape. - Well… 152 00:06:02,925 --> 00:06:04,009 If you untie him, that tape's not gonna stick back up. 153 00:06:04,093 --> 00:06:05,344 Fine! Go to the basement, 154 00:06:05,427 --> 00:06:07,054 see if there's any more tape. I'll take him to the bathroom. 155 00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:10,015 - I'll defuse the situation. - Fine. 156 00:06:10,099 --> 00:06:11,517 - Play it cool! - Play it cool. 157 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,810 Play it cool! 158 00:06:14,645 --> 00:06:17,147 I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Korman. 159 00:06:18,899 --> 00:06:20,317 - I saw… I saw that! - What? 160 00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:23,278 I saw that! You're outta here, bro! You're outta here! 161 00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:28,784 What are you doing? 162 00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:31,245 What? I'm packing to make it look like Korman went on a vacation. 163 00:06:31,328 --> 00:06:33,372 Yeah, but you're all over the place. You just put in a tropical shirt 164 00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:34,999 and now two heavy coats. 165 00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,710 Is he going to Cancun or Canada? You gotta pay attention to the details. 166 00:06:37,793 --> 00:06:39,294 - This is how people get caught. - Aw, shit. You're right. 167 00:06:39,378 --> 00:06:40,504 You're right. I'm leaving a trace. 168 00:06:40,587 --> 00:06:41,672 Okay, no. Look, 169 00:06:41,755 --> 00:06:42,840 he's probably under a lot of pressure 170 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:44,883 - with the deadlines from the newspaper. - He should relax. 171 00:06:44,967 --> 00:06:46,677 - Go someplace tropical? Tropical. - Cancun then. 172 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,012 - Perfect. - Cancun. We'll stick to the Cancun story. 173 00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:50,055 You know what I'll do? I will put an outgoing message 174 00:06:50,139 --> 00:06:52,016 - on his answering machine. - That is good thinking, Sis. 175 00:06:52,099 --> 00:06:53,892 - We're pretty good at this. - We are pretty damn good at this. 176 00:06:53,976 --> 00:06:55,602 We're learning. 177 00:06:55,686 --> 00:06:57,396 Greeting one. 178 00:06:57,479 --> 00:06:59,773 Hi, this is Mehar. Sorry I missed your call. 179 00:06:59,857 --> 00:07:02,067 Please leave a message after the beep. Peace. 180 00:07:03,235 --> 00:07:05,362 - That did not sound like Korman. - Mmm-mmm. 181 00:07:07,614 --> 00:07:08,949 Who are you people? 182 00:07:11,869 --> 00:07:13,912 - Friends with Korman. - Yeah. 183 00:07:13,996 --> 00:07:16,707 Mr. Korman lives across the hall. 184 00:07:16,790 --> 00:07:18,834 - Oh, does he? - Does he? 185 00:07:21,837 --> 00:07:24,673 Where is he? This is ridiculous. 186 00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:27,384 - I really have to pee. - I hear you, bro. 187 00:07:27,468 --> 00:07:29,720 Now back to the cooler conversation that we were having earlier. 188 00:07:29,803 --> 00:07:31,889 I feel like in your article you missed an opportunity 189 00:07:31,972 --> 00:07:34,642 to mention my bouncing abilities, okay? 190 00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:36,685 Now, it's really more about smarts than anything else. 191 00:07:36,769 --> 00:07:39,229 If there was an altercation in this bathroom, 192 00:07:39,313 --> 00:07:41,190 I would blast in looking to neutralize! Yeah? 193 00:07:41,273 --> 00:07:42,733 Now, I would check out my environment, 194 00:07:42,816 --> 00:07:46,654 and I would look to see if there's anything that I could use to my advantage. 195 00:07:46,737 --> 00:07:47,905 Like this pool cue. 196 00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:49,073 Here we go. 197 00:07:56,789 --> 00:07:57,998 Okay, normally that wouldn't happen. 198 00:07:58,082 --> 00:07:59,333 - Unless I wanted it to. - Right. 199 00:07:59,416 --> 00:08:00,834 'Cause I could fire it right in your chest! 200 00:08:00,918 --> 00:08:02,002 'Cause I got the skills to do that. 201 00:08:02,086 --> 00:08:03,796 Dude, there's, like, no tape anywhere. 202 00:08:03,879 --> 00:08:05,506 All I could find was a bandana. 203 00:08:05,589 --> 00:08:06,882 No, that's too small. 204 00:08:06,965 --> 00:08:08,175 I could wear it though! 205 00:08:08,258 --> 00:08:09,510 - Uh… - I should wear it! 206 00:08:09,593 --> 00:08:11,595 But I found it, so I sort of feel like… 207 00:08:11,679 --> 00:08:13,639 No, I appreciate you looking for me and finding it for me 208 00:08:13,722 --> 00:08:14,848 - and doing the Charlie work… - Now, hang on a second, bro. 209 00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:16,016 - Let me wear the bandana. - That got to the point 210 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,434 of me getting the bandana. 211 00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:18,769 Bro, now it's hurting my finger, bro! 212 00:08:18,852 --> 00:08:20,854 Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 213 00:08:20,938 --> 00:08:24,483 Just please get me out of this bathroom before I vomit! 214 00:08:24,566 --> 00:08:26,402 It is absolutely disgusting. 215 00:08:27,653 --> 00:08:31,490 Well, excuse me, Mr. Man… 216 00:08:31,573 --> 00:08:33,409 …but I happen to think this bathroom is pristine, 217 00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,494 because I work very hard cleaning it. 218 00:08:35,577 --> 00:08:38,205 In fact, it's so clean, I would say you could eat 219 00:08:38,288 --> 00:08:39,373 out of these urinals. 220 00:08:39,456 --> 00:08:41,500 No. You absolutely could not eat out of these urinals. 221 00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:43,836 - Oh, really? What's this? - Charlie, don't… 222 00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:45,254 - Oh, my God, dude. - Oh, Jesus Christ. 223 00:08:45,337 --> 00:08:47,047 Bro, I just pissed in there, 224 00:08:47,131 --> 00:08:48,507 like, five minutes before you came in. 225 00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:49,717 Don't say that now. You're gonna make me look bad. 226 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,010 Well, spit it out, man. You're gonna eat it? 227 00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:53,470 - You're still chewing it. - I have to prove a point! 228 00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:56,223 All right! All right! Just let me go to the bathroom. 229 00:08:56,307 --> 00:08:59,727 I will write the review. I'll do whatever you want. I promise. 230 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:02,229 Well, that wasn't so hard, was it? 231 00:09:02,313 --> 00:09:03,856 - Awesome. All right. - Okay. 232 00:09:03,939 --> 00:09:05,816 I think that we're in good shape then. 233 00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:07,276 - Okay. Thank you. - How are we gonna do this? 234 00:09:07,359 --> 00:09:09,320 - Thank you. - Well, I think one of us 235 00:09:09,403 --> 00:09:10,821 is gonna have to help his… 236 00:09:10,904 --> 00:09:12,489 Whoa! I'm not touching his dick. 237 00:09:12,573 --> 00:09:13,824 Well, you're the one that used all the tape. 238 00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:15,034 Well, I was comfortable with letting him 239 00:09:15,117 --> 00:09:16,327 - piss in his pants! - All right, fine! 240 00:09:16,410 --> 00:09:18,162 Then compromise. 241 00:09:18,245 --> 00:09:21,248 We'll both do it. That way it's equally weird for both of us. 242 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,128 No, no, no. It's fine. 243 00:09:26,211 --> 00:09:28,380 Just untape me, please. 244 00:09:28,464 --> 00:09:31,133 No. Oh, no. No! No! 245 00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,973 Can I bring something up? 246 00:09:38,057 --> 00:09:39,600 - Did he get a little bit hard on us? - Aw, come on, man! 247 00:09:39,683 --> 00:09:41,810 - Can we not talk about this, please? - I just felt like you got 248 00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:43,395 - a little bit… It was very weird. - No, it wasn't. 249 00:09:43,479 --> 00:09:47,149 - Hey, guys! Hey, guys! - Well, why did it move? 250 00:09:47,232 --> 00:09:48,609 We got a problem. 251 00:09:48,692 --> 00:09:50,194 We did something. 252 00:09:52,196 --> 00:09:53,822 Oh, man! 253 00:09:53,906 --> 00:09:55,199 What happened? 254 00:09:55,282 --> 00:09:57,242 Well, there was a slight mix-up with the apartments. 255 00:09:57,326 --> 00:09:58,994 This is Korman's neighbor, Mehar. 256 00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:00,371 What happened to doing this without a trace? 257 00:10:00,454 --> 00:10:02,998 Well, it's a long story, but the punchline is that 258 00:10:03,082 --> 00:10:05,250 - he started asking questions. - I asked one! 259 00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:06,919 - Shut up! - No, you asked a lot of questions. 260 00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:08,420 Well, let's not have him ask more questions, okay? 261 00:10:08,504 --> 00:10:10,964 - Keep him in the trunk for now. - You can't kidnap more people 262 00:10:11,048 --> 00:10:12,466 to cover up the original kidnapping. 263 00:10:12,549 --> 00:10:14,593 - It's a classic mistake! - I'm sorry! 264 00:10:14,718 --> 00:10:16,387 I didn't know there was a handbook on kidnapping! 265 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:17,846 - Help! Help! - Jesus. 266 00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:19,515 - We gotta get him inside. - He's probably very hot in there. 267 00:10:19,598 --> 00:10:20,891 There's another bit of an issue, 268 00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,518 which is that I locked the keys in the trunk just now. 269 00:10:22,601 --> 00:10:23,686 - What? - Yeah. 270 00:10:23,769 --> 00:10:25,688 - Are you kidding me? - Well, I didn't want to bring that up. 271 00:10:25,771 --> 00:10:27,731 - God damn it, Charlie! - Okay, this is what we're gonna do. 272 00:10:27,815 --> 00:10:30,025 You guys deal with the situation here, okay? 273 00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:32,027 Let's go talk to Korman. He's writing that new review. 274 00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,862 Good. 'Cause I don't want to see that man right now… 275 00:10:33,946 --> 00:10:35,489 - No. We don't really anymore. - …because we had a whole thing, and… 276 00:10:35,572 --> 00:10:37,491 - What happened? - Something happened. 277 00:10:37,574 --> 00:10:39,034 None of your business. Thank you very much. 278 00:10:39,118 --> 00:10:40,202 Yeah, we had a thing amongst the… 279 00:10:40,285 --> 00:10:41,495 Guy stuff happened. 280 00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,414 - Can you just please, please. - Let's just go inside. 281 00:10:43,497 --> 00:10:45,040 How long do you think we 282 00:10:45,124 --> 00:10:47,084 - can hold that inside? - It's burning me up inside, man! 283 00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,877 - Okay. - It's burning me up. 284 00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:55,551 - There he is, our little typer. - Hey. 285 00:10:55,634 --> 00:10:57,094 Tap-tap-tapping away. 286 00:10:57,177 --> 00:10:59,638 - Don't mean to disturb ya. - Oh, you're not disturbing me at all. 287 00:10:59,722 --> 00:11:01,390 - It's great to see you two again. - I get it. 288 00:11:01,473 --> 00:11:03,892 - You are too much, huh? - I get it. 289 00:11:03,976 --> 00:11:05,853 - You're being a smart aleck. - You are. 290 00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:08,897 Glad your spirits are still up. Listen, we wanted to come in 291 00:11:08,981 --> 00:11:11,191 and let you know we're sorry about this whole 292 00:11:11,275 --> 00:11:13,027 tie-you-up-and-hold-you-here thing. 293 00:11:13,110 --> 00:11:14,903 - We didn't have anything to do with it. - Yeah. No. That wasn't us. 294 00:11:14,987 --> 00:11:16,697 - That was somebody else's idea. - Not our idea. 295 00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:18,073 You know what I'm saying? 296 00:11:18,157 --> 00:11:19,408 Now, if there's anything, though, that we can do, 297 00:11:19,491 --> 00:11:21,827 - since we are in this situation… - Absolutely. Together we are. 298 00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:23,454 - You want to let us know. - Anything at all. 299 00:11:23,537 --> 00:11:26,081 Yeah. How about, uh, letting me go? 300 00:11:26,165 --> 00:11:28,083 There he goes again. 301 00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:30,085 - Oh! - (LAUGHS 302 00:11:30,169 --> 00:11:32,379 - I didn't know he was so funny! - I didn't know he was gonna… Yeah. 303 00:11:32,463 --> 00:11:34,089 I thought he was gonna ask for food or something. 304 00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:35,966 Is there something else we can get you though? 305 00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,259 'Cause clearly, you know, we can't… 306 00:11:37,343 --> 00:11:39,887 All right. A glass of white wine. Maybe a Chardonnay. 307 00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:42,431 - Now you're talking. - You like white wine, I know. 308 00:11:42,514 --> 00:11:45,392 Also, do you want me to bring you some lipstick with that? 309 00:11:47,519 --> 00:11:49,521 Oh! Boom! 310 00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:51,649 - You got faced again, Korman. - Ah. 311 00:11:51,732 --> 00:11:53,651 Hey, man. You can't just tee her up 312 00:11:53,734 --> 00:11:55,235 and expect her not to take a swing at you, right? 313 00:11:55,319 --> 00:11:57,446 - Can't blame her for that one. - Guess not. Can't blame her for that one. 314 00:11:57,529 --> 00:11:58,739 Hey, since you are 315 00:11:58,822 --> 00:12:00,282 - writing a new review… - Mmm. 316 00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:02,117 Uh, is there anything I can do to help you out with it? 317 00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:04,370 You want to fire a couple questions my way? 318 00:12:04,453 --> 00:12:06,163 Uh, no. I think I'm fine. 319 00:12:06,246 --> 00:12:08,791 Okay. Yeah, hey, no problem, man. I just want to… 320 00:12:08,874 --> 00:12:11,126 Just want to make sure you got the total picture on me. 321 00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:14,213 'Cause I do drive a Range Rover. 322 00:12:14,296 --> 00:12:16,131 - Huh? - Really? Gas guzzler. 323 00:12:16,215 --> 00:12:18,217 - Well, not on the highway. - Range Rover. 324 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:22,054 - Yeah, it's a very classy vehicle, though. - What do you want me to say? 325 00:12:22,137 --> 00:12:23,639 What do I want you to say? 326 00:12:23,722 --> 00:12:24,974 - Yeah, - Uh, I don't know. 327 00:12:25,057 --> 00:12:26,976 "Dennis Reynolds, your car is awesome. 328 00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:29,728 "Your flat screen TV, I took a look at it. It's very, very thin. 329 00:12:29,812 --> 00:12:32,147 "It speaks volumes about you as a person." I don't know. 330 00:12:32,231 --> 00:12:33,983 Give me something I can work with. 331 00:12:34,066 --> 00:12:35,859 All right, Dennis. 332 00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:38,153 Here's the deal. I didn't feel like opening up a bottle of wine. 333 00:12:38,237 --> 00:12:39,822 So I brought you some Scotch, 'cause I feel like 334 00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:41,949 - that's what writers should drink. - Hey, some top-shelf Scotch. 335 00:12:42,032 --> 00:12:44,284 Uh, I don't drink Scotch. 336 00:12:45,953 --> 00:12:48,080 Well, you don't have to be a dick about it. 337 00:12:48,163 --> 00:12:49,748 Wow. Got a real chip on his shoulder, this one. 338 00:12:49,832 --> 00:12:51,792 If I had to write an article about you, 339 00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:53,669 - it would say that you're very negative. - Yeah. 340 00:12:53,752 --> 00:12:56,422 The headline might be, "Most negative man in the world 341 00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:59,800 calls other people white trash to make himself not feel so faggy." 342 00:12:59,883 --> 00:13:01,760 Faggy? 343 00:13:01,844 --> 00:13:04,888 You mind if I just took a quick peek 344 00:13:04,972 --> 00:13:07,349 - at your new review, there? - Uh, but I haven't 345 00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:08,726 - quite finished that review yet. - That's okay. Nah, that's okay. 346 00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:10,894 I know you're not finished. I want to see 347 00:13:10,978 --> 00:13:13,814 what direction we're headed in there, buddy. 348 00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:15,274 What's it say? 349 00:13:15,357 --> 00:13:17,901 It's, uh, pretty heavy on the kidnapping aspect. 350 00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:19,695 Hmm. Is it? 351 00:13:21,864 --> 00:13:24,116 - You jam in further, though. - This is… 352 00:13:24,199 --> 00:13:27,202 I'm at the bottom of, like, whatever's down there, and I'm… 353 00:13:27,286 --> 00:13:29,788 It won't catch on to anything is the problem, man. 354 00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:31,999 Damn it! I feel like this should be easier. 355 00:13:32,082 --> 00:13:33,500 People break into cars all the time. 356 00:13:33,584 --> 00:13:35,794 You know, a piece of me wants to chalk this whole guy-in-the-trunk thing up 357 00:13:35,878 --> 00:13:37,504 - to a loss right now, dude. - No! 358 00:13:37,588 --> 00:13:39,506 We can't do that, bro. We gotta get him out of the car. 359 00:13:39,590 --> 00:13:41,133 Well, then why don't you just let me take the hammer 360 00:13:41,216 --> 00:13:42,968 and smash the window, and we'll just pop the trunk? 361 00:13:43,052 --> 00:13:44,470 Charlie, if we were gonna smash the window, 362 00:13:44,553 --> 00:13:46,180 I would simply do it with a roundhouse kick. 363 00:13:46,263 --> 00:13:48,015 Oh, come on. You're not gonna be able to break this window 364 00:13:48,098 --> 00:13:50,434 with a roundhouse kick. Let's get serious here. 365 00:13:52,144 --> 00:13:55,648 Charlie, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. 366 00:13:55,731 --> 00:13:57,441 Help! 367 00:13:57,524 --> 00:14:00,110 Please let me out! I have to get home! I have a cat! 368 00:14:00,194 --> 00:14:03,030 Sir, we all have cats that we'd like to be playing with right now, okay? 369 00:14:03,113 --> 00:14:04,490 We're doing our very best. 370 00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:07,368 My cat is diabetic. She needs her insulin shot. 371 00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:08,661 - Please! - Ooh. 372 00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:10,954 - So we gotta babysit a cat, now? - Ooh, dude. 373 00:14:11,038 --> 00:14:12,790 I can't have a dead cat's blood on my hands, man. 374 00:14:12,873 --> 00:14:14,166 That's not good. 375 00:14:14,249 --> 00:14:16,335 Mac to the rescue. Let me just back up. 376 00:14:16,418 --> 00:14:17,711 - I'm gonna roundhouse this. - You're gonna kick it? 377 00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:19,588 - I'm gonna kick it, and then we can get - in. All right, fine. Kick it, man. 378 00:14:19,672 --> 00:14:21,632 All right, but back up, 'cause I don't want the glass 379 00:14:21,715 --> 00:14:23,342 - to shatter in your face, you know. - All right, go. 380 00:14:23,425 --> 00:14:25,135 Guard your eyes. 381 00:14:26,929 --> 00:14:29,306 - Oh, no! - Shit, dude. 382 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,433 - Shit! You know what? - Oh! 383 00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:32,893 - Shit, man! - There is a slope in the ground, 384 00:14:32,977 --> 00:14:34,353 and I didn't… I wasn't… 385 00:14:34,436 --> 00:14:35,813 - You just totally broke… - I wasn't calibrating that great. 386 00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:37,648 - …this mirror, bro! - Ah, man! 387 00:14:37,731 --> 00:14:40,859 It's the bullshit street. We gotta get the zoning people out here. 388 00:14:40,943 --> 00:14:42,778 - I don't think it's the street, bro. - That's an issue. All right. 389 00:14:42,861 --> 00:14:44,905 Don't touch the window, all right? I'll do that when I get back. 390 00:14:44,989 --> 00:14:47,491 I'll go grab his cat with Dennis' car. I'll be back. 391 00:14:47,574 --> 00:14:49,660 Learn how to kick. Take one karate class 392 00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:51,704 if you're so into karate, you know? 393 00:14:53,789 --> 00:14:55,749 That is a really, really nice setup. 394 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:59,003 Now, if he doesn't go for that, he's just a straight-up retard. 395 00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:00,295 I mean, that's all there is to it. 396 00:15:00,379 --> 00:15:01,964 - Hey, buddy. - Oh, hey, pal. 397 00:15:02,047 --> 00:15:03,507 Check out this new setup. 398 00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:06,301 This is gonna be our golden ticket, man. This is really gonna get us somewhere. 399 00:15:06,385 --> 00:15:08,679 Hey, man. Do you see any hypodermic needles laying around? 400 00:15:08,762 --> 00:15:10,597 - What the hell's that? - Mehar's cat. Diabetic. 401 00:15:10,681 --> 00:15:13,267 Now a diabetic cat is in play? Jesus! 402 00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:14,435 - We can't catch a break. - I know. 403 00:15:14,518 --> 00:15:15,853 - Tell me about it. - Nice and easy now. 404 00:15:15,936 --> 00:15:19,023 Oh, Jesus Christ, Charlie! You broke the window? 405 00:15:19,106 --> 00:15:21,150 Dude, the guy had to take a dump. What was I supposed to do? 406 00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:22,651 Wait, but he's all tied up. How did you… 407 00:15:22,735 --> 00:15:24,528 Let's not talk about how it happened. 408 00:15:24,611 --> 00:15:26,113 It happened. Give him his cat. 409 00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:28,157 - Dude, your cat's freaking out! - That's not my cat! 410 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:29,908 - No, Dee. No! - Whose cat is it? 411 00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:32,328 - What the hell are you doing, Dee? - What's Mehar doing here? 412 00:15:32,411 --> 00:15:34,204 What are you doing with my cat? 413 00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:36,415 - Your cat? Jesus Christ. - This is your cat? 414 00:15:36,498 --> 00:15:37,791 - Yes! What is going on? - Mr. Korman, 415 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:40,419 - why are they doing this? - Get him out of here! 416 00:15:40,502 --> 00:15:42,338 Give him his cat and get him back in the office. 417 00:15:42,421 --> 00:15:44,423 - Jesus Christ! Oh, this is bad. - Shut up! 418 00:15:44,506 --> 00:15:46,300 This is bad. This is really bad. 419 00:15:46,383 --> 00:15:47,426 You guys, this is bad. What are we gonna do? 420 00:15:47,509 --> 00:15:48,969 We gotta come up with a plan. 421 00:15:49,053 --> 00:15:50,804 - I don't know what to do! - Got it! 422 00:15:50,888 --> 00:15:53,057 Ready? Here's the plan. I've been thinking about this, okay? 423 00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:55,643 We give them amnesia. It's easy. Here's how you do it. 424 00:15:55,726 --> 00:15:57,353 You smash them both over the head with a bottle. 425 00:15:57,436 --> 00:15:58,854 They go down like a ton of bricks, okay? 426 00:15:58,937 --> 00:16:00,439 Then we drag them back to their apartments! 427 00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:01,607 We put them in their beds, you know. 428 00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:02,941 We set their clocks back. 429 00:16:03,025 --> 00:16:05,694 We get yesterday's newspaper. We put it on their front doorstep! 430 00:16:05,778 --> 00:16:08,030 They wake up thinking it was all a dream. 431 00:16:08,113 --> 00:16:09,990 - That is so stupid! - What? 432 00:16:10,074 --> 00:16:11,867 It's so stupid! Mac, please tell me you got something. 433 00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:13,744 - I say we bribe 'em. - A bribe. 434 00:16:13,827 --> 00:16:15,287 - We bribe 'em. - A good old-fashioned bribe. 435 00:16:15,371 --> 00:16:17,122 That's not gonna work. You know why? 436 00:16:17,206 --> 00:16:19,583 Korman's not gonna go for that. He's, like, made of stone or something. 437 00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,919 Oh, Mehar! Let's bribe Mehar! He'd go for it! 438 00:16:22,002 --> 00:16:23,295 Yeah, Mehar could work! Mehar could work! 439 00:16:23,379 --> 00:16:26,465 But I did notice that the kidnapping has rubbed him the wrong way. 440 00:16:26,548 --> 00:16:29,551 So whatever we bribe him with has to be worth a lot of money. 441 00:16:29,635 --> 00:16:30,678 Yeah. He's gonna want somethin' good. For sure. 442 00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:31,971 - For sure. - Mmm-hmm. 443 00:16:38,394 --> 00:16:40,896 Oh, Jesus Christ, no. 444 00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:43,315 Hey, thanks a lot for taking home Korman's cat. 445 00:16:43,399 --> 00:16:45,609 And good luck with your sick cat. 446 00:16:51,073 --> 00:16:52,950 God damn it. This is bullshit. 447 00:16:54,076 --> 00:16:55,995 All right. Let's go talk to Korman. 448 00:16:58,622 --> 00:17:00,791 Whoa! Hold on there, Korman. 449 00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:02,626 - Where you going, buddy? - Where you going? 450 00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:04,336 - Hey, buddy. - You're not going very fast. 451 00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:06,005 - You're wasting a lot of energy. Stop. - All right, all right. 452 00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:08,173 Hey, hey, hey! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Okay. All right. 453 00:17:08,257 --> 00:17:10,175 Listen, man. We got a proposal for you. 454 00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:13,053 We are willing to not force you to write that review 455 00:17:13,137 --> 00:17:15,222 if you are willing to step up, do the right thing, 456 00:17:15,306 --> 00:17:17,558 - and not tell anybody that this happened. - I don't care. 457 00:17:17,641 --> 00:17:21,854 Whatever it takes to get me out of this bar, away from you people. 458 00:17:21,937 --> 00:17:23,314 - My man! - There we go. 459 00:17:23,397 --> 00:17:24,481 That is the attitude we've been waiting for. 460 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:25,983 - Was that so hard? - Where's this guy been? 461 00:17:26,066 --> 00:17:27,568 Now let's talk about the elephant in the room. 462 00:17:27,651 --> 00:17:29,361 Let's talk about pressing charges. 463 00:17:29,445 --> 00:17:31,697 Yeah, we're gonna need you to sign something. 464 00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:32,990 Fine. Whatever it takes. 465 00:17:33,073 --> 00:17:36,035 I can't believe you guys are gonna try and cut a deal with this weasel! 466 00:17:36,118 --> 00:17:38,370 The guy's a liar! He lied to us, man! 467 00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,789 He said he was gonna write a review! He didn't! 468 00:17:40,873 --> 00:17:43,083 I touched his dick! Mac, we touched his dick! 469 00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,668 - You remember this? - Now is not the time to talk about that, 470 00:17:44,752 --> 00:17:45,919 - Charlie. - Why were you guys touching his dick? 471 00:17:46,003 --> 00:17:47,338 There wasn't enough tape and he had to… Let's just move past it. 472 00:17:47,421 --> 00:17:49,548 - So you touched his dick? - Let's plow through it. 473 00:17:49,631 --> 00:17:52,509 Okay. Why don't you just go ahead and sign this, 474 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,595 and then I'll fill in the blanks later. And then that way 475 00:17:54,678 --> 00:17:56,555 we'll have a confession, and that'll be great. 476 00:17:56,639 --> 00:17:59,099 And there you go. Okay, now. 477 00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:01,226 Let me just get this tape off you, and you can be on your way. 478 00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,437 Now, we won't charge you for the duct tape. 479 00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:06,565 That was a joke. 480 00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:09,318 - Holy shit, bro! - Oh, God! 481 00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:12,321 - I really don't like this guy. - You're an idiot! 482 00:18:12,404 --> 00:18:14,323 Well, we'll see who's the idiot when he wakes up tomorrow 483 00:18:14,406 --> 00:18:16,784 - and doesn't remember a thing. - I don't think that's how it works, 484 00:18:16,867 --> 00:18:18,327 - Charlie. - It's definitely not how it works, man. 485 00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:21,246 Oh, my God. We may as well embrace the amnesia angle 486 00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:22,498 because we have no other options at this point. 487 00:18:22,581 --> 00:18:25,000 - Well, now! - Okay. I'll go get yesterday's newspaper. 488 00:18:26,418 --> 00:18:28,170 - Okay, you guys ready? - Mmm-hmm. 489 00:18:28,253 --> 00:18:31,090 One, two, three. 490 00:18:31,173 --> 00:18:35,219 And I'll take with me 491 00:18:35,302 --> 00:18:39,264 The memories 492 00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:41,934 To be my sunshine 493 00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:45,437 After rain 494 00:18:45,521 --> 00:18:49,066 And it's so hard 495 00:18:49,149 --> 00:18:52,319 To say goodbye 496 00:18:52,403 --> 00:18:54,947 To yesterday 497 00:19:00,828 --> 00:19:03,539 - I ran out. I ran out of breath. - Check it out. 498 00:19:03,622 --> 00:19:05,165 What you got there, Ernie? 499 00:19:05,249 --> 00:19:07,167 - Oh, it's a new review by Korman. - Oh! 500 00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:09,086 Yeah. 501 00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:11,130 "I woke up in my neighbor's bed with a head wound, 502 00:19:11,213 --> 00:19:14,216 yesterday's paper and an empty bottle of sleeping pills, 503 00:19:14,299 --> 00:19:17,428 and my nightmare in that putrid shithole of a bar, Paddy's Pub, 504 00:19:17,511 --> 00:19:19,221 finally, mercifully came to an end. 505 00:19:19,305 --> 00:19:21,265 The owners all deserve to rot in jail, 506 00:19:21,348 --> 00:19:24,601 though having to spend every day with each other in that vile establishment 507 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,729 is a decidedly greater punishment. 508 00:19:26,812 --> 00:19:29,106 That is why I decided not to press charges, 509 00:19:29,189 --> 00:19:32,276 leaving them to live in the hell on Earth that they've created for themselves 510 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,696 for the rest of their pathetic and miserable lives." 511 00:19:37,656 --> 00:19:38,866 - So rude. - Ouch! 512 00:19:38,949 --> 00:19:40,784 Yeah. Really raked us over the coals there, didn't he? 513 00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:42,453 - Really jammed it right in there. - Not a good review. 514 00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:44,121 - No, it's not a good review. - He went right for the throat. 515 00:19:44,204 --> 00:19:47,041 He sure did. Hey, listen. At least he didn't mention our names. 516 00:19:47,124 --> 00:19:48,876 - Yeah, right. No charges. - And no pressing charges. 517 00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,545 - No charges. No names. That's good. - No names. No names. 518 00:19:51,628 --> 00:19:53,839 I don't know why, but I'm a little irritated 519 00:19:53,922 --> 00:19:55,299 - that he didn't mention my name. - You'd feel like he would 520 00:19:55,382 --> 00:19:56,592 - mention our name, right? - I work here! 521 00:19:56,675 --> 00:19:58,218 I'm incredibly annoyed that he didn't mention my name. 522 00:19:58,302 --> 00:19:59,887 I wish I could live with this, but I can't. 523 00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:02,097 - It's a story about us! - I feel like we gotta go talk 524 00:20:02,181 --> 00:20:03,557 - to him again. - We should talk to him. 525 00:20:03,641 --> 00:20:05,809 - We'll be cool, though. We'll be civil. - Let's just have one more conversation. 526 00:20:05,893 --> 00:20:07,978 - We're capable of being civil, right? - All right, let's just… 527 00:20:08,062 --> 00:20:09,396 - You know, why are we wasting time? - Let's go talk to him. 528 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,440 Communication's the key, so this seems to make sense. 529 00:20:11,523 --> 00:20:13,692 Ooh! You know what I want to get.