1 00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:02,412 - What? The… - Oh. Yeah. 2 00:00:02,495 --> 00:00:04,163 No. There's no… There's no mark, guys. 3 00:00:04,247 --> 00:00:06,666 I wrote a musical. It's pretty damn good, okay? 4 00:00:06,749 --> 00:00:08,418 - I want to put it on. - Right, what's your angle? 5 00:00:08,501 --> 00:00:09,502 - Yeah. Yeah… - I don't have an angle. 6 00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:10,587 …whose face are we shoving this musical in? 7 00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:11,838 You don't shove a musical in someone's face. 8 00:00:11,921 --> 00:00:12,922 What are you talking about? 9 00:00:13,006 --> 00:00:15,174 Right. But who versus? Who are we doing it versus? 10 00:00:15,258 --> 00:00:17,135 Oh, my God. Are you guys gonna make this about this? 11 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,344 I mean, look… 12 00:00:18,428 --> 00:00:20,263 I just wrote a musical to write a musical, okay? 13 00:00:20,346 --> 00:00:22,432 I don't have an ulterior motive here. 14 00:00:22,515 --> 00:00:25,310 I'm not trying to screw anyone or gain anything out of it. 15 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,145 But you know what? If you guys don't want to be in it, 16 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,313 I can find other people to play your parts. 17 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:29,397 Whoa! 18 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,565 Whoa, whoa. Hang on there, pal. 19 00:00:30,648 --> 00:00:32,609 Hang on. Hang on. We're just trying to wrap our heads around this. 20 00:00:32,692 --> 00:00:35,445 Yeah. I mean, there's no reason to give away our parts, all right? 21 00:00:35,528 --> 00:00:38,072 - All right. - No. We'll do it. What's it called? 22 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,200 The Nightman Cometh. 23 00:01:13,942 --> 00:01:16,778 Okay. Gather around! Please, everybody! 24 00:01:16,861 --> 00:01:18,071 Uh, let's gather down front. 25 00:01:18,154 --> 00:01:21,699 I feel the magic Do you feel the magic? 26 00:01:21,783 --> 00:01:23,242 Here we go! 27 00:01:23,326 --> 00:01:25,036 Now, you guys, you all know Artemis. 28 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,704 - Yes. - Uh, Artemis was kind enough 29 00:01:26,788 --> 00:01:29,374 to book for us this fine local theater. 30 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,542 Okay. So, round of applause for Artemis. 31 00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:33,503 - Very nice. - Uh, she also transcribed 32 00:01:33,586 --> 00:01:36,506 my work into a format you might consider a little bit more legible. 33 00:01:36,589 --> 00:01:38,132 Or literate. She added words to it. 34 00:01:38,216 --> 00:01:39,217 All right. 35 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,844 No more interruptions now, Dee. Thank you. Please. 36 00:01:41,928 --> 00:01:43,179 Okay, well, Charlie, I got a question for you. 37 00:01:43,263 --> 00:01:44,430 Who's playing this lead boy? 38 00:01:44,514 --> 00:01:46,099 - That's gonna be Mac. - What? 39 00:01:46,182 --> 00:01:47,809 Oh, yeah! Lead, of course. 40 00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:49,102 What about… Who's playing the Dayman? 41 00:01:49,185 --> 00:01:50,645 Well, the lead boy becomes the Dayman 42 00:01:50,728 --> 00:01:52,397 when he defeats the Nightman, so it's also Mac. 43 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,524 Two parts? Oh, yeah! 44 00:01:54,607 --> 00:01:55,608 Wait. That's bullshit. Bro we should… 45 00:01:55,692 --> 00:01:56,985 The Nightman's a better role. 46 00:01:57,068 --> 00:01:58,069 He gets to play two roles? I mean, come on. 47 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,362 Well, it's the same person. It's not… 48 00:01:59,445 --> 00:02:01,155 Charlie, who's playing the troll guy? 49 00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:02,240 You're gonna play the troll guy. 50 00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,324 I'm the troll guy? 51 00:02:03,408 --> 00:02:04,409 Who else would be the troll? 52 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:05,868 Oh! I like that. 53 00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:07,704 - All right, good. - Can I do it naked? 54 00:02:07,787 --> 00:02:09,497 Absolutely not. Why would you want to be naked? 55 00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:12,875 Because in the '70s, everybody did theater naked. 56 00:02:12,959 --> 00:02:14,294 Everybody got laid all the time. 57 00:02:14,377 --> 00:02:15,712 All right. Well, this is not the '70s. 58 00:02:15,795 --> 00:02:17,338 You're gonna do theater with your clothes on, please. 59 00:02:17,422 --> 00:02:18,840 Charlie, what the hell is this play about? 60 00:02:18,923 --> 00:02:20,842 I'm a princess who lives in a coffee shop? 61 00:02:20,925 --> 00:02:23,303 You work in a coffee shop! You don't live in a coffee shop. 62 00:02:23,386 --> 00:02:24,387 Read closer. 63 00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:26,139 Well, why am I in love with a little boy? 64 00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:29,225 You're in love with a young man. 65 00:02:29,309 --> 00:02:30,393 You wrote boy. 66 00:02:30,476 --> 00:02:31,978 All right. Well, man, boy, it's a metaphor. 67 00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:33,730 Well, the audience is gonna think I'm a child molester. 68 00:02:33,813 --> 00:02:35,773 I've changed my mind. I'm playing the Nightman. 69 00:02:35,857 --> 00:02:36,858 - What? - Whoa. 70 00:02:36,941 --> 00:02:37,942 - Yeah. - Why would you want to play 71 00:02:38,026 --> 00:02:39,652 - the Nightman? - Well, the Nightman's badass, dude. 72 00:02:39,736 --> 00:02:41,863 He has the eyes of a cat and does karate across the stage. 73 00:02:41,946 --> 00:02:43,990 Where are you getting that from? Karate? 74 00:02:44,073 --> 00:02:45,074 No, I made that up. 75 00:02:45,158 --> 00:02:46,159 - It's gonna be great. - This is great. That frees up 76 00:02:46,242 --> 00:02:47,368 the lead boy role and the Dayman role. 77 00:02:47,452 --> 00:02:48,494 - I can play both those. - No. 78 00:02:48,578 --> 00:02:49,871 I don't want you guys switching roles. It's not how it works. 79 00:02:49,954 --> 00:02:51,748 Hey, Frank, you got a guy that does cat eyes? 80 00:02:51,831 --> 00:02:52,832 I'm already on it. 81 00:02:52,915 --> 00:02:54,542 Oh, my God. For the love of God. 82 00:02:54,626 --> 00:02:57,211 Uh, you know what? Let's just get started. 83 00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:00,131 You guys ready? 84 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,799 - Yeah. I'm ready. - Yeah. 85 00:03:01,883 --> 00:03:02,884 Tiny boy, little boy 86 00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:03,968 Ooh. 87 00:03:04,052 --> 00:03:05,053 Baby boy, I need you 88 00:03:05,136 --> 00:03:06,137 Ah. Ooh. 89 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,221 Tiny boy, little boy 90 00:03:07,305 --> 00:03:09,140 Want to make love to you, boy 91 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,224 If you only knew… 92 00:03:10,308 --> 00:03:12,477 Okay. Hold on a second. Uh, Charlie. 93 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,437 - Yes. - Are you goddamn kidding me? 94 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:15,521 What? 95 00:03:15,605 --> 00:03:17,440 "Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy"? 96 00:03:17,523 --> 00:03:19,192 Yes? 97 00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:21,611 You're wanting me to say I want to make love to a little baby, tiny boy. 98 00:03:21,694 --> 00:03:25,198 But I've explained this to you, Dee. I'm talking about the spirit of this man. 99 00:03:25,281 --> 00:03:26,866 It's like a little boy. It's a metaphor, okay? 100 00:03:26,950 --> 00:03:28,159 You keep using that word, but I'm not convinced 101 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,243 you know what it means. 102 00:03:29,327 --> 00:03:31,204 And also, I'm not making out with Dennis later. 103 00:03:31,287 --> 00:03:32,455 Because it says that we're supposed to do that 104 00:03:32,538 --> 00:03:33,790 at the end of the song, and that's not gonna happen. 105 00:03:33,873 --> 00:03:35,333 Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that either, bro. 106 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,418 Well, this is why I didn't think you should be playing the boy, okay? 107 00:03:37,502 --> 00:03:38,878 I don't want you guys kissing either. 108 00:03:38,962 --> 00:03:41,547 What if it's just a sexually-charged embrace? 109 00:03:41,631 --> 00:03:42,674 Okay, Artemis, 110 00:03:42,757 --> 00:03:44,217 please don't talk to the talent. 111 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,803 You know what? Um… all right. Screw this shit. 112 00:03:46,886 --> 00:03:48,137 If no one likes the song, I'm gonna cut the song. 113 00:03:48,221 --> 00:03:49,264 - Thank you. - Whoa. No, no, no. 114 00:03:49,347 --> 00:03:51,432 Don't cut the song, man. I like the song. 115 00:03:51,516 --> 00:03:52,976 - Dee, apologize to Charlie. - I'm not gonna do that. 116 00:03:53,059 --> 00:03:55,103 He wants me to bang this baby, and I don't feel comfortable. 117 00:03:55,186 --> 00:03:57,397 I think it's a bad idea to cut the song, Charlie. 118 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,482 Thank you, Artemis. Thank you very much. 119 00:03:59,565 --> 00:04:03,027 All right. Could you give me a second with the talent here? 120 00:04:03,111 --> 00:04:05,822 Thank you. Uh, Dennis, could you take a five? 121 00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:07,907 Uh, well, I just don't want to cut the song, man. 122 00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:09,325 I would like for you to take a five. 123 00:04:09,409 --> 00:04:10,410 Five… Five minutes? 124 00:04:10,493 --> 00:04:11,995 Can we have five now, please? 125 00:04:12,078 --> 00:04:13,079 - Dee and I… Can I get… - You guys want five? 126 00:04:13,162 --> 00:04:15,832 Can you have a five over there? 127 00:04:15,915 --> 00:04:16,916 - Will you take a five, Dennis? - Yeah, I'll take the five. 128 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,252 - I'll take a five. - Take a five, please! 129 00:04:19,335 --> 00:04:22,672 Okay, Dee. The… The song is history. 130 00:04:22,755 --> 00:04:24,090 - Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that… - Yeah. 131 00:04:24,173 --> 00:04:25,758 - … 'cause I was uncomfortable. - Yeah, I bet. 132 00:04:25,842 --> 00:04:27,677 What… What are we gonna sing instead? What should I sing? 133 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,554 Uh, what's on the back there? 134 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,638 It's the same, same song. 135 00:04:30,722 --> 00:04:32,557 - Uh, and what's on the very back page? - Nothing. 136 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,559 Ah. Then that's what you'll be singing. 137 00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:37,645 Charlie, this is my big song. 138 00:04:37,729 --> 00:04:38,813 Yeah. 139 00:04:38,896 --> 00:04:40,023 - Yeah. - Everybody else has a big song. 140 00:04:40,106 --> 00:04:42,025 - I deserve to have one. - Yeah. Do you? 141 00:04:42,108 --> 00:04:43,359 Don't screw me like this, Charlie. Come on. 142 00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:46,738 Don't screw you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. 143 00:04:46,821 --> 00:04:48,531 Um, let me try and remember something. 144 00:04:48,615 --> 00:04:50,450 Uh, let's see. Was it… Did Dee write a musical 145 00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:52,160 and come to Charlie with it? 146 00:04:52,243 --> 00:04:56,748 No! Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it. And the gang. 147 00:04:56,831 --> 00:04:59,459 And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves, 148 00:04:59,542 --> 00:05:00,793 and take it away from Charlie, 149 00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:02,545 and ruin his hopes and dreams. 150 00:05:02,629 --> 00:05:05,506 So let me tell you something, Dee. Let me break down a scenario for you. 151 00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:08,843 I could cut the song, okay? Because I wrote it. 152 00:05:08,927 --> 00:05:10,803 I could have Artemis do the song, okay? 153 00:05:10,887 --> 00:05:12,305 Because you did not write it. 154 00:05:12,388 --> 00:05:15,558 Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. 155 00:05:15,642 --> 00:05:20,188 So you tell me, little Miss All That, what do you want to do? 156 00:05:20,271 --> 00:05:22,690 Song or no song? 157 00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:28,863 Well, song. 158 00:05:28,947 --> 00:05:31,282 Song? 159 00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:32,367 Yeah. Song. 160 00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:33,451 So, you want to sing a song. 161 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,744 I never… I never wasn't gonna sing the song. 162 00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:37,622 You are excited about singing a song, and you want to sing a song. 163 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,790 Yeah. I would like to do it. 164 00:05:38,873 --> 00:05:40,583 Good! 165 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:43,461 - Yeah, I'll… - So, back up on your podium you go. 166 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,880 Thank you. Dennis, what are you doing? 167 00:05:46,881 --> 00:05:48,633 I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable. 168 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,678 Well, you guys are making… Can you just get on the stage, please? 169 00:05:51,761 --> 00:05:53,012 And can we finish this rehearsal? 170 00:05:53,096 --> 00:05:54,514 It was really loud and… 171 00:05:54,597 --> 00:05:55,598 - Don't start! - Technically, 172 00:05:55,682 --> 00:05:56,766 - that wasn't five minutes. - Okay. You know what? 173 00:05:56,849 --> 00:05:58,851 - You guys have me up to here. - Okay. 174 00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:02,021 Okay, I'm here. I don't want to be here, okay? 175 00:06:02,105 --> 00:06:04,565 Now I have to play the piano, and I'm all up here. 176 00:06:04,649 --> 00:06:07,610 So let's… You know what? Let's try and get this down. 177 00:06:07,694 --> 00:06:09,696 Let's try and work this down a bit. Okay? 178 00:06:09,779 --> 00:06:11,614 And you know what's gonna do that? Learning the song. 179 00:06:11,698 --> 00:06:13,324 - The way it's written. - Let's do it. 180 00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:16,494 Back to the top. Five, six, seven, eight… 181 00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:22,667 Gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole 182 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,837 You gotta pay the troll toll to get in 183 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,880 You want this baby boy's hole 184 00:06:27,964 --> 00:06:29,757 You gotta pay the troll toll… 185 00:06:29,841 --> 00:06:32,135 Stop, stop, stop. All right. Um, not bad. 186 00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:33,803 Good rhythm. Love the enthusiasm. 187 00:06:33,886 --> 00:06:36,347 I feel like you're saying "boy's hole." 188 00:06:36,431 --> 00:06:38,266 And it's clearly "soul." 189 00:06:38,349 --> 00:06:39,809 And I know… Artemis, you did write "soul," right? 190 00:06:39,892 --> 00:06:42,228 - I did write "soul" definitely. - So it's "boy's soul." 191 00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:45,857 You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole 192 00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:46,941 You gotta pay… 193 00:06:47,025 --> 00:06:48,109 No, see? Right there. It sounds like "hole." 194 00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:50,320 Like, if you drag that… Are you chewing gum? 195 00:06:50,403 --> 00:06:51,821 Yeah. 196 00:06:51,904 --> 00:06:53,197 Give me the gum, okay? 197 00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:54,532 The gum, Frank. Please. 198 00:06:54,616 --> 00:06:56,576 - He said no gum. - I said no gum, everyone. 199 00:06:56,659 --> 00:06:57,660 - It's unprofessional. - Okay. Thank you. 200 00:06:57,744 --> 00:06:59,120 Charlie, can I bring something up? 201 00:06:59,203 --> 00:07:00,580 - Yes. - Um, I think we have 202 00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,457 to be very careful about how we do the rape scene. 203 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:03,541 Yeah. 204 00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:06,252 Well, what in God's name are you talking… There's no rape scene. 205 00:07:06,336 --> 00:07:08,671 Well, sure. Uh, I pay the troll toll, 206 00:07:08,755 --> 00:07:10,048 and then I rape Dennis. 207 00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:13,593 No. You don't rape him. You become him. You do not rape him. 208 00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:15,178 - He doesn't? - No. 209 00:07:15,261 --> 00:07:18,181 Look. Let me just walk you guys through this, okay? 210 00:07:18,264 --> 00:07:19,349 - Here's what happens. - Yeah. 211 00:07:19,432 --> 00:07:20,433 - Once you've paid the toll… - Yeah. 212 00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:22,685 …I want you to come over to Dennis, over by his bed here. 213 00:07:22,769 --> 00:07:23,770 I'll be… I'll be lying back. 214 00:07:23,853 --> 00:07:25,355 - You want me to cross the stage? - Yes. 215 00:07:25,438 --> 00:07:27,774 All right. This is a great opportunity to showcase some skills 216 00:07:27,857 --> 00:07:29,400 and like, just put on a clinic as I'm doing it. 217 00:07:29,484 --> 00:07:30,485 I would… I would rather you didn't. 218 00:07:30,568 --> 00:07:32,153 Well, I think the people are gonna want to see that. 219 00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:34,405 - Okay, well, let's not… - And then I'll hop up sort of like a cat. 220 00:07:34,489 --> 00:07:35,823 - Like so. Meow. - Oh, Jesus Christ. 221 00:07:35,907 --> 00:07:36,908 - Just leave it at that. - Okay 222 00:07:36,991 --> 00:07:39,953 Okay. Once he gets near you, you have to sense him, okay? 223 00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:41,245 Suddenly you sense him. 224 00:07:41,329 --> 00:07:43,790 What if I were to position him in a way where I get behind him 225 00:07:43,873 --> 00:07:46,542 and then Frank could throw that blanket that he's got right there over us. 226 00:07:46,626 --> 00:07:47,627 - Oh, yeah. - And then that way, 227 00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:48,711 you can't see the penetration. 228 00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:49,921 That's a good idea. You know what, Charlie? 229 00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:51,631 Because the blanket will make the raping… 230 00:07:51,714 --> 00:07:53,007 I'm sorry, the, uh, 231 00:07:53,091 --> 00:07:55,385 sexing from behind, feel more classy. 232 00:07:55,468 --> 00:07:57,637 That's good. Then what I can do is thrust this way. 233 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:58,805 And you can struggle. 234 00:08:00,723 --> 00:08:01,849 Now I'm here. Okay? 235 00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:03,893 I am… I'm past where I thought I could go. 236 00:08:03,977 --> 00:08:06,104 I'm like, all the way up here with it. 237 00:08:11,192 --> 00:08:13,319 - Oh, my God. Hey, you. - Oh, my God! You scared me! 238 00:08:13,403 --> 00:08:16,072 I'm sorry. I dropped, like, a hundred-dollar bill under there, 239 00:08:16,155 --> 00:08:18,616 can't find it anywhere, and then… What are you doing walking here? 240 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:19,742 Is this one of your walking places? 241 00:08:19,826 --> 00:08:20,952 Charlie, I have Mace. 242 00:08:21,035 --> 00:08:22,870 Oh, my God. Check this out. 243 00:08:22,954 --> 00:08:24,831 Uh, I have a free ticket 244 00:08:24,914 --> 00:08:26,541 for you to see a musical that I wrote. 245 00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:29,669 Oh, wow! A free ticket to a play that I don't want to see. 246 00:08:29,752 --> 00:08:30,753 - You don't want to see it? - I don't want to. 247 00:08:30,837 --> 00:08:31,838 But, it's a front row seat. 248 00:08:31,921 --> 00:08:33,089 I don't care. I don't want to see your play. 249 00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:34,340 I'm gonna cut you a bargain, okay? 250 00:08:34,424 --> 00:08:36,217 I'm gonna cut you a little deal. You come and see this play… 251 00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:37,594 - Mmm-hmm. - I didn't want to have to do this, 252 00:08:37,677 --> 00:08:38,678 - but, if you come and see this play… - Yeah? 253 00:08:38,761 --> 00:08:41,306 I'm gonna leave you alone for the rest of your life. 254 00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,390 - Really? - Yeah. 255 00:08:42,473 --> 00:08:44,225 So, okay… So you're not gonna follow me home anymore? 256 00:08:44,309 --> 00:08:46,102 - No. - And you're not gonna call me 257 00:08:46,185 --> 00:08:47,186 - at 3:00 in the morning… - No. 258 00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:48,896 …and tell me that you are 259 00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:50,565 - in the emergency room in the hospital… - Yeah. 260 00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:51,858 …because you had a terrible car accident. 261 00:08:51,941 --> 00:08:53,484 Yeah, well, it's great that you came. 262 00:08:53,568 --> 00:08:55,445 Well, you listed me as your emergency contact. 263 00:08:55,528 --> 00:08:57,113 Well, yeah. Because I consider you that. 264 00:08:57,196 --> 00:08:58,906 - I have to go! - Look. Ah… 265 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,243 All right. I swear to God, I'm gonna leave you alone. 266 00:09:02,327 --> 00:09:03,995 I'm gonna stop listing you as my emergency contact. 267 00:09:04,078 --> 00:09:07,040 I'm gonna stop calling you. All that stuff, if you see the musical. 268 00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:09,000 That's how much this means to me. 269 00:09:12,837 --> 00:09:14,088 - Nice. - Leave me alone. 270 00:09:14,172 --> 00:09:15,173 You're not gonna regret it. 271 00:09:15,256 --> 00:09:17,884 I regret it already. 272 00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:20,845 All right. 273 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,605 - Oh, man. - Charlie, what is going on, dude? 274 00:09:30,688 --> 00:09:31,689 - When are we gonna start? - Okay. We're gonna start 275 00:09:31,773 --> 00:09:33,149 when I'm ready to start. All right? Stop hounding me. 276 00:09:33,232 --> 00:09:34,400 We were supposed to start 20 minutes ago. 277 00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:35,985 We're not gonna start… 278 00:09:36,069 --> 00:09:37,111 She's here! She's here! She's here! 279 00:09:37,195 --> 00:09:38,321 - She's here. - Who's here? 280 00:09:38,404 --> 00:09:39,948 Circle in, everybody. Can we get down in the middle? 281 00:09:40,031 --> 00:09:41,199 Can we get down front? Okay. 282 00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:43,368 Couple last-minute things. I just want to brief everyone on this. 283 00:09:43,451 --> 00:09:45,662 Uh, Artemis, can you bring in Gladys? This is Gladys. 284 00:09:45,745 --> 00:09:47,622 She's gonna be playing the piano instead of me tonight. 285 00:09:47,705 --> 00:09:49,040 - What? Why? - It's cool. She knows all the songs. 286 00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:50,959 All right, Gladys, can you head out there and get us started? 287 00:09:51,042 --> 00:09:52,126 Oh, I forgot to tell you, 288 00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:54,545 Calvin Coolidge was a good friend of mine. 289 00:09:54,629 --> 00:09:55,630 You've been telling me that Calvin Coolidge 290 00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,215 was a friend of yours, like, all morning. 291 00:09:57,298 --> 00:09:58,633 - And at a certain point… - How many times? 292 00:09:58,716 --> 00:10:00,260 - Like, 100 times, now. - Oh. 293 00:10:00,343 --> 00:10:01,511 Well, at a certain point, I need you to stop telling 294 00:10:01,594 --> 00:10:02,595 the Calvin Coolidge story and start playing the piano… 295 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:03,930 - Shh. - Don't shush me. 296 00:10:04,013 --> 00:10:05,515 - Okay, now. Please don't shush me. - Oh, my God. 297 00:10:05,598 --> 00:10:07,267 - Thanks. - Oh, my God, dude. 298 00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:08,643 Just get her out there and get the play started. 299 00:10:08,726 --> 00:10:09,727 What the hell are you doing? 300 00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,229 Come on. You can't be throwing us curveballs like this. 301 00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:12,355 - I'm hanging on by a thread. - Don't argue with me 302 00:10:12,438 --> 00:10:14,357 right now, okay? We just gotta do this. Let's stick together. 303 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,734 Real quickly. Real quickly, okay? Just a couple of things. 304 00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:18,194 I can't really move my arms in this thing. 305 00:10:18,278 --> 00:10:19,737 - It is a rental. - So, I think I need to rip the pit. 306 00:10:19,821 --> 00:10:21,698 Do not rip that costume, okay? It's very expensive. 307 00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:23,074 All right. Fine. But one other thing. 308 00:10:23,157 --> 00:10:24,617 I wrote a song. I'm gonna throw it in. 309 00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:25,952 I swear to God, you cannot add a song. 310 00:10:26,035 --> 00:10:27,036 It's gonna happen. 311 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,997 - I will smack your face… - It's gonna happen. 312 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,456 - …off of your face. - Okay. 313 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:31,541 Do not add a song! 314 00:10:31,624 --> 00:10:32,709 - It's starting. It's starting. - It's starting. All right. 315 00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:33,793 Okay, go, go! You gotta get out there. 316 00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,336 I'm not ready, dude. I don't think I can do this. 317 00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:36,588 - Just get out there. - I don't think I can do this. 318 00:10:36,671 --> 00:10:37,672 Just get out there. You're gonna be fine. 319 00:10:37,755 --> 00:10:38,756 You're gonna be fine. Go change… 320 00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:43,386 Don't change your lines! Don't change your lines! 321 00:10:43,469 --> 00:10:46,472 Do not rip that costume! 322 00:10:48,141 --> 00:10:50,727 What is this strange feeling? 323 00:10:50,810 --> 00:10:53,646 I feel so strange inside. 324 00:10:53,730 --> 00:10:56,608 It's so strange, but appealing. 325 00:10:56,691 --> 00:10:59,068 I feel good. Ooh. 326 00:10:59,152 --> 00:11:02,155 Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy, I need you 327 00:11:02,238 --> 00:11:03,239 Ah. Ooh. Ah. Ooh. Oh. 328 00:11:03,323 --> 00:11:05,325 Tiny boy, little boy I want to touch you, boy 329 00:11:05,408 --> 00:11:06,659 If you only knew 330 00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:07,744 What I'd do to you 331 00:11:07,827 --> 00:11:08,828 I need you, boy 332 00:11:08,911 --> 00:11:11,706 If I was that boy that's inside of you 333 00:11:11,789 --> 00:11:13,249 Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy 334 00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,334 Ah. Ooh. 335 00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:15,418 I need you Tiny boy, little boy 336 00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:16,502 Ah. Ooh. Oh. 337 00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:17,879 Want to make love to you, boy 338 00:11:17,962 --> 00:11:19,213 If you only knew 339 00:11:19,297 --> 00:11:21,049 - What I'd do to you - Boy, oh, boy 340 00:11:21,132 --> 00:11:23,051 If I was that boy that's inside of you 341 00:11:23,134 --> 00:11:24,135 Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy 342 00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:27,138 Inside Inside, inside of you 343 00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:32,477 My boy 344 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,437 Oh, boy. 345 00:11:43,696 --> 00:11:46,866 Just to be clear I did not write that song 346 00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:50,203 And have never had sex with a child 347 00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:51,287 Just to be clear 348 00:11:51,371 --> 00:11:52,372 Just to be clear 349 00:11:52,455 --> 00:11:54,540 What… What is happening? 350 00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:58,503 Most men find me to be an eight or nine out of 10 351 00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:02,882 And I am available to any interested men 352 00:12:02,966 --> 00:12:06,636 Who'd like to get my number after the show 353 00:12:06,719 --> 00:12:08,012 Keep singing, bitch. 354 00:12:08,096 --> 00:12:10,556 You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm done with you. 355 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,141 What the hell is she doing? 356 00:12:12,225 --> 00:12:13,601 She's bombing like crazy. 357 00:12:13,685 --> 00:12:15,853 What an idiot. I was awesome though, right? 358 00:12:15,937 --> 00:12:18,314 You? No, dude. You totally froze up out there. You sucked. 359 00:12:18,398 --> 00:12:20,817 Um, I was hearing a lot of laughs out there, bro. 360 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,026 Laughs are cheap. 361 00:12:22,110 --> 00:12:23,486 I'm going for gasps. 362 00:12:23,569 --> 00:12:26,823 Wait till you see it, dude. Gasps are where it's at. 363 00:12:26,906 --> 00:12:28,700 I gotta go pop my cat eyes in. 364 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,672 We're getting a lot of laughs. That's good. 365 00:12:42,755 --> 00:12:44,340 That's not good. This is not a comedy, okay? 366 00:12:44,424 --> 00:12:45,633 No one's supposed to be laughing. 367 00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:49,679 You came at the right time. 368 00:12:49,762 --> 00:12:51,014 Is he sleeping? 369 00:12:51,097 --> 00:12:53,683 Yes. He's sleeping right over there. 370 00:12:53,766 --> 00:12:56,978 Just the way you like 'em. 371 00:12:57,061 --> 00:12:59,522 Did you bring the toll? 372 00:12:59,606 --> 00:13:03,359 Confound your lousy toll, troll. 373 00:13:05,903 --> 00:13:08,156 God damn it. Stop laughing at me. 374 00:13:09,157 --> 00:13:10,783 You gotta pay the troll toll 375 00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:12,785 If you want to get into that boy's hole 376 00:13:12,869 --> 00:13:16,039 You gotta pay the troll toll to get in 377 00:13:16,122 --> 00:13:19,918 You want the baby boy's hole You gotta pay the troll toll 378 00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:22,545 You gotta pay the troll toll to get in 379 00:13:23,588 --> 00:13:25,256 Troll toll 380 00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:27,258 What'd you say 381 00:13:27,342 --> 00:13:29,052 Troll toll 382 00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:30,887 Hey, hey, hey 383 00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:33,973 Troll toll 384 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,102 Here's your toll, troll. 385 00:13:39,771 --> 00:13:42,273 Your boy awaits. 386 00:13:42,357 --> 00:13:46,361 At last. The boy's soul is mine. 387 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,252 Give me that leg, boy. 388 00:14:02,335 --> 00:14:03,878 No. 389 00:14:03,962 --> 00:14:05,213 Dude, do you have a boner right now? 390 00:14:05,296 --> 00:14:06,881 Shut up, dude. Don't ruin this for me. 391 00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:09,092 What? What the hell are… Jesus! Okay, stop. 392 00:14:09,175 --> 00:14:10,176 Stop 393 00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,302 - That's enough, dude. - Does it hurt? 394 00:14:11,386 --> 00:14:13,304 Ow. Oh. God. 395 00:14:20,645 --> 00:14:25,858 I am going to smack everyone into tiny little pieces. 396 00:14:28,611 --> 00:14:30,697 Hello, boy! 397 00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:35,201 Come over here and scratch my itchy-witchy toesy-woesies. 398 00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:36,411 No. 399 00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:37,495 What? 400 00:14:37,578 --> 00:14:39,414 - Get over here. - No, Antonio. 401 00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:40,707 I control you. 402 00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:42,333 You control nothing. 403 00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:44,460 I am not your slave anymore, 404 00:14:44,544 --> 00:14:46,254 and I am not a boy. 405 00:14:46,337 --> 00:14:49,215 I am a man. See? 406 00:14:49,299 --> 00:14:51,342 I was transformed 407 00:14:51,426 --> 00:14:53,595 by the strong, 408 00:14:53,678 --> 00:14:56,222 musky power of true love. 409 00:14:57,390 --> 00:14:58,600 I am now 410 00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:02,145 the Dayman. 411 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,899 What the hell is that? 412 00:15:06,983 --> 00:15:08,443 You know what it is, bitch. 413 00:15:08,526 --> 00:15:09,944 Bang! 414 00:15:10,028 --> 00:15:13,031 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! 415 00:15:23,082 --> 00:15:24,876 Where's the boy? 416 00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:26,461 The boy is gone. 417 00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:29,464 You can't tell me what to do. 418 00:15:29,547 --> 00:15:32,800 I didn't tell you what to… You're skipping a line, dude. 419 00:15:32,884 --> 00:15:35,386 Yeah, uh… You can't tell me what to… 420 00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:36,471 You're still skipping the same line. 421 00:15:36,554 --> 00:15:37,847 Just move past it, 'cause I can't remember what it is, and… 422 00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:39,557 God, it's crazy how much better I am at acting than you. 423 00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:40,892 I'm going to kick your ass, bro. 424 00:15:40,975 --> 00:15:42,060 I'll tell you what! 425 00:15:42,143 --> 00:15:47,899 I am the ruler of darkness! I am the master of light. 426 00:15:47,982 --> 00:15:51,277 I am the Dayman. 427 00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:53,655 - Whatever, bro. - Here's your whatever, bitch. 428 00:15:53,738 --> 00:15:54,906 What? No, don't improv. 429 00:15:54,989 --> 00:15:56,366 Don't tell me what to do. 430 00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,288 Whoo! 431 00:16:04,624 --> 00:16:06,542 Body bag! 432 00:16:09,629 --> 00:16:10,630 - No. - Yes. 433 00:16:10,713 --> 00:16:12,715 No. No! 434 00:16:37,657 --> 00:16:39,784 You have defeated the evil that was here. 435 00:16:42,245 --> 00:16:45,123 Naturally, for I am the Dayman. 436 00:16:45,206 --> 00:16:48,001 You once were a boy, and now you are a man, 437 00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:49,627 and I am in love with you. 438 00:16:49,711 --> 00:16:53,506 That's right. And now I am in love with you. 439 00:16:54,882 --> 00:16:55,883 Dayman 440 00:16:57,302 --> 00:16:59,429 Fighter of the Nightman 441 00:17:01,139 --> 00:17:03,099 Champion of the sun 442 00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:08,938 You're a master of karate And friendship for everyone 443 00:17:09,022 --> 00:17:10,189 Dayman 444 00:17:10,273 --> 00:17:11,941 Dayman, Dayman, Dayman 445 00:17:12,025 --> 00:17:13,985 Fighter of the Nightman 446 00:17:15,528 --> 00:17:16,571 Champion of the sun 447 00:17:16,654 --> 00:17:18,489 The sun, the sun, the sun 448 00:17:18,573 --> 00:17:23,077 You're a master of karate And friendship for everyone 449 00:17:23,161 --> 00:17:24,579 Dayman 450 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,957 Fighter of the Nightman 451 00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:31,461 Champion of the sun 452 00:17:32,754 --> 00:17:37,342 You're a master of karate And friendship for everyone 453 00:17:37,425 --> 00:17:41,471 Dayman 454 00:17:41,554 --> 00:17:42,555 Stage freeze! 455 00:17:42,639 --> 00:17:44,474 Don't say "stage freeze." Just do it. 456 00:17:57,570 --> 00:18:02,825 I was that little boy That little baby boy was me 457 00:18:02,909 --> 00:18:08,039 I once was a boy but now I am a man 458 00:18:08,122 --> 00:18:11,042 I fought the Nightman Lived as Dayman 459 00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:13,711 Now I'm here To ask for your hand 460 00:18:13,795 --> 00:18:16,381 So if you want to marry, man 461 00:18:16,464 --> 00:18:19,342 Will you marry me? 462 00:18:19,425 --> 00:18:22,095 Will you come on stage and join me 463 00:18:22,178 --> 00:18:24,305 In this thing called matrimony 464 00:18:24,389 --> 00:18:27,267 Please say yes And do not bone me 465 00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:30,645 Please just marry 466 00:18:30,728 --> 00:18:36,734 Me 467 00:18:39,737 --> 00:18:41,489 Is that it? 468 00:18:43,074 --> 00:18:44,575 - Uh… - Is the play over? 469 00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:45,660 Yeah. 470 00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:47,870 - Yeah. - Okay. Great. Well, then I'm out of here. 471 00:18:47,954 --> 00:18:50,540 Hang on. Hang on a second. Hang on. 472 00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:53,209 Is it a yes, or… 473 00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:54,544 "Is it a yes?" 474 00:18:54,627 --> 00:18:55,920 Really, Charlie? Will I marry you? 475 00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:58,881 No. No, I will not. I will never marry you. 476 00:18:58,965 --> 00:19:02,051 And I also held up my end of the bargain, so I never have to see you again. 477 00:19:02,135 --> 00:19:04,387 Okay. So wait. Just… 478 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:07,515 I'm sorry. I want to get this clear. Uh, you are saying no? 479 00:19:07,599 --> 00:19:10,727 Oh, I am definitely, definitely saying no. 480 00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:13,521 Okay. Well, I didn't ever sign anything. 481 00:19:13,605 --> 00:19:16,149 So, um, I'll see you tomorrow? 482 00:19:21,195 --> 00:19:23,740 That's it. You can go home. 483 00:19:23,823 --> 00:19:25,366 - It's over. - Well, we're gonna do a bow. 484 00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:27,035 - Hold on. - Yeah? 485 00:19:27,118 --> 00:19:29,203 Uh, if you want. 486 00:19:29,287 --> 00:19:32,832 It was a great musical, Charlie. You did a great job. 487 00:19:32,915 --> 00:19:34,334 She ain't worth it. 488 00:19:39,797 --> 00:19:42,717 Told you nobody just writes a musical for no reason. 489 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,428 I am here. I am… I am past here. 490 00:19:46,846 --> 00:19:48,514 And by the way, 491 00:19:48,598 --> 00:19:50,350 I thought the rape scene went really well. 492 00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:52,435 I… I am here. I am here with it. 493 00:19:52,518 --> 00:19:54,145 And that was awful for me. 494 00:19:54,228 --> 00:19:56,314 And if you bring this up back at the apartment tonight, 495 00:19:56,397 --> 00:19:58,733 I am going to smack you. I swear to God.