1 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:05,331 All right. You're getting hung up on “can't.” 2 00:00:05,415 --> 00:00:09,085 And I'm not saying that you can't I'm saying that it is illegal. 3 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,837 No, it is not illegal! Dude. 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,922 Says the guy who knows nothing about the law! 5 00:00:13,006 --> 00:00:15,258 I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro. 6 00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:18,344 It's no different than having a parrot, or a parakeet. It's a bird, bro. 7 00:00:18,428 --> 00:00:21,055 You really can't, and I'm not saying I agree with it. 8 00:00:21,139 --> 00:00:23,725 It's just that bird law in this country- it's not governed by reason. 9 00:00:23,850 --> 00:00:26,102 There is no such thing as bird law. Yes, there is! 10 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,897 I'm gonna get a hummingbird, and I'll show you. You guys, I have huge news. 11 00:00:29,022 --> 00:00:31,316 Hummingbirds are illegal tender. I'm gonna get one. 12 00:00:31,441 --> 00:00:33,359 You cannot. To spite you, I'm gonna get one. 13 00:00:33,485 --> 00:00:35,361 Hello? Where are we with gulls? 14 00:00:35,487 --> 00:00:37,739 You guys! You can keep a gull as a pet. 15 00:00:37,822 --> 00:00:41,242 But you do not want to live with a seabird, 'cause the noise level alone on those things... 16 00:00:41,326 --> 00:00:44,329 Have you ever heard a gull up close? It's gonna blast your eardrums out, dude. 17 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,623 You guys, I'm serious! I have huge news here! 18 00:00:46,748 --> 00:00:49,250 The principle is that you can have any bird that- Yo! 19 00:00:49,375 --> 00:00:52,086 I got great news, guys. Frank's got news? 20 00:00:52,212 --> 00:00:54,547 Frank's got news? News, news, news, news! 21 00:00:54,631 --> 00:00:57,884 News, news, news, news, news, news, news, news! 22 00:00:57,967 --> 00:01:01,513 I just bought a house at a foreclosure auction. 23 00:01:01,596 --> 00:01:03,765 Holy shit! That's amazing. 24 00:01:03,848 --> 00:01:05,808 Oh, is it? Is it “amazing”? 25 00:01:05,892 --> 00:01:08,186 - Now hang on. You're not moving out, are you? - No, no, no, no. 26 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,855 I bought this as an investment. I bought it on the cheap. 27 00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:14,692 Ah, you might've missed the boat on that, Frank. Not the best time to invest. 28 00:01:14,776 --> 00:01:16,694 I beg to differ with you. 29 00:01:16,778 --> 00:01:20,073 Now is the time to invest because all the prices are low. 30 00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:23,910 As soon as the market turns around, I'm gonna make a boatload. 31 00:01:23,993 --> 00:01:25,954 Frank's talking about flipping the house. Flip the house! 32 00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:28,373 Making some money! That's exciting. 33 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:31,125 I'm having a baby! 34 00:01:34,337 --> 00:01:36,422 Do yourself a favor and flush it out. 35 00:01:36,506 --> 00:01:39,342 No. That's not- “Flush it out”? 36 00:01:39,425 --> 00:01:41,386 No. I'm not pregnant. I... 37 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,930 I answered an ad for a couple who wants a surrogate. 38 00:01:44,055 --> 00:01:47,725 See, people who can't have kids are willing to pay a shitload of money to people like myself, 39 00:01:47,809 --> 00:01:49,727 who can carry it for them. 40 00:01:49,811 --> 00:01:52,272 Wait. What's going on? You're carrying someone's baby somewhere? 41 00:01:52,355 --> 00:01:57,277 H-Hold it. I am not spending money on another little bastard. 42 00:02:03,992 --> 00:02:06,452 Uh, Dee, before you continue this babbling, 43 00:02:06,536 --> 00:02:08,955 does your thing involve us in any way, 44 00:02:09,038 --> 00:02:11,541 or are you just kind of- at us? 45 00:02:11,624 --> 00:02:15,295 Well, no. it's just that's huge news, so I figured you guys might want to know. 46 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,880 It doesn't matter. Let's just talk about the house! Let's talk about the house! 47 00:02:17,964 --> 00:02:20,883 Hold on one second Actually, Dee being pregnant is pretty big news. 48 00:02:21,009 --> 00:02:24,095 Now, we could take the house idea and the baby idea and merge the two things. 49 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,639 It just feels muddy though. Let's just stick with one. It's cleaner, right? 50 00:02:26,723 --> 00:02:28,683 - It could be an interesting- - House. 51 00:02:28,766 --> 00:02:30,768 But I'm just saying that if- House. 52 00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:33,438 I don't know exactly how we would take the two ideas and put them together. 53 00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:35,565 House! But I think if we came up with something... 54 00:02:35,648 --> 00:02:37,442 House! House! House! 55 00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,569 Just the house thing? House! House! House! House! 56 00:02:39,652 --> 00:02:44,324 House, house, house, house, house , house, house, house, house, house! 57 00:02:44,407 --> 00:02:45,575 Flush, flush, flush! 58 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:22,987 Deandra? Thank you so much for responding to our ad in the paper. 59 00:03:23,112 --> 00:03:26,157 You're welcome. We've had so many letdowns going through the agency. 60 00:03:26,282 --> 00:03:29,327 Yeah. We thought we'd just try to find a surrogate by ourselves. 61 00:03:29,452 --> 00:03:32,747 I just feel really honored to be able to provide a service for a lovely couple like yourselves. 62 00:03:32,872 --> 00:03:34,457 Good. Thank you. Yeah. 63 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:37,210 We just had a couple questions we'd like to ask you. Shoot. 64 00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:39,629 Honey, why don't you- Okay. So- Sorry. 65 00:03:39,712 --> 00:03:42,256 But do you have any history with drugs or alcohol? 66 00:03:42,382 --> 00:03:45,009 Never. Neither. That's great. 67 00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:47,929 Um, any-any family history of mental illness? 68 00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:51,349 Uh, well, my brother's a dick, if that counts. 69 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,518 I don't- I don't think so. 70 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,395 It's just a joke though, Sean. So, the next one? 71 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,314 And- And- Okay. So what about your medical history? 72 00:03:58,398 --> 00:04:00,733 Is there any health problems we should know about? 73 00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:02,735 Kate, I'm gonna be honest with you. 74 00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,697 I have never had a health problem in my entire life. 75 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,407 Wow. 76 00:04:07,532 --> 00:04:10,034 Clean as a whistle. That's amazing. 77 00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:13,121 - Down here, up here, wherever. - This is all great news. I mean... 78 00:04:13,246 --> 00:04:15,164 Isn't it? Yes, it really is. 79 00:04:15,248 --> 00:04:18,000 Okay, great. So let's talk turkey. And by that, I mean money. 80 00:04:18,084 --> 00:04:20,795 Oh. We just thought we'd pay the standard rate of $20,000. 81 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,880 20,000. Okay. Yeah. 82 00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:27,051 I like the sound of that. I'm gonna throw something at you guys, so brace yourselves. 83 00:04:27,135 --> 00:04:31,931 What are your thoughts on doubling down, so to speak, 84 00:04:32,014 --> 00:04:34,600 and going for twins? 85 00:04:34,726 --> 00:04:36,728 Right? 86 00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:38,563 No. No. 87 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,858 If it's a matter of price, I'm willing to cut you a deal on the second one. 88 00:04:41,941 --> 00:04:43,901 And we don't have to stop at two. 89 00:04:43,985 --> 00:04:47,405 I've typed up a price sheet I would like the two of you to peruse. 90 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:50,283 If you'll look down around number four or five, 91 00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:52,577 that's when you really start to see some savings. 92 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,413 You guys want to go for an Octomom thing? Huh? I'm game. 93 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,416 You want to have 10? You want to outdo that bitch? 94 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,835 I'll have that conversation. I'm kidding. 95 00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:02,879 I don't want 10 people inside of me. 96 00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:04,922 But- This is great. 97 00:05:05,006 --> 00:05:08,092 I-I just- I think we're really just gonna do the one, 98 00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:10,094 I think is-is what we want. 99 00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:13,306 One baby. 100 00:05:13,389 --> 00:05:16,559 Look for shit on the walls, 'cause that's what they do. 101 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:20,104 When they know they're getting thrown out of a house, they smear feces all over the walls. 102 00:05:20,188 --> 00:05:21,856 Really? Yes. 103 00:05:21,939 --> 00:05:25,777 They didn't do that here. This is a pretty nice house. A little lived in maybe. 104 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:28,321 Well, you know, I found something cooking on the stove. That's pretty “unresponsible.” 105 00:05:28,446 --> 00:05:30,990 Mac and cheese. I can't believe they left all this stuff in the house. 106 00:05:31,073 --> 00:05:33,367 I mean, what's the deal? Do we have to burn it? 107 00:05:33,451 --> 00:05:36,037 - Hey, get the hell out of our house! - Jesus. There's people here! 108 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,956 - Squatters! - We're not squatters! This is our house! 109 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,834 What do you mean your house? I bought this house! We own this house! 110 00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:44,420 You didn't buy it from us! You bought it from the bank. We didn't sell it. 111 00:05:44,504 --> 00:05:48,049 Oh, look, bitch! We bought it from them because they foreclosed on your bitch ass! 112 00:05:48,174 --> 00:05:50,802 Yeah, yeah. You got proof? Proof? What are you talking about, proof? 113 00:05:50,927 --> 00:05:53,387 A deed, paperwork. Go get your proof. Proof. 114 00:05:53,513 --> 00:05:56,265 Bring it back here. We'll look at the paperwork. Is that what you want? 115 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,936 You want proof? I'll give you proof! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 116 00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,980 Frank, take it easy, bud. Take it- You gotta use your head now. 117 00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:04,982 Think about the law. All right? 118 00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:07,693 What happens if you accidentally hit a child with an umbrella? 119 00:06:07,777 --> 00:06:10,822 In the eyes of the law, that is child abuse. What happens then? 120 00:06:10,905 --> 00:06:14,742 In the eyes of the law, you have to give your properties to the parents of that child. 121 00:06:14,826 --> 00:06:17,495 I'm sorry, little kid. He doesn't know the law that well. 122 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,331 I don't even know what the hell he's talking about. It doesn't matter. 123 00:06:20,456 --> 00:06:22,458 We shouldn't bash these people up. No. No! 124 00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:25,670 Of course we shouldn't bash these people up! Look- Okay. 125 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:29,048 Absolutely, we could cave the husband's skull in here. 126 00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:32,718 Yes, we could take the wife down to the basement, have a frenzied free-for-all with her. 127 00:06:32,802 --> 00:06:35,721 We could tie the kids up in their rooms so they wouldn't hear any of it. 128 00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:38,891 Dennis, in that scenario, we'd have to kill the kids 'cause they would've seen our faces. 129 00:06:38,975 --> 00:06:41,269 Right. We could smear the walls with their blood. 130 00:06:41,352 --> 00:06:44,146 Guys, there are any number of twisted scenarios that could play out here. 131 00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:48,234 But I think the easiest thing, really, is to just go get the deed. 132 00:06:48,317 --> 00:06:50,736 Right. Why get weird? 133 00:06:50,862 --> 00:06:53,155 Let's just keep it simple. For now, we take the high road. 134 00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:56,284 We'll take the high road. Take the high road out of here. 135 00:06:57,994 --> 00:07:00,705 Oh, well, I'm so glad We're gonna get to work with you, Deandra. 136 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:04,208 Oh, Kate, Sean, I tell you what. You guys are getting one hell of a uterus. 137 00:07:04,292 --> 00:07:06,586 Great. Okay. Well, listen. It was really nice to meet you. 138 00:07:06,669 --> 00:07:09,005 Wow! This house really opens up here, doesn't it? 139 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,299 Uh- From the curb, it doesn't really look like much. 140 00:07:11,382 --> 00:07:13,885 But once you get inside, it's got a real ass on it. 141 00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:17,513 Well, thank you. It's always felt a little empty without a family. 142 00:07:17,597 --> 00:07:19,640 Oh, shit! Is that a pool? 143 00:07:19,724 --> 00:07:23,436 Uh, yeah. Of course, When the baby comes, we'll have a fence around it. 144 00:07:23,519 --> 00:07:25,521 Right, right, right. How deep? 145 00:07:25,605 --> 00:07:27,023 The pool? Yeah, the pool! 146 00:07:27,106 --> 00:07:29,025 - Uh, eight feet. - Oh, man. 147 00:07:29,108 --> 00:07:31,777 You guys jackknife off this diving board all the time or what? 148 00:07:31,861 --> 00:07:35,990 Oh, I used to be so good at those. You mind if I get in? 149 00:07:36,115 --> 00:07:39,619 Um- Yeah, we- we have a lot of stuff to do today. 150 00:07:39,744 --> 00:07:41,662 Oh, yeah. Yeah So... 151 00:07:41,746 --> 00:07:44,916 No, errands are very important, but really, the most important thing right now... 152 00:07:44,999 --> 00:07:48,628 is for me to stay relaxed, if you don't want my tubes to get all tensed up. 153 00:07:48,711 --> 00:07:52,131 So, you want to go grab a swimsuit for me to borrow, 154 00:07:52,214 --> 00:07:54,342 or should I just jump in in my birthday gear? 155 00:07:54,425 --> 00:07:57,720 No. Don't do that. We'll- Honey, do we have a suit that she can borrow? 156 00:07:57,803 --> 00:08:00,014 Sure. I'll go get you that suit. 157 00:08:00,139 --> 00:08:02,183 Okay. Good girl. 158 00:08:03,559 --> 00:08:05,895 All right, Charlie. We are gonna be gentlemen. Yup. 159 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:08,856 We have the law on our side. We just show them the deed. Mm-hmm. 160 00:08:08,981 --> 00:08:10,858 And then they vacate the premises. Mm-hmm. 161 00:08:10,983 --> 00:08:14,028 And that's it. No reason to be animals about it. And they changed the locks. 162 00:08:14,153 --> 00:08:16,739 Yes, they did. You were right, Frank! They changed the locks, bud. 163 00:08:16,822 --> 00:08:18,783 I'm telling you, these people, they're uncivilized deadbeats. 164 00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:20,826 Let's smash the door down. All right, ready? Here we go. 165 00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:24,538 And a-one, and a-two, and a-three... 166 00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:29,961 - Oh, that- that' was a bummer. 167 00:08:30,044 --> 00:08:33,130 Man. I gotta admit, that's, uh... 168 00:08:33,214 --> 00:08:35,174 That felt very unsatisfying to me. 169 00:08:35,257 --> 00:08:37,593 - Yeah, I didn't like that. - Should you guys, um... 170 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,346 No. Try smashing it from the inside? 171 00:08:40,429 --> 00:08:43,557 - Let's just give it another shot. And- - Oh! 172 00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:45,893 - Give it another one. - Kick it. 173 00:08:48,145 --> 00:08:50,064 - Nice, dude! - My door! 174 00:08:50,147 --> 00:08:53,150 My door, deadbeat! My door! 175 00:08:53,234 --> 00:08:55,861 And what's this shyster lawyer doing here? 176 00:08:55,945 --> 00:08:58,489 Well, it is just so nice to see you again, Mr. Reynolds. 177 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:01,617 I see that you're still just... horrible. 178 00:09:01,701 --> 00:09:04,495 Yes, you're horrible too. And I hate your tie. Hey. All right. 179 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,498 You know what? This family behind me- Yeah. 180 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,542 Has 90 days to vacate. Deadbeats. 181 00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,544 Until then, you can't touch them. That's bull bird, man. 182 00:09:11,669 --> 00:09:14,964 What do you got there? Let me handle this, Frank. It's not bull bird. 183 00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,508 I'll tell you that right now. He's making a few good points. 184 00:09:17,633 --> 00:09:19,135 Look, buddy. Crap. 185 00:09:19,218 --> 00:09:21,637 I know a lot about the law and various other lawyerings. 186 00:09:21,721 --> 00:09:23,681 I'm well educated, well versed. 187 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:27,643 I know that situations like this, real-estate wise, they're very complex. 188 00:09:27,727 --> 00:09:29,854 Actually, they're pretty simple. 189 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,690 The forms are all standard boilerplate. 190 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,526 Okay. We're all hungry. We're gonna get to our hot plates soon enough. 191 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,528 All right? Well, let's talk about the contract here... 192 00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,239 I'm sorry. I forgot. Where did you go to law school again? 193 00:09:40,364 --> 00:09:43,159 Uh, well, I could ask you that very same question. I went to Harvard. 194 00:09:43,284 --> 00:09:44,910 Ah. Mm-hmm. How 'bout you? 195 00:09:45,036 --> 00:09:47,705 Where? Yeah? Hmm? I'm pleading the Fifth, sir. 196 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,707 I'd advise that you do that. 197 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,043 I'll take that advice into cooperation. All right? 198 00:09:52,126 --> 00:09:55,421 Let's say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird law and see who comes out the victor. 199 00:09:55,504 --> 00:09:58,215 You know, I don't think I'm gonna do anything close to that, 200 00:09:58,299 --> 00:10:00,926 and I can see clearly you know nothing about the law. 201 00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:04,638 It seems like you have a tenuous grasp on the English language in general. 202 00:10:04,722 --> 00:10:07,558 Okay. Well- Filibuster. 203 00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:11,645 Uh- Do you- Do you know what that word means? 204 00:10:11,771 --> 00:10:13,439 Yup! Yeah, what's that mean? 205 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,409 I-I'm gonna- We're gonna- 206 00:10:28,704 --> 00:10:31,665 No, no, no. Now I'm all churned up about this. 207 00:10:31,749 --> 00:10:34,001 I can't wait 90 days to get rid of those people. 208 00:10:34,085 --> 00:10:35,920 I mean, I gotta sell that house. 209 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,631 Frank, don't be rash. It's just 90 days. 210 00:10:38,714 --> 00:10:41,383 No. In 90 days, there's gonna be shit all over those walls. 211 00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:43,511 Those people are gonna trash that house. 212 00:10:43,594 --> 00:10:45,596 We won't be able to get a dime for it. 213 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,640 I am calling a Realtor right now. 214 00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:49,683 Oh, wait, Frank. Hold on a second. 215 00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:52,394 Maybe we could sell the house ourselves, you know? Save the five percent. 216 00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:54,480 What do Realtors do anyway? They pop on a blazer. 217 00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:56,649 They walk people through a house. We can do that. 218 00:10:56,732 --> 00:11:00,236 Mac, the real estate business is something that takes a lot of style and a lot of finesse, 219 00:11:00,319 --> 00:11:02,947 and that's something that the two of us both have in spades. 220 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:06,867 Absolutely. I'm thinking we do like a classic good Realtor-bad Realtor dynamic. 221 00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:09,078 Oh, shit. I'm the good, you're the bad? 222 00:11:09,203 --> 00:11:12,123 You're the sweet to my sour. The honey to your vinegar? 223 00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:14,125 That's good, dude! 224 00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:17,128 - Honey and Vinegar Realty. - I like that. 225 00:11:17,253 --> 00:11:20,172 I like the Honey and Vinegar. I like what I'm hearing, boys. 226 00:11:20,256 --> 00:11:23,175 Okay! I knew that guy was full of shit! I knew it! 227 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,970 What guy? That lawyer guy. Okay? 228 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:29,682 He totally besmirched me today, and I demand satisfaction from him. 229 00:11:29,765 --> 00:11:32,351 You want him to bang you? Uh... 230 00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:34,311 No, Mac. Be serious, okay? 231 00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:37,481 He slandered me in front of a jury of my own peers. All right? 232 00:11:37,606 --> 00:11:40,985 Look what they used to do when that sort of thing happened. Take a look at this picture. 233 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:44,864 - What do you see? - I see two trannies shooting at each other. 234 00:11:44,947 --> 00:11:47,616 No, dude. They're dueling, okay? 235 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:51,162 These are lawyers settling an argument by dueling it out. 236 00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:54,707 Now, how do you know that the two trannies are lawyers? 237 00:11:57,168 --> 00:11:59,170 'Cause it's an old book, okay? 238 00:11:59,253 --> 00:12:02,673 I don't have to explain everything to you about what I know! 239 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:06,051 I'm trying to get satisfied from this dude, and you're trying to... 240 00:12:06,135 --> 00:12:08,137 I'm getting satisfied. I don't care. 241 00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:11,473 - What are you doing, Deandra? - Collecting the money you bitches owe me. 242 00:12:11,557 --> 00:12:13,559 I'm going on maternity leave. 243 00:12:13,642 --> 00:12:15,186 What are you jabbering about now? 244 00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:18,439 I got a sweet setup going on as a surrogate for a couple of rich yuppies. 245 00:12:18,522 --> 00:12:20,524 They have a huge house, kick-ass pool. 246 00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:24,069 I'm living the high life. So suck on that, white stains. 247 00:12:24,153 --> 00:12:26,155 Oh, dude! 248 00:12:26,238 --> 00:12:28,699 I knew we should've done the baby thing. Now there's a pool involved? 249 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,619 When was the last time you swam in a pool? I want to swim in the pool! 250 00:12:31,702 --> 00:12:35,080 - It's been like forever since I swam in a pool. - No, no! Now, let's focus here. 251 00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:37,833 We gotta sell this house. 252 00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:40,628 And then we can go swim in Deandra's pool. 253 00:12:45,925 --> 00:12:48,427 Hey, Vic. You got that other snack tray? 254 00:12:48,552 --> 00:12:50,930 I certainly do, Hugh. Certainly do. Okay, great. 255 00:12:51,013 --> 00:12:53,682 People are gonna be here any second. I want them to be well fed. 256 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,185 The house looks nice. The house looks nice. It does look nice. 257 00:12:56,268 --> 00:12:58,020 Hey, hey, hey! 258 00:12:58,103 --> 00:13:00,898 You jerks aren't supposed to be here when my mom and dad are at work! 259 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,359 Your mom and dad aren't at work. That's why they lost the house. 260 00:13:03,484 --> 00:13:06,987 They're probably at the dog track getting wasted. Dude, eat my boogers. 261 00:13:07,112 --> 00:13:11,283 You eat my boogers! Whoa, whoa! Hey, Vic, Vic. Whoa. 262 00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,535 Smell that vinegar boiling up inside you. 263 00:13:13,619 --> 00:13:16,038 But I need you to save some of it for the customer. 264 00:13:16,121 --> 00:13:18,040 Do that for me, okay, baby boy? 265 00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:20,167 What the hell's going on out here? 266 00:13:20,251 --> 00:13:22,628 - Frank, can you get these kids out of here? - Yeah. Come on. 267 00:13:22,711 --> 00:13:24,964 We're gonna go paint your room a color that's not stupid. 268 00:13:25,047 --> 00:13:27,007 Then we're gonna throw your toys in the trash! 269 00:13:27,091 --> 00:13:29,218 Listen, I need you on my team. You on my team? 270 00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:31,470 Yeah. I'm- I'm on your team. All right, great. Yeah? 271 00:13:31,595 --> 00:13:33,472 Yeah. I just- He gets me- That's good. 272 00:13:33,597 --> 00:13:35,349 Oh! Here we go. 273 00:13:35,432 --> 00:13:38,269 - Hi! How are ya? - How you doing? We're here to look at the house. 274 00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:40,854 Of course. Yeah, come on in. Hi. I'm Hugh Honey. How you doing? 275 00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:43,315 Good. This is my associate, Vic Vinegar. Hi. Tad. 276 00:13:43,399 --> 00:13:45,734 And we are here to show you this house. 277 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,153 Okay. Oh! Good. 278 00:13:48,279 --> 00:13:51,115 Okay. Come on in. Great. 279 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,534 Hi. Okay. 280 00:13:53,659 --> 00:13:57,663 Good. All right. This is the living room. Okay! Wonderful. 281 00:13:59,248 --> 00:14:01,750 Now, What do you folks think? It's a beautiful house, right? 282 00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:04,795 Well, you know, I'm thinking this might be a bit large for what we need. 283 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:08,465 - Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. Is this house too big for you? - Now, Vic. 284 00:14:08,549 --> 00:14:11,802 Just a second, Hugh. Why don't you ask your wife what she needs, pal? 285 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,847 Oh, I'm sorry. Is she used to something smaller, and you don't think she can handle it? 286 00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:18,100 Okay, I think we're gonna get going. It's okay, you guys. I'm here. 287 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:21,687 I want this to be a good experience for you. Okay? I'll tell you what, buddy. 288 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,023 How 'bout I take your wife upstairs and show her what it's like... 289 00:14:24,106 --> 00:14:26,066 to be deep inside a really big house? 290 00:14:26,191 --> 00:14:27,985 What? What? 291 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,987 What? 292 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,531 Uh, you'll have to excuse my associate. 293 00:14:32,614 --> 00:14:36,243 It's just his passion for quality real estate that makes him so intense. 294 00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,370 Now, what can we do to put you in this house? 295 00:14:38,495 --> 00:14:40,080 I think we're just gonna go now. Yeah. 296 00:14:40,205 --> 00:14:42,458 Are you gonna buy the house? We're gonna go. 297 00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,710 Are you going to buy this house? We don't want any trouble. 298 00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:47,671 Are you going to buy this house? I don't know! I don't know! 299 00:14:47,796 --> 00:14:49,715 Are you going to buy this house? Yes! Yes! 300 00:14:49,798 --> 00:14:51,633 “Yes” what? Yes, I will buy this house! 301 00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:54,887 That's it. There we go. That's all I wanted to hear. Congratulations, folks. 302 00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:57,139 You just bought a brand-new house. 303 00:14:57,222 --> 00:14:59,141 Can we go? Yeah! 304 00:14:59,224 --> 00:15:00,809 Go, honey. Go. Congratulations. 305 00:15:00,893 --> 00:15:02,311 I'm going! Just go! 306 00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:06,065 All right. We'll be in touch. Oh! That was amazing, bro! 307 00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:09,193 You think that's gonna work? Bro, it already did work. You heard the skirt. 308 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:12,071 She said, “Yes, I will buy this house.” That is a binding verbal contract. 309 00:15:12,154 --> 00:15:15,115 Now, I heard it. You heard it. And that pussy husband of hers heard it too. 310 00:15:15,199 --> 00:15:19,495 If they back out now, I will find them, I will strangle them, I will beat them into oblivion! 311 00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:22,831 Wow! Wow! I'm full of the vinegar. 312 00:15:22,915 --> 00:15:25,042 - Oh. Yeah! - Hey. How'd it go? 313 00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:26,668 Sold it! Sold the house. 314 00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:28,670 Sold it? Fantastic! 315 00:15:28,754 --> 00:15:31,548 Let's get another house, flip it over, make some cash. 316 00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:33,967 It's not really the cash that I care about any more. 317 00:15:34,051 --> 00:15:36,053 It's the thrill of the sale that I'm responding to. 318 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,889 - You're driven by the thrill of the sale. - You know what I'm thinking? 319 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:42,851 Maybe it's time to merge the two ideas after all. 320 00:15:42,935 --> 00:15:45,479 - Baby in the house? - Baby in the house. 321 00:15:47,356 --> 00:15:51,860 Honey and Vinegar? 322 00:15:51,944 --> 00:15:55,447 Okay. Jesus Christ. All right. I'll get on it. 323 00:15:55,531 --> 00:15:57,658 Mmm. 324 00:15:57,741 --> 00:16:01,161 Well, well, well, well, well! 325 00:16:01,245 --> 00:16:05,416 If it isn't the big-time, hotshot lawyer man. 326 00:16:05,499 --> 00:16:08,585 Oh, my God. I do not have time for you. 327 00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:11,588 Yeah, so we both have busy schedules, so I'll make this quick. 328 00:16:11,672 --> 00:16:14,007 I shan't mince words with you for long. 329 00:16:14,091 --> 00:16:17,386 I am challenging you, sir, to a duel. 330 00:16:17,469 --> 00:16:19,346 - I accept. - Uh... 331 00:16:19,471 --> 00:16:22,683 [ Chuckles ] Are you serious? 332 00:16:22,766 --> 00:16:24,768 Yeah. I accept your challenge. 333 00:16:24,893 --> 00:16:27,521 Do you want time to think it over? No! 334 00:16:27,604 --> 00:16:31,066 No. No, not at all. Um, what time were you thinking of dueling? 335 00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:34,987 Any time is good, really. I don't have... 336 00:16:35,070 --> 00:16:38,323 You don't have time 'cause you would have to go out and get a proper gun. 337 00:16:38,407 --> 00:16:40,325 Oh. No, no, no. 338 00:16:40,409 --> 00:16:42,911 I have a gun. I actually keep one right here in the drawer. 339 00:16:42,995 --> 00:16:45,080 You got one right there? I don't need to see it. 340 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:49,084 I like to keep it loaded because you never know who's gonna walk into a law office these days. 341 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,627 Safety first. 342 00:16:50,711 --> 00:16:53,172 - Right. - So let's rethink some things. 343 00:16:55,257 --> 00:16:57,968 Let's say that you've learned your lesson now, 344 00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,304 and I've learned a little lesson. 345 00:17:00,429 --> 00:17:01,972 Hmm. And we'll call it even, 346 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,808 and I will respectfully decline the duel. 347 00:17:04,892 --> 00:17:06,810 - Well, you can't decline. - Eh? 348 00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:11,231 As you know, once the duel's been accepted you know, there's no backing out. 349 00:17:11,356 --> 00:17:13,901 I mean, that's the law. Yup. 350 00:17:13,984 --> 00:17:16,945 Anyway, great! This is settled. 351 00:17:17,029 --> 00:17:19,948 And I was looking for something to do tomorrow afternoon anyway. 352 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,243 So I'm gonna pencil you in for high noon tomorrow. Don't do it. 353 00:17:23,327 --> 00:17:26,079 - Don't do it. - And, uh, don't worry... 354 00:17:26,163 --> 00:17:30,709 'cause, um, wherever you are, I'll find you. 355 00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:33,420 - Yeah. - I'm gonna put one right between your teeth. 356 00:17:33,504 --> 00:17:36,215 And it's just gonna pop out the back of your neck. 357 00:17:41,929 --> 00:17:44,556 Hey, Deandra? Can we talk to you for a sec? 358 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,100 Hey, you guys. Watch me bust out this sweet jackknife. 359 00:17:50,812 --> 00:17:54,816 - Oh! Whoa! ' [ Gasps, Coughing] 360 00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:57,402 - You guys! - Are you okay? 361 00:17:57,486 --> 00:18:00,072 - Oh, I biffed that one, huh? - You “biffed” it? 362 00:18:00,155 --> 00:18:02,491 Whoo! Thank God there wasn't a baby in there, huh? 363 00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:05,661 Could you get me a refill on that, guy? What is this? 364 00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:07,829 Pina colada. Been crushing them. They're great in the heat. 365 00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:10,999 Ah. I don't think you should be drinking and swimming. 366 00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,960 - No. - Dingdong! Hello. 367 00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,586 Goddamn it. Hello! 368 00:18:14,670 --> 00:18:16,338 - Hi. - No, no, no, no, no. 369 00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:18,674 We're looking for Deandra Reynolds. Oh, there she is. 370 00:18:18,799 --> 00:18:21,677 Wait, wait. Don't do that. We're the wealthy homosexual couple she promised her womb to. 371 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,055 Indeed, we are. I'm Hugh Honey, and this is my partner, Vic Vinegar. 372 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,183 We're partners in real estate, and we're partners in life. 373 00:18:28,267 --> 00:18:30,852 Oh, hi! 374 00:18:30,936 --> 00:18:33,313 Oh, hey! Oh, you guys! 375 00:18:33,438 --> 00:18:36,441 How are you doing, sweetie? Oh, excuse us for just one second. 376 00:18:36,525 --> 00:18:38,068 Oh, boy. It's good to see you. 377 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,571 What the hell are you guys doing here? Do not ruin this for me! 378 00:18:40,654 --> 00:18:43,991 Dee, relax. Okay? We're gonna start a bidding war, drive up the price of your womb. 379 00:18:44,074 --> 00:18:45,909 Why would I want you to drive up the price of my womb? 380 00:18:45,993 --> 00:18:48,495 If we make this couple desperate enough for money, they'll sell their house to us. 381 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,872 We're buying every house in the neighborhood. Yeah, check it out. 382 00:18:50,956 --> 00:18:54,334 We get the house, you get a higher price for that kid you're crapping out. Everybody wins. 383 00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:57,087 We're merging the ideas. I didn't want to merge the ideas in the first place. 384 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,464 Well, we're merging 'em, so get used to it. 385 00:18:59,548 --> 00:19:03,719 Uh, we're giving Deandra $100,000 to carry a child for us. 386 00:19:03,802 --> 00:19:06,013 Now, I'll be providing the sperm, of course. 387 00:19:06,096 --> 00:19:08,724 And I'll be providing the money because I'm the breadwinner in the relationship. 388 00:19:08,807 --> 00:19:10,809 And I'm the trophy husband. He's my bottom. 389 00:19:10,892 --> 00:19:14,563 Oh! I'm the power bottom. Technically, I generate most of the power. 390 00:19:14,646 --> 00:19:16,857 Only because I'm giving out so much power from the top. 391 00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:18,984 You need to generate power to accept it. 392 00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:21,445 - Deandra, what the hell are they talking about? - I don't know. 393 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,905 Hey, Dee! Hey! Hey! 394 00:19:23,989 --> 00:19:25,991 Who's this guy? Oh, splinter! 395 00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:28,160 There's a gate, bro! What the hell are you doing here? 396 00:19:28,243 --> 00:19:30,162 Pardon me, ma 'am, sir. 397 00:19:30,245 --> 00:19:32,706 - Everything's fine 'cause Daddy's here now. - Who are you? 398 00:19:32,789 --> 00:19:36,585 I'm the father of the baby growing inside of her stomach, and I need a safe place to hide. 399 00:19:36,668 --> 00:19:39,129 What baby are you talking about, Charlie? I'm not pregnant yet! 400 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,174 - A barf! 401 00:19:42,257 --> 00:19:44,384 Abort! Abort! 402 00:19:44,468 --> 00:19:47,387 - Do not buy this house! - There's a goddamn gate! 403 00:19:47,471 --> 00:19:50,474 I just got done with that lawyer. He threatened to sue me. 404 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,352 - What? Why? - Well, I had those kids painting their room. 405 00:19:53,435 --> 00:19:56,563 And then I told them to go down, rip some copper pipes out. 406 00:19:56,647 --> 00:19:59,483 Their little hands got all bloody. Big deal. 407 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:02,653 And they- I had to give them the house to settle the suit. 408 00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:05,197 Okay, that's it. You all are crazy, and I'm asking you to leave. 409 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,907 Yes. So, let's go. 410 00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:09,159 Please leave. Oh, are you sure? Really? 411 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,953 - This is a very inviting pool. - You heard the guy! You heard him! 412 00:20:12,037 --> 00:20:16,583 Oh, you two. I am so sorry about that. 413 00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:18,877 Boy, that was nuts, wasn't it? 414 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,879 Yeah. 415 00:20:20,962 --> 00:20:23,340 You know, we're gonna have to ask you to leave as well. 416 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,967 But what about the baby? 417 00:20:26,093 --> 00:20:28,512 We're just gonna find someone else. Oh, you guys! 418 00:20:28,637 --> 00:20:32,641 You got me there! I thought you were serious. We are serious, Deandra. 419 00:20:34,726 --> 00:20:37,938 Oh, this shit is like a bathtub. Jackknife! 420 00:20:39,773 --> 00:20:42,984 Oh, yeah! Cannonball! 421 00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:45,570 Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 422 00:20:45,654 --> 00:20:47,989 - Oh, yeah! - This is great. 423 00:20:48,073 --> 00:20:50,742 Come on in, Dee. Chicken fight! Chicken fight! 424 00:20:50,826 --> 00:20:53,954 - Let's do a chicken fight! - Chicken fight! Chicken fight! 425 00:20:54,037 --> 00:20:57,082 Chicken fight! Chicken fight! Chicken fight! 426 00:21:01,712 --> 00:21:03,338 Yeah! Yeah! 427 00:21:47,257 --> 00:21:48,258 ENGLISH - US - PSDH