1
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,093
No, we never had
kings in this country.

2
00:00:30,095 --> 00:00:31,726
No, I don't
think we ever had kings.

3
00:00:31,728 --> 00:00:34,426
That was the whole point of this
country is that we didn't want a king.

4
00:00:34,428 --> 00:00:35,258
We didn't want the king.

5
00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:36,092
Son of a bitch!

6
00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:37,027
Guys, guys, guys.

7
00:00:37,029 --> 00:00:38,032
Oh.

8
00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:39,036
Are you okay?

9
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:41,038
Oh!

10
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,042
Oh!

11
00:00:42,044 --> 00:00:44,858
I think you broke your nose.

12
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,352
I'm screwed. I'm screwed. Ah!

13
00:00:47,354 --> 00:00:50,723
Oh, strange man, titty bar.

14
00:00:50,725 --> 00:00:52,127
A great investment opportunity.

15
00:00:52,129 --> 00:00:53,130
Beauty pageant.

16
00:00:53,132 --> 00:00:54,131
Are you getting it?

17
00:00:54,133 --> 00:00:56,133
Yeah, yeah, I think I got this.

18
00:00:56,135 --> 00:00:58,437
You met a strange man at a titty
bar who offered you a great

19
00:00:58,439 --> 00:01:00,740
opportunity to invest
in a beauty pageant?

20
00:01:00,742 --> 00:01:02,810
Everything looked very legit.

21
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,211
It was all in place.

22
00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:05,613
He had all the connections.

23
00:01:05,615 --> 00:01:08,014
He wanted somebody
to front the money.

24
00:01:08,016 --> 00:01:09,249
Me. Okay, fine.

25
00:01:09,251 --> 00:01:11,384
I've always wanted to
do a beauty pageant.

26
00:01:11,386 --> 00:01:12,385
Stop. Why?

27
00:01:12,387 --> 00:01:15,354
Because you make a lot of cash,
and you ogle some broads.

28
00:01:15,356 --> 00:01:17,355
Yeah, I don't question
that aspect of it.

29
00:01:17,357 --> 00:01:19,358
Yeah, that seems right
up your alley, bro.

30
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,997
Oh, this jerk gets pinched
for coming on to one of the

31
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:25,602
contestants, and now it
looks like a whole scam.

32
00:01:25,604 --> 00:01:28,205
And if I don't legitimize this
thing, everybody's gonna think

33
00:01:28,207 --> 00:01:29,140
I'm just like him.

34
00:01:29,142 --> 00:01:31,143
Why don't you just
drop the whole thing?

35
00:01:31,145 --> 00:01:32,144
I can't, Charlie.

36
00:01:32,146 --> 00:01:33,145
It's already going.

37
00:01:33,147 --> 00:01:34,147
It's in motion.

38
00:01:34,149 --> 00:01:35,248
I mean, it's really a mess.

39
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:39,286
Any second now, there's gonna be broads
walking through that door in swimsuits.

40
00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:40,320
Awesome.

41
00:01:40,322 --> 00:01:41,321
That's a good thing.

42
00:01:47,764 --> 00:01:51,765
Come on, girls.

43
00:01:54,602 --> 00:01:58,671
That's the problem.

44
00:02:00,225 --> 00:02:10,225
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

45
00:02:23,623 --> 00:02:24,556
A kids' pageant.

46
00:02:24,558 --> 00:02:26,558
I didn't know...
Are you kidding me?

47
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,427
I didn't know it was
a kids' pageant.

48
00:02:28,429 --> 00:02:29,261
The guy didn't make that clear.

49
00:02:29,263 --> 00:02:31,263
Now I'm lumped in
with a diddler.

50
00:02:31,265 --> 00:02:32,264
What am I gonna do?

51
00:02:32,266 --> 00:02:33,265
This is a mess.

52
00:02:33,267 --> 00:02:35,101
Well, I don't know
what the big deal is.

53
00:02:35,103 --> 00:02:36,969
You know, I did pageants all
the time when I was little.

54
00:02:36,971 --> 00:02:37,970
The big deal?

55
00:02:37,972 --> 00:02:39,705
The big deal is that mothers
force their kids into this so

56
00:02:39,707 --> 00:02:42,642
that they can dress them up like dolls
and parade them around like sex objects.

57
00:02:42,644 --> 00:02:43,642
It's creepy.

58
00:02:43,644 --> 00:02:45,644
My mother didn't
force me into it.

59
00:02:45,646 --> 00:02:46,645
I entered them myself.

60
00:02:46,647 --> 00:02:47,646
Yeah, that's true.

61
00:02:47,648 --> 00:02:49,415
Actually, when Dee used to enter
pageants when we were kids, Mom

62
00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:52,018
used to tell her not to waste her time,
because she isn't pretty enough.

63
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,920
Mm-hmm, she would say that, and
then I would jam it right in

64
00:02:53,922 --> 00:02:54,854
her face when I'd win them.

65
00:02:54,856 --> 00:02:55,722
How would you win pageants?

66
00:02:55,724 --> 00:02:56,723
Did you have a different face?

67
00:02:56,725 --> 00:02:58,725
No, she was a dog
back then, too.

68
00:02:58,727 --> 00:02:59,927
It's just that
she worked at it.

69
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:03,431
She used to go to tanning, and you
know, she practiced with her makeup.

70
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,433
I'll give you that— you did
a lot of that practicing.

71
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,434
Thanks, Frank.

72
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,304
Yeah, yeah, you guys got to change
your thinking about child pageants.

73
00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:11,106
I mean, child pageants— that's
American tradition right there.

74
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,107
Child pageantry.

75
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,108
Think about it.

76
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:16,645
In other countries, okay, women that
can't show their ankles, right?

77
00:03:16,647 --> 00:03:18,580
They got to be in those big,
black tarps or whatever.

78
00:03:18,582 --> 00:03:19,581
Mm.

79
00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,316
In America, we can show toddlers
in tiny bikinis, we can

80
00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,252
make them tan, because
that's our right.

81
00:03:23,254 --> 00:03:24,253
Mm-hmm.

82
00:03:24,255 --> 00:03:25,254
As Americans, okay.

83
00:03:25,256 --> 00:03:27,256
Child pageantry is an essential
part of the American fabric.

84
00:03:27,258 --> 00:03:28,257
You know what?

85
00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:31,260
We should dress up our little kids
just to show other people that we can.

86
00:03:31,262 --> 00:03:32,261
Mm-hmm.

87
00:03:32,263 --> 00:03:34,096
Yeah, yeah, I never thought
about it that way.

88
00:03:34,098 --> 00:03:34,930
This is about
freedom, isn't it?

89
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:35,931
Mm-hmm.

90
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,766
We can do whatever we
want with our kids.

91
00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:38,767
Yeah.

92
00:03:38,769 --> 00:03:40,568
And that's what
America is all about.

93
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:42,437
You know what you
just did, Charlie?

94
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,205
You just loaded up that train
with coal, and now it's ready to

95
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:44,939
tear down the tracks.

96
00:03:44,941 --> 00:03:45,773
That was inspiring as hell.

97
00:03:45,775 --> 00:03:46,774
Yes.

98
00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:48,575
Let's throw ourselves a pageant!

99
00:03:48,577 --> 00:03:49,576
Let's do a child pageant.

100
00:03:49,578 --> 00:03:50,577
U.S.A.

101
00:03:50,579 --> 00:03:54,581
U.S.A., U.S.A.,
U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!

102
00:03:56,886 --> 00:03:57,952
Okay. Okay.

103
00:03:57,954 --> 00:03:59,253
Thank you. Thank you. Good.

104
00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:00,554
Thank... Calm down, everybody.

105
00:04:00,556 --> 00:04:01,689
Calm down. Calm down.

106
00:04:01,691 --> 00:04:03,824
Thanks for coming to
Frank's Little Beauties.

107
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,927
I want to thank you all
for participating.

108
00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:08,262
I know some of you may have
heard about that other guy.

109
00:04:08,264 --> 00:04:10,465
I am not gonna
diddle your kids.

110
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,666
I'm not like that.

111
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:12,668
That's not my thing.

112
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:13,669
I met that guy in a titty bar.

113
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,704
It's like a... That's enough.
That's enough.

114
00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:18,574
Hi there. Dee Reynolds,
former pageant winner.

115
00:04:18,576 --> 00:04:21,845
I know how these things work, so,
uh, your kids are in good hands.

116
00:04:21,847 --> 00:04:23,814
Go ahead and talk
amongst yourselves.

117
00:04:23,816 --> 00:04:24,815
Frank, will you...?

118
00:04:24,817 --> 00:04:26,851
Frank, your nose is bleeding
all over the place.

119
00:04:27,887 --> 00:04:29,653
Do I look suspicious?

120
00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:32,222
You look grotesque.

121
00:04:34,993 --> 00:04:36,160
Magic's in the air.

122
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,165
Yeah.

123
00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:43,167
We shouldn't be looking at
this pageant as a problem.

124
00:04:43,169 --> 00:04:45,235
We should be looking at this as
an opportunity to do something

125
00:04:45,237 --> 00:04:46,170
we've never done before.

126
00:04:46,172 --> 00:04:48,172
This is right in our wheelhouse.

127
00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:51,142
I'm having a blast putting this...
Hey, I'm thinking maybe we could

128
00:04:51,144 --> 00:04:52,143
actually be in this thing?

129
00:04:52,145 --> 00:04:55,447
I'm glad you said it, because I'm
desperate to be in this thing.

130
00:04:55,449 --> 00:04:56,448
Oh!

131
00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:58,449
I didn't realize it was
even a conversation.

132
00:04:58,451 --> 00:05:00,284
I always assumed we would
be heavily involved.

133
00:05:00,286 --> 00:05:01,319
This is bad.

134
00:05:01,321 --> 00:05:04,422
We got to definitely write a song
about how we do not diddle kids.

135
00:05:09,095 --> 00:05:11,262
There is no quicker way for
people to think that you are

136
00:05:11,264 --> 00:05:13,197
diddling kids than by
writing a song about it.

137
00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:14,198
You got to write a song.

138
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,299
It's just like... Ooh.

139
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:23,806
Something like that.

140
00:05:24,809 --> 00:05:26,808
Don't write a song about that.

141
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:27,809
No.

142
00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:30,045
I'm cloudy. I got a headache.

143
00:05:36,132 --> 00:05:37,066
Uh, excuse me.

144
00:05:37,186 --> 00:05:38,402
Who's in charge here?

145
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,736
Well, usually that's whoever
yells the loudest, but I am the

146
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,671
only one here right now,
so I am in charge.

147
00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:43,672
Oh, hi.

148
00:05:43,674 --> 00:05:44,673
Uh, my name is Walter Harris.

149
00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:45,674
Hi.

150
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:48,676
I'm with the Family Association
for the Protection of Children.

151
00:05:48,678 --> 00:05:50,010
No! Ooh, ooh.

152
00:05:50,012 --> 00:05:51,611
Okay.

153
00:05:51,613 --> 00:05:58,318
Uh, you know, I... I'm-I'm pretty much...
I'm in charge of this... the

154
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,488
chairs and... setting up...
the chairs.

155
00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:02,489
Mm.

156
00:06:02,491 --> 00:06:03,557
But there's a guy.

157
00:06:03,559 --> 00:06:05,225
Uh, uh, there's a fat guy.

158
00:06:05,227 --> 00:06:09,463
Well, his face is busted to bits, and he...
he's in charge.

159
00:06:09,465 --> 00:06:11,464
He's-He's the guy that
you want to talk to.

160
00:06:11,466 --> 00:06:15,502
He might be this way, so I'll go...
I'm gonna go back here and look for him.

161
00:06:15,504 --> 00:06:17,570
Uh, you check it out
around the corner.

162
00:06:17,572 --> 00:06:20,272
Real jacked up face and fat.

163
00:06:21,942 --> 00:06:23,943
So, how's everyone doing today?

164
00:06:23,945 --> 00:06:25,144
Is everyone feeling safe?

165
00:06:25,146 --> 00:06:26,145
The F.A.P.C., huh?

166
00:06:26,147 --> 00:06:27,146
That's what he said.

167
00:06:27,148 --> 00:06:29,148
They're siccing the
dogs after us.

168
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,149
We're screwed.

169
00:06:30,151 --> 00:06:30,983
Hey, we're fine, Frank.

170
00:06:30,985 --> 00:06:31,983
We got nothing to hide.

171
00:06:31,985 --> 00:06:32,918
Yeah, you know what?

172
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,919
To be honest with you, I'm
glad he's gonna observe us.

173
00:06:34,921 --> 00:06:36,921
I mean, somebody should be
looking out for these kids.

174
00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:38,989
Yeah, those mothers just left
their kids here in a bar with

175
00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:41,658
complete strangers in a pageant
that's under investigation.

176
00:06:43,662 --> 00:06:44,494
They're terrible parents.

177
00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:45,495
Yeah.

178
00:06:45,497 --> 00:06:46,496
This is a mess!

179
00:06:46,498 --> 00:06:48,230
Frank, why don't you go lay
down and put some ice on your

180
00:06:48,232 --> 00:06:48,998
face, 'cause you look terrible?

181
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,832
Yeah, Jesus, Frank, fix
your face, for God sake.

182
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:51,833
Yeah.

183
00:06:51,835 --> 00:06:52,834
Yeah. Yeah.

184
00:06:52,836 --> 00:06:53,835
Relax. Go, go.

185
00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:55,670
We'll take care of
everything in here.

186
00:06:55,672 --> 00:06:57,538
Everything's gonna
be fine, Frank.

187
00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:58,539
Yeah, we got it. We got it.

188
00:06:58,541 --> 00:06:59,373
It's all gonna be fine.

189
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,374
Now you pinned the whole
thing on him, right?

190
00:07:01,376 --> 00:07:02,208
Oh, yeah, of course I did.

191
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,209
Hey, good thinking.

192
00:07:03,211 --> 00:07:04,209
Good. Good, good, good, good.

193
00:07:04,211 --> 00:07:08,246
Okay, ladies, chins up,
hands down, step forward.

194
00:07:08,248 --> 00:07:11,149
One, two, three, one, two.

195
00:07:11,151 --> 00:07:13,084
Fan, turn. Hit it! Stick it!

196
00:07:13,086 --> 00:07:14,720
Let me see it!

197
00:07:14,722 --> 00:07:16,622
Pose!

198
00:07:16,624 --> 00:07:18,124
Come on, hit the line.

199
00:07:18,126 --> 00:07:20,292
Get in line. What is this?

200
00:07:20,294 --> 00:07:21,460
Guys, we got to put on a show!

201
00:07:21,462 --> 00:07:24,063
I thought you were
professionals.

202
00:07:24,065 --> 00:07:27,199
That's what I'm looking for,
and I don't see professionals.

203
00:07:27,201 --> 00:07:35,073
I see amateurs, I see trash, little
pieces of trash on my stage.

204
00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:36,074
You guys are dummies.

205
00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:37,709
It's not even hard.

206
00:07:37,711 --> 00:07:40,177
You are dumb.

207
00:07:40,179 --> 00:07:41,579
It's not hard.

208
00:07:41,581 --> 00:07:42,579
Samantha's mean.

209
00:07:42,581 --> 00:07:46,883
Samantha gets to be mean
because Samantha is a star, okay?

210
00:07:46,885 --> 00:07:49,084
Maybe one day you'll be a star,
but right now you're not.

211
00:07:49,086 --> 00:07:49,752
You're junk.

212
00:07:49,754 --> 00:07:50,819
I have to go to the bathroom.

213
00:07:50,821 --> 00:07:51,586
You belong in the bathroom.

214
00:07:51,588 --> 00:07:52,587
Go!

215
00:07:52,589 --> 00:07:54,656
Let's take a five,
let's take a break.

216
00:07:54,658 --> 00:07:55,325
I'm so upset.

217
00:07:55,327 --> 00:07:55,992
Are you okay?

218
00:07:55,994 --> 00:07:58,828
You're doing great.

219
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:00,997
We'll be dressed very stylishly
for the performance.

220
00:08:00,999 --> 00:08:04,067
It's going to be a great
performance, Walter, very classy.

221
00:08:04,069 --> 00:08:05,068
I look forward to seeing it.

222
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:07,670
Just make sure that the
children are featured.

223
00:08:07,672 --> 00:08:08,738
That is who this is about.

224
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:09,738
Yeah.

225
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:10,539
Yeah... it's about the kids.

226
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:11,874
Absolutely, all about
the kids, yeah.

227
00:08:11,876 --> 00:08:13,541
Absolutely, yeah, no, totally.

228
00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:15,143
Hey, Walter, you want
to come sit with us?

229
00:08:15,145 --> 00:08:16,845
Yeah, come sit sith...
You lost him.

230
00:08:16,847 --> 00:08:17,712
Hello, everybody.

231
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,514
He's all business,
that guy, you know?

232
00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:20,749
He is all over us, man.

233
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:24,987
We got to put on a good
show, you guys, we got to.

234
00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:26,455
Hello.

235
00:08:26,457 --> 00:08:29,024
That was some pretty impressive
work out there, Samantha.

236
00:08:29,026 --> 00:08:31,159
Excuse me, I'm eating my lunch.

237
00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:32,928
Well, don't get sassy with me.

238
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,363
I'm trying to pay
you a compliment.

239
00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:38,499
You know, I see a lot
of myself in you.

240
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:39,500
You're not like me.

241
00:08:39,502 --> 00:08:40,501
You're ugly.

242
00:08:41,537 --> 00:08:43,737
You don't— that's not
something you say.

243
00:08:43,739 --> 00:08:44,738
You're mean.

244
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:47,573
You're the meanest
girl in the world.

245
00:08:47,575 --> 00:08:48,941
Okay, you know what?

246
00:08:48,943 --> 00:08:51,209
You better thank your lucky
stars I'm not in this

247
00:08:51,211 --> 00:08:54,611
competition because I would
eat you for breakfast.

248
00:08:54,613 --> 00:08:57,513
You're driving me nuts.

249
00:08:57,515 --> 00:08:58,647
I don't like your hair.

250
00:08:58,649 --> 00:08:59,348
It's dumb.

251
00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:01,116
Your hair looks like it's dead.

252
00:09:01,118 --> 00:09:02,117
All right, that's it.

253
00:09:02,119 --> 00:09:03,284
You listen to me.

254
00:09:03,286 --> 00:09:06,052
All hair is technically dead,
you stupid idiot smarty-pants

255
00:09:06,054 --> 00:09:06,987
stupid, stupid idiot.

256
00:09:06,989 --> 00:09:08,989
You better watch
yourself, Samantha.

257
00:09:08,991 --> 00:09:09,656
Do you hear me?

258
00:09:09,658 --> 00:09:10,757
Because I am coming for you.

259
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:11,425
Knock, knock.

260
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:12,092
Who's there?

261
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,393
Terrible breath.

262
00:09:19,168 --> 00:09:20,168
Wheezing.

263
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:21,102
Dude, you're wheezing now.

264
00:09:21,104 --> 00:09:22,003
Slow down.

265
00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:22,703
Breathe and eat separately.

266
00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:24,472
This is what America is about,
okay, being able to eat

267
00:09:24,474 --> 00:09:25,473
at any rate you want to eat.

268
00:09:25,475 --> 00:09:26,140
Shut, shut up.

269
00:09:26,142 --> 00:09:27,742
Stop making all of these
things about America.

270
00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:31,278
You're fat not because of America...
Can we just change the conversation?

271
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,214
Can we just focus
on something else?

272
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:35,282
Did you guys see the
boy that's here?

273
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:35,949
Oh, yeah.

274
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:36,616
Yeah, yeah.

275
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,384
I mean, what's that all about?

276
00:09:38,386 --> 00:09:40,386
I imagine Dad probably
skipped town.

277
00:09:40,388 --> 00:09:43,155
Mom always wanted a daughter, so
she sticks her little boy in the

278
00:09:43,157 --> 00:09:45,424
pageant, right, so she can play
out her little fantasies about

279
00:09:45,426 --> 00:09:46,192
having a little girl.

280
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:48,594
That kid does not want
to be here, you know.

281
00:09:48,596 --> 00:09:49,829
A kid like this needs guidance.

282
00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:56,036
He needs real men showing him what it's...
Would you like to see my dance?

283
00:09:56,038 --> 00:09:57,037
Uh, yeah.

284
00:09:57,039 --> 00:09:58,038
Yeah.

285
00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,072
Sure.

286
00:10:06,347 --> 00:10:09,249
I don't think this boy is being
pushed into this at all.

287
00:10:09,251 --> 00:10:11,718
This is a boy who genuinely
loves pageantry.

288
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:12,718
Yeah.

289
00:10:14,589 --> 00:10:15,587
You know what?

290
00:10:15,589 --> 00:10:17,723
I bet he's never
won one of these.

291
00:10:17,725 --> 00:10:18,657
We should help him win.

292
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:19,658
Totally.

293
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,626
For once let's let the
boys in America win.

294
00:10:21,628 --> 00:10:23,761
Well, maybe we could make a
few adjustments to the song,

295
00:10:23,763 --> 00:10:24,729
maybe update it a little bit.

296
00:10:24,731 --> 00:10:26,497
Yes, the song needs an update.

297
00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:27,932
All these old patriotic
songs need updates.

298
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,733
Yeah, they're like
200 years old.

299
00:10:29,735 --> 00:10:31,168
That's why nobody wants
to listen to 'em.

300
00:10:33,974 --> 00:10:34,973
Hey, all right, hey.

301
00:10:34,975 --> 00:10:37,342
All right, man.

302
00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:39,445
Good job, Benjamin.

303
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:40,746
Hey, Justine.

304
00:10:40,748 --> 00:10:41,748
Hey.

305
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:43,783
Hey, can we talk for
just a quick sec?

306
00:10:43,785 --> 00:10:47,254
Yeah, I really need to do my homework, but...
Ah, I know, but I'm the adult

307
00:10:47,256 --> 00:10:49,789
and I said we were gonna talk,
so that's what's gonna happen.

308
00:10:49,791 --> 00:10:52,725
Listen, I bet you wish you could
win this pageant, don't you?

309
00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:54,961
My mom says I'm not
pretty enough.

310
00:10:54,963 --> 00:10:56,096
Your mom doesn't know dick.

311
00:10:56,098 --> 00:10:58,665
She's a dumb, fat cow, and your
sister— she is a stupid little

312
00:10:58,667 --> 00:10:59,399
shit-mouthed bitch, isn't she?

313
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:01,468
You just said a
lot of bad words.

314
00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:04,871
Here's what's gonna happen, Justine,
you are going to win this pageant.

315
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:05,839
You are gonna win this pageant!

316
00:11:05,841 --> 00:11:08,341
And I am going to be the one
who pushes you to do it.

317
00:11:08,343 --> 00:11:09,442
What do you think about that?

318
00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:10,309
Are you excited?

319
00:11:10,311 --> 00:11:11,477
Are you excited about that?

320
00:11:11,479 --> 00:11:13,279
Yeah, I don't really
care about any of that.

321
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:16,281
I know, but it's not what you care
about, it's what I care about.

322
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:17,283
Okay.

323
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:18,284
Okay, ready?

324
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,785
Oh, we got a lot of work to do.

325
00:11:19,787 --> 00:11:20,453
Screw this homework, right?

326
00:11:20,455 --> 00:11:22,454
Come on.

327
00:11:30,784 --> 00:11:31,823
So great to see you.

328
00:11:31,943 --> 00:11:32,699
It's a pleasure to meet you.

329
00:11:32,819 --> 00:11:33,629
Thank you so much.

330
00:11:33,749 --> 00:11:35,562
Thank you very...
Guys, Walter's here.

331
00:11:35,802 --> 00:11:36,801
He looks very pleased.

332
00:11:36,803 --> 00:11:37,568
Good, good, he should.

333
00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:39,404
I mean, this is like...
Yeah, yeah.

334
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:40,405
Okay, good.

335
00:11:40,407 --> 00:11:41,072
I'm here.

336
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:42,073
Oh.

337
00:11:42,075 --> 00:11:43,808
What on earth did you
do to your face?

338
00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:45,877
I had it done at a funeral home.

339
00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:46,878
Why, why, why?

340
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,582
Where in the hell am I going to go— to
the goddamn makeup counter at Macy's?

341
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,484
You go to a funeral home
to get gruesome repairs.

342
00:11:53,486 --> 00:11:54,485
Look.

343
00:11:54,487 --> 00:11:56,586
You look like you're
at your own wake.

344
00:11:56,588 --> 00:12:01,726
Frank, Frank, I need some water.

345
00:12:01,728 --> 00:12:05,563
My mouth is dry.

346
00:12:05,565 --> 00:12:06,564
Your mouth is dry.

347
00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:12,103
Go into the toilet and run
your mouth under the sink.

348
00:12:12,105 --> 00:12:14,105
Okay.

349
00:12:14,107 --> 00:12:15,539
Yeah, can I, could I, can I?

350
00:12:15,541 --> 00:12:17,074
I have a... Who's that?

351
00:12:17,076 --> 00:12:17,742
He's the mortician.

352
00:12:17,744 --> 00:12:18,409
I invited him.

353
00:12:18,411 --> 00:12:20,077
Oh, you brought the mortician.

354
00:12:20,079 --> 00:12:21,946
Okay, well, that's not going to
seem strange to anybody at all.

355
00:12:21,948 --> 00:12:22,713
I figure he's a cretin.

356
00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:25,516
Why would I have a cretin like that
near me if I have something to hide?

357
00:12:25,518 --> 00:12:28,285
Hmm... Associating with a man like
that's not going to make you

358
00:12:28,287 --> 00:12:28,886
look any better.

359
00:12:28,888 --> 00:12:30,822
Hey, hey, hey,
you're on in five.

360
00:12:30,824 --> 00:12:31,489
Oh, whoa.

361
00:12:31,491 --> 00:12:33,257
Artemis, what are
you doing here?

362
00:12:33,259 --> 00:12:34,759
She's working the
soundboard, okay, relax.

363
00:12:34,761 --> 00:12:35,526
Is that a good idea?

364
00:12:35,528 --> 00:12:37,595
Does she know how to
work a soundboard?

365
00:12:37,597 --> 00:12:38,663
Who else are we going to get?

366
00:12:38,665 --> 00:12:40,733
We don't have a very
deep bench, dude.

367
00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:41,733
Okay.

368
00:12:41,735 --> 00:12:43,335
I'm gonna go get high
before the show.

369
00:12:43,337 --> 00:12:44,336
Okay.

370
00:12:44,338 --> 00:12:45,104
Seems like a bad idea.

371
00:12:45,106 --> 00:12:45,804
Well, don't get high.

372
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,039
It's making us look bad.

373
00:12:47,041 --> 00:12:48,173
I'm sweating like a pig.

374
00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:49,241
I got to get my makeup redone.

375
00:12:49,243 --> 00:12:49,908
Okay, showtime, showtime.

376
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:51,676
All right, let's
get ready, guys.

377
00:12:51,678 --> 00:12:52,544
Showtime, showtime, showtime.

378
00:12:52,546 --> 00:12:54,813
Whoa... Showtime.

379
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:57,916
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

380
00:13:00,153 --> 00:13:01,152
("America the Beautiful"

381
00:13:01,154 --> 00:13:04,155
playing)

382
00:13:09,128 --> 00:13:11,729
Give me a beat.

383
00:14:21,502 --> 00:14:23,969
Is that it, Artemis?

384
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,039
Very nice performance.

385
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:29,841
Very nice and
clean performance.

386
00:14:29,843 --> 00:14:31,143
Welcome.

387
00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:35,246
Welcome to our
legitimate show of kids.

388
00:14:35,248 --> 00:14:37,015
Uh, very, very, very nice.

389
00:14:37,017 --> 00:14:42,053
Which one of these talented, uh,
entertainers, who I am not

390
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:44,989
attracted to at all,
will be the winner?

391
00:14:44,991 --> 00:14:47,392
I'm not attracted to any
of them, none of them.

392
00:14:47,394 --> 00:14:49,027
And that's the way it is.

393
00:14:49,029 --> 00:14:53,831
Anyway, everybody put your hands
together and clap for the kids.

394
00:14:53,833 --> 00:14:55,300
Clap, clap.

395
00:14:55,302 --> 00:14:57,034
And you wave good-bye.

396
00:14:57,036 --> 00:14:58,602
Wave. Wave good-bye.

397
00:14:58,604 --> 00:14:59,603
Go to your dressing room.

398
00:14:59,605 --> 00:15:00,605
We're gonna start the show.

399
00:15:00,607 --> 00:15:01,606
Go on.

400
00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:02,607
Bye, Frank.

401
00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:04,609
Okay, just don't touch...
Go to there. Go on in there.

402
00:15:04,611 --> 00:15:06,611
Their dressing room...
Bye, Frank.

403
00:15:06,613 --> 00:15:08,613
over there on that
side of the stage.

404
00:15:08,615 --> 00:15:10,348
I am going to my dressing room.

405
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:11,450
We wil wbe right back.

406
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,417
I'm over here.

407
00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:46,686
Oh, my hair hurts.

408
00:15:46,688 --> 00:15:48,021
I know. I know, mine, too.

409
00:15:48,023 --> 00:15:49,088
We look good.

410
00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:50,090
Okay, finish up that coffee.

411
00:15:50,092 --> 00:15:51,090
Ugh! I don't like it.

412
00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:52,092
You do, too, like it.

413
00:15:52,094 --> 00:15:54,094
Look, it doesn't matter
whether you like it or not.

414
00:15:54,096 --> 00:15:56,096
You need to be
high energy, okay?

415
00:15:56,098 --> 00:15:58,098
Do you want to win
this thing or not?

416
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,099
I don't care.

417
00:15:59,101 --> 00:16:00,167
Yes, you do care, all right?

418
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:01,168
Pop your teeth in.

419
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:02,169
Pop your teeth in right now.

420
00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:03,170
Really?

421
00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,171
Let's see 'em.

422
00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:07,174
You look fantastic.

423
00:16:07,176 --> 00:16:09,509
Let's go show those
stupid moms, huh?

424
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:10,510
Mm.

425
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,380
Come on.

426
00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:23,558
Moms stink.

427
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,393
P-ew!

428
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:28,830
Yeah!

429
00:16:28,832 --> 00:16:36,138
Me and you should go ♪ Into a secret
world Where no one tells us What to do.

430
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:38,140
Moms are stupid.

431
00:16:38,142 --> 00:16:40,108
Doy!

432
00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:54,525
Boo!

433
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:08,374
People of earth, prepare for
the future of patriotism.

434
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:29,829
Hey!

435
00:17:44,345 --> 00:17:47,981
Mr. Gorbachev, tear
down this wall.

436
00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:53,386
The only thing we have to fear is...
fear itself.

437
00:17:53,388 --> 00:17:54,388
Hey, hey, what is this?

438
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,390
What are you people
doing to my son?

439
00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:57,391
Go back to your seat.

440
00:17:57,393 --> 00:17:59,394
All right, who's in charge here?

441
00:17:59,396 --> 00:18:01,930
Sir, uh, go back to your seat.

442
00:18:17,913 --> 00:18:19,913
Well, someone should have
worn a shirt, right?

443
00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:20,914
Probably the kid.

444
00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:21,915
The kid definitely.

445
00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:22,916
Yeah.

446
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:23,917
It felt uncomfortable.

447
00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:25,919
But at a rave, I feel like
that would have been awesome.

448
00:18:25,921 --> 00:18:27,921
I know, but the
kids make it weird.

449
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:28,922
It did get a little weird.

450
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:31,258
I can't figure this...
tie out here.

451
00:18:32,262 --> 00:18:36,031
I got a question about
you morticians.

452
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:37,332
You bang the dead bodies?

453
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:40,169
Mm... no.

454
00:18:40,171 --> 00:18:42,171
Imagine stuff like
that goes on all time.

455
00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:43,172
I mean, I don't give a shit.

456
00:18:43,174 --> 00:18:45,175
If I was dead, you could bang
me all you want. Who cares?

457
00:18:46,178 --> 00:18:48,178
Dead body's like a
piece of trash.

458
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:51,014
I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want...
Turn his mic down.

459
00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:52,849
I'm trying. I don't know...
I don't know how.

460
00:18:52,851 --> 00:18:53,850
You don't know how?

461
00:18:53,852 --> 00:18:54,683
I don't know which one it is.

462
00:18:54,685 --> 00:18:55,518
Fill me up with cream.

463
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,353
Turn me...
What's going on, you idiot?

464
00:18:57,355 --> 00:18:59,188
Make a stew out of my ass.

465
00:19:00,024 --> 00:19:01,923
What's the big deal?
Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little

466
00:19:01,925 --> 00:19:02,858
pieces, throw me in the river.

467
00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:03,859
Who gives a shit?

468
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:04,859
You're dead, you're dead.

469
00:19:04,861 --> 00:19:05,860
Ooh, shit.

470
00:19:05,862 --> 00:19:06,861
Is my mic on?

471
00:19:06,863 --> 00:19:07,862
Oh, God.

472
00:19:07,864 --> 00:19:08,864
Oh!

473
00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:10,866
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

474
00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:12,868
That was a mistake.

475
00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:15,671
The janitor got a hold of the P.A. system.

476
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:16,740
Puerto Rican guy.

477
00:19:17,743 --> 00:19:19,476
You know, kids are great.

478
00:19:19,478 --> 00:19:22,179
I love the kids.

479
00:19:22,181 --> 00:19:23,013
Not in a sexual way.

480
00:19:23,015 --> 00:19:27,117
No, I was married 20 years, and
she was a bitch, but she was

481
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,052
old, and I never had a problem
getting it up with her.

482
00:19:30,055 --> 00:19:31,054
What is this?

483
00:19:31,056 --> 00:19:32,055
Get the girls!

484
00:19:32,057 --> 00:19:33,056
Well, well, well, wait. What.

485
00:19:33,058 --> 00:19:36,059
All right, all right, miss, could you,
um, give me a little music, please?

486
00:19:36,061 --> 00:19:37,060
Play something nice.

487
00:19:37,062 --> 00:19:38,061
Play something.

488
00:19:38,063 --> 00:19:39,062
Play him out of here.

489
00:19:39,064 --> 00:19:40,897
Play some music,
play some music.

490
00:19:40,899 --> 00:19:41,898
Yeah, okay, okay.

491
00:19:45,737 --> 00:19:46,735
I don't this.

492
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:47,736
I do not know this one.

493
00:19:47,738 --> 00:19:51,073
Come on, give me something like...

494
00:19:51,075 --> 00:19:53,576
Walter, come up and help me
and, uh, uh, help the people.

495
00:19:53,578 --> 00:19:54,577
Let's just leave.

496
00:19:54,579 --> 00:19:55,578
Yeah, let's go.

497
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:58,582
Yeah, let's go, 'cause this is a bad...
Yeah, let's go.

498
00:19:58,584 --> 00:20:00,584
I just want you to be
having a great time.

499
00:20:00,586 --> 00:20:01,585
Police. Oh, no.

500
00:20:01,587 --> 00:20:02,586
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

501
00:20:02,588 --> 00:20:04,355
Whoa. Oh, that's it.

502
00:20:04,357 --> 00:20:06,690
I'm done. I'm going away.

503
00:20:06,692 --> 00:20:09,393
Get your hands off me, pigs.

504
00:20:09,395 --> 00:20:11,128
Why are you taking Walter?

505
00:20:11,130 --> 00:20:12,729
Man's a diddler.

506
00:20:13,732 --> 00:20:16,633
Sick son of a bitch goes around
all these kids pageants,

507
00:20:16,635 --> 00:20:17,834
pretends he's an inspector.

508
00:20:17,836 --> 00:20:20,637
We've been looking
for him for a while.

509
00:20:20,639 --> 00:20:24,174
I'm just glad we finally
got him off the street.

510
00:20:25,177 --> 00:20:26,176
You got your man.

511
00:20:26,178 --> 00:20:28,845
So, there's another unrelated
diddler in the mix?

512
00:20:28,847 --> 00:20:31,848
Well, I mean, these things are
just magnets for those people.

513
00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:33,950
It's like throwing a picnic at
the beach and getting pissed

514
00:20:33,952 --> 00:20:34,884
when the seagulls show up.

515
00:20:34,886 --> 00:20:35,885
Yeah, you have to expect it.

516
00:20:35,887 --> 00:20:36,886
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

517
00:20:36,888 --> 00:20:37,887
Yeah, totally.

518
00:20:37,889 --> 00:20:40,123
I tell you, children's ' beauty
pageants are an American

519
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,057
tradition, but not a proud one.

520
00:20:41,059 --> 00:20:42,058
Nope.

521
00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:43,059
I'm gonna go.

522
00:20:43,061 --> 00:20:44,060
Me, too. Yeah.

523
00:20:44,062 --> 00:20:47,062
Let's go, let's go, because it
still doesn't... Wait! Wait!

524
00:20:47,064 --> 00:20:48,397
Who won?

525
00:20:48,399 --> 00:20:49,398
Uh, um, Samantha.

526
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,399
She's the prettiest, right?

527
00:20:50,401 --> 00:20:51,400
Yeah.

528
00:20:51,402 --> 00:20:52,401
Come on.

529
00:20:52,403 --> 00:20:53,402
Yeah.

530
00:20:53,404 --> 00:20:56,124
Yay, I'm the winner!

531
00:20:56,416 --> 00:21:00,280
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com