1
00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:05,269
Look, bro, I'm only gonna
be here for about ten minutes.

2
00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:06,103
I got to get my pump on.

3
00:00:06,170 --> 00:00:07,104
I have a very big day.

4
00:00:07,171 --> 00:00:08,105
I'm sorry.

5
00:00:08,172 --> 00:00:09,106
I can't let you in.

6
00:00:09,678 --> 00:00:12,594
I don't understand why you're
insisting on jamming me up here, bro.

7
00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,476
I'm not trying to jam you up.

8
00:00:14,859 --> 00:00:16,057
I just don't believe you.

9
00:00:16,613 --> 00:00:17,760
What is not to believe?

10
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,616
I am absolutely Dennis Reynolds.

11
00:00:20,832 --> 00:00:22,167
This picture looks nothing like you.

12
00:00:22,412 --> 00:00:23,548
Well, thank you.

13
00:00:23,668 --> 00:00:26,063
Because I have actually packed
on about 15 or 20 pounds of

14
00:00:26,183 --> 00:00:28,285
solid bulk muscle since that
picture was taken, bro.

15
00:00:28,318 --> 00:00:30,063
It's actually a testament to your gym.

16
00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:32,696
I'm gonna need you to either buy
your own membership, or get out.

17
00:00:32,764 --> 00:00:34,207
Mac?

18
00:00:34,327 --> 00:00:35,051
Yeah.

19
00:00:35,393 --> 00:00:36,958
Hey, tranny.

20
00:00:37,295 --> 00:00:37,992
Carmen.

21
00:00:38,027 --> 00:00:39,075
- Yeah.
- Sorry.

22
00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:39,703
How you doing?

23
00:00:39,771 --> 00:00:40,919
Wow. You look great.

24
00:00:41,039 --> 00:00:42,485
Sweet camel toe.

25
00:00:42,706 --> 00:00:43,743
That's a good tuck job.

26
00:00:43,707 --> 00:00:44,679
You have it taped back there?

27
00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:46,123
No.
It's good.

28
00:00:46,243 --> 00:00:47,213
It's actually gone.

29
00:00:47,659 --> 00:00:49,177
I had the surgery.

30
00:00:49,297 --> 00:00:50,496
Get out.

31
00:00:50,616 --> 00:00:51,983
That's fantastic.

32
00:00:52,121 --> 00:00:53,671
I thought I was gonna get a phone call

33
00:00:53,690 --> 00:00:55,600
after the old snip snip,
'cause we talked about that, but...

34
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,721
Either way, now that your
dick-less, I'm into it.

35
00:00:58,833 --> 00:01:00,230
What are you doing this afternoon?

36
00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:00,991
How's it going?

37
00:01:01,596 --> 00:01:07,504
Uh, it's going good, pal, but,
uh, the lady isn't interested.

38
00:01:07,624 --> 00:01:11,669
Uh, Mac, I would like you
to meet my husband, Nick.

39
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:13,848
Husband?

40
00:01:14,217 --> 00:01:15,771
You're married.

41
00:01:17,371 --> 00:01:18,875
Great.

42
00:01:19,544 --> 00:01:29,544
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

43
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:55,006
Now, what
are you guys saying?

44
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:55,773
They're good almonds, right?

45
00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:56,774
They are tasty.

46
00:01:56,842 --> 00:01:57,686
These almonds?
Yeah, they're fine.

47
00:01:57,806 --> 00:02:00,424
I found them in, like, in a
little pile in the alleyway.

48
00:02:00,544 --> 00:02:03,114
A squirrel must have piled them
up and then got hit by a car.

49
00:02:03,181 --> 00:02:03,948
Why? Why? Why? Why?

50
00:02:04,016 --> 00:02:05,783
Why did you feed us alley almonds?

51
00:02:05,851 --> 00:02:06,657
Why wouldn't you tell us that?

52
00:02:06,777 --> 00:02:07,870
No. They're perfectly good.

53
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:11,069
I just... Guys. Guys, guys, I've
got news; I've got huge news.

54
00:02:11,189 --> 00:02:12,794
So I went down to the gym
this morning, right?

55
00:02:12,914 --> 00:02:15,611
I was all amped up, 'cause Charlie
and I found a bunch of nuts.

56
00:02:15,731 --> 00:02:17,576
I was so full of protein, okay?

57
00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:20,807
I went to get my pump on, but
I couldn't get my pump on.

58
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:22,029
Now I know what you're thinking.

59
00:02:22,149 --> 00:02:24,041
Clearly, I did get my pump on,
but that's 'cause I just did a

60
00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,637
bunch of push-ups outside.

61
00:02:25,757 --> 00:02:26,665
Also, why I'm out of breath.

62
00:02:26,806 --> 00:02:28,290
What in God's name are
you talking about?

63
00:02:28,318 --> 00:02:29,041
Is this the big news?

64
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:31,554
No. I ran into the tranny.

65
00:02:32,346 --> 00:02:35,698
She got her dick cut off,
and she married a dude.

66
00:02:36,204 --> 00:02:37,500
Oh, that's great.

67
00:02:37,668 --> 00:02:39,245
Congratulations to her.

68
00:02:39,302 --> 00:02:40,231
No, that is not great.

69
00:02:40,351 --> 00:02:40,910
No?

70
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:42,215
That is a gay marriage.

71
00:02:42,325 --> 00:02:43,977
Uh, I got a question for you.

72
00:02:44,437 --> 00:02:45,996
One's a girl... One's a guy...

73
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,659
- Yeah.
- And how is that gay?

74
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:51,731
Well, for starters, clearly, her
husband is a homosexual, okay?

75
00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:54,069
Why are you making that assumption?

76
00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:55,594
Because he's with a tranny?

77
00:02:55,647 --> 00:02:57,042
You were with the tranny.
What are you saying?

78
00:02:57,234 --> 00:03:00,236
No, Charlie, that is completely
different, and you know it.

79
00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:01,153
Yeah. No. He's right.

80
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,236
That's different, 'cause this
new guy... if I'm hearing correctly...

81
00:03:03,279 --> 00:03:06,612
he waited until she got her
dick cut off before he banged her.

82
00:03:06,697 --> 00:03:07,407
But that means...
No.

83
00:03:07,702 --> 00:03:08,368
Wait.

84
00:03:08,434 --> 00:03:11,150
Look, who gives a shit if gays
want to be miserable like

85
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:12,435
everybody else and get married?

86
00:03:12,482 --> 00:03:13,374
Let 'em do it.

87
00:03:13,585 --> 00:03:14,909
It's no skin off my ass.

88
00:03:14,975 --> 00:03:16,632
No. Marriage is a
wonderful thing.

89
00:03:16,698 --> 00:03:18,857
It's between two people who
decide they want to spend

90
00:03:18,895 --> 00:03:21,444
the rest of their lives together because
they love each other very much.

91
00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:23,641
I'm all for it, and I think
everyone should be entitled to it.

92
00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:26,567
Oh, oh, everybody up on their high
horse of marriage all of a sudden.

93
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:28,990
Marriage is about procreation, okay?

94
00:03:29,110 --> 00:03:30,307
This is gay marriage.

95
00:03:30,912 --> 00:03:32,452
That's two dudes banging each other.

96
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:33,508
What do you get from that?

97
00:03:33,616 --> 00:03:34,940
Nothing. Nothing.

98
00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:36,794
Uh, that is a persuasive argument.

99
00:03:36,836 --> 00:03:40,460
You should take your powerful extension
cord argument straight to the Supreme Court.

100
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:41,526
Mm-hmm.
They'll love it there.

101
00:03:41,579 --> 00:03:42,907
Run that right up the ladder, right?

102
00:03:42,942 --> 00:03:44,690
No. Run it up the ladder...
Mac, dude, look, I think

103
00:03:44,727 --> 00:03:47,027
you're just getting upset that
the tranny married some guy

104
00:03:47,147 --> 00:03:48,626
that's not you, and that's
what this is about.

105
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,137
No, no, Charlie, this is
about the big man upstairs,

106
00:03:51,177 --> 00:03:52,537
- okay, getting boxed out.
- Oh, geez.

107
00:03:52,657 --> 00:03:56,249
It very clearly says in the bible
that gay marriage is wrong, okay?

108
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,028
And I'm gonna show you.

109
00:03:57,057 --> 00:03:57,595
Where's our bible?

110
00:03:57,662 --> 00:03:58,596
Where's our bible?

111
00:03:58,663 --> 00:04:00,157
Where's our goddamn bible?

112
00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:01,712
- We don't have a bible in here.
- Yeah.

113
00:04:01,832 --> 00:04:02,773
Why don't we have a bible?

114
00:04:02,893 --> 00:04:03,684
We never have.

115
00:04:03,804 --> 00:04:04,726
It's a bar.

116
00:04:06,032 --> 00:04:07,543
Okay, I see what's happening here.

117
00:04:08,107 --> 00:04:10,033
All right, I don't have enough
facts to support my argument.

118
00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:10,732
Clearly.

119
00:04:10,852 --> 00:04:13,088
But I'm gonna find a bible,
and then I'm gonna come back,

120
00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:14,684
and I'm gonna school you
sons of bitches, okay?

121
00:04:14,804 --> 00:04:16,280
Because you guys are
trying to confuse me.

122
00:04:16,348 --> 00:04:18,585
You're trying to confuse me,
because that's what God's work...

123
00:04:22,851 --> 00:04:25,286
Uh... Oh, he's getting
himself all worked up, huh?

124
00:04:25,354 --> 00:04:26,457
Yeah. Very worked up.

125
00:04:26,577 --> 00:04:27,236
Very worked up.

126
00:04:27,262 --> 00:04:29,065
You know, I always thought
I'd be married by now.

127
00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:31,449
- What?
- What?

128
00:04:32,946 --> 00:04:33,707
Yeah. Well, I don't know.

129
00:04:33,744 --> 00:04:36,054
I... All that talk about marriage
and everything... it's got me

130
00:04:36,082 --> 00:04:39,143
thinking about myself and my
situation, and I guess I always

131
00:04:39,189 --> 00:04:40,430
thought I'd be married by now.

132
00:04:42,065 --> 00:04:44,281
What the shit are you talking about?

133
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,783
Frank, I'm talking about
Maureen Ponderosa.

134
00:04:46,903 --> 00:04:49,978
Oh, my God, dude, don't
start in on this.

135
00:04:50,098 --> 00:04:52,672
Maureen Ponderosa was my
girlfriend in tenth grade, and

136
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,183
we were so in love.

137
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,160
You remember Maureen
Ponderosa, right, Charlie?

138
00:04:56,215 --> 00:04:58,094
I remember her dead tooth, dude.

139
00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,620
What? Dead tooth?

140
00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:02,061
- She didn't have a dead tooth.
- You guys remember her brother, Bill?

141
00:05:02,181 --> 00:05:03,305
Bill Ponderosa?

142
00:05:04,283 --> 00:05:06,039
Boy, that guy was like a walking cliché.

143
00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:07,661
He was hot, great buns.

144
00:05:07,781 --> 00:05:10,731
Yeah, and I remember, every time you
tried to talk to him, you'd (gags).

145
00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:11,942
I got a little gaggy.

146
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,975
It's only 'cause he made me nervous,
but he was very handsome.

147
00:05:15,012 --> 00:05:17,398
What is it with you two
and the Ponderosas?

148
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:18,966
I think I might call her up, actually.

149
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,365
Charlie, not in the corner.

150
00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:26,515
Put 'em in the closet,
tuck 'em in the back.

151
00:05:26,635 --> 00:05:27,624
All right, Frank.

152
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,211
Pick it up.

153
00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:30,359
There you go.

154
00:05:30,479 --> 00:05:31,367
Come on...
Oh!

155
00:05:31,487 --> 00:05:32,767
Not on the floor!

156
00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:33,524
Oh! Dude, my back.

157
00:05:33,644 --> 00:05:34,845
Charlie, look at this.

158
00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:37,163
I've been saving these for years.
What?

159
00:05:37,283 --> 00:05:39,024
I think I slipped a disk, man.

160
00:05:39,144 --> 00:05:41,477
Stand straight or something.

161
00:05:41,597 --> 00:05:43,395
Ugh! Frank, I got to go
see a chiropractor again.

162
00:05:43,515 --> 00:05:46,009
Oh, right, I just keep
paying medical bills, right?

163
00:05:46,129 --> 00:05:46,863
Is that it? Come on...
Come on.

164
00:05:46,983 --> 00:05:48,516
- I keep lugging pennies.
- You're in pain?

165
00:05:48,636 --> 00:05:50,164
Here, let me hit you
with a two-by-four.

166
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:51,033
You won't feel anything.

167
00:05:51,153 --> 00:05:52,699
No. I don't want to
play that game anymore.

168
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:53,693
All right, crack my back.

169
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:55,289
All right, can you
crack my back, please?

170
00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:56,214
Crack your back.

171
00:05:56,334 --> 00:05:57,824
All right, come on, turn around.

172
00:05:57,944 --> 00:05:59,342
All right... Give me that.
You ready?

173
00:06:02,682 --> 00:06:04,390
Did you get my back?

174
00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:05,706
Oh, my back. Oh!

175
00:06:05,826 --> 00:06:07,330
I'll get you... Oh...

176
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,429
Oh. Aah!

177
00:06:08,549 --> 00:06:09,997
I need it again.

178
00:06:13,254 --> 00:06:16,601
Oh! Oh!

179
00:06:16,721 --> 00:06:17,735
Charlie, don't touch me.

180
00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:20,235
- Don't touch me.
- All right, all right.

181
00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:21,936
This is gonna sound crazy.

182
00:06:22,004 --> 00:06:23,911
I just got an idea.

183
00:06:24,031 --> 00:06:27,051
If we do that domestic
partnership thing that gay guys

184
00:06:27,171 --> 00:06:30,369
can do, I can totally get
on your health insurance.

185
00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:32,313
You won't even have to pay
for the chiropractor.

186
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:35,129
You proposing to me?

187
00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:36,431
Come on, man.

188
00:06:36,551 --> 00:06:39,136
No. I'm saying, we're
already friends, right?

189
00:06:40,096 --> 00:06:42,161
Let's be friends with benefits, right?

190
00:06:42,281 --> 00:06:43,249
Oh, yeah.

191
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,972
You get your back fixed.

192
00:06:45,092 --> 00:06:46,361
What's in it for me?

193
00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:48,337
All right, man, there's got
to be a reason why all those

194
00:06:48,457 --> 00:06:49,412
couples want to do it, right?

195
00:06:49,532 --> 00:06:50,518
Uh, perks, right?

196
00:06:50,519 --> 00:06:52,899
We can at least look
into what goes into it?

197
00:06:53,403 --> 00:06:54,917
I really got to see a
chiropractor, man.

198
00:06:55,037 --> 00:06:56,093
All right, all right, look into it.

199
00:06:56,213 --> 00:06:57,977
I mean, you got to hit
me with the two-by-four.

200
00:06:58,097 --> 00:06:58,915
I got too much pain.

201
00:06:59,035 --> 00:07:00,049
- It's bad on me, too.
- It's bad.

202
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,939
All right, I got you.

203
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,225
Hit me good.

204
00:07:06,387 --> 00:07:07,315
Phew!

205
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,316
I feel really nervous, Dee.

206
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:10,657
I haven't seen Maureen in,
like, close to 15 years.

207
00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:12,484
- I was really in love with that girl, huh?
- Yeah.

208
00:07:12,604 --> 00:07:15,111
No girl has ever really had
this effect on me, so I don't

209
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:16,650
know how to deal with it.
It's crazy.

210
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,233
Yeah. I know what you mean. I feel a lot
of butterflies myself, you know.

211
00:07:19,353 --> 00:07:23,062
I mean it's like "I'm gonna
see Bill Ponderosa gahh.."

212
00:07:24,094 --> 00:07:25,186
Is that gonna happen? Relax.

213
00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:25,984
Maybe bubbly water.

214
00:07:26,104 --> 00:07:27,510
Maybe if you get me some bubbly water.

215
00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:28,745
Slow down and get...
Here we go.

216
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,191
- Dennis!
- Hey, Maureen! Wow.

217
00:07:31,311 --> 00:07:32,653
Look at you. You look amazing!

218
00:07:32,773 --> 00:07:33,970
You look amazing.

219
00:07:34,090 --> 00:07:34,854
Oh.

220
00:07:34,974 --> 00:07:36,255
Who's this?
Is this your husband?

221
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:37,939
- Oh. This is Bill.
- Hey, guys.

222
00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:41,089
Bill? No. Wow.

223
00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:43,975
Wow, right?

224
00:07:44,095 --> 00:07:46,300
I would not have guessed that was you.

225
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:47,794
Yeah, I gained a little weight.

226
00:07:47,914 --> 00:07:48,900
Did you now?

227
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:53,059
Oh, well, no, it's hardly
noticeable, hardly noticeable.

228
00:07:53,179 --> 00:07:54,356
I do notice the ring, though.

229
00:07:54,378 --> 00:07:56,036
Oh, good for you.
You got married. That's good.

230
00:07:56,054 --> 00:07:56,817
Yeah. Yeah, ten years now.

231
00:07:56,869 --> 00:07:59,043
Yeah, she's amazing.
So are my two kids.

232
00:07:59,163 --> 00:07:59,939
Oh.

233
00:08:00,059 --> 00:08:01,662
Huh? Want to see little...
No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't.

234
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:02,896
I don't really.

235
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,366
I mean, it's great, but
you know what I mean.

236
00:08:04,486 --> 00:08:06,327
Nobody really wants to see that.

237
00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:10,164
Goddamn, this has been a really
fun walk down memory lane.

238
00:08:10,284 --> 00:08:14,044
Uh, Maureen, great to see you,
and, Bill, take care of yourself

239
00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:16,649
or whatever... people say.

240
00:08:16,769 --> 00:08:17,587
Okay. Excuse me?

241
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:18,526
All right.

242
00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:22,574
Well, uh, yeah, well, this is
has got to be a little awkward

243
00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:23,330
for you now, Bill, right?

244
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:27,528
'Cause you're here, and we're
sort of having a... you know,

245
00:08:27,585 --> 00:08:29,345
probably gonna have a little
sit-down breakfast, and now

246
00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:32,423
you're a bit of a third wheel, kind of
wormed your way into our situation.

247
00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:33,313
Yeah. Not really.

248
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,707
You know, I just came
to catch up, so... No.

249
00:08:36,193 --> 00:08:38,364
But I can leave you
guys alone, I guess.

250
00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:40,189
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that would be great.

251
00:08:40,309 --> 00:08:41,476
Hey, take care of yourself.

252
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:42,710
It was good to see you.

253
00:08:42,778 --> 00:08:44,057
- Yeah. I got to pick up the kids.
- Sure, pick up the kids, yeah.

254
00:08:44,177 --> 00:08:45,037
Bye, Bill.

255
00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:48,488
- Uh... Hey, you want to sit down?
- Yeah.

256
00:08:48,608 --> 00:08:50,382
Great. Hey, God, man.

257
00:08:50,502 --> 00:08:51,662
Maureen Ponderosa.

258
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,941
I can't even believe those words
are coming out of my mouth.

259
00:08:54,061 --> 00:08:54,921
I know.

260
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:56,111
God, look at you.

261
00:08:56,587 --> 00:08:57,526
Look at you.

262
00:08:57,646 --> 00:09:00,522
You look great. You're still quite a catch.
You look just like you did in high school.

263
00:09:00,642 --> 00:09:01,502
Oh.

264
00:09:01,622 --> 00:09:03,088
Hey, do you remember all the
good times that we used to have

265
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:05,384
in the back of your dad's
Datsun behind this place?

266
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:06,392
Oh, man.

267
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,850
So much romance. Mm.

268
00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:10,404
Hey, how is your dad?

269
00:09:10,524 --> 00:09:12,015
Dad died last year.

270
00:09:12,771 --> 00:09:14,250
- Did he die?
- Yeah.

271
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,182
Oh, that's... that's too bad.

272
00:09:16,302 --> 00:09:17,681
It happens, you know.

273
00:09:17,801 --> 00:09:19,280
He was getting up there, right?

274
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,429
- I mean, it was probably
natural causes, or... - Suicide.

275
00:09:21,549 --> 00:09:23,657
- Sui... Suicide?
- Car exhaust, yeah.

276
00:09:23,777 --> 00:09:26,514
I had to break the window
of the Datsun, so...

277
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,361
Oh, yeah, it was one of those.

278
00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:30,754
- One of those, huh?
- His eyes were so yellow.

279
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:31,720
Okay.

280
00:09:33,316 --> 00:09:36,526
Maureen Ponderosa...

281
00:09:36,646 --> 00:09:38,541
Yeah.. Yeah...

282
00:09:38,542 --> 00:09:42,542
Dennis Reynolds and Maureen Ponderosa
back together again at last.

283
00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:48,941
Hey, Carmen.

284
00:09:49,674 --> 00:09:51,590
Carmen, hey, I want to
show you something.

285
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,713
Oh. Hey, Mac.

286
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:54,855
- Yeah.
- What's going on here?

287
00:09:54,975 --> 00:09:57,433
Oh, good. I'm glad you're here, too, okay,
'cause this pertains to both of you guys.

288
00:09:57,553 --> 00:10:00,332
I'm about to do you guys a huge solid.

289
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:01,853
Ready?

290
00:10:01,921 --> 00:10:06,433
"Men with men committing
indecent acts... " sex in the but",

291
00:10:06,553 --> 00:10:09,510
will receive the due
penalty for their perversion."

292
00:10:11,142 --> 00:10:11,989
Word of the Lord.

293
00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:14,220
Okay, what is it you're
trying to say, Mac?

294
00:10:14,340 --> 00:10:16,923
I'm saying that in the eyes of
the Lord, your marriage is an

295
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:19,671
abomination, and if you don't get
a divorce, you're going to hell.

296
00:10:19,738 --> 00:10:21,673
I love people tripping all the time.

297
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:22,674
Can I see that for a second?

298
00:10:22,741 --> 00:10:24,524
Yeah, but I'm not tripping, okay?
It's all right there.

299
00:10:24,644 --> 00:10:25,574
Oh, no.

300
00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:26,512
Yeah, just... it's gonna take
you a little while to flip

301
00:10:26,632 --> 00:10:28,090
through it, 'cause that
book is long as shit.

302
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,420
Oh, yeah, I like this one.

303
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:30,204
Yeah.

304
00:10:30,324 --> 00:10:31,366
Exodus 21, verses 20, 21.

305
00:10:31,486 --> 00:10:32,459
Mm.

306
00:10:32,579 --> 00:10:35,810
"When a man strikes his slave
with a rod so hard that the

307
00:10:35,831 --> 00:10:37,878
slave dies, he shall be punished.

308
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,408
If, however, the slave survives
for a day or two, he is not to

309
00:10:42,528 --> 00:10:44,259
be punished, for the
slave is his property."

310
00:10:44,379 --> 00:10:46,163
That's-That's not what I'm
talking about, though.

311
00:10:46,283 --> 00:10:47,887
That's a different...
That's not my thing.

312
00:10:48,007 --> 00:10:50,729
Well, so you're saying you're gonna
whoop my black ass with a rod

313
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,906
as long as you like it,

314
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,523
As long as I get up after
a day or two we are good?

315
00:10:54,774 --> 00:10:55,706
That's what you're telling me?

316
00:10:55,826 --> 00:11:00,154
No, I wouldn't whoop on you with anything,
whether you were my slave or not.

317
00:11:00,274 --> 00:11:04,811
It's just... That doesn't really pertain anyway,
because that section is not from the same time.

318
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,425
Oh, oh, really? Well, what time
is your section from, Mac?

319
00:11:07,719 --> 00:11:09,665
Look, I came here to
help you guys, okay?

320
00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:12,121
And as a gay man, there's certain things
you need to know about the afterlife.

321
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:13,871
I'm not a gay man.

322
00:11:13,991 --> 00:11:15,412
Yes, you are.

323
00:11:15,532 --> 00:11:16,693
You're banging a dude.

324
00:11:16,813 --> 00:11:20,068
Look, if anything, you're the one
that had sex with me when I was a man.

325
00:11:21,286 --> 00:11:23,124
Oh, that's it... you're gay.

326
00:11:23,244 --> 00:11:25,504
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
He's gay.

327
00:11:25,624 --> 00:11:29,210
If this is about you and
me, then just say that.

328
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:31,703
I'm never going to admit that, Carmen.

329
00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:34,820
But come on, I mean... him?

330
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:37,201
What do you see in this guy?

331
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,780
I mean, look at my
body compared to his.

332
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,600
I'm a hard body.
You're a hard body.

333
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,857
We could be hard bodies together.

334
00:11:42,905 --> 00:11:44,452
Not hard body and...

335
00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:48,038
I thought we established that there was
going to be a phone call after the procedure.

336
00:11:48,158 --> 00:11:50,377
And then you had the procedure,
and I never got that call.

337
00:11:50,497 --> 00:11:53,560
Instead you called this soft
body and you gay married him.

338
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,875
And now you're calling me gay,
telling me I'm tripping and

339
00:11:56,995 --> 00:12:00,217
trying to confuse me with
your liberal Biblisisms.

340
00:12:00,735 --> 00:12:04,223
Man, my guess is is you've been
confused for a very long time.

341
00:12:10,967 --> 00:12:12,199
All right, take it easy.

342
00:12:12,319 --> 00:12:13,879
Oh, oh, oh.

343
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:14,985
Thank you very much.

344
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:19,100
All right, dude, okay, I admit this is more
paperwork than I expected, all right?

345
00:12:19,220 --> 00:12:20,906
But that's... Frank that's
because this domestic

346
00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:23,166
partnership thing is
really worth doing, dude.

347
00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:25,140
There's a lot of perks in
these bad boys, you know?

348
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:27,017
There's a lot of jelly in
these doughnuts here, Frank.

349
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:30,301
But, Charlie, you still haven't told me how
this shit is going to be good for me. Me.

350
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,486
It's all in here.

351
00:12:31,945 --> 00:12:33,408
All right, okay, all right,
think about this for a second.

352
00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:35,592
Now you're definitely going
to have another massive heart attack

353
00:12:35,712 --> 00:12:37,119
or stroke in the
next few years, right?

354
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:37,885
Definitely.

355
00:12:38,005 --> 00:12:40,307
All right, well, what's going to happen
when you go on life support, dude?

356
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,023
Dennis and Dee are going to pull
the plug on you so fast,

357
00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:43,919
your head is going to spin.

358
00:12:44,039 --> 00:12:46,579
But think about this, Frank, you
know who's not going to do that?

359
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:49,055
This guy right here.

360
00:12:49,175 --> 00:12:52,136
This thing... this is so much
complicated stuff, Charlie.

361
00:12:52,256 --> 00:12:53,328
Look who it is?

362
00:12:53,448 --> 00:12:55,246
Guys, you remember Maureen
Ponderosa, right?

363
00:12:55,366 --> 00:12:56,563
Charlie!

364
00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:59,244
Hey, Maureen, how are you?

365
00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:01,229
Dead tooth.
Let me see the dead tooth.

366
00:13:01,349 --> 00:13:02,503
What's he talking about?

367
00:13:02,623 --> 00:13:04,968
Oh, he's, uh...
Pipe down, Frank, pipe down.

368
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,660
So listen, guys, we just got married.

369
00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:07,962
- What?
- Yeah.

370
00:13:08,082 --> 00:13:10,216
Yeah, we're married. Maureen
and I got married.

371
00:13:10,336 --> 00:13:11,532
What is wrong with you?

372
00:13:11,652 --> 00:13:13,904
It's not what's wrong with
me, Frank, it's what's right with me,

373
00:13:13,942 --> 00:13:16,967
and that's this little piece of paper
right here that we just signed.

374
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,463
It's our marriage certificate.
Now we're married. Boom.

375
00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:20,220
Hold on a second.

376
00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:21,931
You just had to sign a
little piece of paper.

377
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,843
They gave Frank and I, like, a
million forms for our marriage.

378
00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,712
You guys are trying to
get married too, huh?

379
00:13:26,832 --> 00:13:27,762
That's weird.

380
00:13:27,882 --> 00:13:29,008
Uh-huh, yeah.

381
00:13:29,128 --> 00:13:30,143
Well, we're out of here.

382
00:13:30,263 --> 00:13:31,823
So, good luck.

383
00:13:31,943 --> 00:13:34,679
Oh, my God, what is
the matter with him?

384
00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:35,660
Did you smell her breath?

385
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:36,464
Are you kidding me?

386
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:39,072
It smelled like she was nibbling
on little pieces of shit.

387
00:13:41,284 --> 00:13:42,502
Wait a second, wait a second.

388
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,501
Dennis, you're married?

389
00:13:44,719 --> 00:13:45,715
Yes, man, I'm married.

390
00:13:45,765 --> 00:13:46,540
I'm a married man.

391
00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:47,672
Yes, she's actually here, dude.

392
00:13:47,715 --> 00:13:48,915
It's awesome.
She's in the bathroom.

393
00:13:49,035 --> 00:13:49,965
She's brushing her teeth.

394
00:13:50,085 --> 00:13:52,332
Yeah, she must have eaten
something a little bit sinister.

395
00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:53,779
Must have been the Funyuns
or something, I don't know.

396
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:54,773
Whatever, it doesn't matter.

397
00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:58,087
Anyway, the point is, I am having, this
is crazy, but I'm having feelings again.

398
00:13:58,207 --> 00:14:00,468
Like-like some kind of
14-year-old kid or something.

399
00:14:00,588 --> 00:14:02,069
You remember feelings, right?

400
00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:05,486
Yeah. I have feelings every
single day of my life.

401
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:08,202
Do you? Are you saying
you don't have feelings?

402
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,568
Well, I'm saying I built up a shell.

403
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:11,992
A shell around myself.

404
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:15,324
A cold, calculated, heartless
shell that couldn't be broken by

405
00:14:15,444 --> 00:14:16,431
anything but marriage.

406
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:19,816
And that's what she did, dude... she
broke that shell with marriage.

407
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,365
In a good way, if I'm being unclear.

408
00:14:22,914 --> 00:14:25,602
And that brings me,
actually, to my next point.

409
00:14:25,722 --> 00:14:28,682
I need you to move out...
like now, like right away.

410
00:14:29,257 --> 00:14:30,384
What?

411
00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:32,539
Why do I have to move out?
It's my apartment, too.

412
00:14:32,575 --> 00:14:34,296
Uh, actually, you know what, Mac?

413
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,994
Turns out it's not your apartment, because
you never signed the lease, if you recall.

414
00:14:38,053 --> 00:14:39,835
'Cause your credit was so bad.

415
00:14:39,955 --> 00:14:40,733
Oh.

416
00:14:40,853 --> 00:14:43,197
Well, what am I going to
do with all my stuff?

417
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,172
You know what, believe it or
not, I've been doing some inventory...

418
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:49,234
and it turns out you don't actually
own anything in this apartment.

419
00:14:49,354 --> 00:14:52,195
- That can't be true.
- It's shockingly true.

420
00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:55,346
Yeah, yeah, every single
thing in here is mine.

421
00:14:55,466 --> 00:14:57,800
For instance, that shirt that
you're wearing right now.

422
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,018
That was my shirt.

423
00:14:59,138 --> 00:15:01,161
And then I got tired of it, I
threw it in the trash and then

424
00:15:01,281 --> 00:15:03,879
you fished it out of the trash
and you cut the sleeves off it,

425
00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:06,918
as you are want to do, 'cause
that's your thing, but whatever.

426
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,775
Also, listen, I don't want to
rush you on this either, but I

427
00:15:09,895 --> 00:15:12,766
did have to drop you from my
cell phone's family plan.

428
00:15:12,886 --> 00:15:15,259
Oh, and I'm going to need you to
stop using my name at the gym.

429
00:15:15,525 --> 00:15:17,144
Because I'm getting a lot of
phone calls about that and

430
00:15:17,178 --> 00:15:18,555
that's a little embarrassing.

431
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:19,887
- Can I say something?
- Yeah, totally.

432
00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:27,379
Oh, there we go.

433
00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:28,581
Oh, hey.

434
00:15:28,701 --> 00:15:30,045
Hey, how you doing?

435
00:15:30,165 --> 00:15:30,921
Hey, hey, hey.

436
00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:31,817
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

437
00:15:31,885 --> 00:15:33,052
- Hey. You got a minute?
- No.

438
00:15:33,088 --> 00:15:34,637
- Got a question. Got a minute?
- Quick question.

439
00:15:34,656 --> 00:15:36,562
Yeah, I'm kind of in the
middle of something right now.

440
00:15:36,682 --> 00:15:37,537
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

441
00:15:38,609 --> 00:15:39,413
That's easy.

442
00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:40,292
Okay, no problem.

443
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,316
That's better.

444
00:15:41,436 --> 00:15:43,259
Why do you people keep
bothering me at the gym?

445
00:15:43,328 --> 00:15:44,868
I'm so sorry.
It's going to be a quick question.

446
00:15:44,926 --> 00:15:46,237
- Charlie... you remember me, right?
- Yeah.

447
00:15:46,295 --> 00:15:48,567
- Frank.
- No, I don't remember you.

448
00:15:48,635 --> 00:15:51,403
Look, my friend and I, we're
trying to get, like, a gay

449
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:54,440
marriage situation going on and he's
all tripped up about some issue.

450
00:15:54,507 --> 00:15:56,008
And now he's uncomfortable
talking to me.

451
00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:58,266
I figured you're a expert,
so we could talk to you.

452
00:15:58,386 --> 00:16:00,130
All right, fine.
Jut go ahead... what?

453
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,278
Good. Go.

454
00:16:01,398 --> 00:16:03,897
Charlie and I... we're
going to get married.

455
00:16:04,017 --> 00:16:04,891
Mm-hmm.

456
00:16:05,011 --> 00:16:09,096
Who would be the man and who would
be the woman in that situation?

457
00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:11,357
Neither of you would be the woman.

458
00:16:11,477 --> 00:16:12,909
You're both men.

459
00:16:13,679 --> 00:16:14,757
Are you kidding me?

460
00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:17,206
Is this what you've been
upset about the whole time?

461
00:16:17,271 --> 00:16:18,597
Which one of us is
going to be the woman?

462
00:16:18,665 --> 00:16:19,364
Yeah.

463
00:16:19,432 --> 00:16:21,700
I'm not going to get my dick
cut off and sold to China.

464
00:16:21,768 --> 00:16:24,536
Spend the rest of my life on
a treadmill like this guy.

465
00:16:24,656 --> 00:16:26,519
What are you...?
What?

466
00:16:26,639 --> 00:16:28,155
I don't want to be the woman, Charlie.

467
00:16:28,275 --> 00:16:30,163
And I don't want to
see you be the woman.

468
00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:32,580
Neither of us would
be the woman, dude.

469
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:33,998
We would both be men.

470
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,988
We'd be two cool straight
dudes married together.

471
00:16:37,702 --> 00:16:40,719
Oh. I never thought
of it that way.

472
00:16:40,787 --> 00:16:44,057
Two dudes getting married...
that doesn't seem very gay.

473
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:47,711
Yeah, right?
It's not... Yeah, right, yeah, okay.

474
00:16:47,831 --> 00:16:50,195
You know what, let's not argue on
this or think about it too much.

475
00:16:50,263 --> 00:16:50,863
No.

476
00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:53,038
Two cool married... dudes.

477
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:54,058
Not gay.

478
00:16:54,098 --> 00:16:54,833
I'm down with that.

479
00:16:54,850 --> 00:16:55,484
- All right.
- Excuse me.

480
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,102
- Bump it, bump it, bump it.
- Gay dudes married.

481
00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:57,769
Two gay dudes married.

482
00:16:57,837 --> 00:16:59,738
Is my role in this done now?

483
00:16:59,806 --> 00:17:02,108
Uh, any more questions?

484
00:17:02,228 --> 00:17:04,034
No. I think I got it.

485
00:17:04,154 --> 00:17:05,911
Hey, did they really
sell your dick to China?

486
00:17:07,684 --> 00:17:09,918
No. I can tell by your stare
the answer is no.

487
00:17:10,038 --> 00:17:11,827
I told you, Frank. That's crazy.

488
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:19,735
Dee, hey, we got to talk.

489
00:17:20,061 --> 00:17:22,707
Wait. You can't just come barging in
here like that. What are you doing?

490
00:17:22,762 --> 00:17:25,155
Okay, look, it takes a big
man to admit defeat,

491
00:17:25,275 --> 00:17:27,339
but you were right, I was wrong.

492
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:29,691
Everybody should be able to get
married to whoever they want.

493
00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:31,484
Which got me thinking
about you and me.

494
00:17:31,990 --> 00:17:34,406
Oh, no, I'm not going to marry you,
if that's where this is headed.

495
00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:35,474
What?

496
00:17:36,195 --> 00:17:38,010
Dee, I would rather
get shot in the face.

497
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,745
Okay, then what are you doing here?

498
00:17:39,812 --> 00:17:40,679
I'm glad you asked.

499
00:17:40,747 --> 00:17:41,747
I'm moving in.

500
00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:44,004
Also I need to get on your gym
membership,

501
00:17:44,124 --> 00:17:46,785
because I got to get back in there ASAP
before I lose this pump.

502
00:17:47,222 --> 00:17:48,860
What's with the beers?
Are you carbo loading?

503
00:17:49,522 --> 00:17:50,355
No. (gagging)

504
00:17:50,423 --> 00:17:51,941
Oh. What are you doing?

505
00:17:52,061 --> 00:17:52,921
Are you going to throw up?

506
00:17:53,041 --> 00:17:54,359
No...
Then why are you gagging?

507
00:17:54,427 --> 00:17:56,662
Oh, that... Because, Dee,
that triggers my gag reflex

508
00:17:56,729 --> 00:17:58,830
too, and then I feel like
I'm going to throw up.

509
00:17:58,898 --> 00:17:59,665
It's fine.

510
00:17:59,732 --> 00:18:01,300
I had some bad spaghetti.

511
00:18:03,436 --> 00:18:07,172
Dee, look, the point is... the
reason I came over here is

512
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,609
because you were totally right
about this marriage thing, okay?

513
00:18:09,729 --> 00:18:12,120
It is a special bond between
two people in love.

514
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:13,712
And everybody deserves...

515
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:14,479
that right.

516
00:18:14,547 --> 00:18:18,183
Look, I'm thinking that...
I got to throw up. I'm gonna throw up.

517
00:18:18,251 --> 00:18:20,519
No, no, no, no, not in there.

518
00:18:20,913 --> 00:18:25,548
Oh, sorry. Uh...
Wait. I know you.

519
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:29,027
Bill Ponderosa.

520
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,616
Where are you going?

521
00:18:38,271 --> 00:18:41,306
Hey, Maureen Ponder...
Hey.

522
00:18:41,374 --> 00:18:43,675
I was just going to go
meet up with the guys.

523
00:18:43,743 --> 00:18:45,677
But I thought we were going
to watch a movie tonight.

524
00:18:45,745 --> 00:18:47,419
Watch a movie... yes, we were.

525
00:18:47,539 --> 00:18:50,549
Yeah, you know what... but I feel the
need to reconnect with the guys.

526
00:18:50,617 --> 00:18:53,041
So... But you know what, you
can watch a movie without me.

527
00:18:53,161 --> 00:18:54,567
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

528
00:18:54,687 --> 00:18:57,656
Dude, we have so many
great, great movies here.

529
00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,958
Got a lot of action films
which is very, very exciting.

530
00:19:00,026 --> 00:19:02,099
Got all the Lethal Weapon
movies, which is cool.

531
00:19:02,219 --> 00:19:04,832
Including the one that I made
with the guys... Lethal Weapon 5.

532
00:19:04,952 --> 00:19:06,880
Yes. Amazing film, truly, truly.

533
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,034
Although it gets a little
confusing halfway through

534
00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:11,103
because Mac and I decided
to switch parts.

535
00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:13,238
He wanted to play Murtaugh
for some reason.

536
00:19:13,306 --> 00:19:14,416
Yeah, and I'm not going to lie.

537
00:19:14,536 --> 00:19:16,341
His use of blackface I found
a bit regrettable, but...

538
00:19:16,409 --> 00:19:18,945
Come on, it's our first
night as a married couple.

539
00:19:19,197 --> 00:19:20,879
I want to spend it
with my husband.

540
00:19:20,947 --> 00:19:22,642
Oh, yeah.

541
00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:26,832
I see that you're wearing
another one of those kitty cat

542
00:19:26,952 --> 00:19:29,394
sweatshirts that you seem so fond of.

543
00:19:29,514 --> 00:19:32,757
And you glued some jewels and
some flowers and things to it.

544
00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:33,825
- Uh-huh.
- Interesting.

545
00:19:33,893 --> 00:19:35,661
I like to be comfy and current.

546
00:19:35,728 --> 00:19:37,453
Yeah, yeah.

547
00:19:37,573 --> 00:19:39,141
I did not remember
that about you.

548
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,566
You don't remember a
lot of things, silly.

549
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,277
Yeah.

550
00:19:43,397 --> 00:19:45,258
Now you get yourself
on that couch.

551
00:19:45,378 --> 00:19:46,845
I'm gonna go make
us fish sticks.

552
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:49,756
Uh, I don't... I don't think
we have any fish sticks.

553
00:19:49,876 --> 00:19:51,276
I bought some.

554
00:19:51,344 --> 00:19:54,513
- Yeah. I don't particularly like
fish sticks, but... - Dennis.

555
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:57,957
- Hmm?
- Hey, I love you.

556
00:20:04,624 --> 00:20:07,592
Uh, I love you.

557
00:20:18,797 --> 00:20:20,281
Yeah.

558
00:20:20,401 --> 00:20:25,675
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