1 00:00:18,537 --> 00:00:20,637 Dee, what are you doing? 2 00:00:20,655 --> 00:00:21,837 I'm eating cake. 3 00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:23,367 I can see that you're eating cake, 4 00:00:23,386 --> 00:00:26,380 but that's Frank's cake from, like, a month ago. I threw that in the trash! 5 00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:28,523 Oh, my God. Seriously? - Yes! 6 00:00:28,547 --> 00:00:30,645 Dee, you're eating trash cake and smoking? 7 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,763 I mean, you know what you look like? 8 00:00:32,775 --> 00:00:34,503 - You look like... - Like a bird? 9 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,242 Yeah. Yeah, of course you look like a bird. 10 00:00:37,273 --> 00:00:38,473 - Yeah. - You always look like a bird. 11 00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:40,507 But I was gonna say, uh, you look like a... 12 00:00:40,526 --> 00:00:44,685 Like a, like a bird lady covered in bird shit eating cake? 13 00:00:44,751 --> 00:00:46,260 - Dee, slow down, all right? - Yeah. 14 00:00:46,278 --> 00:00:48,004 - Let the man do this. - Let me do my thing. 15 00:00:48,029 --> 00:00:49,182 You're jumping on my thing here. 16 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,393 You know what she looks like? She looks like a bird that has no... 17 00:00:51,423 --> 00:00:53,692 A bird with no tits and no ass? 18 00:00:53,714 --> 00:00:55,183 - Dee, let us handle... - Yeah. 19 00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:57,395 I got one, I got one. - Go, go, go, go, go, go! 20 00:00:57,429 --> 00:00:59,547 - She looks like... - Like a bird. 21 00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:01,797 - That was it. - Was that it? 22 00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:02,578 - Ah... - That was it. 23 00:01:02,594 --> 00:01:04,706 - See? That would have been funny, Dee. - Right. Yeah, Dee, don't... 24 00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,528 What are you doing? You know, that's not fun. Stop. 25 00:01:06,553 --> 00:01:09,414 - Stop whatever this is. I don't like it. - I'm sorry, you guys. I'm sorry. 26 00:01:09,441 --> 00:01:11,843 Don't apologize. That's just sad. Fight back at us. 27 00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:15,356 What's the point? The joke's always on me, all right? I get it. 28 00:01:15,381 --> 00:01:17,931 - Yeah, but it's no fun unless you fight back. - Yeah. 29 00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:21,040 - Yeah, I'm just gonna go home. - Good, go home. I hope you, uh... 30 00:01:21,083 --> 00:01:23,359 - You hope I get hit by a bus? - Dee, come on, that's... 31 00:01:23,378 --> 00:01:24,640 What difference does it make? 32 00:01:24,665 --> 00:01:27,031 I can't get any lower than I am already. 33 00:01:27,056 --> 00:01:29,412 I might as well just throw myself in front of a bus though, 34 00:01:29,443 --> 00:01:32,570 because I'm so ugly I can't even get a bus to hit on me. 35 00:01:32,779 --> 00:01:33,750 Well. 36 00:01:34,107 --> 00:01:35,207 Geez. 37 00:01:36,479 --> 00:01:38,325 What the hell was that all about? 38 00:01:40,443 --> 00:01:42,686 I'll tell you exactly what that was. 39 00:02:13,405 --> 00:02:16,693 - Dee? Dee, are you dead? - Did you kill yourself, Dee, or...? 40 00:02:16,743 --> 00:02:18,855 - Ah. - Dee, why is your door unlocked? 41 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,846 Do you realize how unsafe that is? 42 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:21,651 Mm-hmm. 43 00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:24,956 Okay, Dee, this is truly pathetic, 44 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:28,060 and you are really bringing us down, so we're gonna help you out. 45 00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:33,199 We realize we may be in some ways responsible for the state you're in. 46 00:02:33,223 --> 00:02:35,894 Yeah, all right, so we got an idea though, okay? 47 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:38,707 We're gonna sign you up for an open mic night at a comedy club! 48 00:02:38,731 --> 00:02:40,162 - Yes. - Right? That's your thing! 49 00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:41,843 And we're actually gonna support you, Dee. 50 00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:44,874 And now that you don't care anymore, you're not gonna gag on stage. 51 00:02:44,905 --> 00:02:47,366 Yeah, you know, you're right in that sweet spot between, 52 00:02:47,397 --> 00:02:51,295 like, suicidal and actually dead, where most comedians, they thrive there. 53 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,987 Yeah, what was that thing you said about how the joke's always on you? 54 00:02:56,424 --> 00:02:57,757 That could be a catchphrase. 55 00:02:57,773 --> 00:02:59,711 Dee, look, I don't want to pile on here, 'cause you're 56 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:01,503 - clearly very close to killing yourself... - Yeah. 57 00:03:01,522 --> 00:03:04,591 but I got to say, I totally disagree with the guys on this. 58 00:03:04,622 --> 00:03:06,241 I'm glad you've given up. 59 00:03:06,296 --> 00:03:08,696 And I want to propose something totally different: 60 00:03:08,727 --> 00:03:11,420 - I would like to find you a man. - Come on. 61 00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:13,273 Yeah. A man to settle down with. 62 00:03:13,298 --> 00:03:15,829 Now, I'm not talking about a smart man, not-not a handsome man, 63 00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:18,515 but a very, very average if not below average man 64 00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:20,687 to take you off of our hands forever. 65 00:03:21,012 --> 00:03:24,089 Yeah, okay. Go ahead. Go with it. 66 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,414 - Go with it? - Which one? You were not clear. 67 00:03:26,433 --> 00:03:29,006 The thing. Whatever. Both. I don't care. 68 00:03:29,029 --> 00:03:31,492 - Let's-let's do my plan. - The comedy plan. - Let's do our plan. 69 00:03:31,517 --> 00:03:33,961 - We're gonna do the comedy plan, all right? - Meh. 70 00:03:52,771 --> 00:03:55,869 (hushed): Dude, she is gonna bomb so hard, and then she's gonna feel worse. 71 00:03:55,894 --> 00:03:56,925 (hushed): It's okay, dude. 72 00:03:56,958 --> 00:04:00,182 She'll tell a couple jokes, and then we'll, like, fake laugh and stuff, you know? 73 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,619 And tomorrow we can shit on her. 74 00:04:01,644 --> 00:04:04,315 And she'll fight back and be happy again. 75 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,371 Say something! 76 00:04:07,739 --> 00:04:09,379 (listlessly): I decided to stop showering. 77 00:04:10,409 --> 00:04:12,875 - Too much, Frank, too much. - That's... - There was no joke told. 78 00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:14,679 I just figured, "What's the point? 79 00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:16,648 I'm just a filthy person." 80 00:04:16,874 --> 00:04:21,038 I passed out at the park the other day, and a couple of kids wrote, 81 00:04:21,063 --> 00:04:23,852 "Wash me" in the filth on my vagina. 82 00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:27,601 - Gross. - That was kind of funny, man. 83 00:04:27,614 --> 00:04:29,187 - That was kind of funny. - It was so gross. 84 00:04:29,226 --> 00:04:31,053 - It was gross. - Yeah, but that guy over there laughed. 85 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,132 I guess, 86 00:04:32,157 --> 00:04:33,407 joke's on me. 87 00:04:34,557 --> 00:04:36,511 - There's the catchphrase. - Yeah, yeah! Ca... 88 00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:38,480 - Yeah, that's like a ca... - This is ridiculous. 89 00:04:38,505 --> 00:04:40,230 I'm gonna go select some men for Dee. 90 00:04:40,248 --> 00:04:41,705 This is a waste of time. 91 00:04:41,732 --> 00:04:45,169 Um, I stepped in front of a bus, but it missed me. 92 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,636 I can't even get a bus to hit on me. 93 00:04:49,471 --> 00:04:51,310 - People are laughing! - We love it! 94 00:04:51,341 --> 00:04:52,479 - For real. - For real? 95 00:04:52,497 --> 00:04:53,521 Yeah! 96 00:04:54,273 --> 00:04:57,103 Knock, knock, knock. Can we say hi? There she is! 97 00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:59,383 - Comedy star. - Dee so funny. 98 00:04:59,395 --> 00:05:01,017 - Really funny. - Great! - Oh, my God, so funny. 99 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,503 - It was absolutely great! - You did the bus joke, and it was like... 100 00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:06,114 - They loved the catchphrase. - They loved the catchphrase! 101 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,831 And think about this, Dee. You didn't even gag once. 102 00:05:07,861 --> 00:05:10,450 - Not one dry heave, nothing. - I guess I did pretty good. 103 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:11,855 - Yeah, great! - "Pretty good," she said! 104 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,000 Dee, it was one of those shows where you're, like, "Whoa!" 105 00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:15,449 And then your brain goes (makes explosion sound). 106 00:05:15,468 --> 00:05:17,827 All right, guys, will you stop, okay? You're not helping. 107 00:05:17,858 --> 00:05:20,839 Please, go get a drink, all right? Give us a second. I need to talk to Dee. 108 00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:22,758 - We tried. - Yeah, you tried. 109 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,220 - That was it. - Thanks, guys. 110 00:05:24,237 --> 00:05:27,256 All right, listen, listen to me. Your set tonight was terrible. It was atrocious. 111 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,512 Every single thing that came out of your mouth was trash. 112 00:05:29,524 --> 00:05:31,969 It was filth. It was disgusting. That's what really happened, okay? 113 00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:33,430 I want to be very clear about this. 114 00:05:33,454 --> 00:05:35,922 Now, listen, I brought some men for you to look at, all right? 115 00:05:35,953 --> 00:05:37,661 I've got some selections. Now, they're not great. 116 00:05:37,679 --> 00:05:41,120 They're not, they're not anybody to brag about, but, uh, you know, they're men. 117 00:05:41,151 --> 00:05:43,152 And they're probably willing to spend their life with you, so... 118 00:05:43,183 --> 00:05:44,702 Uh, hey, uh, sorry to interrupt. 119 00:05:44,726 --> 00:05:47,592 My name's Snyder, and I'm a talent scout. 120 00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,419 And I just caught your last set. 121 00:05:49,496 --> 00:05:50,676 You were hilarious. 122 00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:52,932 So I just wanted to give you my card. 123 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,913 - Give me a call. - No, she will not be calling you, sir, okay? 124 00:05:55,944 --> 00:05:57,599 Please do not encourage her. Get out of here. 125 00:05:57,630 --> 00:05:59,330 You're-you're interrupting my work, all right? 126 00:05:59,343 --> 00:06:00,805 You're not on my list of chosen men. 127 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:02,072 Why would you be? 128 00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:03,418 - What are you...? - Christ. 129 00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:05,324 - What are you doing? Why would you do that? - Come on, Dee. 130 00:06:05,342 --> 00:06:07,513 That guy clearly just lurks around these places 131 00:06:07,544 --> 00:06:09,554 pretending to be a talent scout so he can hit on women. 132 00:06:09,572 --> 00:06:11,565 Now look-look at my selects, all right? 133 00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:13,795 - Look at these guys, huh? - (Dee gasps) 134 00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:16,444 - Yeah, I know. - This one's just, like, one big chin. 135 00:06:16,481 --> 00:06:17,839 Well, I didn't have a lot to work with. 136 00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:20,034 You know, here we are, and look at you. 137 00:06:20,076 --> 00:06:21,783 I mean, for Christ's sakes, look. 138 00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:24,678 Okay, I'm sorry. Look, I want this to work, I really do. 139 00:06:24,703 --> 00:06:27,756 So I know I can do better, all right? Can you do better, all right? 140 00:06:27,781 --> 00:06:29,795 I'm gonna be at your house tomorrow morning, 10:00 a.m. 141 00:06:29,812 --> 00:06:31,838 Have some new candidates for you to look at, all right? 142 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:32,791 - Okay. - This is gonna work. 143 00:06:32,814 --> 00:06:34,349 This is not gonna work. 144 00:06:34,362 --> 00:06:36,132 Let's get you cleaned up, all right? 145 00:06:36,485 --> 00:06:39,400 God, everything you did tonight was so gross. 146 00:06:42,633 --> 00:06:45,114 Ugh. What is this? Dee, open up! Open! 147 00:06:45,132 --> 00:06:47,760 You're locking your door all of sudden? What is that? Come on. 148 00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:49,154 - You care all of a sudden? - What? What? 149 00:06:49,179 --> 00:06:51,708 - Hey, let me in. I got selections for you. - Now's not a good time. 150 00:06:51,719 --> 00:06:53,989 - I'm right in the middle of something. - They're good selections. Hey, 151 00:06:54,008 --> 00:06:55,999 it's the time I said, so it's the time it'll be. 152 00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:59,475 - Now let me in. I got selects. - I don't care about your selects. Go! 153 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,122 - What are you doing? Are you hiding something? - No. 154 00:07:01,148 --> 00:07:03,109 - Is someone in there? - No, no. Don't worry about it. 155 00:07:03,134 --> 00:07:06,597 - Let me in or I'll barge in. - Hey, everything all right over there, Dee? 156 00:07:06,647 --> 00:07:08,185 Yeah, it's fine. 157 00:07:08,252 --> 00:07:09,649 Oh, no. 158 00:07:09,671 --> 00:07:11,666 Dee, oh... Oh! 159 00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:12,947 - Snyder? - Mm-hmm. 160 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:16,472 He's clearly using you. Or you're using him to further your nonexistent career. 161 00:07:16,497 --> 00:07:18,580 - I am not using him. - Oh, you're not using him? 162 00:07:18,592 --> 00:07:20,095 - Nope. - Oh, good, good, good, good. 163 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,158 - So, you like him? - Mm-hmm. 164 00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:23,068 - Find him attractive? - Absolutely. 165 00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:25,372 Describe the ways in which you find him attractive. 166 00:07:26,956 --> 00:07:28,550 He's got... 167 00:07:28,619 --> 00:07:31,730 - he's got all of his skin, still. - Well, I would hope so. 168 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:35,143 And that he has plenty of... 169 00:07:35,463 --> 00:07:36,644 teeth to get... 170 00:07:36,668 --> 00:07:38,706 - But not all of them? - No, not all of them. 171 00:07:38,717 --> 00:07:39,594 Hmm. 172 00:07:39,799 --> 00:07:43,862 Dee, why can't you see that this is the same pattern that you always fall into? 173 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,659 Some guy uses you or you use him. And then you know what happens? 174 00:07:46,690 --> 00:07:49,356 It's use, use, use, fail, fail, fail, and then it's suicide. 175 00:07:49,455 --> 00:07:52,279 You think you can't go any lower? Because you can. 176 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,493 Oh, yeah? 177 00:07:54,092 --> 00:07:56,933 Well, he got me another gig for tonight, boner. What do you think of about that? 178 00:08:01,056 --> 00:08:03,265 What-what is that? What are you... what are you doing? 179 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,603 Sound effects. 180 00:08:04,979 --> 00:08:06,885 Oh, goddamn, Dee. 181 00:08:07,065 --> 00:08:09,090 You have no idea what's funny. Don't do sound effects. 182 00:08:11,205 --> 00:08:14,464 Don't do... don't... wh-what... Oh, oh, oh. 183 00:08:19,611 --> 00:08:20,923 Hey, hey, hey! Oh! 184 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,972 Hey, Dennis, oh, check this place out. 185 00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:24,425 This is legit. 186 00:08:24,456 --> 00:08:26,623 Dude, dude, Dee's opening for Landslide. 187 00:08:26,648 --> 00:08:28,891 - That guy's, like, the real deal. - I've never heard of him. 188 00:08:28,927 --> 00:08:30,072 Mostly diarrhea jokes. 189 00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:32,553 Yeah, he's the diarrhea guy, but it look-looks like this 190 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,335 - comedy stuff's paying off for her. - Yeah, well... 191 00:08:34,366 --> 00:08:35,883 Hey, you don't get a gig like this by accident. 192 00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:37,541 Oh, come on, don't get too excited, all right? 193 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,366 She got the gig 'cause she's banging some creep. 194 00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:41,390 - It's not gonna go well. - Who's the nerd? 195 00:08:41,423 --> 00:08:43,088 Who, this guy? This is Walt. 196 00:08:43,113 --> 00:08:46,396 Yeah, guy's got no self-esteem, just like Dee, so they're perfect for each other. 197 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,465 So after she bombs tonight, I'll put them together, 198 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,724 thereby controlling the situation, and her, 199 00:08:50,762 --> 00:08:53,504 as I always have and I always will. 200 00:08:53,819 --> 00:08:55,362 - What? - Uh... 201 00:08:55,381 --> 00:08:57,912 Walt, just Walt-Walt's the plan. 202 00:08:58,109 --> 00:08:59,550 - I'm Walt. - Yeah, shut up, Walt. 203 00:08:59,561 --> 00:09:00,992 - They know who you are. - I'm sorry. 204 00:09:01,011 --> 00:09:04,080 Ladies and gentlemen, Sweet Dee Reynolds! 205 00:09:06,309 --> 00:09:07,711 Sweet Dee! 206 00:09:15,326 --> 00:09:17,242 Sweet Dee, joke's on you! 207 00:09:18,623 --> 00:09:20,898 She's got fans now? Christ, come on. 208 00:09:20,913 --> 00:09:25,729 So I finally broke down and I took a shower the other day. 209 00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:29,910 The stink flipped around and now my soap smells like dirty vag. 210 00:09:31,888 --> 00:09:34,271 She said "vagina." A woman said "vagina." 211 00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:36,346 - That's what makes it funny! - Tasteless. 212 00:09:36,378 --> 00:09:37,781 (robot voice): 213 00:09:37,806 --> 00:09:39,706 Vagina, vagina. 214 00:09:39,707 --> 00:09:42,189 Vagina, vagina. (laughter) 215 00:09:45,441 --> 00:09:47,820 And the sound effects out of absolutely nowhere, no setup. 216 00:09:47,839 --> 00:09:50,226 - But it's funny! - It's not funny, it's not funny. 217 00:09:50,251 --> 00:09:52,064 - It's funny, Dennis. - What are you doing? 218 00:09:52,082 --> 00:09:54,250 Will you stop laughing, Walt? Oh, my God, this is the worst. 219 00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,700 People will laugh at absolutely anything. This is comedy? 220 00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:02,141 So, men are just so hard. 221 00:10:02,190 --> 00:10:04,722 Tell you what, they all walk out on me. 222 00:10:05,085 --> 00:10:09,326 Every one of them. I can't even keep crabs in this vagina. 223 00:10:11,307 --> 00:10:13,945 They're all like, "Clickety clackety, clickety clackety, clickety clackety clack. 224 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:16,361 I got to get out of here!" 225 00:10:16,386 --> 00:10:19,180 (robot voice): Evacuate vagina. "Clickety clackety, clickety..." 226 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,393 The crabs have machine guns. That makes sense. 227 00:10:24,412 --> 00:10:27,684 All right, well, that's it for me tonight. 228 00:10:27,855 --> 00:10:31,278 I'd like to say it was fun, but I've had a better time ripping out my own pubes. 229 00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:33,113 Shellac, shellac, rip! 230 00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:37,257 Ping, ping, ping, ow! (laughter) 231 00:10:38,201 --> 00:10:41,568 Okay, you guys, well, I'm Sweet Dee, and the joke's on me! 232 00:10:43,915 --> 00:10:46,274 What is going on? This is unbelievable. 233 00:10:46,397 --> 00:10:48,485 Let's give it up for Landslide! 234 00:10:52,104 --> 00:10:55,621 Well, that was a funny white bitch, wasn't it? (laughs) 235 00:10:55,677 --> 00:10:58,652 Skinny though. I took bigger dumps than her. 236 00:11:03,526 --> 00:11:06,506 - It's a landslide! - Oh, my God. 237 00:11:06,530 --> 00:11:09,875 - I bet his diarrhea is nasty! - Nasty! 238 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:14,209 Oh, butts, vaginas and diarrhea, great. This is what the world's come to. 239 00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:17,262 - (Charlie laughing) - Hey, hey. 240 00:11:17,804 --> 00:11:19,121 - You're on the list? - The list? 241 00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:21,248 I'm-I'm Sweet Dee's brother, so we're good. 242 00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,973 - Can't let you back there unless you're on the list. - We got to be on that list. 243 00:11:23,985 --> 00:11:24,841 This is fantastic. 244 00:11:24,859 --> 00:11:26,824 I'm not on a list for a place that I don't want to be. 245 00:11:26,873 --> 00:11:29,987 You know how that feels? Hey, Dee? Dee? 246 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,382 Uh, don't play this game, Dee. I-I... 247 00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,701 - We're five feet away from you, I know you hear... - Deandra. 248 00:11:34,732 --> 00:11:36,357 Dee. Dee. 249 00:11:36,443 --> 00:11:37,377 Da. 250 00:11:37,414 --> 00:11:38,348 Da. 251 00:11:38,402 --> 00:11:39,303 Da. 252 00:11:39,345 --> 00:11:40,279 Dah. 253 00:11:40,342 --> 00:11:41,309 Dah. 254 00:11:41,337 --> 00:11:43,136 Dah. Dah. 255 00:11:43,217 --> 00:11:44,528 Dee. Dee. 256 00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:51,712 - Yes, yes, yes. What? What? - Oh, hey. 257 00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:52,612 Hi. What? 258 00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:54,027 Hey, Dee, can we come back there with you? 259 00:11:54,058 --> 00:11:56,386 Yeah, hey, we're, like, you're biggest fans, like, great show, 260 00:11:56,410 --> 00:11:58,960 - like, good job, like, shut up, I'm sorry. - We're gonna start a fan club. 261 00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:01,609 Oh, come on, stop kissing her ass. Dee, enough of this, okay? 262 00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:03,420 Step over the rope and come meet Walt. 263 00:12:03,451 --> 00:12:04,490 Tell you what. 264 00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:05,818 You three, you're in. 265 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:06,905 Dennis, you're out. 266 00:12:06,936 --> 00:12:08,591 Go before she changes her mind, go. 267 00:12:08,599 --> 00:12:10,575 Hey! Faced! Thanks, Dee. 268 00:12:10,593 --> 00:12:12,906 - Dee, who do you think you are? - What is the matter with you, Dennis? 269 00:12:12,937 --> 00:12:15,244 You see them? They're supporting me, okay? 270 00:12:15,263 --> 00:12:16,755 Because they believe in me. 271 00:12:16,785 --> 00:12:19,020 A fan club could really help further my career. 272 00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:20,851 Career? Oh, wow, Dee. 273 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,017 See, you don't have a career. 274 00:12:22,048 --> 00:12:25,090 All right? So I need you to stop all this right now. It's gone too far. 275 00:12:25,185 --> 00:12:27,211 Now, come meet Walt. He is my select. 276 00:12:27,253 --> 00:12:28,923 You know what I think this is about, Dennis? 277 00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:30,219 I think you're jealous. 278 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,899 I don't think you want me to succeed. 279 00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:33,883 Dee, let me be very clear about something. 280 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,803 You will never succeed. 281 00:12:35,902 --> 00:12:36,771 Ever. 282 00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,008 Instead, you will fly too close to the sun, 283 00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:41,766 and you will choke and you will gag in a spectacular manner. 284 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,921 So, please, for the love of God, 285 00:12:43,946 --> 00:12:45,146 take Walt. 286 00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:46,146 Hi, I'm Walt. 287 00:12:46,163 --> 00:12:48,512 She knows your goddamn name, Walt; I said it, like, a thousand times. 288 00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:50,812 Look, you know what? I don't want to be with Walt, okay? 289 00:12:50,874 --> 00:12:52,389 And I don't want you to find me a man. 290 00:12:52,413 --> 00:12:56,489 What I need you to do is stay out of my way, because Sweet Dee 291 00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,876 is gonna be a star. 292 00:13:30,328 --> 00:13:31,247 All right! 293 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,961 Here, buddy, everyone else. 294 00:13:38,132 --> 00:13:41,747 Right, I'm Sweet Dee, and the joke's on me! 295 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,560 Thank you very much. 296 00:13:50,107 --> 00:13:52,290 I don't care that you only have one mic. Look at me! 297 00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:56,330 Dee Reynolds does not use mics that other so-called comedians have spit into, okay? 298 00:13:56,361 --> 00:13:57,895 So get another one. 299 00:13:58,255 --> 00:13:59,868 - Dee Reynolds? - Mm-hmm. 300 00:13:59,896 --> 00:14:02,539 Hi, I'm Michael Rotenberg. I'm a talent manager from Los Angeles. 301 00:14:02,622 --> 00:14:05,298 - I've heard a lot about you. - Oh, hi. Well... 302 00:14:05,319 --> 00:14:06,750 I've got a proposition for you. 303 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:09,325 One of my bigger clients is supposed to do Conan tomorrow night, 304 00:14:09,356 --> 00:14:10,631 and something came up. 305 00:14:10,658 --> 00:14:13,338 They need to fill the spot, and I brought your name up. 306 00:14:13,356 --> 00:14:14,769 Are you interested? 307 00:14:15,414 --> 00:14:16,811 Conan O... 308 00:14:16,842 --> 00:14:18,492 - Conan O'Brien? - Yeah. 309 00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:20,968 I would love to represent you, too; I think you're amazing. 310 00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:24,502 I can fly you to L.A. tomorrow on my private jet, and we can go straight Conan. 311 00:14:24,526 --> 00:14:26,324 - What do you say? - Uh, well, my goodness. 312 00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:28,702 This is all... This is all... 313 00:14:28,748 --> 00:14:30,730 This is all... (gags) 314 00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:32,891 This is all... (gags) Oh, boy, hold on. 315 00:14:33,059 --> 00:14:35,604 - Uh, you okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 316 00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:38,071 It's just, uh, just had a little piece of sausage. 317 00:14:38,079 --> 00:14:39,224 Okay, I'm sure you did. 318 00:14:39,249 --> 00:14:42,207 Um, now, I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here, am I? 319 00:14:42,226 --> 00:14:44,824 - Do you already have representation? - Representation? No. 320 00:14:44,866 --> 00:14:47,134 - Hey, sweetheart, there you are. - Ew! Mm-mm. 321 00:14:47,165 --> 00:14:48,282 Who the hell's that? 322 00:14:48,307 --> 00:14:51,007 This is, uh, my new manager. 323 00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:51,674 What? 324 00:14:51,699 --> 00:14:53,257 Sorry, Snyder, I don't need you anymore. 325 00:14:53,281 --> 00:14:56,365 This guy's taking me to Hollywood on a private jet. 326 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,829 - What? Hollywood! - Hollywood! 327 00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:00,984 - We're going to Hollywood! - No, no, no! We're not going anywhere. 328 00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:03,602 - There's plenty of room if you want to take your friends. - There's no room, okay? 329 00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:04,875 I have no use for you guys anymore. 330 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:07,269 Hey, what do you say we go back to my hotel and have sex? 331 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,114 Absolutely. Screw you, guys. 332 00:15:09,139 --> 00:15:10,556 What the hell, Dee? We made you! 333 00:15:10,572 --> 00:15:12,487 I'm sorry, you made me? 334 00:15:12,591 --> 00:15:15,199 You made me? I made you! 335 00:15:15,265 --> 00:15:16,659 Screw you guys, all right? 336 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,277 Oh. 337 00:15:32,242 --> 00:15:33,217 Oh my. 338 00:15:33,261 --> 00:15:34,062 - Here we go. - Okay. 339 00:15:34,085 --> 00:15:35,854 - You excited? - Am I excited? 340 00:15:35,885 --> 00:15:38,804 - Y... yes, I am. Yes, I... - Dee, wait, wait. 341 00:15:38,866 --> 00:15:39,879 Wait. 342 00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:41,527 I made a mistake. 343 00:15:41,751 --> 00:15:43,639 All this time, I've been searching for the perfect guy to 344 00:15:43,658 --> 00:15:45,686 take you off of my hands forever, but... 345 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,486 I realized something. 346 00:15:47,629 --> 00:15:50,579 The perfect guy's been under my nose the entire time. 347 00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:53,654 It's me, Dee. 348 00:15:54,325 --> 00:15:55,881 I'm the perfect select. 349 00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:59,378 I know, I've spent my entire life shitting all over your dreams, 350 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,594 and not supporting you, but I was wrong, Dee. 351 00:16:01,618 --> 00:16:03,380 I see that now. 352 00:16:03,942 --> 00:16:05,449 You can succeed. 353 00:16:05,644 --> 00:16:07,533 You will be a star. 354 00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:09,389 You have to take me. 355 00:16:09,425 --> 00:16:11,429 I'm your twin brother. 356 00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:14,539 I love you, Dee. 357 00:16:17,318 --> 00:16:18,801 Dennis... 358 00:16:20,504 --> 00:16:22,150 suck my dick. 359 00:16:26,914 --> 00:16:28,152 Wait. Dee! 360 00:16:28,164 --> 00:16:29,944 No, wait, Dee, wait! 361 00:16:29,964 --> 00:16:31,592 Don't do this, Dee! 362 00:16:31,617 --> 00:16:33,986 Dee, wait! Dee, stop! 363 00:16:34,019 --> 00:16:35,573 Don't fly away now! 364 00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:38,527 Dee, wait! Wait! 365 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:43,394 So when we get to L.A., you're going straight into the limo and right to Conan. 366 00:16:43,416 --> 00:16:46,035 I'm gonna whisk you right backstage, and we go straight on. 367 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,518 - This is the big-time, Dee. You're not in Philadelphia anymore, okay? - Mm-hmm. 368 00:16:48,537 --> 00:16:50,963 People are gonna be screaming your name, there's gonna be paparazzi. 369 00:16:50,982 --> 00:16:52,353 Papa... whew. 370 00:16:52,866 --> 00:16:54,347 - (gagging): Paparazzi, huh? - Yes. 371 00:16:54,377 --> 00:16:57,056 I tipped them off. It's all about image. 372 00:16:57,694 --> 00:17:00,438 It's great! It's all great. It's all super sudden though, isn't it? 373 00:17:01,713 --> 00:17:02,713 Ooh. 374 00:17:02,737 --> 00:17:04,107 There's a real smell to that one. 375 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:05,369 - Yeah, that... - Are you okay? 376 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:07,144 That one was... came... started deep, that's all. 377 00:17:07,175 --> 00:17:08,664 This is your moment, Dee. (Dee sighs) 378 00:17:08,665 --> 00:17:12,298 If you nail this, we're talking sitcoms, movie deals, the whole nine yards. 379 00:17:12,313 --> 00:17:13,482 - Yeah. - So let's get focused. 380 00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:15,014 - Yes. - All right. 381 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,547 Yeah. Let's focus. 382 00:17:17,407 --> 00:17:18,706 Focus. 383 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,927 Welcome to Los Angeles. Are you ready? Okay. 384 00:17:57,039 --> 00:17:59,276 - This is insane. - Driver, take the canyons. 385 00:17:59,307 --> 00:18:01,182 - Don't go on the highway. - Let's see... 386 00:18:03,426 --> 00:18:05,145 You're gonna be great! You're gonna be great! 387 00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:08,320 Here we go again. You ready? 388 00:18:12,386 --> 00:18:14,418 Okay, Dee is here, Dee Reynolds is here! 389 00:18:14,449 --> 00:18:16,446 Well, you're late. Hair and makeup! We got to go. 390 00:18:16,464 --> 00:18:18,193 The announcer's gonna call your name, you're gonna walk right 391 00:18:18,212 --> 00:18:19,525 through those curtains and do your routine. 392 00:18:19,537 --> 00:18:21,161 This is your moment, you got to grab it, jump on it, okay? 393 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,193 - I'll be very... (gags) - Good. You're gonna be great. 394 00:18:23,224 --> 00:18:25,232 You made it, Dee. Dee, Dee, you're gonna be a star, all right? 395 00:18:25,259 --> 00:18:27,131 - I made it, I made it. - You made it. 396 00:18:27,704 --> 00:18:30,433 Okay, calm down, you can do this. You did this all by yourself, you can do this. 397 00:18:31,345 --> 00:18:32,109 Okay. 398 00:18:32,139 --> 00:18:36,493 Ladies and gentlemen, a very funny woman, Miss Sweet Dee Reynolds. 399 00:18:36,577 --> 00:18:39,555 Dee Reynolds is a star. 400 00:18:43,037 --> 00:18:45,553 The joke's on you! 401 00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:01,650 (chanting): Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech... 402 00:19:01,669 --> 00:19:03,937 (chanting continues) Shh, shh, shh! 403 00:19:04,689 --> 00:19:06,107 What... 404 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,751 - What is going on? - We got you, Dee! 405 00:19:08,775 --> 00:19:11,317 - We tricked you, we tricked you, we tricked you! - We set the whole thing up! 406 00:19:11,347 --> 00:19:12,746 - Yeah! - You know? None of that was real. 407 00:19:12,757 --> 00:19:15,132 - All of these people are actors. - I chartered a jet. 408 00:19:15,163 --> 00:19:18,087 We flew all over Philadelphia for six hours. 409 00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:20,575 - And I'm a garbage man. - He's a garbage man! 410 00:19:20,606 --> 00:19:22,381 - He's your garbage man! - You've met him. 411 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,095 None of this is real, Dee! None of it! 412 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,951 - Hey, hey, some of it was real. - Yeah! You banged that guy! 413 00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:32,479 Hey, best part? Dennis wasn't even in on any of it! 414 00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:35,979 I was and I wasn't. I was and I wasn't. 415 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,525 - He wasn't, he wasn't. - No, no, no. 416 00:19:37,563 --> 00:19:40,541 No, we knew we had to drag him through the mud, make it seem legit. 417 00:19:40,578 --> 00:19:42,566 - It was great, it was great. - The joke's on him, too! 418 00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:43,983 Yeah, joke's on him! (noisemakers blare) 419 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,040 Well, it was good. It was a good joke. It was a good joke. 420 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,847 - Good joke, guys, I love jokes. - She's got more to say. 421 00:19:47,872 --> 00:19:49,166 - Oh. - She's got more to say. 422 00:19:49,202 --> 00:19:50,679 Why would you do this? 423 00:19:50,745 --> 00:19:53,976 Oh, well, you know, you were being all mopey and annoying... 424 00:19:54,001 --> 00:19:55,286 - Yeah. - ... complaining and stuff. 425 00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:57,311 We wanted to show you that you could sink lower. 426 00:19:57,336 --> 00:19:59,059 Talking about killing yourself, ugh. 427 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:00,929 Some things you just don't joke about, okay? 428 00:20:00,954 --> 00:20:02,255 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You took it too far. 429 00:20:02,305 --> 00:20:03,906 - Too far. - Yeah. 430 00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,954 - I took it too far? - That's what I said. 431 00:20:07,194 --> 00:20:10,499 Oh... I took... I took it too far? 432 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:15,780 Oh, God, you sons of bitches! 433 00:20:19,738 --> 00:20:22,104 - And there she goes! - She's back! 434 00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:24,237 - (laughter) - I... no! 435 00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:28,117 All right, so we got Dee back, and I think we may have broke Dennis. 436 00:20:28,142 --> 00:20:29,992 Broke me? Nah, come on, I'm good. 437 00:20:30,873 --> 00:20:32,454 I love all this. This is great. 438 00:20:32,478 --> 00:20:34,196 I'm gonna pop out for a little while. 439 00:20:36,009 --> 00:20:38,132 - He's not loving it. - He's not. - He's not loving it. 440 00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:40,980 - No, he's not. (yells) - He might go kill himself.