1 00:00:02,707 --> 00:00:05,062 - Just use 'em, dude. - I'm not going to 2 00:00:05,085 --> 00:00:07,795 wear gloves while I work! I'm sorry, it makes no sense. 3 00:00:07,813 --> 00:00:09,167 It absolutely makes sense— 4 00:00:09,189 --> 00:00:12,285 you're a janitor who snakes toilets with his bare hands. 5 00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:14,049 So my hands get a little dirty from time to time. 6 00:00:14,064 --> 00:00:16,364 I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. 7 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,591 It's not for you! It's for us! 8 00:00:18,635 --> 00:00:20,148 - Use gloves! - Use gloves. 9 00:00:20,171 --> 00:00:22,611 Oh, look at this. Check it out. 10 00:00:22,854 --> 00:00:26,845 The Restaurant and Bar Association's Best Bar Award is coming up. 11 00:00:26,981 --> 00:00:28,131 We could get nominated. 12 00:00:28,166 --> 00:00:30,522 Frank, we never get nominated for awards, okay? 13 00:00:30,539 --> 00:00:32,058 And we don't give a shit because they're stupid. 14 00:00:32,082 --> 00:00:33,819 Yeah, we don't care about that kind of stuff, all right? 15 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,287 Look, am I curious as to why we never get nominated? 16 00:00:36,315 --> 00:00:38,945 Sure, yeah. Do I care? Not in the slightest. 17 00:00:38,963 --> 00:00:41,465 No, I don't care about it, you know? I mean, all right, 18 00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,988 - it is a little odd we've never been nominated. - Yes, it's odd. 19 00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:46,885 At some point it becomes a little aggressive. 20 00:00:46,906 --> 00:00:49,073 So what is it? We don't deserve it? 21 00:00:49,376 --> 00:00:51,014 - We're not cool enough? - Whoa. 22 00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:54,865 Whoa, okay, Frank. Now, if... if I do something, you better believe it's cool. 23 00:00:54,884 --> 00:00:56,240 Yeah, if I'm gonna put my name on something, 24 00:00:56,275 --> 00:00:57,428 it's gonna be award-worthy, you know. 25 00:00:57,466 --> 00:01:00,188 I can't imagine that other people are doing what we're doing better. 26 00:01:00,206 --> 00:01:02,528 - I mean, it's serving up drinks. - It's just upsetting. 27 00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:03,978 I'm sorry, I'm getting upset. 28 00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:08,008 If-if you want to get a nomination, you got to play the game. 29 00:01:08,033 --> 00:01:10,794 Nah, I don't want to play a game to get an award. That feels lame. 30 00:01:10,816 --> 00:01:13,089 It is lame. Oh, is that your ass? 31 00:01:13,302 --> 00:01:15,783 Oh, closer to the hole, sir? 32 00:01:16,351 --> 00:01:20,451 You know what's lame? Being around this long and never getting an award. 33 00:01:20,826 --> 00:01:23,759 - Makes you look like a bunch of assholes. - Hmm. 34 00:01:23,921 --> 00:01:26,141 You're really, like, driving this home, and it's upsetting, 35 00:01:26,165 --> 00:01:27,650 because, like, now I'm getting the neck thing. 36 00:01:27,684 --> 00:01:29,531 I feel... I feel... I'm getting upset. 37 00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:32,222 - Yeah, your neck's going nuts? - Yeah! You're getting that? 38 00:01:32,478 --> 00:01:34,034 They're making me feel like an asshole. 39 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,731 They are making us feel like assholes. 40 00:01:35,748 --> 00:01:37,936 All right, you know what, we'll play the game, I'll kiss ass. 41 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:40,317 - Yeah, let's play the game. - I'm okay with it, because who cares? 42 00:01:40,341 --> 00:01:42,210 All right, fine, let's play the game. 43 00:01:42,214 --> 00:01:43,926 But I want to be very clear about something. 44 00:01:44,723 --> 00:01:46,723 This literally means nothing to me. 45 00:02:11,383 --> 00:02:14,191 - This office sucks. - It smells bad and it's stuffy in here. 46 00:02:14,219 --> 00:02:17,381 Yeah, it's the Restaurant and Bar Association, it's a stuffy organization. 47 00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,286 They're not in touch with the young people like us. 48 00:02:19,308 --> 00:02:21,531 Some old boner gives me attitude, I'm gonna spit in his face. 49 00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:23,028 He starts giving me shit, I'll spit at him. 50 00:02:23,050 --> 00:02:25,592 - We should all spit. - Look, we're not spitting, all right? 51 00:02:25,607 --> 00:02:28,707 Just keep your mouth shut and let me do the talking. I know what I'm doing. 52 00:02:29,298 --> 00:02:31,567 Sorry, sorry to keep you waiting. 53 00:02:31,594 --> 00:02:33,398 Frank Reynolds, Paddy's Pub. 54 00:02:33,475 --> 00:02:35,041 These are my associates. 55 00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:37,157 Stand up, show him some respect. 56 00:02:37,182 --> 00:02:40,170 - I stand for no one. - Please, it's not necessary. Have a seat. 57 00:02:40,190 --> 00:02:41,934 You heard the man— sit down. 58 00:02:41,986 --> 00:02:44,125 Well, now I feel like standing. 59 00:02:45,873 --> 00:02:47,531 But I don't want to stand through an entire meeting 60 00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:50,873 'cause I don't know how long it's gonna last, so I'll sit down. It's my choice. 61 00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:56,004 With much dignity and grace, we've come to talk to you about the Best Bar Award. 62 00:02:56,029 --> 00:02:59,629 Now, in the past, our group has not... 63 00:02:59,854 --> 00:03:06,295 paid you any attention, but now we are prepared to pay... 64 00:03:06,489 --> 00:03:10,092 you what you deserve... in attention, 65 00:03:10,248 --> 00:03:12,148 if you get my drift. 66 00:03:12,335 --> 00:03:13,517 I don't. 67 00:03:13,536 --> 00:03:16,653 - Ponder lettuce and shrimp. - Excuse me? 68 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,563 He's inviting you out to lunch, Bozo— you gonna go or not, yes or no? 69 00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,489 Actually, it's 3:30 in the afternoon— 70 00:03:21,508 --> 00:03:22,752 I've already eaten. 71 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,075 This dickhead doesn't want a second lun... 72 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,003 He's being offered lettuce and shrimp, he doesn't want to eat lunch. 73 00:03:26,015 --> 00:03:28,187 - You eat once a day? - Hey, everybody, I had food. 74 00:03:28,204 --> 00:03:29,617 All right, you know what, I am out of here. 75 00:03:29,635 --> 00:03:32,835 I don't need this limpdick telling me whether my bar's cool, okay? 76 00:03:32,854 --> 00:03:34,767 No, no, no! No spitting. 77 00:03:34,794 --> 00:03:38,014 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 78 00:03:38,605 --> 00:03:42,769 Look, how much is it gonna cost us to get on the ballot? 79 00:03:42,964 --> 00:03:44,365 - Ten dollars. - Huh? 80 00:03:44,386 --> 00:03:48,892 The entry fee is ten dollars. All you have to do is fill out the-the paperwork. 81 00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:51,130 Why have we never received this form? 82 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:54,860 Well, we've-we've actually s-sent you the form many times in the past, 83 00:03:54,885 --> 00:04:00,164 and as I recall, it always comes back covered in fecal matter, urine, and... 84 00:04:00,295 --> 00:04:02,107 - racial slurs. - Oh. 85 00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:04,154 - That's a joke. - Hey, you know, that's just, 86 00:04:04,163 --> 00:04:05,593 like, all in good fun, man. 87 00:04:05,618 --> 00:04:07,974 That's just our sense of humor— you'll get us. 88 00:04:07,999 --> 00:04:11,456 - Shut up! Let bygones be bygones. - Right, right. 89 00:04:11,457 --> 00:04:14,120 We're here now to play the game. 90 00:04:14,151 --> 00:04:17,787 - Yes. Playing the game. - I assume you take cash. 91 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,948 Oh! So sorry. 92 00:04:20,992 --> 00:04:23,239 That wasn't meant for you, that was actually meant for you. 93 00:04:23,246 --> 00:04:25,783 - Yeah, that was meant for him. - We thought maybe you would think that was funny. 94 00:04:25,796 --> 00:04:28,412 Yeah, if it exploded in your face, but I can tell by the look on your face 95 00:04:28,413 --> 00:04:31,174 - that you don't think that's funny. That's not your style. - Yeah. That's a shame. 96 00:04:31,193 --> 00:04:32,597 Yeah, that's sort of our sense of humor. 97 00:04:32,616 --> 00:04:33,825 Guys, he's not gonna get us. 98 00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:36,706 - I think we got to get out of here, right? - All right, guy. 99 00:04:38,769 --> 00:04:42,832 What'd I say, idiots? You want to get nominated, you gotta play the game. 100 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,950 - We are playing the game, Frank. - Nah, you're not playing... 101 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,865 We're just not vibing with that guy, he's a stiff. 102 00:04:46,883 --> 00:04:49,746 We were vibrating, but maybe at a different frequency than that guy. 103 00:04:49,786 --> 00:04:52,324 - I like that. - Frank is right. No, Frank is right, though. We're too fringe. 104 00:04:52,343 --> 00:04:53,931 I mean, yeah, it's given us a lot of street cred, 105 00:04:53,951 --> 00:04:56,496 but I think we've alienated a lot of people in this town. 106 00:04:56,523 --> 00:05:00,732 Yeah, you-you want to win awards, you gotta campaign for it. It's an industry award. 107 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,543 It's true. Like, we know we're cool 108 00:05:02,565 --> 00:05:05,737 and our customers know we're cool, but the industry doesn't get it yet. 109 00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,386 All right, you know what? Can you guys actually drop me off back at the bar? 110 00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:12,031 - I'm gonna go work on the Best Song. - What Best Song? 111 00:05:12,256 --> 00:05:15,470 - The Best Song Award. - There is no Best Song Award. 112 00:05:15,477 --> 00:05:16,699 What are you talking about? 113 00:05:16,718 --> 00:05:18,748 Well, that's all the more reason to do a Best Song, right? 114 00:05:18,758 --> 00:05:20,252 We'll be the only bar who did it, 115 00:05:20,277 --> 00:05:22,202 and that's a good chance we'll cover all the bases. 116 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,354 - I tell you what: let's drop him off either way. - Okay. 117 00:05:25,383 --> 00:05:27,008 - That sounds good. - Good idea, Charlie. 118 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,856 - Good idea, come on. - What? 119 00:05:39,808 --> 00:05:42,860 I can't believe that this place won Best Bar. 120 00:05:42,891 --> 00:05:46,246 - I mean, who comes to this place? - A shitload of people. 121 00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:48,598 Sudz is a super-popular place. 122 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,722 I can't believe how bright it is in here. I don't like it. 123 00:05:50,735 --> 00:05:53,291 Yeah. And what's with all the loud, fake colors? 124 00:05:53,316 --> 00:05:55,429 - I mean, where's the subtlety? - All right, let's go grab a drink. 125 00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:57,623 - We'll suss out the competition. - I'm gonna go find a manager, 126 00:05:57,639 --> 00:06:00,407 introduce myself, give him this swag bag. 127 00:06:00,476 --> 00:06:01,520 What's in that bag? 128 00:06:01,559 --> 00:06:03,763 Ah, it's just this stuff I had our names printed on. 129 00:06:03,782 --> 00:06:06,376 I got a bottle opener, a keychain, egg. 130 00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:08,996 - Why would you give him an egg? - It's like a paperweight. 131 00:06:09,191 --> 00:06:11,504 Trust me, Deandra, people eat this shit up. 132 00:06:11,508 --> 00:06:14,180 Look, you gotta play the game. I know how to do it. 133 00:06:14,181 --> 00:06:15,691 Right. Good luck. 134 00:06:15,714 --> 00:06:17,484 - Let's get a drink. - Yep. 135 00:06:18,072 --> 00:06:19,932 Hey, guys. How you doing? 136 00:06:19,945 --> 00:06:22,460 My name is Greg; I'll be your bartender tonight. 137 00:06:22,479 --> 00:06:24,823 You ever been to Sudz before? 138 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,358 - You wish. - Don't think so, pal. 139 00:06:26,383 --> 00:06:29,004 Okay, well, welcome, then. For our first-timers, 140 00:06:29,023 --> 00:06:32,684 I like to recommend our blended signature cocktail, The Blue Hole. 141 00:06:32,702 --> 00:06:34,971 It's served with three straws in a fishbowl. 142 00:06:35,034 --> 00:06:36,018 It's pretty darn good. 143 00:06:36,043 --> 00:06:38,942 Some people say it's better than an orgasm. 144 00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:40,649 Not that he's ever had one. 145 00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:42,556 Oh! 146 00:06:43,124 --> 00:06:45,922 Okay, Maxwell, remind me to find a new best friend. 147 00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:48,297 Aw! Ee-aw! 148 00:06:48,436 --> 00:06:49,840 Ugh. 149 00:06:50,096 --> 00:06:54,092 - Two margaritas for table six, Greg. - Hey, Amanda, what's wrong? 150 00:06:54,235 --> 00:06:57,359 Let me guess. Your boyfriend canceled on you again. 151 00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:00,747 Conference got extended. What can I say? He loves his work. 152 00:07:00,814 --> 00:07:04,694 Well, I think he should spend a little less time on his work 153 00:07:04,713 --> 00:07:08,879 - and a little more time on you. - Aw... 154 00:07:08,904 --> 00:07:10,619 Thanks. You're so sweet. Hmm. 155 00:07:11,772 --> 00:07:14,416 - What in the hell is happening? - I don't know. What are they doing? 156 00:07:14,436 --> 00:07:17,012 Okay, sorry about that. So, one Blue Hole? 157 00:07:17,142 --> 00:07:20,411 Uh, well, let's see. There's three of us, so, three drinks. 158 00:07:20,451 --> 00:07:22,779 Yeah, well, they're generally shared, 'cause they're pretty big. 159 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,806 - Said three, dick bag. - Get three! 160 00:07:24,831 --> 00:07:26,312 Uh-huh. 161 00:07:26,783 --> 00:07:27,886 I don't care for that guy. 162 00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:29,616 - Me neither. Too soft. - No. 163 00:07:29,674 --> 00:07:32,274 I want a little edge in my bartender. You know, this is Philadelphia. 164 00:07:32,299 --> 00:07:35,562 What's with the, uh...? What's with the black friend that no one is acknowledging? 165 00:07:35,579 --> 00:07:38,423 Is black...? I feel like it's weird if you don't talk about that, you know? 166 00:07:38,449 --> 00:07:41,319 It's strange to have one black friend and not be constantly talking about it. 167 00:07:41,351 --> 00:07:43,807 Yeah, shine a light on it, make sure everybody sees and knows, like, 168 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,218 "I have a black friend," and that's a thing. 169 00:07:45,238 --> 00:07:47,690 'Cause it's weird that a black person is friends with white people. 170 00:07:47,713 --> 00:07:49,626 - Hmm. I don't... - It's not that weird, but it's that... 171 00:07:49,653 --> 00:07:51,453 - I don't think it is. - but it's a thing. - It is, it is. 172 00:07:51,462 --> 00:07:52,868 Here you guys go. 173 00:07:52,894 --> 00:07:55,261 Oh. There we go. 174 00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,687 Oh, drink up! 175 00:08:01,144 --> 00:08:03,119 - What the hell was that? - That's a Sudz alert. 176 00:08:03,144 --> 00:08:06,513 - When we ring that bell, everybody's got to drink, right? - Yeah. 177 00:08:07,912 --> 00:08:10,112 I don't need a bell telling me when to drink. 178 00:08:10,137 --> 00:08:11,763 I'll drink when I'm goddamn good and thirsty. 179 00:08:11,788 --> 00:08:13,331 I'm pretty sure I know when to take a drink. 180 00:08:13,356 --> 00:08:16,125 Screw their stupid bell, you know? 181 00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:19,599 I wish I had drank when everybody else drank, though, 'cause it seemed like fun. 182 00:08:19,613 --> 00:08:21,119 - Well, now I feel left out. - Can we drink now? 183 00:08:21,142 --> 00:08:22,311 - Let's drink now. - Together? 184 00:08:22,349 --> 00:08:24,116 'Cause I-I... Now I'm angry. 185 00:08:31,652 --> 00:08:33,718 What are you doing in my office? 186 00:08:33,732 --> 00:08:35,102 Oh. 187 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:39,330 You snuck up on me. Frank Reynolds, owner of Paddy's Pub. 188 00:08:39,548 --> 00:08:42,295 I just thought I'd come by and say hello, 189 00:08:42,371 --> 00:08:46,576 pay my respects. Also, I got you a little goody bag here. 190 00:08:46,728 --> 00:08:50,226 Some trinkets, knickknacks that you might enjoy. 191 00:08:50,508 --> 00:08:53,180 - There's a broken egg in here. - Oh, shit. 192 00:08:53,237 --> 00:08:55,181 That wasn't the hardboiled one. 193 00:08:55,239 --> 00:08:57,573 Hey, you want me to cook that up for you? 194 00:09:02,761 --> 00:09:05,416 - Oh, man. - Ooh! Goddamn. 195 00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:06,929 That went down easy. I like this. 196 00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:09,256 Yeah. Guys, I'm starting to like this place. 197 00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:12,229 It's growing on me, too. I-I like the chemistry that the staff has. 198 00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:15,256 Oh, did you guys see that charged moment between Greg and Amanda? 199 00:09:15,281 --> 00:09:15,887 Yes. 200 00:09:15,908 --> 00:09:17,965 Boy, I tell you. She's got a boyfriend, but I 201 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,714 - think that she and Greg should end up together. - Ooh, ooh, ooh. 202 00:09:20,735 --> 00:09:22,488 I'd like to come back next week to see if they do. 203 00:09:22,519 --> 00:09:24,379 - Yeah. Me, too. - You know? I mean, she is cute, 204 00:09:24,404 --> 00:09:25,968 - she is just super cute, right? - She's cute. 205 00:09:25,993 --> 00:09:27,581 - She's so cute. - She is very cute. 206 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,258 - She's not funny, though, so... - Yeah, but, no, but she 207 00:09:29,282 --> 00:09:31,870 doesn't need to be funny because she's cute, she's loveable, 208 00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:34,175 everybody likes her, and then, if she can tell a joke, yeah, hey, 209 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,344 - it's just a bonus, you know? - Let's get out of this dump. 210 00:09:36,361 --> 00:09:39,255 Oh, actually, this place is not a dump, Frank. It's pretty great. 211 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,852 Hey, hey, Greg, can you get this man a Blue Hole? 212 00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:44,143 - You got to try this thing. - I got news for you. 213 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,464 Our secret's out, and it stinks. 214 00:09:46,495 --> 00:09:49,522 This manager's been to Paddy's, and he said it's nothing 215 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,878 but a bunch of people yelling over each other. 216 00:09:51,897 --> 00:09:54,386 - Well... - So what? That's what we do. We yell at each other, 217 00:09:54,413 --> 00:09:56,869 and if people want to tune in and listen, then they're welcome to. 218 00:09:56,894 --> 00:09:58,592 Yeah, but I think that's off-putting to the customer. 219 00:09:58,611 --> 00:10:00,231 I mean, Greg would never yell at Amanda. 220 00:10:00,257 --> 00:10:01,961 All right, I'll tell you what we got to do. 221 00:10:01,986 --> 00:10:03,661 We got to up our game. 222 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,603 We should host an industry night. 223 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,496 Invite all the people who vote who's in the industry to come to our bar, 224 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:10,958 and we'll show 'em what we're made of. 225 00:10:10,983 --> 00:10:14,327 Yeah, but I'd like to tweak a little bit of who we are and what we're made of, right? 226 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:15,843 - Yeah. - Soften the edges a little bit. 227 00:10:15,868 --> 00:10:17,503 All right, we'll tweak it a little bit, 228 00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:19,799 we'll show these bastards who's award-worthy. 229 00:10:19,824 --> 00:10:21,099 - Yeah. - Yeah! 230 00:10:21,123 --> 00:10:24,305 Oh-ho! Drink! Drink! 231 00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:30,285 Okay, guys, if we're gonna show these industry folks tonight that we're likeable, 232 00:10:30,303 --> 00:10:32,572 we need to have some funny banter like Greg and Maxwell have. 233 00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:35,603 Yeah. Don't worry. I'm gonna be zinging one-liners all night long. 234 00:10:35,622 --> 00:10:37,727 Uh, actually, Dee, you won't be zinging anything around, 235 00:10:37,753 --> 00:10:40,230 because men are intimidated by funny women, all right? 236 00:10:40,326 --> 00:10:43,751 So, what we need you to be is just pretty and benign. 237 00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:46,964 But we are gonna do a will-they- or-won't-they thing between you and Mac. 238 00:10:47,557 --> 00:10:49,107 - Dee and I don't want to be together. - No. 239 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,992 But the customers want you to be together. 240 00:10:51,009 --> 00:10:51,976 That's fun for them. 241 00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:54,832 Why would it be fun for them to watch two people not want to be together? 242 00:10:54,869 --> 00:10:56,810 Well, no. You do want to be together, okay? 243 00:10:56,829 --> 00:11:00,168 The customers have to think that you think that you don't want to be together, 244 00:11:00,183 --> 00:11:02,565 but you do, deep down, want to be together. 245 00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:05,038 The problem is, right now, I'm getting that you guys don't want to be together. 246 00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:07,435 - I need you to want to be together. - Ugh. 247 00:11:07,471 --> 00:11:08,227 Question. 248 00:11:08,245 --> 00:11:10,923 Yes, you're wondering how we're gonna make Dee attractive enough 249 00:11:10,949 --> 00:11:12,471 - to where you'll want to be with her. - Yes. 250 00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:14,646 Okay, see, what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna shellac her with makeup, 251 00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:17,464 and I'm gonna blast her with light to soften up all those features. 252 00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:20,455 - I am into that, yes. - Yes. Okay, great. 253 00:11:20,474 --> 00:11:22,829 So, guys, I got us banter cards. 254 00:11:22,859 --> 00:11:26,076 Mac, you're gonna welcome the customer in, and then I'm gonna execute with a quip. 255 00:11:26,101 --> 00:11:27,138 Let's give it a shot. 256 00:11:27,158 --> 00:11:29,407 "Hey, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. 257 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:32,293 I would like to recommend to first-timers our signature blended drink, 258 00:11:32,318 --> 00:11:33,538 Caribbean Paradise. 259 00:11:33,556 --> 00:11:35,689 People say it's better than an orgasm." 260 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:38,091 - Not that he's ever had one. - I've had orgasms! 261 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,968 I've had tons of orgasms! I've had one with your mom, dude! 262 00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:43,721 I will strangle you, I'll stick my goddamn thumb through your eye! 263 00:11:43,743 --> 00:11:46,283 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, relax, relax. 264 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:47,971 - Sit down. What are you doing? - Okay. 265 00:11:47,989 --> 00:11:51,287 You came at me, and I gave it back to you hard, 'cause... 266 00:11:51,306 --> 00:11:54,493 Uh, yeah, I'm getting that. Look, I'm just doing the thing. 267 00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:56,275 - Oh. - See, what you just did— 268 00:11:56,291 --> 00:11:58,658 that's how we normally talk. That's very aggressive. 269 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,547 - I came at you hard. - You came at me real hard, 270 00:12:00,573 --> 00:12:02,748 and people aren't comfortable with that sort of behavior. 271 00:12:02,779 --> 00:12:05,019 That's why we're trying something different here, okay? 272 00:12:05,046 --> 00:12:06,844 Guys, memorize these lines, okay? 273 00:12:06,873 --> 00:12:08,735 We need to seem like it's coming off the cuff. 274 00:12:08,755 --> 00:12:11,343 Right. Plus, she didn't even feel a thing. 275 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,074 - What? - What? 276 00:12:14,111 --> 00:12:17,095 That's the punch line to Mac bang-banging our mom. 277 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,883 She didn't, she didn't even notice. 278 00:12:19,209 --> 00:12:22,118 Oh, Dee, Jesus Christ, your timing is so bad. 279 00:12:22,137 --> 00:12:23,715 - He just said it. - There's a timing concern. 280 00:12:23,733 --> 00:12:25,503 Look, stop. Don't do the jokes, okay? 281 00:12:25,539 --> 00:12:27,328 Let's settle into our new roles here, okay? 282 00:12:27,356 --> 00:12:29,525 - Change of plans. Change of plans. - Little bit of role-play. 283 00:12:29,563 --> 00:12:32,549 We got to go darker with Industry Night, edgier. 284 00:12:32,574 --> 00:12:34,169 No, Frank, don't derail us. 285 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,348 We're doing bright lights, bright colors, and funny banter. 286 00:12:36,373 --> 00:12:38,286 - That's what wins. - Wrong. 287 00:12:38,413 --> 00:12:41,375 Artemis and I went to a burlesque bar last night. 288 00:12:41,519 --> 00:12:44,267 Eh, there were women stripping, but it was classy. 289 00:12:44,286 --> 00:12:48,528 It was dimly lit. They were serving martinis, period costumes. 290 00:12:48,553 --> 00:12:52,603 There weren't a lot of people in there, but this bar has won a shitload of awards. 291 00:12:52,628 --> 00:12:54,932 Do you guys think that our location is the problem? 292 00:12:55,219 --> 00:12:56,365 - That could be it, yeah. - Hmm. 293 00:12:56,389 --> 00:13:00,208 Well, no, see, there was that bar that just opened last year right down the street, 294 00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:02,319 - and they've already won a ton of awards. - Oh, mm-hmm. 295 00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:03,533 Oh, right. 296 00:13:03,607 --> 00:13:04,927 Is it us? 297 00:13:05,197 --> 00:13:06,765 Ugh. 298 00:13:07,147 --> 00:13:07,960 No. 299 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,190 - No, no, no, it can't be us. - Us? - No way. 300 00:13:10,214 --> 00:13:11,464 I highly doubt it's us. 301 00:13:11,493 --> 00:13:13,095 - It's everybody else. - It's their problem, not us. 302 00:13:13,121 --> 00:13:15,440 - We don't have the... - Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey! 303 00:13:15,637 --> 00:13:18,406 - I got it! I got it! - Got what? 304 00:13:18,463 --> 00:13:20,201 The Best Song. I wrote the Best Song. 305 00:13:20,238 --> 00:13:21,445 It's amazing. Get with the program. 306 00:13:21,470 --> 00:13:24,545 Yes, Charlie, please. We're all clamoring to hear. 307 00:13:46,381 --> 00:13:47,162 Okay. 308 00:14:24,592 --> 00:14:26,464 - My goodness! - Hey, hey! 309 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,456 Well, well, well. My goodness. 310 00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:30,604 You guys really like it? You're not just bullshitting me? 311 00:14:30,623 --> 00:14:32,924 - It was pretty great! - I tried to go right down the middle, 312 00:14:32,961 --> 00:14:34,789 you know, of Middle America, Randy Newman... 313 00:14:34,816 --> 00:14:37,625 Yeah, I didn't catch any rape references, nothing about spiders, 314 00:14:37,632 --> 00:14:38,930 nothing about ghouls. 315 00:14:39,335 --> 00:14:42,209 - Why would there be rape? - You're always talking about rape and spiders. 316 00:14:42,239 --> 00:14:44,889 - You guys misinterpret it, but... - Charlie, that was great. 317 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:47,281 It was really great. You really knocked it out of the park. 318 00:14:47,293 --> 00:14:49,642 Let's go down to the basement and get some lemons for the party. 319 00:14:49,662 --> 00:14:52,279 Oh, yeah, sure, okay. I'm glad you like the song, man. 320 00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:57,281 - Are you locking me in here? - Yeah. 321 00:14:57,850 --> 00:14:59,738 Well, we just couldn't have him do that song. 322 00:14:59,754 --> 00:15:01,554 - Doesn't make any sense. - No. - It's ridiculous. 323 00:15:01,587 --> 00:15:04,179 All right, let's put on a good show. 324 00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:16,592 All right, people are starting to arrive. 325 00:15:16,618 --> 00:15:19,906 This is great. Okay, so when a customer comes up to you, remember, keep it light. 326 00:15:19,938 --> 00:15:21,060 - Light. - Keep it playful. 327 00:15:21,078 --> 00:15:21,960 - Playful. - Right? 328 00:15:21,979 --> 00:15:23,773 Y'all ain't got to worry about me. 329 00:15:23,837 --> 00:15:26,831 'Cause I'm gonna be chatting these fools up like a mug. 330 00:15:27,606 --> 00:15:29,723 - Cool. - Okay, thanks, Z. 331 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,023 Yeah, I'm a little worried about him. 332 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,426 We should have gotten a less intense black guy for diversity, 333 00:15:33,444 --> 00:15:35,453 but we don't have any in our roster. 334 00:15:35,493 --> 00:15:37,507 But maybe we could find another one, throw him into the mix? 335 00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:38,852 You know, to counter Z's vibe? 336 00:15:38,877 --> 00:15:41,863 You got to be really careful about the ratio. We get too many black guys, 337 00:15:41,894 --> 00:15:43,657 people think it's a black bar. That will not help us. 338 00:15:43,678 --> 00:15:44,791 - Black bars don't win awards. - No. 339 00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:48,144 - I don't know why, but they don't. - Loving these lights, you guys. 340 00:15:48,174 --> 00:15:51,049 I am glowing like an angel over here. 341 00:15:51,277 --> 00:15:52,890 Oh, my God. 342 00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:54,579 Hi, can I get a drink? 343 00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:56,804 Hey, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. 344 00:15:56,891 --> 00:15:59,902 I like to recommend to our first timers our signature cocktail— 345 00:15:59,977 --> 00:16:01,308 Caribbean Paradise. 346 00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,964 Some people say it's better than busting a nut. 347 00:16:03,989 --> 00:16:05,389 Excuse me? 348 00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:08,600 Busting a nut. It's like, uh, you know, blowing your load. 349 00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:10,825 - He said it was a funny joke. - Well, no... hold on. 350 00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:13,842 Yeah, it's like coming all over you. It's light, it's playful. 351 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,839 Yeah, well, no, I think what my friend is trying to refer to is an orgasm, 352 00:16:16,864 --> 00:16:18,323 which is light and playful, 353 00:16:18,348 --> 00:16:20,954 but he overstepped himself and got a little bit too specific. 354 00:16:20,982 --> 00:16:23,435 Sorry, we jizz in the drink and that's what makes it light. 355 00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:25,566 No, no, nobody's jizzing on anything. 356 00:16:25,606 --> 00:16:27,019 - Well, where do I jizz? - You don't jizz. 357 00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:29,036 How can, how can I orgasm if I don't jizz? 358 00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:30,327 No, ma'am, I think what... 359 00:16:30,347 --> 00:16:32,816 Just tell me where I jizz so I can give this lady her drink. 360 00:16:32,846 --> 00:16:35,819 - Ma'am, what would you like to drink? - And we won't jizz on anything. 361 00:16:36,002 --> 00:16:38,190 Not like Mac's ever had an orgasm. 362 00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:39,626 - Holy shit, you're late. - She was late. 363 00:16:39,647 --> 00:16:42,192 - Go back in your light. - We're all set up back there. 364 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,333 Deandra, grab a couple of bottles of champagne, let's go. 365 00:16:44,355 --> 00:16:45,712 - Yup. - N-N-No, I got it, I got it. 366 00:16:45,727 --> 00:16:47,761 - Dee, stay in your light. - Come with me, come here. 367 00:16:47,796 --> 00:16:49,563 All right, listen, listen, listen. 368 00:16:49,599 --> 00:16:50,574 What was that? 369 00:16:50,599 --> 00:16:52,249 All right, look, look, look, look. 370 00:16:52,274 --> 00:16:53,924 You two do the charged moment. 371 00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:56,351 - Will they or won't they? - Mm-hmm. 372 00:17:03,863 --> 00:17:06,073 - What's wrong, Dee? - Oh, nothing. 373 00:17:06,541 --> 00:17:08,564 - Let me guess— boyfriend troubles? - Hmm. 374 00:17:08,589 --> 00:17:10,533 This guy doesn't know what he's got. 375 00:17:10,833 --> 00:17:12,671 He's really ugly, too. 376 00:17:13,054 --> 00:17:15,054 - I'm sorry, are you talking to me? - Yeah. 377 00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:17,580 I said her boyfriend's ugly. Pay attention, bozo. 378 00:17:17,605 --> 00:17:19,808 Okay, he's not ugly, all right? That wouldn't make any sense. 379 00:17:19,837 --> 00:17:21,283 That's-that... He's not ugly. 380 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,803 - Dude's a total tool, too. - It's... 381 00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:25,864 You know what he's not? He's not covered in stupid tattoos 382 00:17:25,889 --> 00:17:27,702 - and he doesn't have a cigarette for a mother... - What? 383 00:17:27,715 --> 00:17:29,652 - Don't talk shit about my mom! - Whoa. 384 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,821 - Hey! - Hey, hey, hey, hey! 385 00:17:31,854 --> 00:17:33,667 Stop— what the hell's going on over here? 386 00:17:33,692 --> 00:17:35,784 That man is choking that woman. 387 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,867 Get over here. What are, what are you doing? 388 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,316 This isn't will they or won't they? 389 00:17:40,370 --> 00:17:42,648 This is I know they won't and I know I don't want them to. 390 00:17:44,223 --> 00:17:47,292 Excuse me, there's a guy crawling out of your floor. 391 00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:49,810 Oh, uh, that-that's okay. That's just our janitor. 392 00:17:49,822 --> 00:17:52,010 Uh, don't worry about it, gentlemen. What are you doing, dude? 393 00:17:52,022 --> 00:17:53,754 I broke out. 394 00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:55,035 Are you high? 395 00:17:55,071 --> 00:17:58,352 You put, you put me in the basement with spray cans. I got high. 396 00:17:58,374 --> 00:18:01,578 Do me a favor, go back in the basement, okay? Get higher if you want. 397 00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:03,562 Just go back in. Don't sit down there. 398 00:18:03,592 --> 00:18:06,406 No, no, no, no, no, don't, don't... Goddamn it. 399 00:18:06,525 --> 00:18:08,941 - What are we gonna do? - Oh, well, it looks like Z brought friends. 400 00:18:08,966 --> 00:18:10,929 - Yo, yo, yo. Oh! - What up? 401 00:18:11,379 --> 00:18:13,540 That's too many black guys, dude— the ratio's off. 402 00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:15,473 - Dennis, the ratio is off! - Okay, you know what? 403 00:18:15,499 --> 00:18:17,533 Ooh, ooh, ooh, the burlesque, remember? 404 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,497 Burlesque, yes, yes, yes. Hey, guys, guy... gentlemen, gentlemen. 405 00:18:20,711 --> 00:18:23,760 How about something a little bit more upscale, yeah? Here, come with me. 406 00:18:23,782 --> 00:18:24,902 I want to show you something. 407 00:18:24,927 --> 00:18:26,427 Yeah, this is classy. 408 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,858 - Put it in. Put the bottle in. - Oh, my God. I did. 409 00:18:28,886 --> 00:18:30,592 Put it in. 410 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,513 - Get the bottle out, get the bottle out! - I'm trying! 411 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,028 Don't judge me— this is art. 412 00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:37,407 - Shut the door. - This is not art. 413 00:18:37,423 --> 00:18:39,356 Attention, attention, everybody. 414 00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:41,877 I got a little ditty about Paddy's Pub. 415 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,016 The song was light. The song was light. 416 00:18:46,053 --> 00:18:47,919 That'll lighten things up. Do the song, dude, do the song. 417 00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:49,607 Please enjoy this song. 418 00:19:41,711 --> 00:19:43,744 Oh, shit. 419 00:19:57,921 --> 00:19:59,752 - Is he spitting? - Oh, he's spitting at them. 420 00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:01,941 - Is that the sign? - That's the sign. 421 00:20:01,949 --> 00:20:03,349 - Spit! Spit! - Hey, you! 422 00:20:03,705 --> 00:20:05,496 What is wrong with you people? 423 00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,650 - Get out! - We don't need you! 424 00:20:08,428 --> 00:20:10,134 Get out of here! 425 00:20:17,158 --> 00:20:18,725 - Beat it! - There's your damn award. 426 00:20:27,144 --> 00:20:29,380 - Did you hear my song? - I heard it. I love it. 427 00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:31,199 - Great song, Charlie. - Yeah, man. 428 00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:32,199 You know what, that felt good. 429 00:20:32,216 --> 00:20:33,835 That felt real good. 430 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,460 I mean, I guess it is us after all, you know? It's us. 431 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,934 - All right, it's us. - Screw them, you know why? 432 00:20:39,981 --> 00:20:41,906 - 'Cause I like us. - I like us, too, Dee. 433 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,327 Well, because we're awesome. 434 00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:45,765 - Yeah, we're good at what we do. - Yeah! 435 00:20:45,788 --> 00:20:47,194 We do our own thing and we're good at it. 436 00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:48,921 I don't need their validation. 437 00:20:48,955 --> 00:20:51,472 - No, no, I'm happy with us. - That's exactly right. 438 00:20:51,495 --> 00:20:52,970 Totally. 439 00:20:55,227 --> 00:20:57,261 - I really wanted an award, though. - I was dying for one. 440 00:20:57,283 --> 00:20:59,500 - Ah, it'd be so nice. - Would've meant a lot. 441 00:21:00,024 --> 00:21:01,649 - Yeah. - Yeah.