1
00:00:02,947 --> 00:00:04,372
So what if I didn't
go to college?

2
00:00:04,388 --> 00:00:06,038
John McClane didn't
go to college.

3
00:00:06,062 --> 00:00:09,396
He defeats the bad guys using street
smarts, and I got street smarts.

4
00:00:09,583 --> 00:00:13,641
Mac, you do realize John McClane's
a fictional character who's voicing lines

5
00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:16,958
written by screenwriters who
almost certainly went to college.

6
00:00:16,996 --> 00:00:19,864
Yeah, but Bruce Willis dropped out of
college, and that supports Mac's argument.

7
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,656
- Yeah!
- Uh, no it doesn't, Dee.

8
00:00:21,691 --> 00:00:24,183
And the fact that you can't
understand that leads me to believe

9
00:00:24,202 --> 00:00:26,189
that you are complete
and total dum-dum,

10
00:00:26,214 --> 00:00:30,084
and therefore are not going to get
selected for this intelligence experiment.

11
00:00:30,102 --> 00:00:33,040
Welcome, everybody, and
thank you for volunteering

12
00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:35,659
in this intelligence experiment.

13
00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:39,843
I'm afraid, however, that we
can only use one test subject.

14
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:43,489
I-I'm sorry, before you continue, um,
I noticed you said "volunteering,"

15
00:00:43,509 --> 00:00:45,182
which implies a lack
of compensation.

16
00:00:45,201 --> 00:00:46,596
Volunteering's for suckers.

17
00:00:46,621 --> 00:00:50,633
Yes, the selected subject will
receive $1,000 in compensation.

18
00:00:50,638 --> 00:00:52,020
- There you go.
- That's what we're talking!

19
00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:54,498
That's more like it. Okay, and listen,
when it comes to intelligence,

20
00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,186
I think you'll find
that I am your man.

21
00:00:56,392 --> 00:00:59,626
Or perhaps a man is not what
you're looking for at all.

22
00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:03,197
I'm afraid my friend Dennis confuses
book learning with brainpower.

23
00:01:03,209 --> 00:01:04,822
But you and me, we
know different, huh?

24
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,416
Uh, "you and I."

25
00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:09,319
What? No, not you and I.
Him and I, idiot.

26
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,435
In case I was being unclear, nerds,
I will bang one or both of you.

27
00:01:12,458 --> 00:01:15,106
Dee, this man is smart enough
to know to avoid a proposition

28
00:01:15,131 --> 00:01:16,509
like that from someone like you.

29
00:01:16,528 --> 00:01:20,247
To be clear, we're not looking for a
subject with superior intelligence.

30
00:01:20,265 --> 00:01:23,889
In fact, the complete opposite
would be, um, uh, preferable.

31
00:01:23,914 --> 00:01:26,444
Excuse me for a minute.
I'm sorry, wait, wait!

32
00:01:26,469 --> 00:01:28,396
That's a... sorry.
What are you doing?

33
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:31,404
I was gonna bash your rat and
take care of your rat problem.

34
00:01:31,422 --> 00:01:34,981
Oh, no, no, no, no, please, please,
this is, this is our lab rat.

35
00:01:35,411 --> 00:01:37,392
His name's Armitage Shanks.

36
00:01:37,576 --> 00:01:40,104
If he solves the maze,
he gets the cheese.

37
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:43,681
And since we've been feeding Armitage
a cerebral enhancement formula,

38
00:01:43,699 --> 00:01:46,592
he's been solving these
mazes seven times faster.

39
00:01:47,145 --> 00:01:50,789
We'd like to try a formula
out on a human subject.

40
00:01:51,352 --> 00:01:53,677
What would you think about
something like that?

41
00:01:53,701 --> 00:01:56,918
A pill that could make
you seven times smarter.

42
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,804
Cheese, huh?

43
00:02:02,785 --> 00:02:04,054
Yeah, all right.

44
00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:05,979
Ow! Shit!

45
00:02:06,688 --> 00:02:08,255
What's your name, young man?

46
00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:10,988
It's Charlie. Hold up, dude, I
want to get this cheese here.

47
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,043
Aah! Shit!

48
00:02:13,123 --> 00:02:16,450
Why don't you try the cheese
under the green light, Charlie?

49
00:02:17,814 --> 00:02:19,398
I want this cheese.

50
00:02:19,982 --> 00:02:21,204
Aah!

51
00:02:21,757 --> 00:02:24,626
Ladies and gentlemen, we
have found our test subject.

52
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,176
Thank you all very
much for coming.

53
00:02:38,562 --> 00:02:48,562
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

54
00:02:52,286 --> 00:02:54,937
Aw, Frank, you're intruding
upon my education.

55
00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:56,321
This is crazy, Charlie.

56
00:02:56,338 --> 00:02:58,092
- That's crazy.
- Aw, shut up.

57
00:02:58,124 --> 00:03:00,724
Whoa, what the hell is this?
What are you doing, man?

58
00:03:00,735 --> 00:03:03,972
Well, I'm trying to learn Mandarin and
listen to Beethoven at the same time.

59
00:03:03,978 --> 00:03:06,089
You see, I just realized
that I have two ears,

60
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:08,334
so it's a waste to only
listen to one thing.

61
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,706
Let me guess this straight. You just
realized that you have two ears?

62
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:13,569
Taking a pill is not gonna
make you smarter, Charlie.

63
00:03:13,596 --> 00:03:14,746
I don't know about that, Frank.

64
00:03:14,765 --> 00:03:17,268
I've listened to five books on
tape already this morning, five.

65
00:03:17,293 --> 00:03:19,707
Charlie, come on, any idiot
can listen to books on tape.

66
00:03:19,728 --> 00:03:21,883
You're only doing that because
you can't read, all right?

67
00:03:22,255 --> 00:03:24,747
Trust me, if you're feeling any
smarter, it's just a classic case...

68
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:25,991
of the placebo effect.

69
00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:29,126
I considered that, but I don't
think that's it, Dennis.

70
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:31,465
Whatever, you don't even know
what the word placebo...

71
00:03:31,483 --> 00:03:34,069
Placebo means from the Latin
"placebo," meaning "I shall please."

72
00:03:34,087 --> 00:03:35,852
I listened to a chapter
on that this morning.

73
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,131
- This is...
- Such bullshit?

74
00:03:38,690 --> 00:03:40,740
- I wasn't gonna say...
- Gonna say that?

75
00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:45,197
Dude, just because you're finishing our
sentences, doesn't make you s-s-s...

76
00:03:45,222 --> 00:03:46,028
Intelligent.

77
00:03:46,052 --> 00:03:47,365
Oh!

78
00:03:48,181 --> 00:03:50,350
Guys, guys, we've got a
huge problem back there.

79
00:03:50,368 --> 00:03:52,946
Ugh, big rat, like the biggest
ever in the back office.

80
00:03:53,071 --> 00:03:54,719
Uh, that sounds like
Charlie work, so, Charlie,

81
00:03:54,744 --> 00:03:56,897
why don't you hop on that,
and be smart about it.

82
00:03:57,014 --> 00:03:59,295
Good pleasantry, cute.
How about no?

83
00:03:59,578 --> 00:04:01,384
- What do you mean "no"?
- How about you kill the rat?

84
00:04:01,403 --> 00:04:03,761
You know what, that might occupy
you guys for about a week or so,

85
00:04:03,779 --> 00:04:06,294
and that'll give me some time to
continue my education in peace.

86
00:04:06,307 --> 00:04:08,195
- That be nice. Let's do that.
- What are you talking about?

87
00:04:08,213 --> 00:04:09,544
A week? To kill a rat?

88
00:04:09,569 --> 00:04:12,457
Wh-wh-what kind of a genius
rat are we talking about?

89
00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:14,853
You have to be a real moron to
get outsmarted by a rat, dude.

90
00:04:14,877 --> 00:04:17,699
Well, bonjours, killing
the the rat, my friends.

91
00:04:23,690 --> 00:04:25,413
Oh, and then I
realized, Tang See,

92
00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:29,707
that these so-called friends of mine
have been exploiting my labor for years.

93
00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:31,639
An astute observation.

94
00:04:31,912 --> 00:04:35,928
Conforms with Marxist theories about
the exploitation of the proletariat.

95
00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:39,859
It completely conforms
when you think about it.

96
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:44,020
Ah, Tang See, these-these pills
are having quite an effect on me.

97
00:04:44,047 --> 00:04:46,347
And the combination with my
readings is really leading me

98
00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:48,447
into some rather large ideas.

99
00:04:48,467 --> 00:04:50,940
I think I could be on the verge
of something groundbreaking.

100
00:04:50,965 --> 00:04:52,090
Yes.

101
00:04:52,106 --> 00:04:55,046
The work you're proposing
will revolutionize the field.

102
00:04:55,153 --> 00:04:58,219
Exactly, right? Now, Tang See,
let's-let's talk for a second.

103
00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,907
What do you think my IQ is now?

104
00:04:59,936 --> 00:05:01,024
And be honest.

105
00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:03,087
Well, what do you think it is?

106
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:05,657
175?

107
00:05:05,679 --> 00:05:07,352
- Wow.
- You know. Probably, yeah.

108
00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:12,125
Now, I'm thinking if I were to double
the dosage, I could break 200 easily.

109
00:05:12,156 --> 00:05:15,861
You have to be careful, Charlie.
This is uncharted waters here.

110
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,544
Have you been having
any side effects?

111
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,039
Yes. Okay, yes. There's-there's
been a-a slight ringing in my ears.

112
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,858
My-my legs grow numb
from time to time.

113
00:05:25,883 --> 00:05:27,992
I ache all over if I'm
being honest, but...

114
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:33,180
I got Mongolian barbecue and
Police Academy: Mission to Moscow.

115
00:05:33,192 --> 00:05:35,271
Frank, Frank, Frank,
Frank, I got to stop you.

116
00:05:35,296 --> 00:05:38,252
Uh, tonight is really not the best
night for that, so I'm sorry, man.

117
00:05:38,275 --> 00:05:41,648
But, Charlie, it's
Gruesome Twosome Tuesday.

118
00:05:41,663 --> 00:05:45,471
- Yeah, uh, I know it is, pal, but...
- What?

119
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,763
I'm-I'm on the verge of something
really groundbreaking here

120
00:05:47,788 --> 00:05:51,452
and I-I really shouldn't be playing these
childish games anymore, nor should you.

121
00:05:51,573 --> 00:05:53,737
We're the Gruesome Twosome.

122
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,781
You don't have to keep
saying that, I know...

123
00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:57,904
- The sound effects won't help you.
- The Gruesome Twosome.

124
00:05:57,928 --> 00:06:00,091
They don't further your
argument in any way.

125
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,837
You speak Mandarin?

126
00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:07,754
Well, I do think I'm
getting it a little bit.

127
00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:26,271
Hey, Mac, Mac,
I've located him—

128
00:06:26,296 --> 00:06:28,208
- he's right near the hole.
- Oh, good, let me bash him!

129
00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:31,989
No, no, no... Oh, goddamn it.
He scurried away.

130
00:06:32,014 --> 00:06:34,518
All right, well, when he comes
back, I'm gonna smash him up good.

131
00:06:34,530 --> 00:06:36,832
No, no, Mac, come on.
We're smarter than that.

132
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:39,956
That's just gonna spread rat blood
and disease all over the place.

133
00:06:39,981 --> 00:06:41,744
It's not about brute force.

134
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,971
It's about seduction.

135
00:06:44,221 --> 00:06:47,349
See, I'm gonna place some enticing
tunes for the little guy.

136
00:06:47,371 --> 00:06:50,361
And then I'm gonna bait this
glue trap with some Brie cheese.

137
00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:12,819
- Hey, you guys catch that rat yet?
- Any minute now, Dee.

138
00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:15,517
I'm telling you, glue traps
are barbaric and messy.

139
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:19,115
I have come up with the
intelligent solution.

140
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,847
Ultrasonic rodent repellant.

141
00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:23,919
It emits a high-pitched sound that
obliterates their teeny rat eardrums.

142
00:07:23,925 --> 00:07:25,194
Stupid rats.

143
00:07:25,219 --> 00:07:27,876
- Uh, those things don't work, Dee.
- Oh, no?

144
00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:29,945
Okay, how about we
do a little wager.

145
00:07:29,963 --> 00:07:32,945
The rat gets trapped to your
glue trap and you win.

146
00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:35,697
The rat scurries away and
never comes back again,

147
00:07:35,715 --> 00:07:40,418
then I am crowned the smartest in the...
Oh, God, gross. Is that cheese?

148
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:42,334
Get it off me!

149
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:45,294
Get it off, I'm st... I'm
stuck to your glue! You guys!

150
00:07:45,318 --> 00:07:48,424
You've trapped yourself on a
trap that was designed for

151
00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:50,127
a rodent with a brain
the size of a walnut.

152
00:07:50,152 --> 00:07:54,050
Now a normal-size woman would probably
just be able to slide her hand right out,

153
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:55,373
but with those
giant man hands...

154
00:07:55,398 --> 00:07:57,356
- Yeah, you really don't stand
a chance, Dee. - Okay, I get it.

155
00:07:58,562 --> 00:07:59,769
Do you hear that?

156
00:08:00,032 --> 00:08:01,525
I hear it— oh,
God, it's coming!

157
00:08:01,562 --> 00:08:03,847
It's coming to eat its cheese.
You guys, help!

158
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:06,703
Odd that it hasn't been repelled by
your supersonic rat scarer, Dee.

159
00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:08,662
Guys! It's on me!
It's on my hand!

160
00:08:08,687 --> 00:08:10,725
Oh, it's climbing up my
hand to eat the cheese.

161
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:14,448
Now, where this gets interesting is
when the rat finishes the cheese.

162
00:08:14,466 --> 00:08:18,321
Ooh, yes, maybe it'll nibble her
hand down to a tiny, bloody stump,

163
00:08:18,339 --> 00:08:20,108
- then she could just slide it right out.
- Hey.

164
00:08:20,129 --> 00:08:22,579
Ah, goddamn it, it's gone.

165
00:08:23,122 --> 00:08:24,632
It ate its cheese
and then ran away.

166
00:08:24,644 --> 00:08:26,026
It didn't get stuck to the glue.

167
00:08:26,051 --> 00:08:27,270
Huh,

168
00:08:27,295 --> 00:08:30,356
maybe this rat is a little bit smarter
than we gave it credit for, Mac.

169
00:08:30,499 --> 00:08:31,758
Hmm.

170
00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:39,245
He is whatever, I mean,
is he okay? Sure.

171
00:08:39,255 --> 00:08:41,121
Is he fine?
He's fine.

172
00:08:41,139 --> 00:08:46,153
All I'm saying is that Stephen Hawking
is much more of a Lady Gaga than,

173
00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:47,928
you know, Johann Sebastian Bach.

174
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,981
He-he's not, he's a pop culture figure
like the Kardashians, you know?

175
00:08:51,010 --> 00:08:52,873
Hmm.

176
00:08:52,957 --> 00:08:54,313
- God.
- Are you all right?

177
00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:57,337
Yes, that's the shooting pain in the eye.
Jot that down, please.

178
00:08:59,434 --> 00:09:00,771
Huh?

179
00:09:01,182 --> 00:09:03,345
- Yes, I heard-heard the words.
- I'm learning Mandarin.

180
00:09:03,363 --> 00:09:06,430
- It means "You got that right."
- Yes, Frank, I got what right, though?

181
00:09:06,455 --> 00:09:07,555
The thing about the cripple.

182
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:08,972
What cripple? Why
are you speaking?

183
00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:09,900
Stephen Hawking.

184
00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,313
Dear God, we were talking about
that like ten minutes ago.

185
00:09:12,338 --> 00:09:14,274
But I didn't know what I was
gonna say. I had to look it up.

186
00:09:14,290 --> 00:09:17,218
You never know what you're gonna say,
and that's the problem, isn't it?

187
00:09:19,505 --> 00:09:21,435
Say that again?

188
00:09:21,459 --> 00:09:24,182
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, you're going too fast, I can't...

189
00:09:24,206 --> 00:09:26,162
- Go slower.
- Frank, I cannot go slower for you!

190
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:28,342
Checkmate, Tang See, wake up.
Open your eyes, listen.

191
00:09:28,356 --> 00:09:30,791
I cannot go slower. Frank, I am
thinking on the physical level,

192
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,779
the metaphysical level,
the pataphysical level.

193
00:09:32,798 --> 00:09:36,335
Every time you open your mouth,
you drag me down into the mud,

194
00:09:36,361 --> 00:09:38,280
and-and really, my-my...

195
00:09:41,395 --> 00:09:42,433
What?

196
00:09:42,506 --> 00:09:44,254
You got a pain?
Charlie, I'm telling you.

197
00:09:44,273 --> 00:09:47,213
Those pills are no good for you.
They're hurting you, those pills.

198
00:09:47,245 --> 00:09:49,701
They're turning you into
someone you're not.

199
00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,992
- Shut up!
- Okay, okay.

200
00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:57,648
Don't get cute, Tang See, you're
not much smarter than he is.

201
00:09:58,205 --> 00:09:59,532
Checkmate.

202
00:10:01,176 --> 00:10:04,712
Well, you know, it-it, uh... hmm...

203
00:10:05,993 --> 00:10:07,218
Try jerking it again.

204
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,655
Jerked it, I mean, I've
jerked it so many times.

205
00:10:09,672 --> 00:10:11,466
I've jerked and
squirmed and squiggled.

206
00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:14,056
This is crazy. I mean, we should
be able to figure this out.

207
00:10:14,124 --> 00:10:15,097
Ooh, oh!

208
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:16,525
What about gasoline?

209
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,986
Pour a little bit of gasoline on
there, dissolve some of the glue.

210
00:10:19,004 --> 00:10:21,899
You are a brilliant man, yes!
Try it.

211
00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:24,347
Yeah, gasoline is a solvent.
That's basic chemistry.

212
00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:26,207
- Smart, Mac, smart, go grab some.
- Oh. Yeah.

213
00:10:26,228 --> 00:10:28,282
Yeah, all right. Ohweot
to be careful though because

214
00:10:28,306 --> 00:10:32,166
gasoline is volatile and highly
combustible so let's use extreme caution.

215
00:10:32,184 --> 00:10:35,565
Of course, only an idiot would
just use gasoline willy-nilly.

216
00:10:35,584 --> 00:10:36,636
- It's gonna work.
- Okay.

217
00:10:36,663 --> 00:10:39,426
And in the interest of
safety, I'm gonna go ahead

218
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,210
and just make sure
that this is, in fact,

219
00:10:41,235 --> 00:10:43,418
gasoline because Charlie likes
to keep booze in here sometimes.

220
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:44,740
- That's true, he does do that.
- Mm-hmm.

221
00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:47,318
Yeah!

222
00:10:47,338 --> 00:10:49,338
Yeah, yeah, that's definitely...

223
00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:50,874
Let me double check
because, you know,

224
00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:52,546
you're sense of smell has
always been pretty stupid.

225
00:10:52,571 --> 00:10:54,369
- You want to...?
- Yeah, yeah, let me just check it out.

226
00:10:55,749 --> 00:10:58,441
Oh, oh, Christ, that's good stuff...
that's high-test.

227
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,769
- Can I get a toot down here?
- Yeah, yeah, go for it, go for it.

228
00:11:03,284 --> 00:11:04,395
Ooh, guys, yes.

229
00:11:04,416 --> 00:11:06,802
Are you sure it's gasoline though?
I should just try it again.

230
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,814
Jesus, Jesus!
That's gasoline.

231
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:14,103
All right, let's blast off.
Engage thrusters, Captain.

232
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:16,488
Oh, all right, well, ground
control, I'll take some.

233
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:18,358
- Holy shit.
- As long as we're blasting.

234
00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:20,192
You know what? Let's pop off
on this shit a little bit,

235
00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:21,880
- then let's get back to business.
- Yeah, okay.

236
00:11:21,894 --> 00:11:24,082
- This is making me feel...
- Oh, shit, there he goes.

237
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,574
Oh, he's a squirrely
little bastard, isn't he?

238
00:11:27,597 --> 00:11:29,090
You son of a bitch.

239
00:11:29,115 --> 00:11:32,346
- He's making I and you look dumb.
- Yeah... uh...

240
00:11:32,496 --> 00:11:35,485
"I and you." No, me and
you, me, you, me, I.

241
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,216
It was you and I? You and I...

242
00:11:38,295 --> 00:11:41,388
- Me and you look dumb.
- Dumb.

243
00:11:41,571 --> 00:11:43,680
- It's got to be...
- Dumb is a funny word.

244
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,347
me and... Dumb
is a funny word.

245
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,705
- Dumb.
- Dumb.

246
00:11:46,719 --> 00:11:47,832
- Pass the gas.
- Dumb.

247
00:11:47,872 --> 00:11:49,894
- Pass it, pass it.
- Pass the gas.

248
00:11:59,599 --> 00:12:01,277
Oh, yeah, you're reading now?

249
00:12:01,334 --> 00:12:03,584
- Since when do you read?
- Oh, hello, hello.

250
00:12:03,612 --> 00:12:07,247
Uh, well, I was just glancing at War
and Peace, and let me tell you,

251
00:12:07,264 --> 00:12:09,900
I side with Shakespeare
on brevity.

252
00:12:11,421 --> 00:12:13,824
"Brevity is the soul of wit."
Which, uh...

253
00:12:13,882 --> 00:12:16,623
Do I have to put on training wheels
for this conversation or is, uh...

254
00:12:16,654 --> 00:12:17,910
What is this?
What are you doing?

255
00:12:17,936 --> 00:12:19,402
I'm having dinner with you.

256
00:12:19,427 --> 00:12:21,457
I see, you've lifted
the restraining order?

257
00:12:21,482 --> 00:12:23,683
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not lifting
the restraining order,

258
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:27,064
but Frank paid me $500 to be here,
and so I'm having dinner with you.

259
00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:30,763
- Ah, I see.
- Do you? 'Cause I don't.

260
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:31,975
I didn't ask questions though.

261
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,831
Well, it's all rather
transparent really, isn't it?

262
00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:37,057
Frank and I have always been
very close as you know,

263
00:12:37,082 --> 00:12:41,366
uh, but I've turned a corner, if
you will, with my life recently.

264
00:12:41,395 --> 00:12:44,078
I have new, more
substantial interests,

265
00:12:44,103 --> 00:12:46,277
new friends, better suited
for those interests,

266
00:12:46,302 --> 00:12:50,311
so understandably Frank is
feeling somewhat marginalized.

267
00:12:50,693 --> 00:12:53,884
Now, he's gone out of his
way to enlist your aid, uh,

268
00:12:53,909 --> 00:12:56,934
in hopes that my deep
infatuation with you will, uh,

269
00:12:56,959 --> 00:13:00,436
perhaps pull me away from those people
and those pursuits that have, in turn,

270
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:03,494
been pulling me away
from Frank as of late.

271
00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:06,748
- What now?
- Frank's using you to get to me.

272
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,262
How are you? Never mind.
Moving on. Beaujolais?

273
00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:11,821
Why don't you have a
little bit, loosen up.

274
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:14,484
That'll get rid of
that uninviting edge.

275
00:13:15,146 --> 00:13:17,039
So, uh, tell me about yourself.

276
00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:20,869
- Are you quite well these days?
- Well, uh, actually, I'm,

277
00:13:20,893 --> 00:13:24,257
like, okay because my boss,
like, at the restaurant,

278
00:13:24,282 --> 00:13:27,262
he, like, totally doesn't get me. I mean,
he thinks that being a waitress is,

279
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,968
like, what I am, and I'm like,

280
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:33,954
"That doesn't define me, dude, okay? Like,
I'm saving up to open my own nail salon."

281
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,377
And I have come up with all of these
great names for a nail salon.

282
00:13:37,423 --> 00:13:42,238
Um, some of them are, like, The
Hand Whisperer or Finger Fantasy.

283
00:13:42,257 --> 00:13:43,986
And I've been watching
Tabatha Takes Over a lot,

284
00:13:43,998 --> 00:13:46,159
because it's a show that
takes place in salons.

285
00:13:46,181 --> 00:13:48,387
Finger Fantasy.
Finger Fantasy.

286
00:13:48,416 --> 00:13:50,841
I've been watching this show
called Tabatha Takes Over...

287
00:13:50,869 --> 00:13:52,958
Tabatha Takes Over,
Tabatha Takes Over.

288
00:13:53,391 --> 00:13:55,168
And I have been watching
Tabatha Takes Over a lot,

289
00:13:55,193 --> 00:13:56,987
because it's a show
that takes place in...

290
00:14:04,692 --> 00:14:06,625
Yeah, see? The
mouse always wins.

291
00:14:06,654 --> 00:14:09,087
There's... there's, like,
no winning with mices.

292
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,631
- Cat keeps getting hurt.
- He gets hurt.

293
00:14:10,653 --> 00:14:12,522
Well, it's dangerous, yeah.

294
00:14:13,134 --> 00:14:14,447
What the hell are
you guys doing?

295
00:14:14,472 --> 00:14:16,231
We're trying to watch
cat and mouse cartoons

296
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,931
to find out how kitty cats
deal with their rat issues.

297
00:14:19,212 --> 00:14:22,404
If Charlie was still around,
none of this would be happening.

298
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:26,707
He's distracted with that damn
literature and science crap.

299
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,887
Charlie is our foundation.

300
00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:32,676
Where does a foundation belong?

301
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:33,869
- Yes.
- On top.

302
00:14:33,881 --> 00:14:35,244
- On the bottom.
- Oh.

303
00:14:35,349 --> 00:14:37,010
- On the bottom.
- We gotta go grab Charlie and

304
00:14:37,022 --> 00:14:39,598
drag him back down into the
sewer where he belongs.

305
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,693
- Oh...
- Well, well...

306
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:44,643
I can't, see... I've been
outsmart by a rat and right now

307
00:14:44,665 --> 00:14:48,003
- I'm stuck on its glue trap.
- Did you try the gasoline, loosening it?

308
00:14:48,022 --> 00:14:50,878
All over it. That didn't work,
but you know what does work?

309
00:14:50,943 --> 00:14:52,383
Breathing it in.

310
00:14:52,403 --> 00:14:54,503
Deandra, are you
holding onto the trap?

311
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:55,859
No.

312
00:14:56,602 --> 00:14:58,434
Oh, I don't... I don't know.

313
00:14:58,592 --> 00:15:00,277
Let go of the trap.

314
00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:06,354
No...

315
00:15:07,544 --> 00:15:09,989
- No.
- That's so stupid.

316
00:15:10,024 --> 00:15:11,646
All right, come on.
We gotta go get Charlie.

317
00:15:11,658 --> 00:15:13,409
- Uh, no, no.
- We'll do it.

318
00:15:13,939 --> 00:15:16,142
- Let's do it tomorrow.
- We'll nap first.

319
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:21,183
- Could you turn the TV back on?
- Tomorrow's good.

320
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,434
Ladies and gentlemen,

321
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:33,617
you're about to see the results of a
bold experiment in human intelligence.

322
00:15:33,986 --> 00:15:35,311
He's totally different.

323
00:15:35,341 --> 00:15:36,769
Totally different person.

324
00:15:36,794 --> 00:15:38,882
We'll bring our test
subject out now,

325
00:15:38,907 --> 00:15:43,496
and I think you'll find him a rather
incredible specimen. Tang See.

326
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,677
Ah...

327
00:15:53,814 --> 00:15:54,752
What is happening?

328
00:15:54,775 --> 00:15:57,494
Thank you, Tang
See, my-my dear, dear friend.

329
00:15:59,617 --> 00:16:01,906
A simple pill...

330
00:16:02,806 --> 00:16:07,279
ingested by a man who
received a simple idea,

331
00:16:07,304 --> 00:16:10,624
a simple thought so clear
and sharp that it cut

332
00:16:10,647 --> 00:16:16,669
through his mind like a soft cheese
and led him to an invention.

333
00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:18,513
- Is he doing an accent?
- Yeah.

334
00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:22,292
Every now and then, there
are new modalities,

335
00:16:22,317 --> 00:16:26,598
new ways of being and
understanding our world.

336
00:16:26,623 --> 00:16:33,093
This invention— my invention—
will change everything.

337
00:16:33,568 --> 00:16:36,549
For the better, one hopes.

338
00:16:37,236 --> 00:16:41,340
But the good of the scorpion is
not the good of the frog, yes?

339
00:16:48,099 --> 00:16:49,997
You must excuse me.

340
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,110
I've grown quite weary.

341
00:16:52,838 --> 00:16:56,949
- Come on. - Finally, my friends,
at long last the day has come.

342
00:16:57,779 --> 00:17:02,995
We have the means, the
understanding, the technology...

343
00:17:03,588 --> 00:17:06,785
to allow spiders
to talk with cats!

344
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:19,477
Our exploration into the effect of
environment upon intelligence was,

345
00:17:19,502 --> 00:17:23,096
alas, a complete failure.

346
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:26,618
Self-confidence
instilled by a placebo

347
00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:29,116
"intelligence pill" and
consistently reinforced

348
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:35,118
by my assistant Tang See did not, in
fact, make the test subject smarter.

349
00:17:35,272 --> 00:17:38,850
It did, however, yield
fascinating results.

350
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:43,312
Uh, the most measurable effect
was a sharp uptick in arrogance.

351
00:17:43,337 --> 00:17:48,592
The subject was perfectly ready to believe
he had learned Mandarin in two days.

352
00:17:48,616 --> 00:17:50,360
Tang See!

353
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:58,258
Again, this is
complete gibberish.

354
00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:02,501
The subject believed himself
to be a mathematical wizard.

355
00:18:02,541 --> 00:18:06,806
plus nine equals box.
All right?

356
00:18:06,831 --> 00:18:08,319
That's where the cat goes.

357
00:18:08,344 --> 00:18:10,641
And in the space of an hour,

358
00:18:10,668 --> 00:18:12,887
the subject has
lost all interest

359
00:18:12,905 --> 00:18:16,484
in a woman with whom he had
been in love for years,

360
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:20,996
because of a perceived
stupidity relative to himself.

361
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:24,643
Perhaps the most interesting
were the series of side effects

362
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,881
that he believed
himself to be having.

363
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:30,909
Uh, debilitating aches and pains.
It was all-all in his mind.

364
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,176
Huh.

365
00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:37,153
Yeah, I guess I do feel
kind of better, so...

366
00:18:37,509 --> 00:18:40,756
I believe I was having
the "plecebe" effect.

367
00:18:41,731 --> 00:18:42,748
Placebo.

368
00:18:42,768 --> 00:18:45,102
Pla-ce-bo.

369
00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:47,795
Which is, of course, a...
a funny-sounding word.

370
00:18:47,814 --> 00:18:49,651
- That is a funny word.
- Pretty funny, yeah.

371
00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:51,621
"Placebo."
"Placebe."

372
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,579
Placido Domingo.

373
00:18:54,861 --> 00:18:56,858
Police Academy.

374
00:18:56,940 --> 00:19:00,117
- Which is a good movie, Frank.
- It is a good movie, Charlie.

375
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,802
You want to go back and watch
it?

376
00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:02,867
With all my heart.

377
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,743
Please, can you not interrupt the lecture?
We're still, uh...

378
00:19:05,774 --> 00:19:09,077
What is the point of this stupid,
dumb-ass experiment anyway?

379
00:19:09,389 --> 00:19:12,055
Yeah, like, was he smart or not?
I don't even get it.

380
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,781
Uh, I don't think so.
Was I smart, sir?

381
00:19:13,801 --> 00:19:16,888
No. Again, um... if you could let
us finish the lecture, and...

382
00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:20,051
You stupid science bitches couldn't
even make my friends more smarter.

383
00:19:20,957 --> 00:19:24,667
Hey, you're right! Stupid science bitch
couldn't even make I more smarter.

384
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,436
All right, let's get out of
here.

385
00:19:26,503 --> 00:19:29,266
- Hey, Charlie!
- Police Academy.

386
00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:32,842
- Police Academy is an awesome movie.
- Mahoney! Mahoney's my favorite character.

387
00:19:33,898 --> 00:19:43,898
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