1 00:00:10,696 --> 00:00:12,864 What the shit is this? 2 00:00:12,948 --> 00:00:15,742 Uh, Cheech over here bought himself a bong. 3 00:00:15,826 --> 00:00:18,203 Deandra, this is wacky. 4 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,580 Go download me a hoagie off the Internet. 5 00:00:20,664 --> 00:00:22,749 I'm sorry? 6 00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:25,752 Those words don't make any sen… Sense. 7 00:00:25,836 --> 00:00:29,172 Oh, God. You guys. Oh, weird. I feel weird. 8 00:00:29,256 --> 00:00:31,758 - Rip another one, man. - Yeah, say something else stupid too. 9 00:00:31,842 --> 00:00:33,385 My arm's kinda numb. Dennis, can you feel my head? 10 00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,137 - Am I hot? - I'm not touching you. 11 00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:36,305 We're enjoying ourselves over here. 12 00:00:36,388 --> 00:00:38,849 No. I'm serious, you guys. Something's not right. 13 00:00:38,932 --> 00:00:41,184 - You think there's pigeons in the bar? - What? 14 00:00:41,268 --> 00:00:42,978 - Pigeons in the bar. - I mean, really serious. 15 00:00:43,061 --> 00:00:44,187 You guys, I need some help. 16 00:00:44,271 --> 00:00:45,355 Good one. 17 00:00:45,439 --> 00:00:47,524 Oh, God, what is her problem? 18 00:00:47,607 --> 00:00:48,900 I don't know. 19 00:01:21,016 --> 00:01:23,644 So, heart attack. 20 00:01:23,727 --> 00:01:26,188 - Yeah. Yikes. - That's what I was trying to say. 21 00:01:26,271 --> 00:01:28,398 The EMT says basically I'm like a ticking time bomb, 22 00:01:28,482 --> 00:01:29,691 at this point 'cause it was just a little one. 23 00:01:29,775 --> 00:01:31,151 I didn't know women could have heart attacks. It's crazy. 24 00:01:31,234 --> 00:01:32,944 What's scary about this whole thing really 25 00:01:33,028 --> 00:01:34,696 is that I have the same genes as her. 26 00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,782 Yeah, I'm concerned for myself and Charlie as well. 27 00:01:36,865 --> 00:01:38,367 - We lead a very rock-and-roll lifestyle. - Oh, yeah. 28 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:40,118 - I know. - I just had a heart attack. 29 00:01:40,202 --> 00:01:41,953 Can we focus on me for two minutes? 30 00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:44,206 - I feel like we did talk about you. - Dee, your ship has sailed. Okay. 31 00:01:44,289 --> 00:01:47,167 It's time to move on to us, the people who are going to live on. 32 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,586 Guys, we gotta make sure that this does not happen to us. 33 00:01:49,670 --> 00:01:51,338 That's the important thing here. We need to focus on ourselves… 34 00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:53,674 - Miss Reynolds? - Doctor, thank God. Listen, 35 00:01:53,757 --> 00:01:55,550 let's just do all the tests you've got, okay. 36 00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:57,135 I feel like the big one's right around the corner. 37 00:01:57,219 --> 00:01:58,762 Well, actually, Miss Reynolds, 38 00:01:58,845 --> 00:02:02,182 first we need to discuss how you'll be paying for your stay. 39 00:02:02,265 --> 00:02:03,892 Paying? This is a hospital. 40 00:02:03,976 --> 00:02:06,728 Yeah. Since when do you pay to stay in a hospital? 41 00:02:06,812 --> 00:02:08,271 Since always. 42 00:02:08,355 --> 00:02:10,065 No. I believe that is what taxes are for. 43 00:02:10,148 --> 00:02:11,942 Yeah, you don't pay a fireman to put out a fire. 44 00:02:12,025 --> 00:02:13,235 Or a cop to shoot a guy. 45 00:02:13,318 --> 00:02:14,486 How do you not know how this works? 46 00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:16,279 You've been in a hospital before. 47 00:02:16,363 --> 00:02:18,031 I guess I must've slipped through the cracks. 48 00:02:18,115 --> 00:02:19,700 I do always give a fake name, 49 00:02:19,783 --> 00:02:20,951 'cause I like to stay off the grid. 50 00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:22,119 - You know what I mean? - They usually give me 51 00:02:22,202 --> 00:02:24,329 a bunch of antibiotics. The sores go away, and I walk out. 52 00:02:24,413 --> 00:02:26,039 Shut up! Doctor, I have health insurance. 53 00:02:26,123 --> 00:02:28,125 Yeah. We're on our father's policy. 54 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:29,584 You guys! 55 00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:31,086 Check out this cool gown. 56 00:02:31,169 --> 00:02:34,715 Whoa. Really lets your ass breathe. 57 00:02:34,798 --> 00:02:36,133 - Oh, my God! Wow. - Son of a bitch! 58 00:02:36,216 --> 00:02:37,300 Why are you wearing that thing, dude? 59 00:02:37,384 --> 00:02:40,887 I'm gettin' a full body scan. I've been partying real hard lately. 60 00:02:40,971 --> 00:02:43,223 Whatever. She needs to see the insurance card. 61 00:02:43,307 --> 00:02:45,309 I canceled that shit when you were nine. 62 00:02:45,392 --> 00:02:46,393 What, you canceled our insurance policy? 63 00:02:46,476 --> 00:02:47,853 What? 64 00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:49,771 What, am I gonna carry that burden around? 65 00:02:49,855 --> 00:02:51,440 You couldn't have given us a heads-up about that 66 00:02:51,523 --> 00:02:54,026 - a long time ago? - Okay. Let me get this straight. 67 00:02:54,109 --> 00:02:58,238 Miss Reynolds, you have no health insurance. 68 00:02:58,322 --> 00:03:00,032 No, I don't. 69 00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:01,700 Okay. 70 00:03:01,783 --> 00:03:03,744 Well, get out. 71 00:03:08,165 --> 00:03:09,624 Wow. Harsh. 72 00:03:11,543 --> 00:03:14,212 Why is the government not providing us with health insurance? 73 00:03:14,296 --> 00:03:16,506 I mean, what is this, like, some kind of socialist country 74 00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:19,092 or some kind of communist dictatorship? 75 00:03:19,176 --> 00:03:20,886 - This is insane. This is un-American. - I don't know, bro. 76 00:03:20,969 --> 00:03:23,347 You don't pay for health insurance. That's crazy. 77 00:03:23,430 --> 00:03:25,682 All I know is we need to find insurance ASAP. 78 00:03:25,766 --> 00:03:27,184 Oh, my God. We're gonna get sick eventually. 79 00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:28,935 So, we just find a couple of side jobs, right? 80 00:03:29,019 --> 00:03:30,604 That way, we'll have insurance. 81 00:03:30,687 --> 00:03:32,397 And when disaster inevitably occurs, we'll be covered. 82 00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:34,441 - We'll be covered. - Okay, here we go. 83 00:03:34,524 --> 00:03:35,609 "Position available. 84 00:03:35,692 --> 00:03:37,152 Major sales corporation. 85 00:03:37,235 --> 00:03:39,279 "Motivated individuals. Good interpersonal skills." 86 00:03:39,363 --> 00:03:40,781 You don't have to say anymore. That's us. 87 00:03:40,864 --> 00:03:43,575 - "Salary and benefits." - That is us. 88 00:03:43,659 --> 00:03:44,743 Yo! 89 00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:46,995 - Jesus. - Hey. 90 00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:48,413 Why are you still wearing that thing, dude? 91 00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:49,581 Did you wear that all the way here? 92 00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:52,042 I let my ass breathe. 93 00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:53,543 You keep saying that, but I don't know what it means. 94 00:03:53,627 --> 00:03:54,836 Yeah. How does an ass breathe? 95 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,088 - Explain that to me. - How does… 96 00:03:56,171 --> 00:03:57,923 Just leave me alone, okay! I can't get worked up. 97 00:03:58,006 --> 00:04:00,008 My doctor told me not to get worked up. 98 00:04:00,092 --> 00:04:02,928 I'm under too much stress. Yeah. 99 00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:05,222 Oh, that's a lot of pills, dude. 100 00:04:05,305 --> 00:04:07,432 That's the beauty of havin' insurance. 101 00:04:07,516 --> 00:04:11,144 You can get the top-quality antianxiety drugs. 102 00:04:11,228 --> 00:04:12,896 Wow. You got a lot of 'em, huh? 103 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:14,731 - Mmm. - What are you doin'? 104 00:04:14,815 --> 00:04:18,110 I'm takin' them because I can't sift through the duds. 105 00:04:18,193 --> 00:04:20,821 I gotta take 'em all, because I gotta get healthy really fast. 106 00:04:20,904 --> 00:04:21,989 You're takin' them all at once? 107 00:04:22,072 --> 00:04:23,365 - Yeah. - I don't think that's a good idea. 108 00:04:23,448 --> 00:04:24,866 It seems a bit aggressive. 109 00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:26,618 I know what I'm doin'! 110 00:04:28,829 --> 00:04:30,330 This is great, Dee. This is perfect. 111 00:04:30,414 --> 00:04:32,833 I mean, getting in shape is, like, the best health insurance you can get. 112 00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:34,584 You take care of your body, you don't need a doctor. 113 00:04:34,668 --> 00:04:35,794 - I want that. - That's exactly right. 114 00:04:35,877 --> 00:04:38,296 You look good, you feel good. It's all connected. 115 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:40,841 You're talking about the mind-body-abs connection. 116 00:04:40,924 --> 00:04:42,926 I would personally like to get some side abs goin'. 117 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:44,094 You wanna get some side abs? Yeah. That's a good idea. 118 00:04:44,177 --> 00:04:45,595 - Yeah, right. - You know what I'm concerned about? 119 00:04:45,679 --> 00:04:47,014 - I don't wanna get too bulky. - Right. 120 00:04:47,097 --> 00:04:48,515 I wanna stay nice and lean and tight. 121 00:04:48,598 --> 00:04:50,684 I wanna get that "Jesus on the cross" look. 122 00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:52,352 I see what you're saying. I think that crucifixion 123 00:04:52,436 --> 00:04:53,770 must've been really good for your core because… 124 00:04:53,854 --> 00:04:55,314 Oh, absolutely. Jesus had, like, the best abs. 125 00:04:55,397 --> 00:04:56,481 - He had the right idea. - Oh, my God. 126 00:04:56,565 --> 00:04:58,191 Hey. He knew. No pain, no gain. 127 00:04:58,275 --> 00:04:59,443 - He had good messages. - I'm sure He started that. 128 00:04:59,526 --> 00:05:00,610 - Mmm-hmm. - All right. 129 00:05:00,694 --> 00:05:02,070 Let's do some cardio since we're here. What do you think? 130 00:05:02,154 --> 00:05:04,489 Yeah. Here we are. Let's get our blood pumpin'. 131 00:05:04,573 --> 00:05:07,284 Let's hop on these treadmills and, uh, you know, let's do this thing. 132 00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:09,453 - Let's do it. - All right. 133 00:05:09,536 --> 00:05:12,414 - I don't know if I'm ready. - I'm not feeling ready. 134 00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:14,791 I'll tell you why. I feel a little low-energy. 135 00:05:14,875 --> 00:05:16,335 - That's what it is. - We need to fuel up. 136 00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:18,962 Now, I see people utilizing a lot of shakes and powders around here. 137 00:05:19,046 --> 00:05:20,172 - Yeah. - We should probably look into that. 138 00:05:20,255 --> 00:05:21,923 We should do that. You know what else we should do, 139 00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:23,842 - get some new outfits. - Let's get some new outfits. 140 00:05:23,925 --> 00:05:25,010 - That's a great idea. - Right? 141 00:05:25,093 --> 00:05:26,762 You decided to rock jeans, for instance. 142 00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:29,097 - I'm confused by that. - Yeah. I chose jeans. 143 00:05:29,181 --> 00:05:30,807 I'm not seeing a lot of other jeans. 144 00:05:30,891 --> 00:05:33,602 - I've never seen jeans in a gym. - Okay, well, look. That's fine. 145 00:05:33,685 --> 00:05:35,270 This is what we'll do. We'll dial it back. 146 00:05:35,354 --> 00:05:37,022 We'll get fueled up. We'll get some sick new outfits. 147 00:05:37,105 --> 00:05:38,190 And then we'll come back and work out. 148 00:05:38,273 --> 00:05:41,026 Boom. Let's go. 149 00:05:41,109 --> 00:05:43,612 "Official resume of Mac and Charlie." 150 00:05:43,695 --> 00:05:45,530 So both of you are… 151 00:05:45,614 --> 00:05:47,282 Well, gentlemen, I've never seen two people 152 00:05:47,366 --> 00:05:49,117 share a resume before. 153 00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:50,911 Well, we thought we'd save paper, 154 00:05:50,994 --> 00:05:52,079 you know, go green. 155 00:05:52,162 --> 00:05:56,166 Uh… "Work experience. Paddy's Pub management, 156 00:05:56,249 --> 00:05:58,335 "and duties that include ordering supplies 157 00:05:58,418 --> 00:06:00,253 and taking care of business." 158 00:06:00,337 --> 00:06:01,797 - Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. - T.C.O.B. 159 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,174 "Business coordinator. For several year…" 160 00:06:04,257 --> 00:06:05,342 - I don't know who this is. - Coordinator. 161 00:06:05,425 --> 00:06:06,510 Okay. 162 00:06:06,593 --> 00:06:08,387 "For several years, I've been in complete charge 163 00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:10,722 "of pretty much everything in my life." 164 00:06:10,806 --> 00:06:12,432 - I don't miss a beat, you know. - That would actually be him. 165 00:06:12,516 --> 00:06:14,685 Not pretty much everything. 166 00:06:14,768 --> 00:06:17,437 There are certain things that you just can't have control of. 167 00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:20,565 But I think you'll find that what we lack in formal education, 168 00:06:20,649 --> 00:06:22,109 we more than make up for in street smarts. 169 00:06:22,192 --> 00:06:24,069 Mmm-hmm. Okay? So we can wheel. 170 00:06:24,152 --> 00:06:26,113 We can deal. We can oversee hostile takeovers. 171 00:06:26,196 --> 00:06:27,322 - Whatever you need, bud. - You name it. 172 00:06:27,406 --> 00:06:29,116 It's a mailroom gig. 173 00:06:29,199 --> 00:06:31,034 And there's only one spot available. 174 00:06:31,118 --> 00:06:33,370 - Mmm. - Ooh. 175 00:06:33,453 --> 00:06:35,288 Kind of a package deal. 176 00:06:35,372 --> 00:06:36,498 We sort of work as a team. 177 00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:39,418 I tell you what, what if we split the pay right down the middle? 178 00:06:39,501 --> 00:06:40,585 You'd be willing to do that? 179 00:06:40,669 --> 00:06:43,255 Oh, yeah. This has nothin' to do with money. 180 00:06:43,338 --> 00:06:46,133 This is sort of a health insurance situation for us. 181 00:06:46,216 --> 00:06:48,635 So, frankly, you don't even really have to pay us at all. 182 00:06:48,719 --> 00:06:50,929 Well, legally, I have to pay you something. 183 00:06:51,013 --> 00:06:53,432 But, uh, minimum wage maybe… 184 00:06:53,515 --> 00:06:55,267 - Minimum wage? - Are you kiddin' me? 185 00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:57,269 That's great. All right. 186 00:06:57,352 --> 00:06:59,313 That's a government salary right there. 187 00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:02,566 Well, you drive a hard bargain. The job is both of yours. 188 00:07:02,649 --> 00:07:04,901 - Congratulations. - Congratulations to you. 189 00:07:04,985 --> 00:07:07,237 - Bro. - Yeah. Minimum wage. 190 00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:08,405 - Minimum wage. - All right. 191 00:07:13,535 --> 00:07:14,703 Fat burner? 192 00:07:14,786 --> 00:07:16,872 Well, I'm already on a nitric oxide energy stack. 193 00:07:16,955 --> 00:07:19,541 But, yeah, sure, I'll take some fat burner. Why not? 194 00:07:19,624 --> 00:07:21,626 All right, everybody. 195 00:07:21,710 --> 00:07:23,628 Before we begin today, 196 00:07:23,712 --> 00:07:27,007 are there any physical ailments that I should know about first? 197 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,550 Yeah. I just had a heart attack. 198 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:30,802 - Excuse me? - I just had a heart attack. 199 00:07:30,886 --> 00:07:32,679 Maybe you should turn this techno music down. 200 00:07:32,763 --> 00:07:36,850 Yeah. I gotta be honest, buddy. I'm not really feelin' these tunes. 201 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,018 Boom. There we go. Ah. 202 00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:39,186 What are you doin'? 203 00:07:39,269 --> 00:07:41,563 I'm riflin' through your music. 204 00:07:41,647 --> 00:07:43,565 - And it's pretty terrible. - You know what? Put it down. 205 00:07:43,649 --> 00:07:45,442 - Does he have any 80's? - Doesn't appear to. 206 00:07:45,525 --> 00:07:49,071 No. It seems like he's got a bunch of goddamn dance mixes. 207 00:07:49,154 --> 00:07:50,614 Whoa. Hang on. It's all good. 208 00:07:50,697 --> 00:07:53,033 I got a Steve Winwood CD in my car. I'll just go out and grab that. 209 00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:55,410 Listen, don't do that. Please don't do that. 210 00:07:55,494 --> 00:07:56,578 Why? What's wrong with Steve Winwood? 211 00:07:56,662 --> 00:07:58,622 Yeah, man. Higher Love? It's a classic. 212 00:07:58,705 --> 00:08:00,999 Listen, I pick the music in this class, okay? 213 00:08:01,083 --> 00:08:03,627 - Oh. - Oh. No, no, no. I apologize. 214 00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:05,921 I had no idea that this was all about you. 215 00:08:06,004 --> 00:08:07,172 First of all, I don't think you should even be here 216 00:08:07,255 --> 00:08:08,340 if you just had a heart attack, ma'am. 217 00:08:08,423 --> 00:08:10,717 Well, maybe you shouldn't dress like a bumblebee, bitch. 218 00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:14,012 Oh! You just got dogged, bro. 219 00:08:14,096 --> 00:08:15,389 You just got dogged. 220 00:08:15,472 --> 00:08:17,224 - Guys, please, leave my class. Please. - All right. 221 00:08:17,307 --> 00:08:19,351 Spin class. Come on. 222 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:20,560 Bunch of hamsters on a wheel. 223 00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:22,729 Yeah. I'm gonna ride a bike hard, I'm gonna ride a bike fast, 224 00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:24,106 and, oh, yeah, I'm not gonna go anywhere. 225 00:08:24,189 --> 00:08:26,233 Yeah, then when I walk out, I'm gonna put a bunch of metal 226 00:08:26,316 --> 00:08:28,902 onto a metal bar and lift that metal over and over like a metal jerk. 227 00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:30,070 You know, I gotta be honest with you. 228 00:08:30,153 --> 00:08:32,197 I feel like these supplements are doing a great job on their own. 229 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,074 Know what I mean? I've got tons of energy. 230 00:08:34,157 --> 00:08:35,242 My heart rate's up. Things are going great. 231 00:08:35,325 --> 00:08:36,660 Yeah. Absolutely. 232 00:08:36,743 --> 00:08:38,328 I feel good too. Look how vascular I am. 233 00:08:38,412 --> 00:08:39,830 - Look how my veins are poppin'. - Holy shit. 234 00:08:39,913 --> 00:08:41,415 Yeah. I look good, and I feel good. 235 00:08:41,498 --> 00:08:44,376 I feel good, too, apart from the recent bouts of explosive diarrhea. 236 00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:46,253 Oh. You been havin' diarrhea? 237 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:47,838 - Oh, God. All over the place. - Really? 238 00:08:47,921 --> 00:08:49,464 You know what that is? That's probably your body 239 00:08:49,548 --> 00:08:51,049 - flushing out all the toxins. - You think so? 240 00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:52,509 - I do think so. - Yeah, yeah. 241 00:08:52,592 --> 00:08:54,469 I, on the other hand, have not taken a shit in days. 242 00:08:54,553 --> 00:08:56,013 - Days? That doesn't sound good. - Days. 243 00:08:56,096 --> 00:08:57,514 Oh, no, it's good. 244 00:08:57,597 --> 00:08:59,599 My body's working at 100% efficiency. 245 00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:01,351 My body is absorbing every single nutrient, 246 00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:02,811 and it's not wasting a single thing. 247 00:09:02,894 --> 00:09:04,229 Your body's taking its job very seriously. 248 00:09:04,313 --> 00:09:06,690 My body is doing its job like it's never done before. 249 00:09:06,773 --> 00:09:08,608 Okay, we're gonna start climbing just a little more. 250 00:09:08,692 --> 00:09:10,485 Thirty percent more resistance. 251 00:09:10,569 --> 00:09:11,653 Why don't we up the supplements, 252 00:09:11,737 --> 00:09:12,863 which we know work, 253 00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:14,614 and eliminate working out, which we know blows? 254 00:09:14,698 --> 00:09:15,782 That sounds like a pretty good plan. 255 00:09:15,866 --> 00:09:17,617 You know what? I'm gonna take it one step further, 256 00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:19,661 and propose that we start working on a muscle 257 00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:21,538 that we've been neglecting this entire time. 258 00:09:21,621 --> 00:09:23,957 And it's the most important muscle in the entire body. 259 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,667 - Which muscle? - The face. 260 00:09:27,085 --> 00:09:30,213 That's a gift for you, bumblebee. 261 00:09:30,297 --> 00:09:32,591 - Come on. - Enjoy it, Coach Dickenballs. 262 00:09:32,674 --> 00:09:35,761 Bring me a higher love, oh, oh 263 00:09:36,928 --> 00:09:39,765 Bring me a higher love 264 00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:44,269 Mr. Taylor, whose grandpa was a sailor. 265 00:09:44,353 --> 00:09:46,897 There you go, Mr. Scott, who drinks his coffee hot. 266 00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:50,025 There it is, Mr. White, whose wife is not too bright. 267 00:09:50,108 --> 00:09:51,234 There you go. 268 00:09:51,318 --> 00:09:53,487 Dude, I'm trying to network by the water cooler. 269 00:09:53,570 --> 00:09:54,905 Yeah, and I'm doing both of our jobs here. 270 00:09:54,988 --> 00:09:56,073 Wanna help out, okay? 271 00:09:56,156 --> 00:09:57,324 The mail doesn't stop down there, Mac. 272 00:09:57,407 --> 00:09:58,492 I need help. 273 00:09:58,575 --> 00:10:00,327 All right. This is Felix's pile. He receives for Eric. 274 00:10:00,410 --> 00:10:01,578 He receives for Janet. 275 00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:04,373 Don't ever look Janet in the eyes, because she's a horrible devil woman. 276 00:10:04,456 --> 00:10:06,500 I feel like you are taking this shit way too seriously. 277 00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:09,294 Will you just help me out, man? This is Johnson's mail, okay? 278 00:10:09,378 --> 00:10:10,962 Now Johnson's gone AWOL for the week with the wife 279 00:10:11,046 --> 00:10:12,130 and kids down in Orlando. 280 00:10:12,214 --> 00:10:14,216 So, I want you to keep a pile in a neat stack somewhere 281 00:10:14,299 --> 00:10:15,384 that's all Johnson's mail. 282 00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:16,927 Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. 283 00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:18,512 This guy's in Orlando for the week? 284 00:10:18,595 --> 00:10:19,846 Yeah, man. Come on. Help me out here. 285 00:10:19,930 --> 00:10:22,808 Hold on a second, bro. This is a perfect opportunity. 286 00:10:22,891 --> 00:10:25,519 I'm gonna hang out in his office and pretend I'm the new guy. 287 00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:27,854 Uh, I don't think that's gonna work, dude. 288 00:10:27,938 --> 00:10:30,232 Uh, have you seen The Secret of My Success? 289 00:10:30,315 --> 00:10:32,275 Uh, they're gonna catch on to you. 290 00:10:32,359 --> 00:10:34,569 Uh, yeah, but before they do, I will come up with an idea 291 00:10:34,653 --> 00:10:35,862 that will save the company millions 292 00:10:35,946 --> 00:10:37,572 and they'll be forced to promote me. 293 00:10:37,656 --> 00:10:40,409 Uh, are you sure? How's that movie end, dude? 294 00:10:40,492 --> 00:10:44,371 Uh, I can't remember. Actually… 295 00:10:44,454 --> 00:10:46,206 Oh, yeah. He bangs that old lady, 296 00:10:46,289 --> 00:10:48,542 and then they play that song from the 80's… 297 00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:50,335 Day Bow Bow. 298 00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:52,462 What the hell is Day Bow Bow? 299 00:10:52,546 --> 00:10:55,966 Day bow bow chick, chicka-chicka 300 00:10:57,217 --> 00:10:59,177 Day bow bow 301 00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,096 Oh, yeah 302 00:11:01,179 --> 00:11:02,556 Day bow bow 303 00:11:04,975 --> 00:11:06,059 Day bow bow 304 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,227 Beautiful 305 00:11:07,311 --> 00:11:08,395 Chick, chicka-chicka 306 00:11:08,478 --> 00:11:09,563 Day bow bow 307 00:11:09,646 --> 00:11:10,731 No, Mac, seriously… 308 00:11:10,814 --> 00:11:13,650 Hello beautiful 309 00:11:13,734 --> 00:11:15,444 At least give him his mail. 310 00:11:22,242 --> 00:11:23,869 Ho! 311 00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:31,168 Meds are kickin' in. 312 00:11:31,251 --> 00:11:34,171 Meds are kickin' in. 313 00:11:34,254 --> 00:11:37,132 Whoa. 314 00:11:37,215 --> 00:11:39,926 Jesus Christ, dude. What's goin' on in here? 315 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:41,178 I'm really behind the eight ball, Mac. 316 00:11:41,261 --> 00:11:42,971 The mail doesn't stop, bud. 317 00:11:43,055 --> 00:11:44,139 - You're smoking now? - Yeah, I'm smoking now. 318 00:11:44,222 --> 00:11:45,307 Are you kidding me? My nerves are like… 319 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,560 So, I'm trying to smoke. I'm trying to calm myself down. 320 00:11:48,644 --> 00:11:49,936 Hey, we got insurance, so what the hell? 321 00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:51,396 - Have a smoke. - Yeah. Maybe you're right. 322 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,814 Because I need to calm my nerves a bit. 323 00:11:52,898 --> 00:11:54,274 It's a shark tank up there. 324 00:11:54,358 --> 00:11:55,692 Oh, yeah, is it? I bet. 325 00:11:55,776 --> 00:11:57,069 Have some coffee too. That'll calm you down. 326 00:11:57,152 --> 00:11:59,154 Yeah? 327 00:11:59,237 --> 00:12:00,405 What's your system here, bro? 328 00:12:00,489 --> 00:12:01,573 It's pretty complicated. 329 00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:03,742 The mail goes into three sections, according to how important 330 00:12:03,825 --> 00:12:04,910 I think the thing looks, okay? 331 00:12:04,993 --> 00:12:07,204 Now, the least important stuff, I'm gonna burn that. 332 00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:08,955 If it's important, they're gonna send it again, right? 333 00:12:09,039 --> 00:12:11,583 The middle important stuff, I put that back in the mail addressed to me. 334 00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:13,418 So I buy myself a couple more days. 335 00:12:13,502 --> 00:12:16,004 And the most important stuff, that gets delivered. 336 00:12:16,088 --> 00:12:17,714 Although, you know something? I actually burn that, too, 337 00:12:17,798 --> 00:12:20,634 most of the time. 338 00:12:20,717 --> 00:12:23,303 Okay, well, it looks like you've got this under control. 339 00:12:23,387 --> 00:12:25,263 - I'm gonna get back to my office. - All right, man. 340 00:12:25,347 --> 00:12:27,015 - Yeah. No, I'm just… - The mail don't stop! 341 00:12:27,099 --> 00:12:28,183 Okay, sorry, buddy. 342 00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:31,103 I'm gonna get back to my office, and then, you know, I'll see you later. 343 00:12:31,186 --> 00:12:33,188 - All right, man. - Okay, bud. 344 00:12:33,271 --> 00:12:37,109 You're not gonna stop. You're not gonna stop, are you? 345 00:12:37,192 --> 00:12:40,737 Come on, Mac. Hit me. Come on. Hit me again. 346 00:12:40,821 --> 00:12:42,322 Look. 347 00:12:46,034 --> 00:12:47,202 I found him wandering the streets. 348 00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:49,204 No I.D., no nothing. 349 00:12:49,287 --> 00:12:51,289 Figured we'd turn him over to you until someone claimed him. 350 00:12:51,373 --> 00:12:53,333 - Poor thing. - Careful. 351 00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:55,836 I think he crapped himself. 352 00:12:55,919 --> 00:12:58,672 Oh, my. This way. 353 00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:00,632 Right through here. 354 00:13:00,716 --> 00:13:03,552 Hit me. Hit me again. 355 00:13:03,635 --> 00:13:04,845 Hit me. 356 00:13:12,644 --> 00:13:14,813 Oh, yeah 357 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,025 Oh, yeah 358 00:13:18,108 --> 00:13:21,361 All right. 359 00:13:21,445 --> 00:13:23,363 - Hello. - Uh, hello? 360 00:13:23,447 --> 00:13:24,531 Hi. 361 00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:26,199 Uh, who is this? 362 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,452 This is Mac. I'm the new guy. 363 00:13:28,535 --> 00:13:31,496 What are you doing in my office? 364 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:32,664 Huh? 365 00:13:32,748 --> 00:13:35,334 Who are you, and why are you in my office? 366 00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:36,918 Who is this? 367 00:13:37,002 --> 00:13:38,920 This is Johnson. 368 00:13:39,004 --> 00:13:40,130 Oh. 369 00:13:40,213 --> 00:13:42,507 I thought you were in Orlando. 370 00:13:42,591 --> 00:13:45,927 I am in Orlando. I'm trying to check my voicemail. 371 00:13:46,011 --> 00:13:48,555 Oh. I could check it for you. 372 00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:51,058 No, don't! Just… What is your name, sir? 373 00:13:51,141 --> 00:13:53,894 Uh… 374 00:13:53,977 --> 00:13:57,189 Why don't you just give me your name? 375 00:13:57,272 --> 00:13:59,066 Your full name, sir. 376 00:14:00,692 --> 00:14:03,111 Chick, chicka-chicka 377 00:14:07,032 --> 00:14:08,909 This is gonna be great, Sis. I mean, we already got the mind, 378 00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:10,160 body and soul goin'. 379 00:14:10,243 --> 00:14:12,537 Now all we need is to get our faces nice and tight, 380 00:14:12,621 --> 00:14:14,706 - and we'll be healthy as all hell. - Mmm-hmm. I know. 381 00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:18,543 Uh, now, you're clear on these instructions, right? 382 00:14:18,627 --> 00:14:19,711 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. 383 00:14:19,795 --> 00:14:21,880 Yeah, you know what you're doing? They're in Spanish. 384 00:14:21,963 --> 00:14:24,383 Yeah, but, you know, if you know Latin, 385 00:14:24,466 --> 00:14:26,593 you know, like, three languages, so… 386 00:14:26,677 --> 00:14:28,095 - Far as I know, you don't speak Latin. - I don't speak Latin. 387 00:14:28,178 --> 00:14:29,638 But there's pictures in here, so I think we're good. 388 00:14:29,721 --> 00:14:30,806 So, you're good with the pictures then. 389 00:14:30,889 --> 00:14:32,140 Can we get goin' with this though? 390 00:14:32,224 --> 00:14:33,684 Because those supplements are givin' me the squirts 391 00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:34,851 like you would not believe. 392 00:14:34,935 --> 00:14:37,396 Oh, man. I would kill for your bowel movements right now. 393 00:14:37,479 --> 00:14:38,981 I am so blocked up. 394 00:14:39,064 --> 00:14:40,440 Gonna do your eyes first so hold really still. 395 00:14:40,524 --> 00:14:42,985 - Easy, easy, easy. - Seriously, do not move. 396 00:14:43,068 --> 00:14:45,737 Careful. Careful. 397 00:14:45,821 --> 00:14:47,447 - It's in? - It's out. 398 00:14:47,531 --> 00:14:49,116 - It's out. It's out, and it's in. - I did it. 399 00:14:49,199 --> 00:14:50,450 - Pretty good, right? - Painless. 400 00:14:50,534 --> 00:14:51,743 Right. Let's just let that settle for a minute, 401 00:14:51,827 --> 00:14:54,204 and I'll think about what I would like to do. 402 00:14:54,287 --> 00:14:56,915 Number one, I'd like to get rid of these crow's feet 403 00:14:56,999 --> 00:14:59,376 that I have been noticing coming in, which I do not appreciate. 404 00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:01,128 And hear me out on this one. It's a little weird. 405 00:15:01,211 --> 00:15:03,338 I'm thinking about doing something to my earlobes. 406 00:15:03,422 --> 00:15:04,506 I've never really liked my earlobes. 407 00:15:04,589 --> 00:15:06,383 Oh! Jesus! 408 00:15:06,466 --> 00:15:07,843 What? 409 00:15:07,926 --> 00:15:09,011 How's that eye feel? 410 00:15:09,094 --> 00:15:10,887 Well, feels a little weird. 411 00:15:10,971 --> 00:15:12,180 I'm having a little trouble seeing out of it. 412 00:15:12,264 --> 00:15:13,974 - That's normal, right? - I don't think so. 413 00:15:14,057 --> 00:15:16,977 It's not? Really? Oh, God. Now that you mention it, Sis, 414 00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:18,520 I do feel a fair amount of pain coming on. 415 00:15:18,603 --> 00:15:19,771 - Yeah. - God, it stings. 416 00:15:19,855 --> 00:15:21,523 Uh-huh? Um, uh… 417 00:15:21,606 --> 00:15:23,608 Shit, Dennis. I think maybe I switched these up. 418 00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:25,110 - You switched 'em up? - I don't know. 419 00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:26,278 What the hell? 420 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:27,571 Maybe I put some collagen in your eye. 421 00:15:27,654 --> 00:15:29,406 You injected Mexican collagen in my eye? 422 00:15:29,489 --> 00:15:31,700 I'm sorry! I can't handle this stress you're giving me right now. 423 00:15:31,783 --> 00:15:33,869 My heart is very weak. It's a lot of pressure. 424 00:15:33,952 --> 00:15:35,037 Oh, God. I think I'm going blind in one eye. 425 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,497 Okay. Well, hold on a second. I feel very weird. 426 00:15:37,581 --> 00:15:38,665 I'm going blind. 427 00:15:38,749 --> 00:15:41,418 I feel like my heart might explode. 428 00:15:47,132 --> 00:15:49,843 Are you feeling better today? 429 00:15:49,926 --> 00:15:51,845 I like to hear that. 430 00:15:53,096 --> 00:15:54,973 Now take your medication. 431 00:15:58,977 --> 00:16:00,103 Good. 432 00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:05,067 That's good. 433 00:16:07,736 --> 00:16:09,863 Hello, Chief. 434 00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:12,032 They're onto me, dude. Those guys are sharp as nails up there. 435 00:16:12,115 --> 00:16:13,992 You can't put anything past them. 436 00:16:14,076 --> 00:16:15,285 Oh, my God. I am freakin' out. 437 00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:17,537 I am so stressed out. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. 438 00:16:17,621 --> 00:16:19,456 You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress? 439 00:16:19,539 --> 00:16:22,417 Okay? I've stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac. 440 00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:23,835 How about that for stress? 441 00:16:23,919 --> 00:16:25,003 What the hell are you talking about? 442 00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:27,506 This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac. 443 00:16:27,589 --> 00:16:28,715 I've got a paper trail to prove it. 444 00:16:28,799 --> 00:16:30,676 Check this out. 445 00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:33,011 - Take a look at this. - Jesus Christ, Charlie. 446 00:16:33,095 --> 00:16:34,179 That right there is the mail. 447 00:16:34,262 --> 00:16:36,640 Let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? 448 00:16:36,723 --> 00:16:39,101 I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? 449 00:16:39,184 --> 00:16:41,186 Pepe Silvia, this name keeps coming up over and over again. 450 00:16:41,269 --> 00:16:43,146 Every day, Pepe's mails getting sent back to me. 451 00:16:43,230 --> 00:16:44,940 Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia. I look in the mail. 452 00:16:45,023 --> 00:16:46,817 This whole box is Pepe Silvia! 453 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,610 So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy. 454 00:16:48,694 --> 00:16:50,028 "I gotta go up to his office. I gotta put his mail 455 00:16:50,112 --> 00:16:51,196 in the guy's goddamn hands! 456 00:16:51,279 --> 00:16:52,364 "Otherwise he's never gonna get it. 457 00:16:52,447 --> 00:16:53,532 "It's gonna keep coming back down here." 458 00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:55,701 So I go up to Pepe's office, and what do I find out? 459 00:16:55,784 --> 00:16:57,828 What do I find out? 460 00:16:57,911 --> 00:16:59,287 There is no Pepe Silvia. 461 00:16:59,371 --> 00:17:02,332 The man does not exist. So I decide, oh, shit, buddy, 462 00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:03,542 I gotta dig a little deeper. 463 00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:05,168 There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! 464 00:17:05,252 --> 00:17:06,628 I got boxes full of Pepe! 465 00:17:06,712 --> 00:17:10,674 All right, so I start marching my way down to Carol in H.R. 466 00:17:10,757 --> 00:17:13,552 And I knock on her door, and I say, "Carol! 467 00:17:13,635 --> 00:17:15,887 "Carol, I gotta talk to you about Pepe." 468 00:17:15,971 --> 00:17:17,597 And when I open the door, what do I find? 469 00:17:17,681 --> 00:17:20,350 There's not a single goddamn desk in that office. 470 00:17:20,434 --> 00:17:24,771 There is no Carol in H.R. 471 00:17:24,855 --> 00:17:26,940 Mac, half the employees in this building 472 00:17:27,024 --> 00:17:28,108 have been made up. 473 00:17:28,191 --> 00:17:30,402 This office is a goddamn ghost town. 474 00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:34,197 Okay, Charlie, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. 475 00:17:34,281 --> 00:17:36,867 Not only do all of these people exist, 476 00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,285 but they have been asking for their mail 477 00:17:38,368 --> 00:17:39,453 on a daily basis. 478 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,871 It's all they're talking about up there. 479 00:17:40,954 --> 00:17:42,748 Jesus Christ, dude. We are gonna lose our jobs. 480 00:17:42,831 --> 00:17:44,124 Well, calm down, 'cause here's one thing 481 00:17:44,207 --> 00:17:46,168 - that's not gonna happen. - What? 482 00:17:46,251 --> 00:17:47,669 We're not gonna get fired. 483 00:17:47,753 --> 00:17:50,714 - We're not? - 'Cause we've already been fired. 484 00:17:50,797 --> 00:17:52,257 We've lost our jobs? 485 00:17:52,341 --> 00:17:54,426 Yeah. About three days ago, a couple of pink slips came in the mail. 486 00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:55,844 One for you, one for me. 487 00:17:55,927 --> 00:17:58,055 So, what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia. 488 00:17:58,138 --> 00:17:59,264 Charlie, if we've lost our jobs, 489 00:17:59,348 --> 00:18:01,058 that means we've lost our health insurance. 490 00:18:01,141 --> 00:18:02,851 Which means all of this was for nothing. 491 00:18:02,934 --> 00:18:04,519 God damn it, dude. I am having a panic attack. 492 00:18:04,603 --> 00:18:05,687 I'm actually having a panic attack. 493 00:18:05,771 --> 00:18:08,148 Will you settle down and have another cup of coffee? 494 00:18:08,231 --> 00:18:09,358 I am, bro. 495 00:18:09,441 --> 00:18:10,567 All right. Well, fine. You know what, Barney, 496 00:18:10,651 --> 00:18:13,028 give this guy a cigarette. He's freakin' out. 497 00:18:13,111 --> 00:18:14,196 Huh? Who? 498 00:18:14,279 --> 00:18:15,364 Barney. 499 00:18:15,447 --> 00:18:16,948 He's the guy who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia. 500 00:18:17,032 --> 00:18:19,201 Barney? Who the hell is Barney? 501 00:18:19,284 --> 00:18:21,870 You don't see… Oh, shit. Where the hell did he… 502 00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:23,038 Oh, oh-oh 503 00:18:23,121 --> 00:18:24,206 You've lost your mind. 504 00:18:24,289 --> 00:18:26,208 You've lost your goddamn mind, Charlie. 505 00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:27,959 Chick, chicka-chicka 506 00:18:32,297 --> 00:18:34,800 Jesus Christ! Will you forget the mail? All right? 507 00:18:34,883 --> 00:18:36,051 Forget the mail? 508 00:18:36,134 --> 00:18:37,552 The mail's the most important thing in the world. 509 00:18:37,636 --> 00:18:38,720 You're gonna give me another panic attack. 510 00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:39,888 - Do you have a cigarette? - I hear Barney. 511 00:18:39,972 --> 00:18:41,056 - Where's Barney? - Oh! 512 00:18:41,139 --> 00:18:42,975 How long is the wait at this place? 513 00:18:43,058 --> 00:18:45,477 We have been here for hours and hours. 514 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,853 Goddamn Frank. 515 00:18:46,937 --> 00:18:48,438 Where the hell is he? 516 00:18:56,905 --> 00:18:58,657 Holy shit. 517 00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:00,450 Where the hell am I? 518 00:19:17,092 --> 00:19:19,386 Hey. Tonto. 519 00:19:19,469 --> 00:19:21,305 Come here. 520 00:19:21,388 --> 00:19:23,223 Come on, bub. Let's go. 521 00:19:23,307 --> 00:19:25,225 Get up. You gotta help me out here. 522 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,647 Pick this up and throw it 523 00:19:30,731 --> 00:19:32,482 through this window. 524 00:19:34,151 --> 00:19:35,902 Pick. Throw. 525 00:19:47,456 --> 00:19:50,000 Whoa. That's it. 526 00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,961 Yeah! Yeah! That's it. 527 00:19:53,045 --> 00:19:57,299 One, two and three! 528 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,178 Beautiful! 529 00:20:01,261 --> 00:20:03,889 Come on. Let's get the hell outta here. 530 00:20:03,972 --> 00:20:05,932 Come on. You go… 531 00:20:07,517 --> 00:20:10,395 Why aren't you goin'?